AITA For Saying I "Raised" My Two Younger Sisters?

[@fufufuaru]

There's an update tot he allergy story (#2). tldr dad had a list of OP's allergies ages ago but lost it when they moved, and Carla never gave him an updated list even though OP provided them. Carla's dad apologized, and Carla's parents are upset with Carla. Friend group is still split.

[@samanthasmith199]

It made a little sense that the dad was upset believing OP didn't have the common sense to tell him about her allergies (when that wasn't the case), but still think he was TA for yelling at her. Also wonder if Carla really has had a problem with OP being in poor.

[@ashleyn.9166]

@@samanthasmith199 I can kinda see it from Dad's pov. Someone who won't tell you their allergies and eats your food knowing what's in it is dangerous in your home. Now that they know it was Carla's irresponsibility that led to it they are redirecting anger where it belongs.

[@Willstrainfix]

Thanks!

[@socketyellow3]

@@ashleyn.9166 my question is if op could tell that was something she was allergic to without asking what’s inside, why didn’t any of her friends stop her when grabbing the food

[@sgm8265]

So Carla forgot to give dad the list, presumably, and dad didn't ask for another list. But OP went ahead and ate instead of speaking up to gently remind them. Hopefully everyone learned.

[@pansprayers]

This is exactly what raising two children after a tragedy looks like when an 18 year old suddenly has to be a parent to two 11 year olds, and has the right resources. She DID raise them - by caring for them in the best way she possibly could, instead of dumping them off on the care system.

[@margaritap.9459]

Exactly! Some people seem to be worshipping struggle - the more you struggle, the better. Three children became orphans, but that's not enough, they had money, so it's all good, right? She was a very responsible young woman who's decisions and actions were instrumental in her siblings becoming well adjusted adults. And that's parenting.

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

I agree the three of them lost their parents to a tragic event and she had to become an INSTANT MOM at 18 which no 18 year old should have to do I'd like to see friend's sister walk a mile in OP's shoes and raise a young sibling at 18 after losing their parents she's going to find that her tune about the situation changing very quickly

[@lorifiedler13]

So, parents that send their kids to boarding schools don't raise their kids?

[@M0mkeyMan-h2h]

Fav Jo

[@anniedeedrix6732]

They spent 90% of the time in boarding school so she basically had 10 % in raising them cause they were in boarding school . She was their caregiver yes and the only adult legally overseeing their upbringing but she did not hve them daily . I guess she raised them but not in the conventional way ?

[@sarahl88]

Why on earth would the friend’s sister feel she had the right to argue about such a personal matter?! OP absolutely acted as a parent, did her best for her sisters and was involved in their lives, while understandably unable to take care of them all the time at only 18 while getting her own education. Who hears about something like that and feels spite instead of sympathy?

[@pansprayers]

Single mommy bloggers who refuse to grasp the concept of people who actually have these situations dumped on them, and that while it's tough to be a single parent, it's absolutely nothing next to suddenly being an orphan at 18 and a parent of two pre-teens in the same horrific blink of an eye. It's a weird kind of jealousy, but it's jealousy none the less.

[@jessbeingme8155]

@@pansprayers basically she uses her kids for various reasons and attention 'look at poor me, a single parent with kids' 'poor me, a single parent, don't you think I deserve a break?' 'I'm a single parent, don't I deserve this?' It's her identity. Now with someone who went a different path and was 18 with 2 kids after the death of their parents, she can't show off with how difficult her life is. Besides nobody should listen to those mommy bloggers, I still remember that story of that mom who would dump her kids clothes on the floor if they weren't folded how she wanted, that wasn't an original idea, she got that from one of those blogger moms

[@pansprayers]

@@jessbeingme8155 'Look at how awesome I am, and how dare you not all worship my single mom skills' is the other one. Mommy bloggers bug me. It's just a way to traffic your kids, even if they aren't being pictured or named directly. They don't understand that having a kid was their literal choice (that part doesn't bug me - have kids, don't, I don't give a crap about your reproductive choices), and expect a patent sash every morning, while sh*tting on people like OP, and the child free.

[@RudesMom]

And why does the "mommy blogger" think her opinion should hold any weight with anyone in the real world? Her adoring fans? Lol. OP did a good job with the available tools. The blogger is just a tool and let's see where her offspring is when they are as old OP's siblings.

[@pansprayers]

@@RudesMom the definition of the 'real world' begins to get increasingly subjective, the older one gets, especially if a key part of their personal lives is constantly up on a platform that doubles as an echo chamber. It gets even murkier if there's any kind of financial incentives from sponsored links and products involved. That echo chamber, as parasocial and crappy as it is, is literally her 'real world'. All niche communities have these weird little pockets, but the parent bloggers are some of the absolutely most terrifying, toxic ones as far as secular groups go. If she's adding any additional layers of ecclesiastical belief (announced or not) to her ideas, it's even worse. Then add the fact that some people just simply can not wrap their brains around the fact that the 'thing' they are doing/have experienced isn't the end-all litmus test, and you get people who lack this level of empathy.

