All Men Are Addicted To Porn, They Said... #$h^TTherapistsSay

All Men Are Addicted To Porn, They Said... #$h^TTherapistsSay //
guys addicted to porn, men addicted to porn, why are men addicted to porn, male porn addiction, why do men become addicted to porn,
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Just Go With It, They Said... • Just See Where It Goes...
#MendedLight
#$h^TTherapistsSay
#AllMenAreAddictedToPorn
• All Men Are Addicted T...

[@sarahmoreau1759]

The open-ness about naming our body parts and having honest conversations about it goes beyond sexuality as well. When I had struggles with my menstrual cycle that were beyond the norm as a teenager I had no issues discussing it with my parents and getting the medical attention I needed. I had friends who were not so lucky, could not talk to their parents openly about rashes, too much blood, unusual discharge and they ended up in an emergency medical situation instead.

[@emilyflowers9454]

I had a therapist tell me "You're not depressed, it's just anxiety. Take more showers." Then I started having dark thoughts in the shower,and I became afraid of the shower (baths too). I have a better therapist now and I still kinda have shower anxiety, but I no longer get those dark thoughts.

[@patmaurer8541]

"Shame *feeds* compulsion!" YES! How I wish every human being understood that! ❤

[@hernletraque5461]

I... never looked at porn (mid-thirties). There's a huge difference between "looking at" and "being exposed to". For me, the "obligation to be excited against your will or control" is more triggering and upsetting that arousing. I deeply despise having my sexual reactions or fantasies dictated to me, the sensation of having my body reacting to something that repulses me. It feels... rapey? I actively avoid sexually explicit content. I'm far from being a bigot or prude or abstinent either (I grew up in an atheist family and I enjoy intimacy and sex), I just don't enjoy the formatted type of sex pornography leads to, where everybody ends up with the same kinks and sex feels (at best) like a checklist.

[@Dachshundcrazy]

Thank you so much! It feels great to read this. I also actively avoid that for alot of the same reasons as well as opinions based on a mix of morals and science. Everytime I tell someone my opinions on porn/explicit content they assume I'm a conservative Christan. Which I'm neither of those. I also very much enjoy sex and intimacy.

[@hernletraque5461]

@@Dachshundcrazy So others exist! I wish I could meet someone like you!

[@HouseMDaddict]

The whole idea of porn just seems weird. Sure, I've read books over the years where there might be some brief written scene alluding to sex, but I enjoy books and stories based on the human story, not some cheap pornfest book to give me some sort of reaction. I had a friend show me clip of porn unexpectedly in like 8th grade and the like 10 seconds I saw weirded me out. The woman in it also seemed really annoying. I have since lived in college dorms and apts over the years where guy neighbors have had girls over that basically sound like they're straight from a porno and it's annoying. I have a healthy relationship with sex and in definitely not a prude, but I've never once seen the appeal of porn

[@SingingSealRiana]

Feel you!

[@JC_124]

Omg! Can we start a club?! You guys give me hope. I wish I met more people like you. Best wishes for all of you

[@Scarly373]

I've left the church I grew up in, and am in support groups for it. So many (mostly) men, who thought they were addicted to porn, once they left the church, and the shame was gone, they said the compulsion dissipated. They'd been struggling to break the habit for years, and just letting go of that shame, allowed them to finally stop or realize they didn't have an addiction in the first place.

[@leavinggoddocumentaryfilm2649]

So very true and, sadly, not realized by enough men struggling with the issue.

[@JulieMy432]

I had a therapist tell me, "It's in the past, just put a lid on it" when I finally opened up about, and said out loud, that I had been sexually, mentally, emotionally, physically and fiancially abused by my ex-boyfriend, whom I lived with for almost 3 years. I fled that relationship early in 2011, finally was able to go to that therapist in 2012 ( I did not go back to her), and was diagnosed with PTSD, in 2019, after having to fight with everything I had, to be heard, because I have another diagnosis, that noone wanted to "trigger"... I'd say that years and years of flashbacks, nightmares and physical reactions to even a hug from my now fiance, should have been enough to cause concern. I felt like my entire experience was being gaslighted, by the therapist, just like my ex-boyfriend had done, every single time I had asked any question about his behaviour.. I felt like the therapist told me that, I was lying, over exaggerating and that whatever it was that he'd done to me, didn't matter, that he was right to do so, and that is wasn't "that bad"

[@LaineyBug2020]

I feel like that 'therapist' may have been on the take. Glad you're further along on your journey now. Safe travels!

[@atinyevil1383]

I’m so sorry that happened to you 💙 that therapist sounds terrible. But know that your feelings are valid and it’s okay to not be okay. No one can force you to “get over” your trauma. It’s hard work and it never really goes away, but I hope you can get some peace.

[@jessicacharlton7347]

I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry that your therapist, who was supposed to be helping you, made you feel even worse. You deserve better. I'm glad that you didn't go back to that therapist and that you are seeing a new therapist now.

[@AnonymousOnimous]

I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm so glad you got out of those situations. Maybe our society is biased towards wanting women to be in relationships rather than be single (which they may view as being "alone"). Sometimes I feel like that's the bias behind why some people excuse terrible behavior from significant others. I wish your therapist had believed you and worked with you on the progress you wanted to make.

[@donnyshields4450]

I hope that therapist got fired

[@cfrost87]

This kinda goes along with the book every man's battle-- it makes everyone think that every guy struggles with lust when they don't. We should be more open about talking about sex, and use the clinical terms for certain body parts just like we do with the rest of our bodies. Porn should be avoided-- it fuels sex trafficking. We can't always know if the people involved are actually consenting adults.

[@sigthom3711]

I hate when therapist/people listen to me talk about my issues with my mom and they always mention how much a mother loves her child. That’s such a weak assumption and it really bugs me out!!!

[@jessicacharlton7347]

I hate it when people say this. People used to tell me this when I was a teenager all the time. They have no way of knowing how a parent truly feels about their child. Even if they did, it wouldn't change the fact that your parent did something that upset, angered, or hurt you. It also doesn't make everything a parent does okay just because they supposedly love their child.

[@monmonmonsta]

That's a therapist who hasn't met many narcissists 😅

[@thenaturalyogi5934]

Not all mothers know how to be a mother or fathers.

