an absolute toxic mess || r/AITA

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[@anime17love]

The big thing with compliments is "Compliment the choices someone actively made in their appearance, not something they can't control."

[@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195]

yes i agree with SO MUCH style is something i choose. if someone perceives me as pretty/gorgeous that’s totally subjective and on them, nothing i can choose

[@hallway_revenant7919]

I literally just do not care what people think of me I will do/say anything that sacrifices my dignity if I get something out of it

[@anime17love]

@@hallway_revenant7919 Okay? This isn't about you or what people think of you, it's about not making someone uncomfortable (or even frightened) because you decided your wants are more important than a person feeling comfortable and safe.

[@gliscorpropagandaaccount1764]

@@Patriquekarat yeah but telepathy fallacy. You can't know what somebody feels about that sort of thing and complimenting something they can't really control can get incredibly uncomfortable fast

[@yourlocalgremlin2152]

@@gliscorpropagandaaccount1764 I mean, sure, but that can go for other compliments too. I complimented someone's earrings once and they told me they were replacements for an earring they lost that they liked more and these ones kinda sucked. You can't know for sure how anything will affect anyone. If you think there's a reasonable chance that someone will appreciate the compliment in the context/with the phrasing, then there's nothing wrong with saying it. If you end up making the person uncomfortable, then stop. The reason it was uncomfortable for the first person was because of the age gap and the work environment. That's something that the guy might've been able to predict from the start if he thought harder about it. In that context, it would've been better for him to compliment the outfit, yes, but in other contexts there could be nothing wrong with it (friends or loved ones worrying about their appearance, age-appropriate flirting in a setting where that's acceptable such as a date, etc). (Note: I'm not trying to come off as rude or anything, I know tone of suggestions over text can come off more negative than I predict sometimes. I think you make a good point and, if someone is having trouble determining if their compliment will come off poorly, they probably should follow your advice, but I think there's still at least a handful of situations where it's acceptable)

[@ratboy2]

anyone who wants to “teach their partner a lesson” gives me huge manipulator vibes. ick, dude. she’s your wife, not your kid. bad communication

[@StoutCorvus]

"I won't get paid this week because you didn't iron my shirt and I couldn't go into work. Now we can't bring the kids out to dinner this week, I hope you're happy." Is an imagined conversation I bet he'd say. What a loser haha.

[@womp_wompwomp]

teaching a partner a lesson can either be a sexual thing or a manipulator thing, in this case it was defo a manipulator thing

[@ratboy2]

@@StoutCorvus lmao yeah 💀

[@ratboy2]

@@womp_wompwomp yyyep 😂

[@adamfaulkner-stanheight6628]

If you react to such a degree to your child forgetting something, you're also doing something wrong, but I get what you're trying to say.

[@SandvichMuncher]

I've dated a few people in the military. If they wanted their uniforms ironed because that was important, they knew how to iron. Any branch would symbolically light this dude up for trying to put the blame on his wife. The uniform is the wearer's responsibility and the military drills that into you. The "my wife didn't iron my uniform" won't excuse anything for the big boys. Girl LEAVE

[@hawkeyescoffee6399]

Absolutely my thoughts too. My dad (born in the 40s) was army, though he left before I was born. He _always_ did his own ironing (and some of ours too because he was the best at it, especially trousers for best, he always got the perfect pleats & crease lol), he did a lot of other things around the house too, even during the time my mum was a sahm he always took turns cooking, washing dishes, looking after us...they did everything 50/50, he even taught my brothers how to knit & sew. And myself & my older brother's learnt important lessons early in life about "gender roles" in a marriage being bullshit and that equal was always best. Just he way the woman talked about her husband's attitude and how they were "her chores" etc, sent huge red flags. He treats her more like a maid than a wife. What an utterly manipulative and childish thing he did, all over a uniform not being ironed in the one hour time he needed it by. He's not just the asshole, he's the "leave as soon as you can because he'll only get worse & more controlling from here" and god knows how he'll be interacting with the kids too.

[@sarahnelson8836]

Yeah the military is big on self sufficiency, which is one reason getting veterans the help they need can be tough, but it absolutely is necessary for military folks to be able to get themselves in a position to do their work (I mean for most people this is important but in the military it can be life or death) If they teach you how to fall asleep (they do) they teach you how to iron, cook basic food etc. I mean it might not be artistic or a large variety but it will be possible

[@xxassasinxx4253]

Notice how she doesn't respond? This is exactly what they do. She takes 0 accountability. Anybody that calls her out on her toxic agenda is toxic lmao. She'll ignore facts and call you a racist sexist misogynistic homophobic toxic man. And there's actually people that listen to this shit and believe it.

[@sarahnelson8836]

@@xxassasinxx4253 who are you even talking about? We are saying people in the military are likely taught how to iron, that’s easy enough to prove wtf 😳

[@mariposakitten]

Co-fucking-signed. Your uniform is YOUR responsibility, especially if it needs to be ironed a certain way. That's not a job to give to someone else!

[@infinitivez]

Drove me crazy when customers would hit on me. Some of them would be so avert and when I would tell them, "I'm gay", they'd get super offended. One even demanded my manager and tried to get me fired for being GAY. Screaming that they had the devil working for them. Lady, 2 seconds ago you were trying to lick my face!

[@twiggledowntown3564]

What the heck! I've never even heard of customers acting like that.

[@iclynnx]

I empathize with you. Being called a devil and crap is no fun. I have experience with that, but in my case it was for having a mental breakdown as a child. My dad didn't understand it and said something about being possessed by demons. So, what I'm saying is, I really hope you're doing okay now.

[@aquaplush7531]

I’m sorry, I couldn’t imagine how terrible and uncomfortable that was, but fuck that is a funny image. “How DARE you be gay! You need to be with ME!”

[@Li8aGun92]

That's terrible.

[@LilChuunosuke]

I told this 50 year old man who was flirting with me (when I was 21) that I had a girlfriend and his response was literally "okay, but when do you get out of work? I'd love to take you out"

[@akuma4321]

i like to compliment cashiers because it helps me feel a little less awkward. but i never, _never_ say "you know you're gorgeous, right?". that just feels so creepy. if you want to compliment someone, say you, idk, like their earrings or something. that just _feels_ like flirting.

