r/HFY TFOS# 553 - Exorcising Bob by semiloki (Hfy Sci-Fi Reddit Stories)

[@robertalexander5892]

"With a flex of my butt cheeks" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I haven't laughed this hard in months. Thanks for laugh Agro, I really needed it. I'm definitely saving this one.

[@josephblazis]

As the great philosopher said "moo MoMoOo Moo mooMoMO Mooo.... Moo."

[@AgroSquerril]

i would have to agree

[@manuelqmencia7556]

Moo moo

[@AB-ln2py]

HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY GRANDMA !! SHE WAS A SAINT :D

[@phoenixflyer1546]

You do realize that was taken out of context they were talking about o hello sir how can I help you? Why do you have a gun? Wait no don

[@AB-ln2py]

@@phoenixflyer1546 And thats how interspecies wars are started...

[@tdofducksplays]

I feel bad for him only a little, because how many aliens that think they are human does he have to deal with? The good news is they are great stress relievers because he gets to beat the shit out of them

[@davidreedy7597]

Loved it? I laughed so hard, the flipper comment about his mom made me spit my coffee across the table. Thanks for narrating this story.

[@AgroSquerril]

a pleasure , glad you enjoyed

[@robertalexander5892]

Same here, except in my case I was taking a nice sip of whiskey.

[@t.j.7347]

A hitchhikers guide to the galaxy 2: Space Bob

[@RichardBetel]

Hey! Percussive Maintenance works on alien brains too!

[@FjordBuilderSBF]

Great story, very funny. Writer is definitely a Douglas Adams fan.

[@AgroSquerril]

gives a chuckle

[@RichardBetel]

South Park too.

[@garysprandel1817]

Yes I was getting definite infinite improbably drive vibes off the opening.

[@purpledevilr7463]

That part where he pays them with diamonds. He got nothing, they’re worthless when reselling they’re only so expensive because 1 company has a monopoly on diamond mining.

[@IONATVS]

Not completely worthless. They were a cheap semi-precious stone like topaz-and I think was the April entry on one of the two standard birthstone lists, though it is usually replaced by another colorless stone nowadays due to its artificially inflated price-before the DeBiers cartel and their “diamonds are forever” campaign, but likely would’ve stayed that way-as a cheap, but not valueless gemstone-if not for the deliberately limited supply and saavy advertising. And diamond powder does have industrial uses as an extermely hard mineral you can impregnate cutting tools with. Artificial diamonds are generally used for industry today, but it would still set a minimum demand for it even if it fell out of fashion as a gem, as long as the costs of mining it on near-slave labor was less than or competitive with growing them in a lab. So low value, but not no value. But yeah, most jewelers don’t want to sell “used” diamonds, so unless they’re abnormally large (ie expensive to obtain through normal channels) or strongly colored, and have enough flaws to pass for “natural” under a jeweler’s lens they’re basically unsellable.

[@nvfury13]

@@IONATVS Not to mention they were used industrially before they were considered worthy of jewelry.

[@Volucrum]

They are also very hard to artificially produce.

[@nvfury13]

@@Volucrum Not really. There are even companies that create artificial diamonds from cremations, pet or human.

[@IONATVS]

@@Volucrum Not hard. More expensive than mining them with near-slave labor, but cheap enough that without the perceived value markup natural diamonds get they still sell *orders of magnitude* cheaper at retail than natural ones of the same size, color, and clarity. Which is why practically any diamonds today large enough that they could be used as jewelry, but needed for industrial applications, are lab grown-and even a decent fraction of the TINY diamonds most industrial applications make use of since sifting their natural equivalents out of dirt is a very low-profit venture for the mines. If diamonds didn’t have the artificial inflated demand and artificially controlled supply, natural ones would likely be cheaper than lab-grown ones because they are inherently cheaper to mine than to make, but lab-grown specimens are still cheap *enough* that they are economically feasible, and would be even if diamonds remained an industrially useful semi-precious rock (assuming the modern lab growth process still gets developed in such a timeline and wasn’t simply abandoned in since there wasn’t the same economic incentives to undercutting the diamond market pushing on the research)

[@Flarflenugen]

You know my online name is Bob. And I absolutely would possess an alien given that chance. Of course I would try to act normal for a little bit before going absolutely crazy just to ensure that no one can stop me

[@Crowbars357]

To quote the Man-Emperor of Mankind, “what in the name of Terra on fucking roller skates is this?”

[@gideonroos1188]

This is quite greatly done in the style of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe.

[@Pale_Nomad]

I've not laughed this hard in months! my compliments to the author and to the one reciting it! 😂

[@KnightlyChaotic]

Dear god, I swear I haven't been that hungover in 15 years.

[@KnightlyChaotic]

This story was great. I laughed through out the whole thing.

[@ErrolFOFoor]

Great humor on this one. Well done semiloki

[@shosroy]

Well, that was a story that just kept on giving. Had so many unexpected additions, and then the ending! All I can say, is moo moo moo moo moo.

[@normiesalvador1854]

Honestly, I did not expect to laugh so much during this.

[@AgroSquerril]

glad you enjoyed

[@DocBNG]

Great story and...mooo Lol Keep up the fantastic work Agro Edit: Jazz fueled Mariachi (-:

[@AgroSquerril]

glad you enjoyed

[@TheRealInscrutable]

Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning

[@CannonRanger1]

This was pure genius.

[@BeeKisses]

Well the alien said moomooooomiomoomoooomooo and I took it personally

[@Rochelleau]

Thanks

[@AgroSquerril]

My Pleasure , thank you for the dono

[@cmmaddragon7638]

I wasn’t expecting to laugh when I decided to watch the vid.

