Adult with Autism | Importance of Safe Space | 80

Finding a space to be yourself does so much more than I think even we realise at times. Then to accept it is okay to have safe space and not consider judgement is even more important.
The question I ask myself is 'would I even need a safe space if the world was more accommodating'...but then I remember it isn't, so I have a safe space!
And yes, I have darkened the colours of my walls in my safe space.
0:00 Intro / Catch Up
12:11 Safe Space
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[@rosiewise]

It hadn't occurred to me before now why I'm perfectly happy to do "nothing" at home without ever being bored... it IS my safe space and I can dance, sing, spin in circles and literally just say whatever comes to mind knowing there is no one in earshot to judge me.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I love my safe space 👍🏻

[@danieladdedtax]

I have my safe space, black walls, walnut flooring and a pc setup infront of a big arm chair, just for me. I spend as much time as I can in here and love every moment of it. Great video as always 👍

[@donnablack6280]

Dan, my safe space would be no neighbours. I've moved house three times in two years because I can't stick the noise of neighbours. It's not fun for us is it?

[@danieladdedtax]

@@donnablack6280 100% my room is a detached garage, so they can't hear me, but more importantly, I can't hear them

[@AdultwithAutism]

I like the sound of that Dan, also very similar to my set up and how I spend my time!

[@turtleanton6539]

So nice 😊😊😊😊

[@anjachan]

I work in "Sheltered workshop" (not sure about the english word). I can chose my free days when I need them. Other people would never work there but I feel much more safe. I do what I think is right for me.

[@donnablack6280]

My nephew is twenty years old ( my brother's kid) and is severely autistic. The lad has dyslexia on top of everything. He has that superhero mindset common to autists. "I'm gonna save the world with my anime!" After my diagnosis I thought I should phone him for advice. Phones are a phobia for me. But he answered. And I said what happened and asked his advice. He said straight out: 1: wear headphones everywhere 2: take someone with you everywhere 3. Have a safe space And, I'm not exaggerating, my nephew has it bad. He has dyslexia so bad he can barely read or write. But the job centre is making his life hell. My nephew has similar antisocial problems to me, but he is wise beyond his years to recommend this stuff. 👍

[@artemisXsidecross]

He sounds like a monk or shaman, they had problems too 😉

[@jasonclarke7422]

Phone calls give me massive anxiety. As soon as I hear a phone ring at work I break into a cold sweat and feel physically sick.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I think my Autism is broken, I seem to be the only one who doesn't like Anime! But I also think it's a younger Autists interest. But the advice is spot on, can't knock him for that. I have earphones mainly to pretend I have something through them go ignore those people who stop you in the street to pester you 👍🏻

[@donnablack6280]

Artemis, you have a good point! He does have an other-worldly quality 🙂 I read tarot cards and do astrological charts myself so perhaps we can teach one another stuff in future!

[@donnablack6280]

Jason, it's debilitating especially these days to have a phone phobia. I don't even have a mobile. I've got a major phone interview with Universal Credit tomorrow morning and have been a wreck for a week. Can't think of anything else. But it's a yes or no result, and either way the process is over. And my counsellor advised having a phrase ready if they are awful. "I'm finding this call difficult because of your discrimination against Autism and I'm terminating the call as you are causing me severe distress." Wish me luck 😕

[@romecarey7388]

This was a great video I felt this one deeply. We all need and deserve a safe place too be ourselves and do nothing.

[@AdultwithAutism]

We really do. We don't get to be ourselves as we want to away from it, it's the sad and unfortunate truth. So the same space is so important for so many reasons.

[@paulwilkinson3963]

Hi Paul found your channel a few days ago and genuinely the best I’ve seen so far. No flannel , no videos edited within an inch of their lives just the stuff I want to see as a late diagnosed at 39

[@AdultwithAutism]

Awesome, thank you!

[@headcrabproduction8327]

I adore how unapologetically honest and refreshing you are! I feel so lucky to have come across your channel ... one of the most truthful and amazingly inspirational messages in a video I have ever watched on KZbin! Thankyou x

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you for your kind words, they really are appreciated

[@melissa23347]

This is one of my favorite videos from you so far! Love the paint color and so hopeful that you will finally get the answers you need for your knee! ❤

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Melissa, much appreciated 👍🏻

[@artemisXsidecross]

We both live in a foreign land and I no longer expect assimilation. And yes the only one to speak up for ourselves is ourself. The medical treat establishment in the USA is equally wanting and is a problem on top of any medical difficulty. If you have experienced the medical establishment botch up treatment for you knee, why would you expect anything better for their understanding of autism? We are each on our own and that is how I proceed. There is no safe place but only places that are a bit safer than most. Bears, Leopards, Black rhinoceros, Koalas, and Wolverines all live alone and they do not need to explain themselves. I learn to be alone and let these mammals be my teacher.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I've no faith in my lifetime that the correct direction will be navigated for Autism, which is why like you say, it's up to us as individuals with our individual differences to find our own self sufficient path, if available 👍🏻

