Anxious Preoccupied No Contact | What Are They Feeling?

[@naomi00728]

I have to avoid relationships with people who have an avoidant attachment style at all costs. I am working on healing from my anxious attachment style.

[@healingwithcharlie]

That’s totally fair! I think it’s completely fine for people to accept that some relationships styles just aren’t aligned with their goals and needs

[@travisganiko6509]

I totally resonated when you said as an anxious person, we have this cup that our avoidant used to fill. And once they are gone, its like we have no one to fill our cup with. I learned that I need to be able to fill my own cup...thanks for making this video!

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

So avoidants know they want to break off the relationship prior, they plan and accept the breakup much sooner then the anxious person even is given this information because the avoidant wants to "Avoid" conflict. If the avoidant person didn't like the way the anxious person acted, then why be with them in the first place?. They are made aware that an anxious person is "anxious", and they at times during the communication can visually see this. It does seem to me that the anxious person must change themselves because as you said (this comes from them stemming from an abandonment issue), so why can't this just be generally accepted as part of who the anxious person is?

[@ShaneSullivan-j2d]

I like your logic… I’d simply add that we are always evolving and accepting who you are is the first step to moving beyond that… The abandonment wound needs to be healed from within. attachment styles can shift and evolve, we are not set in stone. It’s our responsibility to work on ourselves and not be victims.

[@pure-pisces9980]

Exactly!! Cause they know we are vulnerable/giving/loving...its cruel! Wether meant or not, Its mental torchor evaluating!! WTF?? No accountability/nothing .....like I never existed after 4 years!!! Seriously traumatising!😢 I DONT CARE WHAT ANY OF THESE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS SAY ANYMORE!! "EVERYBODY" IN LIFE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT & WRONG!!! SIMPLE!!! Best wishes on your healing journey 🙏❤️‍🩹

[@YusufPeeally]

Yeah,you are absolutely right, me too I have an anxious attachment style .

[@YusufPeeally]

​@@pure-pisces9980absolutely 😢❤

[@mwswm8944]

As an avoidant that used to be involved with an anxious, i tried my best to remove myself from the relationship, but I still yearned for the care and love they gave. I’d also go back to the relationship because of the guilt-tripping, I hated that my ex believed I never cared for him, but It was hard for me to express that when I constantly felt like leaving when issues came up and my fear of vulnerability.

[@AliciaMeza-pc3mg]

It’s like you wrote my journal of every emotion in the exact order I felt it. Spot on!

[@healingwithcharlie]

Are you sure we don’t just have the same journal? 🙃

[@pure-pisces9980]

So leave us alone....stop being selfish & reaching out & taking advantage of the AP!!! Over & over knowing the pain i feel.....no wonder why we react!! No accountability/apologies/Change.....im exhausted/more traumatised!! Yes i see my imput also.....i was to accepting/vulnerable/loving....a fool!!!! But still love/want him.....friends seems SO EASY for him.....i cannot atm!😢

[@marcelinagonzalez961]

I'm so sorry. I promise it will get better. I'm in the process of healing as well.

[@pure-pisces9980]

@marcelinagonzalez961 Thankyou...I wish u well on your healing journey ❤️🙏

[@ShaneSullivan-j2d]

Stay strong… Knowledge is power. Every time I feel anxious and overwhelmed with emotion, I search something on youtube… like this video. Or things that build me up from the inside out… I find that the more I watch smart people talk about smart things, the more I realize I am better off without her… don’t get me wrong I freaking miss my “idea” of her and was more in love and committed than i’d ever been (said those same words the last two break ups). I literally f*cking died for 3 weeks straight… could not function. I’m 6 weeks post break up and i’m grieving and accepting. my younger self always hooked up with enough women to bandage my abandonment wound… inevitably i felt vapid and soulless and hurt myself and others along the way… this went on for 6 years girl to girl to girl… This is the first break up i’ve ever had where I still have not hooked up with anyone 6 weeks after. I feel really good about that and although the anxiety and emotions are crippling at times…. the self reflection and healing are equally as powerful. Just gotta watch the substances… anxious folk are easy prey for a quick fix… :/

[@pure-pisces9980]