[@catwalkster]

A therapist that says that is gaslighting you and its incredibly harmful. Get another therapist

[@AnonymousOnimous]

Sh*t Therapists Say: I told a therapist I was found the concept of being a woman who had to deal with men's sexual expectations daunting... He wrote down that I had trust issues. For context: I don't think my history of having overcome an incident of molestation and an attempted r*pe gave me trust issues. I think being a woman in a society where gender-based violence and exploitation are still common-place gave me an instinct geared toward survival. The adaptive response to a harsh situation may look mal-adaptive to the uninformed observer. What are your thoughts?

[@SingingSealRiana]

Even if it gave you trust issues they are valid and it does not make your points any less valid, why should it? Like I have trust issues and they are well founded, it should not be handled as "oh she is a woman, she is just being hysterical"

[@sarahlandis289]

I got told I had trust issues just because I had trouble opening up and actually telling my therapist about a sexual trauma in my life. Also I think your therapist was full of crap

[@meb3369]

Women of my generation are tired of dating men who have been nursing a porn habit since they were 11. Honestly, I will never marry a man who looks at the porn industry and sees nothing harmful about it.

[@jetfrostgaming]

What about an addict who doesn't like his addiction?

[@katiem9923]

Fortunately a lot of men are tired of nursing a habit, too! It's a hard habit to break, but there are tons of young men who are committed to kicking it. Plus, there are genuinely men who never really got into it. God bless you, girl. This is one of those things that you are allowed to have an opinion on, even if it makes dating a bit harder.

[@Kaybye555]

@@katiem9923 yes! Its is honestly very dificult to accompany someone on this journey but I have seen a rise in men wanting to treat this very prominent phenomenon of porn addiction. I applaud these men who are taking a stand to take control of their own lives again

[@jjgeoffphhcinkkllee]

Marriage is anti-male, anyway.

[@SingingSealRiana]

​@@jetfrostgaming then he sees something wrong with it

[@RoseBeariess]

I LOVE how you approached this video. I might even send this to my boyfriend to rave about you guys. I was never told stuff like this by a therapist. But conversations along the lines of “all men are addicted to porn” or “all men are after sex and nothing more” or “all guys you date are going to be tempted to cheat” happened with my parents. Especially my mom. And I think a huge part of it is her trauma, and her not wanting the same thing to happen to me. But I’ve gotten to know quite a few male friends, in fact most of my friends are male and I feel differently, they’ve all been very respectful to me, even in our banter, they’ve always treated me and other women that I’ve seen them interact with well. And I have one friend out of that group who does have a porn addiction. But I personally had my own struggles and as I got older I never liked how those things about men being after sex were talked about. Because women can be exactly the same. And it’s very sexist in my opinion to not have an equal conversation on this topic. And I do tell my mom that and she knows, but then will go into guys being sex driven and whatnot. And I know she wants to keep me from getting my heart broken, especially because of her trauma. But more than once, this line of conversation has caused issues between my boyfriend and I, because it fed into my own personal insecurities, no matter how hard I tried for it to not feed them. Luckily I’m able to talk to my mom about how it’s caused issues, because we’re really close. And also luckily my boyfriend is very understanding about my insecurities and the minute they happen we talk them out and make sure it doesn’t blow up unnecessarily. But, all that rambling to say, I wish that the conversations of sex, sexuality, and pornography was approached how you approached it here. I really like what you did and I think this is an amazing video. Keep up the great work!! Your videos are so good.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you so much! I'm grateful for your vulnerable insights.

[@RoseBeariess]

@@MendedLight of course!!! I’m so glad you have a channel that talks about these things to go along with Cinema therapy (that’s how I discovered y’all). It’s important to discuss these things!!!

[@Desaki65]

My "favorite" Sh*t Therapists Said To Me? Years ago, I told my (now former) therapist that it felt hard for me to connect romantically with men. (I'm cis-het, BTW) My therapist (a man, FWIW), said "that's because you're an Alpha. Men don't like strong women." I thought Alpha stuff was hooey (y'know, except for Twilight 🤣)...and I instantly felt like he was lumping himself into that "men don't like strong women/you" thing. So yeah, never went back to him. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@TheFranchiseCA]

That's nonsense. My wife just completed a rather involved bit of auto repair, replacing a blower motor for the cabin heater. My only point of disagreement was that her time is more valuable and we can pay someone to do it. But she was set on proving she could do it, and she did. Because that's who she is. Your capability will serve to scare off guys who want a partner who is less than they are, and you don't want that anyway. There are probably other things to legitimately increase your dating odds, but weeding out insecure guys is a positive.

[@AnonymousOnimous]

Good call.

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

You don't need a beta therapist anyway

[@HouseMDaddict]

Ugh ... I always hate when people say "men don't like strong women". Well, sorry, I can take care of myself? It does make it hard in the dating pool sometimes though, if you're comfortably independent and the guy isn't a fan of you not being a damsel in distress he can save.

[@acaciarogersart]

I agree with your first sentiments on it. No matter what, in a relationship there needs to be open and honest communication. Your feelings and morals need to align. Ive had so many relationships go south, not so much because of the presence of porn, but because of the lies and deceipt surrounding it.

[@storydates]

This is a great video. I feel bad for your son's cousins. They are (or were at the time) too young to have that kind of access, especially considering their parents knew about it. No child should have that burden.

[@basicallylit.2064]

I got sent to a therapist when I was 16 after a suicide attempt, and after 5/6 (can't remember how many exactly) sessions with him trying to get me to talk, he yelled at me, "I can't help you, if you don't want help first." I was very scared to be in therapy, back then my family believed only weak, pathetic people needed therapy, my parents didn't know about my suicide attempt, and I tried to talk to him, but it was very superficial stuff, because I wasn't comfortable telling him the deep level stuff. So I left and didn't go back. Also my partner went to his first ever therapist, and he quit after his therapist said, "stop finishing for sympathy." Apparently talking about his past was asking the therapist to pity him.

[@lilysargent1790]

I had a therapist who in the first time meeting me as a 17 year old said what types of drugs are you doing and what do you smoke. And when I said I don't do drugs and I have never smoked she said well that is a lie because all teens smoke or do some sort of substance. I didn't trust her and I didn't know how to demonstrate that I had never used anything in my life.