[@Marie-1901]

Pretty color 👍 I used to hang and tie up sheets over things to make a little safe space in my room as a kid. Such a great feeling to be in my own little castle. So glad to hear the news about your knee! Hope you and George will be on your nice hikes again soon 🐶

[@AdultwithAutism]

I used to love making forts with blankets too. My mum thought I was mad when I wanted a tent for my birthday, but it was for in my bedroom, not outdoors!

[@snowSecurityneeded]

I love your room, I want to sit in the corner reading with maybe a candle and comfortable blanket. your room is my dream of a safe space

[@AdultwithAutism]

Mine too. Glad you like it 👍🏻

[@tdsollog]

This is so relatable. I’m so tired of others judging. Safe spaces are so important. PS: Fall and winter are my favorite seasons.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Safe spaces are needed by all, especially when stepping outside doesn't offer it. Bring on the colder darker months!

[@tdsollog]

@@AdultwithAutism Completely agreed.

[@kellhalla5301]

Thank you Paul, this video is so informative for me in the fact it shows me that i can have safe space and it is okay and normal for how i am. I now also realize for someone i care about how really important it is for him as well. He doesn't talk about things much but it now makes more sense. I wish he could have told me, but appreciate that someone has. This brought me to tears. 😢

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sorry for the tears, but glad you could resonate with it 👍🏻

[@LunarGlowMedia]

My man said " 'Tism Tingle" 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@AdultwithAutism]

Spiderman has his Spidey sense, we have the Tism' Tingle 😂

[@donnablack6280]

Straight after my diagnosis in September 2022 i was put on this counselling where it was a strict one-hour each week for four weeks. I appreciated the deadline aspect but, don't know about you, I'm extremely uncomfortable talking...just talking out loud. I'm quiet. But the counsellor was incredibly useful! Thanks, Brigid. And having a "safe space" sounds kind of bs, but it works. When I endured the PIP assessment, they were really sympathetic to my safe space, which was a cupboard under the stairs, where I could escape noisy neighbours, headphones on, and do my colouring. I'm with you all the way, fren. Contact me in bad times. Really.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Donna. A safe space is everything, regardless of its name. All refer to mine as my Sanity Saver! Your cupboard reminds me when I was younger and would sleep on the kitchen floor in a sleeping bag because my room was too nosy to external factors.

[@donnablack6280]

People don't realise the extents we go to! Mind you, a sleeping bag is very cosy. Since moving house again I have upgraded to a utility room lol as to where I mostly live. And luckily it has a "second bedroom" (cupboard that fits a small single bed) where I prefer attempting to sleep. There's traffic going past but I kind of like traffic noise. Just people noise that does my head in.

[@donnablack6280]

I call my space the decompression chamber. 😁

[@AdultwithAutism]

People noise is the worst. Well, apart from other people's music. Such bad memories of that!

[@mmo4754]

I don't understand why society hates the idea of personal safety so much. It's probably the collectivism.

[@thejoycatcher8189]

I like natural light or darker than most inside my home. I like the soft lights behind you. I hope you keep healing. I have issues with my right knee and my ligaments are very loose I’m double jointed. I don’t like being touched but physical therapy does help. Self awareness is so important. I hear that! Idk if we pay even more attention and recognize it more or what? Loud noises and crowds ugh it has to be worth the price for after it done. It can be draining. You’re very respectful. I’m glad we have people like you in the world. Keep up the great work. 👍🏻😃

[@AdultwithAutism]

Ah thank you. I don't like being touched either, that's one of the main reasons I opted to do the physio myself! 👍🏻

[@kelseyreynolds8762]

That dark blue-green; such a great color. I'm renting, but you've inspired me to make my bedroom more of a safe space. I never enjoy having people over; it always feels like an intrusion. Accepting my autism, along with my need for ALOT of alone time has been life changing. Thank you so much for your content!!!!

[@AdultwithAutism]

No problem at all. You're important too, never forget that 👍🏻

[@susanbeever5708]

You have got to be pushy and make sure that what you need gets done. It’s their job and your health.

[@dancingram79]

Yes! and it really sucks that we HAVE to be pushy to get what we need.😭😭

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's a shame we have to push, but the squeaky wheel does get the attention. I'm just not designed that way unfortunately. I'm either placid and calm, or I'm setting the world on fire. No medium range!

