AGING NARCISSISTIC PARENT CONSUME YOU WITH THEIR NEEDS AS THEY LOSE BEGIN TO LOSE CONTROL

[@jorgejacobo7359]

How I deal with my elderly narcissistic mother: I DON'T. There are those of us who are still hoping to get the love, acceptance, approval from our narcissistic parents that we didn't get when we were young. I'm not one of them, not any more.

[@StormyMonday0896]

I just joined your league.

[@UncleRobsGarage]

My mother died eight years ago she got her Freedom From The Narcissist and I wrote him off😊

[@josiah5776]

I cut off my narcissist mother as well. After 50+ years of abuse from her, I had zero sympathy for her or her situation. She died some years ago and I did not discover that until over a year later. All I felt was relief.

[@anacano7916]

I can relate to this situation so much, myself I’m old maybe is too late but my mother still alive but I have limited contact with her is still the same maybe worse she is almost 93 years old 😢

[@redrose-wb4bw]

My narcissist mother is 90 and now has dementia. I can forgive her for how she treated me, to a degree, but my golden child brother who is just like her, I can’t muster any affection or forgiveness. My sister, the scapegoat, she gave power of attorney and she’s making every effort to clean Mom out with renovations on a house that mom lived in and neglected too. It’s starting to get really crazy.

[@neeshashah9375]

"If you are telling people your story, and they aren't hearing you... let go" This is so good

[@anniegaffney8378]

This is from 5 years ago. Did Dad make it?

[@maried5085]

I've tried numerous times to explain to my children how I went from a very attentive and caring mom to an absent mother, they don't want to hear it. I was married to their Narcissistic father who paid no attention to me, was constantly out and involved with other women. He demeaned me every chance he got. Tried to leave him 3x and he threatened to kill me. I knew he was capable of it. My nightmare was that my kids would be raised by him if I wasn't there.I have had to distance myself in order to survive.

[@Witchyrose2349]

Yes!!!👏🏻

[@Belevaqua]

I needed to hear this.

[@VeganLife-mn1jp]

@maried5085 Why did your husband’s narcissism cause you to become an absent mother to your children? They suffered having a narcissistic father as well, because narcissists cannot love anyone, including their children.

[@peggytoo]

My mother is exactly the same. All she ever wants is people to pity her ALL THE TIME. People have stopped coming over to her place and she carries on about that. She is a victim because people are avoiding her. Her house is a place of misery which she has made since my dad died and all she wants is us three sisters to be around her all the time and listen to her never ending self pity and complaining. She is never happy. I haven't seen here have a good time in such a long time that I can't even remember when was the last time. She has always complained but now she is impossible. Whatever we do for her is not enough and she even lies to people telling them she is alone day and night when that's a lie. One of us is there EVERY night after work. Whatever I do is never appreciated. She lies and tells people nobody does anything for her when I cut her grass regularly and my sister takes her shopping and to the doctor all the time. I clean her house but she lies and tells others that nobody does anything for her.

[@Witchyrose2349]

Please cutt her off. You are not responsible for her, nor are your sisters. She is not a mother. She is just an ungrateful and wheeny child. Let it go.

[@jennywrenn469]

The mother acts the same but is across country so relies on a string of "friends" that she uses till she uses them up or pisses them off. I'm lucky to only deal with phone calls which can be ignored.

[@florencia2771]

Omg, this is 100% my mom. 😢

[@christinestewart9734]

This is my mother-in-law I praying for my freedom very soon the Lord will take care of it all when I'm out of her life, if it includes her son so be it 💯. I need to re gain my spirit and autonomy back to me. In time they will regret they messed with a child of God 🙏. Heavenly Father I trust you have a plan. Help me escape the claws of this demonic marriage and Family . 🙏. Soon as I await your coming in the rapture praise God for the words of truth from this beautiful wise women of God 🙏

[@annebrewer7882]

This is my father to a T, so sorry you're dealing with this too. I already walked away

[@rosered6]

Let the narcissist ROT! You are not responsible for their happiness, and they cannot change. You must let them go.

[@danab172]

😢 😭

[@yeahyeahyeah307]

Not responsible for their happiness. That is key.

[@joannesaltfleet2071]

Too right!

[@missboozehound]

I have gone no contact with both my physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive parents. Also their flying monkeys can’t reach the heights or altitude I am at. You have to stop caring for these people. They are demons who are in disguise. Be the demon disrupter. The light is inside us all. Find it. Protect your happiness. Stay safe warriors.

[@iloredana]

❤

[@Debra-k1f]

❤❤

[@hipsonsogbo]

Interesting

[@wallhagens2001]

My mom and dad had a chance with me, but they decided to keep with the same behavior and NOT LISTEN. So now, they are on their own.

[@whensunjaycomes]

I’m the only child of 2 narcissistic parents. The struggle is real but I’m pushing through.

[@forvis3000]

Same.

[@Witchyrose2349]

Me too. Block all contact with them. It will give you peace and freedom❤

[@dominiquedevereux7205]

Same here. PLUS, I'm adopted. Never knew y biological parents & they never came looking for me. It's hard accepting I've been orphaned by both sets of parents but Life never made me no promises, so I just have to push through. I'm not gon' lie though --- it's hard trying to give yourself the love you were never given. I feel like I'm trying to pour from an empty pitcher 🫙 most days.

[@mirivmd]

proud of you fam

[@billydiaz7280]

Me too. Only children issues are real. I so wishi even just had someone to joke about my mom with.

[@cc967]

My 91 year old mother is still trying to manipulate everyone in the family. My sister and brother will never admit to her evil tricks and comments. I do my best to emotionally separate myself from the insanity.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

Mine too and she can't remember to pay her bills but wants to tell people what they should do constantly.

[@CherG222]

My younger Brother 61yo, looks at me like I'm the one with the problem. Let him come be the caregiver of our 92yo Coercive Narcissist Father and see him through my eyes 👀

[@glenlepeska8951]

I am a 57 year old man who grew up in a toxic, narcissistic home, my mother. Growing up I thought everything was "normal". I never understood why I was depressed and felt different than other kids. But, at 55, I met and lived with a very toxic woman who I learned is a narcissist. Once I started learning about this, going to therapy I have realized my upbringing was toxic and abusive with my mother being the narc/toxicity. I sent her an email about my feelings, 7 pages worth, telling her in nice words, I had to really think it through, as I really wanted to say every cuss word known. The letter stated I am an adult and she can no longer control me. And if she didn't like what I had to say, she could "choose" not to have a relationship with me. I said "it doesn't matter to me either way. Good video..

[@lisaaromano1]

That’s amazing!!!

[@josiah5776]

My life experience closely mirrors yours. My narc mother responded to my letter with the nastiest vitriol I had experienced in my life. That just cemented my decision to cut her off. I don’t regret it one bit. She died some years ago and I did not discover it over a year after the fact. All I felt was relief.

[@DJBenito304]

Yep. Just had this same thing happen with my toxic narc mom. Via Facebook messenger because I blocked her on everything else.

[@lindajohnson-gn1yg]

I'm 60, Mommy Dearest is approaching 90. She is definitely getting worse. She was absolutely beautiful when she was younger. That was her weapon. I am handicapped mentally and physically. Iam having to move to the mission a homeless person. 😂I have researched this disorder and have tried everything. Ive been falsely imprisoned with an injury to the elderly with intent to do bodily harm. A felony that is disgusting and has been the reason noone will even let me rent an apartment . Im done. The grief is paralyzing. I had to decide to get busy living instead of getting busy dying. I would describ.e her as evil. Possessed by a demon. I feel a tingling of being free

[@phyllidaacworth5212]

What was the outcome? This letter appears to have been sent 3 tears ago.

[@aysebol4179]

Someone who loves you, does not put so much effort into invalidating you. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@hellobonjour9513]

It's like narcissists are never happy, it's sad for them, they'll never know how happiness and peace feel like.

