A call to men | Tony Porter

www.ted.com At TEDWomen, Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere: Don't "act like a man." Telling powerful stories from his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat and abuse women and each other. His solution: Break free of the "man box."
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the "Sixth Sense" wearable tech, and "Lost" producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at www.ted.com/translate. Watch a highlight reel of the Top 10 TEDTalks at www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

[@DelovelyD]

There's so much power in Black men speaking on topics like these. Not just for the Black community, but for other communities of men as well. Great video.

[@marinagale7245]

I love this man for the work he does, particularly on this topic.

[@ilya8132]

I whole-heartedly agree. I was just talking to a friend about him being the one delivering the message hit so close to home.

[@Coolcat7587]

Which makes it funny that the audience was primarily white women💀💀

[@elliott44597]

I’m color blind I see a man passing his knowledge to others. Being black has nothing to do with the subject

[@imanuel4533]

"My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman." i love that.

[@soupafleye]

almost cried at the end because for a young boy to say he would be free is just so insane and depressing. things need to change. grateful for tony porter and sorry to sheila who did not have the mental capacity to consent. its so fucked up

[@Octoberfurst]

Great video! For decades I was stuck in the "man box". I grew up being taught that "real men" don't cry, don't get sentimental, are always in control, are stoic in the face of danger, etc. It was very stifling. I felt that I couldn't be who I really was. That I was not allowed to have any emotions except happiness and anger. It has taken me years to be OK with the idea that I can be sentimental and empathetic. I still have issues with it but I am getting better.

[@andy4an]

"if it would destroy him to call him a girl, what are we telling him about girls?" ^ made me shiver

[@alexismisselyn3916]

weesh well I haven’t met a single girl who is looking for a girly feminine guy as a partner. If that boy’s goal in life is to find a partner it would destroy his selfesteem

[@impreza1769]

@@none8958 NPC much?

[@karolejnaa13]

@@alexismisselyn3916 I haven't met a single girl who is looking for a man who cant show emotions and is so insecure that hes trying to be a "real man" instead of being himself

[@alexismisselyn3916]

i never said you had to be a « real man » or hide your emotions. Most women are biologically attracted to men because they are men, otherwise you’d have a lot more lesbian couples, same goes for most men liking women because they are women Those are facts, let’s not twist my words, I’m for equality of opportunity in genders

[@NPC-vg8kx]

Why? As a man you are expected to be masculine. As a woman you are expected to be feminine. It's not telling him anything about girls. It's telling him he is not being what he is supposed to be (a masculine man and not a feminine man).

[@ukuleleliza]

I can’t help but wish there were more men in that audience.

[@ronsparkman4913]

Agreed. Many talks like these, such as the one from Justin Baldoni, Eldra Jackson, and this one, are all done at TED Women. I'm glad it's gotten out more and more through social media over the years, but so many men need -- and deep down, want -- to hear this message.

[@ThaGoddezz]

This is so true, especially in the African American community! I have a teenage son and daughter and I am in awe with some of the beliefs they have! I have been questioning my rearing practices and in the attempt to change this! I am grateful to have found this video, for I will share it with them and many others!

[@alvagoldbook2]

Beauty Beasting It! What about the father's rearing practices? Or did he even stick around to raise his kids?

[@alvagoldbook2]

***** Wow. The first thing you say to me is a litany of insults. I thought this video itself was about men, or am I missing something? IMHO, good moms keep their children's father around. Or do you think that "evolving" means distancing fathers from their children? Speaking of education... educationnext.org/one-parent-students-leave-school-earlier/

[@alvagoldbook2]

***** I guess I am. I mean a black single mother? It's not like THAT'S ever happened.

[@alexmpyun]

Alva Goldbook. Wow... racist AND sexist... shameful. Just shameful.

[@alvagoldbook2]

OrangePie Stating facts is racist and sexist?

[@kittimcconnell2633]

"My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman. I asked a 9 year old boy, 'What would life be like for you if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?' He said to me, 'I would be free.'" RIGHT ON. RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON.

[@desertflwrs]

I'm overcome with sadness for Sheila, I couldn't even pay attention to the rest of his speech after he told that story.

