A BRAND NEW way survivors of narcissistic relationships are being SHAMED

[@MrRobot-jb5tI]

Healing from narcissistic abuse does feel like swimming upstream in a river of societal shame. But what’s worth it is freedom you find after the journey.

[@a.s.3267]

"Some people aren"t worthy of seeing the whole you. And that, is their loss." I loved this final statement. 💜

[@yesitislikethat]

So true. 😔 Those who are dismissive of narc survivors and our trauma are *the worst.* I have, before, found myself feeling like I needed to _explain_ myself and _prove_ the validity of my feelings, and the situation; throwing me right back into the same dark hole that the narc previously put me in. It’s an awful, awful feeling.

[@christinelamb1167]

Yes, to be invalidated can feel even worse than not sharing at all! 😒

[@DarkFemmeJen]

No one deserves that. And I can relate. I used to explain my whole life away and I drastically cut back on that.

[@ryanlewandowsky2077]

Yes I have had the same experience although I have been fortunate enough to have a few close relatives who were able to confirm my experience when I finally started talking about it nearly forty years later. Gotta love the idiots who say things like “but it’s your mother”🤮🤢

[@christelleny]

It's certainly a lesson into not letting what other people think affect us, i.e. not getting our validation from the outside. Sometimes, I think it's the purpose of the whole "lesson"...

[@earthrooster1969]

Thanks for your comment. My golden child/covert narc sister ( she is a doctor) has reached out to me as she found out I had a surgery...a legit way for her to cross the boundary I have set for her...phew...I get really triggered...and know what you mean...

[@DominieRobinson]

It's the weaponization of the people closest To you in your inner circle that is so particularly Devastating ! And incredibly Traumatizing .

[@kryssysmith1486]

As a teenager in a depressive episode, the woman who raised me said, "You can choose to be happy or depressed; it's all in your head." I wanted to tell her, "Walk in my shoes for an hour, then say that," but anything I said was considered'talking back' so I stayed silent.

[@M.j.7]

🫂

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

Your real father and mother is God, not this woman. U r z child of God. Pray for God to bless her and set u free. Soon u ll be free studying in college away from her. I v been there. I m 50 and peaceful now since 17yo when i left Mt family to study

[@sparklecanada0112]

🫂 🌹 Yes, It's often the people doing the abuse or uninterested in our mental health, that throws those kinds of harmful advice at us. They're often the cause of the depression and not the remedy.

[@BettyVeronica2.0]

I'm sorry you had to live with that. 😔💔 That woman was clueless. I hope you're having a good, healthy life, because you deserve it! 💜🤗

[@nyxcole9879]

This is exactly why survivors need to write and tell their stories ❤ How freaking dare this jerk say its navel gazing self absorption. It took me 2 yeats after i was in the right mental space to even feel like i had the right to speak about my life and of course i could never do that directly. And yet they'd be like oh my God that is so horrible if it was the narc telling their bs. Eff this crap. "In the stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost, who says what you had, you know what you lost" - Dreams, Fleetwood Mac, The Dance

[@oishikaray2767]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@christelleny]

Great quote. Not to mention, writing is great therapy. When well done, it can also help others...

[@Raima230]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! You are a god send to this horrible world filled with cruel narcissistic people🙏 I hope one day you win a nobel prize. I’ll be cheering for you.👏👏👏👏😀😀😀😀. I wish you could be my in person therapist. I am also a survivor here.😔

[@path9259]

Totally 100% agree 🙏

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

Yup. I was encouraged to leave my abusive ex not when I described how I was treated but instead it was when he went down the Rogan rabbit hole and bought ivermectin. My coworkers who came to my office to complain about our narc boss and the hostile work environment and our union who only focused on the professional staff instead of also us support staff wanted nothing to do with me when I had no choice but report forgeries that weren't being addressed in house. I also filed a complaint about my union to the labor relations board. During my unfortunately ultimately useless fight, even friends who weren't from my work avoided me because it made them uncomfortable to hear about what was going on with me. With everything I lost, I don't regret the people who showed their true colors during this time no longer being in my life. I finally went no contact with several family members whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life. My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I'm okay with that. I've been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself.

