A bi guy talks about his first gay sex experience

[@notdefining]

To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining. For more videos click the JOIN button.

[@Harlem55]

It is wise to define what is or is not; for this is how we know ourselves and disagreements are cases and controvesies which shall be adjudicated; However, we do not consider outside opinons of those whom have no right of vote in the matter, which is properly between a male and whatever higher power he then claims to exist or which actually does exist.

[@shanesstclairs5847]

Really horny and neet a double pint ration

[@kristiharman2843]

that mix of ecstasy and fear is so relatable! I suppressed my attraction for so long and the fear I felt when it would come up was so visceral, and the attraction was also so pure and lovely. It's quite a scary and overwhelming mix

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing this. I’m so glad we can relate.

[@MeditativeMuse5860]

8:28 thank you so much for being willing to be so vulnerable. I have so many mixed emotions. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. This has been such a safe honest space. Thank you 💛

[@notdefining]

You are so welcome. This is exactly why I do it.

[@Studycase3000]

That was first of all quite brave in just sharing that memory. Thank you for being so open and honest to a perfectly normal human experience. You conveyed the innocent naiveté and the heat of the moment so well , I was actually taken back in thought and feeling (I felt the butterflies in my stomach). Well done! Even though it was not ideal, I honestly hope he somehow sees this and get's the chance to understand how special a moment in your life that was. First life experiences, especially intimate ones...❤

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for this lovely message. I appreciate it so much.

[@JulianBalgobin]

Wow, what a story. I’m sorry it ended all so abruptly and you never saw him again. But where ever you are, I hope you are sharing your love with someone. Thank you for sharing that moment in your life with me here in KZbin land

[@notdefining]

Ah thank you for being here with me and hearing story in KZbin land haha!

[@metalfenix]

It wasn't a bad story, I wish I were as brave as you when I was 15. By that time I was thinking only in hiding. I knew I was gay since 13, but hid myself, from my parents, my one "friend" everyone. It didn't help that I cannot read non-verbal cues, or when someone flirted with me. I had to wait until I was at University, and had some independence, to even try. My first experience... was hiring a s*x worker. Yeah, you could take a newspaper (back in 1997) and find out "massage professionals". I was 17, saved some money and a steel resolution of having my first time. It turned out great, he was patient with me (I didn't even know that bottoms had to prepare firsthand... I didn't had any gay friend that taught me, or even internet by that time). And well... that was the only way I got laid, either for hiring male s*x workers, or cruising restrooms, which learned later. The sad part is, back when I was 21, or 22... heh, I would get so many dates, but my internalized homophobia was raging.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for sharing this

[@johnrichards3666]

Calling it "sex with a man" instead of "gay sex" sounds so much better. That's how we get away from the labels that cause so much trouble in our society. You're the best.

[@DJVirgoNeun1]

It is what it is. If you feel uncomfortable with it, then the LGBTQ isn't for you. The whole community is chock full of labels. If you identify as gay, you're gay and vice versa. You may as well be just in denial while you're at it. There's no shame in a label if you know the history behind it. You either embrace or you can't.

[@notdefining]

Yes 100% thank you

[@jeffdo9195]

Just a play on words same thing

[@Kweenofdakillas]

I understand where you’re coming from but I tend to believe that labels are a little more nuanced. The label itself is a neutral descriptor for an aspect of who someone is , it’s only perceived as negative because of society conditioning us to see it that way. To me that means the label may not be the source of the harm, unless it’s a word/label explicitly meant for harm ( i.e slurs ).

[@johnrichards3666]

Labels are tricky things. They're necessary in so many aspects of our lives. Gay can be used as a innocent descriptive word and it can also be used in a derogatory way. For a straight man to have "gay" sex implies that he might be turning gay and that could be opening a whole new can of worms for him socially. Besides, it's a private matter between adults. The label brings on judgement from others and possibly guilt and shame to the individual doing the experimenting. Thanks for the response.

