A Year After Losing A Friend

it's been one year, and i'm still mad at you.
Check out more awesome videos at BuzzFeedVideo!
bit.ly/YTbuzzf...
bit.ly/YTbuzzf...
bit.ly/YTbuzzf...
GET MORE BUZZFEED:
www.buzzfeed.com
www.buzzfeed.c...
/ buzzfeedvideo
/ boldly
/ buzzfeedblue
/ buzzfeedviolet
/ perolike
/ ladylike
BuzzFeedVideo
BuzzFeed Motion Picture’s flagship channel. Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, always shareable. New videos posted daily!
Credits: www.buzzfeed.c...
MUSIC
Licensed via Audio Network
SFX Provided By AudioBlocks
(www.audioblock...)
Final Reunion_Main
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
White Fog_Main
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
The Hanging Balance_Main
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Shadow Games_Main
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Iridescent Shadow_Full
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Minimal Suspense Ambience_FullMix
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
EXTERNAL CREDITS
Chelly
/ lifebychelly / lifebychelly
+
Cinematographer / Co-Director: Eric Ugland
/ _thugland

[@whitneyhouston187]

this isn’t about just losing a friend- it’s about losing them to suicide. that is the worst feeling in the world.

[@streamlabssupport266]

Do you think I should just leave the country and leave no traces? I mean this way no one would know if I'm still alive or not. And then no one has to go through that grief

[@Bubbagumppp]

@@streamlabssupport266 hey if your going through something please get some help. There are always people for you and things worth living for.

[@streamlabssupport266]

@@Bubbagumppp hey man, thanks for the concern. But I chose to turn my life around. I took Professional photos to apply for jobs, gonna start running and eating healthy again. It all began by my friend telling me that "bro I don't wanna be rude but you stink" A real wakeup call

[@yusra2591]

@@streamlabssupport266 I am so proud of you

[@ineedsleep4071]

"I'm mad for all the times we spent analyzing everything you ever said"... I felt that.

[@flawlesspiner1674]

i saw this as it played in the video...

[@saffronkelton9516]

THIS is the content i subscribed to you guys for. issues like this are so important and i'm glad you're using a true, touching story in one of your videos. and also thank you for adding the suicide prevention lifeline number - im proud of you all.

[@gugutenberg]

saff Agreed

[@the_clapp3r298]

Except now they are just posting feminism stuff

[@elderxemo92]

@@the_clapp3r298 And promoting racism 24/7.

[@lillithperry1668]

@@elderxemo92 Right!? Buzzfeed is just getting annoying.

[@samanthae7048]

‘Because I have to be the sole keeper of so many memories’ - perfectly described. I miss you Zoe.

[@mathisenn4300]

”I am mad that maybe I never knew you” That hit hard....

[@Kaalyn_HOW]

I've lost several friends to suicide. And, oddly, despite being a part of many circles of people who struggle with mental health, only two of those people took their lives. The others were unexpected. The "happy people". The ones that, even those of us who know EXACTLY what to look for and can just "get a sense about" in people, still couldn't pick up on it. November is one of the worst months for me bc of some of these anniversaries -- snowballing with the seasonal change and holiday aches. This was oddly comforting. I haven't really had the chance to get mad at some of these people. It always felt "wrong". But I'm mad a little bit at times. I'm not entirely angry bc I so get it... but it's okay to be mad. It's a powerful stage in the grieving process and one you can come back to time and time again. Grieving isn't a linear process through the stages. It's constant and nebulous and painful. Some of my friends died 15 whole years ago -- when *I* was 15 at the time. ...others much more recently. The pain never really fully goes away. :( Thanks for sharing something so important -- I hope more people get the message and understand what you're communicating here. And, I'm sorry for your loss.

[@AmorilV]

One is bad enough, I couldn't imagine losing several; so sorry...