[@apricotcookie4850]

"whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life". Wow, that hit my heart like a thunderbolt. With that one phrase, you illuminated and encapsulated relationships that I've needed to end! No more breadcrumbs masquerading as banquets for me! Thank you.

[@bellaluce7088]

LOVE this: "My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I'm okay with that. I've been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself." 👏👏 Yay! In retrospect, I woke up to myself when my social circle shrank and I never connected the two before. Knowing and liking myself for the first time in my life is 100% worth my lost ILLUSIONS about those people. And now I have the discernment, self-love, and comfort enforcing boundaries to risk letting GOOD people in. That's a win-win, not the tragedy I sometimes feel about losing so many people. *THANK YOU for this helpful reframe!* 😃❤

[@TorgerVedeler]

I find that as I get older and have learned more about narcissism, I have gotten less willing to tell myself that someone in my life is a narcissist, but much more willing to simply conclude they are bad for me, for whatever reason. And because I have dealt with a number of clear narcissists, I now know what to do. I cut them out of my life, whether they are narcissists or not. And when a friend tells me about someone they are dealing with who seems like a narcissist, I tell them that I think that person is a narcissist. And if someone rolls their eyes at me for doing this, I write them off as an enabler.

[@apricotcookie4850]

Dr. Ramani, your insights, compassion, and transparency are life-altering. Thank you so much for your work. You are making a difference for so many of us.

[@marysisak2359]

I add to the chorus below. Thank you, thank you. Been there, done that. People want you to share when 1) it is totally superficial and 2) when it is easily "fixable". Something I have noticed as a survivor of sexual abuse. As soon as you mention it, you can feel the person emotionally step back.

[@christinelamb1167]

My experience, exactly! This is why I don't share anything other than superficial, with anyone. No one gets it, and no one has the capacity to hear and understand.

[@noramccaffreyglaser9913]

Thank you. It's so rare to find someone who truly understands. Luckily I've found a few people who at least believe me

[@lindamcmanus3057]

My narcissistic abuse by my ex husband was outright mocked by the woman who calls herself my “best friend” because she has been the victim of domestic violence and believes I am co-opting her story for attention and “coolness points.” (Direct quote on that last one.) I just stopped telling her stuff.

[@christinelamb1167]

That person would no longer be my friend, or have any place in my life!

[@Sweetpea-2023]

So, only she can be the victim, or victimized? Maybe she needs all the attention and all the empathy? I would walk slowly towards the door and then run. This is not a friend.

[@lindamcmanus3057]

@@Sweetpea-2023 oh she loves playing the victim. Actually it’s her treatment of me that led me to this channel/community because she is a narcissist herself. I am trying to work through my issues from my marriage as well as a 22-year complex female friendship.

[@lindamcmanus3057]

@@christinelamb1167 I would love to be able to send her packing. She is a narcissist herself, and I have given her slack for 22 years because her abusive upbringing has left her with C-PTSD and addiction issues, and I admit I pity her. Also, she can do some damage to my life so I have some fears about leaving the friendship.

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@lindamcmanus3057🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@sushmayen]

I find some narcissists in this comments section who insult and demean in their replies to other commenters.

[@artifundio1]

Yes, they come frequently to leave entitled comments... Most of the time they are ignored. Some other times they are bullied back a bit 🤭

[@christinelamb1167]

Yes, the narcs love to come to channels such as this and make their ridiculous comments! I have seen it here, and other other narc abuse recovery channels. Most of the time I ignore them, but once in a while I can't help myself, and I respond back! I usually regret it, though.

[@donald2024on]

Sure. My ex narc does this... as she's been doing a dirty long smear campaing trying to destroy me, many crimes, so she kept coming all groups on narc learning working to keep her facade and crimes hiden and twisted... and as she spread edited intimacy pics to many people and social media calling me as a predator or such, I decided to do something other than just to stay away/no contact, and only since then, after I started to show also picts of her (in the lovebombing phase) she (and/or her flying monķeys) became less encouraged ...!

[@enbusquedadeperlita3133]

Yeah, so many people confuse TRAUMA discussion vs TRAUMA DUMPING. Then there are those that whether they realize it or not, are actually triggered because they do know people like this, but would rather separate themselves from it/them.

[@BettyVeronica2.0]

Good point!

