Anxiety Diary: Depression, Doctors & Boob issues [LIFE UPDATE]

I've been debating for a days since I recorded this over whether to upload it or not but for now I think I will. I'd love to hear your stories and I'll be back soon with further updates and more relaxed videos.
Like and subscribe if you enjoyed!
Twitter: / littleduckvlog
Facebook: / littleduckvlogging
Gaming Channel: / uczqqovdqckxrqckxbkm62ka

[@WilliamWyche]

If I could get my TARDIS in gear, one of my spoiler stops would definitely be to show 2016 Emma a few 2023 videos showing what a brave and brilliant person she became.

[@trekkiejunk]

But you would be messing with the timeline! Chaos can result!!

[@desperadox7565]

Same.

[@dwarnica]

Hi Emma. This video should be shown on a regular basis. I'm pretty sure that many of your followers also suffer from depression. Being able to compare you when you were in the throes of depression with how successful and happy you are now delivers a strong message for those who are suffering from severe depression. I have suffered from severe depression for most of my adult life and every so often it bites me again. Your message is spot on! Take your meds! Things will get better!! Love ya!!

[@timriley4543]

6 years ago? Well, I love ya, Emma. Then and now. You're witty and darling inside and out

[@Mars-ev7qg]

Holy crap. when I saw this thumbnail, I didn't even realize what channel this was. The video quality has improved a lot in the last 6 years. Good work

[@robwhythe793]

I found your videos fairly recently, and I have loved your vivacity, your intelligence, your wit. Now youtube has recommended this old video to me, and it has been an eye-opener. The rough audio in a room with loads of echoes, the "natural" talking to camera, the (forgive me) amateurish presentation... And to hear you talk of being housebound with anxiety... was heartbreaking. You've changed so much in the last 7 years. I hope you feel that change, deep down inside? And you were wrong back then - you are lovely in front of a camera. It feels creepy me saying that, so I hope you forgive me, but I hope the self-image anxiety you speak of here has long gone. You are a wonderful young woman, and I wish you all the joy that you deserve.

[@simonamer9210]

The KZbin algorithm showed your MLM criticism, atheist perspective and pro LGBTQ+ content and I love it. And then it suggested this video and whilst I love sassy 27 year old Emma sticking it to the crazy right, it was this video that spurred me on to comment. This is invaluable, this is what 23 year old me would have found helpful about seeing someone also dealing with mental health and health in general. I'm 38 now and want to thank past you and current you for making content and especially for this video because there no doubt will be people out there who see this and think I'm not alone and I will make mistakes but I can get help and it will get better. Much love Simon xxoo

[@maxpeterson8616]

I'm a little frustrated that the algorithm never recommended her to me. If she hadn't jumped on to help Sci Man Dan, I still wouldn't be aware of her.

[@AndrewD8Red]

Not sure why this video has randomly been pushed to the front of my "suggestions" on KZbin, but just a quick comment to say it's great to see where you are now and I hope you still have support systems in place, where you need/want them. Big love, Emma.

[@desperadox7565]

If only I could tell little Emma from the past how great she will be 8 years later.😎

[@sir.sithis7619]

Sorry to hear you had those anxiety attacks, and depression, your an awsome person for sharing. If only younger Emma would see herself now, how shes grown and become a pro-gamer/youtube star with more than 100k subscribers. Proud of you Emma.

[@scisher3294]

Emma! This was such a wondrous thing to see a younger you, doing what you do, and totally being “you” 😊. It’s so cool to see 2015 Emma and compare the amazing young lady you have become. I am glad you gave kept plugging along and providing us “lovely people” with the light you continuously shine for us 💕

[@maxpeterson8616]

It's oddly comforting to hear someone awesome has had similar problems. My executive dysfunction/ ADHD/whatever has led to me having a resume comparable to a Crack addict. Presently still pushing myself to contact my doctor, psychiatrist and to find a dentist.

