Why We Need Boundaries

We all have those people in our lives whom we love, but just ask too much of us. Establishing boundaries in relationships can be hard, but it is necessary. Even Jesus did it when he spent time with just his disciples, or just his apostles; or just Peter, James, and John; or even just his father in heaven.
Fr. Mike explains not just the importance of establishing boundaries, but how we could do so without coming across as glib or too honest.
He talks about how establishing boundaries will help us more effectively live the Christian life, and even help the one to whom those boundaries apply.
Check out Fr. Mike’s newest project Quick Catholic Lessons with Fr. Mike (bit.ly/2PmpYzw), a feature-packed teacher’s guide designed to accompany Fr. Mike’s most popular videos, presented on a convenient DVD. Teachers, catechists, and youth ministers can supplement USCCB curriculum, prompt small-group discussion, and answer students’ questions easily and powerfully with this teacher’s guide and DVD.
Fr. Mike is also a presenter in these faith formation programs from Ascension:
Belonging: Baptism in the Family of God (bit.ly/2vQgGRx)
Chosen: This is Your Catholic Faith (bit.ly/2nCKKLK)
Altaration: The Mystery of the Mass Revealed (bit.ly/2vG9KX2)
YOU: Life, Love, and the Theology of the Body (bit.ly/2raspVB)
Get 18 of Fr. Mike’s best Ascension Presents videos in this exclusive DVD from Ascension:
Ascension Presents … Fr. Mike Schmitz (bit.ly/2sKUnJN)
Fr. Mike spoke at the Ascension Cafe during the World Meeting of Families. Watch him and other speakers get fired up over the gospel in the Ascension Cafe DVD (bit.ly/2sYtQaW).
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[@GG-gn9ei]

My parents are toxic. I had an abusive childhood. I struggle with setting boundaries. Please pray for me.

[@cynthiar6974]

🕯️🙏 communication is key...I was in the same boat as you until recently. I used to do things very very much on my own. But recently I started explaining, I have [ __ ] deadline to accomplish this goal. At [___] time I'll be home bc i will be working on this at [___] (location) but don't hesitate to call me if you have an *Emergency*

[@chembiz]

I've been there. I suggest reading the book "Toxic Parents" and seeking counseling to get help.

[@virginiapierlot4168]

Will do

[@gloria.R.7286]

Same. I know all about parents stepping over boundaries. I will be praying for you.❤

[@catherine6348]

I have set many boundaries myself and they don't matter. I understand your pain. Do what you need to do and remember that there is nothing wrong with you asking for qnd seeking the things that help you function healthily and happily...

[@heyjess7232]

I'm a recovering people pleaser and SO grateful you are talking about this!

[@marymacdonald1651]

Just curious. How do you recover from people pleasing.

[@heyjess7232]

@@marymacdonald1651 Years and YEARS of practicing boundaries, saying no, and re-learning the way to think and react to situations. I've been actively working on it for 10 years at this point, and for sure will be a lifelong process. Just one I get better and better at!

[@heyjess7232]

@@marymacdonald1651 therapy has helped, and my husband has helped.

[@maxinemcclurd1288]

Being a people pleaser made me a good nurse but outside of nursing it has caused me a lot of emotional scars.Seems like the joy sucking users can see me coming a mile away.I am overcoming and learning to say no with the help of a lot of prayer.

[@teenajoe22]

I have only started my journey and its hard. I'm finding it so hard to trust my judgement whether mine are good/harsh or if it's to the right people I'm setting boundaries or if I'm just sensitive to getting drained.

[@BM-nk1pe]

I feel like Father is addressing empaths directly here and I’m really appreciative to him for that

[@jimmieoakland3843]

Funny, I was recently thinking about finding a priest and asking him about this very topic. There are some people that I am slowly distancing from my life, because they are such downers. Now, i would never abandon a friend who was going through a rough patch, but these are the kind of people who are chronically unhappy, even though they are in relatively happy circumstances. They bring me down, and there is nothing I can do for them. With or without me, they are determined to be unhappy, so it might was well be without. Thanks for clarifying my duties in these situations.

[@nariko47]

I need healthier boundaries against MYSELF. I'm way too nice... I say yes to people when I really should be saying no. It's okay to say yes sometimes, but I realize I cause my own unnecessary stress sometimes.

[@nemianyamele2265]

Savina Zúñiga this is a bit too relatable

[@gill426]

This has to do with inner belief systems. Like you have to give more than you feel comfortable with in order to be a good person/ in order to be liked. It's great when you find out this is not actually God's truth. ;)

[@nariko47]

And you know it's not that I want to be pleasing or to be liked... it actually happens naturally without thinking twice. Just wished I stopped myself a bit more. There's nothing I love more than to help others and be of service... but I need to learn how to put myself first sometimes, and not last all the time. 😔

[@gill426]

@@nariko47 That was not an attack, I'm sorry if it came across that way. It's just my experience of ingrained behavioural patterns. Especially if you say you don't think twice.

