Asexuality - A Pride Month Inspired Chat

Well...here is something I have never talked about online before. I thought since asexual visibility and awareness are so rare that I would at least contribute this video since it is pride month after all. I am asexual, and queer, and though I don't mind talking about my identity in "real" life, I have not talked about it online before. Making and posting this video has been a bit scary, but I think it's important. I just really hope I didn't get anything in the video wrong really, as I would never wish to offend, but this is just my own understanding of and experiences with asexuality. Thank you all for watching!
More information: www.asexuality...
The Person Who Sent You This Is Asexual by Amelia Ace : • The Person Who Sent Yo...
A conversation about asexuality I really like and think explains several things well : • Asexuality and Having ...
Asexuality video series from noted LGBT+ educator Ash Hardell :
• Everything Asexual and...
Article from Psychology today about asexuality: www.psychology...
More from me?
Blog: theclosethistor...
Instagram: / theclosethistorian
Pinterest: / bmesposito
Tumblr: / theclosethistorian
Music from Epidemic Sound.

[@mrocciscool]

“ I am interested in people, as a concept” What an absolute mood!

[@Lauren_P_]

Same.

[@aspenculbertson3938]

You perfectly described how having "a crush" while asexual is. I would look around at people who I spent a little bit of time with and say "they seem good enough" and say they were my crush.

[@wendywhitley4611]

My son is Ace. I am totally accepting of it. Other family members using the same "oh you haven't found the right person's" reasons on him, I want to smack them. Let him be. Thanks for sharing your story. 💜

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you so much for this comment Wendy, your son is lucky to have a great and understanding mum!

[@just_me8796]

LOL, worse still is I just found out a loved one is trans and I have been guilty of assuming things ... but in my defense , they never told me, and I would have been totally supportive. Of course now I know, but yah! From the other side, it kind of hurt because I knew there was something wrong, and they didn't trust me enough? Or maybe they were still working it out, I don't know, but I love them, and hope they will finally start finding happiness with self understanding :) !

[@nohandle508]

Oh Wendy, so many of us would love to have a parent like you. There's still a bit of hope in this world, just a smidge. Thank you.

[@aspassiaman9081]

This was a very nice video. I am an heretosexual woman, a feminist and an anarchist and my whole life, from everyone I hear that my interest ( I make garments, jewelry, bags, hats) about clothes contradicts anarchism and feminism, since it is because I want to attract men, which is not. So, I am very pleased to hear that a woman on the other side of the planet also spends a lot of personal time for creating an elegant appearence, and she definately does no do it for attracting erotic partners. I knew it all along: women have an inclination in finding and creating beauty just for themselves.😊.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! Yes I love fashion, and beautiful things, and make up, and things that are even considered "pin up", but never once have I invested time or money in these things for anyone but myself and my own enjoyment. I agree that it is incredibly strange that some people think others only spend time and care on themselves just to attract a partner, people like to look and feel nice for other reasons!

[@damogranheart5521]

I feel better emotionally when I take care of myself physically. I'm 72 and still wear makeup and love earrings. I have no interest in attracting a partner. I love talking to interesting people but I truly value my alone time.

[@mandylavida]

First thing I do on getting up is to apply my makeup and do my hair. Then people say - oh, are you going out? No. I just like to look my best. For me. Even if I'm digging potatoes or shovelling compost. When I pass a mirror, it makes me happy. Not to attract the bin man or our neighbour (twat), just for ME. I love the fact that Bianca always looks amazing, just to make herself happy. Good for her!

[@TiffanyHallmark]

I'm so happy you shared this. This was a very well put together explanation of asexuality. Thank you

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Tiffany!

[@panacheluxury4262]

I second that.

[@DawnOldham]

I love your channel and your talent. You are such a joy to watch! I know You Tube takes a lot of time! While I’m not a part of the LGBTQ community, I very much appreciate you explaining what asexuality is. I guess part of me hopes you will be surprised at some point with a fulfilling and happy relationship. But I now understand that you are comfortable in your own skin and don’t “need” that to be happy. Did I get it right?

[@livinginthenow]

I find the phrase 'quiet queerness' resonates with me. I will tuck it into my life like a bookmark and gaze upon it whenever I open the pages of my sexuality for a little reading.