[@hanamachii_]

yeah this makes sense to me. As long as it's not flirty sounding and you don't demand interaction back in a certain way. If you wanna pay a compliment, it needs to be able to stand on its own.

[@rutiacotheyuty3045]

🆘️ sus emoji

[@sophiathefurbst]

@@rutiacotheyuty3045 ??

[@sophiathefurbst]

@@rutiacotheyuty3045 ??

[@foodisscarce]

@@rutiacotheyuty3045 ??

[@The_derpy_duck__J.E.C]

Unless the wife put her pad anywhere but the trash can then YTA. Like wtf was she supposed to do? Carry it around in her hand all day? Also throwing it outside would of been disgusting. Like it’s littering in the worst way possible

[@hawkeyescoffee6399]

Right? How gross would that have been?! Ugh! Where I live jn a block of flats/apartments, we've had people throwing used disposable nappies/daipers (folded up, but doesn't make it less gross) over the fence into our shared garbage can/bin store. And that's disgusting, I can't imagine if you walked out into the garden and saw a dirty pad there...or worse, someone's cat/dog finds it & brings it home. I actually can't believe the husband siding with his brother about her putting something in the trash. It's not like she took a dump in it. Also, I imagine, like most women, she would have wrapped it. Which makes me think BiL likely unwrapped it being nosy as to what it was.

[@julietfischer5056]

@@hawkeyescoffee6399- And why unwrap it? It's obviously trash. What was BiL expecting to find?

[@hawkeyescoffee6399]

@@julietfischer5056 exactly...he was being a nosy b* looking for something to complain about. It's like he's a male Karen looking for a reason to be offended so he can call for the manage rHe has issues, that's for sure. He's acting like she brought it out and slapped it down on the divide g table for all to see. Idk anyone who would look in their trash and go "huh, what's that?" And unwrap it to see. It's in the trash for a reason!

[@The_derpy_duck__J.E.C]

@@julietfischer5056 the way the trash can was described makes me think that it would take him more effort to go through it (I think they said it was one where you put your foot on a platform thing and the lids will open) so like W H Y? Why would you even go through your trash can that’s in the bathroom? It’s understandable if she would of left her pad literally anywhere else but it’s in the proper place!

[@spOOkytimes]

he would probably cry sh*t and piss if she threw it in the kitchen trash. also bathroom trash cans are vile by nature. used pads and tampons are tame relative to what goes in there. It would be a little rude if she didn't wrap it up because they can smell and some people are squeamish to blood but he acted like she trashed the bathroom.

[@StoutCorvus]

To the first story, A) not safe to assume that someone with a tattoo got it legally and is over 18, as plenty of people can have friends do it or lie etc and B) he says he "wasn't flirting" but if she had responded differently and more positive, he would have said he was lol.

[@lindenm.9149]

Never heard someone say “Have you ever been on a boat before? I have boats.” As a non flirtatious statement. It’s implying an invitation “well if you haven’t I can take you out sometime”. I doubt this man would have said “Oh you’ve never been? Alright anyways bye”

[@StoutCorvus]

@@lindenm.9149 Fantastic point. My uncle is 68 years old and has a boat. If he were to bring it up in conversation with servers etc, it'd be more natural like, "It's a nice day, I'm excited to go out on my boat, hope your day is nice", not what that guy said.

[@kimuires]

If he wasn’t flirting why did he make it a point that she was “probably” 18? If it was just a compliment then her age shouldn’t matter. He *knows* what he did, he just wanted to be validated for his behavior.

[@aquaplush7531]

Saying that somebody looks nice would be fine, but specifically the word “gorgeous”… Yeah, even as a guy that would be incredibly uncomfortable. Gorgeous sounds more… Flirtatious, for lack of a better word.

[@babyfaceweeb8937]

@@lindenm.9149 I mean.. Unless they were trying to sell them a boat. But I don't think cashiers are the right target for boat sells.

[@ChloePotaters]

The pad thing reminds me of my boyfriend sending me a picture of blood in the toilet the other day and getting all pissed about it. What happened was my roommate forgot to flush the toilet which isn’t a common occurrence and yeah, that’s gross, but not a big deal right? What made this even more annoying for me is that he went on and on about how foul and disgusting it was, when HE, up until recently has almost never flushed his piss down the toilet. I don’t know how he didn’t immediately see the hypocrisy in this. Just makes me feel like he thinks a woman’s natural body functions are disgusting and need to be hidden more so than a man’s.

[@peniscapture068]

Like that story was awful

[@Envy_May]

he never what

[@sista363]

Hope he's your ex now lol

[@uwuuwu8486]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 if he cant handle some period blood then he dont deserve a girlfriend

[@tygr3eyz]

A lot of guys are raised to think a certain way (we live in a society😔) and may not even be conscious of how rude what they’re saying is. My advice is talk to him about how you feel about his comments and hypocrisy, and then go from his reaction. Hope it all goes well!

[@arvayahrozier4402]

On the topic of the pad in the bathroom story: That man's brother getting mad that his sister - in - law disposed of a pad in the bin in his bathroom is like him getting mad that she used toilet paper to wipe after she was done on the toilet, he's being ridicuous. And if it really made him that uncomfortable then he could have just, I don't know, ✨changed the trash bag✨

[@meghannpalmer7417]

That one actually made me furious. Like what the heck? It’s not like she left it on the floor. She put it in the garbage can and I suspect she probably rolled it up like most do. The men in that situation are all immature in my opinion

[@arvayahrozier4402]

@@meghannpalmer7417 IKR! They both come off as the type of man that thinks women shouldn't fart because "farting is gross and women shouldn't be gross"

[@fallenking578]

What I want to know is why was he looking in the trashcan to begin with? Did he go and dig it out to confirm it was a pad? That's creepy and gross

[@timenotime]

it screams "i don't know how periods work and assume women can stop them on command"

[@jordanrayne3585]

Honestly I've been so scared about using the bathroom or going to someone's place for too long while on my period because I'm so scared of the idea of having to change my pad and leave it in their trash. I know it's not right and I shouldn't feel shame over it but it's always been made to be this disgusting horrible thing and I struggle with it

[@mizixy9624]

One thing that’s always irritated me is how old men are often given a pass on sexual harassment. I’ve known two older men who either would make comments that were inappropriate for the setting - like to an employee while they were working - and another who would insist on “sugar” from any woman he met. Whenever I said anything about it in both situations it was always excused away due to their age, growing up in a “different time” and they’re just “being nice”.