[@sidneypackard]

the fact that he's called 'gay sam' is crazy🤣🤣

[@notdefining]

Yessss. I actually spoke more about how this was the norm back then and how awful it is thinking about it but I edited it out because the video was like 20 mins long 🙈 so I had to be brutal. But yes thank you for saying this. So offensive isn’t it?

[@tannereustace]

Thanks for being willing to talk about difficult things! I came out in my high school yearbook quote funny enough: "I started high school with straight A's...now I'm not even straight! I'm still me, though!" I make piano covers during pride month in order to shed light on the beautiful complexity of the queer identity and community!

[@notdefining]

Thank you for this lovely comment.

[@davidwoodford1814]

Mark, thanks for sharing. It’s helpful to hear your experience.

[@notdefining]

My pleasure! Thanks for saying.

[@XTransitMasterX]

Ever Since when I was 5 Years old back in 2004. I knew I was attracted to Boys and I knew that I Was a Homosexual. Then I came out in 2011 when I was 12 Years Old. I accepted my Sexuality as when I grew older and it now Permanent.

[@ericfreshcorn3590]

Will you be my Partner?

[@notdefining]

Hey that’s great. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m so glad you have this clarity.

[@andrerenaud8785]

Great to hear that younger people are doing this! I still feel so disappointed that ( as I am much older) young Gay Men still have such difficulty when we live in a time with so many Rights & Freedom (in Western Countries)

[@declanohanrahan6580]

Con🎉 on posting this video very interesting. Declan OHanrahan Kilkenny Ireland 🇮🇪

[@pawdaw]

My first time with a man was quite different. He made every effort to romance and flatter me. My fear wasn't about getting caught or anything like that - but letting him down, because I had no idea what I was doing. It was awkward, and I'm sure I did let him down. First times can be magical, but often they are messy and confusing.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing your experience. I appreciate it.

[@DasHeino2010]

I am so here for the mess and confusion! :3 Everything that happens would be a win in my book!

[@Dadpoet1]

Great vid! Im bi and at 19 my first experience was with a married couple and they were in their 30s. Husband was bi so we all played together. The first time was so scary, exciting and I was full of anxiety. It turned out to be a great experience and continued for 5 years. He was the first male I been with and that was a wild time, early in life with a strong religious family and judgemental friends around me I never came out and never experimented. At 19 I was more free and on my own. It felt so good to embrace my true self. Life has been so much more fulfilling. Thanks for the vid 😊

[@MrCrowebobby]

In Paris in the 60s there was an avenue (I think it was avenue Foch) where married couples would go and park along the sidewalk to pick up single guys who wanted a threesome. I was asked once, but it wasn't my thing.

[@Dadpoet1]

@MrCrowebobby wow that's wild. Never been to France but that sounds interesting. I went on a cruise that was mostly folks looking for threesomes group play etc and it was a blast and yes those cruises do exist lol. I was on it for a week and it was non stop fun. Every ounce of life I had in me was almost gone by the time it ended. That's my new favorite trip.

[@MrCrowebobby]

@@Dadpoet1 As I said, this was in the 60s, so I imagine things have changed.

[@Dadpoet1]

@@MrCrowebobby true! 😂 I'm sure it has.

[@user-is7es]

I'd hate to be the bearer of judgement here but that is _not_ a good first sexual experience for a 19 year old. It's not all that uncommon to hear about in the gay world though which is extremely sad and how gay people get taken advantage of by creeps. Gay people often turn to seeking relationships online because they don't want to be the 40 year old virgin for the rest of their lives. You need a real relationship not a fling with a bunch of sketchy creeps. You know how people are always saying marriage is between one man and one woman? Well yeah I don't even care if it's between one man and another man or not. Just not between one man and a married couple. That's the only thing wrong with this picture. 😬

[@rodeanphilip7780]

Thanks for telling your story. Being older, I remember when you could feel that kind of terror for having straight sex. But the terror is the same, and it makes me wonder why we live in a culture that would do that to people's first sexual experiences. Sad.