[@dianecheney4141]

The story about raising siblings. When I went to university I didn’t want to live on campus, so there was a geologist who live a block off campus. Her story was amazing. Her father left her mother and her three siblings when she was twelve. So she bought a rifle and started hunting to put food on the table. She got to high school and stopped got a job and made sure all the kids finished schools up to Uni. They got good jobs. She took care of her mother and then she went to Uni and became a geologist. She became a dept chair. When she turned 70 she decided that she wanted another challenge so she went back to school and became a Dr, an Ob/Gyn. Which she did do and she practiced for ten years. She was always so active she was 91 when I rented from her

[@Songinmyheart9398]

What a queen. What a badass.

[@Gregarious3]

All people are not equal. I will not measure up.

[@dianecheney4141]

@@Gregarious3 you don’t know what you’ll do, until you have to do it

[@Unstoppable_Unicorn]

Holy crap I could never have done that at 18! That sister is in fact a super parent in her own right. And good on their parents for providing their children, even in death, financial stability so she could do what was best for everyone, including herself.

[@alexbodi5526]

Completely agree!

[@ericaoiticica7522]

This! I was so clueless at 18. I would do my best for my little brothers because I love them unconditionally but she was a rockstar! No one should have to deal with so much at once and she did amazing.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

Does the pregnant wife realize that a 14 year old likely would not get adopted? He'd be in the foster system for four years and then kicked to the curb. Would she want this for her own child?

[@felicity7699]

Pregnancy hormones can cause terrible mood swings. We don’t know what she was like before pregnancy. Maybe before, she was someone who would think things through and have more empathy for others. As someone who had a miscarriage, the hormones made me have crazy intrusive thoughts that I wouldn’t normally have. For months, I was living life reacting to my emotions instead of listening to what I feel and thinking things through and then acting. My brain fog was just that bad. I don’t remember much from that time, I could have hurt someone and I wouldn’t even know. If someone told me that I have hurt them during that time, I would have apologized. There is no reason why she couldn’t take responsibility for what she said/did. After the brain fog and the hormone fluctuations go away, it’s a good time to fix things.

[@ashleyn.9166]

@@felicity7699 I have a medical condition that can cause mood swings (not the primary symptom, more like a warning flag of what is coming) when I'm not doing well. I can't imagine ever suggesting something like this. Also, if she says it one day but is told that it's not happening, but keeps talking about the idea for days and days--- IT'S NOT A MOOD SWING. Edit: clarity

[@platinum_noelle]

The "momfluencer" is insecure to the point that someone raising their siblings in a different way than her raising her kid is a threat to her and somehow invalidates her in her eyes. She needs help and to get off her high horse.

[@sgm8265]

Yep. Any parenting style that raises well adjusted, well behaved adults is a good style. Check back in with momfluencer in a few years to see how all her time on social media has worked out for her and her kids.

[@kosopaty]

Friends sister is "single mom influencer"... she probably built her whole personality around being "mom". She might not have lover, friends, great degree, good job, etc - but its ok, its all done to be a mother. So idea that someone raised kids without cutting their whole life apart is terrifying. Theres nomore excuse for why her life is nothing outside "being a parent". With additional points of - "any parenting style different than mine is bad, because im "mom expert" and know the best... and if i dont know the best then my life has no meaning". - attention hogging (you loose your pity points for being "single mom" when girl next to you is "orphan that raised her siblings")

[@nilianstroy]

What's worse is that she literally dismissed her own parents parenting, since they actually backed op. Does she believe to be better than her parents?

[@georgeprchal3924]

There's a reason she's a single mom.

[@ZombieSazza]

The father taking his daughter for walks sounds absolutely amazing, he’s such a kind, compassionate and understanding man, he’s extremely supporting and sounds like such a lovely guy to be around. I didn’t have good parents, mine were abusive, and I genuinely wish I had a father like him, you can tell how loving he truly is and that he genuinely cares, and is doing an amazing job being a fantastic role model.

[@chb5628]

Omg, the hospital story is ridiculous. I remember screaming in agony in the bathroom a fee months ago. I insisted over and over to my husband that it was fine, just my period, must be constipation. My husband got dressed and very forcefully helped me to the car to rush me to the ER. I was rushed into surgery. If my husband had waited then I may have gotten very sick. The fact that she was begging him to go to the ER and he was more concerned about sleeping is appalling! Sleep in the waiting room AFTER getting her admitted

[@stampandscrap7494]

Yes that happened to me and I had kidney stones and had to almost crawl 1/4 mile to the phone box. I should have left him then. Instead of 4 miserable years later.

[@Keyonne88]

Made me so angry. I'm the last one to insist I go to the ER, so my husband knows if I'm requesting a ride, it is an EMERGENCY. I'd be broken up with that piece of shit immediately. I would have called an ambulance and not waited.