[@toering1998]

Yup, I’ve experienced the same. 😐 Like bruh it’s not nice, it’s creepy. ESPECIALLY if I’ve expressed before that sort of behavior makes me uncomfortable and they still do it? Extra creepy and gross.

[@bellablue5285]

Oh yeah, I was always told to give the 50+ crowd a pass when they made comments or got handsy when I was a *teenager*. Also had to ignore an older dude who always had to have a hand on me when he'd talk to me because he was a customer (I got pretty good at avoiding him at work, but sometimes it was inevitable). Conversely, my little brother had older women always go after him, so I have to admit it's not just older men. I don't understand why older people can be creeps with impunity, it's frustrating

[@noaccount2494]

"Your/their age doesn't give them a passport across my boundaries." is a thing I would like to say to ppl that do or let this happen

[@bruna7534]

I had a boss who was exactly like this. He was almost 70 and I was 20. He was so touchy, always trying to make up any excuse for conversations (that was always about his relationship history or about how his ex wife and other thirsty women always throwing themselves onto his lap are nasty while he was such an amazing guy who couldn't help but attract the opposite sex and had to criteriously pinch pick the best women), always trying to invite me for a coffee or dinners... It was so uncomfortable, but everyone around me though it was cute, that he was just being nice and affectionate while I was a bitch for complaining

[@julietfischer5056]

They didn't awaken from a coma: they were presumably awake and aware all those decades. While they may have grown up in a different time, that does not excuse their refusal to adapt to social changes. I won't expect someone my age or older (I'm in my sixties) to be as socially conscious as younger people, but there is a big difference between awkwardness or honest mistakes and being deliberately behind the times.

[@jadziajan]

I can understand how it might be slightly awkward to find someone else's used pad in your trashcan. It's like an obvious tell that they're on their period, which some people are private about, and a used pad isn't the most pleasant rubbish. But that's something you have to work to accept. There is no justification to complaining to the person for having to throw away their pad. People who have their periods get used to seeing them, so ANYONE can. Having periods doesn't give you a magical ability to enjoy carrying a used pad, it's just something everyone can get used to, because it's not that big of a deal.

[@timenotime]

um, so we're just going to gloss over the fact he must've gone digging in that bin to find it huh? like, maybe you won't be so grossed out if you, GET THIS, don't go digging through literal trash!!!

[@mlorencetti1]

Every woman is taught to roll up their pads or wrap the tampons in toilet paper because blood can smell weird when left in contact with the air so, like, it probably wasn't a hunk of gore exposed to the world, just a normal, rolled up thingy that had no reason to be seen as "unpleasant" other than being sensitive about periods being a thing that exists.

[@jadziajan]

@@timenotime not really, though? It could have been at the top of the trash can. As much as he was a dick, it doesn't feel reasonable to assume he went digging for trash in his own bathroom.

[@essiekat8532]

@@mlorencetti1 I do have to say that not all women do that, I have seen some pretty exposed pads in the trash, and there are some disgusting people who don't care or understand to not make a mess, so technically its possible that the pad was just tossed on top of the trash completely visible blood and all, but the story doesn't tell, so we can only guess what kind of scene it was, but I think it was pretty petty of the brother to complain about it, since it WAS in the trash bin at least.

[@sarahnelson8836]

Also you can’t always carry a used pad in a sanitary way… that’s literally what the little trash cans in bathrooms are FOR sanitary trash… like I rarely get my period (thanks to hormonal BC) but I keep both pads and tampons for guests just in case…. It’s like not having toilet paper if makes you a bad host

[@just_Moss]

I'm always going with the "I love your hair/rings/outfit" kinda compliments with strangers

[@ariangelcub1695]

I think hair depends on what they are doing with it. If it's clearly styled, colored, ect then it's a nice compliment. If they don't seem to have done much more than wash it, brush it an maybe tie it into a super basic ponytail ect then it comes off a bit creepy (unless followed by something like i wish mine was naturally that x(straight, curly, whatever), then its most likely just a jealous thing not a flirt). It's something you have little to no control over. However if clearly you colored it, curled it, braided it, ect you are using it to show your style and that's complimenting you rather than your natural looks Or...whoever did it if you let a friend give you a makeover or something..but they don't know that.

[@mars_the_man]

agreed. infrequently i just want to say "i just wanted you to know i think you're really pretty" but 1. im too shy, 2. im a minor so i'd probably be okay

[@botanicalitus4194]

The story about the pad pissed me off so much. How can anyone be so clueless? He asked her to take the pad with her and throw it outside, but he would probably think its ridiculous if someone told him to do that with his used toilet paper. Jesus I hope she leaves him

[@essiekat8532]

I hope next time they are at the brothers place she brings the used pad out of the bathroom and gives it to the husband to put in his pocket xD

[@juliaparr1775]

And I'd probably be more disgusted seeing a used pad in someone's yard than I would if I saw it in a trash can

[@ursidae97]

I dare say he'd find it ridiculous to do what he literally told her to do if she had done it unprompted.

[@meikostarling7219]

Once my dad complimented a cashier on her very colorful earrings, and she in turn smiled and complimented him on his Monsters Inc. hat that he got while he used to work at Pixar. It was a very pleasant grocery shopping experience that boosted my mood, and I think that's a good example of how to exchange small talk if you're going to do it at all. Definitely do not say, "you know you're gorgeous, right?" because that just... really... 'yuck'

[@brainypepper1621]

If you want to compliment how someone generally looks and there’s nothing specific like hair or outfit or makeup to point to, just say “you look great today” and move on without waiting expectantly. It’s not only the wording that matters but the way you say it.

[@Ari_C]

even that is really only okay if you already know the person. i don't want strangers making comments on my appearance and i know many people(women especially) feel the same. if someone wants to compliment my hair or my jacket or something that's one thing but i don't know the motivation of a stranger calling me good looking, and as someone who's in my early twenties i especially wouldn't want a middle aged or older man making comments on my general appearance. compliments should focus on stuff people choose, like aspects of their style.

