90 Day Fiancé - (Last Resort #17) - Borderline Narcissistic - Therapist Reacts

[@lilfairydoll84]

Call me naive but I never bought into the whole "I was bullied so I'm going to be a dck too". I WAS actually bullied for my looks and disability up until I was 20ish, with my parents NEVER sticking up for me or taalking back, and I would NEVER dream of doing that to anyone else: because I fully know how shitty it makes you feel and I would hate myself for making someone else feel like that

[@silviayantuche5791]

So sorry you had to go through something like that. You’re an amazing human being!

[@lilfairydoll84]

@@silviayantuche5791 aaww thank you 🤗

[@OneTwoSbri]

Exactly. I think at a certain point in life we all have a choice. We can chose to be better than the people who made us feel like shit. That I think is what makes the difference between a good and a bad person

[@Ray-nw8qv]

Damn, sorry to hear about this. I think in response to your first sentence, when someone goes through traumatic shit early in life--there are 2 different paths to take. I think Path A is the one you took, where you rise above it. For example "I cannot believe this person's being like this, I was bullied my whole life and would never act this way because I know how it feels firsthand." And then there's path B which Ed took. Succumbing to it instead of rising above it--"I was bullied my whole life and the only way people will feel my pain is if I make them feel as shit as I do on the inside." It's no one's fault for what happened to them in their early years, but I feel like every subsequent year of adulthood--it becomes more and more their responsibility to mature and grow from that. Ed hasn't, he's still that little kid at 60+ years old. He wants people to come to his rescue during conflict because every time his siblings bullied him for how he looked, he would run to mom and she would make that problem go away. He never learned how to make it go away, so he's seeking that same "take my side no matter what" mentality from another woman that he loves to try and fill that void.

[@andedom]

@@Ray-nw8qv well said

[@linderlindest5373]

Oh just wait, in the most recent episode, Ed berates Liz FOR defending him!

[@germansnout]

Ed: You never have my back! Also Ed: You made me look WEAK.

[@kendrabean606]

Omg I know. She can't win.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

That was my first thought omg 🙄

[@Phoenixx1127]

He does every time. I can see Liz practically dissociating every time Ed yells at her. Still have hope for Liz to find a better solution.

[@m.r.e.5731]

He is whack.

[@dreaoca]

I really wish Liz would realize how she deserves a loving and considerate partner. I truly hope she goes to individual therapy so that she can work on getting to that conclusion for herself. No one deserves to be treated the way she's been treated.

[@laurenr9659]

I recall Ed saying that his mom babied him. She always stood up for him and defended him, let him get away with things. I forget what he said about his father.

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, his mother's pampering could be a factor, but pampering is not enough to create this, in my experience.

[@luisframirez2335]

There are existing criminal laws against what Angela did to Liz. "The definitions for assault vary from state-to-state, but assault is often defined as causing or attempting to cause injury to someone else, and in some circumstances can include threats or threatening behavior against others. “ Some state laws call it “terroristic threats” /threats of violence . Angela is a walking terroristic threat

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, that's my understanding as well, but in my layperson's experience, it's hard to find a law enforcement officer and/or prosecutor to take action.

[@luisframirez2335]

@@PsychologyInSeattle Agreed. I most cases there is no hard evidence and its word v word so police won't make an arrest and law prosecutors are reluctant to bring charges. Even in cases like Angela/Liz where there is evidence (here recorded), the main problem rears its ugly head- the victim is reluctant to follow through and prosecute. In the most sickening example, as we later see with Liz, the victim apologizes to the abuser and thanks her!!!!

[@clairefisher3132]

It’s menacing- what Angela was doing. Aggressive, physically and verbally threatening, violating someone’s personal space- all of it menacing.

[@kayann100]

90 Day Last Resort is the most traumatic s*** I’ve seen to date, outside of Love after Lockup.

[@feliciaw.9248]

The explanation in this video is so helpful. Thank you!

[@abby-xo7kf]

I am convinced that my ex boyfriend had borderline. Sometimes when I allow myself to remember situations or outbursts, I am still to this day completely shocked that I could ever stay through it because it became horribly abusive due to the nature of the behavior. I’ve been no contact over a year and I wish I knew the signs sooner but I have learned now and am stilll in recovery

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

I'm so sorry you went through that and are still dealing with it.

