AITA For NOT Treating My Daughter For A Medical Condition - AITA Reddit Stories

[@fufufuaru]

"Also, not their business." But she made it strangers' business no?

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Thank you, the audacity of her hypocrisy and narc behavior

[@BraveryWing26]

No OP. If I was family and you ruined my niece's life like that IT IS MY PROBLEM.

[@saharadsouza]

So she has trauma from being in and out of hospitals… so she wants her daughter to experience the same thing instead of getting it fixed?

[@hiraeth2314]

Agreed. She doesnt want her daughter dealing with about two days in the hospital to prevent her from suffering bc of her own trauma, but she thinks it's fine to not do anything and have her end up there for months at a time?

[@Arylwren1]

@@hiraeth2314 she was more worried about the time spent with both arms in casts, but still. OP needs more therapy if she can't separate her trauma from the medical needs of her child.

[@brigidtheirish]

Radioulnar syostosis is a generally non-painful deformity that restricts movement in the forearm but not much else. OP wanted to prevent her daughter having to spend time in the hospital *at all.* Given my own family's history, I can understand that. However, given the relative simplicity of the correction, I do think she's letting her past trauma over-ride sense.

[@immapotato1]

pretty sure hers was fixed just later in life (possibly due to the treatment was worse before) now she'd rather have her kid suffer a lifetime of pain instead cause in her mind the pain doesn't matter (clearly she doesn't know about it as she got the surgery)

[@brigidtheirish]

@@immapotato1 If she got it fixed later in life, then she had it long enough to know about the pain. Or, she got the surgery early, it was botched, and it caused *more* pain and required *more surgery.*

[@annanoble4529]

It’s funny that she didn’t like the husband dragging the family into but she felt it necessary to drag the whole internet into it.

[@Hanzo1]

Narcissists can do no wrong

[@ComaLies225]

It sounds like she was trying to get random people on her side to justify her actions

[@jaymel4691]

Yeah, she wasn't prepared to have the internet dog pile on her either, lol. She was looking for people to support her, not seeking actual advice.

[@mindyschocolate]

Yup. I would have pointed that out to her.

[@TraceyBoyland]

RIGHT!!!!

[@stirlingarcher7972]

I don’t think the husband was wrong to drag the family into it. It’s better than the nuclear option, going to court to ask a judge to overrule the mother, sometimes it happens with married parents in situations like this where one parent is refusing life changing surgery for a ridiculous reason. I’m glad the kid’s surgery went well and her quality of life has been improved. You can live a meaningful life with a painful ailment but if you don’t have to you shouldn’t be forced to.

[@Daydream_N]

Also the mother saying it's none of the familys business is wild. Like they're also the daughter's family and they'd have to watch her grow up in pain and live life like that forever. This mom is absolute garbage

[@Davtwan]

Trauma is a Hell of a drug. That husband is a rockstar for getting her a therapist and making sure she stays mentally grounded for her hospital stays. He has the patience of a saint. I hope she learns from her new therapist not to let trauma control her life. (Also as important, I hope health care continues to improve so future children won’t ever get OP’s hospital experiences ever again.)

[@zoe9190]

I agree, husband wasnt wrong to drag in family about this, op did the same thing but with stangers so her point is mute

[@kratkartan1486]

Reminds me of the game OFF. That's more or less the plot of the game.

[@katie6731]

I'm disabled by painful, chronic, inherited conditions. If my parents could have prevented the pain that has taken over my life, but chose not to, I don't think I could forgive them. Going forward, OP definitely needs help so that she doesn't infect her daughter with her own fear of hospitals and medical personnel. The child may have inherited other issues that will need to be addressed. If her mom makes her too frightened to care for herself appropriately, she will suffer unnecessarily.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

"I would have dug my heels in more if the family insisted she needed the surgery." That says it all to me. What a selfish hypocrite she was willing to be out of what? Spite? Because her family was trying to look out for a little girl in pain. I won't say she's a full blown Narcissist, but that is an incredibly Narcissistic thing to even think. Thank God the little girl got the surgery practically no thanks to her mother. Story 2: Nta guy was being a creep and your dog gave a warning growl. He's a good boy.

[@aluralovell6829]

To be fair to OP in story 1 that's what tends to happen when people are yelling at and dog piling you, also you don't know her history with her family, her family could have a history of being nosy, overstepping boundaries, and being controlling. Would they have been right in this situation to insist she gets her daughter the surgery yes? Would she have been wrong to refuse? Yes, however, I think people forget that the way you say something can affect the situation, yelling at and dogpiling someone is a good way to get them to dig their heels in and tune you out, I should know I've done it, not over anything nearly as serious and when I was younger but still. It's human nature, no one likes to feel like they're being forced into something or ganged up on that's why they suggest that you talk to people calmly and say you understand while calming continuing to state your point as that method works much better, even with OP you can see this is true as she listened to those who stated their points calmly and clearly but argues against those who were rude and nasty about it. I don't think her admitting in hindsight that she would have dug her heels in makes her a bad person, just that she realizes that, that method at the time wouldn't have worked.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

@@aluralovell6829I would say we don't know what the family is like either though. We don't know if they're nosy and overbearing. If I was aware that one of my siblings had a child that needed surgery to improve their quality of life and that sibling didn't wanna do anything about it because of their own hang-ups, I would be upset about it because the people involved are ones I care about. I wouldn't be mean about it, but I would do everything I could to try to talk them around. It isn't right to get stubborn over things that concern someone else because that's just selfish. That's what troubles me about that particular point. If it was her own body, fine be stubborn about it. You're the one who has to deal with it, but to extend that same attitude toward her child just doesn't sit right with me.

[@aluralovell6829]

@@Resilient_Sage88 Well she's a mother, it doesn't make her right but you have to understand that parents believe they know what is best for their children especially if they've gone through the same thing. My dad used to do the same thing, so when other people who are not your child's parent and or haven't gone through the same thing are yelling at you to do something you're probably not going to listen because of A. Not only their child, so what do they know? And B. I've had this condition and they haven't so they don't know what it's like. I'm not saying any of this is okay, understanding something is not the same a condoning it. You're right we don't know how her family his one say or the other but I'm just saying why their involvement might have had that effect on her.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

@@aluralovell6829 I don't know, I feel like if I were in the daughter's shoes and I knew my mother did something like that, it'd be hard not to feel resentful. Putting her well-being off just to stick it to someone else isn't a healthy mindset either way. I understand that she's a parent but even so, they all have to accept they are not infallible.

[@aluralovell6829]

@@Resilient_Sage88 I don't disagree with that at all, I'm just saying I understand how it happens. As you said people are not infallible so she may not be able to see this especially if people are yelling at and dogpiling her. As I said I've done it before albeit over much smaller things and when I was literally a child but I still understand it. Probably not the best example but when I was a kid there was a girl who was always picking on me, always talking about me for no reason, and one day I got so annoyed with her that I knocked her books on the floor. Should I have knocked her books on the floor? No, but you what didn't help? People yelling at me to pick up the books, in hindsight maybe I should have neem the bigger person and picked up the books and truthfully speaking just because she was a bully didn't mean I needed to stoop and do something back to her so I was wrong for knocking over her books and should have picked them up purely on the basis that I was wrong for that specific action, but people were yelling and ganging up on me, I got defensive, dug my heels in and absolutely refused to pick them up.