[@BbVortexMortinghan]

lol "You look great today" makes me wonder if I'm being stalked

[@brainypepper1621]

@@BbVortexMortinghan That’s fair. Honestly I don’t know if there’s a way to compliment someone’s face or body without coming off as a creep.

[@brainypepper1621]

@@Ari_C Yeah that’s fair, I agree.

[@athena6832]

"You know you're gorgeous, right?" Is weird because he phrased it as a question. If he'd just said "You are gorgeous." I don't think she would've had the same initial reaction. More so, he should've left after the compliment, not stuck around for a chat 😅 Complimenting someone and walking away= Friendly, has a life, maybe somewhat smooth or mysterious. Complimenting someone and then bragging about your boat: Creepy, desperate, will wear out your welcome

[@YuriPlisetskyKinnie]

Stan Dave for being so kind despite how awful Kim was, we like Dave here

[@callusniegier5056]

you're encouraging cuckisim, thats why many guys are turning to andrew tate TOP G

[@tamooz6649]

Be a king like Dave 😤

[@aquaplush7531]

Damn, he’s too nice. He still paid even though she was a terrible person. Stan Dave, he’s a king.

[@callusniegier5056]

@@aquaplush7531 we should also encourage women to split. This shouldnt be a taboo

[@aquaplush7531]

@@callusniegier5056 Yeah, agreed. The man shouldn’t always be expected to pay 100%, the bill should be split between both people

[@whoahanant]

You know they're privileged when their basis for "unfairness" in life is that women decide not to date them. That's something everyone else usually puts lower on the "unfairness" rung of the ladder. You know things like sexism, racism, gender equality, homophobia ect, all are usually what most people normally complain about when people are unfair to them because these things affect all aspects of their lives. But no, this guy is out here acting like he can't f4ck a woman is so unfair in his money and highly educational lifestyle. Lmfao.

[@bruna7534]

It's even more fucked up because racism, homofobia, transfobia, misogyny also impacts their social life and dating since ever until now and actually more harshly (like, real life endangering impacts like feminicide, for example). Those guys "unfairness" are "oh, why women won't fuck me? I'm a nice, hardworking and wealthy white guy!".

[@brittanybertolin8693]

True. If you have so much money just hire a sex worker or get a sugar baby tbh

[@misscrankypantss]

Well said lmao

[@pencilpauli9442]

Dear Queer Kiwi, I gave you a compliment and I'm a 63 yo male in the comment section on one of your vids. It probably was never read, but if so I hope it didn't make you feel uncomfortable. The colour of some earrings you were wearing harmonised really well with your hair and make up. The colours made me feel happy. Telling a young woman she looks gorgeous? Nah. I'd be mortified to gross someone out like that. What wouldn't gross me out is a guest disposing of a sanitary pad responsibly. The guy needs to grow the eff up.

[@eggchomp]

The general rule is if it’s a compliment of something that someone can control (hair, makeup, clothes, etc) it’s nice, but if it’s about their body it’s weird. I think due to what you described you’re fine :)

[@pencilpauli9442]

@@eggchomp That's what I tend to go by, but my social interactions are limited Thank you for the reassurance.

[@sydn3y777]

The compliment you gave seems lovely. Hope you are well!

[@amesfilms]

you seem wonderful! as well as the compliment you gave :)) youre awesome for being so considerate!

[@memeyartist5591]

you're easily the most wholesome 60 year old I've ever seen in a comment section, I hope you're doing well :>

[@elaexplorer]

I've heard the ironing one a couple of times and have come to the conclusion that he saw her taking care of the kids and became jealous. When she didn't stop taking care of the kids to take care of him he threw a tantrum.

[@CATmetchu]

OH MY GOD HE'S HER LONG LOST CHILD! HE'S COME BACK FOR CHILD SUPPORT

[@Lily-ni5po]

I've known men like that. They don't want a wife and partner, they want a mom. The one I knew got creepy and dangerous after the divorce. Best of luck to this woman.

[@don1sdead]

I will never not be proud of my little brother for not caring about menstrual products. He’s bought them for me, brought them to me from one bathroom if I don’t have them in the one I’m in, and has never said a word about them being in the trash. I remember one time I apologized because I overfilled to trash can and didn’t throw it out because I wasn’t paying attention and he just went “so? Idc just don’t make me do your chore again.” Lmao. The bar is on the ground, but hopefully one day it won’t have to be!

[@claratalbot7613]

I love the guys who are go around telling people how successful they are but then can't figure out how they can't get a date. Like maybe don't act like an entitled person & u might start getting dates. Also if the guy's brother is disgusted by a used pad being in the trash then maybe he shouldn't ever date until he learns to be used to a normal part of the human body

[@mossryan4027]

I guarantee the guy who was angry about the pad IN THE BIN also thinks people with periods can "control" their periods and just hold it in. 🙄

[@Nine_Crows_Down]

With the pad one, I want to know why the guys are so pressed about it? I thought they were men, what's a little bit of blood

[@k9rules1234]

Fr and its usually only the "masculine" ones getting pressed

[@alexjonesbones4753]

nobody wants to see blood that came from your stinky box... Sorry not sorry.

[@k9rules1234]

@@alexjonesbones4753 i personally think you should stay away from uterus havers if you don't wanna deal with that but I know you're just gonna keep being an ass about things we can't control 🙃

[@alexjonesbones4753]

@@k9rules1234 blood is fucking gross no matter where it comes from so stop tryna make periods seem cute. and the term is women not ''uterus havers'' since only women have a uterus.

[@luna-p]

Some of them are absolutely the most fragile creatures you will ever meet.

[@CrunchyLeaves96]

I hope Dave found an actually sweet girl for a partner. Seems like a really stand up guy.

[@hawkeyescoffee6399]

The update said that OP was dating him now. Sounds like they'd make a cute couple.

[@WaitingxInxSilence]

If the first dude wasn’t trying to flirt, the cashier’s age wouldn’t have mattered. His estimates the she was at least 18 suggest that he knows his “compliments” would be unacceptable if she were a minor.