[@nariko47]

@@gill426 No, not at all - I hear you 100% I agree.

[@arumiranda]

Thank you, Fr. Mike. I feel the love of God through this video. I have a toxic relationship with a loved one so I was contemplating on establishing boundaries. Last night before sleeping, I have this question in my head 'how can I establish healthy, Christian boundaries with that person?'. And boom! First time I opened youtube today, your latest video shows up. This is God's answered prayer for me. Thanks, Fr. Mike, for letting yourself be an instrument of God's grace. God bless you.

[@celinamilian]

Holy Spirit is at work!

[@xHannaHx33]

Remember he said if it’s TOXIC (like really bad) just cut it off 💙✝️💙 hope u r doing better this year

[@zoebrow8221]

Setting boundaries is way of having self-care. We cannot help with an empty depleted cup. Thank you Father Mike. This is a good video. Take care of yourself! The church needs priests to set an example of healthy boundaries. Taking time off is a boundary. If you need time to rest its okay to do so.God Bless you Father Mike may the Lord fill your cup to overflowing. .

[@LacrimarvmValle]

Reminds me of the movie "Good Will Hunting", that boundaries establishment of "I'm here to help you as your counselor, but not necessarily as your friend" and how by the end of the movie he was almost like this father figure to him. I had to analyze that movie for my psychology class and it's a masterpiece

[@roniquebreauxjordan1302]

..made a comment last evening regarding regarding resource I came across a few years ago,...it keeps you focused and helps during those times when that's necessary...

[@Forbiddenangel989]

That's a good film

[@s58786]

This is so good for romantic relationships too

[@12mountain]

Admittedly I often chafe at the concept of boundaries, I think because the way that I often see them used in our modern culture/society is as an excuse for selfishness. But I think you articulated the concept very well, Fr. Mike, and showed how Jesus still had boundaries on his time when he was physically walking the earth. Thank you for your eloquence.

[@jenniferrinaldi8808]

This is timely as always Father. I have had this trouble a lot of my life whether its friends or romantic relationships. I see a Catholic therapist and she yells at me about this all the time. I recently had to cut off ties with a long time friend. She has severe mental issues, her fiance has a criminal record that included sexual assault, as well as substance abuse issues. She would pop up and want to talk. I"d sit and listen for hours while she would spill her guts and then disappear. She knew the situation was wrong. I could call her and then I wouldn't hear for a week, sometimes a month. Everyone has always come to me as the "therapist." I love helping and being of service but it can drain me so much that I end up neglecting myself. I have so much stress in my life already with my own medical issues and taking care of my grandmother with dementia that I can't carry her things too.

[@poetlover30]

Totally understand & have the same problem with my parents

[@michaelknapp8074]

Travel with me to Revelation 2 and 3. Jesus gave a revelation to John about 7 churches. There were more than 7 churches that existed at this time, but he specifically gave a revelation to these churches. In this letter he gives them a compliment for what they are doing right, criticisms for what they are doing wrong, and suggestions for how to improve. Basically like a report card for the church. What's mind blowing, is that these letters are prophetic. The exact same struggles each of these churches had are the exact same struggles the church has had since Jesus resurrection until his second coming. The church of Ephesus represents the first church. The church from 30ad to around 70 ad. They had folks who tried to introduce false doctrine, but they didn't tolerate it. They were on fire for God, but they were losing sight of their first love. The second church was Smyrna. Smyrna is where we get the word MYRRH. The word MYRRH means suffering or death. This church was persecuted heavily under the 10 Roman Empires from 70ad to 300 ad. The next church was Pergamus. This is a compound word meaning PER- Mixed or objectionable and GAMUS meaning Marriage. It's where we get the words polyGAMY and monoGAMY. Anyway, this was the mixed marriage church. It's when paganism and Christianity mixed under the leadership of Constantine. Constantine converted pagan temples to Christian churches, Pagan priest to Christian priest, Pagan Celebrations to Christian celebrations. It's where we get the traditions of Easter, Christmas, etc. It's where SUNDAY comes from. Pagans worshiped their false God's on Sunday, but Christians worshiped on Saturday. Constantine merged the two and called in SUNDAY in honor of the SUN GOD. .... All this is historical and Biblical. Visit romancatholicism.com - Roman Catholicism history, doctrine, etc. for more info. Please know this. I went to Catholic Seminary. It's such a blessing to get away from all those man made and pagan traditions and worship God freely.