[@dysmissme7343]

Oh, yes 😔

[@slightlydistressedslug6627]

:(

[@Aaron-fb6mb]

Same

[@yvettem.holland5072]

Same. His message is important, and I'm surely glad he said what he said. But I wonder what happened that 16 year old girl who was gang raped by many neighborhood boys. How many of them "got some"? Did any other boy just stand behind the door? Did she get pregnant? Where were her guardians? Where is Sheila now? Where is Johnny now? Heartbreaking

[@lloydelliott2053]

I had a assembly today with this guy he is such an inspiration! he came to my college in ENGLAND! just to spread the word, absolute legend love this guy!!

[@ilya8132]

Such a fantastic presentation. I deeply appreciate y'all giving this man the stage. The message was imperative to share.

[@KimShailee]

The day when men realize showing your emotions means showing your true self which means us actually knowing you, knowing how to love you properly, having a deeper connection, and simply be happier together ...

[@KimShailee]

That's not how it works, in a heterosexual couple with kids, the relations are twisted. 80% the time, the boys are mama's boys as they grow up, we baby them more, and their fathers raise them to be strong and hard. Girls are daddy's little girls and their fathers protect them and are sweeter with them than with their boys. A vast majority of mothers don't raise their boys to be cold men. The man that speaks was influenced my his father and his male friends So, yes, Girls are raised to express their emotions. Boys are raised to hold back, but that's just on the father's side, for women it's the opposite.

[@joshua-danielsmith9420]

A lot of do and have realized.

[@hotbrownies2813]

thijsjong please stfu up. In your litte world women are always the problem. Mother dont teach their sons to hold back their true feelings or emotion. Its more the father side who push their sons to be tougher and should not to cry. Thats was in my family too. And have see it in many other family of my girlfriend too.

[@plasticweapon]

Saerayaa...until you make us regret it.

[@fitzhugh7463]

at the same time, you never know who will try to turn our feelings against you, learning what you think and manipulating your emotions

[@nom_nom_nom505]

Poor Shilla, I hope we all can help fight violence against women. Mr. Porter is right and I think that the Man Box exists everywhere regardless of culture.

[@suzannenorton3807]

The extremely sad and horrific thing is that he didn't stand up for Sheila. He didn't finish the story. He left us with Sheila naked in the bed with a waiting room full of boys. I was horrified. It seemed this was a story of - look, I did a good dead by not raping Sheila, instead of the story ending with him standing up to the 15 year old in front of the boys and telling an adult or the police so someone could help the girl. Or better yet, helping her get dressed and getting her out of there. I know that would be a big step for a 12 year old boy but leaving the story with her lying in bed naked and the boys in the other room makes me feel very sick. Literally. I felt the ending of that story was just that a story. I sure hope it wasn't true and he was trying to make a point. Not a very good point. But let's hope that was the case. If not, how about he calls does what he should have done then and turns the guy in. Not sure if the instigators last name was mentioned. On behalf of all of the "Sheilas" out there. I hope they are a part of the #metoo movement. I didn't fully trust this guy. People can know what to say, whether they are truly acting on what they know is a different story. And I agree with another person's comment, this is not the story of how all boys are raised. Although it is definitely is a big problem in our country and he made some very good points.

[@firesign4297]

God Bless Shelia 🙏😪💔😪🙏

[@maggiemiles5266]

@@suzannenorton3807 I think he tells the story so people know he came a long way and that he knows that it was a bad thing that was happening. I mean he was 12 years old 50 years ago. If he stood up to the other kids they would have beaten him up and he would have become pariah of their small community, he wouldn't have changed anything. No adult would have really done anything either. Again we are not talking about today. The world have come a long way in the last 50 years and this guy is one of the people trying to right the wrong of society. I do not think its realistic to want a hero in a 12 years old 50 years ago. I am sad for the fate of that poor girl, but this is exactly what he is trying to prevent from happening again. I know not all boys are like that, but that are the boys of today, where parents are telling them that this is wrong and if you see this tell a teacher. In 70s, 80s and even 90s that is simple not how people were. I think everyone just kept to themselves and were scared of the consequences should they help.

[@1ktribble]

Powerful speech.

[@white_nigga]

Are you live?🙂

[@uanip1341]

Hearing this from a black man in this day and time is so refreshing and much needed!

[@yasjasmin8018]

Black!

[@sonofsoweto]

What's your point?

[@roboterminator_T-1000]

@@yasjasmin8018 Lol couldve just man 🤣but i really dont care i just wanted to put it out there that she didnt have to mention it 🤣🤣but freedom of speech is awsome so idc 🙃

[@jonathanfletcher4789]

Thank you for posting this, TED.