[@b8888w]

Don't make the choice they made, there is another way out if you are that sad, everyone who liked this comment will be here for you if you want help :)

[@taylordedoes4645]

Kaalyn - OPG I am so sorry, it’s so hard to lose someone so close to you

[@npc6907]

Kaalyn - OPG this had me in tears

[@thinkingofaname6233]

Kaalyn - OPG sometimes the ones who appear most happy are the ones who need help. Take sayori for example.

[@Roy-G-Biv]

unbelievable. ...so tragic and so beautiful at the same time.

[@MrNotThatFamous]

hot damn the editing on this is great.

[@absolute2434]

Mr Not That Famous eyyyyyyy

[@amberrose4617]

Mr Not That Famous Ennit

[@angelahito7220]

Mr Not That Famous I subscribed to you

[@saar5947]

Hi

[@katt1936]

hey guys I just posted a new video and im looking for feedback and subs lmk what you think

[@bleac9559]

This is both the best and the worst thing I could be watching right now. I'm such an emotional mess right now and can't help but think about how easy it could be to just put an end to my suffering - or what I at least perceive as such. At the same time I don't want to make anyone else suffer, anyone else be mad at me. And I don't really know where I wanted to go with this, but thank you for creating this video. Hopefully it'll make others think, both to reach out to people and to rethink what they may consider doing.

[@camisolano5831]

Bleac i

[@Max_N]

I want you to know that people love, support and care about you. Every day you are on this planet is a better day. You are here for a purpose. It may feel like you're alone but just remember that people are always going to stand behind you. I don't know you yet I love you. I'm cheering for you. I believe you are meaningful and worthy of love. Sincerely, Max

[@linkinluvlive]

Please reach out to people yourself, Hun. There are people who love you and would want to help you in any way they can, even if it's just being there to listen. Please find at least one person in your life to share what you are feeling with. And don't forget there are always hotlines to call or text, other supports on the internet, and local agencies that can help (from your primary care doc to school/college couselors to suicide prevention organizations, and more), too. Please be safe. You are valued and loved and important and irreplaceable.

[@klaradedkova2468]

I feel the same way, but everytime I feel like doing it, I remember that there would be people that would miss me. Even though it doesn't always feel like it, but focus on the little things they do/say to you, stay strong ❤

[@sarah3990]

I want you to feel hugged by a stranger from Berlin.you are not alone.

[@marissalove8608]

I'm mad at you for doing something I'm still scared to do.

[@violetwashburn220]

Marissa Love wow that hit me hard

[@minitigrisuwu765]

Marissa Love Me

[@SS-qs4dp]

feeling scared is normal, and it prevents us from doing things the people you cherish & you would suffer from.

[@danigeo83]

Talk to someone. Get help. It's scary to admit it, it's hard to do but trust me... When you can finally get your head above water, it's really worth it

[@ninicicak]

Violet Washburn same

[@cloudimochi]

For those who do not understand the video: This is featuring a man who lost a friend to suicide - and he is sharing his feelings. The clear thing about this video is that the pain of losing someone never goes away - not even after a year. Not even after 10 years. Not ever. I lost a close friend last last sunday - 26 November*. And i know what he means. It makes me mad. It makes me hurt. I saw all the signs, i reached out to him but he shunned me away. I did my best but he still left. He left me wondering if I could have changed the entire situation if i was a little more forceful, a little more insistent on helping. It leaves so much ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’ that it hurts so much. What makes me really mad is the emptiness he left behind. I should be happy that he’s free but i’m hurt over how empty I feel now. This gaping emptiness that can never be filled. I used to think that, Oh, if i died, people will just be sad for awhile then it’ll dull off and they forget me. But I learnt my lesson about that wrong assumption. I lost my friend. And I felt the ripple effect of a suicide. A death does not simply affect your family, your friends. It affects your friend’s friends, your friend’s family, your colleagues and basically anyone and everyone who you’ve met. You might not think you play a big role in this world, you may feel small and alone and insignificant, but that’s not the truth. Death especially suicide causes a ripple effect - because suicide is something that could have been prevented. It’s not a natural form of death. The gaping emptiness that is left behind, hurts so much. And there is nothing to fill that emptiness because it’s the shape of a unique human. Someone you share memories with, someone who’s laughter rings in your mind and smile that imprints in your memory. Someone irreplaceable. It’s so much emptiness. So much feelings. So much pain that comes in different forms - some in anger, some in hurt, some in numbness, some in denial - any form possible. For anyone who’s hurting right now, your friends care - even if they aren’t good at showing it. Please get professional help. Please get any form of help. Reach Out. You matter.

