I Told My Daughter Her NOT Wanting Kids Is The Reason I Want More Children - AITA Reddit Stories

[@laurastevenson9380]

The food thing is control. The food isn’t the point, tearing her down in private, making her think everyone hates her is. Run. Run. Run.

[@biancashonhiwa4383]

The fact that the excuse she was given is difficult to verify makes it worse.

[@emasters8619]

Don't apologize to that SOB. She can offer but you can't accept. He doesn't tell you ahead of time, but you should just be aware of it. Always enjoy yourself when you go out or join someone for dinner. Anyone who tries to stop you is your enemy. Decent people want for you to eat plenty and enjoy the company.

[@ineedhoez]

What's worse is that he attacked her because he felt shame about his parents financial situation

[@AndyyWithAY]

The bf is a major weirdo. I read the comments in story two and it was unanimous that families want guests to eat a lot. White people, black people, Asians, latino, everyone disagreed with the bf, so this isn't a culture thing it's a he's an AH thing

[@HeoBaby24]

Did you read the update?

[@AndyyWithAY]

He's still AH and I'd dump him for sure bc he doesnt communicate

[@billcipher_w]

Yeah i think he was negging her on purpose and had a good excuse on hand. It's unacceptable to berate and lie to your significant other, regardless of whatever cultural or language barriers there may be.

[@lynnw7155]

I'd send a Thank You note to the parents, but mention that you didn't mean to seem greedy, but the food was so good (or something more polite). But that's just me, not liking the confusion of how you should have acted. But yeah, I'd dump the boyfriend. Update: OP could send the parents a fruit or cheese basket as a Thank You gift. I still don't like that the boyfriend yelled at her like that.

[@IKKclauKR]

Sorry but the bf of the second OP is even more of an AH, he should have said from the beginning that his parents were struggling, and not just "assume" that OP wouldn't eat. And then, after it happened, he went even more far and beyond by picking a fight, name calling and lying (because telling her that she went against his culture was lying)...mate, all of this problem wouldnt exist if you just talked like a normal partner with your gf

[@jamessweat9168]

True about him be the AH he could of told her to only eat small portios. But he doesn't have to tell her about the parents financial situation. The AH just handled it all wrong from the beginning

[@leruetheday377]

Man knew from the start, decided to blame OP anyway, then refused to apologize or tell the truth

[@Ambidexter143]

If there is a cultural or familial requirement to refuse food then BF should have explained it. NTA but BF is.

[@zahraa4149]

He assumed OP was going to eat small portions because that's what she usually does. There's nothing strange about assuming someone would do something they already do He didn't want to tell her about her parents situation because they don't want people to know. And he didn't think he would need to based on what she usually does Sure, he is AH for blowing up at her. But I can understand how frustrated he would be especially if his parents are prideful people who don't accept help. That doesn't mean he was right, he was absolutely wrong. But I understand why he didn't tell OP

[@brigidtheirish]

Who the hell assumes that a guest won't eat, anyway? Isn't is rude *not* to eat? Who the hell refuses food that the host offers? Isn't that an insult to the chef?

[@lilywong9672]

OP1 needs to get her daughter help because that woman needs to be sure what she wants in life. Regretting not having kids is a lot better than regretting having kids.

[@brigidtheirish]

OP1 needs some help herself. The whole story was one giant confusing mess.

[@gaywerewolf1294]

@@brigidtheirish how does OP need help???

[@deborahyoung1873]

Her daughter is a grown woman, she needs to get her own help.

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

@@brigidtheirish I think the story’s pretty clear. Op doesn’t want a messing family tree by having kids that r of similar age or younger than her grandkids but kept that sentiment to herself. Her daughter is the AH for being pushy and ungrateful of the support her mom is giving her.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@gaywerewolf1294 Making whether or not she has more kids contingent on whether or not her daughter has kids? Her convoluted reasoning?

[@francessmith5073]

Story 2: When my mother was a child she went to dinner at a friend's house, she was offered another lamb chop and she took it. Afterwards her friend yelled at her for being rude because the chop she took was for their housekeeper which confused my mother because why would they offer her something knowing that it was supposed to be for somebody else. The arabs I have met have been very generous and would never have offered seconds if their guests weren't supposed to accept them.

[@squirrel670]

That's so rude they did that to her and the housekeeper. Like, I offered a stranger your food, and wouldn't you know it? They accepted?! You can't expect people to be psychic

[@chits28]

Exactly. I don't think this is an Arab thing at all, it's a snobbish thing. Arabs are so hospitable and they have a healthy relationship with their yummy yummy food.

[@Iflie]

@@chits28 Yeah that's not an arab thing at all, most cultures love it when they can feed guests. And only feeding the housekeeper leftovers is a horrible thing but some people really do that to servants.

[@MizTameRumors]

Isn't it polite in Arab culture ( Saudi specifically ) to refuse, multiple times, even if you accept? Just taking something the first time it's offered is a Western thing.

[@Iflie]

@@MizTameRumors I don't think that one is universal at all. But some cultures do have rules we don't know about. I was just reading that for the Irish no sometimes means yes and I have no clue how they can tell which one it is. Like for "Do you want tea?" No thank you! And they give you it anyway. I'm dutch and we are pretty straightforward about things, though food is hardly generous. You can split the bill. And it is serious if you are invited home for dinner when it comes to friendship. My mom is Indo and there comes the loads of food and enjoying it if guests eat a lot and then sending you home with leftovers is normal. No polite refusals needed at all.

[@squirrel670]

I like how everyone says if you want grandkids so bad then have them yourself, this op does that and she's still selfish. You can't win at that point. She was very respectful of the daughters choices and she has choices too

[@lb-yo8ro]

Honestly tho! OP was trying to make everyone happy but somehow she's still an asshole

[@robertx8020]

@@lb-yo8ro Only in the eyes of (some ) Reddit (ers) ..we all know how openminded they are :P

[@gypsygem9395]

Absolutely

[@hekatsees9449]

What an odd conclusion “Squirrel” has landed on. Maybe I’ve misunderstood? Because, on the surface “Squirrel’s” responding comment appears to contain contradictory emotional responses. What is my sometimes ‘emotionally clueless self’ missing? I’d be very interested to read or hear the steps in the thought process which brought “Squirrel” to their ‘selfish mother’ opinion, even after all was said and done…

[@olly2027]

The daughter stop taking her birth control pill. What did she think would happen.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I would break up with the tool in story 2. How on earth could OP know the parents were struggling? She might not break up now, but she will soon or regret it. This guy does not communicate, expects OP to read minds, then insults her. Hard pass

[@MaryTheresa1986]

💯

[@terramarini6880]

It's sad but there is a good chance she will never feel at ease eating with his parents going forward. I know I would be mortified at the whole debacle and would rather crawl in a hole than go there again.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@terramarini6880 Same here. I hope OP dumps his ass.

