How to Reason with Someone Who is Delusional | Is Delusional Behavior on a Continuum?

This video answers the question: How can someone reason with somebody who is delusional? I've heard this question a few times and different versions of this question and I think sometimes the question is really talking about delusions, but I think sometimes what people mean is: How do I reason with somebody who's not being rational? I'm going to look at different levels of delusions here, so I can really answer the different types of questions. A delusional belief is a belief that's maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted to be a rational argument or reality. We also see with delusions that no matter what evidence is presented, the belief is not going to change their mind. One of the difficult parts about the question is that it may be hard to know if someone is really delusional or not. That's really the realm of mental health counselors to figure out if somebody has true delusions.
Delusions fall on a continuum. When we talk about a true delusion or pathological delusion, it's really hard to figure this out from a brief interaction. There are alternative explanations to why somebody believes something other than them being delusional for example: somebody could be misinformed, somebody could just be illogical, or somebody could have a temporary bias based on strong emotions.
When considering whether something's delusion or not it's important to keep in mind that the belief itself isn't necessarily really important, it's the reaction to contradictory evidence.
Pathological delusions may be observed with a number of mental disorders like schizophrenia, delusional disorder, major mood disorders (major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder), and substance use disorders. Under the mental disorder delusional disorder, we see a few types of mentioned here: erotomanic, grandiose, jealous, persecutory, and somatic. We also see a specifier with this disorder called “with bizarre content.”

[@psychdocjones7053]

As a professor of psychology for 17 years now I can confirm (as if it’s needed) that Dr. Grande is an eminently reasonable and spot-on source of psychological knowledge. I learn from him frequently. Thank you Dr. Grande.

[@Novasky2007]

I like it when psychologists stroke eachothers egos. Its like watching a Freudian slipping on a banana skin.

[@aeris2001]

@@Novasky2007 I've liked this comment, but is it a dig at psychoanalysis?

[@anonymousanonymous3900]

@@Novasky2007 lolol

[@informationsense4621]

Sir, I have some symptoms such as severe hallucinations, illusion, visual hallucinations, relationship problems. It leads to delusional disorder. Please tell me that what kind of medicines can take to cure delusional disorder. Please suggest me some medicines.

[@deltanovember1672]

@@informationsense4621 Smoke some weed. It’ll chill you out there cowboy.

[@EricGentile]

As a police officer (24yrs) these videos are very helpful and have turned potentially violent situations into manageable events. Thanks for your vids.

[@ED-LETRICAL]

Is Gentile your last name? Lol

[@EricGentile]

@@ED-LETRICAL yes it is

[@EricGentile]

@@ED-LETRICAL yes pronounce gentil not gentile i live in a part of the city that is orthoox jewish and the reactions can get interesting.

[@krenee8640]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 fantastic all around 👏🏼👏🏼

[@mochiebellina8190]

Keep your ego in check and your gun holstered and it will be a better world.

[@calm.aware.]

1. Intervene early 2. Listen without judging 3. Ask what evidence could change the opinion 4. Keep the door open 5. Present evidence 6. Stay logical and unemotional 7. Leave them a win

[@Kraterlandschaft]

Could you elaborate a little on how to intervene early yet also listen without judging?

[@meirsimchaesral5095]

Ask them about what they believe. Actually listen to the response as if it's interesting, e.g. let them tell you about the illuminati or whatever. Bring up contradictory information politely. Don't be aggressive. Don't do the whole ''what's wrong with you'' ''you're not jesus'' thing.

[@Kraterlandschaft]

@@meirsimchaesral5095 Interesting! Thank you for explaining that to me

[@bethanyudonome4219]

It's not that people believe in alien reptoids- it's that we want to know WTF is going on with people eyes transforming momentarily into cat pupils with different irises. That's not a human quality, Dr. Grande. You can find the videos here on KZbin. Why don't you tell us, Doctor, what you think causes THAT. It's not Photoshop. There are far too many captures of this, just as well NASA losing the technology to go to the Moon. I guess that's made up, too. Lol. I'm not responsible for people blindly following the government's official narrative in 9/11 which, in combination with anti government speech, has put me into the targeted individuals list, which, in my opinion, should be your favorite conspiracy theory. As a doctor don't you think you owe it to your patients to know the truth? There's a Ted talk about CMU's, but I'm sure you believe people can't be imprisoned in hidden prisons within prisons for political intolerance. But you would be wrong. You don't believe that technology has decreased since whenever it was we were supposed to have gone to the Moon, call NASA and confirm it. Then watch some reptilian eye videos before you say it's a delusion, please.

[@Ron-dv8jj]

@@bethanyudonome4219 the delusion is not what you see.The delusion is how you interpret what you see. Some people see dead people around them.They arent hallucinating.They see it for real. But are they really dead people? They see what they see,and its not hallucinations,but it is still smoke and mirrors. I repeat,its not hallucinations,but its still smoke and mirrors. Its delusion alright,just not in the way psychiatrist think of it. Ive been in delusions many times myself. Ive seen all kinds of weird stuff. I really did see it,hear it and experience it.No hallucinations. But,it was still delusional nontheless.It was still smoke and mirrors. One time i had a dream from darkness.It was as if i was pulled into a satanic ritual. My spirit was in a satanic ritual and i froze,i could not do anything. My body was still in my bedroom. Then the person holding that ritual,wich i perceived as some evangelical preacher,told me; 'You are not so smarttalk now are you Aaron?Where is your God now?' I havent told you everything about this event and dream. But my point is,something happenend,for real. It was no hallucination. However,an attack from the devil it may be, i am no longer inclined to believe the ritual was actually real. That was defenitly smoke and mirror if you ask me. You see,no hallucinations. But smoke and mirror nonthelesss. Its delusion,but its just delusion in a different way then psychiatrists think. Psychiatrists think in terms of chemicals in the brains that cause hallucinations. I see it as smoke and mirror from the spiritual realm.

[@lizc2]

I find that when you listen without judging they feel like they’ve convinced you and then it’s so hard to get them to stop.