[@notdefining]

Yes I agree. That’s why I really love being sex positive. Being ashamed is ridiculous.

[@reuterromain1054]

Gay is not bi. I am gay and have almost no sexual interest in women. All my sexual interests are focused on fellow men. And that is not what this man is feeling obviously.Today bisexuality is being played down. But in the fifties and sixties of the last century, the famous American sexologist, who was bi himself, Alfred Kinsey, claimed that up to 30% of all men were more or less bisexual.

[@notdefining]

Facts

[@troyp9485]

Grindr proves Kinsey was right

[@mikicerise6250]

It's sure not. That visceral physical response with someone, not the same having it as not having it. I've dated gay and bisexual guys, and there are things about my love life I know gay guys will only ever understand intellectually. 😅 Which is absolutely fine. It's all about respect and being good-natured. Being bisexual is important to me because my relationships with women and men have all been important to me. But in society, if you're male I know what matters is whether you've had sexual contact with men or not. They don't care if you're also turned on by women. In fact they don't give a damn about women's sexuality at all. I feel like all of us who love or have loved men are in the same boat ultimately. They put the same stigma on us one way or a another. Even women who love men get a stigma. So I wish we would get along better with each other.

[@ezelldaniels6064]

Definitely 75%

[@baxiaaa]

FAAAACTSSS

[@Octobris]

Loved the whole story, but I have to say, the beginning of you guys getting intimate was particularly charming to me.

[@notdefining]

Ah thanks. It’s lovely to hear.

[@ScottyLinscott-u7h]

It was a bi-guy that brought me out as a gay man. I was his first man, he was my first anything. We sort of progressed with what we were comfortable with. He really like to 69.

[@panthersworld5587]

Thank you for sharing I enjoy listening to your experiences despite our different orientations

[@notdefining]

So nice of you. Thank you for saying. We can all relate I think despite our orientations.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

MLM doesn’t just stand for Multi-Level Marketing (wink wink)

[@notdefining]

Hahaah yesss love it

[@JJ_TheGreat]

😂

[@DuaLeaD]

And DS doesn't stand for 'direct sales' 💦🍆😉

[@myjoncarllewis]

Thanks so much for such a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing as much as you did.

[@notdefining]

Ah you’re so welcome. Thank you for hearing my story.

[@jackstrubbe7608]

Hearing this encounter remindedd me of so much of my own life! Especially a recent inciddentt that is recurring now. I live in a senior apartment residence, and several on our maintenance crew are frankly quite attractive to me. I've done building maintenance during my complex lifetime, and when they make their rounds, like to chat with them, one in particular. One day when he was replacing my hepafilter toward end of day, he asked if he could use my bathroom. My bathroom has several pieces of my own homoerotic artwork in it. He was chatting thru the door and i asked him if he wanted some coffee i was making some for me. He said sure, and went to sit down. We talked as I boiled the water and he commented on the paintings, asked if he interpreted the abstractions accurately. I laughed, said yes you did, and jokingly said i often was known to suck any c&ck that might be hanging around. I brought out the coffee press and cups, and when i walked around his chair to put the cup down by him, realized he had his out and was stroking it rather shyly. Our coffee wound up needing reheating lol. He has been back end of day several times, and we do a little more and he stays a little longer each time. I let him choose the pace since he is, shall we say, a late bloomer. I am grateful he is becoming comfortable with himself and us.

[@chrispickerel2034]

why do I think your place is going to need a lot of maintenance?

[@stargazerskingdom1901]

Mark's Friends: "Heyy....what are you guys doing over here?" Mark: 💀

[@gregmcmahon3601]

Its very easy to feel comfortable with your experience, I'm 56 years old and coming to terms with what I am now is frightening for me. I waited until my parents where both dead - so i wouldn't have to suffer the shame of telling them - before beginning to have experiences with men. I love the simple contacts and the ability to touch & kiss others is no longer taboo in my mind. I have a long way to go on my journey of exploration. your openness is a beacon of hope to us all. Today, I know its alright to feel good in my skin.