[@jystyle]

I did a similar presentation in high school when i was in 8th grade, i was laugh at by the boys and ignored by the girls and questioned by the teacher... But I knew in my heart that this was what a man should be none of the "in-a-man-box" qualities but resistant to abuse, above all stand firm to protect the weak and show emotion while doing it. The strong must protect the weak Like a father that protects his children

[@Bonobo3D]

Tremendous talk. "My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman." Brilliant and necessary.

[@thomaslopez-pierre4387]

Thank you Tony Porter! AS a father of girls and a boy, I so LOVED your TedTalk. I too as a child growing up in an a NYC ghetto during the 70's/80's and boys group homes had to learn to deal with NOT being locked into a man box. You are doing God's work.

[@objet_a]

9년이 지났지만 여전히 영감을 주는 영상입니다. 강연 잘 듣고 갑니다.

[@charleslawson7651]

So So So true it's depressing..

[@mimsy1111]

I adore that this guy had the bravery to look at himself and publicly admit to things in his past he did, while still living inside his "man box." I think it's an important step towards true change. The story about Shiela left me heartbroken and horrified. Like another commenter mentioned, it was difficult for me not to think about her for the rest of his speech.. i know what he was trying to get across but maybe he could have rethought the choice of anecdote to use :/ and idk who this guy is - but he went out there and just laid a lot of his cards on the table.. shared his actions and experiences that he came to reevaluate later in life. I gotta appreciate the utter honesty. I think what he did took some guts and I truly love the message. Bravo :)

[@Dandoosh590]

I love you Tony. You bring hope. Thank you.

[@alejandrahdez4356]

ABSOULTELY LOVE THIS MESSAGE!!!!!!!!!!

[@sammysays1570]

I am 18 years old. And I have been free from this man box my whole life. And we need to make more men come to this realization!

[@frecklefingers]

+Sam Sult -- Do you wax your mangina?

[@sol3a1]

+Sam Sult so you're a PUA, er, SJW? After all PUAs are honest about what they are trying to do, get into a woman's pants. SJWs lie about their motives

[@sol3a1]

OrangePie and when a man does, the feminists are all too happy to come out with # Male Tears, etc. You're right on what feminists do

[@sammysays1570]

sol3a1 I'm not trying to get into anyone's pants. The point is our society has imposed many gender roles in our lives without us realizing.

[@ab-xp3fb]

The way to get out of the man box is to STOP CENSORING THE TRUTH: MANHOOD101.COM

[@JG_K]

Jesus, I've never thought like that before. Being a man or being a woman is wrong. We must go to be a person who can handle a 'real' common sense.

[@canada-wonq]

Thank you Tony.

[@Dadalupe]

GREAT SPEECH

[@HBSanta]

That was one of the most powerful and insightful TED talks I've ever seen. If only the majority of men in the USA could take the time to heed his advice and not always try to be alpha-males. Great video.

[@mikkosrussos]

Unfortunately he’s speaking to predominantly the wrong audience. Every boy, man, father should watch this.

[@mohamedkalaaji]

If I could put a thousands "like" everytime I watch this video, I will do it!

[@menheal2255]

I agree. It's a great video on many levels. I especially like the part where he talks about his realisation of shutting down his son's emotions when his son gets upset, and realising it was destructive to do so. It was also pertinent when he highlighted the issues behind the insult 'you play like a girl' (usually in relation to sport). He's thought about these issues a lot, and it's great he's trying to be positive about all the genders.

[@mr.spaghetti7284]

He raped Sheila with his friends

[@alanlueth]

My wife is seeing this man talk today. What a great message. I am raisin three boys and was raised in a very similar way. I know longer think it's cool that my son tells mom that I am tough because I never cry. I need to break this cycle.

[@ye_nope]

You might wanna do some DNA tests on your kids, you sound like one not capable of impregnating a woman. Also spare the kids from your ways regardless.

[@askjdog]

Thank you, and respect to you! A very necessary talk. Typically I deal with men on the other end of the spectrum; men who are emasculated and do not know how to be a (respectful) man. Through my journey in learning and teaching men sexual communication, and dating & relationship skills I have discovered through open conversation with women that a shocking number of women have been abused sexually. Being respectful, chivalrous, and attractive is all part of being a man not bound by the man box.