[@ambelong9202]

Hello Bonjour true ❤️

[@simonbennatan8257]

I feel a lot of guilt. Wondering how to break free of the guilt of never been able to satisfy my narcissistic father or to get the attention of my codependent mother. I'm reaching 40. This isn't happening. Ever. Why do I still look for their validation? I feel kind of stupid. But Im also aware that I need to find that validation within me.

[@celticfiddle7605]

You are a lovely woman! You are so kind to maintain compassion.

[@josephanderson1913]

Nenethegreat I agree. When I “let my mom go” she feels such freedom, because she’s left free of any emotional connection with me. It’s strange, but I give her more room for fantasy life, by letting go. She does attempt to contact me occasionally , in an attempt to feel motherly.

[@claudiawakarie8092]

Very true.. I have seen this in my narc mom as well.. she always feel stressed almost depressed cause she wants to control everything that she can't control.. I think she will never find peace until the end.. sad but true..

[@electricLuLuland]

This is why i am no contact. Narc momster overwhelmed me with HER needs from day one.

[@Thepoetjewel]

yes I told my friend about this and she was in shock when I told her the real revelation of her parents she started crying because her parents are making her be the Favorite so she can pay for all their losses and alienating her other siblings. So scary and they dont do anything for anyone so when they reach an older age they use that excuse to shame their kids. Sick of Narcissistic old people, they have the devil inside.

[@Richard-n2w1g]

The "if you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about" really hit home

[@AI1983-r1k]

Exactly

[@victoriadolton4762]

I heard....If you cry...I will REALLY give you something to cry for! After being whipped with a belt! I do not cry to this day!

[@IAmNMe]

Same

[@leopardtopaz]

fr

[@KittyKatt_Luna80s]

I hated that, too 😞 It's cruel.

[@carolluciafrequencyhealing888]

Wow, this hits home. I’ve known since I was a child that there was something wrong in my family. I have six sibs and I’m the only one willing to step away and acknowledge the truth. I refuse to allow my narcissistic mother and the rest of the family to guilt me into caring for my 94 year-old parents as they’re losing their health. I felt like a prisoner in that house and will never return there. I have traveled a long road to self-healing and won’t go back down that road. Thanks for sharing this valuable information.

[@jasonpittman8876]

I honestly don’t know what to do about my narcissistic mother. I’m 43, she’s 77, and do to injuries from a car accident I was in years ago I have a hard time working. Anyway, because she needs help and because I can’t work I moved back in with her after a relationship ended, but she uses the fact that I live with her to her complete advantage. I would leave if I could, but it’s just not financially possible because I have been out of work/taking care of her for the past 3+ years. She refuses to listen to reason, makes terrible choices both personally and financially, and throws massive temper tantrums whenever you don’t say anything that is just overwhelming praise about her. She turns everything into something about herself and if you dare try to do anything without her she will hold it against you, and she does not let her immature grudges go. Any time she gets mad she threatens to throw me out even though she really can’t take care of herself, because she never thinks anything through. And the worst part is, while she has always been this way, it’s gotten so much worse and she refuses to do anything serious about it. It’s just exhausting constantly dealing with this irrational behavior that I can’t really ever get away from. Believe me, I wish I could at this point.

[@FoxyUSAx]

Dear Lisa, everything you said is true. From the age of 4 my ‘ mother’ blamed me for making her life miserable because she became pregnant with me. She took her anger out on me, blamed me for anything and everything, had me doing house chores from as long as I remember ... I had to teach myself how to survive with no parenting. She would lie to my father about me so he believed her and kept away from me. I was the scapegoat, the ‘ liar’ the ‘troublemaker’ . I was an intelligent child but I was denied education to clean the house, shop and care for my younger sisters. My ‘ mother’ left us to live with a man she had an affair with. We didn’t see her again for years until my sisters were pregnant. They visited her and formed a relationship with her to this day. Despite meeting at family events briefly, she doesn’t want to know me. I’ve accepted this at age 14 when she left us so any hurt she tries to put upon me....doesn’t affect me. My husband died suddenly , young from a heart attack. My sisters told my mother. Her response? “ oh well, never mind. Find yourself a rich man next time”. I don’t miss her. I miss a mother. When I gave birth to my children, I told them everyday how much I love them. I gave them the childhood I never had. I still do now! I hug and kiss them, support them and think of them everyday. My mother is now 78 years old. I think ‘ should I visit her as she’s old now? ‘ But then I think time has passed and she still says horrible things about me to my sisters, so I don’t bother contacting her. I know I’ve saved myself unnecessary heartbreak, trauma and further harm psychologically.

[@chandimahettigedara8009]

❤️

[@ZLLi661]

So you should save this trauma from yourself! And you know what that’s ok! That’s ok to not subject yourself to a cold hearted abuser whose spite and vindictiveness is so unhinged they not only are totally not self-aware but don’t care to be self aware, let alone the damage and trauma they cause. They happen to be your parent- “oh well never mind”. You just keep avoiding those toxic people and surround yourself with worthy people. 🙏

[@NeilKudro]

My 83yo dad has been sucking the life out of me and he is exactly behaving as your father did. It got to a point I didn't feel like going to my home to spend time with my kids and wife. Finally, I decided to take a break and sent him to live with my sister who is a pro narcissist. I feel good, but my sister is going crazy texting and calling me every day. I'm still learning as an adult, but I will not allow myself to live in the same toxic environment. Thank you for sharing this video.

[@LeeSweeney101]

You must be psychic! I needed this today, Am going through the same with my aging Narc parents. I used to spend hours trying to convince everyone of how evil they were to me, just to seek validation. I no longer do that, I know my truth and that’s enough. I used to feel such hatred towards my parents, now I just feel pity that they never rose above the veil and have to live their last days in such turmoil. You have set me free, Dear One! ❤️

[@lisaaromano1]

The key is to let go--love yourself--and then find your way back to being able to have compassion for the blind and the unaware...not easy--but it is the way...

[@akarshrastogi3682]

But if it is considered my responsibility ( imposed by them, my societal norms and my own) to care for them, what do I do and how to go about it?

[@lauraoxley8238]

@@lisaaromano1 do you mean go back to the narcissist? As I'm the person who abused you because they're your parents? Do you think it's alright for women to go back to men who abused them? Because it's no different. I'd call them what they sre..abusers. They don't change. I'd never go back.

[@jester7792]

My mum has Alzheimers and I will NOT be her care giver. She's moulded me to be her prisoner and I need to rescue myself now. I'm in the process of getting social services involved so they can sort out a care plan (socialised healthcare here). I also refuse to be her Power of Attorney the rest of the abusive family can do it if they want. I'm done.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Same. When I was trying to help my hoarding mother with her messed up finances, she angrily said she wasn't going to assign a POA to anyone. I was angry and sad at that moment. But a year later, when I got a call from a collection agency (because she put MY phone number on my dad's hospital account.......?!) I told them I am not their POA, and was extremely grateful that my mother's narcissism saved me from that mess. :( It is not my job to solve my mother's emotional lability problems. She had 78 years to figure it out, just like the rest of us have to.

[@margaritadonoso8830]

you described my childhood. And yes, my dad is also still 76 and very healthy but he keeps repeating he is old and needs everyone to look after him because he is old. I can´t stand him anymore I really don´t want to see him in my life

[@rupertperiwinkle4477]

Good, tell him that. Set and maintain boundaries. Keep yourself busy enough you won't have time to help cater to him. He's healthy, as you say, then he can take care of himself. Children are NOT a retirement plan.

[@shawnhalpain2147]

I'm also a 53 year old female who now has 1(out of 4) siblings who sees our mother's narcissism. I have always, always felt out of sync with my family and literally cried when you said the same. I've always thought that something was wrong with me and have lived with such shame and low self worth. I have been the scapegoat for as long as I can remember. I took care of my divorced self absorbed father until his death last year and now it is time for me to recover and heal. Thank you, Lisa, for all of your videos. You are a strong lady who is helping me to find the strength that I need to survive. God bless.

