Adult with Autism | What is Autism Burn Out? | 88

I am in Autism Burn Out personally, yet also on the edge of hitting it professionally. It is a strange feeling to be going towards Burn Out from two different directions.
I have done a video over on Patreon, a free video to explain my personal Burn Out, and this is talking about my Burn Out due to work. But the bottom line here is, I need to take better care of myself.
Personal Burn Out video - / adultwithautism
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[@AutisticlyRose]

For the rest of the Americans watching, treacle is molasses. And this is very much what burnout looks like for me too. I would also bet that performing tasks we do to a incredibly high standard is probably really common among autistic people. I know I have crazy high standards for myself.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you for the translation 😁

[@fishergordon2382]

We need a four day work week, Everybody.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Absolutely do.

[@TDZ.92]

that we do!!

[@alllscination]

At least. I would be ok with a 3 day work week, maybe.

[@EpiicxFuziion]

Since my massive burnout I can’t even leave my house unless absolutely necessary. And when I do, I have to drink to be able to cope with the anxiety. I feel like such a failure even though I’ve bought my own house and raised two amazing kids single-handedly, all while being autistic and not knowing it.. I was diagnosed at 49.

[@AdultwithAutism]

You're not a failure, far from it. You just need to find the way of life that now works for you and not the design of others. Societal norms and expectations are over, live true to you...slowly but surely 👍🏻

[@donnablack6280]

Sorry I haven't commented in a while. Life became unmanageable, as it does. Too many ppl in my life - helpers, advisors, counsellors. They're all nice ppl but I can't hack it, having ANY ppl in my life. They made it worse. Commenting on KZbin videos is the limit of my social contact. 🤷

[@turtleanton6539]

The pressure can really be real

[@AdultwithAutism]

I don't 'human' for just that reason. It isn't the quality of the person, its the fact it's any form of socialising and I'm not designed for it.

[@myworldautistic6839]

We need to be able to take medical leave. That needs to be invented. Medical leave for disability reasons. That would be so great.

[@AdultwithAutism]

We need something! Having to fit in the normal annual leave allowance isn't really fair 👍🏻

[@myworldautistic6839]

@@AdultwithAutism It's not fair at all. When people become parents, they can take parental leave. They don't have to use their vacation days for that. If you are sick, you can use your designated sick days rather than vacation days. So why should you use vacation days for something as debilitating as Autistic burnout? That's ridiculous.

[@AdultwithAutism]

In Spain, women now have menstruation leave too. Everyone and everything is now being considered, but burn out is being left behind.

[@myworldautistic6839]

@@AdultwithAutism that's incredible. I have never heard of menstruation leave. I would have loved that!! I don't understand why they can't have leave for AB

[@AdultwithAutism]

Because unlike every other difference, Autism is 'championed' by non Autistic people. So what we truly feel and truly need, they don't know because they can't feel what it is like to be Autistic

[@ildyivy]

U have inspired me to start my own channel on having survived with undiagnosed autism. It hasn’t been fully living but surviving, and the added complication of having had grown up in abusive environment, deprivation, poverty, also which compounded the issues I’m sure.

[@AdultwithAutism]

That's awesome that you are starting your own channel. The more options available from self aware Autistic Adults the better. It'll help change the false narrative out there 👍🏻

[@myworldautistic6839]

Looking after yourself is the most important thing you can do. You can't help anyone else unless you help you first. ❤

[@AdultwithAutism]

Very very true 👍🏻

[@MartKart8]

I thought about when you mentioned how society has expectations, I feel like I.T is a forced onto people, and they have to understand how to code, I can't code it's to hard. I did find I liked using the modelling software, I used a free one called Blender, I uploaded a 12 second video online of a duck with headphones I modelled, I was surprised to get over 150 views, close to the 2nd day got over 1k people viewed it, and people kept commenting saying duck a lot, a total of 2.1k have viewed my duck with headphones on. I did learn people that code struggle with modelling, and people that model struggle with coding.

