Father Grounds Step-Daughter As She Refuses To Care For His Bio-Children - AITA Reddit Stories

[@minnie3434]

"4 wonderful boys, I also have a step-daughter" Says a lot right there.

[@MarkNarrations]

Damn I didn't even spot that, good shout Crimson!

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

There was so many subtle things that hinted at how he really felt about that poor girl

[@minnie3434]

@@MarkNarrations Thanks. As soon as I heard that line, I kept it in my head for the entire story. Cause it showed how he felt about her and his biased against her. The Step-daughter was probably more than aware of what he thought of her.

[@pansprayers]

@@minnie3434 yup, he just expected to be 'dad' because he married her mother, and when he couldn't be bothered to give her even a reasonable amount of time to bond, he lost interest and stopped really caring. Pretty gross.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

That part with 4 wonderful boys and stepdaughter pissed me off. My toxic Stepmother refers to my siblings as her kids and my nephews and as her grandchildren but doesn't ignore that we have my mother. You can be a crap step parent but respect your partners kids. The difference is if you are toxic you need to be mindful if the stepfamily care for you.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 1: Eleven siblings? That poor girl. That means her dad has 7 other kids, if her mom has 4 others. Just, wow. She probably feels lost in the shuffle.

[@pansprayers]

Blended families are... Interesting. I'm the oldest of nine, and I can completely relate to that blending together.

[@LadyLabyrinth1337]

I am the second youngest of 13, my father has 4 other children, my mother has 4 others and my step father has 4 other children. There was just way too many children between them all

[@Iflie]

Yeah, and she hasn't bonded to the 4 boys, it just seems like a very toxic situation because she's probably closed off out of selfdefence. Her parents must be too busy to bother much with the one that can take care of herself.

[@pansprayers]

@@Iflie The age gap is too big for her to bond in anything past an older cousin/young aunt dynamic. Anything past five or six years, and siblings are considered, by child development specialists to be only children, even if the parents later go on to spawn a litter of them.

[@audreym3908]

I'm the oldest of 5 but I have a childhood friend that's the youngest of 13. No blending of families, except sibling-in-laws and niblings.

[@heraclito3114]

Story 2. Miranda was completely right. Not her kids, not her responsibility.

[@toothless3835]

exactly. Alice shouldn't have had her kids if she can't afford to raise them. Don't have kids you can't afford. Or get a job to help out.

[@PandoraBear357]

5 kids is a choice. Alice is not entitled to anyone else's money for making that choice. No wonder Miranda isn't close with any if them. OP is an ah.

[@Grouchbox]

OP could not be a bigger, more entitled AH. You don't get to spend other peoples' money, and Miranda should keep the little snot blocked.

[@jaredstar]

It's that sort of mindset that has damned society. Was Opie out of mind to say what they said, yes. But if this was an example of what she's like, I can see why Miranda's husband left her too. Too. Just not for the same reasons.

[@victoriapyles7752]

Lmao “this isn’t parentification, I just want her to care for her younger siblings.”

[@lb-yo8ro]

It's like he doesn't even hear himself

[@bunnyslippers191]

He claims it's not parentification then immediately describes parentification when he says he wants his stepdaughter to "take some responsibility for her younger siblings." Dude needs to look up the definition of parentification because he just put that in his sentence.

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

"It's not stealing, it's just borrowing without permission" "It's not lying, it's just saying something that isn't technically true" That type of energy coming from this guy, amirite?

[@helenafarkas4534]

@@Oicurmtoyoy "alternative facts"

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@Oicurmtoyoy Yep, *and* he's self absorbed and selfish. He said he had always wanted a daughter, was extremely happy that he got a daughter in his step daughter, and it never entered his mind that she might not want him to be her father and might prefer her own biological father to him. When she wasn't as excited about it as he was he "gave up' on trying to have any kind of relationship with her. Selfish and self centered man.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: It sounds like Ellie is lost in the mix in both families. She has 11 siblings which means both of her parents went out and had new families after her.

[@carolroberts4614]

I think she also said somewhere that she doesn't have to look after the subs on the other side!

[@Windxchild]

“She works a lot but she has no kids, so I don’t know what she does on weekends”. That actually made me chuckle… Gee, I wonder what millions of child free adults do on weekends… Hang out with friends, pick up a hobby, learn a new skill… The possibilities are literally endless and frankly, none of OP’s business

[@kiwi4035]

If you're me, I hike, go riding, sit and chill with Netflix, paint, do university work I couldn't do due to my full time job (I am part time studying), play with the dog etc. Heck I even go out star gazing with the puppy! Just because I'm child free doesn't mean I don't have other responsibilities to myself, my health, and my puppy.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "You can afford to help out but choose not to out of spite" _or,_ here's a thought, she doesn't have to spend her hard earned money on anything she doesn't want to, and she especially doesn't have to spend it on someone who keeps popping out kids when she can barely afford the ones she has.

[@lorifiedler13]

Pearl clutching time. She spends her hard earned money on herself and does whatever she wants on the weekend. Gasp.

[@MrNemitri]

maybe she could be for a well deserved operation, stop that reckless baby factory seems to be the best investment.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2 update: so op’s parents and Alice didn’t want Miranda financially support Alice’s kids, just bigger presents 🎁. I’m just glad that Alice pulled op’s head out of his ass.

[@demonqueen3886]

"She's my wife's daughter" yeah and those four boys are your son's! You can still have time to run after you're done taking care of the boy's🤦‍♀️ I also find it weird that he immediately thought that after he met her that she was going to start calling him dad🤨

[@sgmii3060]

Common expectation of step parents. They assume it’s an automatic thing, like bio kids. They don’t realize the emotional mess they are walking into

[@beverlyarcher546]

Well then bratty child doesn't need an allowance bratty child can go get a job at 15 and wake up after a few hours sleep

[@FuckAssName]

I cant rationalize where people can look at that post that they're about to publish and think to themselves, "Yeah, that's the shit right there. I'm such a good person right now."

