Are You Straight Or Is It Compulsory Heterosexuality? ft. Tyra Blizzard

[@nikab12321]

I loved what Tyra said about how being with a man made her feel more valid in her femininity and how that played into her comphet. As a trans woman, it really resonated with my experience.

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for sharing 💕

[@barnaliadhikary9421]

Unfortunately a lived experience for plenty of women ..

[@milkyowo3]

I identify on the non-binary spectrum (Demi girl) and a lesbian. I only came to the lesbian label recently; previously I identified as bi. But I really had to look deep down into myself to realize how comphet affected my mindset and views of relationships. I never really had true sexual attraction to men. I’d get into so many relationships with men but would never want pleasure them. When I realized that I liked women, It felt so easy. I just hadn’t explored the idea of liking women as a real concept for a long time. But the idea of letting go of men was scary. Because I dated so many men, how would I be a lesbian? I also had a lot of internalized homophobia because my mom was homophobic and would derogatorily call me a lesbian (she had suspicions).But after really analyzing my relationships and perception of men… I didn’t really care for men. The only men I could feel some attraction to were unobtainable, (fictional/people that are celebrities n such), and feminine/serve cunt. The only “man” that I ever felt genuine about is my current relationship…then she came out as trans and it really clicked with me. The whole time in our relationship I felt/viewed my partner as a girl before she came out as a trans woman. Funnily enough, when Chappell Roan’s, Goodluck, babe, released- I really identified with the song. I wouldn’t want to end up in a long term relationship with a man. I had thought for while maybe I was a lesbian but after crying to Goodluck,babe and my gf coming out, it just felt right to be a lesbian.

[@QueerCollective]

Wowww it truly sounds like you’ve really unpacked and healed a lot. Thank you for sharing so openly and vulnerably 💕

[@carrosgostosas5592]

omg that's exactly what i'm going through right now... thank u so much for sharing

[@Mel-wn9gb]

Comphet has you thinking that your man is a lesbian woman. Crazy times.

[@elspethfougere9683]

Its so interesting for me to watch this as a non-american. Its fascinating how different parts of this is from some other countries and cultures world view of queerness. I always thought queerness was deeper and beyond culture and kind of universal, underneath country.. But the older I get the more I realise what different histories we have, and how different communities really do impact so massively on our self expression, and how we awaken to our universal self I still feel worldwide solidarity, and I can still feel those core human lgbtq+ness that must be universally common across the whole human family, but it's so fascinating to see how hard it is to disentangle it from culture and place, and concepts from those and it makes me wonder how worldwide conversations will evolve around rights, and continuing to langauge our experiences Its so so valuable to put these deep feelings and experiences into language Thank you so much for opening the space for these heartfelt conversations, and brave attempts to share authentically of these very deep and nuanced ways of being ❤ It's really precious, thank you Day to day I guess we will all continue to evolve, and thats cool 😊

[@staysafe_eatcake6587]

I lobe this perspective! And I agree with you, with age you realise that the language you have and the worldview you've been raised with affects so much more than we ever give credit to~

[@Mrdan827]

An aromantic (period) and asexual (period) episode next? Maybe?

[@guyafrica7894]

Yes I want an Aromantic awareness episode.

[@just_a_head-u5s]

YES!!

[@QueerCollective]

We’re working on it!

[@deepwaters7242]

​@@QueerCollective My mom is a boomer and came out as asexual a few years ago, she cried tears of joy seeing young people give a name for her experience. It's an interesting topic, also because historically since we had less awareness, a lot of people suffered in silence. It's FASCINATING listening also to the older generations experience of the lesser known sexualities. My mom swears it's why many became substance users so they could pretend to enjoy the experience better. Maybe also consider different generations of queerness?

[@AutumnLeaves_011]

@@QueerCollective❤❤❤

[@MsBlackIntrovert]

I’m new to the conversation around comp het but as a bi cisgender woman I find myself dating men more even though I’m considerably more attracted to women because I view dating men as “easier” .

[@QueerCollective]

Very interesting! Do you find there’s a lot to unpack there or are you happy with where you’re at and your dating pool?

[@JL-ow5hp]

Word word word

[@eatplastic9133]

Same, but at the same time the only non- toxic relationship I've had was with a girl (3 years)...

