Are Narcissists Lying or Delusional? | Dr Frank Yeomans

[@jameshicks7125]

"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression." That's a brilliant statement .

[@miss_liberty_8]

*temporary for empaths living with narcs👺*

[@ShreyanshSurana94]

The face he makes when he says that was just priceless.

[@miss_liberty_8]

@@ShreyanshSurana94 *sadly most🤥 of all these offline or online or worse youtube physical or even mental health experts are actually covert narcissists themselves with Internalised misogyny coupled with good old ableistic elitistic racist misanthropy...*

[@miss_liberty_8]

@@davidromero194 *for the colonizing invasive land thieves & rapists this global mere outdated quite aggressive or truly chauvinistic type of reality is a delicious reality while Ignorance is blissfully lethal*

[@brynleytalbot778]

It’s an odd revelation that resonates with how my brother reacted to being grounded for his arrogant grandiose manner. I’d never ever grounded him. He exploded pushing me violently from the room, all of his pent up hatred towards me pouring out verbally revealing his avariciousness and jealousy, till he realised he’d been exposed and his clenched fists dropped. It’s all a mask until reality exposes the aggression within that’s bubbling all of the time, derision and belittling his tools to retain control over his delusional self, hostility warning you to never cross him. Kudos to Dr Yeomans for finally confirming what I’d suspected about my brother.

[@danielscheff7384]

The depressing thing about learning about narcissism is when you realize that no matter how well you come to understand it, nor how well you come to understand your loved ones who have it, there's no fixing it. It helps to know that, to an extent, so you stop bashing your head against the wall, and can learn to protect yourself, but at the same moment, you have to mourn the loss of loved ones, be they parents, siblings, children, friends, co-workers or whomever. Mourning the loss of someone that's still alive, and maybe still in your life, is a dark place to be.

[@clairesomero]

Yes I totally understand this.

[@Iloerk]

But there is some fixing it, although it's hard and takes years? Just according to Yeomans himself: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pJe1qYGda7Z-irM Don't sacrifice yourself, but don't lose all hope either

[@donatzerodayslife]

Yes, loss while they are still alive and not far away. They may dump you when you begin seeing through them.

[@davidbowen6284]

Good post. Its tragic. Ironically they push the world away and hurt the closest to them to see if they'll come back. They seek unconditional love. However If those people leave that just confirms their conginitive bias and insecurity about people, hence it solidifies their predatory nature. If nobody else can be trusted why should I be trusted. If these people stay to get trampled on they're not respected because they don't have the predatory instincts they perceive you need to exist in the world

[@beloved365]

I totally get this comment I held a funeral for my living mom last year

[@terenzo50]

Compulsive lying is the narcissist's game: 1) I lie, 2) you believe me, 3) therefore, having fooled you, I'm smarter than you.

[@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073]

Excellent deduction!

[@terenzo50]

@@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073 Thank you for noticing. The idea came to me after reading R.D. Laing's book Knots which goes back a few decades. Lots of "psych haiku" is how it's generally remembered.

[@tinyvr7036]

Is that really the game? To be smarter or to outsmart someone they feel is the competition? When it comes to family, this behavior can be extremely sick and hurtful. It is not love but rivalry. Friends don't put up with it. Family has to but only if you don't care about yourself. Make the best of your situation. Bow out if you can and live your best life. Pride means nothing to a pride filled narcissist ( except to try to hurt yours. ) ❤

[@terenzo50]

@@tinyvr7036 In those situations, survival is all. Helps to have a sense of humour.

[@valeriecole5957]

In Greek philosophy, debating others 'might is right' has that same idea you've mentioned. It's where the word sophomore comes from. Whoever could convince others even if it's a lie or non factual, prevails. Trump is definitely sophisticic. (while his supporters are moronic)

[@kellyyork3898]

“Reality is an aggression.” Wow.

[@mehowkielan1984]

so true, I feel physically and mentally attacked and abused in many confronting situations. inner child's response to psychological pain and aggression that hasn't been integrated.

[@jokraemer3516]

Yeah that struck me too.

[@basslineur3965]

Ikr this was an amazing sentence

[@NickyM_0]

That was deep! And so true. I always said that 'truth' to the narcissist is like holding up the sign of the cross to the devil. It literally is an assault on them that makes them run for the hills.

[@AndyWearsPants]

Notice the zoom on his face for effect. It was clever, but I admit I found it a bit comical. Even so, it made the point effectively. I imagine a fragile narcissist would have found it scary.

[@colywogable]

Narcissists are cowards. They are scared of everything, and instead of facing the music like the rest of us, they meltdown and lash out. It is profoundly cowardly.

[@charlesdarwin5185]

Two gorillas beating their chest.

[@charlesdarwin5185]

Survival comes before altruism

[@dougfredricks2017]

Trump the 🎺 Flatulent 💩📯 BINO:" Hold my 🍺. beer"

[@oswurth8774]

It is cowardly

[@dougfredricks2017]

Donald Trump:"I resemble that remark..." 😳

[@JohnzyZombee]

I had lots of experience with a malignant narcissist, I still believe deep down, they know exactly what they're doing.

[@MikinessAnalog]

Most do, but not all or all of the time. Some delude themselves believing they can accomplish what another has done, but without thinking it through or putting in similar effort.

[@STarWalker8]

I agree with you

[@Blondie77128]

They do. They bury, suppress it, cover it with their self imposed victim narrative

[@brandywilleford9157]

I KNOW my narc sister knows EXACTLY what she's doing to hurt me..I'm mourning my sister after 49yrs of being deceived,but I WILL NOT give her one inch of anything good from me..just on guard constantly waiting until the right time to lay it all out on the table for her infron of EVERYONE

[@youtubeaccountserio2633]

Of course they do, they know EVERYTHING, they are movie makers

[@GustavoGarcia-hi4yq]

This sums up my life. I'm 25, never worked, attended to college but didnt conclude yet. I always felt like I was super inteligent and better than other people, but on the other hand always felt owrthless and unlikable, always had serious problems making friends and interacting and living in general. For many years I feel so ashamed of myself that the only way for me to interacti with someone is to constantly lie. I believed my antisocial tendencies were the mark of the great genius I was, having a much deeper understanding about life and the world could only led to isolation. Only recently, after 4 years of abusing drugs, i managed to get clean and finally perceive that all my thoughts were delusions. Reality does feel like agression indeed. Im supercritical of myself and everyone else too, and literally anything I try to do feels horrible. I don't know what to do and been contemplating ending my life on multiple ocasions, but my belief in God and spirituality prevents me from doing it.

[@nancyoni1234]

Ooh no, don't think of harming yourself. You are more worth than you can imagine and so is everyone else. When I remember that I have been bought at a price of the life of Christ, I can't allow anyone to devalue and shake me, neither do I need to hurt the other person who has been bought also by the blood of Jesus. That is the thought I live by. If you do the same, you will value your life because it's not actually yours as it belongs to God, and you will see others as God's property to be respected and loved..make it a habit which eventually will be your character by God's grace. Pray daily to have the mind of Jesus. Philippians 2:5 . What a transformation you will see in your life. God bless

[@destined4greatness810]

My EXACT feeling! You couldn’t have said it better . @user describing being narcissistic.

[@RimaDennaoui]

We are all capable of improving ourselves, this is why we’ve been put on earth. No body’s perfect. No race is better than rest. Arrogance is root of all sorts of evil. I believe from personal pain a person evolves n becomes more caring &compassionate.Find your purpose, don’t settle with anything. Use ur God given intellect, reasoning logic. If you seek you will find. I had some pride, l stomped on it and am a completely different person, than my earlier years.

[@nicholasaltieri8333]

dont give up

[@traciburnam1865]

You seem pretty self-aware. I believe if you want help, you can benefit from it.

[@LasshaLiou]

''For the narcissist, reality is an agression'' This is a very powerful statement by Dr. Yeomans. I was blown away. Wow!

[@hannahpumpkins4359]

My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD, and they lie lie lie all the time. Constantly. My father always tries to steal from me, and as a former police officer I always manage to catch him in the act. When I ask him why he's stealing from me, he yells, "BECAUSE I'M THE IMPORTANT ONE, NOT YOU"!

[@NickyM_0]

Wow.....

[@fannymar6703]

Wow!!

[@grmpEqweer]

Oh. That's interesting.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Wow 😳

[@alanaadams7440]

Oh wow

[@polarvortex3294]

One worst things about narcissists that I've encountered is that the history of your past interactions with them is always changing in their minds. A good time had by all can become a failed outing that they deeply hated; a small gesture made by them can morph into a major act of generosity that you should be forever grateful for; a promise made by them can become something they swear they never said, or the wording of the promise can significantly change, ect. So you realize nothing is ever really fixed or "in the can" with them. The past is full of shifting sands -- and always shifting to favor the narcissist's narrative. It's maddening, and, this case, they seem to partly believe the new and changed version of the "truth." You'd need to carry a rolling video with you 24/7 to fight against this neverending shaping of the past -- but even then you'd soon discover that it's not really about the evidence. It's all about how they want things to have been to suit their current needs.

[@berenicegalilea]

Well said, it's exactly so. - Just have a look on this lyrics. ~ Do they warn you in advance to be careful? Did he challenge you "as if" to a duel and warn you what to prepare for? Playing you songs as Running up that Hill by Kate Bush (just have a look on the video on yt) or this one: October Swimmer The dreams of dying mothers I awoke, my insides shuddered The greycoats of the infantry Victims looking for sympathy And splash of October swimmers The cheers of Helsinki winners My barbed bones of futility Leeking marrow of ability And I don't need anyone And you don't need anyone I want to be a happy boy This means that you must employ my lies When I want you And I don't need anyone I want to be a happy boy This means that you must employ my lies And I don't need anyone And you don't need anyone I want to be a happy boy This means that you must employ my lies When I want you And I don't need anyone (3x)

[@carlskal1319]

Dude that is so true. It truly makes you want to record everything. What a crazy world they create

[@orangewarm1]

You can't engage with this bs because it affects your reality. Both my brothers and my mom had breakdowns.

[@merlebuck]

Very, very well said. I can tell you're living it. You've described my wife to perfection. I love her so very much and her issues with narcissism/BPD* are the result of serious childhood abuse that she never truly addressed in a meaningful way. The past is, to her, a plaything. She misrepresents things that have happened, throws cold water on things that were previously good and loving...it's exhausting to deal with. We're on the edge of divorce. I don't want to lose her because I really love her and sympathize with the horrors she went through as a child but it's causing me real harm to stay with her as long as I have. * I hesitate to label her as I'm still learning about all this stuff. I really don't know what is her issue but I'm sure it's somewhere in the ballpark of what I've been learning about narcissism.

[@Cashcow888]

Well said

[@sugarfree1894]

It's the blurring, on the part of the narcissist, between self-delusion and lies that makes them so dangerous. Self-delusion is sad; lies are bad. All those around the narcissist are vulnerable to gaslighting themselves into taking the latter for the former - and the narcissist will always help them to do that. Why wouldn't they?

[@JACOBHIMSELF]

The look after he said reality was an aggression with the camera zoom was gold

[@alexmack956]

Very self satisfied

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

It was weird and creepy.

[@marcelastacey890]

5:05 for the narcissist, reality is an aggression. That’s got to be so painful for the narcissist.

[@dreamdiction]

7:05 they need to delude themselves as protection against the suffering of feeling worthless.

[@karoshi2]

And because they must not be at fault for anything (from my understanding because that would make them feel to not exist anymore, thus they're fighting for their life), they also cannot properly learn from mistakes and are condemned to repeat the same problematic behaviour again and again. They don't even seem to understand when they did a mistake. And then some people ask when they reap their karma. They already do. All the time. And upsetting as they may behave - I do pity them. But there's nothing one can do to really help them. At least nothing I'd know about.

[@GustavoGarcia-hi4yq]

It is.

[@scleo1959]

They inflict pain. They exploit others for their own gain.

[@privateprivate8366]

I think that, one of the things that either made my mother’s mask fall or drove her into narcissistic behavior, was the realization that the successes she had and wanted for her life, were being overcome by age, time, losing relevancy, me moving on with my own life, etc. As precursor to destructive narcissism, she became very depressed. I do get it, however. When you work so hard (and she did), to do the accomplish the things you want and there is no amount of sacrifice that will get you there, it blows up the idea of working hard and getting what you want in life. This may have also been generational. As a Gen X, I’m accustomed to working hard and getting little of what I want. That may have not been as much so for her generation.”, as the world economy wasn’t evidently spiraling, as it is now. Her situation has made me think that the typical origins of narcissism should also include the disappointment of life. There are a lot of quiet stories of people never achieving what they’ve worked for and not everyone comes out the other end settling for it and walking slowly into the light.

[@stavokg]

I can’t get over the perfect ending, “For the narcissist, reality is an aggression”. Wow!

[@Carefree_Stephanie]

I know! That hit me right between the eyes. So very true. I needed that clarification

[@danishmodern55]

I love that Dr Yeomans talks about mistakes he made with a client. So refreshing.

[@le_th_]

Narcissists PROJECT their own issues, lack of morality, and lack of ethics onto others. You don't have to be around a narcissist long to learn that they will accuse you (or to hear them accuse strangers) of exactly of what they're guilty of doing. THAT is how you learn about what a narcissist is up to in their secret life. They just tell on themselves so so often. ...and although I don't hear this discussed much, and I've personally not found this in any of the research I've read, narcissists genuinely do believe they're unloveable if you can get them to drop their guard long enough to be vulnerable with you. When they finally admit that, no matter what they've done to you or others, it breaks your heart a little realizing they sincerely believe that (and they've believed that since they were little preschoolers.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

You are projecting.

[@David.5035]

Good comment and its true to my experience

[@BL-sd2qw]

"You are poisoning me" "You hate me" "You wanna make me suffer" "You wanna kill me" That's what my mother and aunts have told me. "Every judgment is a confession" ...it's too much; honestly

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

@@BL-sd2qw Why NPD? How do you react to this pathetic emotionoal blackmailing? (They sound like those old glories in holiwood movies from the 50's where the old actress keeps watching movies of when she was famous, whining and abusing her surroundings).

[@BL-sd2qw]

@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye What?

[@gnargnarbros.6696]

I love listening to this guy! He's so smart, and articulates everything he says so beautifully & so clear! Makes his points so clear!

[@TexanWineAunt]

He has a calm demeanor, me gusta.

[@trafficjon400]

nothing you know about what he's talking about. everything perfect but not one meaning of subject.