[@alana.dyer.author]

The girl with the infection/UTI: She needs to dump the BF. He is unreliable and has no care for his girlfriend at all. She was in a lot of pain. What if it was her appendix? It could have ruptured, and she could have died.

[@ashleyn.9166]

He is a nightmare. I'm chronically ill and have chronic pain. If it reached this level my husband would be carrying me to the hospital on his back if he had to.

[@Unstoppable_Unicorn]

I have a lot of food allergies, some I don’t know of yet, and when I was a dance teacher and would do pot luck my students knew I had allergies and asked for a list of what I could and couldn’t eat. I put down I couldn’t eat chicken and one of them for some reason thought chicken broth was okay. Let’s just say that wasn’t a pleasant night. Another student made me cookies because he loves to cook and added walnuts to them and he knew I couldn’t eat almonds but not walnuts and unfortunately had ground the walnuts up so much that I couldn’t tell they were in there so it was a taste not texture thing. Suddenly I’m breaking out in hives and my throat is itching and I don’t know why because I didn’t notice anything in the cookies and had to call and ask him. Had to use an epipen. Food allergies are nothing to fool around with but it’s really nice to have people that try to understand instead of give you a difficult time about it because people with food allergies already feel bad enough. Especially if they own a restaurant!! That’s just “nuts” 🤣 sorry

[@pansprayers]

Yup, I have a dual major - Chef and a dietician/nutritionist. This guy scrapes the allergen off after it being sent back after a clear omission instead of doing a refire, and becomes a walking insurance liability when his patrons start reacting (and acts like THEY are slighting HIM). I kinda had to give a tired, understanding giggle for both your student and you, though. I've got a laundry list of allergies, and have been in your exact position (can't have beef, kiddo used bone broth, can't have avacado, but he didn't know that means adding guac in their creation/ his spin on veg lasagna [yeah, for real] will kill me, banana leaves are the same idea as the fruit it's self, ect - don't get me started on my wheat allergy), and could usually catch it beforehand, but I couldn't even be mad that the lasagna almost caused me to die, because he was doing his 11year old best. Kid did feel terrible, and that broke me even more 😢. He did make a really decent potato pie, with his mom's supervision, though.

[@sdragonfly5549]

Something tells me sister in the first story might be a little salty about her own life. OP raised her siblings to healthy and happy adulthood while getting a PhD. Sister's accomplishment is mom, which is fine, but that's all she is. Sounds like sour grapes.

[@jazzamethyst8225]

Rural towns tend to be very judgemental. They have generations worth of prejudices and frequently racist views that have never been challenged. I moved to a rural town when I was 11 and was told I’m really weird because I wasn’t related to anyone who lived there (with the exception of my immediate family).

[@macylouwho1187]

You have that right, they are extremely tribal and backwards thinking. Anyone different scares them, so they hate them. Especially different races. It’s kind of pathetic if you think about it. Their opinions are based on fear and ignorance. Deep down they are basically chickensh-ts 😂, that’s why they react the way they do.

[@michellesummerville7745]

@@macylouwho1187 eq

[@sgm8265]

Judgmental and sometimes paranoid. OP and wife put on costumes and knocked on stranger's doors, at what was probably dusk or later, knowing people were not expecting trick or treaters. I would be afraid of being shot. It's not unheard of.

[@rinpaisys]

The Sana story really made my blood boil. Everyone in that was a MASSIVE a-hole except for Sana. It doesn’t sound like they really even properly reflected either, ugh.

[@vonb4050]

I agree. She was literally dying on that couch in a foreign country and they were complaining about the sound she was making.

[@fandomfan2800]

lol

[@sequoyasierra5671]

ADOPTING BRO If this is in the US it is highly unlikely that the brother would ever be adopted at the age of 14. He would just go from foster home to foster home. Keep bro, grieve together and consider showing the wife this on Reddit and let her see what the rest of the world will think of her if she continues going down this road.

[@lorifiedler13]

Wonder how the wife's family would feel about her wanting to put a 14yo, her stepbrother, in foster homes.

[@pansprayers]

@@lorifiedler13 really don't think they'd be too far from her attitude. She had to learn it somewhere.

[@samanthasmith199]

Guy should run away from his idiot wife. Its his kid brother for crying out loud. Wife is a Beotch.

[@KiraNazena]

Chores: tell the boyfriend he should do more chores from now on, especially things he "struggles with". He has to learn it, after all... So he can do it until he has "learned" to do it properly, then back to 50/50😁

[@scarlett2x]

If it were me married to a man whose parents died I'd be mad IF He didn't take in his younger sibling. Family is everything. It doesn't matter how extended it is. Whew! That man's wife is a piece of work!

[@inkbottle6609]

The story about the sick girl and the spare bedroom just smells so so much like racism to me. Bc besides treating her like garbage for the whole outcome they're like "oh this chinese/japanese girl, i don't remember" and they LIVE TOGETHER. And then "oh, turns out she was korean" like... she's in your living room man wtf

[@Becks-and-books]

I was thinking that too, like... it's not hard to remember where someone who you live with are from.