[@johnsonzhang9562]

Do u mean 26 NOVEMBER

[@nguyen985]

Baby Koala I’m not human lol.

[@gugutenberg]

The way you described it... it's too real.

[@dumbeetle1]

My freshman year of college, one of my best friends committed suicide. November 15. That day will forever stand out as the day that changed my life completely. He wasnt someone who you could tell he was depressed. He never acted sad. I didn't know much about depression or even that people could be sad and not show it at all. I was pretty blind then. It felt like be slapped in the face. No context nothing. Out of the blue. I see him everywhere.

[@cloudimochi]

dumbeetle1 I’m sorry for your lost - and know that I know how you feel. But I also understand that a loss of a close friend is something that cannot be comforted - you’ll hurt and there’s little relief to it. But I hope you don’t blame yourself over your best friend’s passing. People bury their hurt and depressed feelings because it’s hard to be explained, it’s hard to get people to understand so it’s easier to hide it. But a way I can share with you on how to notice something’s iffy or something’s not right - is to look at their eyes. and Pay attention when you see them walking alone in the hallways or anything. Look if their smiles reach their eyes or if their laughter stays. Sometimes they smile, they laugh but it does reach their eyes - their eyes will still look sad or bothered. If it’s not a genuine laugh or smile, it’ll disappear very quickly. Like idk, i’d notice that when my friend laughed, and when the passing moment is over, his smile fades quickly and he looks down and away. Also, look at their expression when they’re alone. Do they look free and unbothered? Or do they frown and look deep in unhappy thoughts or simply down? It’s hard to tell and it takes a lot of attention to detail and patience to tell. BUT NEVER ASSUME. If you see that they look down or anything, just ask “is there’s something wrong? Nah cause you looked a little down.” look into their eyes and ask them. If they look uncomfortable but tries to laugh it off and denies, just say “oh if you say so... but know that I care for you and if there’s anything wrong, you can depend on me too - i’m your friend after all!” or something like that - show your support. show that you don’t believe that they’re okay but don’t be IN THEIR FACE about it. Respect their space but probe kindly often to show that you care and try to help them. But if they choose to share with you, please NO JUDGEMENT. Hear it as it is, be empathetic. Try to understand even if you can’t. Don’t share around what you heard. Always try to be there for them. It’s always tricky but just try your best. Never be impulsive when it comes to these things. The above examples are just examples of what i do. and has worked. IF it’s an issue that is too big for you to handle, try to get them to seek professional help. Sometimes when you’re unfamiliar on how to help - you can cause a trouble if you randomly throw suggestions. Just always be empathetic. Don’t judge. Be brave to show that you care. Respect them - their privacy and what they want to do. Be attentive and be patient. It’s tough to help, but don’t ever purposely ignore the symptoms - it’ll just leave you remorseful in the end if something really happens Good luck 💕

[@LazyGamerScotland]

“I’m mad you won’t be in my wedding pictures” that one hit

[@vincentgc1]

I lost my bestfriend to a horrible... horrible diease when i was 14. It ate his brains and I watched him as he slowly forgot how to walk, how to talk, how to eat... how to breathe... I never got to make things right, you always think you have more time but time is the most horrific thing we know as we can't control it. I've been mad at myself for so long that I forgot why. I haven't had a friend as close as you in 6 years. I've missed you and been alone almost every day for 6 years. I've been in pain every day for 6 years. I'm sorry I let you down. I love you bo. I don't know why I even write this down on a KZbin comment... Nobody reads or truly cares about these anyways.