[@queenluciefer]

Yup. And in addition to him just straight up sucking at communication (red flag), he also doesn't know how to control his temper/not take out his frustrations on others (red flag), and doesn't know how to handle conflict in a healthy, respectful, emotionally intelligent manner(another red flag), and expects OP to just mind read (yet another red flag). Just red flags all around (like if this is how he handles frustration and conflict - by blowing up, yelling and insulting - then this is most definitely gonna happen again the next time he gets angry/frustrated). Instead of taking time to cool off so that he could explain why he's frustrated in a calm and productive manner, he instead chose to immediately blow up, yell at, and insult his gf. Not okay. A man has only one time to scream at me (let ALONE insult me) before I immediately dump his ass (after verbally eviscerating him bc the minute you stop treating me with the basic dignity and respect that is due to a person as a human being, the gloves come off). If OP really wants to give it another go, she needs to set some boundaries NOW and make it clear to assho- I mean boyfriend, that this is NEVER to happen again.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@queenluciefer He also *lied* and called her *fat!* Oh, and his apology for calling her fat was to say he meant *greedy!* He said that was wrong, too, but *still!*

[@ciomaria6137]

The story about the girlfriend eating seconds reminds me about an AITA post from the boyfriend’s point of view where the boyfriend told the girlfriend (or friend that’s a girl, can’t remember right now) ahead of time not to eat too much because the grandmother would be living off of the leftovers for days afterwards and was too poor to buy groceries often. In that story, the girl did not care about his advice not to eat too much and accused him of fat-shaming her. This story was obviously different because the girlfriend was not warned ahead of time about the situation. Speaking from someone of Hispanic background, it is seen as incredibly impolite to: 1. Refuse food offered you 2. Leave offered food on your plate 3. Refuse seconds if it is offered As a celiac and lactose intolerant person that speaks broken Spanish, I remember many times where my brother did damage control for me and explained everything as “allergies” because I got side-eyes and told I was too skinny when I tried to explain I was on a special diet.

[@squirrel670]

Good luck

[@brigidtheirish]

Got a bunch of dietary restrictions, so I feel your pain having to refuse food.

[@jacquelinewithac8668]

I can already hear the “mijaaaaa youre so skinny! Take more take more”

[@HaliaStone]

Yeah, but difference being that boyfriend actually told her ahead of time and the girlfriend doubled down and accused him of being fatphobic and pretty much said she didn’t give a fuck about grandma. In this one they offered her seconds, and without being told, how the hell are you supposed to know otherwise?

[@j.p.2636]

My godfather is Hispanic,, his parents became another set of grandparents for me. Every single time we went to their house for dinner we were greeted with "dinner will be ready soon, here have this snack"

[@cutietae247]

If you want more kids you're not wrong, if she doesn't, she isn't wrong . Nobody should be mad. As long as the mom is practical about her energy level and commitment she wants to a baby...

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

I can see at a subconscious level a wish to continue the genetic line. If your only daughter doesn't want children, you know your line is going to end, and you may want to have another child to hopefully continue the line. It may not be rational, but given that humans have struggled over the last 100,000 years with war, famine and disease, the solution was to keep procreating.

[@laurdiane]

my mom is the same age/older than her aunt by several months, it’s weird for them and it was it’s weird for me, my sister, my cousins and my “cousins” who are actually my moms cousins even though i’m older than most of them, i don’t blame the 1st op for not wanting to have kids the same age as her grandchildren it’s weird for everyone involved

[@potatocat1072]

2 story: I am from an Arab country and have many friends who are so I was really confused when the OP said the boyfriend was to. Manly do to my older family members encouraging me to eat more food if a can. Also eating more was seen a a compliment to the host and their cooking. Also try a bit of everything with what ever food restrictions you had like not eat dairy or pork or whatever it is. So I want to call bs on the don't eat second rule or it just his family thing because the opportunity seem to be the norm for what I have seen Update: I still think that the boyfriend is still the wrong because he should have told her so she new of the situation and could act accordingly instead not lying. But he just assume that OP would not eat a lot then got made at her for it even though in his culture it the polite thing to do. I and many people I know eat more at other people's house because we like the food and culture norm. Also, I feel like the boyfriend is not telling the whole truth or is straight up lying or something. But that could be me overthinking things

[@brigidtheirish]

The boyfriend is *doubly* in the wrong after the update! He got angry at her because of something he didn't tell her about, he apologized for calling her fat by explaining he meant to call her greedy, then backtracked on that, and just sounds like a controlling, volatile asshole. There are *so* many red flags. I hope she drop kicks his ass into the Sun.

[@kc.p2003]

Kiara: *pokes and prods op to answer their question* Op: *answers the question* Kiara: ' Why would you answer my question!'

[@TsukiKageTora]

She actually thought the answer would be in her favor. She asked a question and got an answer she didn’t like. If you don’t like a possible answer, don’t ask the question.

[@wheelsndealz]

Yeah. How she got voted asshole is mindboggling. Like did those idiots not know how to read or did they just get triggered at a young woman being "pressured" or whatever other idea they got in their head. Op literally explained why her having a baby was sort of dependent on the daughter having hers. Reading comprehensions must be suffering during the pandemic.

[@nocause5395]

Except she doesn't want kids because of the horrible childhood her mother gave her. The mother just wants a makeover baby.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@nocause5395 Many believe that having children is the only way we can approach immortality/lasting legacy/whatever similar concept. If your only kid doesn't want kids, you quest for immortality has failed.

[@robertx8020]

@@wheelsndealz yes..don't read! Just blame the parents :P

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Wut? OP never pushed her feelings on her daughter and respected that she felt differently. Daughter pushed for an answer and wouldn't allow it to be dodged or dropped, then gets mad when OP answers honestly, because she doesn't feel the same way? She needs to take a page out of OP's book. NTA. S2 bf: "We have cultural differences." OP explains how *she* was raised. Also bf: "That's bullshit, it's common knowledge!" Yeah, you can't have it both ways dude.

[@ItsYaBoiV]

That second story made me angry, like how is it fair for him to get angry at her something that he told her nothing about? What a jerk. 😤

[@protoskeeper]

Story 1: I think there are a lot of issues with the daughter and I think the OP should have went to therapy with her as soon as she said "She does not want kids so they don't have such a crappy life as her"... I think there is still a lot of damage from the child / early youth years

[@tamsel814]

I was looking for this comment. The daughter was 13 when she started saying this. That is quite young to make such statements.

[@gypsygem9395]

That's the thing, she didn't say crappy life. It sounded more she was referring to the fact it was just her and her mum and didn't want to bring a child up in a single parent household

[@justlooking1299]

Honestly yes having kids young is sometimes fine but often that means your child struggles more and grows with you. Maybe she resentful of that and growing up without a dad is hard

[@toothless3835]

At 8, I said I didn't want kids and have said so since then. I'm 32. My reasoning was because I didn't want to have to take care of them like my brothers. I don't think not wanting kids for whatever reason, is a problem. If I were to get pregnant at 18, right before college, I would've gotten rid of it. I will do so now too. I wouldn't have given birth, and requested they remove my uterus while they were at it [which I'm currently saving up for because it's a lot of money]. There is no trauma about it, I just hate children. I always have. even as a child. I was bullied relentlessly as a child. Then as a teen, I just didn't care about sex. That on top of my cramps being torture from hell that I took a cocktail of pain killers to just make it stop plus the fact that I have no patience and control issues, kids were never a thing I ever wanted nor ever will. I don't think 13 is too young to know you don't want kids. I do think she's a bit stupid for going off birth control and having unprotected sex and then getting upset about keeping the baby when it was entirely her choice to do so. Honestly, a misarrange was a better outcome out of all that, then to resent the child and have it grow up unwanted. Her hormones will be all over, but she'll come to terms with the loss and if she changes her mind [because yes, some people do, though I personally never have], then she'll cherish the new child.

[@MK-ophelia]

If your kid cites the reason for not having kids as because she didn't want to subject other people to her upbringing, the parents have clearly failed.

[@indianspartan76]

S2: in my (Indian) culture, people get super offended if you don't eat when they cook for you. If you eat a lot, it can be a compliment. So from my perspective, OP NTA. It's up to the boyfriend to explain his norms (which I think isn't real). I think he's just being a prick to be honest Edit: Arab culture can be very misogynistic (like most cultures, however they're more traditional in general), so it's likely that this is only pointed at women so they don't get fat

[@LadyLabyrinth1337]

It's the same in my family/culture, when you go to someone else's house you eat whatever they offer you, if they offer seconds you take them and this part depends on where you are, either you clean your plate (it was delicious, the person is a great cook) or you leave a little on the plate (they were so generous that you can't possibly eat any more). And if you're an adult (especially a woman) you MUST verbally praise the food and ask for the recipe/ask them to teach you how to make at least one of the dishes. And again even more so if it's a food that your family doesn't eat/make normally.

[@indianspartan76]

@@LadyLabyrinth1337 nice! Where do you hail from, if I may ask

[@LadyLabyrinth1337]

@@indianspartan76 I was born in the US but I've lived in Australia for the last 13 years. Both cultures are very heavy on the you eat the food and say it was delicious no matter how much you hated it though lol

[@niq872]

yea its like that in most cultures i honestly cant think of one where its rude to eat alot, im mexican and its often expected to take home extras.

[@magnarcreed3801]

Toxic culture then. I mean all cultures are toxic in one way or another. But way too many cultures are toxic in this way regarding food. Time to break old traditions!

[@83gemm]

Oh my god. Story two is my nightmare. I NEVER know what the correct eating etiquette is when I eat at someone’s house for the first time. Because there really are completely different ideas about it. Where I live, most older generations show affection through food, so I always feel rude if I don’t attempt dessert. But when I’m with people of my generation, I worry I’m seeming gluttonous or eating into their tight budget. I myself can’t cook to save my life, so I am scared to bring something too. My best friend had me over to his family’s for Christmas and I don’t know them very well yet. I was honestly gauging how much food others were getting and trying to fill my own plate on a similar way. Lol All that said, I don’t think OP was an AH. The boyfriend should have explained cultural norms before the visit. How the hell wS she supposed to know, “Do you want seconds?” was code for “I’m just being nice, but you’ve already made a pig of yourself and I’m embarrassed for you.”

[@AllenTax]

Like it is something that should be talked to beforehand. As in the relationship and right before event.

[@mesiagamer5217]

On the second story I feel like this is a developing issue if it's true the boyfriend is an asshole for not giving his girlfriend the heads up. If it's manipulation them the boyfriend is a POS that needs to get flushed soon. However everyone makes mistakes and I honestly hope that's all this is... Also Op ask the siblings to make sure what he's saying is true if you see this...

[@amelianekomimi1936]

@@melodyharpole8272 exactly. op needs to run. because he let himself be pissed first, explain later. rather than calm down he started spewing hate words like a fucking toddler crybaby. what if he hits her? if he just explains why he did it after, is it ok then? op needs to run cause hes gonna hit her and i wont believe otherwise. its liek a toddler. if toddler is upset, it hits,screams and cries. he is a manbaby emotionally. also he refused to apologize despite being in the wrong.

[@Mimikinn]

I’m Native Hawaiian and in my culture it’s also polite to always accept the food being offered to you. It’s also expected that you eat it all and accept the takeaway food we give you too lol. Likewise, when you have a guest over, it’s always expected that you feed them, and when you bring food home, you better have enough for the rest of your family.

[@baylabe]

That first story, such a heartwarming one. Its such a tough struggle, and you can just tell the mother meant all the best but just needed help, as well. It's amazing what talking and communication can do- Great narration Mark!!

[@RokoFireFox]

As someone's whose youngest brother, is younger than my oldest nephew. It's not totally weird to have a child younger than your grandchildren. It's what happens when the first born kid is born to a teen parent.

[@desertgirl8647]

I have an uncle 5 months younger than me.

[@RokoFireFox]

@@desertgirl8647 my youngest brother is 2 years younger than my oldest nephew. Age is crazy sometimes

[@minecraftmum3436]

In my class at school I had two friends who were aunt and niece and the niece was older than the aunt by a couple of months. They were really good friends

[@brigidtheirish]

Heck, my maternal grandparents were adults when they started having kids and I'm only seven years younger than my youngest uncle. That's what happens when you have *lots* of kids. I've got some cousins who are older than me by a few years, so the gap is even smaller for them.

[@Sammvoy]

Yes! My grandmother got divorced and remarried later in like so my “nieces” are my mothers age it happens

[@Tammohawk1]

1. NTA My dad had another child when I was 24 and pregnant with my own child! My youngest sibling is only 3 months older than my oldest son. It's weird, so I don't blame OP there. Kiara asking that question was a very loaded question for OP. And OP answered honestly, what did Kiara expect, dishonesty? I know some people aren't going to like what I'm about to say, but I generally don't take some people very seriously when they are very young and say they don't want kids. At that time they might not, but things do change for some of us. I say this because I had planned to be child free, only guess what? As I got older I changed my mind. Not everyone does, and I recognize that. But many do. 2. I don't think the boyfriend is continuing to lie or manipulate at all. I think he was honest about his parents situation. Nothing wrong with that.

[@gypsygem9395]

Absolutely! (Story 1)

[@magnarcreed3801]

Lmao na. I think lots of people know early on if they want kids or not (or specifically how so). To not believe them or say bs like “You’ll change your mind.” Makes me want to go up to pregnant people and go “You’ll change your mind.” I’ve seen more people regret having kids and are miserable than people that regret not having children. And at least with the last one, no kids get hurt.

[@anonymouslee2083]

@@magnarcreed3801 Shaming people for having kids is just as toxic as shaming people for not having kids.

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: I'm going to go with NTA, Kiara repeatedly pushed to get the answer she desired, otherwise why keep pushing. Whether she was digging for the truth or wishing her mother gave a straight answer IDK, but she pushed. Furthermore OP offered for Kiara to be taken to end it, so I wonder why Kiara tried to have the kid when she expressly didn't want it. S1 Update: YES, she needs therapy because it's clear she has some kind of psychological issues surrounding kids and their place in a family. She basically went down a route of Self destruction, potentially amplified by the pregnancy hormones. And props to OP for looking into adoption as an alternative for expanding the family. Hope all goes well. Story 2: Nope, NTA. I have often stuffed myself when at a friend's house for holiday dinners, however that's also because the food tasted good. You should never have to deal with a no win situation, though OP should talk to a therapist about potential issues regarding the ability to say no to food due to how her mother raised her. S2 update: OP needs to talk to the mother and get it cleared with her about the situation. If the BF is lying then OP can find out, and if it's the truth then OP can know for next time. If it is the truth then the BF needs to work on his communication badly.

[@Jamiee-p]

You hit the nail on the head in my opinion.

[@gypsygem9395]

Nah for your opinion on story 1. Women and girls are allowed to change their minds!

[@Jamiee-p]

@@gypsygem9395 Yes they are but most people don't decide to destroy all of their relationships because of it. She needs help, it's not a bad thing she needs help but she does.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Reddit absolutely was wrong in story 1. No way OP is the AH! The daughter asked an inflammatory question and got an answer

[@LilySaintSin]

Yeah, reddit is full of broken people.

[@HeoBaby24]

Yah but op told her the reason She didn't just say yes or no

[@justanothergalaxy8379]

@@HeoBaby24 Yes after being pressured for a while

[@JohnnyDominion]

Reddit swarm are quick to rush to the extreme for perfectly valid reasons people doing what they want to do. Childfree is like the woke topics if you aren't for they will want to burn you at the stake for simply a differing opinion.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Reddit is fun, but I'm not too keen on the more woke stuff. OP in no way attacked the daughter's child free stance. Even if OP was disappointed that's a human emotion. Sometimes on Reddit it's complete total support and never had any misgivings or you're an AH

[@laurastevenson9380]

So he went for dinner when they have no food and didn’t take any food? But he’s so concerned for his parents? He’s insulting you, lying to you, bullying you. Run the hell away.

[@katiedawber5225]

I was born in England but live in Australia, my mum always encouraged eating what was offered to me, not to offend anyone who offered me food, especially when I was young. I don’t think it was specifically a cultural thing but it would definitely of been rude to reject food. I have always been so picky but if someone offers me food I will happily accept unless it’s someone I know well enough to share that I’m not a huge fan of something lol I think if you invite someone over you should expect them to eat a decent amount because in many cultures sharing food is significant though it depends on the individual.

[@threeducks157]

The food one was interesting for me, i spent 2 week alone in Japan with fiancee's family alone... it was interesting and was shitting bricks trying not to screw up and make my self look like a fool lol, it was specially hard as our cultures are.very different im mexican and raised like a yankee lol.

[@AllenTax]

I hope you ate everything on the plate. Know your katana, Kanji and such?

[@clarehidalgo]

@@AllenTax Did you mean katakana? because I'm pretty sure katana are restricted in Japan, even the blunt steel kind. Which is why the swords used for Iaido are made of aluminum

[@eevee9272]

For the first one I personally appreciate that the op was trying to not take the spotlight from her daughter. As a person with a much younger sibling it's hard when you compare the lives that you have lived and the different treatment. I just love how caring she is. I think fostering and adopting are the way to go because you give an already living child a nice home. For the last story I think that the bf could totally find a way to help his family if he was so mad at op for eating so much. Just make lots of food and be like oops left overs you can have some family. Oh man I got to much groceries here you go mom and dad.

[@tyrannapusandfriends6254]

Story 2: both those 'traditions' are utterly ridiculous imo. - Don't eat for the sake of eating to try and look polite - Don't offer food and get angry when they accept

[@HeoBaby24]

Did you read the update (

[@locusxe1411]

@@HeoBaby24 the boyfriend lied. What of it? It’s not their traditions but it’s still a tradition overall and it is a ridiculous tradition

[@tyrannapusandfriends6254]

@@HeoBaby24 my tab got closed while it was paused, I'll make sure I finish it

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@HeoBaby24 I don’t give a fuck. I’m not overeating because of some dumb traditions.

[@LilChuunosuke]

*Story 2:* I was gonna say NAH until the boyfriend got aggressive and kept calling her fat. Problems like cultural barriers in a relationship are not supposed to be one partner versus another. It should be the couple versus the problem. While OP doesn't understand the culture gap just yet, they were more than willing to accomodate their behavior to do what is considered to be more respectful. While OP kept an open mind and was willing to apologize over a misunderstanding when they were just trying to be polite, their partner was being a total dickhead. I think saying the boyfriend is still gaslighting OP is taking things a bit to far, though. I don't blame OP for being more careful and thoughtful after how he behaved, but breaking up with him because he was worried about his parents not being able to afford to put food on the table is a bit of a stretch. If more situations like this pile up, yeah, it's a big red flag. But so far it's only been this once. Give him time to prove he fucked up and isn't being malicious and manipulative.

[@climaxstriker]

That 2nd story boyfriend has to be lying. He got called the fuck out on it and is backpedaling. Like it or not, I think OP HAS to get their help in order to find out the REAL truth. Because whether or not she doesn't want to involve them in the drama, I feel that they became involved the moment this prick used his parents to try and manipulate his girlfriend.

[@karlab95]

OP for first story is just so sweet. What a good mom, worried about her child. I loved that.

[@Tuxedo_Trouble]

Thank you Mark. I just tested positive for strep today and coming home and watching your videos made me happy

[@femboy__bunny]

I hope you get better soon! 🥳🥰

[@taraized]

I had strep throat as a middle aged adult, worse thing EVER! Hope you feel better real soon, I had it for 3 weeks it took 2 rounds of antibiotics

[@Tuxedo_Trouble]

@@femboy__bunny Thank you

[@badkitty4922]

Aww, babe, I'm so sorry about your strep throat! I get it at least once a year because shitty immune system. I hope you feel better soon, and don't talk if you can help it. Much Love, Happy, Healthy New Year, to you!😘😘💖💖

[@Tuxedo_Trouble]

@@badkitty4922 not my first time either. But thank you I'm resting up and eating hot foods and warm drinks

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@AndyyWithAY]

It sounds like both OP and Kiara need some serious therapy. It doesnt sound like anyone is an AH, but they both have some trauma they need to work out.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

That's also what I was thinking. I hope OP and her daughter Kiara get the help they need.

