Why Most People Can't Beat Addiction 😫

Here's the insider's scoop on why most people can't beat addiction. Over my many years of helping people and families struggling with addiction, I've learned there are some very common (yet critical) mistakes people make in the recovery process. In this video, I'll be sharing the top 5 addiction recovery mistakes and how to correct them.
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[@PutTheShovelDown]

🙋‍♂️To understand why those struggling with addiction can't see the issue clearly, watch this video next: 👉kzbin.info/www/bejne/nqDWn6aAoLimpa8

[@flossy4life287]

Okay this is a bit of a long one!! I would say I'm what you term "The Queen of Transference of Addictions!" LOL!! It's not really funny it's actually sad, but very accurate. #1-FOOD Xfer to (after gastric bypass)#2-SEX!!! Xfer to #3- this one would prove to be the most difficult to shake bc it had a twisted way of rewarding me at the time. I was a nightclub / party promoter, mainly because I was a very happy jovial drunk! However this one would last from age 25 to 30 and 9 and 1/2 and it would cost me so very much along the way far too much for me to express this in this comments. Cliff Notes version-A child custody battle, DUI blood-alcohol of 3.6 + totaled my luxury new Cadillac Escalade a night in jail, it cost me friendships, relationships & much more. I wish I could take credit for beating my alcoholism all by myself like "Wonder Woman" but I can't. On 7/6/16 I had a massive seizure & fell into a 126 day coma on Life Support due to my Liver ammonia level hitting 183 & my kidneys & pancreas failing also. BY GOD'S GRACE I MADE A LONG HARD BUT FULL RECOVERY! Sadly I went right back to "Sneakin & drinkin'". I wasnt fooling anyone but you sure cldnt convince me of that. I had learned in 2014 that I had lupus so I simply blamed everything on that. No shocker in 2018 I collapsed into yet another coma! This coma along with the fact I lost my Twin to an opiate OD in 2015 & OBVIOUSLY JESUS CHRIST ..I KICKED VODKA'S ASS!!!! I wish my story ended there but ill save Xfer #4 my final one for another time. I said all of that to state that Underneath It All lied a deep-seeded mental illness that needed to be addressed, I had severe manic depression since childhood.

[@Sheeesh310]

@@flossy4life287 thank you for sharing this, I have a 24 ur old son who lives with me doesn’t work n isolates in his room mostly tho he does have friends who come over to hang out with him periodically, I know he is very depressed, avoids going out place and may have borderline depression or? And I fear something similar may happen to him... ugh kills me... yet, works doing deliveries to buy his beer n cigs, as little as possible... has never lived on his own. Anyway, thanks again for sharing, n best of luck to you

[@JabbaBlue]

So heartbreaking. I loved my boyfriend so much. I wanted to have a good life with him. But what I experienced living with an alcoholic was painful and scary. I will never put myself again in that situation. What my body had to go through with extreme stress, anxiety and depression. The way he would drive me to the point of being so angry and mean. Sometimes I can even hear him slightly chuckle when belittling me like he was pushing me there. I have to take care of me now, one day when he’s ready, I can be there for him but I will Never live with an Alcoholic man again.

[@sonialove8478]

Yes please don’t stay, you will keep loosing yourself and become more angry more out of control, these people make someone healthy become so lost in their madness. I’m getting out now and I already feel more like myself. You are worth so much more than carrying a loser. Fight for life and for your freedom. Stay close to God and Jesus and you will be lead to a wonderful life without this dirt bag. We can find good in anyone, but at this point nothing they do can justify the pain they have and will keep inflicting in your life.

[@Chelle1Love_]

I feel everything you said. That's my current state. And when he tells me that he is the only one dealing with this, it makes me angry. A whole damn lie.

[@charmee4045]

@@Chelle1Love_ She stayed too long 18 years. Don't know if she will ever be back completely.

[@cortneykathleen]

Even though I’ve been sober for years I’ll never “beat” addiction. I’m an addict for life & it’s a struggle everyday to stay clean & will be a struggle until the day I die . But I refuse to die from my addiction. That’s why I make a conscious effort everyday to not use & stay sober. I may not ever “beat”addiction but I sure as heck ain’t gonna let it beat me to the point of no return like so many others. Thanks again for another great video. God bless

[@PutTheShovelDown]

"I sure as heck ain’t gonna let it beat me " Love this !!!!

[@AMM3.]

How long you been sober? I used to cry all the time because I thought every day would be a struggle.. either I'd be shooting up. or is be sober and struggling.. it's taken a long time.. I've got 3 years in.. but Im actually almost (almost) enjoying being sober now.. I didn't think it was even possible.. that's just my experience.. congratulations on your sobriety, keep fighting the good fight 👍

[@bhrismaw-q]

This is my question about that... Wouldn't you want to tell your brain that you're not an addict .... Isn't saying your you are just confirming to your subconscious that you are? It seems to me you anyone would rather say, I'm not an addict anymore, I was an addict but I'm not anymore? That's just how I see it idk?