[@mikaylierae8659]

Oh my God. This is the first time I've heard someone say what I've been saying! I've been labeling myself as Pan/Queer for the past couple of years and I have said the same thing! And when I say "easier" I mean it in a way that I "know what to expect" from men and I have an idea of how that relationship will go and where it will end. (Kids, marriage, more public acceptance, etc.) and because I've only been in a relationship with men romantically, and only women sexually (not for lack of trying! Id love to have a long term gf!) it's definitely confusing. I've now begun to understand that I can be sexually attracted to men, and romantically attracted to women and that is totally ok and valid!

[@MsBlackIntrovert]

@@QueerCollective definitely something to unpack lol , my relationship/dating life is a mess 😭

[@spudmadethis]

I used pan for years purely cos my attraction isn’t to do with gender/sex/outward expression and it was the only way I felt I could simply explain that, but now I use Queer cos that now feels more like how I move thru the world. that journey Is how I came to accept my trans and nonbinary feels. Opening that box of frogs was a 15 year journey that’s still being unpacked. Hearing people talk about their experiences really helps me contextualise and confirm my feels, adore watching these 🫶🏻

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for sharing 💕 glad you enjoyed the episode 😊

[@vevegsilva]

I've questioned my sexuality for a while, and I just startled when Emily asked if we were attracted to men or their validation. Throughout my life, I struggle to fit. I never feel accepted by my parents or my colleagues or my coworkers. I always thought that for my happiness to be complete, I have to be in a relationship with a man. In my fantasies, people would respect me. Recently, I got into a job, and I have a brief relationship with one of my coworkers (one that really destroyed me), and during our relationship, I often thought that that relationship made everyone else respected me more. I feel like I was finally fitting in, like people finally had accepted me as a part of that group.

[@Bsmdbsmd]

Interesting conversation, I very much enjoy your content ! One remark tho : I think I have an issue with putting "the blame" of reinforcing patriarcal stereotypes on "the more masculine lesbians", when often its"the more feminine" lesbians who have those expectations (never paying for dates, getting gifts, having the door open for them etc.) Because it can actually be a vicious circle : unrealistic expectations + playing a role. Not to mention the fact that we all have our own heteronormative assumptions to unpack.

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for your comment and insight we really appreciate it. I don’t think we were ever coming one or the other but perhaps it came off that way. You do bring up and interesting point about femmes and it’s certainly something to consider as well 😊 at the end of the day, putting expectations on people, regardless of who it’s coming from can certainly be damaging

[@TheRainbow-us9wx]

Such a good conversation! Love the range of talking points covered. Comp Het meant it took a long time for me to come out to myself while being so very obvious I was not straight.

[@QueerCollective]

It affects us all! It’s the “standard” so it takes a minute to unpack it all and most of us are still unpacking 💕

[@tracyhill6166]

I'm 53, female, and just figured out I'm gay last week. I'm not even kidding. Leaving my husband of years has allowed me to see I am only attracted to women. So many years of being a mother and wife squashed it in me. I was just miserable, and also tainted my heterosexual encounters with bdsm because it made it less boring and more enticing. I've just realized the expectations that I live a heteronormative life is the reason I'm just now understanding my own wants and desires. Sad, huh. 😢

[@TheRainbow-us9wx]

@@tracyhill6166 How wonderful that you have reached this realisation! It can't have been easy.

[@ghostbooger4534]

I ATE THIS UP. What an important conversation! Thank you for having it!

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for listening! 💕

[@jessalynsimone]

Personally, I currently feel comfortable using the term fluid. I feel that in general I am a very ever changing & multifaced being and that includes my sexuality. I have fallen for many different people in my life and whether it was reciprocated or not, I can’t deny the feelings that I have had for people whether they were opposite or the same gender as me and I’m tired of invalidating that. As a tween I felt closer identified as pansexual, and currently I just call myself Fluid. but really I just lack so much experience in dating and relationships that I don’t feel confident enough to put myself under a label and I am fully aware of how that makes me look. People think I’m just straight and curious But atp it’s not a curiosity anymore??? To call myself straight is a disservice to MYSELF. It’s an attraction to the same gender that I haven’t gotten to explore yet. I hope one day I’ll be able to fully come to an acceptance of who I am even if I never come to 100% conclusion. If anyone can relate let me know 🤍 it’s hard cause I don’t have many people to talk to about it. Most of my friends are straight and the ones wh arent can’t relate because most of them have already passed this stage of their inner acceptance.

