An in depth analysis of the Caretaker's "Everywhere at the End of Time"

an in depth analysis of my interpretation of the meaning and the symbolism behind the most powerful piece of art i know
this video is a school project, so i had to brush over or leave out some topics for the sake of simplicity (and spoilers) since i was on a bit of a time crunch and couldn’t explain every little thing lol
(this is just my own interpretation of the project)
0:00 Intro
2:49 Stage 1
5:07 Stage 2
7:21 Stage 3
9:45 Stage 4
12:39 Stage 5
16:17 Stage 6
19:39 Outro
Changed title and thumbnail 9/8/22

[@flamecatgaming4175]

"so, they're still in there?" "yes." that hit me like a truck.

[@lumin9422]

yea, i got chills from that. it’s so unsettling to imagine what it would be like to exist in a shell of yourself when your inner thoughts haven’t caught up with your expressions. they’re in there but they don’t know how to get out, dementia is like slowly drowning; from the beginning distress to the vast emptiness and vanity of still mentally being there but not physically present.

[@jacobhuerta8419]

why is this seen as a moment of clarity and not a prolonged decent into madness

[@jacobhuerta8419]

and the next 2 minutes provide no context so what really makes one act seem individual and another seem like a reaction to another act

[@mrmister1335]

Lock-in syndrome and ALS have way more in common with dementia now

[@thinginground5179]

Atleast you can talk to them then

[@duckfilms3662]

The use of stock footage getting more and more distorted as it goes on is an AMAZING touch.

[@apriceer9148]

I was the 500th like👍

[@UntalentedBrick]

@@apriceer9148 Wierd flex but okay.

[@apriceer9148]

@@UntalentedBrick not really a flex just saying

[@zola__]

Mhm!

[@fabianfigueredo5350]

@@apriceer9148 Not really a flex but i was the 4th comment yea

[@yigakong1187]

As a wise man once said (on one of the EATEOT videos), “There’s nothing sadder than mourning the death of someone who’s still alive”

[@Robloxcarcrash3]

that was one of the comments on the actual video

[@Synthanicmusic]

Not dementia but my father passed from liver cirrhosis from drinking. It took his body 2 1/2 years to shut down even when his brain was long gone. He had lost his mind, he would call me by the wrong name, miss important dates, go in circles every time you tried to have a conversation with him, talk incredibly slowly. He died those 2 1/2 years before he actually passed.

[@arustwat7766]

@@Synthanicmusic sorry to hear that, my condolonces just reading your story immediately makes me think about my loved ones and how precious time are

[@BuckFudweiser]

God damn. Chill man... 😭

[@BuckFudweiser]

​@@Synthanicmusic my aunt passed from the same thing. It's scary because at the time she passed, I was (unbeknown to me) nearing the end of my 2 year drinking binder. It's sad... Those that couldn't kick the alcohol are suffering, much like I was when I was dependent on it. I hope your father is resting in peace.

[@PikaChu-fr4fq]

I listened to Everywhere at the End of Time while attempting an all-nighter. I stayed awake until the middle of stage four and woke up in stage six. One of the most disorienting things I've ever done to myself

[@Scratchydoesmusic]

don't

[@lolliii5477]

never again. you'll have existential dread for your fate.

[@Jackt750]

This is a SCHOOL PROJECT??? Its insane the level of craftsmanship you put into this video, and I’m bewildered that it was originally intended for school.

[@rlvideosgunner]

Slightly bewildered?

[@abcdefg5686]

@@rlvideosgunner yeah no not doing that again

[@johnjonjhonjonathanjohnson3559]

amazed by the slighest bit of effort

[@BusterXlistaBOTRA]

@@johnjonjhonjonathanjohnson3559 yeah i know right, the video isn't really on that high level of craftsmanship

[@Gabrielfromuktrakill]

@@BusterXlistaBOTRA I disagree but ok

[@tabien888]

There's also something called "terminal lucidity" or something like that where, before the patient dies, remembers anything, literally anything, like they don't even have dementia anymore, but they don't even have the time to actually realize anything that they're already dead. What a horrifying mental illness. Great perspective anyway, I think you pretty much nailed the meaning of EATEOT.

[@zbndtt]

i’m actually working on a video rn about terminal lucidity and the role it plays in eateot just to get it out of my system lol but it’s so interesting

[@tabien888]

@@zbndtt I would love to see it, you earned a subscriber, anyway I found out that someone can die even one month after having terminal lucidity, it's still a bittersweet thing tho.

[@sleepytm5945]

Holy shit that's sad

[@extensioncordgaming8266]

@@zbndtt I woudl have loved if at the end, to represent terminal lucidity befire the album ends, you could hear "Heartaches" and then an abrupt cut.

[@cascottage]

@@extensioncordgaming8266 yes ye syes

[@monke9386]

bro did this as a school project and gave his teacher existential dread for days

[@Esmogus]

*4 years

[@standardhuman8675]

my nana has dementia. i went to go visit her last weekend, and within an hour, she asked me a few times what grade i was in and when id go to highschool. i had to keep reminding her that im 22 and am in college, and shed keep apologizing saying "im getting a little forgetful". its a horrible thing, not just for the victim, but for everyone who knows them.

[@noobslayer1196]

that made me tear up. i am so terribly sorry

[@standardhuman8675]

its ok, yknow? well, its not ok, but... ive made my peace with it. and shes still lucid enough to hold conversations, so i still have a little while left with her. im sorry for making you tear up though

[@noobslayer1196]

@@standardhuman8675 I'm glad you made me feel emotion. These days living is very hard for me and things like this remind me of the power of living. I didn't mean to make you feel bad for anything I just related to the emotions you feel because my grandfather had a bout with kidney failure and dementia before his death. It was rough.

[@lubomirkubasdQw4w9WgXcQ]

i forgor 💀

[@lubomirkubasdQw4w9WgXcQ]

how is she doing now?

[@yodad811]

"They are everywhere at the end of time"... Man, that ending gave me literal chills

[@GarkeGames]

my jaw dropped.

[@InvalidOS]

i do like the idea of the hell sirens representing sundown syndrome. they actually appear multiple times later on in the album. it hammers in the idea of defeat, with them sounding less and less threatening as the album progresses. it's the development of apathy that i think is shown by this, as the patient no longer cares about expressing their fear. they just...accept it.

[@QuidProQuo999]

I'd like to think Late afternoon drifting is also representing sundowning syndrome

[@masonthechemistryfreak6894]

@@QuidProQuo999 as well as Quiet dusk coming early

[@BeanieGoth]

what is sundown syndrome?

[@QuidProQuo999]

@@BeanieGoth Search it up lol

[@TwistedFireX]

I get this feeling with my dissociative identity disorder.

[@blankbun7737]

The most iconic song in the whole project, "It's just a burning memory", is actually a slowed, no lyrics version of the song "Heartaches", by Al Bowlly, which in my opinion is very meaningful as it is the first song in the whole project and I think it represents an elderly person trying to remember music from their time.

[@Breadstockimage]

'Heartaches' returns in multiple songs following in later stages which is very interesting

[@nexo768]

My Grandmother is a stage 6 patient, and I visit her about once a week. When I go, she just stays still, not thinking, not moving, trapped in the fog of dementia. she can't move at all. She just watches me talk to her. Not listening at all, because she can't listen, she forgot how. She is almost like a living corpse, still breathing and alive, but not moving or making a peep. I'll update if she dies, because she probably will in a couple weeks or so. Update: She died about a month ago as of 8/9/2022, sorry I didn't update sooner.

[@browniemeister1208]

Is your grandmother still alright? I hope you’re recovering well.

[@nexo768]

@@browniemeister1208 I forgot to update, but she died about a month ago. I wasn't too sad, as I had kind of forgotten who she was after she got the disease. What a horrible thing

[@samesaiwan9880]

@@nexo768 Damn

[@Zinc_Nitrogen]

In a way, she died when she got dementia and now she's free

[@its_lucky252]

“i forgor 💀”

[@chuck_duck]

My favorite theory about this album is that each crackle of static represents an individual neuron dying.

[@typicalindiekid]

i like that one

[@azfaarrealm9426]

That's a cool theory.

[@iamtherealsentaliium]

what are there 200 trillion crackles?

[@Esmogus]

@@iamtherealsentaliium 1 crackle = 5000 waves of sound = 5000 ded

[@annistar9693]

According to my aunt, my grandma has days now where she doesn't remember she even has grandchildren. It feels almost cruel to say so, but a part of me hopes she passes soon before it gets any worse.

[@questforgreatness9433]

A lot of people say if they get diagonsed with dementia they will just kill themselves. Myself included

[@annistar9693]

@@questforgreatness9433 Unfortunately you end up thinking "oh I'll have enough time where I'm lucid" then you wait too long and forget.

