I found this video very informative. I am beyond a hat trick of dysfunction. If you combined all of these childhood traumas into one person, it would be me. I was sexually abused for 2 years by a babysitter at the age of 4-6. My father was totally unavailable if not, he was antagonistic to me in pretty much everything. My mother projected all of her problems on me. Primarily because my father evidently promised to buy her an island… (WTF) she is still pissed about that. Lower middle class baby. There is a lot to unpack for me. Two therapists. One looked at me as some sort of specimen, and the other (assigned by my church) was more disgusted with me than anything. So I have tried to help myself. HOWEVER, I have an incredible wife. How this video helped: I am aware of my dysfunction and I am more aware of my actions. Thank you for that!
@stephencaron30475 күн бұрын
Thank you. I've already listened to this episode twice and I'm thinking about listening to it a third time.
@ManTalks4 күн бұрын
Thanks for listening, glad it hit home for you
@kstev7Ай бұрын
This is framed so well. Thanks for mentioning that it is amoral and for not calling the "taker" a "narcissist" ... romantic relationships are a consensual dance! Learn your part in it and fix that or play victim and continue to repeat the cycle
@likearollingstone0077 ай бұрын
This topic is so common and multifaceted that I genuinely believe it should be re-addressed in depth for the benefit of the men of this community. The “good guy” syndrome is so present in the younger generation that it deserves not only to be identified - the roots of - but also men need help to find their way out of it.
@dansanders3404 ай бұрын
Yep, Johnny niceguy was me from 12-21, had to consciously learn healthy emotions to correct it.
@franscomayrioarbhin90302 ай бұрын
To all my dear friends out there, if you are still afraid of disappointing other people, trust me just do it, as scary as it is, as uncomfortable at this. It happened to me almost a year ago. The first time i finally stood up for myself for not pleasing someone i actually don't like, worst part is she's a female. I was always scared like 'what if she doesn't like me?' etc. One time she kinda disrespect me a bit and i stood up for myself. It felt so wrong at first bcs that was probably my first time i consciously made someone disappointed. Skip forward to this day, My life has been better the more i stood up for myself and (somehow) disappoint other people. It takes time and process.
@AnnThorpe-q7m8 ай бұрын
From a woman's perspective, I found this video very enlightening. Been married for 29 years and have heard things today in this video of how my husband and I have been in both of those roles. Thanks for your insight and how you breakdown/explain each of the characteristics of the behaviors and how to move out of them. I've become a fan even though your target audience is men.
@WildernessEdge7 ай бұрын
This episode was a MASSIVE revelation for me. I have listed to Connor for the past year. I saw this title when it first posted and thought, "this is not relevant to me, if I listen to it, I'll get around to it later". Well, today was later as I had some running around to do. This explains the source of so much of my personality and core beliefs. Thank you Connor for providing the information in the way that you always do and in a way that helped me to see how it related to my life. Now that I know (and basically understand) the concept, I can develop a roadmap for healing.
@misterutensil8 ай бұрын
Found your channel while going through a tough break up and it’s helped me evaluate a lot about myself and how I can be better for the next woman I get with, but first I need to be better for myself. Definitely has helped me get over things a lot quicker by first accepting my reality and now trying to improve upon it.
@danpictish54578 ай бұрын
So brilliantly unpacked. I have been aware of my CoDependency since I was 50. Thank you!
@captainawesomenl4 ай бұрын
I usually don't comment. But this is absolutly amazing content, since discovering your channel i've been learning a lot about myself and can recognize a lot of things that you talk about. Amazing stuff and please keep doing what your doing, a lot of men need to this about themselves and you can explain it in a great way
@PupiThePoopster3 ай бұрын
Id love to see an episode on resentment and the various reasons it arises.
@joda72083 ай бұрын
I agree ☑️
@hecticsmundo8 ай бұрын
Everything that you discussed in this episode has really hit the nail on the wood. I knew something was up with my new relationship. I no longer feel so insecure but I have been trying to be a perfectionist to her or doing things for her needs before mine. At times it feels like we are both wanting each others attention and I just need to be a bit more selfish with my time in order to get things going. She’s a good catch and this video will likely help me with this relationship
@arthurmolina78938 ай бұрын
GREAT episode on the topic! At 28, through the knowledge and wisdom I’ve found through the top voices in the Manosphere I’m leaving a 3 year relationship (respectfully) with a woman I was attached to, who fit the exact opposite of everything I need in a relationship, and I see countless men giving up their sovereignty and freedom for a woman who doesn’t give them much in return. For all the men in the space, I wish you love, adventure, and if you just started the journey keep going 🤝🏼 you will find the man you always wanted to be, on the other side of it ✌🏼
@amtak23518 ай бұрын
Good job. This is a very complex subject. I wouldn't underestimate the problems of a emotionally neglectful mother IE narcissistic, will have on a child. The root of codependency is two people with a lot of shame trying to get the other to heal their shame.
