Finding the body of my son Costya

I found my 29 year old son Costya dead after many years of drug and alcohol addictions. What were the last contacts that we had? How did I find him?
This is a gentle and honest account of his last communications with me, and how I came to find him. How did I feel after? How do we make sense of this?
#addiction #death #grief

[@junewilson4738]

Antonia. I am watching you from afar (California), and I signed up for KZbin so I could communicate with you. You dear Antonia radiate pure love and light. What a gift you must have been to Costya. The fact that he was able to express his true feelings with you speaks to that. As a gay woman myself I can only guess the relief he must have felt to finally introduce his partner and live his true life. I am a psychology professor and if it fine with you I would love to share your videos with my students. Through Costya you are able to educate about addiction, grief, death and unconditional love. I will forever think of you and Costya 💙🙏

[@antoniarolls]

Thank you, it is lovely of you. I would be very happy for you to share the videos, and am grateful that you want to. Very grateful. Thank you June

[@marcusmegastar]

Thanks very much for sharing this honest and brave and very insightful account. My heart breaks Sending love and you look beautiful in that yellow Costya inspired top.

[@antoniarolls]

Bless you dear Marcus

[@ReikibyEmmaHolmes]

Hello Antonia, i knew Costya many years ago, when i too was in a very dark place or drugs. I just wanted to say that i am deeply sorry that he has passed. Also from a awakened spiritual perspective Costya really was a earth angel as i am and most of us do suffer in our lifetimes. Sending love xxx

[@antoniarolls]

Bless you, thank you. It's lively to receive your message. Take care and sending kindness to you

[@CreedofAbraham]

This is so beautiful… 🥺thank you for sharing your light and truth 🪽 How this world is a prison for some of those we love and death is freedom, God is very real and near and I trust that your son is in a peaceful and cared for space🩵 sending you all light, love and support for everything you need. Your presence is important for this world🙏🏽✨.

[@antoniarolls]

Thank you and how true that this world is a prison, and death is freedom for some.

[@glennabain]

Antonia. This is gorgeous you… heartful always and sharing so openly. Thank you. My dear friends son recently died in similar circumstances at 29. I believe this will comfort her. You are an amazing Soul. I love you dearly. Thank you. And I am so sorry for the loss of amazing Costya. He was a very special young man and I’m so glad I got to spend time in his presence. ❤Love always

[@antoniarolls]

Thank you Glenna, bless you and I'm so sorry for your friend. My heart goes out to her x

[@AlexBliss754]

You are an extraordinary soul Antonia. There is so much beauty in this tragic story, so much love, amidst the challenges. I'm not sure why you and Costya touch my heart so deeply but you do. I do think that for some people there are worse places to be than dead. May Costya have found a sofa on which to rest, in peaceful place where he feels safe. He was so lucky to have had you. ❤️

[@antoniarolls]

Alex bless you and thank you. I love his finding a sofa to rest on x

[@EL-gu8fv]

I'm so thankful I'll never have this shed load of death and sadness in my life. Makes me grateful to be me. When I think on how I'll be doing a giant road trip around New Zealand this year, and that young man had no life at all.