r/HFY TFOS# 579 - How many times do I have to tell you Don't mess with the Humans (Reddit Stories)

Original Story :
/ oc_how_many_times_do_i...
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Greetings Ladies and Mentlegents and welcome to my channel where I like to make LEGAL Audiobooks of various types from web novels and short stories. If you are new to the channel then click on the information icon for the entire playlist to help get you up to current faster.
This Oneshot was Taken from the HFY subreddit which hosts mostly Sci-Fi based short stories called oneshots and series.
As Always i hope you enjoy and can find some content on my channel you like. Feel free to recommend a series or a story and i will have a look into it.
{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:22 How many times do I have to tell you Don't mess with the Humans
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This Story is Classified as HFY , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
This is also a Science Fiction story ,What is Science Fiction?
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Science fiction (sometimes shortened o sci-fi or SF) is a genre of speculative fiction that typically deals with imaginative and futuristic concepts such as advanced science and technology, space exploration, time travel, parallel universes, and extraterrestrial life. It has been called the "literature of ideas", and often explores the potential consequences of scientific, social, and technological innovations.
Science fiction, whose roots go back to ancient times, is related to fantasy, horror, and superhero fiction, and contains many subgenres. However its exact definition has long been disputed among authors, critics, and scholars.
Science fiction literature, film, television, and other media have become popular and influential over much of the world. Besides providing entertainment, it can also criticize present-day society, and is often said to inspire a "sense of wonder".
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Taken from Wikipedia
#Hfy #Scifi #Narration

[@AgroSquerril]

Check out the December Rush community post for more details : kzbin.info/door/jwgx_1TfvmCERTGgD4g5nAcommunity?lb=UgwVpuNYJQIhEp0-2R14AaABCQ

[@properfunny]

This kid isn’t just the sharpest knife in the drawer. Poor kid doesn’t know what he did until the very end.

[@suetekh1201]

@SoMuchFacepalm no but they probably should consider killing the ones who are as oblivious as the son.

[@MrSuperbeast92]

@@suetekh1201 Or at least get them a special education class, On their homeworld. Lol

[@Katzztar]

I don't think he got it at the end. "It's only a data pad."

[@suetekh1201]

@@Katzztar I'm sure that he didn't get it. He should have been jettisoned out the airlock before he made earth orbit.

[@Katzztar]

@@suetekh1201 Haha this alien kid reminds me of a cartoon = two aliens are goofing off, basically they took the ship off on a joyride and came to Earth, and made crop circles as a prank. I can picture this kid as part of that cartoon= kid: "But dad, no one saw us flying the saucer!" dad: "But you made a crop circle?" kid: "No one saw us!" dad: "You left a crop circle to be found!" kid: "So what? No one saw us." Dad: "The humans don't need to see you when you leave evidence behind!"

[@jason_blunder7404]

If alien life exists, which I think in some form it dose, these videos may be a joke, a threat and a warning at how absolutely crazy we are as a species.

[@AgroSquerril]

true

[@ravnhaveland9594]

Then the question is simple: who is the more insane life form?

[@ShiroNekoDen]

@@ravnhaveland9594 oh I dunno the belligerent deathworlder's with a penchant for fucking anything female and fighting anything for any reason. That live near active volcanoes and in flood lands are a good candidate :3

[@Lukos0036]

@@ShiroNekoDen It doesn't have to be female.

[@shadowofhawk55]

Ninety percent of rule 34 content depicting non human/human sexual relations is some form of female non human. Granted thirty percent of this contained shemales, but due to the lactation capability they fall under the category of female due to biased reporting.

[@thenthson]

How fast they went from humanity is going ftl in maybe the next five hundred years to guess what were doing it now is quite amusing.

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@thenthson]

@@AgroSquerril going on a reply spree are we?

[@AgroSquerril]

@@thenthson just woke up and catching up will all the missed comments from this dreaded sleep thing :D

[@thenthson]

@@AgroSquerril we all gotta sleep. Ill just sleep when i am dead.