[@justozzy5559]

Story 2: Not at all related to the story, but my cat Oak was reacting every time the dog Oaken was mentioned 🤣

[@A_Little_Bit_Of_Everything06]

That's very cute! My dog does the same thing with words similar to his name

[@margaretannfrank5480]

Hahahaha! Clever Kittie! A little off topic but when I was talking to my little girls about the Dead Sea Scrolls. Every time I said the word scrolls, my Golden Retriever Amber would run to the front window and bark. It didn’t take long to figure out that she thought I was saying “squirrels”! We all had a good laugh! We miss you Amber!

[@bluedragonfly8139]

"It's *not their business*" You were refusing your kid a life-altering surgery because *you* were scared of hospitals. It's 100% their business that you were doing that, that's part of that 'It takes a village' saying that some parents are so fond of. It means trying to get what's best for kids, even when their own parent is letting their wants and needs override what's best for the kid.

[@AceAviations2]

The problem with that is two-fold, it's CLEAR that this situation is because of trauma, which like it or not clouds a person's judgment on the situation. Also bringing the family in wasn't a good idea as in a different comment by ta_nya said: "With family every topic is always emotionally charged. There's also always baggage from prior arguments. Not a good environment for fruitful discussion. For all we know her family might have disregarded her trauma before this incident, which could have caused even more panic." Don't get me wrong OP was 100% in the wrong, but OP's husband should have gone to a therapist right away instead of getting the family involved, an outside voice. You also forget that trauma can REALLY fuck up someone's life, and it's clear that was the case for her. You need to realize that OP's trauma was likely clouding her judgement, she needed help, not family dog-piling onto her.

[@IamJenJen101]

Potentially her family was underplaying her trauma. It sounds like that's the case to me. For many people it's difficult to know you put your child through something that was traumatic to them. People go into denial. Also, parents do have a right to make decisions for their children, until it comes to abuse. People love to assert that parents have the right to make decisions for their child, until they disagree with the parenting choices. I think the majority of people in my country are dumbasses, and I wouldn't want popular vote deciding how I raise my child. The bar here is abuse. Neglecting your child by not getting them a necessary surgery is abuse. Rejecting your child's bodily autonomy is abuse. Rejecting your child's identity and forcing them to stay in the closet is abuse.

[@KB-tg7pf]

How hilarious is it that he TOLD THE POLICE that he grabbed the leash to see if it had her ADDRESS on it!! Not only admitted to exactly what she said he did, but even worse, was trying to force her to tell him where she lived! He thought the police would be okay with that?? Haha!

[@ScooterBond1970]

I also loved it when his clueless wife tried to defend him and the cops just "professionally laughed in her face". Whatta couple of scum.

[@carolroberts4614]

She'll be sorry. He'll find another way to overstep, and she may not be able to defend him!

[@mortenrahm]

see the thing is you don`t grab another dogs leash without asking first no even on dogs you know i would be pissed if that happend to me and so would my dog

[@Zaners82123]

She spent a lifetime in hospitals as opposed to her daughter being in there only for a few weeks instead of in and out of the hospital all her life

[@Flakey101]

I have spent over 2 years in hospital, not even counting just day visits. If I could spare some one that same thing with a surgery and a few months recovery, I would pick that every time for them.

[@arawin25]

@@Flakey101 Especially since a child that young most likely won't remember the surgery and recovery. I don't understand what the downside would be.

[@CocoCece08]

Which type of hospital, though?

[@Zaners82123]

@@CocoCece08 clearly it would be a medical hospital

[@brigidtheirish]

@@arawin25 The kid is *five.* She's going to remember.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 How selfish this op is to let her daughter suffer because of her own problems. Glad everyone managed to talk some sense into her.

[@WobblesandBean]

And she hasn't even learned anything. Her husband shouldn't have apologized at all! That's his child too, he had every right to get his family involved. This wretched woman deserves to lose her daughter AND her husband.

[@groofromtheup5719]

she was trying to protect her child from the scarring experiences she grew up with. That is not wanting to let her suffer. That is choosing one form of suffering over another.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@groofromtheup5719 but she’ll recover and live a normal life.

[@LunaMane]

@@groofromtheup5719 Two wrongs don't make a right - and in her bid to prevent her daughter from suffering from one trauma she could have done her child a great disservice with a lifetime of medical issues. Then what? The Tooth Fairy can't fix that.

[@Musiyca]

Unfortunately, met plenty of people like that - their conditions being physical disabillities, both parents, and their two children ended up with same but actually more savere disabilities early on in life. There's still a long ride for humanity ot unlearn the importance of blood related offsprings, I swear. Being a parent is not creating your own kid, it's how you care for others.

[@Nyanx4]

Sounds like OP did not learn their lesson. "Not their business?" _Yes,_ their business actually. Just like it's their business if you've found to keep your daughter locked in a closet instead of letting her go outside. The daughter is not her possession, she is a separate human being. And I think that's what made her bristle so much when people told her she shouldn't have had children-- those aren't children, those are her _THINGS._ Don't tell her she can't have more _THINGS._ Don't let other family members show concern about her _THINGS._ There was a friend I had growing up that had a really creepy dad, and he thought exactly like this. There were a lot of nasty things he did, but the most apt comparison to this situation- He believed could dictate whether or not she got braces because her teeth were _his_ until she turned 18. No interest in whether or not having painful, crooked teeth would affect her later in life. His teeth, his decision. What she felt about it (actually _wanting_ braces, believe it or not) didn't matter.

[@TYTfan]

It seems like she is your typical terrible narcissist. She needed her family and 20k people on the internet to knock even a tiny bit of sense into her.

[@Daydream_N]

My mother was so intensely controlling and crazy when I was younger that she literally wouldn't let me pick how i got my hair cut until I was like 16 bc according to her "It's her hair on my body"

[@mero.856]

eesh. my dad is just like this. i couldn't get my hair TRIMMED until 15 because it was 'his hair'. i'm 17 now and want to cut it all off, but i can't because, again, it's 'his hair'.

[@Peagaporto]

​@@Daydream_NPeople throw around narcisism aroun to easily nowadays. But a dead giveaway is seeing their children ar extensions of their own ego.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

​@@mero.856can you now?

[@milescoburn1845]

Second story: Not a gated community, not a private neighborhood. And once the guy changed his story from keys to ipad is the time to get away.

[@jaymel4691]

Oaken is a very Good Boy. That neighbor was acting shady as hell and very intimidating/threatening. OP did nothing wrong and the wife obviously knows her hubby has some ongoing problems with women based on her defensiveness about it. Scary. If it were me I would've let the dog bite him! And he was trying to check "embroidery" on the dog's leash? What BS. I'm glad this guy is apparently a terrible liar, lol. Hopefully it makes his predatory behavior easier to spot and avoid! Also, if this park isn't gated then that makes it "public", doesn't it? Nosy neighbors harassing people who come to use 'their' park sound awful too. Unless the neighborhood is actually paying for the park upkeep themselves, then they can't restrict people from using it. If it is their private park, then put a gate up and make it for the residents only!

[@Parasolhyena]

While I agree with you and just think the husband is a weird creep, I wonder if it could be less malicious reason and if it wasn't just the Husband thinking "he's a big strong man who looks out for his neighbors by -harrassing- driving out "weird strangers" that break into there community." I wonder if checking the leash for the embroidery address was gonna be a big Gotcha moment of "AH HA you don't live in this community."