[@andysheepleton]

In fairness, they let someone that they barely know crash at their place. Do you have a Korean in your living room? I guarantee you that if you go to the salvation army that they can hook you up with someone who needs a place to stay. You are trashing someone who is doing more than you. I have extended family members that have couch surfed. They don't expect people to do a ton to accommodate them. They have a place to crash where they won't be killed, get lice, or be robbed. The attitude is completely normal. Someone said can I crash at your place and they could have said no or yes and they said yes. And it is a sacrifice having someone who you only know as a friend of a friend in your living room all the time.

[@LamisonJamison]

​@@andysheepleton she pays bills and is staying on the couch. She's basically a roommate and they can't even give her the dignity to know where she's from. Imagine you're staying with someone and paying rent and they say "idk hes german/French i can't remember" and you're from Poland

[@andysheepleton]

@@LamisonJamison And she is perfectly free to couch surf somewhere else. If she does not want to stay on the couch then don't couch surf. There is a massive sub culture of people couch surfing and that's just how it is. Some places are nicer and some places are not so nice, if you don't like the place you are staying then stay somewhere else. That's just how it works.

[@LamisonJamison]

@@andysheepleton shes in a foreign country with what seems to be few friends. I doubt she's aware of couch surfing culture in that country. She had nowhere to go and thought the people she was staying with were at the least decent and not huge assholes who complain about her in pain while she pays rent and utilities. Their place seemed like a last ditch effort to not be homeless in a country she's not familiar with.

[@pvtpy1e]

Sleepy boyfriend story. I wonder how fast he would have driven to the emergency room if somehow a cooking utensil had pierced his side..... 🤔

[@pansprayers]

Likely as long as it took EMS and the cops to get there. Let's not encourage people to assault each other, or those undergoing a medical event to put everyone ELSE on the road in danger by driving while they have a traumatic injury. AH or not (he is) that's a giant no-no.

[@bonnieschwegerl6536]

Boyfriend that forgot how to do chores. Good job I wish I'd have thought of that for my worthless husband when I was married to him thank you for the laughs.

[@Gregarious3]

I love the going for a walk with the adopted daughter. My son and I had great conversations and became a center piece in groups because he could engage people.

[@dianemoonstone4715]

What a completely wonderful added outcome of your activities together. 👍👏👏👏👏 💕

[@sharonconnolly3820]

Sounds like wife is guilty of knowing goodies will tempt daughter maybe a little jealous

[@brett8259]

It's the simple things, but I love how Markee makes the title story the first one. Lots of other channels put it near the end of a two hour video.

[@ceciliaseiber5507]

Several real parents send their kids to boarding school

[@monkeynumbernine]

It's a fairly common practice in many parts of the world... lots of children go to boarding school.

[@CarlottaHall]

For the reverse trick or treatets- double down!. Gather a few more people and do it again by Christmas (or Holiday) caroling. Get a feel for the religious view of the neighbors to keep the carols appropriate ( probably avoid the Santa angle but choose secular or season themed music- Winter Wonderland, Silver Bells, etc.) Instead of being the weird ones you become the sociable ones. And go early because it gets dark early!

[@n.a.nameless5435]

The 3 sisters had great parents. They established the financial foundation, that after they passed their eldest had the resources to complete the parenting for her younger siblings. Great family as a whole.

[@delmaplain6823]

We're you responsible for your twin sisters? Yes! Did you give them all the care you could? Yes! Are many kids in boarding school who have both parents alive? Yes! NTA! Have met people like this, if you say it is a fine, sunny day they will argue with you! Your friend's sister needs help!

[@str4yk1dsw0rldd0minati0n]

In Australia my drivers ed class showed us a bunch of videos for stuff like drunk driving, they were all fake but they were extremely realistic and stuff to the point they’re banned in my state (the school had to get permission from the government to show them) so I don’t really see the problem with what OP did. My mum was friends with someone who was decapitated by a drunk drive so I think that it’s good that OP showed him videos honestly, he understands the problem now

[@ZombieSazza]

I grew up in an abusive home as a child, in short my brother was the favourite, I was forced to bring him up because my mother didn’t want the responsibility, and my mother completely ignored his physical violence towards me whilst enabling him, and was psychologically abusive herself, lots of ableism, and lots of homophobia. From around age 12/13, I raised my brother and was responsible for my brother. I had to bring myself up, care for him, and care for her because she couldn’t be bothered parenting or looking after the household, I raised my own brother. I fed him, cleaned for him, made sure he did his homework, made sure he went to school, made sure he visited the doctor when necessary, made sure he did chores, made sure he learned responsibility where possible etc etc. This doesn’t give “real parents” a “bad name” by saying that I, as his sister, raised my brother. I fulfilled the role of a parent (whilst under constant abuse from said brother and mother), I raised him, I had full responsibility and his needs were met, he felt closest to me growing up and trusted me completely, despite his violent behaviour. It was a messed up home life and abusive so to me, that was “normal”, but despite that, I was still fully responsible and raised him. The only “real parent” that looks “bad” is my actual mother who didn’t want the responsibility of being a parent, that’s it. I’m not sure what this woman is judging or whinging about, but OP fully raised her siblings, OP isn’t making anyone look bad, and the woman whinging is just an idiot who likes to pretend she’s a “super mother” on Instagram…. Ignore her, OP, you definitely raised your siblings and by the sounds of it, you did an absolutely amazing job!