[@actuallysatan7105]

Bet 2141

[@craftysmithkeith3653]

Oh dear lord, he’s the dimmest bulb in the shed, the bluntest knife in the drawer, the elementary school spork of intelligent life, but hey I can’t complain, the kid gave us ftl and ship schematics

[@prodigypenn]

hell, they were giving us sporks when I was in highschool, and any college school even that required utensils probably had sporks too.

[@Kualinar]

@@prodigypenn I may be lucky that I went to school before the sporks where invented. Anyway, the idiot who invented them should get prosecuted for that heinous crime.

[@isaackinsley1662]

I can feel the emotions of the father so much it hurts. I personally know what that's like with my nephews, I have never before seen it described so well.

[@ashleycroydon9743]

Amen. Uncles unite 👍🤣🙋🏽‍♂️🇭🇲

[@KingMarkus222]

Omg I have to literally ask if I was that dense as a kid/ teen with my nephews when they do things

[@donnellebarfield3964]

Lol an alien child just told humans the secret of light speed travel and we stole they flash drives lmao 🤣

[@nobodyimportant2470]

Even worse. the human stole the equivalent to a tablet computer with all that info on it. That makes it even easier to get the data off as we have a device that can display it instead of needing to create an interface to access the data.

[@robertalexander5892]

This kid reminds me of a lot of the kids nowadays. Ran into a small group of college kids in a Home Depot check out line a few months ago. One was complaining about all of his newly replaced credit cards weren't working. Long story short, this was the third set he had been through since getting a new "wallet". His new wallet was a MAGNETIC leather "clip" type. They had no freaking clue that magnets will wipe clean the strips on the credit cards. And no, I'm not joking.

[@minnion2871]

Wow.... How is this not common knowledge?

[@anttimaki8188]

Wait, magnetic strips are still used on credit cards somewhere? I quess, yeah theyre old and were sorta standard like 10+ years ago, but the chipped ones have been around for a looong time now. i dont have any cards with a actual magnetic strips anymore.

[@texan90]

Yup. We're doomed.

[@jutsuma3688]

And now think of how many mobile phone cases are designed with card holders and how many people use them, although smartphones are quite literally some sort of electric magnet with their antennas emitting electromegnetic pulses (because that's how radio works and how mobile networks work).

[@nelsonstevenmartinez8564]

@@anttimaki8188 my latest bank card had a mag strip that somehow got wiped i never put it near mags

[@kcflick6132]

Humans are the Fermi paradox. Fermi was the answer to his own question lol

[@ravenouself4181]

"Why don't we see aliens?" "because They are too fucking scared of us. Pussies."

[@Danieljfriend275]

Finally an alien learns this

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@Sanquinity]

sadly the wrong one did. because now humanity will be among the stars in less than 10 years. ;p

[@davidhenderson3400]

A few years after the human steals the alien laptop the a human returns it in person "Here is your laptop back. We used the plans to build our own FTL ships. We also fixed some errors we found for you."

[@whowhat4573]

The problems of fatherhood are universal. Algorithm be pleased.

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm!

[@idiotwithastupidhatman905]

@@AgroSquerril for the algorithm

[@suetekh1201]

The sheer level of terror that eventually turned into depression for the poor father is comical. I feel bad for him. I think I'd probably have ejected my son out the airlock if I was him.

[@robertalexander5892]

I would have, just to keep him from reproducing and spreading his stupidity. Edit: Just in case it was genetic.

[@seand.g423]

Dude, I would have airlocked that little shit, pumped a single shot of everything into the corpse, and then deep-charred wtfe was left with the damn drives and then _maybe..._ filed him as a fucking Dutchman in my Report...

[@jackreisewitz6632]

It wouldn't help. Nothing could help. If you were to sit for a year in deliberate consideration of everything you could possibly do wrong, and then attempt it, you still couldn't make as big a mess of it as this kid did.