@KMurray-sj9ty3 ай бұрын
Your last sentence boils it down so well
@SirBLM8 ай бұрын
One of your best videos yet! Thank you so much!
@SirBLM8 ай бұрын
Would love a Man's Guide on standing up to emasculating behaviors in a healthy and respectful way.
@ManTalks8 ай бұрын
@@SirBLM Thanks for tuning in and appreciate the possible topic!
@AliG8torGamers21 күн бұрын
Dude, you are a gem. This education you are giving hit home. I see myself in your story and as a man divorced after 20 years with 3 kids this hurts because I'm seeing tje issues mu own children might suffer in their furture. Thanks for shedding light on this subject I learned now am gonna practice it onto my relations to my loved ones
@LeekTech8 ай бұрын
Needed this!!
@iloveutubeful8 ай бұрын
Very solid video. Thank you so much
@zachmcluckie70728 ай бұрын
So good! Thank you for your work! You inspire me to be a better man every day.
@lepa34908 ай бұрын
Very helpful episode! Thank you!
@mkvrtgo26 күн бұрын
Super comprehensive and ready to be put in practice. Thank you
@P.dro32 ай бұрын
This is life changing content, thank you for this!
@ManTalks2 ай бұрын
You're so welcome!
@allanperez98198 ай бұрын
Powerful video
@erikn548 ай бұрын
This was a great episode.
@Kat-z3b2 ай бұрын
The tally method of finding perfectionism is very helpful. Thank you
@damianhaynes31813 ай бұрын
Does witnessing my mother cheat on my dad and their marriage explode constitute as trauma? I have very serious trust issues and listening to this video it really make me think that I'm codependent to my wife
@dconner503 ай бұрын
Yes, very much so.
@jorge666Ай бұрын
Honestly anything that leaves a negative impression on your mind can be considered trauma, especially if its tied to maladaptive adult behavior later in life
@keinenkrishna44686 ай бұрын
This was just a rewarding but a difficult listen….its helped me understand why I showed up in my last relationship and understand my behaviour properly. It’s a bit sad, maybe I could have changed the outcome.
@rayakins8 ай бұрын
Fantastic video literally describes my life experience step by step, thanks
@ManTalks8 ай бұрын
Appreciate you tuning in and thanks for subscribing to the channel. Any other topics you want me to do a deep dive on?
@gvbriel_wrldwide8 ай бұрын
Such powerful information 👏🏽Thank you for sharing this, it’s unfortunate that I’m finding it so late after things have already ended so tragically between my ex partner and I. Definitely going to take these points forward with me individually most importantly nevermind for anyone else.
@justinj.63238 ай бұрын
Such a good video. I’m looking forward to this series.
@loveyourself-pc7tcАй бұрын
Not just men , women go through the same thing too
@loveyourself-pc7tcАй бұрын
Everything you said made so much sense now
@bentanis-ro5vs23 күн бұрын
My codependency (eventhough I was aware) made me end up with a codependent girl while being terminally sick from cancer. I can not expres how much pain I go through on a daily basis. I never ever want any human on earth to feel this
@ravenclaw7834 ай бұрын
There is no such thing as a marriage/relationship without co-dependancy. In a relationship and especially a marriage, all parties depend on one another for something. If you aren’t co-dependent there is no relationship.
@timodelange3 ай бұрын
Don’t you interdependency? That’s the healthy variant…co-dependency is the unhealthy one..
@joellemartin4466Ай бұрын
Ok that’s what I was going to ask.
@joellemartin4466Ай бұрын
Is the issue with codependency the fact only one parties needs get met and the other is the beneficiary. Instead of 2parties mutually benefiting from each other.
@MauricioRodriguez-g1m3 ай бұрын
No bro the person who tends to give all the time chances are the person likes to control and manipulate the codependency to the point that becomes a toxic relationship because one can’t get out of the relationship because the other person has the upper hand in the relation specifically in the finances over the emotional aspect of the relationship.
@jvli86318 ай бұрын
Love you Videos fr! They help me alot
@lucagallo92747 ай бұрын
Something on how to date, be single, choose a partner, and the process of not losing that sense of self maturated during the time alone
@Brianna13Rose8 ай бұрын
I am listening this because my Son is in a codependent relationship, however I myself (Mom) identify myself in this 🥺🙏💖
@FlaviaMagic27 күн бұрын
Way to go in having this awareness it can help all of you. I too was thinking of how my mom is worried about my brothers co dependent tendencies without realizing she created quite a bit of them. And still tried to do that just last week. He is 37.
@Brianna13Rose27 күн бұрын
@@FlaviaMagic Thank you💜🙏 My Son asked me to stop giving advice & just me supportive🥺💜🙏❤️🩹
@FlaviaMagic27 күн бұрын
@@Brianna13Rosesound good. You’re lucky to have each other.
@morganfreedude30048 ай бұрын
This one is the ONE I’ve been searching for a loooing time!!! How can I get coaching on this issue/topic? Cuz Im not sure where I stand….