[@socalodeas]

Years and years on, I apologize that the YT algorithm decided to put this on my recommendations page. But wow, this was super encouraging for me. I have been struggling with just about everything you were back then and it's very difficult to imagine a better, happier future. But then I see this, and the KZbinr who I know will *always* improve my mood, whose kindness, silliness and obvious joy in her every word and smile, was suffering as I have been... It is inspiring. Thank you so much for having left this for posterity. It meant the world to me today.

[@johnway2699]

I just want to give Emma from 7 years ago a hug and help make it better.

[@daydays12]

That is so kind of you.

[@brianhapeman9262]

I suffer from anxiety and depression too. I believed I was weaker than most people and should be able to work through it. Eventually I got the courage to ask my doctor about it. She told me something that I’ll never forget. She looked me right in the eyes and said “Brian, if you had a cold, infection or injury, you wouldn’t think twice about seeking help and taking medication. Depression is linked to chemical imbalances within your brain. It’s not something you can wish away. It’s a medical condition.”

[@godfunk]

You’ve come such a long way. From finding your feet and expressing yourself to being dynamic, reaching people and finding your voice

[@nathanielsmith2926]

Medication was on the best things I ever did for my health. Totally worth it. You just gotta keep talking to the DR. and make sure you get the right one/right dose. It might take months but life is so much more enjoyable.

[@a.p.2019]

This means a lot to hear from a fellow anxious procrastinator. Thanks for the courage to be open about it 😊🎉

[@bennyk384]

This video really hits home. A lot of the same stuff I’ve struggled (and still struggle) with. And a lot of behaviours I’ve seen family & friends struggle with. Glad that you seem/are much better nowadays. Unrelated: “boob issues” is objectively a hilarious way to put it lol.

[@Penfold101]

Apparently Emma has found the fountain of youth and never ages. Maybe it’s the tea.

[@BoatyMcBoatface669]

It's the Satan. Gotta get the Satan when you're young.

[@guerillamask42]

@@BoatyMcBoatface669 Can confirm, getting on the Satan is the best choice one can make

[@Musix4me-Clarinet]

It really is great to see how far you've come. Good for you. I wish you the best.👊

[@geraldmckellar]

Props for being brave and discussing this and posting it. I've gone through the exact same ordeals with anxiety and depression. It can truly be crippling, but I've learned over the years to not be afraid to speak about it and seek help. The worst thing is telling yourself it will fix itself or it's shameful or that it isn't as bad as it seems. Rooting for you! Content like what you create helps me in my day-to-day to not feel alone and to connect with other people with similar interests. So thank you for that! :)

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Thank you :) It's definitely better to be open about your problems. That's the same reason I watch other people's videos so I'm really happy to hear that ^_^

[@spaceman081447]

​@@EmmaThorneVideos You have doctors who make actual visits to you at home? Good for you and good for the UK! In the USA home visits by doctors are NOT a thing at all. That would be condemned as "socialism."

[@dsiewert100]

Emma: No idea why this popped up in my feed…. None-the-less: very interesting. In spite of difficulties, you manage (both present and past tense) to cope with a positive attitude and bright outlook. I hope those traits continue to strengthen with time. As always, best wishes for you and yours.

[@ayrios3172]

Emma, I watch some of your newer stuff and never knew this larger view of you as a whole person. I'm very thankful that you shared this raw moment, and that you have left it up for those of us who need reminders that we are all human with our own unique struggles. Thank you for being you 😊

[@makwamanidoo2361]

you're so beautiful! :) I've suffered with depression and social anxiety most of my life........it's a lonely experience, it's encouraging to meet other people who've gone through it.

[@jackthetford7558]

Your entire image is kick ass! Don't change. Your smile is infectious!

