ADHD and Inconsistency - How to Live a Meaningful and Productive Life with Inconsistency

[@clareking4434]

I love that you apologised for jumping from one thing to another. I have noticed that when people with ADHD talk to each other they can fully keep up with jumping around in conversation that Neurotypical people can’t. ADHD super powers

[@robertaburatto4140]

I had the same problem with the piano lessons! The vanishing insight is on point! Thank you❤

[@elliemandeville]

The concept of “vanishing” because of fear of judgement is spot on. And the fact that you mentioned you procrastinated music lessons and would be embarrassed to show up because I didn’t practice. I remember knowing I NEEDED to practice but just couldn’t get myself to, and it made me feel like I was lazy. I did the same thing and “vanished” from piano lessons from 4 different teachers throughout my life and felt line a failure

[@youradhdgirl]

haha yep vanished felt like the right word. It's literally like I'm here one second, and then I'm not and people are wondering where I went but I'm sh*t-scared to come back 😂

[@janethetrout2854]

i needed to hear these things. you put exactly how i’ve felt my entire life into words, thank you.

[@youradhdgirl]

That means a lot, thank you!

[@SN-mx1rb]

Yes I felt so related and think finally someone who unterstands my struggles in childhood. Neurotypicals kept saying why can't you just practice, keep going etc. and it just felt so bad. Now having a child 4 years old I am always struggling to protect her from such traumas.

[@salmenkveld5717]

Recently I’ve learned that shame and regret are an smart way your brain justifies making the same mistake over again. Imagine being on a diet and eating a big piece of cake. Instead of taking responsibility for our ‘mistake’ and enjoy the cake and continue with our diet later, we start feeling ashamed. However this is just so that we can justify our mistake and talk it right in our brain. I used to do it a lot with procrastinating. When I was procrastinating I was judging myself while doing it. The moment I stoped judging myself it felt useless and I stopped procrastinating and started doing something useful!

[@youradhdgirl]

very interesting comment thx !

[@thorisomolefe2276]

Wow, I never ever looked at it like that before. Thanks for this comment ay. This is really something I'm going to be aware of.

[@Lingu13]

Hey, I watched this video exactly 2 weeks ago and it didn't leave my head. I am also 23 years old and only got diagnosed last yea. Since then I watched lots of videos talking about experiences with ADHD and a lot resonated with me and some uncovered hidden trauma but this one hit different. I never had such a strong reaction, such traumatic memories uncovered and I am really thankful for that. I could explain very precisely to my therapist what was going on in my head. Even though it is very tough and hurtful I am so thankful for giving me the ability to name and explain this. Please know that You at least helped this one person and no matter if you upload a video a week or one every once in a while, this is so very valuable to me and probably a lot of other people. Love from Germany, Julian

[@youradhdgirl]

Thank you so much for this amazing comment ❤️ I am so grateful that you found your way to my videos and that you can make sense of what happened in the past and how it affects the person you are today :) my heart goes to you, I know how difficult those realizations can be but know that after the hurt will come the relief. It's okay to be our inconsistent self. And thank you for reminding me this about my videos. I do put a lot of pressure on myself for posting more often, so I'm really grateful to see that this is not a determining factor of "success". My version of success is helping people like you; that's why I'm doing all this ❤️ Thank you from the bottom of my heart ⭐️

[@SN-mx1rb]

I totally felt the same!! Such a meaningful video. Greetings from another German ADHD girl.

[@Syne7h]

YT algo reading my mind lol. I needed this today. I usually practice accepting the inconsistency but PMS is hitting me hard this month and my meds aren't working and damn it's been brutal. Thanks for the reminder and insight.

[@arkstok]

Jesus holy fuck, i have listened to a lot of people and professional with ADHD but so far no one said anything like what you described in the cycle of shame, i started skipping high school and eventually dropped out and what you said is exactly how i felt, thank you for that

[@youradhdgirl]

Thank you for your amazing comment 🥹 I'm so glad you found what you were looking for on my channel ❤️

[@sevamo]

So timely, Candice. I'm raised to think that consistency (especially internally, like for values etc) is the marking of a good person. My hardships with consistency had made me feel like a bad person almost consistently. 10/10 not recommended

[@Jupa]

Absolutely. Just a constant sense of self loathing.