[@notdefining]

Hey I’m so glad you have come to this place of feeling comfortable. You deserve it so much

[@Raj-b2q1x]

WOW - its interesting to know how we can have amazing experiences with one gender - yet it doesn't define us ENTIRELY. Nice to know Mark. I was very into girls in my teens - things changed a little into my mid 20's.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks and yes totally. I’ve always been very bi.

[@user-is7es]

"I was very into girls in my teens - things changed a little into my mid 20's." Did this have something to do with being in high school and maybe being out of high school in your twenties gave you the courage? The social pressures of school can be crippling. Maybe the threat of ridicule and alienation led to some repression of those feelings but you were finally brave enough when that threat was no longer present? 🤔 I know plenty of people who didn't come out until after high school. Many came out in college where people are more mature and forgiving than they are in high school but some didn't even come out until after college. Especially those who went to Catholic universities.

[@JimKaighn]

As a bisexual male, my first experience was with a guy who was also bisexual. He was slightly older than me at the time. I was 20 and felt very anxious but he let me top him and be "in control" which helped me become more comfortable. The sex was mind-blowing but short-lived. I will never forget that experience!

[@euchiron]

Thank you for this. Stigma is the worst baggage

[@LongDistanceCall11]

OMG, this was some breathtaking story, thank you so muсh for sharing.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

[@geckoxs1071]

Your shirt is nice. I kinda always like pink but also like blue sinds I was a kid. The gradient where bothe colors transitions is what got me. Now I know...I'm just Bi😂

[@republiccooper]

Thanks for sharing your story. I have an unusual (non judgmental) question. I've met many gay and bisexuality people who say their sexuality was influenced by lack of connection to a parent or abuse in their home - like the dad abusing the mom or like the dad just not being emotionally present for the son. I think in *some cases* this does contribute to non binary sexualities. Do you think this was a factor in your case?

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for your question. This is a commonly misunderstood area because most psychological research shows us that the influence of the parent or primary care giver is fundamental to almost everything. So pretty much every trait you have will have been in some way influenced by your parents or significant adult role models. So while it’s not necessarily untrue that sexuality is impacted by the caregiver relationship, so is everything else so it’s not something unique about sexuality. We should also move away from a framework of causality because being gay or bi is not actually something abnormal. It’s exceptionally common and heterosexuality actually isn’t the norm (though we are falsely taught that). Sexuality is a spectrum and most people have some sort of same gender feelings in some way in their lives. That means that it’s not really a case of something out of the ordinary happening to you that has cause you to veer off the normal path. Being gay or bi is just as natural as being straight and so there’s no adverse factor that “causes” it. If somebody has childhood trauma it is likely that it will affect both the way we see our sexuality and the way we connect with other people. Also growing up LGBT is most often traumatic in itself. Many people will experience homophobia and therefore search for answers as to why they are “different” and then say “oh I had a traumatic childhood therefore that must be the reason”. There is no evidence to suggest that this is true. I could go a lot deeper into this and maybe I’m going to make a video on it to explain more but for now I hope that goes some way to answering your question.