[@TheBmweed]

Stumbled across this completely randomly (well, not really cause I also sew) but... as an ace person... this is... just really, really comforting for me. Thank you for putting into words the things I struggle to say.

[@candlebriar1955]

Hi! Thanks for this! It feels nice to not be alone. I do have a person (who also ids as ace) that is my... life partner? For lack of better words. We have long term plans to grow old together. But it’s really hard to get people to understand. When necessary we just use “girlfriends” but that has lead to my family to decide to refer to me as a lesbian. I have no problems with lesbians but misidentification is frustrating... It’s also hard to explain I experience what I refer to as “aesthetic attraction” where I find someone really artistically appealing to look at... but I still have 0 desire to have sex with them. Sometimes I just refer to myself as queer to avoid questions. Especially since my gender identity isn’t... clear. It’s difficult since people decide I must be confused when I do try to explain. But I am not confused about what I experience. I just lack the words. Imagine having to explain heterosexuality without the words.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

I certainly think aesthetic attraction is a thing, I think people are pretty/handsome/"attractive" all the time but don't want to sleep with them. I also can relate to using queer as an easier to use identifier. Having a word that is a bit of a catch all like queer is really useful, which is why I am sad that some people are still against it being reclaimed but I understand the reasoning there. It is super hard to explain the lack of attraction, but I find that sexual people have a really hard time explaining to me what exactly sexual attraction feels like too, so it seems each "side" is in the same boat there!

[@candlebriar1955]

TheClosetHistorian I think you’re right actually! I guess I am so used to it being seen as the “norm” I’ve never really asked the reverse! In the end I wonder if language can ever really convey a person’s experience of living. Sometimes I wish that there was a less loaded term that didn’t have so much negative history. But for now it’s the only ‘catch all’ I know that is also widely well known and usually stops the questions.

[@wendywhitley4611]

Aesthetic attraction.. .thank you for giving me a term to use for what I experience.

[@crazyrinidream]

I struggled alone for a long time without really understanding what ace was. I knew I wasn’t like “normal” people. But when I was younger there was no information. I spent my whole yearly adult life wanting to be like everyone else. I come from a very traditional family where I was expected to get married and have kids etc. it was hard. But last year I watched your video about it and something clicked and I knew I was ace. It’s a relief to finally know who you are and know your not broken, you were born this way and that’s okay. But it still scary sometimes. There is a lot of pressure from society to fit in. Some days I struggle to except I’m different and some days I am happy I am. It’s all a learning experience and it’s getting easier. Thank you xx

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you for sharing your experience with me

[@czeidman8908]

"I'm one of those special snowflakes you've heard so much about." How absolutely lovely!!

[@loveoffthedamned]

Thank you for sharing this! There is sadly not a lot of ace representation out there, though it`s been getting better lately and not in the least thanks to awesome creators like you! I know it`s silly but high school was tough (same for many aces, I guess). I heard a lot from both my so-called school friends as well as bullies then that it`s not that I don`t want anyone, it`s just really no one would want me cos I`m fat and ugly and awkward and I know it. So even now (though I am a grown woman who has been romanticly attracted to both men and women and even dated some of them) I still catch myself sometimes on having these awful thoughts and seeing such beautiful and talented people like you coming out as ace means a lot to me. Thank you.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Alina

[@Lepord257]

I know I'm late to the party, but I only just got this video in my recommends. Thank you so much for posting this. It means a lot to me to see other people proud of their asexuality. It can feel really isolating figuring it out when you're younger and not knowing what an adult life looks like when you aren't dating or getting married. It's so, so reassuring to see someone like you happy and successful. Also, "they have a nice face I guess" is an absolute mood. I straight up believed people when they told me I had a crush on someone bc they seemed to know more about how that stuff worked than I did

[@TheClosetHistorian]

I may not know what crushes and sexual attraction feel like, but none of my friends ever seem able to exactly explain either 😂 Adult asexuality for me so far means never having to share dessert, always getting to watch the movie I want, nobody snoring next to me...I'd like to try the whole partnered thing someday maybe (I'm still a romantic little human 😅) but it's sorta nice knowing I am a whole and complete and interesting person all on my own!