[@nolongeramused8135]

I've never heard of the "don't eat much as a guest" thing before, and had no clue that it was Arabic. Generally speaking, "food is love," and stuffing 1 bazillion calories down the throat of a guest and sending them away with leftovers is the norm for everyone else. On the other hand, she should dump his ass.

[@brigidtheirish]

It's *not.* He lied out his ass to cover for his mom's financial troubles. I'm not convinced his mom even said not to tell anyone that she's struggling. He's a liar.

[@analisesalas538]

Oh ma i totally get OP in story 2 like Mexicans go hard when we host and we always stuff you and send you with leftovers. As a guest we needed to be prepared for the waves of refried beans, empanadas, and pan dulce that would be chucked at us. My now deceased Tía Coco would stuff my mom with food whenever she visited because it was considered so rude if you didnt Edit: after the update i think i can understand where the bf is coming from if hes being honest. There were days that i remember my mom not eating enough so me and my sister could have more and there is a very real and deep shame that goes with that. He of course fucked up by not communicating that but i can honestly understand the frustration of knowing your parent is going without and being unable to do anything about it

[@AndyyWithAY]

Totally his behavior is inexcusable

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: unpopular opinion but NTA. She pressured you for an answer and you gave it to her. Yes, it’s a touchy subject and you were keeping your opinions to yourself until she pressured you for an answer. Op never pressured her daughter to have kids, and there nothing wrong with op wanting kids no matter what her reason is. Story 2: NTA. He’s mother asked you if you wanted seconds, so she and him should have expected that you might say yes. Story 2 update: so instead of telling you his parents situation like an adult he instead calls you greedy and fat. Maybe op’s bf wasn’t lying, I normally don’t say break up with him like the Reddit hive mind but I would recommend it to his reaction.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

OP in story one did actually pressure her daughter into having the kid. She outright said she's only going to have kids because it's Kiara's fault she won't have kids, but the second she gets what she wants OP acts like the fucking victim. Having kids SHOULDN'T BE BASED ON IF YOU GET GRANDCHILDREN, THAT EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATES PEOPLE INTO FORCING THEMSELF TO WANT IT

[@TsukiKageTora]

I’m on the manipulation theory on story 2. There is no reason for him to blow up on OP and call her fat over eating food at his mother’s place. He used “culture” as an excuse to further manipulate and gaslight OP. She doesn’t deserve to be treated this way and her boyfriend seemed to manipulate her to be a girlfriend he wants, one that doesn’t eat much. That story of his has holes (and now thinking about it, sounds exactly like the story of the poor family and OP taking his fatter girlfriend to his poor family’s place for dinner and she took a lot of it and the next time telling her to take a little of it and they would eat out later, because it was food for his grandmother for days: would you hear the absolute coincidence in that?)

[@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435]

He lied to her. I know, lying and falsely accusing her of something in one specific case is not as fancy and buzzword as gaslighting, and I promise it's still not a good thing, but that doesn't make it gaslighting just because AITA regulars think using big words makes them sound so epic and smart. And yes, words change but gaslighting describes a very specific type of intentional, insidious manipulation for a reason, just like a leg ulcer is painful and concerning but that doesn't make it an open fracture.

[@joycevelazquez2833]

Yes, I so agree. I'm reading this and I'm like yeah think it's better excuse. Just from what I read, I would not trust this guy at all.

[@ReyK_47]

My dad is half Mexican and half Puerto Rican. In our family's culture, if you are being hosted for dinner it is EXTREMELY disrespectful to decline to eat. If you don't eat, or you only eat a tiny bit, people will ask you if you are feeling unwell or they will assume you don't like their food. It also makes my Tia's extremely happy if you ask for seconds, because they feel appreciated in their efforts when you like their food. I don't understand inviting someone over and preparing a feast when you're expecting them to not eat a lot but maybe that's the case for other cultures.

[@nickyb.5170]

... she has no problem with abortion so can't figure out why her daughter wouldn't abort? Like... dude. Just because YOU are OK with it doesn't mean any given woman will be comfortable having one.

[@beckyhartley9502]

OP seems to project her wants and expectations on to her daughter, the fact she's wanted to have more children for the express *purpose* of them giving her grandchildren doubles down on that.

[@darkshadow5581]

Story 1 NTA. You push past dodging for an answer, it's not a surprise when you get an answer they didn't want to give.

[@moxee33]

NO WAY is not eating 🍴 expected of guests. What the hell are they invited for???

[@lolalo6344]

Story 2: This is also an ancient Dutch tradition (I am talking like max havelaar here). Only then the rule only counts when it's your own home. It stems from poorer families not wanting to seem poor. You offer everyone seconds and the family knows you decline because they cant actually afford it. It is however NOT a rule for guests. But yeah, this is basically just a culture clash and no one is wrong.

[@Metonymy1979]

I have many Cuban friends and I learned fast how disrespectful it is not to eat everything on your plate and eat more until you go comatose. That guy didn't communicate with her. Got mad at her over a lie he told. No good will come from that guy

[@kytrensol9777]

Story 2 honestly makes me admire OP's forgiveness because even as patient as I am, I wouldn't tolerate this AT ALL. And I thought among Arabians it was rather customary to eat a lot? (Correct me if I'm wrong though). And he was in fact being an arse. Why didn't he just tell OP like any other sane person would do? They're literally dating, not everything has to be a secret there. And then calling her names and whatnot. Girl, freaking dump him. If this is how he behaves, I don't think even his parents will have him around for long.

[@Kstanimal]

OMG I got so worked up by the last story, I totally had a revelation about myself. Thank you Mark. LOL. One side of my family is Irish/American Catholic, the other side is Danish. My large Irish/American fam encourages eating at gatherings. My Danish side.. (or at least my grandma?) discourages it massively. It's the whole "offer food but you're supposed to reject it" deal. Totally hate it. Then she would shame us later for eating too much and getting fat. It was soooo confusing for me as a child for real, and even as an adult! Eating with others is so weird isn't it? Gosh.

[@Itzelhaim]

Story 2: You aren't a mind reader and your bf sucks

[@staceyb5567]

Story 2: It doesn't matter if you grew up next door to each other or across the world, there are assumptions of what is "rude" and/or "correct" that are going to be quite different from the other family. You HAVE to be willing to talk these things through, ESPECIALLY if you are from vastly different cultures where there could be even more differnces.