[@nee-na6874]

Paul, the difference between your videos and others is your presentation... The others are a LOT of "information" (clinical, bullet points, "defining words", etc.), which can be important; however, you talk about "real life", thoughts, feelings, reactions, and EXPLAIN it in a VERY relatable and practical way. Plus the fact I am an older adult who has had ALL the life experiences of being neurodivergent, and trying to swim upstream my entire long life just to survive through MANY major traumatic events. It is indeed amazing that I made it to 67 now that I look back on my life. Your voice is very calm and I can listen without stress. I used to live in England with my late husband, and when I was there I started learning about how "different" I was, not just because I was living in a different country. I am on the spectrum full stop. Now I know that and your videos are helpful for me during this challenging time of "reframing" my whole life, and that's a lot. I am having a hard stressful time right now because I have had a lot of extra responsibilities added recently (still very busy with family responsibility even though "retired"). I feel like I am in burnout AGAIN and have had a number of meltdowns in the past few months. I agree, I want to be useful and productive but I also have limitations now too. What you said about London, I agree, that was stressful for me, and I feel the same way here in Texas about going back to Houston (several million people), but I just can't cope with doing Houston anymore. I applaud your "standard", doing your best. That's how I feel about what I am doing with my "big little country life", and also trying to find the balance of taking care of myself too, as much as I possibly can (if it does not cost too much). All the best 😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

I hope you get to catch a break sooner than later. Just remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. You need to be full to be able to give to others successfully. I do hope you will be able to switch off and take time for yourself.

[@nee-na6874]

@@AdultwithAutism Thank you for your kind response. I am starting to get a little better about letting my limits and boundaries known. I feel like I have to be very brave to do that, because I have had to be so hyper vigilant around the majority of people I have been around, but now trying to be true to myself. I have gotten better about being less worried about what certain people think of me now. I am a nice, decent, respectful person and I am very careful about everything I do and say, so now I am taking "rude unaccepting people" less personally. I am not chasing after people anymore to try and "make friends". So I feel like I have made progress. I am "trying softer" approach with myself. 🙂

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sounds good to me 👍🏻

[@magical.little.treehugger]

Without the ADHD meds I went onto last year, every single day is like wading through treacle due to AuDHD and other health conditions.........but with them they keep kinda pushing me on in unhealthy ways at times..... finding the balance is proving elusive so far......

[@donnablack6280]

Back in the day, the only thing that helped me feel "normal" was amphetamine. It was awesome. I could sleep at night, concentrate during the day - even be sociable. But the doctors won't even give me meds for the diagnosed adhd because I'm an OD risk apparently. They won't give me anything.

[@artisticautistic9664]

I think we're just not wired for this money machine system we live in

[@magical.little.treehugger]

@@donnablack6280 sounds like you have ADHD, that's what my meds are for it!

[@magical.little.treehugger]

@@artisticautistic9664 nope I'm definitely not made to live in this selfish, modern, busy world 🥺🥴

[@artisticautistic9664]

@@magical.little.treehugger busy isn't bad though... task completion is awesome. It's when the tasks are not practical and are superfluous that it simply makes no sense. Imo anyway

[@BuntesEinhorn]

I've had a boss tell me to not give 170% all the time, but sometimes only 110%. I don't know how though, I want to do the best job that I can. At the time I had no idea how to do less or care less. And of course, when I do a good job, there will be more and more things to do. Like you say, the weight becomes more and more until it is too much and the brain says NO. I never understood what had happened back then until now. Thank you for showing up here and doing this work!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you, I appreciate that. And know all too well the feeling of trying to give less...and feeling a bit lost on how to👍🏻

[@TheYangnyin]

The water analogy is perfect for my work situation. They keep adding new steps to protocols and more tasks.. it's getting to be very challenging to deal with.

[@forestsunset9617]

I think a lot of jobs are getting like that now. they want you to do 3 jobs for the price of one. and the internet is changing the pace of everything.

[@AdultwithAutism]

They do. Do more work, for less pay after inflation. But then don't make their absence leave more flexible to balance it out.

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

12:11 “I remember how I felt the morning I woke up and I just couldn’t do it anymore” Wow…that brought tears to my eyes brother. I remember to. It happened over 15 years ago now. I had no idea I was autistic at the time. I just knew I was done. What followed was worse than I can possibly describe. Worse worse than anything anyone who hasn’t experienced it can possibly imagine so bad I wouldn’t wish it on the worst person who’s ever lived. Ketamine infusion therapy stopped the suicidal thoughts and panic attacks and crushing anxiety and depression in 2018. In 2020 my girlfriend suggested by way of love and acceptance that I was autistic. I had no idea, but started researching the subject. And I immediately saw myselfin people like you. It strikes me that all of the difficulties you have described thus far stem from external burdens placed on you unwittingly by others. It’s been two years since my diagnosis. During that time I’ve spent hours every day viewing content like yours, trying to understand autism, and how it impacts Autistic people like us. The greatest gift of diagnosis has been finding out that I’m not alone. That I never was. You are not alone either my friend. Sometimes we have to withdraw from the world. Because the world is too much for us.