[@ashh4929]

@@Parasolhyena That's kinda what I was thinking that it might lean to an "a-ha" moment. (Either intentions are shady as hell, obviously). All I know is if someone was grabbing for my dog for whatever reason, their ass is getting cut. He was lucky she didn't have pepper spray or something on her, because that is the kind of stupid behavior that gets people shot.

[@jgw5491]

@@Parasolhyena The whole idea of an embroidered address on the leash is bizarre. I've never heard of anyone doing that. People use tags and chips for ID. I hope the visit from the cops is his come-to-Jesus moment for harassing young women. And I hope that OP does go to that HOA meeting with her lawyer and the police report in case anyone wants to argue. OP and Oaken are the boss! 🏃‍♀🐶

[@elizabethmartin6707]

Story 1 reminds me of something that I heard about years ago. When I was a young teen, I had scoliosis surgery while living in Hawaii, which had a 3 month initial recovery period (all relevant info). After my recovery, I was told that there was another girl my age who has scoliosis just as severe as me, except that she was opting out of the surgery. Her parents decided that they "didn’t want their time in Hawaii ruined by her recovery."

[@tab4account128]

Poor girl what awful parents

[@lsmmoore1]

Like, did those parents think they were on vacation or something?

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 1 update: "Not their business"?!?! That little girl is their Granddaughter and Niece it vary much is Their Business when a minor child in the family is being abused and neglected.

[@Mkay999]

Story about dog growling: Never ever post anything in neighborhood groups. You’re asking for drama tbh. HOAs love drama

[@jeanproctor3663]

Story 2 - Park Man's Wife wants to be having a stern word with her husband about how he treats women that are NOT his wife! I'm glad that Oaken was so protective of his human. He's a Very Good Boy.

[@jerriewyatt905]

I can only imagine how OP’s daughter would grow up to resent her mother for not having this medical issue addressed while she’s a little girl… letting her suffer until she might not have been able to have corrective surgery done once she’s old enough to make the decision on her own..I’m glad op finally made the right decision.. Story about the park guy creep…The dog was on a leash and the man confronted her.. the dog did what he was trained to do… with all the assaults going on in broad daylight let alone night, it’s good to have a protective dog..the wife should have been questioning her husband’s actions..

[@SheenaFujibayashisan]

I'm just waiting to hear in the far future that the daughter went no contact from her mom because of what she almost did to her and because of her obvious narcississm.

[@deeplyblue7299]

1st story : The OP from the first story needs to continue therapy she clearly has an issue accepting criticism I do not believe the husband owed her any kind of apology and getting her family involved was done out of love for his daughter because the OP what projecting her fears of poor medical care on her daughter and therefore was going to potentially affect her daughter‘s quality of life not once did she express regret for not seeing things clearly or said anything regarding how therapy made her self reflect she’ll miss a lot of this hope she continues with therapy because her stubborn ways will eventually ruin her marriage due to her inability to say sorry. She’s a total c word.

[@SkyEcho751]

OP said they 'barely discussed it' but I wonder if she meant [we talked for half an hour but got nowhere] or if she meant [I just shot down any and every point he made, so after a week of me shutting down any discussion. he got my family involved]. Barely discussed is such a vague statement that it genuinely feels like she is trying to deflect and still make herself the victim even though she was *always* in the wrong. Granted some of the comments were wrong, saying stuff that did cross a line. Doesn't make OP clear of her wrong doings, including trying to misconstrue why she was voted YTA unanimously. Edit: missed a word.

[@deeplyblue7299]

@@SkyEcho751 Yeah she glossed over that part conveniently. As far as the father he did the right thing .To me it appears her family is very well aware of her history of being stubborn to a fault and she was upset because she felt she was the victim of bullying somehow when in fact it’s not about her but making her daughters life better unless she makes changes her husband is going to leave her ass .

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - condemning a child to suffer a lifetime of limited movement just because you have endured it and don't like hospitals is just crazy. could A live with this? yes. should she be forced to? probably not. I had a first cousin who needed corrective eye surgery which my uncle (the sole breadwinner) refused to get done. has she lived with the condition? yes. did she have problems? yes, and still does along with related problems with her neck and shoulders for having to constantly tilt her head back to adjust and be able to see. never condemn a child to suffer.

[@thehappyhouselife3943]

In the first story, I can relate to the hesitation. When my daughter was two, she gradually lost the ability to use some of her fingers. It could be corrected with a surgery but the thought of my daughter being separated from me, in another room where they would put her asleep and preform surgery and I couldn't be there to tell her it was okay made me want to be sick. I didn't want her to experience it nor the healing process but I KNEW that it needed to be done. I took a day to come to terms with it, cried to my husband about my worries, and we scheduled the surgery. As parents, we want to shield our children from any possible pain and fear. When we can't, we can feel so helpless and frightened ourselves. That doesn't mean we should give into our own fears. I'm so happy for OPs little girl that OP did the right thing and got her the help she needed. The emotional process can be hard to go through but the decision to do the best for our children never should be.

[@mariajw4803]

It's not fun to hospitalize a child. You don't do it because it's fun but because it's needed to save them. Op shouldn't have children at all. Bio or adopted because she put her own small imature feelings before everything and everybody else including the health of her child. And I say that as someone who also was hospitalized a lot as a child.

[@Katiekooleyes]

With the second story, I was starting to think it was an attempted dognapping. Either way it was sketchy as hell and weather or not the man had ill intentions, he was overstepping the mark by the personal questions, and by attempting to handle to dog even though the OP stated no a few times

[@immapotato1]

unfortunately knowing how HOAs work and from what the officers said they're going to make her life hell as long as she's there

[@sexyangel072]

Maybe I’ve watched too many crime documentaries, but I was thinking attempted rape and he was trying to gauge how responsive the dog was. Like was it a simple dog who would run away or actual protective dog.

[@KatzMcKatz]

@@sexyangel072 Yeah, that was what I was thinking too. The guy is either dumb as a rock or a creepy predator, or both.

[@pearlofthedarkage]

I don't think he was after the dog. I'm pretty sure he was after her, as he asked her a lot of questions about her. Plus, she mentioned she was unusually young for the neighborhood.

[@shebakoby]

Story 1: OP's comment about how this situation with the daughter needing surgery was not the family's business? There is obviously *something* wrong with OP. Trauma can cause brain damages. OP STILL isn't thinking clearly. OF COURSE it's the family's business, if they are trying to get OP to do the right thing and give the daughter the surgery, because not allowing the surgery IMO is tantamount to child abuse. The fact that OP only listened to internet strangers and not their family, is quite frankly, troubling. But at least they listened to the internet strangers.

[@mk_gamíng0609]

Depends honestly What if her and her family do not have a good relationship? Would you listen to a family member you do not entirely have a good relationship with? This is the problem with Reddit , we are forced to make assumptions based on little info. Many stories have went from NTA to YTA instantly even with a small bit of extra info.

[@shebakoby]

@@mk_gamíng0609 that would depend, of course on what exactly they said to OP, how they handled it (ie did they do a bunch of namecalling instead of reasonable discussion). But OP just wasn't seeing common sense either way.

[@shebakoby]

@@mk_gamíng0609 to be fair, something that seems like child abuse or borderline child abuse will get a person riled up to call the other person names, which wouldn't lead to OP listening, even if the person calling them out is completely in the right, which could have caused OP to dismiss them out-of-hand. However if they'd rationally discussed it then OP was just being the AH.

