Anger and Complex Trauma

Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 2/11

Рет қаралды 55,605

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 138

@robertafierro5592 10 ай бұрын

Today is my 64th Birthday and my gift to myself is listening to this lecture with my little dog by my side! What a Beautiful Day!

@aCarolinaGal 10 ай бұрын

Happy (belated) Birthday, Roberta! 🎉🎈🎂 Much Love 🙏🏻💕

@ellenhuse2025 10 ай бұрын

Lovely

@MsBettyRubble 9 ай бұрын

Happy birthday, Roberta! Hope your entire year is a celebration. 🎉🎂✨️

@AiCash-mc8fb 3 жыл бұрын

I am terrified of my own anger. More than anyone else's. So much that I avoid looking at ppl just so I don't become triggered by their faces.

@jodecib4406 3 жыл бұрын

You’re telling me…

@kingmoney-matt750 3 жыл бұрын

felt this on a personal level.

@Sy2023hk 2 жыл бұрын

Same here, I've been like this for nearly 3 years, how about anyone else?

@ts3858 2 жыл бұрын

Rage...anger hangover

@gardenbee1238 Жыл бұрын

Me too. I'm a very quiet woman, but I'm unbelievably angry inside. It sounds far fetched, but I'm afraid of ending up in prison for murder. When anger is present things can escalate quickly. I'm not sure what my anger will do.😢

@cokers4life 2 жыл бұрын

To anyone who finds watching these videos too hard, I know that feeling. In just a couple of years, I have made so much progress that I can now watch his lectures without all the guilt and shame. I have healed my relationship with my kids and I have healthy friendships now. I thank Jesus for Tim Fletcher and for the Spirit using his teachings to help me heal and repent from the sins that I developed to cope with my trauma. TIP: Don't watch too many of his videos at one time. That is part of your trauma and then you just sink into darkness from all that's wrong with you. Just focus on doing one thing a week. The best thing I did was stay in constant confession to my kids. My kids respected me for my confessions and they saw a real change in me. Being aware that you are triggered is the beginning. It doesn't stop the trigger but over time, it gets better and you don't explode so easily. If you have to repent 7 x 70 times in one day, its okay. You have grace to grow and your kids will be better for it.

@EnglishFuture-xg1gw Жыл бұрын

love this. well said.

@ScoutGrey Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@aml8760 10 ай бұрын

Thank you I appreciate your insight.

@shadowfax9177 2 ай бұрын

I find i can't read the bible anymore because it makes me so angry. I'm working with a Christian trauma therapist so hopefully it will help. Your comment allows me to see a glimpse of hope.

@megane617 3 жыл бұрын

My mother likes to embarrass me and shame me in front of people about how I was as a child. Apparently I had bad tantrums as a toddler. Thank you for the validation, I was crying out for attention, and this was the only way to get it. Now they shame me for trying to do better with my girls

@visatapani Жыл бұрын

Sorry for the advice, in case it's annoying, but sounds like the kind of mother it might be best to cut entirely out of your life, going full no contact, at least for a time. And even if not, at least making sure that you would have the courage/resolve to do that if necessary and clarify that you are in contact with her only as much and in the ways you want, not at all to please or support her. Parents are obliged to support their children all their lives, but kids have no such obligations to their parents. And kids continuing to support/protect their parents even when they don't deserve it (and e.g. cutting ties would be better) is one very common consequence of attachment trauma and a significant obstacle for healing. I would also recommend reading Alice Millers Drama of the Gifted Child, which explores that last part in particular.

@Linda-mo5sl 10 ай бұрын

@@visatapaniI hope you are wrong. My mother passed and had trauma and anger but being a mother myself I realize that I do the best I can and hope that my daughter will come to realize that we aren't given a manual and we all make mistakes. I hope this lady explains the impact to her mother. I agree the mother is wrong but cutting her out of her life and the life of her children, I will never believe is the option unless there is physical or sexual abuse issues or if the mother refuses to acknowledge her feelings and refuses to change

@mtlfilmaker5944 10 ай бұрын

If ur mom don’t change u need to stop having ur kids around her.

@MsBettyRubble 9 ай бұрын

Ah, so now that you have your own children and they suspect your daughters love you and are thriving, they shame you for being a good parent? Are these ppl really a healthy choice for you and your girls?