[@SingingSealRiana]

... I never did any drugs beside drinking ungodly amounts of coffee either and that therapist needs therapy

[@Jc57088]

When I told my therapist my husband was addicted to porn and that I was struggling with it, she looked at me like I was from Mars. In a sheepish voice she told me , “Let him go, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you! He’s getting the same high as when we as women go shopping!” And basically shamed me and it worsened my depression/anxiety…. I brought up in a later date and she fully denied it. 😮Never went back to her. 😸

[@jjgeoffphhcinkkllee]

Women going shopping, especially with their husband's money, is far more harmful and indulgent, frankly. Women would spend their household into poverty without a second thought, when it's not their own made money they have to worry about. The man has to be the voice of reason.

[@SingingSealRiana]

​@@jjgeoffphhcinkkllee you are in the wrong comment section for that bs

[@9Nikko8]

@@jjgeoffphhcinkkllee you've got issues that clearly harm your relationship to women, take accountability and stop blaming an entire gender

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

​@@jjgeoffphhcinkkllee😂.. Oh my gods..

[@JVanProduction]

My first and only experience(s) with a therapist was basically her taking over my session by trying to relate to me by telling me about her dysfunctional relationships. Then relating it back to me but then talking about it for 10 minutes or be constantly relating anything that I say to her past experiences. I wasn’t there to get to know her on a personal level. I wanted advice. I wanted to stop feeling depressed. I wanted to feel heard and understood. I wanted to express what I thought without immediately given an assignment on future goals. Yeah, don’t try to ask a depressed person to think about the future and the steps that they want to take. Anxiety overload. I could only focus on a day at a time.

[@agalo3631]

If you want to, I hope you’re able to find a MUCH better therapist. I understand that many people have to “shop around” for therapists before they find a good fit.

[@SesshyLoverLioness]

Curious about Alicia's credential's... I know Jonathan is a licensed therapist, but not sure about Alicia's background. She seems knowledgable.

[@TheMagnay]

She's had 3 marriages and lived with a licence therapist for who knows how long. Her credentials are in business I think

[@franziskani]

@@TheMagnay Jonathan mentioned construction.

[@LaineyBug2020]

I grew up in a religious home too. My parents were very straight forward with the clinical terms and education, with bodily autonomy, consent/safety/privacy and intimacy. There was a peripheral small town scandal of Chesters shortly before I was born, so they wanted us to grow up empowered. Sanctity & respect was the focus vs shame. Then I perceived more than my parents thought I would regarding infidelity and it disconnected me from intimacy and trust all together at a young age. Now that I'm grown up though, I notice they sometimes slip into the victim blaming and slut shaming culture (i.e. posts about college girls that should have known bettter than to go out drinking with friends wearing that) and that's been a big issue of contention as well. I confronted my mom on one such post a few years ago- what I thought was respectfully, by asking how she would feel if it had been me. My sister blew up at me for confronting her publicly, proceeding to harass me about my chronic health issues and accuse me of lying to mooch off my parents, stating I shouldn't challenge her posts because I live with them rent free. I had to block her on every form of communication I had. We haven't talked since. Lots of trauma to unpack in that relationship too. She's always been a bit of a narcissistic psychopath that emotionally & physically tortured me growing up & all my parents would do is tell me to be the bigger person (if I were any 'bigger' growing up I would have started attracting satellites! ). At least they helped me get into learning. Family is so much fun, isn't it! But in the end, I do love my Mom & Dad. They did the best they could with what they had. Learning your parents are human is worse than the realization they were Santa...

[@breautyandgoodness4118]

THANKYOU SO MUCH for this video!!! All my life I heard this message and this set me up for horrible relationships and a miserable marriage that ended in disasterl 😥 More people need to take this issue more seriously.

[@peachledesma4790]

Back when I was 12, I was diagnosed with esophageal achalasia, an autoimmune disease that causes degeneration of nerves in my esophagus. As you may imagine, swallowing of any kind, be it food, drink, or even my own saliva, was difficult - an understatement. Before a piece was surgically removed, I was routinely in the hospital for IV hydration. I was in therapy at the time because the court suggested it whilst my parents were getting a divorce. This therapist told me she couldn’t understand why I was making such an ordeal out of my illness, all I had to do was put a hamburger in a blender and eat it that way. Two things here..if I can’t swallow spit, I doubt a liquid hamburger would go down that much easier. But besides that.. who in their right mind would suggest ANYBODY eat a liquid hamburger?! Disgusting, to say the least. Needless to say, my nana and mom found me a new therapist.

[@jessicacharlton7347]

Why would any therapist think it's okay to say this? What if you took this therapist seriously and actually tried to swallow a blended up hamburger? If I understand what your limitations were correctly, you could've choked or gotten bits of food stuck in your lungs and gotten really sick. I would think that it would be obvious to any therapist that they shouldn't be giving people medical advice of any kind.

[@asdfghjklmao]

I also have achalasia and I understand the craziness of a liquid hamburger going down

[@SingingSealRiana]

Wtf?!

[@ckee8437]

My ex-husbands therapist looked at me blankly like...and that's a problem? Well yeah, he is completely ignoring our sex life so... terrible therapist.

[@jujutsucryin3256]

I got out of my relationship in February of this year. It was the kind where he watched it a lot and I didn’t even think I wanted it to be a part of the relationship, so it was a conflict of values. He had told me that he needed more harder porn since the tolerance and basic shit wasn’t cutting it anymore and he was trying to get me back into it even when I had said I wasn’t interested and already had struggled with it in the past. I hadn’t watched it in years and didn’t have the desire to and since he managed to get me to watch some I now have to sometimes deal with the urge to again, knowing that it isn’t what I want for myself and my next relationship keeps me grounded.

[@bakekay21]

Dr. Andrew Huberman has great info on healing addiction. Re-setting dopaminergic baseline. Honestly, taking cold showers. The golden oldie.

[@atinyevil1383]

Not from a therapist, but from a health teacher with a doctorate: in my sophomore year of high school, we took a health class where the teacher told us that our lives could not be “whole” and we couldn’t be really healthy without religion. I think that would be interesting to hear your thoughts on. This teacher also taught us sex ed.

