A week in my life (post chemo) | A real talk about body dysmorphia from cancer

Hi friends,
Taking you along for the first six days after infusion so you can get a little look at what it's like post treatment (as much as I could at least.)
Thanks for being here and watching!
xo, Amanda
Ongoing support is going to be so appreciated as I don't know how much I am going to be able to work as I progress with chemo. Thank you so much.
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#seattlewashington #cancertreatment #chemotherapy

[@safaridreamer5831]

Unless you’ve been through this journey people really don’t understand…..when. Was in treatment and walking around I would see people laughing, enjoying their life and I was like I just want to feel like that again….🤞😊❤️🤗👍🙏. 6 months later after treatment ended I can feel happiness like they were again….. you will to Amanda….❤️🤗👍🙏

[@Livingwithgratitute]

I totally get grieving the loss of your old body. The way we look and feel in our bodies can be very important to us. Nothing wrong with wanting to feel comfortable in our skin! You got this!

[@helloamandawhitworth]

Thank you so much Christine.

[@ARefinedMe]

I feel this. Before I found my cancer, I had lost some weight and was finally getting a handle on my wellness. I had healed a bunch of long term chronic issues with diet and then cancer. And I lost my hair. And I gained weight back. And I couldn’t eat the foods that made me feel my best because they tasted gross. And then adrenal insufficiency took away the rest of my energy and that linger. I know the only way out is through, and I know this is just where I am right now. I’ll get better at managing the AI, and I need to get through surgery and radiation and then the cancer part will be done… but yeah, I can’t wait to recognize myself in the mirror again. ❤

[@kristinarnesen3152]

Dogs are the best ❤ they sense when we don't feel well ,and try to comfort us ❤

[@safaridreamer5831]

Dogs are such a comfort when we’re not well….❤️🤗👍

[@lindachalmers2746]

Thank you Amanda for sharing such an important, challenging, private part of your life. I’m getting ready to start TCHP Chemo therapy this week at the age of 68. I’m so very sorry that you have had to go through this at such a young age. Thank you so much again for sharing you journey….Love to you. Pray all is well now with you. BTW….I absolutely love you baby🐶.

[@pumpkingirl-ln3eo]

Hi Amanda, I began following you after my sister was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. I didn't want to ask her many questions, so I'm finding out "her experience" through you (even though I know everyone has their own cancer journey). But I now watch you regularly for many other reasons (your creativity, darling pets, home renovation, life in the northwest, etc). Thanks for taking the time to put these personal videos together for us. Nancy from Northern California

[@gerryryan1372]

I had Head and Neck Cancer in 2012. Omgosh I really had no idea what was going to hit me. It changed my life forever. Cancer treats everyone differently. I find you have a very calming affect on me xx

[@safaridreamer5831]

For me the fatigue was the worst…along with the nausea…I made it a point to go outside everyday for a couple of walks….fresh air always helped me….unfortunately chemotherapy is cumulative so by the 5th and 6 th round it took longer to feel better….I guess I watch your channel to help in any way I can and to remind myself of how far I’ve come and what I went through… I’m now cancer free had my second checkup this week and my Dr was very happy with my progress…..I’m 68 and was diagnosed almost one year ago with sage 4 endometrial serous carcinoma…… If I can help in any way Don’t hesitate to reach out to me…❤️🤗👍🙏🙏

[@diouranke]

Sounds like you're doing well, im glad you were able to get out and walk, i have endometrial also, with the chemo I remember the joint pain seemed the worst for me, and yes the fatigue

[@safaridreamer5831]

@@diouranke do you take Claritin 10? It helped me with the bone pain….I took it the day of chemotherapy and for 4 -5 days after….👍❤️🙏🤗

[@safaridreamer5831]

@@diouranke I am doing good now….second three month checkup and still NED…🙏❤️👍🤗

[@NotinMyBudget]

Feel the way you need to feel. No one understands what you're going through. I'm living with lupus and initially people were telling me how I should feel. I get it but unless you're going through it then you won't know. Proud of you and glad you're sharing your journey!

