TEN RED FLAGS INDICATING NARCISSISM

[@Dan-ud8hz]

"A man who is empty on the inside must decorate himself on the outside." Bruce Lee

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated. Dr. C

[@karenfridie689]

@Daniel Duvalle, Well said! Lots of 'decorated empty shells' around.

[@crysvicious]

Amen

[@mazcats66silver34]

You have met my son then 😐

[@billywinningham8879]

Daniel Duvalle spot on they even dress in white to appear spotless!

[@foxglove7755]

I could add: Absolutely can not take criticism.

[@alanastone4285]

Oh yes they can!

[@pattis.1645]

@@alanastone4285 😂

[@rirl.5425]

Not even criticism, just different opinions or perspectives. They can't handle differences.

[@amandahood7809]

@@alanastone4285 😂

[@mywholesomechannel]

100%

[@rebeccataylor5940]

Narcissist are always a hero or a victim, never a villain!!

[@leahv5892]

Rebecca Taylor exactly. Professional victim.

[@Dsweets14]

Exactly!!!😒

[@xino_z]

Rebecca Taylor they are the martyr of every single situation

[@tsebosei1285]

😂😂

[@june-mariehamilton5455]

Spot on!

[@todosassd1855]

#2. If they DO ask penetrating questions, it's only to get information to use against you later.

[@yusepp]

YES.

[@saj4642]

Exactly true

[@janismeader924]

Nothing like Blackmail

[@ZzZz-ic5iq]

I JUST ASK AN OFFENDING QUESTION BACK.

[@NothingHiddenEverythingFelt]

Wooooo cold business - you got it with that one boy lol

[@valeriebellefleur6217]

Never care how you are Never apologize Never blame themselves Never say sorry

[@jasonasdecker]

I would say instead that they never mean the blame, sorrow, or penance that they may do, it is just another control mechanism.

[@Crucifixxated]

That is what my wife does, and she never says" I think" or" I feel", but instead says you should or you need to... ought to... and after trying all suggestions never good enough.

[@islandbuoy4]

you described most of the world when push comes to shove

[@jasonasdecker]

@@islandbuoy4 LOL see comment stream just below about the dog.

[@inksoulandheart]

Rather, only say sorry when they try to get you back into their game ie. using sorry as manipulation tactic.

[@dannoquin7322]

The more I know people the more I like my dog.

[@storytimewithjass6018]

Ha ha ha I hear you.

[@SBecktacular]

Yeah but dr. Carter is a people..

[@deebow0872]

Fr. Fr..lol..my dog is my rescue 😁

[@robertjerge3075]

me too, I just need to get a dog.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, let's just say a good dog keeps you grounded. Dr. C

[@moonbuilder]

They like to kick you when you're down.

[@amandahood7809]

They like to kick you always,...... Then not understand why you're sore

[@robertwillard8011]

@@amandahood7809 Kicking you is their forte.

[@amandahood7809]

@@robertwillard8011 yes I said that... Just with different words. Forte. Yes.

[@SuperBullyone]

If a man is down, kick him, it will give him the incentive to get back up. that was a saying my dad and uncle said often.

[@SuperBullyone]

Another story they told was the Jewish father story. He said to his son, jump to me Ira. When the kid jumps to his dad the dad lets the kid hit the floor. Son asks, why didn't you catch me? That is to teach you, never trust anyone.

[@wranglerboi]

I've found that most narcissists are also bullies. Only THEM and THEIR world have value and importance.

[@rebeccagravett5445]

My narcissists bullies by saying hurtful things then saying I have no sense of humor when I call him on it.

[@cijmo]

They're bullies because they're so insecure. "You will respect me OR ELSE!"

[@loopingmalone8242]

@@rebeccagravett5445 a classic situation with them, it's never their fault

[@ickidierlam7364]

Right on.

[@ladennayoung2939]

They try to act as if they are important, but anyone that truly value themselves. Wouldn't belittle someone to feel important.

[@jillianwagoner6805]

They tend to be extremely short tempered too. Superficially charming.

[@teresewoltz8627]

Oh yeag

[@jackcracker9893]

200th 👍!

[@marylhere]

Dated a very charming man who let a flash of his true self show pretty early. He was caught in an obvious lie. Always believe who they show they really are.

[@juliebergacker5680]

Jillian Wagoner yes this istrue👍. Have lived with it for 59 yrs now. Sad

[@supersarah5673]

@@juliebergacker5680 cant you leave?

[@gunube]

11. They contradict themselves regularly, often in the same sentence.

[@tulanzuya]

They do! I know one person active on a narc abuse recovery site who is very popular there and constantly posting pro-survivor and anti-narc memes - but talk to the person one to one and you quickly find they can't keep their story straight from one minute to the next, and head is full of delusions of grandeur - and never do they ask any questions about YOU, it's all a steady stream of "me this" and "me that" that just devolves to you being able to insert no more than an occasional "oh" or "yes" or "wow." But, just one example of how a narc can infiltrate "foreign territory" and pretend it all applies to him/her, and be everyone's best friend. It's amazing and freaky to watch.

[@xyzct]

The lack of empathy guarantees they have double standards, which guarantees they are hypocritical, which guarantees they contradict themselves.

[@infinitejest441]

Sounds just like DJT.

[@crysvicious]

Truth

[@alinahMQuantum]

Not only they contradict themselves in sentences..they blatantly do that in actions making others confuse..imagine a father doing that all the times. The kids don't even know what to believe or copy in his teachings..really they drain others til dry!!

[@alangrant5278]

Don’t marry one. It’s hell.

[@GladiolaSunfresh]

Wish my Dad figured that out. I guess they stayed together for me. Really wish they hadn't. I had to wait til I was an adult to go no contact with my cruel terrible Mother- with a lot more years of abuse under my belt. If my Dad had really done what was best for me he would have gotten me out of there a long time ago

[@goldheartminer7069]

@@GladiolaSunfresh I am sorry you went through this with your mother. I know because I have a cruel mother who hates me also. I think she is somewhat pocessed.

[@lisaowens7304]

The only thing worse than being married to one is getting away from one. Or trying to. They never stop punishing you for shattering their "perfect" life. And it's a game they play to the death. I'll never be completely free from my narc.

[@ericamae7287]

Too late for me

[@xino_z]

Alan Grant I highly recommend divorcing one though! It's a rough road but it is rewarding! 😘😘

[@kbarb1000]

When you realise that charming guy is a narcissist, run don't walk.

[@jamesdunn9714]

Do the same if it is a woman.

[@donatello9482]

More often than not the Narcissist is a woman.

[@wattlebough]

A charming personality is the first red flag. As it says in the Book of Proverbs, "...charm is deceptive and [outward] beauty is fleeting..."

[@ShilasSpellboundCreations]

Found out too late. Now I'm 8 years in and can't get out

[@gawore]

@@donatello9482 that's factually false

[@JoelC6220]

They never say "I'm sorry", nor have I heard "thank you".

[@GeLLaStayAway]

JoelC6220 I heard. It’s only to get you back.

[@RustySpoons6490]

I know quite a few people like this. I have NEVER heard an apology and I absolutely never get a thank you if I wish them a happy birthday, or do them a favor. They have ZERO basic manners, that every human should possess.

[@JoelC6220]

Finger banging Your mom well, that NEVER happened w mine, whom I tolerated for 29 years by staying absorbed in my profession

[@Jessica_BR]

I have heard it but it was fake like him. He was hovering again

[@valeriebellefleur3005]

Never in twelve years did I hear I am sorry or thank you or you are right. Forgive me

[@texuztweety]

1) Tend to be critical 2) Don't care much about your emotions/feelings (except to manipulate) 3) They hijack conversations 4) Lack true deep reflective thinking 5) They excuse all their mistakes (they don't take responsibility, no vulnerability). 6) They insist things go their way, follow their plan/agenda. Little flexibility except if forced to be flexible. 7) Conflicts become contests. Shame/blame/aggression/ toxic/ winner & loser, no teamwork 8) Exaggerate their positives, minimize their negatives. 9) Materialistic, impressed with external success and money and power. Plain/authentic is not appealing. 10) Closed minded and impatient, don't want to listen. Also, secretive, not revealing. Topical only. Shallow. Immature.