[@oishikaray2767]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@DawnShares]

Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate it and need to hear this.

[@lovesongsound1]

True after all I have been through it has made me to get gaslight from doctors which is happening a lot today

[@sparklecanada0112]

Yes. It's tough enough for someone traumatized to seek out and ask for help. It's even worse, when they are met with either disinterested concern and zero assistance or made to feel they are being unreasonable or overly emotional.

[@bronwynsiriushealing8412]

My brain always tells me not to read the comments, but I feel compelled to. Bullies are rampant online, and people will disagree with you and say the most unhinged things just to get a reaction. Sometimes, I fall into the trap because of my moral values. Statistics show most abuse and unalivings is familial or someone we are dating or married to. My doom scrolling is true crime. 😢

[@NarcSurvivor]

I’m sure many of these people who blame and shame survivors are narcissists as well. Maybe they’re too afraid of confronting narcissists. Or maybe there’s just something in them that makes them hate victims. Because naturally, victims need attention and support. Victims may often be demanding. And narcissists don’t have anything to give. It reminds me of some of the cases where narcissistic mothers murdered their own children.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

A friend told me her mother had murdered her children two of them she also tried to kill herself. The children died she was set free and they had 5 more children. Yes she was a narcissist!

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Amen Dr.Ramani, thank you ❤🙏🙌

[@VincoMalus]

Breathtakingly beautiful analysis/dissection, as always

[@cmbr.]

Thanks for this 💙💪🏽🌎

[@adelinas.7335]

My cousins never understood the amount of trauma I have been through. It hurts because my reality keeps being denied even when he was inflicted more pain again. I had to pull away from the whole thing but it made me sad because I didn’t just lose a father, I lost a whole extended family. With my mother & both sets grandparents passed away, there’s no tie to them anymore. It has its freedom but it’s also very lonely. Narcissistic abuse wreaks lives.

[@kiv_daniels]

I lost my extended family too. It was either a family full of narcissists and flying monkeys or living my life alone. And I chose my life, I feel soo sane.

[@bellaluce7088]

5:01 Yep! When I cautiously let an old "friend" who'd let me down into my life again on a trial basis because she'd been to therapy and seemed to have grown, she talked at length about her current problems and the ongoing impact of her troubled childhood. I gave her empathy and compassion. When **I** talked about similar things, I got window dressing like "you're entitled to your feelings" but also her same old judgmental messages that I'm supposedly too sensitive, interpret things wrong, and am LETTING myself stay trapped in the past (as if CPTSD is a choice!). Hypocrisy much!? 🧐🙄 Byeee! I'm SO GLAD I've done the work to be able to recognize toxic people in ways I couldn't before and LET THEM GO! 😃🍀❤ *THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!!!* ❤

[@aatt3209]

Thank you so much for discussing this critical topic with us. Self-respect and self-love are my guards against dismissiveness. I am blessed with very few friends, and they are all true gems and close to my heart.

[@FieldArrow-s7v]

thank you and thank you ❤

[@ruthvansandt9713]

Thankful my friends and family aren’t like this. Of course the narcissist accuses me of being the abuser, which can contribute to society being confused who is actually the disordered person. But I have psych evals now. It’s not me!

[@bridgettsass917]

Wow this is exactly what I'm going through right now. Your content is so on point Doc! Thank you for making be feel heard and seen, safe and validated. ❤❤❤

[@itsme-dt1xb]

I just wanted to say that it really would‘ve been a good message if your book was on there too! I‘m doing an internship in Portugal (I‘m a psych student) and I visited a very small unknown town. In the town was a little library where students learned. There were a few books in Portuguese to buy. I was soooo happy to saw your book „It’s not you“ lying there! It was in Portuguese but I could detect it because of the cover. I would’ve never expected it there because it‘s not a comercial shop with many new books, but you could buy it there. Even if there are jerks on a daily level, your message is studies around the world as I write this. Unfortunately we encounter many jerks on a daily basis but I think they are the ones who feel threatened because they start to recognize that the dynamics can change and people are being provided with tools to leave the abusers. They don‘t like that and talk it down but they cannot stop the knowledge that keeps being shared over and over. You seem like a modest human being so I don‘t think you are very proud of yourself but you really should be!