[@kimfleury]

Michael Knapp -- I had a hunch that your comment was going to degenerate. Just fyi, it doesn't matter if you "went to" a Catholic Seminary. For starters, I can go to a Catholic Seminary if I apply as a student...even though I'm a grandmother. But before I apply, I would want to make sure it isn't one of those "off" seminaries where anti-Catholic ideas and practices are encouraged. I happen to know that the seminary nearest to me teaches a rigorous curriculum, so I wouldn't hesitate to go there. But even after applying there, I'd have to undergo an admittance process which is, itself, rigorous -- even for students who aren't discerning the priesthood or religious life. Some seminaries have lax standards, to say the least. So just saying that you went to *a* Catholic Seminary doesn't mean much. It could mean that you visited one but you weren't ever a student there. It could mean that you took a class there but weren't admitted to a program. It could mean that the seminary accepted anyone who could pay tuition, regardless of their academic abilities (and yours might be substandard for all we know -- not saying they are, just that we don't know). One thing is for certain: You didn't learn about Constantine or the Sabbath from a reputable, solid Catholic seminary professor. You didn't even get it from a reputable, solid history or religion program from a secular college. In fact, you didn't even get it from a pop culture source such as the BBC or the History Channel. You got that flat off the internet, out of the mind of a deluded religious leader. It's just crackpot revisionist history.

[@travismulvaney4895]

.

[@dg0215]

@@kimfleury Amen!! Well put.

[@grizzlydan8]

It took me about 40 years to learn the need to set boundaries and another 10 years to actually apply it in all areas of my life.

[@CherylMuir]

A mantra that helped me: It's safe to set boundaries with difficult people. No matter what they say or feel, I am safe.

[@neosonic199]

Ok, I understand that these boundaries need to be set, because if not, then people will either get too needy or take advantage of you.

[@joanhenry650]

Thank you Father...This was so good! Really helps me better understand a Christian way to set boundaries. I used to believe that loving my neighbor or honoring my father and mother meant I had to be a doormat. Your explanation helps me see how sometimes we can get things twisted when it comes to being a “good Christian “.Jesus is our role model!

[@marylynch951]

Father Mike Thank you I was meant to have read your quote on Boundaries At this moment in time I have began putting boundaries regarding my Son who has a drink problem and I was allowing him to come hear early hours of the mornings bringing drink in with him He is just 29 years old I keep praying that he will seek help But I have only just set my boundaries with him I have asked him not to bring alcohol in with him And he has so far respected this

[@clintonharvey-olivier3660]

I work in EMS and at the hospital, to say that I say horrible things somedays, is a understatement.. my main, solid boundary is.. it never leaves work with me, and it does not come into my home, where my children sleep.. they have so many years left, of dollhouses.. and, unicorn stuffed animals.. before, they see how ugly this world sometimes is..

[@bulmaroperez2250]

For me setting boundaries for my mom is the hardest! She always tries to pull the mom card or Jesus wouldnt approve card! Until one of our Priest friends was over at our house for dinner and experienced it himself when my mom left he told me that i had to fire her ! Mentally and then let her know that she will always be my mother but that as grown women we needed boundaries. And exactly how you are saying Father it has been working. Little by little shes kinda getting it but it takes work and love!

[@maxinemcclurd1288]

I've just about bitten my tongue off to keep this from happening between me and my daughter.I remind myself of how I felt when Mom or Grandmother would give me advice or criticism on raising my kids.So far I'm the "good" Grandmother even though I cringe inside when my 4 year old grandson gets fast food junk or watches cartoons that i wouldn't approve of.My sweet loving little grandson gets on his knees when we pray and asked to be baptized in Grandmothers Church and my necklace with my crucifix on it is kinked from him kissing Jesus,such a blessing!

[@carinn.1402]

Wow! Glad to know I'm not the only one. My mother loves to pull the Jesus wouldn't approve card/honor your mother card. I struggle myself but since I've been married recently, its easier to lump my decisions as a "we" thing and she tends to step back because she respects the holiness of matrimony and she doesn't want to cross that boundary. It's funny to witness.

[@stephanieallred5222]

Ooh, very this! My mom crosses the line and I’ve really had to set firm boundaries. It’s tough but has been the best thing for our relationship.

[@mariaesparza4067]

oh my goodness, i'm in the same boat with my daughter. She comes off as really mean to me and instead of saying something she tells my mother!!! I've helped them so much that i thought they needed other help, but now i realize, i need to set boundaries with her.

[@berthahayden71]

Ok how are you doing this b/c My mom is just as bad as yours if not worse. So, what tips did he give you to be able to set up boundaries with my mom

[@coopereitel7553]

Can't stop looking at that awesome beard

[@IONov990]

He's so cute

[@jooby4785]

It’s legendary

[@scarlet020100]

God made him so handsome so people will stop to listen; then His message hits you right between the eyes!

[@hienpham8536]

lol

[@Deezy07]

I'm here for the message he has. Not his beard.

[@susanbreaux8246]

Dear Father Mike I am 72 years old . What is that old adage that really applies to me... Raised by Wolves educated by Nuns lol. Jesus can teach an old dog new tricks. Everyone no matter what age what station in life should have a Father Mike in their lives! Thank God for you!

[@carolcastaneda9931]

As a teacher, I've been struggling with this in the last couple of months. Thanks so much Father Mike, I really needed to hear this affirmation! ❤️🙏🏽

[@daniwinckler5354]

This is so difficult to do with your family though. Especially if your relationship with them is not a good one. I know this first hand.

