Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 2/11

This is the first of a series of 8 parts on how people who have Complex Trauma can deal with anger and control issues.
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[@robertafierro5592]

Today is my 64th Birthday and my gift to myself is listening to this lecture with my little dog by my side! What a Beautiful Day!

[@TinaDougherty]

Happy (belated) Birthday, Roberta! 🎉🎈🎂 Much Love 🙏🏻💕

[@ellenhuse2025]

Lovely

[@MsBettyRubble]

Happy birthday, Roberta! Hope your entire year is a celebration. 🎉🎂✨️

[@AiCash-mc8fb]

I am terrified of my own anger. More than anyone else's. So much that I avoid looking at ppl just so I don't become triggered by their faces.

[@jodecib4406]

You’re telling me…

[@kingmoney-matt750]

felt this on a personal level.

[@Sy2023hk]

Same here, I've been like this for nearly 3 years, how about anyone else?

[@ts3858]

Rage...anger hangover

[@gardenbee1238]

Me too. I'm a very quiet woman, but I'm unbelievably angry inside. It sounds far fetched, but I'm afraid of ending up in prison for murder. When anger is present things can escalate quickly. I'm not sure what my anger will do.😢

[@cokers4life]

To anyone who finds watching these videos too hard, I know that feeling. In just a couple of years, I have made so much progress that I can now watch his lectures without all the guilt and shame. I have healed my relationship with my kids and I have healthy friendships now. I thank Jesus for Tim Fletcher and for the Spirit using his teachings to help me heal and repent from the sins that I developed to cope with my trauma. TIP: Don't watch too many of his videos at one time. That is part of your trauma and then you just sink into darkness from all that's wrong with you. Just focus on doing one thing a week. The best thing I did was stay in constant confession to my kids. My kids respected me for my confessions and they saw a real change in me. Being aware that you are triggered is the beginning. It doesn't stop the trigger but over time, it gets better and you don't explode so easily. If you have to repent 7 x 70 times in one day, its okay. You have grace to grow and your kids will be better for it.

[@EnglishFuture-xg1gw]

love this. well said.

[@ScoutGrey]

Thank you

[@aml8760]

Thank you I appreciate your insight.

[@megane617]

My mother likes to embarrass me and shame me in front of people about how I was as a child. Apparently I had bad tantrums as a toddler. Thank you for the validation, I was crying out for attention, and this was the only way to get it. Now they shame me for trying to do better with my girls

[@visatapani]

Sorry for the advice, in case it's annoying, but sounds like the kind of mother it might be best to cut entirely out of your life, going full no contact, at least for a time. And even if not, at least making sure that you would have the courage/resolve to do that if necessary and clarify that you are in contact with her only as much and in the ways you want, not at all to please or support her. Parents are obliged to support their children all their lives, but kids have no such obligations to their parents. And kids continuing to support/protect their parents even when they don't deserve it (and e.g. cutting ties would be better) is one very common consequence of attachment trauma and a significant obstacle for healing. I would also recommend reading Alice Millers Drama of the Gifted Child, which explores that last part in particular.

[@Linda-mo5sl]

​@@visatapaniI hope you are wrong. My mother passed and had trauma and anger but being a mother myself I realize that I do the best I can and hope that my daughter will come to realize that we aren't given a manual and we all make mistakes. I hope this lady explains the impact to her mother. I agree the mother is wrong but cutting her out of her life and the life of her children, I will never believe is the option unless there is physical or sexual abuse issues or if the mother refuses to acknowledge her feelings and refuses to change

[@mtlfilmaker5944]

If ur mom don’t change u need to stop having ur kids around her.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Ah, so now that you have your own children and they suspect your daughters love you and are thriving, they shame you for being a good parent? Are these ppl really a healthy choice for you and your girls?

[@MsBettyRubble]

​@@Linda-mo5slSweetheart, do what you can you fix/repair any issues you have with your daughter as they occur. Don't "hope" for anything. Take action. If you daughter perceives your actions as less than lovable, you will pay the price. You're the parent. Your job is to protect, education, and prepare your child for a HEALTHY adulthood. If you give your girl excuses for failing and provide insincere apologies, you will pay a price. Listen to your daughter, be fair, be truthful, be honest, and walk the walk. Let her know you have HER back. It's NOT the other way around. Easy to say; hard to do. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES. Apologize when you've done something wrong. That speaks volumes.

[@YFCGT]

My fucked up complex trauma, addiction issues and mental problems, AND HUGE RAGE AND ANGER problems just ruined my entire life, lost my career, my car, my doctor, my bank, my friends, my mind, my health , my money, and my fiancée. God bless me and forgive me as I am dying inside .

[@equalityforunborn]

Cursing here on a Christian website....start treating others with respect and then your life will get better...

[@frenchblueee]

@@equalityforunbornspeaking of Christian… how about you give this person some grace and love especially after venting and being vulnerable and putting their personal issues out there.

[@kurtwhite2664]

@@equalityforunborn”you go out and pick fights to vent your anger”

[@lisamarie7681]

Really incredible insights. You have a gift for making this understandable. Understanding makes PTSD and anger less confusing. Knowledge is very empowering. To everyone who had your heart hurt as a kid.... I send you deep love. May we all heal.... xox

[@fabulouslife4646]

He is speaking about me. Took me years to realize that I was angry. And I really went crazy.

[@mirthadarby4041]

Thank you Tim for explaining things without condemnation, just explaining it calmly. It's so helpful.

[@lawrencedavis5459]

I've been working in chemical dependancy for about 7 months now and listen to Tim's talks. I've learned so much from him.

[@krystle8534]

He is amazing

[@iw9338]

The silent treatment is awful, i would rather my spouse yell at me. at least i would know what is wrong. Conflict resolution and processing all the stuff from work is difficult for me. Growing up I was punished when I asked questions, Go to Your Room!!!! Thanks so much for all the wonderful programs you have made available. Very helpful. Blessings to you and Your Family.

[@tammykendrick7521]

CRAPPY Childhood Fairy

[@tammykendrick7521]

Look her up. She has helped me more in a month than 30 years of begging the pros

[@davidnorman4396]

Thank you for this video I feel like I have been angry all my life.

[@boxelder9167]

Anger is easier to feel than the other emotions. Anger is often a secondary emotion. Pay attention to what causes the primary emotions to be triggered.

[@umargamer5550]

People humiliate me in public When I where good I mean before cptsd no one can touch me After PTSD everyone humiliate me Nothing works

[@boxelder9167]

UMAR GAMER - What you believe about yourself is critical here. Negative beliefs leave an open door for attack. Believe the truth about what God says about you to close the door. Ask God to show you how He sees you. We are flawed because of sin but deeply loved by God. Allow yourself to feel God’s love to heal.

[@umargamer5550]

@@boxelder9167 how to ask god

[@boxelder9167]

UMAR GAMER - “Jesus, help me see myself the way you see me. You died for me to rescue me from my sin while I was still your enemy. What kind of love is this that you have for me? Show me the truth about who you say I am, as your son, and remove all the lies spoken over me. Help me to unpack and operate in my true identity as you see me. Help me to see truth about myself and that the truth will set me free of the bondage to the lies of the evil one.” Then just go to God in prayer and say, “Lord Jesus, I repent of believing that I am; stupid, not worth anything, junk, too damaged to be loved, in the way, ugly, etc... and I ask you to let me know how you feel about me.” Then you just close your eyes and picture yourself standing before Jesus holding out those lies about yourself to Him. “Jesus, this is what I believed about myself and I give it to you to destroy it. Show me the truth now.” Then just listen to what He says.

[@forgiven222]

"You scheme at what you don't have..." I think of manipulation here, too. I once had a partner who would always talk about his lack of peace with me. I could not find ways to minimize myself enough until I flipped the script "He doesn't have peace and thus he needs me to continue to (unfairly) show up in ways that he can tolerate in himself." Until I saw that my neglect and abandonment of myself was undermining the wisdom of inviting him to look at his own self abandonment, I was stuck in a painful and angry cycle. I agree that boundaries are important. Also inviting others to be their own intimacy with themselves and to allow myself to be a witness to yet not responsible for, helped to create space to have my own experience devoid of their projected needs that I show up in a way to help them (through manipulation versus genuine humility). And to stop manipulating myself that I needed to save them in anyway, including to "save" my relationship. The understanding that anger is also a protector of my boundaries has been helpful insight. Blessings brother. I'm so grateful of your ways of relating information so well digested its easy to assimilate.

[@manni5072]

Its the exact same feeling with neclected PTSD.. I got PTSD in 2005 but it took 10 years and a robbery before the Danish Government understood I really had a problem after getting assaulted.. Its not ONLY for Complex PTSD!

[@joelofty6436]

Get the fuck over it

[@user-gl6tk4ms4k]

The truth will only set you free, at least for me as a follower of Christ. May this channel direct others on the right path, too. God bless

[@No.1BlennyLover]

Thank you so much! I really struggle to feel angry anymore until it bursts out at small triggers

[@kimpuchek1956]

I’ll hurt you by hurting me. It’s so true that we can do this thinking that we are hurting the ones that have betrayed us.