[@JanneGlass]

You say so many things I can relate to that I don’t know where to begin. Vacation/sick days, how it felt when the burnout hit. I am now 47, I was 41 when I had the Final Big Total burnout. And it was the company doctor I then had to go see who was the first to recognize I might be autistic. Which was later confirmed through a lengthy assessment. I’m now on benefits for 50% of my work hours and I think I deliver 70% of what my neurotypical coworkers need 100% of their work hours for. And still I push myself and feel that my needs will be a nuisance to others or that I’m weak because I don’t attend social work events as they wipe me out for the week that follows. That last burnout - now 6 years ago - broke something in me that can not be fixed. Ever, I think. And I’m still working on finding a new and better fitting equilibrium. This video is a year old I think so I hope you have the worst of the burnout behind you now and that you’re feeling a little bit better. Edit: no it’s a month old. Damn. Still hope that short month brought you some relief from your struggles. (If you’re anything like me, probably not much 🙄)

[@AdultwithAutism]

Glad you could relate. Unfortunately I'm in a low point currently which is like your 'unfixable' point when something hit you. But have to keep going, and im going to cover it soon when im back to making videos👍🏻

[@asimplenameichose151]

I hit the 'big burnout' at the same age (which led to discovering autism, though I am not officially diagnosed) but I'm a bit younger so it's more recent for me, following a period of months of back-to-back 80+ hour weeks of hyper-productivity to deliver a project the former lead had abandoned, on top of demands from wife / children and church leadership (which I have since resigned) ... I also feel like something has broken in me that will never be fixed, and I hope I'm wrong. Because of the strain of that period, my own failures and those of others, there are relationships I cultivated for over a decade that will never be the same. I now feel like an outsider in a community and institution I helped to found. Unfortunately, working for a tiny struggling tech company in the US there are no 'benefits', and my check provides for 5 people so I can't stop. I've tried to 'slow down' at work but I end up just going back and forth from productive (not as much as I used to be) to near-crashing for days and trying not to call attention to it. At least I'm working from home. Took a massive pay cut 6 months ago and the company is still trying to recover, so thankfully for a short while longer they aren't calling anyone out (who has stayed through the turmoil). Went through periods (months) during the worst of the burnout where I was _completely_ unable to problem-solve, code, or really use a keyboard at all for more than a few minutes at a time and just sat at the desk for hours trying to mentally / emotionally get through the fog.

[@magical.little.treehugger]

I'd been surfing Autistic /overall burnout since the hectic long work shifts at a meat factory at Christmas, and I was REALLY proud of myself for not succumbing to actually stopping! So yeah.....got made redundant in April when the company went bust, but I'd already hit EXTREME meltdown point a week before that and got myself signed off sick thinking I'd be ok again in a few weeks. Yeah...... that's gone well 😉....... lost my routine, can't get myself into a new one and generally not letting myself rest as much as I should be cos my ADHD part of my brain won't let me even tho the Autistic side is gently nudging it to tell it "we need to rest......"

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's very tricky finding a new routine. Especially when it's almost forced upon you like with a redundancy.

[@tips4400]

Does anyone get anxiety just watching people interact with each other? Because I think I analyze myself if I were in that same social interaction and think of how I would interact. Perhaps that's also a way of "learning/copying" what others do? And that contributes to the burn out fuel tank

[@donnablack6280]

Yes. It's part of masking. We have to intellectually learn social behaviours because they don't come naturally. It's tiresome.

[@AdultwithAutism]

That actually happened to me last week. A situation happened that was extremely difficult to watch.

[@kdcraft89]

Not just watching people interact, but even being in the presence of people causes tremendous anxiety. They can even be in cars. The denser the "population" the more anxious.

[@tips4400]

@@kdcraft89 haha for sure. My god, the dreaded grocery shopping. I sometimes even pass out for 3 hours after grocery shopping.

[@techjunkie68smusicandtech56]

So glad to have found your channel Paul, I can relate it to as I am autistic and have commented on one of your videos already. Have a good holiday what ever you choose to do or not! Enjoy yourself.💯 As for working for employers, especially my last one, I have always felt I had to work at 150 or more percent, just to prove to myself I can do what is required, which can lead to burnout if not careful! I am recovering from a burn out from 2 years ago, and as much as I want to earn a living I don't feel confident that employers will really look after the likes of us.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I am glad you can relate 👍🏻

[@TDZ.92]

Thank you for making your videos!! Your honesty is so refreshing.

