Antifragility: How to use suffering to get stronger | Jonathan Haidt & more

Happiness is temporary, antifragility lasts forever, explains Jonathan Haidt and 5 other experts.
Subscribe to Big Think on KZbin ► / @bigthink
Up next, Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile ► • Don’t chase happiness....
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. That old adage roughly sums up the idea of antifragility, a term coined by the statistician and writer Nassim Taleb. The term refers to how systems tend to become stronger after being exposed to stressors, shocks, and mistakes.
The same applies to humans. Although suffering for its own sake isn’t necessarily good, experiencing - and overcoming - stress and difficulty tends to make us stronger people in the long run. We shouldn’t always shy away from that which makes us uncomfortable.
0:00 Introduction
0:38 Jonathan Haidt defines antifragility
1:35 Susan David on life's fragility
2:12 Derren Brown on acceptance over positive thinking
3:02 Susan David on the risk of overvaluing happiness
4:39 Pete Holmes says "resist nothing"
6:42 Shaka Senghor on the ingredients for resiliency
9:45 Nancy Koehn on taking the first step
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/mind-brain/antif...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About the experts:
Jonathan Haidt ► bigthink.com/people/jonathanh...
Susan David ► bigthink.com/people/susan-david/
Derren Brown ► bigthink.com/people/derrenbrown/
Pete Holmes ► bigthink.com/people/peteholmes/
Shaka Senghor ► bigthink.com/people/shaka-sen...
Nancy Koehn ► bigthink.com/people/nancykoehn/
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read more of our stories on becoming antifragile:
Why you don’t deserve to be happy all the time
► bigthink.com/thinking/do-you-...
How to avoid “toxic positivity” and take the less direct route to happiness
► bigthink.com/neuropsych/avoid...
The Yerkes-Dodson law: This graph will change your relationship with stress
► bigthink.com/the-learning-cur...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About Big Think | Smarter Faster™
► Big Think
The leading source of expert-driven, educational content. With thousands of videos, featuring experts ranging from Bill Clinton to Bill Nye, Big Think helps you get smarter, faster by exploring the big ideas and core skills that define knowledge in the 21st century.
► Big Think+
Make your business smarter, faster: bigthink.com/plus/
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Want more Big Think?
► Daily editorial features: bigthink.com/popular/
► Get the best of Big Think right to your inbox: bigthink.com/st/newsletter
► Facebook: bigth.ink/facebook
► Instagram: bigth.ink/Instagram
► Twitter: bigth.ink/twitter

[@YoSpiff]

Makes a lot of sense. People who have never struggled are often lacking in empathy for others.

[@sakuranovaryan9261]

Struggle also needs some amount of care or good examples for people to follow. So it doesn't become resentment

[@sakuranovaryan9261]

What helped me was struggle but also learning how to manage the stress and learning to be proactive.

[@moonhunter9993]

and a backbone

[@jaydee9953]

I agree to a point. im still an asshole to many who don't want to work hard. this videos about resilience. not a pity party

[@moonhunter9993]

@@jaydee9953 talk is cheap. People talk big but crumble if they've always had everything handed to them...

[@raymondtendau2749]

Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. -Victor Frankl

[@uumioopii1]

and that's the beauty of art. if you can turn your suffering into something beautiful or meaningful, it wasn't for nothing. it was probably even necessary.

[@AnonymousC-lm6tc]

That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard in my life. Is being raped, starving on the street as an orphan or contracting cancer at a young age then dying before having the chance to accomplish anything or losing a child “necessary”?

[@uumioopii1]

@@AnonymousC-lm6tc in regard to the art that may come out of it, yes. sometimes, a bad thing is inspiration for something good.

[@raymondtendau2749]

@@AnonymousC-lm6tc In man's search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. He clearly explains and I quote "But let me make it perfectly clear that in no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering-provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it were avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political. To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic."

[@atul.binda.mithlesh]

Even the very word 'profound' is not profound enough to capture the gravity of this thought

[@mayapunjabi4250]

I SO appreciate him saying that we need MEMORY LOSS as part of the equation to turn our life around. I've never heard it said that way and it makes a lot of sense. When we over-identify with our past, rather than learning from it, our past controls us.

[@dogfat.]

Agree

[@ivancarrasco2128]

I thought I had a problem for not remembering all the bad things that I've gone through.

[@charliejsanders]

In 1967 during an interview with William F. Buckley, Groucho Marx said forgetting things is one of the most important contributions you can make to your own existence.

[@Eddi3Pwns]

The key is to not be lost in thoughts, be more in the moment to accept through our actions to avoid this disconnect experienced by the body from ungrounded thoughts.

[@rvs1]

Basically a staple in trauma therapy. To accept that something bad happened to you then and there but effectively realizing and internalizing that that moment is long gone, you are in the now. So your mind can be released of this confinement in trauma.

[@rapierlynx]

This absolutely NEEDS to be part of the high school health class curriculum!

[@zuri4365]

This!

[@LeoTheComm]

That'll never happen, sickness pays better than wellness, it's all about JOBS!

[@jacquietarr7280]

YES

[@jimreadey2743]

You're illustrating one of the negative principles covered in this video,@@LeoTheComm-- you've just given us a perfect example of _stinkin' thinkin'._

[@TheNaiveMonk]

Yes

[@carik8170]

“hope is the cornerstone of resilience” gave me chills

[@joe1071]

I’ve found that happiness isn’t the goal. The goal is internal peace no matter the circumstance

[@MrCmon113]

"Internal peace" is just a nebulous concept of something that usually causes happiness. It's only desirable in so far as it causes happiness, just like all things. If you don't happiness is the goal, you don't understand what happiness is.

[@joe1071]

@@MrCmon113 no more nebulous than “happiness” both are subjective and impossible to measure

[@DerKnusperhase]

this narcistic ignorant shit makes no sence at all. what doesnt kill you makes you in best case scenario stronger and even if it makes you stronger it maybe in the greater things makes you weaker because we want to live in an utopia. the need to become stronger itself its hearthbreaking for every empath. yes beeing stronger is good. but its escapistic to think that we all are nothing more then dead man waking figurines that cant navigate our life like we some day dreamed of and that we all can breake, mostly before death, but at least when it occurs. guys....this shit never helped nobody. its just korintenkaggga. the only thing that can help is inner peace and this u can only get by an impotent speaking carrying god. JESUS CHRIST. he defeaded death and suffering, he is allmighty. this humanism buuuushiaaat that doesnt work is so cringe.

[@pfb74]

"I'm sitting in a chair, I'm not floating" genuinely humored me. We love humility.

[@free-the-whales]

I'm an HSP (highly sensitive person). That absolutely does not make me weak. I am strong. I BEHAVE as strong-willed as I can. Just because I am sensitive does not mean I BEHAVE irrationally or overreact.

[@boris9047]

Yeah but it takes much more willpower to be strong compared to if you were less sensitive... I'm a HSP too.

[@user-rs5ip8qc4u]

Stronger Everyday 🎉

[@chaugulepankaj]

- Expectations are nothing but the disappointments waiting to happen. (Expectations = Disappointments) - Resist nothing. Love is learning to say yes to what is. - Hope. - Be Optimistic. - Stop overthinking. Sometimes forgetting things is good.

[@artorhen]

Disappointment is also good tho. So it's important to have expectations and to be disappointed, it is a way to experience and learn.

[@chaugulepankaj]

@@artorhen cool. That's also another good way to look at disappointments.

[@imnottellingyoumyname3050]

Expectations are future disappointments...then they shoehorn in shaka saying "be optimistic". Optimism is a form of expectation. The two ideas do not fit

[@chaugulepankaj]

@@imnottellingyoumyname3050 Good point! 👍

[@MCrystalMaidenn]

How can I hope and be optimistic without having expectations? As another comment mentioned before, those things are a form of setting expectations.

[@florianbudny5518]

Since almost half a year I've been facing the probably most intense and complicated break-up I could imagine and have been suffering way too long trying various ways to accept this fact, including speaking to professional psychologists. Your video has touched me insanely deep and is the first thing that really helped me to handle this situation. I actually spent some tears, because I finally have the feeling that there is a way out of this hamster wheel and my chance to be really happy again is right in front of me! Thank you Big Think for this Video!

[@tiffannyranger8134]

Thanks for sharing! I hope you regain your momentum soon! Take care! 🤗

[@florianbudny5518]

@@tiffannyranger8134 Thanks Tiffanny for your kind wishes! All the best for you! ☺

[@msmomo706]

💓💓💓

[@Joanlow1440p]

we all suffer from this no matter how tough you talk or the way you behave, and I'm commenting to say, I will climb this ladder and be better proactively from now on and close memories meant to be forgotten.

[@anps111]

Hey :) I had a similar experience this year and I understand it is very hard to go through this. I’m glad you’re feeling better. Thank you for sharing!

[@LordBrittish]

“No, I ain't happy yet But I'm way less sad” -AJR

[@KimDrewTheLine]

"Focus on the purpose instead of the pain."

[@eprd313]

what if you don't have any purposes anymore?

[@MrCmon113]

The belief in purpose is what creates the pain in the first place. I should be like this. This should be like that. In order to be X I need to do Y. It's a hostage crisis and you are the hostage and the abductor.

[@MrCmon113]

@@eprd313 Then you're free. That is the goal and that is also the path.

[@pfb74]

@@eprd313 you can create purpose, if you want purpose.

[@danielleary9533]

@@eprd313 It's more about the purpose of the pain than the purpose itself. The pain is trying to teach you something about yourself

[@thehazarika]

Voluntary exposure to things that scare you is the only way to not be afraid of them. In this process you don't get rid of the fear, you get brave. This idea is precisely what antifragility means.

[@carteracho]

Involuntary is the key here. If you control the amount of volatility and stress you have then you will never push yourself past your comfort zone.

[@maskingtables]

Yeah let's get abuse victims to be around abusers to make them feel less afraid. Get war vets to be around active battlefields, sure they will feel better. These simplistic views on fear and "struggle" are always about very regular problems. Re-traumatization is a real risk for people with severe emotional/mental trauma. In fact, it is the reason why people with PTSD just have to learn to live with their symptoms. The danger of further damaging your nervous system while trying to "exit your comfort zone" is just too big. Not everything makes you stronger. Many things can permanently hinder your cognitive/emotional capabilities. We just need to learn to live with these wounds and keep going. But they do not make us stronger.

[@MrCmon113]

You do get rid of the fear. People who drive cars frequently don't constantly overcome their fear of crashes, they simply don't have that fear. People who climb don't fear falling down. People who give classes don't fear public speaking. There's no struggle there.

[@shirshabarua8992]

​@@maskingtables I agree, voluntary exposure to regular things can remove the fear. But for those who suffer from trauma, the same thing will do the opposite

[@artorhen]

@adolforuiz9923 that's cause these solutions are mostly for people who have had the privilege to not have a problem in their lives and who live in a bubble. The rest of the people who actually had something bad happen to them don't need these superficial solutions because they don't have superficial problems.

[@WishBear]

Anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile, fragile Antifragile, antifragile! I'm Antifragile!

[@deveraux1]

I scrolled to find this comment. The timing of those video with that song is perfect.

[@mq6845]

Huhuhuuhuhuhu here we are

[@Learna_Hydralis]

The funny thing that I start searching youtube for videos of Taleb talking about antifragility because I discovered the concept recently, then they suddenly appear in my search result .. they confuse the results & ruin my search experience 😂😂😂

[@AnifreakGedsparrow]

Lol, I was looking for this

[@NathanNguyen128]

I definitely got a recommendation for this video because I listened to Antifragile too much lol

[@JorgeGenaro.]

“Life may not be the party we wanted, but while here we might as well dance” - I can’t recall where I read this but it stuck. It’s feels weird to write this but I do have many thoughts about ending my life subscription and just remembering this quote really put life into perspective. So I just think to myself “Every party has to end either way and we have one invite to attend, and it’s hard to have a bad time while dancing” I know it’s pretty rudimentary but it helps me out. Hope it helps for whoever may need it.

[@Jess-T]

I completely agree with the points on overvaluing happiness - this ties in with the concept of toxic positivity - it's normal and ok to have setbacks and feel unhappy.

[@MrCmon113]

You still value happiness maximally and don't value anything else. That's different from holding tight to things that usually cause happiness.

[@TrupimOkiemTV]

I love the idea of being held hostage to own memories. I was suspecting something like this is happening, but never thought of that so blatantly. Now I will use it to my advantage!

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

Memories are what make a person what they were. Actions demonstrate who a person is. Dreams and goals represent who a person wishes to be. Combined, they are "the self". Without all three, individually, they're totally useless. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@Arlen277]

When decisions haven’t gone my way in life I would tell myself to be thankful that something happened. No matter what. To help myself to accept the situation and move on productively so I do not dwell on it too much. I’m 19 and it’s good to know I was already doing this in some way

[@MrCmon113]

What exactly is "thankful" to you? If you're gonna be thankful after some time, no matter what happens, why can't you be thankful right now?

[@lukerowlands6120]

Replaying negative memories in your head is describing trauma. Traumatic memories being recalled is something you don't have control over. Those memories are by their nature intrusive. It's not something you can just choose move beyond. This would be attempting to bury the trauma, which and take my word for this, always ends badly. When faced with a trauma that the brain can't process properly we need approaches that help that process. And, the eventual goal isn't to let those memories go, but to own them as part of your story. Having reframed them away from the intense emotions they were paired with to begin with. Resulting in something that is closer to reality and doesn't own your moments in the here and now. This idea of antifragility seems to leave out this integral part of the human experience. Trauma shatters the self and then usually compartmentalises that as a fragment. But that compartmentalisation damages who you are, removing your skills, your identity, one trauma at a time. I suppose for the priveleged few who've not had much of a traumatic life this is useful advice. Otherwise it's contradictory and bogus. Humans are resilient. But we have limits. Trauma is the line that limit sits on.

[@robertdouglas8895]

Reframe them as what you made happen instead of what was done to you. We reap as we sow. If we want to sow happiness for others, we will reap it. Kindness is held in check by our grievances against others. We must remove those grievances not by memory loss but by memory revision, changing our minds about what happened. We made those experiences happen ourselves to learn the lessons from them. The suffering we go through is self-sacrifice. We suffer to rid ourselves of the guilt, but it doesn't work. What works is seeing others differently. That is metanoia, forgiveness or mercy. Then we can allow ourselves to be forgiven and end the guilt. If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

[@barbarazuazua3927]

I agree with this but also the video because these are two different levels of suffering. The type that every person experiences that is part of regular life is easier to work through and grow from without specialized help. What you're describing is extreme and on the level of PTSD. That's another level of pain and difficulty that would be ideal to have help working through. I get your point 100%. I've been going through this kind of thing for a long time. The advice in this video has also been a part of how I operate in life, and it goes a long way in a smoother transition into growth. I wish you peace, my friend.

[@barbarazuazua3927]

@@robertdouglas8895 That only works if you're not a victim of a crime. Don't blame a victim for what has been done to them like this. It's gaslighting.

[@robertdouglas8895]

@@barbarazuazua3927 The criminal is also responsible for what he did. The "victim" needs to learn the lessons from what happened to know he is no longer a victim.

