90 Day Fiancé - (Jorge & Anfisa #29) - Rich Lies - Therapist Reacts

[@edytawoz7685]

I have been hit by my partner once. He downplayed it and said “come on it wasn’t even that hard”. It was true. It wasn’t. Dr Honda has a point that it’s not the pain that’s the worst in such abuse. In my case, I have never felt as humiliated in my life, as in that moment, never before or after. I remember I was just laying in bed and I couldn’t move. It completely switched me off. And I will never forget the look on his face when he did it.

[@zaxxya7883]

This reminds me of when I was the nanny for a very very troubled 5 year old. She chucked a toy cash register at my head. I was terrified. It didn't matter that she was tiny and I could pick her up. It was still a very aggressive violent incident that made me feel unsafe for the rest of my time in that job The size/strength of an individual shouldn't justify violence. It can still be scary and intimidating

[@jclyntoledo]

Did you ever find out if the child was copying abusive tendencies from the parents? Did you bring it up to the parents?

[@zaxxya7883]

@@jclyntoledo I understand your curiosity but, I mean yeah, I was a childcare professional of course I discussed it with the parents for months and also reported them to CPS for abuse and neglect of the children that were lashing out due to mistreatment

[@tiannathegreat9647]

I've Never been to Seattle or had therapy, However, You come across very compassionate, intelligent and as a competent individual within your field. I would imagine your clients really benefit from your work. I've just come across your channel and I'm learning so much. Psych student here.

[@hollyblair5778]

She calls him stupid like it's nothing...ON CAMERA. I'm so uncomfortable.

[@jamie6639]

I have been subject to abuse before and it feels so validating to hear your detailed explanations and examples of what abuse looks like. The person I was dating manipulated me to think that my close friends were not loyal to me, trying to isolate me from my confidants and social group. I can see how he was not consciously trying to separate me from my friends, mostly trying desperately to reduce the risks of me abandoning him. Realizing this doesn't make me feel like I can forgive that person, but it gives me a sense of peace because now I know I was going through abuse and I don't have to blame myself for putting myself in a toxic situation. Thank you Dr Honda!

[@mrsfr.]

Yeah I don't get the argument for woman to say I can't harm him 'cuz I'm this size! I feel Jorge can't admit he is being abused as a man. That's a huuuge problem in our society. Men can be victims of domestic violence as well as women.

[@katiearcher4475]

And getting hit hurts. Regardless of the size. Like okay cool, shes less likely to hit him and cause broken bones. Bruising still hurts. It still causes a panic feeling when you get hit. Especially by a loved one.

[@tiannathegreat9647]

I agree. I've witnessed good men be abused by women because they are aware of the fact that if they were to retaliate they could really hurt the woman who is using her size and the fact that she is female to justify the abuse. Men are victims as well and as a woman, I feel like if you are dating a woman who verbally, emotionally or even physically attacks you, get away from her. It's Not okay whether you're a man or woman.

[@legzfalloffgirl5148]

It doesn't matter if the woman is 100 pounds and the man is 300 pounds. If she wants to hurt him and he doesn't want to hurt her, she has the advantage.

[@ACFraire]

I think many people confuse abuse with physicality, just like many confuse rape with sexuality. Both abuse and rape are about POWER and CONTROL. Anifisa tries to use her power over Jorge to control her pain. She doesn’t have to be physically intimidating to overpower.

[@leaholiver7404]

Dr. Kirk, so appreciate your approach and effort and critical thinking to avoid demonizing anyone and everyone. So healing and what our world needs more of .

[@sf4010]

I think once men and women stop shaming and chastising men about being abused by women there will more honest discussions. Unfortunately many cultural pockets world wide will continue to 1. Make fun of and shame a man for not being able to "handle" a woman 2. Say he deserved it because he wasn't doing what he needed to do as a man to prevent said abuse

[@greenleaves8980]

I wonder which gender tend to shame men more for that. I’m assuming not women. Men shaming men is more prevalent than women shaming men for abuse. Idk

[@sf4010]

@@greenleaves8980 you can always do a poll on that, but end of the day it doesn't really matter shaming someone and blaming the victim for being abused is a no go. Playing the who does it more angle is not a good look. Supplemental- I've witnessed both men and women in my community equally do the afore mentioned two things when a man has come forward about being abused by a woman.