[@Arkham_owl]

The room looks fab

[@AdultwithAutism]

Ta very much 😁

[@SarahDale111]

I asked my parents, when I was a teen, if I could please please please paint my bedroom dark. I needed somewhere to go to recover from the over-stimulation and sensory overload of highschool. (A house without a closet is a cruel cruel thing.) I wasn't diagnosed, and I couldn't understand, let alone express, the hell I was experiencing. I'm sure they thought I was just a moody depressed teenager, and it was their house, their rules...so no dark paint. I love what you've done with the place!

[@AdultwithAutism]

I told someone I know who does interior design that I was painting it dark, just for the responses of 'it'll make the room dark, it's not appealing, it'll make the room smaller' etc, and he didn't disappoint. I got all the comments plus more. I sent him a photo of afterwards, I just got a thumbs up back. I like I'm not held by the opinion of others...about the opinion of others!

[@SarahDale111]

@@AdultwithAutism I went to college for interior decorating and, being as I am, I didn't play by the rules. They didn't know what to make of me and suggested I try the graphic design program instead. But I was already so burnt out after one semester that I had to drop out. It seems their goal was to program us to decorate the boring beige boxes of suburbia. Had they told me that from the start, I could have avoided a lot of debt. Oh well. Most people don't think outside of the box. They think there's a right way and a wrong way. But we LIVE outside of the box, and we are not wrong.

[@AdultwithAutism]

We're not wrong at all. We live outside the box...the beige box.

[@SarahDale111]

@@AdultwithAutism Little boxes in the suburbs Little boxes made of ticky tacky Little boxes in the suburbs Little boxes all the same There's a beige one and a beige one And a beige one and a beige one And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same 😂

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, a delightful shade of beige.

[@420gzuz]

i totally get it! very well put! one of my favorite lyrics from the late great lyricist known as Eyedea... "some people say i've changed, and it's harder to relate to me... Good. I never liked you. Our friendship was make-believe." I wanted to paint my bedroom walls black when I was a toddler. My family thought it was crazy and that nobody paints their walls black, and that I will understand this when I'm grown up. I'm 38. I intend to build a house on some turf that I acquired, even though it is not a safe space due to my overbearing and confrontational neighbor. My family still insists that I'm not autistic... at this point in my life, I'm becoming convinced that, regardless of genes, these people are not family. Still makes me sad though.

[@AdultwithAutism]

It is a shame when people won't accept who you are. Especially when the reason usually is because of your ability to mask, and they don't see past it.

[@turtleanton6539]

The not for me hits deep

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@AngelofAces]

Safe spaces are needed so much i put things in analogies a lot but without safe spaces there are monsters and you can only protect yourself from x amount of monsters before getting devoured so a safe space is like a guiding torch that helps ward of some of them

[@AdultwithAutism]

Very true. The safe space isn't just to recharge, it is to be safe too. Too many want to dial in on differences for negative reasons, so we need somewhere to avoid those types 👍🏻

[@user-kg4tl8or5z]

Mooooooo! Thanks yet again for explaining your version of ASD. I’m learning so much here. I’ve listened to 2 ladies teach/talk about their experiences and they were helpful. You’re on a whole other level of understanding and communication in your unedited video. Count me a fan!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Many thanks, much appreciated 👍🏻

[@isotope73]

I discovered that saving money by renting a room in some stranger's house is NOT a safe place! so I bite the bullet & pay $775/mo for my apartment so I can be at peace by myself! I kinda stopped shopping for food at grocery stores and go to the food bank as much as possible to make it work. But I've been on the verge of living in my truck countless times :(

[@AdultwithAutism]

I push myself to the financial limit just to have my safe space. I couldn't house share 👍🏻

[@GygyMy]

Excellent and beautiful. I have just been suggested one of your videos a few days ago and I am watching more and more of them since. When I saw the color I thought "ooh!! looks like a Batman theme!" And it suits you so much (i love this lind of colors as well). Also the 10years old girl s illustration is brilliant!. Thank you for sharing your version of Autism, Paul. I appreciate what you do and how you do it. (Hi from France/French West Indies!)

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you. And I'm really glad you like watching 👍🏻

[@dancingram79]

Congradulations Paul! ❤️👑 Im so glad you are finally getting things done about your knee. As a nurse, I get it, as a patient who have to fight to get help... I fucking get it! 🤣🤬😭 I sat two days ago with my doctor begging her to just send the referal for the NP evaluation for autism and she was like... "well, didnt you already see another doctor about that?" Yes! I did, and she documented that..." I have autistic traits but I have a job so we dont need one!" 😭😭😭 She failed to document that it costs me all my energi to the point that I got nothing left even for me. I have ADHD and I can be social, but I really dont care about it. Ive been on sick leave now a few months and the best times are when Im isolating for days! ❤️ I dont miss human interaction. I do love people, but.. NO! Its me and my two cats. My bedroom is dark purple and people often critizise the dark color. Im like... well, I love it! Dark, cozy, fluffy and its just for me. 👑 You are absolutly right Paul! ❤️ We all need a safe space and yours seems lovely. 🥰 Hope you get all the help you need so you can hopefully have a nice summer with your pup out and about. 🥰