[@chaeburger]

My mom thought I was a lesbian for the longest time before I knew that there was a word for asexuality so I relate to this so much. Quiet queerness is the perfect phrase since I have found that the online Ace community to be pretty toxic at times so I typically don't get to talk about it much with anyone. I am so happy that this video exists. I swear, it's like looking into a mirror.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Chae! Almost any online community can be/seem toxic at times, the internet is both great and terrible at times. People have been joking with me that "I was just a lesbian and didn't know it" or was just "secretly gay" since I was a teenager, though not in a malicious way really, but I can still understand those sorts of comments.

[@taramunro2]

I was so relieved when I discovered I was asexual and that there was an "official" label for how I am. Thank you for sharing your experience in a frank and open way. If someone wants to understand where I stand in the rainbow of sexuality, I'm playing them your video!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you so much Tara! Some days I really like having a label and other days I disparage having to have one, but it can be useful when someone demands to know, as people so often do!

[@willgalarneau5655]

this video is such a damn mood, as an asexual. "that person has a nice face I guess"

[@emmy2961]

I appreciate you sharing about this! It's true that Ace rep is not the most present so it always helps to know that you're not alone ☺️

[@bluejay5531]

thank you for sharing about yourself and about yet another facet of the beautiful and mysteriously complexity of being human!

[@jessieborrell1856]

I know this video is old but in the spirit of pride month coming up...I came out as Ace in 2020/2021 Honestly, realizing it was the most freeing thing and I felt like this huge weight was lifted off of me. I learned so much about myself and finally feel like 'me' and that there wasn't something 'wrong' with me. Thank you for sharing

[@glennabushe39]

People need to mind their own business! Let’s look out how we treat each other and honor each other. Thank you girl.

[@madamethome5869]

It can be a real blessing and allow you much greater control of your destiny!

[@arvettadelashmit9337]

Thank you. I have never understood the word Asexual. Thank you for explaining it so well. My mother called one of my classmates a "funny girl"; however, she did get married but she never had any children. She is still the same person that I used to play games and work puzzles with when we were children (we are now old women). You are not alone. If you are happy and healthy, then you have a lot more than most married people have. I love watching your videos; because, you make beautiful garments and other items. Don't try to change yourself to please other people. I like you very much just the way you are.

[@lisabowvintage5864]

Think you’re incredibly honest and you know who you are and that’s incredible...society labels people with terms and definitions and we don’t all fit in the same box. Had heard the term ‘asexual or pansexual’ however didn’t know what it meant. Glad to have a better understanding from a persons point of view. As a heterosexual woman, I feel attraction to men and honestly that can be frustrating at times. Especially if attracted to someone who is physically attractive to me but doesn’t have qualities that compliment me in a partner. That happened recently. Was fortunate I had the strength and didn’t fulfill a need with him lol. Not easy though. Your channel is lovely and I’ve learned a lot about vintage and vintage style from you. ☀️🌹 Looking forward to more videos about anything you’d like to post about. Wish you lived in Canada or I was close by to you so we could go for a tea/coffee together. You’d be a delight to chat with. Hugs from Ontario 😄

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Lisa! I do get a lot of people telling me I'm lucky when I tell them I'm ace because I don't have to deal with the "drama", and while sometimes I do think it would be nice to have a partner, dating and the often odd sexual politics of the world do sound really irritating to navigate!

[@whossoul]

Love that you were open and felt comfortable talking about this! Asexuality is definitely an under represented sexuality that more people need educated about.

[@StitchingUpChaos]

So I've been watching your channel for ages. I absolutely love your costuming videos and rewatch them frequently. I'd never run across this particular video before, and I literally found it by accident tonight. And I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being so awesome and beautifully dressed and fabulous. I'm ace. I went along with the sex thing for years because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. And I got my son out of it so I can live with the fact that I did something that made me feel gross for years - he's amazing and I'd never regret it. Still after I finally realized that it truly wasn't something that I needed or wanted in my life, I was so much happier. But realizing that I never wanted to attract anyone sort of led to me constantly living in sweatpants for years on end (well, that and single parenting ayoung child and having no energy to doll myself up ever). There was this feeling of "why do I need to bother?" which ended up with me developing some kind of dysphoria to the point that I don't even recognise myself in photos. Your channel, and the amazing things you make and your awesome makeup whenever you're in front of the camera has really been a huge inspiration to me to kind of get my shit together when in comes to my appearance - not in a conventionally "well-dressed" kind of way, things I actually like and not because I wanted to get someone to like me. Finding out that you're ace as well and you dress like that because YOU like it is just indescribably awesome somehow. Sorry if this make no sense, if you actually see this random comment on a three year old video, but running across this made me really happy and I just wanted to try and put it into words.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you for your kind words Kat ❤ I am very lucky that for the most part I have always just dressed for my own amusement yes. There were a few years in college where I really struggled with self esteem and didn't "let myself" wear vintage because I thought I didn't "deserve" it (whatever that means grr!) and also wouldn't let anyone take photos of me. So it hasn't always been smooth sailing for me, but I like surrounding myself with pretty things as much as I can and certainly feel clothes and make-up are a part of that fun!