[@wkgmathguy218]

Emma, I first saw you as a guest on someone else's channel, perhaps ashens. I subscribed and have loved your content since. Today I'm at the office grading papers and thought I'd look at your early videos. So, six years late, I get to discover that you are not only intelligent and witty but tremendously brave too. Bless you Emma :-)

[@txellblanxer9060]

Been there, done that. I've even procrastinate going to my gynecologist after a cervix cancer...I don't know, I never found the time to call to get an appointment. Anxiety is a bad company, at the end, when the thing is done, it was not so bad. But before it's that weight that won't allow you to even breathe or go on with your normal life. I must say, after 30 years of cohabitation with my Anxiety partner, that therapy (and medication if needed) are the only way out. It's hard, but it is what it is. I'm amazed for what you've done with this heavy burden. We love you and support you.

[@AnonyMous-pi9zm]

Wow. It is amazing how relatable your video and all of these comments are to my own experience with anxiety and depression (even if not so much the boob issues). I had to drop out of college about a year and a half ago, had a mental health crisis about a year and a quarter ago, and have spent the last 15 months doing the CBT stuff to change my outlook on life and my decision making process in regards to anxiety. It's a struggle, it's tough, I often feel like I am lacking the energy, but I can say without a doubt that I am happier and healthier now than I ever could have imagined possible when I was so deep in the depression and anxiety. I found a job that I am good at, a manager that respects me, ways to cope, and a reason to get out of bed again. There is absolutely a big hump to get over, but once you are on the other side, life is pretty great again.

[@neilarch6277]

I started taking tablets for anxiety about 10 months ago and they have been a huge help for me. The best advice is to not be scared of medication and do not suddenly stop taking it but i guess you know that now. Well done for talking about this subject and keep making the videos. Depression and anxiety are huge problems for many of us, whatever age or background. Big hugs sent to you.

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Yeah they definitely help, they were helping me out for a couple of years. I was a silly egg for not going back to the doctor when I stopped taking them. Thank you and big hugs back!

[@aaronstone8147]

You're not on your own, we love you! Keep on talking, love your voice.

[@richardschneller7674]

Emma you’re so sweet and pretty and funny. Your posts on utube have often cheered me up immensely. I don’t always agree with your views, but I always appreciate your approach to things. I’m sorry that you have had trouble emotionally. I’m glad that this post is from the past. You probably will never even see this, but if you do I hope it helps you become even more confident.

[@Old52Guy]

You have a natural skill and grace that few creators possess. I think you have created a safe place in your channel where members are concerned and caring and wish you only the best. I'm sorry you have to go through this. You ask some very good and insightful questions. You will get through this and come out all the stronger. I'm guessing you were anxious doing every video. Look at those as successes. "Hang them on the walls of your mind" and see how far you have come (quote from James Whistler).

[@terrydactyl2077]

If anyone out there ever has a situation where you are completely in a state of avolition or even if you find mundane things difficult to do, or maybe even you are the type of person to love a new job or class but always after a while find you just have no interest in it, please get help first. Talk to friends as well. But also look into ADHD. I had a complete nervous breakdown one year and was a mess for over half a decade until I found out I had ADHD. This might not be what’s happening with you and do not pathologies yourself. But I now know motivation issues are one tell tale sign you have it and ADHD is not anything like you may think it is. I can provide sources if anyone is interested but what ever you are going through know that you a loved and you are worthy of getting support and being better. We all are.

[@WilliamTaylorIII]

I think 2023 Emma needs to come back and watch these.

[@BigArt1970]

I'm late to your party but I'm so glad to see this and to see you now. You are such an amazing person and I can see your growth from here to now in the short video binge I've done. You are so bright and smart, talented and inspire me to keep fighting my fight. ❤

[@bubbercakes528]

Anxiety and depression runs in my family. I have bipolar disorder. Talking about it with friends and family helps. Until you get it under control keep seeing a therapist. Once that is done keep taking your medicine! Life goes on and there is no guarantee of happiness. What is guaranteed is that the alternative to life is worse. You are strong and intelligent. Stay strong. Help others and that will help give you purpose.

[@terryjwood]

Thanks for leaving this video up. It's inspirational!