[@amyskippet2495]

I think my daughter doesn’t want to have to deal with the mistakes she has made and deal with losing her children. She’s immature and still is 15 years old, the same age she started using. She’s 37 years old, 22 years in addiction, clean no longer than 6 months at a time. Never clean longer enough to mature.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💔

[@jonmilburn5259]

So my first time at rehab, I really didn't want to quit. Thought get me a reset, detox and I'll be ok. Counselor told me no. Left in 6 days. Then I started drinking heavily after 3 or 4 months out.........fell twice in my house injuring myself each time. A fall that almost happened but didn't would have likely killed me. Woke me up. No matter how "different" I thought I was from those I met at meetings/rehab, that was BS. I had way more in common. Went back for a month after the falls and am sober 2.5 years now. Another day tomorrow . You have to really love something else more than what you are addicted to as well I think. for me that's wife and sons

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Well said, Jon! You're right on the money

[@dianesanny5852]

Loved your statement, “You have to really love something else more”. Congratulations on your sobriety.

[@jonmilburn5259]

@@dianesanny5852 thanks much. Appreciate you saying that

[@fanofdawkins6824]

@@jonmilburn5259 how did you manage to keep working during your early recovery? Thats my biggest problem, not being able to sleep ( I use opioids, not alcohol) so I get insomnia really badly right at first, so therefore I feel like I cant get up in the mornings and go to work. Just wondering what your advice would be. Congrats on your recovery, btw!

[@jonmilburn5259]

@@fanofdawkins6824 I didn't. I was done working when I really started drinking heavily. But....if I can relate my month at rehab a little think may help. I was in with all ages....and several were both alcohol and opioids. We all compared notes in our breaks and discussions about various drugs they would give us. Most of us had issues sleeping and that was a big one in rehab. Eat right and get enough sleep. We had to report it. Two drugs were used to help us get on a sleep pattern. Trazedol? and Seroquel. Trazedol caused lots of weird dreams and some side effects. Most didn't like it. I would up with low dose Seroquel and that helped a lot. I had trouble sleeping when drinking and when not! The seroquel did help....might ask your doc. I don't need it now as I just feel a lot better and sleep better I guess because of it. Hey, good luck and thanks for kind words. Hang in

[@Andrea-sj4rz]

About 800 times on my own. But I did it and now almost 2 years sober!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Impressive! 💯

[@MeshellTin]

My biggest obstacle to recovery was my fear of withdrawals. Every time I tried, the withdrawal from opiates was so bad that I stopped. Medication assisted treatment was my ticket to freedom.

[@melaniekedra9873]

Trigers: I have been sober for over 6 years and during that period had 2 short ( 1 week) relapses, caused by someone telling me awful things about me. Once they left, I ran to the liquor store and had 2 strong, tall beers for a week. Came to my senses and stopped. It has been 4 months since last beer. Just can't handle bad news

[@quintSsence]

cheap argument

[@Taffi0623]

I love the house flipping analogy! That's perfect. I think a lot of people resist recovery because they can't imagine their life without the current people in it and they're not willing to "get new friends."

[@bernieryan1343]

Love the southern accent....the way Amber says "and" 😂😂❤❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😜😃😀😃

[@dorariggs3473]

Terminal uniqueness ... "I don't belong here" ... is this a root of depression too?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That kind of thinking could definitely lead to feelings of depression

[@lifelovejourney]

Some of it maybe but for some people, and for a lot of people with substance abuse disorder, we have chemical problems in our brain (low dopamine) which causes us to feel depressed and no pleasure in life compared to the substances.

[@donaldr2784]

PAUSE P- PRIDE A- ATTITUDE U- UNDERSTAND S- SELF CENTER E- EGO.....EASY GOD OUT This is my wife 30 years in addition, she is not teachable. She can't move the cotton from the ears to the mouth. She in rehab and has to be at the head of the class. Can't not get out of research and development.

[@erikkasepiphany]

The terminal uniqueness is the “Im special syndrome.” Most narcissistic people deeply suffer from this, the rules never apply to them, even their own rules!

[@howardbryant9803]

Also because of your videos I went and signed into a six month out patient program

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's amazing, Howard!

[@cindybauman8389]

SOBER:. sumbitch, everything's real. It hurts to get sober. No one wants to inflict pain on themselves, so they keep using. That's just being human. I've been in Recovery for 25 years and have been a master's level addictions clinician for 17. What I know for myself and the 100s I've counseled comes down to this:. No one changes until the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same. Once again, that's just being human. We don't change ANYTHING until the pain gets too much and outweighs the fear and pain of changing. So, for those who struggle, look at it from the angle of what is creating the most pain and fear, ease that, and the newly sober person can move forward.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wise advice. Thanks Cindy!

[@jujubaby614]

Makes complete sense! Most of us want to avoid pain. I don't have addiction, but it is human to avoid pain. Thank you!