[@kyerin]

Giiiiirrrl! How awesome is this!? I just found your channel yesterday when researching everyday vintage style and then you post this video. I have been trying to learn a bit more about ace/aro identities, partly just to educate myself and partly because I think I might identify somewhere on that spectrum. I've been doing training and organising for my local Pride parade this week too (for a community group I'm involved with) and I think that's why I'm thinking about it more. My experience isn't quite like yours but it is so great to hear you talk about it. Happy Pride month!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! It's super cool that you are involved like that, and awesome that you try and seek out more information about different identities :)

[@thelissieshow9881]

Thanks for being so open. I am an older cis white woman married to a man for 26 years. I listen to people sharing their truth while noticing what comes up in my brain in response from my own inculturation. I love that you don’t consider this your problem.

[@tokkia1384]

I was already in love with your channel and now I discover you’re a fellow ace gurl! People find it confusing because I am married, and I always have to explain that being ace doesn’t mean you can’t experience romantic attraction and fall in love.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! Yeah people do have a hard time understanding, but I always have a hard time understanding what sexual attraction must actually feel like too, so I kinda get the disconnect I suppose. I certainly wouldn't mind falling in love/being married someday, though it is so nice to feel zero rush as so many of my peers seem to ha!

[@gerriebell2128]

I’ve watched lots of your sewing videos and this one just popped up in my feed, even though it is old. Some of the comments here say people have been mean or the Ace community has been toxic, etc. There is just no place for meanness and I’m a bit appalled that a very small group of people having such private things in common would be mean to each other. thank you for being open and explaining things so nicely and even with a bit of humor. (I find humor in lots of your videos- you are just very subtle about it, and are very funny sometimes.) The only advice I would ever say is continue to be yourself and try not to ever let stupid mean people bother you. You are a beautiful and lovely person and you spend time making videos that help people, so sexuality is irrelevant. I hope you are happy and doing well this year!

[@TheTandborsten]

Jupp, as another ace person you described my experience perfectly! I totally didn't know people could be attracted to someone and want to do something about it. I am aware on a objective level that someone is attractive, but that doesn't do anything for me😄

[@claudiafairbanks]

I applaud you! It is really rare for me to find people as attractive but I do from time to time.

[@roseawen5961]

Thank you for making this video. I love your matter-of-fact delivery in all of your videos. I learned something new today!

[@Nelphoto]

I have been following you for several months now, and I had no idea you were Asexual! That’s awesome! I am a 34 y/o hetero-demi-romantic ace myself.

[@demelza32]

A breath of fresh air, thank you for your honesty and intelligence. We live in a world where sex is literally in your face at every turn, and it makes me queasy with revolt and annoyance! Who needs a bleedin label anyway, we are what we are!

[@littleogeechee223]

You explain asexuality so intelligently and completely....thank you! Ace here, too...

[@OlgaSPN]

Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us. I bet it was at least a little bit scary - it is the internet after all. I don't feel like I 'see you in a different light' like some people sometimes say. As a 'normie' myself, others sexuality has never been a big deal to me. You're Bianca, this is just a part of who you are, like wearing vintage and writing a book. But I can see in the comments that this connects to a lot of the audience, so kudos for making them feel less alone.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Olga! :)

[@NBejiaFlor]

Ace QUEEN I feel so represented right now. I really appreciate you sharing this.

[@idasvenning3892]

Thank you so, so much for this video! The joy in finding a fellow aspec person in one of the loveliest corners of the internet can’t really be expressed with words ❤️

[@beansai]

I originally found your channel thanks to my current sewing journey, but this video just popped up in my recommended list today, and I’m so glad it did. I just wanted to say thank you, as a fellow ace, for sharing your experience. It resonates so much with me. I truly appreciate you shedding some light on the reality that some of us are truly quietly queer. ❤

[@kitssewingkit]

okay why am i just seeing this video? but thank you for this! seeing queer people out and talking about their queerness is so important. I'm bi (i describe my attraction as mostly women and nonbinary people and like 1 type of man) and somewhere on the ace spectrum (demi? greyace? the world may never know) so big solidarity!