[@TheFranchiseCA]

I don't think a person can be emotionally healthy without looking for truth greater than themselves and then seeking to live by what they learn. That's not the quite the same thing as needing to be religious, though. Edit to add: even for many religious people, it's quite easy to accept a watered-down version, and turn a faith that should involve spiritual effort into being in a club that makes them inherently superior. But as a believer, I find it quite compelling that the "good Samaritan" is about seeing a heretic as a brother.

[@cynthiab3168]

Hope it's okay that I share some thoughts... I don't think "religion" necessarily... So many organized religions are corrupt and have done terrible things in the name of their beliefs. And if religion does it for you then that's great, but leave room for others, ya know? But for most people I do think it's important to believe in and feel connected to something bigger than yourself. Whether that's something like pagan gods or mother nature or science or the universe... I think it's too easy to find yourself lost or believe that things are meaningless when you yourself are the highest power there is. Most people need something outside of themselves to feel like they know what's what in this crazy world.

[@SingingSealRiana]

Life can not be fulfilling and whole without belief, that's true, but however that belief is or religious nature or not is an entirely different discussion

[@cssruth]

I'm a 35 yo woman and I recently got interested in "romance" novels. I previously always thought they were dumb and just porn in words with Fabio on the cove. however the ones I discovered first (the Brown sisters trilogy) are more modern and I actually found them refreshing. I mean the sex seans are sex seans but what I actually get out of them is empowerment. Different body types than the stereotypical Jessica rabbit, are looked at as desired, and actually not just body types and skin color and all the differences in apprentice, but in the third book there is a main character who is on the spectrum and in the first book the main character suffers from chronic pain. This particular series goes into mental health and healthy relationships and mutual respect and sexual restraint and working on your short comings as a human. I would actually very much like to have you both read them together and then discuss the relationships in them (feel free to skip the sex parts if you must although there is some interesting dynamics there as well) I'm unsure if they give some kind of unrealistic standards or if they are raising my standards to stop accepting being treated like my value is in how I confirm to whatever the men in my life think I should be.

[@lovinavargas-carriedo2698]

I was speaking with a therapist about my abusor, with the framed context of this man engaging historically in physically and mentally abusive behaviors, and the therapist says "maybe he was just worried/concerned/scared". Like are we here to talk about me and my processing the abuse I went through, or are we here to justify and speculate on the emotions of my abusor?

[@tinaperez7393]

Mended Light: maybe you already have a video on this (I haven't checked before writing this comment), but from seeing these videos and certainly the comments, it looks like a video on how to find a good therapist is needed here / seems to be a logical accompanying piece. Also that would be a good video to point people to at the end of these "sh#t therapists say" videos. In fact maybe another good idea would be to give a little blurb / review of some basic steps at the end of these videos about how to find a good therapist like: 1) point people to your video on how to find a good therapist (if you have that video or make one) and possibly look up other videos like that as well to find lists of criteria and processes to follow from blogs, websites, articles, etc. (that can be googled). 2) find a specialist in the area/s you're dealing with. 3) maybe delineate at the end of these videos the basic steps of the process of finding a good video. 4) link to that video in each of these video's details / description and comment section.

[@MendedLight]

Ask and you shall receive!

[@tinaperez7393]

@@MendedLight 🤗

[@zebracorne]

Oh gosh I realize how messed up my family and my exes' families are. My younger brother was "educated" with porn: my parents left porn openly around for him to "teach himself" and he started consuming this at age 6 or 7. I did not recieve this "education" myself because I was assigned female at birth, but I still got some shoved down my throat by my parents. My exes, too, were "educated" by their parents leaving porn VHS tapes openly around for them to watch and learn, as early as 7-8 years old. I know it was in order to "teach the kids" because the parents said so often during family meals. It took me until my 30s to learn what the difference is between rape and consensual sex. I'm in trauma therapy now. I'll let you guess why...

[@SingingSealRiana]

Wtf?!

[@lydia397]

I'm so sorry you had to experience all that 🙏

[@Jojo12336]

It would be really awesome if you guys talked about the stresses of being a caretaker. I'm relatively young. I've been a caretaker since I was 22 to my mom and sister. I'm 30 now. With all the food allergies and needs my mom/sister have it feels like I'm in a house made of peanut brittle and everyone's allergic to peanuts.

[@MendedLight]

Great episode idea! Will do.

[@ribbontank9704]

My partner and I are just now booking in for couples therapy after his continued porn use despite promises to me that he would not. We've been together 13 years and we've finally reached a breaking point where I'm not sure I can keep going. Each promise break may as well have been cheating. It's so damaging.

[@SohiTheTinyKittenHuman]

My brother a molestation and rape survivor was severely addicted to pornography. Your definition of addiction fits him perfectly he would do anything to get access to it. It was dangerous to him because it brought out parts of his childhood he had no memory of and was the trigger that caused him to go from thoughts of doing things to acting it out. He’s doing well now but with lots of support he’s in recovery. (He was 9 when his addiction started because our computer was infected from our mother looking at child pornography. ) we were both molested by my mother he was raped by her and I was raped by my brothers special Ed teacher. But in my case porn was just a trigger so I avoided it but became addicted to self harm. We’ve both been in recovery for about 5 years now (I’m 26 he’s 22)

[@glaciergirlv2265]

In the beginning of my mental health journey I was very suspicious and untrusting of therapists due to a negative experience with court mandated therapy when I was a child. However, I recognized that I needed help and decided to go to therapy, but I wanted my boyfriend at the time there with me in the room for reassurance. The first therapist I was given wanted to keep him out of the room (I understand now why that was necessary, but at the time I didn't understand.) I was not comfortable with this and even went into a full blown panic attack over it. She relented and let him stay in the room to help keep me calm, but the way she behaved towards him was cold to say the least. She pretended he wasn't there most of the time, and at one point as he was giving his input (as he often did, but that's another subject entirely) she told him to be quiet because the adults were talking. Each session I had with her I walked away more stressed out than when I came in, and usually in tears. I eventually fired her and switched to a therapist who still wanted him out of the room but at least treated him with a bit more respect until I was comfortable with him not being in the room with me.