[@QueerCollective]

Thanks so beautiful thank you for sharing 💕

[@Baracapybara1]

Do you think comp het influences men in the same ways? I’ve dated many Latino men who have gone to have full on relationships and kids with women and later came out as gay. I’m not sure if that’s the same discussion

[@QueerCollective]

Absolutely. Machismo culture is truly a massive problem in Latinx society. Can’t speak for them but coming from a Colombian background, I do hear of situations like that, or they had a gay “phase” and then got married to a woman and had kids and suppress themselves for the rest of their lives

[@Mel-wn9gb]

It's not the same discussion because the theory of comphet is about girls and women.

[@stephtaylor6292]

the way some random tumblr girl saved all our asses with the lesbian master doc! 😂

[@QueerCollective]

Bless her soul

[@Reed5016]

Apparently, she identifies as bisexual now.

[@LailasCrafts]

At first I thought it was asexual because I didn’t enjoy sexual relations with men and then I thought maybe pan and I was pan for years. I’m lesbian now but I realized I just never had my own opinions on a man’s attraction. I would only say a man is attractive if someone else says it first. Like i wouldn’t find a man like cute unless someone else did. I’ve never even had like attainable male crushes or celeb male crushes. If I was with a group of girls and I was put on the spot with crushes I’d just say whoever I thought was popular. I only dated men that approached me that my friends found attractive. I never had my own opinions on a man attractiveness and I just related on everyone around me on whether or not I should like someone.

[@toutmoncoeur]

I think we can make a distinction between life partner & reproduction. In nature monogamous pairings occur for the raising of offspring. But this cultural shift to pair every single female to a male for life is "unnatural".

[@QueerCollective]

I like that 💕

[@QueenBee-xd1xk]

Agreed, if anything the human "norm" is serial monogamy, definitely not mating for life as society tries to force on us

[@roxyndra]

I'm so glad this came up in my feed. Loving all of your different inputs. Subscribed~!

[@QueerCollective]

Yay! Thank you! 🙏🏼

[@ailynnmckae1130]

I love the topics you discuss on here ❤ Wish I had this when I was younger. Hopefully it does reach the people who need it!

[@QueerCollective]

So glad you enjoy it 💕

[@blueauld]

thank you for posting that discussion, i feel less alone in that struggle ! i have just 1 "complaint", the camera view change to much and give me nausea but everything else is fantastic !

[@QueerCollective]

Good feedback to have thank you

[@PolarTurtle6401]

Imagine you get back from vacation but insead of ever getting back to real life you just spend your whole life unpacking.

[@PolarTurtle6401]

⁠it was a metaphor for vacation meaning sex. Eventually you just choose A partner and ride out life or the other far extreme, spend your whole life dissecting you sexuality. Anyways best of luck pal

[@chlover9037]

I recently had sex with a man that I thought I really really liked and it all happened so fast and I had such a feeling of shame afterwards like I was “wronging” myself, I’ve dated men for the last 4 years but before that I had a girlfriend and even though we were poly, those were some of the sweetest days I’ve had in a relationship, I felt really purposeful and swimming in my own connection to masculinity as a fem dom, I sort of just daydream about those days now but I wonder if I feel this way because that was my truth and I’ve been suppressing it because I want a family so bad and I’ve got some unconscious internalized homophobic thought that tells me “man = babies = family” that I really need to shake off, this podcast really helps untangle the tough thoughts, thank you💗💗💗

[@QueerCollective]

A lot to consider there! Thank you for being so vulnerable. I know people that have said the same thing. Opposite sex partner = babies = family and it’s hard to see how babies and families can be constructed in other ways. It’s certainly something to unpack if you feel like it’s not sitting right with you. There’s plenty of other ways to have a family! 💕

[@stephtaylor6292]

i feel really heard in this conversation. thankyou.

[@QueerCollective]

Glad it helped 😊

[@Jasminejupiterjuice]

Great convo. Triggering and opening!

[@QueerCollective]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@amirahrutues5889]

I recently came out as non-binary and demisexual. I started to question my sexuality when my friend pointed out that I describe having a relationship with men as if it was a job and was surprised that I was supposed to like him. honestly comphet has really slowed down my growth in romantic relationships and I am still learning my sexuality (bisexual).