[@alcrook6662]

A narcissistic pathological liar is hopeless in my opinion. Anyone who can't admit and learn from their mistakes and deny are doomed to suffer. Doubling down when they get called out as a liar or a fake is the narcissists worst enemy. The denial can lead to worse behaviour. Narcissists who are also pathological liars can turn into criminals, rapists, stalkers and child molesters when they lose narcissistic supply.Thank you for an informative video.

[@susiesa8295]

that described my stalker to the t

[@mahlina1220]

Absolutely. It becomes _so pathological_ it can destroy the *entire planet.* But it’s always about their “fweeings... so go away” - petulant child syndrome. Toddlers literally control our planet.

[@charshill2978]

It's terrifying. The police won't intervene and the narc ex is volatile and unpredictable. He's delusional and raving about being God. I have it on video. They still won t section him.

[@kggr8458]

well put. could not agree more.

[@eyeamphree3337]

This sums it up 😂😂 I refuse to entertain these looneys over exaggerating their involvement with me just to force engagement. May God help them 🙏

[@ChuckSpade]

It is entirely possible for a narcissist to be both genuinely deluded and a ratbag that uses lies to shaped to suit their self serving agenda.

[@deborahcarder4270]

A ratbag! You made my day.

[@andrewsmith3257]

Seems like the one I know

[@Jenny-nz8fb]

They are all ratbags!!

[@drcarriemills8772]

That would be a psychopath narcissist

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Yeah, they sure are/do both.

[@nettiea9384]

To maintain her self esteem my mom lies about others. Outrageous stories about her own kids that are fictitious. It’s sad. I had to seek a reason why! Thx for this video

[@AnnaSzabo]

Omg, my mother does it! Always lies about me!!!!

[@TheTeganOsmondChannel]

This seems to be very common. I met a woman one time in her 40s who lied about having a famous modeling career, but would only lie to actual professional models about this and target them. When they would question her on this, she would stalk them and convince others to do the same

[@angecynthia347]

Mine has reached middle age and none can be around her....she is alone and breaking down and per usual the reality is an aggression,,from the beginning when she realized at 30 she had messed her life up and there is no going back,,she entered a fantasy of destroying my life and to be in it providing breadcrumbs...now I do not want to be around her but she made me such a big part of her life...infact I am too much In her than she is of herself it's breaking her down because it brings to reality what her life is....

[@MakapoluEsq]

Same, lied about an argument we had to the police and I ended up getting arrested for battery. When I asked what evidence there was the cop said she had red marks on her knees. The one saving grace is that I have videos of her falling during arguments with my siblings when they’re standing several feet away. She’s a performer. Never imagined it would go this far but learn from my mistake - never tell a narcissist that you know they’re a narcissist, lying and delusional, because they will seek to destroy you for revenge.

[@CleverChimney]

Same.

[@zardoz7900]

I lived in Hollywood for many years. I learned a lot about narcissism.

[@theorganizedplaylist8956]

They seem to be everywhere in my world. Make it stop lol.

[@krusher74]

@@theorganizedplaylist8956 10% of the world is a narr/scio/pycho. and in certain industries like art its higher.

[@transformationclass5054]

That's the Capitol of narcissism. I was raised there.

[@zardoz7900]

@@transformationclass5054 i can't believe i spent 16 years there. 🤷

[@XueYlva]

That's still different from NPD Don't get me wrong, NPD and people with Narc traits are both nasty, but that's not the same as dealing with an actual narcissist

[@wideeyedsearcher481]

These videos are brilliant. I wanted to just mention another way in which someone speaks a falsehood; there is delusion, and there is intentional lying to reach a goal, but there is also half-conscious lying in which part of someone knows they are lying, and is probably not very at ease about it, but they are doing it under the power of a strong subconscious compulsion to meet a neglected need. For example, if someone is not aware, or in control of, a rampant need to be loved and accepted, they might lie to keep someone around but not in a fully-conscious, nasty way. They are at the mercy of unconscious, unmet needs. They watch themselves doing it, but they are perhaps partially deluding themselves that this lie is ok, somehow...they do not feel like they have a choice, they are not in control of the decision to lie in that moment. I imagine many of the damaging actions of narcissistic folks in relationships fall into this category. What can seem like the worst gas lighting and manipulation in the world is sometimes fuelled by either delusion or unconscious needs taking over, or both. I speak from both sides of the experience. 😊

[@JohnKNMurphy-nz]

There is confabulation where people subconsciously fill in missing gaps with a manufactured reality and it 'is' real to them. I was left very disturbed by an agressive confrontational company owner who did not have a college degree but sold himself professionally as an engineer. It was a lie, but justified that he was so much better than others that he did not need a degree. I have worked several decades in a different area of engineering to him, and passed my bachelors with honours and had a masters. There is something odd about talking to someone who is gobsmackingly wrong but unaware as to why they are wrong, and yet talking condescendingly to you like you are some 'jumior' that needs to be educated. He had theories as to how technical and software systems worked that were bizarre and I then checked up on and found the issues. Once he even (unknowingly) took a piece of code I had written as an 'example' for a tirade at me showing me 'how it should be done'. He would hold 'training' only to be embarrassed by being mistaken or got stuck and needed prompting. Behind the scenes it is like dealing with uncomprehending robotic machinery that hands him old pages of script from a hack play to read out. A play I think scripted 30 years ago when his supposed 'brilliance' was ignored and he did not make the grade to get into engineering school.

[@tjoneill5131]

@wideeyed searcher 🙏🙇🏼‍♂️

[@Prometheuspredator]

@@JohnKNMurphy-nz, Your comment reminds me of my malignant golden child younger brother who presents himself as a psychological professional in the field of mental health. He comes off as your boss to others as a highly knowledgeable and proficient person who is educated extensively in the professional field of psychology. You can never disagree with his opinion or provide insight about a particular aspect in mental health as he will become agitated, argumentative and highly volatile, and flip out into an full blown rage about how wrong you are and how right he is. My brother barely graduated high school and he could not pass college, but he knows everything about the practice of mental health. His arrogance and ego driven attitude is nauseating.

[@karen0karen]

I had the opportunity to talk to my ex about his lies. I finally understood him well enough to know that I had to dangle something that he wanted in order to get the truth. I really wanted to know why he had said that he loved me and wanted to be with me when he had a new girlfriend. He said, "I wanted to keep you around, so, I told you what you wanted to hear." But, I mean, he wasn't just telling me what I wanted to hear. He was bawling his eyes out while he said it. The whole statement, tears, etc was all bullshit. He knew it was bullshit. He just wanted my response. Ive met other Narcissists since, similar behaviour.

[@karen0karen]

@airthrowDBT oof that sucks. my parents have some narcissistic traits but none as full blown as my ex.

[@CYellowan]

Really sux. Sorry for your lost time.

[@kellyamodeo214]

My (eventual ) ex husband did a similar thing with the tears and all. He acted so emotional. I finally told him I was leaving him and he made up a damn story about how he was raped when he was a kid. They have no limits to lying just to get what they want.

[@brandywilleford9157]

E100 percent cannot believe anything a narc says or even does it's all lies and deception

[@kynathomas4809]

The narcissists I knew spent all of his life smoking marijuana , drinking, and chasing women. I once asked him what were his plans for the future? He stated " I'm going to be a millionaire one day." I asked how was he gonna do that when he doesn't even have a high school diploma? He replied with so much anger " I don't need to have a high school diploma to become a millionaire ". I then replied " Do you have the numbers to win the mega millions ?" The look on his face was anger to say the least.