[@wasaaddict2453]

Many times I still can’t believe we’re I am rite now, super proud but it took a number of times I didn’t think I would get out of my addictions

[@PutTheShovelDown]

What advice would you give someone wanting to overcome addiction.

[@howardbryant9803]

My wife is really happy I stopped drinking two months tomorrow

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That is so wonderful, Howard! I'm so proud for you🎉🎉🎉🎉🎇

[@jogoode12]

I think the addict's CRAVING is so powerful- sometimes physical, and sometimes psychological or both, that they end up giving in to it even when they know they are headed towards self destruction and misery. when the craving is present, it is powerful and the use of the drug brings such a POWERFUL SENSE OF RELIEF of the obsession the compulsion the withdrawal or the chemical deficit that causes the addiction to begin with. normal people do not have these cravings or any of the causes for them. they may be willing to risk failure death rejection to feel the unusual and powerful sense of relief, even if fleeting!

[@jmevb60]

I went to a few alanon meetings, because I am an ACOA. But also had an alcohol problem. Luckiky i saw a lack of uniqueness in ACOA experiences. A woman in a different generation, state, rural vs. suburban, obviously different gender, different socioeconomic status, described their alcoholoc parent dissapointing them in a different plot, but with EXACTLY the same flavor. It pretty eye opening to see that what linked her experience with mine was one single thing

[@janeorcutt]

My recovery didn't last long after I got out of treatment. I think this was because I was in denial that I couldn't go back to handling my drug use coupled with a lack of attractive alternatives (aka connection with others or employment), and also stress and shame.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's good insight, Jane!

[@AMM3.]

Thanks very much for these videos.. I just found them, I find them to be a great "boost and reset".. If you had told me when I was a junkie how hard it would actually be to get and stay sober I wouldn't have even attempted it.. you're right.. one tiny, doable piece at a time!! I thought as soon as I got past the physical withdrawal I'd be fine.. but the last 3 years of sobriety have been so much harder than I thought it would be.. because now I'm dealing with a whole lifetime of pain and trauma that drugs numbed.. and I don't have the coping mechanism I've used my entire adult life.. and I'm not trying to be depressing to anyone.. sobriety is totally worth it.. it's just a really long journey to healing.. if you're waiting to "get done" with your addiction your going to be waiting a long time.. I also really need these because I'm from a tiny town.. I've known lots of people who died from their addiction, but I honestly have never met anyone who has successfully gotten sober.. it's nice to remind myself it IS possible 😊 thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're so right, Emma, it's almost impossible to know just how much you have to change to be in recovery! It's probably a good thing people don't really get it, until they're halfway through it! It's kinda like being married or having kids. You just can't understand the magnitude of it until you do it!

[@AMM3.]

@@PutTheShovelDown very true, if I knew 3 years later I would still be struggling.. I would have said forget it.. I thought I would be ok if I got 3 weeks in 😂 3 years? No thanks lol.. now that I have some perspective I can see that I could struggling every day addicted.. spinning my wheels or I can struggle every day and be working towards something.. feels like the same struggle some days.. vastly different destination though!!

[@maryhaun5537]

Loving your content and approach, thank you so much.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure! Thank you for your kind words, Mary!

[@susansage7218]

My ex-husband won’t quit drinking bc he’d have to face his screw ups and failures. It’s easier for him to be in denial. A sad life that will end up with a fatal physical condition.

[@nadiahabib5250]

when I hear this it scares me for my adult son ... because it feels like he will never beat his addiction, I still hope he does

[@howardbryant9803]

Thanks for your videos amber they help me alot by helping me be a better person your helping my family thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, that's exactly why I make these videos 😊

[@kellyscarborough751]

My son’s alcoholic girlfriend has “If I can just _____” syndrome. Hates her job-if I can just get to x date, I can quit. If I can get a puppy, I’ll be happier and I can quit. (That added MORE stress). If we can get past the pandemic, I can quit. Lots of excuses that come and go with no change.

[@user-vf3fg1gl7pMsSandy]

Excellent video Amber..excellent comments too!💞

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You rock, Sandy!

[@user-vf3fg1gl7pMsSandy]

@@PutTheShovelDown lol..thank you Amber💞

[@cheyennedownsss]

Hit the nail on the head with not thinking they have a problem or that it’s not that big of a deal. My LO is apparently sober since our baby and I left him but still doesn’t have the word addict or recovery in his vocabulary. 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I've seen that so many times! 😥

[@julz1791]

Love these videos they are so helpful!

[@kls3609]

Fear, in a variety of ways. And the terminal uniqueness factor. Hearing this terminology for the first time here yet I've described it to many as being what I've observed over 30 years of regular, heavy alcohol abuse. A definite contributor with my husband, at least. Not wanting to give up the resentments, the feeling of not good enough, justifying his animosities he's unwilling to work through and give up. He will see this about others, but not when it's him holding these attitudes. What has been a driving force for him to be even more defiant with what life expects. He's special. He's his own hero almost, but in a self-deceptive way. Life will never be as fabulous without experiencing the elation that alcohol has afforded him associated with his talents being applauded, etc. Even though that is misleading too. Like most artists they feel their best work has been while under the influence. Drinking has filled a hole he is incapable of satisfying when he's been somewhat clean. It's been an excuse and a crutch that he's stated as such, and drinking beer has been that successful mask and massive part of the persona.