[@oljannakind6741]

Your description of how you don’t feel sexual attraction is exactly how I have always felt, but I have never been able to put it into words as well as that. Thank you so much for this video!

[@marathorne6821]

Very interesting, Bianca, thanks for explaining the concept of asexuality., which is not my experience but we're all individuals and deserve respect. I wish you a happy pride month, and a happy life altogether. You are you, and it sounds as though you are comfortable with that now, which is fantastic x

[@joycampbell8133]

Thank you so much for talking about this. My teen daughter identifies as asexual and struggles with the misconceptions and ignorance of the general public. And as an overtly sexual woman (I enjoy sex for the sheer intimacy of it) I sometimes struggle with how to help her. I think it's so important that others discuss their own experience so that others know they are not alone. Thank you for being honest and brave....and yes, I plan on showing her this video.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Joy!

[@robintheparttimesewer6798]

I don't think I've heard it said better before. I may steal the line "I'm interested in people as a concept". I really don't understand why anyone would have a problem with anything you said today. Happy and safe pride month. Oh and from what I hear you do have an ignore button for anyone who thinks that they get an opinion on how you should think and feel!

[@Ravenzpeak]

Thank you for explaining this. I always just thought of myself as the intellectual type who was not into the dating scene. But when I look back, the only person I had enjoyed a physical relationship with was also my best friend and we were together until he died. Anyone else I've ever experienced physical intimacy with, even if they were attractive, never felt right. No satisfaction and eventually a break up. I'm fine now having no one to date or sleep with and never think about it. But I miss my best friend and always will.

[@MuseEgo]

As an enby ace thank you! A lot of my experiences have been very similar to this and it's taken me a long time to even consider that it's fine for me not to be interested in sexual relationships. It's the reason we need representation and people speaking honestly like this.

[@AuthenticWe]

Gurl thank you, been bringing this up to my favorite queer creators to please bring us topics about our world now and personally how to walk thru it ❤❤❤ always your fan gurl, when I finish building my house we are throwing ball, your invited

[@maureenfitzgerald1895]

You are who you are, & as long as you are content - that's the great identifier. Thanks for sharing & continue to confidently enjoy your life!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Maureen!

[@gabyflores9412]

Just when I thought I couldn't relate more! Edit: Sure sign of an ace: when you have to ask what you're supposed to feel when sexually attracted Edit2: thank you so much! Edit3: yes! The people for some reason equate lack of sexual interest as innocence, like when conversations go toward sexual concept or experiences people just assume I'm a prude or just too innocent, nope, just not interested. This is so validating, I wish I had ace friends

[@blktauna]

Straight people are so limiting. Everything tips their world views. I'm demi and actually thankful for it. It makes understanding what you do and don't want very clear and it's liberating :) Thank you for sharing!

[@BoazsCrown222]

I love your sense of humor in this presentation 😂 I like the way you speak. It makes sense you are a writer.

[@_bewitchedbyyaz]

This just popped up in my recommend. This year is the only time I’ve actually learned what it is. And discovered as well I’m pansexual

[@teelehansen4995]

Oh thank you so much for putting this out there. So similar to my experience growing up. Have a crush on this person you know is unattainable to sound and feel 'normal' because you could give a rip less about attraction. Granted I have a husband and two children, but sexual attraction- yeah no.

[@jenniferw1570]

I laughed at your " Special Snowflake " comment and had to quickly prevent myself from spewing forth the beverage in my mouth, Not in a Bad Way!! it was just funny and I love that moniker, I can relate to everything you're saying. I needed a smile today and you certainly helped. Thanks Snowflake for brightening my little dark corner of the universe

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Chloe!