[@NehaPadooe]

True

[@TheVioletMagic29]

Omg reminds me so much of an ex. College drop-out, kept changing jobs but deludes himself.

[@lucygoose6237]

I 100% love that you called them out and asked the questions!!!

[@Handlegoeshere1234]

He's right though....

[@neal-stewart834]

my brother is a millionair with an 8th grade ed.

[@JF098]

Seeing this intelligent professional admit that he made a mistake and should have tried a different approach is so refreshing. As a covert narcissist, I could learn a lot from him.

[@alphaandomega3981]

Looser

[@hogski1000]

The most wonderful thing about this film is at 5:09 when Dr Yeomans says "For the narcissist reality is [an] aggression". That is what is so psychotic about Narcs and so baffling and gaslighting for their friends, family and partners, anyone they meet. Your response is "How could somebody possibly think that....but they're so sure....they must be right." As you get to know the Narc, you become more part of the fabric of reality (and less part of their fantasy) and so you become more and more a threat and a bore.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

Next time try a human being. If you can.

[@cassiebennet4262]

They need everyone to follow their script. Which is really crazy if you think about it. No one is ever going to follow their false narrative in the long run. Even if they did, the narcissist is STILL going to be miserable because they'll never understand that their misery comes from within.

[@paulinamerino8994]

Dr. Yeomans is clear and profound. His explanations on NPD are valid not only for patients but for every person who aspires for a more meaningful life.

[@trafficjon400]

aspires is meaningless shit and just helps the crazy get away with practical torture . Worse puting it the way you said.

[@danfrankkuhn]

He's so frank! (open, honest, and direct, especially when dealing with unpalatable matters)

[@sharpe3954]

Very funny,😀 I got that one.

[@leojablonski2309]

It's a red herring

[@anthonymillevolte3470]

It is refreshing to hear someone describe the nature of these people without needing to judge them too. He is an extremely empathetic and curious person. I very much appreciate his concise clear descriptions - for example, how he distinguishes between delusion and psychoses. I am sure that he has another metric, perhaps a private one, of how he determines (or senses) the difference between those who are delusional and those that are just lying. The examples he gave fall neatly into those categories - but why?

[@analozada9475]

“…Reality is an aggression.” Boom! 🤯🙌🔥👊💥 Hence, people raging when confronted with reality…😐

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

I have narcissistic traits and I knew this to be true. Yet it 's a whole other story to change that.

[@NickyM_0]

@@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain Why do you think you have narcissistic traits?

[@NickyM_0]

That is so deep and true. To the victim of narcissistic abuse, they would say the narcissist hates the truth! The act of speaking the truth and/or challenging their delusion is felt as an act of aggression that causes narcissistic injury.

[@trafficjon400]

we all burn any way whether creation is real; or not. GOD Sounds and what ever he is evil murder blood shed comes true every day.

[@j.a.fligor97]

As on CRT and PC B's.

[@sawdustadikt979]

When I was growing up, I had multiple family members that would tell very distorted versions of events that just happened. It made me really wonder if I was seeing things correctly at times. But when I was a teenager, we had a lot of friends around and when they would do this big spin on the truth everyone would laugh breathlessly at them for exaggerating to comic book levels. They would double down on the lie. I was my interpretation that they absolutely needed to believe the lies. The lies were always at some one else’s expense, the one telling the story was always some mythical hero or god. It was exhausting. Learning about cluster b has helped me understand all that chaos by understanding the what and the why. I haven’t forgotten, nor do I forgive, but I am working on accepting.

[@benmahdjoubharoun1467]

Those with Cluster B grow old and keep telling teenage stories in a very distorted and delusional way.

[@sawdustadikt979]

@@benmahdjoubharoun1467 for sure, you get it, and they tell it to over and over like they just remembered it for the first time. I’ve also had the experience of telling them “you told this story to me, many times” and then tell them, their story. They look at me annoyed, and then finish telling the story like I never said anything. A truly bizarre behavior.

[@benmahdjoubharoun1467]

@sawdustadikt979 they never learn their lessons because they are masters at manipulation so they are capable of avoiding consequences and then they shift blame to their victim which leads to the same traumatic experiences over and over again, so just move away and grief like they are already dead. They are the Walking Dead. Could you imagine I just went outside and they were laughing about the times they poisoned me and proceeded to call me crazy!?

[@orangewarm1]

Just run, don't accept that bs.

[@tonya3144]

This was a very, very good video. Frank is the best when it comes to examples!

[@eiehe93-]

Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,

[@surfingshewolf]

That was the most oddly detailed and well written spam I've ever seen

[@goofyahhh254]

​@@surfingshewolflmao.. I wasn't sure if it was, I kinda believed it even after seeing the email 😂tnx

[@XeaRae]

@@goofyahhh254 I think they got the text from a legitimate source book. A lot of it is actually decently written 😂

[@cht2162]

SPAM - SPAM - SPAM - SPAM - SPAM

[@Dystopia2024]

ChatGPT spam at its best.

[@CCANGEL333]

If you have a narcissist as a parent, their dysfunction may as well have been a life test in the Self Love category. Although their narcissistic ways are nothing you would want to become they inadvertently teach you self love by standing up for yourself, set boundaries and if necessary no contact. Do not think your entire life was a curse. It was a learning lesson.

[@TheOddStranger]

100% and at some point you'll need to face it that there is no other way than to look at your background as something valuable and badass xd otherwise you'll suffer. I think learning to value and kinda like your experiences as 'lessons' is a really really great choice.

[@jenster29]

I, personally think that's bullshit 😂 no offense and if it works for you then that's really great. I was raised by 2 of them. 2 of my 4 siblings have joined the dark side. I was the scapegoat for 30+ years until I found out what boundaries were. But I was already married to one... 🤷‍♀️ I did NOT need to go through almost 4 decades of torture to learn about self love and boundaries. People who already have that in their life just had parents that taught them... thats why what you (and others) have said, doesn't make sense to me. My kids know all about boundaries and self care.. they didn't need decades of torture to learn it.. neither did their friends or my friends. We just got the very long and very *unnecessary* road to discover that.

[@TheOddStranger]

@@jenster29 I'm sorry, I hope you are ok now.

[@jenster29]

@@TheOddStranger I am thank you. Just feeling battered and bruised for no good reason, I guess

[@proudscorpio46]

@@jenster29idk if your religious but coming from a vicious lions den family of narcs what makes me feel it wasn’t pointless is that I’ve always heard the bigger the calling on your life the harder your life will be and more tests you’ll be put through. It’s like the brighter your light could be the more the opposing forced want to dim it, Just food for thought. I feel your pain either way though friend. Hugs

[@alessandrapeluzzi3651]

It’s liberating to listen to such a nuanced analysis of narcisism as opposed to the usual which hunt

[@lucylith6209]

So nice hearing a wise person talk!

[@declandoherty6724]

Much appreciation for this channel, so informative and humanising. Please keep posting. Frank's wisdom and compassion is inspiring.

[@NickyM_0]

Yes, it is rare you get this perspective. Everyone gives the advice: Narcissist? Can't be healed. Due to their defence mechanisms. RUN!!!!