[@bmorgans6442]

What really sucks is this complex trauma that some of US try to pretend is not there, comes out and we knew what was happening when it was we knew that there was abuse coming from 2-3 different places at once to try and make us "seem crazy" and then have to pretend none of its going on. Living in a world where everywhere you turn everyone is fake and all you can do is be nice and try so hard to make it clear that you ARE raising your child well and you ARE well and eat even through the abuse. I had absolutely no one while I was being extremely abused but my phone. KZbin like Dr Ramani and God got me through what I needed and on to my next hell full of being blamed and told I'm broken(well me telling them to defend myself of course) from the gaslighting I endured and how it feels like it's still going on. No one around you understands or cares to bc they have they're own issues. Everyone will know know what happened to me and what more than one or 2 or 3 people did to me

[@tonymartos2922]

I do feel like a fool for not being able to put together the pieces of the narcissistic abuse I was going through until I was in way too deep.

[@Sweetpea-2023]

@@tonymartos2922 You’re not a fool. But I felt that way too, until I realized I trusted, believed, gave the benefit of the doubt etc, because that’s a reflection of who I am. It’s easy to trick someone who doesn’t know a game is being played. Now that you know act accordingly. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Give yourself the same grace, compassion and kindness you showed them. You are not foolish, you’re probably a good person who couldn’t comprehend that someone who said they loved you could be so devious and malicious. At least that was my story. Forgive yourself.

[@M.j.7]

This!!!! Having an abusive mother with most likely at least a couple personality disorders (back when none of them were talked about) and a father with diagnosed bipolar/schizoaffective disorder… Guess which one was the more nurturing and parent while the other one used my behavior issues at school on the others diagnosis of the other? Unfortunately she was my primary “caregiver”. It was something super isolating when I was in elementary-high school until I just learned to not talk about it. Then this led to lapse in judgment in partners I’ve been in long term relationships with and what I’ve been hearing a lot of lately is “it’s in the past” or “this is a new start”Like I literally had my face swollen from domestic abuse when these comments started 😂😅. Hugs to everyone who gets invalidated while they’re trying to heal and/or vent.

[@lesleyelalami2562]

Nail on head again Dr Ramani!!! Thanks. You can FEEL it falls on deaf ears, they don't do deep heartfelt responses. It took 20 years of this until I spoke to one canny old bird over the garden gate. She listened then she uttered 4 words which indicated to me she was actively listening. Those 4 words 'STREET ANGEL - HOUSE DEVIL.' was an expression I'd never heard before at the time but totally encapsulated the whole situation around my narcissistic ex-husband. Boy was I relieved. You do the same in your videos, you VALIDATE those of us out here trying to get to the bottom of this nonsense, which is all it is.... toxic nonsense, like the woke brigade LOL. Thank you for all that you do for all of us out here. God bless. xxx

[@Rut-vi7iz]

Im learning more and more, to be very, very selective about social media consumption. It has certainly derailed my healing more than once. I try to go only to places where I know my feeling will be affirmed and supported. I hope someday to be able to handle more of the mainstream fray, but for now, I know I have to protect myself while I heal.

[@FieldArrow-s7v]

I WISH I COULD RUN TO YOU 😭 YOUR THE BEST 💓

[@Dobermanmomma]

It's like childhood trauma; you get blamed for what people did to you.

[@tomchurch2285]

Wow! . . . the navel-gazing criticism. . . Thank you Dr. Ramani for being in our corner!

[@user-dn6oc3md5u]

I started off here a decade ago and had to head off on that Joseph Campbell hero/healing journey Elizabeth Gilbert spoke about with Oprah in 2014 ...lesson learned: people - inside and outside of the family context (both)- really aren't that deep..It's nice to create a community where people can heal (as they process all the crap they've been through, not realizing that) but important to role model a life in action and moving on - not implying that there remains a mythical figure "out there" (that knight in shining armor) that we just haven't met yet

[@amberfuchs398]

People can only hold space for others at the depth they've held space for themselves. Most people haven't done their work and perpetuate emotional neglect. They're emotionally shallow.

[@DominieRobinson]

Dr. Ramani you just Described my Situation PERFECTLY ! Oh My God Thank You So Much !!!!!!!!