[@Nyxavatar]

hey so i'm new to this channel and i would say that I'm kinda going through what you went through when you first started University. I just started mine about a month ago and I suffering from Social anxiety and it been hard being away from everyone I have ever known and loved to a place where I barely talk to one person. For a good chuck of the days, I have been here I have been in states of slight sadness to crying myself to sleep at night. However, one of the things that keep me up has been watching KZbin videos; they put me at ease and channel like yours really help me. So I just subscribed to your KZbin channels and your twitter. Keep up with the good work and thank you.

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

I was totally the same when I first went to uni, I pretty much just cried and wanted to go home for the start. It was worth it in the end though and I had some great times! I've always found KZbin videos cheer me up, that's why I decided to keep going with mine I suppose! I hope things improve for you, and thank you for your kind words. x

[@EmpyrionBlackthorn]

7 years ago, wow... I love your content Emma, been watching you for a few years now and I think you are a badass motherfucker and far braver than you think. It is cool seeing where you were then versus where you are now. I look forward to seeing where you are in a few more years. ❤

[@CodeNameX001]

I have no idea what's up with KZbin's latest algorithmic nightmare, but it recommended me this video out of your entire library, lol Either way, from one anxious mess to another, keep up the fight.

[@patricksummers4285]

You are just awesome! I can hardly wait to see where you end up six years from now! I'm sure you will grow and be even more awesome. You help so many people, you can't understand how important you are to people like me! You rock, keep it up. It is worth it.

[@CalebHussey]

I wish I had a family doctor. I live in Alberta, Canada, and there's almost no doctors here. I need to just go to a walk-in clinic and get this UTI taken care of before it becomes an issue.

[@MrDavidReads]

About 6 years later, this showed up in my KZbin recommendations. I bought and love the big boxed set. At the time, I didn't buy the double vinyl album, as it had fewer bonus tracks. The double vinyl sold out quickly, and to this day, not getting it has been a big regret. All of the other special releases I've purchased on vinyl and CD. I'm really enjoying all of them.

[@Neirean]

Emma you remind me so much of my older sister, and hearing this is enlightening and I relate to you so much. You're amazing and inspiring!

[@nickydaviesnsdpharms3084]

Oh wow at first I didn't realise this was an older video and i'm glad the channel is where it is today, i like it. I came from the sceptic and atheist shows community originally, and still watch that content daily.

[@willwolfe8115]

loved you then, love you now, take care of yourself always, you're great!

[@Musabre]

Just happened upon this oldie randomly thanks to youtube recommended, but funny to hear you say sitting for the camera is more awkward given how far your channel has come these days :P.

[@TheToothless-666]

Glad you stuck with it, this is meaningful for anyone who deals with anxiety and depression, including 45-yr old fat guys.

[@CalebHussey]

The gaming channel link doesn't work! 😭

[@akandinda]

You've come a long way Emma. I love your videos. ❤🇺🇬

[@Egooist.]

My thoughts exactly!

[@Tman001100]

Hey, Emma 🥰 I'm so glad you're doing better and just to remind that you're not alone. I've suffered from depression most of my life now. The onset was when I was 14/15 and I'm 37 now so unfortunately, it's been a naggy mate lol. I initially went to therapy when I was 15, went all right at first but then, woman I was seeing was caught sleeping with one of her clients so ya know...not great lol and that discouraged me from going back to therapy for a long time. I FINALLY started seeing another therapist again late last year and it's goin well...slow but well lol. I've never been on any medication and I still dread it as I don't want to become too dependent on them and also cost may be an issue but we'll see. Anyway, hope you're doing well and that you have good people around you.

[@andiralosh2173]

Relatable. Thanks for sharing and keeping this up 🫶

[@Ulthek]

Why did I get this suggested by youtube, today? Before listening to the full video, I know she’s fine 8 years later, and I’m happy she is😊

[@jackee-is-silent2938]

6 years on Emma, I found your video very helpful. I'm a tad older than you, but my mental journey is somewhat similar. Still struggling with so many things.

