Addiction Relapse Prevention Strategies That DON'T WORK!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

🙋‍♂️You can find LT on KZbin at Recovery Addict: 👉kzbin.info/door/2YFgn6Ueq_ejbfIcFVNy4A

[@cedarpoplar]

I've been in recovery a couple of times in a period of five years. I never thought I'd actually make it to doing long-term recovery maintenance. People have to have faith and study what professionals teach them. It is possible. Sobriety is real. People build character. Life still as difficult as always and there will always be cravings. but someone who makes being vigilant a way of life builds character.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Those are wise words, Cedar!

[@danwolski]

The point about others perception you are going to AA meetings vs passing out in public - I love this part of the discussion. I identify and struggle with this but this challenged my thinking for sure

[@maryeagles9199]

Thanks, Amber and LT. LT, hearing from you gives this mom hope that my son, who is 31, will be able to overcome addiction.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's right Mary! People get better from this illness everyday!

[@terrigriffin2741]

Thanks!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! Thank you so very much,Terri!

[@whitneystone5725]

Yes to be yes to support and empathetic and not just so belittled because we are our own worst enemy with all the shame and guilt when we're in reality it wasn't our fault it was just don't even get I should have worded it that way don't I mean yes we made that choice but we were never taught any of this and now we are able to teach this and it's a beautiful thing

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're absolutely right, Witnee 💯

[@HumayunMirza-s8f]

Nice talk. It always fascinates me listening to an 30:16 recovering addict. I know they carry tons of experience n effort to be there in recovery. Great guy, all the best to him.

[@timtom904]

I appreciate the content related to early recovery. Please keep it up.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks, will do!

[@gwillis01]

If you firmly decide that alcohol or your narcotic drug of choice has no good qualities at all it is easier to give up. Of course it will be hard to give up if you think the substance makes you more friendly or more joyful or better able to flirt with others.

[@Christine-qe5zj]

2 of my favorite people. Thank you for your great advice!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for joining the conversation, Christine!

[@TammyJohnson-b6s]

I love hearing both perspectives and it would be amazing to have his wife on as well!!

[@AYe-ly2yo]

I now can see his addiction through TEXTING, by him trying to gaslight and manipulate me. LOL

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'll bet he doesn't get anything by you anymore, A. Ye!

[@AYe-ly2yo]

@@PutTheShovelDown In my case it is kind of bad, it is to the point that every time he talks, it is some form of manipulation. I still want to help. However I have recognized for me to help, it requires a desire to be better/humbleness from his side.

[@traceyrhoads5166]

Thank you so much for sharing .. this had helped me better understand my loved ones thinking .. one more tool. I'm trying so hard and your videos and advice have been so helpful, hearing this young mans point of view, helped me understand things I didnt before

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Tracey, I'm so glad you found some help in this video!

[@anthonyrossmaund3161]

I have been relapsing over and over. My Dr just called me on it and I didn't know what to say. I don't want to to do that again. Thanks for your help! Im hoping to find the cure to this

[@gwillis01]

Some people are mad that the use of opiates is so different in the U S versus the European countries. It seems that the Europeans authorize twice as much physical therapy and counseling and half as many opiates,

[@PutTheShovelDown]

If that's the case, the Europeans have it right!

[@whitneystone5725]

One thing I don't understand is the anger of everything and everything and I understand I'm completely agree with you it's ridiculous because to each their own right if it's not hurting us but it is hurting all of us right but I'm not quite understanding where why we can't all just have some compassion for every what everybody's going through because that's the problem we're all hurting or we were or we will I mean it's life but gosh I have got to make a channel and edit it or I'm not going to make sense I'm rambling and rambling and it's probably not making sense cuz here I am talking into this Android while I am cleaning LOL so yeah I'll hush I'll hush now oops lol

[@whitneystone5725]

I would call the epidemic the you know p word the pandemic is I mean this I mean yeah that's exactly what happened I woke up one day and after having legitimate surgery and freaking could not believe it I thought I had the flu I kept saying I was just crying I mean yeah it's not like someone wakes up as I want to be an addict I mean what in the world and I think just people are educated in that is not their fault but we need to educate and not be so rude and cruel to people we all are struggling and and I what I have found is people that are not addicts or alcoholics or something they have advice right and they are struggling and people want to be listening to her but they don't want to be yelled at or anything like that I think that's the case we need to I think therapy is the best answer because man I tell you when you drop that Eco and therapy and like the meetings I'm telling you beautiful things happen but when God comes there you go it's just a beautiful beautiful situation right there