[@republiccooper]

@notdefining Thanks so much for your response! I feel touched. 🥰 I personally think all human sexuality is fluid, but it seems most people get stuck in one place or other. I don't think homosexuality or bisexuality are abnormal, but I do think, for many people, they can be unhelpful, even apart from societal norms and expectations. (I say this because, I've read and heard that, even in societies where non-binary sexuality is accepted, the rates of mental illness, drug use, suicidal and suicidal ideation is much higher than for other groups; but there's certainly a lot more likely going on there that we haven't been able to parse out yet). When people say their sexuality was affected by some childhood experience, I believe them. Who am I to judge? Likewise, when people say it wasn't, I don't doubt it at all. Everyone's experience is so unique. Non binary sexualities may be normal for one person and abnormal for another. I completely try to avoid boxing people in. Which is why I so love the work you're doing. So much for for thought! Thanks for sharing and your work. You're having so many conversations that need to be had. Keep well & have a great Christmas! 🎄

[@jwb52z9]

Awkwardness aside, it was definitely one of the better times I have heard about. You had a really very sweet first time. The one difference that comes to mind with those of us in the community is that the same negativity that makes almost all of us feel bad about our desires also seems to do away with most of the feeling that I hear exclusively straight people talk about, which is a sort of compulsion to just "get it over with" in terms of losing your virginity. Granted, we probably all know some promiscuous people in the community as well, but that initial sense of how we've historically been viewed and treated seems to make the experience and the act different. Do you understand what I mean?

[@andrerenaud8785]

I don't think that just being comfortable with Being Gay & your 1st sexual experience has anything to do with Promiscuity. The 2 are totally different experiences. Some people are just ok with being Gay , so a 1st time is going to happen for All Genders .

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing. Yes I get you completely.

[@PyramidTom]

Now I got curious to know how you felt the first time with a girl? it felt less naughty ? did you get confused about yout sexuality or you already knew you were bi by 15 ?

[@notdefining]

Yes it was completely different. There was no terror or confusion involved. It was safe. No I only realised bisexuality was a thing when I was 30. Before that I was in chaotic panic and depression thinking I was broken.

[@Matty12333]

In my case, it's first time with a man. I remember having sex with a woman and it still felt good

[@paulharvey9149]

This is such a marvellous use of the fantastic thing that's now so present in all of our lives, that's called the Internet! And on behalf of all those who may be struggling to work it all out for themselves right now, I want to say, thank-you, for standing up and talking in this way. You look a good deal younger than I am and, the fact you had friends who were even prepared to use the word 'gay' as a prefix to 'Sam' may or may not indicate your process has taken place in a more accepting world than mine did, but, these things are far from definite and are different for all of us anyway; and the point is that however, wherever and with whomever - the feelings, and that internal, secret dialogue we have with ourselves, and the emotions we all have to deal with: well, they're very much the same for those who have not grown up with positive, out, gay or bi (or whatever) role-models within their lives, aren't they? Assuming we're not members of that lucky group, we all start off in an isolated place, and feel that sense of wrongness or naughtiness; that fear of being caught, or found out; and the inevitable guilt that follows... To some smaller or greater extent, we've all spent time thrashing ourselves with surprisingly similar sticks, before eventually working out that actually - it's okay, we're not doing anything that is inherently wrong (even if we do live in one of those countries who persist in placing the physical actions on the wrong side of their laws - with attendant punishments or, perhaps even worse; we exist within a religious culture that read an incomplete bible that has the bit about 'don't judge because you too, will be judged' completely missing; and whose interpretation of The Great Commission (or the equivalent in other faiths) suggests that, they should all go out and share the Good News or laws with all the people, except the following, very long list of exceptions...!). It's okay. We're only expressing what is natural for us - and we can choose to embrace it, as a positive aspect of ourselves - whatever, others might think of it!!

[@notdefining]

Thank you so so much for this lovely heart felt and uplifting message. I really appreciate you.

[@JoeT-re5ro]

My first was when I was 19 he was 32 we talked for about 2 weeks before meeting. We finally agreed to lunch with no expectations. That went well so we went for a walk up to a waterfall then a walk around a college campus. We went back to my house so I could make dinner he ended up asking me if I ever had a massage. He gave me one that ended with oral sex. We spent the night together and the next 2 days. He then went to Florida to visit his dad . Called me every night. When he got home we ended up staying together for over 2 years before just growing apart

[@jaygent2836]

The awkwardness and excitement of that first encounter is very relatable

[@deechatterton5828]

You're a marvelous story teller.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you I appreciate that

[@Kenneth-p6j]

I used to call myself "bi" in the past but used that term as a safety as its more safer than sayiing "gay". But after a while, you get tired of the BS and people pleasing and I am honest and accept my gay self.. Just be yourself and live the life you want. Life is to short to worry about what people say. At the end of the day, people will live their life so you should too as well.