[@bakekay21]

A lot of people confuse Shame & Guilt. Guilt is, I've done something that isn't benefitting me or is harming myself or others Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically, Socially, Financially or what have you & I want to do better, or I know I can do better or I do know better. Shame is, I'm bad, I'm unlovable, I'm Not worthy. Guilt brings Light to Darkenss. Guilit is Loving. Shame makes you want to hide. Shame is Darkness.

[@adinubila]

I have had several partners choose porn over sex/intimacy which has been a major issue

[@MendedLight]

I'm so sorry.

[@irishmarie9892]

Ex-husband was addicted to it. He was spending so much money on it, which I found out after seeing our ridiculously-high credit card balance. He was ****ing off so much to it that he was “too tired” to perform in our marriage. He became so addicted that one day he neglected our baby, not changing her diaper for 8 hours on his day off, while I was at work. Porn wasn’t enough at one point, so then he went to sites that were geared to married people who wanted affairs. That was the end for us and I filed for divorce.

[@theladyamalthea]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Even though you are out now, I’m sure that was immensely painful. 💜

[@malexandra2492]

I've left this comment on KZbin videos before (but not your channel), but it really bugged me, so I'm going to keep talking about it. I majored in psychology for a few years, and one teacher (also a practicing LMFT) said "There are some people-some disorders that are beyond help. They will always struggle and the best we can hope for is that they don't seriously harm themselves or other's. They can't be cured or even properly treated." Yes, these are nearly her exact words.

[@B1519-k4u]

I am no psychologist, but is this statement so wrong. I was in prison for 15 years and met people, who would kill their therapists they have known for years if they had the chance. They would rape them without thinking twice and I firmly believe the best we can do is prevent them from harming others for the rest of their lives. Also sorry for my english I am no native speaker

[@Royalgecko-zp8zd]

"the addiction is there because your trying to fill a void" ouch but noted

[@nodin86]

I once ended a friendship with a therapist friend when she shared information about a client who was a friend of my wife's (knowing that I knew them). It's something that plays on my mind now in my sessions. I've shared it with my therapist, but it sometimes feels like asking the shark if it's going to eat me. We have a pretty good relationship but occasionally I will think back to that moment and panic about all my openness being shared as flippantly. Was my friend just bad at her job? How do you deal with meeting clients in the wild or when clients enter your world through mutual friends?

[@alexiayearty8105]

So if humans can develop a dopamine tolerance, can they also develop a tolerance to serotonin? I ask because i notice those struggling with depression tend to default to dopamine as a replacement.

[@kenshinag]

Hmm maybe my comment got deleted. Posted something long but basically I have had an experience through a loving and supporting relationship that allowed me to turn my porn addiction into a healthy manageable connection between me and my wife. This takes a lot of open communication and a lot of support but it can work.

[@tracygaren1465]

How??

[@theelocutioner3355]

Just wow! I really gained a lot from this video, and I just wanted to say thank you. Especially the question im about to start asking myself, "is this who I want to be?" Thats a game changer.

[@TheFranchiseCA]

Very good to point out that pornography use skews male, but that neither use nor misuse is anything near exclusive.

[@michelottens6083]

Looking at the immaculate household in background, I've a video suggestion if you folk haven't addressed it yet: compulsive or anxious cleaning and homemaking, and those circumstances that might exacerbate it or turn it dangerous (like using one's home as a regular film set ; P). Maybe it's not a mental health thing; But I've always kind of suspected that it might be?

[@Classicsydzilla]

It is for me!!!

[@rachangel1951]

One counselor told me it’s was that I binge drink and fight w my boyfriend cuz she does it all the time. I only saw her once. Lol FTR, I don’t do that anymore. 🙂

[@abbyabroad]

Due to a Puritanical upbringing, I deeply mistrust people who are religious themselves not mentioning that context. Men I knew in the US who didn’t grow up religious had no such issues or hang ups. That said, I did date a few guys who actually got mad at me for not liking what they saw online 😂. Forgive me for being an individual with unique preferences, dude. That said, it has been especially interesting living in China. Porn is banned based in being a Western (& not just in this”evil Communist country” 🙃🙄 but is also banned in South Korea) influence, and MOST Chinese people don’t bother with a VPN, so they have neither the religious-induced shame nor the unhealthy fake visions of sex shown in porn. Women also are not as sexualized publicly as in the West. I gotta admit... dating a Chinese guy in this context was quite interesting. No religious-based shame. No fake standards you’re being compared to. Just intimacy based on individual connection. It was nice.

[@robinthorntonsingersongwriter]

Wait! Alicia tripped over the words "shame" and "guilt". Is the shame/guilt contraction SH@T?

[@boydstallings6004]

"Only a sith deals in absolutes"... is an absolute

[@rithvikmuthyalapati9754]

Yeah many parodies made fun of this

[@tinaperez7393]

