True Love, Real Love, Soul Mates, Twin Flames and Reality Distortion

Hello. Thanks for checking out my KZbin channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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True Love, Real Love, Soul Mates, Twin Flames and Reality Distortion
In this video, I talk about when we come from a dysfunctional family and unhealthy relating, we most likely have the ability to distort reality. If we believe in the concepts of true love, real love, or authentic love, and also believe in the idea of finding a soulmate as "the one", then it's very possible that such beliefs will activate and trigger the ability to distort reality in our adult relationships.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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True Love, Real Love, Soul Mates, Twin Flames and Reality Distortion

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZbin. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZbin. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

[@DingusTheGenius]

Your offerings influenced me to choose the austere basecamp below the looming summit of Mt. Awareness over the doomed shelter of faux luxury in the hotel room of obscenely overpriced bottles of tap water adorned with a seductive name and slick design. You are masterful in knowing how to effectively and compassionately kick someone's ass who is a wrecked heap of heartache and pile of decimated self esteem. Thanks, man. Sincerely.

[@Killane10]

I have learned much fr9m this video but have something to add. I believe in "True" "Transcendent " love. It is transcendence to " Normal" love Find you soulmate by mating with with your own soul.

[@HugDealer]

"Stop looking for your soulmate. Start looking for your soul, mate!"

[@henriettevandam166]

😂😂😂😂😂😂Your spot on girl.!!!!

[@mikedebell2242]

Aye!

[@alexandra2536]

Great !

[@conscientiousdefector]

Most underrated comment of the century. 💯💯👏🏼👏🏼👍🏼👊🏼

[@justincase7524]

I love this

[@shiningleaf6526]

I've been in the reality distorted kind of love, and then a very ordinary love came along and I questioned the hell out of it and at the same time grieving the loss of a profound soulmate love, which came after a twin flame love. So after all that blah, what I have now is so ordinary. After lamenting the pains of losing the extraordinary love, I've come to realize this normalcy is the true love. Its grounded, real, direct, vulnerable, intimate in its rawness, and ordinary. This video confirms this for me, that I'm on the right track and healing. Thank you very much!

[@DingusTheGenius]

Thank you! This describes my own path of experiences very accurately. It is heartening to know that others, as sovereign individuals, are able to grow and develop through the pain of shedding the confining skin of conditional magic. The discovery of the well of self reflection and self love took time to adjust my taste to, to be able to appreciate it's nourishing properties. After such prolonged, shared dependencies on the constant imbibement of elixir, I have developed an appreciation and preference for cool, clear water. The magic resides in the ordinary moments when the capabilities of reciprocity exists between two people who know the value of, and are capable of maintaining a genuine appreciation for one another. This quiet experience of security which can survive respectful conflict has become more "magical" to me than the identity dependent on the grandeur of an enchanted story that eventually depletes itself of nutrients. Congratulations! You made it back home from Oz! I wish you continued fulfillment and all of the deliciousness that comes from the security of being able to appreciate the accessable magic within the ordinary.

[@sunflowerhk100]

What does your "ordinary love" not have compared to a "soulmate kind of love"? Is the connection not so deep? could you elaborate please?

[@joannegild8001]

I was more likely to question the other than realizing it was my own stuff! Now I’m happy in my present relationship. True love? I think it might be.

[@ThePoppy74]

When you meet someone who has the same childhood pain as you, they can feel like a soulmate as they get you in a way that someone without those experiences can. However, it's how the two of you then interact which determines whether or not it is a healthy or toxic relationship. If the two of you are self-aware, self-reflective and take responsibility for your personal development then I believe the bond could be special and unique in a lot of ways. However, there is also the risk that old patterns of relating are practised and accepted which reinforces the old reality distortions.