[@suetekh1201]

@@jackreisewitz6632 oh you’re absolutely correct I’m just saying that I feel bad for the dad in this story lol

[@jackreisewitz6632]

@@suetekh1201 Raised 9 - 5 step, 4 bio. Been there. Know just how tempting the whole spacewalk idea would be !

[@brennanlangless8912]

Well this is why the ufo pilots don’t stick around and typically nope the freck out and disappears

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@rexrexrexish]

Now I’m wondering what happened to those Mayans who got sent to the colony world. Should be an interesting first contact when they eventually go to space and have first contact with the rest of humanity.

[@henrypaleveda7760]

do you think that they had a large enough population for eventually holding a whole world or mabey only an outpost or network of stations?

[@sittiyarrianneibanez1210]

they died

[@holy_crusaderoftheholyland4713]

@@sittiyarrianneibanez1210 Yes

[@kjelljohanbraten7408]

@@henrypaleveda7760 Millions, they had aggriculture. But not fertlizer.., eventually their fields went barren and they scattered in order to get food.

[@henrypaleveda7760]

@@kjelljohanbraten7408 I meant the aliens

[@greygalaxy8638]

I can just image the father's "Oh f**k!" face when his kid told him the class 1 datapad was missing.

[@ShadowFoxSF]

The galaxy is not ready for humans. Perhaps right... Then again, we would do the galactic equivalent of streaking through the Antarctic on our first few runs before we worked out all the kinks.

[@cloutogelevatedtv9000]

That's what makes the rest of the galaxy not ready for us, is that we are willing to do those galactic equivalent risks, most species would probably think it barbaric

[@pelinoregeryon6593]

"streaking through the Antarctic .. before we worked out the kinks" 😏 running naked through snow as some form of perversion adjustment therapy? sounds plausible 😁 it's not like the Nords don't already do something like that, after a plunge into ice water with added birch twigs and a sauna to finish 🤗

[@ShadowFoxSF]

@@pelinoregeryon6593 different definition for "kink" but humans are know for doing crazy things.

[@pelinoregeryon6593]

@@ShadowFoxSF the different definition and my (deliberate) misinterpretation of that 'ambiguity' was the point of my comment of course 😏 which, naturally, says somewhat more about the workings of my mind than anything else 😁

[@ShadowFoxSF]

@@pelinoregeryon6593 very fun. Enjoy your day

[@asurasyn]

"God loves crazy people. That's why he makes so many of them!"

[@russellstanley8884]

So humans are a cross between Gremlins and Tinker Gnomes according to the rest of the galaxy.

[@Charlie94781]

Humans are more like the orcs of Warhammer 40k to aliens

[@corentin6129]

@@Charlie94781 Imagination is our fuel ( Heresy detected..!)

[@kopkaljdsao]

Reminds me when first nukes were being made and scientists worried they will cause a chain reaction destroying Earth's atmosphere. Some napkin calculation (by modern standards) later they figure probably not and started detonating.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

That very much sounded like the father was going to get a plasma injection to the cranium

[@jmsr77]

When the father said that their family could've been assigned to waste extraction for a thousand years, it sounded a little harsh. Until we learn more about his son; at which point we're thinking "yeah, your family probably SHOULD have been assigned to waste extraction." Not only is this kid dumb enough to not realize the importance of not giving more primitive species information that could advance their technology - his father didn't drill that into him for his job. I honestly don't know who's more at blame here, but i'd say it's mainly his father's fault. Sure, he's the one who fucked up, but it's more like he gave his little kid a loaded gun to bring to show and tell. . Actually, this is kind of like the situation in Spiderman:No way home - Peter Parker may have fucked up the memory spell, but it was Dr. Strange's failure to get INFORMED consent before performing the procedure, and as a surgeon, he absolutely should have known better. You know, discuss what to expect, what the risks are, etc. Dr. Strange is far more at fault than Peter, in my opinion. But then we wouldn't have had a movie.