[@asefreed]

Masculinity comes with a great deal of validation while femininity in my experience is treated as too submissive, too emotional, or inferior overall. The introduction of comp het is making me think of my own attraction to masculinity as a protective energy regardless of gender. (I’m attracted to masculinity in general) I feel that I may be experiencing Compulsory Androsexuality as an AMAB person for maybe similar reasons as a cis het female may experience comp het.

[@barnaliadhikary9421]

Yes... We are so much abiding by or programmed to see, understand and normalise things through male gaze that it takes a lot of time and energy, patience to unlearn those sh*ts and relearn the more appropriate unbiased stuffs... Keep self analysing ang growing

[@Reed5016]

Personally, I present super masculine for a few reasons. The first being gender dysphoria (I’m non-binary trans-masc), and the other being that it’s just the way I prefer to present. That being said, I hate the idea of adhering to strict gender roles in a relationship. In I prefer to have a more androgynous partner than to date a femme, and I like to have equal roles in how we do household chores. I think a lot of older butch/masc lesbians were born in a time where gender roles were strictly pushed on women, and they adopted the heteronormative gender roles as a way to protect themselves. To avoid being harassed, and to have their relationships taken more seriously by their heterosexual peers. In the newer generations (Millennials and Gen Z), we are a lot less likely to adhere to strict gender norms because we’re a lot more accepted regardless of how we dress or present. In fact, I’ve had a lot of people in my life act critical about my gender presentation, saying things like “you don’t need to dress like that to be gay. We get it.” Its great that we’re more accepted (for the most part), but I think we’ve overcorrected to the point of people being critical towards butch people. Obviously, butch people (women and non-binary) can engage in toxic masculinity, but I’m more-so referring to butch people who just prefer to dress extremely masculine, but are criticized for it. It’s as though people see a butch and automatically assume they are ashamed of their body and have toxic masculine traits. That we don’t dress in a feminine way because we “are ashamed to be feminine.” It’s a way to bring down other women and afab people, but using feminist language to do it.

[@jenskruse1475]

I really loved this potcast. Love people incouraging breacking the norm. After this potcast can describe my self as a malepresenting transwoman, what fuck, just keep exploring.

[@sashapierce4121]

As I reflect on my journey, it's clear that my approach to relationships has been rather unconventional. Unlike some people, I've never had a specific "type" that I sought out or pursued. Instead, it's often been the case that someone was interested in me first. Even if I didn't feel a strong physical or emotional attraction initially, I've always been hesitant to dismiss someone without giving them a fair chance. There was also the fear of being overlooked myself, so I've found myself investing in relationships with individuals who didn't meet the traditional criteria of attractiveness that society often holds. Surprisingly, many of these connections have evolved into long-term, bonds over time, leaving me wondering what it is that I truly wanted to begin with. I never actually chose the person I wanted to start.

[@whyherrodere3784]

I totally resonate with what u wrote. You’re not the only one boo🥺🙌🙌

[@QueenBee-xd1xk]

This episode should have been titled exploring LGBTQ+ identities. I should not have been titled anything about compulsory heterosexual because you barely discussed it

[@sweet-sally]

transmasc (butch) lesbian here! it would be lovely to touch up on this topic again but with the butchfemme community! butchfemme are lesbian only identities that go together with being trans. obviously, not every butch(or femme) is trans, but more butches resonate with the trans/non-binary label along with the butch identity/label. butchfemme culture has definitely has a back and forth history but is worth exploring and touching on for the lesbian experience :)

[@silviadiaz9110]

Butch Identity is not lesbian exclusive - bi butch women exist too! 😊

[@Phule77]

As a non-binary demisexual, this gets very weird because so much of the characterization is visual rather than functional, and it's very difficult to find community that affirms identity that isn't specifically binary.

[@janellego8102]

I love this topic!❤

[@Jill4200]

“Being lesbian doesn’t mean you have to be a woman” girl that’s literally the definition of being a lesbian, woman loving other women🤨

[@lidu6363]

That has not always been the definition. Originally, the term "lesbian" meant approximately what "sapphic" stands for today...