[@questforgreatness9433]

@@annistar9693 i won't take the chance 🤣as soon as i leave the dr office im gone

[@annistar9693]

@@questforgreatness9433 I'm rooting for you. TBH I'd do it too.

[@extrapathos]

Yeah, euthenasia is the way to go

[@hanawakenjin]

I don't know if I will ever have the mental fortitude to endure these albums. Just listening to the first song and knowing what is about breaks my soul to pieces.

[@querkey8073]

Same, it’s so emotional and heartbreaking

[@TimeLemur6]

It's hard. I put it on in the background while I was moving around my apartment for a couple days, and I _forced_ myself to finish it. I then proceeded to have mild panic reactions to any sound that reminded me of it for a month or two. While it's a completely unique (for the fortunate) experience, it is not one you need to have, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Simply knowing that it exists is enough.

[@CHILLIN2540]

​@@TimeLemur6definetely. I tried to listen to it once but I just-- couldn't. Not even one song, it's genuinely terrifying how powerful it's effects are

[@TheSpadeStealer_98]

Well, I listened to this album. A couple of times actually. If I can do it, so can you.

[@nitsuji6705]

@@TheSpadeStealer_98 that's definitely a dangerous conjecture... someone with a pre-existing mental disease/disorder like clinical depression and anxiety would definitely get a more intense and threatening reaction from it. Honestly, the first song haunts me enough and I'm building the strength to listen more (and honestly planning on making my friends listen to it with me).

[@duckdad_]

I'm happy my grandfather didn't go further than stage 3 of dementia, his last months of his life was extremely peaceful and he died in his sleep. I miss him so much.

[@thefervent_]

This comment is so depressing yet comforting. At least your final moments with your grandfather were while he was lucid. My condolences toward him.

[@VegTeam14]

Dude, your video... despite having been a school project, I can tell you truly understand the concept and meaning of the album, this is the best video that I've seen so far explaining "everywhere at the end of time"

[@InnerRise]

What is the album? Ive never heard of it. What's it significance?

[@moss1w]

@@jadesketch1726 he's using irony to convey an example of dementia.

[@jadesketch1726]

@@moss1w ooh ok sorry hard to tell from text

[@hernanhuayta3147]

lol vegito que haces aqui, and yes i agree with you

[@ericn.5263]

@@InnerRise the album is about Alzheimer’s and dementia. about 6 and a half hours long and it’s really depressing

[@bananajoe9951]

My father has Parkinson's, per the project, he's in the middle of stage 3. He confuses dreams with reality sometimes and it's hard for him to socialize. When we talk about the things he was good at, he's sharp and focused. If you introduce any new topics, he has a difficult time keeping up in conversation. He writes in a diary, that he lets me read, so I have something from him when he's gone. The most disturbing excerpt has kept me awake at night sometimes. "No one tells you when or how the roller coaster of life ends. Some people are fortunate to get an expedient end to their ride. Some people have a short exciting thriller, others a meek and mild one. But for me, I must ride it into the depths where memories will eternally be on the tip of my tongue. The rot will dehumanize me, a breathing coffin I am to become. Will I forget that my roller coaster was slowly falling apart or will I remember the ride at all? I hope to find my mother and father in that place, even if I can't remember who they are."

[@ightimmaheadout3776]

That’s an amazing paragraph but incredibly sad

[@notato5052]

It's so nicely worded and grim

[@OzyMandias13]

I lost my father to Parkinson's with Dementia when he was 64 yo. That was the end of a 6 year struggle with the steady erosion of cognizance, motor skills, dignity in general. It's strange to watch your hero waste away. As a brooding young man my default coping mindset was to be angry at him. Surely this was something he had done to himself. This doesn't happen to people in their 50s. I distanced myself from him. It wasn't look down upon, as I was at the point in my life where I was forging my path and forward ambition was looked upon as a good thing. By the time I circled back, I was both humbled and gutted by the deteriorating effects of a mere 18 months. At that point, we spent time together but it wasn't him anymore. Confusion quickly gave way to frustration more times than not. What appeared to be no more than a detached existence staring off into space proved to be a contemplative mind locked behind a perpetually hangdog mask whenever he chose to be present enough to affirm it. Those times got fewer and farther between. He was the oldest of a large family and his next youngest sibling, a brother, followed him two years later with the same diagnosis same symptoms. While they were alive, there was a study done and it was determined that a well that's their parents drank from and gave them water from had a dangerously high level of aluminum in the water. By the time the third child in the family was born, they they had built a new home on the same farm and dug a new well. But that level of exposure in the early developmental years was enough. At this time I was told that it probably isn't genetic. It was a relief for me to hear because I am his oldest son. Since it is a degenerative, terminal illness, I have always been cognizant of my physical and mental state and whether or not it felt like it was in Decline. Over the last two years moments I started noticing moments of detachment. In the last six months I have noticed slight but undeniable memory loss and moments of attachment. In reality right now, it feels like a decline in cognitive functtion in the last four months . I have noticed a slight but uncontrollable tremor at times in my left hand. at times in my left hand. I'm in my early 40s.

[@yolo12345lol]

@@OzyMandias13 "I have noticed a slight but uncontrollable tremor at times in my left hand. at times in my left hand." uhh...

[@spookey2004]

Damn that’s beautiful in such a hopeless way

[@alastor1419]

Stage 1 - Memory Loss Stage 2 - Realization Stage 3 - Confusion Stage 4 - Confusion And Horror Stage 5 - More Confusion And Horror Stage 6 - Moments Before Death

[@HolahkuTaigiTWFormosanDiplomat]

：０

[@mistuhSpace]

I'd think of it as; Stage 1: Brisk Confusion Stage 2: Noticable Confusion Stage 3: Forgetting and Realizing Stage 4: Unable to Think Stage 5: True Horror Stage 6: Emptiness

[@MendosaMax]

id think of it as: stage 1: unnoticable fear stage 2: noticable sadness of mind stage 3: realization kicks in stage 4: unable of thinking stage 5: your time in isolation stage 6: true end of time

[@A.dude.you.know.]

All of you, I wanna see one with seven stages. That IS how many there are.

[@CTGReviews]

@@A.dude.you.know.stage 1 is no symptoms at all/no dementia, that would just be normal ballroom music

[@2miligrams]

this album gave me existential dread for like a whole week fearing alzheimers and other things relating to dementia, i had a nightmare where i was old and my mother was there but her hair was gray and had no face was crying. some doctor told me bad news, i can't really remember but i just wanted it to stop and i woke up with tears.

[@Wveth]

That sounds awful. Bad enough nightmares can be traumatizing. I've been there.

[@ailerox6417]

I don't really blame you to be honest. For some people this album can be REALLY disturbing.

[@lourdespachla6516]

I heard if you dream about something that could actually happen, then it will happen, its a legend tho

[@metalmanexetreme]

"I cant really remember" is one of the most chilling things to read.

[@meloyellow]

“This person is going to forget everything that’s making then content with their death in the first place.” Jesus.

[@RCT3Crashes100]

9:47 - I can see an additional interpretation of the cover of Stage 4. Note that the bust of the person is facing away, with their head slightly bowed. Since Prosopagnosia, a difficulty or inability to recognise faces, including those of people the sufferer may know very well, or even love, is a common symptom in numerous neurodegenerative disorders, it could be that here is where the patient has lost the ability to remember their loved ones standing before them. The identities of the people visiting the patient might as well have been erased - to the patient, all they see is a stranger, looking on with an increasing sense of despair.

[@jamescanbrown4591]

That's a good interpretation.I also think that the back of the head and hair are more distorted because the patient focuses to remember them by their face.

[@paskaalisaapaskaa5354]

Ive had a single experience with Prosopagnosia. It was back in my youth while i had consumed a gram of psychedelic mushrooms and i boarded a bus where my friend had entered before me while i was paying the bus fare. After i got done paying my ticket, i couldnt tell where my friend was sitting since everyones faces looked the same. I didnt remember what clothing my friend was wearing and I couldnt just stand in the middle of the bus looking like a complete fool in the midst of the rest of the "normal" people, so i decided to play it cool and pretend to be "normal". I proceeded to walk at the back of the bus like i knew that was the destination where i was supposed to go, until my friend grabbed me from the arm asking me where the hell i am going. That experience lasted propably the maximum of 10 seconds for me, propably even less, yet it was still horrifyingly long. The horrifying part is the realisation that you are unable to perform a simple autonomic task, such as sitting next to your friend due to such a small thing as not being able to read people's faces anymore. All this going through your head while you are pretending to be normal to other people. Its hard to imagine how hellish life can be if disease causes this to you and just keeps getting worse and worse.