[@nameuserud]

Amen.

[@yf777a]

A friend of mine, known for his generosity and willingness to help said; he learned to can't have too many 'hitched to your cart,' because then you will not be able to get anywhere. Yes, setting assertive necessary boundaries is charitable, non enabling, and prudent.

[@charliedallachie3539]

There is also the toxic kind of relationships (narcissistic or sociopathic), and they’ll take advantage or use you emotionally until you’re dry. In that case you need to disconnect and move on as best as you can as long as there is no ties to them like kids or family. In the latter case boundaries are very important.

[@barbaragontarek1970]

Spot on and so timely. This situation has just arisen in my life with someone who (I let) dominate my spare time. At first, it was just a little here and a little there. Now, it is constant, and that person is also draining me financially, and I’m so short of funds. Thank you, Father Mike, you dropped into my day exactly when I was pondering how to handle the problem. I prayed for help, and Father Mike popped up on my computer. Thank you, again.

[@montana_anima2268]

Boundaries are very important. I was in a state of deep depression at the same time as my closest friend. I tried to be there for her as often as I could, but I burned out so completely and reacted emotionally to something I thought was hurtful. We didn't speak for weeks on end until I was able to pull myself together again. It almost destroyed an extremely close friendship. I have to set firm boundaries now. It means I don't see her as often, but when we do see one another, I am able to be present with her in the moment.

[@chibimirmo]

Fr. Mike, could you make a video on Saint Thérèse of Lisieux and her Little way. You could make a little advent video series on it since there is so much to her little way. 🌹🌹🌹 Blessings from Denmark 🇩🇰🕊

[@hienpham8536]

yesh

[@able8310]

I don't post too often but this one I feel compelled to comment. I don't like boundaries. In a way it seems you just push people away because you're unsure of where your life is at that time. So in a place of fear or commitment or a sense of connection with someone, you push them away and call it setting boundaries. I think some people confuse boundaries with pushing someone away. I love to help. I will go out of my way. I don't like having boundaries with someone I truly care about because I am going to try my hardest to go out of way, or come to the rescue of my friends. I know what's it's like to be turned away and I don't like that feeling. Also, I love to just be helpful because it's my upbringing. Kind of as the saying goes "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

[@jaredjohnson7960]

My friend and I both have kind of an issue with getting into draining friendships to support people. She’s not Christian but im gonna share this with her anyways

[@cassasunta2209]

That's deep. And now I understand what boundaries mean. Give space to one another and not just stick to one person. And if there is space, the other person can reach others. I know this is not easy, but well I have to learn to respect peoples boundary then. Thanks so much Father...God bless

[@paidinfull2204]

I have been having Farther Mike withdrawal symptoms. Your videos are addictive and very helpful it is as if you are talking to me as I'm going the very same thing you have talked about. God Bless you Amen

[@dawntrudeau]

Wow! I love when God puts things right there in our path. I needed to hear this today. I say “I have to because that’s what Christians do.” ALL the time. For everything. Thank you Father Mike. 🙏

[@angelwings1446]

As a Mormon who does not believe in that faith , I have never learnt so much about Jesus Christ, thank you so much for all of your talks , I live in a small town in Wales Uk , which does have a Catholic Church, forever grateful, thank you Paige

[@aei2023]

What do you do for your enthusiasm because I need some?

[@sunflower312A]

Here in 2024 and I really needed the guidance from Fr Mike - thank you, Lord, for answering the questions in my heart that have been stressing me out 😟

[@hopeanchorsthesoul6093]

Yes, but how do I stop being draining. You’re telling people how to deal with a toxic and draining person. Ur speaking to people that understand what is a boundary. How do I stop being a draining person to others. How do I stop sucking the life out of people. How do I learn what are boundaries; how do I be good for people so that I am not a vampire ??? Bc I’m draining others and all I try to do is serve and be good to God by serving others and it drains them. N how do I know what are boundaries. What are boundaries between a mother and a daughter that live and work together. How do I be healthy for others. I’m like the worlds best “try-Er” not so good at being a “accomplisher of what I try”.

[@clairemackness7974]

❤️Hi father! Thanks for always posting such great advice and thanks for always being excited and enthusiastic to preach!!❤️

[@jefffresh1745]

@hope hope / We have biological fathers whom we call father. Yes, all Glory goes to the Father in heaven. As catholic christians we understand this also.