[@paulastella8268]

I have CPTSD and my anger helps me to put up boundaries between me and someone else when I am feeling unsafe in situations. I love my anger and I never want to be without it. I also use other tactics to keep people out of my environment for the same reason. I love being alone and I value myself cause I have survived a lot in my lifetime. That’s why I now have a DNR status so I will ultimately have control.

[@CMoore8539]

Thank you for sharing this video! Blessings to you and Everyone listening.

[@ashleighthomas3176]

So much admiration and respect for this man

[@axelsprangare2579]

I'm not a easily angered person, I only get angry when I am remebered how much unnecessary and avoidable pain has been put on me. I'm the oldest child in the family, the scapegoat of a covert narcissist who has tricked me and manipulated me as a small child and preteen, cried with me fake tears hurt me when I wasn't expected it. I have been betrayed of everything. When my grandmother was ill in cancer he condemned her and wanted her out of our house because she felt "like a stranger".

[@visatapani]

From your description it sounds likely that you might still have a lot of hidden repressed anger (the lava/magma he talks about), but you are just not aware of it and don't express it. Chronic health issues, lack of vitality, energy, spontaneity or joy etc might be symptoms of repressed anger.

[@angelacahill9460]

"Addicted to anger" describes my sister. She is perpetually angry and creates conflict for no reason.

[@lupiewarrioritaliano7386]

After over 17+ years in AlAnon, each video I watch I hear so much more that I can put to use asking with my CAL tools. I knew he ran a recovery program when I heard reference to a Higher Power. I was hooked before then. Thank you. I'm grateful for these new awakenings that become new, and healthy tools.

[@netters1944]

Finally, an explanation. This is so helpful. Thank you.

[@stevejohnson743]

I'm going through Tim's LIFT program. I love watching the process of becoming aware of these things.

[@rikkiebailey1270]

Yep scared of my anger and have been like this since a toddler

[@CarniBarbie]

Thank you! Your videos have been life changing for me!

[@jeanetjensen6474]

As always, thank you Tim ❤🇩🇰🌍 I cant afford membership, but i do subscribe Sometimes i just cant lisen to your talks, its much to hard, aspecialy to handle the shame and anger feelings Best wishes to you, your family and the crew 🎄🎄🙏

[@ts3858]

I can relate....🙏🌺🌺

[@mcmic1212]

I am tired

[@MegaMusicluv]

[@imapandaperson]

Thank you for explaining this, I resonated with this so much

[@yourenough3]

Thank you! 🥰

[@YAHAYAH_369]

Thank You For 🔯 Your Service 🌞🌈

[@cleverusername9324]

Thank you Tim your videos are helping me heaps in my recovery gosh it's a long road though!

[@AnnMathew-qg9ed]

You are doing great work...! Thank you

[@jcat7553]

Thank youTim ❤️

[@Paul_Ryde]

TIM you just saved my life

[@C-Span222]

Thank you so very much!😊

[@animalliberationCLBB]

Anger? I go straight to Rage! I hate how people treat me, just one disrespect I scream and sometimes I wanna hurt.. I want this pain to stop and at this moment the other person is the bad one. It's so sad, usually I'm too nice and a people pleaser I never wanna hurt someone..😢

[@annehettick8285]

So true

[@MsBettyRubble]

"Fear of anger becomes a control technique." Yes, I didn't like my parents because I feared them. They weren't safe, they weren't kind, they did not love me. But I was good bc I didnt want to get hit. So, can you imagine how much anger I have knowing that my parents weaponized religion to further hurt, humiliate, and control me and then insist that I fear god? No, I got back at them. I refused to have children. And I'm atheist. They have no control over what I do as an adult or what I believe. So if you have children, youve been warned. Hurt your children at your own peril. Parents are being cut off left, right, and center. I didnt do it. But I wish I had.

[@janethomas78]

I hate all of my damn family- there never wa sa relationship. I was always abused mentally and emotionally-

[@alexjonees9787]

Same!!

[@ts3858]

Can you talk about revenge ideations to retrieve your power back...? ..

[@CJSmith-ky5bh]

But if they go into a “blackout” and can’t even remember what happened, why would they care? They don’t even know about it. We do as the person on the receiving end, and we then have to deal with all the vomit they sprayed at us, but they just get to deny and have no recollection.

[@gordonrichardson9393]

im curious what do you say to people who had their first thoughts of suicide since around 8 yrs old because of trauma, and that have been angry ever since ?