[@happysilence887]

I'm 51 and my family dont see it. I have went into no contact with my whole family.

[@C.amooni]

@Jaime Holyfield-Hudson glad to see someone my age feel just as i do

[@narottam6]

Same here same age narscist mother old and sick , have to look after

[@stephanienewton6618]

Strangely I became the scapegoat in my family in my late 30s for various reasons. It really happened when I started to heal and demand better for my life in general. The more I heal, the worse it gets. I’d go no contact if it weren’t for my nieces and nephews and my one children knowing their cousins. I see them at holidays and birthdays. I hate going so much but I can tell they like me despite (and maybe in spite of) hearing many “bad things” about me. I also have my narc mom who is 74 to contend with. It’s no fun feeling trapped. Still stuck with my ex narc husband but kids are getting older, that’s getting easier.

[@rachelspeck1230]

Isn’t Lisa great? We will survive this; you’re not alone

[@maryfigliozzi2117]

I finally began to understand and BEGIN healing at age 53!! Now I am faced with the same exact situation…I find my self going back into the same rabbit hole bit this time I acknowledge it…it’s very sad but this time I feel stronger.

[@bethedifference7624]

Well I gave my mom the clean slate she asked for. I was not given the same. She still kept secrets, she lives in a delusional state and then last week she just became absolutely argumentative. I said we needed a to take a break because the bickering back and forth between us was petty. She replied with good bye, good luck, oh you called me petty. Poor me. I said a break just meant from our conversation but I accepted her choice to say goodbye permanently. For the first time I have no tears, I'm not sad, I feel absolutely peaceful. What does that mean? It's so unbelievably different than I've ever felt before when she has abandoned me. I don't even feel bad that I'm at peace. I do pray that every person who was raised by a narcissist feels this peace some day. No bitterness, no anger. Just true peace. 🙏🙏🙏

[@Morbid_micko]

Stay strong x you are worthy of real love

[@bethedifference7624]

@@Morbid_micko thank you

[@trottheblackdog]

I'm an only child. When my mom was nearing the end of her cancer treatments (and her life, sadly) she demanded of me, in front of the doctor and nurses, that I should leave my home and job, and move into her house, in another city. I had to tell her no, in front of all those people. Even in those circumstances, it was too much to ask. I knew she wanted that last bit of control over me before she passed.

[@lynnglass575]

I am the daughter of a narcissist mother who has used and abused me all my life. She expects to move in with me and my husband. She asked me to stay with her a few days as she was too frightened to stay on her own. She cut me out of her life when I was 33 as I took CFS. I was of no use to her she has done nothing but treat me like crap I have begged for crumbs of love by pleasing being her slave she snaps her fingers is unwell and I go running to nurse her. I told her I needed a hand as I’m getting unwell every time putting her needs before my own, she said she would get a home help to help me out. When the social worker came to interview her, she told her she was a very strong independent woman who does everything for herself all lies. Told the woman that her son in law got her messages for her when it’s both of us. Made out to the social worker I did nothing for her I have ruined my life making myself ill. I get nothing from her not even a text. I am finished with this wicked cruel vindictive narcissist parasite. I am glad you stuck to your saying no to your mother so very very good for you blessings to you also you know how I feel.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Same. I'm an only child. I realize now that my mother couldn't stand how much work it was to have a child. So she only had one. She also demanded that I leave my home, my job, my husband and my 3 kids, to become her slave. Not only that, while I was there at her hoarded house, making needed repairs, I got nothing but gaslighting and abuse from both my narcissistic mother and enabling father. It came to a head when my mother stole my dad's wallet, and watched as my dad accused me of stealing it. It was found months later, IN MY MOTHER'S PURSE. As soon as my father was diagnosed with cancer, she took all the money out of their 30-year-old bank account and put it in an account in her name only. This all happened within the last two years. And I'm learning how she manipulated not only me, but so many people. She's a sociopath. All the things that happened in my childhood finally make sense. :( We are no-contact as of January 27, 2024 -- my father's death. And I will NEVER go back. She's fucking scary.

[@energyflowswhereattentiongoes]

You're the best. No one around me that I know even sees anything. They are all together and I am the one being abandoned because I stand up for myself as best I can and they HATE me for it.

[@carmelwine7610]

truth be told They see it. They just don't care because it's happening to you and not them. Happens to the best of us.

[@mystiqueofsounds]

You are not alone! ❤❤

[@roxanavisterineanu7329]

It's amazing how this video speaks in detail about my own family. My dad is 65 and has the same problems. Being his whole life a complete narcissist with episodes of rage almost every day in my childhood, now he finds himself alone, looking for constant attention, still trying to have control. He's scared like hell of dying although is very healthy. My mother is passive agressive with me all the time and I started to put boundaries recently and it's very hard because they haven't changed a bit since I was a little girl. They still believe they are entitled to say, do whatever they want and meanwhile I should bow my head respectfull in front of them. Since I started my journey of healing, I had many doubts (when I see them acting like shit, a thought always comes to my mind that maybe I am to blame, but this thoughts come more and more seldom ). I am starting to think that putting boundaries with them it's an impossible task and I have to somehow break the ties. Anyway, it's comforting to see I am not alone having this problems, that I'm not an alien, different, unable to have healthy relationships.

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@FantaFabuloso]

I grew up with my grandmother constantly screaming, throwing plates, hands, and snide remarks. I thought age would make her more sentimental and remorseful, but ive had to come to understand that she's still the same passive aggressive dictator, and that will never change.

[@thereisaseason2889]

My father was and still is exactly like your father and I am caring for him in my home now. I was ignored as well and critisized relentlessly, I suffered from eating disorders, addiction and omg! those things you said your brother said are exactly the same things my brother said to me! I am struggling with caring for my father and he is doing exactly the same things! he did not have a long term care plan either and now my brother will not do anything to help and I am taking care of him. I’m 54. This really helped me today, I am crying listening to you because I googled caring for an aging narcissistic parent and this came up! Much love to you, I hear everything you are saying and it’s 1000% true!

[@gwills9337]

I hope you found courage and joined your brother in ignoring your dad

[@dondon98]

I'm sorry you've went through this... I'm going through this now...this is a SHAME that this Govt doesn't help pay to put elderly people where they need to be and let their kids go on and LIVE THEIR LIFE

[@amihum]

Im trying to understand why the sibling that was never affected or taunted if you were the only one abused has no sympathy when the parent grows old. and it makes sense as they weren't conditioned as much. it feels like you are second guessing, because you were the only one gaslit as a child. I wish I could have sympathy too, but its the way siblings cant forgive him on your behalf that reminds you.

[@dondon98]

@@amihum Sir... SHE has called the Police on me countless times in the past 8 months with False Wellness Checks etc. And this past Sunday the last one she had was this Granddaughter and she started an argument with her and then hit her with a club in the head and put softball sized knot on her head and got evicted from her Section 8 apartment etc because she never worked because after her Divorce she didn't hold her ex accountable and get support so DAD because the SUPPORT and you know who lost out? The much younger Son or me.. they left and graduated HS somewhere else but my Dad ALWAYS bailed her out and now that she's 63 and never worked and screwed everybody over it's only one person's fault for her poor life@>>>>HERS. her FAULT

[@amihum]

@@dondon98 I don't know what you mean Im saying narc parents sometimes abuse one child usually eldest daughter then expect her to help them later on. but don't expect anything from the younger children who resent the parent that turns to them once the eldest is no contact.

[@jkgkjgkijk]

57 year old male here. I woke up to my parents being narcissistic when i turned 49. I found out on KZbin of all places. It was revelatory. Im no contact 7 years. Father leaves me alone because i wounded his ego in a final letter to him. Mother is blocked on phone and i constantly get spam notifications from her trying to get to me. 4 siblings and I can't stand any of them. I was the scapegoat. It feels abnormal to be right when looking at six people. It felt the same when i did not get the juicy juice you no what in 2019.