[@Bargains20xx]

2yrs and I knew nothing about her. Once I got into her email account, the shit hit the floor. Everything i knew and i mean it, everything she told me was a fucking lie. She acted all religious and talked about manners and all. She did look to me like an angel but then there was a weird thing going on . I was in a state of cognitive dissonance. And now after it ended everything makes sense. Even when confronted directly she would not give up on the lie. Kept framing stories . These people just dont give up on their lies easily. And the frequency at which they say lies and create stories will blow your mind.

[@deborahcarder4270]

300% accurate!

[@girlonlaptop]

@Sundiata Keita BS

[@sakshisharma4783]

seems like my da

[@texuztweety]

@@Bargains20xx Thank God you figured it out in 2 years. Took me 50 years to get the hang of / understand all the Narcissists in my family and ex-spouse

[@KenPotter]

11) They will NEVER agree to family counseling. All matters must stay private.

[@mariereeder3635]

Ken Potter Exactly!

[@holographicc6974]

Yep. Their brain parasite can never be exposed

[@lisabass7284]

Ture

[@janizary-8767]

I am narcissist, kind of. I asked my wife to come with me to a counselling. She refused, saying "it is your problem deal with it yourself". So I am dealing

[@seeyousooon]

My X met the doctor and argued about the doctor's credentials until the doctor refused to talk, kicked him out.

[@LindaCasey]

I have ONE criterion for measuring whether I'm dealing with a narcissist or not. Do they make me question my own sanity? When you see a crazy-maker coming .. cross the street 🌹

[@Nurseslaydee]

Linda Casey omg! Your comment nailed it for me! Exactly what I’ve been through!

[@joanneferratoify]

How about after being with that person, how do you feel? If you feel bad about yourself or angry, your values have been compromised and you might want to avoid that person in the future if you can.

[@karisimkins1101]

So true!!!!

[@jamanak123]

This question has been going on in my mind. Evrytime I had confrontations with him, he would always rant and cry and bite his fingers until they bleed and at the end of the talk I ended up always saying, "I'm so sorry, please calm down". Every attempt talks of asking him something about his behavior would end up talking how terrible I am. And this actually made me doubt myself.

[@jenlinds1]

Thx for this one! Divorced one & trying to find my sanity so I can decipher & stop future interactions if meet more. Simple & quick assessment

[@courtneyfair8357]

They also try to pull you back after you have separated yourself emotionally by making you feel sorry for them.

[@jackieann5494]

Has anyone else seen the phenomena of narcissists who SWEAR it's the OTHER person who is the narcissist ? I've seen a lot of that. It's weird .

[@jlroussin]

Jackie Ann it’s called projection and it’s a classic trait of a narc.

[@jackieann5494]

@@jlroussin Thank you for responding and for that info. 👍

[@colleenkaralee2280]

Whenever I hear someone emotionally, passionately call someone something I look at the accuser too - both accuser and accusee are messed up, and that is why we have the Dr. Carter's to help us get off the hamster wheel.

[@toots810usa6]

They may be narcissists and codependent all rolled into a nightmare.

[@melissam597]

Waiting for Jesus as is gaslighting

[@cadencechrome4783]

Growing up in a narcissistic household unfairly warps the person I could have been.

[@mindymarie3379]

Cadence Chrome - So True!

[@mervekarc7955]

yeah, sadly that's me

[@theweirdsider]

**JUST SAD AND SELFISH RAMBLING** It warped me too. I am nothing and I am alone...this is what it has done to me. I don't even know if knowing the truth, now that I'm an adult, is enough to be ok. I don't want to be here, I just don't, I just won't. I do not see any other end for me but s*****e, which feels closer with every new year. I AM thankful I finally understand why life was and is the way it was and is...but the knowledge doesn't take the pain away. I am in pain every single day, and it's really always been this way. So, I became a shell...but oh well. I was always going to be temporary anyway. Right? One day, it will be done. One day, PEACE will come. . .

[@AT-zr9tv]

@@theweirdsider Sorry to read you feel broken. I'm a total stranger like most of the folks commenting here, but please: reach out and talk. Give yourself a chance. I've been going through a rough patch for several years, with dark thoughts too, but I'm picking up the pieces and overcoming many inner challenges. Wish I could send you positive energy and hope you can find this in yourself too. But please talk to someone, you've been programmed to think you don't have value, it isn't who you are. You know who you are, no one else does. You can do this.

[@inthesun3884]

weirdsider You are not warped. You are very much loved by God and Jesus. It’s the world not you that is broken. I see you are poetic. I would write endless poems and letters to God on my bad days. We tend to isolate ourselves and that makes it much worse. Consider going to a 12 step group meeting. It was life changing for a friend of mine. God bless and I will be praying for you.

[@happilyavaafter]

The narcissist in my life only loves what I do for him, not me the person. I am only as good as my last good deed. The ‘love’ is performance driven. The epitome of a narcissist is absolute selfishness. No matter what I (or others) are speaking about, the person *always* makes it about themself. Never fails.

[@AS-gj9hs]

THIS!! It was all about what I can give to him (time, presents,..) My christmas present wasn't ready on time (I wanted to make a photobook and I kinda couldnt work on it really because it didnt feel right..) but I didnt think it was a problem since presents are not important for me. He was seriously OUTRAGED when he left that I didn't even give him a present and specifically mentioned it.

[@healingandgrowth-infp4677]

Be careful though because abused people,esp up brought also believe love n their worth is in actions n not just a given plus cptsd or ptsd shows a lot of similar traits too… And some peeps also have social anxiety and struggle with communication. N find it easier with what they know. With ptsd I also struggle with too much details info n memory n feeling safe or not overwhelmed. Empaths also struggle with not relating n sharing similar experiences for a form of support. People do spread narcissist word around a lot… be careful you’re not just labelling someone as such without considering other possibilities or reasons…

[@anothercampervanchannel]

Absolutely!

[@FoSheezzzie]

I feel for you. I am in a similar situation and no matter what I do to try and help them it doesn't get better.

[@SharlenesJourney]

This you can do everything for them and they will still make you feel like you’re not good enough

[@mifnp8887]

The biggest question I answer is 'can I be safe with this person'? A narcissist will use your vulnerabilities against you. They are so hurtful.

[@buffhotchkiss7400]

MIFNP can you be safe really with all the other things that you mentioned why entertain if you would be safe. Don't compromise. They dont change unless they turn to god.

[@ablueyedsissy59]

Not safe. They are relationship destroyers so they can have you all to themselves to abuse.

[@richm1615]

I finally moved out after living with a pair of them. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made. If anyone meets a narcissist, RUN!

[@T97Frida]

So true. First they absolutely know how to manipulate you into revealing your vulnerabilities by building up deepest trust - but later you find out they only did so to use them against you later.

[@DaveWestGuitar]

Imagine being adopted by one. Not so easy growing up.

[@dianagerving5141]

The only way to deal with these individuals is to go “no contact” and maintain it.

[@laurawhitaker1797]

Diana Gerving I couldn’t agree more!!

[@Vallen771]

Yup, tortured myself too long before realising this was the only way

[@nikkikells8791]

And if you have to co-parent?

[@natsarimthings3147]

If the person is your mom, that's difficult.

[@jesusislukeskywalker4294]

many many many other channels promoting the "no contact" are #trans. don't get fooled. all part of the social distancing campaign. just saying

[@wolfesound]

My god, the constant complaining is unbearable, especially when there is so much to be grateful for.

[@thorvaldmelum9877]

One main ingredient to happiness is Gratitude. Could you even imagine life with little to no Gratitude? It would seem that would be the definition of 'a living hell'.

[@lorinapetranova2607]

@@thorvaldmelum9877 I used to say you don't have to die to go to hell. Then I learned narcissist behavior 101. The aspects of how to deal with those people. Traits. Etc. The part that bothers me is that confrontation with them will generally get you nowhere and they are very good at lie and deny. I get fed up with this bit of having to be a type of drPhil with them while they continue down their merry destructive path. Sometimes I get weary of feeling like damn few people use awareness or civility.

[@trollbbqer1267]

I agree! Mine is 58 and literally complains about EVERYthing! Racist, judgemental, insensitive comments 24/7. It's SO exhausting, at times I just want to scream "I KNOW what you think/judge about other people, places, religions and things because you constantly voice it!" After 4 years of marriage, it's a daily struggle to NOT feed the narc's gaslighting, lovebombing, etc. You're not alone. ✌

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

They struggle to feel grateful

[@christym6128]

Don't forget, the narcissist has memory problems.."I don't recall saying that" or "That's not the way I remember that" ...