[@saramader-hirt1256]

Fear and low self esteem

[@melindajones8653]

I’m an LCDC and you are exactly right. My clients are very sure of themselves for sure and I’ve noticed that. I sometimes say I don’t think I need to worry about anyones self esteem issues in here but just in case we will talk about shame and guilt . . . I too am in recovery and I was diagnosed with narcissism but I can’t see it in myself 🤷‍♀️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Melinda, Many people struggling with Substance Use Disorders, look like they don't have empathy for others, but that can be a symptom of the addiction issue. Once the addiction goes away the real person usually emerges. Not sure if you've seen this video already but it's all about figuring out if someone really has Narcissistic Personality Disorder or if it's just the addiction talking. kzbin.info/www/bejne/fp7WiJqYaLSre7c

[@wendybarker5118]

An excellent, insightful video as ususal.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Wendy! You're the best 🥰

[@_DivineTruth_is_Home_]

thank you, ill share this :)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wonderful! thank you, Jacqueline 😁

[@alicetheallosaurus3006]

I have a son and his who has lost custody of his girls. They live homeless in Oregon where they just made drugs legal. They are court ordered to go to treatment, parenting class and anger management it has been 5 months and neither of them have completed any requirements. My sons Dad lives homeless also in the same town and I think he is influencing my son's decisions and not just about treatment.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So heartbreaking 😥

[@lorettakelley7495]

My daughter won't get help because of her fear of losing her children; she is going through divorce & believes her ex would have her mental health records subpoenaed & it would be disclosed in court that she uses marijuana. (I told her a judge would see her getting help as a positive thing). I do think another reason some won't get help is because of the enabling behavior of family & friends.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

If her husband already knows she uses marijuana then she's already at risk of it coming out. If she gets help, at least she can say is addressing it.

[@user-in8it1rx6l]

It really depends on how long people have been using. When they start as teenagers ... Once they are 50 or 60 they can not imagine a life without...

[@cynthiafortier2540]

My sister is an alcoholic, destroyed our relationship. She admits to being an alcoholic. She says she wont quit because she likes her beer. Ok. She also lost her husband too. So sad!!!! I really miss her.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😥

[@henrybernal7913]

I was clean 2 years but at the end my addiction got da best of me

[@donaldr2784]

Don't give up.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Go back!!!!!!!!

[@agoodgurl2k]

Thank you for admitting that. Please keep trying. You're worth it.

[@wanmarwein6499]

hi amber i m realy stress out i stay with my family and now he come home late somtimes he dont come maybe i should tell him to leave i m tired of all the crap hes been doing again and again

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It is so very stressful! Making a big decision like that is really difficult. Here's a video that might help you, Wan. kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3aYdWuLaJmWopY

[@tonimarroy9219]

I get you! No sleep here.

[@gwillis01]

It's interesting to hear you say that the same rationalizations and excuses are used in several cultures all around the world. It proves your point that an addict's actions are often predictable no matter what the local circumstances happen to be.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Since starting KZbin I've had the opportunity to hear from people all over the world and it seems that addiction is the same no matter where it happens!

[@erikkasepiphany]

I think it’s...... Self hatred Childhood trauma Low self worth Lack of self awareness Stuck in toxic patterns of behavior they can’t break Bad coping skills!

[@brandyhuffman8672]

I dont get sober from alcohol because of unresolved trauma, and i hate myself, been a alcoholic for 16yrs, longest time sober 4 yrs.

[@donnaharrelson8176]

Husband has been a functioning alcoholic for most of his life it really was not bad when we got together at 17 yrs old. ( we both drank some but I grew out of it 20 years ago) we are now 46 and even our grown children tell me he steps out of bounds too much and he needs help. He has sarcastically admitted that he is an alcoholic. But any time I bring anything to do with his drinking up he get offensive immediately. So how do I start a conversation with him about recovery. B/c at this point I’m ready to move out. ( I moved out of our bedroom in September 2019 bc of a huge over step in boundaries and nothing has changed.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Donna, This video might help. It's about talking to someone about their addiction: kzbin.info/www/bejne/r4qxp6tvatOGh5I

[@austin8037]

Move out, let him drink himself to death and you live your best life.

[@jacquelinehunt7794]

My sister was lovely with me I only ever ever approached the subject of her addiction slowly and gently then she would talk a little but not too much mum used to get on at her so she became defensive with mum and bitter.