[@technomancermagus8357]

There is some serious disconnect with reality when you are at the same time mad that your husband brought in your family to the matter but think it's somehow ok to bring in the entire internet to the story. Like really lady?

[@marielsea2292]

If only my disabilities could be cured with a surgery!! This girl has a chance of living her life without pain and suffering and her Mom is denying her that! At least in the end she went through with it and that's what matters.

[@brigidtheirish]

Radioulnar syostosis is generally not painful. It restricts movement in the forearms and looks a bit odd, but that's it.

[@kdcats4092]

@@brigidtheirish where is your information about it not being painful coming from? Articles I ran across state it can be painful especially as a child ages. Those were coming from the NIH site and a site for a children's hospital.

[@laurdiane]

that was exactly my thought, unfortunately we are not so lucky

[@brigidtheirish]

@@kdcats4092 Different articles, apparently.

[@sirenasummers2599]

story one is Defiantly YTA. I know its terrifying to have a young child go for surgery, I was a mess when my daughter who was eight at the time had to have both her eyes operated on. I saw her eyes roll back in her head as she went under anaesthesia it is something I'm never going to forget, but she had to have it done to save her further trauma and more severe medical problems. As a mother you have to set your own fears aside and do what's best for the child anything else is just selfish.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

❤

[@AndyyWithAY]

Getting the family involved was the right thing to do. Had husband left her be she would still be trying to keep her daughter from a surgery that could completely heal a debilitating condition. She doesn't deserve an apology. She needs to give several apologies. She is in the wrong here 1 million percent.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

I disagree given the context that they had barely started to discuss it. It would be one thing if they had discussed it several times and not come to any agreement, but it was a bit premature to drag in the family.

[@MdMzzz]

This. Had the husband not escalated the issue to the family, OP would still have been adamantly against the operation, would have missed the optimal time frame to have the operation and would have condemned the poor child to a life of pain, just because OP is afraid of hospitals. This is so incredibly self-centered and cruel.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

@@MdMzzz are you sure? they had barely talked about it and he went to the family. he gave her no chance to think about it. The optimal window isn't THAT short

[@hw7265]

When there is such a short window for an opportunity to get the surgery, the dad may have felt desperate to do whatever was necessary to convince his wife to join. Look at the number of people it took to have the mother change her mind. Societal pressure and shame still works.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

@@hw7265 there was only a few week window? Doubt. I think she was TA for avoiding it, but I also think people are adding way too much to the story than was actually there

[@lisadgingersnaps9843]

Story 2, NTA. Good doggo. And it's lucky for him you didn't call cops for harassing behavior.

[@justabunneh6490]

Very very good doggo.

[@ebrown7338]

Last story. Dude was a creep and was bold and outrageous enough to tell the police he was trying to stall her. She's jogging with her dog... how is that suspicious! And the wife saying OP should be glad that they were concerned neighbors? I wonder how she would have responded if someone treated her the exact same way. Karen and Ken... welcome committee to the neighborhood. Well, once I found myself in harm's way that was pretty bad. I was new to the area so was driving and exploring and came to a historic district outside of my city. I love antiques so stopped in a shop that was a former Victorian residence to window shop or possibly buy a treat. I am meandering through the shop for about 15 minutes and long story short, when I make my way up to the entry, I startle the proprietor. He's just locked the door! What? It was only 5p! We chuckle at surprising each other and he explains they close at 5p on Saturdays (small town USA). Then he stops smiling and says, "I just locked you in here." I jokingly say that I was "miles away" loving the antiques and not really paying attention blah blah blah. He's watching me. I then step back into the previous room and point out a lovely miniature art piece on a display table. He was curious so came to see what I was speaking about but is positioned in a way I can't quite get past him. As it turns out, it was a miniature artwork by a Maryland (local) artist. After he finished telling me about that piece I directed him to a piece of wall art that I admired and surprisingly, it was by the same artist! That got him really distracted as he explained the artist attended a local art college and this second piece was done after he matured... CLICK CLICK... I unlocked the front door and he looked at me startled... then outraged (it was very unsettling)! I stepped outside and he smiled at me cooly and asked if I'd come back. I answered flatly, "Sure." He asked me, "You promise?" and answered, "Sure." We both knew I wouldn't.

[@margaretannfrank5480]

Whoa! That was REALLY scary! I commend you for your quick thinking!

[@ebrown7338]

@@margaretannfrank5480 Thank you! It freaked me out! I got in my car and did not return to that area for years. I ended up meeting a woman and we became friends and she told me about a consignment shop that "wasn't too far" so we went. I drove but we went on the highway so I didn't realize until we were practically there that we were a block away from the antique shop! I still visit the consignment shop ... but ONLY that shop!

[@AndyyWithAY]

It can be terrifying navigating this world as a woman. That man was behaving in ways that were threatening and uncomfortable. Dogs are incredible judges of character. He should've been blasted online and yes file the police report

[@Ebbagull]

What a wonderful update, though! It's rare to see a poster do *exactly* the right thing, and authorities responding appropriately, too! That's really good to see!

[@antoinealez12]

lol it's not that terrifying

[@antoinealez12]

@Melody Ackerman i didn't say what he did wasn't threatening just saying it navigating this terrifying world is not something only women go through. It's terrifying for both men and women.

[@Parasolhyena]

@@antoinealez12 You said "lol it's not that terrifying", I disagree and even think it would be terrifying for both men and women.

[@yamitsukikarasu8857]

The man's actions gave me a Ted Bundy vibe.

[@affsteak3530]

1st OP: When you have a kid, it's time to suck it up and do what's best for the child. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be having children. I'm glad OP is getting therapy, but she is still acting like she's been victimized by Reddit and her family. Everyone else was focusing on what really mattered, the daughter's health/quality of life.

[@ettinakitten5047]

She thanks the people who judged the actual question even though they called her YTA, while complaining about getting harassed by eugenicists and just general Reddit trolls. You think that's unreasonable?

[@Gumbier_Than]

It makes me think that if she's been through the worst of it she was armed with the knowledge and experience on how to minimize that for her daughter. 😊

[@drakeloki4214]

I have a fear of hospitals, injections, and surgeries, which got worse after a very bad experience. I can't even get tests done with out crying like a five year old, but still I do what needs to he done and I'd never deny treatment to a loved one because of my experience. Also for story two I was like my money is of the creepy guy or his wife being on the HOA board. Was surprised they weren't.

[@bgcorporation]

"I didn't need family members dog-piling" ya but I bet if the internet was on her side she would totally have used it to her advantage lol.

[@lizfritz6546]

Story 2 is exactly why I keep a knife on me, always keep in sight of cameras as much as possible, and keep my location on when walking alone (with dog). That dude is fucking creepy. OP is NTA.

[@reshawshid]

OP says they don't appreciate their husband going to the family, but really, if OP hadn't made this thread, and had the husband not gone to the family, how the hell else was OP supposed to realize they were being a terrible person?

[@tgbedini]

Yeah, her pitiful wail of "it's not their business" is a pile of horse crap. If you see a child being abused, it's your business. If it's a family member making a decision that no sane person accepts, then everyone has a right to let her know. "It made me more stubborn!" No, it actually made you mad enough to try to get strangers to agree with you, even though your own story makes you look like a monster.