@@ShaneSullivan-j2d Thankyou 🙏

[@derrick.crawford1005]

She won’t reach out I wish she would

[@hqx5977]

I’ve been through this 5 times

[@sabrinacz]

1. Denial - 2 to 4 weeks 2. Grief - 4 to 8 weeks 3. Radical acceptance - 4 to 6 weeks 4. Moving on 5. Nostalgia I think mine lasted longer but overall 6 months total

[@BetaLaaCosta]

Took me 4 weeks to realize the person broke up with me.. I was texting him every day.. wondering.. I feel like I lost myself together with him.. 😢 it’s hard.. need a therapy and become more secure.. ❤

[@jennyb4749]

I was the anxious attached person who ended a 4 year relationship after we had already gotten back together but never truly healed. Im 1.5 weeks into it and this video is soooo insightful!!! I resonate with sooo much and see myself in your words deeply. You have no idea how much this video gives me clarity.

[@heathaar1]

I never comment on KZbin vids but these make soooo much sense to me. I (anxious attached) wish i could be more avoidant (my ex). All the traits are spot on. Can you maybe create a video on why avoidants turn to cheating?

[@healingwithcharlie]

I can certainly make a video on this soon! Thanks for suggesting :)

[@Mishkaa17]

« Friends »after all that suffering… dont think so.i have to heal from that BS , forgive the situation and Moveeeee on far far away from him! Ciao❤😢

[@reohhom5778]

He isn't coming back and quite frankly I don't want him to come back. I don't even wanna see his face.

[@hqx5977]

I have both anxious and avoidant attachment style so I over give I stay in abusive relationships I blame myself if the other is blaming me or being abusive and then when I get broke up with I try to hang on. I then try to heal cut all contact and put myself in to work and then try going back it hurts so bad and I’ve done this cycle many times not sure if my partners had npd or bpd but sometimes I wonder if I have bpd because break ups then always lead me to feeling suicidal and out of control of myself and why I accepted all the abuse

[@hqx5977]

I have done therapy I am aware of the attachment styles, aware of my abandonment issues.

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

When re-connecting with an old "ex" often they don't like it when you contact friends and family first. At least this is the case I experienced. If an anxious person does try to re-connect with an avoidant it again is not taken well because as you said the avoidant doesn't want to make it easy for the partner. They don't want the partner to think it is easy to re-gain them in their life, have access to them again. So what does the anxious individual do?

[@pretzelrollbreadbowl6678]

Hey Charlie! I just wanted to let you know that I just watched your Avoidant No Contact video and this Anxious No Contact video as well. I am an anxiously attached person who went through a breakup about 6 months ago, and although that seems like a lot of time, I am still processing the breakup and getting over it slowly. Because it's taken me so long to heal, I have looked at so many resources to understand what I'm feeling and how to cope, and those resources certainly helped. However, discovering your videos was like a breath of fresh air to me. You helped me realize that the things that I'm feeling are totally normal, and I feel so much less confused and guilty. Thanks to you, I think I know what to expect from this healing period of the breakup going forwards and how I should process it in a healthy way. Thank you so much for your advice, and I hope your channel keeps growing so you can give insight to people like me who really need it. :)

[@twelvmnkys]

Hi Charlie, I just started watching your vids. You're very articulate and much more helpful than the other attachment-style counselors I've listened to.. You're doing a good work, really helping people. Keep it up!

[@healingwithcharlie]

Thank you, I appreciate the positive feedback! :)

[@heyheyhey0220]

😂 the way both videos are directed at the anxious one

[@trediemer6568]

Totally disagree, as an avoidant I’m looking at things from a rational and sort of disassociated perspective, trying to better understand the emotions of my anxious ex, I think it caters really well to both honestly which is huge props to the creator

[@ItsMidnaCat]

so these are correct but some of these are out of order for me

[@katemitchell665]

First time that someone has “exited” (aka ghosted me) and this anxious attachment person did a 100% No Contact. First 2-3 days I did think “what did I do/say”. But now that I have been understanding attachment styles, it was a post he made that so blatantly confirmed to me he is an avoidant. While I can’t profess to be a secure attacher YET, I really feel I’m well on my way.