[@Karad90]

Not at all. I read it. And i care enough to make you know that i care. Keeo fighting

[@vincentgc1]

Nicolas Caradzoglu Thank you ~

[@Lemonsrt]

Idk either it’s almost as if it’s impulsive, I literally just wrote a massive paragraph asking for ppl to stop thinking about it

[@nalediqaku3885]

❤️❤️❤️

[@neesiexneedsxblunts]

God, your comment broke my heart into tiny pieces. So much love to you, pal.

[@Francis-kn7eq]

Buzzfeed may not be the best channel but this video talks about a really deep and important topic and we should respect it

[@randomideasmakeurmom]

this is exactly how i feel about my brothers death and its been 3 years. please drive safe guys. and if you need mental help please seek it someone is always willing to help. always.

[@Max_N]

spookyycris I want you to know that I believe in you. You are here for a reason, you have a purpose. I see great things in your future. Stay Strong, Max

[@oceankiraz2940]

|-/ stay strong, stay alive

[@tacym09]

Ditto. My brothers 3 year mark is coming up next month.

[@thinkingofaname6233]

spookyycris I “seeked” help and got nothing but waiting lists and lies. Thanks for the offer tho. *gunshot*

[@kaasstaaf8126]

@@thinkingofaname6233 Linkin Park - My December. I also seeked for help, it's all about money. They don't give a f.

[@eveterry8487]

I cried so hard, this was beautiful

[@daelenstonemeier490]

Me too.

[@brenitia]

This made me sob. He said everything I've said. I felt his pain in my soul.

[@brandimoore5909]

I’ve revisited this video dozens of times. 3 years later and I’m still grieving.

[@dchoney9435]

I think I’ve watched it 20 times, your not alone.

[@spacemonkey340]

A friend of mine committed suicide last month. This video is spot on. And with the anger comes so much guilt.

[@mariekeana]

Please, do not feel guilty. I've suffered from depression for 5-6 years now and have been thinking about committing suicide more than once. If someone wants to kill themselves, there isn't much you can do. Depression makes you feel like nobody cares, like you're a burden and makes you actually believe that it will not get better, that you could never be fine. I've become very good at hiding my feelings and very few people that know me personally would suspect that I suffer from depression. Even my family and long time friends have trouble telling whether or not I'm depressed. As sad as it, suicide sometimes seems like the only option. You can overcome depression but only if you actively want to, that's something you couldn't have done for your friend. We can't always help those close to us.

[@Supyallable]

my friend died to suicide 3 months ago and i’m not mad at her. tbh im still in denial, sometimes i feel like it’s my fault.

[@kimchiia9025]

My best friend killed herself two weeks ago. I'm so lost. Her funeral is tomorrow.

[@helgam8494]

Marie take a pills and therapy, church be hard on yourself, don't give up.Sometimes you must fight for yourself nobody helps you. I know I had depression 20y.

[@avalynn9927]

please tell me, does it get better?

[@ScyelGale]

I get what he meant in this video.

[@PoIabear]

Sly Gale ... You wanna elaborate, or you just going to say something so insignificant Cx

[@MrTyclarke]

No his friend died

[@casmaster7238]

Nick Armock he’s upset because his friend committed suicide and he didn’t know so he couldn’t help him

[@gab26579]

Nick Armock if you actually watched to the end, it gives you a suicide hotline. Most likely, his friend killed himself.

[@sarispooks6366]

or maybe he has knows someone who committed suicide

[@heyitstamara]

My best friend Phoebe committed suicide last year, and I, still processing the fact that she’s gone and she’s not coming back. I still have her contact on my phone and I almost cried when I saw it. The worst part is she killed her self because of her sexuality. The bulling became too much for her, plus a unsupportive family, which resulted to her death. I never saw the signs, and I never got a goodbye either. If anyone feels like they caused their friends death because they didn’t see the signs, it’s not your fault. All you can do is remember the good times.