[@Jazzylou98]

I haven't been officially diagnosed yet but I can relate to you sooo much

[@AdultwithAutism]

I'm glad some of my waffles are relatable 😁

[@FifiLeCat]

The difference between me and my neurotypical co-workers going to the same meeting is that I must gear up professionally and mentally (prepare for conditions) before it and schedule actual recover time post-meeting. My days are longer because of it, my evenings are about recovery as are my weekends. My job is demanding in that it takes a lot out of me but the job itself is not difficult. eta: And I have to work around my mental dysregulation, to boot!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sounds familiar! 👍🏻

[@shawnaford5540]

Thank you for sharing.

[@recoveringsoul755]

One thing i learned from hiking and backpacking, is that the slowest person is working the hardest. The ones at the front, its easy for them. They may wrongly believe the slowest person is being lazy. But the slowest person is trying the hardest, trying to keep up, mad at themselves for being slower, beating themselves up mentally and wondering why it's so hard, wondering why they even came at all. Its hard to enjoy. And when everyone else stops to rest, as soon as the straggler finally catches up, they say "finally!" And they get going again. So the slow person never gets to rest. Its exhausting and they need more breaks because it just takes us longer.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Whenever I used to go hiking with a group, I was always the one at the back! So I absolutely relate to that 👍🏻

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@AdultwithAutism yeah. As a woman with my son's scout troop I tried to remember this. As I was usually the slowest. On one trip one new kid was on his first hike. His mom packed his backpack so he couldn't find his own stuff. He wore orthotic shoes. He brought his fishing pole and tackle box but we weren't going fishing. There were only 2 other adults there both men. They were clearly annoyed with this boy. One of them even scolded him and told him that if he needed to use his inhaler that we would all have to turn back!! My son has asthma too. That's what inhalers are for, To make it easier to breathe But I brought up the rear with him. I told him that the view from the top was just as sweet whether you were first or last. I tried to point out how nice everyone on the trail was. Nobody was mean, not other people we met anyway. And I pulled aside the faster boys before we finished. There was one little bridge we crossed over before getting back to the cars. I told them this kid was working really hard. I asked them to wait after crossing the bridge and to clap and cheer when this boy made it there And they actually did it!! After we got back his mother came up to me and thanked me and said her son had a great time!! I was kinda surprised because he was almost in tears at times. But that kid has something nobody else had. He actually had studied the map, knew the names of the small lakes we passed and what kinds of fish each one has. He had book knowledge where the other kids had physical strength and endurance. Everyone can contribute their own strengths to the group.

[@AdultwithAutism]

@recoveringsoul755 if only others had patience, they would see not everything is about winning and losing. As you say, the view is just as sweet no matter when you get there 👍🏻

[@manuelkfc7916]

Huh, i never looked at it from that perspective, clever wording there man.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@manuelkfc7916 I was the slowest hiker and it's not fun. But it applies here too

[@md8955]

I really hope that your videos help you yourself as much as me and undoubtedly many others ✌️

[@airari24]

I'm having a similar issue at my work. I'm in social services and the case loads are bigger than they've ever been. Being in such a social, constantly changing, high emotion job is a struggle especially with how my ASD presents but I could mange it if it were not for the agency overworking us. Me not working to my standards has real consequences for these kids and their families so I do not feel comfortable compromising on some things but I dont see how this is sustainable for me (and really the structure as a whole). Im also trying to communicate with those at work that could help adjust/lighten loads when possible. Im also trying to give myself true rest time and trying to let work go and do what I like outside of it. But really I may need to simply leave this job. Trying to figure things out and not max out my vacation time. I need it to function but if I take what I really need I'll be even more swamped with work.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I've been in the exact same position with excessive work. I made the decision to work to rule. I started at 9, finished at 5. My work PILED up. I made sure I emailed by boss every day with a time in motion study of how I worked that day and didn't say why. When they pulled me for being very behind two months later, I asked them to find fault in my time in motion studies, and to offer me additional training to get me on track. They couldn't as I was at 100% capacity with work. So I couldn't be reprimanded at all. We all work above and beyond, and it doesn't show the gaps or make them employ more people, and we're the ones who suffer. You can only do what you can do, work to rule, and C.A.R.E. (Cover your Ass, Record Everything) 👍🏻

[@sawtoothiandi]

i bought a large white-board for my wall, i get a thought, i write it down, no matter how dumb it may seem later. at least it removes the burden of trying to remember it. its out there, and done with.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I've done something similar with a notepad and pen, and forced myself to write how I felt when I woke up and how I felt before sleep, to see if my day would be as bad as I thought it would be. The results were...interesting 👍🏻

[@turtleanton6539]

Rigjt man. Great video😊😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@bryanmerton5153]