[@ZombieSazza]

Adopt your brother, ditch the wife, Jesus Christ!

[@Dohyden2]

There is a big biiiiig difference between forcing your child to work out, and working out with them. Having that support and company when making a change and adopting a healthy habit (that is hard work, lets be real) makes all the different. I wish my father had encouraged me so lovingly, but I honestly can't remember enjoying exercising with him at all. My parents divorced when I was a teen so my computer became my refuge.

[@LeilaLovesLattes]

Oh my gosh so much props to OP in first post for all the stuff they went thru. It sounds like they went above and beyond when it came to raising their sisters and I'm so very sure their parents would be so proud to see them being resilient in this way.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Maybe the friends sister should be quiet? Like none of this would've happened if she kept her mouth shut. Let her post passive aggressive messages because at the end of the day this isn't about her no matter how hard she tries to butt in with that "BuT yOu WeReN't A rEaL pArEnT hUr DuRr!"

[@ashleyn.9166]

The "momfluencer" part made the whole thing click.

[@kaiclyre9227]

The dad of Susan is so so wonderful. My god

[@bdazzld]

The drunk driver story. I had to help raise my niece because her guardians were killed by a drunk driver when she was 8. Fuck drunk driving. Never the asshole when you show someone the consequences of a choice they thought “wasn’t a big deal”

[@raz7573]

First story. Looks like OP upstaged the mommy blogger. 😄

[@ThePinkBinks]

I feel bad for the guy with the allergy. Being that poor and that hungry AND having allergies so you can’t simply stop starving by eating whatever is around is awful. People here haven’t starved like that. I have. He’s NTA in any possible way. I’d have eaten it too when hungry enough - that’s starvation for you.

[@pansprayers]

I've worked with people who've lived that kind of existence, and they don't turn down a meal, much less make a fuss about the whole situation presented. People who don't understand just how incredibly lucky they are to not be able to wrap their brains around this.

[@zebnemma]

Yeah maybe the friends saying it was attention seeking to do that would have had a point under normal circumstances... But the fact that OP says their family is homeless changes everything! Desperate people do not have the luxury to be picky. The friends should understand that, but they probably can't because they still have luxury in life so for them it would have been obvious to not eat cuz 5 dollar is money they could throw in the river of they wanted. And probably even more so with how out of touch/ self centered most young adults are. I hope OP has atleast a few friends that has enough compassion to be on OPs side.

[@ladyj.9350]

Never been homeless poor, but definitely had times where I had to just turn off my brain and eat cause I needed food and that was all there was. I definitely would have ignored (what I believed to be) a non life threatening allergy

[@ericBorja520]

The drunk driving one's interesting because in the US, as part of driver's training, some of the schools show morbid videos of car crashes to scare us just like OP did.

[@monkeynumbernine]

Goodness, years ago, my friend's mom died after leaving the bar. She crashed her truck across the street from my house, she was going 60mph in town- decapitated. It was horrific. The impact woke us up. His dad had the truck on display out by the stoplight at the highway for about a year with a huge sign that read, "don't drink and drive."

[@angelamccreary2203]

There are also mattresses called Yo’s in Korea I think. They are like memory foam mattresses that fold out onto the floor. Granted Asia usually heats the floors I believe. They sleep close to the floor and set on cushions there a lot. But these mattresses are also made to fold up into single chairs and couches for space savers if liked.

[@yaff1851]

The quality of parenting isn’t measured by how much you do yourself but by the children getting what they need. OP dropping out of college and ending up having a mental breakdown would have been terrible parenting. Same reason you go to a doctor when kids are sick.

[@KariahBengalii]

That mom that bought the LGBTQ+ book is doing amazing at parenting lmao. As you were reading the post I was like 'yeah, your daughter has a girlfriend' and I'm so happy that her parents were supportive!!! (I feel like I shouldn't be because I feel like that's the bare minimum, but we're not there yet)

[@annegrey6447]

Bless your heart = insult. So true. In my area it goes from, well you tried all the way to boy, are you dumb ( to put it nicely). 😆🤣

[@cynicalminion]

6:22- wait, you're supposed to PAY THEM for attempted murder?? chef "daddy" needs to meet gordon ramsay bolton...

