AITA for helping my Brother runaway from his wedding? - REACTION

[@KS-tp1um]

I feel like her “fear” that he’ll take away their hypothetical future kids because that’s what he was “raised to do” reveals so much about who she is as a person. She’s not worried cause it’s how he was “raised”, she’s worried because she knows she’s just like his mom and that he was raised to stand his ground against people like her.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Exactly.

[@coolrubygal]

Oooh. “She knows she’s just like his mom.” That’s really telling. He really dodged a bullet with her.

[@_moonfall_]

Came here to say this, my thoughts exactly.

[@NanaWilson-px9ij]

I think by the time she said that, she had already heard the narcissist mother's tale of woe, IE, her LIES about her kids and Ex. It's called triangulation -- they're mad at you, so they drag in a third person (or more) and try to turn everyone against you. It was also triangulation when the emails/posts went out, lying about the pregnancy and the forced abortion.

[@IzzyPR2010]

Also her calling his family a cult when she and her own family are acting like cult members.

[@lyrajaded]

I’m not surprised he found someone as crazy as his mom. One of the sad things about growing up in an abusive house is that, even as an adult, you can fall into the same pattern with people. Red flags can get missed because you have been used to them your whole life. They can even be comforting, because they are familiar. I’m very glad she showed her cards before she was legally tied to him. The rest of his family seem lovely. I hope this has helped all of them recognize the signs better!

[@zebnemma]

Red flag nr 1 in this story: His fiancé telling him he's being dramatic for not wanting contact with his abusive mom... Woman! You were not the one who suffered the abuse so you have no right to tell someone you have to see someone you don't want to! Shitty people always defend other shitty people so it's sad that he didn't see that red flag. His fiancé basically called him a drama queen for protecting himself from a vicious abuser... Wow. Pretty clear she doesn't have his back and is probably going to abuse him too eventually. Abusers love to protect other abusers so that they can tag-team on the same victim. If you have multiple abusers in your life you get double the manipulation and gaslighting.

[@cjcj2010]

​@@zebnemmai 100% agree with you!

[@AuditClerk]

This is such an insightful comment ... I appreciate you putting it so succinctly. I've done the same in my past (have the same type of mother), and am now aware enough to know I a) won't be involved with anyone until I get myself right; and b) will always catch the signs from this point on!

[@itsyaboybcstan1team675]

This is what I've been thinking the whole time, man.

[@Chihiro33333]

My thoughts exactly.

[@droge410]

I’m so glad Daniela invited the mom to the wedding and the sister arrived early to see. This gave all the information to Sam that he needed to know. He would have been miserable in that marriage. Good for y’all for going no contact.

[@kimberlybrown5348]

I completely agree. His sister saved his ass no doubt

[@MelissaBlue]

Poor Sam having to go through the trauma of this sh*tshow, but at least he escaped before legally tied to the 2.0 version of his awful mother.

[@droge410]

@@MelissaBlue I was thinking that same thing partner/parent… it’s odd how we can tend to be in relationship with people who are our parents even when we try to avoid it.

[@JinHee20]

@@droge410 this is so true.. saying with personal experience

[@oliviajeanne7709]

I can definitely see that she took a page from the mom book

[@estrella9944]

The “run away” groom has the best Dad and siblings EVER! He dodged a MASSIVE WAR ZONE by running away from that nutcase!

[@Taylorunicorn]

I love when she says *"I love my brother more then a feel bad for her"* she feels bad but her brother is her family and ultimately has his back. ❤

[@kitieriwhite7758]

kinda like in Avatar: The last airbender when Mai said that she loved Zuko more than she feared Azula in Azula's face

[@Rikrobat]

Exactly this. I can feel bad for someone being hurt even if that hurt was caused by my protecting a loved one. It demonstrates OP has empathy for Daniela as a human being, which certainly can’t be said in reverse.

[@Loren641]

Literally the first sentence about this would-be fiancé tells me everything I needed to know-“She thought we were just being dramatic about our mother and our childhood.” -That’s gaslighting. Period. And a red flag on fire.

[@candymadigan9308]

Not necessarily. People who haven't been through it really have trouble understanding. My late husband had to see my mom in action before he would stop nagging me to reconcile. He truly couldn't comprehend. *His* family is delightful he just couldn't wrap his head around the truth of what I was telling him. Plus, I tend to understate that kind of thing, so I'm sure I didn't manage to convey just how bad it was.

[@DvanderPluijm]

Right? I mean, why on Earth would you ever doubt someone's story about their mother and/or childhood unless you had undeniable proof that the story was fabricated? Why would you even think that?

[@esmooth919]

You're not wrong.

[@NellFace]

For me, that line was the only one that made me feel sympathetic. I too have thought that a loved one was exaggerating about their loved one. But in truth, the complaints I heard were just the minor offenses. 😬 It makes me wonder... would this story be different if Daniela had a chance to hang out with Jealous Mom? Not that I'd wish that on her... but 🤔

[@kaylapounds1359]

​@@candymadigan9308you don't have to be a victim of a violent crime to empathize with those who have. Like I've never been kidnapped by a pedophile but I don't shame the kids that have. I've never starved it beaten an animal, but I can't understand people that do this. I never can't from an environment like the one described, but knew right away the fiance was in the wrong.

[@bee.mice-elf]

People who haven’t been through it don’t understand how painful it is to have the “but it’s your family” trope thrown in their face. No Contact is the last resort. It’s chosen after years, sometimes decades, of self-blame and trying everything to fix the toxic relationship, often harming themselves and their own lives in the process. Thank you, Charlotte, for explaining this!

[@AB-mx1de]

💯!!

[@joey4222]

I agree! It’s a hard decision to go no contact but it’s also a huge relief when you finally do.

[@patriciat4493]

A toxic/dysfunctional family is not something that you talk about. As a child, you had no understanding and no words. As a teen, you hung out at friends' homes as much as you could. As an adult, you struggled to process that toxic soup (with the help of a good therapist). You went 'no contact' as a last resort, for self-preservation. If you've been there, you understand. If you have not, then you must take the 'no contact' statement as a line in the sand. Do not cross!

[@mammasrose5525]

I am lucky enough to have been raised in a loving family, but if my fiancé said he’d been abused and was no-contact with his parent(s) I would respect that decision.

[@WildflowersCreations]

Yes thank you Charlette for explaining this!!!

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

I've read that story before, & I think my fave element is the fact that a bunch of adult siblings' response to the reminder of a family trauma was to all gather at their parent's house for effectively a slumber party (that would prove to be ongoing). Like, the whole "protective circle around bullet-dodging bro" was sweet + righteous, but it's the "all hunkering down together & collectively battoning the hatches", as tho huddled in a storm cellar while awaiting a cyclone, that to me is the most wholesome part.

[@alexiatr]

Even if they didn't know it consciously, they felt the same vibe and threat, and they did the same thing that helped them in the past

[@izzyt1626]

Wish I had a family like this 🥲

[@chariscreighton-duff9424]

Hurricane-Mother and Cyclone-Narcissist are real life problems! 🤣 This is what survival shows were made for!

[@Boydgraud]

For really that is what real family is! So glad they have their dad at least to show them what actual paternal love looks like ♥️

[@crystalcoleman1985]

Daniella didn’t know that family had expertise in dealing with narcissists. 🤣 Oh, honey, they dealt with far worse!

[@noxteryn]

There is no such thing as "good intentions" when going behind your partner's back and aiding their abuser. It's an irredeemable thing to do. Even if your partner somehow eventually forgives you, your relationship is 100% dead forever, because they know they can never trust you with anything ever again.

[@rosielele]

Agreed. She was planting the seed of disrespect and manipulation. If the guy accepted that she would’ve known she could do anything and everything to his husband.

[@UnKnowmanNumber2]

She said that she "wanted to teach him a lesson about the importance of family" ... Not ON the day of the wedding 😅😅😅

[@useyournoodle100]

Going behind your partners back completely undermines your partners experience and judgment. I have and abusive sister and my husband always supports me when dealing with her and never takes her side no matter how much she flirts and sweet talks with him.