[@narc-anon7774]

This is gaslighting 101. 🤕

[@truthfulpatriot9129]

they’re called....Liberals!!!!!!!🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@narc-anon7774]

@@truthfulpatriot9129 🤣😂 it's not just hilariousl... its also true!

[@truthfulpatriot9129]

@@narc-anon7774 that’s “true too”👍

[@rr7firefly]

"I've never met the guy."

[@Here_Today_]

"They have one favorite topic to talk about....themselves".

[@Here_Today_]

@Nickhead87 next time he says you don't like talking much, tell him he doesn't like listening much so it's a win/win.

[@T97Frida]

You can tell a narc that your friend just died and his lack of $2 to pay his latest amazon purchase still is a bigger disaster for him.

[@primsandwhims7533]

Amen

[@MediaEnslavedNation]

If it can't be about them then it's about something they remember, going so far as to retell other people's stories as tho the story is their own.

[@MediaEnslavedNation]

And that my friends is the key to owning them. Always switch the topic to them and heap on the praise. Turns them into kittens. Keep your expectations and needs from them to zero and ignore their hissy fits as you would a child's. They are too predictable not to be manageable as long as you keep up your pleasant mask.

[@TallSilentGuy]

You forgot "displays of rage for dubious reasons purely to keep you complicit through fear".

[@galinazivoluba4454]

Simon so true !

[@nanabusterd]

It's also used so you'll never ask them for help with ANYTHING. He'd fly into a rage so I'd have to deal with everything on my own.

[@Jashuapro1]

That's my dad. Flips out for no reason. Has my mom constantly checking on him.

[@ericwalton1492]

This is so true. I suggested to my aged father in law that he get a gardener to keep his gardens tidy, as I was getting physically tired of doing them as I got older. He exploded in rage, and frightened me. I didn't know why - I do now!!!!

[@macshaw9426]

Narc rage from narc injury

[@Sarahhenderson11]

I was 19 when I first learned about narcissists. I did a test on a friend i used to go night clubbing with. She always hogged the spotlight and dominated conversations which I allowed (having grown up with a narcissist). For once, I started talking solely about myself for approx two minutes and I asked her a question in relation to myself. She glazed over, looked completely bored and shrugged her shoulders. One second later she said "so anyway.." and regained her animated expression going back to ramblings about herself and her endless stories. I smiled slyly to myself. She failed the test.

[@yoursistersaid6830]

Understand that completely. I’m more introverted myself and amazingly most of my closest gal pals are all extroverts. I won’t speak as much about myself but it’s mistaken for “shyness” or “lack of confidence” that’s not the case.

[@warznemesis4189]

They lack accountability and responsibility for there actions

[@graceanneful]

Very true. If there is a bone they will throw your way it’s after a fight that they cannot get out of. They may say things like. “ it’s possible I said that” or I guess. Never forthcoming on their own about OBVIOUS AND BLATANT WRONGDOINGS. They minimize at best while deflecting and controlling the narrative and maximizing the other. Persons minute infractions. Then we are left defending ourselves. INSANITY CENTRAL

[@jerry1dc]

my diabetic husband blames me for his sugars being high....I cook fine and in lower calorie meals....he eats a ton of fucking cookies 😂

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad blamed me for the lousy results of his abusing me; he had some nerve. I went no-contact(back to, in August), a win for me!

[@wattlebough]

A few additional things to look out for: The narc will have you running after them. They rarely meet you halfway. They may expect you to do all the travelling to meet them but won’t cross town to meet at your home or in your neighbourhood. They’ll have you do lots of favours for them, small and large, and will expect you to do them, and for a while you’re happy to help. Then you’ll realise after a few years that the narc will be very sparing when it comes to reciprocation, and may help you out begrudgingly, or continually be unavailable and “busy”, when you only very rarely need a hand with something. You may even feel awkward just asking them for help because you can tell that they’re not interested. They’ll switch to dominant vocal tones when you have an opinion that’s different to theirs as they tell you why you’re wrong, or make you feel small for making the suggestion. They ignore your discomfort, or may even have a strange look come over their face, an odd kind of smirk as though they’re enjoying seeing you uncomfortable. The word for that is “schadenfreude”. When they wrong you it will remain unspoken and it will often be when they have you isolated. They often ensure there are no witnesses, or alternatively they may do things in plain sight of others in ways that seem innocent but you know are mind games they’re playing with you. Trust your gut, trust your memory, trust your perception and ultimately, trust yourself when these things happen. It takes time to notice but there comes a point when you look back over several years and you realise they’ve established a pattern and there is no accountability. The measure that helped me realise I wasn’t imagining things or turning paranoid was that no other people close to me had done these things or played these games. They were the control point for comparison. Lastly, the narc refuses all accountability when those issues are raised. That’s the deal breaker and final red flag. When you attempt to raise any concerns about a few incidents they’ll minimise them and will gaslight you, to make you look like you’re over reacting. It’s time to get out of the relationship, whether a friendship, or dating. Please, please, please pay attention to red flags when dating. They’re always there, but we just don’t see them.

[@notagain779]

Very well put. Everything you wrote is so accurate, that I think we may know the same person! Before they pull something nasty when there are no witnesses, they've already been telling others that you tend to have quite an imagination and are prone to making things up. This was my sister in law. In front of my brother, she was so sweet to me. He doesn't see through all of her tricks. She also has him so controlled that one of his friends said to me, "Your brother is like a remote controlled toy, and she holds the remote." Even this man can't make him see it.

[@hooballoolify]

Thanks for the info. Spot on about them being unavailable when you need their help.

[@asmafarid593]

Iconoclasticnation very nicely written . Thank you

[@suziecheeseman3760]

This is so well written and I relate to so much of this very personally. I used to run from one side of the house to another to try and defuse an explosive reaction, pour in the balm to stop another day/evening being ruined. The feeling of fear and stress would tingle through my body and leave me feeling emotionally heightened and panicked. These feelings started to happen in anticipation, before anything even occurred and were very debilitating. I can't express how good it is to find others who understand something of my experiences.

[@jussaraarundel9953]

I realise now my sisters are narcissists.

[@ccc369]

..and the narcissist will likely accuse you of narcissism if you don't submit

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Funny how that happens! Dr. C

[@judithgannon5642]

They do tend to label other people as narcissists.

[@mightymouse1005]

They always make themselves seem like a great catch with all the things they do well. Mine would tell me I was ALMOST GOOD ENOUGH to meet friends or family. I was always accused of being passive aggressive anytime I put my foot down. Thank God hes out of my life...

[@knowlightknowright]

Bahahahahaha that recently happened to me! What a joke! That's called projection btw!

[@BrotherTree1]

That is called projection. It's hilarious in a sad way...

[@fakefunbags]

I would like to thank you for all you do. I am in a 35-year marriage and I had no idea why it's been miserable since day one. My daughter suggested I go on the internet and put in some of my husband's characteristics in the search bar. There you were! You have saved my life! Sounds dramatic, yes, but it's true. I will be out here watching every new video. I will also be at home not paying attention to his gaslighting anymore. You have no idea how much joy that brings me. There is light now in my life. Thank you again! You were sent to me by an internet guardian angel. 😁

[@butterflylove2642]

Maureen Redfern Maureen I feel the exact same way!! 28 year marriage for me. Couldn’t figure out why he was acting this way decades ago...only to get worse & worse over the years. I totally agree with you; Dr. Carter has saved me from sinking!!! My husband can’t be changed & it breaks my heart that he is so mentally ill. But Dr. Carter’s professional advice, calm demeanor, and sense of humor is a tremendous blessing in my life!!!

[@dagmar1640]

My words!👍🍀🙏

[@dagmar1640]

Maureen: Exactly - light in my life! :-) But my daughter is only 11 and I don't know how to tell her and explain what I am going through, cause she loves him and he tries to be nice to her and builds the image of a loving father. Feel myself in a blind alley. Keep fingers crossed for you.