[@Jill4200]

@@lidu6363 yes it has been people nowadays are always trying to change the definition of words to fit their narrative it’s pathetic and cringy

[@wambo5743]

I think non-binary lesbians tend to identify that way because that’s the group that shares the most experiences with them and likely how the world perceives them. Sexuality labels are contingent on both the gender of the person and the person/people they’re attracted to. It gets more complicated when someone has a non traditional or even shifting gender expression. The language we use gets harder to pin down. “Lesbian” may not even feel entirely accurate to them, but it’s the closest to accurate given the limitations of the English language. If any non-binary lesbians are reading this comment, I’d love to hear your experience with labeling/figuring out how to identify.

[@hellmind1304]

Yes! So tired of this new bullshit

[@madhavi.tinsley]

@@lidu6363 Please share proof of that. I don't understand it at all.

[@ugh_lily]

this was fascinating and i want to preface my comment with the fact that i enjoy the discussion and im not hating but trying to engage back i think the reason why so many lesbians take issue with drastic change to the label, meaning being a “bi lesbian,” or just explicitly including men, is because being a Lesbian is a political identity. and i’m not trying to restart the “political lesbian” idea necessarily but more so that lesbianism is inherently against the patriarchy and attempts to create a space that is safe from men. so when you change the label that has so much history to it, to include men in any fashion, it feels very antithetical in my opinion. lesbianism is a rejection of patriarchy and gender norms and that’s why there are masc lesbians who in no way identify with manhood - although there can be some - it breaks down the tie of a gender binary (masculinity = man) and allows there to be more play. the part about masc lesbians being involved in comp het makes no sense to me tbh, they can fall into the pitfall but to say that just feels… off base i guess. i’m nonbinary but if i had to give my gender a name it would be lesbian

[@QueerCollective]

Very interesting thank you for your input! Question for you, if we can agree and assume that lesbian is a political identity and rejects patriarchy and the gender binary then can we not include trans people and non-binary people in this definition, which would be expanding from the original definition of female homosexuality?

[@ugh_lily]

yea of course, i’m trans and a lesbian

[@christahewitt2758]

I love this conversation, I’ve always been attracted to femme men. I’m bisexual so it kinda makes sense. I also like masc lesbians so.

[@disneytoysr4fun975]

I like feminine featured men with masculine bodies and dominant masculine personalities. Basically kpop idols😅

[@disneytoysr4fun975]

Tyra speaks so well!

[@QueerCollective]

@@disneytoysr4fun975 agreed! We’ll be having them on again soon, keep an eye out for future episodes

[@soilgrasswaterair]

I’m not following why it would be biphobic for people to say that a lesbian isn’t someone who say they are a lesbian and who sometimes get sexually intimate with men or explore their sexuality. Who says exploration is wrong? I have personally only heard people be uåset when someone declares themselves as a lesbian when they are still having sex with men and are exploring their sexuality, which I guess I can understand in a way considering that is not the specific definition of the aord lesbian. Sometimes I get the understanding of these topics and arguments/discussions that more people want to venture into making structural things into subjective matters and meaning, which clashes when they discuss it as if their subjective thoughts are part of the structural discussion and actual specific meaning of words with a heavy history. I study law at uni. and the specifics of words and their meaning are extremely important because that can be the difference between someone being let off the hook or being convicted. We wouldn’t have discrimination laws, if the same mindset would be carried out withing politics and venture further into the legal system. I love the conversation, but sometimes it’s coming too close to passive agression and bordering on gaslighting. On the other hand the freedom of discussing these matters in public is wonderful and carries the weight of the hard work that is part of history, the same history which specified the meaning of these words. Must it change- can’t the exploration take place even without the shift of the meaning of specific words? ❤ I have to add that transpeople is included in my text above, which means obviously that transwomen who identify as lesbians are of course lesbians! So no one misunderstand my message, and think I’m expressing something awful against specific people and their identity and sexuality. My focus was the use of words and their meaning.