[@Dwightstjohn-fo8ki]

I've had to caution my mother and myself more than once on this with family members. Be a good listeners, but don't leave them with the impression that you AGREE because you listen. And even then, it's a struggle.

[@shellyshannon5226]

Yeah, but you also give them an out to change their mind. Remember, this belief is as real for them as yours is for you.

[@evasartorius9528]

Who says that they are right? If they say their 'funny uncle' did something to them does not mean they are lying. They may be completely right and YOU personally invested in the situation.

[@bitchface235]

@@evasartorius9528 bro you are so off topic its not even funny. Like wtf?

[@evasartorius9528]

@@bitchface235 I wasn't trying to be funny. I have worked with people who told you things someone had done something to them. They weren't delusional, they weren't lying. The things they said were in fat true but no one wanted to hear them. This woman's response has that ring to it. If someone is telling you space aliens are after them it might do well to call and get them some help. But if they say aliens, they might be referring to someone they they think an immigrant and the allegations may or may not be true. Always good to double check for that person's sake and your own conscience. You might end up living with a scar on your soul because you could have helped and didn't.

[@AStarryEyedLife]

My dad is extremely paranoid to the point where it’s ruining his and our families lives. There is so much frustration, stress, and heartache surrounding this. Thanks for posting. It’s so hard.

[@MamaMia-xn1op]

Annastasia Danielle You’re not alone. My mom believes the earth is flat and was really disappointed in me for not believing jesus word and in the Bible. I tried to tell her the Bible does not support flat earth. I cried because she’s list her marbles and it almost ruined our relationship and it’s really hard to keep it going because she believes in every conspiracy theory off of KZbin even if they’re contradictory.

[@heatherbrown762]

My kids’ dad really believed I was cheating on him with one of my kid’s team coach. I couldn’t even stand the guy honestly and never even spoke to him. But somehow, he was dead convinced that I was cheating with this dude and he was going to “catch us” and exact his revenge. It got really crazy scary for awhile. He would leave work or wherever he was supposed to be and come screeching into the driveway demanding that I show him where the coach was “hiding” from him....because he was sure he caught us this time! It never happened. It got to the point that I was afraid for his total sanity. He hated me for something that never happened...something I would never even consider!

[@AStarryEyedLife]

@@heatherbrown762 I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm sure you handled it the best way that you could at the time. It's not your fault. Mental illness can be so hurtful. I hope you are healing from this.

[@ENFPerspectives]

Yes it is all of those things. :(

[@Wendy-zl8kv]

Heather Brown I’m sorry. I know that was hard to live through

[@ZachGood]

I used to work as a patient caregiver at an inpatient psychiatric hospital, and this video is 100% spot-on. This is a great crash-course for anyone wanting to know more about delusions.

[@ubermom]

I used to work in mental health community residential support and got to see one of my co-workers effectively cure a delusional man of his plague of vampires. The dude, let's call him Bob, was totally convinced that the streets were crawling with vampires. Day-walking vampires, no less. He'd point them out to you. "How can you not see his fangs and the blood running down his chin?" "I'm sorry, Bob, but I'm just not seeing it." Bob was scared all the time and frustrated that he couldn't convince anybody to protect him from the vampires. One of the women who worked with him said, "Bob, I personally don't think that there are any vampires, but I also recognize that I don't know everything so maybe I'm mistaken. Why don't you tell me something -- Do you know of anything that's supposed to keep vampires away?" Bob told her that garlic and silver keep vampires away. She suggested that he come up with his own anti-vampire strategy. The next time she saw him he was carrying a thing of garlic salt in one hand and a silver-looking cake slicer in the other. He cheerfully told her that the vampires had been staying away ever since he started carrying the garlic and silver. She said she was glad that it was working for him but suggested that it was a bit cumbersome and maybe they could come up with a less cumbersome solution. Eventually he bought a silver chain to wear around his neck and he carried a little garlic salt in a small envelope in his pocket. Problem solved. No more vampires. And that's probably the best you're ever going to get.

[@wmluna381]

That's a great story, thanks for sharing it!

[@tracesprite6078]

That was a great way to manage that particular situation. I guess the problem is more difficult if the person believes they can only manage via an elaborate system of demanding gestures. A friend of mine believed that the government was beaming rays into his brain. He wore a bandage across his head and sometimes a helmet to keep them out. He didn't want any mental health medication. I was advised to just act normally so I would say, "I'm sorry you feel so stressed about that idea of the rays. I don't see things in that way. Anyway, would you like a cup of tea and a biscuit?" He mostly could manage his delusions. Sometimes he would say that he was Jesus and also Hitler. I would say, "That sounds a bit stressful. Anyway, could you give me a hand with these breakfast dishes?" and he was able to do that normal task despite the tormenting ideas.

[@beautifulragdoll7739]

@@tracesprite6078 my son struggles sometimes with dillusions when in a manic. Usually a God experience then demons. It's heartbreaking. After a few weeks. He said I think I may have brain damage. Sad not true but a win. Hence was able to get him to a dr. He's my only child. My heart actually feels like it's being ripped in pieces.

[@tracesprite6078]

@@beautifulragdoll7739 That's so tough for you, Barb. I really hope that the doctor can give him some tablets to help manage that problem. You may like to tell him about my situation. As a child, I had to face the fact that I had a chronic illness - namely asthma. It couldn't be cured (though some people grow out of it) but it could be managed. Once I accepted that I had to manage it quietly and sensibly every day and I had to stop wanting it to just go away, then I accepted taking my medicine and since then I have managed it successfully. My mum helped by saying to me, "Everyone has something to manage. One person has a bad back. Another person has another problem. So we all just have to manage our various problems as bravely and sensibly as we can." That helped me to accept my asthma and to take my medicine regularly. I hope your son can just see it all as him being like other people who each have some difficulties to deal with. Sending love and hope.

[@dmrenterprizes4101]

@@tracesprite6078 Thanks for sharing your story, friend. That advice about everybody having something to manage is particularly refreshing to me. I personally will always remember this. Thanks again.

[@melissasw64]

I love that you have a "favorite delusion."

[@KaleCasanova]

I came here to say that!

