Are You Stuck Playing These 3 Roles in Love?

[@sanc_livia]

"Problems are never as bad as they might be once we get them into consciousness and circulate them into discussion"

[@Alaeddin.Suleiman]

Indeed.

[@bosconjoroge8985]

Mmh!🤔 That's true,,

[@marsjokes]

It would seem, unfortunately, that some people don't like "talking".

[@blackhagalaz]

As someone who has strongly been parentified as a child it's very difficult for me to break out of my parental role. I always take care of others first, in my partnership, my social circle and my job. The last year has been so hard responsibility wise that it highly worsened my depression, OCD and anxiety. And whenever I just break down at home into a child-like role for a certain amount of time, I feel like I am a burden to those around me. I am generally very open with my mental illness, but because I am I think that whenever I do vent to friends and family they grow sick of my struggle. I feel like everybody just wants me to be a parent all the time. Only when I am at home for several days/weeks have time to myself and can do things for myself I feel like a balanced adult. But my life hardly gives me time for that. It's 3 Am and I can't sleep, because I am anxious that I need to go back to work tomorrow after a few days of sick - leave where I finally had some time to myself. I am just so exhausted and afraid every Monday that I need to stand up and hold it all together for everyone, so everyone is happy with me. It sucks

[@priyas.8141]

This is so relatable, I can feel your pain here. It is so unjustified and unfair when people unanimously decide to let one person take all the responsibility, pressure and work on their shoulders. However, I can assure you that the mere fact that both of us are here on this video, curious to understand that something is off and that carrying an armour of maturity and responsibility isn't healthy, speaks volumes about our maturity and the urge to become better human beings for ourselves. I hope things work out for you!

[@abdullahnofal]

I’ve been feeling this way for a long time. Thank you for putting this feelings into words. Hope we all overcome this and reach mental maturity and find people who welcome it

[@ozbornn3]

I know fr, sometimes I just want to be a big baby and cry while someone holds me and then I'll be fine😅

[@blackhagalaz]

@@priyas.8141 Yeah I suppose it does. I am now on sick leave for the third week and just got 3 more. One day at work I just had a breakdown and couldn't stop crying. And although it's a clear sign my body needs a break, I am still feeling worried and guilty about work. Still being a mature adult when I absolutely can't anymore. Now I hope that I don't get fired over this. I hopefully have a stay in a mental health clinic lined up in a while, but the waiting time is several months right now. So... Basically I try to stay stable enough to not go mad and do something to myself.... And because I try to keep it together for the time being my physician just told me "Yeah we all could need some time off work" and"You are still so young and it's always better for people with depression to work" Yada Yada... She almost didn't alow me to stay home another few weeks. I so I am aparently not "sick enough" to be send to the loony bin, and not healthy enough to be a proper adult. Bad thing is today was the first good day in weeks, where I finally stared to accept my condition. And now this... And I wish I could just start acting crazy and insane so finally someone would take me seriously and help me. But my brain is hard wired to be the "good girl". Compliant and silently keeping it together.

[@tayzonday]

I always fall into the fourth role- extraterrestrial. 👽

[@kreddish8375]

Every intense alien movie is essentially a romantic plotline

[@samuelsmylie8330]

Cocoa downpour

[@jpelfrey325]

Chocolate rain ☔

[@janreed99]

Go you!

[@michaelliu2961]

What a strange place to see you. Thank you for that one Cameo you did for me oh so long ago.