[@AgroSquerril]

thats an added bonus

[@dragonriderabens9761]

the moo moo language had me flashing back to the Secret Cow Level in diablo 2 oh, the nostalgia XD

[@EeBee51]

I've been attacked by the Nitrous Oxide Ninjas this time. Thankyou for the best 2AM laugh I've had in ages... 😂🐬🐬

[@donteymourningstar]

I lost it with the flipper bit

[@thelivingghost5695]

God damnit! This is full of laughs. An I'm at my boss' uncle's funeral. Really!

[@alexs5814]

damn! that was a roller coaster of emotions, all right^^

[@Victorys-wingz]

Oh my god, im too drunk for the Moo language 🤣🤣🤣 that was way too funny

[@selador11]

The stomach noises were perfect!

[@craftysmithkeith3653]

a fever dream in text format

[@H3xx99]

Okay, the mooing got me.

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@MrPercy112]

Cheers mate, that made me laugh, and cheered me up no end. 👏 PS. I hope you soon recover from your recent op’. 👍

[@nickpossum3607]

'Tsh' And some "people" say Earth girls are easy!?

[@jeanannd]

LOL, I think Bob is actually fairly decent and should be encouraged to identify as human. ROFLOL. Bob, the alien with daddy issues. He just wanted to write poetry. A bag of diamonds is indeed a good fee. ;)

[@keilet]

Wow. What a ride!

[@TheStarMachine2000]

Just a bit of percussive maintenance

[@whowhat4573]

+Joseph Blazis I have never heard it explained that simply. Now I get it! Algorithm be pleased.

[@PhoenixThunderheart]

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha 🤣 🤣 🤣 Updoot delivered to Author

[@OGSontar]

Percussive therapy. Who'd have thunk it?

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

For the Squerril

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@MarkGast]

Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo the Algorithm11!

[@kencarlson2855]

Moo moo MooOo the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

Mo mooooooo!

[@smiley3012]

And another good one

[@rod2662]

🙏for the algorithm🙏 🙏algorithm be pleased🙏

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@ufoe20011]

Moo MOOMOOMO moo mooo

[@kevinafrank104]

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha I loved it. This should be on a high school reading list under satire

[@Aolsucs]

Where can I find what this author was smoking?

[@aj_the_infamous1013]

space

[@anthonymedina9425]

@@aj_the_infamous1013 space cocaine is a hell of a drug

[@dirtydandirty201174]

Same therapy my dad used

[@nigelsmith7366]

SemiLoki is crazy 😂😂

[@garygough6905]

Style reminds me of Colin Kapp. Enjoyed immensely.

[@AgroSquerril]

glad you enjoyed

[@carlfranz6805]

I had a similar trip once on peyote. Usually I just throw up and see God but that one was...different.

[@stinkyfungus]

Maybe it wasn't a trip... Was yer ol' doodoo kazoo sore when you came down?

[@rod2662]

Is that thumbnail halo art?

[@AgroSquerril]

er not sure

[@sherylcascadden4988]

Moo moo moo Moo moo, mooOOoo moo mooo moo moo moo moo

[@stinkyfungus]

HOW DARE YOU?! If this weren't the internet, and you weren't a girl... I'd take you out behind the woodshed and take issue with that. No one talks about my mom. 😜

[@sherylcascadden4988]

@@stinkyfungus ????

[@nos2342]

To please the algorithm

[@nuru666]

My god, I remember seeing that movie in theatre when I was 10, and I remember thinking "Holy shit, this movies *sucks*." I should apologise to my mom for having her take me to - and make her watch - that movie.

[@robertschumacher2707]

Exorcising? Hmm,I do need to work out more...

[@arakheno4051]

Moo the Algorithm!

[@thenthson]

For the algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm!

[@curiousangel6321]

For the algorithm.

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@jaimehuizar6727]

I what to see a part 2

[@WingManFang1]

MOOOO!!!

[@thetrap1880]

moomoomomooo

[@Cadiangrunt99]

comment for the nanite gods

[@AgroSquerril]

reply for the hell of it

[@robertbemis9800]

Moo mo mooo

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@nigelsmith7366]

Freakin hilarious

[@allenmorgan1007]

FtA, FtA(s), FtDV!

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@СергійСавелов]

Well, this is not a very good story if you've decided to return from a break from watching those videos.

[@connormielewski]

Mooo moommooo mooommmoo

[@AgroSquerril]

moooo

[@connormielewski]

@@AgroSquerril mooooooooo?

[@justinsmith5870]

The old 1993 super Mario movie. Terrible game movie adaptation, amazing dystopian scifi.

[@Fayanora]

Very effective therapist. What's his phone number?

[@josephhyland8904]

LMAO!!

[@vocalpelly6873]

For The Algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@markcoutts7750]

😏😀😁😆😅😂🤣🚬🌬️🍄😇🌈🚀👨🏼‍🚀 This 1st story 😹 is so Awesome it's AWESOMER EH !!❤️‍🔥🇨🇦☮️🫂🤯

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

For the Algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@rainbowchaser73]

really the worst video game movie ever made is in this story? isn't it enough that it was afflicted on a whole generation already? why dredge it up to inflict on more innocent people?!

[@janjager2906]

This could be nice nice story if I could understand what was said. Also the caption didn’t work. I am not a native English speaker, so I just heard a lot of exaggerated noises and after a minute recognizing some single words but not making any sense of the story and realizing this would bring me nothing I quitted. Sigh… 😢

[@MestreDentistaGUC]

FTA

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@merlinwizard1000]

118th, 2 July 2023

[@sydneydaum9204]

fta

[@stephenaustin142]

Why isn't this in bloody ENGLISH . The language of the the civilized world FFS

[@martinwyke]

WTH was this writing by particularly bad bot

[@newgodskane]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

For the Algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm