5 Weird Ways Toxic Family Members Punish a Truthteller for Going No Contact/Lisa A. Romano

[@childrensreading]

Haven't seen a video yet that compares to this one. You explained my narcissistic mother and narcissistic sister perfectly. 100% on point. I've been no contact for almost 2 years now and it's been the best decision I've ever made, I have grown SO MUCH mentally and emotionally. Anyone still stuck with your narcissistic family members - it does get better if you decide to go no contact. I promise.

[@firstmansantana1074]

I feel you .. I’m experiencing that today.. you tube ?

[@roselynglover8927]

Ex-husband toxic beliefs inherited by our 2 daughters even after his death. Simple Truth..

[@roselynglover8927]

WOW. Same on my job. Admin won't face or correct.

[@roselynglover8927]

Truth is a threat. Truth Tellers.

[@roselynglover8927]

My grandson mental issues. His mother refuses to discuss or do anything.

[@BigRebel0802]

“The most hated person in the room is the one telling the truth.”

[@Greg-dl6et]

you Shure got that right !!!!!

[@Pour_Woman]

This is a true statement.

[@richdibenedetto8041]

Very true

[@jeffreycheng5984]

In war, the truth is the first casualty.

[@BigRebel0802]

If it’s good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for me. To hell with this corrupt world 🌎

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

It's actually the strongest person, not the weakest person who is targeted for scapegoating. It takes strength to have self-control, empathy, and awareness. It takes strength to endure abuse. The Narcissist is the "weakest link." They are too weak to face reality.

[@clare2439]

agreed.

[@latitaparnell321]

I agree. That’s a different way to look at it. They look strong because you are outnumbered. They’ve got everybody against you.

[@jessicadukharan]

💯💪

[@kathrynhayden9298]

Great point.

[@leandrawomack9029]

100%!

[@safeeffective385]

'No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.' Plato -

[@mosaicowlstudios]

The blinding bright light of exposure can be very uncomfortable to eyes that have become accustomed to the darkness

[@safeeffective385]

@@mosaicowlstudios No doubt! Plato's Cave Allegory

[@gracieb.3054]

You know, that Plato guy might be onto something. Wish someone had given me a heads up on this nugget.

[@Greg-dl6et]

yup !!!!!! so true !!!!

[@Savvynomad225]

Especially if the truth means someone might need to make a sacrifice and do a little work

[@Tom-vq2hw]

Being a scapegoat is like growing up in middle school: your family are the cool kids who score points with each other by picking on you

[@HeathertheGreat_]

Yes. And then add in a sister. Ya screwed

[@Greg-dl6et]

yup i was rhe skape goat a true living hell !!!!!

[@quinnlafleur6533]

OMG. That is exactly how it is!!

[@carmenpolat2025]

This is an excellent comparison!

[@angelwings7930]

Oh boy yeah. I could write examples all day long. When I tried to stick up for myself in a very calm, adult way at age 16 I was thrown out of the house. I’m in my 60’s now.

[@johnmaurer2035]

The more Real you get, the more Unreal the World gets.

[@puma5471]

So true

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Exactly john and the more you say NO,the more others true colors come out.

[@TheBlondiekitten]

Yeah it’s crazy but you’ll be stronger for being authentic and holding the line for yourself. Be strong and brave ❤

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

@Krishna patel Krishna that is amazing and having zero attachment to past toxic people and family is soooo freeing.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

❤LOVE THAT

[@LivingInKerala]

Toxic family members hate boundaries ! Just leave!

[@TS-km5wn]

"Life is Too Short to Have to Deal with Toxic A**holes". That's what I used to say to my Mother when she wanted me to "Get Back in Touch with" my Brother & his Toxic to the Max-Patty-My Sister in Law. Purest Evil known to this Man. You are 100% Correct. Just Leave & Stay gone. Otherwise your apt to 'Olay Their Games'. Be Well Fellow Wise One

[@Indigobaby1111]

Exactly that's what I was saying

[@JadeCampbell40]

Yup they sure do and they also hate it when you speakup and finally sever ties completely. When they have no access to you they love to start creating smear campaigns and search for anyone connected to you.

[@theinsightfulvisionary0197]

Amen!!! I come from a toxic family and that's exactly what I did: left them alone!!!

[@LadyQInspires]

Yes that’s it and don’t say anything

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I've paid for telling the truth. Entire family, incl extended family believe I'm angry and insane. My mother is ''worried'' about me. It's been hard to acknowledge that my mother would literally rather gaslight me and try to make me doubt myself than take a small bit of feedback and show me a bit of empathy.

[@kimgordon3695]

💞🙋

[@kimgordon3695]

They can't care

[@touchedbyfire99]

Exactly! I asked my mother why it was impossible for her to ever offer me an apology when she can apologize to my sister. Cat got her tongue.

[@MariaColosimo]

Me too. Im in the same boat. I feel for you. They want to put it under the carpet and forget about it. But to us empaths it hurts so bad

[@hayleyhermit1988]

Same here except she goes around projecting what she is. She says I'm money hungry but the reality is that she is. 😅

[@synthonaplinth5980]

It really really SUCKS to be punished for being truthful.

[@jeffreycheng5984]

Just ask Julian Assange! Just ask Edward Snowden! Just ask Abu Shireen Akleah! Just ask the widow of Michael Hastings!

[@nickygreene4276]

@@jeffreycheng5984and tommy robinson

[@herbalina]

You don't even have to be a truth-teller. Just going about your own life in your own way is reason enough to be "othered" and gossiped about. It doesn't even have to be anything shocking, just little stuff that you do differently or liking things that they don't like or the totally benign preferences that you have can set some people off. It's ridiculous.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Yes! That’s them!!!

[@shawnregina9110]

I’ve had that experience. But more because I was a giver but then started taking care of myself more and that was very disruptive as those in the take felt the loss and tried to make it seem like I was the bad guy.

[@johnmclean6958]

​@@shawnregina9110 same here

[@johnmclean6958]

​@@fifilafleur5555 I've been here 3 years

[@i.m.watching5536]

Yes. Truth!

[@nathanosterhaus]

I’m the truth teller, the cycle breaker, and the scapegoat. I’ve definitely paid the price.

[@gaylescott4043]

Same here.

[@EitherBendToTheTruthOrLiveALIE]

Same. Im better off for it tho.

[@ktmfour1007]

I should get a job at target lol

[@janeg617]

Me too

[@Tictac_Tactic]

Me too! ❤️‍🩹

[@life-is-recovery]

This resonates. When I told my mother about being sexually abused by my step-dad, I was kicked out of the house. They're still married, and they're the ones invited to family events. They've gone out of their way to disparage me to everyone they can think of. I've gone no-contact. And I'll never understand why a mother would fail to protect her only child, and the same for grandparents choosing an abuser over their only grandchild. It's been devastating, but my life is about recovery. Going no-contact is the best thing I've ever done. I know the truth. God knows the truth. That's become enough for me.

[@katiewarren443]

Bless you. How painful that must have been for you. Sending ❤️

[@luciatat4084]

Your mother sadly was not a sincere person and she prefered her made-up reality to what was truly the reality. She knew that if she acknowledged the truth, it would have consequences in her life and she wasn’t ready to pay the price of the truth. It was all about saving her own “happines”… She didn’t really care about you and your feelings. It’s really sad that a mother can act like this but it happens. If she loved you, she would have never chosen to do what she did. You made the right decision, leave her with what she chose, she didn’t choose you, she didn’t choose the truth. And you can never have a relationship with such a person. She is not honest, and this is true for your grandparents as well. Don’t ever allow yourself to feel like you are the problem just becouse they act like you are the problem. God surely knows the truth and has it all recorded up there and they will one day have to see and admit what they did to you.

[@Stardustpal25]

Sadly this is way too common. Letting go of need for validation from primary parent who doubts such facts, not expecting or needing closure, speeds you to your future, solidarity with Yourself. I never had a conversation of the many sexual assaults I suffered from Neighbor, Uncle, Brother before age 4, then 6-8. Also physical assaults from Mother, Aunt. It took me 60 years to get this, with all this help. I hope you will be ok as you keep your faith in your heart. 🙏

[@katiewarren443]

@@Stardustpal25 Oh my goodness. How are you still alive?? What a journey you have been on. I bet you have a heart of gold 💛 Bless you 🙏 💖

[@davesylvindeckerii4528]

wow thats some bs they pulled

[@gojub3173]

I'm 47 now, and it took me 30 years and the death of my daughter to finally say no more and leave the toxic parents and siblings behind. Peace and quiet at last...

[@FathersLoveWithoutEnd]

I'm sorry for your loss. 😞

[@gobigirl1]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter, but glad that you finally protected yourself from unloving people. I hope you have found at least a few kind, safe ones since.

[@AnnieOFlaherty]

I am in my early 80s and it is my only daughter who is the narcissist. She treats me abominable and screams at me daily. I am in poor health Beaton down by her behavior she is a covert narc

[@onelife7247]

So sorry to read this. 💖

[@jenniferburton7044]

So sorry for your tremendous loss. I hope the time without your toxic family has been healing 💕

[@CameronJohnston-pf5gy]

The only true way to win with a toxic family/workplace/relationship is to walk away and let them deal with their own BS

[@GatheringBitByBit]

That is what I did. I left too, only to marry narcissistic people. Guess what, those all ended too. My exes knew my family was toxic and when the marriages ended I was the scapegoat. My siblings and one ex teamed up against me. Everything in this video I’ve experienced with my toxic family. Even my grief when my toxic parents died, I endured alone. My mom recently died. My dad been dead almost 5 years now. I grew up with stomach aches, headaches and when I look back I understand why it was. My grief is mostly that our family never healed. The Living siblings and I have no contact.

[@Carol-vp3hc]

If someone is experiencing toxicity, run, don't walk.

[@beverleyreid7572]

AMEN. AMEN. AND AMEN. THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH. RUN!!!

[@annaleonie2731]

If only they would stay away!

[@carla6575]

Agree. Only took me 56 years to realize this. SO FREEING!

[@glendaruiz2477]

That's why i went no contact with my narcissistic mother and entire dysfunctional family, when you speak the TRUTH they hate it, since you don't go along with their lies and bs they have to gang up on you and punish you, im so glad i cut them off from my life, i always felt alone anyway they always treated me like an outcast, so there is nothing to miss! Blessings to all my scapegoats that been through so much.

[@ivoconceicao666]

❤

[@FoxyUSAx]

Thank you . Being a scapegoat was dreadful. I left home at 16 as I couldn’t take their behaviour anymore. I went no contact with my mother. Best decision ever. She then turned my sisters against me and continues to do so decades later....