@MsBettyRubble 9 ай бұрын

@@Linda-mo5slSweetheart, do what you can you fix/repair any issues you have with your daughter as they occur. Don't "hope" for anything. Take action. If you daughter perceives your actions as less than lovable, you will pay the price. You're the parent. Your job is to protect, education, and prepare your child for a HEALTHY adulthood. If you give your girl excuses for failing and provide insincere apologies, you will pay a price. Listen to your daughter, be fair, be truthful, be honest, and walk the walk. Let her know you have HER back. It's NOT the other way around. Easy to say; hard to do. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES. Apologize when you've done something wrong. That speaks volumes.

@YFCGT 10 ай бұрын

My fucked up complex trauma, addiction issues and mental problems, AND HUGE RAGE AND ANGER problems just ruined my entire life, lost my career, my car, my doctor, my bank, my friends, my mind, my health , my money, and my fiancée. God bless me and forgive me as I am dying inside .

@equalityforunborn 9 ай бұрын

Cursing here on a Christian website....start treating others with respect and then your life will get better...

@frenchblueee 9 ай бұрын

@@equalityforunbornspeaking of Christian… how about you give this person some grace and love especially after venting and being vulnerable and putting their personal issues out there.

@kurtwhite2664 8 ай бұрын

@@equalityforunborn”you go out and pick fights to vent your anger”

@lce.1261 7 ай бұрын

Sending prayers for you to have grace for yourself and others.🙏🙏

@miller5170 2 ай бұрын

@@equalityforunborn he didn’t say f u he said it as an adjective geez

@fabulouslife4646 3 жыл бұрын

He is speaking about me. Took me years to realize that I was angry. And I really went crazy.

@unlimitedmynd 3 жыл бұрын

Really incredible insights. You have a gift for making this understandable. Understanding makes PTSD and anger less confusing. Knowledge is very empowering. To everyone who had your heart hurt as a kid.... I send you deep love. May we all heal.... xox

@mirthadarby4041 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Tim for explaining things without condemnation, just explaining it calmly. It's so helpful.

@lawrencedavis5459 5 жыл бұрын

I've been working in chemical dependancy for about 7 months now and listen to Tim's talks. I've learned so much from him.

@krystle8534 5 жыл бұрын

He is amazing

@davidnorman4396 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video I feel like I have been angry all my life.

@boxelder9167 5 жыл бұрын

Anger is easier to feel than the other emotions. Anger is often a secondary emotion. Pay attention to what causes the primary emotions to be triggered.

@umargamer5550 5 жыл бұрын

People humiliate me in public When I where good I mean before cptsd no one can touch me After PTSD everyone humiliate me Nothing works

@boxelder9167 5 жыл бұрын

UMAR GAMER - What you believe about yourself is critical here. Negative beliefs leave an open door for attack. Believe the truth about what God says about you to close the door. Ask God to show you how He sees you. We are flawed because of sin but deeply loved by God. Allow yourself to feel God’s love to heal.

@umargamer5550 5 жыл бұрын

@@boxelder9167 how to ask god

@boxelder9167 5 жыл бұрын

UMAR GAMER - “Jesus, help me see myself the way you see me. You died for me to rescue me from my sin while I was still your enemy. What kind of love is this that you have for me? Show me the truth about who you say I am, as your son, and remove all the lies spoken over me. Help me to unpack and operate in my true identity as you see me. Help me to see truth about myself and that the truth will set me free of the bondage to the lies of the evil one.” Then just go to God in prayer and say, “Lord Jesus, I repent of believing that I am; stupid, not worth anything, junk, too damaged to be loved, in the way, ugly, etc... and I ask you to let me know how you feel about me.” Then you just close your eyes and picture yourself standing before Jesus holding out those lies about yourself to Him. “Jesus, this is what I believed about myself and I give it to you to destroy it. Show me the truth now.” Then just listen to what He says.

@iw9338 5 жыл бұрын

The silent treatment is awful, i would rather my spouse yell at me. at least i would know what is wrong. Conflict resolution and processing all the stuff from work is difficult for me. Growing up I was punished when I asked questions, Go to Your Room!!!! Thanks so much for all the wonderful programs you have made available. Very helpful. Blessings to you and Your Family.