[@silenttitan416]

Yea lol Dr strange could have just stopped performing the spell completely, asked peter specific details and then once he got them just tell the 15yo kid to stfu now😂

[@danijelandroid]

I think this Kryl(?) Guy should be more worried about the Maya guys they put on a colony planet. They were the smartest of their people. They had about 500 years to invent FTL engines.

[@DashieDe]

And that student was.... Sheldon Cooper

[@sherylcascadden4988]

It's hard to imagine a worse kidnap subject than that kid chose.

[@robertalexander5892]

Yepers!

[@ashleycroydon9743]

Children no matter what trouble their innocence can get up to you gotta love em 🤣🤣🤣💛

[@caesar_cider2777]

luckily for them, we immediately dropped said class one data pad down a flight of stairs.

[@greyblade23]

I don't know about that. Consider that the data pad was designed for use by the ship's engineer. I'd expect a certain level of ruggedization. Perhaps not as much as a class one _military_ data pad, but it would surely be capable of taking more abuse than, say, a wine glass. Even we, the lower tech civilization have rugged electronics (phones and tablets especially) that would survive a fall down a flight of stairs. Besides, we don't know if the aliens have invented self-repairing (or nanite) technology that would automatically fix any damage.

[@Zminator1986]

@@greyblade23 Being a former military aircraft mechanic, I seen "rugged" stuff get broken in one shot. I've seen so many tough books broken.

[@linus8380]

humans used a bomb to detonate a bomb, god, why does that describe us so well.

[@elizabethbautista9916]

This guy has that voice of that boss lady from monsters inc I think it incredibly fitting

[@turbopokey]

I'm reminded of a certain country doctor who *might* have left his communicator in a certain gangsters office...

[@henrypaleveda7760]

you and me both

[@samuelevans738]

Um... please explain?

[@turbopokey]

Samuel Evans Star Trek: tos, “a piece of the action” end scene.

[@murphycunningham2465]

Damnit,bones

[@chrisdufresne9359]

@@samuelevans738 Star Trek The Original Series episode. Doctor McCoy accidentally leaves advanced technology with a less developed culture.

[@Spark_Chaser]

You just gave... some of the smartest humans on the planet... engineering specs... We're doomed.

[@redman7775]

(Knocking) Hey, you dropped this! [There is a human in a space suit holding the data pad]

[@bobsterclause342]

You let children drive space ships? Um.... good job.

[@xavierzaxavier5873]

Nothing new ...just look how human let their children 7?9year old drive van and car....what more there story how 9?year old children save their grandmom by drive car to the hospital....

[@haroldwilbert4377]

All hail the December rush, May the algorithm bless this creator and being many ads and revenue (and viewers) to this channel

[@kencarlson2855]

Praise the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm! , for the channel growth!

[@citizen_grub4171]

All hail Hypnotoad! I mean the algorithm!

[@KujoTV]

This may be part of, but I don't recognize it, the "Teddy Bear" stories, something to research.

[@elithegreat5590]

Kinda funny that we've already discovered FTL, we just can't quite use it yet

[@goofshooter8369]

can i get the material for this so i can read up on it?

[@lonelypancake5979]

Yeah I’d like to read on this. The way you describe it makes it seem like we discovered it way ahead of when we should have, Kind I’d like the Tiger 1 in WW2. Simply to advanced for the time period .

[@robertalexander5892]

Mathematically speaking, it has been proven that the Star Trek warp drive can work. We just can't figure out where or how to get the power required for it to work.

[@calvingreene90]

That was a child that was never allowed to get hurt and thus never had the stupid beaten out of it.

[@midgefidget5796]

This kid was a few bricks short of a lightbulb. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense. Neither did he.

[@thatotherguy8138]

THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS TO WORK... EVER. EVER! EEVVEEERR!!!!!!!!!