[@brynleytalbot778]

As soon as “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” hit I recalled my mum saying that about her trauma which she narcissistically employed to manifest her superior grandiose identity of ‘being stronger’ which this antifragility ideology promotes. If all you create are highly maladaptive abusers with zero empathy because they’re ‘stronger’ and inflict their fragility back onto others with impunity because they’re superior grandiose personas, then this video is entirely counterproductive. Seligman’s second generation positive psychology theory was too upbeat but did escape the fixed traits of first generation psychology. This ‘happiness trap’ theory, by Russ Harris, forming Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, is based on life being primarily miserable with sporadic happiness. Accept and commit to misery and you’ll find happiness all the more enjoyable. For victims of trauma, resulting in PTSD or C-PTSD, the thoughts are persistent and intrusive, akin to an addiction to inflicting the event on oneself to relive it without any visible end. This video looked inviting, just like a make money fast without much effort video, but I must conclude it to be nonsense regarding trauma and its resultant psychoses. Quite why ‘professional’ psychologists tout such garbage without caveats beats me. Then again, it’s said many professions that open access to vulnerable people without control over their issues, needing a guiding ‘controlling’ hand, attract narcissistic personality’s. Maybe this video is about those egos and their need to deflect their own fragility to make it appear that they’re stronger than they really are.

[@PatricioEscobarDH]

Suffering has been my greatest mentor. Life gave me the choice to endure one of the hardest paths and I chose to take it. Every step of my recovery has been learning and becoming resilient from many dimensions of suffering. However one needs to be careful with hope as it can lead to disappointment. Never lose hope, but more importantly accept reality and be thankful.

[@alejandramarquez6804]

I disagree. Modern world has a lot of suffering. It is just we dont see it. I think the idea is to reduce suffering in this world. One can mske hinself or herself strong without suffering.

[@DaMan_ulovetahate]

Are u related to Pablo foo?

[@PatricioEscobarDH]

@@DaMan_ulovetahate 🤫

[@DaMan_ulovetahate]

@@PatricioEscobarDH thanks for the advice especially towards the end ✊🏼

[@Ryosuke1208]

@@alejandramarquez6804 It's nearly impossible to promote growth in oneself without pain or discomfort.

[@shawnenespeer8449]

I ended up putting myself in middle of suffering and being homeless and all the other things that go along with being unable to provide and care for your self. It was definitely an eye opener. I have been humiliated,no clothes,no food,. No roof over my head. Humble I am.

[@MrCmon113]

Nowhere near as humble as I !

[@sludgerat666]

Updates on your situation?

[@AwokenEntertainment]

a loss with no lessons is a wasted loss.. always use for adversities to your advantage

[@diannerussell9653]

I can identify with the guy who spoke about solitude and learning to utilise your time and to let go of the past because the past is our own prison that we create by staying shackled to it. I have learnt that change is apart of life, I love change. Nothing stays the same. I am lucky that I am one of those rare people that loves solitude. I meet people for a short time in my day if I do travel which is rare. People and I are like ships in the night and I prefer that. I will never know what it’s like to loose a person or a thing because I have neither, I have no attachments. However things do bother me and I can’t do anything about human nature and sometimes I have to be around people for a short time each day. I like this video because I learnt that everyone suffers and happiness is a fleeting thing that comes and goes. One thing I do need to do is to start walking in nature again, it’s good for the mind and body. 😊

[@Djellowman]

"apart"

[@nemrak4385]

Shaka is well known author he was on Oprah read his book and his advice was the truth!

[@elise9537]

I am a loner myself. I am happy because of it on daily basis! Ppl gravitate towards me because I seem calm and its soothing for them. I have a lot of anxiety going on because life happens but living alone helped me the most. hugs hope you do well

[@larrynguyen85]

Such a well-rounded, yet cohesive discussion on this topic-something I desperately needed to see today. I especially enjoyed Shaka's piece which was moving and concise. The throughline with all of these talks is the ability to stay in the moment; that what has happened and what will happen don't matter because they simply don't exist. All we have is the NOW and the decisions we can make for ourselves in that millisecond. It's a powerful reminder of the millions of opportunities we have each day to become stronger and more resilient.

[@gregkuld5137]

I love the way you summed this up. Nice. Thank you.

[@Metchta]

About optimism : optimism has little bearing on health, avoiding pessimism matters more. Well-being isn't about expecting the best, it's about making sure you don't assume the worst (Adam Grant).

[@daniohs]

Some of these philosophies have been established in some religions/other philosophies for centuries. As I was grieving over death my family brought up their Buddhist philosophy. It’s crazy how much human suffering and resilience has been a huge topic for humans for thousands of years

[@dee5331]

Same vital human needs and nature, different century and language! It's well documented in all of written human history! Gabor Mata's book The Myth of Normal does a pretty good job of explaining human nature, it's just a book though, not a human!

[@stevec404]

"...deal with our thoughts and emotions in a way that isn't a struggle." This is a critical skill that must be learned. When the essential underpinnings that contribute to the learning process are bound within traumatic events...and rendered unavailable...learning itself is difficult; and correcting previously learned programs becomes nigh impossible. One must bravely look back, and heal blockages, before any forward motion can succeed. I silently carried childhood trauma and slavishly followed its incorrect premises...until the day I began to look within for answers to questions that had gone unasked for decades. Resilience? We are born with it. I lost mine at too young an age to cope. Now it is becoming part of my vocabulary. With my foundational beliefs corrected and healing...I am not as fragile as I once was.