(EDIT: OMG! I found the answer to this question - see below) Jonathan: in this and other videos, you have repeatedly said that connection is the answer to addiction. And I've heard this from many others - I don't watch much Russell Brand content (I find other channels more useful and with licensed expertise and not always wearing a low cut tee shirt! I mean why?! That tells me the guy's still got some issues he needs to work out.) 🤨😠 But of the little I've seen of his stuff even HE OFTEN repeats this as well - and whenever I hear it from anywhere I just always have more questions then that aren't answered with that simple statement - "the answer to addiction is connection" uh, how? Why? Okay, I'm not doubting that but what does that mean, how do you get it, and it's not the ONLY answer / solution to addiction - how about more "connection is a key part of addiction recovery" - because if connection were all that were needed, there wouldn't be rehab, 12 step programs, counseling programs, and master degree and certification requirements to become licensed counselors, etc, etc. So can you go into what that means / HOW that's done? How someone goes about solving addiction or addictive tendencies with "connection". It just sounds so vague and unactionable. I mean what do you do and how do you even do that - I mean it's not like "okay, I have this addiction I don't want so I'll just replace / switch it out for connection" - like it's just something you can pick up at the store or like substituting something unhealthy for something healthier like sugar for stevia, etc. I mean the concept sounds correct but how exactly do you do that? How do you solve addiction with "connection"? And even, how in your own experience, did you acquire connection and substitute / switch out your addiction for connection? I would very much like specifics here because it just sounds so vague and that's confusing. EDIT: for anyone still reading at this point I have my answer below. Mended Light: please take this as AND and not OR. I, and I assume many/most consumers of online therapy content, view the content of many sources. So please don't be offended by my mentioning other channels here - I mention and refer to content of yours on their sites too - so I think it's more of a virtuous circle / complementary type thing and not a competition at all. Also, different sources have different takes AND specialties so it only makes sense to use a bunch of resources. The important thing is that you guys, Mended Light are definitely one of my top and favorite therapy channels and I recommend your vids all the time - I have the young people in my life watch them - especially the ones on dating and relationships - I even bought them the "How to not fall in love with a jerk" book for Christmas! (BUT that's not ALL I gave them btw!) 😜 Okay: in addition to Mended Light, I also watch the content on the y t channel Put the Shovel Down - by the title you can probably tell its specialization is addiction therapy. It's put out by Amber Hollingsworth, a licensed master addiction counselor and I've found her content really useful. I just happened to be watching the following videos the other day on that channel and they explained in detail how and why connection IS the antidote to addiction and what that means, etc. Even though the topic is covered well in those videos, Mended Light could also go into more depth abiut that topic as well - as I'm always interested in hearing other sources' takes on a similar topic too. In these videos, Put the Shovel Down explains how "connection" provides us with the brain neurochemicals of serotonin and oxytocin. Oxytocin is the chemical that bonds us to our children, mates and loved ones, and from what I understand so far, serotonin is a chemical related to our sense of self worth and well being and value to our community, etc. (I'm a little fuzzy on serotonin's definition but the videos cover it better and there's lots of info online on that, how serotonin uptake inhibitors work in certain antidepressants, etc. etc.) Anyway, all addicts are apparently low in those brain chemicals and are constantly trying to get that or numb the absence of those chemicals through the substance or activity that they're addicted to. Oddly, it's the very thing they lack that can correct those neurochemical imbalances - self knowledge / understanding awareness / healing psychological wounds, deep connection / relationships with others where you feel know and understood and even liked and cared about and feeling that toward others, and serotonin comes from doing things that you're proud of - being responsible but not a doormat, engaging in self sustaining self care (not self indulgence) building and executing on skills that are valuable to others and yourself, doing the things that take of yourself and others, etc. So it's pretty ironic how addiction creates results that are the exact opposite of that, making everything even worse than before, etc. Huh! 😜😩😫 The specific videos I saw that covered this in depth are (I can't provide the links cuz y t doesn't always accept those in comments): Channel: Put the Shovel Down 1) Overcome Addiction By Addressing the Root Cause 2) Become the Best Version of Yourself 3) How to Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviors For Good!

[@Saalach-Spiele]

I don't think I get what you're suggesting. By "How" and "Why", you mean the biological mechanisms that cause connection being the antidote to addiction? In what way does it help you to know that? I agree that the statement "connection heals addiction" needs further explanation, and I do have "How" questions, too. My questions would just be more practical: How can I as a person reach out to someone struggling in order to provide the connection? Or how do I seek the connection while struggling with an addiction? Naming the substance my brain is lacking doesn't exactly solve the lack of these substances... Am I missing something?

[@samanthablackwood3360]

A women's FB group I'm in I tried talking about my spouses porn problem. I was talked to do badly I left. They said "ALL men do it." Only reason I cared was "I am too insecure." Plus they will do it wether or not they tell you 😒

[@ioannalab2361]

So nice video. Explains why alcohol etc are forbidden before 20. So important things. I definitely recommend it. Thanks❤️

[@kjk8941]

I was born and raised in Germany, with a mother of French ancestry. We talked openly about sexuality at home from a very early age. Later on, I was in a long-term relationship with an US American. In general, I found it strange that you didn't see nudity or hear certain words on TV in America during the day, but at the same time there was an incredible amount of raw violence. No wonder that young people turn to pornography to learn about sexuality and gain a false impression of what is "normal"

[@hello2you430]

I do worry about being judged by people i value. But i just like looking at women. I can't pluck out my eye, so I've accepted i can't go to heaven. I'm living for today, just don't think about tomorrow.

[@sigthom3711]

Great commentary!!! While I have you attention, can I request a review of mommie dearest? Also, I’m having a tough time with relationship anxiety. Can you make a video about this?

[@LaineyBug2020]

I skipped relationship anxiety and went to aversion. Good topic suggestions!

[@jhasselberger]

“It’s totally not about you, it’s about him”.

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

This is something I have to disagree on. Porn has statistically shown to cause harm to sexuality, development, and many other areas. It is evil. However, we all have done evil things, but we aren’t all evil. Just because we call our porn as evil doesn’t mean we are condemning people.

[@michajastrzebski4383]

id say it just shows men that its ok to have as high standards in regards to sex, as women have. IF you dont like his standards, you can always leave, instead of expecting him to change for you in exchange for...nothing?

[@officaldaelight]

there is porn that exists that is meant to comfort people especially people with anxieties, experiences of SA, and just overall tiredness in life. i want you to note a lot of studies have been done when porn was geared towards men, not women or lgbtqia+ people. there is indeed much better sources now. if you think people finding comfort with porn (especially ones where people are being guided, educated and comforted) is evil, i don't know what to tell you.

[@gman854]

that story about her 7 year old being shown that content by a similarly aged cousin is horrifying

[@edem828]

Great exploration of the subject. I find this all to be very true and accurate. Porn addiction's a b*tch

[@alyceecampbell9995]

A religious therapist told my X husband that he “should have never told me that he cheated. It was his burden to carry and by telling me he made it my burden.”

[@franziskani]

Well, that is a possible view. Although he could have framed it as a question. Versus the option that you prefered to know. Esther Perel had an interesting comment on cultural differences. In the U.S. Tell the truth. In other countries the "truth" is what ist good for the relationship. So people might not come clean and not feel compelled to tell. Of course an affair is always a wake-up call, and you would have missed out on the anger. If my partner had a one night stand and it was bad judgement and nothing they wanted to repeat - I do not need to know that. If it is something that is going on for longer I think it is necessary information.

[@franziskani]

The offender can wallow in terrible-me, it can be a kind of pride to tell the past offenses. And by telling it he asks for forgiveness and then he is done. - So maybe the therapist sensed sth of that with your husband, and dressed him down by telling him that. That he should have carried the weight alone - and of course he needed to improve the relationship.