[@Mrscvbuzz]

He seriously dodged a bullet!!!! She sounds just like their mom and it’s a good thing they found that out before it was too late. Regardless of the messed up relationship with their mom, they actually seem to have an amazing bond and they are lucky to have one another for support.

[@justhearmeout3959]

PSA: if you've never been through abuse, and someone who has gets the courage up to share their story with you, no matter how unbelievable it may sound (since you've never been through it) please don't use the word dramatic. Please. This is such a common thing for people who've never experienced abuse to say to survivors. No. We are not dramatic, just honest. Please, be a good friend to a survivor ❤

[@theunsexyoccult1379]

My ex's own sister told him he was dramatic when he finally set boundaries, and due to his family's decision, cut contact with them. Because she didn't experience what he did (though she did to a degree, but she was the favorite so no where near what he went through), she thinks he's lying. Or making mountains out of mole holes. Her behavior toward him has been disgusting.

[@datheamore6395]

Agreed.

[@GothicMaximalist]

Well said.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

If a girl on a first date says "My last boyfriend was abusive/narcissistic/controlling.." I ain't believing sheet

[@dawnchesbro4189]

​@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh good to know that you don't care about women you date then. First date is a little early to trauma dump, but she's probably just weeding out the people not worth her time.

[@MusicologyFriend]

Holy crap, I remember reading this story. This dude dodged a nuclear b*mb, not a b*llet. This whole story was a dumpster fire in a poo-nado. I feel bad for OP and her family.

[@karabelle67]

A Narcissist can always spot their own. She even told on herself. She knew she was exactly like his Mother and wanted to reconcile to save her future self. Wow did he ever dodge a bullet.

[@d-1381]

@@karabelle67 bingo. this was no good intentions thing, this was a "pushing boundaries" thing where it is all about power... situations that always seem to happen around 2 people getting married. She felt more confident pulling this shit before the wedding having his mother at her side.

[@LaMariposaSedosa]

​@karabelle67 I had a TERRIBLE narc ex who would always ask if I called my abusive narc mom, with a smirk on his face, of course. He didn't even have a good relationship with his family or anyone, I found out.

[@NancyM1115]

Me too. I'm familiar with drama like this because my family is mental as well. I have a SIL who spouts BUT WE ARE FAMILY! ... and she tried to get me to renew a relationship with a very toxic older brother. I said hell no. She helped give my younger bro a heart attack. Life is too short, friends, cut the a**holes out of your life as soon as possible.

[@starlingswallow]

Poo-nado!! 😂😂😂

[@Arbitraryusername]

As a child of an NPD dad, you have no idea the lengths they will go to torture you. When I tell my friends the stuff he continues to do (I haven’t spoken to him in about a year) their jaws drop. No one can believe how sociopathic he can be. They finally get it, but when dating people initially think I’m the problem because I’m no contact with my dad… it’s fine, they can kick rocks. I’d rather swallow glass then invite that back into my life.

[@smilewithme6989]

Same, my friend. Same 🥂

[@marci.curious]

Give you alot of credit for going no contact. Takes alot of strength& healing, I'm happy you were able to do this& move on with your life ✌🏻👍🙏🥳

[@smokymtnlady3856]

Yes!!! People that have normal parents just don’t get it!! My ex is a horrible person! I’m now friends with his ex fiancé and other ex! They contacted me after he treated them horribly! I was able to help them overcome what he did to them because they now know it’s not them. It is him!!

[@TheBaumcm]

It’s especially difficult when they are a beacon in the community and everyone else thinks they are a sweet saint. It gets easier once they get older, the good parent passes away and then their mask slips regularly.

[@Adulthoomanfemale]

I have a NPD dad and have been no contact for 13 years to thwart the abuse. All channels are blocked. I pray you find peace and can protect yourself like your dad should have in life.

[@Heathersama]

The comment about "people with normal parents can't understand that children who were abused will cut out toxic parents asap" is the truest thing ever. The constant backlash I get from random people/sometimes friends about "how I treat my mother" is so frustrating. My mother is an alcoholic/drug addict that would physically abuse me. And yet, people still don't understand what that entails and how messed up it was for me, if they came from a normal household. The sad truth is, not all parents love their children.

[@mflyn801]

I have been no contact with my egg donor mother for 6 years. I don't tell jut anyone so those that I have are very understanding. They know that I am the most compassionate and caring person so if I cut my mother out of my life it's for a damn good reason.

[@robynvanhorn]

I went no contact with my mom after she threatened to shoot my grandson if he showed up at her house as a teenager. ( She was going to shoot me when i was 18. And dad talked her out of it by saying "You can't do jail". Im pretty sure my dad has Stockholm syndrome and my sister also. My sister died a couple of years ago and i found out a week later from a coworker!!! My mother is evil. My boyfriend didn't believe me about my mother until my sister died. My mom blocked me from finding out how my sister died. I called my dad ( i knew she would make him put it on speaker phone. ) I had them on speaker phone so my boyfriend could hear the conversation. I asked dad when he was going to tell me when she died. He said who? My boyfriend was shocked to his core.

[@ramblingbb7182]

Actually if you notice people are more ready to accept the thought of an abusive father more than an abusive mother. It’s really frustrating

[@Authorrlee]

It’s incredibly frustrating. How I combat that when it comes to someone who is a parent, I ask if they would do the top 3 things that the woman who birthed me did, and when they are horrified & left speechless, I say with an enthusiastic smile “and that’s why I do not speak with [insert name because I don’t call her mom/mother]”. Then change the subject to something other than family

[@Mrs.NRalphs]

This is true not all parents love their children. My father in-laws mom is like this. She sent her kids off to boarding school and traveled and partied instead of raising her children. Never attended any of my husbands or his siblings birthday parties because she always had another party to go to. She doesn’t know their birthdays or her own sons birthday. Now at the age of 86 still only cares about her social status and doesn’t visit her great grandchildren. She complains now about her friends not having time to do anything because they are with their families. I think to myself Yes because that’s usually what grandmothers do. Not look for the next party to get sloshed at. When her husband of 60 years passed be his ashes were ready she was off parting with her new boyfriend. She had left her house in WA to go to her summer winter home in CA made no arrangements for her husbands ashes to be picked up. She sent my MIL but they would not release them to her. His ashes got mailed to my MIL and after months of his ashes sitting in a cardboard box I asked if anyone was going to put his ashes in his urn. No one wanted to as they were weirded out by it so I offered to do it. The grandmother didn’t ask about his ashes for about a year and only did when her daughter wanted them. Considering her daughter was the one who took her back to CA also without making any arrangements for her father to be picked up I decided I’m keeping his ashes since I’m the only one who cares about them. I may be the ahole for it but the daughter has her fathers old car that was given to my husband and has been holding it hostage. She plans on keeping it or selling it. I say that is her sentimental item of her father that she’s keeping and the ashes are ours. They are in California and we are in Washington. The daughter also told my father in-law (her brother) that is was disrespectful that I transferred their fathers ashes to his urn) she wasn’t happy that I did it, but they didn’t take his urn to wherever they had him cremated they just left. Talk about disrespectful.

[@annavaldivieso]

"narcissists can be charming, they can also be murderers" XDDDD i love it! so true

[@mxsimone1097]

as someone who will never speak to their mother again, I always feel seen and like we're making progress as a society when people don't feel forced to keep toxic and abusive people in their lives for the sake of "family". real family doesn't treat you like that, and also you CAN value family and still be estranged from a parent

[@carmeltabby]

I agree and would like to add that it's also completely possibly to heal from toxic family members and remain no contact. Anyone who says otherwise can kick rocks.

[@ktwhimsy6946]

Beautifully said ❤️ any time someone tries to come at me with the “family is sacred” stuff, I simply agree with them & say “yes, it truly is… that is why I no longer speak to mine” 🙅🏼‍♀️ they broke that sacred bond when I was a child & they decided to use their power as an adult to do harm instead of keep me safe.