[@butterflylove2642]

The dashkey If I were you, because of your daughter’s young age, I wouldn’t share anything of her father’s illness & the struggles you are going through. I believe she is too young to comprehend NPD. Plus you want her to enjoy the happiest childhood possible. I waited until my children were in their early twenties. At that age they were already having their own observations of their dad’s sad problems and old enough to understand why he & I fought a lot over the years. In discussions with our children, I always start out by reminding them to appreciate their dad’s good qualities but to be very guarded when his hurtful, verbally abusive, raging, degrading, most unkind, “2nd personality” comes out. I owe Dr. Carter for helping me breathe again. To know how to help steel myself better during my husband’s episodes, every put down, every derogatory statement...It has been & continues to be unbelievably hard to cope. When I discovered Dr. Carter & listener to how he described my husband “to a T,” I had a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders just being able to make sense of decades of my husband’s narcissistic characteristics & ongoing abuse. Plus Dr. Carter describes me to a T as well in my years of struggling to get my husband to “be NICE,” to stop the tremendous meanness, trying to convince him to show respect, compassion, mercy, love, for all. Of course time & time again, I failed at that for years. Learning that who I am matches the profile of an empath also has explained a lot of our situation. No one in my family was so extremely unkind & would even say out loud “I don’t care” as my husband has said countless, countless, times over the years. Unbelievable, unbearable at times. But I took vows before God, and witnesses, that I am seriously committed to. So I press on. Blessings to you in your journey.

[@dagmar1640]

@@butterflylove2642 Dear Butterfly, thank you so much for your opinion and support. I found out only a few weeks ago and am now full of mixed feelings, tend to deal with the situation ASAP, feeling I'm not able to bear any of this anymore. My daughter's sake is my only drawback. I admire your loyality and the strength to wait until your children were older. When I calm down, I feel I should wait, too. On the other hand, there are moments I think to myself: I'm done here! and desire to move on. But your way, how to explain it to my younger daughter (the older one - 27, already knows), resonates with the sort of person I'd like to be. Wise, patient, considerate and strong. Thank you for setting the example to me.💗 I'll try my best.

[@keilamoreira9459]

I would add: They cannot accept or understand the meaning of gratitude. They do not show real gratitude as they don't really accept it, cause they twist the meaning of it.

[@samdaily2037]

They expect stuff. I drive us every time, and they just expect it… “hey come pick me up”

[@ronmckean2909]

Always either the hero or the victim.

[@theblackchildsdiary3733]

Well articulated....Hero or a victim.

[@todosassd1855]

Totally.

[@AishaVonFossen]

Or they can play both easily.

[@sherrim4067]

This should be showed in premarital counseling before a couple gets married. I might have sailed away alone if I had seen this first.

[@heidikindon5182]

The problem is Narcs are very very skilled at hiding. Couples counseling with a narc most often ends up with the victim appearing hysterical or crazy.

[@Lioness0109]

@@heidikindon5182 Yes this happened to me w a family member.

[@PiscesinVa]

@@Lioness0109 me 2

[@PiscesinVa]

God mine is so toxic now as we have separated. Im in the discard phase and have went no contact. It's been like I've been in a cult!!

[@sherrim4067]

@@heidikindon5182 that's the reason I'm afraid of going to his counselor, I'm afraid she buys his bull baloney. We had a session planned together and he cancelled it.

[@kimstone5038]

Sounds just like my mom. What I don’t get, is how you can compete with your own daughter. Not supporting or loving . I can’t imagine doing that to my kids.

[@goldheartminer7069]

I know how you feel my mother has hated me since I was born. She had sex with my ex husband and tried with every boyfriend. She turned my brother's against me and slandered me to family.

[@Ambrosha385]

@@goldheartminer7069 very sorry to hear this. Wish we could choose our parents

[@goldheartminer7069]

@@Ambrosha385 thank you I am not the only one that went through this and maybe that helps me somedays.

[@xino_z]

gold heart miner oh my God! That's one of the most awful things I have ever heard. You poor thing. I am sending you all the positivity I possibly can. How tragic and unbelievable. You are a better person than I am-I don't know how I would react to that, but I am pretty sure I would end up motherless if you catch my drift. And ex-less. 😡

[@goldheartminer7069]

@@xino_z I got rid of the ex but my daughter and grandkids moved in with my mom so the old woman knew she would again have control over me. Thank you for your kindness.

[@amusingmyslf]

You have to be careful facing one down, it can turn violent.

[@jamesbridger9878]

Correct. I was in a relationship with one for 1.5 years. When I dumped them, they lost their sober mind and threatened suicide for absolutely no reason. Later that DAY, that person said that “I can’t control my own emotions”, and then proceeded to blame me for something that I don’t even care to remember at this minute.

[@jaysonleninenko6221]

Oh don't worry my ex got sucked into a relationship by a narcissist which I won't lie he fooled me into thinking he's my bestfriend but I caught on she left me for him when i see him im confronting him and i pray it turns violent bc he can beat a woman but not me

[@haileyt857]

I have to leave my job and livelihood since one has decided to bully me and is unfortunately seen as a ‘valuable asset’ to the store. He literally sucks at his job, so I think our GM is on something. Oh well. I’m not dealing with his shit anymore.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

amusingmyself, you look stunning

[@paulsarson5335]

_amusingmyself Yes I've been in this situation many times. 27th December I had to literally pre dial in my mobile 999 and threaten to call the police if she didn't go away from me

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

They dont delve into you emotions, or anything else about you, They dont care about the “ who” of what you are. Its one of the most hurtful realisations to understand the person you feel you love, doesnt care about who you are, and so it follows, they do not care about anything else under the umbrella that comprises the “you”. Heartbreaking.

[@tulanzuya]

Yep - I think those were some of my last in-person words to my ex-hub narc as I left him, he was saying "I love you!" and I had to say, "After 15 years you don't even KNOW me." In all that time he'd never asked me ONE question about my life before knowing him. Not one!

[@preciousgems4036]

HOW ABOUT YOUR TALKING AND THEY JUST START TALKING WHILE YOUR STILL TALKING AND THEN WHEN YOU FINISH TALKING THEY SAY WELL GOTTA GO

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your response: "See ya" (not). Dr. C

[@melanieparis8697]

Yep, can relate to that one..

[@russellhawkins366]

Chris That’s their game. It shows you that what you’re saying is meaningless and only what they’ve got to say is important. Getting you wound up is their game for further abuse. Just see the red flags and run. They’re your worst enemy parading around as your best friend to your face.

[@heatsann4456]

SO TRUE! Run

[@florida1cowboy2]

I got another sign I learned. They cry only out of self-pity, and care less what harsh thing they just did to get you so upset. They just want to illicite your compassion to take the spotlight off what they did to break your heart. Crocodile tears that quickly get replaced by self-righteous anger in moments once you apologize for them hurting YOU. :/

[@berrisfueller6221]

When my family came out for Christmas (a day after). My step siblings came home the same day. They came home sick, and my step dad kept like looking at us and would hide and pout in the bathroom. He’d come out and act like it was a big deal or something. Probably looking to see if my mom would step in. But it’s like he’s a mega attention seeker! My mom went to go check on him after he was in the bathroom. He replied but sounded all pouty. But he legit did, he kept like trying to get my mom’s attention or something for his teenage boys. She was like “They’re under a blanket, it’s probably going to make the thermometer hotter.” something like that. She’s just over it, we’re over being in the same house as he and the boys. He gets all defensive and seems to have a selective memory when I’m my mom calls him out on stuff. He’s tried kissing her..when my mom doesn’t feel loved. She’s felt like a 50’s housewife (there is an age gap between my mom and step dad btw). His excuses are “Well I don’t want you to feel like that.” but proceeds to carry on like normal. After they argue, he acts like nothing’s happened when my mom would still be affected by them. His other excuses are “You’re accusing me of doing something I didn’t do!” There was an ad one time that popped up about like bras and stuff on a game on his tablet. He suggested if was my brother..even though he’s not into looking up stuff like that. Then proceed to suggest my 10 year old (at the time) sister even though..well wtf! He’s told her before “Well I like women’s fashion.” When my mom’s yelled when expressing her feelings. He started yelling and ignored that I was in the bathroom. I get anxiety when I’m around them fighting. He said “I’m yelling because you’re yelling!” and she said “I’m yelling because I’m upset!” She’s just so over it! Looking to file for divorce with him, thankfully! He was a medic in the army..you’d think he’d know a thing or two about taking care of sick people. But yet..he’s not really smart when it comes to cross contamination and dealing with covid stuff!

[@florida1cowboy2]

@Nader's salad whiskey She became cruel, and started openly flirting with online people after I returned home from waking up from a coma. I did not, and still do not understand why. She hit me, clawed me, screamed at me while sick. I would not fight back. I cannot bring myself to strike a woman. I am sorry you feel as you do. Someone must have really hurt you a lot. I am so very sorry. I truly loved her. It has taken 3 years for the pain to even fade. I find myself unable to trust my heart to anyone else after 3 years. I can never hate her. She calls me every time she gets a new boyfriend to say how wonderful they are. It kills my soul, but I take it, and wish her happiness. I do not want to hurt anyone like that ever.