[@yes0r787]

@melissasw64 Doesn't everyone?

[@emmanuelbeaucage4461]

i'm with Yes 0r? on this... everyone should have a top 3... or at least one!

[@emmanuelbeaucage4461]

my top 3 types: 1-cotard 2-parasitosis 3-religious

[@THE-id1by]

@@AllergicToMakeBelieve #1 ignore them reinforcing the whole non existent thing, #2 show them a sample of their skin or eyelashes under an electron microscope and really freak them out #3 runs the gamut from harmless, to pro-social to world ending destructive. I mostly just let them try to save me as long as it doesn't involve some sort of exorcism--that I'm not cool with.

[@india239]

I remember a patient eating grapes with seeds in them. He was spitting them out. The patient thought that what he was spitting out were ‘fleas’ from his stomach. Sounds like a very unpleasant experience but he was totally calm about it

[@hannahbonnanah3289]

It's impossible to reason with "delusional" people!

[@MLKusername]

Hearing the technical definition of delusion, I can't help but echo the sentiment that social media is a perfectly designed delusion-creation mechanism.

[@chucklebutt4470]

Not only to create delusions but to propagate them at incredible speed...

[@goodgrief888]

I’ve had people accuse me of being the delusional one when I told them that my entire family of origin was toxic, manipulative, and that I was better off staying away from them for my own mental health. I can see why people would believe that. Plus I have had depression and anxiety from growing up in extreme dysfunction. But I’ve never been delusional or had hallucinations. Other siblings of mine have. I was convinced that I was the problem for years, felt shame and humiliation that I could not seem to get along with these people who had convinced me that they were perfect and normal and I was the only “problem.” After being away from these people for 2 years, then being around them again, I’ve gotten a very clear picture that they’re EXTREMELY dysfunctional, extremely manipulative, and causing eachother trauma. And now I’m removing myself permanently from these toxic people for good. And I also have had to become ok with people outside of my family assuming that I am the problem, since the others are all over social media spending holidays and vacations together, smiling in photos. They can’t see the backstabbing and lies that have been going on before and after the smiling photos were taken. I just wanted to say that. That accusing someone of being delusional can be used as a weapon.

[@natashad9261]

Absolutely! Good point! In extremely toxic family dysfunctional systems they can find a way to paint you as the bad one when it’s the opposite. And it def gets used as a weapon and an abuse tactic

[@precognation]

Yes, gaslighting happens a lot in dysfunctional families.

[@yelloworangered]

I do this with people who are not delusional. I try to end a discussion by acknowledging that they have taught me a new fact, or had a point that I hadn't considered, or simply that it was good to hear their view. I say straight out that I don't know everything on the subject. You are right, this is polite and gives both participants their dignity. It takes away the win-lose.

[@NT-qd2rs]

Yeah, but if it's your boyfriend and you were going to have future with him it's not gonna help. If it's your neighbor yes.

[@gocanada9749]

Many times these people are LOOKING FOR AN ARGUEMENT, they might not even believe in it themselves

[@gocanada9749]

Many times these people are LOOKING FOR AN ARGUEMENT, they might not even believe in it themselves

[@rebeccawoolfolk5377]

In my experience with a schizophrenic relative, if you catch the delusion early, it's easier. For example, one day he suddenly announced his friend - who lives in another state and he hadn't seen in a while - was dead. I asked how he knew, and he couldn't or wouldn't say (voices told him, maybe?) I suggested we call him. A thirty second call convinced him his friend was alive. I literally watched a delusion form and then die on the vine in the span of about five minutes.

[@CorporateG0th]

Did he really believe his friend was alive or did the plot just thicken?

[@ninabeena6092]

It’s much harder when they think dead people are still alive

[@beautifulragdoll7739]

@@ninabeena6092 yeah or think they can see and here God. And his religious tapestries are real and speak to him. But after many months he said mom I think I have brain damage. I disagree he has bipolar 1. But even him questioning that maybe what he believes could be a illness is a miracle.

[@Fcreceptor]

I’m really disappointed to hear that alien lizard people might not exist 😔

[@williamatkinson4520]

They do exist.

[@natashamudford4011]

And they are probably watching you right now.

[@phantasystar88]

They are watching you right now

[@crocop6873]

😂 😂 😂 😂

[@rdickinsondickinson]

Fcreceptor or the gods

[@Fritzmkvl]

I love how many times you said: "Alien Lizard People"

[@AdpKak]

Lmao the best people. They get too much criticism imo. Sheesh cut them some slack. They're lizards - gosh

[@jamesalles139]

Don't argue with, and get angry at, someone who seems to be expressing delusional ideas. A fight just ruins the relationship.

[@gigiwills7851]

This is very helpful to me. I have a much loved grandson who developed schizophrenia when he was 17. He was very young, and medical personal are kinder, it seems to me when one is young. And I read about schizophrenia until I was blue in the face. His first delusion was kind of cute. He believed that he was the only sentient being and others were computers. Since that is not unlike the position taken by other teenagers, I didn't feel it was a huge digression from normal. His delusions have gotten a bit darker as time goes on, i.e. lizard people and zombies. I pull the grandma card when he informs me of these things, "Gram is not really up-to-date on these things." He manages his medical treatment on his own, and I am proud of him for this, although whatever my expectations of his future were, they are changed. The upside of the recent political national Orange circus is that apparently a good 40% of the population is tipped into delusion with little effort. They walk among us. And my challenged grandson manages to manage his own predicament with amazing fortitude. And he is not one of the poor suckers drawn into the national cult, his illness notwithstanding.

[@thelifeofLJ2011]

Thinking biden won is delusional

[@gianna5869]

I had an accident with an alien lizard person just the other day , he thought humans were just a delusion , now he knows we are real. lol

[@themysteriousdomainmoviepalace]

You peed your pants?

[@justme-ld9xz]

I love how you can talk about alien lizard reptile humanoids in hollywood and the government and it being subclinical with a straight face 😂

[@sedonna]

they are true tho :d

[@Strype13]

Unfortunately, much of it is subclinical. The fine line between pathological/mental illness and blatant stupidity seems to be deteriorating at an alarming rate.