[@deborahyoung1873]

First story, OP is not the AH. Her daughter acts like a spoiled ah. OP having kids or not isn't any of her daughters business. And why would her daughter be so broken over a kid she didn't want anyway.

[@bloonh8tr619]

For story 2 there is a clear language barrier/culture barrier. Seems like the BF is trying to say glutton. I will say from my background, Mexican, we make sure there is always enough food for everyone and you always offer more to guests. We don't want you to leave hungry, and if you wish we'll give you leftovers. That's how my mom and dad raised me and my sibling. I can understand the BF's culture but the reaction was disgusting.

[@HeoBaby24]

Reading the update gave a lot more sense to the drama And he apologize Everyone in the update comment are wrong dough Because if the role are reserved No one would say op gf is toxic or you should till leave them They would be on her side

[@bloonh8tr619]

@@HeoBaby24 yeah I'm glad they could talk it out. Communication is key, I hope the BF's parents are doing better

[@toothless3835]

Yeah. He was using culture instead of telling her the truth. What they should do, all the children, is offer to cook for their parents weekly at different houses in rotation. I think it would help the parents out which seems to be the main issue.

[@J_e_s_s]

Story 2 - personally, I want people to eat as much as they need within reason. Once everyone gets their plate full the first time, all bets are off and you can have seconds, thirds, fourths. But I hate wasting food and I don't eat much myself. Also, sending people home with leftovers is completely normal.

[@terryp2517]

Story 1: NTA. OP's daughter asked a question, then kept pressing and she finally answered it. Why was she voted the AH? That's idiotic

[@ukchanak]

It's so great to hear about the fiance being supportive and accepting her back and going to counseling. Sweet story in the end 💕

[@bettreon]

Story two: It all depends on if he continues the behavior. If this was a weird one off because of family then it's fine, people make mistakes. But if it continues then she needs to leave.

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

Story #2: I personally find it complimentary when people go back for seconds and thirds when I'm the one who cooked.

[@zerobolt9506]

First story's update got me crying 😭😭😭, it's so wholesome 😭

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

If OP wants more children why doesn't she have children? Why does her daughter's stance on children affect OPs decision. What a weird situation.

[@Fairygoblet]

Maybe she just wants children in her life, point-blank. If she has grandchildren, she will be able to have a child in her life again oh, and the family will continue. If she has a child of her own or adopt, she will be able to have a child in her life again oh, and the family will continue. From her perspective, either situation works, but I think it's kind of a naive thing to think. Having children and having grandchildren are very different. There seems to be a lot of love in this family, but also not a lot of communication or maturity.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: and this is why we USE BIRTH CONTROL (there are more types than the pill); both mother and daughter. This kind of emmeshment between a young parent and child is common. OP absolutely needs counselling as much as Kiara does. Do either of them want children, or not? Who knows?

[@MariMotherofGoblins]

I worked with a gentleman from Lebanon, and he would always bring extra lunches for coworkers who didn't have lunch. It was always delicious and he was delightful.

[@Tactical_Buttcheeks]

Story 2: as a Hispanic, it is sometimes seen as rude to NOT eat alot when you are invited over. The first time my bf came over he wanted to be polite and didnt eat like he usually does and after he left my parents were worried he didnt like the food or was uncomfortable. I asked him and he told me he didnt wanna be rude and eat his fill lol. It had never crossed my mind to tell him it would be okay and its different in my culture (he's white). No one was mad an no one was offended, just worried they had been bad hosts. He apologized to them later even though he really didnt have to and they understood once i explained his intentions

[@itsneverduck.8691]

For Story Two: I think because of the circumstances, OP isn’t an AH, and her boyfriend is a soft AH. However, if he’s concerned and wants to maintain their private information, he and OP could always go over with ingredients and ask his mom to teach her how to cook cultural dishes. Then leaving the leftovers behind. She’s in a relationship with her son, so his mom might be excited that you want to know. It might seem manipulative, but you’ll be learning something and they’ll be getting leftovers without thinking twice. Heck even go to the store with her especially if she goes to foreign markets. There’s always so many new things to try! Just an idea to help out his parents, without it being a handout kind of thing. You’ll take experience away too.

[@amelianekomimi1936]

nah hes a hard ah. huge one. he spewed hate and vitriol at her rather than calm down and explain. he has the emotional capacity of a toddler. he's gonna beat her / hit her first rather than be rational. is it ok if he hits her first out of anger then explains why he wanted / did hit her? she needs to leave. also he refused to apologize. what a dick.

[@JohnDoe-kt9em]

1st story OP is not the AH. that daughter needs some god damn therapy. that update revealed some messed up shit about the daughter...

[@theresatrahan6282]

Having been in the military...I've been all over the world, and have never come across this rule. In fact they would be offended if we didn't have seconds and dessert. So I'm confused.

[@welshbandit7208]

Story 1: Kiara sounds like a confused girl, and that there may be no winning there.

[@crazypyp5871]

Story two: Coming from someone from Arab culture, NTA. My family do things to be polite but then get mad like offer to pay most of the bill or all of it to show wealth and hospitality and overfeed people and tell them to eat more but then get mad when people accept the offer with no questions. It's annoying tbh. If you don't want them to do all of that, don't offer. Do not offer unless you are actually willing to have the offer be accepted. I've seen it countless times where we offer my Tete (grandma) food and she says she isn't hungry but then I see her snack on foods that can be considered meals. For example, she makes herself a sandwich when she thinks no one is looking all because in her words, she doesn't want to be rude. It shouldn't be considered rude for someone to eat and want food. OP was not aware of the customs and was offered food. Of course OP is going to eat food that was offered. It is just common knowledge

[@CensorshipVictim]

I'm currently, on quarantine for COVID 19 and your videos are helping to pass the time🧇🧇🧇

[@solalunehealingarts]

In my family, everyone brings a dish, we until we can't anymore and everyone takes home leftovers from everyone else.

[@marymasavage8986]

With story 2: OP should not tolerate the bullying, ever. However, he may be telling the truth in the update. Ego and pride is a double-edged sword that can help and hurt one's self and others and a parent 's greatest pride is that they can take care of themselves and their kids in front of the kids and others. I suggest this, next time there is a dinner date at the parents house, say "mom, your cooking is so good that I want to treat you to some of mine and see if you like it. Would you like something in particular?" and make an extra big portion of it for leftovers.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Being Metis Canadian we have similar rules: if you come as a guest to dinner, you eat what you take and only eat 2nds, when everyone has eaten, elders eat first, and the younger generation wash dishes and clean up as the elders more often than not; spend all day cooking. It is gracious to bring food but not required.