[@danny4982]

That is so true. I was diagnosed earlier this year and that was one of the things the therapist found out: I used to be ashamed of something I did wrong and I would vamish and leave whatever activities I was involved with. But we tend to internalized things because many times we are perfectionists.

[@hadiaagha2417]

This is the story of my life ..just diagnosed with ADHD

[@remnantlightco]

Thank you for this video. I'm undiagnosed, but I strongly believe I have ADHD, and I've watched a few of your videos and I'm making connections to the patterns I have in my life. I presently beat myself up a lot about being inconsistent and I want to try so hard to do things consistently, but it doesn't ever work out that way. This is a much healthier perspective and one that I will take on.

[@abhishekshukla9182]

I have struggled with "consistency" despite ultimately getting my goals done, I have always felt bad about myself. Thank you so much for changing my perspective! 🥺

[@abhishekshukla9182]

Hey when will we get some new video on your channel? We miss you!

[@panasado7886]

Thank you so much for this video! I've been feeling this horrible "adult" pressure now that I'm living alone, and I'm shaming myself too much for not living like everyone else. I'm discovering a lot of hidden trauma, It really hit me... better than one of my therapy sessions lol. You make me feel validated and that I'm not broken, I really needed to hear this

[@youradhdgirl]

Wow thank you so much for this comment, I’m glad you’re finding the videos helpful 🥺 yes to accepting our ADHD and making the most out of it ☺️♥️

[@royasmiley]

I'm 30 and have not been diagnosed, but By now I'm 100% sure that I'm on the spectrum. Couldn't relate more to what you shared about our childhood hobbies and vanishing. in the last 2 years I started learning about ADHD and used the tools and techniques for people with ADHD and my life has changed for better.I acepted that not showing up everyday is okey as long as I continue and not shame my self for missing a day. Thanks for disecting this matter. I never thought this deeply about it. Looking forward to more videos from you😍

[@youradhdgirl]

So grateful for your support Roya ☺️ and for showing you that you’re not the only one dealing with this! Can’t wait to show what I’ve planned next 😃

[@vestaexplores]

Needed to hear this! I am never 100% consistent. Just cannot make it.

[@lyn1940]

I'm blown away every time I watch one of your videos. I follow many ADHD accounts and have heard many tips geared towards ADHD people, but none of them have ever helped me the way your advice does. You truly, truly understand ADHD problems and offer advice that *actually* helps. I've been using your tips in my life, and they actually worked. I'm sure I will use the advice from this video in the future too. It's fine if you're not consistent with posting on KZbin. What you'd posted in the past has been a gem, and I'm sure future ones will be as well.

[@youradhdgirl]

Thank you Lyn for this heartwarming comment, it means so much to me! I love that you have applied the advice and it actually worked. You motivate me to make more videos and of better quality! Let me know what you want to see next! 🥰

[@kshowme1]

You described my university years to the point.

[@thorisomolefe2276]

I embrace my inconsistency

[@wirdyy]

Totally, I felt so related to your video. I dropped piano as well, between SO MANY other things. I even "disappeared" from uni and dropped a degree. Just stopped going to school. I think one of the things that helped me the most is growing up. The older I got, the less I cared about other people thoughts about me. Obviously I still struggle with this "circle of shame," (specially I blame myself more than caring about other people's opinion), but I got a lot better about it. Thank you for your words, feeling related helps a lot.

[@V1b2910]

And then once you start to vanish it becomes a habit but you can always get back up whenever you want. This is pure wisdom. You've earned a subscriber.

[@skepticsquirrel7560]

This was what I realized on my journey too.

[@Paul020]

Hi Candice, if I could hit the like button 100 times for this video I would. You made a very good explanation of the psychological effects of ADHD. Fear and shame can continue to build through life until you get a diagnosis. Then everything starts to make sense. Really enjoy your style of expressing thoughts, makes it easy to follow along and understand. I hope you are able to continue because I think you will help a lot of people. Bon Chance !

[@kristinstewart5556]

Wow! Yes. I tried so many things for short amounts of time. Same with the lack of homework follow-through! The length of time of my interests have increased with age. I’ve learned to introduce variety in my pursuits.

