Q & A Recognizing Healthy Secure Attachment

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In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Q & A Recognizing Healthy Secure Attachment
In this video, I talk about the fundamentals of securely relating to our partner. Practicing the skills pertaining to healthy relating helps us discern what kind of relationships we'd like to fertilize in our life.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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Q & A Recognizing Healthy Secure Attachment

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZbin. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZbin. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

[@janethomas78]

Alan,, you have broken the spell of Therapist/Patient Relationship Dysfunction-- You should be awarded the World Peace Prize. Thank YOU. I would love to attend one of your online groups.

[@jimdowney6773]

Alan, THANK YOU for all of the amazingly insightful and helpful videos you have posted and the therapy they contain. Your presence and teaching, although you don't fancy yourself as an educator, have made a tremendously positive impact upon my ability to weather my emotional storms the past eight months. Please know that your work is helping a great many people who would otherwise not be able to receive the enlightenment you share. Well Done and God bless you.

[@carolineglasner5353]

Alan, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your insight and wisdom - I feel like you are keeping me afloat in life right now, filling me with hope that there is a way out of the cycle I've been stuck in for years. I loved this Q&A and it has prompted the question of "how do I gain the skills to increase my distress tolerance". You have given me clarity that I react from the "freak out", which is something Im ready and willing to stop.

[@radfaraf]

caroline glasner Somatic experiencing teaches how to learn that.

[@vivienlegeisha3425]

What a succinct summary of how secure adult relationships look/feel like! Love it.

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

OK I really miss the videos watching you talk it’s part of what makes it so easy to listen to you for such a long period of time it makes a huge difference to see your face matching the words. I love your content no matter what but I really really miss your videos

[@Be1More]

you give me a place to go for hope during the in between time outside of my therapy ifs meeting, or ocaision with a few emotionally advanced people.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

nice to hear you are finding this content of benefit. Thanks for valuing my work.

[@SpillCity]

Hi Alan, Thank you for sharing this information and working through this new tech skill. I'm wondering if you have a video regarding building Distress Tolerance? If not, would you be willing to make one? Thank you! James

[@lotussong9908]

This is amazing. Thank you Alan ♡

[@marjoriemurphy9424]

Thank you.

[@helloriripunch8652]

This is good content. Thank you!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Riri, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@giannamunske2154]

Do you have an attachment or a link for the partner emotional graph?

[@yuliaantonenkovolkova9041]

How is secure attachment possible if we ALL have attachment trauma of various degree?

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Because secure attachment is not a black and white achievement. It is based on moments of practice and moments of clarity that come and go and come and go and come and go. Overtime, we can notice the degree or longevity of when we are coming from a skilled place. Sometimes, old patterns creep in and we are unskilled. It's a process and takes commitment to observe, discern, and experiment.

[@becoming_real7385]

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thanks for the insight ^^

[@disiluzhund]

There really is no hope for the insecure attached. We will continue to attract and be attracted to emotionally unavailable people all of our adult lives. The best hope is if an insecure attached couple both agree to grow toward secure attachment with each other, and THAT is rare. Generally speaking, the insecurely attached are going to spend their lives repeating unfulfilling relationships over and over or exiting relationships over and over until finally accepting that singlehood is one's best bet for happiness and peace. But, hey, there's always friends and counselors.

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

Jul ofDenial I don't know.... I think when one person gets as healthy as they can be (which might never be 100%!) the relationship will either get better or end. This is very possible with specific treatments like EMDR for CPDST and also thru 12 step programmes that encourage a healthy relationship with a higher power and with yourself so you won't allow (or even collude with) abuse; you also will be aware of your Own stuff your Own triggers to avoid codependent enmeshment which is apparently the basis for many relationships these days.

[@agniem9698]

There is one thing missing in all of this. 1 core belief about the higher power needs to be updated and that is the power is in you first of all and goes around you, through you. It all relates to inner Self, true Self ,Source, energy in motion = emotions are the key.

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

Agnie M I only speak for myself what works for me might not work for everyone or anyone else

[@agniem9698]

I get it. you're right. It also depends on readiness and I guess the work needs to be done layer by layer.

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

Agnie M that's right in my experience. it's a process and it takes time. Sadly many people are happy enough to spend their lives blaming someone else for the miserable quality of their life.

[@kenitcimm3467]

Alan....you are an extremely helpful and understanding author to the knowing you have....and the work you can activate is very extensive and explorative....and this is very helpful to me. Thankyou very much for your work.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for the supportive comment Kenit. I am glad to hear that you received benefit and find my work helpful. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution, checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality content. Click on the links to learn more: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community unity, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.

[@debbiebates8099]

Hi