[@NatieGreen]

The first time I heard Everywhere at the end of time, my grandma was on Stage 2, a bit of confusion, forgetting if she ate or not, not remembering what day it was, etc. Now she is on stage 3, and it's quite scary, she gets angry at us for trying ti take care of her, she's violent, and barely remembers things from 5 minutes ago. Your school project actually is helping me understand it more, thank you for the amazing work

[@AdmiralAutismo]

updates? i hope things are easy for you guys

[@NatieGreen]

@@AdmiralAutismo hey, thanks for asking! My grandma is still around stage 3 but she was still very agressive towards me and my mom, so we talked with my uncle and his family and they decided to take care of her since they're on a better position. And me and my mom moved out to our own apartment. We still talk to her at least once a week, and I'm glad her health hasn't deteriorated yet, since now my uncle's wife is taking care that she takes her meds and brings her more company than us since we were usually working outside of home 😊

[@AdmiralAutismo]

@@NatieGreen oh i’m glad to hear that shes getting the care she needs! you guys are amazing and i hope she knows how loved she is

[@spaceorsaturn]

any updates? been 3 months, hope she’s still okay

[@NatieGreen]

@@spaceorsaturn hi! Didn't know someone would ask for an update 😅 Well, my mom and I stopped living with her around September, because my grandma became too violent against us, but my grandma is living with my uncle (her son) and his gf who is a certified nurse, and they are taking care of her! They tell us about her status and she seems fine for the moment. Thankfully she is still living as normal, even tho her memory hasn't gone better, but she's healthy for a 84 year old 😊

[@nuadha5868]

I have a friend who was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzeheimer's this year at the age of 36 and he's been trying to get surgeries and medication to remedy/slow it down, he knows his lifespan is now much shorter than previously thought and he's very depressed over it. He's had really bad luck his entire life and it sucks that this bad luck will never go away, apparently. I mean, hell, recently, as of the past few years, his ex dumped him and spread false rumours about him doing unspeakable things to her and abusing her which turned all his friends and family against him. It's sad because he has never harmed a person and he's super gentle and sweet.

[@theonlywindowmaker]

"Sudden time regression into isolation", Feels like It's just letting you know the void is near.

[@mosio.2504]

Wassup Boston boy

[@TheRealHemlok]

Wassup Boston boy

[@alextheconfuddled8983]

I forgor 💀 On a serious note, the "losing ability to express there identity" is extremely saddening. Knowing that they are still a person, have a personality, have their own thoughts and memories and experiences with others, but now they cant remember most of that, unable to express it, they arent a dying husk. They are a full being without the ability to express themselves properly even in their own mind

[@ANoisyBroodOfFunch]

@Andrey Jethro Wattimena We Forgor 💀

[@FrillyDisaster]

Everyone Forgor 💀

[@DrewishComingforYou]

Our Forgor 💀

[@InsaneGold]

Everywhere at the end of forgor 💀

[@maximumphlegm]

all forgor 💀

[@Skitz3]

I once had the entire album playing in my ears during a nights sleep. Just like how the album its self is really confusing to explain, the nightmares/dreams i had that night seemed to follow a similar pattern of getting more and more unsensical until i woke up and forgot everything except the feeling

[@RazzBeri1]

interesting… i may try that just for the experience.

[@justPart]

@@RazzBeri1 how was it?

[@RazzBeri1]

@@justPart oh! i forgot to do that! well i cant just do it on a weekday... i need a good night's sleep...

[@copilopi3104]

@@RazzBeri1 That’s not how it works sadly, all dreams you remember happened around a few minutes to seconds before you wake up

[@RazzBeri1]

@@copilopi3104 i’m not quite sure why you’re scolding me… i understand that one forgets dreams, and i understand when. it’s quite literally stated in the original comment that the dreams are forgotten. my second comment was just stating that i couldn’t potentially ruin my weekday with bad sleep. i suppose that you were dropped, and now simply repeat whatever you have learned to random people at seemingly random times.

[@kicker401]

I think one of the worst parts about this disease is that you always think you have time, that you're not old enough yet. Until, you have it, and there's no way to go back or to stop what's coming.

[@michoislost]

i have been dealing a lot with amnesia, and EATEOT really captured the feeling that amnesia brings. everything is so familiar but something is still off. it has comforted me through these hard times and i keep coming back to it. it's an amazing piece, i love it.

[@zbndtt]

that is so interesting. i’ve always though abt how comparable eateot is to dementia (and things related to dementia) so idk this is just a super thought provoking comment lol

[@michoislost]

@@zbndtt The feeling of confusion and repeatness, the happiness that comes from emptyness is certainly on point, imo. my brain keeps repeating the songs on the album and it's normally these 7-second loops of one part of one song, but i keep forgetting the melodies, i don't know the name of the songs, and each time my brain is stuck with one, i can't remember how another melody sounds like. and being so empty it's happy is a very weird feeling, it's kinda like this manic nihilistic state of mind where you're just so tired of feeling everything at once, the confusion, the loss, the everything, and it's just. calm for once. I myself am working on an album inspired by EATEOT about my own experiences, because i honestly need a way to express this weird state of being i'm experiencing in a way that other people can understand. it's really amazing how music and just art in general can express so much yet showing so little... that's one of the reasons art is just my favorite thing, it's the basis of humanity.

[@michoislost]

I'm pretty sure i had more to say but like,,, i forgot-

[@zbndtt]

@@michoislost i still have such a hard time wrapping my head around that concept it’s just so unsettling to me. i talked abt it in the video with a lot of assumptions cause it’s kind of a hard topic to do any real research on so lmk if i misrepresented it in any way. and i’m definitely gonna have to listen to your album when it’s done - knowing you have a firsthand experience with amnesia will add so much meaning

[@SomeName_AlsoHandlesSucc]

You forgor💀

[@Frezix]

This actually makes me sad. The day before my grandmother died of dementia, we went to visit her and we actually made her laugh. Now I'm not sure if she passed away in stage 5 and still understood what we said, or that she didnt understand anything of what we said at all because she was in stage 6.

[@notakeyring]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminal_lucidity

[@steveburger01]

@@notakeyring the eye of the tornade

[@whwhwhhwhhhwhdldkjdsnsjsks6544]

@@notakeyring doubt it honestly that’s extremely rare

[@DanielShortKing]

Same thing to me, but it was 3 days and it was my great grandmother. I went to visit her, she had alzaimer and she didn't even remember my grandpa existed. One they later, they said she was in the hospital. Two days later she got worse, and then... On the 3rd day after I went to visit her.. She died.

[@AllmightyGigachad]

@@DanielShortKing I don't even know how to react to that. I have been watching too many eateot videos and I'm basically emotionless now. Sorry for ur loss ig

[@espial]

My grandmother started showing signs of dementia in mid-2020, right at the height of the Covid lockdown. I believe my she is currently in stage 4. She has had dementia for nearly two years now, so it really drags out and is very scary to watch. I found Everywhere at the End of Time in early 2021 and listened to the full album in one sitting on May 1, 2021 (coincidentally right before this video came out). The album gave me a whole new perspective of the world, and you couldn't have explained what it feels like to listen to it any better. As soon as I listened to it, I made the promise to myself that I would capture and save all the simple parts of life. I've found many hard drives of family and childhood memories that I now have stored in a massive personal archive. Because of this, I've delved into the art of liminal spaces and the strange aspects of memory. I've also begun to listen to Lofi, a peaceful and meditative genre of music that puts you into the current moment. I personally feel that, in a secular way to say it, the meaning of life is to experience life itself. It is to make memories and feel nostalgia. It is to be aware of existence. It is so see; to smell; to touch; to learn, to know; to remember. My grandmother is still alive, and I will cherish every moment I have with her, no matter how frustrating her dementia can be. I have promised myself that when she does pass, whenever that may be, I will listen to the entirety of Everywhere at the End of Time once again. Thank you for making this video. It is very well done. I would like to award you the highest honor I can bestow: an addition to my KZbin "Memories" playlist. Update 2024-01-04: My grandmother passed away about 3 weeks ago. I and the rest of the family were by her side. Today, I fulfilled my promise of listening to Everywhere at the End of Time once again. Three years of taking care of her. 40 months to the day. It is finished. God bless ❤

[@infrabread]

I also have (or, had, more accurately) family members with dementia. I feel like I "should" listen to the project because I've been with people that this music is about, but at the same time feel like I'll be wrecked because of it. I need to get some food and listen to this in one go, it feel like the right thing to do.

[@DrumickD]

💔

[@alissey]

"I have promised myself that when she does pass, whenever that may be, I will listen to the entirety of Everywhere at the End of Time once again" - I literally just cried at this concept 😭

[@luis-sophus-8227]

Yes... Life is about the travel!