[@BrooksJo]

Had to be an adult really soon in life, severe and never letting myself relax, scared of disapointing my father no matter what I did, until I understood that I wasn't the problem, I act a bit like a child sometimes now cause I couldn't before, but most of the time it feels so good to be myself and i wish that to everyone struggling💓

[@shna2529]

Started to believe that the child side of my personnality was not normal cause my partner always says that i act like a victim when i just try to express what i feel or when i just speak what i have to say. Also when i am in good mood, laughing, he tries to stop me. I ended up not laughing anymore in front of him, i became a different person than who i was before. He always judged me and looked at me noticing my flaws instead of looking at me with love. -might delete later

[@whitneymoten6324]

Thanks for sharing your not the only one whose experienced this

[@klpnaGupta]

If for whatever reason you can't leave your partner, at least tell them they are arrogant if they want to change you. no human is better or worse than another

[@hallojutuhb9071]

Your partner is a sadistic narcissist and you should abandon him as fast as possible.

[@carlosmejias433]

You deserve a better partner

[@tracesprite6078]

He sounds way too severe.

[@TheSerendipia]

This makes so much sense, I've felt this dynamic but didn't know it was a thing!

[@emmierow1980]

As a TA psychotherapist and a HUGE fan of School of Life, I’m so happy to see this video 🤟🏻 brilliantly conveyed. I will share this with my clients, where appropriate. Thank you!

[@navegandomivandestadt34]

All in 5 mins easy peace!

[@intron9]

Some videos just suck tho

[@afstar101]

@@intron9 Yeah some videos are confusing.. feels like like the message is hidden in the video and we need to find out what the narrator is trying to tell.

[@navegandomivandestadt34]

Oh dear, sorry for your clients

[@thefunkyJ]

@@intron9 They can't all be winners. Many are brilliant though

[@missrobinhoodie]

When one partner is suffering from sickness the child mode can be extended as well. It’s definitely a challenge for a couple!

[@GloryDaze73]

Yeah, it's true. My partner and I were together 18years, but the last 3 were very difficult because I was unwell. I tried my best to fulfill financial and home duties, but emotionally the balance was unequal... I ended the relationship because I knew I would be sick for a long time and she felt trapped.

[@astroboirap]

@@GloryDaze73 what happened to sickness and in health??

[@missrobinhoodie]

@@GloryDaze73 i‘m so sorry to hear that!

[@dmurphydrtc]

​@@GloryDaze73 😅

[@GloryDaze73]

@@missrobinhoodie Thank you! 🤗 I'm learning how to manage on my own, with some help from friends.

[@cimmik]

This helps me understand why not only my partner but also my closest friends left me after my dad died and I only had my abusive mum left. I was in such a desperation situation that I was a child all the time. I knew that things would get better with time and if I just got the support I needed, I would eventually be able to take the other roles, but me saying that wasn't enough to make my partner and friends stay

[@abelovedflame]

I can relate. For me, it came out as neediness. I'm starting to come out of that desperation. It feels good, like a new life. Whew.

[@cimmik]

@@abelovedflame I'm happy to hear you are getting better too. I have completely cut contact to my mum, which was the best thing ever, I'm building new friendships, and I recently got a very sweet partner. Our relationship feels the most equal I've been in ever, where we both can take all the three roles in what feels like a healthy way

[@sharersale6480]

Wow, so profound. Despite being the baby in the family, it's the one role I struggle with in love. And I think I remember instances in my childhood when I was shamed because I was being an actual child.

[@hurobin6524]

Ah yes I got stuck in the child mode and struggle with the other two but I'm working on it ❤ thank you for the insight 😊

[@jonnnnniej]

Working on it you're already tapping into the adult mode! Proud of you for wanting to grow ❤

[@ericwarnock12]

There's an excellent book that, as far as I know, is the primer for Transactional Analysis and it's called I'm Okay-You're Okay by Thomas Harris M.D. It's easy to read and detailed on how we can recognize the Parent Adult and Child in us. In our thoughts. Once we can recognize the PAC in ourselves and what corrective measures to take, we can then see them in other people.d We ask ourselves, "Who's Coming On?" Also, it's my understanding that the parent and the child in ta in the subconscious, there's no present moment thinking. Hurt child who goes out and does heinous things to other human beings such as school shootings. There's no empathy involved. I'm pretty sure that empathy arises from the adult.