[@Pij02]

I am so happy I found your channel. Not only do I love vintage fashion, and you have inspired me to really throw myself into it more than I have previously done, I also identify as being on the asexual spectrum. While i dont think my "ace-ness" manifests in exactly the same way as yours Im still psyched that it seems like there is yet another way that I can relate to you and your content.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! The ace spectrum is large and varied, and most importantly of course, all valid

[@JanealJohnson]

I have been watching you for a while, and for whatever reason this video showed up on my main page. I am also Asexual. HUGS

[@victorsecanellamonroy9210]

What can be more essentialy queerness than slaying historic fashion so gracefully, I ask.

[@emilycrocetto819]

Well said Bianca!! Be truthful to yourself!!!

[@Shannonishere]

I went through a lot of these things when I was figuring things out for myself. Then when I read about Demi sexuality and asexuality it was like...oh! This is so me! Thank you for talking about this.

[@MissIV]

I totally get it. This is me. I’m 53 & just always thought I was defective ‘frigid’ straight woman. It’s only in recent years, since the LGBTQIA+ movement broadened & new language was identified that I finally discovered language that was meaningful to me. I have a partner & I adore him, but it doesn’t fit into the typical definition of attraction etc. I just feel really safe with him & I wouldn’t seek another relationship if he wasn’t around.

[@winter4767]

It's so important to see people who says about asexuality and realize you are ok (hate all this "you just didn't find right person" c':) Really thanks for this video, you are fabulous 🌸

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Winter!

[@amb163]

Thanks for representing! I'm not ace, but I'm part of your extended queer family as a bisexual person. :) Having to explain to people that in fact, no, I don't want to have relations with everyone I meet is tedious. I find most people attractive, but I'm actually attracted TO very few people. Sometimes I wonder if I'm demi-bi.

[@batsbelfryplays]

Never smashed a subscribe button so fast. Hurray for ace visibility!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you!

[@christinevr7698]

Thank you for explaining asexuality so clearly. I know a girl who identifies herself as such and I wasn’t exactly sure what it was all about, so this helps a lot! I love it, that you felt secure and safe to share this with your online community. We’re here for you. ❤️Happy Pride month!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Christine!

[@RhymingMime]

I totally understand the concept of not feeling particularly straight/bi/gay but being open to the idea of anyone, whether or not the experience has arisen. I feel like my asexuality has really distanced myself from labels in general, both sexuality/romance-wise and gender-wise, so while I guess I would fall under queer, I feel like (in the same way you feel "quietly queer") my queerness isn't really relevant to the movement of Pride. Anyway thank you for this video! It was kinda refreshing how it wasn't the Asexuality 101 video, and was more personal to your experience.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! I feel like part of Pride is the celebration that different doesn't mean wrong, which it has been branded for so very long. Or at least that is the part of the celebration that I personally identify with the most I guess :)

[@dreamscape405]

This was fascinating! Your explanation was informative and interesting. I'm pansexual/pan romantic and after hearing your views, I wish I was asexual. It just seems less complicated. I also admire your guts to publicly place this out here. Happy Pride month to you! 🌈

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! It certainly is less complicated, until someone wants me to explain, then it can be confusing for others ;)

[@Buggalugz84]

Honestly apart from the social aspect, it sounds peaceful

[@tishie42]

I'm so bummed that KZbin has barely showing this to me! But at least it finally got around to being a good algorithm. I am so happy to know this about you and I am so happy that you are open to love however it may happen if and when it happens. As an individual who does experience sexual attraction I am attracted to the person not the genitalia they come with. So I have had romantic non-sexual relationships with both men and women and have found them both satisfying and fun and equally admirable on both ends. I come installed with the demi sexual side as well I have to be interested in them before I feel anything. I have never seen a stranger and been like yes that's the one. I thought I was odd for the longest time.

[@sallieb6435]

wow ... thankyou so much for being so open. love you being a "special snowflake!" I have learnt something today , thanks to you x

[@stephendeakin2714]

Very informative, interesting, never heard the term before. Could well explain my life.

[@anna46792]

Yay, More ace representation!! Especially so unexpectedly! It’s great, Thank you! I’m also ace. Realized that after I turned 25 and still never had a crush. Asked a whole bunch of friends what romantic/sexual attraction felt like and honestly couldn’t understand or relate.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Once I realized everyone else was actually like //feeling//a crush I was like "oooh really, hmm, yeah nope" I do wonder sometimes what it must be like!

[@anna46792]

TheClosetHistorian honestly same.