[@sophya5796]

Hehuh, after moving into my current apartment I painted the bedroom dark purple and the kitchen dark blue 🌚 My parents complained and said I'd get bored and soon regret these colour choices. Well, guess what, it's been 16 years and I still absolutely love my purple bedroom and my dark blue kitchen 💜 It's nobodys business to tell you how your home should look like!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Berenice, and sorry to hear you have a tough time with the Doctors too. It's really tough when they don't know about Autism, yet make overriding decisions for you regarding it via short appointments, yet know nothing about how you truly are away from the appointment. The system isn't in our favour!

[@turtleanton6539]

The only person left on earth is what I always thinks even when waking up early😊😊😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@whitneymason406]

I'm a huuuge Batman fan! One of my oldest special interests! I have a Batman symbol tattooed on my ankle, I collected comic books, I even worked as a dishwasher in a small town in Montana where Michael Keaton would frequent on his summer holidays and I got to meet him once! Our basement office is my safe space. I got all my collectables on display and my kids can't mess with them. My husband has his posters and guitars hung up on the wall. We both have our computers in there too. It's very important to have a safe space. Great topic!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Whitney, and the safe space sounds good...with the good stuff out of reach from small hands 😂

[@angied1106]

I loved the image of you dressed as a ballerina, Paul 😂 Great video, thanks for sharing. I relate so much 😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@jennekekempes7023]

Your video is an eye-opener! I don't have a safe space in my home, or maybe more accurate a space I feel safe in. All of the spaces are also family space wich means I'm always on edge, even if I'm the only one there. I have a lovely family, so I feel guilty about it as well. Both my partner and my son are diagnosed (I'm self-diagnosed I guess) and I protect both of their needs for safe space. They each have a space they can retreat to where no one is allowed to intrude. Apparently I've forgotten about mine....

[@AdultwithAutism]

Well, you're important too. If they need it, so do you. Hope you make time and space 👍🏻

[@MountainWoman68]

I was born to dark skies. Winter is my season. I get you. 🌚🌑🌚

[@AdultwithAutism]

Awesome 👍🏻

[@stellamaru9618]

Soon I will move to another house with more than one room. I always wanted to have a safe space because I need it, I can feel that in my bones, but my partner keeps saying we should use "my" room also for sports (only he does sports at home) and a bed for guests (I wonder which?). Listening to you made me once again realise that it will not feel like a safe space if other people will use "my" room too, even merely in theory. I have tried explaining that my partner but it does not seem to come across.

[@AdultwithAutism]

That's the important part, you 'need' it. It's not because you want it, the value it brings is necessary 👍🏻

[@Flopsi80]

My home is my safe place. I live in a small village in germany in a very nice apartment with my big love, my dog. He is my soulmate, a little grumpy old man. We cuddle all day, I am working only at home. My apartment has white furniture, my style could be discribed as minimalistic vintage. My parents live in the same village, it feels very good to have them near me. We have a great relationship, my mom is one of my best friends. Only at home I can feel 100 % safe. And I feel loved all the time because of my dog Mattis. I don't react to someone who spontanious rings my doorbell and my phone is always mute. I don't let people destroy my peace. Since I moved out from my parents to go to college (I was already 26 at that time) I never lived with other people. And I never will.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I like your style. And my phone is always on mute too 👍🏻

[@justlease37]

Hi Paul. I discovered your "podcast" first on Spotify the other day, and then heard your reference to KZbin so I came to put a face with the voice. And now I feel like we've been hanging out for days since I've had your videos on while I work. I relate to so much of what you say and kudos to you for having the courage to put yourself out there and speak in an unfettered way about how it feels to be you. I love your safe space - I also prefer dark colors, and feel the same way about having people over to my home. I get all worked up beforehand worrying that I'm being judged the entire time for my design choices, etc.and can't relax at all, coupled with having to wear that mask that's so heavy, and it just feels like an invasion. NT people don't get it - "No one's judging anything, just relax, we just want to spend time with you...." blah blah blah and then I end up being made to feel like how I can't stop myself from feeling automatically is some kind of personal failure and I should be able to just decide not to have my brain look at things the way it does. I could go on and on, but once again, thank you for saying the things you say. It's very, very helpful. Keep smiling in your safe space!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Hi Lisa, I wonder if my face matches my voice? Never thought about that until now! Glad you've stumbled upon my nonsense, and hope any of it is good to listen to at a minimum!

