ADDICT MANIPULATION, WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR!

People in active addiction can be very manipulative. They can make you think that you are the reason for their addiction. The best thing that you can do is stay educated and ask for help. Blaming others, playing the victim, priming the conversation are all different mays that they can try and manipulate you.
If you have any questions feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail].
Also, check out www.realrecoverytalk.com for all of the podcast episodes or subscribe with your favorite podcast player.

[@Ash_Ley_1986]

When you are in an relationship with a addict, just focus on your own life goals, they are manipulative and want all sorts of attention and sucking all your energy of you, they want you to stay on there level.. You will never grow in these kind of relationships! I speak from my own experience Stay focus❤️

[@sadafmansoorishaikh288]

I am a housewife with an infant...my husband is a drug addict...he has made my life hell

[@sharity3289]

@@sadafmansoorishaikh288 If divorce is not an option for you (I realize some religions & cultures frown upon divorce), could you possibly videotape him while he is high, or get some kind of proof of his addiction, and then show it to his family? Maybe they can help you because they would not want shame brought upon their family because of the addict. They may have more power over him than you. Tell them you are fearful of your child ingesting his drugs by accident because he is careless with them. Maybe if you try that, and if nothing gets better, maybe both families and the court/judge/elders would be then willing to approve a divorce.

[@Mike-xq8bv]

We are we are both addicts but she is not willing to change not even try talks a good game but it's right back at it when she wants to get high and causes an argument to give her an excuse to go use other than that these videos have been helping so it's time for me to take care of myself and let her go

[@mirelam9601]

Thank you

[@nattybumbum2]

I am so grateful that they showed me what an unhealthy and toxic relationship we had. I wish them well 🙏

[@michiellalove5402]

I have also had the "addict" taking all the blame as well. Saying things like, "I know it's all me", "I'm a terrible person", I am undeserving" Still playing the victim, trying to make you feel sorry for them.

[@victorial8764]

Yep! That’s the worse because it makes it feel like you should feel for them and you feel cold and mean. Ugh,

[@ssaberwolf]

This describes my dilemma perfectly. He takes blame but only in the most broad and self-pitying way, and as soon as he stops getting what he wants it's everybody else's fault. And when I kick his ass out, I'm being "abusive".

[@S2375wattage]

Can confirm that when you're your healthiest, the addict will leave. It feels like rejection, but it's actually respect. They realize that they can't manipulate you and give up. After 4 years of therapy and training, my addict told me he broke up with me because he didn't think I would let him take advantage of me anymore. He was right.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey good stuff right there!

[@stopdomesticviolence9959]

The manipulation is really scary,

[@Smooshy53]

Oh Wow!! You just explained me and my 44yr old son. Thank you so much!!! He wont be making me feel guilty any more. He just rang me from the mental ward blaming me and telling me Ive never cared. I felt bad. No more thanks to you.

[@leilamehmed1512]

When I confronted my ex he would just cause a fight, call me controlling, and leave. The other night I finally confronted him completely and he told me he won't stop and either I accept it or he's gone. He has since blocked me and I know there is nothing I can do at this point.

[@ashatan4554]

Just went through the same thing with my daughter in the psych ward! I couldn’t even have a conversation with her she just keeps blaming me for everything and pointing out all my flaws! And denying she has a drug problem. She does have mental illness but I am noticing a pattern of her checking into the hospital when she runs out of money! I feel like maybe she is going in there for a comfortable detox more than mental illness.

[@briandotkoma3722]

​@@ashatan4554addiction is a mental illness and it usually goes along with another disorder.

[@rockstarofredondo]

My dad would call and write from jail blaming me and his other kid and ex-wife for the trajectory of his life all the time.

[@graemesutton2919]

And from my experience 1) they continue to do this after they've been clean for years, and 2) it overlaps very much with narcissistic personality disorder. I ended what I thought was a close friendship with an addict who was 5 years clean when I realised it was a toxic relationship and he would never own up to his side of it

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

wow thanks for sharing that!

[@louiseskov2842]

I have just been dumped by my abusive boyfriend of 4 years, (alcohol and cocaine) I have been the only one there for him when no one else was, I have stood by his side when he was down and scraping the bottom, I have found him where he was about to take his own life, I've been there all the way and found myself in so much crap and lies and now that he's in treatment and on day 40 clean he's ditching me because he needs to focus on himself , I have never felt more used and laughed at. I was good enough when no one else was there for him, when he needed a place to live, when he was at his worst, I stood by his side. I am left with the feeling that now that he is recovering I am not good enough. and the funny thing is that he will never find such a sweet, caring, loyal and loving girlfriend like me. and I have no abuse I live a quite normal life with work and healthy relationships

[@alamn100]

This is when you have to work on yourself. Sometimes we fixate on fixing someone but it's their life for them to fix alone. He needs to take responsibility for himself and it sounds like he is trying to. Perhaps it is for the best for him to be a better person first before being with you. You deserve the best version of him because that is what he received from you. Don't think you were used, just think you helped someone in need so that he can now help himself.