[@forksofjoyness]

A very insightful comment..... It makes me ask hard questions a very insightful comment…...a very insightful comment…...a very insightful comment…...a very insightful comment……

[@elysunrise1087]

Beautiful comment. Thanks

[@tarp11z]

It can also make for a very tragic breakup. You need only look up the toxic bond between borderlines and codependents, or trama bonding. Very intense, very special, and very painful. Ultimately, very over.

[@Thefreedomwithinyou]

This is spot on

[@HealwithRannn]

Thanks this speaks so much to me! When we meet people with a broken history like we did, our heart gets soften and we feel like they are the true love with the same emotional depth towards love and life as well.

[@Spiral.Dynamics]

Love it. There are no soul mates. You can love anyone intimately if you have a secure attachment. Your insecurities make you need a soul mate.

[@NRLFN_EDITS]

Oh my gosh this happened to me! I was stuck on someone that quite obviously didn't want to be with me for almost a whole year thinking he was a twin flame. I have always been more of a dreamer than a realist so this fantasy worked so well on me and I basically just couldn't handle the pain and rejection I was feeling that he just didn't feel the same all of a sudden. It was an easy story to relate to because we were so good together and then bam he decided not. Obviously I didn't go around telling anybody so maybe if I did someone would have told me to be more real with myself. I hope others who read this and watch this vodeo can see through the fantasy and process their pain sooner than I did instead of holding onto false hope and closing off to other opportunities and people ❤️

[@hisvirgotonic]

Girl. Same. One year, thought he was Twin. Experienced the symptoms & all that crazy stuff. But he ain’t mines. So now I feel brainwashed!

[@VladaldTrumptin]

Same here.

[@cindiadams8158]

Alan, I was raised by a schizophrenic mom and narc dad. Talk about attachment traumas 🙄 if they didn’t/ couldn’t love me, who could? The knight in shining armor was a fantasy I held onto my entire life. I waited 48 years for him, til I met my ex psychopath. There he was. He had finally shown up. I spent 5 years with this monster and one day I connected the dots to narcissism. I’m 17 months free now and thank God I found your channel. I relate to your material very much. Thank you for putting these vids out here💕

[@olentangyriver1191]

Sounds so similar to my story it's painful and I can not fall in love, because of abandoment issues..

[@hannahcrabbee3131]

I adore your straight up, no BS style. I completely agree with the whole premise of this video, soulmates, twin flames, true love - what's wrong with a normal, healthy, ordinary love? It's almost like setting yourself up for failure.

[@MTortillaKitt]

Hannah Crabbee because some people experience that in life, some don’t. Doesn’t mean we all need to not experience the full potential of love out of fear.

[@joincoffee9383]

@@MTortillaKitt potential is a dangerous words, especially for us codependent inclined

[@divine_presence]

I've experienced the Twin Flame phenomenon, but the Twin Flame concept is very dangerous because you can get very attached to the person you believe to be your Twin Flame, your true divine love... In the end it is all an illusion and I'm glad I'm over that Twin Flame trip... There is no such thing as a half of your soul in another human being... I have no idea who came up with that idea...

[@roseh1132]

Alan you're actually really funny in a dry & darkly humorous way.

[@Elliottcharlesking]

He mademe laugh too!!!

[@Summer-tk8yk]

Yes 😂😂😂

[@littleredhen8205]

As the "black sheep" who never drank the family KoolAid ("Mommy, the emperor is naked!") I have always been the sensible, grounded, pragmatic partner. Seems to be a turnoff for a lot of guys who lose themselves in the honeymoon phase and know nothing about the hard work it takes to build a solid foundation for a healthy LTR. I do think this sort of attachment distortion goes hand in hand with escapist tendencies. Some people would rather ignore/distort reality than accept it. That just means they are not compatible with me. I have had enough "excitement" thrust upon me already, I do not desire it in any future relationships. Respect, integrity, empathy, consistency, reciprocation, time, and effort. Those are the things I would want in a potential partner.