[@justlease37]

@@AdultwithAutism yes, I think your face does match your voice! I did not get the "now I was not expecting that" feeling. (You know how when you've read a novel and they turn it into a film and the casting choices sometimes throw you off because that's not the picture you had in your head of the character while you were reading?) Thanks for the laugh, Paul. Hope you're having a smooth day with no surprises!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Glad my face matches my voice 😂

[@fabiana-dep]

It's Saturday night, my children have grown up so I'm alone enjoying the tranquility of my house, watching your videos all day. I am autistic diagnosed in adulthood, and I feel that you are the only friend I have at the moment... and that makes me happy, although you don't know it, in my autistic mind it makes sense to me... I am like you, I don't I like interacting with people in "real life" although I have no shortage of opportunities, I choose not to... I prefer to be at home doing my favorite things and one of them is watching your videos. I wanted to tell you! And it may sound strange, but the only thing that matters is that you help me and I thank you. I wish you the best for your life!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you, I really appreciate that 👍🏻

[@launacasey6513]

I had a big freak out when there were electricians in my space. My landlady and the electricians moved some of my stuff around and they left sheetrock dust everywhere. I was livid. So I can totally relate. My apartment is my only safe space and they ruined it for me for awhile. Honestly it felt like my space was violated.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I absolutely get that feeling. Takes such a long time for you to feel the settled feeling again afterwards too...even once you've reset everything

[@launacasey6513]

@@AdultwithAutism I'm still cleaning up and it's been over 6 months. I think I was silently protesting. With time off from work I'm trying to prioritize cleaning even though I very much dislike doing it. Had a low energy day yesterday but thankfully made some progress today. Gotta celebrate the little wins!

[@AdultwithAutism]

You sure do 👍🏻

[@richardblanchet3194]

Right on ! Thks!! ✌🏻

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@Zoe.8]

Paul, I think you would really like the décor and the feeling of William Morris rooms at the Victoria and Albert museum. You can look them up on KZbin The green dining room I think it's called one of them. They are around the 1870s arts and crafts movement style. It's lots of lovely dark subdued colours and furniture. I love it

[@AdultwithAutism]

I like the different colours. They dont match, but I like that they don't. But, I can not do patterns. I need things empty in a way.

[@Lottacharlie]

Love the dark colour in your safe space. For me at home my safe space is my bedroom,, full of pictures of folk dancers and folk costumes and my mostly Indian inspired decor (special interests). Sometimes only my daughter is allowed in. At school (I teach 4-6 year olds) it's my classroom and a little kitchen area downstairs. On days I can bear it in the teacher's lounge upstairs I have two tables I choose from, if both are occupied I go back down to the downstairs kitchen area or out for a walk. All in all I think I'm being pretty flexible for my lunch spot even if none of the other teachers agree🤣

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, I'd say you're being very flexible! So long as you get to eat in peace, thats all that matters.

[@graemesutton2919]

I moved from being 150km to 1.5km from my parents. I am nearly 60 yo. My parents thought they were going to just barge in whenever they liked and run my life. I tried to tell them to ring/text first and wait for a reply. It ended up escalating to the point where we are not talking. They have turned my son and sister against me. Yes, there are other things going on.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Wow, really sorry to hear that. But just as they expect you to respect their wishes...they need to do the same. You wouldn't ask if you didn't need them. Sorry to hear its also escalated to include others.

[@bryanmerton5153]

Hi Paul, I can’t get you in a ballerina outfit out of my mind😂. Great video my friend. Yes a safe space is so important. For me it is my home with my partner. I am very safe with him and I love my house. Hey and I love the dark “Gotham” paint! Very smart.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Hey Bryan. Haha, no one needs to see me in a ballerina outfit 😂

[@mmo4754]

You can't just separate parts of yourself out like that. You literally can't. How do I know what's autism vs what's the rest of you / me? They literally don't exist separate from each other. If the rest of me wasn't there, there would be no place for the autism to exist, and without the autism, I'm not me. There are common traits of autism sure, but how they are experienced is different for everybody depending on their circumstances. I'm not saying that autism content has to be about autism and how it relates to another specific thing, but videos like that can be extremely helpful in creating safe spaces for people to learn about themselves and connect. I think it's baffling that you emphasize safe space, but don't get that often the"autistism and..." videos are exactly about creating safe spaces for people with shared experience, because your experience of being autistic might not be the same as mine, for reasons that might be important to consider.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I make it known in my intro that I talk about my version of Autism. I don't ask anyone to follow my thought process. I simply share my opinion, just as you have.