Hi Paul, I have been in burnout this month and I am slowly recovering as it were. It is excellent that you present ideas at work and they respond with no problem.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Hey Bryan. It's been a lifetime to get to this point. If only people were this amendable when I first started working! 😂

[@asimplenameichose151]

This, once again, is so relatable. I have told people much of what you've said in this video in past years and they rarely understood (I give everything 110%, can't be involved in 3x the amount of things at 15% each). I didn't find out I was likely autistic until I had a wife and three children, we had helped start a church and community, and my income needed to triple to support us all. I have discovered I have to be the 110% guy at work (because the check depends on it) and do my best to give the rest to family relationships and basically forget everything else, other relationships and former dreams / aspirations for life. Unfortunately I only discovered this after a massive burnout a bit over a year ago and I'm not sure I will ever be the same. It broke so much in and around me. And apart from my close family, I think most of the people around me who were affected by what happened to me still don't believe I'm (possibly) autistic or that I'm struggling with / against anything unusual. I also don't want to become a negative stereotype but I am continually having to renegotiate the social schedule now to try to get out of more and more events / commitments and few people in my community really understand why.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Noticing when burnout is coming is something I still haven't mastered. I hope you are okay, and remember...you cannot pour from an empty cup. It is good to hear you want to help your community, but you need to make sure you have the resource to do so. Best of luck 👍🏻

[@asimplenameichose151]

@@AdultwithAutism Thank you - I am hanging in there and trying to figure out a path forward.

[@gelfrog93]

Thank you so much for putting this video out there. I can relate so much to the experiences you talk about but have never been able to articulate it.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I just talk until the words make sense...hopefully! No problem at all 👍🏻

[@gelfrog93]

@@AdultwithAutism I was always 'gently' told that I took to long to say things and so got to the point of not saying much at all. 😔

[@AdultwithAutism]

@gelfrog93 it might be hard to believe, but I don't talk much away from here. Day to day life, I only talk when spoken to. Pretty much for the same reasons.

[@panthera50]

"I have to get better recognising the signs" Uh..uh.. : Maybe you have to say NO earlier. ;-)

[@AdultwithAutism]

Should have been the first word I learnt 👍🏻

[@artisticautistic9664]

Autism burnout is what I'm in

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sorry to hear that

[@magical.little.treehugger]

me too, I hope you recover soon

[@artisticautistic9664]

@@AdultwithAutism well at least this time around I have paperwork that says I'm autistic. Last time I didn't and lost a job over it.

[@artisticautistic9664]

@@AdultwithAutism 🤔 I'm thinking it's the fact that we have these things called 'jobs'. See, the initial meet up with the boss leads us to believe that we are to complete xyz tasks in ABC hours. Probably because, I don't know, they literally told us to do xyz tasks in ABC hours? So, we use super-efficiency and complete xyz tasks as fast and as well as possible in the shortest amount of time we can since we were told that xyz was all we had to do and who doesn't like relaxing after a job well done? But then... that's when these sneaky NT bosses try to step in and, rather than saying "Right, well done m8, enjoy the remaining bc hours since it only took you a hour to do it," they instead say, "Right, now go do Billy, Jimmy, and Susie's jobs too while the rest of us gossip and watch you do it." Because f__k us for just trying to do a good job for our own satisfaction, right? Then weeks later, after being the best employee in the company but never even getting a "Good Job, m8," people tell us we're lazy or goofing off because we need a break after doing 4 people's workloads for a month straight. No wonder our people get so burnt out. This is why I am glad that I now have my paperwork to stay safe from crap like that

[@AdultwithAutism]

That's fortune you get to avoid it, and I fully agree that is exactly how it can go with certain employers. You are appreciated, and then taken for granted, and expected to prop up others, and how dare you go off with stress. Not fun, but heavily accurate as I've been in that position at least a handful of times.

[@EpiicxFuziion]

I am currently burnt out too, I’ve developed FND and lost my job of 19 years. My burnout has lasted 6 months now.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sorry to hear that I really am 👍🏻

[@tomsale5142]

Do you have hypomobility with the autism I have elements of fnd but muscle pain is worst this has led to autism heds diagnosis now sins diagnosed

[@NickSBailey]

Good analogy can definitely relate to that. The frustrating thing I've found with burnout is I often feel great and full of energy just prior to the crash, it's a trap that's hard to spot, it's been a slow recovery this time 6 years and still ongoing but feeling progress now

[@AdultwithAutism]

Same. I feel probably at my best just before the crash. I am mentally clear, objectives in sight, and a plan to execute. Then, it falls down. Sorry to hear it lasting 6 years! That is heavy going.