[@RiceBunny8822]

Thank you for your realness and rawness. We KNOW and we ARE greatful for everyday BUT we are also going through a serious, raw, real human experience right now and it's okay to be sad, and have body dysmorphia and have feelings of negativity. Make space for that too. Its toxic to keep it positive 24/7 and fake a whole ass mood and smile. I have my duvet days. I allow myself grace and safe space to be sad and deal with everything that comes with cancer. Anyone who has a problem with that aren't my people and thats just noise 😂❤ sending you so much light and well wishes ❤❤

[@ljhoneywell]

Please don't feel you have to hide your true feelings. This is why you're doing the videos. This is a traumatic change for your body and mind. I like the idea of not soldiering through and just letting your body heal itself, listening to what it wants you to do. Good job!

[@safaridreamer5831]

I rinsed with baking soda and salt water several times a day …..my Dr said it would help with sores in the mouth and I never did get any…..😊❤👍🙏

[@gillsimpson4976]

You are going through so much and your thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal. But you should stop listening to other people's ideas of how you should feel or behave. This is your cancer, your journey and your life and only you know how to get through this nightmare and how it impacts on you. So take the support and love from people who care and ignore the idiots who have no idea of what this is like for YOU. sending love xx

[@kimberlysamuel474]

All I can say is though I don't have cancer, I have a few other waves to ride. I've ridden them out, ridden them thru, sometimes thought I'd never get thru it, but I have. You have my love, respect and endless prayers...sincerely❤️🙏

[@wifeocaster]

It is okay to not be okay. The tides will change. ❤

[@KathleenStenson-oc3bb]

Just started following you. I've had 2 operations last year. N cancer. Now next week will be my first time on chemo. They say I will be given it over 6mths. 2 weeks on. 1 week off. Surepose to be oral meds. It's good to hear. Off like minded cancer patients. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@lanebashford3982]

Praying for you, Amanda and wishing you feel better during your chemo. I have stage 4 met breast cancer and went thru IV chemo and did pretty well. Radiation wasn't so hot...it wore me out. Now I'm taking hormone blockers and feel "gaggy" all the time and super tired. I envy your energy level and the workouts. I can't do a tenth as much as you're doing because I have no energy. I know I have to try harder.

[@karenkingrey6142]

I feel like unless people have been through this journey, it is hard for them to understand what we are going through. I’m on day 2 round 2 of chemo for uterine carcinosarcoma. Your videos have been so great! The most helpful of any of the other videos i’ve watched. I cannot even begin to thank you for that. It’s funny, my routine the day before chemo is so similar to yours! I make sure i come home to a super clean place and have my bed all washed and made. I even cook extra to have a few meals in the freezer. i try to anticipate as much of my needs as possible. Again, thank you for your videos!!❤ Hope you are well and enjoying all that new hair growth!! 😉🧡

[@nationalduo4945]

You look great, seriously….Praying for You…much love from Canada 🇨🇦..

[@elainenicholls7648]

Hey girl. I was here, a Lil later than usual but still made it. I had to chuckle when u said that you feel like Mr. Clean. It's good you have ur humor. You do look great too, by the way... As always ur friend from Ontario Canada 🇨🇦

[@pamjarvis6199]

Love your loyal Dog 💙 🙏

[@charlenecarey4135]

I really appreciate you Sharing how are you grieving your body image of 2 you used to be versus how you are now I? Think that's a terrific thing to be sharing. I wish someone had shared that was me before I went through what I went through. And to know that it's OK.. That was so meaningful to me. And was very helpful. How you talked about you won't be the same person once it's over and grieving the old person. I am really glad that you shared that It was so helpful to me

[@barbarajackson4419]

A loss is still a loss it doesn't mean you're not greatful its part of the process f every one who thinks your not greatful

[@sharonbrown2352]

You have a right to grieve and no one has the right to say a word to you about it. Because you grieve your old self that doesn't mean you aren't happy to be alive.