[@abby-xo7kf]

@@PsychologyInSeattle thank you for your kindness, I am a huge fan and it means so much that you replied. I have been watching your videos and I truly think they have helped me start to learn how to navigate new relationships. I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things to get to a point where I can even engage with others without trauma responses. I’ve used your episodes as models of communication and have learned about others and myself in this new stage. I rave about you to family and friends and I am truly thankful for your time and dedicated work. Thank you, Dr. Honda.

[@barbmoore6587]

🙏🏼🫂💯

[@XxThexBitterxEndxX]

I honestly believe that Ed got bullied not because of his appearance, but because of his behavior. 🙄

[@elzzz2000]

I actually disagree with that. I think his behaviour is massively shaped by the way he's been treated, probably before he could even talk, as his condition began at birth. I'm a visibly disabled person and people have no idea or reference of the vitriol we are subject to. People are harsh and cruel and we are ugly and weird. I 100% believe this plays into his inferiority feeling that then has him acting the way he does. I'm surprised there isn't more emphasis on this understanding of his behaviour and personality. But non disabled people have no idea the extent of that cruelty we face. I mean when Ed was first introduced to the public, before he showed his problematic behaviour, all the 'jokes' where about the way he looks. How many people even now still call him a thumb. Purely because of a birth defect he has always had. It's like people have free rain on disabled people. None of this excuses his behaviour of course. I'm disabled as are a majority of my circle. Where this treatment has added to Eds maltreatment of others, its made many of the people I know isolated but kinder, more empathetic. He still has a responsibility to treat people well. I'm just adding my experience as a way for people to have a more nuanced take on this subject and have more awareness around it

[@Trewq79]

@@elzzz2000 This 100%. I feel awful for Ed when he was a kid in school, it had to be terrible. It makes me think of the "Two children" story. Two sons have an abusive, alcoholic father. One son grows to become abusive and alcoholic. The other grows to become faithful to his wife and family, and never drinks. If you ask the two sons what led them to the lives they live, both would say the same thing: "I learned from my father".

[@andedom]

@@elzzz2000yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was constantly bullied due to his appearance.

[@Ray-nw8qv]

I gotta disagree, I mean look at him, kids elementary through high school probably had a field day laughing their insecurities out on him. He's the perfect target for it. I think it's easy for us to say it was his behavior from the start because it's just so angering and triggering to hear him whenever he opens his mouth. Don't get me wrong, the guy's over 60 years old, imo he should be wayyyy more aware and mature about his feelings and emotions than he currently is. It's his responsibility. But to going back as to why he turned out this way, I think it's just years of feeling alone, insecure, and just terrible trauma. We have people progress through their trauma and rise above it, and there's people like Ed who succumb to it. They think life's a bottomless pit, and therefore they believe the only way to cope is--"I'm gonna make everyone else's life a bottomless pit too, because that's only way to make them feel my pain." Yeah, the life of a gloomy mind.

[@totallybitchcakes6851]

we've seen photos of him in his younger days and he looked relatively normal. he didn't always look this awkward. so I would agree that his behavior was part of it.

[@lagomorph770]

Next episode Ed is mad she stuck up for him. Girl run far far away from that mucinex phlegmball

[@RealityRecapGurl]

Ed dismisses Liz so much...makes me sad for her. He fights with her about standing up for him here but in the next scene he gets mad at her for standing up when Jovi wants to fight him. Make it make sense.

[@MsAlonzo26]

It's painful to watch Ed and Liz.

[@abby-xo7kf]

You explained bpd very well in what I (suspect) I observed and experienced. This distress and inability to see aside from the beliefs can, over time, really infringe on the other persons self worth, self trust, etc. he accused and questioned and badgered me for so long that I started to believe I wasn’t the person I knew myself to be and that I was in fact the bad person he was convinced of. It turned out to be the other way around and all of his accusations were exposed to be his behaviors. Extreme trauma

[@shmackydoodRon]

Both Ed and Angela attack Liz and mock her for reacting they are two middle school bullies, just not as literate.

[@toocutepuppies6535]

Ed's cruel, he's dishonest, controlling and extremely disloyal. I'm wondering what behavior he thinks Liz should "have his back" on?