[@Chloe_x0]

8:30 Three things in order to be resilient: Remain optimistic Use your resources Memory loss-replaying mems from the past can sometimes hold you hostage, focus on the present and an action plan to move forward !!!🌞

[@joefloine2000]

Exactly what I needed for today. Thank you soo much Big Think.

[@raicyceprine8953]

6:43 this man's words have more weight compared to all others who shared. It really feels different listening to someone who had an actually experience of suffering and getting over it. His words are not extravagant but it's valuable and something that I'll truly remember

[@raicyceprine8953]

Others add a lot of fancy metaphorical stories but in the end, it's meaningless and not heartfelt. Just "reasonable" words they may never truly applied in their life themselves

[@wordzmyth]

Yes he really embodies moving towards the light, letting go of the steuggle

[@imnottellingyoumyname3050]

Such shallow takes. Really is a nonsense to assume you can learn more from someone simply because they experienced a feeling.

[@kingvadanite1816]

I do think what this speaker said rung more true than the others

[@DerKnusperhase]

this narcistic ignorant shit makes no sence at all. what doesnt kill you makes you in best case scenario stronger and even if it makes you stronger it maybe in the greater things makes you weaker because we want to live in an utopia. the need to become stronger itself its hearthbreaking for every empath. yes beeing stronger is good. but its escapistic to think that we all are nothing more then dead man waking figurines that cant navigate our life like we some day dreamed of and that we all can breake, mostly before death, but at least when it occurs. guys....this shit never helped nobody. its just korintenkaggga. im took yesterday chemo therapy. the thing people with cancer take. how gives a shit. worst thing is i will not even die soon. so what? death is just a doooor that takes my to my faithful lover. im just chilling and enjoying life as i can man. u know chilling here in the comments y folks know it. ^^

[@romicor9]

As a person on the autistic spectrum, I have to say it's not that simple for us. Yes, I'm stronger that what I used to be (and I suffered a lot too) but I also learned not everything in life has to be learned through suffering when you're neurologically more "fragile" than the average human. We're happier when we take distance from what makes us anxious and surround us with people whose actions don't make us suffer unnecessarily. That doesn't make us lazy or weak.

[@fatherburning358]

Thanks for your comment. My son is ND spectrum. Been going to psych, OT and speech regularly since 8yr old, 12yr now. Doing really well presently with social, knows what he does and doesn't like. As his primary carer parent(dad) my goal is for him to be ok, just ok, with the part of the world he occupies. His psychologist and I have just started challenging his perceptions of life. Specifically regarding school, he starts high school next year and I want to improve his understanding of the challenges to come so he can make decisions how he interacts based less upon his anxious reactions and more on understanding what might be going on. It will be difficult I know. I am not spectrum but I do have many of his sensitivities due to childhood trauma so I understand a lot of why he reacts as he does. All I hope is for him to not just survive the coming mental health challenges many young men face but to thrive also. I have a lot of anxiety for him which I keep away from him. I'm responding not for a pat on the back and well done but only to share my understanding of your challenges. I'm very grateful to be my sons dad. He has taught me so much, about my own challenges and responsibilities. All the best wishes romicor 👍

[@KTB77777]

Thank God for problems/suffering--it makes us more like Him. It smooths the rough edges. It makes us change. It teaches us something. If we keep getting same problem we didn't learn the lesson the first time. Resilience happens when we completely accept "what is".

[@Afaloz]

Struggling and coming out of the other side whole is art in it self ❤

[@flow-saf]

In the beginning of the video, someone talked down upon positive thinking and optimism, and in the later part, someone else is saying that optimism the key to resilience. Conflicting ideas in the same video.

[@ResurgentVoice]

Thank you! I came to the comments to see if anyone else mentioned this! I literally rewound the video to check if I had missed something or misheard it. 🤦‍♀️

[@ResurgentVoice]

I mean, literally hope and optimism are what CREATES expectations!!! And that’s exactly what the beginning of the video says are the biggest part of what makes us unhappy! 🤦‍♀️ *Edited for a typo.

[@galatea___]

My algorithm really recommended this video after me listening to Antifragile on loop

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

Once an individual has TRULY suffered for far too long, they'll gain a type of wisdom about existence that just isn't desired. There's no going back, either. Irreversible.

[@agoniaperpetua3627]

Can you say more about it? What mind of wisdom is that and why it isn't desired?

[@jiayangchua9774]

There is no meaning in life

[@MrCmon113]

@@jiayangchua9774 Precisely. The belief in "meaning of life" is the ultimate, absurd extrapolation of the schizophrenic tendencies most people have. Things can't just be what they are, they have to "mean" something else. And in the limit of this madness, existence itself must have a meaning.

[@gm2407]

My favouite part is not living in the bad memories, but letting them go before they solidify and moving on with hope and optimism. I need to maintain this practice.

[@koleyw932]

We're all like Sisyphus with that boulder. We tell ourselves it makes us stronger, but it also grinds us down, and that's the truth.