@tammykendrick7521 3 жыл бұрын

CRAPPY Childhood Fairy

@tammykendrick7521 3 жыл бұрын

Look her up. She has helped me more in a month than 30 years of begging the pros

@RenLC20 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! I really struggle to feel angry anymore until it bursts out at small triggers

@forgiven222 2 жыл бұрын

"You scheme at what you don't have..." I think of manipulation here, too. I once had a partner who would always talk about his lack of peace with me. I could not find ways to minimize myself enough until I flipped the script "He doesn't have peace and thus he needs me to continue to (unfairly) show up in ways that he can tolerate in himself." Until I saw that my neglect and abandonment of myself was undermining the wisdom of inviting him to look at his own self abandonment, I was stuck in a painful and angry cycle. I agree that boundaries are important. Also inviting others to be their own intimacy with themselves and to allow myself to be a witness to yet not responsible for, helped to create space to have my own experience devoid of their projected needs that I show up in a way to help them (through manipulation versus genuine humility). And to stop manipulating myself that I needed to save them in anyway, including to "save" my relationship. The understanding that anger is also a protector of my boundaries has been helpful insight. Blessings brother. I'm so grateful of your ways of relating information so well digested its easy to assimilate.

@CMoore8539 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this video! Blessings to you and Everyone listening.

@manni5072 2 жыл бұрын

Its the exact same feeling with neclected PTSD.. I got PTSD in 2005 but it took 10 years and a robbery before the Danish Government understood I really had a problem after getting assaulted.. Its not ONLY for Complex PTSD!

@joelofty6436 Жыл бұрын

Get the fuck over it

@conradterry4136 6 ай бұрын

omg thank you so much, years of confusion gone in 1hr.

@rachelorr9487 6 ай бұрын

We keep talking about honesty, as it has to do with anger and loving relationships. But I was taught lies are safe. The truth is scary and hurtful. And I still feel it.

@paulastella8268 3 жыл бұрын

I have CPTSD and my anger helps me to put up boundaries between me and someone else when I am feeling unsafe in situations. I love my anger and I never want to be without it. I also use other tactics to keep people out of my environment for the same reason. I love being alone and I value myself cause I have survived a lot in my lifetime. That’s why I now have a DNR status so I will ultimately have control.

@ashleighthomas3176 3 жыл бұрын

So much admiration and respect for this man

@lupiewarrioritaliano7386 3 жыл бұрын

After over 17+ years in AlAnon, each video I watch I hear so much more that I can put to use asking with my CAL tools. I knew he ran a recovery program when I heard reference to a Higher Power. I was hooked before then. Thank you. I'm grateful for these new awakenings that become new, and healthy tools.

@kimpuchek1956 3 жыл бұрын

I’ll hurt you by hurting me. It’s so true that we can do this thinking that we are hurting the ones that have betrayed us.

@netters1944 2 жыл бұрын

Finally, an explanation. This is so helpful. Thank you.

@stevejohnson743 10 ай бұрын

I'm going through Tim's LIFT program. I love watching the process of becoming aware of these things.

@lauraandrade2818 7 ай бұрын

Me too! Difficult process though.

@CarniBarbie 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Your videos have been life changing for me!

@PaigeSquared 2 ай бұрын

Thank you Tim, for making these available. So important. ❤

@axelsprangare2579 3 жыл бұрын

I'm not a easily angered person, I only get angry when I am remebered how much unnecessary and avoidable pain has been put on me. I'm the oldest child in the family, the scapegoat of a covert narcissist who has tricked me and manipulated me as a small child and preteen, cried with me fake tears hurt me when I wasn't expected it. I have been betrayed of everything. When my grandmother was ill in cancer he condemned her and wanted her out of our house because she felt "like a stranger".

@visatapani Жыл бұрын

From your description it sounds likely that you might still have a lot of hidden repressed anger (the lava/magma he talks about), but you are just not aware of it and don't express it. Chronic health issues, lack of vitality, energy, spontaneity or joy etc might be symptoms of repressed anger.

@jeanetjensen6474 3 жыл бұрын

As always, thank you Tim ❤🇩🇰🌍 I cant afford membership, but i do subscribe Sometimes i just cant lisen to your talks, its much to hard, aspecialy to handle the shame and anger feelings Best wishes to you, your family and the crew 🎄🎄🙏

@ts3858 2 жыл бұрын

I can relate....🙏🌺🌺

@bingoandtoto 4 ай бұрын

I think the anger is main part for victims of a trauma because the anger is the main emotion that the victims must suppress.