[@BellaLola26]

That’s so powerful!! I am in the same place! Thank you for writing it out like this 🙏🏽

[@chrystalbriceno3699]

Real love is simply unconditional love and can be experienced in any type of relationship. It means having empathy and compassion, respect, not being codependent, loving oneself wholly, being able to be your true authentic self, and knowing when to walk away when another person is not honoring you as a human being. That kind of dynamic demonstrates unconditional love and it can transcend most of life's inevitable challenges.

[@marieanylis2353]

By the way. You don't have to stay in a soulmate relationship. Because as you heal you understand that you are not a good match.

[@1960702]

You have obviously been through this in your family of origin. A therapist that has not just cannot understand all of this let alone articulate it so well. I love your clearly put fully covered videos.

[@ashiahindigo9917]

I can't wait till more people begin to wake up to ordinary love!! Soul mates, twin flames, ect are often pushed by narcissistic spiritual professionals and narcissistic partners to their victims. They couldn't even function without this idealism. I didn't grow up with love so I thought I couldn't possibly find that bliss anywhere else despite the abuse... Your so right, its dangerous and adds to the pain.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Well said. Thank you.

[@AmbientAuteur]

Incredible articulation of an extremely difficult subject. Thank you Alan Robarge.

[@u311165]

Charity Burnett - Agreed!! I'm a Psychotherapist and clinical Hypnotherapist and I am fascinated by Alan's ability to explain this so well . No wonder he's an expert in this field. Thanks Alan!!!

[@torifowler3731]

Thank you for this video. I am just begining the process of observing my dysfunction in relationships and realizing my coping mechanisms. I have always fallen for people that also have similar attachment wounds, I have always ignored red flags, I have always fantasized about finding the absolute perfect spiritually evolved partner (influenced greatly by the soulmate/twin flame notion) and I have always been completely heartbroken and disappointed when the realization hit that the person I thought was "the one" is not who I fantasized them to be. I have rejected ordinary love, friendships and life experiences so greatly... simply because it did not meet my grandiose expectation. Dope.

[@sharyn9922]

I absolutely agree with you about being cautious in the belief about a transcendent, blessed, magical, soul mate love. Not only does this leave you wide open to disordered individuals who swoop in and create the perfect Prince Charming illusion, but if you don't meet your own magnificent "Twin Flame" it also feels like you've been abandoned by both people and God, since your dreams don't come true the way you've always believed that they would. I know this because I've lived it. I do really want the real deal, the earthy, ordinary love. But I'm learning to live happily on my own first.

[@ethanpoole3443]

In fairness, I suspect many of us with abusive childhoods felt abandoned by God long before any romantic relationships ever came along. I know that I’ve never understood what terrible thing my 13 year old self could ever possibly have done to so earn God’s hate, but hate he certainly piled upon me as that was pretty much all that I was ever exposed to throughout adolescence. Then you discover as a young adult that as an empath the only partners you will ever attract are always going to further abuse you and that the only way to escape further abuse, after a particularly violent partner comes along, is to completely abandon relationships altogether even though you may desperately desire that connection with another. It makes for an incredibly lonely and empty adult life decades later, but I’m not sure some of us were meant to ever know the love of another without abuse - honestly I can’t even say that I have ever truly felt worthy of another’s love as I know how flawed a person I am, but especially given the degree to which that same abuse also destroyed my physical and mental health leaving me forever disabled and living with severe chronic pain and just those medical issues are painful for many to know about, much less live with. But at least this way there is no risk that my past or health issues (mental or physical) will ever hurt others as hurting anyone has always been my greatest fear after so many have hurt me over the years. I think some of us were put here to love all but never to know love for ourselves, but at least we hopefully leave this world a bit better off than when we came into it by helping others along the way.

[@liabooth399]

Sharyn, this is spot on, I’ve felt abandoned by God, for not providing something that doesn’t exist I.e. soulmate love. Thanks for your comment x

[@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488]

@@liabooth399 ive always felt God hated me.