[@skinai]

Maybe alien lizards paid him to tell people they don't exist so they could continue their evil plans

[@gloriouscontent3538]

@@skinai I don't see anything about this video being sponsored.

[@thelifeofLJ2011]

They are closet trans though and likely drink blood

[@theotherkangaroo]

"It's really one of my favorite delusions" 😁

[@sarahstrong7174]

@@recoveringsoul755 But maybe the aliens are deluded & believe they need the fires.

[@Impaled_Onion-thatsmine]

And I just leave it on, does it matter?

[@lostandfound5145]

This is how I reason with my children when they’re upset and emotional, after trying to comfort and validate them, I move to reasoning and it’s very cool to see this!! It absolutely works with children!

[@reannabaker4]

You're a great mom. I do this with my daughter. I will never understand why some people believe that violence is the answer. I was almost mentally and emotionally crippled from unnecessary violence when I was a child. Now I'm a wounded adult and doing everything possible to be better. Sorry that was too long or tmi. I just wanted you to know that you are doing great for your kids. I think it's Mark from the Soft White Underbelly channel that said "If you have at least one decent parent, you've won the lottery and I had two great parents!" I'm paraphrasing. He says it much better than I and it's truly profound.

[@lostandfound5145]

@@reannabaker4 I completely understand what you mean. My parents tried their best, but their methods were very damaging. The physical violence has a major impact on you all the way through adulthood. I’m also still on a path to healing and I feel so blessed to have the chance to break that cycle of abuse. Your daughter is so lucky to have you. She’ll never know the emotional and physical pain you knew when you were a little one. No child should have to feel unloved or afraid of their parents. It’s so terrible. My mother once told me that I was ruining my children because I wasn’t using fear and shame to control them. It was a real awakening moment for me when she put it into words like that. She had no idea how horrible what she said was. I responded that I didn’t want to control my children. I wanted to guide them and teach them to make good decisions for themselves. And fear and shame are terrible motivators. They don’t work long term and always cause serious long term damage. Of course she disagreed and said I’d be sorry when my kids hit their teens. All four of my parents children (myself included) had terribly turbulent teenage years resulting in all kids running away before 18. My oldest is 18 now and she and I have a beautiful and close relationship. We had our growing pains, but the teenage years were never brutal and at no point did she ever feel afraid or unloved. Maybe at times she felt misunderstood. But she knew I was always going to keep trying to understand and help her solve her problems. Because we are a team. No matter what. And it’s ok to make mistakes. Anyway so much love to you. ❤️ shame, fear and pain do not ever need to be tools of parenting.

[@gracew2582]

"they're likely not going to look at the evidence that runs contradictory to their belief" This is so accurate it my situation. My situation involves the 'jealous' type. I allowed him to sit in the car while I went to work, isolated myself from my friends, stopped shaving or wearing anything even slightly showy, I stopped taking any photos of myself, I've done everything to prove my loyalty. Yet I have never EVER seen a shred of evidence to actually show me what I'm doing, only the evidence he considers to 'suggest' something is going on. And this something is always some deluded idea that makes no sense in my mind when I look at all my counter evidence. I understand why he is like this, it stems from his mother cheating on his father and his own relationship experiences and my own life experiences but I'm at my wit's end. He is a beautiful human being and I adore him, but this issue is destroying him, me, and any prospects of happiness. Your video is very informative and I related to many points you made, thank you

[@catharinepizzarello4784]

I tend to have no patience with these kind of people. Just give some vague answer that won’t encourage them or start an argument and to steer clear of them. You are a compassionate person. I need to work on this.

[@keimcho]

Hate when he says “I know theres going to be alot of different opinions if you agree or disagree please put it in the comments, it makes for interesting dialogue.” Because that means the video is about to be over! Great channel, very insightful, balanced and refreshing.

[@dalegribble5661]

Lol

[@honoryourself2098]

I’ve never heard before that’s it’s important to nip delusions in the bud, more people need to know this.. What evidence would change your mind, sounds counterintuitive. Definitely worth a try. Thank you for these helpful strategies, I care for a loved one who has delusional beliefs on a daily basis, I really appreciate this information.

[@DrGrande]

You are quite welcome!

[@india239]

Honor Yourself (it’s a long time since I practiced) I’m a qualified psychiatric nurse and I remember working with people in a core and cluster rehabilitation unit. I was having a conversation with one of the residents and it started out very ‘normally’. It was quite some time before I realized we had left rationality behind. I definitely didn’t do a good job of mopping anything in the bud. Very odd discussion about the people who had invaded his bathroom and made a helluva mess. When my wits were finally about me I asked why the bathroom wasn’t soaking wet. Apparently after making the mess they cleaned it all up. I can’t remember where the conversation went from there...

[@dalegribble5661]

Girl omg my mother lives 6hrs away and has bad delusions and everyone is just rolling their eyes daddy is in total denial about it

[@jbdbean242]

@@tomc642 Your frustration is understandable, but you need to keep your anger at your relative in check, it will never help. Also understand that we are nearly all, including you, suckers for scammers of one variety or another, and your attempt to connect your relative's issues to the targeted victimization of the elderly is a stretch. Elderly in particular grew up in a world where they mostly knew who they were dealing with, who they dealt with in person in smaller, closer communities. They could not imagine the cruelty and rampant, entrained corruption in so much of the world. And in their own kindness, sense of honor and integrity, they can't imagine that other people aren't like that. They learned to trust their world they lived in and knew so well for so long, they didn't see the parasites who came in and destroyed it. Your victim blaming not only makes it worse for the victims and enables the perps, it sets you up as an easy mark yourself. Take care of the elderly, it's our duty and privilege.