[@eprd313]

finally some realism

[@chrisaguilera1564]

I just got back from visiting Tokyo Japan for the first time in my life. I never visited someplace that was the polar opposite of where I came from. Here in the states we value stuff, stuff we own, acquiring wealth over happiness because that comes later after you have all the stuff. You see ads pushing merch you can't afford because you need it, it will make you happy but its a fleeting happiness. Once you get the big TV or big car you NEED something bigger. In Japan there is wealth but it's a big huge gap like it is here. People are happy when they have less because they have their families, they have jobs that bring them value. Yes they work really hard, maybe too much. They work harder because they value what they do but they find happiness in living their lives without being subject of just acquiring stuff. At least the local neighborhoods I visiting certainly gave that impression and it left me wondering about my own life. How just a simple life could be so rewarding that there is happiness there. Also, I'm sure their toilets give them happiness too.

[@aeropsia]

Lets just ignore that lots of people don't have a whole lot of good in their lives in the first place to help them through the bad.

[@cattledog5464]

I made a mental shift to become my own manager. My body is what I use to have experiences that I lead and create. I also have a dog and always ask myself, what does my dog want to do? Usually that means we are going outside for fresh air and sunshine looking for new places to be so it's fresh.

[@bertramvanhouten9916]

Wow I love the Memory loss point from Mr. Shaka Senghor. Never thought about it like he explained.. I can definitely relate to if you keep thinking about past failures and hard times, you keep yourself trapped. Wise words!

[@thewb8329]

Main tenant of Buddhism: Desire is the cause of all suffering. True concept we can all learn from despite our background.

[@aliakriel2551]

Thank you so much. I am going through a hard situation where ultimately I have very little control off the outcomes; and I’ve had such a negative depressed mindset. This little reminder helped me shift it. Seriously I cannot thank you enough x

[@jewelofdasouth96]

So powerful! I had to listen to this several times. ❤❤❤❤

[@masti733]

6:49 this guy has some real insights. A message I needed to hear and remember in my current situation.

[@shelley6373]

This is a really important principle. Something that was mentioned at the beginning of the video reminds me of what Mark Manson cited in ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’: when you strive for a positive thing that is, in itself, a negative experience because you are basically reinforcing the fact that you are lacking that positive thing. And a number of philosophers in the past have had issues with the idea of considering happiness something to strive for- to the point where the thing you pursue the most is happiness and a life free of pain and suffering. Also, since someone had to do it… Anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile-fragile, anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile🤟🏾🤟🏾

[@SerjayCalayo]

Found my people. Who loves philosophy and kpop.

[@thederpydude2088]

Before watching this video, I made a mental note of your comment so that I'd remember to check out the title you bring up, but, when I came back to the comment, I think I had an almost shocking moment of the idea that you described clicking for me. I had sorta been thinking that, if you understand the causes of happiness, then it wouldn't be so far fetched to try to create those causes. I'm wondering about the implications of this idea now though. It weirdly makes a lot of sense to me though because, for you to start seeking happiness, you have to first assume that you're not already happy or at least that you don't already have what it takes- you don't have the right reasons or conditions- to be happy, in a way. I'm feeling mildly mind-blown by this right now 😆 If you're happy, will seeking higher levels of happiness always decrease the level of happiness you're currently experiencing? I'm going to go contemplate these ideas now lol.

[@guilitotorres9777]

This is one of the main advices I always give people. Always change your point of view angle to make positive out of negative

[@saltiestsiren]

I've been leaning away from the online spaces I usually mingle in because the victim mindset is so incredibly potent. It's actually contagious, in a way. Depression and hopelessness hang in the air like a fog and you can't help but lose hope yourself the more you read of others' woes and the tragedies happening around the globe, especially when you're going through some hard stuff yourself. It's not that I want to be around more positive people, but we can acknowledge suffering for what it is, feel it deeply, and still move forward with our lives, and take control of what we're able to. Practicing to do such in everyday life, from deaths in our inner circles to mild road rage, is not only possible but necessary, and incredibly empowering.

[@CountessBathory418]

This is the most helpful video i've ever watched. Perfect timing as well, thank you

[@prometheuszero9]

I needed this exact video right at this moment. One of those rare times that the KZbin algorithm almost acts like a messenger from the Universe, coming to show me something that confirms what I'm already thinking about and dealing with. Lots of great quotes here.

[@DeAguaMusic]

Fragility comes from rigidness. As the Tao teaches: What is rigid is a disciple of death. What is flexible is a disciple of life.

[@dayy3071]

1. Hope - Think about people who lose everything in an Earthquake 2. Memory Loss - Everybody has painful memories; forgetting them is a powerful weapon. 3. Expectations - Expectations lead to disappointment. Attachment leads to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointment. I have lost 3 jobs in the past, spent $80K on MBA, was unemployed for 2 years afterward, and failed in 3 businesses, but life moves on. Starting my second Master in CS my 40s. I erase all my memory and live on hope.

[@FabJammes]

This video motivated me and calmed me so much. After a bad breakup, it really resonated with me. About what you can or can’t control and how to embrace this concept of anti fragility. Big up to this channel. They are healing me right now ☺️

[@chinookvalley]

Boy, I don't know. As someone who deals with physical pain 24/7, I have to wonder about someone who says suffering makes you stronger. Every single day, every hour, every minute, every moment is painful. I was a happy person before my injuries, since then, it gets harder and harder. I feel it weakens the soul. This isn't "living".