[@michaelknapp8074]

Travel with me to Revelation 2 and 3. Jesus gave a revelation to John about 7 churches. There were more than 7 churches that existed at this time, but he specifically gave a revelation to these churches. In this letter he gives them a compliment for what they are doing right, criticisms for what they are doing wrong, and suggestions for how to improve. Basically like a report card for the church. What's mind blowing, is that these letters are prophetic. The exact same struggles each of these churches had are the exact same struggles the church has had since Jesus resurrection until his second coming. The church of Ephesus represents the first church. The church from 30ad to around 70 ad. They had folks who tried to introduce false doctrine, but they didn't tolerate it. They were on fire for God, but they were losing sight of their first love. The second church was Smyrna. Smyrna is where we get the word MYRRH. The word MYRRH means suffering or death. This church was persecuted heavily under the 10 Roman Empires from 70ad to 300 ad. The next church was Pergamus. This is a compound word meaning PER- Mixed or objectionable and GAMUS meaning Marriage. It's where we get the words polyGAMY and monoGAMY. Anyway, this was the mixed marriage church. It's when paganism and Christianity mixed under the leadership of Constantine. Constantine converted pagan temples to Christian churches, Pagan priest to Christian priest, Pagan Celebrations to Christian celebrations. It's where we get the traditions of Easter, Christmas, etc. It's where SUNDAY comes from. Pagans worshiped their false God's on Sunday, but Christians worshiped on Saturday. Constantine merged the two and called in SUNDAY in honor of the SUN GOD. .... All this is historical and Biblical. Visit romancatholicism.com - Roman Catholicism history, doctrine, etc. for more info.

[@travismulvaney4895]

.

[@travismulvaney4895]

.

[@miguelperea5378]

You inspire me to be happy Father Mike! I’m struggling In the area of legality or legalism however you want to call it. I think that I can gain God’s love by my works. I know it’s not the truth but I keep falling time and time. I pray that everyone who is going through a similar situation finds clarity. 🙏 thanks Ascension Presents! I love this channel

[@franciscolozanojr.]

Father I saw you In a video in my comformation class from the Chosen program and i flipped when I saw you😂

[@katiew6935]

This video was created for me. I am horrible with boundaries. It challenges me with being a lifeguard. I also get walked on so much that I end up lashing out on people who never hurt me.

[@AMDGAlex]

I think I am this person that sometimes drains my friends’ energy, how do I stop doing this while still keeping their friendship?

[@nariko47]

When you catch yourself doing it, - stop - and slowly and gently unhinge. You dont have to detach from the other person, just make sure they're not mentally having to 'cary' you. My problem is being on the receiving end of what you're talking about 😊 lol

[@robonymous4620]

I appreciate your honesty. I obviously don't know what you or your friends are like or what any of you may be going through. That disclaimer aside, here is what I can offer based on my own life experience, as someone who used to be _mostly _*_surrounded_* by people who were draining me: 1. Everyone needs a little help every once in a while, but it shouldn't be an ongoing thing. If it is, then that would be a cause for concern that I think you should try to resolve through prayer, fasting, almsgiving, and if necessary, through priestly counsel / spiritual direction. If *_that_* still doesn't cut it, then maybe seek good professional help or even (and you need to be prepared before you do this) ask your friends to be honest with you in how they perceive those ongoing needs of yours, why they think they might be persisting, and what likely solutions to resolve those issues might be. 2. Try to be more sensitive to the needs of your friends and the resources that they have available to them at the time as well (in terms of their own time, energy, circumstances, etc.). Take a genuine interest in them and sometimes put their needs above your own. This shows you care about them as well, and it's not just a one-way street. I think healthy relationships tend to involve pretty equal amounts of give and take. 3. Compatibility could potentially be an issue as well. Maintaining relationships with people who you don't *_really_* have that much in common with can be quite draining, especially when it comes to core values and beliefs (as there is inherently going to be tension in such relationships). So perhaps it might be a good idea to befriend people whose core values and beliefs are very similar to your own. All the best. May God bless and keep you.

[@gill426]

It's important to go inwards too in order to heal the parts that you maybe ask your friend's help for you to carry. Self-partnering is nice.

[@AMDGAlex]

Savina Zúñiga thanks for your honesty

[@AMDGAlex]

Rob Onymous thank you so much I appreciate it

[@Alexa-kb7fl]

Thank you Fr. Mike -- I’ve always had difficulty setting boundaries, so this lesson is very helpful for me - especially when the advice is from a priest like yourself.

[@DrexelGregory]

Incredible. This is exactly what I needed right now.

[@FrancesShear]

When a person becomes a mother of toddlers you find out just how important setting boundaries are. Like when mommy needs privacy.

[@roniquebreauxjordan1302]

RESPECT !! Oh my goodness Fr, Mike. .,.that one word means more than ...

[@marylynch951]

I was becoming so distressed I feel proud of myself that I have began putting boundaries in place It was only with my Son That I didn't have boundaries in place I have with ever one else And to be truthful and honest Without I realising I was going a long with my Son's drinking Thank God I have had a wake call Thank you Father

[@giovannipagliari1537]

Awesome video as always Father Mike, and very timely for my life! Thank you and may God continue to bless you in your ministry!