[@sandiedrew4086]

Thank you for sharing your life with us. Can you talk about your house plants and what will you grow in your garden if you have one?

[@nicoleziegler6112]

I have to be honest I started watching your visors because I love their vibe - in an odd way they have a relaxing feel to them......

[@Barqhead]

Your feelings are valid. All of them. I have not been through your journey, but I see you, hear you and appreciate your insights.

[@ashvigs3513]

I’m so enjoying watching your day to day. Your videos are so relaxing and with someone who lives with chronic pain there are some things that I can relate to with your journey. Also, my heart just sank when you mentioned how people are telling you “well you should be thankful you’re alive”. That is so hurtful and people should have no opinion about another persons traumatic experience! I’m sorry you have to hear from those people. Sending you calm, rest, and healing on your journey. 💜 Also, a fellow Seattleite here as well, so one day hope to cross paths with you. ☺️💜

[@CindyWilliams-sn3ml]

Hi there, at the end of your video you asked why we are following you and what we would like to see more of. I'm following you because I'm so in awe of your vulnerability and honesty in your day-to-day physical and emotional feelings. In those moments in your video I can see glimpses of what you'd really like to say but then I notice that you end it and cut to a different scene. Let us get to know the real Amanda - the woman, the person, the spirit of her. I really loved when you talked in this video about how you can't always talk about your moments of vulnerability because people expect you to be a "warrior" and a "soldier". So for this exact reason, what I would personally love to see more of is the thing that appears to scare you most ... your vulnerability. I would love to know what scares you most. What you would most like people to know about you. What your favorite memories are. What is the biggest lesson you've learned in your life. If you've ever been in love. What your biggest dreams are. Pushing you to reach higher and sending so much love. Cindy

[@helloamandawhitworth]

Thank you so much Cindy. I agree, I do still hold back a bit and I think a video about this would be beautiful.

[@Fall599]

Unless a person has walked in your shoes it’s hard to know how you feel how you are grieving your body and your journey. You are an inspiration you will find your balance! Sending prayers and positive thoughts.

[@angelajacobs5690]

This is your journey. No one else's. Ya gonna have so many ups and downs. Recognize them. Say hello. Allow yourself to feel em all. Suppression is a bitch. "Feeling" is saying hello to yourself and allowing all those emotions to come through. To feel.. is to live...Have Faith kid. There will be light at the end of this. Slowly focus on that tiny light as it grows closer.

[@mandybradley3079]

Your pretty inside and out. As a mom I'm praying for you. Keep your immune system stronger with carrot juice.

[@karinasanchez3285]

👋🏻 Amanda 💛. Thank you for sharing these important thoughts with us. I can totally emphasize with you and I know it is a hard and rough patch however, you have the right attitude and it is good that you listen to your emotions and your inner voice. You are strong girl, very strong ✌🏻✨🙌

[@debbieann776]

Glad you can feel the feels!! I have chronic illness and it’s are to mourn and accept changes for me. 🙏🏼 prayers for strength through this process🥹

[@debbrink6523]

From Ontario Canada 🇨🇦 Amanda, my Warrior Friend. This video reminded me so much of how I went through the same stages after chemo like you did. Day 3 & 4 were usually the worst for me & the 1st week I was so listless. I certainly didn’t have the energy you had. The body changes are hard to come to terms with but mine is a bit of weight loss as I don’t feel hungry. I know I have to eat & more or less force myself just to eat. The neuropathy was really bad in my feet to the point I couldn’t walk so they reduced the Taxol from 100% to 80% which helped but still have some issues. Of course, like you, the hair loss has become the biggest hurdle to come to terms with. I so want to feel like my old self & that’s a grieving process. We will never be like we were before this cancer journey & not sure how we’ll feel on the other side of all this. I followed you because we seemed to be going through much the same & at this same point in time. Your optimism & outlook on life gave me hope that I was sorely lacking. You had been through so much in your young life & I was amazed how you pulled yourself through. Don’t worry about how you might be portraying yourself be it good or bad, this is your journey. I love seeing all the things you do, as my background was as a Interior Designer & Kitchen Designer in my work life (retired now). I, like you, in different ways am creative & so find your creativity etc. throughly enjoyable to watch. Just keep on putting out your videos, how ever you are able & I will follow you through your journey (& mine) till we can claim we’ve conquered cancer! Sending you 🙏&❤️&🤗, always.