[@here4theshow402]

Just found out my husband relapsed again. 22 years of marriage and it’s been exhausting. The manipulation is real! It’s time to move on for the sake of myself and my kids.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey there I am sorry to hear that. Let me know if there is anything that you would like guidance on. You can always send me an email at [e-mail]

[@beautifuldisaster9784]

Girl, I totally understand your pain. I just found out my boyfriend relapsed as well. It is absolutely soul crushing. I feel so unbelievably isolated and broken

[@here4theshow402]

@@beautifuldisaster9784 definitely gut wrenching !

[@buffyking5880]

Wow, I bet you an I could share stories all day! Same here! It cost me everything, hurt the kids, started hurting the grandkid an then he decided .. “ he was now sober “ meaning he hid it an lied and screamed at me if I don’t cooperate. 22 yrs! I divorced him a few years ago but let him stay because I don’t want to give up but I’m exhausted! It stinks living with someone who you know will still look you in the eyes an lie like are 8 yrs.

[@here4theshow402]

@@buffyking5880 it’s an insane cycle. Hurts to stay and hurts breaking up. Praying for strength everyday to get me through the emotions of it all.

[@jessicabarber5835]

Omg you nailed it. They do it in recovery too but with other drugs to replace the original addiction.

[@adannegadison877]

You have to call it what it is. The first step of recovery is admitting it, we have to see it for what it is. This was very informative. You think somebody is really on the journey of healing and then they swoop you back into it with them, then blame you! It’s sad cause it be family. Thanks for the info .

[@lilboat882]

Man! I really appreciate your honesty. Finally, some real talk.

[@leeduncan3000]

Thanks for the spot on advice. 😃 They do have a pattern to get you to participate in getting their drugs. Very easy to get manipulated. My addictic was using Religion, Pain Issues, and family drama to get support. Love the person , hate the addiction. Even if they don't stop using. You have no need for that guilt that will be placed on you. Because you loved them enough to say no.

[@cd2437]

He blames me for being angry at him and hurting from what he’s done to me. But usually he is just non- communicative or manipulative, never REAL. He’a sneaky and lies, not argumentative.

[@rockstarofredondo]

That’s my husband 100%.

[@cadiwa1]

This is my son exactly! Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🙏

[@lesakunkler1280]

This made a lot of sense once I heard you say an addict tries to make you crazy. The weed my S. O . uses seems to potential paranoia. I don’t know day to day what behaviors I will be dealing with. He blames me - he choose not to work his 2cnd program. You gave facts , I really needed those. T. Y.

[@asdf4678z]

This sounds like what is like to deal with a narcissist.......exact same experience.......🤔💡

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

There unfortunately are a lot of people out there like this, thanks for your comment 👍👍

[@TheSpecialist23]

Omg this is my sister!! Thank you for posting this I'm showing this to my mom to help give her strength.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it!

[@danetravels]

So much Value! Thank you!

[@flawlessstrategy9972]

Wow, only halfway through and this video is really good. Plainly stating many things that I had to learn the hard way. Thanks!

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey thanks! Appreciate your feedback :)

[@hayleyshort3794]

Omg, seriously. I've literally been trying to put all the pieces together unsuccessfully for 3.5 years and although I knew the overall, I didn't realise it was manipulation. Literally, it's all just *CLICKED*. Thank you so much for helping me understand.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thank you!! I hope it helped :) if you ever have questions feel free to reach out!

[@1SpiritEye]

This video just validated what is being experienced in my family. It gives that real perspective.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Erika Million glad to help!! Feel free to reach out if you need guidance!!

[@wildgabriellemarie]

@@RealRecoveryTalk. I’m struggling accepting things the person using drugs did for the drugs. I appreciate the honesty but things done could put my families health in danger

[@jayhansen4918]

I feel you big dawg

[@catherinecarella2928]

@@RealRecoveryTalk. My 30 year old adopted at birth son is a homeless drug addict. He's been in and out of rehab. He leaves in a couple days. He has mental health issues: bipolar, ADHD, Asperger syndrome. He will not take prescription drugs due to side effects. He has less than one year left on parole for drug related offence. I will never let him live at my house, even though he keeps asking me. How can I get support from you. I live alone. No longer married.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

@@catherinecarella2928 Hey there! You can send me an email at [e-mail] and we can connect!