[@gidi2498]

Sorry to hear about your pain and i do hope you recover. I believe the suffering being described in the context of this video is that of emotions/ experiences rather than the physical

[@alicemetza3808]

I also pray you heal I’m sorry for your pain friend

[@priyankarchakraborty3874]

😥

[@ahklys1321]

Exactly... Neitzsche (sp) was taken out of context on this, I reckon. I'm a severe alcoholic and while it's a different pain, the effect is the same: it's soul destroying over time. What doesn't kill you weakens you and reduces your strength to face it.

[@wolfferoni]

Yeah I don't agree. Maybe a bit of suffering makes you stronger but not when it's life changing, constant, and affects your ability to function. Over time it really wears a person down. Lots of people with chronic pain end up with depression in some form

[@sampadsaha3277]

Thanks. This is exactly what I needed today.

[@Learna_Hydralis]

You last video of antifragility change my life, because I decided to read the original author which stretch my mind into new ways of powerful thinking! thank you!

[@sameo-]

reminds me of the idea of breaking drug regression and abuse cycles. what do you do if you've walked yourself to the bottom of a valley? keep walking and you'll get out of it. embracing the bruxing malaise. there's a life that leads to death and a death that leads to life

[@asteelcup859]

Bro, if you want to sound fancy at least use better words. "Malaise" is used to describe discomfort and unease, a feeling that is vague and whose source is hard to identify, it's way too weak of a word to pair it with what is essentially a synonym of teeth-clenching (bruxing). Way too tryhard, and it doesn't fit properly - stop trying to sound smart, especially when it isn't working out for you.

[@pedrostormrage]

0:14 "Resilience is absolutely critical to accomplishing your mission" ...What mission? 1:35 "Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility" Fragility doesn't make something "beautiful"; that's just coping with the fact we are fragile by deceiving yourself there's something good about it. For example, I dare say no one would refuse becoming ageless and immune to all diseases (if those were options). 7:54 "Hope is the cornerstone of resilience" That quote I can absolutely agree with. The thing is: is there anything you can ultimately (and realistically) be hopeful for? Mortality (or maybe our lack of understanding of what consciousness truly is, and how it's related to death) really shuts downs hope in general (at least from a selfish standpoint: I, for one, never really cared about legacy).

[@anuragstar1456]

Accepting the things we can't control as they are , is important step in the journey.

[@heartmumblr]

I loved every word of this truth. Sadly so many parents try to “protect” their kids from literally everything, they have no idea they are handicapping their own kids in life and will never know how to get through even basic challenges when they become a young adult.

[@ashleykinder8877]

I don't know who he is, but the guy who spent time in prison, what he said resonated with me the most. This may be the dark part, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you WILL get there.

[@bazar_historias_peludas]

Light at the other side. Love it!

[@naeberli9120]

Jonathan Haidt's books are a must read!

[@nemrak4385]

Shaka, absolutely great advice! So true! To get through adversity of major magnitude you must be: 1. Optimistic( have HOPE)that you can and will get to the other side of that adversity if you don’t give up! 2. Be Resourceful (what do u have in ur environment that u can use to help u stay strong and positive?)New skills-mine was exercise 💪and reading books 📚 3. have MEMORY LOSS( put the past in PAST!) you can’t do anything about it, It’s over and done, press forward into life!

[@mindfulnesswithmatt]

One of my favorite sayings by Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron is use poison (suffering) as your medicine. What breaks us is also what will make us

[@njones8190]

wonderful saying

[@frog6054]

But how exactly?

[@robertdouglas8895]

We reap as we sow. If we want to sow happiness for others, we will reap it. Kindness is held in check by our grievances against others. We must remove those grievances not by memory loss but by memory revision, changing our minds about what happened. We made those experiences happen ourselves to learn the lessons from them. The suffering we go through is self-sacrifice. We suffer to rid ourselves of the guilt, but it doesn't work. What works is seeing others differently. That is metanoia, forgiveness or mercy. Then we can allow ourselves to be forgiven and end the guilt. If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent.

[@mindfulnesswithmatt]

@@frog6054 accept the suffering as is, don't resist and push it away, and as Shaka Senghor said in the video too, focus on the purpose of the suffering, what you can learn from it, than just dwelling in the pain (obviously need to process and feel as necessary)

[@brynleytalbot778]

For every positivity story spun there are multiples more about the negative consequences of something impacting you and ruining your potential. Spin selective cases but don’t hide reality behind them as if everyone is the same operating within the same environments.

[@ziziroberts8041]

And I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. - Don McLean

[@maverick71777]

Great insights! Something which Nancy explained in the end that the more we take those steps the more we become brave, confident and quick to take another is so true. To anybody who is in a chronic rut, resilience is your way back to normalcy. Everyday, just think of the most basic micro task, it could even be just that one task that you do throughout the day, and finish it. It won't be the biggest achievement or the most profound step, but it is a mountain size step as compared to no step at all. The more steps taken the more self confidence you gain in your abilities. Two key takeaways - Don't search for motivation to do the action and never ever rush the process. Make action first and the outcome of the finished action is the testimony of your self worth and that which will motivate you to take another action.