[@whitneystone5725]

Wow oh so they were honest about the recovery yeah that's exactly what happened to me I mean this has been what nearly 15 years ago but that happened to me and well I just said I wasn't going to say something about it okay I'm really going to stop now lol

[@whitneystone5725]

That is my point about the whole thing about it's not addictive personality it is people places and things you can't do it and if people are not going to respect that you're doing nothing making fun of you but that's where society has made it socially acceptable

[@paulasuprenant6728]

Merry Christmas.thank u for these good videos,Amber!🎄🎅😍⛄🎁🎁😃❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, Paula!

[@julielaw6488]

Hi I am in the UK. My son became a heroin addict at 14 yrs he is 34 now. He has been homeless 4 times and is currently sleeping in a car. He has lost his 2 boys both parents are addicts , they are in care. It is the most painful thing to watch and yet he says he is trying to sort his life out. He starts prescriptions and then misses collecting them. I've hear every excuse in the book. It's so hard to help and support when it has been going on for 20years.

[@moopboop2312]

I hope he and you can get the help and support you need, not only from professionals but from your friends and family. I hope you have a wonderful day and that your pain (and your family's pain) eases soon💯💯

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Julie, that is such a heart breaking situation. Sending you warm thoughts and prayers.

[@julielaw6488]

Thank you for your kind words x

[@Chito444_]

Thanks

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

Great advice

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Kristina! I'm so glad you liked it.

[@Stefanosinf]

LT was amazing!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

He sure was!

[@erinehinger956]

Fantastic video.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Erin, So glad you liked it!

[@traceyrhoads5166]

I send Amber's videos to my best friend dealing with what I am, as well as trying to get my addicted loved one to watch them, but he often begins watching, then stomps off and wont finish watching it 🤦‍♀️ I can promise you, Amber's video's have helped my bff and I both in dealing with our addicted other half. Neither of us have ever done drugs, and rarely drink. We were both to naive to even know they were doing drugs .. for quite some time. When I first found meth in my house, I didnt even know what it was, I knew it was drugs, but I didnt what kind. A neighbor told me what I had found. That was a year and half ago. My bff has been aware 2 years now. She is getting a divorce. I am on again, off again seperated, and this has honestly been the worst year of my life. Also an alcoholic often using both. He is jeckyl n hyde, I never k how who I'm going to deal with. He went to dui class, n counseling. But covid made most virtual. He was literally putting phone where counselor couldnt sew while he was drinking vodka strait out the bottle, and lying through his teeth about sobriety. He graduated this class, drinking while taking it!! He refuses to give up the people he uses drugs with, the lies, the secret life, locks on his phone he never answers in front of me, and it's always my fault he uses. I dont do my job well enough to keep him happy, when he is happy, he doesnt want to use. Things can feel great, I'll still find more drugs, hidden vodka bottles. He is a smooth talker, and I feel like my head is in a whirlwind. He makes me think I'm crazy, and dont remember things correctly. I do have Rhuematoid arthritis that affects my memory, but when I Know I'm remebering correctly, I Know. I'm honestly in tears on a daily basis, anxiety and worry has consumed me, sober he is the most wonderful man on the planet, but I don't know this person, he is mean, manipulative, does not treat me the same. Is so good at changing my mind and turning on the charm, just as I've had enough and have a plan in motion to leave. If I leave him I dont think he will ever get better. I'm all he has. But I have made all the classic mistakes Amber speaks of. I get mad and blow up at the drugs I find in my home, the lies, etc. Then I give him a reason to use, I made him mad. It's a viscous cycle that we cant get out of. Any boundary I try to set .. makes me "trying to be his mommy" I'm out of answers and these tears are breaking my own spirit. I'm losing myself as all of this worry and fighting has consumed me.

[@gwillis01]

I have no clue what you should do or say but I am very sad that you are suffering like this. I am sad that your thoughts are such a flustered mess.

[@lorimast]

The perception thing.... If you are getting help and people see it, you have to admit you have a problem. If you make a fool of yourself at the bar, it's ok because you're "cool" and just having fun.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Good point Lori!

[@Stefanosinf]

Great advices, thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful!

[@catherinecook9260]

Love the nudge from the judge….good saying . Totally walking on eggshells w my adult son. I refuse to spy, watch over, it won’t stay hidden for long.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're getting an A+++++!