[@zilahawkins9622]

@@jbdbean242 Aha! I knew parasites existed! I am not delusional! hehehe. That is a very true statement about people with integrity being un-aware of the condition of the rest of the world because they would never do things like that to anyone else! What a huge difference we have seen in a couple generations. The 50's and life was good, clean, hopeful...then JFK happened and the world has gotten exponentially worse from that point on. The corruption, the perversion, the insanity and the scammers and trolls and hackers and on and on. I know one thing though-parasitosis is not a delusion. The doctors just do not believe it can happen in America, they think a stool sample with eggs in it is the only way to diagnose them, and they think prescribing Ivermectin is going to get their license taken away these days. The truth is that Americans have way more parasite problems than we can imagine right now, and most diseases are caused by them. The doctors are the ones who won't face reality. Thousands and thousands of people with the exact same symptoms from all over the world could not be making it up. It is real. All you have to do is look at a skin sample with a cell phone's magnifier. If the person is not delusional, microfilaria will start to come out of it. Every time. Unless they are delusional, of course. Doctors refuse to take the time to do that small examination, because "that just doesn't happen in America". I really enjoyed this video Dr Grande! Well done!

[@Karmah01]

I wish I would have come across your channel a long time ago. My dad was diagnosed with paranoid delusions and he was SO difficult to deal with.

[@autumnedwards4448]

This video is extremely helpful to anyone dealing with a loved one or significant other who is suffering from delusions. Stellar content Dr Grande!

[@corinnegodard8358]

Very interesting. I have often done the opposite !!!!! I wish I had known this earlier. I have been raised by a narcissistic parent who needed to be always right, who often had a terrifying attitude. He was often delusional. It was very frustrating and painful. In spite of terror I used to try and stand up to him, I tried to tell the truth but it was high risk and useless. In fact it was vital for me to show I was right as well. It was not a good idea because it was like a battlefield. I had not chosen that but I let myself be drawn on the battlefield. In spite of his delusion he always won but I ended up feeling guilty and ashamed, scared. My anger was followed by sadness, powerlessness and the need to hide in a cave and to stop thinking, drained of my energy. In fact after that I kept thinking and couldn't do anything. Stress had an impact on my lungs. Your advice is really really really good. The difficulty for me is to be unemotional. This type of person makes me feel scared, terrified inside. Yet I have never been able to say to a delusional person, (no matter their status and position of power) "yes, you are right." if I didn't think so. I couldn't lie even if the person threatened me. I had no strategy. I couldn't. I like your solution. The difficulty is to distance oneself from one's natural emotions, especially from the emotion of fear. Thank you for this interesting video.

[@srb4722]

Nicely articulated. Thank you. I think your contribution resonated with more readers than you could imagine.

[@amatusmanincor6749]

In my opinion your videos are the most informative and well explained ones on mental health topics on this whole platform. Thank you so much for sharing your experience sir. 👍👍👍

[@lajesq176]

Thank you for making this excellent video. I have been stuck at home recovering from a cold, and your videos have kept me from getting bored. At this point, I have seen a lot of them, and this one is my favorite thus far.

[@jenniferbray5338]

This has turned out to one of my favorite videos. Your advice on this topic is relevant to so many people in so many walks of life. Watching someone you care about suffer from delusions is an incredibly painful experience, but your careful, gentle, thoughtful approach preserves dignity, which I have learned is the best we can do for the people around us. We all deserve respect. We all deserve our dignity. Life maintains it's beauty that way, even during the most trying of times.

[@GGiblet]

Listen without judging is always great to remember when dealing with anyone Love your videos and the kind advice! 👏👏👏💖

[@memomorph5375]

I made the mistake of becoming passionate while trying to reason with one of my mom’s sub-clinical delusions. She became frustrated and said, “Well is there anything you don’t know?!” and said that I was only making her angry

[@Juke582]

Dr Grande - your brilliance certainly shines here in this video! It’s amazing you chose this career field and your calm voice tone certainly is effective as a therapist. You are awesome 👏

[@Flanclanman]

Fantastic method. Establishes a relationship of respect and trust that is so often lacking in the lives of people (like me) who (occassionally) experience delusions, or are in the process of solidifying delusional or paranoid ideas or patterns. Giving a win to someone who feels so shat upon by the world at large is so important.

[@maichai13]

I was told i had delusions of grandeur when my coworkers found out i was going to college for engineering on a full scholarship. That i graduated highschool with a 4.2 gpa. I never bragged. They asked me questions about my life and i answered. They thought so low of me that they would rather believe i was delusional than except my truth. One guy said "I guess you are smarter than you look." :(

[@CyberChrist]

You mean "accept", right? :P

[@Wendy-zl8kv]

People are so mean

[@sandrashaw6298]

Hey, you showed them, right? Congratulations on your successes and on creating your own life.

[@SphereMusicCafe]

NICE!!! This is a success story forreal- jealousy hurts, and theyre not very smart. So good for you- hope you moved up & away from these fools

[@rachelk7555]

There is no such thing as a “4.2 GPA.” 4.0 is the highest GPA one can achieve.

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

Thank you, as always Dr Grande! Your well presented & informative topics kind of serve as a 'guide to life' / 'tool kit. . Enriching us for the diverse world we'll encounter! 😃

[@Maaraujo7]

These videos are so important specially those still learning to work with the disorders and abnormal behaviors. I cannot thank you enough.

[@rickwhite4059]

I really enjoy your videos. your info and calm/reasonable style is excellent . I've been a therapist/counselor for 35 years. Its been rewarding.

[@skepticsdebunkerscasesclow1997]

This episode is a tremendous resource, one of the standouts in your series. It would be so interesting to see a deep dive into a 'Community of Delusion' like the varied folks who have accepted the nomenclature and framework of "Targeted Individuals." It seems to me that those exhibiting persecutory delusions are the most difficult to reach -- especially when an entire world-view has been adopted wholesale. The Targeted Individuals I am aware of utterly reject the notion that their mental health could be improved by 'treating for' the hallucinations that feed and maintain the delusional frame. Anyhow, kudos. I very much enjoy your videos.

[@reneeharold7335]

Some people make themselves delusional on purpose so they can confuse you more when they gaslight you.

[@thewayfaringanarchists8157]

this is very helpful, there are so many people that have such strong opinions about our current topics so many of them seem to lean close to the point of this delusion you are speaking about. This is helpful for me in this time, particularly the aspect of leaving a person a win. Thank you

[@misterdeplorable2088]

This is a man who is passionate about his work!!!!!!! Its awesome

[@TheRecciaJobe]

Thank you so much for this. This is very helpful!