[@dougfredricks2017]

The truth is a narcissists worst nightmare...

[@susiesa8295]

💯!

[@desertfox1273]

A BIG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@gooser__43]

They tell lies; engage in plagiarism: Joe Biden

[@haliec4713]

Both my father and ex partner lie and do believe their lies, I have witnessed events and later when they relayed their story which included their lies, I pointed out to them that I was present at the time of the event and in fact the events didn’t happen as they said, they looked confused because they actually formed their story and convinced themselves of the delusion. It was then I realised that they actually do believe what they say. My ex did become extremely offended when I pointed out what I had witnessed, I was then in his mind against him and I got the silent treatment and he would punish me by acting out. How dare I point out my reality to him !!!

[@mahlina1220]

Narcissistic injury = any real threats from _actual_ reality.

[@Prometheuspredator]

Embellished false truths. I am so familiar with this as it reflects some of the features of my narc. malignant golden child brother. He tells half truths and will embellish his stories to high heaven. It is one lie after another. One half truth embellished story after the other. It is sickening and the abuse stories he talks about I am coming to resolve to not believe most of them. One abuse story after another and after hearing the same stories for years I am detached. I went no contact two years ago, because of his threatening aggressive behavior toward me. He is highly triggered by anything and dangerous.

[@TheAlfakitty]

"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression." - powerful.

[@PurplePinkRed]

This is powerful information and just gave me closure from a self-deluding person who seems to believe their own lies, and doesn't get it when confronted. Thank you kindly for the examples too 😊

[@accordionSWE]

A personal experience. I have seen and experienced adults with NPD lie without any sense of shame. Some of the lies have been delusional because they were unrealistic in the details. But adults never lie do they? I imagine most adults never want to think an adult they are talking to would lie. So there is often no overt correction, if adults feel unease with someone lying they just keep the relationship at a distance or end it without correction. It is easier to offer the benefit of the doubt. But in my experience I guess that the shame part was not really gone, because the same NPD defended adults often gaslighted people that were oriented to reality. If someone, for example, talked about their regular life or work experience, the adult with NPD gaslighted and acted with raised eyebrows like what the reality oriented person said was not true. The adult with NPD acted like he or she listened to a lying idiot. It was quite bizarre and emotionally painful. Imagine a kid coming home to an parent with NPD talking about their regular day in school and the parent act against the kid like the kid is lying and should be ashamed. Five minutes later the NPD parent drops some real delusional lies.. Horrible.

[@Solscapes.]

If you understand narcissistic supply, it becomes clear that they are just lies. Successful lies give them supply, just like any power play.

[@orangebetsy]

Thanks to this and all who are devoting their professional lives to try to help folks come to feel relief in themselves and be happy and help others be ok too

[@jackpaterson8556]

I lived with a man who was a sadistic narcist for 10 yrs!I survived because of my strong faith!

[@sophie4636]

"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression " Frank Yeomans. The most helpful statement on narcissism ever.

[@geoffreybester7953]

My bpd gf is about rage tantrums... and the threats turn into opening police cases against me.

[@kellyyork3898]

Sam Vatkin states they know exactly what they are doing and are actually very attuned to their “audience” because they NEED their attention and feedback. They must have their “supply” or die. So they are constantly going through the feedback they get from their “supply” and are changing their responses to get/keep more supply. So, according to Sam, they definitely know right from wrong, and outside of very rare dissociative episodes, they are very aware of what they are doing and even that it may be hurting others. So if you think they are psychotic, then perhaps we are taking about a person who is more than just a narcissist and who may have other co-morbidities???

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

No.

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

Sam vaknin is wrong about a lot of things, i have produced proof hes wrong and posted in his comments and he NEVER acknowledged his errors. He is wrong about milder forms of npd and wrong about borderlines, they get worse with age, he says they get better, if a borderline gets better than they were not borderline, its bipolar or something like adhd or cptsd, and wrong about psychopaths, in reality, some are very productive and harmless brain surgeons and ceo's. Sam coined a few terms about NPD in the 1990s and hes been riding the coat tails of that ever since. He also has completely contradicted himself more times than i can count. Most real psychologists and researchers steer clear of him because of his caustic atitude in person. Nobody in real research takes him serious.

[@cynthiathomas5754]

Richard Grannon knows Sam well. Lately RG has been talking about psychosis and it seems to describe the experience of being around an NPD pretty well. Remember that Sam himself is NPD and very intelligent...Maybe it varies with individuals since NPD is a model and not absolute?

[@judithwilliams3147]

They aren't psychotic. They can't use insanity in a court case. NPD is a disorder. A personality disorder.

[@cassiebennet4262]

Mine has now begun to make up conversations we've had in real time. I just got accused of saying something rude when I never said a word. The entire conversation never occurred. This is the second time this has happened. If this shit is intentional then that is terrifying. How someone can fly into a rage over something they know isn't true is truly sick.

[@anthonyramaseur6698]

Right when a narcissist is lying on me due to a smear campaign this video gets posted lol love yall

[@janetpattison8474]

Great topic, and important distinction made between outright lying and delusional. Two incidents w/ same person occurred a 2 & 3 yrs ago. One, female relative put up a hidden camera to spy on me while I was babysitting . 2. On a different day, While sitting, they said eat what u want, so I helped myself to a pastry to share w/ the child. The next day the relative had a HUGE meltdown, that the pastry was eaten. She explained it was for 4 ppl, (one scone) so how could I do this HORRIBLE thing?!?! So, fast forward to 2024, 2 years after the event, & the family member w/ the spying issue told me, that spying didn’t happen bc the camera was off. At the time of the incident, I checked to see if the camera was on, & it was, so this was a blatant lie. Then 3 yrs after the pastry incident, the same person made up an entirely new excuse why the pastry incident was a MAJOR crisis, trying to justify her insane meltdown. So, lying or delusional? That is the question, and there are MANY more examples of sh** they pull. What a massive costly mistake, moving near wacked, jealous family.

[@AB-lp8jd]

You poor thing 😮 I can't believe you have to live through this mess You were doing something positive for this person (baby sitting), they wronged you (spying on you, reacting inappropriately to you doing something as normal as following their instruction regarding eating something)... Yet she is the one having the meltdown and causing a scene. Just shows you can never win with a narcissist. Even if you're doing them a favour, it'll come back to bite you May you find a way to cut this person out of your life One incident like that years ago and until now it keeps flaring up in a way that's clearly distressing for you. I feel sorry for you

[@firehorse9996]

@@AB-lp8jd Yes. It helps to start with a new notebook, writing down every conceivable detail regarding the events, the time of day, who else was in the room (mother, brother, sister) what the food smelled like (Beatings often came at the dinner table the main time I was guaranteed to see my dad and he'd just reach out and slap me, the scapegoat, across the table -- and worse-- for no good reason), the season, specific location in the house, it being your childhood home or wherever. This is how I managed to overcome years of gaslighting from Cluster B family about my father's horrific abuse. Helpful to refer back to whenever you're tempted to break No Contact. They never let up in trying to prove you're wrong and they're better than you.

[@SisypheanSeas13]

Tactical outbursts

[@FriederickKovacs77]

Dr. Yeomans is excellent in his analysis and eloquent in his description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Very Interesting.

[@edgreen8140]

Entitlement as a defense against dependency. Reality is an aggresser against the story they are telling about themselves.