[@ShinySilverBunny]

Totally agree with everything. I've been in this apartment for years and I have aluminum foil on the wall to stop the waves from the laundry room and it was measured by my meter to show improvement. I since have decorated my bed in a dark and Moody indigo with light gray and gold accents and natural tones. I found out a great way to cover my walks foil is I bought some beautiful indigo linen fabric and covered the while wall and have a glass ocean buoy hanging from the ceiling. Ive since gotten so attracted to dark blues and purples and black in my bedroom it makes for a lovely sleeping cave. You've got great design taste Paul. Although that's your safe space would love if you did a video sharing this part of yourself, if not then much respect.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I like that you have made your space your own. It's one thing to know we need to have a safe space, but it's another to treat it well too.

[@ShinySilverBunny]

@@AdultwithAutism for other parts of the home... if I were to buy a house.. I'd like to do the living room in a dark moody color as well but for now a giant dark artistic tapestry will do. I had seen a living room done with one wall a very deep dark green that was so beautiful and calming even with a green plant hanging from the ceiling next to it. I don't necessarily like bright colors in general either but only if its calmed down with darker hues. I painted one wall in my kitchen a bright and cheery sunny yellow with a vintage white table I painted but at the same i have black floor mats and other accents. I had a lot of fun doing the kitchen as it is a whole different vibe of course. Kitchen is a place for health and food. I found a crazy colorful shower curtain I use for the kitchen window but also darkens it when needed. I kinda like the idea of making each room unique like the White House has a "blue room" and so forth and so on. You should make your entire home a safe space but that special room of yours is yours alone.

[@AdultwithAutism]

@ShinySilverBunny yep, it's all about making your space how you want it. The 'mancave' for me is the ultimate safe space within my safe space. For example, if someone knocks at the door when I'm in there, I don't even attempt to look to see who it is, whereas I might if I'm elsewhere in the house. Who knows, I might even make a Fort in the mancave, the ultimate super safe space 😂

[@ShinySilverBunny]

@@AdultwithAutism 😂😂😂 oh man I loved making forts as a kid!! Take your pup in there with ya and get a flashlight 🔦 ✨️ 🤣 I got red Christmas lights for night time that's sooo relaxing 😌

[@kdcraft89]

Thank you for putting this into words. I've always felt compelled to make my spaces partly for other people, mostly family members. On the other hand, I've learned a number of DIY skills simply because I don't want strangers in my house. I've installed my own flooring, repaired appliances, replaced electrical outlets, plumbing repairs, etc. Most can be seen as transient special interests. Of course, this is partly due to affordability, but mainly because I don't want people, especially strangers, coming in. I dread something like furnace repair or water heater replacement, which I feel I can't do on my own. Your video provided an important viewpoint for me, in making a safe space for myself, not influenced by anyone else, including family members.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I'm glad it helped. I wish I was handy at DIY. Outside of painting, I'm a disaster!

[@janinemills6732]

❤

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@heedmydemands]

Yeah the video was great! I've recently realized that the second day when we stay at the cottage I'm always in a bad mood and i think that is the actual reason y: I'm around people up there so constantly, there's no safe space, i need the sate space every day, or it affects my mood

[@AdultwithAutism]

Same. Even if I like the people! 👍🏻

[@rebecca.medicineeagle]

Hi Paul, another great video on the books. I really enjoy watching and listening to you - I look forward to your content and agree with 95% of everything you say. In regards to a Higher Power, I truly believe God allows us to go through difficult situations as a way to humble us and draw us closer to Him. I pray for you often and hope you find the peace you need in your life. It would be so amazing if your employer allowed you to work a 4-day work week, such as 4 10-hour days. That would give you one extra day off per week to recharge, which has been remarkable for me. I look forward to your next video.

[@AdultwithAutism]

The adjustment to working is something I do need to look at and will discuss with my manager in the future. Just knowing I have an extra day upcoming will make a huge difference. I don't mind starting early at all each day to earn it.

[@turtleanton6539]

Great channel man😊😊😊😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you. Appreciated 👍🏻

[@brianmeen2158]

“I don’t have to pretend to be interested in things” Amen! This is one of the biggest reasons why I have become much more reclusive over the years - I just cannot feign interest in what most people say anymore .. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’d listen to someone talk about something mindless and I’d nod my head and ask them questions and pretend interest. Oh god I wasted so much energy and ultimately the pretending just leads to more pretending . If only I had realized this much earlier in life then I could have tried adjusting better to it Also relate to just simply not getting anything from being around or talking to people. I spent so many years trying to pretend I was enjoying the social experience but in my 30s I just got burnt out . I can talk to someone and can tell when they “light up” when I say certain things but I don’t feel anything of the sort. I’m usually looking for a way to end the conversation so I can go toss off my mask and recharge

[@AdultwithAutism]

Feigning interest I feel is something that is finite. I find myself struggling more these days that I used to in that regard.