[@terrycuyler5659]

I like how you broke it down. I once basically used the method you described to convince a person to not assault another for perceived disrespect.

[@ninabrown3044]

I really enjoyed this video. Good information for interacting with people. Thank you!

[@colleenjohnson9013]

Thanks for sharing … your clarity is very helpful!

[@juliebolger668]

That was absolutely brilliant!

[@realnayr6362]

Appreciate it Dr. Grande! A video that I can use to help inform people about my problem! :)

[@DrGrande]

You're welcome!

[@danielwggudan2]

I think this video is great for dealing with anyone, not just a delusional individual.

[@maboleth]

Dr. Grande, I appreciate what you did here, as well as your case-explaining videos of late. Have to say I miss these kind of scientific psychology videos. They were very informative even if they didn't gain as many views as killer videos do. They truly helped many of us struggling with relationships that had mental illnesses at work.

[@genevievegenereux5612]

Dr Grande, I realize I am coming across this video late in the game but this reminds me of a story I have always wondered about. My partner is a paramedic and was called one day, along with his partner and two more paramedics in another ambulance, to respond to a woman who was clearly hallucinating. She was shrieking about snakes coming out of her shoes and attacking her. There were no snakes anywhere, no snakebites. The paramedics had been trained to never validate a patient's delusions. So the whole time they were coaxing her onto the stretcher, they were telling her there are no snakes, and she grew more and more agitated each time. They basically ended up having to strap her down out of fear she would hurt herself or someone else in her heightened emotional state. When they arrived at the ER, a very experienced nurse was doing triage. When the woman screamed at her that there were snakes everywhere, the nurse calmly told her, "I see them too, dear. There's a lot of them." My partner said it was like flicking a switch. The woman immediately stopped fighting, calmed down and began cooperating. What was the best way to handle this patient? Were the paramedics right to refute the delusions? Or was the nurse right - she may have been lying but she brought the woman some level of comfort?

[@marlo2919]

This is a good example. I would also love to know the answer. My mother has hallusinations and dillusions. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with her

[@AccordingtoJexi]

Great topic!! Thanks for this video. It was very informative!

[@DrGrande]

You are quite welcome!

[@bbbl8910]

I work in child protection and often parents who have had their children removed from their care can often be delusional it seems. Good advice about listening and reasoning thanks

[@tashastidwell6915]

Dr.Grande your born for this you have such a rhythmic ability to do the work and while being unattached to the situations presented to you effectively help ...i say this because i am all the way in East Harlem NYC and you have helped me a lot and i thank you

[@qvaken8142]

Thank you for this video. I recently spoke to someone who quickly raised a few theories that they had about conspiracies against them. I didn't think that everything they said was likely to be true, however one thing they said was probably correct and I told them so - they believed that a hospital had contacted their usual mental health physician without their permission after they entered the hospital with a mental health crisis, and I thought this was likely to have happened. I wondered if I was doing the wrong thing by telling someone who was having delusions that something they said was probably right, but it sounds like in your experience, that's actually a good way to go about it. So it's a relief to think that I did the right thing.

[@joshotey2967]

Living with a paranoid delusional person is very frustrating, especially when YOU are a subject of their delusion. For instance, any time I scratch my head, wipe my brow, look a certain direction, or basically move or look in any way, I am accused of signaling to people. It doesn't matter if it is day time or night time, or whether I'm at home or in the car or anywhere else; even in a pitch black bedroom. Still accused all the time. It is daunting and is a very difficult way to live. Constantly accused of cheating, plotting, scheming etc. Constantly told about the people involved, the plots and schemes, the signals, the recordings, all of it. Never a peaceful or normal moment; the plot in their head is constant, 24/7; it is their obsession and all they think or talk about. I just don't know how much longer I can live like this, it really is unbearable; day after day, week after week, month after month; constantly accused, constantly questioned. It's gotten to the point where it is effecting our child too. Not sure where to go from here; seems hopeless.

[@danielbence1646]

I share your pain. In my case, my partner's delusions are not so severe, but I nevertheless have to be super carefull how I coduct myself and have to constantly defend accusations of bad intentions. I basicly have given up and take it as part of my lot in life...... and now it is much better for me. One cannot change what cannot be changed. I hope this helps.

[@TatjanaMur]

1 year passed by since you left this comment. What actions have you done to take care of your (and your kids) mental and emotional wellbeing?

[@joshotey2967]

@Tatjana M. I ended up moving out, and my child lives with me.

[@TatjanaMur]

@@joshotey2967 Congratulations! 👍

[@TheMijas07]

@@joshotey2967 I am glad you got out. It is unbearable to live with. Hope you're ok x

[@gayleallard5017]

I have been listening to Dr Grande's lectures regarding mental health and have accessed more clear and objective understanding of the subject over much of what I have read about the subject. It has truly become a great help to my life and one that has a sibling with chronic mental illness for years. We both had an alcoholic parent also. This background will inevitably bring human challenges upon you. This site has become a godsend!

[@kathyhenry2362]

I really enjoyed this video, Dr. Grande. It gave me some ideas for how to talk with a very close family member. I am actually looking forward to speaking with this person again soon so I can see if I can put into practice the skills you have very nicely laid out. Thank you~

[@TheHornedDiva]

Dr. Grande, I am a part of the alien lizard race. You take that back!;)

[@williamatkinson4520]

They do exist.check out david icke for more infomation.also activism of care youtube channel.

[@sonjaruijzing3571]

@@williamatkinson4520 😂

[@johnthefrogakakrazert819]

Yes but Icke is wrong on what they look like. They are more of an anthropomorphized English bulldog type creature. You can tell it's one of them by all the drool they leave behind.

[@PreciousRegalos]

LOL!

[@jerrymarshall2095]

Maybe im delusional,but it seems like half the population of the U.S. is delusional,out to lunch,wilfully ignorant,or in denial. Great work Dr Grande,you keep it understandable and interesting.

[@natashamudford4011]

And the other half is really boring.