[@Parasolhyena]

@@tgbedini I tend to say it's not the families bussiness if you're having a fight but that's ussally about stuff like "do the dishes", it's very different when it's the Childs quality of life.

[@You_said_what1]

I firmly believe you NEVER bring other people, especially family, into your marriage.......however, there are those rare occasions when one loses their mind and you need to get family involved. A parent putting their issues infront of their child's health and future......is a parent who has lost their damn mind

[@thia41012]

What happens in a person's life to make them so pathetic that they choose to entertain themselves by harassing women they don't "recognize" for daring to exist in public spaces? And to routinely call the police as an added bonus? Find a flippin hobby (I hear knitting is nice) and stop trying to traumatize people because you're miserable.

[@margaretannfrank5480]

Very well said! Hahaha! Love the knitting comment!

[@Flufferz626]

I don't like hospitals either but holy cow. Clinics are traumatizing but necessary. She is lucky it is fixable. I'm a vet tech (I know it is not the same but I input trauma on a beloved pet sometimes for health. When they screech in pain I get nauseated after) and it is so stressful on everyone. But it is a necessity. When I see the patient recover and be able to live a pain free life it makes me happy. And I'm not a parent or owner. If someone didn't treat their child due to their own fears and it caused pain I just...I dunno. Thank goodness they went through finally. OP was just extra. I ain't a mom but I'd prioritize my kid's health.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: I remember this story. op's trauma was being put on her kid. She needs more therapy. She isn't doing what is best for her daughter. She is doing what is best for her anxiety. And damn people are fucking awful.

[@kodyt914]

She shouldn’t have had a kid in the first place and just adopted. Imo it’s just selfish to create another person with your dna KNOWING you have debilitating and most likely hereditary issues.

[@ginathecookie]

yeah

[@anonmouse15]

Self diagnosed anxiety is the get out of jail free card of our times.

[@Heydodoakskdkdjf]

@@kodyt914 it’s not selfish at all. What kind of ableist garbage world do you live in where that sort of rhetoric is acceptable? So long as a parent is willing to make changes and support needed for their child, then there is no problem with disabled children existing.

[@wmdkitty]

@@Heydodoakskdkdjf Oh, great, another concern troll.

[@Ayimii]

Ugh this first story I've heard before and it makes me so mad. It shows you how wrong you were when people are saying such horrible things about you in comments. And at the end where she says "not their business" about the family. Mistreating a child is absolutely their business. If your husband can't bring you to your senses, the man has every right to bring in literally anyone to associated with the child, or her care in order for her not to suffer the rest of her life. No, she still doesn't get it.

[@libbythememer9107]

If the husband and wife barely even discussed it, it was likely on the Husband that without the wife using that post that he simply would've just worsened the situation.

[@SheenaFujibayashisan]

@@libbythememer9107 I think she glossed over it. I'm fairly certain the 'barely discussed it' was 'I was deflecting all the points he made because of my trauma despite talking for half an hour'.

[@maheenahmed6653]

Story 1: the lady is TA. First off, I know it’s controversial, but if I were her, I wouldn’t have bio kids because I wouldn’t want them to go through what I am. And then if I did have one anyway, I would definitely do the surgery because I wouldn’t let my kid suffer for my phobias.

[@ScarabD]

13:39 It's not really ABOUT the dog at that point, though, is it? His behaviour was creepy and weird and honestly, reads like he could be a danger. If this is the case then other people need to know about it. I understand OP's reluctance, but it isn't just about her, it's about somebody who could be a threat to any woman in the area.

[@gabrielgardner9844]

Exactly, and the whole thing was a lie! He tried to get her phone, wanted to know if she had a vehicle in the parking lot, tried to keep her from leaving and access if her dog would be a threat. Then even got physical with them when she tried to leave. All those things together, I am not sure how she didn't realize how bad this could've turned out but the lie/story about losing keys/airpod is what really tells that something else was going on in his mind and what if the next time the person dosen't have a dog. This needed to be reported to the police!

[@elaexplorer]

Story 2 before the update: sounds like wife is covering for her assaulty husband. She's deflecting from strange guy with suspicious activity to scary dog.

[@theseawriter]

Story Two: Just looked it up - Oaken should be safe. According to Bundren Law Firm (Title of the post; Can an HOA Force You to Get Rid of Your Dog?), if you already owned a pet that would now be in violation of new rules, however, chances are it would be “grandfathered” in. OP is NTA. The dude was being creepy AF, and I would have pushed him away and yelled at him the second he stopped in my path.

[@mindyschocolate]

Yup. You had the dog before any new rules. Can’t do anything about that now. Dog stays. Creepy guy and his wife (she’s okay with him trying to flirt with another woman? Okay) can go pound sand.

[@MyInnerWeirdo]

"I was looking for an address on the leash" doesn't sound great either tbh

[@mindyschocolate]

Yeah, that’s just as bad.

[@scousemouse9566]

That nieghbour was creepy af and his wife needs to give her head a wobble for sticking up for him smh🧇🧇🧇

[@theconfusedvampire]

I'm surprised at how well OP handled it. I had a black guy stop me after dark on the way home from the grocery store near my house and ask me out. I turned him down, because, I'm a lesbian and he got super pissed off and aggressive and asked, "Is it because I'm black?" I explained to him that I was gay then ran away. I stopped doing last minute night runs to the grocery store after that. This was not a race problem mind you, it's a oblivious male problem.

[@only1one1me]

I don’t blame the husband for “dragging the family into it”. He was watching his wife willingly and stubbornly make the decision to further disable her daughter for life.

[@HannaFardew]

Story 1: YTA to both OP and Reddit. I understand why OP doesn't want to deal with hospitals as she has past trauma regarding them. Trauma is difficult to overcome, but OP should never refuse medical procedures that can change the life of her child. Doing so falls under medical neglect. Now for Reddit: YOU NEVER EVER TELL SOMEONE TO KILL THEMSELVES!!! Those hurtful comments that you guys left falls under online harassment, something that r/amitheasshole does not allow. In certain cases of online harassment, you risk your account being permanently banned, especially if you are telling people to off themselves. The person you tell to off themselves could secretly be battling depression and suicidal tendencies and there's a good chance they will follow through with it

[@gaxalee7392]

Never force your feelings and trauma on your kids. It limits their capacity for happiness, health, and safety. It’s especially bad in cases like Op’s because she’s fully aware of her trauma, her conditions, and how both affect her but was/is still considering putting her daughter through that. The less medical conditions she has, the less hospital visits. Update: “Don’t drag the family into it” meanwhile...”hey world of strangers here’s [family drama] but I’m not in the wrong, right?” Never stop and keep a random stranger “captive” in conversation or through blocking their path regardless of intention(yes, even well meaning). Never go near or attempt to touch an animal you don’t know ESPECIALLY if the owner said not to, and never, ever try to grab the leash if the animal is currently leashed. People and pets alike can and likely will understandably consider this all to be aggressive, dangerous behavior. Also, there’s no way that guy had any good intentions after all those weird questions and his changing story. Update: Just nosy or an actual creep is hard to tell but either way his behavior was still unacceptable. Glad Op is protecting herself on all fronts.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

there is at all the same thing asking a bunch of strangers a question where you're anonymous, and bringing it to the people in your life. thinking those two things are the same is kind of.... missing the point of the AITA subreddit entirely.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 1: I agree with the commenters who say that OP doesn't understand why she was the AH. She may have gotten her daughter the surgery, but I get the impression that she still feels she was right to block it. In my opinion, she's incredibly selfish. As a parent, you should be doing everything in your power to make sure your children don't have the same pain and hardships you had grown up. OP said that she's had a fulfilling life and doesn't "suffer" from her illness in her update, but in her original post says she had to spend a lot of time in sterile rooms with an IV and in pain. That to me sounds like suffering. I feel she's looking at her life now and assuming it'll work out in the end. She didn't need to be fixed, so why fix her daughter? Maybe the idea of not being the only one with this condition in the family was more than a little appealing. I can't for the life of me understand why she wouldn't want to spare her daughter the pain of their condition unless there was some selfish motive behind it. I feel she was using her fear of hospitals as an excuse to try and stop her daughter from moving past their condition, but seeing that everyone still called her the AH with narrative, she decided to go ahead with it. Also, saying that it wasn't her family's business about getting this surgery for her daughter is total BS. Would they have watch this child grow up in pain without being able to help her and feel like the failed her knowing a surgery when she was 5 would have prevented all of this, while probably having to keep from her that her mother prevented the surgery? Then yah, it was their business.