[@lautaroa1017]

Tamara Larissa DID SHE KNOW THE WAY OF THE DEVIL DO U KNOW THE WAY OF THE DEVIL

[@the-fish-factory]

Lautaro Alegre youre so disrespectful

[@paydro25]

“unsupportive family” wtf man that makes me mad if it was up to me throw them in jail for that

[@ktm3636]

my best friend as well. her family was terrible to her and her whole environment was homophobic. this whole comment is so relevant and true.

[@sophiaphelan9871]

At least you know why

[@chandlersswaggyworld]

I lost my friend about six months ago. He always posted “scary” things on social media but never went through with anything so no one ever knew when to take it seriously. We missed the mark one time and then he was gone. I can’t go a day without thinking of him & having a lump form immediately in my throat. I share his name. I miss him so much.

[@tova1412]

ok i just wanna say this affected me alot in many ways, and i wanna thank you for taking the time to make this video and post it here

[@bmk256]

i think the part where he says you randomly became neat and orderly was a sign that his friend’s mental health was declining

[@erickag289]

Man this killed. Lost my brother to suicide several years ago. He never stops popping up in my head and ruining a good time. Thank you for verbalizing how it feels to love someone and also be angry they left you.

[@MsCopper89]

I lost a friend to suicide and 10 years later it still hurts as much as it ever did.

[@_ysai]

Man this is deep

[@connektr1164]

As a person whose best friend commited suicide in high school, this video resonates within me. Best of luck and love to all those out there with a similar experience. May there not be too many more of us in this world. Those thinking about suicide: really please just talk to anybody. Your life really does matter.

[@bryancortez4197]

i remember i saw this as a teen and didnt fully comprehend it, now at the age of 24 i understand why i saved this video. the constant struggle is slowly winning

[@christinpelly2704]

What pisses me off is that everyone says "I never saw the signs", while shutting down someone who opens up to you because you think they're just being dramatic. If you're truly someone's friend, step up and HELP, instead of being sad after they're gone

[@ObieDown]

This really makes you want to pick up the phone and call your friends

[@angelacanedit]

Jeffrey Greene Yes.

[@thinkingofaname6233]

Jeffrey Greene what friends?

[@fob4life85721]

I just lost my grandfather this past weekend from suicide. This video couldn’t have come at a better/worse time. It hit so hard because it sums up everything I have felt over the last couple is days, so thank you BuzzFeed.

[@alicesrabbit7126]

wow, this hit me so hard. thank you for this. i have been angry for a very long time. it's been hard to even understand it, until i saw this. the only difference with my experience is that my "friend" is still alive. she betrayed me, and it truly broke my heart. it turns out she was never the person i thought she was, and IT HURTS. what am i supposed to do with all these good memories, now? that is the basis of my rage. i have let her go, and i know that i'm better off for it after learning how toxic she actually was. ONLY TIME will make things better, that's all i've got to hold on to when i get angry about it. it's so frustrating.

[@sarahharris6066]

I’m mad that no matter how hard I try, I can’t be mad at you. It wasn’t your fault you felt this way and saw this as the only way out. I’m mad at myself for not noticing that you were struggling. I’m mad that we will never get married. I’m mad that we will never have kids. I’m mad that 3 years of memories with you now makes me sad. I’m mad that the world took you from me with no warning.

[@alexissalinas3003]

i’ve never been mad at my friend... always sad that he lied about getting helped( he wasn’t).. i’m sad that he’s gone..

[@jennaw4539]

This came out 3 months after my good friend took her life. It took me this long to feel strong enough to watch this video. This was exactly how I felt for so long. I still have days where every part of my body is angry.

[@winchester4ev]

I've probably watched this over 20 times, and it still hits home.

[@psychosaturn6011]

I’m still mad at you for leaving me when you said you were getting better

[@SSR_RedDevil]

I'm mad that I never told you how much you meant to me and how much I loved you. You were an amazing friend.

[@EliAltaaa]

I lost my best friend February 2017 and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt

[@mariekeana]

I'm so sorry for your loss, stay strong!