[@gdevine5515]

8 years ago i was in a relationship with a narcissist. Iv been single since.

[@dianemary1719]

I feel you and its been 5 years for me. My ex seems to always be in relationships somehow though...

[@salonsavy6476]

I just discarded my narc after 8 years ,,,I’m Free ,,🕊

[@wendygraham7787]

It's hard to trust my judgment now, because my ex put on such a good act in the beginning. I am scared to get back out there. These videos are helping me to recognize the signs.

[@sassoscrib]

or it's always someone else's fault. They're the victims

[@yankeerose1000]

He is forever "poor me" or just being a martyr as a manipulation tactic

[@TheKatell52]

Or the innocent one, at the very least. My exhusband went out of his way to prove to me that he did not have an abusive nature, even before I had inkling that he did! He was basically telling me what everyone might tell me was a lie. He exposed them before they could expose him. It was weird when I look back on it.

[@hermitthefrog8951]

You just described the Democrat Party.

[@stardust2938]

Yes,in all cases they are the victim,my mother fell and had to go to hospital by ambulance,but he was the victim.

[@lauvonfr9222]

So true!!!!!

[@Almamater8888]

A narcissist will never be a partner in a satisfying relationship. I’ve tried making a go of several relationships with narcissists, and they are exactly as Dr. Carter describes here. And they simply do not change or improve.

[@socalindi8241]

Agree it's awful how they never GROW.

[@texuztweety]

Absolutely 100% TRUTH

[@texuztweety]

@Damnit Bobby You sound like a Narcissist

[@socalindi8241]

@Damnit Bobby Why are you even on here? People are trying to get real help in the situations from Dr. C and you are just like a typical narcissist man.

[@socalindi8241]

@Damnit Bobby I haven't failed in every relationship LOL. I'm in a 12 year one right now. I also don't HATE all men either.

[@rebellucy5610]

I am married to one of these and we just kinda coexist. It Never gets better.

[@kscheuerman5378]

Me too! 29yrs. It really is not a club I ever wanted to belong to. The coexist thing is horrible. I have insomnia every night due to "it never getting better". I hope you are able to find God's Love and Peace in your life. God Bless.

[@samanthahewitt202]

10years for me and we have 2 kids. I still have hope. But these kind of comments scare me. Am i just being silly trying to help him

[@carolynballerina5342]

@@samanthahewitt202 13yrs and I hv to get out now. My life is just so inconsequential to hubby, it's not healthy. He's hvg affairs while live a "good life w our kids. Its not good for them to see their Dad demonstrating its "ok" to just do wat u want"...

[@KourtKourt930]

@@samanthahewitt202 you are not silly. Just know it will never change.

[@rebellucy5610]

@@samanthahewitt202 Nothing wrong with having hope, but he will NEVER change. What happens in my case is usually after a fight my wife tries for a few weeks and then goes right back to the same old Narcissist behaviour. She usually does 'just enough' to make our marriage work, but never any more. If you are a Empath you will have to disconnect emotionally if you want to survive. He will never treat you like you treat him. Focus on yourself and your children the most. Many of us are stuck. Especially financially. If you won a Million dollars would you stick around with him?

[@TinselDust-m6r]

Never got your back in any situation, will prefer to side with the others that are pecking on you.

[@oliviamiller7434]

Nicole Handy, true. Abandoned in the relationship.They build their team of flying monkeys all the time.

[@KryssLaBryn]

"Well, I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but..."

[@narc-anon7774]

Great observation. 100%

[@virtualasylum7013]

Yea my ex narc would let his friend belittle and degrade me.....would not say a word....

[@peggyeldridge4827]

YES !!! I just ended a very short relationship with one. He NEVER ever stood up for me or our relationship. Thank God we only lasted 4 months, I got sick of it and booted him out.

[@pauldacus4590]

"They excuse all their mistakes" Well said, Tim Apple.

[@zaffranmoon1580]

And never let you forget yours.

[@reo9475]

It’s never their fault

[@summerr7071]

"A relationship is only as healthy as is secrets allow it to be." Absolutely.

[@roseblues]

Secrets destroy relationships!!!

[@socialbuzzhive24]

Exactly! They will shut down, never try to work things out because it causes them conflict and they ghost and gaslight you, abuse you and use you for their benefit. They are literally like toddlers emotionally and always will be. You can never have an emotionally mature relationship with someone like this. End it fast!

[@salonsavy6476]

Omg !,,, you just described my entire relationship!,,,, they’re zombies 🧟‍♂️

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Emily Standley, your pretty smile can make the news!

[@berrisfueller6221]

Minus the abusive part and maybe ghosting..my mom can relate to this.

[@shirleyguinyard8183]

I left and came back I hate my self for doing that but when I leave again I swear I will never ever come back he is and Narcissist phyco.

[@MacT4972]

They are never interested in anything you want to do. “Closed mined and impatient.” So true!

[@arteisiacalvin6286]

My dad my mom my aunt and sister. Smh i can't wait to cut them all off!!! Just imagine growing up with 4! Narcs killing all of my joy and sanity. I made it out im educated about them now and moving forward. God worked it all out for my good💓💓❤

[@macshaw9426]

Stay strong and never forget! So proud of you💜

[@judyelizabethart]

I'm dealing with this problem now and there is a long way to go.

[@judyelizabethart]

So happy you made it! Much love!

[@amandahood7809]

God nothing. YOU did the hard work. Good job! 💙

[@Wife_Mother_Failure]

@@amandahood7809 i am glad you said that!

[@garysmith5781]

Great info..never again, not ever gonna snub another red flag..rather stay single than ever be with a narc again.

[@bostongirl9277]

Wow.. they'll tell you how to do laundry.. how to cook ..why are you doing this this way ..why you doing it that way... Exactly

[@johngilles9371]

you met my ex! lol

[@wendygraham7787]

Yes! Why are you holding your fork like that, nag nag nag....

[@urbansurvivor360]

That's my mother!

[@paulsarson5335]

Bostongirl wow that is so true, I'm a professional chef and a teacher, but she still insists my cooking is horrible. That's just 1 thing out of a thousand wrong in me omg

[@rosannamiranda4620]

My mother I caregiver her and sister My mom strees me out offen Like today she start blame for something I don't do she yell at me I told I don't like what she treat today tell going leave house for a walk so she have space When go back she quit She very controlling what things done fast She complained lot Blames me and sister for everything that not are falut She moody Never sorry Mom been this way sence I was child am 37 now she same my brother is one too My mom siblings and siblings children all same

[@franchescaalamo2942]

I went no-contact with one after over a decade of on-again-off-again friendship, and it’s been liberating.

[@samualwhittemore228]

Same here. But mine lasted 30+ years. LoL It took me Three times of breaking off our friendship before it stuck*. I think after the third time he knew I meant it. And I did. The previous attempts I was still ignorant about these types of people, but the last time I knew what I was dealing with. * If he saw me outside he would stop and ask if I wanted to grab a bite to eat or get something to drink in an attempt to restore our friendship. It worked twice.

[@alvinprettyman1802]

your videos are explaining 64 years of frustration and why I don't trust people

[@raestephenson7932]

@Alvin Prettyman Carrying around hatred in one's heart and a constant distrust of those around oneself is not healthy though. Personally found that trusting the "Holy Spirit" (Love/compassion/empathy, etc.) in oneself, and acting from it- and looking to interact with that same spirit when dealing with others helps. Forgiveness is more about not carrying around "bad" or unpleasant feelings within oneself always/forever, and allowing one's own heart to heal, Sir.

[@raestephenson7932]

@Alvin Prettyman "Be as gentle as doves, yet as shrewd as snakes." Means love others but still watch out for yourself. Stay away from those red flags, and concentrate on positive things.

[@justjosie8963]

"Primary ingredients of narcissism: High control, low empathy, need for superiority, attitude of entitlement, exploitive and manipulative way of dealing with people."

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Just Josie,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

[@karennaturallyartby]

#2. Narcissist never never asks me how i feel about something, never asks what's bothering me, never reacts to my emotional state (like when he says something hurtful that might make me cry), never wants to discuss his or anyone else's feelings, unless he's mad, then all hell breaks loose.