[@nancyatkins2075]

I had excruciating pain ever since my menses began at 12. Every month agony and heavy blood flow. It was at 43 while on the operating table for a hysterectomy because of a fibroid tumor the size of a 5 month pregnancy, that I was diagnosed. It was on all of my pelvic organs, so the doctor just took my uterus and bad ovary then closed me up. I continued to have the pain every month until my other ovary finally quit as I neared 60. I will be 64 in a month and still have bladder and bowel problems.

[@everythingavailable1]

Thank you for uploading these videos!!! The long form narration of AITA is awesome to listen to while I work. And you go into detail with top comments/updates/ect, I love it, keep em coming!! ♥️

[@meaganpatterson4307]

American here the drunk driving scene was at my school too but we did it on the road and I legitimately cried

[@jemase7931]

The candy people. Please move into our neighborhood! I like you already!

[@dianemoonstone4715]

I know, right? They're such creative, sociable, fun people!!! 👍😁🥰💕

[@sharonramirez8014]

Dad taking walks with his daughter... Where were you when I was little LOL Wife needs a therapist. I totally understand where she's coming from but thank God you're such a positive influence

[@Audiogeek-kf2ez]

You did what a sibling had to do, parent , garden , parent. You took care of a set of adolescent twins. And all of you are in great mental shape. NTA, you are a rock Star. Congratulations on raising yourself and your sister well.

[@JayeEllis]

Weaponized Incompetence: NTA - Turnabout is fair play. If he's going to make a fuss about not being able to do his share of basic household tasks, it's 100% the right thing to do to SHOW him malicious compliance, stupid games and all. This is a test to see if your relationship is really compatible.

[@zdzkck]

1:13:47 I heard this part as the boyfriend describing the pizza delivery guy as "Hot", not the pizza itself. I had to do a double take there. XD

[@hvymax]

Brilliant Response by OP I got your Weaponized Incompetence right here!!!

[@RockLikeAStone]

The story about the sick friend on the couch is the perfect example of why I don’t live with people anymore and why I would rather live in my car than have to crash on someone’s couch. If you’re paying rent no one should treat you like an inconvenience, in the way, a mooch, ect

[@scifiwriter6092]

I always give delivery drivers 25%, at least. They have to brave the elements to give me food.

[@gabriellesummers1426]

I'm a mom and I think op and her sisters are lucky to have each other and got through . She made sure from 11 on up her sisters were safe learning and getting help for the emotional stuff. She did amazing

[@rykercabler9756]

To the dad with the son that cut down the trees, if you don’t wanna check your son for drugs, at least buy him some test kits so if he do them he’ll know what’s in there and can be safe about it at the very least. Edit: wrote this before I heard the update but I’m leaving it so that others can see it. You honestly can’t stop people, even your kids, from doing drugs if that’s what they want to do but you can at least encourage them to be as safe as possible while doing what they do.

[@muhname6052]

Allergies: If the dad knew what the allergies were then NTA. He knew she had allergies and could have asked his daughter what allergies her friend had so he could cook something everyone could have. The ESH: what kind of friend needs to be reminded that certain food can kill them?

[@vanessasorth4449]

I gave up on Halloween at age 8. Moved to new neighborhood and was laughed at as I only had a masked.

[@JayeEllis]

Susan's Dad: NTA - THIS is the very epitome of how to model positive behavior for your kids! Mom has some kind of problem for sabotaging healthy habits and healthy Dad/Daughter bonding time. That needs to be addressed here.

[@cheriremily9360]

2S: As someone who loves to cook for and have food allergies myself, I do not understand a group of friends not taking this into consideration. I don't like that friend's father buts into these get togethers and doesn't take into consideration allergies or individual preferences. He doesn't have to cook but wants to be the center of attention.

[@medusawitchful]

Op need new friends

[@everymoviehero9248]

Halloween story reminds me of those frat boys that dressed up as old ladies, carried around a door, and did reverse trick or treating to homes of sick kids in the area, when the resident answered their door, the frat boys held their door up with a sign that said trick or treaters welcome, it was reported that it really brightened up the kids' day

[@sharonblevins3281]

She was BRILLIANT frankly!

[@tarawhitt6441]

@ 1:57:50 :: I also have Endometriosis and Adenomyosis. (I am 31 and had a hysterectomy, so I no longer go through the pain though.) These are things that guys SHOULD know about because I grew up with a dad that was all, "Ewww....periods! Hide your stuff! No one needs to know! That's so embarassing!" ....I also knew a couple of guys that will not talk about periods. --- BUT I am lucky to have found my husband (then boyfriend) that, the first time he came with my family and I on a grocery trip and I needed pads? My dad was trying to hide them and my husband snatched them out of the cart and put the box on his head. My dad was furious. Demanding him to put it back and hide it in the cart. Husband said, "Why should I? It is a natural thing that EVERY woman goes through. Just because YOU are ashamed of a natural thing, does not mean that I AM. I accept your daughter and I will buy them myself to show that I am not ashamed." Husband was told to go home after that and I got yelled/screeched at, at home. Husband apologized for getting me in trouble, but I thanked him for standing up for me. It still makes me so SO F'ING proud, to this day.

