ASMR Young Adulthood Has Felt Heavy Lately (Clicky Ramble)

Sharing, transparently, about my week.
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[@nebraskabecause]

Happy Wednesday!! Sometimes you're the Road Runner (nothing can touch you)and sometimes you're the Wile E Coyote (crushed by everything you try)

[@CalciferASMR]

Happy Wednesday indeed! Although, the slightly somber feel of this video doesn’t quite match the excitement I’ll share in the comments. 😂

[@FlyingPurplePizzas]

It sounds like you are really allowing yourself to experience your feelings and show yourself what works for you and what doesn't. When we look at a situation and see it in a negative way, it's easy to overlook how amazing we are at learning and adapting our way through our problems and into better situations. That ability and all of the support we have is what gives us the light at the end of the tunnel. I admire your ability to describe your inner state in such an honest and detailed way. And your resilience is inspiring.

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much. ❤️

[@C.bm3388]

It really is hard being a young adult, you described it perfectly. Everybody wants answers to questions that leave you drained. You start to get angry at everything and everyone. Everything leaves you confused. These are really hard topics to talk about, thank you for being so brave and vulnerable. I feel you and I relate to what you are going through. When I feel overwhelmed I also talk to myself and cry, but what really helps me is writing. All my loud thoughts become so small and palpable on paper. It really helps me with being consistent and showing up for myself. You should try it. I hope you find your way through this! Be kind to yourself, things will get easier ☺️ Take care Haley 🩵🩵🩵

[@CalciferASMR]

I love that, and I really do need to get back into journaling. Thank you so much. ❤️

[@C.bm3388]

I really recommend it ☺️ Even if it is just a few minutes per day it gives the opportunity to connect with your inner self 💜 I hope you find the time ☺️ The same way you give others love and other way around you should also give love to yourself ❤ Thank for your beautiful vulnerability as always and keep going Haley ❤

[@Farron0909]

I’m so sorry you’ve had a bad week :( thank you so much for making all of our weeks great with your relaxing videos 💛!

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much 🧡❤️

[@meleafutterman2221]

I was talking with my father, expressing the same frustration you were talking about with having to experience everything instead of being able to use people's advice. I had continually said 'and I know it's just reality.' And he had to break in to remind me that I am so young that I don't get to say what reality is. Reality isn't a valid reason to dismiss things that cause emotional reactions. Your brain can look at the people around you, the experiences they have had, and logically compute patterns and situations - that doesn't mean your heart can yet. That's the problem with people who are intellectually competent and taught to be aware: Identification isn't as useful as we'd wish it is. You can look at a fridge and go "Hey, that's a fridge!", and you can ask a mechanic what to do when the fridge breaks - but you've fixed a fridge before. You've used one every day of your life, and always had one in your home. You know it's used to keep things cool. You can identify all of it, but you've never fixed one. And, very suddenly, you're left frustrated because it's a fridge. You KNOW fridges. But, you don't. Which is okay, you aren't supposed to know how to be a mechanic. No one expects you to be a mechanic. Sometimes life just feels like running into fridges and wanting to fix them without the knowledge, or the fortitude, or the wherewithall... which is, quite literally I-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e.

[@CalciferASMR]

I love this. Thank you, my friend.

[@T0FFII]

This one resonates with me a lot. It's good to have an honest n heartfelt ramble like this, the life of a young adult nowadays I feel like anw is way harder than it was before.. but we'll get there!

[@CalciferASMR]

I agree, my friend. We do our best, and that’s enough. :)

[@Heytherehannah]

I resonate so much with these feelings. As a girl who also seems to need to learn things the harder way, I understand where you’re coming from. Your emotional intelligence never ceases to amaze me. Just know that these conversations are such a help to so many of us, and your vulnerability here does not go unnoticed ❤️

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, I’m really happy to hear that you feel this sort of weight as well! It can be overwhelming, but we will make it work. ❤️

[@hollowbread]

I know exactlyyy how you feel. I go back for my 4th year of college at the end of the month and I’m so not ready to face that challenge again. I hope it gets better for you, and you are one of many going through those same feelings❤️

[@CalciferASMR]

Wishing you the best as you get back into a routine with your classes, thank you ❤️

[@jimbee5905]

I’m listening to this and I’m agreeing with you. I’m 24 and I finished college and the amount of money college classes cost is absurd. It’s absolutely a scam especially when they require you to take classes that don’t help with your major.