[@kawaiisquid9932]

I’ve been so confused about my sexuality for a few years because of how different asexuality is for people, but hearing you explain how I’ve been feeling for so long has finally helped me understand my sexuality a lot better, so thanks!!! Lol

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Emilie! It's not easy to navigate, and I still question things and do try and keep my mind open to the possibility of different feelings or opportunities, but I am so happy that talking about my experience of asexuality can resonate with other people

[@mollylawless503]

THANK YOU! Great to hear you open up about this concept.

[@beatricewhitcombe]

Loooooove your confidence... I absolutely hate the tropes that you've just not met the right person yet, or that you must've been traumatised at some point. Thank you for sharing this!!!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Beatrice!

[@wandaquintana985]

Happy Pride month! Thank you for being open. I don't feel weird with my asexuality, glad to know I am not alone. Thank you Thank you!! Love you channel!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Wanda!

[@melw6848]

Thank you for this video. You helped me with self acceptance. 🌈💜 Beautiful.

[@emmetarot2966]

Thanks for sharing! I’m glad to know more about you 🌼

[@TuesdaysArt]

A fellow ace!! I'm so glad Karolina recommended your channel, seeing ace creators makes me so happy.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Cali!

[@hazeluzzell]

‘Ace’. Okay, another word to add to my gender vocabulary. I’m 79 and the list is getting pretty long. 😀

[@gittevandevelde2208]

this video is more than 3 years old, but I am happy to have found it. I am asexual myself. Maybe a smidge of homoromantic (I mean, women have nice faces) or neptunicromantic (general slight romantic attraction to femme and androgynous people) but like...ace it is mostly. I've picked out crushes at random, be 'accused' of being a lesbian (which is shit in itself - I didn't like boys, so I must be gay, and that's baaaaadddd of course /s. I turn out to be gayish but the whole premise of 'wtf you must be a lesbian or what' is terrible) there's very little representation, the community is often toxic and like, obsessed with those ugly bland rings (???) and also, the representation there is aren't exactly conventionally attractive femme people who like looking good...for themselves, as self-respect.

[@obsidianrosestudio2663]

Just found this video of yours and wanted to let you know I really appreciated it. I am bisexual, which seems hard enough for people to understand. I felt this was a very astute and clear way of discussing your experience. It definitely gave me a deeper appreciation and understanding.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you Michelle!

[@dottieland7061]

I admire people like you. I am married, with children, but I can take it or leave it, we like being together but we don’t have sex , we don’t really share secrets and we just live our own lives, but yet it works.

[@seltzermint5]

I loved this video and I feel it really opened my eyes about asexuality. You're awesome for being so honest. This is so totally selfish of me but I am going to confess that I'm excited you probably are not going to end up stopping these fantastic videos when you go off to have many babies ;-) That happens with many of my favorite vloggers. I am childfree by choice to the extent of being very averse to motherhood and that makes me feel strange a lot of times in life and in my interaction with others. I'm heterosexual but now looking at demisexuality a little more closely as I've only been sexually or romantically attracted to about 10 men in my life, even though I am married and happily very attracted to my husband in all ways, I rarely see or meet a man and have any remotely attracted feelings or thoughts. As a teenager I had 2 crushes on boys after I'd gotten very close to them, but otherwise my "crushes" were like yours - "OH I guess I could say I have a crush on him, he has nice shoes and seems clean?" Sorry for rambling and thanks again for this great video.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you! "seems clean" is excellent reasoning for a crush ;) I know just what you mean about vloggers/bloggers either disappearing once they have children or suddenly all their content is then about kids. It's like, you're happy for them and all, but it's still a bummer! I definitely do not want children myself, and I totally get how weird people can be about this. No motherhood for me personally thanks!

[@seltzermint5]

It is so nice when other people "get it" or can imagine feeling a way that is different. Thanks Bianca!

[@magickpixiegirl]

I absolutely applaud you for this! Thank you. I am a married bi-romantic ace. We live in a world full of a whole beautiful spectrum of sexuality and choice. Thank you for sharing your truth.

[@sharonwerner2419]

Thank you for this, this topic is something that could have been beneficial to myself and millions of others of my generation. Being conditioned to grow up and get married have children and so on was something many of us did as we thought this was expected of us. Some of us just didn't fit the mould and now we are settled and accepting of ourselves in a new socially accepted mould.

[@krissyhuxley3227]

I love this video. I love your channel. You’re awesome.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you so much!