[@toutmoncoeur]

I always had gfs. I was curious about men, i did some limited exploring. It wasn't terrible. It was underwhelming. Without being able to love that person or want to kiss them, What is the point of having intimacy?. I'd do it for child bearing purposes. I tried it for casual sex, but have regretted it each time, 😕 celibacy is easier. Men will be offering you sex, left & right. As someone who dates women, i feel we're more aware of being hot & bothered. So I keep being tempted. I know almost 0 women at the moment. (And after the 15th dude is begging to eat you out) You start having debates in your head. I also put a lot of emphasis in language. (Theres a podcast called lingthusiasm. If you're interested. ) Language is everything. I'm crossing my fingers for a linguistic revolution. Fact of the matter is. Men have sexual activity w other men & keep it on the downlow. They Would never think to call themselves gay. They just do it for the release. Studies suggest women are more prone to bisexuality. & intimacy between females releases more of the love hormones in their body.(oxytocin) I think the next big fight is to have equal marriage Worldwide & protections. After which, all of these terms and categories should die off. People will just date. "Homosexuality" as a concept was coined in the 1900s. Sappho was married to a man. Romans did whoever they felt like. It was just a good time. We have made categories bc in the modern world of love-marriages we are exclusive to the one we love. If we love women more intensely, then we should have an identity & a box for that. Um, with the years passing, My opinion has changed. The real fight is for Autonomy as Adults. If we are of consenting age, we aren't comiting criminal activities. What is any third partys business, saying anything about what adults chose to do or who they build their families with. Why is this public debate? It would take a whole cultural shift but hopefully. We'll all get to be adults & mind our business.

[@pb-rw8ot]

Loved the convo on race and poc cultural shame felt seen

[@QueerCollective]

Glad you felt seen 😊

[@pridan94]

The spicy straights are at it again.

[@iwillhissatyou]

thank you so much for sharing your experience, it help so many ❤️

[@QueerCollective]

Glad it was helpful!

[@cocomuffin4666]

loved this one so much

[@QueerCollective]

@@cocomuffin4666 so glad to hear it! Thank you for listening

[@jsim26787]

Hey! Very new to this pod, this is my first episode, but just a little constructive feedback. Obviously you need sponsors I'm never going to tell you not to get that bag, but as someone who used to struggle with alcoholism and is now sober, ads for alcohol and very triggering for me, unfortunately I still get them all the time 3 years after I haven't had a sip. In the future, I would appreciate a little warning. Other than that love the content! Honestly I NEEDED this video, so thank you !

[@QueerCollective]

We do mention it right at the beginning before we start the topic of discussion! Is this what you mean? We certainly don’t mean to trigger anyone

[@jsim26787]

@@QueerCollective I meant right before the ad segment, seeing it isn’t as much of a problem anymore, but when it’s getting recommended it’s just tough. It’s not that big of a deal though, don’t feel bad at all! It was a lovely episode that I thoroughly enjoyed ! I understand the sponsor might not want you to put a warning right before the ad though.

[@PalindromeLane]

saying someone was socialized as a man/woman can be misleading for many of us who knew we were trans young but didnt have the words or terms yet we werent socialized as our assigned gender at birth rather a hybrid of knowing you are playing a role and being told both explicitly and implicitly that you are doing it poorly for years getting bullied, feeling uncomfortable around your same sex peers. not understanding where they naturally learned to do all the things that you couldnt pick up with careful observation. not feeling shame that you weren't man/woman enough but rather feeling shame in the comfort you found knowing you were doing it wrong

[@egg_bun_]

This is so good🙏. Thank you, now I finally eat 🥰

[@QueerCollective]

Hope you enjoyed 🥰

[@maddie_rose]

I experienced comp-het prior to coming out as a trans woman and then afterwards I fell into it again but towards men. I’m pansexual I suppose because I’m attracted to people regardless of their gender or rather, a persons gender doesn’t factor in anymore when it comes to whether or not I’m attracted to someone. But that’s conflicting too because I don’t even know what a person’s gender is unless they tell me and prior to that, I may already be attracted to them or not. I really just feel queer. Gender is weird too because although I identify as a trans woman…I mean a lot of that was also just me finally letting myself be who I’ve always felt I was and was deprived of my identity until around 35. Now that I’ve embraced my womanhood though, I often feel more like a cis woman who’s actually maybe sort of nonbinary but I’m not cis, and I’ve been going in the other direction and reclaiming healthy masculinity and healing my relationship with it. So really I just sort of feel queer when it comes to my gender and queer when it comes to my sexuality. But also, that feels wrong too because that’s only because of the context around my journey. Had I just been allowed to be myself without labels or expectations and were living in a world where none of this existed then I’d just be me. A person. But what even in a person. I just am. I am. I love. What weird road it was to finally get here where I can just love freely and honestly. 🫶🏻

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for sharing those beautiful words. We are all just people who love people at the end of the day 💕

[@khelisiesalvatore8173]

Ok i'm a demi-sapio-Bisexual cis Female and I'm just curious what is this term "compet" ? Maybe it's because I'm a bit older, or i've been out of the scene or out of relationships in general but i have never heard this term. Help a girlie out, please.