[@tomsale5142]

Have you had fybromyalgia symptoms from your burnout years for me

[@fundseconomics]

Yeah. I know what you do talk about. I do know when it's heating up at work and stuff is becoming completely complex for service providers having their own time-... I wanted to say -zone, but better to speak, their own gravity. People, 30 years in business, having never read the applicable laws, but being managers. I've made myself a good inner laugh once when I told the board directors about an onboarding project of complex fund structures and even though I knew it all, I suddenly had the idea to test, if they in effect knew as well. So, I just made everything up, literally completely useless structures and completely on the fly invented names and even numbers. In the end they said something like "well that was as always very detailed and very comprehensively explained. Thank you for the smooth onboarding process." I've never told them, they never asked. Well, of course everything was conducted correctly, only that they do not even know that. They will think it will be wrong when they ever will look into the documents. But I'm not even certain, if they can actually read by now. What I find exhausting at work is to realize things fast while you do work hard and fully present and serious, simultaneously your own managers do not understand what you are doing once you, instead of writing an email, just knock at their door and quickly ask a question, being way more effective and faster since they need two days to send back "approved". And additionally narcissistic people make it immensely uselessly complicated for me. They even are a threat to my wellbeing to be honest. Me, I'm right now in my recharge phase, but it takes actually three to four weeks to get into it. I stay as well dialed in for a long time. And what you do say about having ones standard: I feel that. Exactly, now you've said it: you want to be a support! Right, because I do see so much ignorance in finance and ask myself how people can be so careless when it's about huge sums of money from e.g. US pension funds. But it doesn't even matter what I do; when I decide to do something, I try to do it to a top level. Even if it is only cleaning my flat. Since why should I engage in just anything, if I would not make it to the best of my abilities then. It was a careless thrown out chance of gaining experience and fulfillment. Only nobody else seems to think so. What I do appreciate is when you can take gap months for so called "personal goal persuasion". Actually, that is what I do to calm down since I need three weeks minimum to calm down. And these three weeks are also not a nice experience for one can not relax, needs to do something anyways, but has the goal of calming down. So, I end up paralysed two weeks. Don't like that state at all. For now my recovery phase starts, meaning my mind is suddenly and slowly at the same time again calm and creative and in a few days I'll have some nice ideas about creating something. To go back to work somewhen will be like the worst experience. And besides I find it funny for I do have also uploaded recently two videos about coworkers in work environments, actually these were situations I've experienced. Alright. I realize, this was a long message. I've watched the whole video while writing it. So, thank you for this video. It was very refreshing watching it after 6 hours of watching philosophy discourses with Noam Chomsky. In comparison to him you do sound like a regular human. I really ask myself if Noam ever had a sip of water on his life. Hope you're recovering as well. All the best! Keep smiling as well. Like that ending phrase!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks for that, and I hope your recovery / recharge phase goes well 👍🏻

[@farsouthfungi]

I don't know if this helps, I hope in some way it does..do you know perfectionistic tendencies are common for us? I would never ever ask for help - no way mate, I don't need any help - I can do it all and I can do it at 110% bloody brilliantly every time. Never ask for help because I always expected a NO due to my own insanely high standards, thinking everyone else held themselves to such high standards also, so why would they give me a break? Everyone else works as hard as me...(haha no they don't)...but turns out, like you, I found out that there are managers out there that are humane, and that they understand it is healthy to look after yourself and not drive yourself into the ground working at 110% day in day out being perfect - returning emails as quick as you'd want them returned, and going above and beyond at every point because that is what you expect . We have high expectations and I love that, but those high expectations come at a cost. And you know what, when you are younger, you can...for a while, until yep, those mornings start getting harder to get up, harder to keep going..and you need a day off and then, you need more, but you can't, take more holidays or time off, because then you risk losing that mask of working perfection, and ..then they will start seeing the cracks in your facade, and maybe your coworkers will start wondering 'what's wrong with them?' 'taking a lot of time off lately'...so you have to keep going, to keep your job and a roof over your head. And if you tell them, I'm burnt out, they'll look at you and thinnk 'he's fine' but they don't know you are masking your burn out, and the masking is also burning you out... so you think, maybe if I just quit and change jobs, nobody will ever know I was about to crash, and so my resume still looks good, and I can keep getting jobs because nobody knows how ffkd up you are on the inside, as long as it doesn't show...but of course I'm not going to show any bloody weakness, or show any imperfections, I'm handling everything fine, if I ask for help, then you might think I can't handle it, or that, there is something wrong with me. I will feel less than for not being able to handle my load to the level I expect of myself. If only I just organise myself better, streamline my processes, I can do it all and at 110% and nobody will ever have any reason to point the finger at me for failing, because I'm doing 110%, over and above all you lot, so it's ok, if I need to offload some tasks here and there...work will understand because I'm so good at handling everything else all the time at 110%...I don't know..burn out didn't give me a choice, I failed my own expectations of myself falling in a heap. self hatred for not being who I thought I was, feeling almost 'dirty' because I couldn't do what I used to be able to all of a sudden. those high expectations..I guess even though I am still in burnout, I'm learning like you to prioritize stuff better - so yeah, I don't spend precious brain power on emails to people who are on holidays happily being less than perfect and still getting paid the same amount to do a job that is 'good enough' rather than, in my own mind 'perfectly done'...which is crap really because your perfect, could be someone else's shit job for whatever reason..So sorry for the long blah. I'm 53 and I'm definite that this is my last burnout - both personally and professionally cause I am personally feeling ok to 'look weak' to others and not give a shit anymore. I know my worth and what I can do. I'm 110% sure you are bloody brilliant at your job, but when you are on your death bed, are you going to be celebrating being perfect at your job and being so quick to respond to those emails or would you want to be celebrating maybe sending that email a day later and having a life. wth all my best wishes to you, I say all of this in care and I hope I have not caused any ill feelings. Your channel is great and I am so glad you don't do the same vids as others who wants to rehash same crap. x