[@Joshid1212]

I'm sorry for you lost today, may this piece of art remind you of her loving care forever

[@madscientist14]

I remember finishing stage two and half of stage three when I decided to listen to it while eating, and I noticed my hands were shaking and my heart was beating kind of hard like I was having a panic attack. I didn't even notice it. It was really weird, because I would have noticed it, but my body just did it on its own. Well something did happen that morning that was kind of stressful so maybe that was it, who knows though? Also when stage four came on, it was so perfect with the part of the book that I was reading because, the scene was the main character forced in a nightmare that brought him in his past that he particularly longed for, so when he woke up he was crying knowing full well that he could never reach that special place again.

[@Tanyariko]

Why was this also how my body took it lol

[@ashtinthedragon3237]

I have seizures. One type of seizure I used to have more commonly was absent minded seizures. This was when my mind felt like it would go into total reboot and I wouldn't know anything, only my five senses were still available such as sight and hearing. When people try to interact with me I am unable to give a proper response until I snap back with my thoughts fully intact. I can honestly say I have dived into dimentia and can tell you just how empty it feels.

[@Destoroyahpng]

How does it feel?

[@oneosix106decena]

@@Destoroyahpng i think hes already dead its 2 monthsvago

[@Inazio1311]

I once had seizures that i would start to lose the ability to think, like i was drowing i my own conscience the only thing remaining was fear. Plus i couldnt see even my vision was incomprehensible. It was... Horrifing

[@2miligrams]

@@Inazio1311 like when the wind is knocked out of you and you dont think just the feeling of fear and struggling

[@blackpink_inurarea164]

@@oneosix106decena 🤦‍♀bruh, like trust me, whatever type of dementia they have, Alzhemiers, it takes a long time, Lewy body, it takes like atleast 5 years, etc.

[@mhum02]

This is an amazing analysis, and one of my favourites regarding EATEOT. Your work is appreciated.

[@zbndtt]

Thank you !!

[@yellowmegablocksdogs4569]

but why did zaza not even mention synapse retrogenesis

[@theonlywindowmaker]

@@yellowmegablocksdogs4569 Sudden Time Regression Into Isolation my dude.

[@yellowmegablocksdogs4569]

@@theonlywindowmaker that aint synapse retrogenesis

[@theonlywindowmaker]

@@yellowmegablocksdogs4569 I'm saying that "Sudden Time Regression Into Isolation" is scarier in my opinion.

[@lordfatcock]

I lost my grandma a few weeks ago to dementia, she lost so much weight and was skin and bones by the end. She ended up drowing in flem because she had forgotten how to get rid of it. Along with that she forgot basically everything. She would have moments of clarity just as this project shows. But she couldn't walk and after a certain point had to be fed through a feeding tube. My family helped take care of her because she didnt want to be left in a nursing home to die lonely and my mom and her had always been close. But after a surgery she required, the hospital put her in a nursing home so she could recover before coming home. By the end of the nursing home stay she had body sores all over her from not being moved and she laid for hours in her own feces and urine. We also couldn't visit her room due to covid. But after that we vowed to never let her go to a nursing home no matter what. So the last two years + of her life we had to fix the damage from the body sores, which turned into sepis at one point and needed to be treated with antibiotics. After her final hospital visit we tried getting her oxygen and her insurance wouldnt approve it and we could never get her nurse practioner cosplaying as a doctor to help. But on the day she died, she was finally approved. She didnt die in our home because she was fighting to breathe and we had to call a ambulance. The paramedics came and said she didnt need oxygen even tho she pratically drowned from fluid in her lungs. Im sorry this is horribly typed and it jumps around alot but its still very hard to move forward considering what happened and she went through so much during her final years. So, Dementia is a absolute nightmare and I doubt I will ever forget my grandma calling out to her family who had been gone for a long time. This included her mother, brothers, friends and my papaw who died about 3 years before her.

[@tomwanders6022]

This is brutal to read, but I am glad I did read it. I hope you are doing a little better now.

[@hillkids02]

Fuck man. I can’t even imagine how horrible it would be to lose someone like that. I know nothing I say can help cause I’m just a stranger on the internet but I hope you can keep going. Hang tight friend.

[@azoversch693]

That sounds incredibly rough to go through, both for your grandma and your family. I'm sorry she was treated like that, it's infuriating to know that there are "healthcare professionals" that behave like that but actually encountering them must be hell. I hope your grandma is at peace. I don't know your beliefs but I hope that she's taking care of all of you now, and grateful for all that you and your family did for her. I wish you the best of life and that you can remember her with a smile, and don't get overtaken with frustration, anger and sadness. And I hope the negligent people around her face serious consequences. Take care.

[@-Fidelis-]

This brings me to a sadness beyond words.

[@gamingnut6213]

This reminds me so much of my grandmother, how she got dementia and it led to her slow dimise, how she went from going to acting as she normally would, forgetting some words to being unable to walk and only speaking a few words. I thank you very much for bring light to dementia and the process the person feels, it’s reminded me of what my grandmothers gone through ❤

[@muddigutz]

Thinking about dementia hits so much different after a loved one is diagnosed. My grandma isn’t even into the later stages (she was diagnosed recently) but this video still made me cry a little when before it wouldn’t have affected me at all. Good job on this bro. That last line hit really hard.

[@bromine4262]

So sorry to hear that man, I hope you get through it well... make sure you spend her final moments with you.

[@vicdrose]

Make sure you make the most of your time with her at this stage, even when she gets into those challenging stages.Its hard to want to face the fact your loved one is forgetting. And they are forgetting you. I find those little moments matter most. When I could see my Grandma much more often we would put on her favourite songs from back in the day and she would smile and dance. We lived in the moment. Sure we were in her purple carpeted small care home room but it didnt feel that way. I havent seen her in a while so Im not too sure how well she really is-only news from my family and the dementia care home. Good luck to you,your family and Grandma's journey and cherish whatever you can.

[@AllmightyGigachad]

Not to be disrespectful but does dementia have a 100% mortality rate?

[@muddigutz]

@@AllmightyGigachad yes, in fact the life expectancy for Lewy body is about 5-6 years. As far as I know there’s no cure for Alzheimer’s or any form of dementia

[@AllmightyGigachad]

@@muddigutz aw shit

[@criizon]

A comment by "Too much mustard" under the 6h video: Some useful info about the album: A1, "It's just a burning memory" repeats many times through the stages, becoming more and more distorted and lost. The crackling heard throughout the entire album is meant to symbolize plaque gradually building up in the brain. The Stage 3 album cover is supposed to resemble brain synapses. The Stage 6 album cover resembles the back of a painting, saying that whatever meaning was there, is now imperceptible to you anymore. Of course, you don't know that. You've already forgotten. i dont want to take credit for this but i think this is very important and i would like for more people to hear about this

[@leMiG31]

So the album 6 has double meaning?

[@criizon]

@@leMiG31 basically yea

[@taylors13cats]

damn the crackling part is honestly messed up and cool at the same time

[@basil1964]

My Grandma is at stages between 4 and 5, we saw her yesterday te eat with my family, she appeared… confused, she wasn’t talking, not moving too much, needed someone to help her in every moves. She lives in a home specially for dementia patients, when she got there for the first ( in march ) she thought we were abandoning her, she called my dad and my aunt, screaming at them, saying that they were [ bad words that I don’t think I can say ]. When we visited her after one month, she had a crisis. We wanted to go on a walk with her, she said that if we didn’t brought her back to Paris ( that’s where she lived ) we could just go away. We insisted and she started screaming and crying, I went back downstairs because it scared me and I started crying. One of the lady that live here and that have stage 1 of dementia comforted me but it made me even worse because she’s aware, aware that she’ll end up like this or worse…

[@AverageViewing]

Y’know- it’s funny. I did a school project about Dementia too, in English. My teacher gave us a series of topics, and books correlating to those topics. When I found both the topic, and a book that somewhat connects to Dementia, I immediately went for it, mostly due to EATEOT. After reading the book, we had to make a presentation, in the form of a tv. Not only that, we had to actually go advocate for the thing we were supporting (I.E, if you’re talking about animal neglect/abuse, go to an animal shelter to help out or something.) For me? I had to go all the way to Green Bay to visit a seniors home, and give specifically Dementia patients gift baskets. I can give you some details that I remember: any woman I saw, they had a bunch of baby dolls. Some wanted the extra baby doll that was in the basket, and some didn’t. I don’t remember *why* they had so many. Maybe it was just for the nostalgia of being younger and having children. I saw a man wandering in the halls. We gave him a basket. (Also- quick note, we gender-coded the baskets, so men got blue baskets and women had pink baskets.) We *were* going to visit a guy in his room, but… I don’t know if he was asleep, or- dead or something, but we couldn’t really do that. I saw a woman in a wheelchair, being brought to tears by… something. I can’t really remember what it was, I remember she had a jacket. Maybe she was having trouble getting it on, or off. It- gave me a silent disturbance, but I wouldn’t let that be known to anyone else. I’ve always had a habit of hiding behind a mask of security. Fun fact: the woman we were following, was a worker that specifically dealt with giving the patients of Dementia a comfortable death. I can’t remember the actual title of that kind of worker. But despite her seemingly pretty happy, and up-beat, I had this feeling she was.. she felt bad, specifically when she told us about her purpose as a worker in that facility. I sensed she was somewhat hurt. But I could be wrong. Maybe I’m just too empathetic. When me and Mom left, and drove back to my Nana’s house (which is in Green Bay), I decided to listen to some music. First thing I listened to was parts of EATEOT’s Stage 1. It made me reflect a little. I wouldn’t say this experience was traumatic, but it was… unnerving.