[@Ozy-te1rr]

So true thank you D Ramani

[@JenniferKBrown]

I don’t even watch these videos near other people. I learn to heal myself and gently teach my young adult children. Only my new husband knows.

[@Jen-zn9nf]

Dr. Ramani, you're probably already familiar with her, but this whole conversation reminds me of the important work of Dr. Melanie Harned in the arena of traumatic invalidation, which she distinguishes from "Criterion A trauma", i.e., big T Trauma that meets criterion A in the DSM for PTSD. She takes the strong stance that this kind of invalidation, especially when it comes from important loved ones is, in fact, real trauma that is just as damaging and worthy of treatment. So she created an entire offshoot of DBT for the sole purpose of addressing it because of the ways it can have differential effects compared to "big T" traumatic events. The worksheets she created in her DBT-PE workbook really helped me specifically identify what I was going through, like the blaming, the underhanded shots at my character for "unfairly punishing" my narcissistic abuser, and the outright denial of reality by my family. It finally felt like I had a right to say that their behavior in the wake of my speaking out was also itself abusive and damaging. It's unfortunate how slow the mental health field has been in acknowledging trauma beyond the narrow DSM definition, so finding a trained DBT-PE therapist isn't likely to be feasible for most, but if anyone is able to access Dr. Harned's talks or writings on the topic, they felt really validating to me.

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

“So he’s a narcissist…at least he makes good money.” I was told that!! 😮

[@lorianttila9698]

Omg!

[@lorianttila9698]

Tell them to watch Betrayal. Omg

[@AGhere]

🥺 thanks a lot for this Video Dr.Ramani, it lightened a lot within

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I can’t stand the dismissive toxic positivity invalidating polly-anna’s who act like I’m being ungrateful unforgiving and negative when I tell the truth of what the abusers did and exert healthy boundaries. It’s messed up. So tired of it all. Remembering it’s not me. Prioritizing my life. Seeking safe supports and determining who is worthy of seeing the whole me and who is not. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@salvas7376]

I and they (whoever it might be) might not want to talk or listen anymore okay… but the point is… this is true! And the truth should not be shut down because someone is uncomfortable. I Agree. Talking From experience. I learned about and handled my personal escape thanks to you. Feeling so much better. I caught myself talking with someone yesterday that encouraged me to open up when I didn’t really want to do so in part because of my visible recovery. I felt release happening- not huge ones like I have had before like breaking down in sorrow so deep one shakes, but it was still tangible because I felt myself physically releasing multiple times during the conversation and left much lighter. I was humbled by the experience … again. So yes I might not want something because I want to move on…. But this moving on, especially as a society doesn’t happen just because we want this simple packaging that includes problem solved- we are done. Again I agree with you.

[@31415emily]

I've been called a Narcissist for sharing my life experiences on social media. Ppl say I'm attention seeking to share a personal story relevant to the topic.

[@tia-flame]

I learned long ago to not share abuse inflicted by other people to friends or family. Most of the time it’s safer, especially if dealing with a covert narcissist. Lots of silent endurance at times.😢

[@AmericanMaeve]

Thank you. ❤ I’ve come to the conclusion that most people don’t deserve to know the whole me.

[@townsendv58]

YEP totally agree.

[@PenninkJacob]

Yes!!!! Exactly!!!!! "just keep it hidden"..... ❤

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Well this is probably why I feel like being friends with therapists or those that teach about this stuff because you’d be more compassionate. But I’m sure that’s not a great friendship for folks that do this as a job.

[@lesliejoyce1944]

There’s a whole system of vocabulary for this, like “trauma dumping” socially, or “pressured speech” medically. What are people supposed to do when their life needs trigger warnings or silence?

[@Dannniellleee]

At this point, it’s all gaslighting to me. I’ve heard it all atp with ppl claiming I’m “too sensitive,” making it up, or am making excuses. Some ppl have to learn the hard way when they fall victim to these people themselves. And by that time, I’ll be nowhere near anyone who tries to doubt things I have actually experienced and examined for at least 2 decades. Validating our own truths and experiences is key 🔑

[@beverlywelch5324]

AMEN!

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Hopefully they get a little taste of their own medicine.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

That’s mean but you know that’s right !