[@henrybernal7913]

Man iv been addicted 36 years hounestly i dnt feel norml while im sober im on methadone at the time and iv been clean science joining the clinic

[@anthonyrossmaund3161]

For me it's stress and anxiety and I'm just not comfortable in my own body. I always half joke with people when i tell them that least they are lucky enough to get away from me. I wish i could get away from me too. Another one for me is what's the difference between heroine and zoloft or xanax. They want me to take an antidepressants everyday, and i think i did that with my dope problem. Thanks this was helpful!

[@howardbryant9803]

I have millions of dollars and people tell me why are so unhappy money can't buy happiness i have money im not happy I wish I was broke

[@freespirthearted]

I still struggle with my addiction and recovery. and what I believe is the biggest reason why i cant seem to beat addiction is because nothing seems to fill this empty void inside of me but using drugs. I had my own apartment, a great job, a nice car, a healthy relationship that I was all able to gain after i got sober and even though I had everything I had ever wanted i still felt like there was something i was missing. I looked happy on the outside like i had it all and had it all together but on the inside i was sad, depressed, lonely... and after having 3 years sober off heroin i relapsed all because i was having a bad day :( and ive been off and on in my recovery sense..

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I have a lot of respect for you Breanna, because you haven't given up!

[@brendareed5050]

Breanna, sometimes when people speak about a void or something missing in their life, it can mean that they are seeking a higher power or spirituality which can give higher meaning or purpose to their life. I would encourage you to think about this and if it applies to you. And if so, seek it with all your heart and soul, as your life may depend on it. ❤️

[@lifelovejourney]

I am reading the book "Beyond Addiction." I am in recovery myself and am in a relationship with someone newly clean. In the book it dives into brain chemistry and talks a lot about dopamine. It is what makes us feel pleasure . I think as addicts it is very hard for us to produce dopamine on our own anyway but after using drugs, especially opoids, there is nothing that produces dopamine like the drugs. Especially if physically addicted. Finding things that give us pleasure in recovery is so important. For me meetings do this. Not all the time, but sometimes. They also give me a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. I think it's really about relationships also, and relationships we develop in sobriety through meetings and especially working with other addicts. My opinion.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

You can get sobriety back. We are all human and make mistakes. You are not alone!!

[@howardbryant9803]

Im gonna ask to remarry me and I wanna spend the next thirty years of my life making her happy

[@frankiesmith9186]

My son, 34 has an addiction to marijuana and now cigarettes for the past 14 years . I have listened to a lot of your videos and I am a member as well, I am complete desperate mode with advice and help, family sees a problem but have refused to offer, acknowledge, or even support me , it's like "yes he has a problem, what are you going to do about it , and let us know when he's better " I am an empty nester my son has been living with me for the past 9 months, 2 daughters, by 2 females, the oldest daughter is handicapped. I love and adore both of my grandkids, the youngest daughter mom he is still with and there is where the problems are she has enabled and hindered, he refuses to work and there is definitely mental issues

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Frankie, I just (today) recorded a video on marijuana addiction. But it will be a bit before it’s released. If he starts to express change talk statements, there is another really good KZbinr who focuses on helping people with Marijuana addiction. The channel name is Addiction Mindset.

[@frankiesmith9186]

Thank you, Amber ❤

[@brendareed5050]

I think my daughter thinks she is different because she hasn’t increased her prescription dosages and she is not homeless. But she doesn’t acknowledge the problems she is experiencing by not being able to work more than 2 hours a week, and not acknowledging that she added 2-3 new prescriptions in attempts to manage the mental side effects of addiction, which has actually made them worse.

[@DMWB57]

I don't know your situation with your daughter, but I do know from experience that one can be taking prescription opioids for a painful non curable disease and not be addicted. And if that person has been unable to up the dosage bc of the opioid war, which has harmed those taking it for pain relief, not addicted, but bc doctors are fearful to prescribe bc of a lot of regulatory pressure not to raise the dosage and to force taper pain patients despite no wrong doing, that makes it really difficult to have functional living, thereby it might make one appear to have an addiction when one doesn't actually exist. Since the 2016 CDC opioid guidelines I have lost friends due to forced tapering when there was no addiction, but out of control pain causing heart attacks. There is a lot of blame & stigma toward those who still need pain relief in order to have a more functional life, including those who need it to work, walk, do chores, take daily showers, etc...The reason I bring this up is not to imply your daughter is not an addict, but to give a perspective many folks do not understand or as a way to show that not everyone taking prescription narcotics is addicted nor will they ever become an addict. There is so much disinformation about the cause of addiction that it leads some to think that it was all the doctors fault for over prescribing etc...When in fact it has more to do with life circumstances, unemployment, brain chemistry, depression, anxiety. The fact that prescriptions were reduced by 50% and illicit fentanyl overdoses rose 300% is proof that the govt went after the wrong players. And now people who are disabled have paid the price.

[@wolftickets1969]

As I learned from Mel Robbins, you have to want to change first.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

She's an interesting character. I read her book a while back!