[@popechucky]

It is great to see how much you have grown, and how far you have come👍👍 As one that also is dealing with (at times) heavy anxiety/ depression I can relate to a few things you said. Again, thank you🏳️‍🌈😊🏳️‍🌈

[@darrenmchaffie553]

OMG this came up on my KZbin & had to watch. 7 years later looking still the same, now wondering the secret.

[@gillian2325]

:O baby emma! just stumbled across this via the mysterious algorithm. 6 years is a good chunk of time

[@thomasweldridge5976]

Thank you, it provides insight into anxiety

[@post1084]

thanks for continuing to make videos

[@killerbunny7206]

Omg, you were a baby back then, lol. Anyway keep killing it, you doin good.

[@tamari9966]

we see you hear you and love you Emma 😘🥰

[@NoSpam1891]

I went through life remembering this: *Nil Carborundum Bastardi.* It's served me well.

[@emilycaro888]

Hey Emma I found this vid to be really cool, it makes me feel like I should be more confident about my anxiety issues because sharing this kind of stuff is difficult and scary but really great for helping yourself and others. I can really relate about anxiety stuff and I had the same experience as you with the boob lump. I had the scan booked and by the time I had to go to that appointment the lump had disappeared but the whole thing was awkward and horrid haha. It's a really common thing to get I think but it felt to me like I was the only person to have had one. Its really easy to get internally worried about it and try to bury it. I'm really bad for putting off going to the doctor haha. Anyway thanks for sharing this :) and hope everything gets even better for you! X

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Thanks so much, it really does make you feel better when other people are in the same position as you :') I hope you're doing well! x

[@jones1351]

'...Is your mum or dad home?' 😄😄 In my younger days my experience was just the opposite. In my teens I was hanging out with 20-somethings, because I 'looked older', as I was often told. When my real age 'got out' I was dubbed, 'Baby Keith', which I f^cking loathed. And catch me in a mood, I could get real salty about it. Watching this video as compared to your present work, you look like things have gotten much better. Anyway, I liked that line.

[@Kindertautenleider]

woah, my sympathies. I have lived with anxiety depression and neurodivergence my whole life too. I was skeerd that you were breaking up with me but its probably for the best. I remain fan in case you need a little air flow.

[@nepocrates]

KZbin put this is my feed. Im sure glad it was a recent video not one 6 years ago

[@LukeKendall-author]

Cognitive behavioural therapy is excellent.

[@merbst]

Hi Emma from 6 years ago!

[@alexxxdrummond]

You are literally the same person as me, I can relate so much! Xx

[@hughbmcguire]

❤ I so love this video.

[@geoffreyshepler4954]

I’m just here to see what past Emma was posting. It’s definitely different.

[@tidus-fc8rq]

A beauitiful and strong young lady who deserves all the love and happiness in the world. I am crippled with anxiety and depression and can barely wake up in the morning, i admire the strength of young women abd men like her and others who have more courage in them then i will ever have. Good luck to her!

[@ajpend]

Has the gaming channel closed? The link does not work for me.

[@lizziejammin2312]

Thank you for this video!💚

[@IvanRaaby]

Like you new hair, looks good

[@Capt_Caveman205]

Wow thats an old video. I enjoyed the more personal video. I find you very attractive and i feel like id find you attractive even if i cldnt see you. The intelligence and the honesty and being so personable..you are just very interesting as a person to me. I watch your content regularly..not because i find u attractive but because you make really good videos on topics im interested in..but you SEEM to have come a long way since you made this video. I hope thats true because I wish you all the best.

[@davidioanhedges]

Future Emma says, you did the right thing... eventually ... also it get's better ...

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

I still have those same issues from time to time,😮 Depression , ( lesser now ) Doctors , Financial things , and my boobs ( they are not coming as fast as I thought ) I am a transgender and we face these issues frequently 😮 ❤❤❤

[@benzarsole]

I really need to learn to check dates! It took me quite a while (because I am dim) to reallise that this was an older post from a younger Emma.