[@edenholley9967]

Karen Garland they only seem to have one emotion. Anger.

[@jghpdx783]

Be a mirror, not a sponge. These people will steal your soul if you genuinely engage.

[@narc-anon7774]

Truth

[@jesusislukeskywalker4294]

good comment

[@ajr7940]

Yes. Soul killers

[@ajr7940]

Yes. Soul killers

[@dare2race]

Going thru it. 2 months out of a 4.5 yr relationship that left me feeling like a shell of my old self, totally lost.

[@wendytreece3273]

According to my ex, he was the only person right about anything. He was smarter than anyone

[@valerinana7338]

Wendy Treece same with my ex..

[@rhondahill5261]

They know it all about everything.

[@ThaDarkLighter]

Just because someone is right about things dont make then a narcissist. Maybe you should educate and evole yourself. Your beauty doesn't matter in factual matters. Lol.

[@kieranhimself3655]

Said every husband ever

[@astgoddess]

Trump comes to mind.

[@agnesmurr2064]

A Narcissist has no healthy relationships. He thinks he maintains relationships when he gets together with people to gossip about others or boast about their own achievements; there is no true interest in others.

[@blogmartamaria8431]

Saddest is that they have no genuin interest in others and it is not changing either...

[@AUmarcus]

He or she....

[@carldrogo9492]

It's really a Myth that only men are narcissists.

[@mstyles2667]

'He' is not always used just for a man, people speak in general in these comments BUT the sad truth is yes, according to studies and science, in todays world MALES are far more likely to be narcissists than females are. @@carldrogo9492

[@1966wilky]

Agnes Murr Narcissistic men and women too.

[@surviver7698]

I wish there were Attorneys who Specialize in protecting Spouses from Domestic Violence and Narcissist Psychopaths!

[@TuxieTude]

I wished the same 14 years ago. It was horrendous. 😔

[@misstp7781]

Most attorneys are narcissists sad to say.

[@courtneyfair8357]

Yes! It is so hard to explain what is going on to police, courts, or anyone for that matter! The courts only want to hear if they were physically abusive ( though often they are) but do not take emotional abuse seriously. They are able to say all the right things to others so they look like decent people and make you look like your the one being irrational and unforgiving. I noticed my daughter showing some characteristics of her dad and i call her out on it- especially the blame shifting and saying she didn't do something when she did.

[@lekkki1]

We might be getting closer to something like that. At least training all people to be able to see the signs and RUN, not walk in the opposite direction.

[@NoName-ni1mr]

right?!! should get 3/4 of the cut, too, and free therapy for a lifetime....

[@iknowwhatsup2880]

They're super negative. The covert narcissist is worse, only those on the inside know. To everyone else, they're the poor victim who got stuck with you.

[@dharmadharma3960]

@Amy Shakalis same

[@wiselykim511]

Same here 😭

[@thisisme3238]

Oh, how I can relate to that one!

[@snazzysnazzergryphon8550]

Thats exactly how my mom acts and talks about me to the people she talks to.

[@pattihusk8181]

I just found out that my son (39) and his girlfriend are both narcissists 😳!! Also, my ex-husband, who has now passed, was also one. All this time, I thought I was a horrible wife and mother (I’m 72). All my son says is you need to move on!!! It’s like getting a new pair of glasses 🥰!! Thank you so much for your videos....my life is going to change drastically😉!!!!

[@lisabeam4354]

Get a new friend do other things

[@pattihusk8181]

Seriously? That’s all you have to say? Unbelievable!!!

[@lisabeam4354]

@@pattihusk8181 in a general sense I hear your past and sounds like you are moving on... I just said move on it's a good thing. I have problems to move away from the past and experience a new day sometimes. So what I meant was you are in the present and trying to be positive. I am sorry that I was short and didn't say it right

[@hexxan007]

I wish you a beautiful autumn in life, filled with positive energy and happiness. Both of those can get really abundant once you've got rid of the narcissists and found yourself again. Enjoy!

[@pattihusk8181]

Lisa Beam I thank you for your clarification....it made a world of difference to me 😊!

[@tidepodmusical4173]

The one I dated would apologize by saying “Do I need to apologize? Have I done something to offend you?” It sounded so nice at the time, I would always end up saying, “no, it’s fine. I overreacted” (even if I didn’t overreact). He’d let me do this every single time, and he’d never just apologize. It was this game of asking me if I thought he SHOULD apologize...it was like he was giving me this false sense of control over the situation, but he knew I’d excise his behavior every time. On several occasions, I ended up apologizing to him (and I hadn’t even done anything wrong). It was really sick.

[@nataliaturner4845]

God, what a mindfuck =( I'm glad you were able to end that r-ship!

[@khadijazehra3939]

I apologize to my husband too, even when its not my mistake

[@Jessica_BR]

I have realized that something was wrong when I watched myself saying I am sorry for nothing

[@ESCAPEDscapegoat4life]

They really hate losing an argument (their mere opinion on things) to the FACTS

[@lokeanwifey]

Tracy Lehane, I get it. I'm the autistic adult child of a narcissistic woman, and narcissists are worse to us than they are to Neurotypicals. They can't handle us calling them out on their behaviour, and some of their tricks don't work on us because of our inability to pick up on some forms of body language. As a result, we trigger the narcissists in our lives into a narcissistic rage more often than any other neurotribe, second only to BPDs. That's why we are usually the first to see a narcissist for what they are. The problem with that is getting other people to believe us.

[@holographicc6974]

They’re not interested in winning an argument, they’re only interested in Energy Extraction

[@lokeanwifey]

Super SisterTalk, that too

[@NoName-ni1mr]

Oh they don't lose arguments if they are deeply narcissistic. Its like they are fueled by the most clever demons that probably have been around for ages drumming up ideas of how to drive normal people mad. I swear they are possessed but in a way that keeps its host unaware lest someone find out and kicks them out of the estate.

[@cookiesnbubbles]

YES! Whenever he has an opinion on an issue (Should we change naptime?) or even just a superstition (cold weather gives the kids ear aches), he will get SO offended when I look up the issue online to find out whatever facts there are. How dare I not just blindly follow every opinion, guess, and superstition that you deign to reveal to me? 🙄 It sucks, because I am ALL about facts, and have my own opinions to boot. However, I am hurting his feelings and not trusting him when I don't blindly agree with him

[@arturodiaz1063]

When they talk about their relationship with others, they blame the other party. It's wise to tell them how you would like to hear what the other party has to say about them. Study their physical reactions after telling them this in a straight forward manner. Test them outright.

[@Quoteunquot3]

I have a plan to leave next weekend. Absolutely had to make it covert because any mention of me having freedom sent the narcissist into a psychotic rage. Thankfully, it's going to be over soon

[@SM-lk3ir]

Did you make it

[@ginadavis9212]

Me too! Finally cut jim off! Feeling free and lite😇

[@NoName-ni1mr]

are you okay now...? did you get out?

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Uodate

[@AishaVonFossen]

Good for you! So what happened? Did you escape?

[@mitchellrose3620]

I battle with my own narcissistic tendencies, and as the years pass, and the loss of relationships hurt enough, the education is evident. You are very helpful Mr Carter.

[@paulrock5387]

Same here a narcissist with a conscience after the fact

[@rachelgarber1423]

Good luck to you keep working on it

[@paulrock5387]

@@rachelgarber1423 it's a horrible affliction

[@colleenkaralee2280]

Even a narcissist can make a turn-around - it is just harder than one initially thinks, but then again it can be a very simple and straightforward path, just not easy. For example, if one has a primal argument and upset with the creator of this universe it would be good to admit to that and resolve it. Narcissism might simply be a primal expression of hatred, unpleasant confusion, and upset against the creator and of course - as an extension - its creations, all "others". Some might think the creator was also a narcissist - from reading some of the ancient texts. It is definitely a degraded and degrading universe, so why not take the problem all the way to the top?

[@pelhamhall9099]

Mitchell Rose and Paul Rock, my mother, brother and niece are Narcs - I only realised this at 50+ yrs old. Throughout my life it’s take self insight to STOP my own narcissistic traits and realising they are so wrong, like owning up if I’m wrong and realising others (outside the family) are equally, if not better/more intelligent/right, than me! Ever thought it might just be the behaviour you learnt as a baby/child that’s wrong, not your personality? The traits I picked up (within the family) were that I was always inferior to them, and I was always wrong; it totally knocked my self confidence (obviously their manipulation) . My mission now is to tactfully help my eldest niece to overcome the effects of having toxic parents and younger sister!