[@GilgameshofBabylon]

"To live is to suffer. And in suffering find strength, and purpose. And hope, as you have done so many times before." ~ Hydaelyn "To live is to suffer. To drink of calamity. It is a perilous path. Death lurks in the dark. Do not avert your eyes. See your life for what it is. See how the hardships make you strong. Every doubt reforged as scales for your armor." ~ Matsya

[@devbrothonath9396]

NO EXPECTATIONS. NO LIMITATIONS. This is something that I have recently started to chant when things start getting hard. No expectations means that I do not expect anything from myself and that ensures I should stop expecting that I should be at this level or status from myself so that removes the pressure. No Limitations mean that I can do anything I want and should not worry about others, I observed that for a long time I was the one limiting myself by worrying what others think of me.

[@gaggle101]

“ Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen “ Whoa 🤯

[@robot7759]

Whatever doesn't kill you may very well crush your soul.

[@bspi624]

Great video, with concrete explanations. Using this video in my counseling group session I facilitate.

[@saftheartist6137]

Muscle philosophy 💪 Everything moving in & out like a muscle. It’s the rate of resonance.

[@spiralbrain]

Shaka Senghor is absolutely correct. The ability to forget is one of the biggest gift God ever gave us.

[@JezelJordan]

So much of this is reflected in stoic philosophy. If anyone wants to go deeper into this mindset I recommend reading about Stoicism

[@DeAguaMusic]

About Shaka's reslience, I would say you star to "loss" the memory of trauma when you deal wih it by any kind of treathment or therapy. Otherwise, it just keep popping up in our head, affecting everything and everyone in your life.

[@ncedwards1234]

Yeah, it's hard to forget an unresolved problem. So sometimes we need to resolve them in our minds when we can't do anything else.

[@angelinavysotskaya7847]

Thank you for all this content, it is just the Right time.

Strengthening our resilience muscles, that must really pay off

[@stephenrojepulidocastillo3706]

suffering is my attachment to how things should be

[@tigress63]

Shaka Senghor spoke the truth - he didn't need studies, didn't have to flog a book etc., he just presented his experience of resilience and was able to make it relatable to others.

[@isaacromerobottini1190]

This video came to me like a shot. Find that inner strength for keep moving forward it's hard even when your contract for a big job come to an end or your relationship it's not the same, in those situations we need to find the strength to make decisions and hoping for better days and can be good only if we continuing pushing to get better with ourselves. It's not the end of road my friends.

[@websurfer5772]

I've read countless NDEs and again and again, the angels and God say, "Everything's fine. It always has been, and it always will be." Now, before some of you attack me, they also said we need to lighten up. So start now, please. Thank you. 😀

[@bumble8588]

Brilliant video - THANK YOU!

[@sourirereveuse3809]

Can I just say I admire Shaka. He turned out to be a man full of wisdom 👏💖

[@ericjeker]

"You need to find a quiet place inside where just the fact that you are participating in reality is enough value and dignity to draw upon at any moment."

[@hotmama6927]

This helped me so much. Thank you 🙏

[@musicalmacaroon388]

No wonder I’ve always had a motto of life: “Dard se ehsaas hai, ehsaas se pyaar aur pyaar se zindagi.” It all starts with “dard” which is pain or suffering that brings “ehsaas” which is realization. Realization is everything! It’s realization that truly teaches us to be the best version of ourselves.

[@stuti4457]

Beautiful

[@falsepanda2981]

I just hope that nobody misinterprets "resist nothing" which is really more like "acknowledge present reality" as "consign yourself to continued idle acceptance of the status quo"

[@kierlak]

Our hearts need sometimes to soften. That way they're not fragile and can easily bounce back from future adversities. If your heart is hard, if you hold on to resentment, anger you have to learn how to let go. It's difficult but you become resilient as a result.

[@ahklys1321]

True, bitterness is the enemy.

[@MrCmon113]

It can be difficult, but not necessarily. And thinking it's difficult can make it more difficult. In the absence of thinking your heart would soften automatically.

[@SeaJay_Oceans]

Embrace Suffering , ownership of your own challenges in life grows your personal power .

[@Azolan69]

Thank you Mr Senghor!

[@michaelneedssleep]

It’s hard to keep watching when someone says “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” with a straight face.

[@orange1666]

Simply awesome , so much fantastic advice , the vast majority need to man up , embrace challenges , look for the positives whilst being realistic , be optimistic and value life more

[@eprd313]

"man up" yet men have the highest suicide rates...

[@remi2382]

Set a purpose, work for it but do not get attached to it. Work from your heart towards your purpose but with no expectations. The road towards that purpose with all the struggles within it is the meaning of life. Being pessimistic will never make you disappointed so you will not give up on your purpose especially if it is a higher one that aims helping people or serving your community. This is the formula of great unforgettable people .

[@peaceloveunity3794]

I believe you meant optimistic not pessimistic.

[@raycigar6356]

Suffering can be a great source for many ways of creative output

[@TalkingwithNari]

Remember sometimes those who always have the smile, can end up being the ones hurting the most inside.

[@GemSugar17]

I create my best work in moments of pain !

[@lucywright3312]

I love the part about participating in reality - not trying to control everything all of the time. I see this in my industry a lot, people rushing and stressing to have things perfect all of the time. That’s not life, Alan Watts says there are no straight lines in nature, but humans want everything constructed in a unrealistic way, including reality!

[@thatssoriya]

Thank you for this wonderful video 😊❤