[@estellewadsworth4187]

I get you dear. I have suffered decades at the hands of a narcisstic mother - what a terrible experience because i wasnt educated in how to handle this.

[@charliemorningstar666]

When I left with my current partner, my mother spread rumors on facebook that my partner had kidnapped me. I was 25. This caused many police officers (and higher government ppl) to stop me on the way to my new home and accuse my partner of things he didn't do. This has since been cleared up, but she had absolutely no right to ruin my partner's reputation like that. Needless to say we are NO CONTACT!!!

[@AxlAX]

People suck. Been there done that. Stay strong and keep moving forward my friend. ❤

[@touchedbyfire99]

Yup, this is exactly what is happening to me. Sad. I just couldn’t deal with my mother anymore after 62 years, and now I’m the bad one. A lifetime of abuse and I’m the bad one.

[@beadingbelle3486]

Yes, that's the sad reality... a lifetime of abuse & we end up being the bad ones.

[@fifilafleur5555]

💯💯💯

[@irenehigginbotham6392]

Same here. 61 years. I am out. They don't get better over time. Just Hine their dark skills. Go with God I say. Not crawling on the cross to martyr myself for others bad behaviour. Painful, but I get to live and actualize what I was meant to be

[@irenehigginbotham6392]

Hone their dark skills at my expense. Good to be able to articulate that now. Appreciate the validation in this podcast

[@carolineibbetson5395]

Same here 54 yrs of it x the reality hit 2 yrs ago and now she hardly speaks to me x luckily my brothers and their families see what she has done too x

[@vacationeyes6430]

Truth tellers - You are a force to reckon with. You grew up in a dystopian nightmare that intermingled reality and fantasy. Yet, you were wise beyond your years and saw through it all. They couldn't gaslight you into doubting yourself, couldn't break your spirit, couldn't alter your reality or steal your truth. You fought a demon at such tender age and survived. You are still standing stronger and smarter than ever before. You are God's favorite child. Own your power.

[@brittneybutler2491]

Yessss to all of this and more!😃👍💖👑🌟✨💯🙏

[@Tinyteacher1111]

I feel like you’re talking to me!

[@gavegas7043]

💯💯💯 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@tanyaa4266]

Right on! 🔥🛡️🗡️💫

[@Eman-vp5wk]

Amen

[@matilda4406]

"no-one is willing to go up against the narcissist"... except the SG.. "a simple truth will upset a toxic family system"

[@ivoconceicao666]

❤

[@scapegoatsarepowerful672]

The gaslighting, the back stabbing, the slander all pointed at the scapegoats. we are the healthy ones since we had to get therapy over the abuse in the family.

[@mariacolosimo3589]

I got therapy over the abuse and most therapists said to me that there is nothing wrong with me. Another said that my mother is very toxic. She plays all sides with manipulation, lies and plotting. When they found out I saw a psychologist they think there is something wrong with me. You can't win with these people. all I wanted was love from them. I am so tired of trying and have let them go. And working on myself now to heal

[@thecringeistoostrong]

everyone says there is something wrong with me

[@Eman-vp5wk]

Once you realize reality, you don't need therapy.

[@MichelleCollins-q3e]

I got therapy and I got out. No contact for almost 5 years

[@scapegoatsarepowerful672]

@@MichelleCollins-q3e Brace yourself when they die. You will be the villain.

[@AdamFlint-1]

An anger issue is another that can’t be talked about in a toxic family.

[@P2Psolved]

My dad was the ONLY person in our family who was allowed to express anger and you never knew when it was coming. After I moved out at 18, I was absolutely furious and didn't know why. Some who know me still say I'm an angry person. I gave my parents an 8x10 photo of myself taken by a friend and they hid it in a bottom drawer. I look so ANGRY in that picture but we never talked about it. I'm almost 70 and the scars are still highly visible though I have learned to deal with my anger.

[@11UncleBooker22]

As an adult I watched an old Mr. Rogers show. In it he said: "In a healthy family one of the first lessons a child learns is to trust." This hit me especially hard being that one of the first lessons I learned was to distrust.

[@killadjango6995]

💯💯🎯🙏🏽

[@starfoxx3398]

So True... I was thinking about this last week😂

[@nikitaw1982]

I wish there a movement telling teen boys of single mothers to get part time jobs asap. Fill afternoons and weekends with study groups team sports and part-time jobs. Mainly partime jobs if dont want to be a doctor engineer accountant. Buy ur own meat and eggs pr enough for everyone if mother keeps fridge empty. Then drop out asap and get a trade and RUN! Do night school while doing the trade to keep options open.

[@JadeCampbell40]

Wow same here. I looked watching Mr. Rogers and Mr. Dress up growing up. I learned many life lessons. I learned early on how toxic my family was as an only child and family Scapegoat. I severed ties with them completely years ago and it was the best gift ever to myself and the planet. Peace Balance and Healing is the best gift to yourself and are a part of self-care & self-love 💙💡

[@killadjango6995]

@@JadeCampbell40 bingo!🙏🏽💜

[@SEABIRDSYMPHONY]

Narcissistic family members punish the truth-teller no matter if there's contact or no contact.

[@RicardoSantos-oz3uj]

The same is truth for any human organization. Specially corporations.

[@BMack-p9s]

Yup, I am blamed there or not, but I realised the only way is to go no contact, because I can not be blamed for the new or the next drama if I am not there. I am simply blamed for what happened now and that is all. I like the peace in my life now.

[@anrinel4226]

The difficult part is not to have contact with any of the flying monkeys or useful idiots. Ne can't have a relationship with any of their contacts either.

[@theduallanguagechannel]

Preach it Backstabbing deluxe

[@Eman-vp5wk]

They're only hurting themselves

[@bethharvey5170]

Gas lighting is the number one sign of a toxic family - when you’re hated for telling the truth you need to create space, learn healthy detachment, or sometimes cut off all contact.

[@ruthchukwu9083]

I agree..you matter

[@nickadams1519]

Very well said @Beth

[@VuokkoRusso-oe9fz]

For you to be selected as a scapegoat is a sign that the family unconsciously selects you due to the fact that YOU ARE THE HEALTHIEST

[@justrosie9347]

When a toxic family system with a Head Narcissist turns on you for pointing out the Emperor has no clothes, they will LITERALLY try to kill and destroy you!! I went through decades of being hunted, shunned, gaslit, treated as if I never existed etc. But I came out on the other side! THANK God! He strengthened me, protected me and ultimately healed me! It was worth every minute of pain and trauma to overcome and PERSEVERE!! GREAT teaching!! THANK you!! 🙌♥️

[@hardrays]

my aunt told me in a veiled threat that my adoptive father's grandfather died incarcerated for murder and that i shouldn't push it mister.

[@janicebillington1640]

​@@hardrayssome people just shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children.

[@genniferpaulgomez3028]

In my opinion, toxic family members are dealing with their inner demons, & toxicity spreads like a pandemic.

[@jadedempath7453]

The fact that we have to emphasize "literally" when speaking about our families trying to kill and destroy us is down right sad. 😢I am SO sorry you had to endure everything you did. My family also tried to kill me, (literally) destroy me (literally). They tried to make me kill or destroy myself, literally, tried to push me into a psychotic break, & tried to convince my husband to involuntarily admit me into a psychiatric hospital, that "I wouldn't be able to check myself out of". But all was ok, because my mom and sister would move my sister and her two children into MY HOME and she would do "all of my motherly and wifely duties" and "take care of my husband, children , and home as if they were her own" 😳😡🤯 they tried to pull this after 28 years of me being the scapegoat, Blackshear, truth teller, & outcast of the family because I wouldn't take part in their witchcraft, which had been passed down for centuries thru the women in that family. God saw me through all of that, and broke every curse they tried to place upon me and my family. I am no longer any part of my parents family. I excommunicated myself and have been living happily ever after ever sense then. My husband and I have created a new bloodline, generation 0, and an entirely new family. Im so glad to see someone else made it out of the struggle as well. May God continue to bless you

[@justrosie9347]

@@jadedempath7453 Wow!! Unbelievable!! You are right, the fact that we have to qualify our experience with "literally" is something "normal" people with healthy families don't understand. Another thing I was thinking while reading your story is that the things that happen in a Narcissistic family are so over the top and crazy abusive most people wouldn't even believe it. That's something I have dealt with in my family. My father is a minister and he is a good man but one that let my Narcissistic mother run everything and decide who was right/wrong, good/bad, deserving/undeserving. She became god in our family to a great degree. Being the pastor's wife gave her even more power. If I ever dared to tell people, especially those in the congregation, who would believe it. She was a Bible teacher, beautiful and charming. The relationship between my parents, though my Mom died of cancer almost ten years ago, reminds me of the biblical story of Jezebel and Ahab. The Narcissistic spirit is demonic. SO THANKFUL you stood against that evil and you and your husband found your new life. God BLESS you in ALL ways!!! 🙏♥️🙌

[@laraoneal7284]

I’m the scapegoat in my family of origin. I went no contact over 20 years ago. Something I had to do to survive. We are the smart ones with high emotional intelligence. Our families of origin have a murderous spirit. I also was always the truth teller. We destabilize the homeostasis of our families. So be it. SELF AWARENESS and exposing the truth IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

[@ginalight-x8d]

I went no contact four years ago. Sometimes I think I'm mean, then I remember how they treated me.

[@jasminlewis9845]

Say that! It takes courage every day.

[@lexielexie8819]

Can you tell me how you were able to do it because I am still dealing with Guilt and it’s only been a few weeks but these people have hurt me my mom and dad abuse me physically emotionally psychologically every single type of way, and now at age 29 my family doesn’t care about me at all. Nothing ever got better nothing ever changes I am just the one that everyone calls for help and uses as a scapegoat.

[@thomashocker2792]

Murderous Spirit is how my brother explained himself. I went no contact.

[@ChannelZero1031]

Babe same here. 41 and counting.

[@gypsysundrop]

I’ve gone no contact with my blood family for good reason. I didn’t realize how toxic my family and childhood was. To me it was normal and recently it’s been brought to my attention that what I went through was not at all normal. I wasn’t an easy pushover but I was the smallest and I wanted to keep the peace. I became a people pleaser. I’ve grown so much though. Becoming the best version of myself, standing up for myself and not accepting the crap they were trying to deal me. The sisters tried to weasel their way back into my life recently but fool me twice/ thrice shame on me! Never again!! Get behind me Satan!! I’ve got myself and my children to protect. Evil pure evil are those blood sisters. My life has drastically improved since finding my strength and voice.