[@poohbear4515]

Ive heard of this story. Its very hard to get through trauma, especially when you practically live in the hospital all your life. But what you should think of is your child’s health and only your child. Push aside those thoughts when you know deep down, they need to get medical attention. It angered me how incredibly selfish and pathetic OP was in this, even if we understood her trauma with hospitals, its no excuse to make your child suffer.

[@Daydream_N]

The OP really went "I've spent my whole life in and out of the hospital and it gave me severe trauma, so instead of avoiding that, I will be inflicting the same fate on my child :)"

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Daydream_N Except not even close? The one disorder the child has is radioulnar syostosis, which is generally not painful and mostly restricts one's ability to rotate the affected forearm. Deciding not to get corrective surgery would keep the child out of the hospital *entirely* until and unless the child eventually decides she *wants* the surgery as an adult.

[@khailah101]

@@brigidtheirish She said it was ONE OF the conditions, not the only one.

[@Daydream_N]

@@brigidtheirish you miss the part where the surgery is time sensitive and the kid can't just wait until they're older lol

[@brigidtheirish]

@@khailah101 It was one of *her* conditions. It was *the* condition her daughter has or, at least, the one that can be treated directly.

[@andrear7550]

I am seething at op in the first story. If I found out in my later years that the problem could have been fixed and for whatever reason my parents didn't go through with it and let my suffer for the rest of my life. I would hate them and probably never speak to them again. It's ungodly selfish to do that to a child. I have my own trauma from being in and out of hospitals since I was a baby and I'm still suffering with chronic conditions. I don't want to have kids if there was even a chance that they could suffer like I have and to knowingly damn your child to the same fate is another level of inhuman.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. YTA Imagine allowing your own fears to over ride the well being of your child. Yes, the recovery will be long and possibly painful, but the overall outcome will be far more beneficial than no surgery at all. We always have to look at the big picture, especially where our children are concerned.

[@SkyEcho751]

S1: YTA, and I hope the therapist beats OP over the head(figuratively) for demanding her husband apologize for trying to get her to not abuse her daughter and inflict generational trauma on her. S2: Wow, this is really creepy how he acted. I don't think he was some kind of vile person or anything, rather just a jackass who was trying to get her kicked out by getting the dog to react. He likely tried to insist on interacting with the dog to make it angry, then he could report and drive OP out and/or Get rid of her dog for good.

[@tamsel814]

story 1: I'm so happy that the child managed to get the surgery. I agree with saying that the husband had nothing to apologize for. OP was denying their child a life improving surgery. What else could he have done to try and make OP see that she was putting her own fears over the childs wellfare? he clearly was unable to convice OP himself.

[@mk_gamíng0609]

Ehh, depends if the OP and her family did not have a good relationship it might make things worse.

[@tamsel814]

@@mk_gamíng0609 how? to me the worst case scenario is that she would keep on refusing the surgery or seperate from him. The first case nothing really changed and in the second case at least the dad can try to get custody to get the child the surgery. \

[@whatsanenigma]

In the first story, I wonder if part of the problem was fear of the unknown and comfort with the known. The mother had a rough time of it, of course, but she knew that she could live more or less normally with her condition without any surgery. She knew she could make it work - it was her lived experience, her "normal." But maybe the idea of a surgery was scary because she didn't experience it herself and thought, because it was unknown, that it might be really a lot worse of an experience. She knew she could help her daughter figure out how to cope with her condition without surgery, but maybe she had no confidence in her ability to help her after the surgery.

[@greninjastorm6734]

Story 2: NTA. The guy was being weird, and the dog was doing exactly what he was trained to do Oaken's a good boy, and deserves a treat for doing his job

[@KarmikCykle]

Story 2: Neighbor's a creep, wife is an enabler, and Oaken is the goodest boy.

[@codyking4006]

Running with a dog that’s trained to protect you. Love that.

[@eowyn8340]

Story 1: I’m glad she changed her mind about her daughter getting the surgery. But I have to say her edits about the disgusting messages she received is exactly why I’m barely on social media. Yes, she was making a mistake- but it was not being done maliciously. Plus, she’s human and there’s not one person on this earth who can say they haven’t screwed up because of fear. I find it despicable people can be so ugly online.

[@huntsman9316]

I never understood parents who have children knowing their child will suffer with hereditary sicknesses. Adoption is still an option.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Yes, I got a load of medical issues and wouldn't mind having a kid. I rather adopt a kid, if not I'm fine being an aunt as is

[@huntsman9316]

@@aduckofsomesortthey can ask their sibbling to be a surrogate. It happens many times. Boom, blood related. If they have no siblings, then they can try cousins. Even a mother was a surrogate and carried he daughter’s baby. It sounds complicated, but at least they have a baby that doesn't have her specific conditions. But in the likelihood the whole family has it, then adoption is just the best option. I believe a happy child who is not suffering is better than a blood relations

[@everdreamcosplay]

I was in a few incidents while walking by myself in the evenings that made me incredibly uncomfortable and afraid. After that I got huskies to walk with, and walk with friends whenever I can. Since I've got big wolf-looking dogs, I've only had 2 small incidents. One was when I was walking in the evening after dark, and a guy appeared ahead of us. My newly adopted rescue dog saw him in a car's headlights, jumped in front of me and growled at him. He gave us a wide berth and apologized for startling us. She was always protective after that, but not quite to that extent... made me wonder if it was the situation or if she sensed something in him I didn't. The second time was recently a van slowing down next to us going the opposite way. Kind of creeped me out. I gave a hard stare, and did not correct my friend's corgi (walking with me and a husky) when she stared and growled at them. They drove on, but I stayed on alert for a few blocks. Maybe they were just looking for a house, but the hair on my neck raised, and I don't ignore that.

[@margaretannfrank5480]

Good instincts! Never ignore that intuition!

[@CrussoFang]

Ngl op in story 1 gives off all sorts of red flags as a parent even with the happy ending

[@MM-zg4bc]

I absolutely hate hospital’s. I didn’t even last 12 hours after having a c-section before I discharged myself. Despite my hatred of hospitals, when one of my children need to get treatment there, I’m right there with them.