[@mauirandall8176]

"You know I have candy on my boat, and a puppy"

[@lydiaboll2872]

@@mauirandall8176😂 Plz

[@arcadiaberger9204]

"She ruined her chance at a date with a nice guy, but she didn't want a date with a nice guy". I'm reminded of when Jack Nicholson's character said in the 1989 *_Batman_* film, when Harvey Dent said he wanted to make it a city fit for decent people, "Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier somewhere else."

[@roselover411]

Don't flirt at someone when they are obligated by their job to be nice to you and are working so they _can't get away_ from you or the situation.

[@mrr1132]

Plus how many baggers are over 18? I'm suspecting that he aged her up for the reddit crowd not to go auto "hitting on a 16 year old? You are the A H, nay the bottom feeder of all A H kind", as things should be.

[@claratalbot7613]

Maybe the guy who got upset about his wife not ironing his uniform before work because she was busy doing other stuff should just learn to iron his own outfit. Like maybe don't make ur wife do everything around the house. I get work can be taxing but so is staying at home & being expected to take of the house & any kids u have. Maybe split the responsibilities that way u get to go to work & ur wife isn't trying to do a million things by herself

[@noaccount2494]

I bet he thinks when he looks after the kids he's "babysitting" instead of ya know just doing dad duties

[@claratalbot7613]

@@noaccount2494 Probably which sucks for both his wife & kids

[@bastienfelix4605]

Omg dave seems like the sweetest guy. I really feel bad for him. He is certainly made of 100% pure boyfriend material.

[@lydiaboll2872]

Dave is boyfriend-shaped.

[@catienoble3191]

To answer your question about college: in the US, there obviously are a lot of huge universities, but there are even more small colleges/universities scattered all over the country. I went to a small branch campus (about 1,000 students) of a very large university (about 100,000 students in total; about 45,000 at the main campus). On a campus that small, it's not hard to imagine there being one person that everyone has a crush on.

[@ashnsins261]

I can totally imagine it. My class at my campus is leik, 20 kids, so I could see it being a thing

[@jsas2047]

Also I don't think she meant that everyone had a crush on him specifically, but that he was one of those guys/was the type everyone has a crush on. So there might be multiple guys like him and everyone has one of those guys as a crush.

[@Kaffee_auf_ex]

I've had a similar thing happen to me when I was 21. My 30 year old flatmate was absolutely disgusted when I suggested a bathroom bin for the purpose of putting in my tampons. He told me none of his girlfriends ever needed one - this was years ago and menstrual cups or washable menstrual underwear wasn't a thing.

[@Sploberrie]

The way OP from story 3 keeps saying "in his bathroom" makes it sound like she just left it on the floor. If that was the case, then it's perfectly fair to call it out, because it's disgusting to leave any used similar appliances on the floor. But the trash can is literally where you throw stuff like that into.

[@fandomtrash7505]

It says she threw it in the trash can lol

[@willowwhisps1339]

If I were married to ironing guy, I'd just say "Well if you're missing your shift, then I'm missing mine. Kids! Mommy will be back soon! If you need anything daddy's home!" Then I'd just go out for a bit. If he gets a day off work I do too. He can cook dinner, help the kids with their homework, and finish the laundry since it's so easy.

[@bethswiftie]

Period lady should've held it in her hand and traipsed all around the house before chucking it in the outside bin

[@kateemma22]

Slam it down on the dining table in the middle of dinner.

[@lissa8678]

@@kateemma22 Lmao!🤣

[@kuroneko2876]

The lip gloss sounded like an excuse for him to talk to op again haha! Glad it ended happy!!

[@Starlitcasualty]

It depends on how you compliment someone. I try to find something to compliment someone on every time. He said she had a tattoo, compliment her tattoo. But telling someone "You know you're gorgeous, right?" Is the most awkward way to compliment someone because if they say "Yes" they can get labeled cocky or overconfident and if they say "No" then some guys will try even harder to flirt because it comes off low confidence and they can pounce on that.

[@lizziecross8149]

The pad one makes me livid. I hate that so many cis men don’t understand periods and refuse to try to understand them.

[@october7895]

I absolutely understand the boxes, my family is currently in between houses and the boxes we have already, even while staying in temporary housing. And my cat looks like I've taken her children whenever I try to recycle them

[@mintytrash]

I'm so early what And I heard something awful in class today. Like so ugh. This kid said, like he was proud of himself, "I cheated on every female I ever said I loved" like bro? Not okay. Not an accomplishment.

[@pancakesandvanillacream]

That's a really awful thing for him to say

[@mintytrash]

@@pancakesandvanillacream yeah right? Like I was speechless.

[@Turquerina]

Call this spite or whatever but I hope his reputation will be so sullied by this that he can't date again, because girls would avoid him like the plague.

[@mintytrash]

@@Turquerina yeah exactly. What does he think will happen?

[@justbinji7718]

Seems that he lacks the basics of logic. And thinks that cheating is cool.

[@theeccentric7263]

That’s worse than being at someone’s house and they have NO trash can to put your pads in. Which is pure hell.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

I would probably be like: oh no oh no oh no i wanna melt into the floor

[@bambino05]

The only way the husbands brother would not be the ahole would be if she stuck it to the wall.

[@riley4028]

I think the only way I’d be okay with a compliment directly about my appearance would be if it was worded to be nice and not flirty. Like “I just wanted to say I think you’re pretty, have a great day.”

[@davidprince6877]

There's definitely something to be said for a compliment being part of the end of an interaction. Helps avoid the idea of it having some expectation attached to it.

[@luna-p]

I'd still hate it

[@raizensamson6723]

God, every day I am super grateful i found such a wonderful man. Definitely wouldn't date someone who's super childish over a natural body function, like sir. I am not putting a bloody pad in my pocket, go eat rocks.