[@caroleyre9144]

With me it’s my blood Mother Step Father (he’s not so bad just they get too drunk…I always had to clean up his sick and blood whilst she laid in her bed nursing her hangover) . Now it’s also two younger step cousins …toxic in drink n drugs …have joined in. I can’t believe they could just turn on me…the one wha was always running down there to help them all. Lol well NOT anymore lol.

[@darlenealessio7609]

I had a therapist suggest that to me many years ago I was seeing for over a year when one parent and sibling began seeing the therapist also. I thought it strange at first my parent I took on diff days than myself Then one day I'm told I'm going with your sibling mmmmm I thought this will be good for me, the therapist would detail now and then how very much she would like to meet my dad but parent and sibling said he retorted a resounding no. Oh how I wish he had gone. I think a lot of validation may have come my way. After the therapist was seeing both oddly at the same time I thought rather strange, one day I was really letting out some issues the therapist leaned in, in a soft voice over recording device, she said, it's not all too often I do this, but I've heard enough to feel this advice needs to be said. Move create distance get away. You'll be better for it. How I look back n wonder if I had listened.

[@jimthomas1989]

@@darlenealessio7609 , Therapist ? I dished out my own personal Therapy ! Didn't cost a dime , and it was very enjoyable for ME ! And one time is all it took although I'm kinda sad I didn't do it sooner and multiple times !

[@RuthieGuten]

OMG, you just wrote my story.

[@amandamerrill1306]

Me too. Gone thru similar for 50 years, step mum, the old Cinderella story!😢

[@danielspencer3270]

She just described the last 5 years of my life more accurately than I did. It's like these narcs are all controlled by the same demon.

[@KatI422-r3m]

Actually you are correct. It is referred to as a “familiar” spirit. It knows your family history back generations and has to keep chaos and confusion going using trauma. The so-called Scapegoat is the one wired by God to hear God’s voice and deeply feel (sensitive) to movements of God and what He’d like to do within a family which is the complete opposite to what the demonic realm wants to accomplish. See John 10:10 in the Bible. So, you are forever a Truth Teller. Saying things we might not even fully understand where the wiring in us comes from even if what is ingrained us and compels us to do so. That truth CUTS like a machete and these folks cannot take it. Their pride prevents them from humbling themselves so they attack the messenger.

[@chainsawbetty]

😲 WOW! You explained me and my family situation to a tee. I am the scapegoat (was) and the only one with the Holy Spirit in my family @@KatI422-r3m 🙏 God bless you! I don't feel like I'm alone anymore when people understand!

[@chainsawbetty]

@@KatI422-r3m I also want to add that I never understood how in the world my whole family could all treat me the same way and look at me in disgust and always talk about the past and never want to talk about the truth when I was trying to mend issues. They all looked at me the same way. This clears up so much for me, thank you. It's demons working overtime. I rebuke them in Jesus name! 🙏✝

[@robinbranco437]

That demon is greed in my family 😔

[@conniejarrett3997]

The way my toxic family punished me for going no contact was by doing nothing. They carried on as if nothing had happened. The first time I didn't acknowledge Mother's Day, that was a day of deep grief for me. I'll bet it was more painful for me than for my mother. The time went by and there were no phone calls asking if I was okay. No one said anything. No one acknowledged it. No one asked if I was all right. I definitely wasn't. Doing better now.

[@roxanneroxanne3232]

Same here, but just know that the stinging in your heart will lesson as you continue to live, love and laugh while you stick to your boundaries.

[@niennasaralonde7471]

What you wrote deeply touched me. I appreciate your sharing. You are very strong. All the best for you ❤

[@lisabeck2680]

@@balilanile469 just moved to another state after being in "hell" for 23 years in my hometown. I'm meeting new people, promised myself to not say no to any invite for 6 months, and it's actually lightening my load. A change of scenery is good for the soul. I'm feeling like my tribe might be here, for the grace of my god of the universe.

[@markthorne5025]

Same here they completely ignore me till Farthers day ,then it's down to me and my wife to put it right even thou we were the ones who suffered toxic abuse. Gone no contact you have to protect your mental health.

[@Indigobaby1111]

I ran away from home when my parents wre violently fighting and it was jarring the fact that no one called me to see if I was okay...

[@JanetSnakehole28]

My 'aha!' moment was when I was watching Leah Remini's series on leaving Scientology & I was like 'wait a minute, a lot of this sounds like my family'. That's basically what we're dealing with - a mini cult. As with cult escapees, we have to be smeared & discredited in order to keep everyone under the delusional fog. No contact works. It's tough & you must find support, but I assure you your only regret will be that you didn't do it sooner.

[@justrosie9347]

Wow! So true and a great comparison to what their punishment and isolation is like.

[@life-is-recovery]

Amen to that. I tried low-contact, and even a brief no-contact period, before going fully no-contact in 2017. It's extremely difficult, but also the best thing I may ever do for myself.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Well said, my hair grew back after I dumped my toxic family. My goal? PEACE!!!!

[@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485]

Never thought of it that way but this was a good and true observation

[@Lady_V_C]

so true! I always felt like I was raised in a cult, because of so many similarities & isolation & no skills for the world outside

[@simeonsamuel8495]

A hundred percent...Family can be your worse enemy not your first friend and guardian.Dont feel guilty ejecting them..

[@alexsandrarokas7117]

Sometimes you can pick a family from a hat. A family can be overrated. Find someone who has a relatively sane family. Maybe you could create your own.

[@annorr11]

You just wanted a loving family. It’s so hard to let go of what you never had. But it feels so good to feel again. When you walk away from them you begin the journey back to yourself.

[@00M13-m9f]

Thanks for speaking out loud what I have not yet. I enjoy learning more words and phrases to describe past experiences, learning more language really helps to process this stuff

[@ingodsgoodness2160]

Yes, so true. Walking away from my toxic family was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

[@nl7504]

All my life I considered myself the black sheep. The reality, I was surrounded by toxic narcissists. I am loving, empathetic, kind, and giving. All makes so much sense. Sadly, I learned I have a narcissistic mother at age 64. They deny, blame, judge, criticize, etc

[@KingbullRenée]

My doc said that I was a white sheep in a black sheep family. 🎯

[@catedi3679]

Iam similiar , what a nightmare , mom past away few yr ago, Sister got angry when I entered into cognitive therapy. She n I are no contact dor 14 Years now. My/ the Traits of Kindness empathy than n now are a curse . Bottom line.

[@annalisavajda252]

Well I think loving kind people attract narcissists because they perceive kindness as weakness and they are selfish so need giving types to enable them. They do accuse others of being like them though they probably think everyone is like them just like good people think other people are good they project assumptions but sometimes are very wrong. I don't think it matters though because even if you were a confident successful intelligent person they can just ruin your life and self esteem completely anyway the damage can be done in reality so your former reality or identity or life is just stolen from you and you are called a liar because people don't always care about truth or virtue or resent those that have it because they do not.

[@Shenanigans_Afoot]

Or they call you fake because you cannot have empathy for them. Really you’ve just shut the emotions off when it comes to THEM, not others outside the toxic family.

[@Tictac_Tactic]

Better late than never, dear. Sending love and peace. ❤

[@janeraymond1799]

I was an only child so I bore the brunt of all of this. My Mother was narcissistic and my Dad was the silent partner. I was always made to feel bad about myself. If I cried, they called me a crybaby. I was not allowed to be myself. I am 67 now and I have taken back my power. My parents are both gone and no one will ever get away with treating me badly ever again!

[@ClareLawrence]

If I cried I was told il give you something to cry about. So I cried on my own never showing weakness in front of anyone.

[@robbiet8583]

Yeah. It’s as if you hide all the pain they have caused you FROM THEM. They need to see it, but we are too strong to let that happen. It is strength but fragility underneath

[@blackpillfitness9136]

That is so sad, ma'am. To only be truly free once your parents, who are supposed to be the two closest people in your life, are passed away. I am kind of in the same boat. I love my dad. But i have to be far away from him where he cant manipulate me to really feel any sort of good at all. I am extremely sensitive to narcissistic personalities but to have one in my family is really tough on me. Usually i can just walk away from someone and never have to encounter them again. But my dad, who i love, will always be in my life unless i just leave. Its tearing me apart inside because i really just want to have a tight knit family.

[@bbdn5123]

​@@blackpillfitness9136 💗 Your last sentence... I wanna say so much and yet I have no idea what to say, there are no "out loud words", just the feels which won't seem to convert into real sentences. I have no contact at this point in time with "family". My hope and desire for having that loving warm peaceful tight knit family has been shattered over and over, I'm really exhausted now. I feel like I'm being punished at times, then I switch unto thinking I'm blessed and then another switch is I'll accept to stay alone forever. This must be from trauma and devil whispers to isolate. Praying and asking for guidance, healing, clarity, self forgiveness and acceptance. Trying to pause, taking self seriously and working on health to recover. May we all be righteously and truthfully guided by the Light, may our Protector shield us against the evil wickedness that's surrounding us and within ourselves, may we be healed and blessed on our journey by the Knower of all the hearts, ameen. Take care ☝🏽🌌💖💫

[@unf572]

Yes I know that silent weak father whos just a dud, doesn't say nothing!?!!!!

[@joynigro4999]

I was 40 years old when I stood up to my Mother. I told her she was an abusive women. She hung up the phone and never spoke to me again that was 2008.She had my brothers attack me. (both ministers) It was the most hurtful and also the best thing for me.... Everything you are saying is what God taught me.

[@CurlyCuez]

I’m sorry that happened to you 😢

[@journeymann]

Yeah it’s hard to acknowledge that something Is wrong especially within a religious family. So much manipulation. Just disgraceful. And they actually believe they are ‘right’ for treating you this way.

[@ec1222]

@@journeymannyeah my narcissistic family was a ministers family too, I still love God but man did I have to unpick years and years of spiritual abuse and misrepresentation of Gods character. Despicable to poison the very place that abused people might want to turn and run (their God) for the sake of evil ego and selfish desires.

[@ashleyslawson2732]

​@@ec1222Thank God you stuck with it and can be a witness and help for others who are going through it too!!! God bless you! ❤

[@mememan2344]

AMEN. Same here in my "family". And now that I know what I know about God, I know they went straight down after death. Good. They didn't get away with it, even though I had to get the truth when they were already dead. They never admitted or repented, but they preached about it all the time. Hypocrites.