[@grapiken7766]

This man has given me hope for the future. I respect him as much as Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. He's incredibly brave.

[@piotrdy9615]

+Gra Piken You have a strange system of values if you are respecting a terrorist.

[@grapiken7766]

piotr cy you're obviously not black and have never lived in South Africa under apartheid. Very selfish of you to judge from your privileged position

[@piotrdy9615]

 Gra Piken So if something bad happened to blacks it justifies all future crimes commited by them? Learn your vocabulary, the word selfish doesn't even fit in this sentence. If anything I'm basing on objective facts.

[@grapiken7766]

piotr cy Nelson Mandela has buildings named after him. You don't because you're a pathetic douchebag. Go away

[@piotrdy9615]

Gra Piken xD Nice arguments you got there. Didn't expect much more from you xD

[@cocobeanscle]

Tony Porter for President!!!

[@Lola-i.c.u]

One of the best Ted talk I’ve ever listen to ❤️

[@justinmason987]

My mom would tell me the same things when I was younger, I love sports and I hated to lose. Even during games at recess if my team lost I'd shed some tears. When I wrestled in Middle School and would lose I'd be devastated, I'd go off into a corner of the court and sure enough my mom would come talking about "The other team is laughing at you...you're embarrassing me" and it worked now when in an emotional battle of a football game , I'm emotionless, losing doesn't hurt like it did which isn't a total negative I just wished boys didn't have to learn emotional control this way.

[@sensybil524]

Powerful and still timely!

[@SebastianoMauri]

Thank you, fantastic speech.

[@Joxman2k]

I think all guys can relate to at least one thing he said. I have no problem crying if I'm sad or upset, but it is uncomfortable doing so in front of strangers, especially other men. It is more courageous to be human, then to stuff your feelings into a mould. My daughter means the world to me, and I've always let her know that being human, is more important than folding yourself into a role. If I were to have a son I would teach him the exact same thing. :P

[@finaljamm]

Thankful for this amazing man.

[@finaljamm]

Canadian Owl hope you get raised better in your next life!!!!!! ;)

[@yourarchnemesis8453]

CAR LY hope you don't change your hair color to that of an circus clown, bozo.

[@yourarchnemesis8453]

Aren't you pleasant. Just because the boys won't sleep with you doesn't give you the right to lash your anger out on me.

[@yourarchnemesis8453]

HEy it has been so long I just want to c arch up on the two most worthless humans in Society.

[@karateman302]

Well you were the one who responded with "hope you get hit by a car." I would say that is hoping that CAR LY would suffer a potentially fatal injury. I love how you have managed to embody everything Tony Porter was speaking against. As a fellow man (I'm assuming you're a guy from the way you spoke), I think that you are a worthless human who contributes nothing positive to society. Now, this doesn't mean you can never contribute positive things. However you need to take a step back and look at yourself.

[@Hinschhealth]

Thank you for pointing our the culture we teach young men. As a woman, I think you are teaching great lessons of the " man box"

[@carolmizelle1317]

Bravo Tony Porter!!!! You are doing invaluable work to free all of us!

[@robynoconner]

the liberation or women and men is deeply affected by the elimination of this man box

[@firesign4297]

"I would Be Free" ! ❤

[@Davide131]

Amazing talk, I seen this talk in my SOC 160 class, glad I watched it.

[@dannycage88]

Thank you for your story, Mr. Porter! Wow! So insightful! 🙏🏽

[@BrettEidman]

Tony is a great man.

[@BlaqueInkChannel]

As a man, this is something I need to hear.

[@Pri675]

That kind of speech is SO much important! Sorry for the uncountless women that suffer or have suffered gender-based violence like me. This message has to be spread to the world!

[@davidmartin6575]

I show this to all my male clients. such a powerful message.

[@si929]

he is an amazing man...!!!

[@Tpgns1106]

Thank you for speech Tony I want all men to be free from men box all people in the world should know that men equate to women

[@stefjoseph-kruyswijk6892]

Thank you for your wonderful talk. Let's all try to be free.

[@kimbarron9484]

People are ALWAYS showing us who they are...Bravo!