[@EnigmaFox-qr2fw]

Comp het didn't force me to be straight... As I thought... Comp. Het forced me to think I have a body necessarily heterosexual merely because of how my body makeup is.. so comp het can be interpreted to force heterosexuality DIRECTLY.. WHERE I see comp. Heterosexuality is an indirect effect of the body because it is necessarily heterosexual. The body becomes heterosexual, because it has the desired sex characteristics to reproduce... Comp het forced me to think I am teleologically endosex... It is being endosex that is compulsory to be straight and cis.

[@etiennesportfolio]

Just found out the lesbian masterdoc is being "censured" by youtube (at least in mine) just in case you find it difficult to find

[@QueerCollective]

Oh no I wonder why! Maybe bc of tumblr?

[@etiennesportfolio]

@@QueerCollective could be 🤔 youtube is weird tho so I wouldn't say it's 100% that reason * Great videos btw, I'm binge watching right now xD *

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you so much! 💕💕

[@lannguyen-pu1db]

Why such an emphasis on labels? They seem to own thousands of them. Every label is rigid and serious. Big contrast with their hippies grandparents who just believed in being "free", changing partners and everything else without a thought.

[@Tonitoni0273]

The link to Tyra’s instagram is wrong. It takes us to someone different

[@Muhluri]

Only today did I learn that lesbian women have "top" & "bottom" positions. Its not something I ever considered 😂

[@QueerCollective]

Learn something new every day 😅

[@GrantsGiftShop]

this just confirmed my aroace.

[@QueerCollective]

Happy it could help 💕

[@skepticalbookwyrm4236]

Lesbianism isn’t just a sexuality. It can also be a gender thing. Older queer theory played with this concept. And it’s really made lesbian feel more like home for me. Queer sexuality and queer gender. Any lesbian exclusionary talk, feels like some second wave white feminism which includes trans exclusionary and biphobic stuff. I understand wanting a safe space, but to assume “women” are safe and “men” are dangerous. This not only makes it’s easier for bigots to exclude people who they feel don’t fit the role. Meanwhile it can protect harmful people who fit “woman”. Gender roles are also intrinsically tied to race and whitness. So bipoc women and trans women are the first on this chopping block.

[@MLapointe]

I think Tyra's IG link goes to the wrong account, btw!

[@QueerCollective]

@@MLapointe thank you! Fixed it 💗

[@AetheriusComics]

I think there are two kinds of women: 1) Hetero women 2) Non Hetero women. Hetero women enthusiastically desire men. Non Hetero women have to question just how much or how little men turn them on, or realize they have no attraction to men. And they tend to have a natural disgust for men. I don't think there are any hetero women who experience comp het. I think that if a woman is questioning if they are experiencing it, while being infatuated with other women on some level, they are non hetero, and always have been. There's a lot of women who identify as hetero, but are actually non hetero in behavior. There's also some women who identify as only being into women, but are actually on some level into men in behavior. Just saying some people politically decide to identify as a specific sexuality, kind of like how a lot of mixed raced people politically identify as just one race when they are actually both.

[@Aelffwynn]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the meaning of comp het, but in my mind there are plenty of hetero women who experience it. Because many hetero women can't/don't find men who are good partners, but feel compelled to settle down with bad partners due to societal pressure. Please correct me if I'm missing something, though!

[@AetheriusComics]

@@Aelffwynn I don't think that's comp het because everyone of all sexualities, and both sexes, at some point experiences some form of feeling compelled to settle down with bad partners due to macro or micro societal pressure. It's just more popular to talk about when it happens to hetero women.