[@deepersoul689]

😂So true

[@infinityalbi9840]

As well as the opposite. How can someone who is so obviously in the right post there and even consider that they're the AH?

[@johnf.kennedy7683]

"I want her to take some responsibility for her younger siblings." She's a child, what responsibility does she have over your kids???

[@beverlyarcher546]

No she's a teenager not a child she could help out in the mornings or have no allowance she's a brat

[@deijix]

The whole “I have 4 wonderful boys🥰… I also have a step daughter too I guess🙄” hit really close to home immediately. My adoptive mother used to introduce the family like “I’m Laura, this is my husband Bob, these are my two girls Bella and Megan, and this is Catt.” It hurt so much for her to never include me as one of “her girls” because I wasn’t biological even though she made the CHOICE to have me in her life…

[@khanolval9848]

Have you cut contact with them?

[@justine8387]

I hope you have people in your live who love and value you, Catt.

[@aikikaname6508]

Damn Ellie sounds like she’s pretty damn mature kid and far more than OP. If she’s been that receptive and mature after all this, he must have really messed up for him to have no relationship

[@Ghostcyborg71]

Sadly that's a sign that's she's had to grow up quicker, the poor kid

[@marshawargo7238]

I Really don't believe his final post! It feels like he just doesn't want to be thought of as an Ahole to countless unknown people! Also he knows that, she & anyone she tells, are reading this post & his response. I think mom might benefit from therapy for low self esteem FOUR kids Those ages? Perhaps he really wants a daughter!?!? I wish that she had made a rebuttal post & possibly an after 18 post! (Especially with that many siblings)

[@sacilexi231]

He gives up so effing fast. Got upset because she didn't call him dad right away. Gives up cause she's moving to her dad's place. He still doesn't want to put in the work.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

“I just want her to take responsibility.” For what? *Your* kids? Good on Ellie’s dad for getting her out of that situation. My mom decreased my dad and step mom’s visitation with me when they tried to pull similar stuff.

[@beverlyarcher546]

So bratty child is a brat

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: disgusting. He wants to shove his responsibility on his teenage stepdaughter. Don't want to take care of your own kids, don't have them. I wonder how little he helped his wife in the past?

[@Azulakayes]

Story2: This is what happens when teenagers insert themselves in adult issues. So glad Miranda left to live her life elsewhere. The last comment on this story is very profound. Thanks for reading it.

[@digitalharmony26]

“You’ll never be my dad” “Okay, fuck off then. You’re just a random child in this house.” No. The correct response: “You’ll never be my dad.” “I’m not trying to replace your dad. I just want to be a supportive, safe person in your life. I will love you no matter what and will be here if and when you’re ready.” So simple my guy.

[@DellCTRL]

Basically the first story: “I want my 15yo step-daughter to get up every morning to make my ‘wonderful boys’ breakfast.” That’s parentification. The fact he called her his _step-daughter_ and his other kids his “four wonderful boys” says a lot. Those aren’t her kids. She’s not responsible for them. Yeah, every once in a while you _could_ have your older kids watch the younger ones but not _every freaking day._ Just because she’s the older sister doesn’t mean she’s meant to be a third parent.

[@lazarushernandez5827]

He can get up early to go jogging, which takes some time to get ready for, why can't he just make breakfast for the boys? Pancakes, eggs, cereal, doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes.

[@pansprayers]

@@lazarushernandez5827 because that would mean he has to parent. Also, a four month old can't eat solids like pancakes, and take longer than 15 minutes to feed, change, and dress. He just wanted to conveniently dip out of his least favourite activities.

[@lazarushernandez5827]

@@pansprayers Didn't want to imply that the infant could eat what the rest of them could, just that if he could take time to prep to go jogging, he can prep meals/care for the kids before he does.

[@PandoraBear357]

Yeah he can eff off. He as an adult and their actual parent can stop being an entitled prick and run later.

[@beverlyarcher546]

@@lazarushernandez5827 It's means bratty teenager should grow up and help out she does nothing take her allowance alway

[@crystelthewolf]

"Its not parentification, im just making my stepdaughter care for her siblings like a parent would!!" Good lord dude, yta big time

[@dianasmith8248]

I feel sorry for the mom that her daughter is moving out. Hopefully that can be addressed in family counseling for Ellie and her mother.

[@ComaLies225]

Yea, it got to the point she wasn't talking to OP which he rightfully deserved for being an ass. She should have laid down the law that Ellie was her daughter and he had NO RIGHT to demand anything of her

[@danacarter9147]

If Ellie continued to stay with her mother and 1st OP, her mental/physical health would take a downward spiral, and even, family counseling won't be enough for her and her mother to mend their relationship. The fact that Ellie is moving out will be hard on the mother, but she'll come to realize that it's for the best.

[@TsukiKageTora]

“We made stir fry. Then taught her how to make chocolate frosting” Good god. I hope the chocolate frosting isn’t for the stir fry 😨

[@seyimajek]

😂😂😂

[@pansprayers]

I mean, I've had some pretty aweful stir fries. They might have been salvaged with frosting, and I don't even like the stuff 🤷‍♂️

[@MaryTheresa1986]

😂😂😂😂

[@AM-cv9fi]

Still think he's posting that just because he found out she's on Reddit too and is trying to make himself look better

[@sinakirainine1719]

Story 1. YTA. As someone who dealt with Parentification for years, it is the worst. Your social life goes down the drain because no one wants to invite the kid who always has to cancel plans to take care of their siblings. Your friends become distant and some even leave all together. I grew to resent my younger siblings even though it isnt their fault. Now I can't stand kids at all and my parents act like they did nothing wrong. I was an unpaid babysitter when I should've been hanging out at pizza hut with friends or doing clubs in school. It pushed me into depression and anti social behaviors that I am still working on today. Parentification is a horrible thing to do to any child in any form. Parent your own damn kids, you chose to have them. Op is a real piece of work especially with how he talks about his step daughter. This story really boils my blood

[@KLT-id9nm]

I relate way too hard to this comment. It really does feck up your life. I feel like I never got to have a childhood, and I'm still mourning it to a degree.