[@bridgetemmerson1299]

This has been one of the most informative videos I have watched in terms of the mentality of someone in active addiction. Thank you so much.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Glad you liked it! If you have any questions you can email me at [e-mail]!!

[@ByGraceThruFaith8453]

Wow, I feel as though you have been listening to and watching what is happening between my son and me! He has used all of these tactics, and more. And yes, I fell for each one of them. So now I am aware of what's actually going on. Thank you for this video.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey thank you for this! We appreciate that we can help :) If you would like to have a discussion with your situation reach out to us! [e-mail] and [e-mail]

[@ThatBee-kt6kq]

Wow!!! 😮 this is exactly what they do omg I thought I was crazy cuz no one else sees this! Wow spot on.. thank u for your help I will definitely be more aware and speak up instead of just keeping my head down 😢 no more!

[@thedaoudfamily4081]

I’m hearing you tell the story of my life!

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thank you for your feedback! Sorry so late getting back to you!

[@flexitarianbeanqueen]

thanks. i needed this tonight.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

What did you like most?

[@jc2333]

The addict called me a coward for talking to his ex girlfriend on Facebook. He’s a coward for not getting sober.

[@bassicallyandre]

He literally described almost everything my ex wife has been doing for the past 4 years. She adamantly denies using or ever using, but all the signs are there. For a while, she would gaslight me, manipulate me into believing that I was in the wrong and it was my fault for why she struggled, living off and on in the streets. I would question myself, everything I believed and would let myself be driven by guilt, giving in to what she wanted as a way to atone for what I've done in the past. I have full custody of our two kids and have given her many opportunities and chances to be there for our kids, but she simply comes and goes as she pleases, only calling or wanting to see them when she misses them. I recently made the decision to cut her from our kids' lives until she gets her life together, but of course she takes no accountability and continues to try to manipulate and blame. She says that she's their mom and has the right to be with our kids, that every child needs their mom, that I need to grow up and not think with my emotions, that I'm only being spiteful cause she doesn't want to be with me. Then she always claims that keeping the kids away from her is illegal, that she's spoken to a lawyer and threatens to take me to court. I've been doing research on addiction for a while and watching interviews with addicts to better understand addiction, the inner struggles they face, how to deal with loved ones who have addictions and avoid being manipulated by them. This was very insightful.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thanks!! I appreciate your comment!!

[@malenejensen2995]

I have had a similar situation. It is very difficult to deal with. I, early on, decided to very respectful towards the other parent, despite this parent treating me and our kids crappy, because I wanted the kids to see respectful conduct. And remember you once choose this mum for a reason, and eve though you would like to have a better mum for your children, she is the only mum they have. But at the same time protect your children and respect their needs. Help them to deal with the chaos on their own terms with integrity. Remember to build a strong relationship with them to last a lifetime, cause they need it. And if drugs or alcholism is in the mix, take them to Al-Ateen meetings to help them deal with everything, and lower the risk of them getting in trouble with addictions. Btw. We were both codependent from childhood...

[@lovedandabundant6384]

Oh my goodness, the first 4mins have been so spot on

[@kellyb4557]

This is spot on what I experience thanks for this I needed to hear this

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thanks Kelly! Appreciate your comment!

[@lisadecaire9264]

I am so wishing you had resources here in Canada. I have resuscitated my son 3 times in my home since June. He is now out until he receives intense therapy. Sadly, he's a great kid. So much promise. It hurts so much. He cries to come home. I cant wake up to that anymore. I will be the one who dies. With Covid there arent many options. Very hard to be strong....but im doing it . He is still begging, pleading....it's HELL.

[@SlippinJimmy420]

I feel you! Stay strong!

[@KayRoseLiving]

I pray your son is delivered in Jesus name 😢

[@shuiwahlee5836]

🙏🙏🙏

[@nerdypunkin4336]

Thank you you the only one who doesn't sugar coat it. Doing all the things you mentioned my bf gambles and this is the only way to help him if he don't like it I'm still Holding my ground even if we break up.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Sorry for the late response!! Keep it up!! How are things looking??