[@spungbopscarepans]

i hope you got an A+ on that project

[@WasabiKitCat]

The baby doll thing is something I've noticed in a lot of old folks homes. I've been to retirement homes a lot at varying ages, and as a child the old women there were very sweet but weirdly touchy. I think they give baby dolls and stuffed toys to old women because most of them had children at some point, and are nostalgic for being a mother. And after a while of dementia you start to forget what era of your life you're in, so eventually many of them think they are still the mother of a baby and become distressed when they can't find their baby. So having a baby doll can provide comfort, because it gives them the feeling that they have the baby they think they still have with them and they can "take care" of it. I've learned that a bunch of dementia care is basically like improv, so like if a woman with dementia is upset she can't find her baby, you don't say "your baby is 50 years old now" because they can't retain that information and it will confuse and distress them even more, so you say "oh don't worry he's right here" and hand her a baby doll. After a certain stage, it's counter productive to try and "snap them back to reality," because imagine going about your day today and someone you don't recognize says "actually your parents are dead and you're currently 90 years old in a retirement home." That's basically what's happening in the mind of someone with dementia. To them they are living in whatever part of their life their brain can remember, so to ease their anxiety it's better to pretend that they are the 25 year old mother of a newborn they think they are in that moment and that you are whoever they think you are in that moment. So the baby dolls are a part of that, they think they have a baby so you say "yes this is your baby." My dad's mom had Alzheimer's and she had a baby doll she'd carry around at the retirement home. In a similar vain my dad's dad had to be given fake paperwork to fill out at the retirement home, because he was a college president in the past which was a job that required a lot of paperwork, and he was distressed at the retirement home because he "needed to get his paperwork done." So instead of arguing they just gave him random fake paperwork to fill out, which made him happier. I honestly find it weirdly comforting that at a certain stage of dementia you just forget you have dementia, since it's probably really stressful knowing your mind is failing and after that point you don't really have to live with that stress anymore.

[@prodmatze]

bruh... not bad

[@ayuballena8217]

@@WasabiKitCat dementia is weird and we don’t know much about how the brain works, getting from “I’m forget”ing” to a point that you forget that you are forgetting is frightening

[@le9038]

This feels like what a survivor of dementia who is also an artist would explain dementia like

[@elcuy3544]

Like that one "old man with dementia forgets he has dementia" meme? Yeah I buy it.

[@blitzyblook3315]

you can survive dementia?! how?!

[@dhilipans5412]

@@blitzyblook3315 you can't. But if you did this what would happen according to the commenter

[@ketaminepoptarts]

@@blitzyblook3315 people on the internet are getting more gullible every day

[@caliber_v]

@@ketaminepoptarts they are *forgetting* the fact people lie.

[@bowensdog]

could genuinely listen to you talk for hours. the way you talk about these sensitive topics makes them so clear and easy to understand, and the visuals only drive the point home thank you for making this

[@jonginslaceglove3651]

At one point, me, my parents, their parents, and my great grandma all lived in the same home whilst my grandma took care of her. I helped out sometimes. I practically grew up with her, and I witnessed her decline and struggle with dementia. Thankfully, she was always very sweet. Though it’s heartbreaking in retrospect. I remember how she slowly declined, probably within 6 years. What breaks my heart is my grandma has signs of it too, and knew throughout taking care of her that.. she would most likely face the same thing. I remember how she stopped being able to go to the bathroom alone. Then get dressed. Then she needed to be fed. It was a slow domino effect, after one thing went it was only a matter of time until the next. She died around 2018-2019, though she lived to 106, and i still miss her, yet I hardly remember who I miss. I’m just thankful she’s not suffering any more.

[@MaddogHernandez09]

THIS WAS A SCHOOL PROJECT?! if you put this much effort into a school project it just shows your passion for this album and your philosophical speech and metaphorical topics are just so inspiring and I’ve never felt this way watching a video and you were just explaining the main piece so I can only imagine how the actual album itself makes me feel.

[@voodooonevipersonstation663]

If I’m ever diagnosed with dementia I promise you it going out on my own terms. I couldn’t live through something so lonely and horrifying. This is an auditory representation of dementia, but a visual version of dementia to me would be a maze the gets darker the further you go into it, and even if you walk backwards the maze changes when you don’t look at it. To the point where you are too tired to find an exit so you just curl up into a ball and cry till you die to starvation.

[@thecolorpurple4807]

Honestly based

[@The_Andromeda_Galaxy]

Lets just hope it never gets to the point where you forget this is an option.

[@kirbyjoe7484]

Everyone thinks this, so few succeed. The horror of dementia is that by the time you realize you are doomed to suffer such a fate it's already silently eroded much of your will and capacity to do anything about it. You have to act long before you feel like the symptoms have progressed enough to warrant taking action. This is how it traps you. Be warned, I have watched dementia take many loved ones and likely one day myself and the one thing they all had in common is they got trapped riding it out to the gruesome end. None ended it on thier own terms despite declaring such when they were young and well were the situation ever to arise.

[@owenstephens3389]

Write a living will. Dementia will rob you of the decision. Write it while you have the capacity to make the decision, the same way that people write living wills with a clause for being taken off life support if they go into a coma.

[@Raymk1]

If I ever found out I was developing dementia I get assisted suicide I'd rather die knowing who I am and who my friends and family are rather than solely forget and go crazy

[@soup_and_bats338]

If I’m being honest, I’d do the same.

[@eyesack6845]

Yes the second I get diagnosed it's straight to the cyanide pill.

[@jonh0130]

Dimentia runs in my grandma's side. She currently has it and her 2 other sister died from it and so did her mother. There's not a week that goes by that I don't think about it and I'd rather die than to go through what she did. I've told my wife if I ever get it to take me to the woods like an unwanted dog.

[@extrapathos]

Agreed

[@boogereater69]

I remember first learning about this entire album. I decided to dedicate to listening to the full album straight through, it made life living hell. I was constantly forgetting the things I was doing whilst I was just listening through the albums. During stage 4 I had to stop playing Minecraft because I kept forgetting what was my goal of of leaving the base this time? Wait why did I come to the second floor? Then during stage five I can feel my head pounding the violent thrashing sounds where nothing was melodic and it was all chaos. Finally stage 6 came and it was reminding me of the first stage, but I could tell it wasn’t the same, that I wasn’t the same anymore. Then the cluster of sounds finally begin to play a somber sad melody, barely recognizable through the white noise, and then in the most important part of the album that last 60 seconds. No scratches, no music, not white noise, you’re forced to sit there and take it all in, what that last bit represents before the end. There is no last hoorah, no upbeat melody to send you off, it’s just… perfect.

[@theta3404]

I listened to the "lucidity stages" (1-3) thinking it can't be so bad. I was so so wrong and I'm only at stage 4. The concept of the few and far between thoughts at stage 5 is the most terrifying to me. The fact that this person's only source of comfort is the thing they've been dreading and the thing that's killing them is so strangely scary and sad.

[@pjbutton3396]

A school project??? That was incredible! Your writing and analysis was phenomenal and your editing of the stock footage accented it perfectly. If you choose to make more content I would watch in a heartbeat!

[@Luje_YT2020]

if he didnt get an a+++++++ somethings up with the grading system

[@jarod-xr8gb]

I love all the smaller viewed videos, with only a view comments, because these videos always seem to be amazing an you sure as hell proved that point.

[@zbndtt]

appreciate it bro

[@jarod-xr8gb]

@@zbndtt Np man. Happy that it blew up so much!

[@Mrdoodleflops]

“A single photo can tell a million stories”.