@PaigeSquared 2 ай бұрын

My anger was internalized so I do not suppress, it presents as chronic depression. Interpersonally, when most people would find someone offensive, I find myself saddened by the other person's choice to disconnect or behave in a rude way. The primary issue is knowing how to identify safe from unsafe people!! With some reflection, I believe fear is the most pervasive emotional effect of traumatic experiences. But that isn't socially acceptable, both men and women hide their fear. Men that are angry are seen as strong whereas women who are angry are seen as unhinged, so I think anger might be a somewhat socially acceptable presentation, depending on the person and context. That might be why we see it more. Many people mistakenly believe vulnerability is weak and anger is strong. 🫠

@yourenough3 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you! 🥰

@jcat7553 5 жыл бұрын

Thank youTim ❤️

@Paul_Ryde 11 ай бұрын

TIM you just saved my life

@cleverusername9324 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Tim your videos are helping me heaps in my recovery gosh it's a long road though!

@pulidobl 4 ай бұрын

My mother’s parenting style was Fear, so my sister and I walked on eggshells our whole childhood/teen years until we moved out😕She was a single parent. Our dad died when we were 12 and 5…

@AnnMathew-qg9ed 9 ай бұрын

You are doing great work...! Thank you

@B_i_R_D__M_a_N 3 күн бұрын

Where has this fellah been all my life... Just some guy on KZbin with all the answers I've been seeking for 30 odd years... W T actual F

@MegaMusicluv 3 жыл бұрын

@lindacorrin7847 15 күн бұрын

Amen 🙏 to everyone ❤

@imapandaperson 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for explaining this, I resonated with this so much

@patriciaherndon395 3 ай бұрын

This says part 2 but its exactly the same as part 1

@rikkiebailey1270 8 ай бұрын

Yep scared of my anger and have been like this since a toddler

@C-Span222 10 ай бұрын

Thank you so very much!😊

@Kumiola 8 ай бұрын

The truth will only set you free, at least for me as a follower of Christ. May this channel direct others on the right path, too. God bless

@gordonrichardson9393 2 жыл бұрын

im curious what do you say to people who had their first thoughts of suicide since around 8 yrs old because of trauma, and that have been angry ever since ?

@alana8088 2 жыл бұрын

I dont know if you will ever see this but I attempted suicide at 8 years old. I had and have a lot of anger for the reasons described in this video. Terrible outbursts of rage and I feel so alone until I watch videos like this and the comments make me feel much less alone. I still feel so sad about the suicide attempt and remember it like uesterday. My parents were addicts and my mom didnʻt get me any help. Forced me to throw up the pills and put me in a bath but never took me to the hospital. I was crying for help. But no one noticed. I think what you say to that person is a little related to their specific trauma. Some seek suicide to escape pain, others shame, etc. I think mine was neglect and verbal abuse and being ridiculed constantly and having to live with addicts around me all the time. I started experiencing depression, was alone in it, and was offen alone to take care of myself. It did make me very self-sufficient but the shame of having addict parents transfered to my identity and isolated me from other kids who had healthy families. They were kind to me but probably dont realize it hurt me to see how loved they were. I just want to be loved but unfortunately we seek love from abusive people and canʻt replace the love and acceptance we needed from them. But any expression of compassion and truly caring how sad and painful it is for an 8 year old to feel that way and not have adequate support or even be able to really help ourselves. Maybe something like “I wish I could have been there for you then but I am here for you now and I hope we can try to figure out what created the anger so we can help you heal from it.” I dont know if that fits the context of the relationship but it mah help. I felt unloved and ignored and invisible and was coping with a bully at school and after school and no one would help me with it. I got angry and stood up for myself so he beat me up and the neighbor saw it but said I started the fight and didnt really care I was injured. My mom did care, but she didnʻt get me help and it never really got resolved until later she chased the kid with an axe raging angry which just made me feel embarrassed and ashamed and didnt teach me how to handle anger and conflicf. All my parents did was yell and scream and fight. Idk if this helps at all but it triggered the memory in me and my heart goes out to this person as its such a young age to be coping with such serious thoughts and emotions. It made me think I was mentally ill for most of my life until I learned about trauma and PTSD afTer surviving domestic violence. The system often diagnoses symptoms and never does anything to identify the root cause (trauma often). People get put on pills and counseled but no one ever asks what happened that caused us to be feeling that way or having whatever issues.

@alana8088 2 жыл бұрын

And its ok if they get irritated or avoid talking about it. People with ptsd can get agitated easily so its helpful if you dont “bomb” us, and give us a gentle opening and a sense of respect and safety and to help us know what to expect - so we can prepare ourselves to talk about it since it may be triggering. Methodical approaches work well for me and i really appreciate when people are methodical and predictable and patient around me. I don’t cope well around angry people.