[@Solènelamigonnelicorne]

Maman Charlotte est la meilleure KZbinse car elle est honnête et rèspectueuse son contenu est divertissant j'aime ma maman ❤😊

[@mxsimone1097]

@@ktwhimsy6946 good job! it's really the best thing that you can do for yourself when someone is so detrimental to your well being. it's not easy and not everyone understands, but it's a more common conversation than it used to be

[@TheDisneyQueen93]

I have a great relationship with my parents, but my BF’s relationship to his mother is estranged. I would NEVER invite his mother to anything without his consent first. And when she first said before the wedding they were over-reacting about their mom was a red flag for me. Honestly it just show lack of empathy and respect for boundaries.

[@erikarussell1142]

Yeah my mil is a total narcissist. She was invited to our wedding, but I dunno how he would feel about that now. They are not talking atm because of some petty crap she’s made up in her head. She has 3 sons. And she can’t seem to love all 3 at once. It’s so sad.

[@Theblondebass1]

I didn't invite anyone to our wedding that was on my husband's side. He picked who got invites on that side and his biological mother was not one of them. I would never invite her behind his back

[@malindastevens1016]

That's the same with my late fiance. He was NC with his mother when we got together and I fully understood it and supported his decision. I may have been close with my mom but I knew not everyone had that same kind of relationship. Of course his siblings couldn't get the hint and when their mother's health was declining they pestered and threatened until he went to see her. I made sure to go with him for moral support, and had anyone ran their mouth they'd see he had someone who had his back and wouldn't be intimidated by bullies.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

That’s because you are a reasonable, understanding and caring person. And, you have common sense. Things that OP’s mom and ex seem to be lacking in spades.

[@lizetelliott1443]

You are so right. The way she dismissed their reasons is a HUGE red flag and I wouldn't have trusted her to truly drop the matter.

[@Krissykrisify]

NTA, he made it clear multiple times that he was fine with being no contact. Why she would invite the mom to THEIR wedding without considering how that would make him feel on what should be his happiest day, too, is absolutely ridiculous!

[@fibanocci314]

She decided it was his wedding gift to her! The self-centered gall of this woman!

[@captainblacksand8484]

The "you're all just being dramatic" was the first red flag. I'm so glad she showed her entire a$$ before they had a chance to say I do!

[@auldthymer]

NTA! Inviting that mother nearly sounds like assault. I'm so relieved that he had his family to support him.

[@esmooth919]

​​@@captainblacksand8484most narcissists have a bad habit of doing that. It's up to us whether or not we heed the warning signs. Unfortunately, some narcissists are very good at hiding this shit. One of those narcissists cost me 13 years of my life because of this!

[@meowiestwo]

@@esmooth919 it works especially well if you were raised being told you’re too dramatic or too sensitive - their behavior seems normal. Glad you got out ❤️

[@jadend6978]

It’s stories like this that make me so happy my husband is supportive of me going no contact. He has an amazing family and struggled to understand at first, but he always took my feelings first. So for everyone no married yet: Regardless of if your partner knows everything you’ve been through, if they don’t put you first, they’re not the one

[@raviyien6560]

"Yep, narcissists can be charming. They can also be murderers." Damn Charlotte, that's one hell of a quote.

[@justhearmeout3959]

"Narcissists can be charming. They can also be murderers" YESSSSS!

[@LazyIRanch]

I can confirm. I was on an episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" in 1997, describing the worst day of my life and asking the viewers to please find my ex before he kills again. He was found because of that show, but he was never convicted because of his ability to charm people into believing anything. He's 6'2", blond, beautiful green eyes, perfect teeth, and when he wants to be he's very polite and soft-spoken. People often commented that he talked like Elvis. Many people have trouble believing that beautiful people can also be cold-blooded murderers. He murdered my father on August 13th, 1996, which would have been our fifth wedding anniversary if I hadn't divorced him in 1994. I moved 1500 miles away and changed my name to something very common (a "John Smith" kind of name). That made it easier to hide from him.

[@justhearmeout3959]

@@LazyIRanch I'm so sorry for what you've been through. My ex husband was very much like yours. I hope you find healing, and I hope you'll eventually be able to feel safe... Although I know how hard both of those things can be to achieve ❤️

[@paulineandala2863]

He almost married a version of his mother. Definately best sister award goes to you.👏

[@indybruggeman1293]

My god, this poor guy. Not only did he have a basket case of a mother, but also a crazy ex that went to extreme lengths to manipulate him. I hope he recovers well from this and finds the love of his life. He deserves a woman who will always treat him with kindness, care and respect.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Absolutely.

[@angelpandadaylane4924]

Hey I’m still unmarried.

[@lisaseymour5691]

I think anyone who survived a Narc is feeling this hard. I low key want to cry for joy for this family in having gone through the ring of fire and survived it all. With love.

[@1Kittywicked24]

Daniella sounds like their mothers mini me. Thankful he has a wonderful sister that saved him from that toxic bride and his mother. Way to go sis. you are AWESOME SISTER

[@AnniCarlsson]

She just statted. Not had the same amount of years to practise yet

[@breanapadilla3661]

Absolutely cruel to traumatize the man you love on his wedding day. Especially, when you have been told how horrible the mother was to him.

[@esmooth919]

Turns out she was a fellow narcissist.

[@TheWoolJunkie]

I’m guessing Daniella called the mom and was gaslit to believe her lies.

[@AK20741]

@@esmooth919 Yup. Nearly married his mother. Great escape with courage & integrity. Lots of heartache now but retrospectively will probably be a relief. 🫂

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

Yeah, and if she truly was concerned about him being brainwashed against mothers and willing to cut her off from their future kids, she should have put the wedding on hold to discuss those issues in therapy. No sane person who actually believed that would go through with the marriage, so her excuse makes no sense. She really thought a surprise meetup with the estranged mother at his wedding would instantly cure everything? Bride is insane.

[@Mystearicia]

Dear lord, that family had experienced way too much drama and trauma. I hope their family heals from all that horrible experiences and have an even better bond as a true family

[@truthseekerredpill1149]

My husband has a toxic family that he’s gone no contact with. When we first started dating, 12 years ago, It was very hard for me to wrap my head around how he could not talk to his parents, because I was very loved as a child. After some time, he began to tell me the horrible stories of things his mother and family had done to him. My heart breaks for him, however my very amazing parents have adopted him into our family, and love and treat him as if he was their own.

[@lisahernandeznieves2800]

Him saying the only news he wanted about his mother was regarding her funeral so he could celebrate resonated with me. I feel the exact way about my "father" haven't talked to him in 3 years. Best decision of my life.

[@Cornmoontarot]

13:31 that dad is awesome. The way they talk about their dad reminds me of my own. I teared up at “the first step is to mend his heart” YOU GO POPS!!!

[@elleg7317]

I audibly gasped when it turned out the fiance invited the mother. Why would anyone be happy to see their abuser on their wedding day? Also Joe saying he'd celebrate his moms funeral the same way she celebrated their stepmoms funeral was just well deserved, even if it was messed up. Good riddance to both those people!

[@bottomofastairwell]

Honestly, as screwed up as it is, the biggest thing I'll feel when my mom finally dies is relief, because she won't be a problem anymore. And like I said, I know that's messed up, but when you've had to go fly no contact because your parent is an abusive nightmare that put you through hell? Yeah, you're gonna be relieved when that person is gone

[@alexisgrunden1556]

She either simply didn't believe that their mom was abusive, or she was a fellow narcissist/abuser, and the mask just hadn't come off yet. That happens a lot with abusers; after they feel like they have their victim of choice locked down and unable to leave them, they crank it up to 11.

[@MagentaDinosaurs]

@@bottomofastairwell I'm absolutely with you; people think its harsh, but the day my mum dies will be the day I no longer have to live my life worrying about the old witch popping up at any moment.

[@boogermaiden]

No mercy to the merciless. 😂

[@priscilalondon]

The ex fiancee is a narcissist, that’s why. They see no problem disrespecting people’s choices so long they get what they want.