[@Cat-oj4oz]

Hi, lady... I admire you... when you're not feeling your best, it helps to understand not only your own body and psyche, but also the never-ending joy of cancer therapy... your psychology smarts are showing and I applaud you... physical activity (as much as you can stand, anyway) is also a wise way to deal with your current reality... kudos! Thank you for sharing this tough story... I wish you the best! 🤗

[@JenniferMMee]

Hello!!!! Good to watch you and I am grateful that you are getting through chemotherapy with some very good moments of getting things done that bring you JOY! That is what life is about! I am so glad you still get to have your Coffee!❤

[@beauty_by_athena7086]

Thank you for your videos. I'm binging them all. Your first video was titled chemo AND immunotherapy and wondering if you had both? As I'm due to start on the 15th April and I'm terrified of the effects of both together 😢 thank you :)

[@cristincarter1]

I loved the times i had energy while on chemo. They were precious days! Also my cat stuck to me all day every day during treatment. I kind of miss it now that I'm in remission. I found your channel a few years ago when I was looking on KZbin for lynch syndrome. I'm a stage 4 colon cancer survivor with lynch syndrome. I too had a complete hysterectomy it wasn't until I watched your video that i found out I could still get endometrial cancer. Argh! I don't regret my hysterectomy but I wish someone would have told me I could still get cancer. Anyway, hang in there. Love your fur babies and take advantage of the good days.

[@helloamandawhitworth]

Hey there, it’s not very common! I don’t want others to be terrified of getting it. Mine was in my peritoneum prob long before my hysterectomy so that’s why it still grew. But do be vigilant and just trust your intuition 💕

[@TheSmanly]

You’re such a strong woman, Amanda. I love your honesty and your openness to everyone. Take care of yourself.

[@PKHARDIN]

For nausea, smelling an alcohol pad actually has evidence behind it. I know it sounds weird but worth a try. Nurse here!

[@diouranke]

That's what they told me to do during my CT scans, bcs the contrast would make me nauseous

[@Sarahlovely88]

pets can tell when u have cancer. so they sit by you and watch u. but i hope u get through this. 🙏🏻

[@susanbusching8165]

You don’t have to smile!!! You are a real person and are going to be up and down. Be you!!! ❤

[@marinatotduricic2087]

You have every right to grieve the loss of you, the loss of your life and all the changes that you didnt ask for.. it doesnt mean that you are not gratefull for a chance to fight this, it just mean that you are processing all of this your way. There isnt some unique process for all, you do what you have to do in order to be healthier and happier later. But, if I can suggest one thing, turn this into your advantage because you cant change the fact that you need to go through all this, but you can have fun with it. Buy a purple wig, buy a blue one, buy any hairstyle you want, play with all that until you get your life back.. make the best of it if you can and feel up to it.. its shitty and tough, but its gonna pass and everything will be ok, just a little patience. Wish you all the best in your journey ❤

[@GiMom19]

You are doing fantastic. I appreciate your transparency with how you feel. That in itself places you in a vulnerable position and I have to say You have Courage! You should be able to express how you feel. If anyone sends any type of negativity - block them. You deserve support and love on this journey ❤

[@bettyconnearney7943]