[@slippyquack7672]

The daughter in story one is a nuisance tbh. "I don't want it. I stopped taking birth control cause I don't know. I don't want to be a parent. I also don't want to abort. I also do not want to see a therapist. Btw everything I just said is a lie, I'm just jealous of all the attention my were getting and they're moving on with their lives and only said those things because I didn't want to be a burden." Holy shit she's insane. Good grief.

[@catandrobbyflores]

I'm honestly thinking the daughter was pressured by fiance to get pregnant. That's the only reason I could think of for her to suddenly stop birth control.

[@gypsygem9395]

She said it was because of the hormones that she stopped taking both control. I get it because the pill can really mess with your moods due to the excess hormones. Then when she got pregnant, obviously she changed her mind (which she's allowed to do, she's only 24!), she would still have had high hormone levels due to stopping the pill and being pregnant, and that can, again, mess with your moods. Plus, for a first pregnancy, it can be very scary, no matter how much you want a child, but more so if you've only recently changed your mind about having children. I think people should give her a break!

[@toothless3835]

@@gypsygem9395 Did I miss something? I thought she said she was 18.

[@Iridiumdaydream]

Story 2: I still think the bf is lying. If the story about it being a financial issue is true, then why wasn’t he mad at OP about that from the start? Why instead did he lie and say his mother was complaining about how rude OP was, and only came clean (if you believe him), once OP texted the mom and got proof he was lying? Not to mention the financial excuse is a perfect cover up, since not only would asking be rude, but even if OP did ask, if the parents respond that they have no idea what they’re talking about, bf can say they’re just too proud to admit it. I’d be willing to bet money that this isn’t the first time bf has been controlling and critical. This is a pretty classic example of emotional abuse. I hope OP is careful going forward.

[@NottyAries]

S2: if I was worried about my parents not having enough food, I'd buy them groceries. Period.

[@JUMALATION1]

The second story: this is only what I have been told by my grandma, but my great-grandma and her husband were dirt poor during WW2. Still, whenever someone turned up at their door, they were like "are you hungry? we have food ready!" even if the guest was completely unexpected. It could be a work acquaintance or some distant family member or even someone who heard my great-grandma and her husband were great at cooking and just wanted to chat and have a small snack (which turned into a christmas-size meal just for them). They also had several live-in guests who did odd jobs for them just for food. They would stuff the guest's face until they exploded. I don't blame OP here at all, she had no clue. Good thing the situation was somewhat cleared up.

[@brigidtheirish]

Both sets of my grandparents grew up in the Great Depression. Didn't matter how much you were struggling, if you had guests, you threw a feast. The boyfriend is a *massive* asshole for expecting OP not to eat regardless of reason or prior knowledge.

[@blacbamboo284]

story 2: So he didn't want to "embarrass" his parents by telling the truth, so instead he lied to her, embarrassed her and made her feel his mother didn't like her? And with the argument he made, it just sounds like a reason to be consistently controlling about her eating and portions. Wow... what a catch.

[@blacbamboo284]

Throw away the man, keep the mom.

[@TarisLuna]

Story 2 I grew up around a lot of of eastern cultured families from russia down to turkey etc. (I live in germany) and people always, ALWAYS had ton of food when inviting someone over, even just for a play date for the kids and the mothers would always animate us to eat a little more, so I don't see where this could come from.

[@Silence-1170]

Good evening to all you waffles me and my friend are hanging out having fun. Wishing you all the best!

[@desertgirl8647]

I call bullshit on Story 2 update. 1st off, if his parents are struggling financially don't have people over for dinner if it's going to put you in food insecurity situation. Also, the girlfriend couldn't possibly have eaten that much that it would have impacted the leftovers. This is the lamest excuse for the boyfriend to over react that I've ever read! I can't believe how many on here are falling for it!

[@dogsarefab]

That last story isn't just a red flag, it's a bloody flag factory. That guy is manipulating OP. I've spent my life being gaslit and this update turned my stomach.

[@KarmikCykle]

Story 2: So the BF lied to her face and treated her like crap and SHE feels bad about it? WTF.

[@ebagentj]

Story Two reminded me of something I read long ago written by a Chinese-American woman. She was born in the US, and I believe her parents had been as well, but she decided to visit China and meet her extended family there and get in touch with her culture. Upon arriving there, she realized people were constantly giving her things when they met her (small tokens or amounts of money). She didn't understand this, but she accepted them thankfully. When she got home, she was told that her extended family had gotten in touch with her parents and called her rude and greedy. Apparently in Chinese culture, it is common to offer guests gifts to appear gracious, and also common for the guests to refuse the gifts to appear similarly gracious. She had no idea of this. The article/story went on that the next time she went to China, she refused everything she was offered... only to find out her parents got complaints again because she apparently was rude for turning down certain things that she was supposed to accept. Even her parents didn't know what these unspoken rules of gift giving and receiving were and she threw her hands up and said she liked her extended relatives, but they would have to accept she was a dumb American and approach her as such if she visited again.

[@badkitty4922]

The BF in OP's story 2 is frikken weird and an AH. In my early to late teens I had friends from ALL over the world, including Arabic countries. A lot of cultures try to feed you when you're visiting. Of course Italian but also Arabic, Latino and some Asian cultures. Even my own mom, who is first generation American born of working class Scottish immigrants, always offered food or to stay for dinner to a visitor. I don't know about other cultures but, mom explained it's done just in case the visitor is poor and REALLY hungry but, pride and embarrassment keeps them from asking for something to eat. I also had a friend from Palestine who is Muslim and one afternoon, was preparing food to cook for her and her husband once the Sun went down (Ramadan). She wouldn't allow me to help not because I'm white and, at the time, Catholic but, because she was really looking forward to cooking for her DH (Dear Husband) for their first Ramadan as a married couple. Then she offered me food, and I explained that I was raised to NOT eat in front of someone who couldn't. All was well and we remained friends for a LONG time, learning about each other's cultures.

[@angelajaime5155]

I'm happy that OP and Kiara are happier, but I don't think Kiara should have any babies....

[@nadzjanz]

story 2: if there are specific things that you should know when meeting your SO's parents to not look rude then your SO should absolutely be telling you that ahead of time. And the parents not being understanding about someone from a different culture potentially making mistakes isn't great either.

[@ComaLies225]

To be honest, the update in story 2 isn't a bad update but a part of me would have loved to ream at the bf. If there's an issue, then COMMUNICATE. Calling OP fat and greedy isn't gonna get him anywhere except a bop in the head.

[@devlyn873]

Good evening. I apparently have to sit next to my Rottweiler while he chews his bone (he cries when I go to stand up) so my little pitty won't steal it from him (she's half his size but finishes hers in a fraction of the time it takes him).