[@steveneardley7541]

My last "hell experience" was being at the dentist--my mouth full of stuff. There are TWO radios going--about equal in volume, one with country one with hip hop, and the dentist is humming some other tune entirely. At this point I thought, "You know, I may have Aspergers, but I am not as insane as these people who think it is normal to have multiple songs going on in the same space." That was so exhausting; my toes were clenched.

[@AdultwithAutism]

That would have been too much for me. The more stressed I feel, the more control I need. The Dentist being one of them. They would need to turn the music up...but only on one station! 👍🏻

[@curtismaul2552]

It wouldnt surprise me if that Baby Shark song was used in SAS military training or used as a form of torture.

[@AdultwithAutism]

It is torture. That song and Crazy Frog should be illegal 👍🏻

[@falami5485]

Hello Paul. I hope the MRI find what's wrong with your knee and you will get finally the treatment you need

[@AdultwithAutism]

Me too! Thank you

[@SnowySpiritRuby]

@@AdultwithAutism Did it?

[@somnium5603]

I set up a room for my stuff, music stuff art supplies, my PC and everything I love. I decorate it how I want, it always gets messy because I'm busy with so many things especially if I'm alone here. It was meant to be my area, guess what, every single evening my husband gets home and chills on the couch I put here and plays his shooter games on his phone(the sounds drive me insane). I cannot handle it anymore. I just want to have a space for me, and I don't want to be rude, but I wish he would just go do his work so I can just feel happy on my own sometimes. I get so extremely anxious every day knowing he comes home then everything is messed up for me. I have to leave everything I am doing I can't just be alone and If I get overwhelmed and need to leave the room I have to explain what I'm going to do where I am going. Everything needs to be explained or have to do something with him. I don't want to talk sometimes, I just want to be on my own even if I am just sitting here with my headphones on researching something no one cares about or whatever to just feel happy and calm. And no I don't want to constantly hear how messy MY room is. I decide what and how to do things here. Sometimes I clean everything sometimes I'm just busy with a million and one things. Can it just be okay to be alone in my area, I can cry this is so frustrating.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Why can't you be alone in your room? Openness, transparency, and honesty matter when it affects your mood, attitude and mental health. Could you get rid of the sofa, stop him inviting himself in? Could you put a lock on the door? It's more than just a room to relax in, it's the only space you get to be yourself and be in tune with your own emotions, so it should be take seriously. If your partner doesn't see it as that, maybe they need that part of it explained to them and why them entering that space is seen as an intrusion, not welcoming? I hope you get it sorted!

[@somnium5603]

@@AdultwithAutism Thank you, I agree with you 100%. I try to explain my autism, but he takes things personally , and don't seem to get if I explain my brain works different, but I have to explain to him I need this space to be my safe area. I don't want to be rude or selfish, but it's driving me insane. Haha😅

[@AdultwithAutism]

Always remember, self preservation is not selfishness. And we are important too, we're allowed what we need 👍🏻

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes there are alot of autism AND things😊😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sure are 👍🏻

[@helencampbell]

I just cant! The referral not made - this was me on a two year wait list for autism assessment that never happened! I went via right to choose in the end - but waited for 2 years on the NHS list - not on the list

[@AdultwithAutism]

That is terrible! And sums up the broken admin NHS processes!

[@helencampbell]

@@AdultwithAutism it really is

[@helencampbell]

it broke me @@AdultwithAutism

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sorry to hear that. The waiting times push people to breaking point.

[@helencampbell]

its so sad and very unfair - the system is totally broken - hope you had a reasonable christmas - it's not really for me so I have been filming today @@AdultwithAutism

[@steveneardley7541]

I was at a laundromat, and there was one couple in there with me, having some giant marital fight, right in front of me. There was a jukebox in there, and just before I left I put a bunch of money in the jukebox, and put on Delilah, by Tom Jones, five times in a row. It was the most annoying, repetitive song I could find on the jukebox. Revenge was mine!

[@AdultwithAutism]

A jukebox in a laundromat?! That is definitely something that doesn't happen in England 👍🏻

[@thatrunningirl]

hi paul, thanks for this wonderful and validating video. summer always seems to make safe spaces more difficult, as it's hard to have windows closed to keep noise out when it's hot? do you find summer adds difficulties to safe spaces? my safe space is always my office. either at my partner's house or back home. the other day he came in and started opening windows and opening the blinds more. i had to explain that he'd basically just found a little hedgehog den and taken all the twigs and stones off the top, so that it then feels exposed and unsafe. i think he understood in the end, but i still feel like neurotypicals don't understand safe spaces.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Yes, my safe space is exposed to me in hot weather like it is now. Windows open, and don't feel as hidden as I'd like. I can hear everyone else, and to me it's like we might as well all just be in the same house and garden. I don't feel the separation that I need to feel.