[@pamgordon7452]

Thank you for this! This is exactly what I am dealing with now with my 80 yo parents. My mother has dementia and my father is throwing tantrums continuously. This is so validating for what I’m dealing with right now.

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@Lydia-Roe]

Thank you for the opener... I feel so sick and hopeless. This video is giving me hope. 40 years old and trying to navigate through all of this. Feel like I'll never get free. I am a single mom with three kids... and I am working full time , going to school, and in military part time. My folks are trying to put the responsibility of care on me. .. I cannot give up my life for them. They've torn it apart a lot, and I've worked hard to get where I need to be . Trying to move forward. Thanks for posting Lisa.

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!! Those abused by narcissists!!

[@mvbigmagic4048]

I truly believe narcissistic parents are TRYING to sabotage any attempts at independence by their children, so that they can force them to live with them into old age, as free slave labor. :( Don't fall for it. I fell for it two years in a row..... to my financial ruin. Never going back. Building up my savings again..... financial abuse is real. It is a way to control you. Don't let them!!! Keep your job. Don't let them future-fake you that you'll get any inheritance. So many tales of narcs who didn't leave ANYTHING to their caregiver adult children. It's cruel. Don't sacrifice YOUR financial independence for these aging narcs. :( It never ends well for the victim.

[@hannahstorm9374]

Lisa, I know you wrote this long ago and I hope you found a resolution with your father that kept you sane and healthy despite his choices. It was perfect timing for me to find your video this week as my 93 year old narcissistic father who has been in and out of the hospital with heart problems Now has Covid and is refusing all medication, but is demanding to come home. Three days ago my mother had a sudden heart attack and passed away so we are in the middle of a mess but I found your videos and I’ve been learning this past year about narcissism from you and, it has been life-changing. So I am setting my boundaries and making choices about what I can offer and what I cannot. The other day when my very codependent caretaking older sister started screaming and yelling at the hospital staff for absolutely no reason whatsoever, except that they didn’t open the door for her fast enough, I walked outside. It was the first time I did that and it felt great! When my father starts ranting and raving about how everyone’s trying to kill him for his money, I’m going to walk out of the room. I’ve set myself up to be financially independent. My older sister has the healthcare proxy and power of attorney and I do not need to make any decisions , that’s a good thing because they dismiss me and so now I will help when I can and when I can’t, I will stay home happily working in my garden, breathing fresh air and reminding myself to stay grounded in the reality that I am safe and gaining back my health and sanity. I know this has been a long note, but one more thing…. isn’t it amazing when you are not giving the last fiber of your being to someone who negates everything about you…..how much peace and freedom there is to enjoy life and see all your blessings? Thank you thank you bless you bless you. I couldn’t do this without you. ❤️

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Yes, it was a blessing that as narcissists age, they become MORE paranoid than they already are because my mother refused to give me a POA. Therefore I am not responsible for her mismanaging her finances. My mother also started blaming me for trying to control her finances, when it was the other way around. My father accused me of stealing his wallet, and it turned out it was in my mother's purse for months before she said, "I found it!" Ugh! The lies. Also, she constantly accused people of stealing her hoarded junk. No contact. They have no shame in competing with my own kids for money and attention. My kids are innocent in all this, and I will not sacrifice my kids' safety and health for selfish adults who would throw their own daughter under the bus to save their skins. My kids need me more than those two adults do. I will not let my kids suffer for my parents' poor decisions.

[@RonSafreed]

@@mvbigmagic4048, narcissistic parents tend to love their kids the most when they are babies & by the time they are teens, the kids are on the most part "on their own"!! That was my life & me as a teen wearing hand-me-downs & thrift-store clothing!! My parents by the time I was an early teen, their friends had pretty much abandoned them!! 5 young women my older half-brother dated, every time he introduced them to mom & dad, they broke up with him!! They did not want my parents as in-laws & this half-brother of mine never married!!

[@DivineSoulBeauty84]

I stumbled upon this right on time. I’ve been a subscriber for a while now but last Friday… I had enough. I am a child of a narc father and co-dependent mother who now has Alzheimer’s. I resonated with this video and finally felt heard. My sister was a scapegoat. She left and moved out of state; has had no contact with anyone since 2015. I didn’t understand her pain and labeled it as jealousy because we don’t have the same mother. In 2020, I finally began to understand and apologize to my sister. I couldn’t see it. My mother was also a scapegoat and balanced the household. She was my protector and would cushion me from my father’s dominant, authoritative behavior. He always bullied my mom. I would stand up for my mom as a teen through her diagnosis when her and dad would argue. He would say we were attacking him. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2017. Since then, it has been so difficult to care for my mother with my father being her Next to Kin. He set it up where I can’t get POA over her. I’m now understanding I was the Golden Child that has now turned into the scapegoat. It’s breaking me down and feel alone.

[@amazonadireitistaearmada7722]

“Release what you can’t control.” That literally just freed me from what I experience 20 minutes ago at my narc moms house, trying to get her to accept our help, after her self-medicating with psychotropic drugs. I do also recognize her security blanket going away (my dad passed ten years ago and he was the only person who endured it all bravely) - and the lack of the typical aggressiveness being changed to self-pity. This validated me in a huge way and assured me I’m taking the right path. Lisa, thank you. I honor and adore you too, and I am praying for you, dear one.

[@jacks6413]

This video is exactly what I am going through w my narcissist mother and my siblings right now. In the last couple of years, and regardless of her narcissistic way, I have been telling them how my mom's mental health has declined but to them, I am overreacting, weak and emotionally sensitive. The way you describe your dad, it's pretty much how my mother is. Recently after falling and hurting herself, she accused me of secretly conspiring with my brother against her (not the first time). All my siblings are aware of her crazy behavior but they just stay quiet. I have been listening to your videos for quite some time and you have been an angel to me. For the first time, I am seeing the pattern of my mother for what it is. I didn't call her for Christmas nor planning to call her for New Year's day. I think I need some time apart to love and give myself a chance, and also to stop the cycle of both getting hurt. Thank you so much for all your videos and for sharing the light. Many Blessings

[@trinarobinson1554]

jacks6413 my mother the same as yours so hard I’ve learned sloth from Lisa Video’s. Thank God

[@trinarobinson1554]

jacks6413 I’ve learned so much

[@lisaaromano1]

We are not alone--and the saddest thing is--a true narc will die feeling like a victim regardless of how many people tried to actually love them...

[@jacks6413]

I love my mother very much, I've told her many times but like you said, no matter what I say or do, is never enough.

[@lisaaromano1]

so sad....you cannot change someone else's perception of you...or of themselves...letting go is in order...

[@robig.5028]

Lisa, I totally agree with having compassion for the person that has made those selfish choices in their lives. However, for me I will not be helping to take care of either one of my aging parents. I am getting to a good point in my healing process and it would not be fair to my recovery to be swept up in their drama again. The good part about this decision is that it is has been made from love and not anger. I wish them the best but I will not sacrifice my own needs. We all are different and view situations differently. As long as people are making the decisions in love and light then we can be assured that we are growing :)

[@lisaaromano1]

Good for you Robin...BRAVO!!!!!!

[@rsouth202]

Robin Bullard I share a similar journey. I let them into my life a few years ago. I now regret it. I can see where its going. I am sad that they havent really grown up. Still narc and codependent at 72! I feel sick when i am with them and i become that scared lonely neglected little girl at 53! I tell myself to get over it but just cannot. No one really understands. Thanks for your post.

[@carmelwine7610]

rsouth202 I understand you. As long as you know how you feel that's all that matters.

[@ingerjohannekrogstad8893]

Robin Bullard Same here from Trondheim Norway💓👍,I am not do that for my aging 76 year old narc mom. Sorry,I cant..