[@Michael-jx9bh]

Ah like that Russian airline pilot. Took his sons into the cockpit and had them try to fly the plane. It led to an "unsafe" condition the pilots realized too late... :(

[@legionx4046]

@@Michael-jx9bhyep just commented that on another comment 😂

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

Never send a idiot to watch over humans.

[@Saffi____]

This kid most certainly would shout "Hello" and wave in front of jets over a warzone being shot at, and not looking where he's driving.

[@terricon4]

And this is why you lock your shuttle with keys so your kid can't do anything stupid like this...

[@MymMars]

I want to know more about the space Aztecs and the world now known as Quetzalcoatl.

[@litewinger]

This had me in tears with laughter!!

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@jacobcox4565]

The narrator sounds like kinda like a Vogon

[@calvingreene90]

He has no idea how lucky they are that Mayan 'civilization' was destroyed.

[@Shinobubu]

Intergalactic alien sacrifices

[@Pump-King]

Long live the algorithm! Long live HFY!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@samuelevans738]

@@AgroSquerril for more content!

[@facelessjack442]

The moment he said Kel-Tec I knew he fuked up

[@The-Ordinary-Man]

I prefer it when they scroll the text so I can run it at 2x speed because I read and comprehend at about 4X the speed the narrator reads.

[@thenthson]

May the algorithms light shine upon us all

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@thenthson]

@@AgroSquerril morning.

[@warrmalaski8570]

o fizbot we are dooomed!

[@AgroSquerril]

that we are

[@bbryan1973]

The kid seems as sharp as a water balloon.

[@peekakuchu6878]

Hi kid pissed me off lol

[@lotuswraith]

For the algorithm!

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm!

[@Shinobubu]

Humans then Entered their system out of FTL and sent out a message " You left this "

[@Maeshalanadae]

When your kid fucks up so bad he forces you into retirement.

[@Kualinar]

Sonny just gave positive proof of : 1- Advanced extraterrestrial civilisation EXIST. 2- FTL IS possible. 3- Whatever transport technology was used to transport that student is NOT science fiction stuff. 4- By having multiple witnesses, that that student is NOT a crackpot. And... He sent the student with a data pad containing a LOT of crucial information... Starting with the blueprints for an FTL capable interstellar ship !🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾

[@shaunwhitehead1485]

A sequel to this would be great

[@pauldavis9387]

I love this kid.

[@ragnorockcookie2868]

But what happened to the Mayans of realization that was left on another planet I need to know

[@Charlie94781]

The Space Mayans carved a sizable empire for humanity

[@weirdredpanda]

I like how the author incorporated the theory that the Mayans developed flying machines. Also, I want to know what became of the Mayans that they relocated.

[@markuhler2664]

I love the explanation of the downfall of the Mayans. But of course that begs the question, where are they now and how are they doing?

[@MidnightSmoke]

Here is a like and comment to help your channel grow and get you the recognition you deserve.

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the great and powerful algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@mattbrown5511]

The naivety of youth is never ending and frustrating in the extreme. Youth is wasted on the young.

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the Algorithm

[@roxyfirebunny4973]

Posts for the Algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@xzendor7digitalartcreations]

This was really funny; and your narration is great.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@fadillangston9797]

Ah yes, the literary equivalent of autofellatio.

[@carlfranz6805]

That, good sir, was a visual noone needed. 😉

[@nos2342]

to please the algorithm

[@tedb.5707]

More bad news, the L.A. Star Trek convention is the following week.

[@theonetodefyall238]

keeper going

[@AgroSquerril]

Kept Going

[@mrcannon3218]

That kid has sub-brick inteligence

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

I always loved the description for Fallout New Vegas skill levels for intelligence where 1 is literally sub brick and 10 is omniscent

[@KuDastardly]

When the dumbest alien abducts the smartest human, the shit is gonna hit the galactic fan, lol. Humans advance so fast that a human in a single lifetime is able to witness the first flight of the Wright Bros to watching Neil Armstrong take his first step on the moon.