[@alejandraencar2]

And then you go to work after college and realice you are not using a single thing of what they thought you, I feel scammed while paying crazy student loans and get 39% of my check taken out in taxes, so you’re technically making minimum wage while making a lot of money in paper, while having older generations feel disappointed that you make “all this money” and don’t even have a house yet. 😢plus the impostor syndrome that’s always with me. I’m 23

[@oboromusha80]

Hey, it's been a bad 20+ years for me. So let's try to put this in perspective, young lady. I hope my experience helps: - Crisis management is the sort of thing you shouldn't expect anyone else around you to take on. If they do, it helps, but do it yourself. This requires the identification of the problems you can solve in the moment and mindfulness of the steps you need to handle the ones you can't. Plan accordingly and reframe back to what you are able to do right now and act; - Ensure that external pressures match the situations you're handling - if they don't - these people have no idea what you're handling and are likely to introduce more problems you didn't ask for. Shut them out. Everyone has advice you don't need in your current struggle. Their anecdotes and prescriptions are not useful in determining your reality in most cases; - Everything in life requires contingency planning. This means savings, tight budget control and trimming the fat from expenditures you have. If these things are personal indulgences, you need to make sure to pick the ones you can afford. Always have more funds than what you need for the month, at least double that (which is far from ideal, it's best to aim for 12x that); - If living in the city has rendered your problems stagnant or worse, unsolvable, look up options, namely with close family, to move to the country side. Turns out the stress is greatly reduced if you change scenery to one with less people in it. City life introduces a vertical slice of problems that affect virtually everything about your life and the moment you're away from one, it stops being that overwhelming. Cities are hives of discord and inhumanity. The many historical cycles of civilization we've had as a species prove this unerringly. Smaller communities work better, are happier and kinder overall; - Be mindful that in a long enough timeline, tragedy will be visited upon you. Don't be like me and spend most of your years fearing the worse, like losing someone you love, because when you go through it, you realize you were able to handle it after all and you feel dumb for placing such stock on those fears. That sort of pain is worse than the actual thing, especially over years of dread. You'll feel stupid for feeling that you were unprepared for such things. No matter how much your heart can break, double the capacity for it to heal enough for you to continue; - Stoicism has a lot more to do with understanding the cause of the hardship than it is about the endurance of the pain that comes with the effects. The whole "pushing a boulder up a mountain" like Sisyphus, is only the latter. You must understand the cause of the pain or risk enduring it needlessly for a very long time; - Most people don't really like you. They pretend, with a fair level of competence, because that's what society commands in our dynamics, no one wants come across as callous. But words are only words. If you are surrounded by people who are "nice" but don't really care what happens to you, make sure you return the pleasantries back to them and little else. People who don't like you, don't need you or your strength. People who love you may not ever say it, but they are the legitimate recipients of your strength; - Anxiety is your body telling you that survival relies on actions you're not taking. The moment you feel anxious, report back to the problem identification exercise you did when you were calmer and isolate the actions you drafted as part of that. Stop the idleness immediately and get to work. After a few minutes, you'll see that you're feeling better as a direct result; - There are a number of things about you that you may not understand fully, which inspire things like envy, fear or animosity from people around you. Because we live in an insincere age, people will not be useful in helping you determine what those things are accurately. The trick is to let them talk themselves out while they flail in your presence with their rationalizations. Listen more than you speak and you'll understand what their hang ups are. Some of these, sadly, are totally unreasonable: These are the toxic people you don't need. Their whole existential strategy is to be better than you or seen as such. You should know that, while you may be better than them, you don't need to do a thing about it. It's a waste of energy and occludes the people who can't connect with you because they have trouble understanding you, despite their wishes. Those people are probably easier to care for and they will be neglected because you were too busy trying to impress people who despise you out of their ego, which should never be your problem. Jeez, that was big. But you get the point, I hope. It's not a bad week that's going to force you into reflection. It's a lifetime of pattern recognition that gets you there and this isn't a ticket for a better life, necessarily. Your raison d'etre was always the process of learning. Don't harbor any delusions in regards to this. Easy lives never provide sufficient learning to remain easy forever and that is God's default prescription. You will be made to learn. It is the mindfulness that it is taking place, that you should nurture and improve because this will help you see a bad patch as a part of the story, not an entirely separate narrative which has sequestered you for the remainder of your life. Be sure to be thankful of the time I spared you, by going through these things and doing the needful reflection on what I laid out. I don't spare advice to strangers unless I think it helps, truly.