[@annanims7876]

I wish I could give you more likes! Great for you! They can not expect what they did not give! I wish you love, peace, positivity and healthy connections. Don't sacrifice your wellness.

[@katarinahinsey3931]

It took me until my forties, post therapy, post several failed relationships with narcissistic partners.

[@mommat1144]

I will be 50 this year. Its 2023. Finally.......thank you Lisa. There are just no words.

[@rachelspeck1230]

I’m so grateful to have found your channel; as the scapegoated adult only child of my 82 yo narcissistic father I am going through it….facing realities that are so painful to accept….we will survive this Respect

[@irismckay6472]

Lisa, you are an inspiration to all of us who suffered as children at the hands of a narcissistic parent. It is a long, hard and winding journey, but the good news is that eventually our abusive parent passes on and we find a kind of relief and amazing grace. If we've done our work, we can forgive them because it gives us freedom from the legacy of abuse. It amazes me how many of us are out there.

[@lexylex1000]

I'm sorry that you are going through this Lisa. I had all this when my narc father passed away three years ago. It is such a surreal thing to see the narcissist crumble before your eyes and feel such a mixture of emotions towards them. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending love your way. Just as you do for others. Namaste

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you dear one--I am just fascinated by what is happening in our family...truly amazing...thank you for sending us love--I wish you the same xoxoxo

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

Thank you . I need this now

[@suzie5813]

I understand you completely. It's repulsive to be subjected to sigh...

[@lesleyelalami2562]

When I was in my later 50's I was at my sister's with my mother. We were talking about my father (they divorced because he wasn't getting the correct psychiatric treatment for his manic depression). My mother announced 'Well at least he was never violent.". My response: "Perhaps not towards you but he used to beat the shit out of us.". She went quiet and nothing more was ever said about it. Not sure if she was testing my childhood memory. I'd have knifed anyone who brayed my children.

[@latsnojokelee6434]

Brother was very abusive to his sisters in front of mother. Decades later, mother admits that maybe he was abusive. Even though she literally saw firsthand what was going on, but did nothing about it.

[@NothingWasted]

🫂

[@TheKak933]

my father, a NPD, was the "if I want your opinion I'll give it to you" type. A huge bully. Now as a very older person, he's coming unglued ...a darker version of himself. He recently shared that when you're old, you don't exist. He is the single most self centered, negative human I've ever known

[@StormyMonday0896]

yes, my father, the School of Hard Knocks. Told me if he was worried I'd know about it. My mother is in complete denial about his abuse. She's a codependent narcissist. Now her world is falling apart, I have great compassion for others, but I am no longer going to let her torture me

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@KSpeaks1024]

Now you have 628k subscribers! Thanks for your work in this area.

[@Allieverwantedwastofitin10]

balling my eyes to hear someone else say the same thing I am going through . wow. thank you

[@lisaaromano1]

So glad it resonated...

[@Lionessliving]

I am the family scapegoat. Controlled all my life. No boundaries as I did not know what that word meant. The whole family unit is dysfunctional. All truth is denied. Why I continued to pretend to be the daughter they expect instead of being the person i trully was is because of childhood trauma, gaslighting, etc. Now, I am working on being ready to address the issues and distance myself from the family. Only saving grace is that i am chronically ill and also newly Autistic and ADHD. I now feel some freedom as i am not well enough to take care of them in their twilight years. My vile toxic sister can do it instead. Now is the time to take care of ME!

[@Plumduff3303]

❤❤❤❤

[@shanemckenzie8681]

Same girl!

[@emmalouie1663]

My narcissistic father has become very clingy. I just want him to go and live on his own and leave me alone.

[@cyberspelunker1980]

Mine has too. He abandoned us for 20 years, went on living a new life with a new family, didn’t bother with me at all. As soon as his new wife left him, he came back to us with serious health problems and broke. I moved heaven and earth to help him get an apartment and get settled. I did this as a kind human who took pity on him. And now he’s made me the focus of his social life and has become needy without (conveniently) understanding or acknowledging the deep hurt he caused.

[@Betterworldtoday2025]

@@cyberspelunker1980 Be free, let him go.

[@kristinecrowley8321]

My mom has what I believe to be undiagnosed BPD, although it could be covert NPD. I grew up knowing something was wrong with her, but she was never confronted about it or forced to look in the mirror or take any accountability. Everyone was too afraid. My dad coddled and enabled her dysfunctional behavior in the name of self preservation. My brother unfortunately was a different person than myself. He was much more needy and vulnerable and of course they took advantage of this and groomed him to be their shadow. I was always very independent and tried to take a stand against what was happening. This of course made me my mothers scapegoat and for many many years it was an on and off again war with her until I realized I will never be free of her vitriol, until I am free of her....of my whole co-dependent family. I refuse to take the abuse anymore and I refuse to perpetuate the dysfunction. My kids deserve an emotionally healthy mom, free from the stress of the negativity and criticism and dysfunction I grew up with. I thank god that I was smart enough to recognize something was wrong and strong enough to not get crushed under the weight of it. I’m delighted to report that I have not burdened my kids with the same patterns that are so often repeated in families, generation after generation. I have an amazing relationship with my kids (a girl and a boy). There is so much love and affection between myself and them, which is something I never had growing up. It’s really crazy to think about. I NEVER went to my mom for comfort, for hugs, for affection. Ever. She took care of me....fed me, supervised me, did the things a mother does to keep her kids alive. But she never LOVED me. I love my kids fiercely. I tell them every single day, more times than I can count. And we exchange hugs and kisses often, for no other reason than just showing that love. It comes so naturally to me, and it’s really sad to think of how much different my own mother was. I realize though, she was very damaged. And while I do feel compassion for whatever it was that made her such a mess, I had to go no contact because she would never accept responsibility and never change and that would prevent me from having stability and mental health. My kids come first....period. They need me to be healthy and strong, and I’m proud to say I am!!!💪🏼

[@JosephRostkowski]

I actually read all of that and scared me because I need to let my mother go in order to save myself for kids❤

[@kristinecrowley8321]

That what it all came down to. When my daughter was born everything changed for me and I know 100% that I made the right decision. I wish things didn’t have to be this way but I don’t regret it. Good luck! There is something to be said for not having to walk on eggshells constantly anymore and although you mourn the loss, it’s also a huge weight lifted.

[@laurar.2866]

Dear Lisa, as much as I respect and admire you as a role model, I believe that your trying to make your father see the truth, being an aging narcissist, is absolutely useless and makes you waste an energy that you need for yourself. In my knowledge of these people, when they get old they only change for the worse. Much love for you in this difficult situation.

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you Laura, and I believe you are right. He is getting worse as he ages not better--but--I have to believe I have done all I can do as a daughter--in case some catastrophic event takes place, my heart will be clear...thank you so much for watching and supporting this work xoxoxo Love to you..

[@victoriastanton4497]

I get it Lisa. I would feel the same. Wishing you every sucess, thinking of you God bless x

[@clarakeller5752]

Laura R. That is for sure! My 77 year old BPD/NPD mom killed herself & omg, she was her worst the years leading up to it. I tried endlessly in futility to fix her.

[@denisesatt7044]

@@lisaaromano1 What happened to "you have to let go." ? It sounds like in some cases maybe not. I have had some recent severe backlighting with a parent. I looked to you for advice. Bullshit, how many times do you give it to know " you have done all you can"? That bit about possible maybe suicide is irresponsible and lame. I have lost all respect for you. Yes I am angry. I can't believe I wasted my time here. listening to you. Moving on

[@sandraderoos4318]

@@clarakeller5752 how are you doing now? I hope you are ok.