[@brookemorgan2129]

incredible episode dr konda. your knowledge of everything from the psychology behind large strip club spending to perception that anfisa finally acknowledged jorge’s advances not actually due to his money but due to her desire for security. you are an incredible therapist with so much insight!

[@saldebrowde7823]

Dr. Konda would be a cool DJ/MC/rapper name for Kirk! He could maybe start to incorporate snakeskin stuff into his brand. Oh also btw, in case it wasn't just a typo, his name is Dr. Kirk Honda.

[@ms-corleone]

This is just to confirm that you have provided so much grounding and help in understanding what healthy looks like and what is abuse. It’s sometimes hard for someone to know they are abused (also, how do you cook a frog?). I am sure if George was asked he was abused he’d say no. It took Rae for the Ultimatum and the Depp trial to open my eyes as well to some abuse that does not involve hitting.

[@jclyntoledo]

There's different forms of abuse, ppl just don't talk about the one's that don't center around physical assaults.

[@h0a4l]

You are doing so much good with these videos!!

[@moriel1626]

Anfisa s abusive but I do partially agree… if you vent to your family about your partner they will hate them. Vent to a friend… don’t tell your family bad stuff about your partner. Especially when you are mad😅

[@daniellemarshall3844]

The fact of the matter is she never gave a damn about Jorge Hes not innocent by far, but she was a cam girl when he met her and he told her that he was going to give her this fantastic lifestyle knowing he couldn't give it to her They both need to be single lol

[@DrLC.]

Even Dr. Honda’s ads are informative! I love this channel 🤗

[@Haligonian]

Dr. Honda, I truly hope that you have one offline and one off-site backup. Sincerely, concerned for your data's well-being.

[@chrissmithz314]

10:00 I think this could be a slight cultural difference too, but I'm not certain. I've gotten the impression from eastern European girls that they don't like to talk about their problems with their family and friends. Now, of course there are exceptions, but that's the vibe I've gotten.

[@sf4010]

It's not. Many women from various cultures don't believe in talking about their problems with their partner. And will usually only talk about their problems woth friends and family that will back them.even when they are being abusive like Anfisa. Having dated eastern and western European women, as well as here stateside I can tell you from experience It's not reserved to one culture.

[@lavinder11]

Nah

[@nanablooms]

Great episode ☺️

[@nurikorose3739]

Dude, $10,000 in a strip club!?!?

[@sunshine_hun]

How is that even possible?

[@jclyntoledo]

Lap dances, drinks, that fantasy room thing. It could happen.

[@sunshine_hun]

@@jclyntoledo was he there for 12 hours? 😄 I'm sorry i still don't understand

[@bigwhy6845]

It's the VIP rooms. Especially if a dancer is like "Omg can my friend come too?" $400/hr in VIP per girl. So $800/hr for 2 girls. Plus you gotta get a bottle of champagne, which is tremendously marked up. Maybe he tipped a lot too. As a drogue dealer he probably carried a lot of cash on him at all times, which is easy to blow.

[@lillidaisyASMR]

@@sunshine_hun because he is gross next level nasty

[@sirmel11]

Jorge, stop lying. We saw her hit you on THE SHOW.

[@sirmel11]

You're giving her way too much credit.

[@thegamingkitchen8429]

Imagine the privilege you have as a woman to abuse a man and laugh about it on TV.

[@jclyntoledo]

It's part of pretty privilege bc if she was less attractive and heavier they would take it more seriously.

[@bigwhy6845]

imagine the privelege of being a man and being blind to the constant rape & murder of women by their intimate partners, and instead cherry picking 1 shitty woman who abuses her partner to feed your manosphere narrative.

[@tiannathegreat9647]

@@jclyntoledo You're right. It would definitely be a problem.

[@TheSmpsnsG85]

While I do think there is privilege from being pretty as Jocelyn says, if that was the rule then Angela would be kicked off TLC. They've kicked cast members off for things that Angela does to Michael regularly.

[@Pepperthetuck]

It’s definitely 100% wrong but I just have to mention that men were allowed to do this for many many years on tv. It’s very sad that it’s still continuing and no one is doing anything about it except pointing and laughing :(

[@VG-ul5sq]

I’m early

[@Jvclyn]

Im early