Am I autistic?!⎥Finding myself on the spectrum at 32yo⎥Adult ASD evaluation process

Hi everyone! In this video, I discuss why I believe that I am autistic, how I found my way here, and my plans for receiving an adult ASD evaluation. I've know my entire life that I was different but for the first time ever, I'm beginning to understand why.

[@neurodivergentme]

This is one of the questionnaires mentioned 😘 psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

[@catherinedesrochers]

Here is another one with plenty of screening tools and analysis on each of them. It is maintained by a big team of diagnosed autistic people of all ages: embraceasd.com/

[@catherinedesrochers]

Also, Thank for the link and the GREAT video 🙏 Ps: I am curious about the Reddit channel as well...

[@catherinedesrochers]

Repost of an additional link I deleted by accident (I think): www.aspietests.org A website I personally enjoy so far as you can connect and do the test multiple time within a month. It is great as fatigue mood and fatigue can have an impact on the result (in my case). They also have these graphics that see where you are compared to diagnosed people on the spectrum, people who think they are and people who are not (with thousands of results on the record)

[@RainbowCurveCostuming]

Intense research mode brought me here who is with me ✋🏻

[@OneUnderground]

Thank you 🥺 I am 32 and just realized myself that I may be on the spectrum. I've had sensory processing sensitivity, anxiety, and depression since I was a kid. I felt exactly as you did with finding out. It was bittersweet. Been unpacking the trauma but also recognizing I can finally give myself acceptance and compassion. Thank you for sharing your truth. 💓

[@hannahalley380]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too have always felt "different" and never felt like I belonged anywhere. I have watched other autistic youtubers and while aspects of their stories resonated, none did as strongly or completely as yours does with me. You've helped make me feel a little less alone. Thank you

[@neurodivergentme]

I'm so glad that you're able to resonate so much with my story. Welcome to the tribe! 💕🌻

[@hopej9647]

I always felt different as well. And would change my appearance often to try to fit in. One day be goth, then grunge, the next hippie, and so on …. Still not sure who I really am at 37

[@danielle8219]

@@neurodivergentme ooo I

[@CestLeVie33]

So glad I found your videos! 32 year old self-diagnosed women here who is also subscribed to the autism and adhd Reddits...I can’t tell which one I relate to more ❤️

[@8-neoria-8]

Hello I'm French and I struggle to find valuable contents in my country... Everything you say is... wow... can't find the right words! It's so me! I'm 44 and waiting for a diag (18 months min. to get an appointment in a lot of regions in France) Merci so much 😉

[@neurodivergentme]

Hello! I'm so glad that you found my video helpful and relatable. I wish you well on your journey to receiving a diagnosis 💕🌻

[@mamataabdou5271]

I 100 % resonate with EVERYTHING you said in this video. I’ve never felt so validated by someone else’s experience it’s surreal almost spiritual. Thank you for putting this out there. I appreciate your existence ❤️

[@neurodivergentme]

Your comment is actually everything and made my day! Thank you for YOUR existence! 💕

[@ro8128]

years ago I tried telling my dad that I suspected I was autistic. he told me I couldn't possible be because I wasn't anything like Sheldon Cooper. his character has done a lot of damage and it has contributed to this idea of what autism allegedly looks like, and what's worse: it's never confirmed in the show whether he is autistic at all.

[@jordanv9609]

I’ve bagged on myself for 38 years. I feel your pain. The self hate/criticism is real!!!

[@louiseanne830]

Hey thank you so much for sharing. I am 31 and have just had an ASD assessment awaiting the answer. Share a lot of thoughts with you. I have suffered a lot of intense self hatred too (and anxiety and depression). Could you share a bit more about this experience? I wonder if it is common with other female autistics. I feel it's because I betray myself constantly by doing what society wants me to do (knowing the ostracization women face versus men for not being agreeable, smiley, complaint etc) versus what I would do it I didn't have that i.e. acting how I want which others would find "strange". Creates such an internal conflict. Anyway thank you for your channel!! If you ever did a video exploring your mh side this would be much appreciated x

[@redpalex]

I feel exactly the same

[@jmaessen3531]

Thank you, this really resonates. I see lots of similarities in our experiences.