[@annaburns2865]

Why are they even worse in their old age? It’s exactly as you said, “want what they never gave.” When I was younger I had a co-dependant relationship with my mother. And at the time, I thought that was fine, because I just thought that meant that you help your mother in the same way that she helped you or is still helping you. I had no idea that I was in a toxic one sided relationship where my needs were not being met, and her needs were becoming increasingly more demanding. You are so right. She wanted me to go above and beyond anything that she had ever done for me. And it got to the point that I just couldn’t do it anymore.

[@victoriousballa236]

Thank you for your help. Oh yeah I see it ! My dad lives 3 houses away , at 75 he is one messed up dude mentally . Straight up hate for me if I don't do who or what he wants. I stay away.

[@lisaaromano1]

See it for what it is dear one...

[@divinadivina2017]

I'll send love to my parents and my home will always be different from theirs

[@lisaaromano1]

awesome

[@Pattie-o7f]

This is so my story except my siblings and some other family members say I am a narcissist, selfish, stealing from my mom even though I am the only one who is taking care of her. They're trying to push me over the edge ... I even had some suicidal thoughts for a while bcuz the accusations against me where too much. To add to the mess I was discarded by my Narcissist boyfriend. This all erupted after my mom's stroke. I am tired of being the scapegoat.

[@Pattie-o7f]

@Kenneth Liburd Wow I guess I wouldn't offer to help. Does sound like controlling behavior . Are you the family scapegoat by any chance?

[@Pattie-o7f]

@Kenneth Liburd That breaks my heart. Move on with your life...dont waste your life away trying to plz people who will never care. If these people weren't your family would you have anything to do with them? I've gone NC with my family members..they dont exist to me. Hang in there...it gets better. Pursue your dreams and F them.

[@marcoperugini244]

I loved this video Lisa,,my father is 90 I am 57,I’m going thru hell with him,I have begun to distance myself from him,,can’t take it anymore.Thank you for doing this,I thought I was alone in this battle.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

You're such a baller, Lisa. The way you've built this up, the people you've reached and helped. Just hope you take a few minutes each day to realize that and give yourself love for it all. ❤

[@funky_monk_9796]

Yes, let them go. Lisa you nailed it, as always. I'm 52 now, it took me until my late 40s for the penny to drop, as I had been so thoroughly brainwashed by my textbook covert narc parents. They died in their early 70s before I had a chance to go no contact, but I had already tacitly drifted away from them in my mid 30s. My sister turned into a carbon copy of my mother, she's a walking volcano of abusive, narc trauma responses and completely self-absorbed, so I went NC with her when I was 46, best decision I ever made. The healing/rebuilding process continues, thanks to your amazing work via your YT channel, raising awarenss of this still neglected topic. Thank you ❤

[@amyjamison-casas1851]

Omg. You are speaking my life story!

[@animeluver45]

I really needed to hear this. Everyone in my family doesn't know or care that family dynamics shape who you are for the rest of your life. That we should just sweep it under the rug. I try to explain and no one gets it or understands it. Thank you Lisa! You help me so much and you help me realize that I am not crazy. I come from a toxic codependent dysfunctional abusive family with currently aging parents who are still hurt and do not understand emotional pain or how anything they did growing up could have affected us. My dad outright says he was "powerless" to change anything. Bullshit. So thank you Lisa! Keep fighting the good fight and good luck with your family!!!

[@redmoonrise6507]

wow. the family is bonded by denial and that's why we can't get in. that's an amazing way of saying it. your channel is amazing

[@dolphinliam888]

I have a narcissist father aged 79. What you've said is so true

[@carolwittig5088]

I appreciate and respect your honesty so very much...so much of what you said really hit home...Thank you

[@soniasamson6133]

Sending agapê love to you, Lisa, in this time of tribulation. I so respect the strength you are showing here.. I wish you all the reassurance and comfort you may need and deserve. Hugs.

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you so much Sonia xoxoxo

[@soniasamson6133]

xoxoxo !!!

[@erictruelove-so1de]

One of the greatest gifts I received from my Narcissist father was his memoirs. I read it after he passed away and was taken back by how self centered he was. I knew he only cared about himself, but was not aware how deep this ran until I read about it in his own words. Thank you for writing the truth Dad, it really helped me even though I am sure that was not your intent.

[@patricia.g.morales]

I love seeing your speeches. They are enlighting and make me feel like there's others out there that know what "this" is. Thank you... For your kindness and help.... Also, thank you for being a Super Woman. God be over you, your family and your children forever. With Love and Gratitude, Patricia Ramos

[@lisaaromano1]

Namaste dear one--Much happiness, peace and love to you this year and always...

[@asweethoneybee]

5:36 This is me right now. Thank you so much, I am finding so much solace in your words.

[@sterrehera2423]

Lisa, thank you for sharing your personal story of your family of origine. As a Codependent in Recovery this message is so encouraging to go further on this path of Self Love. You give us Hope....Namasté and I hear you next year....

[@hopeinhumanity.]

When I was 8, my cousin and I went for a walk on a quiet morning down our street (she was riding a bike next to me that had no seat on it). A truck was coming up the road and I told her to be careful. Next thing I saw happening was the truck hit her (later it came out he was intoxicated from partying the night before). I was the only witness to it and saw very graphic details of the impact and her flying and dying on impact. All I remember is being at hospital and crying and my dad saying to me “stop your crying”. Your video describes many of my fathers characteristics growing up.

[@lisaaromano1]

I am so sorry this was your experience xoxoxox

[@alises.5986]

Hope, I’m so sorry your father didn’t have compassion to give when you needed it so badly.

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@staratlast]

The ignorant cruelty to little kids I'll never understand. I can never forget those times and think what monsters they really are. Perverted sadistic abuse

[@HiHello-pq8rl]

You are amazing Lisa you give us all hope. It's great that you try with your father to awaken him to the truth and accept it either way I'll be okay. It give me strength in my own similar situation. We know the truth. Namaste love and light!

[@lisaaromano1]

I am honored it has helped--I no longer attach to outcomes--and new way of thinking has helped me change my life xoxoxox

[@mileswashington9078]

Even though this is an older video, it is still incredibly helpful and healing. I'm going through a similar situation at the moment and this video has really been helpful to me. Thank you, Lisa for everything that you do.

[@radiojet1429]

Lovely, lovely video. Thanks! In my experience, scape-goated children seem to me to be light--years ahead of their contemporaries who had "normal" upbringings. The talent, compassion, insight, intelligence and even physical beauty is always greater in those who have run the gauntlet of venomous narcissistic parenting and came out on the other side. I say thank your narcissist. You are the good person you are today because you survived and thrived in the face of overwhelming abuse and treachery. Their diabolical narcissistic poison has forced you to "sink or swim". If you decide to swim, you will be rewarded with Wisdom. Wisdom cannot be taught, it must be earned.

[@sandraderoos4318]

Love this, can we capture this and wear the t-shirt? Simmilar: I'm not afraid of anything, I was raised by a Dutch mother.

[@nicselectronics81]

Thank you for recognizing it 🙌

[@kavitachouhanvisionenvoice9063]

@radiojet1429 your comment resonates so deeply with me. I was the scapegoated child growing up - I always spoke the truth & called out the bullshit and was made out to be the one trying to rip the family apart. I was told I was too sensitive , I was emotionally & physically abused and it had a devastating impact on my self esteem. I left my family at 18 and never looked back , clawing my way through trying to survive on my own . I’m 43 now, and I have sailed the roughest seas in my youth but oh the wisdom I have gained ! It is my badge of honour & my most cherished accomplishment. Thank you for your comment , it really hit me hard.

[@radiojet1429]

@@kavitachouhanvisionenvoice9063 You have a constant and caring ally in me always.

[@ChosenOne1967]

Luke 12:52 (NLT) From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against-or two in favor and three against.

[@deborahbrown6929]

You are a warrior too! Couldn’t agree more!

[@LonelyJester]

Omg, you hit it right in the nail. Wow, im just awed.