[@d.o.5190]

I'm sending you the biggest virtual hug ever! Don't punish yourself for not fulfilling your expectations about your day-to-day. Some things are out of your control. The only thing you can control is your present, like right now, did you ate something today? Are you in a comfortable position? Did you rest well? Have you had a good warm or cold water shower to relax? Maybe, you have anything for tomorrow? The thing is, try to focus on the little things. Little by little you can accomplish big things. I'm trying to apply that for my life too because I'm the type that when I want something I want it like right NOW and I get or used to get so angry when I don't have it but reminding myself to focus on the present had been helping me to relax a little bit more. And omg! Relaxing my jaw, my eyebrows and stomach feels so good 😂. Felt like I talked a bunch of nothing so sorry for the paragraph tho 😅😂❤🫂 Just take the hug and maybe the advice

[@CalciferASMR]

This is such a kind comment. Thank you so much for taking the care and time, I appreciate you my friend! 🧡

[@Liv69696]

I'm an angry person, and I hate it. I 100% understand the guilt that gnaws whatever you lash out at someone who just wanted to help or just be kind and curious about your life. I've applied to more jobs, and then I can count.. yet nothing. It makes me so bitter, and I end up lashing out.. listening to you navigate your own feelings and anger was just really cathartic and validating. It's easier to wanna do better when you know you aren't alone. ❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Absolutely never alone, my friend. Thanks for sitting in on this chat. ❤️

[@emmys.youtube]

gosh i loved the vulnerability in this video, i was able to relate so much even though my circumstances are different. it’s so nice and validating to know that people are feeling the same things as me, i’m not special (but in a good and comforting way lol) and i’m feeling for now that everything might just work out how it’s supposed to

[@CalciferASMR]

I loved reading this more than you know. I am sooo in the same boat as you where I think “uhg, 20s are hard!” When I am literally only 20 and have a good 9 extra years of chaos to go! Thank you so much for your kind words and empathy. I appreciate you: ❤️

[@emmys.youtube]

@@CalciferASMR thats so nice to hear :’) we’ll make it!!! i hear your 30’s are actually the best, and i’m clinging onto that notion ✊🏼💗💗

[@MegaMagicGoat]

The idea of going to college and having it feel like high school, especially at a grand a month, would be extremely off-putting and demoralising for me as well. I'm sorry you're going through this Haley, it sounds like a really tough time. I hope you can either change paths or find some way to get this situation to work better for you.

[@MegaMagicGoat]

I ended up having to delay finishing the video til now but I cannot believe your delicious spaghetti treat betrayed you like that, that's just so unfair 😭😭

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much 🥹 but oh my goodness haha I know!!

[@Rakael4Real]

Words cannot describe how much I love you whisper chatty videos 🩷 Hoping life is slightly less overwhelming for you soon lovely!

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@andreapebbles]

we love & appreciate you girl, thank you for uploading for us even when you’re going through a stressful time. your issues are completely valid. pls go easy on yourself, things always have a way of working out. sending u love & support❤❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, I do appreciate this. 🥹

[@blerblsbe5510]

Im a first year in college. When I get back from class, I am usually very hungry and have no energy to talk. I am hangry. When this happens, I just tell my brother or my dad (whoever greets me) „I am angry“ or „I am hungry“. I take a moment first to ask what the emotions I am feeling are, and then I say that. I feel that this opens up a conversation that can lead to a resolution of these emotions, or at least a good meal. I hope this can be applied to your situation, I wish the best because you’ve gone through some real stuff.