[@PastorRapture]

I once was interrogated by an HOA attorney who felt he was the designated parking enforcement. He demanded to know where I lived and wanted to see my driver’s license. I cursed him out and refused to comply as: 1.) he provided no LEO credentials and 2.) was a complete stranger badgering me about parking in an open, non-reserved spot. I set out from that day on to make his life miserable whenever the opportunity presented itself.

[@honeydroptheunicorn6557]

1st story) sounds like the OP was badly treated during her treatment. And had no family support during that time. Was scared her daughter would go threw the same nightmare

[@justabunneh6490]

Yikes. That last person's creep-radar needs fixing, that was extremely scary and suspicious. . . I would be so freaked out it would automatically trigger my dog's protection mode. . .

[@marymasavage8986]

Story 1 I can understand this on OP's point of view but also the daughter's. I also suffer from chronic illnesses and had doctors and parents that ignored my health concerns or minimized them. One example is my tonsils, I have had so many cases of tonsillitis but they were never removed when they should've been and when I tried insisting at age 11, I was told no, it was too late. So many more like a broken bone as well and the parent being afraid of the dentist and now my teeth are a mess. The mom is wrong, so,so wrong. Not every experience is the same. She has to find a doctor that she is comfortable with and can trust her daughter's care with. Push that boundary a bit but not ignore the problem and let her daughter suffer in pain. I have certain fears of doctors but also anger of being ignored and suffering in pain as well. Don't let the child grow up with all of that as well. It's a messed up psyche.

[@samslopey1846]

OP in the first story was such an AH for so many reasons. It’s so wrong to knowingly try for a child who WILL have your chronic illnesses. She sad is she was okay with it, but what about the kid? It’s not only her life she’s effecting here. She talked about how much it sucked to spend her formative years in hospital then says she hasn’t suffered cuz of her illness? Which is it? To not only have a child with a chronic illness but then to refuse to treat it for selfish reasons is so cruel and the worst part is she clearly didn’t learn anything since she was still fighting with people after it.

[@Russman67]

I wasn't trying to detain her, only stall her. As if that was somehow better. I'm glad the police let the couple of Karen's know exactly what they thought about that plan.

[@waffleattack3347]

The first story makes me furious! I am chronically ill with many things most of which I can pass down genetically. I selflessly decided not to put my kid through it by not having kids!

[@CorgiNub]

I have to assume OP's parents and families have some responsibility for her trauma, and I'm assuming that's why the husband felt bad about it and apologized. Also scary how many people just jump immediately to eugenics. I'm glad the daughter got the surgery, but the fact that people were saying "you never should have had children" is pretty disturbing

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- I can understand the medical trauma that arises from spending your childhood in a hospital room immobilized by pain and surrounded by unsympathetic medical staff. But I can never imagine letting one of my loved ones suffer the same pain I did because of my trauma.

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

Story #1: I'm glad OP went to Reddit, took the verdict to heart and got her daughter the surgery. I have an inherited condition that I was unaware of for years. My diagnosis came after a lot of damage had already been done by not knowing about it. I count it as a blessing in disguise however even though the damage is irreversible. Because I noticed similarities in some of my daughter's complaints and pain issues so was able to get her checked out by a specialist ( 2 in actuality since our Dr took the initiative to get a second opinion himself) she inherited my condition. I wish there were a surgery or treatment to cure it but there isn't. We can only be treated for the rest of our lives to help ease some of the pain and help with mobility. Thankfully she was young when diagnosed and the condition was not advanced so she is being watched for indicators of progression so that she can start treatments immediately when it progresses to the point of needing it. Right now she gets pt and non steroidal antiinflammatories to help and that's enough to manage it. I just really wish there were a semi quick fix like OP's child had. I would have jumped at the chance to save my child from a lifetime of medical issues at the price of a surgery and few months of pain/discomfort. Just really glad that OP stopped being a butt and finally put her child's needs before her fear.

[@nineblackgoats]

Story 2: OP posts a description of a creepy dude and the wife recognized her husband from how creepy it sounded... And somehow OP is the bad guy? These people clearly aren't asking themselves the right questions XD

[@Lyca31]

When I was a kid, my little brother nicknamed our next door neighbour 'snapneck' because she had an armchair in her window and no curtains. She would appear to be watching her tv, but every time one of us walked past her house, she would whip her head round to stare. If one of us was leaving the house, her head would whip round as we opened our gate. She would rush to the door and say something like: I saw you got a parcel earlier... like she wanted us to tell her what was in it.

[@LunaMane]

Story #1 OP is truly an arsehole, and sounded like she begrudgingly agreed to let her daughter have the surgery. And how is the wellfare of her husband's child not the business of his own family, unless they're abusive? It can't be one-sided like that. I'm not negating OP's trauma but she is dangerously obstinate and needs to work on that.

[@-w-1870]

I feel so bad for the 1st OP's family. I don't think that I'd be able to handle someone so selfish...

[@browniewin4121]

1) YTA. Don't let you mental issue keep you from getting the surgery for your daughter that will prevent this from being something that will be a lifelong problem. After update: Glad to hear your daughter got the needed surgery, that it was not a horrible experience, and that she is doing well. 2) I agree that creepy for sure and your dog did exactly as need be. Obviously he was up to no good. Make a police report where you spell out your interaction with him and why you wanted to give a warning. Get an attorney and go to that meeting to put out why bashing you, your dog, and trying to make a breed ban is not ok and should not fly. After edit: It's good you have security cameras. After update: So glad you got the police out and walked them thru the incident, and that you plan on going to the meeting with your attorney.

[@IronfistedPriest]

that 2nd story gave me a "you don't look like the kind of person who lives here so now i'm dubbing myself the police where do you live" vibe pretty hard.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I remember this story. Her and her husband are both grade A AH. OP is doubling down on being evil by not letting her daughter have this surgery that would treat everything. She is an abusive person and unfit mother.

[@mk_gamíng0609]

?? Yet she got the surgery? Do you even listen to the stories? Like ffs You take ONE snippet of a persons life and judge them as a entire fucking person on that one thing. Yes she was the asshole But she was scared , she herself had to deal with shit medical care. OP says that most of her issues with the same ailments as her daughter were caused by the hospital, Its understandable she would have some reservations But at the end of the day Her Husband is fine She's fine and the Child is fine and had the surgery She saw through her fear and did what was right That is all that should matter. Who the fuck cares if the Child at the end of the day got what she needed? Your not helping by being Judge, Jury and executioner. Honestly sounds like your the type who was sending OP DMS to commit suicide.

[@AndyyWithAY]

You say I'm jumping to conclusions, but you make conclusions about me based on one post. Yes, I listened to the story, your hottake has done nothing to convince me. Have your own opinion and I'll have mine. OP is a horrible human full stop. If you want to defend her, do so I'm not reading that crap

[@brachiosaurus6350]

1st op: I’ve been in the hospital so much that I have trauma around them Also op: I haven’t suffered at all due to my conditions

[@kmechwarrior1684]

S1: YTA. You won;t let her get surgery that could cure this and let her avoid what you've suffered? You're a monster. She can go nearly 100% of her life with the problem, or have the surgery and recovery for a much shorted %-age of her life. If I were your husband I'd be filing for divorce and custody. This isn't "one moment" in your life, it's the rest of your daughter's life. Not letting her get the surgery is child abuse. At least you made the right decision in the end. S2: NTA after getting the whole story. The story you tell however (creepy guy grabbing Oaken's leash) isn't you using him to "threaten" him. This is character assassination by the neighbors pure and simple. One of the reason's I would never buy as home in an HoA location. Oaken did his job, this guy was being creepy and threatening and you need to talk to a lawyer about this nonsense. Al;though considering how shitty your neighbor's sounds. Getting out and finding someplace decent might be better. HOA bullies don;t stop unless you legally hammer their asses to the wall. Start jogging with a voice recorder on to capture his creepiness. Attend the next meeting and get the real story out there. If you get a recording of him before then, even better and play it for the HOA. Ugh, your update make this sound like an overall creepy neighborhood... Need a followup report after the HOA meeting...