[@kathyharmon2093]

Most accurate I’ve ever heard, at 32 told my mother that my older cousin had molested me when I was 9, she and my dad immediately planned a trip to visit him, came back telling everyone what a wonderful man he was etc etc, and while they were visiting him they gave him a family heirloom that should’ve gone to one of us ( 3 kid’s in our family) I did everything in the world to gain acceptance from my mother ( the narcissist) always believing there was something wrong with me, at 60 years old I finally went no contact (I am 66 she is 92 and still causing problems for others and has tried her best to continue causing problems for me , no contact for over 5 years and it’s the most peace I’ve ever had in my life, my younger brother still tries to “ twist my arm “ to “ make peace with her because she’s old” I forgave her but I’m not signing up for more.

[@katierucker2870]

So, according to your brother, you have to make peace with your mom who is unwilling to make peace with you? That’s insane. No way. And good for you to stick to your guns.

[@JF32304]

Stay strong! Zero engagement.

[@gregorysanchez7367]

Married into a toxic family. You are spot on! Good riddance. I worked as a correctional officer for over a quarter century in a closed security state prison. That was a cake walk compared to dealing with those people. I'm not exaggerating this point.

[@theduallanguagechannel]

I believe that was the understatement of the century the way you put it.

[@box2519]

I had to invent for myself the In- Laws divorce. You keep the wife but you no longer have both of you in contact with the arrogant alcoholic far left . No more visits no more get togethers no more hell they shoveled at me for decades. After awhile a good marriage together works best away from all sides of the in-laws pandamonium and you escape happily ever after about 1000 miles away or farther. Out price their time and budgets is an excellent strategy to get away from toxic groups period.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

You truly deserve a golden medal….. I hereby give you one!🥇

[@stephanywelch9661]

👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

[@Dani-ICU-RN]

My husband & dad Died last week. I was Married 24 years...his father was in town..NEVER CAME BY TO hug his grand children, or at least say hello. Hasn't seen my husband OR us in 5 years( but is down here often to visit MY"SIL",)& dog sit😅 ).. lives only 4 hrs away. Didn't want to help his son while he was alive, but he now wants his ashes.. Dysfunction junction. My dad was more of a DOT to him in the last 20 years than his father has ever been. Not a card on the kids birthdays nothing they act like nothing is wrong and everything is okay cuz my sister-in-law is The Golden Child

[@alextownsend6662]

“You’re sooooo sensitive, sooo immature” what I heard as a five year old when I became upset with my siblings (older by 7 and 5 years) who mocked me relentlessly 🤔 things never changed

[@fifthwallradio5477]

Wow same

[@lunablue7984]

I feel u 💔 sending Love from Germany 🙏 maybe you can raise a Family yourself one day and experience the Love you deserve❤ all the best

[@musicandpoetry_8]

A sibling who is 7 years older than you is almost like an adult bullying you and then the gaslighting, my brother who is 8 years older did the same..I always had to take his bullying and then the gaslighting right after

[@musicandpoetry_8]

Sorry to comment again but they will never come around to respecting you..they’re set in their ways..distancing or cutting off is the only solution

[@mayabrooks7900]

Oh noooo.....I'm so sorry!😮☹️

[@mariafarley7602]

You 100% described my entire family. Walking away was the best thing I have ever done. Incredibly difficult but so worth it.

[@cheriecallettaatcomcast4590]

I got away and stayed away for 25 years. Those were the best years of my life. (I'm 65 today).

[@jenniferburton7044]

@@cheriecallettaatcomcast4590What made you come back

[@Stiletto2016]

Me too.

[@sheshlane]

Me three.

[@gavegas7043]

They accuse me of "stirring the pot" because I stand up for whats right and don't cosign the 💩 by watering it down or keeping their secrets. This answers so many questions in my mind and has helped me tremendously on my recovery journey. Sharing with everyone else I know who needs this. Thank you 😊

[@rebareyes6595]

Yeah I'm always stirring the pot. Every so often I go out on a boat and tip it over to see who can swim. Screw rocking the boat.

[@atedinahalf6288]

Okay, calm it down. Quit stirring the pot.

[@atedinahalf6288]

​@@rebareyes6595I stir the pot

[@RachelDaveiga]

I know exactly how you feel

[@mariahconklin4150]

Right? They probably talk behind your back to like mine when I don’t show up to family events 😂 I’m so over family events. Stirring the pot I’ve gotten to especially when my grandma tries to manipulate so I stir the pot 😂

[@writer1986]

Such a great, true topic, Lisa. My husband and I both come from toxic homes, and we were both the scapegoats/neglected ones. My mother ruled the home and forced everyone to live by her rules (my dad was an enabler); my husband's brother ruled the home, and because he was the golden child, their parents let him have his way. To this day, both our families sweep everything under the rug (ie. My only brother committed suicide, but my parents do not talk about him; My husband and his brother have no relationship, but we have to attend every birthday, unbirthday, random dinners, etc. together) We've now become estranged from family and focus on our little family instead.

[@beadingbelle3486]

You've just described my own life situation, except most of them have now died - only my 98yr old father is still alive (still controlling as ever, & everyone thinks he's marellous but that's because they don't know of his violent past), & so is my husband's brother (who himself developed into a narcissist as he believed every word that that came out of his mother's lying, all-controlling mouth). Just because they've passed on doesn't make the fallout they left behind any easier to deal with, but it does mean there is not so much on-going present occurring rubbish to deal with, so at least that's something. I sometimes marvel at how i'm still here after all that i went through & how sick i got because of it, & some days the weight of it bears down heavy, but the cptsd symptoms are slowly getting less & getting easier to deal with, thanks to sites like this one. It's hard when it's ypur own family doing it to you - those who are closest to you & who are supposed to love & nurture you & have your best interests at heart. Harder still to know you're the only one in both famies who is telling the truth. But hardest of all is realising that you will never get any of them to see the truth & that the only thing you can do is walk away & leave them all to their vile form of madness.

[@luciatat4084]

Wow, so similar to my story! I understand what you are going through!

[@ladymarrero617]

Same here

[@Stardustpal25]

Omg. You and your husband deserve Peace. 🪷🌟🙏🕊️

[@EastCoastGal66]

We are called to live in peace! You may the right choice.

[@childoftheking1960]

My oldest sister and I had a falling out (years ago) and neither my brother nor my mother had the guts to stand up and say, this is wrong. They were too afraid of her. So they left me to hang all by myself. It was extremely painful. As a result I did not speak w any of my family for years. When my sister’s only child got to be a teenager, she gave her mom (my sister) a run for her money. My sister reached out to me then because I, too, am a mom. She needed my emotional support at that time. She admitted she was wrong and apologized, and I accepted her apology. I missed my family, but to this day, I still prefer to keep my distance. I don’t share things, even simple things, because somehow it is used as a weapon against me. It amazes me how this is done. I love my family, but honestly, I don’t like them and I surely do not trust them. One is narcissistic and the other two cow tow to her whims. I am Always the loner, left to Deal with the emotional garbage, I mean, baggage that comes with being a member of my family. This stress has affected my physical health. I see my family is toxic and despite my love for them, I don’t like them because they make me hurt. I pray for them, and do my best to keep my distance.

[@jamesrutter4100]

Stop kidding yourself it will bite you : if your subconscious tells you not to trust, and you KNOW you don't like them WHY WOULD YOU TRUST THEM TO STAND WITH YOU ON anything

[@childoftheking1960]

@@jamesrutter4100 I don’t trust them. That is my point. I keep my distance. I don’t expect any kind of support from them. I pray for them, but I understand my relationship with them will always be superficial at best because I will not open myself up to them ever again.

[@i.m.watching5536]

​@Child of the King I know what you mean. God bless you.

[@alpal87]

I am so sorry. The same exact thing happened to me. Surrendering to God and realizing He removed them from your life for a reason has helped me. Fortunately my parents looked in the mirror and apologized but I refer to the rest of the individuals in my direct family as my parents children. I’m an only child.

[@kerripendragon4888]

Have nothing to do with them.

[@MendeMaria-ej8bf]

If you grew up in a dysfunctional, toxic family, that's a lifelong pain.

[@P2Psolved]

70 and still tortured by it. I've had years of therapy but it can't undo the put-downs, the beatings, the neglect.

[@MendeMaria-ej8bf]

@@P2Psolved I understand and have empathy. My conclusion: Having children means great responsibility and public education should raise the awareness of it. Improvement of social systems could also be game changing.

[@pantherzzz111]

@@MendeMaria-ej8bf I agree fully, realising their the ones with the mental health problems takes the pressure off to some degree.

[@justinpike7795]

This is the best video I’ve ever seen describing my family dynamic and having a narcissistic criminal for a dad. So well articulated and you found the words to describe exactly how I feel. Thank you so much!

[@moonchildpink5525]

Agree 💯, except for me it was a brother who had not been part of the Family for years but came around with his partner when my Mom became a Widow for the second time. What Lisa described is exactly to a tee that happened to me. After 6 yrs of no contact & grey rock, I had to see them. I am healed(forgave but have not forgot) & it's amazing seeing the "dynamics" with a new set of eyes. I catch everything & face it politely head on. Amazing how caught up one can get when a part of the toxic unit. No one could possibly understand unless they've experienced it themselves! Lisa Romano is absolutely brilliant & extremely knowledgeable on the subject. Best wishes to you in your healing journey.

[@lorireed8046]

Sometimes people just need to be told their feelings and opinions matter zero in many aspects.

[@TheForestCrone]

Yep. I was the family truth teller, from the time I was 8. I told who the child molesters were, who the liars were, who the abusers were, who the narcissists were and worked incredibly hard to overcome all the generational trauma that nearly every person in my extended family suffered with. I was dedicated to not passing on to the next generation the trauma that had been inflicted upon me. In return, I was called every name in the book, was talked about in an awful way and the blame was placed on me for not being religious, and as a child I was told I deserved molestation, abuse, rape and neglect because I was manipulative. People stopped talking to me and one aunt even wrote me a letter, explaining that she was going no contact with me because I was so weird about "sex stuff." The sex stuff I had exposed? That a family member was molesting children and another was videotaping women in the bathroom. Instead of, "hey thanks for warning us" it was "You're so weird about sex stuff so I can't talk to you." Seriously, if your family is THIS TOXIC, get out. Go no contact. There isn't a single redeeming quality in this type of family and that urge to maintain those relationships will only bring more heartbreak, pain and suffering. Don't expose your kids to them. Don't believe they're going to change. If they change, that'll be proven over time and you can reconsider. But it's not worth it. I've had years of therapy and certainly face more in an effort to unwind the conditioned thinking and toxic environment that I grew up in. It's too bad that family members would rather not face the truth than go through the work of personal growth, but that's most people if we're honest about it.

[@anaficionadoofmentalbreakdowns]

A narcissistic father huh? Well, I have both. Remember, to overcome difficult obstacles and personal traumas in one's own life makes the individual stronger. Tread lightly out there.