[@samjoachim8679]

Thank you Alan! I feel like finding you on KZbin is just the beginning of my healing journey. I'm so glad I stumbled across your channel. It's humbling and slightly humiliating to hear the Truth of how dysfunctional my relating to intimacy has been! Sometimes the Truth hurts but keeping up the fantasy hurts much more in the long run. Blessings to you🙏

[@aspyn31]

I feel the same way. I have been looking for some grounded advice. It is not easy to do all these techniques people talk about as counselors when they have not experienced what they are trying to help you with. I am all about tools and what I can do instead of what I can't do or just hearing what something means. I have never thought about having an "Ordinary Love" and no wonder I never thought about it, because it's a goal I did not think was acceptable. I think the main point to focus on with ordinary love is the fact that the grips of extraordinary love are so strong they cause an enormous amount of distress in the relationship and you actually get the exact opposite of what you want.

[@debbiemoore2747]

Thank you. Very helpful for me. I idealised the last man I dated, ignored red flags because I hace that fantasy mindset of love.

[@lizzyfunnybunny9020]

at 35, i finally don't even want a relationship. after dealing with all of my abuse and not having a single "normal" let alone satisfying relationship that i wanted, i decided i don't want one. I just want to live alone and live a life that is not unhealthy mentally emotionally... etc.

[@donpeace894]

Have at it 🐰

[@bellakrinkle9381]

Alan is the most authentic person I have "met" in my long life. I've always cringed at the word Soulmate...it just sounds so very contrived. ..a bit like the adult version of a child's Christmas. Alan is Brilliant.

[@maria_7792]

Bjørk - All Is Full Of Love You'll be given love You'll be taken care of You'll be given love You have to trust it Maybe not from the sources You have poured yours Maybe not from the directions You are staring at Twist your head around It's all around you All is full of love

[@everydaywithiboblak]

💜

[@RoseHeartTarot]

One of my favorites of all time

[@henriettevandam166]

I was such a romantic fool... Lived my own fantasy world (10.00 )Now I have to live with the consequence 🙄... But now I wake up. Thank you from the bottom of mine now down to earth heart!!!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Henriette, Many of us can relate. Getting support from others who are learning as well is very helpful for many people. That is one of the reasons I created the Improve your Relationships online community. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful as an adjunct to therapy. I am glad that you are doing your healing work and find this material helpful on your journey. Consider joining in the conversation. You are not alone. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@a.brown_2518]

You are by far the best and most articulate relationship coach and psychotherapist I have ever seen online. Thank you!

[@joh37get]

Thanks for calling out the current BS around spiritualized relationships. I agree and am so glad to hear you state that this kind of thinking is dangerous.

[@chrystalbriceno3699]

Divine unions/soulmates, are simply 2 people who love themselves wholly and are healthy in mind body and spirit so when they come together, they are 2 separate souls enjoying each others company as partners on this journey of life. In my opinion based on life experience.

[@paulaokane5088]

Alan, I appreciate how you explained this type of distorted thinking grows out of a desire to heal attachment trauma. It has helped me realise how my unconscious belief system of looking for “the one” has kept me trapped in denial. Thank you so much for all the fantastic videos. I really like your style of delivery. I will share with others and let them know what a great resource your videos are for healing. Thank you Px

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

ordinary love doesn't sell stuff... make up, designer sunglasses, records whoops dvds, movie tickets...

[@harmonyv1736]

I'm 20 Years Old & I Am So Greatful For This Helps Me Become So Much Stronger & Better Mentality

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Wonderful. Glad it is helpful to you Kent. Thanks for the comment.

[@dorothye2594]

WOW!!! Listening to this post was the first time I could put some of the pieces together of my own reality distortion surrounding love. I feel so blessed to have stumbled across your post. It was very enlightening to me. Thank you! 💜

[@nothingbutme1150]

This makes so much sense I want to thank you Alan from the bottom of my heart !!!