[@aaronburg3579]

For anyone who's scared of dementia and the horrors it brings, I've found comfort in this belief. The average person lives around 79 years. As of writing this, 79 years ago would've been 1944. In 1944, no human had gone to space. Black holes hadn't been discovered yet. Smartphones and computers hadn't been invented, or even thought of being invented, yet. The list could go on and on. If this much has happened in the last 79 years, how much could happen in the next 79 years. By then, especially considering how close scientists say they are right now, a cure for dementia would almost certainly be found. Although it may very well not be true, it is more comforting to believe that it is.

[@Sentient-potato]

that helps so much. Thx :)

[@TheTediousFellow]

Being a human is to hope and believe

[@leannezezeski-sass2773]

TW: this is my personal experience with my Grandpa having dementia. There was never really a time I can remember him not having it. He was still ok when I was a baby because there’s pictures of him holding me and pushing me on the swing. Then when I was about 4 or 5, his house had become basically a hoarder house. It was all cramped with papers and random things and his 4 dogs that would just pee and crap all over his house which was really sad because he had loved those dogs but was just unable to care for them at that point so we had to give them away and keep one. I know his car had also been gone for some years at that point because he couldn’t drive anymore so we had to put him in a nursing home. The first one was horrible because nurses would take advantage of his disease by stealing from him. We noticed the gifts we got him had disappeared like a gold watch and an MP3 player with all his favorite songs on it(this was especially upsetting because music is one of the only things that can bring them joy) After that we moved him to a nicer veterans home but it didn’t really matter because he couldn’t enjoy life. He couldn’t walk, he had to wear diapers, he was pretty much always in a comatose state but he did have brief moments of clarity where he recognized my aunt and was happy to see her. But a lot of times the moments of clarity were just more horrible than before because he realized where he was and would start crying or saying he wanted to kill himself. He never recognized me as his granddaughter, he called Carol one time but I’m not sure if he was referring to my aunt or my mother because both of them are named Carol. My aunt would see him at least once a week for the last decade of his life in the Veteran hospital and my grandma did too even though they had been divorced for many years and he was always happy to see them. One of the saddest experiences I ever had was when I went with my dad to see him in one of the final years of his life. My dad never visited even for years because he couldn’t emotionally handle seeing his father like that so when we went to see him, my grandpa didn’t recognize him. He thought my dad was my grandpa’s brother and when my dad told him no I’m your son, he claimed to not have a son. My dad started crying when he said that and that was the first time I ever seen my dad cry. My grandpa died when I was 18 and everyone was almost at peace because he didn’t have to suffer anymore from this terrifying disease. He was only 78 which means for more than the last ten years of his life, he had dementia. I always wished I could of gotten to know him when he was well. From all accounts my Grandpa used to be a very smart man. He built airplanes and cars and boats and he was in the Korean War as an airplane mechanic. He was a gentleman and would always give my mother flowers from his garden. Him and my dad were very close before he got sick and I know it sounds horrible that my dad refused to see him for so many years but he just couldn’t handle it which I understand. Now that he’s dead I want to try to honor his memory by donating every time I can to finding a cure so no one has to go what he went through. It’s scary because my grandma had started to get it too in her old age but she passed away last year before it got to the late stages. She got to keep her house and at least some form of freedom until the last few months of her life. She was 85. I really hope me or my dad don’t get it. R.I.P. Grandpa and Nanny ❤️💐 You’ll never be forgotten and I love you

[@Al-Gebruh99]

Yo thats long

[@Vent_47]

My grandma has alzheimer and she she just isn't her anymore can't hear can't just and all this in the span of 6 years? maybe less

[@pazvillas-boas8255]

I hope your Grandpa and Nanny can rest in peace...

[@CT-7567_CPTNRex]

Im glad you shared this

[@Someone45674]

Dang

[@OMELOTTIE]

2023 edit! HEY PLEASE DON'T PAY ANY MORE ATTENTION TO THIS COMMENT. TURNS OUT IT'S DISSASOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER. as someone young (15 years old mind you) suffering with memory loss, this analysis genuinely terrified me, and i haven't even listened to the album yet. the way you describe it is just so emotional, and i'm a huge underreactor, so realizing this genuinely impacted me enhanced the experience by a lot

[@alcazarzaray]

i was 15 when you commented this too, and i too have memory loss, listening to this documentary genuinely made me re-think some things in life, i sometimes struggle to remember even the most minor details, what song was featured on this creepy tiktok video i watched? what did my friend wear yesterday? what did she eat? what did we do together? it scares me so badly, and i think this video has enhanced that, but it has also taught me to live in the moment and truly cherish something.

[@indiegala281]

@@alcazarzaray very few people remember the things you listed. Those are things that are incredibly common to forget about

[@tristantheoofer2]

same. nobody in my family really has gotten dementia other than my on my moms side and i also habe adhd which makes remembering shit really hard

[@WankBeans]

@@alcazarzaray Plot twist: @yos3xgamers and @nivsdiary are the same person.

[@kittyworks]

Same with me. I'm around 15 and suffer from memory loss. My family claims its ADHD/trauma I can't remember what I wore yesterday, I can't remember what I ate this morning, I can't remember to eat something, I can't remember where I am sometimes, I get lost constantly and I get confused on the simplest tasks aswell as struggling with remembering names. This video terrified me and when I looked deeper it scared me more. Doesn't help dementia runs in the family.

[@Tsuchinoko]

You sir, are serious KZbinr material. I hope you'll post more projects like this

[@misterkubic780]

Stage 6 ends with one whole minute of silence.

[@Kielie]

I’ve meet someone who had dementia before, my great grandmother. She was in a home, and when I met her, her husband was sent into the home just a few days before. she seemed to be trapped in a memory she had during high school where she was getting ready for prom and she asked me if I had some red lipstick as it would go well with her dress. If we said anything unrelated, or sometimes in general, she seemed to not hear us despite nothing not actually being wrong with her hearing. The nurses mentioned to us that when her husband was in the home that she was screaming out his name the whole night, until her throat hurt. The thing is, they couldn’t tell if she remembered his name or if it was because they had met in high school. I don’t know what stage she was at, but definitely enough where you know there’s no denying that somethings horribly wrong. Her husband died a few weeks later, and her a year. That was the first and last time I had met her, and I had grown up hearing stories about a wonderful woman, and it was horrifying seeing what happened to her.

[@amaryllis1826]

As someone who grew up with brain damage (head injury from a very young age) I felt like the statement that "it takes away your ability to express your identity and not your identity itself" hits really close to home. I still think like everyone else. My internal monologue is completely intact, but the moment that translates into something like speaking it becomes insanely difficult. (It's a big reason why a lot of Neurodivergent people treat their brain like a seperate entity. "Sorry that was my brain just being stupid", "My fucking brain's keeping me awake", etc.) How I choose to discribe it is: think you're driving a car. You know how to drive just like everyone else, but your car is broken in whatever way. Your steering wheel isn't quite aligned, the breaks only work on one side, the engine keeps stopping, whatever the point is it's not quite functional. But you're stuck with it, and have to work around it. That's what it's like (for me) to live with brain damage. Of course there's probably smarter people with way better metaphors out there lmao

[@GPUGambon]

Got a concussion a few years ago, luckily I didn't get any permanent damage, but for the 2 years I was sick it felt exactly like that. Trapped in your own head, you are still you, you can still think, but everything is a lot harder

[@giogio51592]

but through written word you can communicate just fine, right? it's only the speaking part that's the problem?

[@properlikeproductions9033]

Been obsessed with this album for a few years, and I’m always trying to explain the way I feel to others about it … My friend, you have successfully expressed my feelings on the matter. Thank you.

[@siginture]

i'm a year late but this is some amazing work, man! i'd say this is more than just a school project at this point - hope you'll make more videos like this, it's both really well put together (visuals and script both) and interesting to listen to! My grandma just recently passed away and for the past 5 years she was taken over by dementia. It may sound weird but in a way it was interesting to see how she changed due to the disease - how she just kept forgetting things she did a minute ago at first, then after my grandpa died her deterioration got a little faster. Soon she'd start to forget our faces and mix us up with other family members who she hadn't met in years, she'd forget how many kids she had, other things like this. Then, later, she got more aggressive towards me - I'm a short person and to her I was probably just some random unknown troublemaking child who "didn't live there" (our house is conjoined, me and my fam live in the other house right next to hers). I remember two times when she took that aggression a bit too far in a way: she came at me with a broom one time, and started throwing walnuts fallen from the big walnut tree in her yard at me. That was the point when I think I knew she was just... not "herself" anymore, yknow? Because she never ever acted even just a little angry towards me before. Later, she had moments when she couldn't find or make up words because she didn't remember the correct words, but interestingly she was completely coherent until the end! For the last year she had to live in a nursing home for obvious reasons, but she was still smiling and cheerful, save for some moments of depression where she just... she just kept saying she wanted to die and that she doesn't want to live anymore (these moments happened even before she went to the nursing home and after my grandpa died so it was sort of a "ah, that mood again?" thing at this point). In the end, she was coherent but didn't remember anything about anything correctly. She'd make up things she did when my parents visited her and asked how she's doing, but never acted aggressive towards them. She later died in her sleep at the start of this month, at the age of 94. Seeing her deteriorate was... both interesting (even if saying this may sound bad), sad, and frightening at the same time. I remember how I wished for her "old self" to come back multiple times. I wanted to hear more of the stories she hadn't told me of her past, but I knew it was impossible at that point. I just regret not recording them when she was telling them... I'm just glad she's not suffering anymore...