[@brianmeen2158]

I can identify with this. The older I get the more I dislike summer. When it’s warm out and I take my dog out for a walk I have to avoid the locals that are outside. When it’s really cold out I’m the only person out and it’s peaceful

[@AdultwithAutism]

Same. I have my routes to take to avoid the most amount of people.

[@Flopsi80]

I had to laugh at the thing with don't go out and socialise with people for 5 days. I mean, come on, 5 days are nothing! I can go on for weeks without seeing other people and I don't miss anything. I don't understand these neurotypical people. I like to see my parents and my best friend every month or so but even if I can't see them longer time I am not feeling lonely. I love to be alone, I not only need it. It's great because I love myself and being with my dog.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Trust me, I would go the rest of my life very comfortable with being reclusive. But I have to work so no choice but to see the humans 👍🏻

[@Flopsi80]

@@AdultwithAutism I work at home, I am a freelancer. I can't work with other people around me.

[@helencampbell]

oof - its not you - that sends me crazy - sorry I am commenting on most of your videos - everything you say makes huge sense

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's good to know it makes sense 👍🏻

[@aumtheaum3827]

I love to stay home. Tomorrow I have to go to the movies. So anyway.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Hope it wasn't too bad 👍🏻

[@falami5485]

All the walls in my house are grey and black

[@AdultwithAutism]

Interesting! I always steer towards darker.

[@turtleanton6539]

​@@AdultwithAutism maybe I should try it later 😅😅😅😅

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@isotope73]

I had to couch surf for TEN YEARS due to being poor, despite having a degree in chemistry. Gee, ya think that led to massive burnout?

[@AdultwithAutism]

Just a lot! 👍🏻

[@saszablaze1]

sorry bro, i have (had ) autism, and CPTSD too to boot, and you talk about things you can't do, so you "have to " become a recluse. that's a choice. neurodevelopmental disorders are not a life sentence. when we were children we had the wrong foods, and vaccines, and in utero stuff go on perhaps, but there are people out there who are empowering autistic people to adapt and have healthy, happy lives. it starts with the gut & nervous system. autistic people like myself who have gotten physically healthy enough, that we can learn to CATCH UP with what developmental issues we had; socially, emotionally, and how we interact with the world. you talk about your safe space being invaded. and having a meltdown. that's MALADAPTIVE> it's a neurodevelopmental disorder, which can be corrected, leaving us with what gifts we may have, like savants. how are you this old and not found a way to work from home, so you aren't exhausted, and can enjoy a healthy social life? you talk about other people being more aware and safe for autistic people, and whilst that's needed, we need to adapt to the world. and as much as autism is a developmental disorder, there ARE ways to enable being able to adapt again. what do you do to change how YOU adapt? you sound bitter that you "can't" go on holidays with friends, or that list. but creating a safe space wherever we go is OUR responsibility. can you imagine if there was revolution tomorrow, how would you cope or survive? awfully. diet change, herbal medicine, detoxing, particularly the gut body language study, trauma and nervous system therapy, i've done all these things relentlessly improving my ability to adapt to the world, even "neurotypicals"(no such thing) have had a an issue, coz we have governments bullying and coercing us ALL, we have violence, and chaos all around, electrosmog, pollution, wrong foods, unnatural temptations, and degenerative culture. our autism is just one of myriad symptoms of a broken culture, well set of cultures. look up detox miracle source on pdfdrive. dr robert morse. and particularly for autism: "dr david jubb brain of the gut" on youtube, order his book "life food recipe book", and start planning times to detox and support your nervous system. my herbal supplier is called tree harvest, in glastonbury you can get CBD full spectrum oil and paste, to help support the nervous system, great for autism too, and hemp-holistics also has the same raw organic outdoor grown CBD paste and oils, but also seaweeds, marine phytoplankton, and SHILAJIT which will all support your endocrine system, nervous system. become solution oriented. "keep smiling" doesn't sound like you''re a very smiley guy mate, and im reaching out as a brother, we have the solutions to your problems. it takes dedication and study, practice. whole lifestyle change. but because you have your safe space, you can do it. and never have these problems again. im gonna listen to many more of your podcasts, coz we can all glean something new and useful from everyone, but dude, DON@T GIVE UP

[@turtleanton6539]

Xdddddd

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@EpiicxFuziion]

If you ever dress as a ballerina, I want to see a pic 😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, I think cameras would break attempting to capture that.

[@nifehowls6899]

Is being female a comorbidity?? 😅

[@AdultwithAutism]

Did I say that?! Oops! 😂