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much. ❤️

[@madiskitchen]

oh my goodness everything you said in this video is so relatable it’s making me emotional ♥️ I graduated from college last year (also with an english degree!) and still live with my family. As much as I crave my own space, everything is too expensive right now. But I still feel so much pressure from others in my household to be at a certain place/on a certain path and arghhh that is frustrating and overwhelming!! Wishing you the best though. We can do it 💕

[@CalciferASMR]

Uhgg yes, you get it! It can be so overwhelming, and oh my goodness does that feeling drag on at times lol. But we will absolutely make it work. Watching your macarons as I type this! Thank you, Madi. ❤️

[@whisperingbuckeye]

You are so young, and talented, and absolutely gorgeous. You have such a big bright future ahead of you. I know it seems bleak sometimes. Trust me, it will get better. You are by far, one of my favorites. You are soooo talented! We all wish we could just hug you and tell you it’s all ok. Keep your chin up young lady. You’re destined for greatness!!

[@CalciferASMR]

This is such a kind thing to say. I appreciate this! ❤️🥹

[@charityspencer2944]

I feel like you took my most recent journal entries and placed them in a youtube video. Even down to you mentioning the kids and the simplicity of childhood. i’m only 19 but i feel as though i long to feel that simplicity again. I think maybe i am in that bad week period and i can’t really see a way out, but watching you makes me feel like i’m talking to one of my friends. Thank you for being who you are and trusting us with such a vulnerable part of yourself🫶🏽.

[@charityspencer2944]

also that color looks amazing on you girly

[@CalciferASMR]

I’m so glad this resonates with you as well. I’m always happy to see a comment like this. We are all in it together even when we feel so isolated. Thank you girl ❤️🥹

[@katm82]

Yeowch my heart. It hurts to have heavy feelings but it’s really nice to listen to you articulate it…you’re very in tune with your emotions at a young age which is cool ♥️ Rooting for you 🎺

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much 🧡

[@andreaparedes6210]

So so so relatable. I feel this EXACT way with my senior year. Thank you for making this video queen you will not believe where you will be in a year- you’re gonna thrive !!

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, girl, oh my goodness 🥺❤️❤️

[@miri_miri_chan]

I love your vibe! I recognize myself in your struggles and it really felt like a friend was talking to me, I hope you get to feel better, and thank you for this video ❤️

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, my friend. 🧡

[@icebreaker5303]

You don’t know how much I needed this rn, it feels like everything is currently falling apart in my life but as you said, it eventually gets better and all we can do it to let ourselves feel whatever we feel during this period and look forward to the end of the tunnel lol

[@CalciferASMR]

I’m so glad this met you in a similar place, then. Thank you for joining me. ❤️

[@samanthajackiewicz2993]

I’m 31 and everything you are saying connects to someplace deep in my heart and soul girl. I appreciate you, I see you, and I feel you🫶

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh, thank you so much! ❤️

[@mrgonzogonzalez]

You're dead on. I have a college degree, a master's, and a PhD. No one EVER asked about my grades, neither employers nor folks in academia. Never ever. It's all about the degree, the knowledge, and the experience (be it professional or academic).

[@mrgonzogonzalez]

About what you share close to the 14-minute mark. Have you ever heard of a book called The Drama of the Gifted Child? It was really interesting for me.

[@7dawid7]

Hey Haley! A couple things I wanted to mention. First I know how you feel. Felt it so many times, and I've had times before when I punched my pillows out of frustration 👀 What I've found makes it quite a bit more bearable and better is taking a magnesium supplement if you don't already. It really reduces stress a lot and they say to take it during the day (not night) but sources are kinda mixed on that one 😅 Drinking lots of water helps against brain fog and helps with burnout. Our brains run well when hydrated. I drink around a gallon a day (you can drink less of course) in the form of hibiscus and green tea I brew overnight every day. Water and green tea is very good for alleviating stress as well. Most of all, according to studies, (Kelly McGonigal) if you see stress as making you stronger, like training, it has a completely different effect on you than if you see it as something bad. I hope you find these helpful and know that we care about you and you can always share, we're in this together 🙏

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️

[@mxckenzie_xx]

haley😢 this video feels like a tight hug! i always felt so alone thinking that not a lot a people had those worries because somehow they were young but they had everything figured out already and girl was i wrong haha btw i looove these chatty vids and that you're comfortable talking about all of this🤎 i hope that things work out in your favor from now on, love from chile🇨🇱