[@indomitusjane]

​@@Aelffwynn ​ I believe the confusion lies in the difference the social pressure to adhere to "traditional" gender norms/roles - settle down, get married, have kids, white picket fence etc. So, anything outside of tradition is looked down on in a patriarchal society. The old ways are highly beneficial to men & pretty depressing for women. More and more, women prefer to be single, poly, monogamy without marriage. - greater peace & happiness ✨️ Whereas, compulsory heterosexuality is the societal pressure to adhere to heterosexual behaviors because it's "normal" 🙄

[@AetheriusComics]

@@indomitusjane When you say that the old ways are highly beneficial to men & pretty depressing for women, do you mean that there are no women who genuinely feel and highly benefit from from a patriarchal society and traditionalism? I ask because I thought that not all women think and feel the same. For instance, that what works for a non hetero woman who's only attracted to women, and naturally leans towards non monogamy, doesn't work for a hetero woman, or a bi woman, who's naturally more monogamous.

[@Aelffwynn]

@AetheriusComics 1. A woman who greatly fears change will cling to patriarchy because she is used to it. 2. A woman who is good at gaming systems, working under the radar, and being manipulative may benefit greatly from a patriarchal system, because she can use trickery. However, this can backfire. 3. A woman may be lucky enough to marry a nice man and have a good life, and she may not wish for that life to change. 4. A girl who is born rich and treated well by her parents may be very happy all her life, as long as any ambitions she possesses are in line with her gender. Of course there are ways for women to be comfortable within patriarchal society. (For more examples, look up "patriarchal bargain.) Some might even be happy, if their circumstances and assigned roles match their desires. The problem is the inherent lack of choice. In much of the world, we are slowly expanding choices for women, which is great. However, culture and law are slow to change, and women are still subtly (and not subtly) punished for making gender-non-conforming choices, even if they appear to have all the freedom in the world.

[@emmaandearl]

The gender sexuality journal link doesn’t work. Appreciate the conversation!

[@horizon5677]

Lol I thought this was a pick a card tarot reading XD

[@AutumnLeaves_011]

20:46 you might be Genderfluid, not trying to force the label on you though but that’s a thought

[@BASANT_FIFTY]

I love the podcost but one question do y'all just hate straight people?

[@QueerCollective]

Hahaha no not at all. Just a bit of funny banter

[@Kris-gx1xt]

oooooooppp 👀

[@gracie_5]

Just go to a sea and beach and look at young man. When you feel nothing, you cant be into men..

[@drivesanoldcar]

A man is a person who provides protects and entertain himself a partner, and their children or not their children. A woman is a person who provides protect and entertain herself. Neither is better than the other and they don’t need to be male or female or trans.

[@Coindoll94]

Who gives a fuvk about labels. Stop limiting yourself and do whatever the fuxk you like. Yall get on my nerves

[@audreydoyle5268]

Some people like to know how to communicate their identity. Labels are not limiting. And even one of the women here said she identified as lesbian and came out to herself as bi. Clearly, the only limitation is you thinking identity cannot change. When it can.

[@PinkPulpito]

Like when I go on a date with a man and I say I’m asexual but they keep trying to do something with me while saying “I don’t believe in labels” 😅 Umm. . .

[@AutumnLeaves_011]

If some people like labels, then it’s ok for them to use them. If you personally don’t like labels, then that’s also ok, don’t use them. But just know that not everyone feels extremely restricted in these labels and might actually feel comforted by having a label to understand their sexuality and finding community within that label.

[@NebulaSon]

You're weird

[@disneytoysr4fun975]

@@NebulaSonarent we all?

[@Ibeenflew]

You don't think it's something to note that the further you got into these ideologies and schools of thought the more confused you became? Start with Jesus. He is not the author of confusion.

[@QueerCollective]

Religion is an ideology too

[@Ibeenflew]

@@QueerCollective I said nothing about religion sweetheart❤️ I hope you can receive this message. Using man's definitions and labels for who you are will always leave you confused. Figure out WHOSE you are.

[@KC-sd7nh]

There are 45,000 denominations of Christianity worldwide and many of them have major disagreements on what makes one saved and which other denomonations are heretical and send you to hell. The bible is probably the most confusing and contradictory collection of stories in the entire world.

[@aesanonymous8936]

@@Ibeenflew You literally said start with Jesus....

[@Ibeenflew]

@@aesanonymous8936 I'm aware of what I said.

[@JenayNay1010]

Loved this conversation it validated all the issues I’ve been having with dating 🥲

[@QueerCollective]

Glad it was helpful! 💕