[@SweetLala25]

OMFG YES! A lot of people who grew up with good parents and siblings never understand why someone would cut off their parents or siblings. "That's still your mom, grandmother, sister, etc..." Like dude back TF off! You didn't grow up in the crazy household that I did and just because you had a great life and love your family doesn't mean everyone has had the same thing. Keep your opinions about it to yourself and stop trying to be captain save a ho. (Sorry you can see I feel strongly about this lol.)

[@jacklow9611]

No need to apologize. Some of us understand, even if we didn't go through everything you did, but I'm sure that even in the best. closest families, there have been troubles and drama.

[@melissaherrera940]

If someone has a good relationship with their family and was raised to be empathetic, they would understand. I honestly think the ex-bride didn’t understand because she was also a narcissist and in her mind, having a husband that came from a “broken family” was embarrassing. A well adjusted person regardless of their family circumstances wouldn’t care what kind of relationship someone has with their parents as long as that person isn’t experiencing abuse from them.

[@anitas5817]

@@melissaherrera940Yes she’s clearly a narcissist herself.

[@dermaspaceSC]

​@melissaherrera940 I think too the ex saw herself in the mother and assumed he'd go contact with her if she showed her true colors and her narcissistic brain decides forcing his mother on him would be a good fix for that spine he deigned to have. The ex was right...he def had no issue going no contact with her too

[@TheBaumcm]

Yep, just like some people don’t become good spouses with a slip of paper, having a kid doesn’t automatically turn you into parent of the year.

[@Leilani_2024]

Children of narcissists often end up marrying narcissists. The fact that Sam's ex completely disregarded his feelings because family is important to her screams narcissist. Totally NTA. Sam dodged a bullet.

[@gl15col]

I went to therapy after my divorce, and it helped me realize I "married my mother". My ex was just another version of her. I escaped with my sanity, just barely.

[@carmeltabby]

​@@gl15colglad you saw it and got out.

[@carmeltabby]

Let's appreciate that she showed her true colours before anything was signed and he can hopefully find someone who is the exact opposite of his mother.

[@Adulthoomanfemale]

Yep. My mom with a narc mom and brother married my narc dad.

[@ktwhimsy6946]

Exactly what I came here to say. Glad he was able to escape before continuing the cycle…

[@ailinborquez5795]

Damn, I totally get them, If my fiance invited my father, stepmother and step and half siblings, I would also run. People who have not been in that situation don´t understand how much it hurts and how hard you fight to get out. I had to go to the police everytime they attacked me (verbally, physically) so I wouldn't be forced to go visit them unsupervised. As soon as I could, I stopped seeing them and it has taken many years and so much therapy to see that side of the family again. I´ve cut off friends who didn´t understand and kept insisting, lost many family members from that side, no one knows unless they´ve been there.

[@littlej77]

This is by far my favorite AITA reaction you have ever done. My mother is a narcissist and I have cut ties with her permanently after she went after my Dad's pension while he was dying of pancreatic cancer and I was his sole caretaker (they have been divorced since 1982, the pension was not awarded in the divorce decree, and she is remarried so idk what she was thinking bc the govt wasn't going to give her anything. Plus everything went to me and I offered to build an addition onto one of her 3 houses in Hawaii which are all paid off.) Your understanding of narcissistics, especially mothers is 🎯. "You are so ungrateful". My mom told me I need to me more grateful... for basic necessities... as a child lmao! Laughing at and celebrating other people's pain. Then the sudden crying for sympathy. The husband too... brainwashed and backing her up. 🤯All of it. I'll bet Sam would have never even gone for Daniela if he wasn't primed by their horrible mom. This poor family! Thank God for great Dads out there. ❤

[@TheOGPokemonGirl]

I remember one of my therapists telling me that the hardest patients to treat were narcissists. They usually didn't want to be there in the first place, and the minute they sensed you were trying to "change" them they'd call you a sh*t therapist and leave. They'd then move onto the next therapist and the same endless cycle would continue.

[@nickyschmidt2814]

How do you know my Mum?

[@debbylou5729]

My psychiatrist and a family counselor said they don’t think they need to change anything

[@mariedaparellio5686]

Personality disorders in general are extremely difficult

[@sds6303]

Narcissism is very resistant to change bc they feel they’re perfect & there’s nothing to improve about them. They are incapable of taking accountability for themselves.

[@thamertanner5448]

My dad did this, him and my mom were going to counseling and any time the therapist said something my dad didn't agree with it was time for a new therapist. I've never thought my dad was a narc though, not at all. My mom is extremely mentally ill and she is in complete and absolute denial of reality, she thinks she is fine and doesn't need any help, and again I don't think my mom is a narc either. I've dated several and I just don't see that type of behavior and abuse from my parents though they were messed up and abusive in their own ways. My ex was raised by a narc mom and even though he was incredibly abusive and controlling I never thought he himself was a narc I think he was just raised around them and dated them and that that behavior was just completely normal to him and he saw nothing wrong with it. He couldn't really admit or process that his mom was abusive. She was a psychotherapist btw and her favorite thing other than talking shit about her clients was to break up their relationships. The woman lived in fear cuz so many men hated her for destroying their relationships/families, it was wild!

[@danajones7934]

As a person who is no contact with both my father and sister I can confirm that people never respect your wishes to stay away from toxic family members. I have had to stop speaking to several other family members because they constantly would guilt trip me about “ how family is so important!” No regard to my feelings at all!

[@user-blob]

Stand your ground. You’re not alone.

[@LaMariposaSedosa]

Someone told me 'you only have one mom'. I said 'there's only one me.'

[@bottomofastairwell]

Then flying monkeys, man, gotta watch out for them getting to suck you back in. Thankfully, my (horrible) mother burned bridges with enough of the family when we were kids that they didn't really care about us anyway, so when I finally went no contact with her, I never really had to hear from them. Sounds sad, but honestly, it was for the best. My whole family is just crappy, and mom was wildly abusive trash. So at this point, I'm just glad to be free of it all and finally have some peace of mind

[@MehgoMeh]

Family doesn't always come first. Togetherness =/= healthy, but in saying that, I'll argue my own point that the father and the 3 children actually have an incredible bond that makes togetherness = healthy. The mother isn't the missing puzzle piece, she was a circle peg trying to fit into a square hole. But also props to the cousins and SIL for being there. This family had an army of support behind them.

[@beeech1080]

I think the “family comes first” thing is okay, but the thing is that just because someone is related to you by blood, doesn’t make them family. Family are the people who show their love for you, who respect you, and wholeheartedly support you.

[@lauren6107]

I love this family ngl they all support and stick up for each other and handle themselves well. Good job Dad!

[@BraveryWing26]

I love this story. I keep hearing about it but I am glad OP and her family are awesome.

[@ramachandra776]

"All rise for the honorable Judge Charlotte" is one of the best openings for an KZbin video ever . 😂

[@CookieMonster0w0]

I love it so much she's my judge Judy 🤣🤣

[@Solènelamigonnelicorne]

Tes vidéos me remonte le moral Tatie Charlotte merci 😊

[@Solènelamigonnelicorne]

Je t'aime très fort Tatie 😊❤

[@soclose2her]

I literally DIIIIIEEEE laughing every time hahaha

[@angeliquebloom1241]

Agreed so adore her😊

[@AmoreMiu]

I was raised by a narcissist mother. She’s very similar to this lady like being jealous of me, her own daughter! The gaslighting and pinning me against family members and comparing me to other people’s kids. The worst was the mental/ emotional and physical abuse. She always made sure to not leave marks. I’ve tried cutting her off but we are Latino and doing that is much harder. At 25 I spoke with some family about what she’s done and not much came out of it other than grandma and other family members saying that she was trying her best and to not embarrass my mom by telling people what she did. I’ve moved far away but she still talks with me and has since shown her true colors to my boyfriend and his family so at least they understand where I’m coming from.

[@lotstodo]

My mom was jealous of my youth. She started dating and wearing my high school clothes. She threw me out finally. She was a monster.

[@JillianHawley]

@@lotstodoSO MUCH EW!!!