[@DataPastor]

Such an awesome discussion. Thank you.

[@j.ronnygibson]

I think I approached about this topic is the openess to an I comfortable topic

[@nyxasphodeli9928]

Well, porn was actually good for me: it helped me overcome the shame I felt regarding the fantasies I had as a teenager and it made me grow up more inclined to speak up when talking about boundaries and consent. It literally made me able to take care of myself and my sex life. I've actually found difficoult having such kind of open and honest conversations with people who stigmatize porn. Addictions are terrible of course, but I'm afraid it could be harmful to speak about porn mainly as an addictive content, . This predominant point of view can bring shame to people and raise uneasy feelings about consuming porn and, doing so, this can open or push people along the way to addictive behaviours.

[@meb3369]

I'm sure there are healthier ways of overcoming emotional issues that don't involve the exploitation. Of women and girls.

[@abbyabroad]

Agreed.

[@ignacnovotny2808]

It helped me as well. I stopped turning red everytime someone mentioned sex.

[@officaldaelight]

@@meb3369 you do realize that there is porn available now that doesn't have exploitation. actually, there has been porn without exploitation for so long, people just think all porn is dirty. the porn industry is shit and very misogynistic, it's true. but if your only reason for not seeing porn as an okay way to explore one's self is a narrow view of what porn is, you have got to ask people for good sources. there is such a thing as comfort porn where porn and aftercare AND comfort are working together in tandem. don't believe me? just look.

[@einavnesher7423]

I don't know if it's a bad advice or not, but I had a therapist that told me I need to "Play a character" to deal with my social anxiety and my fear of talking to people. For the context, it was about four years ago, I was 13, and she gave me that specific advice because I told her that I take drama lessons. I would like to hear your opinion about this, cause I'm still very confused about the whole thing.

[@theladyamalthea]

I don’t have professional therapist advice, but my son actually used this idea to help himself feel more confident going into job interviews. We play D&D as a family rather than being in drama class, but the same idea of pretending you are someone with more confidence works whether it’s a game or a play or real life. I would be wary of becoming too reliant on that strategy, because it could lead to you altering your true personality to become what you perceive as “more likeable.” But if it’s used as a stepping stone to get started talking to people, and then you become more at ease through practice and positive experiences, that’s a win!

[@SingingSealRiana]

It's can be a good advise as long as you use it as a stepping stone and not use it to hide from people forever.

[@clubtepes2046]

A direct, real, quote from my friend's wife ".......Pornhub, saved our marriage.....". Yes, his wife.

[@thereseoreilly]

I totally understand why you love her. Amazing woman

[@GreyWolfASMR]

Ive shared a bit about my porn addiction before. Since i was about 13 I knew it was bad. Every time I tried to stop i got what called withdrawals. Many people have told me (including a few therapist) that I make that up. Withdrawals from porn or masturbation is not a real thing. I know it is real at least for me. I still have to try to quit on my own. I don't have a support system

[@rahasalarzaie9651]

Thank you so much for the enlightening us💜

[@seichysweetpie3781]

To be honest porn helped me discover myself and my sexuality. Not saying is all good cause I got addicted in the darkest chapter of my life but it also has helped me in the long run to have open conversations about kinks, fantasies, the porn industry etc. I'm nowadays in the kink community and I've realized this is an important part of myself that I have ignored for so long. The community is also full of amazing people (you have to be careful sure but the community is pretty welcoming and always eager to teach safe ways to enjoy kinks) And now I'd say I have a good relationship with porn, I don't "need" it anymore but I'll watch some from time to time if I feel like it.

[@nathanbowser8100]

I had a therapist tell me that leaving my religion would fix all my problems. Lol.

[@AcmeWingbaby]

As someone who, under 10, first stumbled on porn (which happened to also be uhh… violent and upsetting*) completely by accident… 20 years ago? Yeah, it’s not a question of if, but when.

[@gracefully_falling]

im defintly not using this to study for ap pysc. definitely not

[@walkingwith_dinosaurs]

Video: talking about addictions Also the video: like, subscribe, hit notification bell SO YOU NEVER MISS AN EP 😂😂😂

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

I'd rather be single and celibate than ever have to tolerate, accept or compromise on another's porn use again. I also am not interested in being told they don't watch and finding the strength to believe them only to find out that they do. Finding out thru the lies and deciet bc they really do. I don't give a damn about their shame. Not my problem. If you're going to lie to me, maybe you should feel shame. Don't agree to terms you can't live up to in the first place!! Too many men in my life have used porn in ways that seriously hurt me. While I don't think the porn itself hurt me, the male gender has and I'm over it. Thankfully my current partner of twenty years thinks porn is gross and horrible. He wants nada to do with it. Otherwise, I'd be on my own again, easily.

[@JEO2266]

I don’t expect to see a video in this because it was an 80s thing…. When I was in Catholic High School, the guidance counselor, an older nun, told every girl that came to see her that things would get better if she lost weight 🙄

[@wastobin7433]

You should try Don Jon the movie on the other channel. Its rather fitting to a lot of your video lately essentially on this channel

[@bluetaco2326]

That movie taught me nothing. All it did was show some guy beating off the whole time, while also having sex.

[@cherylpilkerton8144]

I therapist told my boyfriend that I should only be able to talk to him for 15 minutes At a time and then my time was up To talk

[@lizdestefano4905]

I grew up in a religious family and my Parents just wanted us to 1, wait til marriage for sex, because its special between a love between a man and women and don't get pregnant! But some of us didn't and they where disappointed but they forgave my siblings and understand we aren't perfect! But I never got the talk or any talk which at the time I was graye! I'm waiting til marriage because, 1 I'm emotionally stunted, paralyzed because im adopted and two I want to protect myself from disease, pregnancy and I just feel like waiting!

[@mesicvraku8200]

hah my therapist implied cheating is a norm and if i am struggling to grasp the fact that my mom cheated on my dad and later we found out my brother was not my dad´s means that I am being judgmental.

[@melinaouzouni6151]

So helpful ✨

[@wilwarin6017]

You talk about the possibilities of people dealing with Porn like there's only watching together or not watching it at all. what about everybody watching alone, but partners knowing about it and it just being not a big deal. how is it, that this has to be any bigger a deal, than watching a (non pornographic) film?