[@sinakirainine1719]

@@KLT-id9nm Im so sorry you had to go through that. Parentification robs your childhood and makes us grow up way faster than we should

[@khanolval9848]

You should go no contact with your parents after writing a letter to them or something and explain to you siblings why

[@milieg3309]

Sounds like it's the best thing for Ellie coz it's not easy to build a relationship after years of neglect

[@danacarter9147]

Impossible is more like it. I agree with you 💯% on that, because the mistreatment 1st OP and his wife have subjected Ellie to is like a scar from a 3rd degree burn.

[@milieg3309]

@@danacarter9147 I used to think it was impossible but I'm starting to see the possibilities

[@danacarter9147]

@@milieg3309 I understand.

[@hunterjames8653]

Story 2: Miranda hit the nail on the head “your way too young kid too have this conversation”

[@khaavren3]

The sister story: man, she took her sister's lowest point and weaponized it -- over a petty squabble. I can totally see and hear the older sister saying, "Get out and never come back." Anyone who said something like that to me would be totally dead to me too.

[@audreym3908]

OP is a he, but agreed.

[@danime35]

1st story, love how "I reminded her" means "I threatened her". Ellie should be going to bed earlier because she's a kid who needs a lot of sleep to develop not to be a teen parent.

[@lycantabris]

Well, teenagers have later circadian rhythms than child age children and the bulk of adults. If she doesn't have to get up early, 2am is a perfectly acceptable bedtime for a teenager.

[@pansprayers]

Delayed sleep/wake is a normal thing, especially for teens. She's fine doing what she's doing.

[@violetbizzara]

Plus Op doesn't mention if Ellie has a lot of homework, or plays sports and she could even have a sleep disorder or learning disability hindering her. Also, to ask her to get up and be a parent, when she needs to get ready for school in the morning. And his stupid running excuse he can get up earlier and run or go at early night when the kids are asleep.

[@danacarter9147]

Now that you mention it, children who have been parentified are more likely to become teen parents; it's a good thing that Ellie has made made the decision to move out, because if she stayed, and continued to take of 1st OP's kids (and that's not her job to), she would be a teen parent, and then, her mother and 1st OP have a problem.😒

[@RuminatingRaptor]

S1: so he doesn’t want to be a parent to her but he still wants to be able to tell her what to do and ground her. Edit: at least he saw that he was wrong and is trying to do better. Best possible outcome, IMO.

[@mbyerly9680]

A family member made the same comment about me being a crappy mother and I should never have children. It was over twenty years ago, and the person who said it is long dead, but it still hurts like the devil. Some cruelties can never be forgiven.

[@jenmck8146]

Story 1: - Is he kidding, when he first got together with his wife he never gave a thought to how the child would feel about having a step father? If I was just dating someone who already had kids, that would be foremost in my mind, to consider the kids, as they are part of the package. He sounds like a narcissist, but at least some of the updates at the end are giving me some hope that he's finally considering others' feelings and how his behavior impacts the people in his life. Hope he can work things out with both the step daughter and his wife.

[@TiffWaffles]

For the second story, it makes me enraged when I see comments trying to excuse OP's bad behaviour due to his age. He may have been 17, but this is pretty damn old enough to understand right from wrong. Fact: Regardless of the age of somebody, if they say something absolutely disgusting like what OP said, they deserve the consequences of that... and in this case, he deserves the fact that Miranda has gone no contact with him. If I had my sister who is a young person use my infertility as a crutch to attack me with, I'd go absolutely no contact with her and I don't give a fuck about her young age, either. Unforfuckinggivable. Point blank. Period.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 2: YTA - What makes Alice any less greedy to keep having kids and expecting others to bail her out? I agree, she's an adult who made her choices. What's stopping her from working?

[@reapersgirl6407]

Maybe the stepdad could get up earlier so he can go running when his wife gets home. She’s a child it isn’t her responsibility. Just because she doesn’t watch the children doesn’t mean she isn’t close to them. If the boys are upset about her moving then she obviously is.

[@zerotodona1495]

It is her responsibility to go to bed around 10 pm. She is still growing up.

[@terramarini6880]

@@zerotodona1495 Teenagers are not wired to go to bed at that time. Studies have shown that brain development at this stage frequently disrupts their sleep patterns through no fault of their own. Experts advise when possible to leave them to it (within reason of course, life still happens).

[@randomloser4674]

@@zerotodona1495 True but what highschool kid does? I'm kind of curious how 7 am is too early to wake up. Do schools in other countries have later start times? Because in the USA 8 am seems to be the norm.

[@pansprayers]

@@zerotodona1495 no, it's not. Even if it were, it's not her responsibility to parent four kids she didn't have. But hey, I guess you know absolutely nothing about sleep patterns, OR parenting.

[@pansprayers]

@@randomloser4674 yup, the US has weird start times. Where I am, you either star in the morning, or in the afternoon, depending on what you choose. My friend's kid in Australia starts her day at 9:30. US school patterns have f*ck all to do with anything other than childcare, as shelled out by the original Prussian system that spawned them, and harvest/growing seasons for farmers. It's outmoded, unhealthy, and quite frankly suboptimal.

[@ShawntelDC]

Parentification is abuse! Continues to explain how that is exactly what he’s doing to his stepdaughter by making her take responsibility for her siblings! 😂🤯

[@danacarter9147]

That's right. The stepdaughter, Ellie will need a trustworthy therapist, because there's a possibility that her PTSD caused by parentification will negatively affect her future relationships; I have a bad feeling that, when Ellie finds a good-natured SO (significant other), and has a child with him, she'll not only split on her SO, she'll also leave him to raise their child on his own, because of the trauma she suffered.⚠️

[@emileetiroletto8003]

Where does it mention that Ellie has PTSD? Yes she's going through a hard time, but diagnosing things where you have no place makes actual people with those disorders have a harder time. Couch therapists with no degrees make mental health an even bigger struggle.