[@maryfisher6569]

So true Alan, Every relationship has started with I am your prince charming, your soul mate, I never met anyone like you, I have been looking for you all my life. So now....finally...thanks to all of your great videos and priceless insight I can see clearly now. I don't believe this crap anymore is my line now....;) Thank you Alan, I am trying to get through all your videos. Thank you Thank you.

[@gennapirigyi4817]

A giant thumbs up

[@graesonhowland7127]

Wow this found me at exactly the right time. Been running around in circles in relationships with the love/soulmate/spiritual relationship language. So profound. Thank you. Thank you.

[@The_Rude_French_Canadian]

I've always been obsessed with soul mates...and then i met my ex she was everything i ever wanted in a partner...she left me for another guy after 5 years of telling me how perfect for her i was... Now its been 4 years since the breakup and i can't find anyone with whom i have as much in common and it's killing me slowly...

[@mayphoenix4725]

I know it's been a while.I hope your heart is healing. I was in a similar situation. I haven't been in another relationship since and it's been many lonely years. I hope you have friends or positive support in your life to help get you through.

[@GMH9765]

Yeah, I recognize that

[@UranijaZeus]

She probably lied half of the things and you idolized the other half. Become present in the moment.

[@unapologeticallyria6386]

@@UranijaZeus yes and kept him around until someone better came along. It’s hard to move on if someone doesn’t want to accept the hard truths or real possibilities of the outcomes, being present helps heal

[@PrincessWinter]

All of your videos speak to exactly what's going on in my head, what has gone on in my past relationships, and the family dynamic that I grew up with in a way that no way has ever pinpointed with such accuracy. They have been such a great help to me. Thank you!

[@janethomas78]

I love this mans words-- to hear these words, dare he say the truth is so healing THANK YOU!

[@millionairetvxabe]

This was very sobering. Thank you.

[@DarlaW]

Excellent suggestions on how to promote realistic expectations for a relationship. Thank you for another informative and healing video, Alan!

[@puppymafia10]

Twin flame relationships are rare and I do know of many put up with abuse thinking it’s ok because it’s their twin. How ever a twin flame journey is a spiritual journey not a love relationship, it’s spiritual first and I think that’s we’re the problem is. Lastly is you have not experienced this first hand , then it’s difficult to relate to. But I do see how it can hurt someone who is viewing relating in a distorted way.

[@D07770]

@Veronica Barrera I agree! People have these misconceptions and they romanticize a Twin Flame connection. I never believed in soul mates and yet a few years ago I met a person who you can refer to as Twin Flame. He is the one who unconsciously helped me to start my healing journey, through him I've been experiencing so much soul growth. It's a painful path bc for the first time I had to face the dysfunction in my family, attachment trauma, codependency, fears and so much more. Through him I learnt what "unconditional love" is. People who haven't experienced such a connection won't understand it. Everyone who is desperately looking for a partner will eventually end up in toxic relationships because they become attached to the idea of soul mate etc.

[@bentleypreston]

This video was life changing for me! I have been searching for this without evening know what I was looking for until know. Thank you! Explains so much!

[@algerenecobbs3362]

this is soooo good ...never thought of love this way . to hear this information just blows my mind and offer so much peace . thank you so much!!!

[@DL-rl9bd]

My ex is a big believer in the “Law of Attraction“, which ties in, perfectly, to these notions of a “soulmate” and your “true love“. To my detriment, I always told her I didn’t believe in it, and that it was magical thinking. It was a very divisive issue for us, but so silly, in reality. I see now how this belief caused her to always question the validity of our relationship, every time we would encounter an issue, no matter how small. It caused her to always scan the horizon for the “perfect divine partner”. Even after we were engaged, and had a baby, I still found various notes and notebooks, where she would write down lists of numerous traits that she wants in her “perfect divine partner”, from the universe. Of course, I called her out on it, and she back-pedaled in a frenzy. This is what these fantastical beliefs will cause one to do. To always question whether or not you’re in the right relationship, or if this is the ultimate person for you. “How will you know”?