[@Shebeast3]

this is beautiful x well done to all that took part and for being strongto do this

[@kelsirasmussen5943]

This hits close to home. It has been almost 3 years and I still miss my brother. I get angry with him sometime, but that has never been the overriding emotion. I have always felt sad that he felt he had to take his life to get relief. Christmas is hard because it was his favorite holiday. He would wake up at 4:30 a.m., even as an adult, and just sit looking at the tree with its lights all aglow.

[@spookystorytime2774]

1 year, two, five, 10. Never goes away. Miss you pal. Just wish you would have spoken with me before.

[@Kay-pv9ks]

My friend died two years ago today. This still hits home.

[@jontaylor1986]

I'm mad that I was so ready to just end my life today...until I randomly saw this. Still thinking about leaving this awful cruel world, but i'm only here because I don't want to hurt my friends who I have not seen in over 2 years who I miss very much but just can't seem to get back in touch because I've ignored them for too long due to my anxiety :-(

[@TheAverageArtist]

This is so beautiful.

[@niallmcdermott6500]

Cant be mad at someone for taking their life. Sometimes its the only option especially when there is no hope of improvement. I won't be around for much longer

[@brandonrubio6840]

Same

[@Obsidian_MoonVT]

One of the best BuzzFeed vids ever. I felt every word.

[@kaseythompson4670]

I'm too hurt to be mad. I'm sad that my sister drank herself to death because she could never got over losing a child. I'm sad that I couldn't get her to stop and realize how much her loss would devastate our family. It's been one year and 7 months, and I will never stop missing your beautiful smile, Kelly. I will grieve your loss until I draw my last breath.

[@learavel4841]

It’s been 10 months since my cousin’s suicide and this is the most accurate video I’ve seen about my feelings.

[@carolinemulford5927]

This video made me sad but the comments were even worse. There are so many people struggling to find they way they live and then there are people just being terrible and hateful. Even if only one person sees this I hope they know that they are loved and wanted. One of my very close friends commutes suicide because he thought he wasn’t good enough. Anyone who sees this again know that you are more than enough. ❤️

[@hannahbalector585]

Being a person that suffers from depression, this cuts deep, to see the aftermath, to know the feelings of somebody left behind, I've been on the brink and back, and I can't even imagine the inconsolable pain, thankfully I've reached out and have gotten help

[@annamorris3943]

"But maybe love is every emotion all wrapped into one"

[@Ryohko17]

I felt everything in this video on a deep level...in 2009 my best friend took his own life. I always felt like I should have known something was wrong, but the truth is sometimes they seem fine. I miss him every day, and I wish he had been around when I had my kids. I named my oldest son after him, so every time I say his name it hurts just a little, but makes it feel like he is still here. I love and miss you, Josh.

[@CoralReefyyy]

"I'm mad because I can't stop being mad."

[@audreycarlin]

my best friend tried killing herself over the summer. it was out of no where, so unexpected and random. i would spend every day for the past couple years with her, so when i heard from her parents about it, i was heartbroken. it's crazy how much people can hide deep dark emotions like this, without expressing anything.

[@novallucination5915]

Today marks a year since my friend passed away. I still don't know what happened. I felt guilty for feeling so angry at so many people and so many things. I will probably never know what happened to her. I don't even know where she is buried. If she was buried. I can't help but feel like she ended her own life. The last few weeks rooming with her, she looked so depressed. She'd given up. Before she graduated, she gave me a painted stone. She deleted all her social media and gave away some of her belongings to close friends. I can't take that out of my head.

[@MScott91]

When I lost my friend, it hit me like a freight train. I began thinking "I must know someone else with the same name", in complete disbelief I initially laughed...told my other best friend that I'd carry on working....I didn't really know what to do. As soon as I got to the door to go back in...all my emotions finally caught up and I sobbed. I managed to go home, and I sobbed uncontrollably for days...then weeks went by and I'd burst into tears randomly. Took a whole month off unpaid, and started to spiral into debt, depression, grief and further anxiety. 5 years later I'd love to say it's easier, it isn't. It's just manageable. I've managed to expand my circle slightly, and when I'm down I remember our times together fondly. My only regret is that I never celebrated her life, I grieved, I missed her, I got angry, but I never celebrated how wonderful she was. Even now I struggle to talk about it properly to people, unless I'm just talking about the facts, I don't talk about how I felt or how I feel now. The death of a friend is like the death of a family member, the biggest difference though is that you choose your friends. Hold them close.