[@alexelion7084]

I want to have an experience like that so bad! It could be a man, a woman or someone who is nonbinary like me. I haven't had a connection like that with anyone yet, no one has expressed any kind of romantic or sexual feelings for me and even if they did I can't sort out my feelings when I like someone. I don't think I want this to have it "done" or to have met a milestone by a certain age, I just want to experience this and it feels just so out of reach

[@notdefining]

Hey you will. Open your heart to it. It will come at the right time for you and it will be fab.

[@LongDistanceCall11]

I`m сurious as to how many guys feel that that kind of thing is naughty when they`re doing it? I`m a pan girl and I kinda started remenisсing about my own first times and found out that none of those felt that way. My first first time was aсtually with a man and a woman at the same time, not really a great story, it was rather terrible and a mistake overall, I was 16 or 17, but even that one didn`t feel like a naughty deal. Just an unсomfortable situation. Then the first time with a guy didn`t feel like anything really, and the first time with a girl was an absolute bliss - but both didn`t stir that sort of feeling. So I wonder how about other people? Girls? Guys?

[@teehee4096]

I'm a gay guy, and it felt pretty naughty the first time I had sex. But that experience was just not right, I bottomed and I didn't communicate properly. But it ended up being enjoyable after I started to tell my partner what I wanted. The naughtiness factor was also due to his parents being home, and the fact that I grew up in a Muslim, sex-negative household. Sex nowadays is much more enjoyable for me. Communication and self-love are key!

[@notdefining]

Thanks for sharing this question. It’s an interesting one isn’t it?

[@mikicerise6250]

I'm a bi/pan guy, in my forties now. Both first times were scary and awkward for me. 😅 First time with a girl was much easier, though, because she was older, more experienced and just took the lead. 🥴 So I was scared and awkward, but she was not and made it work, and, you know, taught me things. 😅 With the guy, we were both about the same age and just fumbling around. 😂 I still didn't know what I wanted or what worked for me, neither did he know what he wanted. The second guy though... That was beautiful. It was his first time with a guy, but I was way more figured out by then. Ended up in 69, simultaneous climax, fell asleep together locked in an embrace, woke up in the same position and with my toes curled around his. Never forget it. I still curl my toes around a lover's toes to this day. 🤭

[@ariadnepyanfar1048]

@@mikicerise6250Aww 💕

[@baxiaaa]

Beautiful story

[@andreasobuaculla9511]

I'm 68 such memories,and you voice is so soothing a hot!

[@notdefining]

Ah thank you. 🙏🏽

[@baxiaaa]

That’s what I always say too :)

[@Daxsymbiote]

I remember those days. It was terrrifying, yet equally exciting at the same time. You kinda dreaded, but also hoped certain things would happan. It was electric

[@bertitolino]

Nice story, thankyou for sharing

[@notdefining]

Thanks for listening

[@amyxu1032]

hi, what’s the difference between gay and queer? Does queer like girl

[@VorpenYT]

Queer is just a generic term for lgbtq. Gay means to like the same gender(Usually referring to men) Lesbian is the term for women liking women.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

“I’m having a full on proper bi crisis.” - Bébé Mark, probably.

[@notdefining]

Omg yes

[@baxiaaa]

I love this❤

[@notdefining]

Ah thank you so much for tuning in.

[@incoglido]

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

[@kentwaters5903]

Thanks for sharing It i the net eperiece I want to explore with youtubers. My experience was similar

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much

[@szabados1980]

No worries, most people's first experience in sex is awful. Even straight people's. Your case highlights the need for gay sex to be included in the sex ed curriculum.

