AITA for not telling my parents that the event they were missing was my wedding? Dusty Reacts!

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AITA for not telling my parents that the event they were missing was my wedding?
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[@auntlynnie]

Ah yes, the super-secret wedding that they received an official/formal paper invitation to.

[@farah_aa]

There needs to be a new button called 'F THESE PEOPLE'

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

Yes agreed

[@m0L3ify]

Mom was absolutely aware of the wedding. I know going no contact is hard because of the overwhelming guilt of obligation, especially when OP was physically punished for outing their abuse, but boy, she's gonna be SO much happier once she does and the aftermath settles down.

[@aralornwolf3140]

OP should go NC, Sue Parents for Trauma, and start therapy... Maybe not in that order.

[@spunkydiva]

What the actual hell!!! They got a paper invite and have the audacity to say they didn’t know about it????

[@Justin-A-Carter]

I have a feeling that trash bro had it brother may have thrown the invitation out before you know

[@elizabethbertucci9313]

Brother may have thrown it out, but she texted them to make sure they got it. It’s on them if they decided not to answer. 🤷‍♀️ Sucks for them

[@strawberi6257]

​@@Justin-A-CarterI'm wondering if this happened after he was bought a house 🤔

[@mangamegbe]

They can’t claim they didn’t know. They were given an invitation and she mentioned it multiple times. They deserved to miss that wedding and be shamed.

[@tohrurikku]

So no one talked to her parents about the upcoming wedding? If I knew a family member's kid was getting married I would have called them up and talked to them about it, let them boast about their kid, and then go over the details of that day together. It is very telling that supposedly no one called them. There is especially no excuse for the grandfather to have not call his son before the wedding too. Either a lot of people are lying to themselves while trying to make themselves look innocent in all of this, or this family is more messed up than what OP realizes. Her wedding was better off without those poor excuses of human beings being there.

[@r10greyhoundsrule87]

NTA. A lifetime spent being made to feel inferior, insignificant, invisible, and in the way isn't remedied by an insincere, forced apology. Dad's remorseful only after a dressing down he got from someone he respected; his remorse isn't for her pain, his remorse is for his own lack and weakness being a father. Not her fault he was such a wimp her entire life. Too bad. Should have spoken up and been a real father to her long ago. Mom is guilted into apology to save face with the community - the same community who views the brother as a god on the football field. They can go pound sand. OP isn't wrong in any of it and to heck with the family members chastising her. Where were they when her mother needed chastising her entire life? Where were they throughout her life at home telling her father to grow a spine? Where was their involvement in her life when she was always pushed into the shadows while they reveled in the brother's life? Did they never realize that brother's achievements were plastered all over social media but they never saw anything about the daughter? Why didn't they notice and get involved then? Because they're all the same as the mother. OP has a wonderful husband, a new family going into the future, and a former family who can ask for all the forgiveness in the universe and OP can certainly choose to forgive, but forgiveness doesn't mean she's going to be their doormat one breath longer. To shake the weight of the past off her own shoulders, she should forgive but she doesn't have to socialize with any of them, associate with any of them, tolerate their abhorrent behavior, listen to any of their nonsense, allow them to berate her on any social media platform; as for the aunts putting their noses into her business when they only see one side - her mother's side - they should be told to butt out: they weren't there for her entire childhood into adulthood where she tried telling her mother of her wedding and was closed down - they never stood up for her, defended her, got involved with her life back then, so as a married woman now, they think they have the right to dictate her behavior to her? They don't get to do that. They don't deserve the right to tell her anything. They shouldn't be chastising her as if she's a small child who made a mistake. The aunts and other family members can have all the opinions in the world, but that doesn't mean they are right; nor does it mean OP's feelings and opinions and behavior is wrong. That family was toxic as heck and the mere fact that OP was not infected with that level of arrogance, selfishness and bullish behavior is a credit to her courage and strength. Those blowing up OP's phone dictating that she should do this, do that, say this, say that are completely out of line. Each should be told that one more message, text, call concerning this matter and they'll be blocked and all communication with them, henceforth, will cease. The parents made a conscious decision all these years to favor the brother over the sister and didn't give a fig what people thought of them back then, so why do they care what people think of them now? Oh, I know. Now their dirty secret is out and they look like disgusting clowns. OP should let them stay in the cesspool of a circus they created all these years while she gets on with her new life far away from them. Sometimes, there is just too much pain, too much damage caused for reconciliation. She can certainly free herself of the anvil of toxicity they caused her carry all these years by forgiving them for her own sake and well being but she doesn't have to spend one more breath with them or communicating with them. Too little; far too late, and only because they were publicly embarrassed by their own actions. OP isn't responsible for any of it.

[@ssamelion1sard914]

Atonement is not just an apology. It's a process of rituals and steps to change, heal & mend. You're better off w|o them.

[@OllieRamone]

She updated and she disowned them all and ruined their reputations

[@ladylauraanne]

NTA. They made their choice years ago on treating OP and brother differently. She definitely needs to go no contact with Mom and brother, and low to no contact with Dad since he's the only one showing any actual remorse.

[@PenelopePeriwinkle]

She sounds like my mother. I was no contact until a week before she died. I made sure I was there she took her last breath. I was free. I discovered after - she refinanced her home and paid off my brother’s house. Now my dad has to work until he’s 100. Go no contact OP.

[@hrobinson9701]

Are you feeling bad for daddy? Because he had to sign off for that refinance too, and he should have been aware of what that would mean for his retirement.