[@irisl7817]

I'm so glad one of your videos was in my recommended videos. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD last month, which I've suspected for a very long time. I'm in my 30s also. But, I don't think this is the whole story of my neurodivegent brain. At my ADHD assessment, near the end of the appointment, I mentioned to the psychologist about the possibility that I was on the spectrum, and he spent the rest of the time chuckling at every thing that I said after that point. I'm not sure if it was his own nervous tick or if he was laughing at me??? I've been researching this for a long time (a year and a half) it was belittling. Now I have no idea what to do, and I feel so discouraged. It's so hard to figure out how to ask for help in the first place. I always wonder how other (NT) people can "adult" so much better than me.

[@alissaride117]

I encourage you to do your research and go in for an assessment if you can. And even if it turns out you don't have ASD, they can provide you other suggestions and diagnoses regarding what's going on

[@irisl7817]

@@alissaride117 I did say that I had been researching ASD for a year and a half. And, the psychologist I had spoken with wouldn't entertain the idea of me having ASD long enough for me to even ask about being assessed for it. What more would you suggest?

[@alissaride117]

@@irisl7817 Maybe speak to another psychologist? Unfortunately a lot of psychologists are only trained to look for stereotypical traits of autism such as lack of eye contact, lack of social reciprocity, and repetitive movements. I would try finding one who has experience working with adults and women with ASD and knows that autism can present itself in many different ways. best of luck to you

[@onepetalleft]

I am really grateful that you made this video when you were at this stage of your journey - when you strongly suspected you were autistic. I've seen many of your later videos, post-diagnosis, so I know how this turned out for you. But right now, I'm in exactly the same phase of my own journey as you were in this video, and it is incredibly helpful and validating to hear you voice all the same things I'm feeling right now.

[@jennifergauthier3282]

Hugs to you xxoo I'm right there with you, I was diagnosed with ADHD last year at 50!!?? I'm working on getting an autism diagnosis. I can totally relate to the desire to have a diagnosis, even if well-meaning therapists, doctors, OTs etc. keep trying to get you to accept that self-diagnosis is valid enough... I need confirmation. I totally get it.

[@neurodivergentme]

Thank you! 🌻

[@syleenadawn2038]

This is tripping me right out! Your story, this video..... Is EXACTLY how my journey has gone. With the addition of researching for my Daughter as well! When I did those same Questionnaires and also had results in the High end of "Females Clinically Diagnosed with ASD". This is when I went all in with research.... And your channel is now part of that research!! LOL I'm on Month 2 currently... I felt, every single thing about this video. And my daughter is currently set to be assessed by a Psychologist who is well known to be able to see the "Hard to Spot" autistic people out there, and specifically girls and women. I will be there doing the majority of the assessment on her behalf, but she will be present and doing her own child portion. I am hoping he will be able to help me pursue an Assessment for myself, as it's very difficult to get one as an adult here - our medical system is very stereotypically biased. Thank you so so so much for this! Edit to add, I am 33 now and was diagnosed ADHD at 32!

[@neurodivergentme]

I'm so glad that you have been able to relate to my experience so deeply. I make these videos because when I was in that phase of my process, the videos that made the biggest impact came from other women on the spectrum and I felt compelled to contribute. I hope that you and your daughter have a positive assessment experience and that you leave feeling seen. 🌷

[@jesusgf1195]

I just came from Reddit and this is too relatable. I ended up feeling too relieved. Hearing these specific words made me trust my own story and proccess because it's way too similar.

[@neurodivergentme]

Many undiagnosed individuals go their entire life being gaslit to a certain extent with words like, "stop being so sensitive, it's not a big deal" "suck it up, everyone has to do things they don't want to" "you're just lazy and need to try harder". These words can lead to no longer trusting your own experience because of what other people have said to us. I'm not sure if you've experienced that like I have but your story is valid, your experience in life is valid, you are valid and worthy of your own trust. I'm really glad that you're here and that my story resonates with you.

[@monsevelasquez2572]

Thank you for sharing this, I experienced this a few months ago and Im in my own research. Now I have more evidence that this is true. ❤️

[@melissa23347]

Thank you for this! I am anxiously awaiting my results and should get them this week. Definitely freaking out. I hope I get the validation I need but I feel like I am on the spectrum no matter what the doctor says.