[@kristys7172]

I feel sorry for 'Elle" seems both her parents remarried and had more kids and now she has 11 siblings, geez.

[@danacarter9147]

Me, too.

[@timriggins70]

But at least the dad and stepmother are not trying to force her to a third parent

[@chelseapthib36]

Were her parents supposed to just be alone for the rest of their lives because poor wittle Ewwie has feewings? 😂 Like I said in another comment... I have 4 siblings.... 2 step, 2 half. The 2 youngest are 9 and 15 years younger than me... we are all very close. I always helped my mom with my siblings because she deserved help. She is a wonderful wife and mother and if the least I could do was make dinner that night, or help my siblings with their homework, baths, and bedtime, then I was happy AF to do it. My stepfather and I had a tough start.. my dad died when I was 13. It took years to build a relationship and it took work on both our parts, not just his. I didn't act like an entitled little b1tch either. But, I was raised in a different time, before the internet and social media and smart phones and way before everyone screamed they had a mental illness and needed therapy. Gen Z needs to grow TF up and learn its not all about them!!! Good for nothing brats.

[@frankhooper7871]

In story 1 Ellie was 9 years old when her half-siblings were born. It's unreasonable to expect her to bond with children that much younger than herself - and unreasonable to expect her to call OP dad. I was 8 when my parents divorced and my half-siblings are more like cousins to me. And although I loved my stepmother, I always called her by her name - never mum.

[@pansprayers]

Yup, at best she's an older cousin/young aunt in the family dynamic. Anything greater than five or six years pretty much wrecks the kind of sibling bond people Invision.

[@ida6950]

My little sister is 9 years younger than me and we have a very tight bond. So it really depends on the children.

[@chelseapthib36]

Really? My 2 baby brothers are 9 and 15 years younger than me... we have had such a close relationship since day 1. I had a waterbed when I was a teenager. The youngest loved my bed and he slept in my bed with me from the age of 2-8. I sang him to sleep every night. I got up with him in the night, got him up in the mornings for school/daycare. My mom was so appreciative to have me helping her (I have 5 siblings, an older sister and 3 younger brothers who are either step or half.) I helped my mom bathe my brothers, feed them, with their homework, I brought them to school 2,3 times a week and picked them up. Went to all their games.... My brothers and I are still very close today. They are 26 and 21, I'm 35. The baby is married with a kid, I am Godmother to his son and I gave the big speech at his wedding. The 2nd youngest and I enjoy riding motorcycles and ATVs together, going to the gun range, having beers while cooking and listening to music. I'm very close with all my siblings... and I only share blood with 2 of them! So.. tell me again how Ellie being 9 and her siblings a few years younger means they couldn't bond. She CHOSE not to bond with them. Everyone so quick to defend Ellie but fail to see the entitled, spoiled brat right in front of their noses. 😂😂😂

[@deathberryjam907]

​@@pansprayersI wouldnt say wrecks it, but its definitely not a sibling bond as if they were 2-3 years apart. I was parentified myself at 10 when my sister was born, and then every 1-2 years after. I never felt like a sibling, more like a mom than anything...Even now I dont have a relationship with my mother and I cant look at my siblings as siblings, I see them as my own kids.

[@browniewin4121]

1) Your stepdaughter is not the parent, you are. Change your running time and take care of your own kids. YTA. After update: I'm glad you read all the comments and it opened your eyes to your failings and that you are now aware. I'm sorry it has been difficult, but happy that your relationship is getting better. 2) Why do you feel so entitled to dictate anyone else's time and money. Her money, her choice, she has no obligation to support her other family members. If you want to you can, but have no right to expect anyone else to. YTA for trying to direct, dictate, and disrespect how she chooses to spend her money, and especially for your comments that were beyond cruel and totally uncalled for. Everything she said to you was exactly right and you deserved to be kicked out and blocked from her life. You and your parents are insufferably wrong to think she has any responsibility to support the bad choices of her other sibling. After update: Well, it seems you are the only A*hole in this situation. I'm glad you woke up to that fact and recognized how you were wrong. Good for you to realize how to proceed and that you may never repair the rift but you can be a better person going forward and not make similar mistakes with others.

[@Pocoentertainmentstudio]

Alot of stories and redditors would say otherwise

[@virtualatheist]

I absolutely agree!

[@BersealiaDreamheart]

In regards to the second story, controlling your behavior is not an easy thing to learn. I was once a kid like OP. I was an emotional self-centered autistic teenager who only cared about being in my own little world. But my behavior and selfish wishes got me in serious trouble one day. I won’t explain it, but I did something stupid and my parents ripped me a new AH. I was angry and resentful for a while. It soon turned into regret. I even lashed out at my friends and classmates, afraid of them finding out what I did. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I immediately realized I needed to change. I was more honest and mature, I did my homework better, I even got a job. Now I’m grown up living on my own, and I pass on the wisdom of my stories and knowledge to others. We can’t escape the past nor can we change it, hoping to amend old scars. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and move on.

[@AIBot929]

Story 1: I really hate when adults tell literal children to grow up, act mature or be the bigger person. They are children and you are a whole ass adult, he needs to grow up and take care of the children he brought into this world not her. He acted like she had a choice in having sibling. Glad he understood how effed up he was but geez it's like he didn't even hear himself. Gives definition of parentification proceeds to explain that he is attempting to parentify his step daughter... in damn near the same word

[@TriXJester]

I've said this before but step-parents need to stop going into these relationships thinking they are automatically a parent to this child. If every step-parent could have a sit down conversation one on one with the child in question they should only say this; "I am not replacing anyone, your mother/father is still your mother/father. I am just someone who cares about your other parent, and I care about you. I am here to support you, and look out for you. You dont have to call me anything you dont want, you just have to know that I am in your corner and if you ever need help, I am here." Instead of pushing for a parental role right away, they need to ease into being a "Trusted Adult" first. So many people dont realize how important this step is, establishing yourself as someone the child can trust and rely on is the most important step to gaining a child's love. The other parent already had that trust and reliance because theyve been around since the child was a baby and established that years ago.

