tough times during pregnancy | couple things with shawn and andrew

Today in episode 36 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we’re bringing you the next part in a mini series all about our relationship. You’ve been with us for this whole journey-trying to get pregnant and miscarrying, talking through how our miscarriage affected our relationship, mixed emotions trying to get pregnant again, and now how actually being pregnant affected our relationship.
It was different, that’s for sure! So we’ll walk you through those feelings and how our relationship provided a source of support through it all.
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[@shawnandandrewpods]

How did you navigate your relationship through pregnancy?

[@Someone92894]

I agree that I felt like maybe my husband didn’t connect with the baby until she was born. But as soon as she was here she was wrapped around his finger! It gets frustrating but you have to understand that there is no possible way for him to feel what you’re feeling! (Granted in my opinion he still needs to be understanding of the changes happening)

[@Someone92894]

Also, you don’t share your heart, your heart grows! You’re not taking love from a husband and putting it towards a baby you create MORE love to give that baby

[@karenhastey8360]

I went through a similar “neediness” with my husband, which was completely out of character for me. It was definitely the hormones. But as you say, it definitely affected every part of our life. With our first, I had NO clue what to expect, so I had a lot of expectations and a lot of things that I thought I would do or not do, and in the end you don’t really know anything until you’re there. My husband and I are barely on the same page 3 years, and 2 kids after our first LOL. Communication is definitely key.

[@marciawright2600]

We were in the middle of infertility treatments after 7 years of infertility when we got a phone call (had not even started the adoption route yet) The call was from a friend who was a Doc who had a patient that just had a baby and did not want to keep him. He asked if we wanted him and we said yes! 24 hours later he was in our house. We did not have one supply, had not read one book, no nursery, nothing! We had diapers and formula and that was it! My sister went to Babies R Us the next day and just bought us the basics. We gradually got him a nursery etc...but he just needed us. He was the best thing that ever happened to us and we just made it work. That was 32 years ago. My husband and I just became a team and did not sweat any of the small stuff. He was a gift from God and we accepted the gift with gladness! We were blessed with another child two years later through adoption.

[@beautifullybalancedyoga4651]

This makes me realize even more how important it is to be very intentional and picky in choosing a life partner.. there with you through it all ❤️

[@TommyJordanRE]

Pregnancy can be hard, honestly, it's all about communication and being there for one another. You never do it perfectly but with God in the center of the relationship it certainly helps a TON! Great podcast you guys 😊

[@Plumeria6460]

I think you love each child uniquely. You don’t love one more than the other, you just love each one fiercely for everything that makes them who they are. Mine are all very different.

[@samanthalea58]

That fear of having enough love for everyone was my biggest fear having another baby. I have 5 babies and 2 stepkids it’s crazy how you just feel so in love with every baby you get.

[@mahrieaderksen]

I am 9 weeks and some odd days and my husband has been my biggest support and help since day 1. I got hit with very bad all day sickness and he did everything for me from doing the dishes to making dinner and cleaning the house. I appreciate his help so much because he sees my hurt and does anything he can to make my life a little bit easier.

[@kaylajodway560]

Talking about how your heart grows with each new thing to love just makes you appreciate how love can never be a finite thing that it can only be expanded and extended and evolved ❤️

[@lovelycienna5]

I’m taking a couples & family psychology class, we’ve been discussing marriage and marital problems. 1. We learned that arguing/fighting is completely normal and everyone does it even if they don’t think they do 2. John Gottman found that happy couples have 5 positive statements/actions per every 1 negative statement/action & unhappy couples have 1 positive to 1 negative - so it’s not about the amount of negative, but actually about how many positive statements/actions are occurring 3. My professor mentioned how generally in an argument or disagreement, one or both parties are “listening to respond” and if they instead “listen to understand” it tends to diffuse a situation really well. Just thought I’d share what I’ve learned so far! Also, John Gottman has written several books, so if anyone needs a new read, he has some good books!

[@melissabarley8434]

This whole series is super helpful and honest. We are starting to try for a family. I appreciate the realness of how you adapted in marriage through pregnancy and this first year with Drew. Loving the stories in the comments too!

[@Someone92894]

I know you have mentioned the positive feedback about having episodes of just you guys and I am here as another one to agree with that! The episodes with just the two of you are my favorite!