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

When I was in driver's ed (high school class), they made us watch a video called Red Asfault. I saw a jawbone that was ripped off of a crash victim laying on the road. I saw a paramedic lift up the head of another victim that was laying on the pavement, and bits of their brain fall out. It was traumatizing, but it got the message across way better than words ever could

[@hjax5]

I absolutely loved this OP! And this story!

[@relaxolotl_ltoloxaler]

Poor Sana, I hope she’s doing well now.

[@Kai-uj5go]

Getting your little bro into your home while your wife is about to go through birthdays. After the baby comes home, assuming there's nothing crazy or dangerous about the young man. Having them both come into the house near the same time the bonding between the baby and the teen. also with everyone else. But my main point was having an extra set of eyes, ears hands and they might be amazing and way less stressful on the new mom. Hope it all works out!

[@RequiemPoete]

Story 1: Definitely NTA. The only defense I could see for the friend's sister (FS) is if she thought that Boarding school raises the kids, even if it's the parents that sends them. But FS made it clear that's not the case.

[@michellemartinov6267]

Best way to deal with allergens is : “I love your food but sadly there are some things I can’t eat because I’m very allergic to … and then give the list honey, “ You could have died, That dad was an asshole. And someone who’s starving often try to think, well, maybe, it won’t happen this time. Your life is worth more that a nice dinner even if you’re starving. And as both a nurse and a pretty good cook, there are ALWAYS substitutes to be made for people with allergies!

[@littleflame5530]

The boarding school story probably jealous that she wasn't able to attend boarding school.

[@Jadyra]

With the story about the kid and his drinking buddies wanting to go out and drive around, where I live we had a commercial on tv that showed a girl going in to a doctors office, supposedly to get plastic surgery. She was going out with her friend and the friend was a serious drinker. The doctor asked where she was going to be in the car and when she said the front passenger seat, the doctor actually winces and shows her pictures of how messed up she's going to be after going through the front windscreen etc. It was a beer company that put out the commercial. Look into how damaged Diana's bodyguard was after the crash in the tunnel for a quality example.

[@princesssunshine874]

Man, that story with Op's son cutting down the trees. I literally teared up at the end. I was not expecting such a turn around. This poor young man, but wow. I am so glad he is doing well and his future is looking a lot brighter.

[@JayeEllis]

Past Bully: NTA - No, wounds take time to heal. If you haven't had enough time, that is what it is. You can't force a hurt to disappear before it's ready, and that may be never.

[@kijackson8374]

2nd Story: To help with your favorite black dress bleach stains. You can boil it in black dye. Might take a few tries but that should help for the most part.

[@samanthacarpenter3336]

They started showing drunk driving consequence videos to us at 11 years old in California middle schools, and they are brutal. We saw a woman burned head to toe talk about being the only survivor after getting hit by a drunk driver. In high school they recreated a car crash with an actor mother who drove up to the scene, and was screaming while volunteering cops held her back. Many of my classmates were crying after. At 18 it’s time to grow up, and realize that the world won’t coddle you, and your feelings on serious matters.

[@theresaschuebel5151]

I thought that I made up reverse tricker treating. I have done it for the last 3 yrs

[@ashleyn.9166]

I can't eat gluten and dairy--- I have an autoimmune disorder that will get really bad if I eat them. I usually have friends trying really hard to make food I can eat. I often volunteer to bring a dish or tell them I will just have a small meal before and eat what I can, that I care about company. I can't imagine any of my friends knowing my intolerances and then continuing this $5 meal thing without trying to make it work. Geez, I even have regular dinner parties with a group of friends who all have similar problems. What the hell, Carla and Dad?

[@Some_Idiot_on_the_Internet]

That friend seems to have a real chip on their shoulder.

[@TheLilyMustang]

The 1st Story: that sister is an amazing parent. She talked with her sister, financial advisor, guidance counsellor, therapist, & general school staff about what would be best for her sisters. Not only did she discuss what was best for sisters & herself at the start but continued to check in and ask her sister what they want. She is an amazing parent so much better than most & I am going to strive to be like her. The “mom influencer” need to be checked & not gatekeep what makes a parent. She seems like someone who is still in that high school pettiness state of mind even more so since she is posting passive aggressive things on social media about her. Lots of parents send their kids to boarding school for various reason does that mean those parents aren’t real parents. Some parents might use boarding school to not parent but I have friends who went to boarding school for specialised reason. I had a friend who went away for a top notch softball program and a couple for music program. Those parents did what was best for their child.

[@sebastianhopkins7322]

For the Brother story. In the famous words of Captain Kathryn Janeway, “Delete the Wife.”