[@nitinvaidya1]

My 34 year old son has done this to us for so many years. Your video has been very liberating.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thank you for your response!! Glad we could help :)

[@nelllowes8229]

I just found your video and really needed to hear this after finding out my boyfriend is using crack. He has done all the things you've said in this video to me

[@bradjbourgeois73]

Dealing with the same thing myself. Her mom died three and a half years ago and that triggered her relapse after 11 years clean!

[@yoqueen6048]

I'm just finding out about my boyfriend as well.

[@Flomo112]

This was really good. Thank you for your sharing. I’m new to dealing with an addict.

[@rockstarofredondo]

Get out before you are stuck for decades like some of us.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

If you need any assistance email us at [e-mail]

[@jujubaby614]

My addict has done that so many times, start fights for no reason other than to have an excuse to get high.

[@sical91]

Going through this right now. One thing that he also does is trying to divide members of hus family. Once he realises that he cannot manipulate me, he turns to his mother and put the blame on me. And when he is fed up with not being able to manipulate his mother, he will turn to me again. I don't fall for it. And that makes him angrym he blames me for being judgemental when I confront him with his lies, stealing and addiction. He has gone back to his mother again. She believes that he takes heroin every 10 days. Seriously? Heroin? Actually he takes it more than once a day. The only things that keep him away from drugs is lack of money. God bless all of you who are going through this. It's hard to no more recognize someone you love deeply. It's ok to let them go. Please don't blame yourself for showing to them that they can't manipulate you. You all deserve better.

[@jenniferrivera5461]

I'm living your scenarios with my ex but he is no longer in my house. Thankfully! Following your manipulating suggestion.

[@larechiga26]

Is it an addict manipulation to make accusations of mental abuse when the loved one is being assertive and trying to not be an enabler? You are very descriptive and helpful.

[@stuff1784]

Yes

[@Myself002ty]

Yes it is. I have a roommate who just moved in a few weeks ago. This man is 28. His poor dad babying him like a toddler finding him a place to stay everything! He s a grown man. He tells me he suffers from mental health. I am understanding of his mental health. I do suffer with mental health too. But I regulate it. I don’t go out to become a cocaine addict. I am about to throw him out of my house. He s trying to be irresponsible in my house not cleaning after himself thinking I ll do it for him. Naaahh! Not me! Get somebody else to do it but not me! His poor dad and mom. Feeling so bad for them.

[@achienglilian6395]

This really helps me. He is manipulating me. The lies 🥺🥺🥺.

[@jodiburnett6211]

I picked up my friend from rehab. The first thing she asked was to go to a CVS to pick up a few toiletries. She went straight for 2 family sized bottles of Gold Listerine. As if….. Cunning. Baffling. Powerful.

[@PS-xb9hc]

I recently met someone with rehab addiction...I have him three shots.he missed them all. I'm glad I was watching attentively.

[@gn2665]

What is rehab addiction please?

[@feliciajohnston4877]

Thank you so much I'm going through a very nasty breakup I believe my significant other relapsed because the old behaviors came out of nowhere kind of I saw the signs but I wanted to believe he was still sober

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Appreciate your feedback!! Glad it helped :) stay strong 💪

[@westcoastorbust2462]

This happened to me recently. Took me a minute to figure it out. It hurts.

[@scellapurecomedy]

Helpful. Great.

[@michelledubois2622]

I listened to this and yes everything you said was true except the end where you say "so you can get your loved one clean and sober .Nope ,can't be done it's all in them ,yes learning how to stop enabling only saves you and that is a hard thing to learn .God Bless all the people who love an addict ❤️❤️

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thanks for the comment! glad you enjoyed it :)

[@dans8955]

Yooo this was crazy I watched this last night and I got to the "this is going to sound crazy but.." part and thought naaaah not my girlfriend 😆 and then today she calls me and says "this is going to sound crazy...." 👀👀👀 and proceeded to say exactly.. exactly what you said she would. Hilarious, good show.

[@loricolbo5916]

Hit the nail on the head. Dealing with a friend in this. Thank you.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thanks for the comment!! If you need direction feel free to send me an email [e-mail]

[@rachelvillavueva9096]