[@lexiqian]

I am very glad to see this video. Originally, I thought I could only play one role in a relationship, so it was more like being a child. But when I realize that roles can be switched, it's more like I can switch between these three roles at will, which makes me more confident about my relationship.

[@christophertellez8536]

So glad to hear Alain's voice! The message was so powerful too. Such a "The School of Life" video!

[@reemhosam6061]

I LOVE how the graphics just basically explain the words. I've never enjoyed a video more!

[@ThisIsMyFullName]

This is a very good way at viewing relationship needs. Really insightful!

[@KyleDrive]

Yo I’m so happy you guys are back into it make videos, you help a lot of people

[@carolinaaa99]

This video just helped me understand the perspective of people who like to do age play, where one pretends to be a baby and the other, the parent... It always seemed bizarre to me and I never thought I'd understand the appeal, but having the freedom to go from adult to baby mode and feel heard and understood brings in some much safety in a relationship... No wonder people are drawn to exploring this as a fetish

[@nqobanimzizi6571]

Profound and thought provoking.

[@natasalways]

I love having more videos with Alain de Botton! I will be keeping up with the channel more now :)

[@katherinekama8753]

Really insightful.

[@nokronis]

The Child Part feels like an attack on people with ADHD.

[@Kittyququmber]

Would be interesting to explore when the child starts to grow up but gets stuck in a spoilt rebellious teenager group. And decides there is lots of control, care, and power in this stage.

[@AlbertBalbastreMorte]

yup. Teenagers seem an altogether alternative to adult and child.

[@nusratzaman3900]

can we take a moment to appreciate the animation? Superb!

[@70rodal]

"I'm O.K." "You're O.K."

[@SearchOfSelf]

The video was such a stimulating thought-provoker; it made me reflect on my own relationships and how I tackle them. Recognizing that I often get stuck in the same cycles, I understand that I need to make an active decision to move away from them. It's not easy though, it can be like I'm making some progress but then take a few steps back. Nonetheless, I'm determined to keep self-investigating and sharing my thoughts in an open and truthful manner; that is the key to advancing out of my discouraging rut 🙏

[@nikosschoolofMentalHealth]

I love this, it is sooo educative. It has really change my way of thinking. Am so encouraged.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Wow this is an amazing and simple deconstruction ! Thank you!

[@JoshMarshain]

Wild that some relationship don't have the dynamism to contextually shift between the 3 roles, seems so essential

[@timothyknoll4417]

This was exactly what I needed to hear. Always nailing it, school of life

[@brianwilson7497]

this is such a beautiful, valuable and helpful channel. thank you for all the videos and lessons.

[@pedroclaro7822]

I long stopped liking school of life videos, but this one is golden

[@Ed-vi8lj]

Good video. I like the point in child mode we should not have to dear being attacked ie belittled

[@saptarshiroy449]

Subscribing to the channel is one of the best things I've ever done in my life

[@anonymouskat6661]

I get very stuck in baby. Sometimes I'm adult ( thats when I'm happiest ) but baby seems to be my baseline. I was neglected as a smoll one but my parents are babies too so they abused and order my older sister around. I never wanted to be abused like my sister so I stayed baby so my parents never tried to rely on me. Even though they ended up relying on me emotionally anyways.

[@jb689]

This is extremely well explained. Thank you!

[@setco6536]

Thank you for making these videos

[@grinsekatze7930]

I find it so hard to come out of the "parent" mode, because as a child and teenager I had to be the parent to my younger siblings and even single parent. So it never feels okay or safe to actually be the child. I feel like I'm bottling up a lot of emotions, but I'm working on it.

[@Jimba93]

Thanks for all this useful knowledge you keep pouring on me.

[@Grateful4life4time]

Oh very much appreciate this info!!❤

[@andreahoyosl]

Gracias por un contenido tan espectacular siempre! Son de muchísima ayuda! Aprendo tanto con Uds🎉

[@angelostevengeronimourruti340]

Thanks

[@narcisoanasui246]

Very concise and memorable video.