[@texuztweety]

Gus the dog is a cutie!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is wagging his tail right now. Dr. C

[@Dastardly_X]

🌟 💖

[@pattyholmes127]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Always look forward to seeing Gus!

[@claudettes9697]

No red flags, Gus! 💖

[@pattyholmes127]

@@claudettes9697 Gus is Narc Free!

[@littleBrownDwarf]

God damn, got out of a 3 year nightmare with a narcissist ... 10/10 red flags ... Wish I had known about this 3 years ago. They need to teach this stuff in school!

[@giftboutiq]

I have MS..22 years now and one day I forgot I left the dishwasher door down and I fell over it and hurt myself while my narcissist 35 year old daughter just sat there and showed no emotion at all. However, her son (8) started to cry and helped me up. She denies this ever happened.

[@Pardy_Animalz]

giftboutiq Sorry this happened. I have ms and I didn’t even tell my narc. Wouldn’t care anyway.

[@giftboutiq]

It’s all about not being able to help HER with all the trouble she gets into and for my health’s sake I realized she had to grow up and be an adult. That’s when she disowned our entire family six times is the latest count. Like a two year old tantrum lol.

[@AvecPoesie]

I wish you continued strength as you contend to life with your condition and your daughter. That must have been so profoundly hurtful to experience. My heart broke for you just reading that.

[@faithm9284]

Don't make your daughter power of attorney for anything!!! My narcissistic siblings who were medical and financial power of attorney conspired against my mother. They eventually were successful in taking 'her out'. When they realized I was putting the pieces together, they sped up their plan. It's appalling what they will do, and get away with in this now 80/20 narcissistic culture! Their lack of compassion, and their inability to connect emotionally is confusing, and overwhelming emotionally to those of us who have compassion. Understanding their lack, gives us some reference and protection, but ultimately no contact is the best. Neglectful indifference is no different than physical abuse, it's still abuse.

[@KarensKorner]

I had broken my leg, and was trying to use the bathroom. I was still not supposed to put any weight on it. I lost my balance and fell. My young adult daughter was home, heard me fall and said, I cant help you, I will be late for work and left

[@terryskovronek1921]

I can't stop being in awe of the accuracy of this guy's work. It's as if the narcis. in my life watches these vids and then ACTS them out! How can a mental illness be so accurately pin pointed and described? It's stunning to me. Finding this man's work has lead to answers of decades of questions regarding this one family member. Thank you Les Carter!

[@weareallcreators6345]

I really liked what you said about a narcissist taking responsibility as it exposes their vulnerability and they’re quite afraid of being vulnerable as it makes them lose their sense of superiority. Thank you for that insight.

[@edwinaarmstrong1803]

Pointing out disrespectful actions and in return there's resentment and calling you difficult.

[@phonespector3111]

Narcissism is really something that no one needs or even should be around. Thank you for pointing out how to read the warning signs.

[@danstar455]

A Narcissist that claims he/she suffered at the hands of a Narcissist. The Rabbit Hole is very deep. Stay Sane.

[@bilwisss]

quote my mother: "you are gaslighting me! ...when you call me a narcissist!"

[@TrottingAlongWithK]

Thank you. There are also narcissists who know how to hide their narcissism. However, it eventually shows up.

[@graceanneful]

Kubuś and Mama make a mess. How true for me. The real exposure after I said “ I Do”

[@msAmberTHEmaniac]

Well gosh darn it if only I've seen it through sooner...and not only after 4 years..Now it's more difficult to get rid of her...

[@theythinkidontknow1975]

MY HUSBAND

[@christos7100]

@@msAmberTHEmaniac but not impossible

[@Jessica_BR]

Covert narcissist acts in this away

[@lsd938]

Sending love to everyone here who has dealt with narcissists and is trying to heal... Forgive yourself... Accept your loss.. and move on stronger...

[@porshprix4286]

Good advice.

[@lindadobberstein2035]

I was married to one of these men for 35 years! Divorced now for 10 years. Happiest years of my life! He has moved to another state but comes to the children’s for holidays, and I see him there a couple times a year and all is civil. Throughout the divorce process I held him accountable for everything he tried to get away with. I am a narcissist worst nightmare.

[@sibonginkosistephenson1199]

Linda Dobberstein at least he didn’t use the kids against you. And tried to destroy you

[@Pebblesthemainecoon]

Linda Dobberstein how did you manage this? Enlighten me pls

[@kristibrz2798]

Here’s one, when you do say you had a good time with the gathered family members the Narcissist will find things negative about the people you just had a good time with, each one they scoped out during those gatherings, just to put down the ones you love!

[@colleenkaralee2280]

Yup, as a student of the mind it is way too easy for me to analyze a person's mental tendencies and whether they are operating on life goals or non-life goals, and covert game strategies - I actually enjoy knowing I'm doing such a good job at seeing into their minds and predicting their behaviors - a professional hazard. Fortunately I am, if I care to look, I am able to also see that person above and beyond their current mental tendencies. Cultivation of compassion and patience towards myself and others needs to balance the analytical insights.... we are not our minds, just that we let our minds rule us when it should be the opposite.

[@pachamama8586]

Yes, that's how the narcissists operate. Only if they're "serious" about you - meaning they recognized you as an excellent source of whatever they need - they come as disguised as 'disguised' can get (also known as love bombing). Once that is taken care of the real show begins.... Thank you very much and best wishes!!

[@Earthether]

Experiencing love bombing right now... emotional outbursts anger if I don’t respond like they like... I don’t feel safe w them..and am not sure they have my best interests at heart.. they keep secrets from me too. So yea... there’s a dark spot there they hide totally ; thanks 🙏 for this . This channel is awesome!

[@pachamama8586]

@@Earthether It's not my business of course but: are you sure you want to stay there? All the best to you!!

[@MidnightSky1821]

@@Earthether Get out of the scenario before you end up with nothing.

[@turlocknurse]

My marriage was over before the guests left the ceremony. In the first 6 months he wanted a divorce every time he got mad. Now after a year and a half he has threatened divorce over 20 times he has thrown me out 3 times and he has thrown furniture and phones and I called the police once when he destroyed 2 rooms throwing all my belongings and furniture. The last time he threw me out was a week after thanksgiving. This time I left and have not been back. He has now focused on being Mr nice guy to my kids and grandkids. He is a mean psychotic bastard and my kids will see his true face eventuually. I'm trying now to just find the desire to live.

[@turlocknurse]

@Damnit Bobby I am not there. I left and went back over and over. It was and is a train wreck. I'm not there now and have stayed no contact. I think a lot of self deception comes into play here and I am trying to figure out what is so desperately wrong with me that I would even tolerate the behavior for longer than 10 minutes.

[@BlessedForever888]

Awwww Gus!!! That's so true, dogs don't have red flags!!! hallelujah!

[@treegreen941]

I got rid of an extremely narcissistic "friend" two years ago. One of the last times I talked to this ding dong I was pouring my heart out about my sick mom's impending death. As I was in the middle of saying how soul crushing it was to see how fragile and tired she looked at just 80 lbs, he started looking through his phone, then pointed the screen towards me and asked if I had seen a particular photo of him at Pride Parade (yup, that just happened). My mom died the next day and, surprise, he couldn't even be bothered to give a sympathy card. Suffice it to say my world feels considerably lighter by the removal of this person. I love social pruning -- it allows new "buds" to grow :)

[@micheleshively8557]

❤️

[@marieperalta47]

This describes someone in my life so accurately I’m scared

[@hugmc]

Marie Peralta you have a right too be scared. Just be very wiser and slowly distance yourself till they are not there anymore. And don’t ever look back. 🙏

[@asiaple9890]

11. They like to say : I would never let myself be manipulated , after which they will manipulate others

[@juliavee889]

And i always thought that my husband was just a regular jerk..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, that too. Dr. C

[@littlemisssoccher]

This has been so helpful to me as I go through a terrible breakup with the narcissist who cheated on me. You are precious and you are saving lives. Thank you.

[@scottmckenna9164]

You are not the first professional I've listened to on Narcissism. Gotta tell ya, you are the most helpful!