I can't stand myself for allowing my 28 year old daughter's lies or manipulation. Addicts have that manipulation behavior and know how and when, who or which person. She calls me names, doesn't work and probably couldn't hold a job down anyway, and she blames me about things that don't exist or that I know are not true. Yeah, I'm the bad guy! When I put her out, I tell her that I'll always love her but I can't help her but I can support her if she wants the help because I can love her. Later she will return for me to let her use the bathroom or she's hungry, or she'll cry that sad cry of hurt and will tell me that someone's going to beat her up. That is why I fail! I feel bad, permitting the manipulation or is it? I open the door and I'm stuck again! BUT...she's going out again. True what is mentioned in this informative video, they pick a fight or a reason to leave. She does a lot of that, or annoys me. Why are they annoying? Walking around the house too much, slamming doors, they throw dishes around harshly, washes clothes too much, uses up the soap detergents, toilet paper, oh and the mannerisms are gone! I can go on! She admitted to using drugs and has been in rehab twice but always relaps. She talks horrible to me and her dad, to the grandchildren! I'm angry at myself for allowing my life to be unhappy and have no peace! I'm going to start researching material to help myself and for my change. Thank you Tom😊.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Sorry for the late response!! Thank you for sharing this :) let me know if there is anything I can do to help

[@rachelvillavueva9096]

Thanks again Tom. She has been in jail for about a month now. She has created a lot on herself from warrants and violations and domestic violence and battery charges. She's been on trial and not sure if she is serious about getting help from rehab AGAIN, or not or if the judge will allow her to go again or just do jail time...more time, maybe. She still continues to blame me for the messy life she chooses and she tells me over the phone from those inmate calls she makes to me. I usually have to end the conversation when she starts crossing the road of disrespect, not that I don't care, but I'm also paying for the minutes. So, I don't even know how she can say "whatever," to my I love yous. Ugh! 🙉

[@alexandraxxo68]

My heart goes to all these people ; so many stories of struggling with loving addicts ; for me it was my second husband -so no kids between us fortunately - but I still care for him so deeply -but all this struggle people say is so achingly familiar! My heart really went out to you most because it’s your daughter ( and I have a 29 year old daughter) ( but the crashing and chaos and emotional drama is something I experienced) - it must break your heart . Sending so much love to you today. I hope you find the balance and peace you need ❤

[@nala4177]

When you said their parents paying their car and apartment deposit. It hit home, that was my ex his father pays for his car and apartment but somehow I was the problem. I didn’t have a job and the little money I had, I felt guilty and gave it to him. Now that I’m out of hurts me to know that a great person is burning down and his family are putting more gas in it 😢

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thank you for the comment!! Glad you are out of a toxic situation for sure

[@stopdomesticviolence9959]

You are right!!!! 100%

[@Donnydarko9912]

I do not like the term once an addict always an addict

[@OceanOfLight]

I dont like that term either. Its self defeating. I have been sober for over 5 years and Im a different person. I can accept that I was an addict, but Im not anymore. Im stronger and smarter after everything Ive learned and healed along the way. I will never go back its impossible in my mind.

[@justbecause9996]

Im going through this with my son. This makes so much sense. Im scared to kick him out. He is also a diabetic

[@jayhansen4918]

Thank you

[@BeefZupreme]

Even paying for their stuff here and there is subsidizing their addictions.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

CORRECT! Dont assist in the negative behavior!

[@okechukwukosi7301]

I was lied to, cheated on, it's crazy

[@ToniInSussex]

Spot on.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!

[@razenkane1843]

Ive left my hubby and this was so the case. I have no desire to continue trying I hope and pray he finds help I tried for 8 years trying on/off 26 years. My daughter as well is stuck in drugs I hope she does what she said a couple of weeks ago she was working on becoming sober. She disowned me last dec and I had to let go because she was horrible. I have her son I needed to be happy and focused on my life. They both needed money so often it was crazy. I'm free hope they become sober. The things my daughter has done since I refused to help her anymore Shes been homeless, gave up 3 kids, multiple jail time and skipping courts, a few weeks ago she said she is going be sober and get her son(I only have 1 of her kids) so hope she will. My hubby on the other end won't even try to be better or say he has been working on himself all while still drinking and smoking dope yes, he was free from Meth I hope he stays that way since I left him 2 months ago. Maybe had I research stuff like this could have helped im just tired and done with ignoring my wants in my life and that is to be as normal as possible free from addicted people. I struggle enough with my own stuff

[@tammyplanty6294]

OMG exactly 💯!!!!

[@joegillies3925]

That was me!!

[@loristromski1334]

Sending healing streams of grace to all

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thanks :)

[@motowngirl5891]

This is not how anyone should live their lives, these monsters need to stay away from people

[@jellueabigail1706]

I recently cut the cord with my daughters father. I asked to get help or leave and apparently his telling everyone “ I kicked him out” it’s been tough but it was draining having him constantly accuse me of things that weren’t true. Super paranoid about nothing. I hope he finds himself again. I gave up

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Thanks for the comment!! Stay strong, things will work out

[@sarahbreisch4750]

I had to check the date when he said go put $5 in the gas tank. I think I'm 2019 that would have been more helpful than now!