[@Janalyn1212]

In one thing people do not understand oh, it's just because they have good jobs and they're educated does not mean they are not toxic as a matter of fact that could make them even worse and that's my family. That's why I cut them all off. The last sister I was talkin to who is closer to my age than the others are, have stopped talking to me. To me, she's with them even though in a different state. So I no longer associate with them. 62 and nothing ever changed with them concerning me. This video is just about 100% correct of who they are oh, I can see it and I'm glad there's a name to this. Because even though no one may believe anything I would ever say about them, at least I have a true name to this can I have God and that's about all that matters to me.

[@judiezell4306]

I'm the TruthTeller in my Narcissist Family. They hated it whenever I did this. Too bad! Lol 🤣 I paid for this big time! I went No Contact and it drove them crazy! Too bad I married another Narcissist. And a 2nd one. Thanks Lisa! You're teaching me a lot about the dynamics of an Abusive Family and Relationships. No one ever helped me but I'm the last one standing. God bless you! ❤😂 Definitely my story.

[@Mindy-r2s]

Narcissistic Mother, Alcoholic father. I was the only one who held my mother accountable for her part. She wanted to play martyr but she did nothing but spit out kids and complain that she couldn't wait to get to work to get away from us. I was the eldest daughter so got the worst. I also married Narc #1 husband and Narc #2 husband. I was so careful with Narc#2 but he was a covert narc and I never saw it coming.

[@matilda4406]

"no one ever helped me but I'm the last one standing" It's amazing what eventuates... God bless you too Judi, wow! just wow! I don't know why the SG's are so strong. Must be holy spirit, the most powerful force for the truth.

[@kimgordon3695]

Remember the story ends with TRUTH

[@kimgordon3695]

💞

[@judiezell4306]

@@matilda4406 God bless you! Your comment was truly appreciated 😀 💯

[@svanduyne22]

At 60, after 40yrs of calling them out and hoping they’d change, I finally was “victimized” by all of them at once so I had no one to turn to within the family. As painful as that was, I realized it was God allowing me to see the totality of the toxicity so I could remove myself entirely. I still struggle with the loss, six months later, but only because of extended family being recruited as flying monkeys. The loss keeps expanding. I needed to see how sick it was ALL AT ONCE and I’m grateful to finally see how I was allowing myself to be victimized. That’s the last piece I needed.

[@My2up2downCastle]

I hear you 100% ❤🌹

[@mmp495]

❤

[@theduallanguagechannel]

There’s freedom in the release. It only hurts you because you don’t understand because you would never do anything they’ve done to you. I’m sorry but I pray G-d give you the company and family you deserve.

[@theduallanguagechannel]

I have seen God literally have strangers emerge out of nowhere to become family to one of my best friends who this happened to. She is a 65 year young music teacher who is single and no children, never married, and two male engineers and musicians without a family of their own took her in and now they’re family to each other. They literally cut her yard, take her to the doctor, care for her pet when she’s in surgery. They take her to dinner every night. They even bicker sometimes. One recently had a house fire so he’s renting a room from her. I’m her best friend and she had to move 5 hours away from me to care for her 90 year old dad. I was so worried about her being attacked and swarmed by her treacherous siblings. Her siblings tried but those men weren’t having it. The siblings eventually isolated her instead of actively attacking her. They would literally complain because of her two protectors. These men were God appointed and they helped her with her dad till the end. Now they all care for each other. I’m in my 40s married with a son and I was scared for her. Shoot! God gave her a sweet little set up better than I could ever have provided. It’s truly miraculous. I pray that for you or better!!!!!!

[@lunablue7984]

I feel u, sweet regards from Germany ❤💪

[@elizabetho5810]

This is so accurate. I am the pattern changer. I have walked away from my mother’s family entirely. Most of my dad’s family are still keeping the quiet status quo. It has taken me decades. But I’ve done the work. I feel peaceful, knowing that I understand the narcissist game.

[@mariahconklin4150]

My family still wants to pretend as though everything’s perfect even though theirs this huge secret in my family. I finally told the truth and they just stopped talking to me and me them. I’m over it.

[@MrCardinal1965]

At times it’s best not to ‘want’ anything from anyone, as that ‘want’ is often exploited and used against you.

[@GatheringBitByBit]

Just taking up for what is rightfully yours can bring narcissists to declare war on you.

[@GatheringBitByBit]

Why would anyone do that ? It’s just giving in to narcissism.

[@MrCardinal1965]

@@GatheringBitByBit Not necessarily, it’s self protection. If you know you have a proclivity to attract these people then unless you have raised your level of self awareness as to what your own unmet needs are, then you may be giving off unintended signals that make one an easy mark. I know that showing vulnerability is the way humans build relationships, but there are people out there who study others for their own benefit and will exploit those said vulnerabilities with no conscience. From a personal perspective it is the approach I’ve taken (being hyper self-reliant), all of my relationships now are those that have been tested in fire where you really get to see who a person is and whether they’re a keeper.

[@MrCardinal1965]

Absolutely, I took a personality test to find I was off the scale in trait Concienciousness and Agreeableness. Hence, I was off the scale to please people and would go above and beyond to try to be loved by giving. Naturally people wanted to keep me around having figured out what I wanted and what they were going to get from me. Expensive doesn’t even cover it. You end up like a gambler in a casino playing ‘sunk cost’, I.e. I’ve invested so much, so if I I try harder/give more they’ll see how devoted I am to them. The trouble is they already had me figured out and continued to dangle the carrot that I was never going to get. Having been severely burned by people like you, I now test ‘all’ relationships in fire and have learned to be comfortable in my own company. If I get a bad vibe I walk.

[@schanychamemphis1327]

I am across the country to go to my nephew's wedding. I came with an open heart, no expectations and I plan on having a lovely time. I will be seeing family members who I have not seen in years. I am one of a very large family. Everyone is grown and has grown kids. These kids adored hanging out with me. Their mother at a certain point kept them away. I am praying for strength that no matter what comes my way that I can handle it with grace and not get hurt feelings. I watched this video to give me strength. To all the other truth tellers and scapegoats- will you send good vibes my way? I really want to enjoy this occasion and not let the mean people hurt me. Thanks folks!

[@schanychamemphis1327]

@@Anna-yb4yr thank you. Last night was good. Today is the wedding. I am proud of how I maintained my dignity last night at rehersal. Thanks, folks for the support.

[@elizabethconnolly3260]

How did the wedding go? I think you were so brave to go!

[@schanychamemphis1327]

@@elizabethconnolly3260 I just did a whole response and somehow deleted it. Thank you so much for asking. I had a great time all weekend. I saw my sister and her husband and just thought -we are both here, I'm not going to be an idiot. I said hello to them both and were able to have conversations throughout the weekend. Yeah, they never asked a thing about my life, what's happening etc, but they never did. Then the end of evening of the reception my sister tried gettting me to leave when they were leaving. I almost went for it! But, just in the nick of time I realized I was having fun and wanted to stay.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Have FUN!! You got this, we are with you in spirit!!

[@schanychamemphis1327]

@@Anna-yb4yr thank you 💕

[@lindagoldthorpe2112]

Keep talking, you've helped me for years. The LAST time my dad tried to kill me was summer, 2022. He's 85. God knows what we go through, and he sent the cavalry to expose my dad. I'm 63, and finally life is opening up. God bless you.

[@katiewarren443]

My goodness 😳 Sending you ❤️

[@joykraft1175]

I'm sorry 😞

[@Stardustpal25]

Hey! You Rock!!🌟🌹

[@EastCoastGal66]

✝️🙏❤️ Jesus is right by your side!

[@hollylewis5302]

❤

[@georgemallory797]

I was the family scapegoat and started biting back in the last decade. I got rid of my mother my father and both siblings simply by letting them know I'm going to be talking the truth and I don't care who it offends. Mission accomplished.

[@naz-nazneen886]

There will come a time where you FINALLY get the strength to go no contact & do it. There will come a time, where you will be standing alone. Because your spouse, family & friends will get tired of hearing you repeat your trauma. They won't want to hear another story about what the toxic/narc family member said or did to you. Learn to heal yourself within, by watching videos like this. Remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are MANY people with similar experiences. You just have to not fear admitting it, facing it and doing something about it. Don't fear reaching out for counseling or joining groups. It starts with YOU. And YOU matter.

[@niccintahoe]

At 11, I had to go in front of the court in a custody battle. I put my hand on the Bible and swore to tell the truth. When I did (& denied my mother’s coaching), she took me to the car afterwards, spanked me, and screamed she’d never love me like she loves the others (I am oldest of 5). To this day (40 yrs later), I cannot be anywhere near her without her attacking me. Thankfully, I live 1800+ miles away and only see her every 5 yrs or so. Telling the Truth is something I adhere to, even if it means being ‘unlovable’. Unfortunately, Society favors deception for protection. Truth is a lonely road.

[@mememan2344]

Amen. She was never your family. (KZbin has removed my comment to you about 3 times now. Evil people).

[@mariahconklin4150]

She sounds like Donna from The Bear sad

[@Dan-qt7kq]

The truth is always the best. I bet you have no problem walking past a mirror and smile and you see that person smiling back.

[@annfaherty1650]

That is so true i have been through all this

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

Keep your distance. The abuse gets worse. They plan and plot and enlist their toxic relatives and toxic friends of ftirnds yo harm you in fvefy wsy they can. Of course they will lie in court and commit fraud and murder.

[@Michelle7.17]

I’ve experienced all of this, and I’ve gone no contact with all of my toxic family members. This is the happiest and most secure that I have ever been in my 52 years on earth. I become happier and more secure in who I am every single day. ❤

[@gavegas7043]

Me too. 65 years old and Happier than ever!!

[@sitori2509]

Congratulations! I am almost there. Shopping for a home out of state to make a clean and vast break. It's so strange how my narc older brother & sister still manage to reel me in a bit & consider if it's possible to have a "friendly" relationship with them. No no no. That shoe or better yet hammer always drops. Plus all the insidious little daggers that are delivered so seemingly innocently. I'm too trusting for this. I'm tough but not wired for this BS. Time to cut and run,!

[@TheBikim]

Trying to... just broke out last month! 53 here

[@ad.b9724]

Me too.. 52 also.. . life began at 50 with '2020' vision.. Its weird, its not what we envige will happen but if I hadn't blown the bridge up I would never have been safe..

[@anneporter123]

This is so spot on. I wish I had this for back-up 60 years ago. One time when I was 15 my mother told my two married sisters that I was a junkie. None of them even questioned, "where the hell would she get heroin?" They just looked at me, a healthy athlete and believed I was a junkie. None of them were ever in the shape I was in. Complete Twilight Zone.