[@melissalove726]

They're "one uppers" no matter what I've had happen to me or done in my life my boss has had much worse or better situations.. Everything needs to be done "desperately"..ugh

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

melissalove726 ugh i pity them

[@AishaVonFossen]

I know what you mean. About 6 years ago, I lived with a narcissistic roommate, and the whole time he lived with us, he one-upped me and my other roommates on everything. He especially liked to attack what favorite books or movies I liked. I told him I like Narnia and Harry Potter, and another much lesser known book series called Dragons In Our Midst, and he completely dismissed it as predictable and boring, while barely looking at it, and then went on to insist that Game of Thrones was the best thing ever. He even went so far as to get the first GoT book for my birthday that year, saying he thought it was "about time" that I have some "good quality" books or something like that. I barely touched the book while I had it, and several months ago I finally gave it away to one of my friends who likes GoT. I don't miss it! LOL I've made a few new friends since then who like GoT, and have invited me to watch it with them, and I thought, maybe I will sometime to share something with a few other friends that I know they like and give myself a fresh start with the show to replace the narcissistic ex-roommate. :D

[@fotonomad69]

Gus proves dogs are the best people. Except for you, Dr. C. You’re one of those humans who always makes me feel comfortable & assured with your wisdom & kindness. Thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@JC-cs1mu]

Dr. Carter you really are an amazing teacher. Thank you for all that you do to help others understand. I look forward to the day I can do the same. - JC

[@007nadineL]

I'm an introvert empath with people pleaser disease who struggles with standing up for myself and getting my own needs met. I find it sooooo taxing and draining trying to focus on and get my own needs met around other people that it's just easier for me to be alone a lot. That way I can do what I want when I want and eat when I want.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

INFP? Dr. C

[@carolc6085]

This sounds like my mother. She's 81, newly widowed. Mom & Dad were married almost 59 years. Codependent to the max. He was textbook narcissist of every type with additional personality disorders. 60+ years of hell for her. 60 years of all about him. His personality disorders did him in. Severe financial problems/debt, squandered all their money, bought the best for himself, eating disorders, food addiction, diabetes, then end stage everything. I prayed he would go first so I could give mom a good life. If she went first, I would never have had anything to do with him; he'd be on his own. My mom feels sorry for everyone and in a pathological sense, I believe. But, she's finally free of him and out of debt. My husband and I just bought her a lovely little house because she never had anything nice in her life. She finally gets to live and be happy. (Now, if I can protect her from my narcissistic sister who is just like my dad, along with her drug addicted son whom she enables)

[@chenoaspirit]

When they get into an argument with their child (the child finally stands up for herself) they give the child silent treatment AND destroy their child’s reputation because the child was “so mean to them” ... they play the victim. If they r mad at someone they say/do everything possible to make others mad at them too.

[@judymusic-lover6581]

My grandson is married to one. He's hopelessly in love with her. I see him sinking lower every day. I pray for him daily to get out one day. Heck I figure she'll leave him first.

[@easybreezy925]

Praying for your grandson.

[@paulsarson5335]

judy Music-Lover I'm in the same situation and I was sinking lower and lower. I don't have any dependents or financial restraints, but loved her to pieces, when it gets violent or too much I just drive back home

[@steeaton1963]

One I experienced was my mother would tell me to respect her because she is my parent, and respect your elders, and I have no respect. Yet the way she behaved was void of respect for me or anyone else. So as a parent she was setting a poor example and when I copied she was angry with me.

[@DeniseBond1984]

holy crap...I feel like you are talking about my husband to the tee! Every one of these things is him and how he acts..ESPECIALLY the keeping secrets part. He hides things from me and lies all the time. I just told him I want out because I can't do it any more. It's exhausting being married to someone like that.

[@yeshuamysaviour3156]

please get out now! I'm sure he has cheated and may even be planing your demise. so run!! they break the law and are incapable of true love

[@yeshuamysaviour3156]

Ms. Ms you obviously don't know how men are. they cheat!!! especially if he is hiding things, hes hiding his afrair. please don't be naive.

[@NoName-ni1mr]

Yeah, well, a marriage can work with 2 honest partners but not when one of them lights fires, destroys, undermines, and well...LIES...a marriage based on lies is full of holes and has ZERO integrity. That's not a marriage, its prison. Good move leaving. Watch him beg you back for a while unless he has some other woman he can fool. Go quietly if you can, and quickly.

[@hunnybSue]

I was married to a narcissist for over 20 years. He stole my self esteem, he manipulated me, gas lighted me to the stage I was just a shell.

[@user-kt4qi9yy5i]

@@yeshuamysaviour3156 you are raising false testimony. You have no facts. You are not in her house in her bed in her husbands body to say you know he is cheating. You know how men are then? So they all men cheat according to you. Does that make any sense? If someone cheated on you thats your experience you learn you grow and move forward create a new life a new mindset and let your heart be light.

[@awesometulips9427]

So true. Narcissists also make sure you do not enjoy anything else that does not relate directly to them. You can't show appreciation or delight for a hobby, or task, or a person you would like to be friends with (even members of their own family, or people close to them). It took me years to figure out this pattern -- anything I would take pleasure on he would manage to ruin for me and I was the naive empath that allowed it to happen for 16 years. I am finally realizing that i can have a positive life and that I need to take the steps to make it happen. Thank you Dr. Les, your videos have been so healing. I am surprised how much my understanding, self esteem and determination have improved just by listening daily to your videos --before I was hopeless and felt trapped, and really wasnt aware of all the tactics the narcissist used against me all these years. No more - cheers to new beginnings 😄💓😎. If anyone knows of other online support groups, please let me know.

[@kasiar1540]

So true. You can't have interests that are different from theirs. You can't have your own dreams unless they stand to gain from your success. Then they will tear you down for being successful, laughing all the way to the bank with your money. If your dreams don't contribute to them personally, then you can't have dreams at all. You have to devote your life, time, and resources to what they want. When you're sick of being a slave and you leave, they slander you publicly. And years later they never let you go. Each day is day 1 on their smear campaign against you.

[@NoName-ni1mr]

I knew a narc that didn't give a crap where his wife went or what she did so showed none of the above issues such as disrupting her choice of friends or hobbies, or not showing appreciation for her art, work etc....he was all too glad if she was busy so he could go on with his cheating, taking holidays without her so he could pick up whores, and lie and he would even meet with his buddies and plan the holidays and spring it on her the day before he left, usually out of the country...so you know apparently, they can be model citizens and really play the role as long as they can get away with whatever their little addiction is. Yet when the marriage fell apart he begged her back until he found someone else to suck off of, at which point he turned everyone he knew against his ex wife, whose life he destroyed.

[@nkinyori]

12:24 "...let's do relationships right..." Love it!

[@Dioleate]

These videos are actually really helping me understand why I haven't been close to my sister for years. It's good to recognize I'm not crazy and I've never done anything to bring on her behavior, she's simply an immature individual and I have every right to continue focusing on improving my own life. This is good information for the people who need it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@pollytheparrot8929]

Yeah.. Same here, I haven't been in touch with mine since 2 years! Gudd for you❤🙏

[@martialbers3486]

Me too, Sean. It's so hard to finally come to grips with the fact that your sister doesn't really care about you, only for what you can do for her. It's taken me a while to accept this and, you know what, I'm better for it.

[@DCamp1271]

10:31 Do I sense that this person is going to have a low opinion of me when my humanity shows up? ........ Wow. I wish I had access to this information a few years ago. Thank you so much!

[@Glittergirl87]

Thank you for this video. It took me a long time to see through the covert Narcissist that was just in my life. He meets almost all these red flags! ✅

[@reneecouture920]

Same here! I think we might all portray at one point in time narcissism traits... But some more than others and for longer periods...

[@Glittergirl87]

Renee Couture I agree. Once it reaches a toxic point that’s when you have to go No Contact for your own sanity. Narcissist don’t see a problem with their behavior so therefore don’t seek help.

[@reneecouture920]

@@stevenc8054 Thank you :-)... I looked in the mirror... I know I had those tendancies at some point in my life too. I think now not so much :-).

[@reneecouture920]

@@Glittergirl87 So true, it's like talking to a wall...

[@reneecouture920]

@@stevenc8054 happy to meet you, look me up on Facebook or linked in...

[@TheCheerleaderKiller]

Dude, majority of society now has some sort of narcissistic ways. It’s brought on now even more due to the internet. Nothing will change any of that. Happened to be in my divorce and man, I’m blessed to be out of her way. All the political leaders, celebrities, etc have full blown out narcissism.

[@tomd1434]

There’s degrees of narcissism and we all probably have certain tendencies. But then there’s npd. It’s a whole different level as I’m sure you’re aware