[@VladaldTrumptin]

That is sad :( I’m sorry

[@DL-rl9bd]

@@VladaldTrumptin Can’t believe this was a year ago, already. But, thanks for your reply.

[@VladaldTrumptin]

D L I hope things are better for you now lovely, you deserve it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@DL-rl9bd]

@@VladaldTrumptin better than I was, and I’ve learned so much. Plus, Alan’s channel was so helpful. Thank you

[@Natisius]

It was about time someone addressed this. Too many hurt people are fooling themselves and thus not go into healing because they have found, lost and still hope for their soulmates, true love and twin flames. Thank you, so much, Alan!

[@yanamclaughlin1644]

This man is a dang GE NI US. I've spent my entire adult life trying to understand this stuff and his words ring so true to me ☆

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Yana, thank you for the supportive words. These romantic narratives are so layered. It makes sense that it can be hard to see or understand. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful. Thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the videos are helpful.

[@awakenow711]

OMG! This is so true! Thanks, Alan! BIG REALITY CHECK!

[@wingsly]

This beautifully crafted analysis of attachment is so helpful to me and hopefully many others. Thanks for sharing this. Truly helpful!!

[@ivetakovacova4969]

Omg, this is an amazing video. Thank you very much. I love your channel.

[@tashilongthorp2295]

This was another very helpful video to me, Alan ~ actually maybe the most helpful in that it helped me identify some of my issues. I think that I'm a wonderful reality-distorter when it comes to my family and personal relationships. I'm beginning to see a different way of looking at my issues ~ one that will finally be helpful instead of reinforcing them. Thank you, most sincerely.

[@narcissismcentral8228]

Alan your videos are entirely unique and full of insightful content. Many thanks!

[@renaissance5300]

I am so happy I/we found you I feel so blessed as we all do listening to your fantastic insight WOW thank-you so much!

[@livelovelaughforever2131]

I have never been a fan of any kind of “psychology” as I live a lot of my life in spiritual principles but your videos have been very helpful to me. This teaching on soulmates and twin flames was very interesting and eye opening. Especially twin flames.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Live, glad you found this helpful.

[@denisjrrichard5440]

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you x 1000 for This Mr. Robarge !! So good and common sense informations. Every listen with some time in between makes me say yes in affirmation on a point I didn't get or wasn't ready to understand. There is so much information out there about chakras, and twin flames, and unicorns with no clue about what is said or with any academic information or experience. Thank you 🙏

[@rebeccajones8628]

This is possibly the best video I have ever watched. It really explains my difficulties in having good relationships. Thank you Dr. Robarge

[@jessicahandelman1993]

not only is this extremely informative & validating but you're also super funny here. thank you much for all your work!

[@eugemiajulius9204]

Excellent! I just discovered your videos. So very helpful and informative. Thanks much!

[@aspyn31]

Wow! I was amazed at how accurately this described who I am. Great job at circling around and hitting the main points several times. I needed to hear some of those things over and over to really get it to sink into my thoughts.

[@annelink8157]

Just love how you talk, things that is very important to people, you say it is BS very calmly, politely and caring. Sometimes it good to hear it, cause it is hard to see it yourself. Love it! :)

[@gentleeyes]

Your videos were exactly what I needed. Thank you so much. You have changed my life

[@allisona9490]

Thanks so much for this sobering video. This is a relief!!

[@dianesiguenza6308]

thank you so much!!! Im trying to get out of my fantasy world, that ive been living in!!:)))) Blessings and Light!!!

[@lizzyfunnybunny9020]

As much as I don't want to admit it, you are right. I do believe in soul mates and twin flames but right now i am focused on getting my mental health together. I'm tired of all the abuse and BS in life

[@phoenixd9679]

Thank you so much for the enormous help !💜

[@wawaheed1515]

Brilliant video! Sooo helpful n clarity-giving! Thank you Alan!

[@dianat.6426]

Most helpful video by far, thank you Alan!