[@marktaylor2608]

I definitely need help with this.

[@ilikemitchhedberg]

Imho, the best way to be truly free of the addict's nonsense is to be far away with little to no contact.

[@mildamacenaite]

My boyfriends sister is an addict and we’re living with her. It’s been hard. Especially when she breaks my stuff and blames it on me just as an excuse to start using again. Playing the victim card. What hurts the most is that my boyfriend believes her lies and tries to protect her, i guess like all big brothers naturally do. This is drifting us apart. My mental health is also being affected big time because confronting her caused only more problems. Her only reaction was anger and i was sobbing trying to make her tell the truth which, as i now understand, was not possible knowing the only thing she thinks about is drugs. Imagine: your stuff gradually, over time is being broken and stolen and when confronted, YOU have to say sorry to the person who did it because they felt attacked. Feel like im the peacemaker who is always trying to understand and help everyone else, but gets hurt and stabbed in the back instead. I feel very alone in this, because the only person i need supprt from right now (my partner, the person i trully love) is being manipulated and cant see the situation as it is, as a result enabling her to use furthermore, harming herself and lying to everyone she once loved. Hope someone else can relate. ❤

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Yes this is a tough situation, you should evaluate what is within your control and work on that. Sounds like you all may need some different living arragments?

[@michelecrouse5284]

yes husband does did it to me....he was soo good at it even the rehab belived him....now second one said they wont believing him i get crazy request???

[@sbrd4795]

My husband in a nutshell. I've focused on raising our 4 kids and getting myself stable to move is forward.

[@janinesmith8252]

I called the police on my alcoholic 45 yr old daughter after she started punching me because I told her she had to leave. She called several of my very close family members telling them how terribly I was. She ended up moving in with her 7th boyfriend who was an alcoholic and addict, but he supported her. H e finally kicked her out and now she is with another guy. She had manipulated me for years but after me joining ALANON she couldn't manipulate me any more. We haven't spoken in several years. I worry about her and will always love the REAL her.

[@christiecantu3210]

I'm going through that with my husband with all the lies etc

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey there! Sorry to hear you are going through this. If you would like you can send me an email to [e-mail] and we can connect and discuss your situation! Thanks

[@gavmedia5674]

My ex partner never used to blame it on anything. She was an admitted addict but she just used to go get some stuff out the blue. Buying alcohol, cannabis which I also smoked, and cocaine which I almost always refused to partake in cos it wasn't my drug of choice I love weed. She wasn't crazy into the drugs cos of having 2 children but I used to see her and the children during the day and she would be half hammered on vodka taking the dog out for a walk then drive us all back to her place under the influence hitting car mirrors whilst turning round in the road and I just had to sit there in the car and say nothing or she'd kick off. Being out of the relationship now I knew I was abused but whilst in it it's so hard to see. Life is crazy and we all go through mad things.

[@laurachavez2869]

My dad relapsed after 9 years I knew he was doing drugs because he changed he kept picking fights with everyone, especially my mom. I confronted him about it and it didn't help he argued with me and didn't admit to it. I tried telling my mom about my suspicion and she brushed it off so they wouldn't have problems. He recently OD in the driveway he literally died and was brought back by paramedics so he had to admit it that he was using for over a year again. I tried getting him to go to rehab but he convinced my mom and sister that he can get himself clean at home. Idk what to do anymore growing up with an addict was a living hell

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Laura I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. If you would like to chat, just send me an email at [e-mail]

[@r4tgl]

This is exactly how I have treated him always. I will help minimally but never with cash. Clean then not. Rinse and repeat. It is very difficult to maintain any sympathy for him as you know they are in a sense actively working against you and trying to manipulate you on top of it. I personally believe he is a covert narcissist. It's sad but I have allowed it by staying. The promises never kept. If you have the option to leave, go. They'll find you if they eventually clean up.

[@shanlam12459]

Yup cheated for years and found out and he said it was to do anything but drugs. Idk anymore. Would ask for money a lot too.

[@jessjess927]

What do I do if my boyfriend uses… and so does his only parent. My boyfriend is sometimes the plug for said parent. What on earth can I do? Or should I just run?