[@jessicaevans7451]

Omg right?! My step mom is my mom I don't call her mom as I have one of those but us getting to that point took like 25 years she was patient loving and took whatever role I needed best friend, ally advocate and sounding board. She never pushed even though my mom and I have a terrible relationship, and one day, I was just like oh you raised and loved me your my mom. This woman was in my life from age one, and it still took so much time and patience. You can't just expect to take the place of someone who already exists, and maybe you never will, but you don't give up. Step parent or biological your job is to be who your kid needs you to be

[@maddy8328]

Story 1, YTA so she didn't start calling you dad immediately?? And you just quit trying? Ew. Yeah you did this, I hope she has a better time with her real dad.

[@gaaraxnaru]

I've been waiting for an update to that second story. So happy OP's family actually turned out to be good people and Miranda at least wasn't getting ganged up on by all of them. I do feel sad that OP ruined his relationship with his sister, but whose to say what may happen in the future. Maybe it's not too late for it to be repaired. Even if it is though, this was an important lesson for OP to learn for sure. May Miranda and her ex live happily and content far away from the ex's toxic family.

[@gaaraxnaru]

Thanks for the heart, Mark!

[@krystalvixen3334]

If I was her I wouldn’t talk to OP ever again and someone who was in a toxic family I can understand her anger towards OP

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@krystalvixen3334 I'd be a bit more willing to forgive him as I see him as a dumb kid who was imagining issues that weren't there and his family rightfully ripped him a new one and set hin straight. Kids can be mindlessly cruel sometimes. Darn right it'd take me awhile to let him back in though. Probably until his mid-20s, lol. Let him see how hard actual life can be and get back to me. But I can also see his words being hurtful enough to result in forever no contact too. They were pretty awful and most likely struck nerves her husband's family already frayed thin. She doesn't have to forgive him for them at all. Everyone has a breaking point.

[@0potion]

@@gaaraxnaru anyone who tell someone that they deserve to have been left because they can't have children is irredeemable in my eyes. The original poster knew exactly how malicious what he was saying was but he thought maybe the internet would defend his terrible actions

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@0potion Yep. He was young so I truly believe he didn't realize the full scope of what he said, but he definitely knew he was wrong. I'm glad he's learned his lesson.

[@EllieC130]

I like how he jumps from “doesn’t consider me her dad” to “wife’s daughter”. There’s a middle ground there sir. You don’t have to be replacement dad for her to not hate you.

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 1 update: unfortunately even if you do see the error of your ways that doesn’t automatically undo the damage and hurt that you caused people. It takes a lot of time and space.

[@danacarter9147]

Agreed.

[@AWildJirachi]

“This is just me trying to get her to take some responsibility for her younger siblings.” THEY’RE NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: What is it with parents on Reddit sometimes? It seems like they are so lonely and desperate to get remarried, that they let their kids be walked all over. "You should have been kinder?" *That's* all the mom had to say? She sat back and let this happen, now she "won't speak to OP" when her daughter moves out? It's as much on her as it is OP, for not putting her daughter first and protecting her. S2: Surprised no one mentioned that OP was in the middle of giving Miranda a list of the things he wanted from her for Christmas, when he decided to criticize her life and call her a terrible, selfish person. How is he so blind that he couldn't see his own entitlement from a mile away? After update: I'm glad he got more of the story (and good on Alice for ripping him a new one, lol). It takes a big person to be able to take criticism, and apply it, especially when it was that harsh. "During that time, someone told me that every single person has a different final limit. Something you might be able to get over quickly is their last straw. Eventually, I had to respect that I broke her final straw, and there was no point in continuing to reach out, I needed to respect her wishes." Perfectly said, video commenter! This is where my mother and I are now. She keeps asking what she's done this time that is so bad, and isn't getting that it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

[@Someone-or8tp]

I feel really bad for the OP in the second story because I've been there, too. When I was like 13 I said cruel and horrible things during arguments because I was just so angry and wanted to make others feel as bad as I felt and that resulted in one of the only people I was friends with leaving me, which resulted in me feeling isolated for a good while. I've matured now but that bridge has been burned and there's no hope of restoring it even if I've grown. I lost a great friend because of how I acted and I understand that desperation to want to apologise and mend things and it not being enough because of how cruel you were in the moment. But that was just a good friend. I can't imagine losing a *sibling* by doing something like that. Even just thinking about it hurts my heart. I love my brothers very much and I can't imagine what it must feel like to have been at fault for losing someone so important to you. It really sucks but OP was completely in the wrong and Miranda was completely in the right. It was never Miranda's responsibility and the fact that OP twisted the story, too, doesn't sit right with me. But that little nugget of empathy in me still makes me really sad for him. I hope he grows from this experience.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@Someone-or8tp I've been on Miranda's end before. My mother had a horrible temper, and was abusive. She said some pretty horrible things to me when I was 16 after one particularly bad fight, and then once she was calmed down, expected me to act like everything was normal because "she was just mad and didn't mean it." That was the day I decided I was going to learn to control my temper, because I didn't want to be like her.

[@micahpatchen1538]

Story 1: YEAH! give um hell Mark!!! I agree 100%

[@Jessidafennecfox]

As someone who has stepparents this hit close to home. My step monster (mother) went about starting a relationship with my siblings and other relatives that was just toxic. I tolerate her, thankfully her and my dad only have fur babies. In the opposite direction my step father wanted the approval of my siblings myself and even my long dead cat. He earned being seen as a second father. He treats us as his own kids and brought my sister into this world. My one brother and myself respected how he put the effort to get close to us. I refer to him as dad on occasion. Step mom came in my life around age 12, stepdad when I was 15. This story made my like my Stepmother more.