[@jasonfarley8364]

Overall, a great conversation. He obviously takes a 12-step approach. I prefer to leave the 12-step jargon out when I talk. There are a few things that I don't understand. Why do people say "your addict"? I don't have an addict, I have an addiction. And my "disease" isn't telling me what to do. I have power and I have choice.

[@heatherlancaster6720]

real talk

[@lorimast]

I LOVE hearing someone in recovery talk about this stuff straight from the "Big Book". They talk my language. This is familiar to me because all through the dating phase, my husband talked about this. He is now traveling 50 miles to go to a meeting once or twice a week, because all the other meetings in our area are shut down because of Covid. (That makes NO SENSE to me!!!) I haven't been to Al-Anon in awhile because I really didn't feel like I got a lot out of it. But for some reason, AA resonates with me, although I'm not the addict. LOL

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I can relate to that feeling, Lori!

[@whitneystone5725]

Agreed but I tell you what I did not like it long ago but it cracks me up because I talked to lingo too and it's just so true and all the crochet saying so I love it too it is very delightful to hear it I love it

[@cptings3396]

i was with my old drug frens the other day & they were using, i was smoking weed only & i was the only person that was happy & enjoying the vibes..

[@debraanderson5178]

What do I do? My son is an addict and is already out of the house but still living on my property. I still feed him but give no money. I stay angry. So unhappy at home. I have been dealing with this (this time) for a year. 😥

[@PutTheShovelDown]

The fact that you're angry tells me that you're doing way more for him than you want to be doing.

[@debraanderson5178]

@@PutTheShovelDown you are so right. I am mad at myself. When I get home he is on my heels wanting to eat or shower...always something. Do I make him leave the property? He is 37 and has been in and out of jail and rehab.

[@karenherrera287]

Recovering Addict, which book are you referring to?

[@gracielasaenz2128]

89 days sober here and the first month was easy but now I am craving sugars, Mrs. Amber can you talk about that and also what about the Gabipantine pills 💊, people are taking them to help with craving??

[@oliviaphillips8291]

what is the book that LT is mentioning?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I not 100% sure, but I think it was The Addictive Personality

[@rowanfrancis9011]

Agree even prison

[@TammyJohnson-b6s]

Can you please do a video on "my wife acts like this and That's why I drink" ?!

[@ForTheSakeOfTheSongs]

I kept my last bottles of hard liquor as a sort of rememberance (that's quite the opposite of his advice)

[@tammybradley6644]

How do you support your spouse when he is in active addition? He thinks doing "a little every day or two" is his way of getting off it.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Tammy, great question. Here's my playlist on MOTIVATING A LOVED ONE TO GET SOBER: Hope it helps! kzbin.info/aero/PLaaJWwIpP_zYtiUsXjYwB-GJEy2iJ24a4

[@traceyrhoads5166]

I can tell pretty easily if he is drinking but when he using meth, I'm often uncertain .. but suspect. It's not til the 3rd .. 4th day of suspicion that I'm sure. .. as far as drug testing, I tried that. He blew up like a volcano. Said if I dont trust him, he is leaving. Refused to take the test and had a huge blow up at me for asking him

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Refuses to take a drug test only means one thing.... I consider those positive tests. In essence, you did give him the drug test and he didn't pass! When he says "you don't trust me", just acknowledge it and say "you're right I don't trust you, but I'd like to trust you. If you'd take this drug test it would do a lot to help me gain trust". He won't agree to take the test, but at least you'll have called his bluff and put the responsibility back on him.

[@gwillis01]

hello friends

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Happy New Year friend!

[@whitneystone5725]

I said that on another one yes it's true like it works if you work it and like honestly do you know how many times I did not work those steps and thought I did but did not at all like we need to you know do we have to be held accountable I mean I literally have been going on I mean this is the most beautiful time in my life and I'm doing great and not using it all it's beautiful thing and it's been going on and on I love it I just have so much to say on it it's unreal

[@whitneystone5725]

I like both of y'all girl I'm going to have to come on your show you will die laughing at me okay listen well I'm going to make a channel and then we'll come on your show but first I mean for real for real I love this woman and I love him

[@gwillis01]

Is there a time where praise can be secretly nasty? Is it mean to say "You succeeded in buttoning all your shirt buttons and pulling up the zipper on your pants!! You are as smart as a three year old!!" to a spouse in their forties?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yes, it can definitely be nasty. To be effective praise should be genuine!