[@caroleyre9144]

My Mum told me when I was 15 that my Nana had been raped by a Madman. Caused me years of Turmoil. She was and is a LIAR. and she’s also very two faced but then you see her up their arses lol…my real Dad told me it was rubbish many years later. She was jealous bcs my Grandparents loved me…her little sister had died early so I kept them going…she didn’t even want me…she was only 18 …told me so every day in her drunken stupor and snarling.

[@jenniferburton7044]

No one believed me at NINE years old that my father was molesting me. They all brushed it under the rug. My narc brother loves bringing up the abuse at random times just to hurt me more. No contact is the only thing that helped me reubuild. I’m thriving and flourishing without them 💕 and slowly healing

[@lucylou111]

Sending you so much love ❤

[@barbarahanly4257]

Good for you ❤️ wishing you a peace and love filled life xxxx

[@MegaBrousseau]

My heart goes out to you, dear lady. When I witnessed my son-in-law (who was so stoned he didn't care who saw) blatantly sexually molesting my 8 year old granddaughter on the sidelines at a soccer tournament, BOTH my daughters sitting on the bleachers next to me, feigned oblivion! My son-in-law made the case that gramma is senile and THINKS she see things and overreacts. I'd been observing his 'grooming' of my granddaughter for years (i.e. child porn)! Cowards that they are, my own daughters sided with him. My grandkids have been coached that gramma is crazy. The pain of betrayal and the smear campaign launched against me has been devastating. After following Lisa Romano's brilliant podcasts, her healing guidance to go 'no contact' with all of them saved me. Luckily, they all live on opposite coasts of the country--far, far away! 🙂 I have 0 family, but I have peace. I'm creating a new, respectful, loyal family in my community, have taken up watercolor painting, and ride my e-bike! Smear campaign? No contact is worth it!

[@carmenpolat2025]

My brother raped me as a child. Now in my 30’s, I started having some GI bleeding a few years ago. My brother’s response to this was to say to tell my husband to stop f_cling me in the *ss. I haven’t spoken to him since. The abuse never ends! The only way to protect yourself, is to get away from it, and cut contact. Sending love. 💕

[@jenniferburton7044]

@@carmenpolat2025 I’m literally bawling my eyes out reading this

[@LivingInKerala]

Life is too short. Run for your life from these people.

[@lisaturk8587]

My entire family turned their back on me when I exposed the truth about my childhood! Im the youngest of 5 and basically I am dead to them now. It’s been so difficult...

[@falsehoodbasher7240]

I did, but they are everywhere. these people are *everywhere*

[@bccctheresa]

This is so crazy because nobody is perfect, you can't blame the parents for everything, because some of these adult children messed up their lives for their own wrong doing in life then want to blame the parents. The word of God says we reap what we sowed. Whatever we did in life we are going to pay for it. AND of course no one wants to pay SO they blame others besides themselves. Been there done that until Jesus showed me differently..❤❤

[@allynesommer9145]

Thanks because it's quite painful. Extreme sexual abuse from mother, single child, yet they all feel sorry for her, since I went no contact 3 years ago. Nobody of my extended family cares. So it's just me and my 4 children. Nobody asked why, they all believe my poor mother. I'm very invested in my healing journey and have a great mental health team.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Allyne your not alone, I decided to walk away from my family as well.

[@RICKEYDD]

SEE, I knew I wasn't crazy when I didn't talk to my family for 2 years straight I had to cut them off because they were manipulating me in a way that I was a liability. now they all hurt because I don't call them enough and want me to call them mann please... I call them once a month to only talk to them for 3 to 5 minutes then I'm OFF the phone, they so fake n phoney it's not even funny

[@luciatat4084]

You made the right decision and I hope you get to be totally healed of your trauma and live a happy beautiful life!

[@Kvinnie424]

“Breakdowns always lead to breakthroughs.”

[@raphaeldowell1]

I'm the youngest and everything in this video is factual. I've been preaching this for years about my family but they always lie and cover for each other and try to make me seem like I'm crazy.

[@dct1238]

Yup, I'm 7 of 8. 62 years of this crap.

[@hawaiigirl8089]

Omg LISA!!! You are the first person to say this!!!!! My mom was a Toxic narcissist & even my FATHER & two brothers NEVER STUCK UP FOR ME WHEN MY MOTHER WOULD PICK A FIGHT ON ME! even as a CHILD. I’d get stone walled/ silent treatment from my ENTIRE family.

[@orlyfrank1419]

same . And I was an only child.

[@davehansen6112]

I feel your pain; you are not alone, do not give up. I am so sorry.

[@Food4CriticalThought]

Toxic families also talk crazy about “others”. Letting you know from birth that you better not love, like, or be like the “others”. Anywho. I just learned that I’m the scapegoat.

[@herbalina]

That's the truth!

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Reason and season ever since I was a kid when my family would gossip about others,I would always get up and walk away. I can't stand others being talked about,especially when they aren't there to defend themselves

[@davesylvindeckerii4528]

they are snakes for real

[@SJ-km4db]

Wow!! The moment you said 'no one sticks up for you', it hit me. I am the scapegoat of my family. My older sister is narcissistic, (as well as my mother, to a degree). She will ignore me for months, turn my younger sister to side with her, and my parents always choose to 'stay out of it'. She has physically attacked me and my husband stood up for me. My parents complained and said, why did I tell him. My mother is critical of everything that pertains to me and my father never defends me. Meanwhile, my older sister is rude, abrasive, etc. towards my mother and she still keeps her in favor. My younger sister is the Golden Child and can go no wrong. Even her children are treated differently than mine. My husband has been the ONLY one that has ever stood up for me against my family. And they hate him. Even my brother in law didn't get involved when my older sister, came to my younger sister's house, while I was there, and got physical with me, didn't he defend me or even his wife for that matter, in his own house. I have done my best to try to fit into my family and please them, but it's not worth it. My husband can't figure out why and how I am so different from them.

[@kimm.5514]

I have a narcissist mother and a sociopathic sister. We grew up in the same hell.

[@janetpartyka5968]

You deserve nothing but happiness, love, and respect. Same thing happened to me. I'm so much happier now that I've chosen to stay away from my family. I don't miss them at all. You can't miss what you never had.

[@d.t.4150]

I can relate to this story so much… I’m the middle child and my older brother(the first born) is half and half and he will tell our mom the truth abt herself and my moms hates it because when he was incarcerated she tried to turn him against me after she attacked me and I defended myself! When it didn’t turn out the way she thought she lied on me to everyone and played victim as she does quite often!! My younger brother is her favorite(the golden child) and I’ve been saying this since I was a kid and she flipped it and called me jealous when in fact I was telling the truth!! I’ve went no contact… that’s the only way to have true peace!!

[@SJ-km4db]

@@d.t.4150 Ironically, my mother really wanted a boy. But ended up with all girls. Her twin sister got the boys, as well as, her brothers. Both my sisters really wanted boys, but also ended up with girls. I was the only one that ended up with a boy. I think that's why my mother detest me. She only wanted 2 and even went so far to tell me how she was disappointed that I wasn't a boy, but 'you get over it'. I don't think she ever did. By the time my younger sister was born, she said she didn't care because she didn't really want the boy to be the youngest. As if that mattered. Both of my sister's husband come from dominate male families, and still didn't work out for them. And yet, I didn't care what I had, I just wanted children, and ended up with the illusive boy no one else got. I find that karma in a way. :)

[@TheBikim]

Get out! Do not stay! I am 53 and been abused physically beaten by my mother until i was 20 my sister would do whatever she wanted and i would be punished for not telling. So may traumas! One thing i have learnt: you can not make them see and there is no escape unless you cut them off your life. I did that 2 years ago toy sister last month to my parents! I am still to find out if total freedom will come after they die! It might sound cruel but i so have the feeling that when they die i will feel nothing but relieve😢

[@meganderbidge713]

Oh my God I'm bawling with gratitude for this video. You described my childhood with a narcissistic mother. 2 years ago she started that triangulation method after i attempted and went to a behavioral center. She didn't come see me. Last xmas when i went to mend things she said EVERY one of those things. Tomorrow i turn 39. I haven't spoken to her or any of my 6 siblings since Christmas and was struggling with my birthday alone until I watched this..... THANK YOU FOR THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT ❤

[@Crunklestiltskin]

Happy Birthday to you! 🎉

[@melissawentlandmoreno4559]

Happy birthday

[@NoName-uu3yh]

Going no contact is the best thing I've ever done for myself

[@mmmotiv8ed]

The truth set me free from generational curses. The idea of - "hurt the ones you love the most " no longer applies. ❤ ☝🙏☝

[@arenee118]

Scapegoat here. I got tired of being blamed for my narcissistic sister abusing me. They didn't support me when she abused me. In fact, some gave thumbs up to her posts on FB where she called me names and abused me. They walked on eggshells so she wouldn't lash out at them. They thought I was weak, but what they did to me made me stronger. That strength is what drove me to go no contact with the lot of them.

[@rosieb471]

Good for you. Keep up the distancing from people like this. You can only win in the end.

[@ranjininair-bh5vf]

My toxic family gaslighted me all my life.I’m isolated now.

[@SuperMrBlaze]

Stay strong!!!

[@TrulyUnbothered]

This lady described my family so well. She did everything but use our names! This is so difficult to watch but it’s my reality. My mother is a narcissist and my family well her family are flying monkeys. Spreading negativity. Smh

[@mmp495]

My mom is the flying 🐒.

[@dhb306]

Same sorry you have to go thru that

[@badgrand]

You’re not alone. Did you escape yet? Lol?

[@TrulyUnbothered]

@@badgrand i escaped years ago. They just keep coming around trying to make me feel bad. It's amazing how ignorant narcissists and their free employees are

[@HeartFeltGesture]

What is Smh? Send Me Honey?

[@izawaniek2568]

I Absolutely love this message Lisa. It is life saving and life changing. Everything you said resonates with me. And you are right saying that we are as sick as our secrets. Toxic families are built on secrets, dellusions of grandiour and feeling special and better than others. In those families people talk behind other’s backs, they will sacrifice the truth tellers or scape goats because the image is everything, all the relationships are fake, artifucial and shallow, there is no true heart connection or trust because those families thrive on the carefully crafted image which is part of the false reality they are enmeshed in. It is a narcisistic system and it operates like a cult, If you dare to leave, you will be ostracised, called crazy and cast out as evil and broken. Narcisists live on a lie. Breaking away is a way to start living a real life.