@TheRunningBackAcademyКүн бұрын
Subscribed‼️
@randysimmons95853 ай бұрын
Excellent! I could so identify. Thank you
@christinefoltz10553 ай бұрын
Very practical steps for healthy futures. Ty
@Dd949494 ай бұрын
Codependent is not a helpful lens to learn about healthy dependency (rooted in addiction but relationships are "naturally addictive" in our physiology). As he says, roles are amoral. The healthy view is that compromise is needed in all relationships and so are tough conversations (which btw your approach to conflict can tell you a lot about yourself). The more you can lean into a relationship, the stronger it will become. But yes this does mean having boundaries that are also flexible at times. A lot of what he says is helpful, but a better view of relationships is that "there is nothing harder on the planet than another person" and we are social mammals who need relationship to survive and thrive. Like most things in life...the closer you look, the more you see the paradox. Attachment security is a goal not a destination. You never arrive there fully, you just get on the train going in the right direction and get back on when you inevitably fall off. Codependent is an old word for something that science understands a lot better now than it used to.
@wsm17413 ай бұрын
Speak for yourself. I happen to find it very useful.
@olegdepapa14 күн бұрын
What to do when you are no longer in the codependent relationship but then that person comes to town and doesn't tell you they are back in town and you feel resentful about it?
@Prodiijayy2 ай бұрын
Thank you for this.
@pools9160Ай бұрын
I am currently in this predicament my bf is dismissive avoidant and he pulled away after I expressed my needs and I feel as if it’s my fault and my entire responsibility to try to fix both sides I’m researching his attachment style and I’m researching mine and it feels so overwhelming I’m going to talk to him tonight and see if this can even change but only if he wants to do it himself because I can’t be responsible on trying to heal him when I’m not even healed myself
@TheNotoriousFonzy4 ай бұрын
This was brilliant.
@lensbergus62248 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@StevenJGMedia4 ай бұрын
This was awesome.
@xXAMMOSHXx8 ай бұрын
Sums a lot of things up
@ManTalks8 ай бұрын
Appreciate you tuning in
@christopherhilliard36816 ай бұрын
I would recommend everyone read this book. Facing codependence by Pia Mellody
@davidweiss37952 ай бұрын
How does codependency present with business & capital partners?
@wendydaniel11103 ай бұрын
Love your videos...Very informative for both genders..
@wendydaniel11103 ай бұрын
Striving for perfection leads to the demise of one's soul..
@Putsmeiser7 ай бұрын
For anybody finding comfort in this video, think of the person you hate the most in your life, and then imagine them watching this video and self inserting as the 'people pleaser' in your relationship. Incredibly toxic right?
@jasperruijs5 күн бұрын
Hey man, You can be codependent without a relationship or even without people, some people have it with alcohol. If you make an episode make sure that you understand the topic, now you spend more confusion.
@TakeOutTemptations2 ай бұрын
Subscribed
@kimmarieburt13134 ай бұрын
What to do when you are the taker?
@steezyonyoutube98963 ай бұрын
How to stop being the taker?
@actualizeafteradversity43345 ай бұрын
45:00 healing
@derekrubiano7 ай бұрын
It seems the advice in this video is geared towards someone who prioritizes their partners needs and identifies at the giver. What if you identify as the taker?
@ClancySayce3 ай бұрын
Great content but so many statements are repeated and feel patronising. I prefer to replay if I need to hear something again.
@tomthumb39948 ай бұрын
whats this dudes qualifications????
@mrsherwood25998 ай бұрын
Guys, DONT "sit down with your partner". Thats not...going to go well. If you want to lose that codependency leaning into the person who has benefitted from it aint going to be nice. You want to really, truly take care of yourself and your needs? Walk. Walk. And DONT DO IT AGAIN. Walk and dont do it again
@EazyE_8 ай бұрын
The act of avoiding a reaction we don’t like is the same action that can be causing it. It’s serves both you and your partner to be honest no matter how hard the truth is to hear. Your wife would respect you more if you’re honest rather than trying to beat around the bush or avoid certain conflicts all together. So yes do sit down with your partner, if they don’t wanna help you in losing codependency or really just help you better yourself in general. Than it’s best to leave that relationship to rest and move on
@mrsherwood25998 ай бұрын
@@EazyE_ that's adorable.
@danielclipper9317 ай бұрын
What did they say that isn’t true?
@mrsherwood25997 ай бұрын
@danielclipper931 ask me in 25 years.
@danielclipper9317 ай бұрын
@@mrsherwood2599 fair enough
@irmamakrevski56523 ай бұрын
40:05 Action 1 - do not vilenase codep.relationship. no shaming as it reinforce codep. Action 2 - know it is adaptive surviv strategy to protect, safe; Action 3 - ask how it make me feel safe, connected, valued, getting attention Action 4 - act of healthy selfishness - prioritise own needs; writte list of activities that fuel your feel good feelings; i am responsible for me Action 5 - expose to dissapointment .... Perfectionist expects constant receiving and via verce...Here punishment shows. Scorebord - counting bad and goods - it is unfair...always, newer...