[@rockstarofredondo]

My husband doesn’t pick fights but he does use my fed up-ness to create more excuses to keep using.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

This is very common unfortunately. Its def a manipulation tactic

[@CatKingCole82]

My aunt April Kalcsa right here. Except she's a lot more abusive and cruel when she can't get money out of grandma.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

sorry you are going through this! Grandma standing her ground and she doesnt like it

[@cruzelizabethrodriguez9797]

Accountability

[@michelecrouse5284]

o yes we did the going away .......right out of regab and demanded cash from me he was buying alchol.....i had horrible time.

[@WheresSummer1800TBIFIND]

I kicked my son out of my home cause I caught him with a needle in my bathroom he left and totalled his truck out and he blames me and I refuse to take the blame for his bad choices in his life anymore... he is still in the hospital with a crused pelvic again my fault took him food and he started a argument with me so I walked out I'm not the one to blame his choices and addiction is to blame not me anymore ..

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. If you need anything you can email us at [e-mail]

[@agoodgurl2k]

Yup.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

💪💪

[@crissieroserose]

they dont always do this ,

[@lucysmom3892]

Hi I know this was a year ago. I was once in a stalking/threatening situation by an addict. I hope you can share something about this whole threatening thing they do.

[@OceanOfLight]

Get a restraining order. Block them. Dont think about them ever again. Focus on yourself- your life going forward. This worked for me from many different perspectives. Hope this helps

[@laurenfelsberg6406]

Exactly my alcoholic Sister! I have had enough! Made decision to cut her out of my life- 25 years of heartache is enough!!!!!

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey Lauren sorry you are going through this! Hopefully she will get the help that she needs. If you want to chat you can email me at [e-mail]

[@suzieque9934]

My family needs help

[@ldbobay]

I can't live safely in my own home. I need my medicine and I am not an addict but I don't get to take it because my daughter steals it from me. I bought a $126 safe and she still got into it! My counselor suggested it! There is nothing she can't get in to! I can't wait until she leaves. She's 24 and a pain in my ass! She ironically works for David Lawrence Center in Naples Florida where they Baker Act kids who are having trouble at home with drug abuse and alcoholism. What can I do?

[@roxanneforsberg1877]

I don't know what to do with my friend and her manipulation. It's so frustrating

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey there you can email us at [e-mail] and maybe we can help!

[@Sara-world]

I don't know. My dad is a narcissistic dry drunk at the moment. Won't ever stop being a narc. All of the abuse my whole life (even as an adult) has really messed me up. I was a victim of his abuse and there are current wounds still. I don't drink or do drugs. Only was a social drinker. Don't think I'm an addict, but have been to alanon. I almost think denying that some people are victimized is like a whole other type of gaslighting victimization. People are victims. They don't have to stay there and it can be a daily process towards thriving, but you can't skip the step of acknowledging that very bad things happened to them and mourn that tragedy then work to transforming that pain. I'm watching this video because I've dated addict guys that have manipulated me so bad in the past. I was almost conditioned to be manipulated by my father.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey there Sara! Thanks for the comment! Keep up the good work!

[@macunz111]

Very insightful comment

[@stephritchie9573]

Fantastically accurate and useful information and content. Would be great to see a slight change in some language... person struggling with substances rather that "addict" but other than that, great video.

[@stephritchie9573]

@Element 406 the word addict is stigmatising and really labels a person. Person with an addiction, dependancy disorder, struggling with substances are all better alternatives.

[@stephritchie9573]

@Element 406 not going to get into a debate over it. You believe what you want.

[@stoneyq4259]

@@stephritchie9573 the language is intentionally hurtfull. Who wants to be an "addict"? Who does it help to change the language? The addict? Not really... because then its not a bad thing to stay that way

[@michellejuarezcisneros6112]

I’m mom with cancer stage 4cancer breast. An I have a son that does that to me I fear him

[@salmon3345]

This is why I broke up with my codependent alcoholic girlfriend. Manipulative and lies all the time. On and off for 2 years and I fell for it.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

sorry to hear this, hopefully she gets the help that she needs

[@rainawhite6014]

I thought my hubby quit drinking almost 5 yrs ago, but I’ve had Suspicions since than and I was right I confronted him once in that time and boy did he turn it on me ! Today I find a hidden garbage bag full of empty beer/ liquor bottles! Iam so disappointed n upset. Iam not sure what to do or say about it again knowing he will start an argument and blame me again . He’s been a functioning alcoholic for the past 35 years he never misses work he controls it well but I just can’t handle alcohol in around or near my life anymore how should I go about this