[@lisakayokay]

If you can’t go to work because of a wrinkly uniform, I’d hate to be there when something serious actually happens

[@geekgirl_luv4262]

I love how like 9/10 you can tell if the person is the asshole or not before you even read the post just by how they word the question, but it’s always the opposite of what you would expect. People who are not the asshole tend to word it in a way that places all the blame on themselves, but then you read the post and see that they literally did nothing wrong, and the assholes tend to word it like “Am I an asshole for doing this totally normal thing?”, but then you read the context and it’s them being the biggest douche imaginable. tl;dr: the more innocuous the title sounds, the more likely it is that they are absolutely the asshole

[@chris_freaky305]

Say it with me kids: 👏People👏don't👏owe👏you👏a👏thank👏you👏for👏a👏compliment👏

[@ChloePotaters]

Dave seems like a real stand up guy

[@mauirandall8176]

5 sisters

[@meganvincent5381]

3:40 ugh I had a taxi driver call me "good girl" and "my love" it made me so uncomfortable

[@katashworth41]

“Have you even been on a boat?” “Yes, and I get violently seasick.” would end that conversation pretty quick.

[@amdraglover]

For the pad lady cudos to her for throwing away her pad in his bathroom. I could NEVER, I can’t even throw away my pad in my own bathroom cause I don’t like people knowing when I’m on it. So I’ll wrap it up and sneak it to my room where I have a separate trash bag just for those and throw it away each month. She’s got more balls than I do tbh.

[@Cloudii_999]

the one where she threw away her pad in the brothers bathroom and he got upset about it is crazy. next time she goes there she should slip a used pad into his jacket pocket or something on her way out. i feel like he deserves that

[@ahuman5868]

dave is the real hero in these stories

[@norikadolmy7274]

On the last one.. the worst argument is one where you say look what you made me do. No, you chose to miss work on your own. You 'punishing' your wife is not her fault. I would suggest that sahm needs to get a job and get herself out of that relationship

[@mrr1132]

Most people who go to jobs where ironed clothing is a requirement, know how to iron their own clothes. This was all him being a manipulative dingus.

[@lydiaboll2872]

@@mrr1132”Manipulative dingus” 😂 I had a rough weekend so comments like this have brightened my spirits.

[@hannahhentai]

22:00 the way i would’ve called his boss to let her know he can’t come into work bc he doesn’t know how to iron so fast.

[@sociallysatanic]

(1st story) doesn't matter how old i get or how masc i try to present, my nonbinary ass still gets called "ma'am, hun, baby, sweetie, babygirl, mommy" etc throughout the day at my retail job and it makes me feel violent inside while i use my best retail voice to deflect and guide the convo away from myself. i hate being perceived nowadays smh lol

[@arianam6430]

The 'you know you're gorgeous, right?' feels ick because it's the aggressive assumption that a) that person doesn't think they're beautiful and b) no one's told them they're beautiful either, so the guy is doing them such a huge service by informing them. It's not a compliment if you think you deserve something in return for it.

[@mauirandall8176]

It reminds me of a line from King of the Hill "You will never know if you are attractive, it's up to a man to tell you that, you keep eatin' and I'll tell you when to stop."

[@hangryicebee8068]

bae wake up a new Queer Kiwi video dropped

[@Autumn4779]

Yes dear 😑

[@rutiacotheyuty3045]

I sleep 😴

[@dolphinbanana3053]

_Literally springs out of bed_ YAY

[@dolphinbanana3053]

@UC78iDEYu6usub9kYuBOCbvQ No shit we are, thanks for noticing

[@Autumn4779]

@@dolphinbanana3053 bro no we're not he's just mean

[@janel.8921]

I remember reading a Ann Landers column that had a letter from a man who complained about his wife. His wife was a SAHM who took care of four children. The kids were under six years of age with the youngest children were twins of four months. The husband was thought she was getting lazy. She no longer made homemade bread and didn’t keep up with sewing buttons back on his shirts. Ann Landers pointed out his selfishness.

[@starPacific]

The fact that the guy throwing a tantrum over his wife not ironing his uniform is a PILOT is lowkey horrifying. I really hope he doesn’t fly passengers. Imagine such a petty and childish man being in charge of other people’s safety.

[@FIRXFLY]

we need more daves in this world but we don't deserve them😔 /hj

[@jaggerra7]

WTF!? Of course we deserve them! Everyone who is a good person and puts in the effort deserves another good person who puts in the effort as a partner, if that's what they want. I wouldn't even half joke about it because there are too many incels and terrible people in this world who genuinely don't believe women deserve good partners. Excusing and/or putting up with their behavior creates more such awful people and just exacerbates the problem.

[@iclynnx]

@@jaggerra7 Such a passionate response. It's pretty wholesome. May I ask, do you think even people who have done bad things in the past and deeply, deeply regret them now are worthy of good partners, expressing that they will put in the effort if given a chance?

[@botanicalitus4194]

@@iclynnx obviously, i think most people believe that people who become better and improve deserve second chances (obviously excluding extreme fringe situations like domestic abusers, sexuaI abusrs, murderers...etc)

[@tamooz6649]

I was curious what tone indicator is hj?

[@FIRXFLY]

​@@jaggerra7 oh my, i meant people like op's sister don't deserve a dave in their lives that's why i put the hj but that was a really nice response. i needed to hear it due to other reasons so thanks for reminding me that we all do deserve a dave in our lives in fact

[@blankgravestcnes]

I had a guy come into my work while i was working and he looked at me, called me 'my darling' and told me i was pretty. I just went quiet and looked away. because that was really uncomfortable and I honestly didnt know hwo to respond. the guy was maybe... 60-65? around my grandparents age. and i'm like. almost 19

[@blankgravestcnes]

Adding onto this because I dont feel like editing my comment, when i compliment customers when they come in, it's always 'i love your piercings/shirt/tattoos/hair' etc. like, its common compliments bc i dont want to make people uncomfortable. its not hard to not make people uncomfortable.