[@j.a.fligor97]

Then there is the Biden and Obama and Clinton and Bush group

[@AM-cg2sg]

Thank you for this video. So often with the narc in my life I have wondered about this when the narc says untruths, events that didn't happen, etc., and about their upset reaction when corrected. 'Self delusion' seems to be the case

[@seameology]

My daughter once told me, "I know it isn't true but thats how I feel ".

[@insidethebrokenstem6846]

Thank you thank you thank you so much for these videos. As someone that is struggling to achieve the most stable relationship possible with someone that has been diagnosed with BPD, these videos are incredible. Since DBT isn’t supported by health insurance, my friend is not getting any treatment and has refused to see anyone that’s under the insurance plan UNLESS they treat all of her the disorders. So, your channel is the best I can do right now. It’s hard because some days I want to give up on this person because it’s caused a lot of pain, but I’ve a lot of faith in her and the possibility for her being a happier person. Seriously, thank you.

[@zeddeka]

The American health system really is evil.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

You can buy the DBT workbook online and go through it on your own. Plus there are many books to read on the subject to self educate. Hope this helps!

[@lorimollette3970]

This is a spiritual sickness caused by deception and trama to a young child by a care giver. Loss of trust, loss of self, loss of hope, lost without feeling human love. Child decides to be like the abuser to protect herself from others, and control others for personal gains. At this point unclean spirits oppress the child, infecting the child's mind and will towards wickedness. Without Jesus Christ there is no hope for soul sickness!" An innocent heart that is broken by adults who are demonized and out of control. Call on Jesus, he can restore your broken heart he loves you!" You must repent of your sins, your unforgiveness, and want the unclean spirits to go in Jesus name. Jesus said, when you hear the truth, you will know it. And the truth will set you free" I have 53 years experience with Narcist, I have wittnessed many things!" Jesus loves you!"

[@reason4being868]

Omg! Reality is aggression! That's exactly what I'm dealing with...game changer to know that.

[@desertfox1273]

OMG YES, SO TRUE!

[@LXSeaV]

"For the narcissist, reality IS an aggression." *mic drop*

[@ST-yc7uj]

Calling out a narc on their lies is percieved by them as an insult,a lie,an act of aggression.

[@brynleytalbot778]

Reality, to the narcissist, is an aggressive act against their self esteem. Reality, from the narcissist, is an aggressive act to maintain their self esteem. Now you know why it’s so difficult to treat. And why unless they’ve pushed it so far they’ve been incarcerated, or sent into therapy, they never seek help. Why help perfection? It’s totally pointless, when your narcissism sees that as defining you.

[@susantaylor2937]

The way he looks at the camera right after tho 😂

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

I had to laugh...run. they never learn or change. These lies are constant, they know they are lies, but they shut you down by insisting. Im sorry it isnt sad, i have a diagnosed NPD father and sister, i feel sorry for the victims...they gave me a heart attack by sending police 2-1 had me thrown out, and my mother to an early death as they belittled her symptoms and her requests for help (i live interstate).

[@AnnaMishel]

Truth, to a narcissists, is whatever serves their purpose. That is their reality!

[@NickyM_0]

When I said to the narcissist when they were in lying/self delusion mode, 'that's your perspective' (that was the best I could do to diplomatically not dismiss directly their blatant revision and delusion on certain flipped events), they accused me of gaslighting them for using the word 'perspective' 😳. And they were highly offended that I was 'belittling' them and being 'rude'. Really?!

[@zenabraithwaite1934]

Do you not find that 90% of the population are "offended" by normal conversation in 2022?

[@GenerationX1984]

I try to force people who are easily offended to watch some offensive movie or TV show. Like The Life of Brian or South Park. Then I make fun of them if they get offended by it. "Awww! Did the TV hurt your wittle feelings. Hahaha!" The look of indignation on their face is priceless.

[@ESumner]

Yes, this is completely common.... daily

[@Alphacentauri819]

@@GenerationX1984 interesting. So, you admit that you bully others, while completely lacking empathy. Were you referred to this video because you are the narcissist? Watch that you don't get offended by that question now...or else you just prove your blindness and hypocrisy! If you are trying to force others to do something that bothers them...with no purpose other than provoking... examine your internal dynamics. Why? Use introspection and metacognition (if you even can). That behavior is disturbing and says something is deeply disturbed, wounded, in you. -a former medical professional, who is working towards a PhD In Neuroscience

[@brandywilleford9157]

One of the main Evil games by the sick narcs

[@Somenondual]

This is a compassionate and knowledgeable doctor.

[@kevinlockett2263]

I really like the way you explain things. I have been doing research as I have had a hard time with relationships. I do care and love people so I am not sure. I just seem to say things that I don’t want to but seem to have a hard time holding back. Anger gets the enemy of me. I try and talk to myself and or God. I now am delegated with my second wife at 42!!!! Live alone and am lonely. I am trying really hard to make positive changes and look at the positively in people. I seem to always want to see all the problems ready to pounce if I need to. I do want to change and ma going to, it’s just going to be harder for me than others. I will stay single as I don’t want to hurt anyone. What is important going forward for me is to treat every interaction as a opportunity to do my best. I hate when I act so stupid. But their is always hope!!!! Goodluck to all who suffer with this. Praying never hurts….. I will continue to watch you!!! Thankyou

[@erico7430]

That is some of the most brilliant insightful descriptions of narcissism I have ever heard. Excellent. Thank you

[@Jojo-o6o6w]

I had a fwb situation with a guy for the last 2 yrs. I started feeling crazy dealing with him because hed never admit to anything that he said or did wrong. I felt like i was bashing my head into the wall.. it really made me crazy. Hed convince me I was the one who had mental issues and didnt see things for what they were. One weekend there were a few things i brought up to him, things I noticed going on and of course, I imagined all of it and I was the crazy one. I couldnt take it anymore.. I knew my intuition couldnt be that effed up, it never had been before.... so I left my phone on record in the living room one and went to bed. I know, scummy move but I was literally feeling crazy after 2 years of this and I had to for my own sanity. Well, turns out I was right about the things I brought up. I couldnt come right out and tell him thats what id done... so i said that at some point during the night I had come out of bedroom and saw heard the proof I needed. I begged him to be honest with me and stop the lying and gaslighting, I told him of my proof and if he didnt stop I would stop seeing him.. and thats not what he wants, he loves time with me... even with that he still could not stop lying. It was so bizarre for me watching him during this as it FINALLY sunk into my brain that this guy is seriously broken and nothing I do can fix it.. his wiring is broken and he can not stop the behavior even if it means destroying something he desires so badly. I now know that even he if tells me the truth it'll be an act of manipulation and that I literally will never be able to trust a word out of his mouth.. hes that sick and it really blows me away that the human brain can be that broken.

[@davidstylespro]

What was he lying about?