[@andrerenaud8785]

Hi , Great story , I am a Gay Man in my 50's and 1 of my closest friends is Bi and I had several reactions to this video. I feel Bad to hear that for people who are as young as you Still have so much difficulty ( especially about M2M) I Came out to my Family in 1980 , we were living in a small Farming town & my father was in the Military & I grew up on Military Bases, & they were Catholic too . I started to protest & get involved in the Big City an hour away @ 14yrs.old & was involved with activism throughout the 80's. I get so disappointed when I hear from young LGBTQ that they STILL have such a diffult time with it , when we did so much to try to Gain Rights & deal with the AIDS Pandemic back then .Only to hear from so many young people having trouble accepting their Sexual Orientation & life now ! I also want to say that I realize the Difficulty faced from Bisexual Men , that often Women don't feel comfortable Dating them , like they are going to cheat on them ,whilst any Straight Man could cheat with another woman, if a person isn't faithful ! Hence many Men i have known avoid same sex relationships to avoid that ( as with my close friend) who only Dated women, to avoid that. Yet it's still a Big problem for Bisexual People. I knew I was Gay @ 5yrs old and for some reason Never had a personal problem accepting it, Although dealing with Homophobia throughout school was VERY difficult, I didn't deny it ever & was basically out @ school when I was 14yrs.old . I found the story Fun and hope you find a relationship with either sex that's fulfilling! Good luck.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for sharing your story. We stand on your shoulders. It’s getting better. We will get there.

[@mikicerise6250]

It is getting better. 🙂 I've been out bisexual guy since 17 or so, because I was a rebel, take me as I am, to hell with society sort. Most heterosexual women won't touch us with a ten foot pole, that's true. But for me the feeling is mutual. Those women come with a whole backpack full of ideological baggage and rigid demands for what a 'man's role' is. Even if I were straight I would not want to deal with them, quite frankly. The women I've fallen for have all been misfits in one way or another. 😅 Nowadays gay guys are more open, at least in my country, but back then they'd often keep COVID style distances from me in public, because I was the 'gay sam'. 😂 So when it became fashionable to say bi guys are all about the down-low and acting straight in public for privileges or whatever, you can imagine my profoundly disdainful reaction. 🙄 But that's another thing I think has changed for the better... Gay guys are nicer to us too these days, less prejudiced. 😉 Which makes me happy, because I love gay men, especially the thoughtful, introverted, vulnerable sorts with deep eyes and longing for connection. ❤️

[@imetwurld-ey9sx]

Wat country .as a straight woman i'm sad but glad straight women are saying no to bi men ​because u can never trust a man and HIV stigma is horrible @@mikicerise6250

[@imetwurld-ey9sx]

​@@mikicerise6250🙄

[@curiousnerdkitteh]

11:28 "Keep a _straight_ face" 😉

[@notdefining]

I see what you did there haha.

[@thorstenberninger]

Well done ❤❤❤

[@notdefining]

Thanks

[@davidbarrett590]

i can really identify with your feelings as a young teen but I really do not feel that these feelings of terror were a function of the times. I am quite a bit older than you and I really do not think that there was a hostility to bi or gay people in the peer group I had. That was in contrast to the wider community but I sense we are talking of the same type of peer group. Also even in the wider community, things were nothing like as bad 20,30,40 years ago as a lot of gay and bi KZbinrs and Commentatiors suggest - after all, they were not there so how do they know?

[@johnpavkov2490]

When will L have my first time

[@green_polo]

I dont know if i should comment. might delete. I struggle with feelings for guys, but keep it secret. Have not had relations with males or females. As yet, no feelings for women. Am slim and small built in my 20s and weirdly imagine guys like even sitting on my face :/ I try rejecting these feelings. Am religious so view it as wrong for myself.