Amanda dont let others tell you what to feel!! You feel whatever you want!!❤

[@Winterwitch4477]

How about a what I eat in a week video? ☺️ I don't know why but I love knowing what people eat lol. This is Your journey Your story. Live it authentically. Nobody else can tell you how to feel or think. I love your raw honesty and vulnerability. It shows you are true and the world needs more of that 💚

[@Emma-Rose]

Aww bless your pup is so sweet and he wants to care for you, protecting … the loyalty of dogs is amazing, I wouldn’t be without my furbaby. You still are beautiful Amanda and you will get back to being you. You are a courageous and independent woman and the true Amanda will come back. Sending love and warm wishes from England 🇬🇧 keep going girl. We feel grateful for sharing your experiences with us xx

[@BrendaJJ]

Hi Amanda, been thinking of you. Happy to see each day your getting stronger. 4 more to go, countdown begins. I think you look amazing with no hair. Your hair will grow back. Enjoy not having to wash it in shower everyday. We are all here for you. If you need to get things off your chest, do so. Love to you ❤️

[@jenniestorer9226]

Oh Amanda! I can relate to so much of what you are going through! I'm an avid reader and could not concentrate, so watched a lot of DVD'S. (Just dated my self!). I slept huge amounts! I certainly didn't do the tasks that you have so wonderfully achieved. If I managed to stay up long enough to enjoy time with my then teenagers, that was my bonus. I had baths too. I also had body dysmorphia and HATED the steroids. I still hate occasionally needing steroids. Take it hour by hour, my friend. Each hour is getting you closer to finishing this treatment . Much love, Jennie

[@Lalasuga124]

Praying for you ! Your fighting for your life so you are going to go through a lot of emotions! Listen to your body if you need to nap take a nap!

[@sherrydawson6253]

Your rt every one has like there own journey.im sorry u have to go through so much. It's incredible to me u are doing your own house repairs It's like your a carpenter. I think u should share whatever u want.many prayers 🙏 💓 and hugs.

[@carolyndaglish3172]

Amanda you could have a look at Jenny Apples journey - she's an amazing lady also, and is also very real and has had a journey with steroids etc. I find comfort in her posts also.

[@melcerra2375]

Your feelings make perfect sense to me. Much love to you.💕💕

[@michelledmnds1980]

Continued Prayers for you Amanda🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@carriealchorn6718]

Hi Amanda Just started watching your videos. You have captured my heart. I want to wish you love ❤️ And prayers and stay strong no one Should have to deal with this horrible disease. ❤️ From 🇨🇦 Canada

[@juliaknox6459]

Thank you for sharing your experiences during this chapter in your life. I think of you often and admire your bravery though this process!

[@Lisa-hl2pt]

Yes to everything you expressed! I relate so much and didn’t really share those feelings when I was going through treatment.

[@velocitygirl8551]

Ugh I have MS and my weight is like the one thing I pride myself on controlling … it’s just the one thing I can control? But at 47 with my new meds it’s harder and people telling me I should be grateful piss me off.

[@pam164]

Your really handy I could never do the things you do, like putting shelves up. It's understandable you must feel down about 'you' not feeling and looking like yourself.

[@rachelmayes298]

I know ho you feel regarding weight gain and steroids. I’ve put in 70lbs through being in the highest dose of steroids for two years. It’s so depressing. My husband looks at me with disgust and hatred. I hate myself I have now gotten my steroids down to one a day, but I’m now going to have to cut calories back a lot now to get rid of this weight. I also am having to use a wheelchair now. Even though my husband knew this was going to happen he will not go out with me and has now asked for a divorce. I know I’m not suffering with cancer, but by watching you you give me the strength to carry on with my illness as I do feel I want to just give up some days. Amanda you look amazing, and look beautiful with your hair and without. Your figure when you were working out still looked fantastic. Sending you lots of love and know you’re thought about daily and I pray for you too. Take care, your dog is just awesome 💖💖💖

[@Vic-Meow]

How are you doing now? I hope you are better, physically and matrimonially ❤️

[@janetbellini8065]

You are amazing!! Such a great inspiration. Im starting my second chemo treatment in a few weeks. My neuropathy pain was so bad the first time. Does it get worse every time? Thank you so much for this video and keep up your amazing perseverance and courage...❤

[@ilianadiaz8039]

I understand you! I am going through it now!