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks for that, and I have gotten better through the years. I don't stress any more if I cannot get the emails responded to asap for example! I just need better measures in spotting when I am close to burnout. For some reason, I am blinkered to it. But there is movement on something at work which is to again help with this so, fingers crossed. And thanks for the kind words about the channel. I absolutely don't want to rehash the same points over and over, as then I will just look like someone here for the 'likes'.

[@farsouthfungi]

yes I totally get the blinkered thing also..I am slow to process that lol. It's great to hear that you are looking after yourself too. fingers crossed for your work 🙂@@AdultwithAutism

[@AdultwithAutism]

Many thanks

[@jamesstokes1579]

Again, another relatable video

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you 👍🏻

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Oh darn, notifications were not happening! I need to catch up I’ve been missing you!

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's really annoying. I've no idea why it doesn't send any notifications out these days!

[@cody_go_create]

Thanks!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Many thanks 👍🏻

[@infidelcastor]

I love Dexter! 😍 I feel the same, I can relate to him, minus the urge to kill 😅 I’m actually re-watching it for the fifth time or something right now, started a few weeks ago, on the season with John Lithgow. Thank you for your great videos! 😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Glad you're not killing anyone 👍🏻

[@infidelcastor]

Hehe right 👍🏻

[@Pallasathena-hv4kp]

You speak very well.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you 👍🏻

[@donnablack6280]

Autism and health problems might be an idea 🤷 We've all got digestive problems, food issues, even trouble swallowing like me. Why? What is the connection?

[@tips4400]

I've had stomach issues all my life when i got nervous about something, like tests and exams. I remember i had my first severe stomach cramps right before a math test in grade 7....plus i was also clueless in school due to my comprehension difficulties. Now as an adult, an Audiologist suggested i may have a processing issue. My coworkers recommended me to have my hearing checked as i needed them to repeat themselves often. Well the audiologist said i had superhero hearing and possibly a processing issue but didn't further test me maybe because I'm a nurse? Been a nurse for a while now so i can anticipate what needs to be done next

[@turtleanton6539]

Sensitive sensory issues ? I got trouble brush7ng my teeth it makes me throw up

[@AdultwithAutism]

I'm inclined to agree with the other comments. I get so worked up and live on the knife edge of anxiety every second of each day, that I believe that upsets your digestive system. Even willingness to try new foods, as we don't have the head space to consider it s we're too busy considering the weight of a thousand worlds.

[@turtleanton6539]

@@AdultwithAutism agreed. Also Ibhave so manh food allergies

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Some hypothesize there is a triad of Ehlers Danlos, Postural Tachycardia, Mast Cell Activation sometimes driving Autism… or at a minimum one of the above. There are so many physical issues. Hope that helps someone out there 🤷‍♀️

[@EpiicxFuziion]

When I asked for reasonable adjustments at work, I was laughed at and fired.

[@AdultwithAutism]

All conversations in work relating to me are emails or recorded Teams meetings. Nothing is verbal. I always want evidence if the employer is poor, as now I would take them to court. Reasonable adjustments are usually exceptionally minor in the grand scheme of things. It's just the ignorance of the employer just not wanting to in a lot of cases.