[@micahpatchen1538]

@@Jessidafennecfox I'm glad you had some positives in your life ❤. The toxic can kiss all our butts! *hugs to you just for the lols*

[@Jessidafennecfox]

@@micahpatchen1538 agreed

[@avalineriley6809]

Sometimes you burn a bridge so badly there is no repairing it. OP of story 2 completely torched that bridge. At least Miranda got a somewhat good outcome. A fresh start in a new country with another chance at her relationship. Hopefully she's doing better away from her partners family that caused them problems and her brother that crossed a line there is no coming back from.

[@SkyEcho751]

S1: I heard " *I* Decided daughter should cook for the kids" and knew it would be YTA without reading further. Glad OP learned from the criticism. S2: YTA, it is not Miranda's job to fund Alice's life. OP was an idiot and pretty much killed their relationship with Miranda because they made assumptions.

[@Icalasari]

Story 2 - Only way OP would get more destroyed is if he posted to /r/childfree Cripes how can he NOT see he's the asshole?

[@pansprayers]

Because he's a teenager - they're not known for always having the most rational thinking skills.

[@MrJpaynebb]

Glad we got an update for this story. Sucks OP may not get a chance to reconcile with Miranda but he's still young and one never knows what the future holds. That last response was very true. Sometimes even though you don't intend to or want to become the villain in another person's story it happens. OP's learning a hard lesson at 17 that sometimes once that bridge is burned the other person has not intrest in building or crossing a new one.

[@Ospyro3em]

Both stories- while I'm glad both OP's have seen how they went wrong, they have both caused lasting, possibly permanent damage to relationships in their lives. It's worrying that it took Internet strangers telling them before they realised just how wrong they were- by which time the damage has been done.

[@pippo17173]

Ya there is no fucking way the victims of this kind of abuse will even bother fucking staying in this family despite them turning a new leaf. fuck that shit.

[@rubymeaddle]

In OP 2's defense, she's a child. Being stupid is part of being a kid.

[@tartsonawire]

I had weight loss surgery 7 months ago. Today, I got dressed, and find that I've lost enough to finally comfortably wear the waffle socks I bought from your merch store over a year ago 🥰

[@KLT-id9nm]

Nice!

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Congratulations! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@impagain]

Story 2 pre-update: YTA, but I'm gonna be gentle about my judging. He's parroting all the things his family says about Miranda qnd Alice. He's repeating the arguments that he's heard that make sense to him, because that's the environment he's been raised in. He's trying to find his own opinions, and this was a harsh awakening for him to see that not everything his family says is right or true. I've been there. He's still old enough to know better, and calling her those horrible words is disgusting. But he's still a kid who is learning. Hope he apologizes and things get better in the update 💛 Edit sfter update: dang I'm in the wrong. Glad things are getting better for Miranda, and I'm super glad his family are teaching him what's right and are on Miranda's side with this 💛💛💛

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

Yeah its weird how somehow OP got 'SHe isn't helping at all' from his parents asking Miranda to kick in a little for the bigger gifts the kids are getting which Miranda did. Plus all the gifts and time she spent with OP and he still some how got to the idea that his parents and Alice wanted more. I'm glad his parents and Alice are straightening him out on his assumptions.

[@GreenKnight1982]

On Story 2 it's not the older sister's job to supplement the income of her younger siblings and this is the absolute definition of the phrase phrase" if you can't feed them don't breed them"!

[@avidrdr5640]

Older siblings, bio or not, are not responsible for co-parenting. Period.

[@audreym3908]

Unless the parents are dead and the Older kid is over 18, I agree.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@audreym3908 Even then it isn't their responsibility. An older sibling isn't required by law to accept custody of their siblings.

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 2: Holy hell. I get that OP is 17 but really? It's not Miranda's job to keep her sister afloat. It's Alice's decision to keep popping out kids & for OP to want Miranda to just what? Give her wads of cash? No. Not her kids, not her life, not her problem. That comment of the husband leaving her & her making a terrible parent was just rubbing unnecessary salt into the wounds.

[@lilywong9672]

Alice had a 5th child AFTER her boyfriend had a vasectomy?? Yeah... he needs that DNA test.

[@Tokuijin]

Or the vasectomy failed somehow. That can happen

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

story 2: Miranda was right to tell her to leave and not come back. They aren't entitled to her money just And taking a swipe at her infertility and telling her she deserved divorce by a toxic husband over it was DESPICABLE. I don't blame her for going no contact.

[@seyimajek]

Stepdaddy thinks that stepdaughter was brought into the world just to take care of his seeds🙄 also if he sees her just as his wife's (who has no backbone) daughter then what makes him think he has the right to ground her when he's not a parental figure? Make it make sense lol

[@rylashadow18]

S1) Your kids = your responsibility bucko! Your step daughter has no responsibility to them. She didn't decide to have them there for she's not responsible for caring for them. Why can't you wait to take the run after your wife is awake? Why is it the woman's work to look after your children? You only care for yourself as well as your wants and needs. You are selfish because you can't put your responsibilities over your entitlement. You're the one that needs to learn to grow up and take responsibility for your children. Dude trying to make her watch *your kids* while you do your run instead of taking care of *your kids* is parentification. They're *your kids* = *your responsibilty*. Saying she's your wife's daughter means you had no right to ground her for your entitlement. Dude can't seem to stop digging in his own turd pile cause he's determined on hitting gold. That update just shows he's too hyper focused on himself that he totally discarded her feelings, rights and boundaries. He was so set on trying to replace her dad that he caused her to push him away instead of being a respectable, loving and caring adult in her life. The reason why she could be so attached to her father's side steps is because she was allowed to make her boundaries and have that respected. She never got treated as less than and she never got the responsibility of *your kids* being her responsibility cause they acted like adults. It's good that he's learning her boudaries and is working on his insecurities. Just remember that she deserves those as much as you deserve your own. S2) What Miranda does with her own personal time and finances are none of your concern. These children are Alice's and her boyfriends responsibility. If she can't afford them she needs to stop having them, get a job as soon as she able and start helping provide for them. Not make her family responsible for her kids. Again her kids = her responsibility. If Miranda is saying she's busy that's all she has to say to you. She honestly can say "What I do with my own time and money is none of your business." and still be right to do so. The fact that she has gone out of her way for birthday's and holidays is more than reasonable. To ask for more is so utterly selfish it's utterly ridiculous. She doesn't owe you, your family and Alice any of her money. Again how she spends it is her business not yours. The answer to your question is that she doesn't even owe Alice the bare minimum. Again Alice's kids = Alice's responsibility. Her answer wasn't cold it was honest and you couldn't take it being put to your face. Then you doubled down on your selfishness for going for the lowest of blows. I'd never want to see or talk to you ever again if I was Miranda. You're beyond the AH you're a Mega AH. You put your nose where it didn't belong and got the door shut right on it. So the update shows your the problem. Alice is probably upset because she lost support due to your actions. Your parent's now have a child in another country due to your actions and Miranda is rebuilding her relationship with her ex in another country. A country where those that didn't value them can't reach them. Sounds ideal for her. You made your bed I hope you enjoy lying in it. You aren't owed a relationship with Miranda. You made yourself the family representative for the fee fee squad of your own pity parade. I hope Miranda continues to live her best life, I hope the OP has learned their not owed anything from anyone least from those they abused to a breaking point, burned the bridge and took a heaping dump on. Cause for Miranda it might seem you're only apologizing to make her into the family cash cow again. Mark I hope you're doing marvelous today as well as every valid being of your community.