[@veronicacardoso3569]

I got diagnosed @ 42 for ADHD … this May 2021 I feel just like you … if I would have known as a child , my life would have been easier , happier, I worked 3 times more than a person that don’t have ADHD ! Overwhelming , my brain don’t rest ,my body don’t either … ugh 😣.. my social life .. .. I lost my sister because of it … I would get crackly I guess I couldn’t help it .. I didn’t know I treated people kind of mean … but now I know I’ve been working on it .. I asked my sister to forgive me if I was ever mean to her! Really this happened when I was a child that maybe she thought I was a mean sister .. not as an adult . Siblings do fight and argue !!!

[@anjachan]

tv shows most time show only extreme types of disabilities etc ... the same with my physical disability. People mostly think of people in a wheelchair. But that's not me as well.

[@einas1995]

You're too strong and brave! I can relate to your story a lot... thank you for sharing 🤍

[@alissaride117]

My ADHD diagnosis left me with a lot of questions too. I still felt like there was something missing, and I know people experience ADHD, ASD, any mental health condition or disability differently but I noticed how others with ADHD had no issues making friends and not getting tired and burnt out super quickly and having so many sensory issues and well as motor skill issues. I just went to a neuropsych evaluation and I'm hoping that I can get more answers from it

[@maaretk1917]

This hitting to me so much.I´m on path to getting my Asperger/Autistic diagnose now almost last two years. When this started (when finally I did gather all my courage to go to talk my gp) I was thinking I'm more ADD but first assessments showed more traits towards Asperger, which surprised me. And I was thinking nope, I´m not more asperger as my male relative have this too and he is so different to me. I then went same all in research mode next 6 months. I crap and collect anything I found out about female asperger and traits in Autism in english. My own country/language have 0 publish information in this area. Yes, there are materials for the child especially towards boys, some girls and how to coping as parenting but adult and female not so ever. I then had to stop as it went too overwhelmed to processes all these heureka moments, which sound like popping candy in my head non stop. But it was so bizarre at the beginning. I felt like strangers had secretly observed me and talking publicly my personal stuff, which I didn't even know to doing it or I was thinking that I have only these problems in my life.

[@neurodivergentme]

That does sound exhausting and overwhelming. I'm glad that you have been able to understand yourself better though. I felt the same way about having a secret observer! 😂

[@talitaza8862]

❤ Thank you, brave Cathlina.

[@VeeJayASMR]

Good for you that your realization brought you closer to self-love. It brought me so much self-hate...

[@neurodivergentme]

I'm sorry that you were feeling so much self hatred but I also understand it. I felt freed from the self hatred I had because I was finally able to see that I was trying to fit into a mold that wasn't designed for me. My self hatred stemmed from constant failure despite how hard I was trying... it ate away at me and left me hopeless. Once I saw the truth, I realized that my entire life I was only trying to be a different person to make other people comfortable and dim my own light to avoid sticking out. I'm not here for others... I'm here for myself. Once I accepted that as truth, loving myself became significantly easier. 🌷

[@VeeJayASMR]

@@neurodivergentme Thanks for replying. I see your perspective. I feel like I have always been my authentic self, but that also comes with failures, misunderstandings and issues in a neurotypical world. It's hard accepting myself when others don't. Actually, I have a much easier time loving myself when I'm all alone. Or being around others that truly understand or accept, of course, but that doesn't happen often.

[@miriamO212]

I'm having a bit of a hard time. I went to an autism specialist very recently and was told I didn't score high enough to be considered autistic. I'm in my late 30s, btw. I've wondered for some time now if I have ADHD & ASD because much of what I've researched (and I've researched A LOT) points in that direction. But after my assessment, I don't know what to think ☹

[@redpalex]

It's possible that some of the adhd traits are hiding the autistic traits, look into that

[@Sternensaatenlesungen]

Your videos are GOLD!!! so helpful and validating. I know you uploaded this video a while ago, but do you have the links to those questionnaires you talked about? I suspect I might be autistic, but I still have soooo many doubts, feeling like I'm not autistic enough if I can't relate to every. Single. Point. In. Every. Single. Video. So, maybe these questionnaires could help me figure this (myself) out ...

[@AG-cf4wn]

I just took the test you mentioned and came up with "some autistic traits." I feel like any test I take that is meant to test for autism, my results are usually borderline or in the middle....frustrating lol.