[@whitneystone5725]

We're not planning on doing things or I wasn't planning it was because we were uncomfortable in our own skin we were clean but uncomfortable we were we were we hated ourselves we are called scum of the earth we are stigmatized we have changed we don't understand I mean it's just like it's bizarre it's like a whole process it's a journey it's beautiful I look back and I mean I wouldn't take anything back from my journey because it's still ongoing and I'm evolving and growing and I am such a nerd and loving my reading and growing things and just I mean I literally am just so happy

[@wonderfulpeoplesavingtheearth]

I think "partying" is a misnomer when it comes to going out and getting drunk. let's call it what it is, a death wish covered by ignorance and foolishness. we're listening to a voice in our heads that wants us dead and we're proud of it! how foolish and duped is that?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Amen to that!

[@cptings3396]

i agree with the Karma..i drive a nice car now..BMW

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's amazing how much better people's lives get when they get on the right track!

[@cptings3396]

@@PutTheShovelDown i have also stopped drinking im on day 7...its 0.06.15 in the UK..i feel great..x

[@whitneystone5725]

Yeah that is that you're exactly correct that's the worst that's going to happen is you will be playing therapist and I got that all the time and I have to say don't have a degree but I'm a damn good therapist but was it taking my energy away from my from me oh yes and that can hurt you so definitely take care of you first but yeah that's one thing that's incredible about all of this is it doesn't discriminate I mean we all know someone and that's why I think it's a crazy that it is still almost weird to talk about her like how someone is not educated like just for instance someone tried to tell me that my mom needed in home care like that she's some elderly and she's just now they talking about I just I don't understand how and I'm not being rude I'm really not because I love this person and I did not say that to their to them but it's just it's not making sense of how they know what it's about and it's like what are their intentions because I don't understand and you best believe I will make sure my mom gets detox immediately because I am trying to get her an inpatient it's not going to work right now and I am freaking out actually because like I'm going I need her to be in detox like I'm talking and she's going to hurt foot all the stuff so she's right here home but I mean why don't we have something like that if we're going to get in in home care someone in this home then why in the world will we know not have guess what they need I don't know somebody fluids I don't know somebody talks about I'll call when that be amazing but no they don't have that which is bizarre now maybe they do maybe that can be done I don't know but I mean yeah in some areas and places yes they do but I'm not quite sure around here I know of a couple people I could I'm I don't know and here I go again saying how truthful I am and yeah you see me rambling and yeah I'm still mopping and by the way I'm going to go to bed and here I am been up addicted to this channel now

[@whitneystone5725]

Not his story is quite like mine I just tried a bit of an array of everything

[@whitneystone5725]

Honesty is the best policy though but I do have to practice and I am and I've gotten better at listening and not talking but I have got to practice on not being so blunt because I mean like they say the truth hurts I don't know I just I don't know why I would ever apologize for something that I'm not doing wrong right now I mean it I would I mean I paid a men's I just don't understand I mean there's yes it's always Case by case or scenarios I'm just saying no matter what and I mean no matter what if you lie about something and I don't care if you say the silliest s*** ever and I'm not a liar by the way so I'm I'm like the most truthful I'm a very truthful person to the to a fault but the thing is what's the problem that and oh boy can I tell you there's a lot of problems in telling the truth because people will use it against you that are using you and you would be surprised who those folks are

[@whitneystone5725]

Oh I would love to send Links of something that I actually it is a paper well it's a it's not even a paper it's and it's not a book so we'll keep it like that but I'd like to send it to both of you and it's kind of what I've been saying on it several different channels or several different videos of hers because there is a big disconnect cuz I'm I'm all with the big book I like AA better but that was not I cannot stand alcohol that's it's a trauma of mine I mean of course here I am trying to get my mother off of it immediately I'm talking like tomorrow if I can I mean she's got to get detox but there's just some things that I would love for other people to just see a different perspective I don't know how that it I don't know how I've gotten to this stage to where I can just see not only these two folks up here but also other people in reading the comments and I'm like I can understand each scenario and I can feel it but I'm a very empathic person I'm very intuitive as well but it's just it's it's come like I always say it's a journey it's a process and I always wanted to get to the destination and if you're in early recovery please know do not think that way I know it's easier something though but I'm telling you what please enjoy the journey

[@Cantaloupecringe]

Amber you have no clue...