[@rdickinsondickinson]

Are you talking about the trump cultists?

[@pisacc]

@@rdickinsondickinson I presume other half is delusional.

[@mistaleesreversespeech7728]

@@rdickinsondickinson He's talking about the 'progessives' who dismember babies alive in the womb and say they care about caged children.. (Barry Soetoro is the one who caged the children.. so that he could steal them and send the parents back home... while TRUMP separated 'parents' from children to test their DNA to see if they were being trafficked... 1/2 werent related) YOU are the cultist.

[@NotMinePls.Void22]

I've noticed more Narsisits now. They are cold and comfortable and adapted well in Their ways.

[@cameronmapes]

I work in a psychiatric hospital and these kinds of delusions are things I commonly see. These are great tips for dealing with delusions. Some of them one is likely to develop over time in dealing with this population, but some of these suggestions I wouldn’t have thought of. Thank you Dr. Grande!

[@xosmani]

Mr Grande thank you. You are helping lot of people that need you. God bless you.

[@andreainzaghi7373]

thank you, it is very subtle, not easy to tell. Very unveiling.

[@DrGrande]

You are most welcome!

[@dianamarie5663]

Dr. Grande you are are very good at breaking down the different types of delusions and ways to work with people on them. That is above my pay grade, but I have found that in working with a person with a delusion, who is used to being challenged, that validation of their feelings helps to develop trust. Validation for example that their belief makes them fearful or uncomfortable, or conversely makes them feel protected or special. So I would just talk about their feelings at first and it seemed to work.

[@gaiaiulia]

Dear Dr Grande this hopefully will help me to help a family member who is going through this at the moment. It's been very distressing to see, even more so for the person I would imagine. After watching your video, I'm not diagnosing, just speculating as to what might be happening. You give some great pointers, and we actually sat down a few days ago as a family and had a long discussion about the situation.

[@lifestylelines]

this is so helpful! Great advice, thank you

[@cindyrhodes]

I appreciate this video. Thank you. I have mostly released myself from the personal spaces of most of the delusional people in my life, thankfully, but this will certainly come in handy in the future, I'm sure.

[@louisemiller4501]

GOOD FOR YOU! I'm presuming you are still maintaining some kind of satisfying relationship w them, and am wondering how you did it. Was it mostly Dr. Grande's recommendations?

[@cindyrhodes]

@@louisemiller4501 You are correct in your assumption ❤️ 💙 I am maintaining better boundaries. Dr. Grande might have had a part in that but it actually took some self-awareness and maturity to realize that need in the first place. Thank you, Louise.

[@ReubenAStern]

Thanks, you have given me more tools to talk to the very interesting people who live around me.

[@zionradio5325]

Thank you Dr. Todd, very informative!

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

Awesome! That makes so much scenes. Thank you!!

[@DanA-st2ed]

from my experience expecting to reason with a delusional person is a delusion

[@angelas2395]

*Grabs coffee and sits*. I’ve been a nurse for 25 years and have worked mostly with Psych patients.

[@angelas2395]

I agree. It’s very important to figure out what’s causing the delusion. I’ve had patients with UTIs that became delusional and once corrected, the delusions stopped. When they have fixed delusions, there’s no chance of reality orientation. I may have learned a thing or two about alien lizards and if one shows up where I work, well it would just be another day in the life of a psych nurse.

[@randyadams1312]

What about patients who are hardly audible or cannot make full clear statements? They may make a vague statement, but cannot fully articulate and will not repeat themselves when asked to

[@ravenasher3985]

@@angelas2395 You are so funny! Retired psych nurse here, and "just another day" so true. I so miss it! I worked with a nurse, yes a nurse, who actually believed in alient lizard people...and so much more. Work was never dull. Don't you just love Dr. G?

[@Star-dj1kw]

Great video ❤️ Saved in my psychology playlist

[@gerryl6227]

A long-time question of mine was answered , theoretically and practically. Very useful info to have in your pocket. Thanks.

[@taylorh.3484]

As someone who used to be a delusionally paranoid conspiracy theorist, I had to use reasoning to overcome my delusions.

[@laurac6563]

Be gentle with someone that is truly delusional. That person believes the delusion no matter how unrealistic and unreasonable the delusion is.

[@patriciahollis9803]

Found this older video and watched it again. Still excellent 😊 I miss these educational videos you used to make.

[@pineapplesun07]

Your videos are very informative and interesting. Thank you Dr. Grande

[@runwiththewind3281]

Dr Grande, thank you for helping me understand

[@SK_TorON]

I have read somewhere that psychotic symptoms, and in particular delusions, have some adaptive function, where an individual's initial experiences are chaotic, disorganized and too stressful to deal with, and so the individual unconsciously organizes that chaotic input into some causal, explanatory, story-like, structure that is consistent with their negative emotions, which is an actual delusion. And although the contents of that hastily constructed story is disconnected from a shared reality, it still gives that individual some relief from the prior chaotic experiences. This concept of the "primary gain" obtained form delusions suggests that we experience uncertainty (chaos) worse that almost any certain scenario, even if that scenario is delusional. Is that intolerance of uncertainty due to an unacceptably high energetic demand of interpreting disorganized perceptual input?

[@srb4722]

Natural fight or flight response. Better to avoid/flee instinctively react to a perceived threat, than wait to experience what could be fatal. Reacting does require less effort than logical action, in the short term. Basic survival unfortunately. I think.

[@pennyfruth9238]

In my long life of 78 years, I have been a safe place for two people that were paranoid. It is very disconcerting to know how to react or respond to things that make no sense. Your video was helpful in this regard, although there doesn't seem to be a remedy. Oddly, the first person I met with this ailment was killed under suspicious circumstances and the second one seems sure he will be killed. He is terrified. Thanks for helping me understand this dynamic better.

[@tasha1327]

I'm currently struggling to help someone I love dearly that is suffering from delusional thinking...it's been extremely hard and this advise will help me to help him in a much better and in a calm and logical way...I'm going to take your advise and use it everytime ...I think it's great advise and I can see how this could really be effective...Thank you so much for sharing this and helping us to help others!