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

We actually have podcast next week will be very helpful to watch. We use the acronym BRAVE to address Addiction Manipulation: 1. Be aware- know manipulation tactics- guilt-tripping, denial, lying, victimization, etc so you can identify when these are being used. 2. Reinforce boundaries - establish and communicate clear but firm boundaries regarding acceptable behavior and uphold them 3. Act Calmly- remain calm and "detached" respond calmly without emotional engagement. being calm helps to focus only on the facts as emotional engagement sometimes will enable their power to continue manipulating you 4. Voice the need for professional - It is crucial to encourage them to seek professional help -AA, therapy, etc while at the same time showing you are supporting them Help 5. Engage in support networks- specifically for yourself as it can be emotionally draining-- Al anon, Nar-Anon, therapy as you do not control their behavior or their outcome and you have to accept that in order to help your loved one you have to help yourself and be okay with the outcome whether it is what you want or not

[@jayhansen4918]

My mom relapsed recently and brought my "normie" dad into it. How can i stop this? I know its a precose situation but ill supply explanations if needed. Im just tryna restore my family. But i understand if you dont respond for this is a deep question in a sense

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Hey there!! Send me an email to [e-mail] and we can discuss!!

[@biancabarbeito1483]

Although my husband does not take the blame but blame me for his addiction, his newest manipulation is he says that Marujuana is not a drug and his zombie like personality is not affecting our marriage or raising the kids and that I am the horrible person with lots of flaws that he accepts and I am the reason for all the problems I our marriage. I'm about to leave him again and I'm struggling with guilt, and I k ow it's best for my kids because my husband is so stoned all the time he literally only does things for himself he is out doing his preferred hobbies comes home stoned then smokes more and lands in front of the TV, tells me a woman has no brains and should just cook clean and take care of kids and give him sex when he wants it and that I must just keep quiet and be humble because he is not bad guy and he is not an alcoholic so I should accept him or leave. Yup he literally tell me ugly things then if I leave like I have so many times then he makes me feel bad for breaking up the family so I go back to him just to do this all over and over. So he acts like a alcoholic but with Marujuana, is Marujuana a problem or am I just a bad person?

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

I dont think you are a bad person at all. I would recommend seeing a counselor or building a support group that you can reach out to. If you have any questions you can email me at [e-mail]!!

[@jasscott7989]

My AD said she'd been shot because she owe a dealer $600. She left crazy messages all night telling me the was "running for her life" "please help me" "Mom, I'm gonna die, I love you." I don't know where she is. She doesn't have a car. How, what do I do? I'm a basket case. I think she's in Tampa somewhere. She sent me a picture of herself with some bloody paper towels on her shoulder, and she's got a huge abrasion on her face. I called Tampa police dept. they don't have a case with her name. This is consuming me. What should I do?

[@tictactoedias1908]

I pray you’ve heard from her 🙏🙏 take care of yourself. It’s so hard their master manipulators

[@hmmm8552]

@softwhiteunderbelly

[@calvinbostic7237]

Man my mother a crackhead she blames everyone else for her addiction and habits

[@adriedrake8605]

How to get over the lies he told? How to rebuild trust? I feel like I wasn't enough for him not to relaspe. After 8 yrs He was 6 mos sober then one day my world shattered. I know he loves me and our childern but I don't know if I can believe what he says.

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Adrie, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Trust me when I tell you, you are seeing the addict. NOT the person that you love. It is true that you cannot believe what he is tell you (most of the time) but there will be a time that your relationship will mend, so as long as you and him do the work that is involved. Feel free to email me at [e-mail] and we can chat about your situation thanks!

[@TY-mx9fr]

I have a friend who I let her come to my place every once in a while. Her and her boyfriend. I have one rule. Be home by 10pm. I have trouble sleeping so when they wake me, I am awake all night and they are sleeping fine. I don't want to be mean but she keeps making excuses about the late time they come in. What do u think I should do

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

Don’t let them stay at your house, if they can’t abide by YOUR RULES in YOUR HOUSE then they can find somewhere else to live!! You can tell them I made that suggestion :)

[@marilynfranklin8924]

My child, manipulates me constantly. I worked out a year ago I gave her $17;000+ and she has nothing now. I’m the biggest cunt in the world. I gave her everything, she was raised in a house where she had her own room, beautiful room, double bed, posters on the wall... friends over, mum the parent canteen lady, I did it all. Took my babies to the UK, Singapore, Queensland..... I did everything for my daughter, she took my credit card for hundreds. She doesn’t talk to me now, I’m irrelevant.

[@michealroche9564]

Me and my partner 101..The sad thing is I know what she's doing, but I guess I'm addicted to her too😢

[@RealRecoveryTalk.]

sorry you are going through this! It is common to be addicted to people and chaos