[@HenrietteDuun]

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge about relationships. It's ground breaking for me to listen to our videos and try to make these changes happen irl. Hipse from Denmark

[@VladaldTrumptin]

30:30 oh my goodness you make me LOL at myself. It might exist, it might not, bottom line is that if you’re spending your time focused on a toxic situation that hurts you, it’s going to ruin your life.

[@kristen9836]

Incredibly greatful for your channel...I feel like you are changing my life.

[@soulsingercoach]

" I just don't believe this crap anymore." Oh, come on, Alan, tell us how you really feel! haha! Thank you for your videos, they are supremely helpful. To be grounded in the ordinary is great advice to bring order out of chaos. I find it very interesting that my particular experiences have honed my fine artistic skills, however, it's easy to see how conflicting this "talent" can become when we romanticize adult relationships. Learning to be ordinary is truly a spiritual tonic.

[@kelliwalsh7889]

Wow! Another amazing set of lessons! Thank you

[@seanorourke1740]

This is very helpful.Thank you for sharing this information with the masses.

[@cwb1259]

Thanks for this message. I spent 20 years in a very unhealthy narcissistic relationship. After my divorce I’ve had nothing but failed relationships. My last was particularly hurtful. I really wanted it to work and ignored all the unhealthy things going on. This message totally makes sense.

[@CrunchFAP_Supreme]

Your videos have been so enlightening and fascinating. I'm impoverished and can't afford therapy and you've given me such insight not only into fostering a better relationship ,but also understanding my own defaults that fuel depressive/anxious episodes. I honestly can't thank you enough.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad to hear this content is helpful for you. Thanks for letting me know you tapped into some insight around default patterns. Appreciate the comment. Since you like this video, please tag a friend and/or share it with others. Help me spread the word.

[@mariemai2902]

I already had this idea that idealized romantic love is a kind of narcissism but never found anything on the net discussing this concept. So glad I finally did. Thank you so much. For so long I felt quite alone with this idea.

[@MahoganyGlaze]

😂😂 you had me laughing when you said “this ain’t the Sade song”. And I LOOOVE that song smh!!!! But thanks for this video. I learned ALOT!!!!

[@twofierce]

This is crushing but necessary! Thank you!

[@sustomusickillsyoutube]

Exceptionally put explanation of this issue! Thank you!

[@sanina882]

Everything you're talking about is me. You've so helped me to understand myself better and I'm sure, I'm not only speaking for myself. Thank you, thank you!!!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Sanina, You are not alone. Many people struggle with the reality distortion of the romantic narrative. Yes, many of us can relate to this. We explore this idea and learn more about it in depth in the community of Improve Your Relationships. Consider joining in the conversation: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@besreal3419]

There is only one spirit which permeates everything living and non-living. We are each just a drop out of it and will soon be reabsorbed back into it. We all belong to each other.

[@fseesauras]

Damn, this is pretty comprehensive. Thank you.

[@chaela8925]

Thanks helped me alot, i going to listen to all your vids!

[@sunshinestar6076]

We get so much suffering and pain because we are holding on to the story and the potential of the relationship… Alan i appreciate you being so humble and empathetic with your sense of humour when you deliver your message..✨

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Grieving the loss of potential is painful. Glad to hear you connected with this video. Thank you for letting me know it was helpful for you. Since you like this video, please tag a friend and/or share it with others. Help me spread the word.