[@alana8088]

I dont know if you will ever see this but I attempted suicide at 8 years old. I had and have a lot of anger for the reasons described in this video. Terrible outbursts of rage and I feel so alone until I watch videos like this and the comments make me feel much less alone. I still feel so sad about the suicide attempt and remember it like uesterday. My parents were addicts and my mom didnʻt get me any help. Forced me to throw up the pills and put me in a bath but never took me to the hospital. I was crying for help. But no one noticed. I think what you say to that person is a little related to their specific trauma. Some seek suicide to escape pain, others shame, etc. I think mine was neglect and verbal abuse and being ridiculed constantly and having to live with addicts around me all the time. I started experiencing depression, was alone in it, and was offen alone to take care of myself. It did make me very self-sufficient but the shame of having addict parents transfered to my identity and isolated me from other kids who had healthy families. They were kind to me but probably dont realize it hurt me to see how loved they were. I just want to be loved but unfortunately we seek love from abusive people and canʻt replace the love and acceptance we needed from them. But any expression of compassion and truly caring how sad and painful it is for an 8 year old to feel that way and not have adequate support or even be able to really help ourselves. Maybe something like “I wish I could have been there for you then but I am here for you now and I hope we can try to figure out what created the anger so we can help you heal from it.” I dont know if that fits the context of the relationship but it mah help. I felt unloved and ignored and invisible and was coping with a bully at school and after school and no one would help me with it. I got angry and stood up for myself so he beat me up and the neighbor saw it but said I started the fight and didnt really care I was injured. My mom did care, but she didnʻt get me help and it never really got resolved until later she chased the kid with an axe raging angry which just made me feel embarrassed and ashamed and didnt teach me how to handle anger and conflicf. All my parents did was yell and scream and fight. Idk if this helps at all but it triggered the memory in me and my heart goes out to this person as its such a young age to be coping with such serious thoughts and emotions. It made me think I was mentally ill for most of my life until I learned about trauma and PTSD afTer surviving domestic violence. The system often diagnoses symptoms and never does anything to identify the root cause (trauma often). People get put on pills and counseled but no one ever asks what happened that caused us to be feeling that way or having whatever issues.

[@alana8088]

And its ok if they get irritated or avoid talking about it. People with ptsd can get agitated easily so its helpful if you dont “bomb” us, and give us a gentle opening and a sense of respect and safety and to help us know what to expect - so we can prepare ourselves to talk about it since it may be triggering. Methodical approaches work well for me and i really appreciate when people are methodical and predictable and patient around me. I don’t cope well around angry people.

[@alana8088]

(And ironically have horrible episodes of angry outbursts now after surviving a lot of violence)

[@gordonrichardson9393]

@@alana8088 same here

[@ashleighthomas3176]

I was the one who didn't have anger issues until I LOST it!!!

[@nnn70]

This is episode 1

[@janetkramer689]

Anger caused me to experience OBE. Scary

[@Chris-yf2zs]

0:30 anger as relapse trigger

[@JMSsssssss]

Yes but what if you got angry and fought back?

[@cansee8637]

This demonic hand sign is very disturbing 11:35

[@anordinaryexistence7305]

His hand movements in general…

[@Rome222]

This just ruined it for me and now everything he’s trying to say is just void

[@johnnynastapokaeyaituk5450]

I like to register..

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

Everything is not my fault also

[@dianac.5329]

How come part 2 is a repeat of part 1?

[@djlykaen]

i think this one is the same as the last anger video (1/11), just a heads up

[@wilfrediakajr.6624]

Yeah. I noticed that too

[@baja1988_Texas]

Part 2 is the same as Part1.

[@kimberlysmith5404]

💞

[@joywebster2678]

Hmmmmm need to see if there is anger somewhere in there

[@Chris-yf2zs]

22:15 the root of anger

[@nerthus4685]

This is the same as part one.

[@hoboditch3093]

This makes me itchy 😂I've come a long way but dam this is shitty to realize. Read my life like a book 😅

[@marianatequiero28]

Playing games and passive aggressive,

[@TheBakingGirlShow]

who is this guy?? what's his name??

[@TimFletcher]

Tim Fletcher

[@alexjonees9787]

Really…

[@user-xr5sf1zo8h]

This looks like Part 1 done again. I don't see anything different here from Part 1.

[@Cathereena]

This seems like the same as 1/8 video.

[@DanielBrandt10]

Basically repeated from lecture 1

[@Sh0n0]

prove it

[@Missmangamariah]

I am so angry just listening to this made me furious, helllp

[@tybowesformerlygoat-x7760]

I find this guy's voice tone triggering.