[@lotstodo]

@JillianHawley yeah, and I recently found out he took me out of my mom's will. A couple hundred thousand dollars. I can only hope my siblings cut me in, but money changes people.

[@imjayhime]

Jeez I’m so sorry. I’d give her a restraining order. You shouldn’t be in contact with someone so awful

[@amandacarroll2621]

Sorry to hear about your experiences. It's extra hard when cultural norms make it harder to address the situation. I am happy of you and proud of you for escaping the situation and doing what you can to inform the new people in your life, so they can love you better than your own family did!

[@Alonepistachio]

I feel so much for these siblings. I have had no contact with my mother since I was 14 and this year she sent her whole contact list to tell me and my brothers how terrible we were for “abandoning” her. So glad he didn’t repeat his father’s mistakes and didn’t marry a narcissistic woman like his mother was. Best way to live a healthy live is to only keep people who cheer you on in live instead of breaking you down.

[@captainwatercress]

This story is insane, props to OP for how she handled things

[@audreym3908]

I've heard this story many times and it's one of my favorite wedding/ crazy JNM stories

[@FLIGHTL355]

I came from a great home with amazing parents, but I witnessed my friends struggles with toxic and abusive parents. Some people will say "family is everything" but they look at the world through rose colored glasses, they won't be able to fully comprehend the damage unless they are having to witness it first hand. Empathy and understanding goes a long way.

[@angelpandadaylane4924]

Can I rent your basement?

[@addyshorhnr3544]

My immediate family is great, not close but that’s more of me being a strange child who doesn’t have the same interests. My extended family, oh boy. I have the knowledge family isn’t always the best without having to deal with the first hand affects. My maternal biological grandmother plays favorite with my aunt to the point of emotionally abusing my mom and used us as free babysitters when I was young for my younger cousin and only talks to us if the “good” kid is mad at her. This I’ve always known but it’s more because you realize if your grandmother is literally only over to drop off your cousins. What I didn’t know is that my maternal grandfather was a raging alcoholic who just like jumped around marrying the same three woman and was cheating with a fourth, who also was cheating on him with his best friend at the time and my grandfather accidentally adopted best friends kid cause the mom said it was his. My maternal step uncle from the grandmother I claim is a druggy and spend the entire time after his mother died trying to get more money, and was doing heroine in the bathroom when she was alive. My older cousin is quite possibly a pedophile but that was recent and we don’t know how old the chick was and he was like 19/20 when accused and we haven’t heard more then he’s been arrested for child porn. Now onto my dads side. One of my cousins got in a four wheeler accident and was permanently either fully paralyzed other then breathing or is some form of brain damaged, I don’t remember which but he very much can’t do anything for himself or speak. The dad let him drive the fourwheeler and was on it when this happened. How this is relevant is uncle dated and put a woman in charge of him that was arrested for sodomizing the mentally disabled. Another cousin was arrested for trying to sexually assault people and recording in changing rooms. They are all also as bigoted as they come but strangely enough only homophobic in the way of like “I don’t agree but if we don’t talk to much about it it’s fine” which is strange, though I think it’s cause my aunts a lesbian. Just figured she would have been thrown out of the family. Everyone does try and not call them together even thought they recently had a child. It’s very funny to have people try and write them off as just friends as they are being parents to the child they created, like that’s something you do platonically.

[@comeatme_nick9945]

@@addyshorhnr3544if you’ve ever been to therapy… your therapist needs a therapist cos this is some next level effed up stuff

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

@@addyshorhnr3544 holy crap

[@mila6589]

I have a parent like the mom from the first story, and I HAD friends who didn't believe the evilness and bad behavior of this person. So they tried to make a intervention or meeting... it went horrible wrong, ended in tears... And I gladly cut contact with those friends as well. Don't need people like this in my life.

[@tyyneviljakainen5108]

Exactly you don't need! People who don't experienced emotional torture don't understand.

[@AuLily1]

This reminds me of a story a customer told me when I was a bartender, many years ago. He and his friends got their friend, the groom, trashed drunk and put him on a one way flight to Alaska. He missed the wedding and didn't get back to their town until a year and a half later with a lot of money he made working on the Alaskan Pipeline. He said he was angry at first, but realized what his friends had been telling him about her, were true, and they helped him dodge a bullet.

[@gloriaalex11]

Similarly, my friend's buddies tried to "kidnap" him on his wedding day, because the bride was a toxic heifer. But he stayed and went through with the wedding, which was a disaster. As was the whole marriage, which ended in a messy divorce. He shoulda got on a plane with his buddies.

[@racheldueck8100]

I have rewatched this so many times because I love the guy's family. The speed with which they reacted is impressive.

[@olikah4667]

9:47 yeah, the fiancée is a narcissist herself

[@nats9524]

It's like a masterclass in manipulation tactics and massive red flags... I'm impressed the family handled the situation with so much composure and dignity, the brother saved himself from misery for sure! I'm glad they're all going to therapy so they can process this and hopefully the next girlfriend will actually make him happy, love and respect him

[@Jenna-vb3ne]

As someone raised by two narcissists, it is literal hell. Every type of abuse you can imagine is employed. It’s always the victim’s fault. They isolate you and are only nice when they want to use that to manipulate or shame you. I’ve tried to move away multiple times and they wipe me out financially every time. It was so normal to me to be the horrible monster that I only went to therapy to try to fix myself from being a horrible person. Only for my therapist to look horrified when I started talking about my ‘normal’ life. Run far and fast from narcs. They will destroy your life and blame you for it all while telling you how much you deserve to suffer. I’m working very hard to get out of my situation and quietly taking back my power. (I’m thirty and not even ‘allowed’ to have my own car.) I’m glad this family had one good parent and that they dodged another awful relationship. If a person ever seems too good to be true or love-bomb-y. Run. If anyone gaslights you. Run. If anyone enables a known abuser. Run. No one deserves abuse. Do not let those people get claws in you. And I’m sorry for any kids who grew up in it and that’s all they’ve ever known of family. It’s a horrible existence, but there are ways out. Stay safe, everyone.

[@LiseWrigley]

I just spent xmas with a family of four narcissists. Two and a half days in a row. Exhausting. No wonder I left home extremely early.

[@joybodelay9679]

Me too. I am so sorry to us both, that we went through that.

[@LiseWrigley]

Poor dear. I am glad you see with wide open eyes how things stand and that you are taking care of yourself. May life be good and your instincts strong. By the way, we just watched a good Will Ferril ( spelling?) series about a very nice guy and a sociopathic shrink. Called the Shrink Next Door. Probably too triggering for victims to watch and certainly a bit hard for the rest of us too, waiting a long time for the comeupance, but the acting is mostly great. Especially Will's sister. Anyone watching narcissism youtubes will find it good.

[@thamertanner5448]

Hey, I know I'm just a stranger on the internet but I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? Is your therapist helping you make a plan of escape? Do you have any kind of a support system? I really wish I could help you escape somehow. Stay strong, it will get better! If you ever need a friend to talk to feel free to reach out. 💜

[@Jenna-vb3ne]

Well. This came at a time. Things have turned a bit. I’ve always felt unsafe in my house, but recently found out my dad has been a used of SA by multiple different people over the years. So my sanity is kind of at an all time low. Seriously considering starting a gofundme just to get out a little sooner. Not sure it would help. Don’t have a lot of reach and I wouldn’t want them to find out. I already have to use false names on my things as it is. My therapist and my small group of friends are keeping me sane. But I feel like I’m hanging by a thread some days. Just trying to keep my head down. At worst it’ll be next spring before I can get out and never have to come back. Just gotta keep my head down and sanity up for that much longer. Harder once you realize truely how messed up and dangerous it is with these people. Thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate that. Strangers on the internet can be the best. ❤️❤️

[@obxpyrate]

"Are you a narcissist?" Nope. She blew right past narcissist and went careeneing into full sociopath

[@ronireeves910]

My best friend's father was (and still is) a narcissist. I remember her getting into therapy and opening up to me about all the things her father did to control her. Up to this point I had supported her every time she tried to reconcile with her father. I also had a rough relationship with my father so it felt like we were navigating this together. When she started opening up to me boy oh boy did I realize how different our situations were. People need to stop comparing the struggles others have with narcissistic parents to the struggles they have with their own parents because it is not the same. My father felt remorse for the pain he caused me, her father 100% did not. You need to trust the victims because when it comes down to it, they lived that experience and you did not. They are the ones who have most likely talked to therapists and other specialists, and you have not. It's ok for you to not understand, but if you are their friend you need to trust them. Also as a side note, I feel the people who defend narcissists (even after learning about the abuse) are either a) in a situation where they are dealing with a narcissist and haven't realized it yet, b) are someone who has done something to hurt someone and are remorseful and afraid they will not be forgiven, or c) are a narcissist themselves.