[@lindaouellette6656]

Wow, I’m so glad the last story had a happy update for Miranda, I was furious when I first read it months ago.. glad it was just a whiny 17y/o and not the whole family who thought that way, poor kid got his innards handed to him in a big way..lol

[@artemisvoltaire4743]

Nicely worded last comment about the Miranda situation. I hope OP continues to grow and Miranda does whatever is best for her with her relationship to her family. Much love, Mark

[@MarkNarrations]

Much love Artemis, thanks for being involved :)

[@pansprayers]

'To solve this problem, I decided Ellie should help more'. No, you solve it by doing your fun activities later, dummy.

[@alr3764]

he needs to stop running from his problems

[@MarkNarrations]

I see what you did there! :)

[@STB-jh7od]

Story 2: I bet Miranda doesn't spend time with nieces/nephews cause it hurts her seeing them while knowing she can't have any. BF had vasectomy, and Alice still got pregnant? Yeah, I'd get DNA on that kid at birth just to be sure, and if he's not I'm testing the rest of them.

[@pansprayers]

Vasectomies fail more often then you think. Sperm can live in the vas deferense for three to six months after the procedure (that's how my husband got here), but sure, please allow your lack of understanding regarding science, medicine, and paranoia show.

[@Tokuijin]

I was thinking that, too. It sounds like Miranda probably wanted to have kids but existence didn't work out that way. On another note, vasectomies can fail or they had sex too soon after getting one.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 2: Miranda is not responsible for providing for Alice. OP is the A-hole. Miranda does have to pay for anyone except for Miranda.

[@DeadRepublic]

"The thing is, I wouldn't have to quit running if she would just grow up and help out a little." Sounds like step-daughter isn't the one that needs to grow up. Take care of your own damn kids.

[@alenasenie6928]

Story 1: running away from your responsibilities is usually an expression, this is too literal. Their edit 1 shows how little he understands, saying what he was doing was not parentification, when he literally is dumping parent responsibilities in his step daughter

[@IKKclauKR]

Look, I love kids and I want to have them someday, but my kids are MY responsibility, no one else's, and I get mad about people who don't have the means to have that many kids, but keep popping them out. Kids don't live of love and air, they cost money I'm glad that OP realize their mistake, and hope they stop being this entitled and grow up as a better person

[@yef122]

That commenter in the video that said "don't be a wet sponge with hair hanging off if it" 😆😅🤣 I'm dying 😆😅😂

[@MarkNarrations]

Going to have to use that now :)

[@bellesmith8925]

I’m glad OP was able to take the comments to heart and learn.

[@DFullerLisa]

First story: Step parents are NOT mom and they are NOT dad! What do people NOT get about this? They are merely a support system to aid in being a role model. You're lucky if you can get a good friend out of the kid. He even stated he expected basically to be dad. Then he dismissed her when she of course said no. Ultimately it caused his wife to lose in a sense her daughter forcing her to move back into her dads home. They all need a family therapist.

[@jessicamarsh9779]

1:24 Maybe he needs to hire a Nanny vs having a 15 y/o care for HIS kids (NOT hers).

[@heatherduke5410]

He could run at any time. He chooses to run in the morning so he doesn't have to deal with the kids(that he and the wife didn't take long to start popping out. All close in age too).

[@fcold9402]

1. YTA. They are not her kids. If you cannot manage to take care of your kids hire a nanny.

[@SmileyFace123Lolz]

I don't follow Mark because I particularly love his voice the best (tho I do like it) or because he finds the best stories or anything. I follow him because he has one of the best hearts. He says the best things, has the best thoughtful commentary, and reminds me to be my best. Best no longer feels like a word, besties. But yeah 💜💜💜 to Mark. The Best Around. 😁

[@MarkNarrations]

Smiley, don't scare me. I read that first like "I don't follow Mark" I was like......oh no what have I done now. Haha Thank you so much for you kind words, they mean the world

[@ebagentj]

Story 2: I know in the update, OP said his parents and sister weren't actually that demanding on Miranda to help Alice, but I wonder how much of it is his own feelings and how much of his resentment toward Miranda is what he soaked up from his parents and Alice. Miranda is totally in the right, but OP also really is a kid and she was right when she said he doesn't know what he's talking about (and he should have taken that as a warning before he overstepped hugely). I don't blame Miranda for not wanting to see or speak to her brother after the cruel things he said, but I hope in time she remembers that he is a kid, as she mentioned, and that he could grow up to be someone totally different than the boy who said that. (I know 17 isn't a young kid, but still a kid.) I wonder if part of this isn't that it seemed like he was speaking on behalf of the rest of the family, which lead to her leaving the country. This had to have shattered her relationship with her parents and sister as well if she feels like they all think this way.