[@strawberrymochi118]

man...i've vanished from basic hygiene before. I let myself go for a bit, and then i was too ashamed to be seen walking to the bathroom. I felt like if someone saw me going for a shower or something, they'd realize i hadn't done it for a while and judge me as a disgusting person. And as long as nobody noticed a change in my routine, it felt like i had plausible deniability. So the two options in my brain were A.) finding the right time to take a shower in the middle of the night (hoping none of the multiple people i lived with were awake) and then slowly easing it back into regular hours so nobody would notice or B.) just continuing to not do it. (thanks for the video btw)

[@zamioculcasraven8384]

this is such an important insight i still need to constantly remind myself of. you seem very authentic and solution oriented, i appreciate that in your channel!

[@youradhdgirl]

that’s so sweet! thank you glad you enjoy them ❤️

[@CheesyPaninie]

Thank you for making this video. It was really helpful and gave me a new perspective on my own inconsistencies. You may not post as often as other youtubers, but the content you do post is very insightful and I believe others will find it just as helpful as I did.

[@ashleyklinder7961]

I call it dread, just waking up dreading the day until I just stop going

[@ssyxji659]

This is great advice. Thank you

[@skepticsquirrel7560]

Exactly what happened to me in university and I dropped out

[@jelemil]

Could you use the example of your fitness or generally what appoaches helped you stick to it despite inconsistencies? Merci :)

[@youradhdgirl]

Might fit this in a part 2 video yep!

[@tehKap0w]

i ducked out of my AP computer science exam because of the stress/anxiety but claimed that i couldn't afford the exam fee. Not because i didn't understand the subject, i did. It was just test anxiety on steroids. Retaking that coursework in college didn't help, either. If anything it made college worse, as i dropped out, in no small part because it felt like i was wasting time.

[@mahderawol6716]

Amazing find! ✅Subscribed

[@Val-nr3sx]

thank you for your effort, i really love your videos i feel heard

[@trancemuter]

this is like 100% me, over and over again…

[@kristinstewart5556]

Did you mention somewhere you have a video on RSD? Could you provide a link? Rejection sensitive dysmorphia is highly linked to my inconsistency issues. This does seem common. I’m just tired of the long term backlog of shame that seems to have created a dam. I think you provide some really good clues and tips for perhaps breaking that dam loose! Awareness if so valuable.

[@youradhdgirl]

Hey Kristin ! Thanks for your lovely comments on my videos ☺️ i did mention RSD because I meant to post a video on the topic; but I ended up not posting it. I want to film it again soon because it's a very important topic to me too and I'd think it'd be really useful to gain awareness on this topic for all ADHDers out there ! Thanks a lot for your support and see you in the next one :)

[@kristinstewart5556]

@@youradhdgirl understanding ADHD, I support your timeline. I look forward to viewing it.

[@ave_smirnova]

thank you very much for your videos! they are very helpful + you are very beautiful natural beauty as it is :-)

[@isisceu]

super helpful and instructive video as always!

[@camilapineiro1231]

Hii!!! Thank you so much for sharing!

[@kissomewoe]

this helped a lot! thanks for the vid ✨

[@nicholasschifano8615]

Is it just me being triggered but the cuts/no pauses? My brains meeting 😅 Love this channel btw 😁

[@Moderntractiondotcom]

Great video, very much resonated. Are you Quebecois? I’m a Frenchie from Ottawa and lived in Montreal for a while.

[@youradhdgirl]

Thank you! Nope I'm from Paris :D love having french-speaking adhders watch my videos !

[@amruthaanand3747]

You. Are. A. Fucking. Godsend. Thanks, sincerely, thanks so much.

[@celine.personaldevelopment]

Je suis en plein dans ce cycle... je suis inscrite à un cours de Yoga. J'ai loupé pas mal de cours car j'ai pas réussi à travailler pendant la journée et donc aller au cours le soir est compliqué. Après 2 loupés, bah j'y vais plus... Et le pire c'est ma famille qui avait prévu que ça arriverait et qui me le renvoie ce qui n'arrange rien....