[@oestian]

He can't see the irony of his own talk. His anger and frustration about the helplesness as a child is a vital part of his character and what makes him a good man. He was already a good boy and could clearly distinguish between right and wrong. Nobody needed to teach him that. His manbox was just a coping strategy to survive in his neighbourhood. Fake it, till you make it. If he had been cuddled through his life, he would'nt be the same man, he is today.

[@marshaperez4158]

Great video!!!:)

[@thehoneyeffect]

Love this!

[@constancecrooker]

You're right, he's not a hero for understanding feminism. He's a hero for publicly revealing a childhood shame in hopes it will prevent another such tragedy. Personal stories are more effective motivators than claptrap about oppression, deconstructing societal conditioning, patriarchies, and patronizing. Do you expect to persuade people with divisive, accusatory language? You not only alienate men, but attack women. I admire him for telling a moving tale that might change somebody's mind.

[@indrabarrett8808]

Thank you, Tony Porter, for being so amazing! If I ever have a son I'll teach him to simply be a good human being. And I am very happy to have many male friends, just friends, amazing human beings that respect me as another human being. The world's evolving! :)

[@alvagoldbook2]

Indra Klimovica Ah, so you have a lot of guys in the friend zone. Aren't you a sweetie. I have the feeling that you'd make a very lousy mother.

[@alvagoldbook2]

***** I have the feeling that you enjoy human misery, but only so long as it's a man who is suffering. And I bet you're able to sleep at night believing this too.

[@rayunited2010foryou]

+Alva Goldbook I pray to God that she never gives birth to a boy!

[@TheExtraClassic]

That was the most wonderful speech i have heard in along time

[@CoachDeBora]

Well done, Sir! Thank you. ❤

[@miqqi85]

Brilliantly worded!

[@FremontFilmmaking]

This speech Tony is epic ! Bulling and abuse is my mission and message in my speeches. I'm a Toastmaster in LA Calif. and I love this speech. God bless you Tony! I've watched this speech 10 times and each time it gets better, From one motivational speaker to another HOMERUN BIG DOG (GRAND SLAM ) :)

[@sol3a1]

Great another talk about how men need to be calm, until they are needed not to be calm Where men must remain stoic, until they are not to be stoic Where men need to "express their feelings until they are told they are being a wimp, by women of course While women are free to do and say whatever they want, even hit a man, who must maintain their emotions even as the female is doing their damn best to humiliate, cut, berate, ridicule publicly, etc even as he's being hit over and over, but the man is supposed to accept it Of course it's never HER fault, it is what he DID to cause her to do it OR that she was engaged in "pre-emptive defense"

[@kevinwilliams4255]

Yup. Not strong enough to handle it? Toughness is handling adversity that comes your way. Perseverance. Not lashing out.

[@theindyone]

I'll do so and check it out. Thanks for the tip.

[@PleatherGirl]

What a great speech!

[@DM-of7ys]

this man is a legend, he speaks the truth but gosh I felt so bad for the girl he mentioned.

[@Chris-mg6yc]

Brilliant man and great message.

[@pennykent5687]

I wish my brother could hear this beautiful man.... but even if he could I don't think he'd really listen.... My brothers a Narcissist, and really going after me with all the evil he can muster. It's really sad how sick he is. I feel sorry for him because I know he hasn't had a good life, and the rest of his life won't go well either. Life is so much better when you can be real and L❤️ving with people. ☺️💖 All my best to you, always.

[@theindyone]

I've been subscribed to that channel for months. One of the best channels on KZbin! He's in my Top 5.

[@zainsheikh8801]

Wow amazing talk, if only more boys and men heard this!

[@chitsb]

He was describing toxic masculinity a decade ago. So incredible

[@soupergiffy]

Very well done. We do grow up with stereotypes and “sayings” over us that are a literal programming. I do counseling, and at the end of the day both men and women end up in my office with the same issues over and over; cause hurting others and allowing hurt never works out. Our minds, bodies, and spirits know this all along but people do follow cause they’re taught, mocked/gaslit, and pressured generation to generation. Enjoy standing up for what’s right, even if you’re the only one. Someone is hearing you. Amen to the women and men who get free and help stop the hurting.

[@bp0407]

Excellent!

[@apnorthern]

This is powerful. This is important. I can’t express how powerful it is to see another man speak about his short-coming. We have to be honest about our imperfections.

[@rahsadeen4571]

(4-28-18) STANDING OVATION FROM ME!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Dwaynekdclarke876]

This is so true... Real talk...