[@marciadg298]

This video came to me just in time. On the 30th I had a bight fight with my dad who thinks I need to stop my life and move back to my hometown to take care of my sick mother and him. My mother had a stroke when I was 17 and has been in bed since then (I'm now 31). She has nurses with her 24/7, doesn't know anything, can't see, can't walk, can't think... and apparently my life needs to be like hers, according to my father. Thing is that in Brazil (where I live) nursering homes are rare, very very expensive and seen with bad eyes. In this Latin culture, full of dramas, you don't put a parent in a nursery home; instead, you stop your life, give up on your dreams, move back to nowhere to "take care" of your parents, even if your mom was a bipolar and codependent mom, and your father is a dictator, narcissistic, meanest person you know... Going through this drama and terror since I was born, and to make it better, my middle sister is a sociopath who moved abroad because she's the only one who cannot be affected by all this. I'm a codependent who is stuck in life. Anyway, hoping all gets better for you and me (though "hoping" isn't necessarily enough...). :(

[@jofriedman4528]

Marcia Dg - I saw a great comment somewhere on this video comment thread where someone mentioned that cultural conditioning is just another form of programming. We still have the freedom to make our own choices and step out of cultural programming to honour ourselves despite what our culture thinks of us. Ultimately, in my experience at least, it's that guilt that allows us to be abused.

[@raini0705]

I'm chinese and i understand you 100%. it's stigma to not personally and financially take care of parents. This is worst with narcissistic parents who will feel entitled and expect that from you as children.

[@messue428]

@@raini0705 same here Linda. I’m from an Indian family and it’s no different.

[@DivineSoulBeauty84]

Same here… such a social stigma grounded in cultural programming in African American homes as well.

[@reinajalana]

@@DivineSoulBeauty84 Was just about to say. 🙋🏾‍♀️ Victim, or survivor, of it within the African-American community.

[@ElasanReywra]

I am "blessed" with a narcissistic mother-in-law, bipolar father-in-law, narcissistic mother and an autistic father! All are 75-85 years old and becoming more frail and childish. Their demands are completely out of this world, especially considering that these parents were never emotionally there for me or my spouse. The sincerely interested question to me or my spouse, "How are you doing right now?" never occurred. But they think they can demand everything from us: financial support, care, guardianship, dealing with authorities for them and an open ear for all their worries and problems. It simply takes a lot of strength to defend one's own limits against these needy and encroaching people over and over again! "No, I'm not there to wipe your butt!"; "No, you can't just yell at me because you want to vent!"; "No, you can't just pick up the phone and pour your heart out to me in the middle of the day without prior notice!"; "No, you can't just dictate to me what I should buy/bring you!" (sometimes these are very expensive things, which are then considered as gifts, a repayment to us is not planned). It is a challenge. Setting limits is essential.

[@123gozane]

Lisa thank you so much for all your help. I'm suffering with my narcissistic mother who I have to live with because of financial troubles and losing my apartment. She has been the bane of my existence and always makes sure I'm an emotional mess. I'm working on paying off my debt then I'm going to leave the state. I'm very grateful for you and your content. Thank you.

[@laurencastillo9741]

This came at just the right time. Thank you so much Lisa.

[@cognitivedissonancechristi516]

Lisa, your talk enlightened me on what is forthcoming. Thank you for sharing. Both of my parents have been the true definition of evil towards me. Without going into detail of the abuse, I’ve finally gone no contact. They continue to smear and lie on me to friends and family members and friends and family members have believed them and turned their backs on me in one form or another. After giving up my career to take care of them for 12 years, I had no choice but to finally walk away. I’ve had a debilitating illness most of my life that’s gotten worse over time. And I’ve taken care of them myself through it all. The disease has been so harsh and inhumane and I now understand why people have committed suicide. I took care of them while powering through the agony of this disease. My sister is narcissistic as well and she along with them has tried to destroy anything I’ve embarked on for myself while struggling through this merciless disease all while taking care of my parents with NO help from my siblings. My parents have told me I’m no longer part of their family and that I’ve never done anything for them. Without going into further details about the plethora of abuse: gaslighting, smearing, manipulation, control, triangulation, etc. I’ve walked away to begin my healing. My parents are in their 80’s. I have no plans to ever connect with them and my sister again and I have no plans to attend their funeral when they pass away. I have made plans that if I should pass before they do for a friend to handle my affairs and never let them know I’ve passed on until at least a year or two afterwards. I’m okay with this choice and I’m at peace by never being there for them again should they pass away or get sicker. I’ve been there for them all my life and have given up my life, income, retirement, and career to care for them for the past 12 years. I’m done. I’m very compassionate towards others. However, I feel nothing for them and my sister and other extended family members anymore. Therefore, I’m at peace with living the rest of my life without ever seeing nor talking to them again. I’m sure I will be ridiculed by their friends and family as a result. I’m already undergoing that now. Is it unusual to be at peace with their inevitable demise? I feel nothing. I’m growing in my love and care for me now. I don’t have room for loving myself while caring for them. It’s one or the other. This time, I’m choosing me. What are your thoughts? Can we talk?

[@louisemorgan3237]

Kudos

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@mvbigmagic4048]

I think you did the absolute right thing. What they did was evil. By leaving them and going no-contact, you are saving yourself, and not giving them a chance to commit evil against you. So, in essence, you're doing them a favor. (of which they will never be grateful anyway) I sure hope you are in a better place now! Mentally, physically, financially. I also had to go no-contact with not only my malignant narcissistic mother, but.... it's true what they say.... if you go no-contact with one parent, be prepared to lose 75% or more of the rest of your family. I ended up blocking everyone on my mother's side, including her scary toxic friends. But... I gained friendship from the estranged cousins on my deceased dad's side of the family. :) So a door closed, but another one opened.

[@11dimis]

I am sobbing as I am listening to your video. What you are describing has been my life. I am currently dealing with the same type of situation. (Narcissist father with dementia). Thank you for making me not feel so alone. 😢

[@madnessintomagic]

Wow.. this really struck me. We’ve very similar. Emotional awareness and objective viewing of the family, feeling like I wasn’t connected and could see things clearly but was constantly contradicted, denied, brushed off, gaslighted and labeled “off” for not being afraid to be truthful. Always flipped always flipped - I deal with that daily, now, living with one of my parents. Exhausting. Also extremely frustrating when you’re invalidated for decades then suddenly when they want validation you’re the bad guy (I’ve *always* been the bad guy, to my mother) for not given her what she (and others) never gave me.

[@somebodysfalling]

He’s blessed to have your compassion and strength now. Your kindness has helped so many, more than you likely know. Best of luck to you, and Happy New Year!

[@lisaaromano1]

Yes, he has our compassion--and that is the miracle of this entire dynamic...In spite of him abandoning each of my siblings and I, together we are rallying to ensure he has what he needs--really incredible...Happy New Year to you as well dear one..

[@SassyLittleFrassie]

Love & light to you you’ve helped me so much

[@everlastinggobbstopper]

This episode is SCARY the exact likeness in what you've stated about the family except switch mother and father roles, my father was the sheep who obeyed and followed otherwise spot on! Thank you again.

[@irmalair1]

😢😭 Thank you so so much for speaking about this and giving us this community... I'm breaking down in tears since last night. The freaking difficult part is being torn between my dad actually being a responsible "head of the house", working for a family of 6 and 'wanting' the best for everyone, and between his angry narcissist nature that never appreciated any of us, his kids and his wife/my mother. Everytime I just feel like dying I start remembering the good days, or the good times and good things he did/does and then I start feeling guilty and and and.... Such a frkn rollercoaster, I'm 26 and my eyes are already getting all 'dried up' by all the crying

[@sandraderoos4318]

Hang in there huhn

[@whipwalk]

It's not you honey. Please keep doing g the healing work. Anna Runkle, Dr Ramani, Gabor Mate', this channel and many others are here to help. Journaling can help.

[@RonSafreed]

Look into echoism, the opposite of narcissism!!