[@notdefining]

Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your experiences. You are so welcome, seen and heard. And you’re not alone in struggling with things. It’s understandable. We’re here for you and will never judge. Whenever you’re at.

[@green_polo]

@@notdefining Thank you for your reply! I atill might remove what I put but thank you for not judging me

[@McMilesE]

That broke my heart u never saw him again. I was worried about that. Im 29 so even I come from a time where being out as a biiiiiig fat nope. Aww... Well it seems like even with ur body language u still have reservations about homosexuality in general. I do too. Wish I lived in England so we could chat, maybe :) Cute. Miles M

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you for noticing that about my body language. Yeah it’s still scary to talk about it. This video is the first time I’ve ever told that story. But I do it to break the fear. It worked. So thanks for receiving it and hearing me.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Moral of the Story: YOLO and H-word

[@notdefining]

❤️

[@angelotelesforo_prof]

I think the correct technical term would be “homosexual sex”. Does that sound weird in English?

[@joeburton7784]

you’re adorable still…❤

[@notdefining]

Ah thank you

[@craiglee3048]

Just adorable? Hes hot! Lol.

[@JL-re1rx]

Hope you reconnect

[@notdefining]

Ah thanks. That’s sweet of you to say.

[@whitelytr]

Wow i wish we knew whether he had seen this... and made contact. Such a shame it was interrupted etc. It could've been beautiful.

[@carlwhittaker2353]

I came out in 1979 I still can't fathom out why in 2024 guys have to hide their sexuality

[@notdefining]

A lot of people still face familial rejection or fear the violence that exists in many places against LGBTQ+ people. Violence is increasing in the UK for example. Some people also have been conditioned so much with heterosexuality that they find it hard to make that step in their identity. It can be hard to come to terms with. People may treat you differently and some people struggle to find confidence in talking about it. Also people from less recognised identities feel the need to constantly explain themselves or fear they will not be able to find a partner. Many reasons I guess. I’m so glad you managed to come out at that time. Big respect to you.

[@incoglido]

Suddenly wishing I was Gay Sam! j/k I fully get that intense dual feeling of terror and pleasure. I miss it actually. Like the first time I went on a rollercoaster.

[@ryanfgrantjr3009]

lol so cute..."my pants..." for the Americans. :)

[@notdefining]

Of course haha. Actually we have lots of lovely American friends here on this channel so I like to give them a shout out. Haha.

[@baxiaaa]

I’m just sorry you felt it wasn’t ok…but you came a long way 🎉❤

[@notdefining]

Aaaah thank you Barbara. I appreciate your empowering words always.

[@teyahming9488]

❤

[@ChristianCatboy]

Thanks for sharing. I found that to be an encouraging story. I finally "had sex" for the first time (if intercrural / handjobs count) earlier this year, at age 40. Maybe I'll try to experience oral in the soon-ish future...

[@richards5843]

[@kev60154]

❤❤❤❤

[@geoffreyrichie7330]

We know what trousers means.

[@geoffreyrichie7330]

And we know what you mean by pants too.

[@notdefining]

Haha thanks! Just wanted to make sure as “pants” has a very different meaning here hahaha! Lol. 😂

[@wiseowl2596]

Bi flags!!!!!!!!!!!🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@KE-zk4kc]

Bisexual? 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@izach28]

Yes they exist sexuality is not just gay or straight

[@KE-zk4kc]

@@izach28 He’s not bisexual.

[@izach28]

@@KE-zk4kc he literally is did you not see his shirt?

[@KE-zk4kc]

@@izach28 so his shirt determines his sexuality? He doesn’t appear bisexual.

[@izach28]

@@KE-zk4kc the shirt has bisexual colors that represent the bi flag idiot

[@geoforamorio]

It's funny how a hetero or a bi can use any kind of language they want about their sexuality and their sexual identity, but when I say that I wouldn't be in a relationship with a bi, I'm "biphobe"! 😂