[@Atclav]

This is the best description I have ever heard. Accurate as hell

[@billytitus1519]

I see so much misunderstanding in this comment section. Narcissism is about pain and in this dialogue, this interview Dr. Frank Yeomans is actually explaining how people on the spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder can find healing, integration and a remit from childhood hurt and pain that literally drives their mind to protect and trick itself with delusions. To completely sabotage relationships, marriages, parent-child bonds and any form of interacting and relating that provides a semblance of happiness in the human condition. My dad was viciously beaten for years as a five to ten year old, neglected, bullied. He stuttered, had a lisp and no front teeth, and a very fat child. He stopped speaking for years as a toddler when his mother became postnatally psychotic. Lost my mother, friends, his relationship with me. This is not something to gloat on or categorize as terminal or as some kind of unchangable aspect of a human being. They were not born like this. And yes not all but a lot might be helped. Is that our job as kids, significant others and so forth? Absolutely not, it is the job of Dr. Yeomans here and the willingness of my dad and all the other inner children that had to acquire narcissistic personality disorder just in order to survive. My dad is finally in therapy, and now even is in therapy with my mother for a better relationship beneficial to his children - my brothers and his grandchildren - and ultimately himself. He had to forced into it, and then tricked into just talking about the hurt that underlies it all. Please look at this personality disorder for what it is - pain and suffering that they cannot face. It not some vampiric curse. Thank you.

[@aaronjohnmaughan]

Simple enough, but at what point do we as a society declare enough is enough and hold them accountable for the damage they inflict upon the unsuspecting and well intended? I know that manslaughter and murder are two different charges, but hello, either way someone got killed.

[@billytitus1519]

@@aaronjohnmaughan I am still thinking on this, and I still do not have an answer. In no contact with both of my parents and healing exponentially since 2023.

[@rohanauthenticus3916]

Daniel Scheff's initial comment about the nature of loss to those in a narcissistic relationship is absolutely true. His observation does, however, tell us where to begin on the road to recovery and what to work with, where not to spend your energy. It is less difficult to make progress when you are in touch with reality.

[@crimfan]

"Are Narcissists Lying or Delusional?" The answer is: Yes.

[@theotormon]

My opinion is that narcissism is a value disorder. Narcissists don't recognize what is valuable in others or in themselves. They were never taught or they have a psychological wound that won't let them see. I suffer from this to some degree. As I have gotten older, I have seen how the superficial things I have chased like beauty and power are much less valuable than understanding others, seeing the good in people, and working with others toward a shared unselfish goal.

[@bradmcewen]

It does seem when the delusions are projected as part of another's persona when it is obvious its gaslighting is when a person becomes toxic and a must to avoid. Narcissistic fleas can jump onto a uncombative too exhausted to reason with a malicious intent. Doesn't matter if it's intentional or natural. It's toxic.

[@sugarfree1894]

Hey Brad :)

[@NeonCicada]

Those "fleas" tend to be maladaptive coping strategies that people adopt in response to someone else's personality disorder.

[@NickyM_0]

@@NeonCicada Whatever the reasons those 'fleas' exist because of and as a result of the person's personality disorder. The end conclusion is the same. The other is impacted negatively.

[@trafficjon400]

IT KILLS WITH NO REMORSE. Yet they keep these types out of prison.

[@georgevanheerden3563]

Amazing! So well verbalised. Thank you Dr. Frank. This really helped straighten what I could not pinpoint.

[@angelasavinelli1625]

Employment may not be helpful for people because of the many personalities in the work environment some of which can be toxic for someone who is struggling to find themselves in a realistic way.

[@therabbithat]

I've done that exact thing where you describe the job without saying the technically unofficial but widely known and recognizable name of the job because the job is low status and that is upsetting. But when the person says "oh you mean _______" I just feel sad and embarrassed, rather than feeling angry. I can see how feeling angry would be nicer but how both me and that person would probably most benefit from just not thinking that the status of our job impacts our value and who we are as a person, even when we get a high status job.

[@lg316]

My ex husband is 53 and diagnosed with NPD. He’s retired from Law Enforcement. He screamed at me in a rage because he told me he’s in love with a transgendered person. I said “so you’re LGBT” and he called me delusional and called me a pathological liar.

[@offensivediscourse8514]

He doesnt have to be LGBT himself to be attracted to one

[@mr.makedonija2627]

Ewwwwwww

[@mr.makedonija2627]

@@offensivediscourse8514 lmaoooo. He is gay at minimum

[@lundsweden]

Some men don't like the term gay, preferring the term men who have sex with men!

[@jenster29]

​@@offensivediscourse8514 he's not straight. 😂

[@caterinadelgalles8783]

For a narcissist, reality is aggression. 😮 Thank you for this upload ❤

[@neohermitist]

Whether lying or deluded, its the reframing or rejection of reality that is the problem. Rather than trying to apply labels I think it is probably more important to describe behaviors. Its the bad behaviors that destroy others.

[@brandywilleford9157]

Yes!!! TY!!

[@lunafencoven]

I was diagnosed with several personality disorders, including APD, NPD, and PPD (PPD is paranoia, by the way), and I could tell it was lying more than delusion. Most of the time, when I lied, it was mainly about myself; I'd be the person who always had fun little stories to either emphasize my points or make things fun. 'Oh, you've been to Disneyland, so am I, and let me tell you that hilarious thing that happened when I was there which will 1 up you. Or let me tell you that once I went on a hunting trip with my dad, I got to shoot a bear.' 99% of the time, my stories were entirely made up, and that 1% was only half true or heavily exaggerated. As someone who always felt intensely judged and demeaned by others, I felt like it was a necessity to paint myself as impressive and not mundane as possible. Of course, when you stay in social circles too long, and people eventually figure out you have too many convenient and cool stories, then everything backfires. You get embarrassed, move on to the next social cycle, and repeat the process. It's a prison in mind.

[@wazeemkhan7903]

Excellent questions and answers. Good lecture.

[@tylerwilliams5173]

I lived with two of them. And honestly they know they lie. And when u called them out. Here comes the anger. When they were cheating. They knew they were lying.

[@AbyssalManta]

I was hoping for an answer more in the specific context that the narcissist has done something shockingly immoral, mean-spirited, petty, vindictive, and when called on it, refuses to accept that they did, and if they did it was no big deal, and if it was a big deal, it wasn't intended, and if it was intended, you made them do it, and if you didn't... you know how it goes. The examples shown here are much more... innocuous.

[@kellyamodeo214]

Reality is totally an aggression to the Narc. Good line. I see that for sure.

[@persimmontea6383]

"I told her she lied .... She said "Not really..." ... I said you bear false witness with the intent to deceive. "She said, that's not lying .... not really...."

[@persimmontea6383]

@airthrowDBT I have a religious nut neighbor who is actually a predator ... he doesn't just try to convert me, he ASSULTS me with his constant and invasive efforts. Ok, I have learned to keep away etc ... but it does bring up a question. He says things the Bible does not support ... and he says things that are ghastly and that most people would judge to be unChristian. BUT, he claims that the Bible is only for people who do not know God as well as him and that in his case God speaks directly to him with the REAL truth. QUESTION: Is he lying? Or, ... like many people who say untrue things ... is he merely being himself and he himself doesn't buy into our objective idea of the truth? ..... I mean, we agree everyone is unique, right? QUESTION #2: Is having compassion for people like him ultimately harmful to the rest of us?

[@stephaniepittaluga5057]

I have been waiting for an explanation like this for YEARS! Very well explained, great calm delivery, I am forever grateful. Married for 32 years to someone who does this exact kind of lying and my kids and I are continually wondering- is he knowingly lying? Or just deluded? I know this therapist cannot conclude 100% but the way he’s explaining it still makes me feel closer to the answer that he is probably delusional and that is sad.