[@CestLePanda]

Over the last few recent weeks of my therapist and I walking back into how being emotionally neglected and shamed by my mom and relatives most of my life has really done a number on me in my early 30s (she had helped me allow myself to acknowledge the ways in which it hurt my self confidence and sense of worth), I confessed to her that I was starting to suspect that maybe I'm the real problem. As in, I'm in reality super self- absorbed and victimizing myself, like some sort of narcissistic. I'm glad I decided to say it because she helped me not do that to myself. I'd reached a point of becoming very cynical about our sessions as more of them went on but I didn't say it. I chose to do what I'm there to do: Talk it out and know that she is there for me to help me heal and dig myself out of the cycle of self- deprecating and self- sabotaging that I developed to cope with a lot of hurt. She didn't invalidate me and in a society where, as you have pointed out, is often constantly stepping on you if you decide to acknowledge it, she has been extremely helpful. Thanks for your video Dr. Ramani.

[@JaniceLItalien]

This happened to me. As a survivor of emotional and eventually physical abuse from my ex narc, my new boyfriend’s mother said to me “You know you didn’t have to stay with him as long as you did”. I have gone no contact with this woman very recently! She’s also a narcissist!! Good riddens!!

[@shade9592]

Thanks Doctor Ramani... I really needed this rn

[@melissamazzei3025]

I recently had a family member turn my 18 year long nightmare into THEIR sob story and demanded an apology as if survivors go skipping willingly into the dark tunnel that is the narc. As if victims are complicit. The narc will cost you everything and everyone is what I’ve learned. If not immediately, then eventually. They really do take everything from you. I think the shunning that happens to victims is perhaps the most tragic part to the story.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Finding new friends and support groups isn’t easy but we must be patient, discerning and respectful towards ourselves to notice those people who dismiss and invalidate our feelings and experiences. It’s up to us to choose who we want to associate with.

[@mindinmybiscuits]

Oh, boy.

[@lishmahlishmah]

Thank you 🙏

[@brenda.lizeth]

I've shared my story on social media.. And I was told by another "man" that I deserved it, for being with someone who was incarcerated... No I didn't deserved it, i fell for the lies, and I knew him before he got incarcerated...

[@bmorgans6442]

Jesus saved me once again and is currently clearing my path and dusting me off once again. I didn't know b4 that it was Jesus but God made this very clear to me recently and praying fixes me

[@Woketilyerbroke]

Positive vibes only !!! Or there must be something wrong with you. And everyone has wonderful parents and siblings

[@larachaplauske8818]

Toxic positivity. Ugh

[@user-7797mty]

Thank you. I am a victim of organized abuse and crime. Your videos help me survive. 9:15

[@Lunara_Silvermoon2390]

I don't know anymore, I have seen that I'm the black sheep of the family and my very presence upsets everyone, I've been trying to heal for years in vain, I guess I was wrong and I'm the toxic one, thanks for this revelation, I see now that I'm better off alone or not existing at all.

[@lorab1912]

After calling police 2x & then I left. He trashed my home & nobody cared my top 1% beautiful home wasn't ENOUGH of a trash normal domestic violence children live with. Ya he had them the home boat Both cars & I'm told to get a job & move on. Isolated in poverty 22 years because I asked lawyers to get him out of my home!

[@kathleenferguson3296]

Can narcissism be learned? My "golden child" brother is exhibiting such behavior from my narc mom.

[@allyjay7395]

Yes, they imprint themselves on their children and they often become them by being raised that way or it is inflicted. It's like demonic possession except it's actually real.

[@divine-by-zero]

“Before you diagnose yourself or let anyone else diagnose you with depression, first confirm that you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes” - Someone much smarter than me 😁

[@GingerRogers-tl6dp]

Nailed it!!

[@nancygopersonalchefpersona8116]

Thats so weird that you are talking about this. I had a " "friend" who stopped talking to me because she thought i couldn't get over it after so long. And i think i just did the same to a more recent friend. They dont understand that its not a cut that heals.

[@apricotcookie4850]

"The axe forgets, the tree remembers."

[@Pandoradan]

I realised quickly that people were going to feel sorry for the guy. So I kept quiet for most of the time, and let people figure it out when he turned his beams on them. I figure it's the safest way to let things out themselves.