[@kan0762]

How are people with pathological delusions treated ? I hope u would do a video on this. Ur content is very helpful .

[@m.f.richardson1602]

Now I know why I used to think weird things about myself. Thank you Peace 💕🇺🇲

[@davidmcguire126]

Great stuff, helped a lot. Thank you.

[@sd9106]

I am a mental health clinician working in the community specifically with people diagnosed with schizophrenia as the primary diagnosis. Patience is a key to keeping the therapeutic relationship in tack. Additionally, all these folks are court mandated for outpatient MH tx, as well as medication management. I've encountered and experienced everything you spoke of, and continue to do so. Usually the fixed false beliefs sometimes are a moving target, meaning they just pop up out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Our goal is to not traumatize, judge, or try to prove them wrong.... like I said, patience. Our biggest challenge sometimes isn't the people we are working with, it's other providers and the excuses by them looking for an excuse to discharge. It's very challenging to say the least. I've gone as far as to go along with the delusion to help the person see for themselves their beliefs aren't accurate. There is a danger in confronting delusions, but it can work. I've taken clients to locations where they thought they lived, or other situations similar. Prior to doing so, I usually plan ahead and coordinate with whomever to assist, so this way I am never alone. It's amazing to see when the delusion changes their thinking. What I do and others like me is very unique in helping those with a serious mental illness... There is no magic recipe to changing thoughts. Thanks for your insight, experience, and ability to articulate the message.

[@victoriafox-bratcher6109]

I had a friend that always though she was always right no matter what. For example she swore SAE on car oil ment synthetic oil. I showed her the definition, took her to walmart showed her the oil isle. Pointed out that all engine oil was SAE. Showed her a synthetic oil bottle. She swore all the literature was wrong. That she was right. Even after a mechanic explained it to her did she say “Well it’s only the thinner engine oil that’s SAE. She would never admit she was wrong. She was also convinced that I was bipolar and her reasoning was. “We are exactly the same, you have red hair and I have blonde hair. I’m bipolar and that means your bipolar.” I’m not bipolar. She was also convinced I was chronically ill and would treat me like I was and it caused strangers to treat me like that. She would ask me all the time if I felt well enough to go do this activity and that activity. I had to tell her and lots of others that I was not chronically ill, I was perfectly healthy. She became obsessed called my house all hours of the night, I had 40-50 text messages daily, 10-15 snap chats, 20-30 “tags” on Facebook and about 15 fb message a day. The though of me moving out of state caused her to panic. If I was spending alone time with my kids she would create an emergency..she’s having a panic attack, she’s going to the hospital..her PTSD is acting up, Whatever. I could t spend alone time with my husband. She started saying a lot of negative things about him and and trying to get me to think about how much single life was much better then married life. Wanted my kids to call her auntie and even mentioned several times she wanted to move into the spare bedroom of my house. I blocked her on every social media account and I had to block her phone number. I explained that I didn’t want to be friends anymore and I didn’t want her to contact me. The very next day she sent me a picture of herself crying from a new number. I didn’t respond I blocked that one too. My life is peaceful and calm and I didn’t understand how much she had taken a toll on my energy and was wearing me down.

[@donpeny6470]

This is one of the higher quality channels on YT and I appreciate your content. If you happen to read this, I'd like to know your professional opinion on toxic masculinity specifically regarding the APA. So far I've enjoyed every vid, but you're wrong about the lizard people.

[@DrGrande]

LOL, Thank you much for those kind words! Let me read up on that topic and see what I can put together -

[@mk_paper_bird]

Definitely wrong about the Reptilians but I still like this guy and am subscribing to his channel.

[@donpeny6470]

@@mk_paper_bird he knows, he just can't say anything without breaking YT community guidelines. Check out his playlist. It's a goldmine of information.

[@mk_paper_bird]

@@donpeny6470 nice! Awesome thanks 😊

[@MelanCholy2001]

LOL I always thought "alien lizard people" were just like, people with too much money who went a little heavy on the plastic surgery. Like, that "cat woman" (I can't remember her name, but DANG!). Throw something like that in with gender dysphoria and hormones and shots, I'm not 100% they'd present to the ER as "an easy case". Imagine that woman in a car crash, and they're trying to decide what's "injury" and what's cosmetic surgery. 😳 I can't believe in aliens, but bad plastic surgeons? Oh yeah. They're out there.

[@sprxy1593]

this video helped me a lot, thank you!!

[@Georgeanne17]

Thank you very much Dr.Grande. This was very poignant and helpful.

[@88KUNGFUMAN]

Thanks for your informative video Dr. Grande. Would you consider doing a video on Religious zealotry/fanatics?

[@marinaking648]

I clicked on this new video so fast. 😊

[@steffidas4785]

extremely helpful for dealing with day to day people ,thanks and mostly getting to the reason of any event starts with asking why this is happening and then we go to how it happened,people generally avoid the why ,thats why the delusion starts and so are the assumptions,thats another form of deception

[@chewygal69]

I agree that Dr. Grande is an excellent source of information regarding mental health.

[@makinglimonade]

Great advice and info as always! I have to say, I loved hearing him say “lizard people” so many times 😂

[@DrGrande]

Thank you! Yes, it never really gets old, lol -

[@kristinamullen4066]

I hear unusual tales from dementia patients whom I work with.I've heard that a person was cremated while she was still alive, a senior citizen did time for 1 yr.for not paying for a can of beans that cost less than $1.And his wife also did time for being his accomplice.And she was allowed to visit him at his prison.I have questioned them but usually give up because its not worth it.I'm not a therapist.Its very frustrating when they are so determined in their beliefs that you can't get through.

[@CD-jm7tc]

I also think you are is professional . You organize and explain all the topics so well. My daughter was diagnosed with no-polar at 19. At age 35 she used meth for several months. After getting off it, she was diagnosed with drug-induced paranoid- schizophrenia. She refused to get help. So she is delusional and paranoid everyday. This video was so helpful.

[@Syncere20]

My ex-girlfriend is a alien lizard

[@GAWells-lj7qo]

Bravo! Really helpful video. Thank you.