[@sarahjane1903]

Loving the podcasts with just Shawn & Andrew! I’m sure the other couples you interview are great but I’m really enjoying getting to know more about you guys and your story. You guys explain and articulate your thoughts and feelings so well and I can relate to so much! Thanks for sharing your journey with us

[@kimhouchins8653]

I agree

[@amyleighsnarr]

Heard this from a mom with 12 kids- “Love is not divided, it’s multiplied”.

[@SamElle]

you guys are so candid and open and THIS IS WHY I LOVE YALL

[@joankgillette]

I’m loving these pregnancy and parenting podcasts!

[@shawnandandrewpods]

Thank you 😊 we are excited to keep bringing you great topics!

[@raecatlin5062]

Enjoy listening to your podcast.

[@jillchamberlain6478]

Andrew does so well, is so supportive, then just out of the blue sticks his foot in his mouth, sometimes up to the knee! It’s great. Makes you guys so relatable.

[@shawingmylife4876]

I loved this podcast! I’m currently pregnant, 23 weeks with my first child, and I feel like my husband and I will not have time for each other after baby. I also ask him quite regularly if he still finds me sexy. He affirms me, and tells me I am attractive no matter how my body changes. ❤️

[@maryleemam2301]

That was my biggest fear when I got pregnant the second time. How can I love another baby as much as I love my daughter??? The second she started screaming before she was even all the way into this world my heart just exploded with such overwhelming love that all my concerns were gone.

[@Dustin00kailey07]

I always think it's hilarious when I hear people say they are waiting to have kids until they are ready and can afford it 😂 I feel like you are never truly ready

[@shannonteer568]

I can totally relate to so many things on this podcast! Were currently trying to get pregnant with our rainbow baby. The relationship dynamics you go through with any pregnancy is a very real thing. I like that you guys spark the conversation because I think it will help so many people navigate their feelings with their partner. As always, sendin love from Canada!

[@shawnandandrewpods]

Aw!!!

[@valeriaortuno-garcia9325]

Thank you for sharing this entire series!! I don't have a family of my own yet but listening to your journey makes me excited to have one :) I appreciate how raw and open you two are. Love seeing baby Drew too!! Thank you

[@emilydorn7405]

These podcasts are so enlightening and helpful for a hopeful mom to be. My husband and i are hoping to be parents in 2021 and it is so lovely to hear your take on pregnancy and life too.

[@amytomuta1268]

Yes alternating schedule is awesome! I'm always looking forward to the ones where it's just you two.

[@natalielink8518]

I’m due in November and really liked hearing the husbands perspective on things! Thank you guys for sharing! 💕

[@kaseytrammell1281]

Love the interviews with just you 2! Love you guys! And so excited for your new addition to your little family! And I relate to you so much on this podcast about pregnancy and the changes etc.!

[@stephanieking5340]

Can’t wait to listen to this! You guys always make my day better :)

[@shawnandandrewpods]

Let us know what you think!!

[@txnishhh304]

I literally keep commenting but everything you guys are saying is so true for my family anyways! My daughter was also born October 2019😍 but when Shawn said my life had already changed and yours was slowing getting there I almost burst out crying it’s so true. Never knew how to word it!

[@alliedickinson2217]

You guys are truly amazing! My relationship with my Fiancé Jamie who him and I have been in a relationship for 9 1/2 Year’s now, It’s so incredibly similar to your relationship. We absolutely love your podcast and your KZbin channel, we listen/watch every single episode. You guys are truly inspiring and you have such amazing advice, and we just love what you’re doing! PS your daughter is absolutely gorgeous!! Xoxo Allie and Jamie! ♥️♥️♥️

[@seanaudette4565]

I have to wait for you tube to pop up the rating window. But I always give y'all 5 stars. Love you guys. Y'all crack me up

[@ashleyzellers147]

Shawn your face when he started singing cracked me up ! haha! Love you guys!

[@ccaswick]

Dang -- for those of us who have never been married and don't have children -- just W.O.W. Thank you for explaining ALL that to me/us.

[@nicolesavage632]

wow needed this so much today! love yall!

[@TheRealMcNeals]

Great podcast! Thank you for being open and honest! You will find that the next pregnancy is different. The ones after the first are usually easier for Dad to engage earlier (we have 6 kids). Thank you for sharing your faith through your channel!