[@PenelopePeriwinkle]

@@hrobinson9701 she forged his signature all the time. He let her handle all the finances. Now I handle everything for him. She made a mess.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

After what happened to OP when she was 14, never mind all the rest of this crap with missing all her graduations and such, she needs to go NC -- change her phone numbers, change her address, get mail at the post office, put her house in the name of an LLC and swear grandpa to secrecy. Screw every single person who wants to berate OP for the parents missing the wedding - because we all know IF they had gone, it would have been all about the brother in one way or another. I'm so glad she had a lovely wedding and stress-free honeymoon! Now to continue in that vein and have a life just like that.

[@Wander85942]

They’re hurting because OP controlled the narrative. She didn’t even have to try that hard to expose her parents favoritism

[@jeannadavis2872]

I would make one post stating all the ways they knew of the wedding- mailed invites that I confirmed as rcv’d, the texts left on read, and multiple conversations with & around mom about details, and then block *everyone* who called me out.

[@JasmynSundayrose]

It's clear to me that the crap mom didn't want OP.

[@MAUUmadness]

I would share this post on all my socials (update included) and then block and go no contact with my so called family, I don't know how I feel about the dad, because if he truly cared about his daughter, why didn't he try to go to the wedding? Or why didn't he say something? At least offer a gift, in my eyes he's as bad as the mother, he's just better at reflecting the guilt. About the rest of the family, I would go no contact with anyone giving me poop for keeping my wedding "a secret".

[@hrobinson9701]

Agreed. Daddy may seem spineless but he was as bad as mommy. He was just quieter about it. Someone in the comments wondered why the extended family did not talk about the wedding with the parents and I have to assume that the parents never talk about OP. If anyone brings up OP's name, they change the subject to talk about their son. Someone else in the comments wondered if the son destroyed the wedding invitation before the parents even saw it, which would be daddy's only valid excuse for "not even knowing about the wedding" that OP freely discussed in front of family.

[@strawberi6257]

​@@hrobinson9701🤔 I wonder if brother was even living with them at the time or in the house they bought him. Being spineless and allowing abuse isn't much different than being the abuser. 🤨 Neglect is just as painful as a bruise. 😢

[@alicedelgado955]

there was an update. OP confronted the family to know why they treated her this way. the game they chose to attend was a fake excuse. they went to Disneyland instead. brother got the invite and trashed it before the parents knew. he said he found OP's misery entertaining and mom took his side because she plainly said she just didn't like OP, no rhyme or reason. mom's side of the family took her side, so OP cut them all off. dad said he's divorcing her and wants to make amends, but OP said he took too long to do anything, so she cut him off too

[@dustythunder]

We covered it on Sunday - it will post to KZbin soon.

[@Justin-A-Carter]

I hear these stories where parents don't like their children like this. And it makes me blessed that I have a mother that loves her kids equally. And she has a specific relationship with each of us. Like each relationship she has with her children is different. But it's equal you know what I mean

[@warrenbaum19862005]

I absolutely love when he does the voice change! Reminds me of Moira Rose from Schitts Creek

[@user-blob]

Dusty on good comedy form with this one 🤣🤣🤣 Also, Christ! What vile people 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@valeriewilleto5583]

Heard this story before. However, you make this even better!😊

[@Alexa03123]

I would love to know what OP’s mom was threatening her with. Cutting her out of the will? Disowning her? 😂😂😂

[@stephanieferguson9449]

Abus is never okay , I hope that they truly went no contact

[@Adamarchy77]

Op has every right to have her wedding when she wants, but this feels machiavellian, it feels like she wanted to finally bring this to light to the family and knew they’d catch hell for this, fair play to her lol

[@karri8998]

No contact and walk away.

[@merlinathrawes746]

Absolutely well done OP!

[@Ladiofthewoods]

Sure, OP told them, sent invites etc. More than enough info to attend the wedding, complete aholes! OP NTA! Love, love that everyone gave them crap, glad Dad found his backbone and so happy you found a great new family. Much ❤

[@josabby474]

The Dad is every bit as responsible for everything that happened to OP as her mother, he just took a slightly more passive role by never standing up to her. He still participated in the physical beating and gaslighting OP got at 14, still blew OP’s college fund on a car for the brother as well as bought him a house, skipped all of OP’s major events in favor of her brother, did nothing when her brother broke into her apartment trying to steal cash, ignored the wedding invitation, etc and he’s going to cry and have a pity party only after his father goes off one him? Divorce the wife anyway, by all means as she’s inflicted years of trauma on their daughter. Dad had over two decades to do something and he failed. F him as well.

[@Syracuse2406]

It’s the Moira Rose accent for me 😂😂

[@merlinathrawes746]

Did they even bother to read the invites they were sent??? Regardless, go no contact with these people. You don't need them in your life. But please set up some security for your new place, it's not that hard to trace someone if you really try.

[@alicedelgado955]

there was an update. brother got the invite when parents weren't home. he trashed it. the game the family attended wasn't real. they went to Disneyland instead

[@Rainbowofthefallen]

🖤🤎💜

[@tammydownes2413]

Both of my kids got married and I wasn't there. I don't make a big deal because one was a all of a sudden court house and the other because of the military and they were impatient. They know it hurt me and didn't give a shit so why should I. And before that their dad, not me got to meet the partners before me and again they knew but didn't care. For back story he didn't raise them I did. I was a single mom and every time I'd ask him for help I always got "I don't have it!" So child support found it for him. We struggled because he was butt hurt. He remarried twice and excepted the new kids with ease but not ours. This has put a huge whole where there never should have been one so I still don't give a shit. I'm in my 50s and in a few months I'm walking away and never looking back. No inheritance and no long distance help will they get from me. So good job parents you are the ass holes.