[@TtTt-k7p1b]

1. They are grandeous 2. They are competive 3. They want control. 4. They sabotage (you) 5. They cheat 6. They lie

[@BlackCoffeeee]

It's refreshing to hear a therapist on KZbin acknowledge that people with NPD are suffering.

[@boop5287]

No they’re not Lmao

[@rosellamarotta1675]

@@boop5287 depends

[@BlackCoffeeee]

@@boop5287 If you understand NPD then you'll know they suffer deeply.

[@lindamoore3304]

Yes sadly but the ones used to project onto also suffer.

[@thiefonthecross7552]

Yeah they suffer like a serial killer suffers in jail.

[@subashfernando8877]

Certain cultures and their expectations can foster this delusion/lie with career, especially within diaspora communities in wealthy countries. It's easier to maintain the cover when the people of the diaspora don't know anyone within the other worlds of their fellow immigrants like work, school, house of worship. I knew a lady who implied for many years that she had a high position within the state dept of transportation. It turned out that she worked at a toll booth. This was back in the day before automatic toll-by-plate. In those days it was a great job with high pay, excellent pension and other benefits, but I think she was still ashamed of it. When I went through the toll I also felt secondhand shame because I knew she would be afraid that I would tell everyone (I told no one). She also couldn't ask me not to tell, because that would prove intentional effort to mislead. She was right to feel this way because this particular diaspora community had an unkind hierarchy.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

Are you kidding? The US are not a diaspora.

[@RGBEAT]

That last comment is so fascinating and useful for anyone who is super self critical! To remember you cant read minds, youre projecting your own critical judgements.

[@lindamoore3304]

It's a combination of both what works at a given moment for a given goal.

[@claireh.7605]

they make up their lies because it feels good as narcissists; then believing their lies makes the lies more convincing and they use this self delusion as a lying technique!

[@brandywilleford9157]

TRUTH🎉

[@ghilly_one1720]

i have a relative who is like this, and until i heard the doctor say "for the narcissist, reality is an aggression", it didn't click for me. the reaction this relative had after she was given feedback (which she herself solicited, mind you) for the hairbrained schemes she came up with was rage. and the blaming others for destroying her dreams by asking silly questions such as, can you afford it? have you considered A,B,C etc? have you put forth a budget to see if this feasible? instead she raged: it was "you just love to destroy my dreams!" i have pity for them - but from a distance. because i certainly am not willing to sacrifice my own peace of mind to coddle a narcissist and humor their pathology just because they may be suffering.

[@zsuzsuspetals]

Two types of narcs who tend to fly under the radar in society 1) people involved in multi-level marketing scams who convince themselves they own and run a true business. Boss babe types 2) People in their 40s and 50s who still think they are going to make it big as a singer or actor If anyone questions them with logic they are met with rage.

[@emmarae4322]

It’s the Merry Go Round of delusion with these people.

[@JahBreed]

I'm just coming into a manner of Fascination with Cluster B disorders. The complete nightmares that brought me here weren't worth it but really, the abstract dynamics at play are breathtaking. The question of Liar or Deluded for instance. There is so much to consider toward going either way. Middle ground? Can there be a middle ground? What's the difference between a Liar and someone voicing delusions? All the questions that accompany the problem. It's really amazing.

[@sarahwagland1559]

All lies at the end of the day. Why should lying to yourself be delusional and lying about others not? Thinking that it's ok to lie about oneself or others is the problem.

[@JahBreed]

@@sarahwagland1559 It's not okay. It's in fact a behaviour associated to mental illness. It's inconvenient and scary to accept it but it's the way it is. If a person can intentionally betray another, there's something wrong with that person and it has to do with what can be substantiated as brands of organic discrepancy to 'Normal' that manifest in aberrant behaviour. It's not an excuse. It's a reason and with knowledge like this coming into the public consciousness, we can finally start defending ourselves from it collectively through prevention and treatment.

[@cmbr.]

Fear less, Love more

[@alonawhalen]

I understand that you might of thought the woman was a telemarketer but there is a fortune 100 company that does help desk support for over 70 other companies in one of their corporate locations. Depending on the company assigned and if she was lv. 1 or lv. 2 support, the woman could have been handed a list of people in need of a higher support base. These higher levels are typically rolled up to a more sophisticated support desk. Most working these would have an extended contact time. I worked a USDA account our minimum solve time on a Lv. 2 was 1 week. I interviewed with another company that dealt with updating card readers for convenience stores and gas stations. This involved getting a list of clients using the companies software, Contacting the stores and scheduling the store for a time when they could afford possibly a 6 hour down time for upgrading software. This was critical because taking a store offline when the software company wanted could cause a major loss of profits. Since the company needed to monitor the transfer, the tech and the client had to fully agree on a time that worked for both. A telemarketer is typically someone who could calls for commission sales. I loved my job but I was by no means just a telemarketer. Within the help desk I worked for the USDA. We did coordination of federal fires throughout the U.S. We remotely fixed store issues with SNAP benefit reader problems. We also remotely assisted with electronic issues within the Federal Forrest service. Especially these days remote workers do a whole lot more then just the telemarketer position.

[@judithargitay9860]

The tragedy of it all that after you realise what you are dealing with, you also realise you just simply do not know the person there. I was baffled when I learnt that I do not know my father AT ALL. All I've known in my entire life was a mask, a web of lies, pretensions, and astronomical agression when something was not to his liking. Apologies for being harsh, but sometimes I feel it would be better if he had cancer, even if incurable, but at least I could have some kind of connection with the person he is. But he is not a person. He has totally lost his connection to his own feelings and personality long ago, hence no possibility to him to connect with anyone, not even with his own daughter, though I know he's been trying here and there. Tragic.

[@firehorse9996]

The last time I spoke with my 84-year-old father he was bragging about his fitness routine, maintaining his ideal weight, preparing to run a 5K marathon, (constantly shames me and others about being overweight) yet my sister enables him and went to help recently when he was in the hospital. He never said a word to me about it. I tried to offer sympathy but he's just not A REAL HUMAN. Bizarre. Yes, tragic.

[@roflcopter4273]

It's almost inconceivable, isn't it? To realize this person never really existed. Even though I know it on an intellectual level I still cannot REALLY grasp how the person I spent so many years with basically tricked me into loving a fake idea of a human.

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

I think delusion and lie overlap each other

[@viciouscircle7802]

Be interested to know if that is apart of splitting

[@AB-lp8jd]

Not at all - one is intentional, there is not What you said is like saying "being incorrect and lying overlap"

[@cassiebennet4262]

Lies ensue whenever the delusions are challenged. Narcissist's massive and fragile ego protects the lies they believe with more lies. It's literally their only defense mechanism for their own self hatred. If they didn't believe everyone else was bad they would delete themselves.

[@charalamposkatsogr8566]

Amazingly conscise. Thank you so much

[@natashar9176]

You are one of my favourite people that I have ever discovered on KZbin. Please do a Spotify podcast as well! I'd love to be able to listen to your stuff hands free on there too

[@nonawolf7495]

My mother used to tell everyone in earshot that she gave up a career because of her kids. (she got married at 21 & never had a job)

[@edgarasvas]

If you ask a narcissist appropriate question, when answer is obvious, that that person handles some situation badly, he instantly says, that you are attacking him, to look like victim in eyes of others. This type of person is better if you mention somebody is good, he is more hurt, when you mention, that somebody is hurt.