[@basantidevi2305]

I know those on the slightly covert scale who keeps getting into relationships with overt narcissists and who’ve been traumatized who claim CPTSD. Many were abused decades ago and never got therapy and only read self help books. They STILL go on and on and on about the trauma decades later and they DO become navel gazers and they also want to monopolize conversations to be ONLY about them. I understand the comment the person said that you considered triggering. If you’ve been in our shoes, or even mine who has gone thru major narcissistic abuse, you can STILL come across friends that only want to talk constantly about it as though you’re the therapist and they’ll never want to hear about what you’re going through. They monopolize conversations because they’re so triggered and triggered from stuff YEARS ago. No Dr. Ramani. It’s ok to be annoyed with these types of people and it’s ok to define boundaries with them. You took it to an extreme. If a person is just going through a narcissistic relationship then yes be all ears and give feed back and understanding. But YEARS and DECADES ago? Many have money for therapy but don’t go. They sit in their ass Woe is Me!!! Some of us with CPTSD which I have just get a move on and override the feelings so we can function in life. These people who navel gaze and occupy conversations don’t want to function.

[@Y2Hood]

Thank you for sharing this video Dr. Ramani. It came to my attention at a very important time for me. Maybe it was analytical algorithms, maybe it was luck. Either way, thank you.

[@MunkeyKung]

Wait, is this new? Sounds like life to me... People making you feel like a bother/nuisance for going through stuff and trying to be open about it, making you shut down even more and worsen your self-image even further, getting stuck in a negative circle of needing to open up and reach out but not daring or wanting to open up out of fear for ridicule, judgement or not wanting to be a bother.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Exactly what happened to me to understand about my so called and surely trusted EX best friend when abruptly, meanwhile I was talking with her at the phone, she shut it down without notice.. to never call back😮😮..anylonger😲..after 35 years of.. friendship?😲😖😵‍💫🥴😖😤 ..There was nothing there so, as she wanted exactly just superficial conversation, WITHOUT EXPRESSING IT. I felt shocked..now I am relieved, having no longer to run after her egocentric moments, which I never noticed as my giving was real, genuinely from heart toward someone I felt closer than my natural family.. What to say? We change? At this point I do not care, I walk away, following my pace and wellbeing only.

[@DarkFemmeJen]

We are nothing but dolls and puppets when it comes to narcissists and their dumb followers. As long as we shut up 🤫 while they mistreat us it’s all good. 🙄. They can all go to hell together.

[@ic3691]

Swedish TV brought it up last week.

[@eniggma9353]

Basically no negativity allowed. Why not ?

[@SnazzyZee]

The best insults Is like you are defensive lol and low emotionally intelligent

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks

[@kkryz]

That commenter sounds like a narcissistic aunt when I told her how I felt after the first TBI. It was after she asked how I was... she asked how I was after I asked how she was. I haven't been talking to people I know in person about the narcissistic relationships. I find it uncomfortable to talk about schizophrenia that a loved one had. A while back I started writing out a list about the things that happened because of the schizophrenia. Ended up writing a lot and felt a lot and haven't got back to it yet. May have been having flashbacks. I have. A lot of stigma about that illness... I know I kept it to myself the majority of the time and didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about what was going on. The loved one that had the schizophrenia thought the things she thought were happening because of the illness were real and asked me not to tell people. Anosognosia. I have emotion coming up right now.. tears. If there's a book written about schizophrenia... I'm unsure if I can read it. I have saved some videos about it on KZbin that I randomly came across about it for later but haven't gotten to it later yet. I was looking before if there was a book about schizophrenia and the trauma someone may have witnessing a loved ones schizophrenia. There was an article I saw a while back that felt like it had good points in it. "What Does "Crazy" Really Mean?" Mark Rego M.D. Doesn't feel like a tidy illness. The discrimination/stigma and such.

[@kkryz]

I just wrote a friend about some things I had after the second TBI recently because I didn't tell anyone.

[@sheryl6043]

I find that I get "the tough bitch" response from women who I am friendly with. The "it wouldn't happen to me!" I realize that's their fear, defenses working. However, it feels very shaming. "What's the matter with YOU that that happened?. " Just more painful alienation. It's better not to talk about it.