[@benzarsole]

I got a bit of a fright (since you looked rather different and it sounded rather serious). Hope 27 (28?) year old you is in a better place mentally. (From a fellow medicated depressive)

[@PerspectiveEngineer]

Talking always helps. Listening always helps. And if you triple your coffee intake then at least you'll have a good excuse for the anxiety. It is a problem perfectionists have. And small doses of those blue mushrooms, Just one in some tea and a walk in the forest, park. All "an old friend of mine from when I was 27 and she said hey Mike do you know how they told you it wasn't going to get any easier and I was like yeah Paula. And she said why didn't they tell us it was going to get fucking hard

[@lamars2486]

Baby Emma, you're a grown assed woman now. Lots of folks at this age go thru the anxiety phase. Nothing new for that stage in life.

[@lucyscarfe9755]

You seem like such an awesome person and I wish you the best of luck for the future! ..ps cool shirt :)

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Thank you :)

[@jpopelish]

It may be embarrassing that people sometimes mistake you for a 14 year old, but you will love it when you are 60 and strangers guess that you must be about 30 years old.

[@egrintarg230]

Anxiety and depression. Did you ever try Kava?

[@she_knives9505]

I really like us videos keep it up xx💓

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Thank you :)

[@gb3729]

Emma, you are adorable. I love you and will always love you. Many blessings to you and those you love.

[@AtheistJr]

Aw I loved this video

[@JarlJimbo]

The algorithm showing me old Emma videos gives me hope it's actually not complete shit.

[@RustyWalker]

YT's feeding it again. Probably because of mental health month.

[@G-L-O-R-I-A]

I love that You Tube pushed this video out to me after being a subscriber for two years. I’m curious to know if you’d still cosplay Harry Potter these days, knowing J.K. Rowling’s views on trans people. I still love Harry Potter, but I refuse to do anything to financially support the author.

[@codatheseus5060]

Did i just stumble upon a secret video? Only like 4k views. Emma you're an amazing person, im glad you kept going and evolved (Hovinds 6th version of Evilution) into the person you are today. Hearing you in this video has me considering making a similar channel myself. "We arent so different you and I" (*evil cackle*)

[@lemonlimelukey]

youre gorgeousss, hope that helps ;p

[@asdic888]

Delightfully awkward.

[@adamjohannesson3434]

Boob issues sounded interesting.

[@scottwalker2398]

Oh you little shit. I heard the old man comment. When your next birthday rolls around in (I believe May) of 2025, I'll be 42 years older than you. But your forgiven for the comment, since you forgave the "old man." As I watched this, I sat here and wept. When I was 5 years old in 1958, I was diagnosed as hyperactive, and put on medications. Now of course that's called ADHD. And when I was your age, in 1974, I was put into a locked mental ward for 10 days. and believe me, people with mental illnesses were not treated very well back then. While there, I had a nurse hand me a cup with medications in it to take. They weren't mine. When I told her that, she said, "Just shut up and take your meds." And this was a highly respected hospital. I've watched dozens of your video's on Emma Thorne, and today I watched a 32 minute movie on your video channel called We Harvest Shadows. From the many hours, "and I do mean many" I've watched you, I've developed a deep and abiding respect and appreciation for you. Your honesty is amazing. Your intellect and insight blow my mind every time I watch you. In all the years I've watched youtube, you are my favorite person. I'm in the USA so there is not a chance in hell that I will ever meet you in person. But if I had a choice of who I'd like to sit down with over a long cup of hot coffee for a couple of hours of chat, it would without a doubt be you. I adore you honey. Take care of yourself Emma.

[@kentbuta9599]

Glad you are doing better.illl pray for you

[@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342]

Great video! Cept the talk about harry potter cosplay. Keep that to yourself please! Lol keep being awesome Emma : )

[@davidknapp5224]

Once or twice a day works for me (masturbation) pardon me, I gotta go now. 😉

[@SupergirlsBF]

OMG you look so young. Weird. You jave een around so long. Ever talk to the Amazing Atheist?