[@_Tree_of_Life_]

"Bring your lawyer to the HAO meeting" page 1 of how to win friends and influence people 😂

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

I don't understand why people insist on having bio children when they know they will inherit their problems. Life's already hard so why make someone else suffer more?

[@Vallyrah]

A similar situation to Story 2: My dog, female chocolate lab, is a rescue. She was formally abused, and while I got her while she was still a puppy, she still has physical scars from her past experiences. As a result she doesn't like strange dogs or people. We know the 'secret' to introduce new people to her and it isn't food. It does require a member of the family to be there. It is a process that requires some time. She barks and acts aggressive prior to this, but it is all an act. Someone I knew years ago stopped by while I wasn't home. My daughter knowing him let him inside. My dog immediately put herself between my daughter and this stranger (as the dog had never met him before). As long as he kept his distance she was fine, but would act aggressive if he got too close or moved so that the dog was no longer between them. So, in his brilliant wisdom, he decided the answer was to pet her. She wasn't having it and growled repeatedly to warn him off. She wouldn't let him put a hand on her. He decided that might makes right and over powered her pinning her to the floor. At this point my daughter started to scream at him to get off the dog. Once that happened he got bit. He immediately got off her when that happened, but she had drawn blood. He didn't need stitches and the dog didn't continue to go after him as long as he didn't touch her, or my daughter and kept a respectful distance. I heard this story from him as I wasn't there. My daughter confirmed his account. I felt bad, but I don't blame the dog. He even admitted that it was his own fault. So, yes, don't try to touch other people's animals.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

The dude in story 2 was unbelievably clueless. He probably thinks of himself as a bit of a neighbourhood sheriff, but it's mind-blowing that he didn't understand how much of a creep he was. The cops had it exactly right: other dogs would have _eaten him alive_ in that situation.

[@kdcats4092]

Honestly he sounded a lot like the stories told about Dennis Radar after he was arrested for the BTK murders.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

@@kdcats4092 Yep. I half-expected an update saying that when the cops looked into the incident they found out he was a serial rapist or something like that.

[@margaretannfrank5480]

Thankyou Mark for going back to stories with new updates. It feels unsatisfying when we are left hanging and wondering what happened. I love a good long story with updates. Even if it takes the whole video. Thanks for the great reads Mark! Give a kiss to Poppy!

[@mousepariah3884]

Honestly going into the first story I expected it to be something like giving the child a hysterectomy or the like, something that in theory the daughter might 'resent/regret" when she's old enough. (I know I know the idea of medical professionals wanting to give a hysterectomy is absurd but it was the onlything I could think that fit the vagueness and OP's "but she can live with it" attitude) Finding out it was a matter of 'breaking arm bones' dropped my jaw. Like what the hell lady? That's like not correcting a cleft palate because "They're just a baby and I don't want to hurt them." I'm really glad she saw the light for her daughter and even more glad she's in therapy because it was CLEARLY overdue for a number of reasons.

[@skye2578]

ive been in and out of hospitals since childhood with my illness ever getting better. ive been through a lot of pain and agony because of this but i never hated going. the trick is to give your kid a weird pavlonian response. give her food, her favorite treats. a toy every time shes gotta go and it wont be as bad. my hospital i went to had a sushi bar.

[@amymarieling3481]

from one mom to another mom glad you did what was best for your daughter i am glad she is doing good

[@myownsidekick]

GET THE SURGERY DONE!!! Your fear of hospitals is not an excuse to curse your child to a lower quality of life. That's an extremely selfish and cowardly thing to do. She's 5 and still growing so her recovery time will be a lot faster than you think. Kids heal incredibly fast. She's also not going to remember how long it took to heal. (I spent a chunk of time in the hospital in traction and then a body cast at 5, I couldn't tell you how long that period was, I can just tell you it happened) All not getting the surgery done is going to do is set a nice time bomb for yourself set to go off when she starts taking control of her own treatment and learns that she could have been spared ALOT of bs her entire childhood/medical bills as an adult that she (not you) will have to pay for. She will blame you and this is the type of thing people stop talking to their parents for because from the child's point of veiw all the see is that their parent would rather watch them suffer than to work through their own issues

[@Nylak-Otter]

Story 2: Some people are scared of the world. This is a rare reaction. I'm female and I train PP K9s (among other working dogs), and mine are usually pit bulls and German shepherds for their ease of access and their commonplace breeds. With my pit bulls I do get questions, but they almost always are praise for how well behaved they are, and I offer my services exclusively to other women who see the value in a dog who appears friendly and harmless who can be a deterrent to harassment and violence (mine all do excellently with other people and animals, and will not behave differently unless specifically told to do so). Just ignore the panicky types.

[@Ken17-b8g]

I love how the OP says she doesn't appreciate bringing the family into their business yet she tells the whole world about it and takes the advice of complete strangers than her own family. Hypocrisy and audacity of the highest order!!!

[@theresepankey9978]

1. I was in and out of doctors offices and hospitals as child when no one could figure out my issue. Finally found it and it too was solved thru surgery. So glad my parents didn’t hesitate for me. Saved me a lot of anguish growing up. I wouldn’t hesitate today if I had a child with the same ailment. Glad you changed your mind. AND I’m glad your husband went to your family. Don’t you think your family would have done the same for you if they could have when you were little? 2. Glad you filed a police report. I would have pulled out a rape whistle at that guy the minute he started asking those personal questions since you didn’t know him. I’d question his motives over the whole incident considering that. Your baby is a good boy. Glad you had him with you.

[@yunuenhagane3495]

Story 2: i don't think people notice how a little creepy was what some murder victims get before being murdered or assaulted. Very known killers methods consisted of finding out if the girl was alone, did she live close and was she by herself and if they were on Op's position (alone, late at night without anyone waiting for them at home) she would have been a victim. Most killer's looked like normal people and you don't get any more notice than them being a little creepy before you end up in a ditch, assaulted or killed off somewhere. And some killer's were defended by other people because well they were friends or just seemed nice, even wife's of killers kept saying they didn't commit their crimes even after a confession

[@annabordelon6663]

There was a woman in Ely who would come outside every morning to watch people go to work We called her "housecoat"

[@Arylwren1]

story 1: "i didn't need family members dog piling on me like they were" no she needed that, as well as the kick in the ass that the majority of commenters on her post gave her. These relatives would have had to sit back and watch this child suffer in pain and would have had their hands tied. Op was extremely selfish in her desire to not allow this treatment, discarding the advances in medical treatment in the near 2 decades since she had to deal with hospitals. In my eyes, OP is no better than those parents that refuse to take their kids to a doctor and treat life threatening illness with essential oils. My own mother refused to see a doctor when she started having chest pains, refused because she spent 6 weeks in a hospital at 16 for rheumatic fever. The result, she died at the age of 48 from a completely treatable heart condition, hardening of the aorta.