[@samsnoww2]

the second one has me DEAD. When I was in grade 9 I had a boyfriend, and one time one of his dogs got into the bathroom and shredded a pad that I had thrown out while I was there the day before... tell me how this 14/15 year old BOY handled that mess all on his own and nonchalantly brought it up to me so he could laugh at his own expense; because he had left the bathroom door open allowing the dog to get in, but this GROWN MAN can't handle seeing a (probably wrapped back up) pad inside of his garbage can... Pleaseeee

[@krackkokichi]

a university with 40,000 people in it is hard for me to imagine! my university has less than 3,000 people

[@RoxzRay]

I actually have a somewhat similar story to the pad story. Me and my boyfriend used to rent a room off this lady. Fyi, the lady was super nice in general. But anyway, I was putting my used pads in the bin (rolled, wrapped in tissue and then in the new pads plastic wrapper), the wrapper is what probs made her realise it was a pad. Anyway, one day she asked me if I could not put them in the bin because the bin is in the kitchen and she found it unsanitary ... (imo, it really isn't if it's rolled and double wrapped) I'm from the UK and literally everyone I know keeps their bins in the kitchen, also, this was in Spain, where the bins get collected every single day! So it wouldn't be hanging around, she instead asked if I could put them in a plastic bag, in the bathroom (she had no bin in the bathroom) and I mean, okay ... it's her place, so I said sure. But the whole thing was just super weird to me. At literally everyone's house I've ever been to (friends, family, boyfriend's family) no one has ever had a problem with me putting rolled and wrapped used sanitary products in the shared bin, and that's what they all do too. Her being a woman is what also made me think of this as weird. It also reminds me of an old friend's dad, he was very immature. He'd get embarrassed even seeing non-used pads. He once picked up my friend's sister's book she'd put down, found a clean, wrapped pad in it, then HAD A GO AT HER for leaving HER pad in HER book. He really was a weird one. FYI, she'd put it there so he wouldn't see it in the first place. (she was about 14/15 at the time) he also made a point of telling her off when he saw some blood left in the toilet, she tried flushing but it wouldn't all go ... some toilets have real shitty flushes, and sometimes some blood or bloody tissue lingers ... the fact you can't see a bit of female blood without being offended to the point you have to mention it is beyond me.

[@navyanair.]

I thought she left the pad open and didn't dispose of it correctly which is why he was mad.... BUT THE ACTUAL SITUATION?? She could get seriously ill if she doesn't change?

[@thalmorbiznitch4028]

That wife should walk it out and give it to the husband. Legit. “Here, you said not to leave it here so you can deal with it” That would be like “sorry your wife is a woman so she’s not allowed to use the bathroom at my place” WHAT Or just flush it and ruin his toilet next time 🤷

[@Beto_Serrano]

Gee, I wonder why a stay at home *MOM* would prioritize the kid-related chores. Truly a mystery...

[@Clownbunnycosplay]

How to complement people: You look really nice, I like your style, - you have a cute style,

[@ChloePotaters]

With the compliment thing, I feel like there’s a big difference between complimenting just the way someone looks or complimenting their outfit or hair or makeup… I’m typing this just as I hear you explain the same thing lmao

[@kimcarter129]

That guy probably doesn’t know how to iron, he probably doesn’t even know how to do laundry. There’s guys that way, they were brought up where they were “ taken care of my mom” and they expect their wife to do everything mommy did.

[@lilbread1717]

The Chad AFAB: goes through a monthly period of dealing with pain and blood, and tries to go on their life like nothing is going on The Virgin AMAB: sees a period product with blood on it in the bin "I'm going to vomit and throw a tantrum."

[@pippinlatham4857]

Let’s be real AMAB trans people are not at all like this, it’s just cis men

[@thalmorbiznitch4028]

Our colleges in the US are huge too. I can’t fathom how people in widely different depts have a crush on just one guy. I have a feeling they are like 18/19 and hang in the same friend group and calling them “everyone” lol

[@mariosportsmaster7662]

Or maybe he's on the football/ basketball team, or the hockey team if they are in the North East and Upper Mid-West.

[@Sleepsongg]

Universities are big, but the private college I went to was about 1,500 students! There were definitely students a lot of other students knew and could have had crushes on. Still not “everyone” as you said, but probably more likely with that amount of students.

[@NicholeParker]

I feel horrible for the people who relate to the pad story Within months of dating my boyfriend let me keep a box of pads at his place (technically his parents but he had the top floor to himself, we started dating in high school) and he made sure to take them with him when they moved. All guys should be so considerate because it’s not like periods are enjoyable. We already suffer enough.

[@sophiastargazer]

I work as a cashier. If someone said something like that to me while I was working, it'd make me so extremely uncomfortable. Please don't make comments like that to people who are just trying to do their job. Trust me, it's exhausting enough as it is.

[@Warhawk9012]

The guy upset about seeing his sister-in-law's used pad in the garbage (where it belongs and presumably wrapped up like it's supposed to be) is probably one of those people who think women can freely control when they menstruate or can "hold it in" like pee. He comes across as someone who either skipped sex ed, or worse, had *segregated* sex ed (boys & girls in separate rooms learning about separate topics.) If more people were educated about menstrual cycles & their purpose, there would be *far less* period shaming and *far less* of a stigma around a natural bodily function.

[@enchantegance]

I would hold the pad at the table in my hand right in front of their faces if they don’t want it in the trash.

[@commandercorl1544]

I thought the wife in the second(?) story had left her pad out on the counter or something, and I was like "Somewhat reasonable asshole" but then it was said she threw it in the trash! What else was she supposed to do? And why did that guy look in the trash?!

[@bellecarter6042]

Dave deserves better, he sounds great ngl, disgusted by her attitude but still paying for the meal and giving her cash to get home safe, not only that, making sure her expensive lip gloss gets returned even though shes awfull. God damn

[@maroonguy]

See when I'm leaving the checkout or something like that I might compliment someone's earrings or their nails or something because that's a *choice* they made and if I vibe with it I vibe but I do it at a point where I'm about to leave so if they *are* uncomfortable I can leave and not make them feel like they're obligated to stay around me. I'm a 20 year old queer guy who likes fashion so usually what happens is I compliment someone's outfit or accessories and they give me a compliment back and that's it and even if I *did* find the person attractive or whatever they're *working* so I'm not gonna be a jerk or a creep 💀

[@djandr2830]

Dont ever assume someone with piercings or tattoos is over 18. Minors in certain areas can get tattoos/certain piercings with parental consent. Also, just dont assume anyone working is over 18? This is another reason you don't flirt with cashiers/etc. You can only assume they're over 18 and can't ask because that'd be too weird.

[@georgesmith4307]

Or, if you're as old as the dude in that story, just flirt with people who are obviously close to your age (and not while they're at work)

[@djandr2830]

@@georgesmith4307 Yea, I'm a minor and when I worked in fast food I got flirted with by so many old men and it was very uncomfortable. I agree, take your flirting to a bar, with people who look like your age, in a setting where it's very unlikely they'll be any minors. And always ask too, how old someone is in conversation. Assuming someone's age is just not safe.