[@novabrilliant4510]

Blended families take work, but it's well worth it. We all started therapy when Steve and I first got together. It wasn't easy, but in the end I can see the difference it made.

[@MarkNarrations]

That's great to hear Nova

[@beegee1960]

So OP why don’t you get up earlier, and run before your kids wake up. Don’t push it off on your stepdaughter. Geez. And yes, it is exactly parentification. It is the very definition of parentification.

[@averymartin1327]

Having babies means making sacrifices, if you want to have a baby you might need to run later. 15 is still a kid themselves!

[@295Phoenix]

When will bad parents learn? Don't have kids you can't take of!

[@yellit1975]

I think that it’s great that some people think that they’re right but do listen to other people’s comments and grow because of it.

[@nofrackingzone7479]

How damn delusional can a man be? The step daughter needs to call CPS on both parents. Edit: If I knew who he is I’d call CPS myself.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Favorite part of story 1 is stepdaughter seeing the @$$reeming OP got it. I know that felt good to see that tool get told about himself

[@theminisimmer]

So glad that OP in story 1 has managed to pull himself together, and while he thinks that he could be more like an uncle, I think that by teaching her things and hanging around with her despite not liking Starbucks, he's acting more like a dad. Perhaps their relationship could be salvageable after all.

[@Silence-1170]

Morning waffles! Going to clean my room today, so it's not messy for when my friend comes over. Wishing you all the best!

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey Silence hope you're having a great day!

[@WobblesandBean]

Parentifying a child is one of the most despicable things a parent can do. I wonder if OP would still insist his child play Mommy if she was a boy? Something tells me no.

[@myfavs3530]

Amelia Bee Not "his" child -- as he makes very plain early on in his narrative.

[@dustin5730]

Its pretty obvious op of story #1 is just trying to suck up and do damage control now that he knows his step daughter and by proxy his wife are reading his post. This explains the real change of heart between the post and update

[@loraduvall8744]

Story 1 well if she isn't responsible for your boys then maybe you should stop paying her allowance since she isn't ur responsibility

[@sdmcdaniel2255]

in that second story... yes, OP is definitely TA!!! And so are the parents, btw!!! It is NOT the older sister's responsibility to provide for the younger sister and her family. And that does NOT make her a terrible mother, on the contrary, that shows that she would teach her children responsibility and accountability. She would probably be strict, and not enable her children, like she's not enabling her younger sister, the way the parents and OP is. It's commendable they want to help the younger sister out, but to expect the older sister to, just because she made better life choices, is unfair. And what OP said to her, was worse than cruel. That was lower than a low blow, and if it were me I would have disowned him right then and there.

[@SephaiCosades]

"Just because what I'm doing exactly matches the definition of parentification, doesn't mean that it's parentification!"

[@theyellowshoe]

Story 1, such a wholesome story! If those 2 keep working hard on their relationship, it will be an awesome one!

[@BraveryWing26]

I am glad the first story didnt end up in a bitter parting and more of a hopeful second chance.

[@sx5r]

I hope many people with similar issues read OP's last update. It shows how far changing your AHness to the better can show results. OP didn't simply say sorry, he really tried to show change, showed remorse and accepted his daughters verdict to be an idiot (which btw is huge for her - maybe for the first time she felt accepted and treated as an equal and not a subordinate)

[@grannydyess]

Girl should tell stepdad that he not her father and his kids not her siblings he should take care of them himself

[@danacarter9147]

Well said. If someone got wind of how OP is treating Ellie, they would call social services to take his kids, and Ellie away from him and her mother, place his kids with other families, through closed adoption, and declare Ellie a ward of the state.

[@grannydyess]

@@danacarter9147 that is what needs to happen. Ellie need to go live with her dad and the others need to go somewhere too. He’s not good father

[@danacarter9147]

@@grannydyess Agreed. And OP's wife/Ellie's mom is not a good mother, either.

[@WobblesandBean]

10:00. Newsflash, OP: MIRANDA DOESN'T OWE YOUR SISTER ANY MONEY JUST BECAUSE SHE HAD KIDS. Seriously, what is _wrong_ with you?!

[@silverstarmoon5802]

This is why that you shouldn't push boundaries or expectations on stepkids. And what happened to op, he ruined any chance to have happy blended if he patient and earn the bond from ellie. Now, his jealous and angry broken the family and any kind of relationship with ellie is little to none existing.

[@abelink9229]

Story 1: Ellie isn't the one who spread her legs and not the one who shot his seed, so how is she responsible for the children? Answer: she's not. OP should have the effing balls to take care of his offspring.

[@wplains]

Miranda is absolutely right - why should she fund her ne’er-do-well sister who keeps having kids she can’t afford to feed? Brother is an AH for expecting her to be her sisters keeper.

[@pansprayers]

For all you AND OP know, she was on birth control, and it failed, leading to the pregnancies being caught too late for whatever arbitrary touch points had passed as predicted by their geographic location. Pretty lofty of you to make assumptions that she can't afford to feed them (that's simply not the case the partner makes a good living, and she's never asked for money/child care, it was offered), based on the warped perception of a teenager who fully admits they *liberally* filled in the blanks on what the sister's actual reality is, while failing to understand that sometimes you can do everything you're supposed to, and you still wind up in a less than ideal (to a judgemental YT'er who buys into the whole 'I am the master of the universe' BS) situation. Hell, my grandmother CRIED when she got pregnant with my youngest three aunts and uncles, but religion, my grandfather, and lack of access to healthcare didn't figure that in for her. But, hey, the privileged sure are good at tarring the less so, aren't they? Go off, I guess.

[@alldayseveryday3138]

I love stories where TA learns a lesson and tries to do better, rather than doubling down on their mistakes.

[@dulcilass]

Story 1: Great way to encourage your step daughter to love and respect you, by forcing her to take on the duties of a parent. Don't expect her to come around when she can finally escape you and her siblings.