[@lizzwilson1783]

My grandpa took his life two years ago... I’m passed the grieving stage.. but now I’m mad... I’m mad about everything.. I miss him so much..

[@sarahcarroll388]

My best friend died from opioid addiction in August. I've never related to a video so much, thank you. I'm mad that she thought I would judge her. I'm mad that she won't meet my babies....

[@qwertyuui0762]

Anyone else crying rn because it hits you so hard and you remembered the pain of losing your friend? Same here, im crying too

[@dylan9541]

im not mad, just disappointed.

[@berezhouse5394]

Yeah, me too

[@uubee4443]

Thank you for making this...because sometimes I'm mad at myself for being mad at myself...I'm mad at people and God and the choices I didn't make and the choice I did make...I'm mad because my life turned out the way it did and I'm mad cos I feels alone in being mad and I'm mad that there is no outlet for being mad...I'm mad that no one understands and those that should will get mad at how I feel...I'm mad that I cant always say how I feel because I dont even understand it myself...this video made me breathe so deep and made my heart beat so much inside chest that I could feel it again...thank you for being mad and telling me you are because I can see how I'm not alone and that others get mad...I get mad and it's ok...thank you...thank you!

[@user-sq7ii8cl1e]

I'm mad that buzzfeed made me cry right now 😞😢

[@emfletch8794]

I come back to this frequently when I get down about my friend and even almost after two years it still hits the spot. It’s also oddly comforting to not be the only person who gets this

[@glumtv8701]

I'm mad that I took care of you for so many years. That I tried to make you ready for the world and ready for all of it. I'm mad that you didn't just call me.... I loved you man.

[@dchoney9435]

This imagery is brilliant. It’s not what you say, but how you say it that makes something resonate. The way the darkness envelops more and more of the friend in the chair, until the chair is finally empty, then the candles blowing out in the dark. Very well done, I felt like I’d lost Big D.

[@INGR7ID]

I totally understand what this video is. I went through so many emotions when my friend died and anger was the longest one.

[@johncase1353]

I ended up finally deleting my Facebook when I realized the only reason I still was using it was to message and call my friend who ended up taking his life. It was to sad seeing all the past funny messages we sent to each other and it was on Facebook were I found out from my former supervisor what happened. I still miss you Quinton and still prey you found the peace you were looking for after you lost your grandparents in such a short time.

[@huizheng4000]

I’m mad now because you were able to forget me while I couldn’t

[@LittleAsian_]

Dammm this broke me. I hope this man is okay and is getting help for his loss.🥺💕

[@aubreyk6927]

Thank you for being so honest. We will always love you, Big D

[@acidheavens]

This hit me close. Lost a friend I’ve known for three years on Sunday. I’m mad that I didn’t take the chance to get closer to him.

[@ellainamason]

I understand. I'm still dealing with his death. I wish I listened more

[@ninthhorcrux]

This hits really close to home for me. I lost my best friend almost a year ago, and still not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It's usually just sadness, and longing to have her around again, but every once in a while, I do get mad at her. I get mad because she's not here anymore, that she left me here to pick up the broken pieces of myself and my life without her.

[@rulocheewe]

I'm mad because I won't ever have a good friend like him.....

[@Archersforeal]

This hit close to home because I lost a best friend who I talked to every single day of my life and never though in a million years they would take their own lives, I completely overlooked it and I question it everyday as if I never knew them. It’s been 6 months now, fly high Westley ❤️

[@laceyneyland1365]

I just lost one of my best friends last month to suicide and this video made me bawl. You just never understand truly why, you question yourself, if there's anything you could've done and you just have to cherish the good. Suicide is such a serious matter.