[@nickosman9739]

This is a lot harder than it sounds. It needs someone who has the ability to reflect very well and indeed be extremely patient with the other’s need. Also most shut the door on adaption, although they consciously can’t figure out as to why, or what they want. So revert back to swiping left and right in the consumed online dating world, because a- sex, flirting and figuring out another person becomes more of a commodity and sexy and b- confidence can revert from comfort. Depending on the personality traits of others, you will indeed attract the opposite, in some cases due to you’re childhood. It’s not all doom and gloom though. You just have to figure out why you are attracted to the wrong person, if so listen to School of Life well, reflect and enjoy you’re life, or just keep swiping, the choice is yours. 😂

[@ThoughtThrive]

I really love this message

[@REV1517]

My child side died when I was 18. I bounce between the other two. I am now trying to become a mentor to my oldest child and stay a parent for the youngest.

[@DIVEnSOME]

This is amazing

[@yougotgroove]

This makes sense!!! Thank you!

[@nizasiamehenry]

This is insightful, thank you #Tsol.

[@paulsolon6229]

Helpful

[@nick27march]

At first I was stuck in love life... now People are struck by me... Role reversal 🤷

[@univeiged]

Yap I am

[@afsarshaikh9654]

You guys are the best...

[@thedimsumstories]

My partner plays the child role, while I play the parent role. While I'm okay to parent my partner, but somedays, I feel it's just too much. I become so busy taking care of the child, that my needs are not being met. I sometimes wish we could reverse the roles. Instead of me taking care of him, it would be nice to have him taking care of me. But I honestly think that's not even possible. He can't take care of himself, let alone can he takes care of me. Hence i think the best way for this situation is to just take care of yourself first. And once your needs are met and you energy recharged, then, can shift your attention and focus to the "child"

[@nias3202]

Very helpful! Thank you.

[@mtmtmtmt]

THANKS.

[@krishnayedage4209]

thank you

[@aadityaraullobo9189]

Great video

[@jessiewink]

I really liked this video, I always thought that I was wrong for being all kinds, glad I broke up with my "parent" ex 😁😩

[@sanctuary6689]

I didn’t get to be a child when I was a child. And now in all my adult relationships I am stuck as a parent. I don’t even have children. Just partners who refuse to grow up, even though they’re always older than me.

[@anthonymercuri8885]

I feel like "woman = child, man = parent" is enshrined in our culture. The man has to make the money, has to capitulate in arguments even when the woman is wrong (or face punishment), always be the strong one to be leaned on and provide security, always has to be "the better person". And if they ever can't or won't do this, they are thrown away without a second thought as they have betrayed that expected role and are "not a proper man".

[@Dog-Lover36]

That verb hector means to talk to someone in a bullying way.

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤ excellent

[@hanguyenthu9691]

My partner keeps looking at me like a child, even when I demand to be treated like adult. I might be incompetent at first, but I cannot grow if he keeps taking the right to be wrong from me. Other times he is such a child and demands being taken care of, even when I stated clearly that I am currently having mental problems and it’s hard to keep being parent. I just wish we can be adults more, both his parent and child sides are very endearing but there’s a limit to everything

[@cheechee2246]

profound!!

[@Yrie27]

I've too often been the parent in a relationship. It's exhausting.

[@shri_radhekripa]

Allan 🔥

[@kidcaptainwembri]

I find I'm always parent mode with my siblings, since I'm their primary carer, and it's pretty exhausting. On the few times I can hang out with my friends my personality immediately changes - I can be child and have them look out for me and 'baby' me about; have you been eating well enough? Have you been looking after yourself? What's been stressing you out? You work too hard, let me treat you! It's such a welcome break, idk what I would do without their support TT

[@awarness1]

Transactional Analysis (TA) basics.