[@demeter7958]

What about ethical porn, where participants are enthusiastically consenting, it’s not misogynistic, it’s queer, etc. I don’t think it’s unhealthy even if it’s not “relationship based.” But it’s not free to watch. I’m on a limited income and can’t afford a subscription. It would interfere with my life because it would keep me out of my budget. Which is ironic. Also I don’t know if I agree with the definition of addiction said in this video that it’s something that interferes with your life. I have never been more than a two drinks a week social drinker. I stopped drinking for health reasons for two years. I’d started reintroducing alcohol and the other evening I had one pint of hard cider and it really affected me because my tolerance is so low. I ended up going home and sleeping it off. It interfered with my functioning and I am reconsidering whether I should drink because of my psychiatric medication and health issues. But it doesn’t mean I am addicted.

[@franziskani]

Interfering with the life _on a regular base._ Keeping your from meeting your obligations _constantly._

[@nikacomedawn]

D&D PLAYERS AREN'T ADDICTED TO DICE. I only have a dozen or so sets... it's under control... I CAN QUIT WHENEVER I WANT! NOT A DICE GOBLIN!

[@iwantsifegold]

So not going to the gym to watch porn would be an addition.

[@walkingwith_dinosaurs]

Alicia is gorgeous 😍

[@enigmanemo9352]

Orgasms create endorphins.

[@shanghaiallie]

I think there's an important distinction between porn and erotica. Porn is inherently degrading to women and perpetuates not very useful attitudes about sex when kids who've grown up watching it try to translate it into actual relationships. Erotica is something that people and couples can use to explore their sexuality and their boundaries. I think it's healthy to want to better understand what you find hot but 99.9999999% of what's out there is boring and dehumanising especially to women.

[@bakekay21]

An internet search for Erotica will give you harmful pornographic results, so... There really isn't an actual distinction in practical application.

[@ciszonek]

Best porn addiction movie is Don Jon. Great great great movie to dissect

[@naniandrea3344]

Does this apply to porn comics?

[@franziskani]

Porn usually means movies, which strongly engage the brain resp. overwhelm it. A comic may cause some arousal, but you still have to make something of the pictures. Same with reading erotica. It is more wholesome if the brain has to work a bit to be able to produce arousal. As opposed to: the trigger is strong and all is ready (no more room to invent detaials and to turn the inspiration into an image or a scene) and you just react. (and get used to it so the dosage has to be increased).

[@kimberlytousley3450]

❤️

[@bendadestroyer]

*Consenting adults can have degrading humiliating violent sex and still have a healthy respectful relationship.*

[@viktoriahavas8511]

Are you serious?! Porn can be good? This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen.

[@franziskani]

Yes, there are couples that occasionally watch porn together and it does not harm them / their relationship resp. may even inspire them. So it is used for instruction, to inspire communication and as a turn-on. And no negative impact. There is ethical porn btw. So people that do not adhere to religiously informed opinions that watching porn is sinful (lusting after someone that is not the partner) can benefit. This is how people may have used porn and erotic before the internet. People had tapes or magazines, it was not as addictive. Even the tapes: they were repetitive, and it was not that easy to get to new content, and the movies were not as extreme. Watching porn or erotica is an easy opening to discuss practices, tell the partner if sth is a turn-on (or turn-off), they get into the mood, it spices up things (if they do not use it too often). If one partner grew up in a sexually repressive family they may lose some shame around it. One commenter said watching porn helped him or her not to blush everytime sex is mentioned or a raunchy joke is told.

[@bendadestroyer]

You would be wise not to talk about moral right and wrong as black and white.

[@carolfigueirars]

I'm not in to watching porn but I think it's okay for everyone else to see it. I don't think it has to be a issue.

[@adinamanolache51]

Why do you think it is okay? And I really mean it as a question 😅

[@carolfigueirars]

@@adinamanolache51 It's a natural thing for most to be curious or to try to satisfy a need. As long as people in it are consenting adults it's okay by me.

[@Scratch273]

gg

[@sjjn590]

porn addiction is a ‘male’ issue because it abnormally affects men

[@kp-da]

Big nope. Research does not support "porn addiction". It's a morality issue. Find someone you're compatible with and for fcks sake stop shaming ppl.

[@kp-da]

Citing a study done by BYU 😂😂😂 love how you conveniently left that part out!! No, I don't think I will be taking them seriously. Fuck purity culture and fuck Mormonism, it's a cult.

[@kp-da]

Johnno 🫣 porn is not a gateway to CP what the actual fuck are you waffling about

[@Tamizushi]

I feel like porn would be a lot more wholesome if it didn't have this association with shame in our culture. And to be clear what I mean, even porn that contains humiliation kink stuff can be wholesome imho. The most toxic porn in my opinion is porn where the premise of the scenario isn't consensual, like for example porn where the character blackmail each other into having sex. On another hand, I have seen more and more example of porn where the porn actress is briefly interviewed before hand and where she is asked that she understands exactly what she's getting into, what are her limits and whatnot. "Hi, what's your name. -I'm Jessica Fuckmeorwhathever. -What are you here for? -I'm here to get bangbanged by 50 dudes." Something like that. I know it doesn't sound wholesome, but it actually is. Because the difference between healthy sex and unhealthy sex isn't how deprived it sounds like to an observer, but whether everyone involved is comfortable with what's going on.

[@mygoodeyeclosedCC]

I just fell in love with your wife. #dedicatedcontentcreators

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Porn isn't a male issue? You lost me. 🙄

[@ca7842]

Why?

[@michajastrzebski4383]

funny how for women, porn is "empowering her to her needs" etc, and for men its "being deterimental to relationships"...or maybe, if those men's female partners were good enough, men would not need/want that porn to begin with? Or are standards, nowadays, only for women to have?

[@hf3023]

Did you miss the part like 2 mins in when his wife said we shouldn't put it all on men, that's sexist and doesn't help because there are alot of women who struggle with porn addiction too? Obviously people hold that view but it wasn't expressed in this video, what's the point in pitting the genders against each other when they are acknowledging both struggle with it?

[@hf3023]

You really believe any person who turns to porn means their partner wasn't doing well enough in the bedroom? Pretty black and white thinking there dude

[@uglybic]

if porn was empowering for woman, men would hate it.