[@lynnanderson6831]

You are describing my childhood! My dad was exactly like that! I love my mom, but she learned not to fight my dad on anything. I learned to take care of myself, which I didn’t do a very good job of. Have had to learn a lot to undo so much damage. I am about to move and leave my life I’ve had to go and care for both parents. I will be walking into a very similar situation as this. Both having memory issues and health issues. I can’t believe the similarities you are describing! I’m trying to prepare myself before I walk into all of this. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@ceciliadevinev3230]

I listen to everything you say and my life was changed (just over 2 years ago) when I began watching your videos. You are such a light force and I’m so sorry you’re going thru all of this but at the same time? Wow! You’re burning like the sun, Lisa. Huge hugs and I hope your Dad emerges into self awareness... it sounds like a long shot but anything is possible. Much love as always, Cecilia xx

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you Cecilia! Your support means the world to me. Congratulations on your albums--your music will surely help set many free xoxox If I could get my father to accept his enormous fears--and his narcissistic wound--which is his original abandonment trauma by his own mother who committed suicide when he was 3, we could make progress. But unfortunately, he is experiencing deep deep conflicts and I am not so sure he will allow me to help him resolve the past...it is so difficult knowing you can help your parent--and at same time know they are rejecting you AND they are in deep fear...I love you dear one--continue to fight the fight and love the light xoxoxo

[@ceciliadevinev3230]

Your family are awakening. It's never easy (as you and I both know) but in order to heal, we have to feel. I had a similar experience with my parents a few years ago. I was silenced repeatedly and told not to upset the apple cart. Realising I had no control (and that everyone was deeply in denial) lead to my breakdowns and breakthroughs. We must keep on walking towards the light... we're all here for you, Lisa... just as you have been here for us xxxxxx love you too!

[@sgueymard]

My dad is 101 and only worsened with time, says he's suicidal for attention only... My family story is almost identical except for my siblings: the oldest sister has turned like Hitler, the middle one is a narcissistic sociopath with Münchhausen BY Proxy on our mother with dementia... I'm the scape goat watching the aquarium... (My mom was also alcoholic, never willing to listen or love.) My ex was the jack pot in narcissim... I left him but he remained in my life for 25 years (due to abusive legal battles) until my son graduated from university. (Adult son gives more credibility to the narcissists in the family! 💔 😢) Glad i found your channel. YT search engine is my favorite tool... Thanks for the soothing video. Btw, besides your siblings, i hear you too!

[@tbunnyshy1]

Ouch. Its all TRUTH. THANK YOU for the clarity in this confusing life. 😵‍💫 Seriously, this is best video that summarizes DECADES of terminal abuse and disappointment . 😢 ALSO, a deep and sincere congratulations to your healing and validation. You pulled through. You made it 🏆 ❤

[@chosenone5583]

Absolutely, I had to learn and let go. When they can’t do the work on their self. I had to put myself first and set healthy boundaries with everyone.

[@Daonyx]

I resonated with this. My mother is 63 and her health is dwindling. When I was young she would always belittle me for things like crying or wanting to hang out with friends. Calling me a follower or if I fail something and cry she'll say I'm sensitive. That caused me to isolate my voice, and entire being for years. Now that I'm a young adult that plans on marrying and moving away soon, she's the one that cries over small things and wants to hang out with friends which I never guilt her for but she over exaggerates everything she wants. Everything she wants is up to me to get. I wish i wasnt in the predicament of being partially responsible for making sure shes comfortable but some days I just want to disappear out of her life

[@myriaddreams]

You are not responsible for her.

[@hipsonsogbo]

Abusive people are there to be observed once you have the information ask yourself what else am I getting. It should always be about you with abusive people.

[@mollyringwerm9224]

I'm sorry you're going through all this shit, Lisa. You've been such a huge part of my life the last couple years, and I'm sending you all the love you've shown all of us.

[@AmyKnits]

My father sounds exactly like yours. My problem is that I've been so abused by my father that I do not want to have anything to do with him. I do not know how to deal with the fact that NOW he wants us to have a close relationship, not because he truly loves and cares for me, but because he is getting old and has no one else to care for him. The idea of having to take care of him causes me to physically start to panic. I suffer from panic attacks as a result of the trauma of being raised by this man and the abuse that he has heaped on my mother, my brother and myself. I can't breathe when he is near. I keep him at a distance because I had to escape from him in order to live my own life and be happy. Now he is trying to trap me again so that he has someone to care for him in his old age. I do not want to care for him. I want no part of it. I feel like I'm losing my mind. He doesn't do this to my brother. Never.

[@akarshrastogi3682]

AmyKnits I have EXACTLY the same feelings as you. I absolutely detest him and would be so happy without him. Please tell me how you're dealing with the situation. Though in my case, it's my responsibility (imposed by parents, societal norms in my country, AND myself because he cared and fed financially for me till education) to be caring for them in old age.

[@lemurianchick]

@@akarshrastogi3682 How has it gone for you. I want to give you another point of view, however: our culture is our conditioning. It doesn't have to be our path. It's not sacred. And the other thing is that when people have children, they sometimes do so unintentionally. And that is why I think some children are abused--because of the parents' resentment that their lives were "ruined" by an unexpected pregnancy. Hey, that is the price of sexual intercourse. You have to live with the consquences of your actions. And for you to think that you owe it to them because they cared for you for 18 years is a bit erroneous if they mistreated you. To me there is no greater abuse than to children who are impressionable and dependent on the adults who raise them. It's an abuse of power for sure. You have to do what you feel comfortable with but it's not that easy when it triggers you and it reinforces all of the old tapes. I don't have kids myself so I cannot force anyone to care for me either. You don't have kids so they will be built-in caretakers when you get old. I actually got irate at a co-worker who asked me who would take care me when I got old if I didn't have any kids. I was angry at such a question.

[@SuperBullyone]

Life often turns people into monsters, and they pretend it did not turn them into monsters.

[@Titan_seed]

I wish we could talk more it sounds just like me...I want to share ideas and learn from you

[@SuperBullyone]

right, he wants to be close to you so he can use you to take care of him. That is so warm and touching.

[@n.ribeiro569]

thank you for your honesty. When i told my ex friend(whom is very rude/insensitive-dont know why we have been friends for so long?) that ia am dealing with a narcissit parent, she says i am blaming people for my problems. .....i dumped her today., discovering there is a weird connection between my narcissit father and my relationship choices. Lets say i took out the trash and when i totally leave these type of people i feel a lot better/happier.

[@ValKitsakis]

Thank you for being such a great example of bravery, Lisa. Accepting reality and opening our eyes to the fact that our parents are people too is so liberating.

[@florenceh.manswell3855]

Thank you so much it makes so much sense when you say it...Why didn't I figure this out sooner....I am doing my work...I can't control anything but my reaction to people, places and situations.Best wishes, I know you can handle this...Namaste

[@GrandmaShellLive]

I just started my own channel a couple months ago. I just video journal right now but hopefully I'll have a channel like you someday. thank u Lisa. you're an inspiration

[@cbahm]

I know the kind of family stresses you describe. My angry, judge mental, intrusive mom moved in with my family two months after we married for a temporary stay (when we quickly realized she was incompetent to take care of herself), and she stayed 16 years. Then she spent her last four years in a nursing home when her dementia got so bad we couldn’t take of her. I will hope for you that you’re able to reach your dad.

[@irinamladenoska7539]

We adore you, too. My mom is an aging narc.

[@TheMijas07]

Thank you Lisa for sharing this. Caring for a narcissistic parent who is now helpless is very hard. I'm in the same situation, trying to work on the co-dependency, living with them, alone and getting no recognition for the painful feelings I'm experiencing. All that you said here resonates. Siblings are no-where to be found. They woke up quicker than me.I idealised/defended her for a very long time. I was the one in denial! I'm also ACA. Hope you have a great New Year xx