[@bemore2886]

Don't curl up into a ball when feeling sad 😅 curl up into a ball when sleepy. Think different when sad

[@afreen5058]

These 3 are the same attitude stages they taught in my driving class 😭

[@cindyhickman2153]

Theremin trees games series has some killer videos on transactional analysis if your interested

[@JSFGuy]

Let's shake it up.

[@epic_gamer_f6898]

What are u talking about??

[@shannonh2541]

Thank you!

[@artemis7093]

How do you make the animation? I'm in love 😍 please share...

[@risaverc1217]

Is youtube spying on me LMAO, I was just thinking about this yesterday

[@user-mi4yc7pr3x]

I'm really afraid I'm gonna lose my gf (togheter for many many years). To a point I now have panic attacks and anxiety

[@erinbaker6537]

I had one parent who treated me both ways described so I don’t feel like I get stuck but it’s hard for me to know when to switch, or maybe it’s hard for me to stay in the middle in the adult and I go from extremes.

[@sunbeam9222]

Sounds like the fearful avoidant attachment style

[@tamikash]

I feel like a lot of men want to remain in the role of child while their women are the parents. Maybe it's how we are socialized.

[@chriskoudelka24]

I think that says a lot about how men are raised/socialized, how they/we are expected to be vulnerable. In short, trauma.

[@LinhLolly]

Lol im currently the child and my bf's the daddy 😅😂. Tho we're the same age.

[@PaigeSquared]

"now sugar free!" 😂😂

[@PaigeSquared]

"trust that we can be met with kindness and sympathy" How do we do that when the people around us actually won't? I have been asking for help for three years.

[@nadasaad9190]

I demand that all videos be translated into Arabic. We are your fans, but it is difficult for us to understand the information easily. Please fulfill this request.

[@OLDPEDOJOE]

*I'm baby.*

[@howeid]

Both my parents (separated) are two giant children. Children don't make good parents..

[@Lennymoss]

“I’m baby” correction: we’re baby.

[@randomgirlxoxoxo]

I'm stuck in child mode help

[@Lvl22Cowboy]

So what I learned is... I'm baby.

[@robertmaxa6631]

I'm pretty sure "parent mode", doesn't exist for me.

[@lotfibouhedjeur]

I'm tired of parenting everyone around me.

[@sudarshanravi1565]

There can be no love between two "adults"...at best Only friendship , at worst merely business partner. Only the " child" can love the "parent" and vice versa. Only the feminine can love the masculine, the yin can love the yang, the Shakti loves the Shiva. Love requires one to be desperate and/or in pain , moving about frantically, desire for attention, be helpless , attached , jealous and the other to be strong, stoic, detached and protective. Otherwise simply, it is not love but friendship - a pact between adults-between equals- to tide over the desire for company ,together , and to help each other in rough times. It is a social arrangement and not an emotional one, becoz at the slightest disagreement or when "things don't work out anymore mutually beneficial", or when circumstances ( spatial or temporal or personality) change, it is easily bid goodbye.

[@Yusa_Beach]

Seems about right

[@shanw.2948]

❤

[@natalieraulo9773]

🎎 ...🙏♥️

[@liltoaster4397]

Bruh is this an Eva reference the magi???

[@chandralukito7489]

Role to be fake rooted since upbringing, gotta destroy it

[@TheMpsmith]

And we have an entire generation of supposed adults that only know child mode and express it with petulance and immaturity in all they do. Sad thing is we also have the parents of these children that encourage it. We are doomed because of immaturity

[@0xymor3]

You seems stuck in a depressed adult mode Michael.

[@janreed99]

The Adult wasn't explained much.

[@ricksmith8849]

can somebody recommend some non fictional book exploring on this topic ???

[@DM_Laf]

Sigmund Freud

[@Jaykmrch]

Bro I havent had a gf in 8 years, stop with the advanced courses, launch some beginner ones.

[@augurelite]

be baby