[@JayeEllis]

Extra Tip: NAH - It's pretty standard, when you have a regular person who performs a service, to occasionally throw them an extra tip above the regular amount, most especially if they go above and beyond in their service to you. As long as you don't do it every time, I don't see how you're undermining her, but for possibly her other issues on the food/ordering matter. That being said, it's worth a chat to see where you are both coming from, and come to an understanding you can both live with. Frankly, though, she seems like a lot of work.

[@kristinewatson3702]

If their porch light was on then how dare you offer your new neighbors a greeting and free candy on Halloween.

[@mayurakshimukherjee7948]

Story 1, NTA. Don't go to Carla's house anymore.

[@videofan1010]

The petty chore story is amazing. But I would be so angry that we would have broken up by then.

[@AllistorMichelle]

15:25 after wearing the dress with the bleach stain to a family get together i would have pulled his mom aside and ask her if her widdle baby boy really didn't know how to do basic house hold chores. show off the stain he did. then sit back and see if mommy screams at him.

[@pansprayers]

And then, if she has any sense, she'd look at you and tell you that if you're using non-words like 'widdle', and weaponizing his mother, then you both need to grow up. If you want an adult relationship, then you need to act and speak like an adult. Set boundaries and expectations, and if they aren't met, then leave.

[@squirrel670]

@@pansprayers i don't think they would actually say that in this example. Just trying to convey thw way he expects to be treated, not a direct quote of instructions. Honestly in an abusive manipulative relationship if the person can be proven to lie it can help them get out. Sometimes they feel they shouldn't get what is expected because the person might "genuinely" not know better. It really sickens me but I wish there was someone with proof that could explain it to someone I know.

[@AllistorMichelle]

@@pansprayers you obviously haven't been in an abusive relationship before. i used the word widdle because the story basically showed bf only wanted a new mommy. so baby talk was necessary

[@Vallyrah]

Put the 14 yr. old up for adoption, by adopting him.

[@judev3197]

Adoption story: NTA. Is your wife going to say no to the money you’re inheriting? My guess would be no. She’s horrible OP. Please don’t adopt your brother out.

[@oldwelshlady6584]

May we all finda man like Susan's dad!! May we all get a dad like susans dad?? I hope that yr mother is so proud of the son she brought up!!

[@Sbranch412]

A divorce would happen long before adoption

[@joer769]

What a crappy neighborhood !

[@williethomas6388]

No NTA.

[@slimeinabox]

Story 2: Some people just like misery more than fun.

[@lina9535]

I remember when my mom and I moved in with my grandpa (after grandma passed, he was all alone in his house), and even though we knew 2 of his neighbours (a very lovely couple, who have since passed) came over to "welcome" me and my mom. The wife had even baked us cookies (she'd often bake and bring something over, as they lived right next door, not even 1 minute from their door to ours)

[@ProudAuntieEST2016]

Last year just about a week before my little brother's 25th birthday he woke me up by calling my phone. He couldn't yell for me across the house and it was early morning. I know my brother really well so when he called from across the house I knew he needed to go to the hospital even though he argued with me. I called 911 and he spent a week in the hospital with cellulitis and sepsis. I knew when to call because my brother said he was in pain and I wasted no time. The op that was in pain needs to get rid of the boyfriend more than she needed to be rid of the kidney stone. We had a 3 day power outage with a bad snow storm where it got down to 5 degrees just after my brother was out of the hospital and I'm very lucky I knew he needed to go because I could've lost a second brother and I wasn't about to do that. I have bad pains to where I have had to take myself to and from the hospital but where I was living had public transportation so I was lucky to not have to rely on someone.

[@naturalPaths]

Oh, yeah, and .. you were hungry. Period.

[@katieb.1184]

the endometriosis father pissed me off SO MUCH. if you don't want your son being made to research, come up with another way to make him stop picking on his sister for something she really REALLY can't help. and him saying she's "too stubborn" and walking away... I wonder where the son got that dismissive attitude from?

[@amandabradley9284]

Clara's dad has been doing this on purpose. He's been waiting on OP to give a reaction, any reaction. Once he got it, he ran OP off. That was the point the whole time. The middle class family doesn't want their child or their friends hanging out with the poor/homeless kid.

[@kaylafuller8948]

Please say I am not the only one who caught the Rocky Horror Picture Show reference

[@markedwards3647]

First story: It's weird how hard friend's sister worked to find a reason to be offended. However, typically, she was not offended on her own behalf. She pretends offense on behalf of the _idea_ of parents, who are not harmed or offended. This is like accusing anyone wearing bright colors, learning another language, or algebra, or commissioning art by a non-European "cultural appropriation." Friend's sister has not the slightest interest in justice. She is working for false validation, wanting to lead an attack to defend...nobody and nothing. OP is an admirable, generous person, and raised his sisters during a very difficult time for them.

[@leighnisbett9691]

S1, Op you took care of your sisters during their teens and made sure that they were in a safe environment for their educational needs .You also spent as much time as possible with them growing up after your parents death ,you also made sure that they received grief counciling for the loss of your parents ,by letting the school councillor know of what the family members were going through.NTA