[@chantelgilley7677]

I found out I was pregnant again when my son was 8 months old and it was a surprise lol I instantly felt guilty because I thought how can I do this to my baby he’s so little he will never understand and there is no way I can love another baby the way I love him BUT you can!! As soon as I met my little one who is now 1 year old ❤️ your heart just grows so you can love them both so so much and they will never feel like you love one more than the other!!! It was hard on me because my son was 17 months old when his brother was born so he didn’t understand what was going on! He would cry at night when I was nursing because he would want to be held and I couldn’t hold him! I remember crying all the time for the first month probably but then he adjusted to having his brother here and things got better and now they are precious to watch together!! I was so happy I had them so close even though. At the time I found out I had an absolute panic attack lol!!! Just make sure you make a point to do things with drew with just y’all especially in the beginning so she doesn’t feel like you are “replacing her” (that’s probably a terrible way to put that)! That very first week we let my mother in law keep the baby and we took our son to eat and to the store and he got a toy and I promise you he was the happiest little boy on earth and he was so good the entire time we were gone! He enjoyed that alone time with mom and dad!! Melted my heart!!! Good luck with the next pregnancy whenever it does happen!! Love watching these podcasts!!!

[@DGM032986]

Everyone’s experience is different but pregnancy has a way of exposing yourself to yourself. It’s a test of your relationship and then once baby is born that test is taken to another level. (In my opinion of course.) it forced me to really address some things that I was avoiding or brushing off that shouldn’t be. BTW not every dad is going to have an instant bond with baby and that’s OK. I knew that going into it about my husband. But now that our daughter is 2 months old and more interactive I can see his love for her growing with each “conversation” they have.

[@lorihansen5129]

When I listen to you two and how well you communicate I wish I could go back 21 years and start all over. I could have been such a better spouse. At least I can be better going forward. Really enjoy your podcasts. And a quick note, when the kids are young it mostly fun and games, it’s when they get older and you truly have to discipline that the fun begins. Plan ahead or there will definitely be arguments!

[@texasbatos1711]

On my third boy pregnancy this year and I’ve been extremely grouchy this trimester. My poor husband. You guys need to come visit Denton Tx. You would love it lol

[@patriciasheehan5734]

Amazing couple

[@lisagrace6471]

Hey, regarding financial planning as parents- if you guys haven't looked into this, check out a universal life insurance policy- this is NOT the same as term life insurance. A universal life policy has MANY benefits. When you die, you can use it to get death benefits and your money so much faster than through other avenues (a lot of people don't realize that when you die it can be really difficult for your family to have access to your accounts and get the money in a timely manner. It often takes months and can be a huge source of stress when a loved one dies.) It is compounding and more stable than other market or government options for retirement and death benefits. You can basically use it as your own personal bank and take out loans from it for yourself or if you have need for high cost medical care. We didn't know about this until my husband started selling life insurance and we were so grateful- it is especially great if you get one for your kids while they are young because of the compounding principle- for just a little bit of up front money and low monthly (my young son's is $25 a month), you can help them have a decent retirement plan. A lot of the most wealthy people use this to protect their money. We have one for every member of my family but have the largest policy on my husband. Look into it! :) Reach out to us if you would like to know more:)

[@bernadettemoore2352]

Yes 38 weeks and I’ve been getting more nervous about “losing him” or our relationship as it is. I do tell him and he is not nervous about that at all and says he won’t let it happen haha but I thought it felt so selfish or weird to have that feeling. Glad I’m not alone

[@creeperXkills]

PLEASE get eric and jessie decker in this podcast!! would love to hear the both you talk about relationships!

[@KimberleeHorbal]

Omg the "fear of losing your husband" is exactly how I felt. And still kinda do.

[@mckayla028]

i love you guys! You should have Cole and Savannah LaBrant on the show. :)

[@kimhouchins8653]

That would be great!

[@toritor18]

I love this podcast! ♥️ Always makes me happy!

[@shawnandandrewpods]

You make us happy!

[@mablespawsdogtraining5944]

Do you get a babysitter for date nights? or just after bed time? Also random but when you went away for the first time without drew did either of you cry? I have a 7 mo and am so nervous for my first night away with my fiance. i will be a wreck!

[@txnishhh304]

So true about the woman instantly goes into mom mode ex like Shawn said - what she ate etc.. the dad ones the baby is earth side

[@txnishhh304]

I opted not to😂😂😂😂

[@oboesax22]

Tifs that’s cause rifs lol

[@stephcarey]

What are some date night ideas that you have done?

[@toritor18]

If anyone needs a deeper financial guide through preparing for a baby or any budgeting things that go along with pregnancy/baby - check out Marissa Lydas channel. She has a lot of info in depth about it all.

[@wendytillotson1528]

@wendytillotson Would love to win to buy something special for Christmas!