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

Be careful because you don't want to end up suicidal like I did.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Absolutely. I lost a friend to suicide, it's not a path I'll ever go down.

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

@AdultwithAutism I thought that way for 15 years after my first time. But if you go into a bad enough autistic burnout it can happen. Please take care of yourself.

[@AdultwithAutism]

👍🏻

[@myworldautistic6839]

So many are afraid to talk to their employers and come up with creative solutions. It's so important to do that. If you are a great employee, which so many of us are, or were, in my case, your employer should value that and do whatever s/he can to keep you.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I have spoke to my line manager about it, but because it isn't official, I feel too discomforted to ask for it. We need official channels for this 👍🏻

[@myworldautistic6839]

@@AdultwithAutism is there a way for you to help your company create an official channel for this kind of thing?

[@AdultwithAutism]

I've spoken to someone in the Equality, Diversity and Inclusion Group to see if something can happen around annual leave. So we will see what happens!

[@stephencarman1118]

Good video and thanks for sharing. When you mentioned about liking your colleagues, although not necessarily on a personal level, because nobody knows you personally, it most definitely resonated with me. Now this is just my opinion ,but is this video not just actually about the challenges of living day to day as someone who is autistic.? I thought that 'Autistic Burnout' is when you become tired and weary of masking, ie forcing yourself to fit in with others and therefor hiding your usual traits.

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's the same point, just a different take on it. Burn out is doing too much for too long, or too much too quick. Whether that's masking, workloads, high pressure to high standards you refuse to lessen etc. Day to day difficulties on average don't lead to burn out unless you're not managing some of the controllable aspects that are part of your normal routines. But as always, with it being an individual difference, we all see things differently. I just share mine 👍🏻

[@magical.little.treehugger]

My take on Burnout is when I literally can't keep going, and am completely exhausted in mind and body. Not just " I need to stay in bed today and rest, then I'll be out of burnout". For me it's " I have pushed and pushed and pushed on til the brink and then mental and physical total collapse which lasts months at the very least" I had my first big one in 2017 and got back to work after 6 weeks, the one I'm in now has been going on since April and it's a very delicate balance to try and get myself through it without going back into total collapse REALLY easily again :(

[@AdultwithAutism]

I agree. It's when you do too much for too long and then you mentally or physically 'glitch'. The road back is tough as we can control the factors that impact it to a degree, but we can't make ourselves recover.

[@camilamoura6580]

Have u ever tried cbd oil to manage anxiety, try to smooth the meltdown? (I'm not sure if this question make sense, if it's possible to avoid it or make it easier to deal)

[@AdultwithAutism]

I have, but it doesn't work for me. I've tried it twice, one for Autism, one for my knee. I never felt any difference that other people talk about unfortunately.

[@camilamoura6580]

@@AdultwithAutism tks

[@anjachan]

that´s the biggest problem ... I do something I really like but afterwards I feel so damn tired and weak ... could sleep for days. I tried to work my ass off in the past ... but I was just to tired. I couldn´t do anything else after work. So I stopped doing to much. Specially because I also got epilepsy in this time. Maybe as a result of my workaholism.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Workaholism...I like it

[@anjachan]

@@AdultwithAutism it´s horrible ... I don´t want it 😅

[@PlanetZhooZhoo]

Who looks after your pets when you're not there? Do you find it's yet another thing to think about before you even start working away? And does being away from them cause any anxiety?

[@AdultwithAutism]

Being away from my safe space causes anxiety. I even miss the feeling of my own carpet under my feet. The animals have a good system in place so that's one thing that never needs to be worried about.

[@cricketwizz]

in each consecutive take did you say this was your 2nd-6th time trying to record this video?

[@AdultwithAutism]

Only when it gets past about 5 attempts. It's kind of a thing for myself to say 'come on, get it together!' 👍🏻

[@alexanderblake1645]

i live in somerset. come have a brew and a chat mate

[@AdultwithAutism]

I'd only I'd have known when I was down there Alex. But, if I'm there in the future, I'll give you a shout 👍🏻

[@jaseman]

It sounds to me like your workload is too much. The thing is with employers - they will just pile on as much as they can get away with. They want to get as much as they can out of you and it's very difficult to say no. There's also a stigma with admitting that your workload is too much for you to cope with... but if things get really bad you get to a point where you have to leave the job. Then you have no choice but to tell your employer - look I'm not coping with this workload and unless you can do something to lift the pressure off I am going to have to leave.

[@AdultwithAutism]

My problem is, I don't know what is too much until it passes the point of noticing...then it hits me. Still learning as I go 👍🏻