[@KayleeFarnes]

More people should read Jeanette McCurdy's memoir. I am very blessed to have helpful, loving parents, but after reading her book I understand more why people cut off relationships with their parents (or other family members). Sometimes it's necessary. And even if you can't fully understand, you have to respect other people's boundaries.

[@bethapascua]

My estranged husband is a narcissist & he says that his children & I are "ungrateful" for everything that he has done for us. Sorry, that I'm not grateful for the abuse that he inflicted on myself & my children for too long. I am happy that through therapy I was able to recognize what he was doing to all of us & I got myself & my children out of there.

[@tomnorton8499]

I remember reading this story and already knew the was a NTA, but it also reminded me of how often people raised in these situations end up picking a narcissistic partner too. I'm so glad they found out before the marriage happened.

[@joywebster2678]

Many of us do despite picking carefully. Narcs maintain good masks when they have a goal, and poof they reveal themselves when you are isolated in a remote spot with them. It behooves children of the Narc to get therapy before choosing life partners!

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Yes.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@joywebster2678 True.

[@tyyneviljakainen5108]

Exactly my little brother did and he cancelled himself 2017 now that B ich enjoys his salary as widow pension.

[@courtneystewart8006]

Random comment but i really appreciate the yellow lines in the text as Charlotte reads the story. It helps ke follow along and not get distracted by losing track of where she might be in the paragraph. My ADHD thanks you.

[@ericcesarmorales1195]

Can we just take a minute to applaud the great parent they had? The father raised them all to feel loved, valued, and to care for each other. The way they united, supported one another, and reinforced what real love is supposed to be like--Beautiful!

[@mysticseraph2213]

That mother and ex-fiancee were quite the pieces of work. But what an awesome family unit OP, Dad, and her two brothers are (oh, and the nice SIL, Ana). Even after all of that, they still have a great outlook, reminding each other not to spend energy on toxic people who aren't worth it. Remarkably healthy, considering everything they've been through. Here's wishing them all great things for the future; they certainly deserve it! ❤

[@idaslapter5987]

If somebody on purpose ever invited my father to an event that I was going to, I would never speak to them again. People need to believe that childhood abuse is real, and "no contact" is a valid choice.

[@kaylapounds1359]

Ditto. When I had a nosy coworker try to tell me I had a dad when I said I didn't an then proceeded to use religion against me for saying I didn't, it was over. I can't stand it when people try to tell you how you should think and feel.

[@lewis5041]

Charlotte is so right about narcissists... i dated one for 8 months, worst months of my life... she would say something nasty to me and when i asked why she said it, she tried gaslighting and said i said it, even when i had proof... bit like the 200 texts she sent when i broke things off then told everyone i sent her them. Just hoping all those "friends" she was sooooo nice to their face, found out how nasty she had been behind their backs when they chose to believe her and not me :(

[@erikarussell1142]

That’s what they do. They come into your life and implode everything. Then act surprised and mad at you like you did it. My ex would start conversations in the middle of us talking and be loud about it especially in public. Then when I would act off guard and confused, he’d say things like what is wrong with you?! Are you okay?! I think you really need some like real mental help… that’s what you were saying not me! Lol like I’m the crazy one.

[@lillyvaughn5398]

That sounds awful, I’m so sorry that happened to you! I hope wherever you are now, you are happy!

[@LaMariposaSedosa]

I had an ex who I just knew would be a problem when we broke up. I didnt like him but I was scared of what he might do. He definitely is spreading lies about me, and it's most likely weird things that he has actually done. It's to the point that I have anxiety about being out on public and running into his family.

[@Anemicpanda]

I dated a narcissist for almost a year. He was even a friend before we started dating. I had no idea how cruel he could be. When we broke up, he told our mutual friends that I killed his cat!! She was 15 years old! She died of old age. She was the sweetest cat too.

[@erikarussell1142]

@@Anemicpanda yeah that’s what happened with my narcissistic ex. I had no clue. I was completely blindsided. And he was so unattractive, people used to ask what I saw in him. My answer was always “he’s so good to me, you just don’t understand.” But the it went to “please help me out of this mess “. He was insane and I had to make sure he didn’t stalk my kids, my mom, or my 90yo grandpa. It was awful. I’m so sorry to anyone whose lived through that. You ARE worthy of love, you are NOT worthless, and YOU ARE VALID. 🫶🏼 stay strong my besties

[@honeybee9705]

The fiancée was displaying narcissistic traits from the get go, and it sounded like history was about to repeat itself. The sister saved him, definitely NTA.

[@cornelia9778]

What a good solid family all supporting each other. How nice.

[@loveli420]

Sam's ex is UNBELIEVABLE. A complete and total narcissist no better than the mother!

[@GalinaEv]

yeah, also the way it was written and Char read it, seems like mother and ex merged into one manipulative beast

[@1987MartinT]

I'm thinking the ex didn't even care about the mother. She wanted to force Sam to forgive his mother for her narcissistic abuse, because otherwise, if she couldn't get him to do that, how would she ever be able to get him to forgive her own future narcissistic abuse?

[@IzleyiciBilmemKac]

I don't think that she is narcissist, most probably has borderline personality disorder. A narcissist would not try to get someone back with pregnancy or with suicide threat. I am happy for him. He was really close to a life as hell.

[@denisebrown7680]

This was handled so perfectly. Kudos to 0P, her family (dad's side), and friends. I also think her brother dodged a missile. His fiancée sounded like a bit of a narcissist herself. * Sad Note: Although, hopefully, most people successfully avoid getting ensnared by the "suicide tactic," there are times when they don't. I had a dear friend who wasted the best years of his youth being stuck in a relationship with an insanely jealous girlfriend when she threatened suicide if he broke up with her. I lost touch with him in (full grown) adulthood, but I pray that he eventually escaped her.

[@Hannah-ed9et]

Yup, I was stuck in a relationship for 5 years because I believed my ex when he threatened to unalive himself. It was the first time I ever heard anyone say it and I thought it would be my fault.

[@kimberly_erin]

Oh I know someone whose ex is doing this to them right now! A grown ars adult trying to manipulate someone into contact by saying this. I deleted the rest of my comment because they are truly psychotic and a narcissistic so they will think anything someone writes who knows them is about them.

[@leighellencarson]

I love these single story videos! As brutal as they are, it’s like exposure therapy to what to look out for in life. 😂

[@OviMathafeni]

The dad was so supportive ❤

[@CriticallyMe]

Omg, I wish that beautiful family all the happiness in the world 💛

[@sheila1366]

It is never ok for an SO to override the decision to go No Contact with their parent. Never. Never. It isn't her decision. It doesn't matter whether the SO knew the details. It should have been enough that he said no to a relationship with his mother and she didn't care what he wanted.

[@Smashingblouse]

Charlotte is right about the narcissistic parent thing. I’ve had to cut contact with my mother despite my heart screaming over and over that she deserves more chances. She doesn’t. She doesn’t care at all. I hope anyone going through that is ok. I’m sending strength as much as I can. It’s so sad.

[@wickiwo1098]

Yes and same here. Giving narcissists another chance is just an opportunity for them to victimize you - again. Go no contact, if at all possible.