[@somelikeitcold1]

Excellent!!!!

[@brobb00]

This guy's kids are lucky that they have such a great father. Amazing speech.

[@theultimateantihero]

Not crying is like bottling up a nuclear bomb. You can keep the emotions in check for a little while, but it usually takes one trigger word for the tears to come out and explode.

[@GabrielKnight666]

"not because men don't fight it but we won't let them. That makes no sense. " It does make sense if you take a look at the real world. It is very convieniant for a woman if a man posesses all those qualities. She just has to choose and can lay back and just enjoy that the man takes care of problems and protects her. The social status of a man is a huge factor for women. Studies show, that most women marry up. Few women will accept a man that has a lower social status or earns less then her.

[@entreamigose.c5293]

What a wonderful message! This is a call to all men to step up and break free from 'the men box" and create a safe environment for all women and girls in all communities.

[@suelestinegodwin7278]

Yes. Women want a strong man;however, not necessarily in strength. women want a man that lifts them up no matter who is watching. A man who listens and care about what a woman has to say and how she feels. Men are definitely not all alike. There are some good men in this world, but it is hard to break away from what we have been taught a man should be and allow him to step out of the box.

[@jasonking44]

What you are looking for is a slave.

[@RockSprites]

jasonking44 Gosh, I know. Wanting a partner "who listens and cares about what [you have] to say and how [you] feel" would just absolutely enslave a person. They'd have to empathize and think. They'd have to communicate. I can't think of anything in the world worse than this. I would be utterly destroyed as a person.

[@carlospazdespierta]

+jasonking44 how fuckin inappropiate thing to say to an African American...

[@Iloveme28able]

This needs to blow up faster than a cardi b post

[@JaniceMarieSingleton]

"Truth and Light"

[@pmgspeakswithdezeraimonet]

Thank you Tony 🙏💛⚡️ God Bless you ❤️‍🔥

[@andrewjackson7435]

Thank you so much ......all men at some point are taught these barbaric lessons (growing Pains).

[@CrystalHoshizora]

i remember watching this in sociology class a couple weeks ago.. the class is made up of all girls and we almost all came to tears :')

[@ajeffrey1980]

What I find interesting on KZbin is how many people have an opinion that doesn't reflect reality. So many people are un-informed/un-educated about violence against women and why it exists, and why we talk about violence against women as a gender. I'm a Master's trained social worker, have worked with men and women around these issues and have done lots of research. Yet some person with none of this thinks they know the issue better? Like trying to tell a doctor they know more about medicine

[@lindacorrin7847]

I am ordering a 2nd copy for my dear friend. God bless us all. Retired teacher

[@tarikay93]

Summary: Even if you are a man, it's okay to feel what you feel, it's okay to express your feelings. Your only obstacle is the prison you have picked up from other people.

[@11Tashi]

It alarms me that anyone could 'dislike' this video.

[@theindyone]

madamenoire.com/343906/mary-j-bliges-father-stabbed-neck-confrontation-ex-girlfriend/ madamenoire.com/336250/chrissy-lampkin-arrested-charged-assault-bar-fight/ www.news4sanantonio.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/mom-charged-fatally-stabbing-son-6389.shtml www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2521325/Texas-woman-stabbed-toddler-son-death-hid-house.html www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2511187/Mother-threw-child-cop-punched-officer-head-crashing-car.html gawker.com/texas-mom-ripped-off-sons-scrotum-and-then-superglued-1451459077

[@AiliaGrenfeild]

Indy Syder Really? You may show all these things that women have done against men, but don't you realize how many things men have done against women as well? Don't just choose all that you can find on women to post against someones comment.

[@11Tashi]

Really? You don't have to dislike something just because it doesn't include discussions on all of the issues you'd like to see being spoken about. I'm not denying the abuse men go through but this isn't some sort of competition-I would never dislike something just because it didn't highlight one particular kind of abuse, you can't put everything into one video. Also abuse against women is on a much broader scale than abuse against men and primarily it's men who are the perpetrators of violence-against both/all/any gender.

[@theindyone]

AiliaGrenfeild You're not getting the point. So pay close attention and listen. My message: It's not ONLY men beating the hell out of women like Porter, Dr. Phil and feminists like to portray. It's also violence against men which creates some of the misogyny many women cry about. If you don't want to understand this, then I would HIGHLY encourage men not to address violence against women. In order to solve a problem, you address EVERYTHING objectively, not what many of you are just comfortable with. Now, I've explained that point. Take it and do whatever you please with it.