[@georgesmith4307]

@@djandr2830 That's so gross, I'm sorry you had to deal with that 😬 and yeah, a bar is a much more appropriate setting to flirt with someone than their work, where they can't really leave

[@lizsun261]

ok compliment: “oh your makeup is so pretty!” “where did you get your jewelry? i love it!” weird compliment: “youre so hot oml” “i love that shirt when my gf wears it”

[@momotaro1236]

Third story: How is she supposed to magically know that putting a basic product into the trash is going to set him off? What about any future partners?

[@voidtelevision7468]

8:15 I’m assuming this was in a trash can of some sort. If she just left it on the floor or something that’s gross and ynta, but if it was in the trash then it’s perfectly fine, especially if it was wrapped in toilet paper and disposed of hygienicly Edit: oh yeah, it says she threw it in the trash, you are definitely the asshole. I mean if he could tell it was a bloody pad then maybe she should have wrapped it up, they can get smelly if you don’t, but it’s really not that big of a deal lmao

[@abigailhoekstra3195]

They act like they’ve never thrown out a blood tissue from a cut or nosebleed lmao it’s no different

[@queersoapybar]

Pad story, if she didn't leave it in the trash (which I'll admit is unlikely but I've seen many girls do that at school sadly) then I'd say nta. But she left it in the trash so yeah op is. Edit: I used the wrong word :[

[@queersoapybar]

I MEANT TO SAY TRASH SOSKEKEJSHEU

[@dakotahs.4185]

I feel so bad for Dave and the sibling. They didn't deserve it honestly.

[@cartmanpilled]

i compliment workers all the time about stuff they’re wearing like glasses, headbands, clothes, etc etc like “i like your glasses!” “your dress is so cute!” because i just wanna brighten their day if they seem in a bad mood :( should i not do this?? edit: ok i kept watching and rhank god u clarified bc i was about to be so worried i had being doing something bad 😭

[@erinmahrer2899]

The cashier statement reminded me of when I was 17. At man, probably in his 60s or 70s, said to me “where you work must be very lucky, having pretty girls work here” it was my first day on the job and I felt so uncomfortable

[@jordanmeyerl4380]

I went to uni in the US at a small liberal arts college. Between undergrads, grad, and doctoral students, there were only about 4,000 students on the whole campus. In the English department, most of my classes were under 20 students. While I definitely did not know everyone (my year had about 700 students) I can see how it would be easier for there to be a "popular" guy people crushed on in that small setting. Still definitely think it is weird and this might be a really small uni, but just thought I'd provide some perspective. Universities in the states cover a wide range of enrollment numbers, some as large as yours and some below 1,000 total enrollment.

[@elpis_ezechiel]

I'm obsessed with your eye makeup. How you arranged the colours and how clean your liner is, I love it so much, it's awesome. I'm so jealous, I wish I did it that well (I think I need to train my fingers to stop shaking that much haha).

[@creepypastapudding3531]

First story reminds me when I worked for a gas station in my late teens. There was a dude that was old enough to be my father constantly hitting on girls, and whenever we gave change, he'd try to catch/caress your hand. It was so creepy and bosses wouldn't do anything so all the girls learned to be busy whenever he was around, just vanished.

[@vg1384]

ok the pad thong I was fully expecting her to have done something disgusting but apparently not. My friend once lived in a place where her roommate left her used pads stuck to the wall and yeah that 100% is disrespectful and disgusting 🤢

[@sethrayne8076]

i feel like you can just tell someone you think they’re pretty or just more general compliments without it coming off as weird, but it’s all in phrasing and tone. “you know you’re gorgeous, right?” is so fucking weird because first of all, why are you asking if i know it? you want the ego stroke of being the first to tell me?? men are so weird and conquering when flirting with afab people it’s insane.

[@EnbyAxolotlOfficial]

As someone who has worked in fast food (Particularly ones that work mostly with coffee, donuts, and bagels) Compliments about my overall look always make me feel gross, no matter the age of the other person. However, compliments on my style always made my day! I would get compliments on my service, or on my mask that I would wear. I usually wore an enby pride flag mask and got a TON of love and support on it (I live in a surprisingly progressive part of Ohio so although I was definitely expecting support, I wasn't expecting as much as I did, getting at least one person in the drive through saying they loved my mask a day!) I once wore a mask with Monokuma on it (Danganronpa leave me alone about it) and a nice old lady said it was a cute dog mask TT^TT TLDR: Don't compliment people's body or overall looks, and don't make long conversation with workers: Though a quick compliment about someone's STYLE is almost always going to be highly appreciated!

[@JONEPUNK]

I heard three words of the "best guy" aita and I was yelling YES YOU ARE PRICK

[@Intoxicatingaxe]

My college was very small. My class department was 10 students. And that followed for all the classes which we had maybe 20 different courses? My college was so small it was the basement of an office building. Very.very.small (Art college)

[@qwitchyy]

My university was in rural Tennessee and only had around 2k students. If that’s around 500 per class, then further divided by major/Greek org/friend group size, I can definitely see how it seems like everyone likes one person. They might not all be trying to get with them, but I even noticed a few people in my class who got a relatively huge amount of attention. My spouse went to a university similar in size to the University of Auckland and I literally cannot fathom that many students lmao, but I know I’m in the minority.

[@glynisintheglen]

the skzoos in the background always make my day better

[@Fudgeanimates]

It's good to have confidence and to love yourself, but maybe bring it down a notch. I'm sure it really sucks not finding anyone, but try spending time with yourself to figure out what you like, go try out different hobby's. And maybe figure out why people say you're racist, have a open mind and try to change. I'm not going to say that your a horrible person, because I don't know you, but please try to see the other side and spend some time with yourself.

[@joutatheegg]

That husband needs to learn how to iron his own clothes. Your wife isnt your mom, shes your equal.

[@autisticnation7140]

My old college has 1.5k people in it. It's still a stretch for the majority of them to have a crush on one person. But a large number of them having a crush on a single person would not surprise me