[@Haligonian]

I think it's absolutely justified to call what Angela did to Liz violent, full stop. The World Health Organization's definition of violence is "the intentional use of physical force or power, **threatened or actual**, against oneself, another person, or against a group or community, which either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, maldevelopment, or deprivation."

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Thanks.

[@mitchell2491]

I cant wait to see what he thinks of the "past life regression therapy"

[@katella]

🎪🤡

[@kayann100]

I’ve never been more convinced that Big Ed and my last ex suffer from the same ailment.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

7:50 and 8:10 I've been with 2 narcs in relationship and there is no point to have any conversation with them. Left or right it doesn't matter, you are always the one to blame. The only way out is not playing their game.

[@NF-hh3qq]

Yes, they feed on reactions, and the more they can provoke you and put you in a bad psychological state, the stronger they feel. Therefore, the best solution to deal with them is to be very controlling of yourself and your feelings and never clash with them or react to their provocations and arguments.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

@@NF-hh3qq thats so true. Its a sick power play from their side

[@Sough]

Simply a trash show that enables harm.

[@silviayantuche5791]

Stop watching 90 days and never started this one because of Ed and Angela. I’m not gonna be part of the enablers

[@jillianellis5286]

As a reflection on what you were saying about modes of communication being written into law - it's definitely do-able! I'm training to be a teacher (in the UK) and one of the things of note as part of the teachers' standards (a legal framework) is that if we are talking one-on-one with a student, the student needs to be closer to the exit, so that they are able to leave at any time if they need to.

[@Auseklisuk]

YES !!! IM READY!!!

[@ReneeNassif]

I wonder what kind of a relationship that Ed had with his parents - while he was growing up. We don’t know too much about his father. From what we have seen, his mother appears to be quite kind and motherly. However, we never really know what goes on behind closed doors. In any case, I am sure his current behavior is the result of the myriad of traumas that he must’ve experienced in his childhood. And I’m guessing that he is still experiencing the childhood trauma that he was exposed to. He really needs PTS therapy. Poor Ed.😢

[@yaizarodriguez159]

What happened to the Ultimatum? :(

[@Vasilia4]

*Ed is stilll salty about the reunion*

[@daisyo.6666]

I know you have stated multiple times that you would not allow someone like Ed to treat you like this in your personal life. But I feel like it would be useful for you to say just once in these more triggering videos that this is unacceptable behaviour and that you would not put up with it.

[@beeleerosie]

I am from the UK and I really like your takes on personality disorder and childhood schemas. However, the only thing that I view as questionable is the premise that people require “years of therapy “. Firstly unless you are extremely wealthy that would be not financially viable in most countries. I am wondering if in the US insurance would cover it?. Secondly years as in more than 2 years in my opinion is excessive and I believe a person who become over reliant on therapy to work through every issue in their life. Of course certain childhood traumas and relational traumas do take time to work through . However, every time you mention years of therapy Woody Allen comes to mind😂. which kind of makes the idea of therapy sound like a codependent relationship😬

[@zoeselenastuart7936]

I think he's just trying to communicate the nature of the work. It is across a long timeline. Therapy intermittently over years at different times - usually times of great change - death career relationships. Its a lifetime of work. We know this timeline. This is why philosophy and religion existed before therapy. It's a human need to reshape our views and learn the subtleties of taking care of ourselves and others. Codependent is only one of many developmental stages that will be moved through. It's not an on-off switch.

[@empresssk]

Odd perspective on time. It’s hard to break bad habits and every person is different concerning how deep their trauma is. Given that therapy is only an hour once or twice week, 2 years is not a lot of time.

[@beeleerosie]

@@zoeselenastuart7936 You make some salient points and I definitely agree that Religion and Philosophy did help many before the advent of psychology therapy. I also agree that different issues and traumas which may occur after a death or divorce may very well need extra input. Some childhood traumas such as severe sexual, emotional and physical abuse may require extra work. My premise is that not everything requires years of therapy. Human beings can be amazingly resilient at times.

[@mistermanman]

I hate Ed so much

[@barbarawitt2077]

Little Ed is one sorry human. RUN, Liz, RUN!

[@Gokce-Aysun]