[@nordiccozy9770]

Whoah Mr. Robage. This video, mixed with your other video "Obsessing over an ex-partner Trauma Mind" really, really, really help me today. Thank-you so much. Best videos on KZbin as a set about the Twin Flame experience, hands down! I highly recommend these two videos together for people who thought they were a "Twin Flame" couple, especially for when it becomes toxic and dysfunctional, or to help prevent those conditions. You have helped me a lot to recognize what is happening in my psyche to help me overcome obsessing over him, after I have let him out of my life, and taught me how to begin healing myself. I can now reject the Twin Flame dogma, and approach it with transpersonal psychology instead, without falling into that level of learned helplessness Twin Flame coaches teach, claiming you can never untie from them. They claim that the obsessing is one of the many signs of the Twin Flame experience,. I let all that go today. I cannot thank-you enough. Best two videos on KZbin about this topic, in my view. Thanks again.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the feedback. Glad to hear the videos helped decode some of these romantic narratives. It's so important we're talking about this and bringing it to light. Thanks for letting me know the videos are clarifying and thanks for valuing my work. Also, I want to share, and you may already be aware of it, that you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community This is a topic we explore in depth in the community. I welcome you joining us as a member.

[@suzywilliams4424]

Thank you Alan, this is very useful!

[@juliankebbas3693]

That was really helpful. Thanks for sharing!

[@rubystaging237]

thank you so much for giving us you time in this video, will help so many of us.

[@gwenrobinsonbodybasedpsych6029]

Thank you for your liberating no nonsense approach.

[@tarp11z]

Thank you for connecting the dots around attachment issues and reality distortion.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

These are important things for everyone to know, and it's great that you are so engaged with this content. I know I responded to your other comment, but I wanted to provide you with another resource of mine - my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. In this course, I discuss the various ways that we respond to distress in relationships based on attachment injuries and traumas. I created a RELATIONAL model for when we are triggered and flooded by too much or not enough intimacy and vulnerability. ​I mapped out a blueprint for how most of us respond. Which of these describe your relationships? Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@dawngardener9586]

Alan, you have just explained my entire life experience. I can finally understand why I stayed in a toxic relationship for forty years. Everything you describe, especially reality distortion, is so spot on. Thankyou Alan, from the bottom of my heart.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Nice to hear you deeply connect with this content. It's so important that we keep talking about reality distortion. Thanks for your feedback and for valuing my work. Since you resonate with this content, and you may already be aware of it, then you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community This comes up in community conversations.

[@Corgis47]

Thank you Alan for sharing this life changing information.

[@divine_presence]

The Twin Flame concept says that Twin Flames are one soul in two bodies... I'm over that... There is just one soul in reality... Call it 'God', call it 'source', call it whatever you want...

[@ceciliam.8493]

Thank you!! You're awesomely educated!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the supportive comment. I'm glad you like the videos.

[@mariaboulescu9749]

Thank you for these explanations! I am at a point where romantic movies fall short in comparison to my love history. But although I have lived so many nuances of romantic love, I have not yet experienced stable connection. It was also very useful to hear that in order to heal, we look for an experience that is opposite to what we know. This explains a lot some of my choices, and it helps me connect to myself.

[@it-wasnt-me9642]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your work has provided me with such a healthier thought process. It brings new life when you have been suffering too long.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the comment and for valuing my efforts to spread the word about healthy, secure relating. I’m glad this video resonates. If the information here is of benefit to you, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. It's a way to support the work, ensure future video offerings, and also invest in your self-directed healing work. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. The ideas on this video are the types of ideas we discuss in the community. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@it-wasnt-me9642]

Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist Thank you I will definitely consider being a member. Thanks again.

[@skyejacques]

Hey, for some reason I didn't come across you until yesterday. I needed this info for the last 10 years!!!! Oh well! Learning through experience first, then the professionals confirm what hell and self deception I already went through! I thought someone was a twin flame, it was a mix of deep traumatic bonding and codependency, enmeshment. But even knowing something logically didn't stop me from going through what I went through for ten years. Never again 🙂

[@littlemiss8867]

Thank you for pointing out this distorted belief!!!

[@rubystaging237]

I listened to this video so many times, it answered so many questions .vAll the psychologist s didn't answer these questions and charge you an offensive amount of money. thank you Alan R.

[@sheeni8129]

Wow.. So many insights. They will help me grow to have a ordinary love one day. Thank you.

[@michelevarano977]

You’ve been a blessing in my life. I never knew why I hurt worse than I should...