[@adamfarber8275]

What about boundaries with marriage or inside of marriage as well as the horizontal vs vertical ordering of vocations? Edit: horizontal vs vertical ordering in vocations. I feel religious and clergy are called to a more: Vertical - sacrifice / ordering of importance God Spouse Family Friends Work Stranger Horizontal - God Spouse(parish/community), family, friends, work, strangers [each has equal priority]

[@hummingbirdee9389]

Yes. I'm wondering the same thing too but from a female perspective.

[@antihuman007]

Oh my word. I can not express how badly I needed this. I'm going to read this book in like a week tops, just completely changed my view on things.

[@brandibrooks9076]

This is so helpful to me Father. I have been struggling with setting Boundaries with close family and friends. This really helped me understand why its necessary. Thank you!

[@azucena.valentine]

I thought I was making it so I was helping others and now I realize I need to work on boundaries. I am so drained sometimes I don't even have the energy to pray well for Our Lord. I need especially boundaries with my really large family. My culture doesn't understand boundaries at all. It's true Jesus did have alone time with God. He also went to think and pray. I didn't realize how much he needed time alone and he was the Son of God. We are just His children and our limitations are so much more. Thank you for this, I will get the books you mentioned.

[@thatwifelife2138]

I find when I set boundaries people get mad

[@paulynerinto1197]

I needed to hear this 3 years ago.....I served none stop cause I felt guilty when I didn't. Our church community told each other all the time to serve till the die you die or you must be like Mother Mary saying yes without hesitation...I became so oblivious of everything else but the church and it almost cost me so much of the people close to me that I went into depression. I thank Fr Mike for bringing this up. This needs to be heard.

[@imalive4u169]

Part of it is also prioritizing for example my sisters and myself are taking care of our elderly father but we also have families of our own to take care of and jobs we work to provide for our families which comes first? I basically I have only one friend outside of work and my family. I keep in contact with him but we rarely get together and hang out because of my responsibilities and our work schedules. My boss and co-workers I don't regard as friends but associates I keep my outside life separated from my work life. So my priority is my family first, my job second because I have to provide for my family, and than third would my elder father than last would be my friend. My father can be very demanding sometimes and he tends to think that his children taking care of him should be their priority he doesn't realize that our children come first. There are people like this and they tend to get angry because they are not understanding that other people also have other responsibilities which come before them. There will be a time when as a parent even though you had always prioritized your children first one day you should be understanding that they will have children of their own and you will be a lower priority in their lives. An understanding person is accepting of that.

[@iqgustavo]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 01:11 🚫 Boundaries aren't about cutting off relationships, but about setting limits on what you can offer. 03:00 🙌 Just like Jesus established boundaries with his availability, you also need to set limits to maintain your well-being. 06:02 ⚖️ You can control what you do and the boundaries you set, not the actions of others; don't blame them for not respecting your unspoken limits. 07:08 ⏰ Set consequences for those who violate your boundaries to reinforce their importance. 08:16 💬 How you communicate your boundaries matters; be clear and considerate to maintain healthy relationships. 09:38 📚 Reading "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend can provide further insight into establishing healthy boundaries. Made with HARPA AI

[@fadiajokhaji]

I don't know how i came upon your videos but i'm glad i did. i love your videos and your soul. God bless you Father

[@katewilson4780]

God is perfect, this is a perfect video at a perfect time. Thank you so much. Peace be with you always 🙏🏻🕯❤️

[@raymondross7410]

Fr. Mike you are so awesome I would love to meet you on person. Do you ever get to come to Florida? Love you Father, in Christ. God bless you in all you do.🕆 Please pray for me... please. 🕇

[@saraabdallah5886]

It is funny how in the beginning he mentions that there are people who think that setting boundaries is something Jesus wouldn't do..and I'm basically sitting there nodding my head and saying yes, right after that his answer was "you don't read your bible!" It made me laugh. Anyway, it is really sooo hard to set boundaries and I feel that it usually would make people feel that they don't matter even if you do try to say that they still do matter.

[@carlosg2151]

Are you sure about the book boundaries father. It goes against wedding vows and holy sacrament of marriage in our Catholic Church. Please correct me and explain to me if I'm wrong.

[@nikkif.409]

I had a great pastor that would say in a very happy tone: "Okay, you need to go now." It threw me off but made me laugh too. I knew that was his line for everyone and it worked.

[@JMeve]

I had my boundaries *trampled* on by a friend for a whole year, they were super needy, and when they would mess up they would write a apology letter than do it all over again. I tried to be like Christ, you know because that’s me too I sometimes have to go back to confession to confess the same sins. So I would forgive and forgive and forgive but I had enough and now I just don’t wanna reply anymore. They also hurt some of my other friend and they stopped talking to him so I think I will too. I’ve honestly had enough, I’m tired.😕

[@Kudus-r5x]

Thank you father mike for your words..it makes me realize tbat time is value and spend tme with properly someone.,

[@SidekickSam24]

Some of this sounds applicable to the migrant crisis. We can't give them absolutely everything or else our economy will become drained. We can give them some aid, but there has to be boundaries.