[@theindyone]

Tashi Barnett After reading your comments, all you've done is alienate those who could have been your ally to stop violence against women. At the end of the day, you're in no way interested IN THE LEAST in resolving this matter. You're not. Through your comments and denials are more regressive than progressive. For you to say that abuse of women is on a broader scale than that of men is very counterproductive. Your stance will get more women killed. Yes, your views will get more women killed. Why? Because by denying an trying to downplay the abuse of boys, many of them may develop into abusers themselves. Many abusers learn abuse through abuse. If you want to dismiss this, go right ahead and have at it. Those men and women who get will not take part in this nonsense that Porter is presenting. Keep presenting women solely as the victims while displaying men as the sole villians and see where it gets you.

[@Chigirl26]

Awesome!

[@19kate79]

This is awesome.

[@xSwiftx4]

I would love to be free from the man-box norm, but how would that affect my love life? I mean yes i do not put down women any more than i would put down other men, but the reality that i view it is this: You cant have a love life without showing yourself to be a top class guy, and most of the man norms give guys that chance. You know there's some women out there who love a "big, strong, protective man." So what would happen if you broke free from that generic description of man? The way i see it: You would become every women's best friend for life, but you will never become their lover, because you are not the man that they have been raised to envision or look for? Does that make sense?

[@thisistheendpt2]

" Man box" is BS. If you're male then embrace your masculinity. It's not right for women to emasculate you. It's not right for women to tell you you can't look at other women. It's not right for women to dictate how a man is supposed to react in a moment of anger or passion. If these confused women knew how to raise their boys like men then they wouldn't need to ask women how to behave around them. Men don't dictate how women behave around men and women need to realise that they have no right to do it to men either.

[@faeryspice]

KVPD did you have a bad relationship with your mother?

[@thisistheendpt2]

miss kaylea Really? You sound like a feminist who thinks men hate their mothers because they aren't self loathing all the time. Where does your online privilege get off "miss" kaylea? Did daddy leave home and never come back?

[@thisistheendpt2]

miss kaylea Try not to think you know everything all the time Kaylea. Did you know "Miss" is a title given to a woman to denote her as a single servant? You really should do your homework next time before making silly comments.

[@yesec9]

So true. I can't be a guy who is shy, or prefers the woman to be dominant, or make the first move, and I can't act humble, because it will put me in a permanent friend-zone.

[@GotEmAll1337]

The problem here is that, unlike this admittedly inspiring TED talk, in the real world there is NO shortage of terrible women who will absolutely exploit and manipulate a man in every way possible, especially if he opens himself up to being vulnerable. On top of this men have always been seen as expendable ones in society. There is a very good reason most men strive to be completely stoic and self-sufficient, because they know at the end of the day there's no one there to help them. Women and children are loved unconditionally, men are only loved on the condition they can provide something of value.

[@hunnybadger442]

Yes there are and I protect and rebut those horrible creatures any time I get...

[@2020arivera]

amazing!

[@gothcat96]

That was amazing.

[@Nikki-bo8to]

this is a great speech, it made me cry that men actually could ever do these things and think this way. but why was the audience 99% women?? i think it would be more effective if it was a man audience lol women already know all this stuff because we are women.. but men need to be taught this

[@menheal2255]

Nikki Luckily a lot of men see this video online. So don't despair.

[@thijsjong]

Women are taught to communicate their emotions. Men are taught to hide and suppres their emotions. By their mothers. I think I see a change in how mothers parent boys. For the beter. I do not believe men are born to be agressive or emotionally stunted. They are made thet way. By their parents. Peer groups and role models. Men can try to change but you cant blame them for how they were conditioned to be in childhood. Remember we come from a past were men faught for hunting groud in small tribes, and later to defend their catlle from raids. Survival depended on food stock. Now society is different but the traits partially persisted in culture.

[@Nikki-bo8to]

i agree with you, i think boys need to be raised differently. and not taught to suppress their emotions, but to freely express them and be supported in that..

[@chrisrembert6647]

The highest rate in DV are between Bi and Gay women. 85-90% of serial killers were raised by single mothers.

[@Nikki-bo8to]

wait what are you even talking about lol.. what is DV