[@Smashingblouse]

@@wickiwo1098 it’s so tricky. I genuinely hope that we can get over how badly we were treated. I really wish strength for all that have been affected. Tonight I feel tearful but I’m allowed to cry a bit, we are strong

[@LazyIRanch]

@@Smashingblouse (((HUGS))) Yes, you ARE strong! You've survived 100% of every thing that's tried to destroy you so far! Dr. Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the _first time.”_ I've always struggled with that because I want to give second chances. Every time I've given a wicked person a second chance, they just pushed the knife in harder and gave it a twist.

[@selina8418]

Poor Sam, but thank goodness he has such an amazing family to back and support him throughout all of this. Even the family had a tough time and it's never easy but it clearly made them more bonded as a family. To those who enjoy reading, try "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" it's not about narcissists but it is very helpful.

[@kirsicat]

Sam sounds so wonderful, I’m so sorry that he went through this.

[@laurahemenway4608]

It says at the beginning that the brother was real clear about how he felt about his mom. The ex kept saying he was being too dramatic. It's real clear the ex was ignoring his boundaries.

[@chrisjadeflorence6371]

Think the Dad’s difficult journey to protect his family’s wellbeing in his children’s childhood helped give these awesome siblings their integrity and strength to pull together and protect their brother’s peace (when timing was hardest). So glad they’ve got each other, incl Ana, who also sounds wonderful. I hope they can get on without anymore noise. Cut off is a hard decision and should be trusted and met with compassion, never judgement. Here’s to bouncy castles and wine!

[@poptart144000]

I only heard a quarter of the story & knew you did the best thing. You see people's true colours at what's meant to be the happiest time for you both. All the best to this loving family. I should've done this for my middle brother, would've saved him years of gaslighting & bullying from her family.

[@angelpandadaylane4924]

Can you rescue me too please. Can I rent basement?

[@nekk-ra7080]

My mother would be best described as a bi-polar, sociopathic narcissist, even if clinically there is no such thing. The mother in the story is downright nice compared to my mother, who would crawl into bed with my sister's boyfriends because they "deserved to have a real woman, not a little girl". Yeah. Father divorced her when my sister and I were kids, and I wasn't sad to see her go. Unfortunately, my sister turned out to be just like her, so I not only didn't have a mother, I don't have a sibling either. Sympathize with anyone who has a parent/family member along these lines.

[@ktwhimsy6946]

It always seems to go one way or the other (to the extreme) for kids with disordered/cluster b parents - sorry to hear your sis went dark side! I’ll eventually have to write a book about the insanity of my childhood, because there are so many nuanced details that are hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t experienced ab*se via manipulation & coercive control tactics etc, but let’s just say it all recently accumulated to my biological father & diagnosed histrionic NPD stepmother legally ADOPTING my ex-fiancé at the age of 38 (didn’t know you could do that? Me neither!) So now on paper; I am legally related to the man I almost continued my own ab*se cycle with, in a romantic long term relationship… that makes him my adopted half step brother I guess? 👍🏼 The reasoning behind adopting him was that she (evil stepmother) “always wanted to be a mother, but chose not to have children because I was such a sensitive child” - so not only is it my fault she never had biological kids (not the hysterectomy she had at 28), but it’s also why she was forced to pay thousands of dollars to legally adopt my ex as a full grown man… I sent a “congrats, it’s a boy”! card in the mail with no return address & went no contact 2 years ago, that’s my happy ending ✨

[@Griffogurl87]

I have a burning question: does anyone else think Daniela could have or was possibly having contact with the DM (devil mother) prior to the wedding, during the planning or before that, developed a connection because they are kindred spirits or the whole "family" thing, and because they talked, this could have been planned or the DM talked about those details before?

[@lynninthetrashbin]

I would not be surprised.

[@carmeltabby]

It sounded like she was repeating things the DM said verbatim so ya, I assume there were lunch dates or something because the ex was curious about whether the son was telling the truth or not. Recognized a kindred spirit and realized her own future as a wife and mother would be in jeopardy if the son was anything like his father.

[@FullMoonKitty]

probably same attracts the same

[@_jennem_]

The fiancée sounds like the estranged mother. He dodged a bullet.

[@PawsAndPurrsLife]

Her inviting his mom is the best thing that could have happened to him. He was saved from a wife just like his mother

[@j.roberts6601]

Leaving Daniella was the best thing you could’ve ever done, she’s just as crazy as your mother. That’s why she wants your mother around. You did the right thing bless you and I hope the rest of your life is better without them.

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

Yes, narc reinforcements

[@tyyneviljakainen5108]

Agree. Guy might didn't had good mother but at least rest of the siblings and father wasn't flying monkeys as many siblings are in this kind of dynamics where real victim of parental natsistic abuse is seeing as devils themselves.

[@JessicaSmith-np1vv]

As someone who went no-contact with their own narcissistic mother this families bond and how they dealt with it was highly satisfying

[@kiciaharleyofalabama6105]

I had to go no contact with my own mom because she is a narcissist and everything was about her and wouldn't stay out of my business. Going so far as to trash my husband at every opportunity because she didn't like him. So I felt like I had no choice in order to live a drama free life.

[@erikarussell1142]

Good for you. Blood or not, you don’t get to treat people that way

[@meowiestwo]

I'm sure that was so hard, and good for you for doing what you need in order to protect yourself and your relationship. There are whole groups on reddit where partners can't or won't stand up to a mean/evil MIL and it's so damaging to their relationship. I'm sorry you had to make that choice. Family is so complicated

[@brookiebakerie]

Me too. My husband and I were having a house built that was supposed to be finished within a few months of our wedding. I said that we needed to get a short term apartment and he convinced me that we should just ask my mom if we could stay with her. I told him he didn't understand... Long story short... We stayed with her. The house took three months longer than it should have. Mom was angry at my husband for all the things (that were not his fault.) We were "disowned" repeatedly. Blah, blah, blah. He believed me by the end. 😂 That was over 20 years ago. I finally went EXTREMELY low contact with her 3.5 years ago. I text her happy birthday and that's about it. I always knew she had issues but I never could quite figure out what the deal was. It's gotten worse as she's gotten older. I truly think she has NPD or BPD. I love her because she's my mom and in many ways I believe she did her best after her own royally screwed up upbringing. But I had to step back from the constant manipulation and drama. If someone tells me their parent or ex is like this, I believe them, because I've lived through it!!! It's mind-blowing, but can be totally true!

[@cspratt]

When I got engaged and posted a picture of my ring on Facebook, my mother contacted me, after months of no contact, to yell at me for not telling her first.

[@erikarussell1142]

@@cspratt Lmao oh yes, because you should prioritize her like she prioritized you. Right? Lol ouf. That entitlement and audacity is TICC

[@meganrector4496]

My husband flat out HATES his "biological donor" father. It took me a really long time to understand how he could truly hate his own flesh and blood. Even with a narcissistic mother, I could never go completely no contact. However, once I understood how deep the hurt was for him regarding his biological donor, I stopped suggesting they mend their relationship. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, and I've never laid eyes on the biological donor. I assume I never will, and I'm ok with that. Better to live a happy life without a toxic and abusive person, than to force a relationship that is doomed to fail. And I've learned that family isnt just blood relatives, it's the family you choose. ❤

[@alyssabarnes7442]

Get Bent Daniella had me rolling 🤣🤣🤣

[@JAYNEmM1962]

I'm so glad narcisstic abuse is well known now. I married a guy who was 21 I was 13 back in 1977. They make u crazy.until my therapist said hun you're with a covert narc. That day changed my life I had never heard of npd before. Thank you Charlotte

[@allisondavis6543]

Hubs politely explained that he saw her abusive behavior. Didn't allow her an out and basically ruined her narrative. All very sweet but firm. Mom refuses to speak to me now and am not mad

[@NullitasOfOne]

This one really hits home for me. I wont go into the details but my mom is the exact same way. When my dad passed from a heartattack a few years back she got even worse. Long story short I live with my siblings away from her now and we are doing a lot better mentally and physically. But this really brought up some bad memories for me. I am a huge believer that blood does not mean they cannot do you wrong, but you wouldn't believe how many people have told me to 'forgive her because she gave birth to you'. Family is who you allow into your life and loves you unconditionally, just because they are your blood does not make them your family and you owe them nothing if they mistreat you. People who think otherwise have never had to deal with that sort of abuse from people who was supposed to protect and love you.