@alana8088 2 жыл бұрын

(And ironically have horrible episodes of angry outbursts now after surviving a lot of violence)

@gordonrichardson9393 2 жыл бұрын

@@alana8088 same here

@angelacahill9460 9 ай бұрын

"Addicted to anger" describes my sister. She is perpetually angry and creates conflict for no reason.

@notbrad4873 7 ай бұрын

Wouldnt anger also be designed for fight response in a life-threatening situation? And to protect loved ones, and justice

@ts3858 2 жыл бұрын

Can you talk about revenge ideations to retrieve your power back...? ..

@animalliberationCLBB 10 ай бұрын

Anger? I go straight to Rage! I hate how people treat me, just one disrespect I scream and sometimes I wanna hurt.. I want this pain to stop and at this moment the other person is the bad one. It's so sad, usually I'm too nice and a people pleaser I never wanna hurt someone..😢

@SaraSundgren-p2f 3 ай бұрын

Anger to protect love and loving relationships. Its very sad violation of emotional needs connecting to Spiritual abuse, bypass and lot of deception in church - beliefsystems.

@dianac.5329 3 жыл бұрын

How come part 2 is a repeat of part 1?

@janethomas78 3 жыл бұрын

I hate all of my damn family- there never wa sa relationship. I was always abused mentally and emotionally-

@alexjonees9787 3 жыл бұрын

Same!!

@mknels1299 21 күн бұрын

Join the club

@baja1988_Texas 3 жыл бұрын

Part 2 is the same as Part1.

@djlykaen Жыл бұрын

i think this one is the same as the last anger video (1/11), just a heads up

@wilfrediakajr.6624 Жыл бұрын

Yeah. I noticed that too

@mcmic1212 4 жыл бұрын

I am tired

@nnn70 Жыл бұрын

This is episode 1

@ashleighthomas3176 3 жыл бұрын

I was the one who didn't have anger issues until I LOST it!!!

@Futoonae 5 ай бұрын

well.. wow.

@Chris-yf2zs 2 жыл бұрын

0:30 anger as relapse trigger

@janetkramer689 11 ай бұрын

Anger caused me to experience OBE. Scary

@JMSsssssss 3 жыл бұрын

Yes but what if you got angry and fought back?

@ElGrabnar 4 ай бұрын

You end up on a horrible road where you get punished for it, possibly to the degree of removal from society and freedom, at say age 8/9. You end up isolated from healthy development and you get this experience seemingly like Kafka's The Trial where there is always another crime you've committed even without knowing what it is and seemingly no right choice and everything you do is judged and tallied. Eventually you give up or you find some (most likely unhealthy) way to get the validation or belonging or whatever and you needed and you end up dealing with trauma from your experiences. Least from what I've seen.

@annehettick8285 3 жыл бұрын

So true

@johnnynastapokaeyaituk5450 9 ай бұрын

I like to register..

@joywebster2678 5 жыл бұрын

Hmmmmm need to see if there is anger somewhere in there

@TheBakingGirlShow 4 жыл бұрын

who is this guy?? what's his name??

@TimFletcher 4 жыл бұрын

Tim Fletcher

@alexjonees9787 3 жыл бұрын

Really…

@BAfan2024-n5n Жыл бұрын

This looks like Part 1 done again. I don't see anything different here from Part 1.

@MsBettyRubble 9 ай бұрын

"Fear of anger becomes a control technique." Yes, I didn't like my parents because I feared them. They weren't safe, they weren't kind, they did not love me. But I was good bc I didnt want to get hit. So, can you imagine how much anger I have knowing that my parents weaponized religion to further hurt, humiliate, and control me and then insist that I fear god? No, I got back at them. I refused to have children. And I'm atheist. They have no control over what I do as an adult or what I believe. So if you have children, youve been warned. Hurt your children at your own peril. Parents are being cut off left, right, and center. I didnt do it. But I wish I had.

@lovingjesus5184 3 ай бұрын

You're not hurting them and getting back at them you're only hurting yourself.

@Cathereena Жыл бұрын

This seems like the same as 1/8 video.

@Notactive1988 2 ай бұрын

0:48 uh oh

@CJSmith-ky5bh 11 ай бұрын

But if they go into a “blackout” and can’t even remember what happened, why would they care? They don’t even know about it. We do as the person on the receiving end, and we then have to deal with all the vomit they sprayed at us, but they just get to deny and have no recollection.