[@lionheart5078]

Agreed that's a great point

[@angieacostar9420]

Sidekick Sam Fr. Mike explains very well about boundaries... it's very sad when no one else walk through your shoes.. migrants do not take anything from you or anyone as you say... this Nation is made from immigrants, without them this Country wouldn't be a prosperous as is... I understand perfectly what boundaries means and when should be applicable but not precisely to immigrants....

[@heggemd]

I don’t think, regarding the migrant crisis, as you call it, they expect to be given absolutely everything. Horrendous analogy.

[@michaelknapp8074]

Travel with me to Revelation 2 and 3. Jesus gave a revelation to John about 7 churches. There were more than 7 churches that existed at this time, but he specifically gave a revelation to these churches. In this letter he gives them a compliment for what they are doing right, criticisms for what they are doing wrong, and suggestions for how to improve. Basically like a report card for the church. What's mind blowing, is that these letters are prophetic. The exact same struggles each of these churches had are the exact same struggles the church has had since Jesus resurrection until his second coming. The church of Ephesus represents the first church. The church from 30ad to around 70 ad. They had folks who tried to introduce false doctrine, but they didn't tolerate it. They were on fire for God, but they were losing sight of their first love. The second church was Smyrna. Smyrna is where we get the word MYRRH. The word MYRRH means suffering or death. This church was persecuted heavily under the 10 Roman Empires from 70ad to 300 ad. The next church was Pergamus. This is a compound word meaning PER- Mixed or objectionable and GAMUS meaning Marriage. It's where we get the words polyGAMY and monoGAMY. Anyway, this was the mixed marriage church. It's when paganism and Christianity mixed under the leadership of Constantine. Constantine converted pagan temples to Christian churches, Pagan priest to Christian priest, Pagan Celebrations to Christian celebrations. It's where we get the traditions of Easter, Christmas, etc. It's where SUNDAY comes from. Pagans worshiped their false God's on Sunday, but Christians worshiped on Saturday. Constantine merged the two and called in SUNDAY in honor of the SUN GOD. .... All this is historical and Biblical. Visit romancatholicism.com - Roman Catholicism history, doctrine, etc. for more info. Please know this. I went to Catholic Seminary. It's such a blessing to get away from all those man made and pagan traditions and worship God freely.

[@SidekickSam24]

@@heggemd You're right, Darla, I shouldn't have said "absolutely everything". Father Mike used the language of giving 100%; that's where I got that. I'm just saying boundaries can be established at the personal level and the group level and also at the national level. Later he says there has to be consequences for violating the boundaries. That seems to be a big political issue here in the US. We've established laws that define the boundaries against people who aren't born here. What should we do when they violate those "boundaries"?

[@IceWolve67]

I needed this. Too many times did I grew to close to people and then, when I felt it was dangerous due to me not setting boundaries. It was too late. Especially with people from the other sex

[@KurffyOriginal]

Sometimes i forget about what I can and can't do when i want to live a life with christ..thank you Fr.Mikr

[@lindaeducar165]

I work in an environment where profanity and lewd talk is not used (early education). When school ends and I get together with my teacher friends they let down their hair and start using profanity or begin discussing off color topics. One day I shouted playfully that I am a "G" rated girl and did not want to be around that kind of talk and everyone has just understood and knows that around me they have to keep things "G" rated!

[@princessnonap3319]

When you have a parent with borderline personality disorder, boundaries are a whole new level of difficulty. Boundaries are non existent to them. My parent has tried to meddle in my marriage and a potential adoption. I want to cut them off completely but they are my parent.

[@KurtGodel432]

We all need me time.

[@florencegata3463]

Thank you Father Mike..just what I needed this very moment. God is truly guiding me.🙏🙏🙏

[@maryliddell6173]

Thank you Fr. Mike...very crucial points that you have addressed on communication, and how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Thank you. Much Blessings.

[@wildrabbit1314]

So needed to hear this today. Thank you for posting.

[@klausehrhardt4481]

Jesus was also available to those merchants in the temple and he knew well enough how to switch into badass mode: believe me, under certain circumstances, charity requires us to kick some butts for their own sake.

[@gillianpedersen52]

I really need to set Boundaries against myself too I say yes to everyone..And people use this to their advantage.

[@murrayrsa]

Fr. Mike you clearly have never met a Caribbean mother. The guilt one carries because every time you try to establish boundaries saying exactly what you said in this video ends up like this : 'You don't love me anymore, I understand you are married and just want to live your life and I know you wished I were dead so you could do it' God rest her soul she passed three years ago and I still feel guilty for trying to establish boundaries.

[@joemcneil9533]

Sounds like a manipulative mother. Healthy parker rest text boundaries.

[@SamIsVeryUnwell]

Where did this video come from??? I needed this 2 years ago 😂

[@soohoonhur6888]

The introduction makes me laugh. And establishing boundary is what I need to learn. Thank you Father. God bless you.