[@youradhdgirl]

Ohlala le vécu... Je sais à quel point c'est difficile d'avoir sa famille de te rabacher que tu ne seras pas régulière et que tu vas abandonnner, "comme d'habitude", car je l'ai vécu moi-même. Parfois ça ne part pas forcément d'une mauvaise intention de leur part, mais ça peut faire du mal. En tout cas je peux t'assurer une chose à 200%: tu n'es pas la seule à louper des cours de yoga dans ton groupe. Et quand tu remets ça en perspective ("en fait je devrais pas avoir honte, c'est juste un truc normal que tout le monde fait") bah là tu peux arrêter de te juger et y retourner comme si de rien était. Tu as le droit ! et tout le monde s'en fout ! J'espère sincèrement que ce commentaire t'aideras et que tu me répondras que tu as fini par retourner à ce cours de yoga ❤️

[@agoodqualitynoodle3]

thank you 🥺 me too 💚

[@sarahsheets5958]

I see why i stopped the most recent thing theyre paying for my membership in breathwork online ive done for years n its helped me so much i missed once then ashamed cause theyre paying n now its three weeks of missing it and im going to go Tuesday for sure

[@sarahsheets5958]

I absolutely thank you are darling and have helped me see some huge things about myself I'm feeling hope right now I had given up. Thankyou really big Thankyou

[@youradhdgirl]

I’m so glad to hear that Sarah! Thank you for all your sweet comments, they also help me a lot 😄 You can do it 💪🏼

[@PS-bs8oe]

Quel est le canal en français ?

[@laurawells1711]

I still feel shame when I hear the same canned advice for success from close minded people and it’s the exact opposite of me. I’m inconsistent, disorganized, impulsive, and emotional. I used to be so ashamed of how I was always late for things that if I was late to something more than 2 times and got called out for it I would just stop going. I’ve avoided pursuing 9-5 jobs my entire life bc I am literally incapable of showing up on time every day and I hate being reprimanded.

[@akanksharawat9621]

❤❤

[@realjonmarino]

Anything new coming @YourADHDgirl? Or are you hyperfocused on something else? What do you hyperfocus on?

[@youradhdgirl]

Yes! Planning to shoot the next one about ADHD meds since a few of you asked me about my experience with them :) It’s not that I’m hyper focused on something else, it’s more that I’m stuck in an endless cycle of “this week I’m shooting the video” and it never happens somehow 😨😂 thanks for your patience anyways; the only thing I know is that I’ll always strive to publish good and informative content for you guys 😊👌🏼

[@izemozavci8987]

[@Bliksemm]

yes. this... ALLLOFTHIS. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to look at this problem. For me shame developed early and that led to not really wanting to engage with groups or even try new (solo) things because I'll just give up and fail and be a disappointment to whatever instructors / teachers that are putting so much time and effort in for me. Recently I've learnt that failure isn't the opposite of success but it's what happens along the road to "success" (whatever that even means). It's a massive mental hurdle to manage this along side RSD that can in these instances feel like I'm being shoved backwards when it hits. Lets be consistently inconsistent and absolutely own this neurodevelopmental disorder! If you're keen on doing a part 2, how do you manage the perfectionism bit to actually do the things (inconsistently) ..like training on your own? There's classes I currently attend and am able to show up on time and do that and love it completely but don't practice the lessons at home because every past time I did I would go too hard and try to fix too many things and that just made me not want to do it because it wasn't fun even though I would see massive improvements in class. - reading through my comment just now I remembered that I should set and stick to a time limit for the difficult task and have a consistent reward every time xD TLDR: You're awesome for dedicating this much time into planning, scripting, filming and editing your videos!

[@youradhdgirl]

Thank you so much for this amazing comment! I honestly wasn’t sure if it was just me who had felt that way all my life when I posted the video, so it’s so interesting and reassuring to see that it is an experience that we ADHDers share! I am definitely making a part 2 where I’ll talk about how I manage perfectionism and how to actually be inconsistent and « successful ». Hope that will help you in managing your ADHD 😄 and thank you for recognising the hard work behind the videos! It does take a lot of time and mental effort, especially for someone with ADHD, but receiving the kind of comments you just wrote makes me want to keep going and create even better content for my subscribers! See you around ☺️

[@marshallpittman3172]

Thank you for not quitting this channel ❤ you are helping more than you know ❤️‍🩹