[@WingManFang1]

Idk if a friendly alien child let that tech slip into my hands, I wouldn’t just be coming with all the support of mankind, I’d be coming to ask who the hell they thought they were hiding from us all these years when we were just trying to find…well anyone.

[@TheJasonBorn]

So, um, feel free to misplace a data pad at any moment aliens, if you are listening.

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

May the Prophet be blessed

[@eleklovatka7666]

I love how the father told him Grandpa's story of why the Mayans had to be moved to another planet, but Miry (or Mih'reeh? :-/) did not connect the dots. His dad literally pointed out his exact mistake of "letting a human steal a class 1 datapad", while he himself still went on about it being "just a datapad". The generation gap is real even in alien cultures, I guess. It's a good story. ^_^

[@contrafax]

Good Lord you gave the Murder Primates™️ FTL!

[@verilyheld]

I can see the CalTech guy= Extra-terrestrials exist, and they're stupidly friendly and trusting, so . . . let's treat them like the kittens they are.

[@adamdrawdy7436]

How can humans dislike

[@beingsneaky]

And of course humans are thieves. Taking something that is not theirs.

[@AlanMyronPrivate]

Never bring your kid to work.

[@usonly101]

This reminds me of “The Road Not Taken.” It’s a relatively short story about some aliens that try to invade earth. They have spaceships, but the technology of their infantry is around the 1700s. They are easily defeated and they basically handed over faster than light travel to the humans who eventually used it to take over the galaxy a couple hundred years later

[@jmichaelramirez2510]

Totally the fathers fault for not teaching his son the WHY, behind the warning.

[@MrGivmedew]

This was so great! @agro squerril do you have a recommendation for something like that has longer stories? I have a strong aversion to anthologies in fact the only anthologies I’ve ever enjoyed have been Ian Banks Culture Novels. But I find myself ONLY listening to these for the past week or so since I discovered them…. But it’s really hard because I love the stories so much that I don’t want to loose their worlds and characters… at least the Culture was a persistent universe… this isn’t. So I feel a sense of loss as I finish each story! Also you are such a great narrator… you sound so much like John Lee who is my 2nd favorite narrator so that makes you my 3rd favorite narrator… just behind John Lee who is just behind Steven Rudnicki! If you told me you actually where John Lee I’d believe you! Anyways thanks as usual!

[@TheLunacyofOurTimes]

Wrong day to bring your kid to work? lol

[@arakheno4051]

For the Algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the Algorithm!

[@sthavoc8]

As soon as I hear that intro I know I'm going to like it !!!!!!!!!

[@themathmoth7393]

For the Algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@csi1392]

EVERY SCIENCE TEAM AT CAL TECH WILL BE GOING FULL BORE ON FTL, EVEN WITHOUT THE DATA PAD. WITH THE PAD THEY WILL HAVE A TESTABLE PROTOTYPE IN 9 MONTHS

[@shadowfoxarchon5021]

Love listening to these ar work

[@AgroSquerril]

glad you enjoy

[@shadowfoxarchon5021]

@@AgroSquerril might try to make a few of these into a dnd story... with the authors permissions of course

[@AgroSquerril]

@@shadowfoxarchon5021 sounds interesting

[@sydneydaum9204]

for the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

First For the algorithm

[@mstrfool]

Apparently at least once more...

[@zacharysheetz3701]

No offense; but Cal Tech one of the most advanced universities? I take it the author attended there.

[@oakenshadow6763]

Well, that explains the Mayans.

[@murphycunningham2465]

T H E C H I L D

[@tehnosan5769]

Welp, I think this would be cause for an exterminatus xD just in case we don’t brake something xD

[@ignusthemad3150]

for the Algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

for the Algorithm

[@nos2342]

To please the algorithm is all

[@davitto01]

Wait, Caltech? California? We may be able to salvage this. I'm targeting the San Andrea's fault line. Unfortunately millions of humans will die, but we must sink the entire state of California into the sea. **two years later** What do you mean that HELPED?!