[@mrswintersparrow]

Thank you for this video I think you taught me something about myself that I hadn't realised...it's a shame we can't all accept we are human beings...gender and sexuality can not be defined by the body we are born into but only by the soul that inhabits it.

[@finawatsonart]

Thank you. I feel romantic attraction but very rarely sexual attraction which is something I struggled to understand for a long time felt I had to pretend to feel sexual attraction & pretend I enjoyed sex. The increasing dialogue about this is finally bringing us towards a place where everyone can feel comfortable & not have to pretend to be "normal"

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Exactly! Or at least we can expand the definition of normal, we are all our own normal, humans are very diverse and it is wonderful

[@OpalWilde]

Hello fellow ace person! I'm ace and genderfluid myself. :) This was such a good, concise and heartfelt video. Thank you. :)

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Hello Opal! Thank you 🖤💜🤍

[@OpalWilde]

@@TheClosetHistorian You're most welcome. 🖤💜🤍

[@bookishdaydreams4993]

Hi!❤ So I used this video to come out to a couple of friends today, and while it didn't go as well as I'd hoped, being able to show this video and not really having to explain everything myself really helped. Thank you!!

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Oh my goodness my heart! I'm proud of you for coming out, it is always scary, and I am sorry to hear it didn't go just as you had hoped. Asexuality is so hard for people to understand, but know that you are valid, and seen, and not alone

[@bookishdaydreams4993]

@@TheClosetHistorian Thank you. Having this wonderful community behind me has been so important to me!

[@whbrown1862]

I agree with you 110% - Thank you for sharing

[@missred586799]

Thank you Bianca. I’ve got to think about this for a bit…I may be Ace. I’m divorced and have no attraction to anyone at this point in my life. I have no desire for any kind of romantic relationship. I married much later than any of my friends and never wanted kids. Looking back, there were lots of indicators that I would have been much happier single.

[@dondon9734]

I'm a assexual too! I don't usually tell anyone because in my country people find it more "weird" than homosexuality.

[@TheClosetHistorian]

I can totally understand that, misconceptions about aces can be really strange! Many people have an easier time understanding homosexuality, because they at least understand what it is like to feel sexual attraction, but with aces its almost like it is just too different to compute.

[@harryreilly1760]

What ever you like that'Flips your switch, floats your boat that's up to you. live your life as you please. Anna-Marie.

[@grottoserpentina9342]

mmmm, this is curious---- just yesterday, 11-17-19 Bernadette Banner & Cathy Hay were talking about Asexuality on their live chat. I was surprised when your video came up on my KZbin newsfeed today, noting that you posted this video over a year ago. Anyway, here's my two cents: I can recognize a guy as being attractive...but have no desire whatsoever to do the touchy-feely sex thing. I have had a number of sexual relationships with guys over the years, which is why I know (speaking from years of experience) I am not sexually attracted to guys. I am sexually attracted to females ( had my first experience when I was 13,) but the bottom line for me is: I don't like sex. Never have. I am a natural hugger, I like genuine innocent affection, it's just when it turns sexual, I shut down; more often than not faking it. For the last 25 years, I don't date, don't do romantic relationships. So however you define yourself...it's ALL good!

[@ruthkirkparick3535]

Thank you that very down-to-earth and clear explanation. You appear to be happy and I hope that is true. Happy Pride month to you as well.

[@TheCraftKitten]

I'm going to use "Quiet Queerness" so often now! 😁

[@mariaeugeniagallardodeorti727]

La felicito por su decision y la madurez con que se expresa. Las personas somos muchas veces, demasiado críticas por lo que hacen o dejan de hacer los jóvenes. Las relaciones siempre son difíciles o menos difiles. Hay un dicho "mejor sola que mal acompañada". Sólo el tiempo dirá si algún día llega su Príncipe azul. Tal vez sea amor a primera vista. A veces pasa. Eso si, cualquier candidato, investiguelo bien. Usted vale mucho.

[@sheilabernadetteclairemcin1107]

You are perfect just the way you are. Love your honest conversations. 🎀

[@TheClosetHistorian]

Thank you!

[@thorunns.craftstudio]

thank you for sharing, even tho i'm just now stumbling upon this. i consider myself asexual and panromantic

[@maroulio2067]

I love this video- it is so authentic, and great as a message to people about embracing their own reality and living an honest life.