[@Lisasplace]

this hits home man, last month I had a friend who died a year ago. I feel you and I hope you'll be okay.

[@MyLifeWendy]

Dec 17th will be one year that my best friend since we were kids has made her way home.. And I miss her so so much.. I am mad that we will not grow old together as we had planned.........

[@HarryPotter87]

Absolutely heartbreaking

[@patpatpat]

I miss my dear friend Olan Martin so much I just can’t handle this I wish I could have done better and been a better friend

[@roberth7054]

I hope one day that madness can turn into sadness and that sadness into tears and those tears in a river that will flow away some day

[@dylancao7131]

I’m mad that this isn’t #1 on trending.

[@leotsukinagascreaming]

it’s been 4 weeks and 4 days since my friend died, and everything i look at reminds me of him. i’ll get random episodes of crying in bed and i hate it *so much.* if i look at my school’s choir, i’m reminded of how he got into the state’s choir. if i look at a piece of pizza, i’m reminded of a field trip we had years ago. no matter what i look at or what i do, he always pops into my head and i hate it.

[@garaakunandizzychan]

What a compelling video.... sometimes you just need a platform to express yourself

[@emilyroseayers7953]

This broke my heart. I've been feeling really unmotivated and depressed (more than usual) lately, and this video made me actually feel something other than numbness.

[@d.s.r.7.7.7]

It's been seven years, and it all seems like yesterday. I'm mad at myself for not having known you. I'm mad at myself for having lost you.

[@Ririkrd]

Came back to this video again..feels more lonely each time

[@NotRyxn999]

Holy crap this was deep

[@thehopeofeden597]

This hits way to close to home.

[@lokilaufeyson3205]

I've lost my best friend to suicide and I'm so mad at her, but at the same time I get why she did what she did. I miss her so much

[@alaynathurmon266]

It's been six months. It's Jimys birthday. He would have been turning 18. I still cry every day. I'll never forget that Monday that was at first fun and nice but later became a frantic scary night of not knowing what to do or who to call Or that terrible Tuesday getting the call from one of our friends and being in denial saying I was still going to see you in class that day because you told me "see you tomorrow" and even though you texted me goodbye later that monday I was still holding you to it. I will never forget having to walk alone for the first time that semester crying because you and Jimy were gone and I couldn't deny it anymore.I will never forget the day of your funeral and Jimys funeral crying and going up to your parents and siblings as they were in tears too. Or putting rose petals in Jimys casket and hearing his father and mother wailing. Or hearing your mom go up in front of everyone at your funeral sobbing about what took place that night. But I also will never forget how happy you guys made me. How you guys could make a joke out of anything and would walk me to class to make sure I was okay. I will never forget your hugs, advice, and complements. I will never forget the 4-5 years I had knowing you guys but Even though those things are good, all they do is make me sad now. I'll never forget August 20, 2018.

[@bassyttv1198]

I wonder if my friends would care

[@rastamoxbudubuc]

They will, mine too, we still gotta do what we gotta scooby dooby do

[@oceanpacific]

Lost someone as well.. and actually, we are not mad at them but mad at ourselves for allowing someone whom we care about so much, to cross that verge of despair

[@CharlieCabralos]

“Thanks for the beats, big D.” Omg I really thought this was going to be a Beats by Dre ad.

[@katt1936]

subbb to me

[@xXxjxXx-ww3et]

CharlieCabralos same

[@baileymoriarty6954]

Oh my! Hahaha, that would of been horrible if it ways!

[@Drphil444]

I'm mad that I only understand this from the perspective of the shadow. I'm mad that this is what my friends might feel. I'm mad that I have to live like this.

[@LunAR-ic7uj]

Phil Same

[@dariakazakova2138]

If I ever have a son, I'll name him after you. I'm mad because you'll never know. Rest in peace, Marc

[@faline2644]

Please hug all your loved ones

[@kaylatavares8945]

That hit me in the heart ♥️ I just lost a friend today and I can relate sooo much