[@makailahsarmiento200]

This is really helpful I never really had a social adult to be around so I don't know when to draw a line or how to be a good Christian I'm kinda just figuring stuff out So thank you

[@merci8545]

okay this is really crazy because I just talked about this with my friend on Thursday night and now this video kinda builds on what we talked about and I really appreciate the information he gives the people. Thank you for spreading the grace of God

[@prolifemama]

This is excellent! I'll be cryptic and say this: there is a particular family member who has been hurtful and manipulative towards my husband and I. This person isn't someone we can just cut out of our lives so we've had to put boundries in place to protect our marriage and family. Having these boundries keeps us happier and sane and is a loving way to let said person know we still love them and want them to be a part of our lives but their behavior needs to be appropriate and respectful.

[@eileen1820]

God bless you all! 😊

[@eileen1820]

@Padraig Flanagan Thanks so much! I love your Gaelic name!

[@user00578___]

you too!

[@maureenangiuli4041]

I do needed to hear this right now Father Mike... Setting boundaries with my son who is an addict is the hardest task I've ever had to do. I couldn't do it for over 15 years. But I set it out in writing and vocally to him finally. I was feeling guilty because it seems like a contrary attitude as a Catholic mother...I was feeling so guilty! But your talking about how Jesus set boundaries was awesome for me to hear tonight! Thank you so much for all the great videos you share with me here in KZbin. God bless you always!!

[@paolapetriortiz183]

This was the video I needed to watch today. I'm an entrepreneur and my job implies helping people with eating disorders, and I become so attached to people who reach out and feel responsible for them, so sometimes they end up taking up my whole life. And conversely, a lot of people in my life don't understand how hard it is to build a business and they think just because I don't have a 9 to 5 job I must be free and always available to meet, talk, help... I'm trying to juggle everything at once and feel so overwhelmed and anxious. This video really helped to clear up my mind. Thank you so much.

[@razberrymist9475]

My brother was complaining once about how condescending my step mother was being, and he was saying how he was trying to be Christian and love her anyway. My sister looked him in the eye and said “the way your being treated, Jesus wouldn’t have stood for.” I was surprised but I realized it was true.

[@milenapelegrino6212]

Thank you father! My challenge now is to set boundaries between my work and family. I love my work, so it is easy for me to work long hours but when I do that I am not available for my family (and I fell tired, possible moody and guilt). And when, I chose my family I feel guilt of not working. And, often after this emotional thriller I found myself exhausted, and I need a moment for myself. This video make me realise that boundaries are health. That they are Christian. And that will bring balance to better serve God and our families.

[@sibo59]

Close to islamic teachings. I bet you know

[@lgb5661]

Thank you Father!!! Thank you thank you thank you. Family ….. you’ve made my heart and soul feel such comfort

[@mytruepower2]

"Relationships that kind of drain you, but you also feel you have an obligation." So, every relationship then.

[@marciafab7]

It takes great wisdom to judge different situations. May love and justice be our compass. Thank you for this video. 🌹#Christourmuse

[@Thomas-li4yy]

Fr. Mike is a champ. Great video!

[@grabert26]

This is so spot on. My father and I have discussed this principal from a Christian perspective as well. I have a sibling and a mother in law that I have had to establish boundaries with. It isn't always easy, but my father has reminded me that my God given obligation is to my husband and then children before anyone else, and that if I choose to ignore that, then I am disregarding God's directive to me as a wife and mother. Therefore, no matter how I may THINK I am doing good by helping others, I am actually disobeying God.

[@kimfleury]

Wise dad.

[@joanhaselman444]

You are so blessed to have such a wise father who genuinely loves you.

[@aikam7352]

God is truly speaking to me through you, Fr. Mike! Instead of opening the bible I decided to go to your channel and upon opening youtube this video was the first thing I saw. Amen! You are truly and wonderfully blessed! 🙏🥹

[@Emma-gi6hy]

Thank you so much father for this awesome sermon. This is exactly what I'm going through right now. It's very hard for me to say no to charities and then It affects my whole life situations, responsibilities and financially. I like to help people when they need me. Your advice has helped me sooo much!! Thank you, Father. God always bless you!!

[@beverlyhall228]

Thank you Father. I really needed this. God bless you.

[@austinorta3322]

Hi father 😊

[@crazasticTV]

I'm an atheist but some of these videos are still quite interesting. I do ignore tge spiritual stuff but I like that he also uses facts

[@user00578___]

well I hope it will make you closer to faith! God bless you!

[@Sarahbetho]

Thank you so much Father for this video! I soo needed to hear this!

[@judyschell8533]

Hi Father Mike Schmidz Thank you for teaching us things we've forgotten over the years and you make it easy to understand. God Bless you

[@Ryan-vv7jn]

what i've been looking for. Thank you Fr Mike! Much love!

[@cathybehrens6250]

Thanks, Father! Important subject. Very well presented :)