[@flamin.hot.cheeto]

I’m screaming because an OP finally used my name in their AITA story!! ❤️😍

[@MydieLy]

Table manners vary so often, but if you never go outside your own bubble, you never realize it..when visiting a friend in Estonia as a teenager I was told that they have a custom if like one slice of meat or one potato is left on a platter, it is offered to each one at the table by the host. In the first round everyone declines politely, then he offers a second time and then the one who really wants it changes their verdict^^ it's considered rude to accept in the first round

[@corlenajames1381]

Story 2#: Why the heck would he think she'd automatically know his cultural norms, when he didn't explain it to her beforehand? I'd be done with him. She can do so much better. Edit: Nope! It's NOT a positive update. He knew of his parents' situation & could've easily taken precautions with OP prior to her arriving for dinner at his parents. I feed my family before we go to parties so they aren't famished when we get there. Why gaslight her, then make her wait for an apology & explanation as to why? And then she's the one who had to be proactive about mending the situation by reaching out to his mom, smh. He attacked his GF for being completely normal at a holiday dinner. Personally, I'd want him to work on his toxicity before I got more serious with him. Otherwise, OP is gonna run into a lot of landmines like this one.

[@damien678]

oh god that one comment really annoyed me. ADHD & autism aren't things to try and avoid. literal eugenics.

[@demonqueen3886]

the first story they both definitely need some therapy

[@kibethnehema2069]

Story 2- I've never heard to eat only a little at someones house. My family is from the Southeast US and also very Irish. Your definitely expected to eat. It's not rude if you don't but people will act concerned for your health.

[@clarehidalgo]

Basic hospitality rules, don't refuse food offered to you. I mean legendary Irish hero Cu Chulainn had 2 geass, one to never refuse hospitality and one to never eat dog meat, if he broke either he'd lose his invincibility. He was put in a situation where an enemy disguised as an old woman offered him dog stew and either way he would be breaking one. He decided hospitality was more important and eat it. He also had a 3rd geass where if someone he met refused to identify themselves he'd have to fight them to the death but that was unrelated to the point I was trying to make

[@olli8389]

In my culture declining the food is considered rude. Especially if there's a lot of it. We even offer some food for the guests to take home for later.

[@quilaviper]

For the second story, I think the assumptions of gaslighting and manipulation are going a bit overboard... I've seen a lot of good advice and stuff on Reddit, but that community does have a bad habit of assuming the worst of people all the time. From the sounds of the first story and the update, it really does just sound like a genuine lapse of judgment on the boyfriend's part due to a tough situation. However, lying to the gf about his mom being offended was still an EXTREMELY bad and mean choice as a cover-up, but I kind of understand it from the point of trying to find a different reason to say to try and protect his family situation. I've done white lies before to protect my family or friends' privacy before (obviously not any mean-spirited lies like this to make someone feel bad, but more to distract from any real private issues being pried into) so it was probably just the first thing he could think of in his state of anger (anger not necessarily stemming from the girlfriend alone as we saw in the end, but she was the catalyst to take it out on) That being said, they still definitely need to work on these horrid communication issues, and couple's counselling is never a bad idea in these kinda cases lol

[@Resilient_Sage88]

The way he initially responded was overboard. He basically exploded and called his girlfriend fat, then lied that his mother was offended too. That's not okay. Even to spare the parents the embarrassment of having their struggles known, it's not an excuse for that amount of displaced anger.

[@analisesalas538]

Yeah like i can totally understand the shame he must have been feeling but he needed to be an adult and communicate what was going on

[@streamerssaymyname]

Saying his mom was angry behind her back literally makes it so that she cannot tell if his family are genuine with her or not and that would make any possible future with the inlaws that much harder. I've had an inlaw insinuate my MIL was making fun of me in their language because I wasn't fluent in it. I didn't care very much because I spent several months living with my MIL and we had already developed a bond.

[@quilaviper]

@@streamerssaymyname I 100% agree with this, that's definitely part of why the lie he tried to spin was so harmful - What I'm saying is, I don't think the boyfriend really thought through the consequences of his actions, he was more just saying whatever he could come up with to skirt the issue. My comment was more in response to how Mark said at the end how the Reddit comments are trying to spin him as some mastermind manipulator when it more feels like a case of a really stupid mistake rather than him purposely trying to alienate her or something ("Purposely alienating her" in the sense of solely doing it to be manipulative and cruel, I mean. It reads (in my opinion) more like the guy just didn't know how to protect his parents' privacy without coming up with some ridiculous lie.)

[@sephaya1563]

@@Resilient_Sage88 But even from the original post how OP described the convo it was clear that he didn't rly mean fat and just took this world because he couldn't think of the right one since he doesn't speak that language fluent. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking of the right word in a different situation. He is still the AH but I rly think he didn't mean to call her fat in sense of her body weight.

[@SK98765]

2nd story: NTA and the commenters have it right. Some cultures you're rude eating too little, some it's considered gross/fatty to eat more than a little, and it's impossible to tell until someone tells you. Update: He shouldn't have lied and should've just told her the truth. I understand him being sensitive about it, but he's still the jerk for lying.

[@gypsygem9395]

Just watched/read the first story. My youngest daughter almost 30) was the same, never wanted children until she met her current partner 5 years ago. People absolutely have the right to change their minds, whatever triggers that change. Sometimes it's meeting the right person, sometimes it's being aware of their body clock, and sometimes, as in Kiara's case, it's seeing their friends starting families.

[@shannonbullock2202]

S2 is definitely a huge cultural problem. I'm American and was raised the same way OP was. Every time I didn't eat much as a guest, I was told over and over "u didn't eat much was everything ok?" "I can make u something else real quick" etc etc. The only time it would be polite to eat less is when u see there isn't enough.

[@SheilaNorthcutt]

First OP is being manipulated by her daughter.

[@littlelolita6853]

Story 2 - I'm Polish and here not to eat seconds is considered a slight x33 A good guest tries everything and asking for take out is the greatest compliment to the chef - especially if you are meeting someone's grandparents

[@beckyhartley9502]

It's a bit disturbing how everyone seems to think it's cool that OP in story 1only wants more children for the express purpose of them being future baby factories, what happens if the do over kids can't have children or also didn't want them? Everyone's saying NTA because it's OP's and her daughter's choices clashing but completely ignoring why OP wants more kids. She doesn't want them to be a mother, she wants in order to be a grandmother which means she's only having them to serve a purpose and not because she actually wants them (re: not having more if her daughter does).

[@gaywerewolf1294]

and yet you clearly ignored that OP clearly said that they weren't deciding that to be grandparents but bc they wanted a large family. and what "do over" kids? lol. OP clearly loves and respects her daughter and her decisions, this is in no way a "do over" unless you're saying that wanting a large family at any point in time is wrong and a sin and shit?