[@helloamandawhitworth]

I’m so sorry!

[@sandiedrew4086]

Juicing is so good but I have never done it. Can you teach us?

[@michellelanigan2561]

Hi Amanda… I’ve been following you for a few months now. I’m very interested in your crafty, rebirth of old items and how you just seem to be so talented, self motivated, and full of great ideas. Is there anything you can’t do? I had rectal cancer in 07, and have many other problems and diagnosis’. Therefore, I stay home and craft now. I’m older, 60, and kids have flown the nest. So, sleep, eat, craft…. Do it again!🙏😘🌹

[@LindaFromMySelfCareStudio]

It irritates me to no end, when people decide for us that we aren’t allowed to have “normal” reactions to things once we have/had cancer! My first go-around with cancer was when I was 38. When my 40th bday was rolling around, I was having all the normal feelings many people have during those transitional birthdays. I actually had a friend say to me, “You should just be glad you’re here to turn 40.” Really?!? Thanks for the reminder? Like we ever forget we had cancer? And why does cancer exempt us from experiencing the rest of our lives the way others do? Im still allowed to feel all the things. I’m allowed to be mind-blown that I’m in my early 50’s (“already,” lol). It’s fine that it feels surreal that I’m the grandmother, now and not the little granddaughter … even though I’m going through cancer again. I wish people would stop trying to rob us of the “normal” moments in life. I mean, if we can’t enjoy the non-cancer parts of life in the myriad of ways everyone else does … how does that impact the level of gratitude!?! Okay, hopping off my soap box now, lol.

[@melindahollandsworth7142]

Hi. I love that wall paper in the bedroom. Love to you, M.H.

[@elizabethconroy7665]

Your Buddy is gorgeous Dogs feel our pain Have you anyone to walk him whist you rest 😊

[@ritaharmon]

Have you looked up Jenny Appleford on KZbin? She feels the same as you right now. She doesn’t feel like herself. She’s really healthy too but she still got Lung Cancer 😢 Steroids made her gain weight too. I really feel for you guys!! Keep on surviving girl and kick cancer’s butt💪🏻👊🏻👊🏻

[@finnwiggles28]

Can you turn the music down please? I cant hear you over the music.

[@STYLESBYLIFEBEAUTYNMORE]

That juice looks delicious

[@jenjackmarcucci]

Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, he was watching. Even when he seemed indifferent to my suffering, he was watching. And when I was beyond all hope of saving, he gave me rest. Then he gave me a sign to continue my journey. From the Life of Pi

[@Amerisis1972]

You are so strong. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Do you have a P.O. Box? Or an Amazon wish list? I would like to either send you something or even give a few dollars to buy you a coffee. PayPal maybe? Stay strong young lady.

[@debbiebrannon8874]

Praying for a healing for her amen try cannabis oil and thc for cancer amen

[@susanehlava3808]

There is no hiding the fact that cancer treatment is dreadful. I had so many problems with mouth sores, so l sucked on ice blocks during chemo. Works like the cold cap supposedly. ❤

[@elizabethconroy7665]

Hello,Amanda Nothing like freshly squeezed juice Chemo sounds awful Sorry you are going through all this Warm Hugs 🤗 You must be so sleepy Hope you get a better night

[@annalangham3950]

The syeroods will put weight on you .. It will all go away my daughter n law,went through it

[@heidi1651]

I also didn’t identify w “fighting” cancer. I get it but that and other cultural aspects didn’t resonate w me so much. You just do you. 💜