[@Moana_moo]

I got adhd and i took the aspie test and in terms of social skills and obsessive interests i scored the same as someone on the spectrum but when it comes to sensory issues and language i scored a bit higher than NT but not quite ASD. I often wondered if i’m not on the spectrum due to lack of social awarness ever since i was little and obsessions on certain topics but except for large crowds where i zone out i don’t have sensory issues and i don’t care about routines or doing things a certain way as long as it’s done fast and well. And i often need to change the way i do things otherwise i might quit doing them and many times i come up with change impulsively. Not to mention unlike confirmed Aspies i suck with details and i’m not the most observat person in fact i’m pretty absent minded and whenever i misinterpret something is because i wasn’t reading the details and just jumping to a conclusion before the other person finishes what they say. Should i get an official evaluation for asd or not?

[@gamerchristina1079]

THANK YOU!! 👍👍❤️❤️‼️

[@25Nikolina]

I really need to get diagnosed. But I'm so scared to go see a therapist, idk why. Maybe I don't want to open up and get let down once again. idk but I really need it...

[@JessnHeather]

Thank you for this video. My daughter is being evaluated for SPD and on the autism evaluation waitlist. She is 4. I was shocked because she is eerily similar to me and it didn’t make sense... until I started researching how it appears in females. It felt very overwhelming seeing and reading about others experiences and resonating with them. Do you have the link to the questionnaires you filled out?

[@neurodivergentme]

Many women who are diagnosed later in life typically comes after their child is diagnosed. I completely understand the overwhelm you're feeling and felt the same way when I first started my journey. There are a few good questionnaires out there but I will link the one that my psychologist had me take during my assessment. 💕 psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

[@Catlily5]

Just realize that test is somewhat biased towards more stereotypical male Autism presentation.

[@JessnHeather]

@@Catlily5 yes. I was actually diagnosed formally along with pretty severe ADHD and ocd. 🤷🏻‍♀️still waiting for my Magnolia’s testing as she was diagnosed with PANDAS and there is overlap so we are managing that first to see what symptoms still remain. She is already in OT and such so the diagnosis wouldn’t change our action plan currently.

[@Catlily5]

@@JessnHeather I am formally diagnosed with Autism and ADHD also but sometimes my score is borderline on that test. It depends when I take it. I am glad you have a diagnosis and your daughter is getting treatment.

[@jencykman]

When did you take the tests? How long ago? And welcome to a whole new world of self-understanding.

[@neurodivergentme]

Thank you! I took the online questionnaires mentioned in the video in May of last year. I went through the full assessment with a psychologist in November.

[@cometthestar6575]

This hit me like a truck, does anyone have the links to the questionnaires?

[@neurodivergentme]

I'll pin one in the comments 🌻

[@jennifernybergpixie7958]

That's how I feel

[@lugaruna]

Sorry if i already wrote this story on one of your video's i just don't know sometimes where i have written it and where notXD. So i got diagnosed with adhd last septemeber and they also wanted to test me for autism because the person testing me suspected someghing. Unfortunatly nothing or not enough data came out of the test's. I have been almost bing researching autism on female's since thenXD. From audio books to youtube video's and ted talks:p. I have always wanted to know if there where books on how to do life or be a human. How to have and what a relationship is even... I just didn't know and some things i still don't know. So im 28 yo female i still live with my parent's, i don't have a steady job yet and i don't have a drivers license yet:/. Lately i have been feeling like a failure at life or being an adult. Im learning not to doubt myself so much and that im not the only one of my age struggling with these things but yea it still suck's:p. I would one day maybe like to have a child with my fiance but at this point im not sure if i ever could. With all my issues and sensory overload's. Right now ik searching for a good place in the netherlands that can test for autism in females and also test for trauma's because jeey bullies and stuff:p. I hope you get where you need to be and get the help you need:). Good luck on your journey:).

[@CatholicOnTheSpectrum]

This is similar to my story and helped me on my journey.

[@hopej9647]

I just scored a 38 on the test.

[@hopej9647]

I commented on another one of your videos this same question, but I can not remember which one, so I’m not sure if I’ll ever see your reply , But…. What are the benefits of getting tested as an adult? I struggle so much at work, With anxiety and other things that make it difficult to get through the day. Are there any benefits to getting diagnosed that can help with work ? I come home often way to exhausted to deal with task at home

[@neurodivergentme]

I replied on your original comment 🥰

[@hopej9647]

Which video was it on ?? lol

[@BenKlassen1]

Sorry for the vaccine injuries you've sustained to your nervous system.

[@anjachan]

that's a big lie, still in the media ... oh my gosh.