[@johnmclean6958]

I'm in the the same situation with my gfs family members they haven't had any family over really since after covid which seemed strange but the being self assured of themselves and can do no wrong is definitely there to everyones expsense and when there confronted they just deflect everything onto other people to protect thier image. Which is what they do all day talking about negative things on the news and things that happened to other people that happened to them to deflect thier self image of that ever happening to them or if you talk about anything bad that happened in your life they like to bring it up as way of deflecting what invasive thoughts thier having at the time which is ridiculous when your there with the most pure intentions trying to help these people and they just feed off you until your psychotic from the gaslighting and go non verbal and develop an automatic nervous disorder like PTSD from trying to make sense of situation that never resolves itself. I was right about her... she came into my life by catfishing me and gained my trust by portraying a positive image of herself I believed she was genuine so I was drawn to her she gaslights me whenever I call out the negative behaviors towards me and I've been honest with her since the beginning Ive literally told her everything about my life because I felt like I could trust her in my heart. She never trusted me and started back biting me and doing things behind my back all day then when she comes back she acts all innocent while she makes me out to be the problem all day to people I don't know and relishes in my misery around other people I don't know. Whenever I ask for justice for a situation I'm gaslit into confusion and having to agrue with everyone about a point I was trying to make which is literally common sense to the point its ridiculous to be disreputable, and its cleaely only for the sake of agruement and when they are confronted they say they just like doing things the hard way and there's no point of talking anymore and I know that the second I turn my back thier talking about me and it's ridiculous. My intentions have been nothing but pure and they take advantage of me for that and call me lazy or a cheater, the second they don't feel in control anymore. And have no need for me anymore which is depressing and I've stayed and tried to help for years in the best way I could and the thanks I got was the fact I told her everything about me, so she tells her mom who has invasive thoughts and bipolar so she walks around talking about negative stuff all day and the second it affects me and I say something positive Im greeted with "them having a conversation about someone else "but all that stuff" that happened to this "person" is what happened in my life in a way to trigger me to get some emotion out of me they feel like they can control. It's cold and inhuman as a way of controlling the fear of thier own narcissistic mortification or image.

[@allanwalli2935]

You got it friend! Carefully crafted image for sure! That image must be maintained or else the fake family is exposed. No wonder we get into so much trouble. I knew there were serious problems when I was 30, but at 62 I finally had to go NC after confronting the reigning narc. I never felt better. So great to see others dealing with the same crap and getting past it.

[@johnmclean6958]

@Allan Walli thanks I'm still here. I know what it's like to be in a situation where you have no where to go but jail or the hospital that's what I dealt with for 5 years with my ex who was bi polar type 1. I almost died because they don't want to discard you so they do worse and they never are held responsible. We are

[@killadjango6995]

bingo!💯🎯

[@leilaonline2787]

I come from a toxic family. My mother was so jealous of EVERYONE, including her own daughter. At 12 she began accusing me of wanting my stepfather. And my older sister - AGGREED WITH HER! At no pint, was I treated like a potential rape victim. Just this belief that at 12, I was flirting and seducing my stepfather. 25 years later, my mother has been diagnosed as a Paranoid, Delusional Schizophrenic. She is now accusing other women, that dont even know my stepfather of wanting him. As sad as her diagnosis is, I feel vindication. So, I doubled back and asked my sister, what it was that she was agreeing with, all those years ago. Our mother was not in her right mind, but my sister was. How did she agree with the delusions of a schizophrenic? How did she ALSO, see things that weren't there? I expected an explanation and an apology. LOL - I got neither. Instead I was accused of being Ungrateful for the care I received, after all - I could have been thrown out or put up for adoption. And I was told to stop living in the past and just MOVE ON. Stop causing trouble.... Andf for the first time ever, I stood up to my lying, bullying sister. And I refused to allow her to demonize me. I said, "No matter what you say, THIS HAPPENED. And it ruined my life. And YOU, don't get to tell me to move on and forget all the things that were done and said to me. It will never GO AWAY. And I want you to acknowledge that the accusations made about me CAME FROM A CRAZY PERSON, that hears voices and has lost her mind." We are in a weirdly polite quazi-friendship. But, my sister is a terrible alcoholic now. There is no relationship to be gained. I can now let go, without guilt. I have no expectations or desire to mend fences. Too much time has passed and until I get the apology, they are just people I used to know. I hope anyone else going through anything like this can muster the strength one day to walk away, with a whole heart and just say - I have had enough. Go with God.

[@blackpillfitness9136]

I am really sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart how many families struggle needlessly from this stuff. Its exhausting. But there are good people out there.

[@alexsandrarokas7117]

Mentally ill people avoid getting help. It’s their victims that end up getting help.

[@cletiskroeker3552]

@@alexsandrarokas7117 very well said

[@catsmeow3478]

I love “people that I used to know.” I had forgotten that friends who understood told me to think of it that way. I also went NC with my highly toxic alcoholic brother after he teamed up with my parents against me when I stood up to all their abuse and making me - the truth teller, the scapegoat to continue living in secrecy and denial. Five months later my brother died of his alcoholism and it destroyed my parents. They blamed him rather than looking at any responsibility they might have had as dysfunctional parents. It came home to roost on all of them, karma in this lifetime, while I am healing and moving on in truth and freedom.

[@nikitaw1982]

Does the sister have kids? If the cycle repeating would be good to be there some how for them if one of them going through what you did. How the hell do u do that even if wanted to? As bad as the church was at least the whole community got together weekly amd could fund ways to support each other. Social media try's to fill the gap but everyone sees what everyone does for all time. Too easy for the gaslighters to cut ties unless some tech wizard. It's a shame there is so much divorce and so few siblings. If wer e a family of 5 kids would be more buffer between u and the craziest ie mother sister by the sounds of things. If step dad dint go along with the craziness he would be replaced like the real dad often is.

[@larasudomlak7128]

When you know you know...and that is all you need to know.🙏

[@meyerhome85]

It's like you've had a look at my personal situation! I went no contact December 2019 with my violent, narcissistic mother. I was 50 yrs old. Amazingly, within a few weeks of that my eczema, that I had my entire life, cleared up!

[@sarah.j.777]

ugh girl, PREACH. if you're the ONE in your whole damn family to refuse the dysfunction & abuse, be ready for everyone to turn on you because THEY DONT LIKE THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH. abuse has been rampant in my family, even men sexually abusing the kids and everyone wants to sweep everything under the rug. I've taken a few kids under my wing and the rest proceed to trash talk me, even if you go to counselors or police for help the "fam" will tell them you're crazy! this is how bad these weirdos want to stay comfortable in their denial! apparently it's not real if they refuse to say it's real..

[@francesbernard2445]

They don't like hearing the inconvenient truth is why English teachers require their students to read fiction with a lot of truth in it about disfunctional communities when then being encouraged to discuss it in class.

[@Blandinemax]

I’m the truth teller/scapegoat of a very toxic family. Grew up with a narc mother, and later in my teens a narc stepmother. I’m 56. All the unhealthy dynamics, I could “see”. I lacked only one thing: being able to put a name on what I saw. At the age of 17, I went traveling the world. So I went no contact with my family without knowing anything about it…just my instinct. I also now know why my family never stood for me. They are enablers, especially my sister. I owe a debt of gratitude to you, Lisa, and to all the selfless coaches out there who put so much efforts & energy into educating us about the damage caused by these soulless demons (found no other word). To all the empaths out there, big hug from France! Don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trade my empathy for their toxicity, for anything in the world!! Even it it’s costly….

[@korenng5553]

Accurate 😢 can relate-siblings 😮 left CA

[@tinahouston2575]

It's weird that someone I have never met or spoken to can describe my life experience with my family so accurately and in such detail as this in this video.

[@sandrastaton19]

It's as if you knew my family firsthand! My entire family, especially my mother treated me as if my feelings didn't matter. I've battled depression, loneliness, and a host of anxiety disorders my entire life. My biggest problem still today is that I feel worthless. Yes, I walked out of my mother's life and endured feeling like the worst daughter in the world. But, after 2 years in counseling, I took back my identity, never expecting anything from my family but pain and suffering. Emotional abuse is a living hell; especially when it comes from the people you trust the most. Thank you for your video. It gives me confirmation in my soul.

[@nickadams1519]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you healing and peace ☮️

[@unf572]

You are special! screw the toxic family FU:;!!? THEM

[@Hispanicwoman]

I can relate to the health issues that come with stress. Even my place of employment, I have these stressful types of encounters at times, but it comes with the territory. The thing is that nowadays, I am becoming more adept with nipping these issues in the bud, rather than staying up with insomnia. We should not let others make us feel as though we don't deserve respect and love. If we cannot find it elsewhere or in our surroundings, it is okay because we can learn how to find it within and give to ourselves. :-)

[@wheneaglesfly8211]

BEST VIDEO EVER!!! As a scapegoat survivor, I healed by receiving JESUS!!! HE IS LOVE, TRUTH, AND LIFE!!! NOW I THRIVE!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

[@sparklegirl7544]

Yes He is! Glory be to God!!

[@starfoxx3398]

Same ❤

[@DaRealMyaChavis]

Man! I 💕 Love you for this Truth Serum! It's the strong ones that are Generational Curse Breakers! I hope this goes viral 🙏🏽🙌🏽💪🏾🙏🏽

[@iammaiart]

🤗 I Hope So To Because A Lot More People Need To Hear This! 🤔 It's Sad, But Unfortunately A Lot Of (Ethnic Backgrounds) US Been Through This B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T!😔

[@victoriam3894]

This is the story of my life. This gave me clarity on some things that I already knew was true, but I keep being gaslit and looked at as the problem when I know I am not toxic like those around me. This video was right on time. I get punished for telling the truth, but I know I am going places mentally, spiritually, physically and financially that they would never comprehend.

[@emartini1]

OMG this is so spot on!!! I lived this horrible experience. My decision to go non-contact was the toughest and loneliest decision I ever made. The self doubt and second guessing is endless. And no one is going to help you through this. The members of the immediate family will turn on you. Everyone else will remain silent; even if they agree with you in theory they quietly hold it against you for remaining steadfast in your decision. At times it was extremely difficult to remain with the decision to go no-contact, life would just be so much easier to just 'go along to get along.' It has been a very long journey but I am happy that I did it. Unfortunately, there are a lot of emotional scars I still struggle with today but I do not regret my decision to live a healthy life. I deserve it!!!!!!

[@janetpartyka5968]

CONGRATULATIONS FOR CHOOSING HAPPINESS AND GOOD HEALTH! YOU DESERVE NOTHING, BUT THE BEST.