[@amandarubino4316]

Bio and physiological changes scare me bc I've gone thru it

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's very intimidating

[@lorimcdevitt1506]

The hubs says he enjoys drinking. Therapist diagnosed him with Alcohol use disorder. He doesn’t think he has a problem because he thinks because he works everyday that theres no issue. 25 years of watching him go from drugs and alcohol usage and seeing him off the chain on both. Gets old dealing with it. It makes him so unattractive. His family is filled with addicts. Just found out recently. I honestly am ready to move on with my life. He doesn’t care. I’ll continue to pray for him.

[@KMHSeattle]

I my experience, he was convinced he was hopeless, that treatment would not work for him. (It did, but only after I called 911 after a beating)

[@debbiehood1786]

I wish you had a video concerning when children of the person are involved.

[@user-oy1nc5hj2y]

Very interesting. My daughter has hit rock bottom with drinking and still won’t get help. My heart is broken 😢

[@David626m]

Fear of failing

[@amandarubino4316]

My issue is the fear of not being able to fully recover

[@AMM3.]

I don't think you ever recover from an addiction, but you learn to live with it.. I haven't had an easy life but it's been very interesting, and I feel like being an addict gives me a lot of insight and perspective on people and the world.. so it not something I would change about myself now.. it's kind of like the birthmark I have on one side of my face.. I used to hate it so much, spend an hour on make-up.. but I actually like it now.. it's unique.. kind of like I don't mind the scaring addiction has left on me.. both mentally and physically.. don't mind the track mark scars anymore either.. all evidence of everything I've overcome.. just learn to embrace that part of you.. your weakness shall become your strength if you let it 🤗

[@judigrassi7820]

My experience is that if the lead is sick the stay unwell Jealousy like hunger for LOVE MY son thinks legalising and making synthetic will help keep from them (addicts) being killed off. We agree that the later is true Like sleeping bees while the help arrives or the hive gets it’s honey extracted Good to hear you this morning Miserable too And marijuana misuse Trust IS HUGE

[@Susan_1]

They don't want to do all the work to get sober and stay sober.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's a ton of work!

[@howardbryant9803]

Im from California born and raised

[@gwillis01]

No one is too stupid to go through recovery but some people let the idea that they think that they are smarter than the counselor get in the way of making progress in the treatment program.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💯💯💯💯 so true!

[@kimmathe6701]

What blocked my boyfriend of 30 years is that he was bi polar and wasn't medication compliant . Also, sadly he never adressed his trauma issues. In the later stages the alcohol was used to self medicate and the physical addiction to alcohol .... was really hard for him cause it was a visciouse cycle of not wanting to go through withdrawals. Also , the dual disorders gambling, retirement issues, ect. was so overwhelming and other addictions kept piling up. So hard to live through his addiction. Each stage of alcoholism is literally like riding a rollercoaster ride. Also, his denial and both of our denial about the disease prevented him from staying sober. It's really cunning , baffling and powerful. He died from his disease . He kept thinking he could beat the disease he did have this sence of entitlement and believed he was different and the short period of time he was in AA was because of his terminal uniqueness. And kept stating didn't need AA. Could beat it on his own. Not sure if thats really possible. No matter what our problem . We need to be honest and we need each other for support and love.

[@crobinson9165]

My loved one has a freind that seems to know what buttons to push to keep him addicted or get him addicted to something new. There is a love relationship between the two of them of sorts. My loved one pulls away but the friend begs and pleads until he comes back. I've even seen the two of them get high and fall asleep in the same bed. I don't understand the dynamic at all. And I really don't understand why the relationship is like that. I know the fiend is using him but I'm not sure why. It's not my world

[@PutTheShovelDown]

If nothing else, they probably make each other feel better about the bad choices.

[@melinadistrict9428]

My bf thinks he's a functioning addict because he has always bragged abt how he isn't the same like others and that he can hold a job, but it's not true...he jumps from job to job, last sooo much weight and his teeth are rotting. He's relapsed and been using Since June 2019 straight until now and he just confessed to me a month ago that he is def still using which I felt was a step forward because he's finally stopped denying that he's using. He's been telling me he's tired of it and is ready to get clean but his actions don't reflect it. I also noticed that during the day he seems more clear minded and ready for a change but by the time he comes home at night it's straight to the bathroom and by the time he gets out you can't talk to him about anything...Is he ready to get clean but something keeps holding him back or is he just manipulating me to tell me what I want to here?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sounds like he is having "moments of clarity". It's important to have a plan for when the moments come. Even though he means it when he says it, the addiction will over ride his desire to change, unless he takes action.

[@melinadistrict9428]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you for the advice!

[@lorrie0204]

My ah says he knows he has a problem but doesn't want to loose his friends at the bar again. He's been to rehab x3, the last 2 years ago

[@deborahstarman9874]

Catchy title 👌.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks 😁

[@annathompson4902]

Same page

[@hometowngirl82]

My partner just keeps relapsing... we got him medications to help kick it, counciling twice a week, he's try change his habits but yet everytime he's left alone with money and his truck it equal him buy and drink the fireball... what are we not doing right?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sounds like its too tempting for him to be left alone with money! In our office we use something called Soberlink for alcohol monitoring. We've had lots of success with it.