[@drjackbright6601]

everywhere at the end of time has made me afraid of becoming old, I know that it is a part of life but I don't want it to be. getting dementia is one of my biggest fears, I don't want to forget anything. I want to remember the happy and sad moments of life but it will all come to an end and I know that.

[@-Pexy]

One of your final conclusions made me think a lot. "Dementia doesnt take your identity away, rather, your expression." Perhaps that means that not all is lost. The concept im thinking of, is that people in late stages of dementia are still there. Its a bit like being locked in your mind. You can only think, and never interact with the outside world. You can think perfectly fine, but not do anything. Once you think about doing something it suddenly fails. Forever in a cage, where the only thing you have is your thought, all your memories, all your experiences, everything that happened in the past, its only when you try describe them to the outside world, that it suddenly fails. The only thing you have left beside thinking about the past, is to wait, for your inevitable death, the only key to this curious cage.

[@GDNashit]

That would explain terminal lucidity... But who knows, only way to find out is to get there...

[@extrapathos]

It's like the brain is getting progressively weaker, loses control of everything accept the essentials, and eventually can barely help itself.

[@alixstar11]

In some weird way, that idea is more comforting to me than the idea that the person actually loses their identity, because losing their expression of their identity means that the person is still there. It doesn’t frighten me as much as the idea of actually losing yourself. Not sure why.

[@extrapathos]

@@alixstar11 I can see how that would be comforting, like by losing their identity, their soul is freed from the torture and what's left is an empty husk, still alive but soulless, so you don't need to worry about them anymore. It's not as comforting to think that their soul is still trapped and tortured inside their dying body. Smth like that idk I'm not all that religious

[@GoldMamb4]

This video lead me to the album and I think you got it spot on. It really does put you in a certain state of mind that you wouldn't be able to get just from reading up on dementia, although it might make you sad and empathetic. The entire album has so much thought put into it, even the parts that are barely music. The later stages have some random and muffled sounds, as if you're in a different room to everything around you happening, including your own thoughts. The album just makes you feel like you're getting further and further from not just the real world, but your own thoughts and memories of that world. Not only that, the feeling of being separate persists if you stop listening. I had to take a few breaks, and whenever I spoke to anyone I had to act as if I were in a normal state of mind, rather than the upset and sombre one the album had put me in. The fact is that no one else is going to understand unless they were also listening to it - because of the state it puts you in. Anyone can empathise with someone feeling upset at a sad song but you can't explain or relay seeing the world in a slightly different way. Everything in the project is incredibly well thought out and honestly I think essays of analysis could be written, but the best thing to do is just listen and understand as best you can.

[@matthewboire6843]

Everywhere at the end of time is something that you can’t forget until you become what it means.

[@ridikuluztie5605]

I am too emotionally connected to music. I fear listening to the album and never did for more than a few minutes. I never will any more. I am thankful I could get at least a slight understanding through this video rather than risking a meltdown. :)

[@squasi9157]

i can't listen to this album alone, not when alzheimers and dementia runs in both sides of my family. maybe i'll end up listening to it with some dedicated and curious friends. but for now it stays untouched and unheard by me

[@sail4170]

Literally I empathize It was A lot.

[@Jonkle]

This is the truest statement I’ve ever heard

[@chokoti7736]

no me too. one of the first pieces in stage 1 (forgot which) had this random drum set appear for like 2 secomds and holy crap it freaked me out so bad. i literally felt my mind go blank and it was only stage *1*. imma have to do the same as u and listen to this w someone else, theres no way in hell im doing it alone 😭🙏🙏

[@LassBisharp]

I'd always hesitated to listen to it because I know what it's about. However, I still went ahead and listened to it, but with a friend. What people usually don't tell you is that, it's not a good idea to listen to this series of albums if you're not in a good mental state. I'll also never listen to this series of albums alone.

[@luckyotter623]

I'm always so happy whenever I come across a new review or reaction video of EATEOT. I've been obsessed with this project since last fall when I first heard it. My fascination with it continues to grow. Thank you for your analysis of EATEOT. This is one of the best reviews I've seen. I like the way you discuss what to expect in dementia patients at each stage, and the comments from your caregiver friend about stage 5 patients "still being there" inside but unable to express themselves is really fascinating. In a way, it does make it more horrifying that they're a lot more aware than we think they are, but are trapped inside themselves, unable to make their thoughts, feelings and needs known to others. But at the same time, if they're still there inside, they haven't really been lost. Fantastic interpretation of the stage 6 cover art. Your summary of the whole project at the end is poetic and beautiful. You're the first person I've seen give a coherent explanation for what "everywhere at the end of time" refers to. All in all, I loved it. You have really done your research and given this a lot of thought. Great job! May the ballroom remain eternal.

[@zbndtt]

it took a while for me to be happy with how i explained a lot of the things in this vid so it means a ton that u resonated with what i said. thank u:)

[@thebarnbargainboi8353]

When I first heard stage 1 and the name of the album, I assumed it was meant to be about music that you might hear at the end of the world. I've never had time to listen to the remaining 5 stages but stage one always gave me that oddly relaxed feeling, like "If the world's about to end and there's nothing I can do then why should I be scared? What's the point in having my final moments be stressful when I can just relax?" Going back to the name of the album, I thought it was called 'Everywhere at the end of time' because it represented the end of the world or the universe. All in all stage one is still a really good song.

[@MrKyogreOfTheSeas]

Same here.

[@Not-An-AI645]

I actually find it every comforting I don't know why It's just... So comforting... Like despite everything... It's still me Despite everything that's changed I'm still there. I'll be there until the end. Even if you don't remember or realize it. It helps me cope with all my problems My fave for the first part is it's just a burning memory.

[@FortuneEight__]

it is comforting in a lot of parts. in my opinion the most comforting part of the entire project is the ending of J1 - Post Awareness Confusions. The chimes just convey so much peace and harmony yet the patient doesn’t know what “feelings” are anymore.

[@jaxrepublic]

You deserve more subscribers then what you have. The production quality of the video is phenomenal! You explain each stage in your own opinion, with detail and personality. My grandfather had late stage dementia, he passed away recently. I can refer to a lot of your statements as true to how he felt while he was still alive and well. I wish the KZbin recommendation algorithm blesses you with views.

[@zbndtt]

its super crazy knowing you can reference what i said back to your own situation. really appreciate this comment and hope you're dealing with the loss okay :)

[@xeviusUsagi]

I'm not going to lie, This album changed my life in a big way. before this album I never gave too much thought on how bad dementia was, I never gave too much weight to my memories. but after this album, I understood a lot more, and I'm very scared of it, after many days of thinking I always get to the same solution: "If I get dementia, I'll kill myself before I forget what I am, and long before I forget I'm forgetting" at least like this, I'll die myself, instead of dying and leaving my body to suffer. dementia is like your soul leaving your body to suffer for a long time, just to come back at the last moment to make it feel at peace and to tell it you didn't leave it behind, it is coming with you to the afterlife. Honestly, I could write an infinite comment on how I feel, and yet I feel I'll never truly write what its like, and yet I feel in such a specific and strong way for something I never experienced (thank god, I hope I never will) one thing that I wonder about is... if someone you know has dementia, and they are on stage 2 what would be the right thing to do? make them die before they lose memories. let them live to the end? let them die on the next stage? on the 4th? kill them while they forget forgetting so they won't even know they died? I honestly want to write for so much longer but I'll stop here since I'll get repetitive and I'd just horror my self to not sleeping tonight

[@giorgospapoutsakis5271]

same story with me i learned about dementia with the memes you know but it's FAR more serious than i thought i watched video's about it including this video and album and cleared it everything for me about that topic my grandparents dont have it and im sure about that my grandma died but not from that my 90+ year old grandpa that's still alive remembers quite well good sign because it's not a disease that run's in the entire family and trust me if i was diagnosed with it I'd do the same as you

[@Xander1w3]

My Grandma has dementia. Stage one or two. I'm scared for her. For what's to come next.