[@joybodelay9679]

Absolutely agree, I told a therapist that I was going no contact with my parents, and she ARGUED with me, and said I couldn't do that!! I dropped her as a therapist.

[@GodlyWisdom_Discernment]

@@joybodelay9679 Good for you. When you're been born into a situation where no one has ever stood up for you or showed up for your mental and emotional well-being -- learn how to fiercely show up for yourself. Way too many Therapists have their own 'unaddressed issues' and 'warped morality' -- to be blindly handed credibility and unquestioned respect for their 'opinions.' Its a lot of work, but you can do the 'inner work' to HEAL your damn self. You don't NEED a Therapist -- to heal your mind and heart; anymore than you NEED a Religious Leader to save your soul. I had a Therapist many years ago and she was EXCELLENT. But I think Therapy is 'pure trash' these days. They rely on the 'usefulness' and 'credibility' of what getting professional Therapy USED TO BE once upon a time. Go read you some Carl Jung -- and learn everything you can abt the Individuation Process. Learn your natal chart. Learn your Human Design. Learn your Personality Type -- like Enneagram and Myers-Briggs, and so on. It takes time, but over the years you build up and upon 'solid layers' of profound SELF-AWARENESS and SELF-KNOWLEDGE that ultimately leads to Self-Mastery. Family is NOT everything -- and don't ever let any group-identity DEFINE you. Sometimes 'going no contact' is a vital part of SELF-CARE and WELL-BEING. B/c you can NEVER CHANGE OR FIX other people [that's never 'your work' to do in life] -- and if you don't like how they treat you or how you feel when they interact with you or have access to you, then the onus is on you to 'set + enforce healthy (mental and emotional) boundaries' that put yourself FIRST. Don't ever feel guilty or ashamed abt putting yourself FIRST. They're never going to do it. Nor are the onlookers who love to have 'opinions' abt the hurtfulness and abuse you should be willing to ENDURE and TOLERATE from others. So if no one in or around your life is ever putting you FIRST -- why should you 'refrain' from being the person to do so? I'm glad your instinct was to stand up for yourself -- 'the adult you' should be the PROTECTOR and HEALER of your own 'wounded inner child'. Fiercely protect her -- b/c no one else in your life ever will [even with the best of intentions]. If you don't know what she needs and deserves in life -- don't expect others to know it for you. All you have to do is focus on SELF-MASTERY. And that process alone will naturally weed out those that don't belong in your energetic orbit anyway.

[@kimtakahashi3879]

Holy crap! Thank God for the brother!!!!!!!!! He saved his brother's life for sure! Totally not the a-hole!

[@butterflygirlie7419]

Love how vibrant and animated you are!! The effects and cuts u use make me laugh. Keep up the good work. Love what ur doing! 😊

[@IrieRogue]

I'm impressed. This is a wonderful family, with true love and conviction. I can well relate, my birth mother and I had a similar relationship, and there are absolutely people in this world with which one should not communicate. This family handled these hurdles like a true bonded unit. May God bless them, and God speed to them on their journey through this turmoil.

[@notminghao]

I’m always so excited when charlotte posts videos they never fail to make me laugh

[@srideout91]

If you can’t limit contact with someone who is a narcissist, use the gray rock method. It can work on people who love drama or who are narcissistic. My psychiatrist told me about this method to use on one of my coworkers and the people who love to cause drama in my life who I can’t go to contact with because I work with them and it has worked tremendously. It was very hard at first but the individuals now leave me alone because I don’t give them the reaction that they want, I give them no reaction and I don’t even even acknowledge their existence unless I have to.

[@erikarussell1142]

I used this back in the day. They used to call it active ignoring. At one point I made my junior manager actually ask my coworker if she could see her. Lmao I just ignored the SHIZ outta her. She loved to micromanage and push her authority around. I never talked to her after a certain point. And then after that she started avoiding me. Lmao it’s amazing.

[@tmcbgrrl0074]

Yes! I just learned about the Grey Rock method. Sometimes so hard to not fight the Liars! Stay calm and 😣 carry on 😓

[@shawnycoffman]

Can confirm this works. It takes a little time to get the finesse required but it is truly effective.

[@aimlessalix8066]

Oops I've been doing this to annoying people all my life😂

[@LazyIRanch]

I also use the grey rock method when I have to be around one particular neighbor. He's one of those who believes in the craziest conspiracies, but if you show him proof of why his belief is wrong, he will never accept it. When he goes off about how the government is putting drugs in our water and it's making kids gay, I don't argue or respond. I walk away if I can. He insists that there's no difference between bacteria and viruses, and that all dogs have two stomachs (because it's in the Bible, he says). I suspect he may be a flat earther, because he doesn't believe there are any satellites circling the earth or that man has been to the moon.🙄 When I mentioned that 18 years ago when I first bought my rural property, satellite internet was all we could get. He called me a liar "because thar ain't no such thing as satellite internet".

[@Kazza_8240]

8:06 - I would say that's one of the worst things I've heard from a parent, but I just watched a video on moistcriticals channel showing a text conversation between a married couple who'd had a baby boy, the dad actually left and divorced the mum, because - she breastfed their baby, he actually said 'another man's mouth has been on you'! And 'we discussed it and you knew how I felt' and he was SO ANGRY at her for breastfeeding......🤦 smh....no words.....

[@tiffanyrigdon5306]

Wow, this was such a healing post for me 😂 I have narcissistic family and have felt like I was the problem for most of my life. I get crap from them for all the boundaries I have. This made me know I am doing the right thing for me and my family.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I remember this story and let me tell you. OP and her brothers deserve a far better mother than that she-devil! And that ex is also terrible. But thank goodness they have each other and their Dad. ❤ And I don't know about you, but I'd rather join the "cult" OP has than have a toxic family in my life. And I'm sure I'm not alone in this. 😊

[@delfyinc]

I don't fully know the deal with my husband and his family. I know they're low contact, but not why, and the most I ever did was (early in our relationship) ask something like "that's a long time, shouldn't you call them?" and when he said no, I pretty much dropped it. I say "pretty much" because I have since made it clear that I'm on his side no matter what he decides.

[@OnePoetWanderer]

My husband always respected that I was low contact with my parents and never expected me to force some kind of a relationship with them. While he didn't fully understand, because he is very close with his parents, he was 100% on my side. (Even said at one point when my parents had been to visit and spent some time with his family 'look, if MY mom can't even get a conversation going with your parents, there is something wrong, because she can get conversation out of anyone.') Whenever I'd start to wonder if I was being too hard on them he'd support me and remind me that I'm not crazy.

[@aburkadabra]

I kept refreshing my feed and almost cried. Thank you for being part of what gets me through my days you’re a strong feminine energy I absolutely love listening to ❤

[@erikarussell1142]

Amen to that! Not looking forward to her new schedule, but I’m excited for her to have more her time.

[@CharlotteDobre]

You're the best!

[@erikarussell1142]

@@CharlotteDobre 🫶🏼🤟🏼

[@lindageorge8209]

I reckon the rescuing of the brother is going to be the story they tell for years to come! It's going to become a family legend.

[@ronrogers876]

This brought back such lovely memories for me. Ms Dobre, thanks for the recurring dreams.

[@photobug.rose28]

I don’t wanna put the entire story here, but long story short I’ve been no contact with my biological mother since I was 19 and the only reason I gave her a chance of rekindling any kind of contact was because of an ex-boyfriend and an ex-friend of mine. They were so convinced that because she was “my mom” that I needed to make room for her in my life and because I thought I trusted these people I did it and it made things so much worse and it made my mental health way worse. Now that I’ve gone back to no contact my life is so much better for it. I’m better for it. So never let anyone else, no matter how important they are to you, tell you how to deal with the complex issues of cutting contact with the people who raised you because that is no one else’s business except you and your parents.