[@hometowngirl82]

@@PutTheShovelDownIt is too tempting for him even with the medication to help control the craving... he use to have a interlock but just got it taken off... I'm just at the end of trying to help and make us be successful

[@cynthiafortier2540]

He has to want to quit, or he never will.

[@agoodgurl2k]

First, understand, YOU are not doing anything wrong. YOU can't fix him.

[@henrywoodward5341]

I’m in Arkansas and I did not get that help and I was told to leave Aqua because I can hurt the the other pepl in the triger and and they charge me lots of money. And send me out.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So sorry to hear about your experience in treatment. Sounds like it wasn't a good experience at all.

[@vickistclaie862]

First you don't want to be uncomfortable,you haven't hit the bottom,it is hard and scary you don't know who you are sober.

[@howardbryant9803]

Im gonna be married for thirty years on June 10th I love my more every day im gonna ask her to re marry im retired now we have all the money we need so I feel like I can rest im gonna stay sober and try to be a better person and husband

[@wanmarwein6499]

now he is with bad company living with dealers and he has not come home for 2days i did have any quarrel with him he just went off without a word to me what is going on with him i dont know my family are advising me to leave him find a job for myself so i can earn for my son who is 6yrs old i dont know what to do i m so stress so desperate and tense. what should i do

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Wan, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm can feel your sadness. You don't have to give up on him, but you do need to take care of yourself and your son. Finding a job for yourself will help you feel more in control and less vulnerable to the ups and downs of his addiction.

[@wanmarwein6499]

thank u amber i m so thankful to u for really giving me hope in the hard times coz i feel lonely somtimes becoz in our society they only advised to leave an addicted person nt seeing their good side today he came home and he was in a hurry to go with them again but i m trying my best i ll never give up on anyone thank u amber

[@fanofdawkins6824]

How do I get over the fear of failure of getting clean? I've tried it many times over the past 5 yrs, and every time I fail to get clean, it just seems to reinforce the thought in my mind "I'll NEVER be able to get clean!" How do I overcome that thought process?

[@donaldr2784]

Let your high power in,. Look at my post.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

The only failure is not trying.

[@henrywoodward5341]

For me it was that when to tartare and they told me to leave because I was going to trigernthe other guys/gils and go away

[@amor232323]

I know that what kept me from getting clean was that the fact that my family was using meth and herion. I was fearful to be alone and that I was no good to society.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That is a huge obstacle, Amorette! What would you tell someone who is dealing with that is dealing with a situation like that?

[@amor232323]

@@PutTheShovelDown For anyone who is in this situation and get clean I'd have to say know when to set boundaries even though they are family and really focus on what makes yourself feel accomplished and brings pride, as well as friendships living in a group home is really helping me with relationships in my life that are healthy

[@rowanfrancis9011]

Sugar, was thinking earlier I Am Special ( always thought so before drinking excessive

[@henrybernal7913]

I really wanna get sober iv tryed everythin methadon treatment is working best im not sik i dnt feel like useing and i have a job and cash in my pocket

[@barbarademarco3959]

We live one house from a liquor store, and the owner of the store puts my son’s vodka on a tap... I feel hopeless when I try to help him.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That would make it really difficult!

[@jenniferwood5155]

I cant talk to my loved one about his addiction everytime I have tried he gets irate at me saying he is tired of being accused of something he ain't doing which he is doing I found it all. He has been in denial for years and still is to this day. People are telling me he has to want to change but he thinks he dont have a problem. He is a functioning addict except he is irresponsible. Sad watching someone die from the inside out turned into someone you dont know. Do they really wake up when they hit rock bottom? What is their rock bottom?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Jennifer, i'm not sure if you've seen this video, but it's about How to Confront Someone About An Addiction: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jnWqpKh6q9N-d68 Hope it helps, Amber

[@jenniferwood5155]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you

[@wonderfulpeoplesavingtheearth]

fear of withdrawal and justifying their use due to another health problem.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

100%

[@charmee4045]

I have read that the percentage of people that get sober and stay sober is about 2% is this true?

[@ILOVE2GOLF]

We are 32 yrs yrs married and he always starts back. So we divorced. He is trying it again. If it don't work this time I'm done. It's been 3 months sober. But he has tried this before for alot longer than this and started back. So I don't know

[@henrybernal7913]

Depending on how long ur useing factors on getting clean on ur own if u been useing a few years u probably need treatment

[@donaldr2784]

Treatment will only help if you began to see yourself and put the work in. Never think Treatment is a vacation.

[@FreeHeartInspirations2024]

why cant we find this in canada

[@howardbryant9803]

Im rich with money and think the rules don't apply to me im better than everyone else

[@donaldr2784]

PAUSE P- PRIDE A- ATTITUDE U- UNDERSTAND S- SELF CENTER E- EGO.....EASY GOD OUT This is my wife 30 years in addiction, she is not teachable. She can't move the cotton from her ears to her mouth. She in rehab and has to be at the head of the class. Can't not get out of research and development.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I can see that you know a little something about recovery!

[@donaldr2784]

@@PutTheShovelDown I've had to learn about this disease. I've been in recovery since 11/19 .

[@David626m]

Has anyone got a message I can send to my son who knows he is at risk of dying and doesn't want to die. He is drug iv user doing heroin crack snowballs and is on methadone. Just before covid he had severe headache and knew he needed to go to hospital. He had sepsis which caused heart failure and pneumonia. His heart was quite badly damaged so needed heart surgery. He left hospital looking and feeling better. This did not stop the using. He got sepsis again a few months ago and damaged his heart again fir which he has to be on permanent medication. He is scared and he says he does not want to die but his using is out of control still. I know I will lose him very soon and I love him so much. I know he is a kind sensitive person. He has been to several rehabs at the beginning of his addiction and now I think fear of failing again is stopping him going. Please help. From England 🇬🇧

[@David626m]

I wish I could fly Amber here to save my boy. I think she is the only one who could do it. I have never met anyone with so much insight into addiction.

[@David626m]

The terminal uniqueness is him. He doesn't feel comfortable or enjoy talking to a group about his problem. The fear of failing yet another rehab terrifies him. His sister adores him and so do the whole family

[@henrybernal7913]

I wanna stop i no i have a pro. But it hard 2 explain hunny

[@howardbryant9803]

By the way I live in California

[@michellelynn7892]

Spiritual malady

[@dsci2003]

I haven't listened to video yet. In my loved ones case I believe the main reason he want stop is b/c he has lost his identity in Christ. Which causes him to be full of shame & pride.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a great reason!!!

[@howardbryant9803]

People automatically ascoate money with happiness thats a lye not true

[@PutTheShovelDown]

100% true!

[@Em-im1yz]

When im happier ill get off. Ugh

[@lifelovejourney]

What are your thoughts about using other substances (specifically thc) while trying to be clean from opoids, alcohol or other "harder" drugs. Some addicts don't want to take subs so they use thc for anxiety, cravings and chronic pain. My thought is that being clean from everything is the ultimate goal but it happens in different stages for some people.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Kristin, I've seen lots of people try it. Most of the time it ends badly 😪

[@lifelovejourney]

@@PutTheShovelDown That's my thought as well but I think people have to try it and realize for themselves.

[@LW-ej6id]

@@PutTheShovelDown Can you tell me what the difference between managing with THC and suboxone is? I have a loved one who uses subs but buys them from someone who gets them legally. My loved one is able to function this way but has recently started introducing other pills and sometimes illegal substances w this in potentially deadly combinations. It's really upsetting and I can't get through to them. Even thought about turning the person they get them from in...but then i figured no, it's their decision so i consider that to be immoral and also, could lead to heroin use if they can't find someone else willing to relinquish their subs. Do you think a former heroin addict can manage w subs without the help of a doctor? Can ppl abuse subs wo adding another substance to the mix? And what makes subs better than something like marijuana?

[@agoodgurl2k]

THC is just another crutch, legal or not. Another excuse not to commit to the full process of recovery.

[@peterlyons8793]

​@@LW-ej6idImmoral? What does morality have to do with illegal diversion of suboxone?

[@henrybernal7913]

As of wat i seen at NA meetings are just looking 4 girls

[@henrybernal7913]

Its easy to say that from a non addic

[@cinaannie7338]

🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐 uh... "people of every gender" did you mean to say that? Because there are ONLY TWO. You said that at 16:35 into this video?! LOL! By the way... I absolutely LOVE you, ma'am. You are helping me to work through things with my husband. He is my BEST friend and I can't imagine my life without him.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Cina. I'm glad these videos are helping you. I think I was just trying to say that all types of people think this way when addicted.

[@cinaannie7338]

@@PutTheShovelDown I know... I just got a chuckle out of it. 😁 I truly DO love who you are. You are a blessing for ME personally. I can't get my husband to understand that his drinking is causing so much heartache and pain. We just temporarily lost our 10&1/3 mo old granddaughter CPS a few days ago due to my son's girlfriend giving birth to a premature baby boy. NOBODY except her,of course even KNEW she was pregnant! My son is standing beside himself on this one. Anyways, I put the shovel down to ight and told him I have had enough! If he doesn't sober up RIGHT NOW, he can get the HELL OUT because I need a strong .an to walk by my side while I fight the system to get now TEO grandbabies back! I told him he was a bucket in the sand and I WILL be getting sober or getting OUT! AND I MEAN IT! I'm too old to believing this way. If he can't sober up for me? And he won't sober up for our two precious grandchildren? Then HE needs to get the HELL OUT OF MY WAY because I've got some "adulting" to do!

[@DMWB57]

They don't want to live the rest of their life w/o the substance, i. e. alcohol

[@howardbryant9803]

Don't hold that against me lol