[@SuzannaLiessa]

I hate people who react by sh*tting toxic positivity all over you. I recently landed involuntary inpatient. (Secondary abuse, long story.) One of the groups was run by a clinician who was all over positive thinking & "victim mentality." Didn't matter why you were there, it was "victim mentality." Fortunately, as long as you were there, she didn't care if you participated, so I sat there and ignored her. If I told her why I was there and she said "victim mentality," I think I might have lost it, & that's not a good thing to do if you're inpatient. A _clinician_. In _inpatient_.

[@MissShellBayleaf44]

Poignant

[@user-oc3tr8vx7c]

This! 🎯

[@K.G-I.N.F.P.]

Ppl use these pop culture/slang words like, "savage" or "ice cold b::;*&" like they are the virtue they seem to believe it is. In reality, claiming the label of survivor or victim induces eyerolling in many people listening to your story. It's so scary to think that when you're down, when you've really been abused and are broken, there are people who roll their eyes. It's definitely something I've experienced. It's shameful, humiliating, destabilizing, confusing, depressing and demoralizing. Such demoralization towards people who've been brutally, (and invisibly) narcicistcally abused is more destabilizing than just hearing someone say, "i don't believe you" That's when you begin to understand that many people around you won't tell you they don't care or believe you. Theyll let you know by the shame you sense from them without saying a word. The rumination period after each particular experience such as the aforementioned can last for such a long time, draining you of energy and next falling behind in your life so you can recover from each incident of disparagement or shaming. I just don't tell anyone anymore.

[@rossanderson5243]

People have their reality, and people do invalidate what was spoken honestly. The two main choices to make that are very difficult to make in relationships are trust and forgiveness. I am guided by this statement that a strong person lifts people up and a weak one pulls them down. I also think institutions are male dominated in their thinking meaning thinking within the framework of the ego and less of the feminine intuition. Intuition is also a defense mechanism that has a wisdom the ego completely dismisses. Women nowadays make manly egotistic choices that are very direct and show less interest of what needs to be nurtured. They no longer bear the pains of nurturing personality to coincide with the direct ideals a man has. Intuition doesn't seek the ego proofs but ponders many questions as proof to whether a hunch is right. The ego is very quick to be dismissive in selecting what is wants, but intuition comes from a deeper wisdom that has put together patterns in the subconscious that the ego has not seen.

[@BeesPlanet]

How do you feel about the new studies recently released from Austria I think, which say, that narcissism isn't rising since decades? Did your hear about it? I am very confused, 'cause I heard that narcissism increases these times everywehere and the studies show that it's not true. Would you mind to share an analyisis? Best regards

[@OGRocker1]

Sad and sorry you felt the need to delete my comment Doc... but it is your channel to do so... My feelings and intent have not changed.... But about the respect ? Thanks !

[@privateprivate8366]

It’s all those things, including if you are out of the narcissistic relationship, but your life has been deeply effected, with perpetual consequences. The view of this type of nincompoop, is often that, had you not wanted to experience the fallout, from this narcissistic relationship, you should’ve complied, instead of complained. It’s disorienting in that, you can’t believe you’re actually talking to someone so stupid. But, I’ve come to find that, many many people, when it comes to this type of topic are “engrained stupid”. They have a primitive view of life and, when you tell them that someone literally wanted to capture you and hold you hostage, whether it’s mentally, emotionally, financially, they actually don’t see any problem 👉🏽 other than you. Cut ties with these types. Because you will be no better off, by only cutting ties with the narcissist, yet keeping such idiots in your life. I can only be glad that I am not the type of person that thinks of these types, as any kind of influencer. I consider the source and know they’ve likely come from a problematic background and aren’t equipped to even help themselves, let alone be an empathetic ear, for me and that is with realizing, they don’t want to hear about my problems, all the time. But, I’ve learned that telling of what’s gone on and what is still going on, in some fashion, simply opens one up, to further abuse, by these blockheaded thinkers.

[@agatadabrowska8515]

Amen♥

[@AJManol]

Try Ground News. Unbiased news!!!

[@SylPaperworks]

🙏

[@BonesAndButtons]

🦋🦋🦋

[@MaMaMiatheMuse]

💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@MB-sg8dx]

💯💯💯💯💯💯