[@evelynbatres6820]

I’m going thru the exact same thing no contact toxic family . Thank you for posting this comment, I don’t feel like I’m the only one going thru this process. Choosing peace my mental health

[@ILoveJesusForeverAmen]

I'm the truthteller in my family and I had to go no contact because my narcissistic father refused to hear the truth or change his ways. The weight off of my shoulders since has been breathtaking.

[@starfoxx3398]

Same❤

[@meg5247]

Thanks for this. You explained my entire life experience. My stepdad is a psychopath he abused me in every way (including spiritual) and my mom is a covert narc. She chose to stay with him. As an adult, calling it out, exposing my stepfather, I lost all my sisters and every extended family member, to find out *my mom* had been my secret enemy all along, lying about me since I was little (so she could get sympathy). I always suspected she was gossiping about me seeing family reactions for no reason to me, but NO ONE EVER told me. She was somehow effectively super secret for 30+ years???????! and I feel SO STUPID thinking she was my "one good parent". Realizing now, I never had that. I never had "parents".

[@ronimelton4729]

I knew I wanted to leave my family since my childhood , after numerous failed attempts through my early adult hood , I personally went through my breakthrough this year of going full none contact and sticking to it . My mental health is diminished lol , but I’m glad it’s getting better now I can see some type of light , and I feel less stress and paranoid . It’s crazy what cutting out your whole toxic family would do . Hey I’m all alone but it’s certainly is better than being around them !

[@mrsc7517]

Good luck on your journey to self healing. You can't change their behaviours; you have the power to change your response to their behaviour towards you. To thine own self be true. ❤

[@jenniferlynn3537]

I’m a firm believer that separation from a toxic family is necessary if one is to enjoy any level of recovery. Having gone No Contact, your mental health will absolutely diminish before it gets better. It may go up and down for several years as you break through the walls of ego defenses and shame - and begin to face the worst of what was done to you. Which is to say that if you’re going through a bad patch, that may be a good indicator that you are actually beginning to process your emotions and starting to heal. Hang in there!

[@GodiscomingBhappy]

@ronimelton4729 hang in there you are not alone.... many of us are in the exact same position. be gentle to yourself and pamper yourself at any opportunity. It gets better.

[@janetpartyka5968]

CONGRATULATIONS! GOOD FOR YOU!

[@naturalist369]

I can relate & yes you said it, alone is still way better !!! We just have to ride the waves as we process the emotions , knowing it will pass. Remember to do things for ourselves that bring us joy so we start to really live the way we want to create & co-create with universe for ourselves which gets us out of midbrain thinking & ruminating, returning to our prefrontal cortex where we consciously choose & may thrive in joy in the moment . Creating new positive patterns is so important, I keep reminding myself . Much love & light to you all, I pray for all our healing 💓 🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫

[@auntiebobbolink]

"Your perception of you does not match the perception the toxic family members have of you." Exactly. Went through this with my family of origin, and now going through it with a church. Organizations, including jobs, churches, etc., can follow the same narcissistic patterns. Cruelty.

[@SideB1984]

So painful. Great affirmation to repeat daily. Thanks for sharing.

[@auntiebobbolink]

@@SideB1984 Thank you for your reply. It's very difficult going through this, checking to make sure their perception isn't accurate and continually propping up myself. Words like yours help immensely. Many thanks and here's to your courage to keep knowing who you are! 💐

[@SideB1984]

@@auntiebobbolink sending a gentle hug your way. It’s nice to connect with people who really get it. Another friend in cPTSD recovery describes this as a dizzying experience. That it is!

[@tinkingtinking2134]

Went through it in Alcoholics Anonymous, most of these fellowships are 98% narcissist.

[@SideB1984]

@@tinkingtinking2134 the external places we seek help damage us even further. It’s unbelievably shocking and painful. Easy to continue falling into their traps, perpetuating the dynamic, when we grew up in narc homes and churches, harmful systems. Hope you’re doing ok now.

[@sarahtaylor8434]

“What’s wrong is the person who wants to say there is something wrong with us.” Thank you.

[@juliamacguire1038]

My family is toxic. You're right. No boundaries.

[@jeremy1350]

Hello. Everything you said here, resonated with me. I was the scapegoat, and my breakthrough came in my 30's as well, when I went no contact. When I left, and went on with my life, they were like How dare you spit on your family name such and so forth. They poisoned every single family member that I had contact with outside the circle, and today, none of those people speak to me. I was made out to be the Villain in my own life story. Every point you spoke of here, was part of my sick toxic childhood, because I was "The child who was a mistake and should never have been born" and they drilled that into my head, and used it against me for the rest of my life. My father told my brother when we were kids to Never trust me, Never be my friend, and to Never be a brother, EVER. So really, I have been skating through life alone for decades now. Thank God I am sober now 22 years.

[@janetpartyka5968]

CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING SOBER AND FOR BEING THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR OWN SHIP!!!

[@sarahkessler2456]

How insanely heartbreaking and how incredibly strong you are to come out of it. Sober now and can see you were never the problem even though they wanted so badly for you to believe it. ❤

[@lynnbrown4364]

This is spoken with scientific accuracy, empathy, and compassion. 5 generations of matriarchal narcissism. I am the once golden child, now scapegoat, who broke the chain. I miss the illusion. I do not miss the reality of the toxic family system. I no longer experience insufferable migraines. I am no longer on two antidepressants. My cardiac arrhythmias are more controlled. I love your work! You have been so helpful in my healing.

[@michelleduncan9965]

My ♡ arrhythmias have almost gone away since I went no contact too!! Praise God.

[@stevearnold8265]

I used to think I was schizophrenic. I had bad feelings all the time with no thoughts attached to them. Extreme anxiety all the time. Nightmares every night my whole life. As soon as I got away everything changed. Narcs are still attracted to me like a moth to a flame. I’ve learned to recognize them as I’ve learned what I was facing my whole life. Swarms of people were in my life were all part of a narcissist system created by my dad. I got out alive but have unnatural abilities from all the decades of gaslighting and abuse.

[@deborahlynnelentz6432]

Thank you. This is so true. Words can't express the hurtful words and actions they show of how much they hate me just because to them that is my place. They choose to believe the worst. Lies to damaging my character. I'm a complete opposite of what they say about me. Break free for peace forsure.

[@shiatsume5]

It’s a lot of baggage to carry around, and the weight of the family on the shoulders is enough to break a person’s ego, ergo, self. You nailed it; the language ( gaslighting), the betrayal by parents and siblings, and the extraordinary strength it takes to cut contact with the toxic family. And also the age at which realization of codependency sets in. Your video made me sit up straighter, and smile to the inner child! Thanks!

[@charruz]

Parental alienation. Having to pretend one's own children are dead even though they live. Evil beyond evil because there's no way to just "forget and get on with one's life"

[@MysteryGrey]

I live this.

[@charruz]

@@MysteryGrey You live this situation too?

[@MysteryGrey]

@@charruz yes, it's my reality

[@charruz]

@Mystery Grey Do you do therapy for it, or are you working to get out or ?? Just curious. It's a mind fck.

[@MysteryGrey]

@@charruz years and years of therapy and meditation and exercise and nature

[@LibbySlaughter101]

Thank you Lisa. One thing I think was left out - one person in the family will actually appear to take your side - They'll sympathise with you & say things like 'Oh, that was so terrible of him to treat you like that & say those things to you! I'm not going to speak to him again!' - But - When the narcissist phones that same person acts as though NOTHING HAPPENED! - Not speak to him again? Nope, they're all OVER him! - In your presence! - If you should say anything (God forbid!) - they're like, ' Well, someone has to try to help him' - Meaning? - YOU never did! - Or, 'I'm just trying to set a good example.' - All the while knowing & even having acknowledged YOUR efforts with the narcissistic! - This is so betraying & so hurtful. - It's a double betrayal. But it's how toxic families work! - And it's why we, as the healthy member, need to get out - because none of them can ever be trusted. Nor will they ever validate you or truly love you.

[@Rosalie-ct8mi]

Indeed de betrayal in your face and the lying in your face is so hurtul! And a narcissist is not capable of loving anyone!

[@beadingbelle3486]

Very true.

[@erin6238]

I can 100%relate to this..I have a family member who runs the show and I'm supposed to just fit in. Its a lifetime of trauma

[@louisemorgan3237]

Or that person has been selected as the flying monkey to carry tales back and keep them up to date with your life

[@davesylvindeckerii4528]

that's phony

[@fifilafleur5555]

This is the family “cult” I was born in to. I have a half sister & my dad’s 3rd wife who are bullies. This is exactly the way my family behaves. I’m the truth teller & family scapegoat. Even grandma set out to destroy my reputation within the family. I wish I had never known any of these people.

[@lynnchittenden5111]

Look into pseudomutuality. There's actually names for this type of familial abuse

[@AdamFlint-1]

My father and brother are toxic narcissists. At 58 I’m just now learning about this studied science. I bought Mandeville’s book “Rejected Shamed and Blamed”. Great book! The biggest surprise that I’m learning is that none of this projected role is my fault. I always thought that I was getting what I deserve. It’s a burden that’s been lifted off my back. Now I can see them in a different light and I now see them as being the trouble makers. They’ve shunned me so I don’t have to make the effort of going no contact. Thanks for this video!!! ❤

[@Janalyn1212]

I want to say to the younger people on here, I'm 62 but I still feel young inside, I want to say in a sense you are me. Don't question what are your wrong for not having no contact. I found out later in life but I just a couple years ago decided to have no contact so you are doing the right thing what this lady is saying I'm so grateful for this video. If you have to listen to it over and over again oh, it's a good one. And if you need therapy never never never never never be ashamed. You'll go get your therapy I just started myself we can't catch all the marbles emotionally on the tip table because they're going to fall everywhere throughout our lives don't let yourself feel like you're going crazy. You go get your help and it's none of your family's business. You keep your boundaries❤ I hope this helps also

[@nicolemarie3660]

This is so true. I went no contact and my toxic family try everything to know what I'm doing. I don't want them to know me anymore, I was tired of the gas lighting and the lies told about me. No contact was the best move for myself.

[@DrJ3k4lMrH4d3]

The more you keep telling the truth, the more people will hate you. People would rather hear a sweet lie than a bitter truth.

[@TheDeathclawhunter]

i dont usually watch these till the end but every word resonates heavily with me. when i went no contact 2 months ago, my drinking has diminished, my diet has become healthier, ive lost weight and have gotten more into exercising. what kept me going was telling myself "im healthier and happier and i am feeling a looming and slowly growing sense of self love for myself; no bad decision could ever make me feel this way"

[@jocelineblerot7887]

Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better and better. Amen! And so are you😊

[@teresacatherine1620]

Same , went n.c. & my anxiety is much better , also deleted of all my social media 😊