[@aratheroddpumpkin]

Sentience is a terrifying thought, awareness is terrifying when you begin to become unaware.

[@francescopetteno5238]

bro just got an 11/10 on that school project

[@catalinaguajardo8314]

I like to listen to music or random horror stories on KZbin as I make illustrations. One day I stumbled upon this six hour album and thought "okay, six hours, let's be productive" and started working. Came out crying really badly thinking about how I don't want any of my loved ones to be gone. My fear for death bubbled up a lot more. Started thinking lot of stuff I never thought about. About grief, about loss, about this condition that dementia is, the way it just breaks the way you see your life. About how lonely it would be to have dementia and can't even explain what's happenning with you. To all of you who have relatives with this or actually suffer from dementia on early ages, keep strong. Thank you for the analysis zaza!

[@margot-7625]

this hurts so much because my grandma suffered from dementia for 4-6 years and i never fully grasped how bad it was

[@dragonBishop99]

Stage three reminds me or aggitation, more than happiness. Its irratic and unpredictable when stimulated, and almost null when not. You did an excellent job on this project

[@focavr3097]

Your analysis is the best thing I have seen today. Thank you

[@LamborghiniDiabloSVPursuit]

I've always interpreted EatEoT as the gradual erosion of one's identity because of dementia. Essentially the death of the soul. People are shaped and made by experiences, we're all the same, but made different because of how we grew up. As those experiences are corrupted or erased by the disease, we slowly lose what made us what we are. Our brain will desperately try to maintain our sense of self by cobbling together what usable memories are left, with each stage resulting in a less and less perfect copy. As the brain slowly runs out of memories to use, the collective that made up our identity is slowly washed away, until the concept or idea that is "you" is gone. You no longer exist.

[@aguyontheinternet8436]

And no one will be able to tell when you have stopped existing

[@mezeipipacs]

My grandmother has dementia. This is the first time I've finally understood the concept of dementia, thanks to this project. Truly amazing and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[@derfshaya]

Zaza, i keep coming back to this video. It is very well made. The ideas, the words you used to express, how impeccably you conveyed your personal experience and the things it makes you think and feel about, the well-selected sampling of the albums accompanied with well edited periodical videos with glitch effects. Most importantly to me, your voice... There's a quality to it that exemplifies this thought piece.

[@armyforlife3191]

I love how you did this video, how you structured it and how you explain things clearly.

[@praxisclow]

I can't stop watching this. The fact that the video feed is getting distorted at the same rate that the stages he's talking about, is amazing and only adds to the analysis. Great job and amazing research.

[@Oisincolledge]

Do you believe the theory that the track “glimpses of hope in trying times” is the official moment of diagnosis?

[@zbndtt]

i’ve never heard of that theory but it sounds totally reasonable to believe it. it’s a scary song lol

[@Oisincolledge]

@@zbndtt I believe so, album is open to interpretation and theories one of the reasons it’s so good, great vid man

[@Human_Spawner_]

So much for the “glimpses of hope” am I right?

[@Oisincolledge]

@@Human_Spawner_ family members hugging and comforting you, telling you medicine is always getting better, that you still have many years to live

[@bella_ciao4608]

I always thought that it was Misplaced in Time

[@jackbep3360]

one of the best video essays I ever saw, good job

[@luvcannoli]

Such a beautiful explanation. Especially the ending. I really needed to hear everything. Thank you

[@benjaminrogers7853]

I found this album sometime in early 2020, before the pandemic started and life was pretty normal. I actually got used to using it as background music when I'm working on projects, because normal everyday music is very active and makes me think a lot, EATEOT kind of forces you to shut off and just be in the moment. I've probably listened to the entire thing almost 100 times at this point, and every time I end up hearing something new and thinking "I must have heard this before, but I don't remember it", and that's honestly one of the scariest parts of this album to me. Stage 4 is my favorite stage. It's the moment when the album truly reveals what its doing. I sit through the entire stage waiting for those Hell Sirens and think "Man, this is a lot longer then I thought it was, and that's scary" Maybe I just enjoy the fear. But for now I'm just glad I can remember what makes me afraid :)

[@feedbackblues]

as someone with chronic memory loss everywhere at the end of time made me cry very, _very_ hard the first time i heard it. the drones and crackling that distract you from the content of the music immediately struck me of the feeling of not quite remembering someone's name, not remembering your relationship or even how they looked. it immediately reminded me of the years i had lost to the thing that was supposed to store them. i really appreciate analyses like this because it helps to bridge the gap between people with functioning memory and people like me through the medium of something much more severe (albeit expressed through the lens of art and soundscape). thank you

[@sussybaka2895]

Doubt

[@AustynL]

@@sussybaka2895 Very credible comment coming from the person named "sussy baka 😳😳"

[@tristantheoofer2]

so how does this chronic memory loss work? i have adhd and am autistic too and my memory is fucking dogshit lol. like most of my days to me are just random memories interspersed in not rememering anything. hell i dont even remember anything from last year whatsoever. which is wierd to me. february all i remember is i got a job, march i made a video, june i graduated middle school, august i got fired from my first job, september 9th grade started and in december i got cancer. thats it.

[@wren_.]

@@tristantheoofer2 (this is how my memory loss problems feel to me) i hate my memories. i hate how flammable they are. 2020 was nothing but a feeling of zoom classes and fruit cups. What else? i know it was something else. i remember something else, what was it? i don’t know. its too charred to read now. memories are nothing but meaningless perspectives, stored without even a date, we have nothing better. we are our memories. we’re nothing without them, but i’m not an empty shell, am i? am i a waste? no. i can walk and talk and feel, so i must have something left. what is it? I am forgetting. I am a feeling. whats left?

[@Brawler_1337]

I hope you got full marks on this assignment. This analysis was so mature and insightful, touching upon ideas that others on KZbin have not. The visuals are haunting, and the script is so well-written.

[@lordroy88]

This is such a wonderful explanation of the heartbreaking album that it’s much more deserving of being just a school project!

[@jadegecko]

Glad you got the stage six artwork right, with it being the space where a canvas/page should be. There's no work in progress, no finished piece - there isn't even a blank sheet. So there's not even anything left to call empty.

[@caretakerfanprojectsextend2454]

One of the best reviews i've seen. Great job.

[@zbndtt]

thanks :)

[@odenathstudio]

The amount of effort that seemed to go into this is amazing. I watched this video for a school project of my own and it helped me create something that I felt personally connected too. Thank You

[@lyselyashi]

Wow! Impressive! I always wanted to watch a video about everywhere at the end of time, you explained it very well and didn't made it boring or too long. This music is just such a hard experience and you showed it that way. Massive thanks for that video man! 👍🏻

[@famtomerc]

A 20 minute long back-to-back goosebump-inducing commentary that ends on the very last sentence with an idea that made, literally, *every* hair in my body straighten out like razors. Every act that you covered you did with such care, attention to detail, respect and creativity that even I who's listened to EATEOT and a bunch of other of Kirby's works learned so much. Dude that last sentence alone is gonna stick with me until I die. Great video.

[@kaexewires7531]

you've probably heard this a billion times in videos like this... but this is SO UNDERRATED AND GREAT!!

[@sunstonespice]

Excellent use of visuals for this breakdown. I listened to this album in it's entirety yesterday and I'm still reeling from it. Watching and listening to others talking about their experiences and interpretations is helping me digest it. I genuinely was not wholly prepared for the emotional impact of Everywhere at the End of Time.

[@marshalllonigan1950]

This is a wonderfully professional, clean, and decisive analysis on a subject dear to me. Words cannot express the appreciation I have for your eloquent description of the enigma of our minds produce at our inevitable advanced age.

[@Meadras]

Absolutely brilliant analysis. There's truly something to be said about how this album is so relatable and personal without needing a single lyric. Drifting Time Misplaced from Stage 3 is is probably the best example of that and I really think it's the most important track in the album. You can so closely feel the person's memory trying to hold the melody through repetition - but it only fades away into abstraction and then is ultimately replaced by the most awful and tragic silence. It's a turning point and the mood of the entire album darkens afterwards like something incredibly important has been lost forever. It chills me every time I hear it

[@MrMonteG_]

Dude this is such a good video describing and analyzing this horrifically beautiful art piece. The fact that you even interviewed someone who cares for patients with Alzheimer's was so thoughtful and I haven't seen anyone else do something like that. I hope you can make more video essays like this some time later, your editing and scriptwork is actually pretty top notch for someone with such a small number of subscribers. Well done, all around.

[@delta12312]

Excellent work. You have a bright life ahead of you young man.