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, it will always be my hope that these more transparent videos resonate well with you friends. ❤️

[@noradrenalina14]

i really hope things get better for you, you deserve the same peace of mind that you bring us! please remember to always take care of yourself ❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@bellerose2060]

Girl THANK YOU i really needed this whole video, I’ve been using your videos to procrastinate writing an essay (that’s already late🤪) but this has made me want to put my phone down and stop moping!!!! I’m thankful for this life!!!! And for you!!!!! Hope you’re feeling lots better now, but if not that is okay too just know you’re bringing joy to lots of people and your presence has made a difference (at least to me :) love ya!!!❤️

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

[@johndrake2729]

I have yet to watch this video, but going by its title alone, I can agree. I'm nearing 50, and I can tell you that adulthood is one crazy nightmare that I did not anticipate when I was young.

[@LaneyEP]

love hearing your ramble- makes me feel a little less alone. currently starting my junior year of college at a new university in a new town and everything just feels like its going wrong! Taking some time to relax rn and hoping we both make it through this sending love❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh goodness we are definitely in a similar boat! I feel for you. Thank you ❤️

[@torpemiller1011]

Adulthood sucks. This is the toughest month for me. September 10th was the last time I spoke to my mom. Next day she had a stroke. The day after my birthday they pulled the plug on her and she lived until the 27th. This is her first anniversary since her passing and I’m trying to be the rock, but I feel like I’m breaking a part a little more each day. I get what you were saying in your video and respect you being so candid. Being overwhelmed is ok and we will be fine at the end of the day. Just like I have a long month of pain ahead of me, I will come through this on top. YOU will find the peace you need to live a balanced life. Thank you for sharing Haley

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, for your kindness and for sharing your own experience. 🧡

[@majanowa2201]

You are so talented and self aware, it’s incredible 🤍 everything you said, you said in such beautiful and inspring way, thank you and wishing you all the best!

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh thank you so much. 🥹❤️

[@LucasVieira-wp9ob]

Como disse em outro vídeo, achar o seu canal foi muito bom. Me ajudar a relaxar e ir dormir, as vezes uso também quando estou fazendo meus trabalhos da faculdade. Eu trabalho 8 horas diárias e tenho mais ou menos 6 horas na faculdade então chega o fim da semana estou esgotado fisicamente e mentalmente, agradeço pelos vídeos e espero que tudo que pareça não dar certo no dia, semana ou mês possa ser um obstáculo que você conseguirá passar por cima. Enfim, agradeço por tudo❤😊

[@CalciferASMR]

I’m so glad you enjoy these ❤️❤️❤️

[@hanbanan80123]

My first year at university I was beyond lost (not uncommon). Nothing worked out the way I thought it would, it was not the experience I thought it would be, and I started failing out of classes (I was a straight A student in high school, possibly an overachiever). It took me months until I could tell my parents I’d dropped/failed all but 1 class. I ended up dropping out entirely and travelling instead for a year, and it was the best thing I could’ve ever done. It took me out of a deep depression and gave me lifelong friends. I did go back to uni later on and finish two degrees (lol did not mean to sound full of myself there) but that first year? MISERABLE. Feeling for you so much, I hope you find a way through (I’m sure you will) but gawd, the way you’re feeling right now is awful. Sending hugs!

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much for that, I love hearing from those that don’t attach themselves to the typical, straight four year run. Thank you ❤️

[@Oliviap16]

Crazy timing, I’m glad this video popped up on my fyp! This was my third week back at school (senior year of college) and this semester is rough but this week I had two forms of bad news in my family and it just felt like everything was piling on at once. Hopefully things will get better soon though❤ Thank you for your video and I hope your next few weeks are better🥹 and good luck this semester!🫶

[@CalciferASMR]

Wishing you lots of love and peace in your process as well, thank you so much. ❤️

[@ast3r1a-xcx]

I need to watch this video again because I fell asleep right after you said the intro.. But im sorry for your rough week Haley . I hope things get better

[@CalciferASMR]

Awe haha that is okay! Thank you so much. 🫶🏻

[@Teinkle169]

It relatable to me. Good to see someone acknowledging the heaviness

[@CalciferASMR]

🧡🧡

[@ju.li4]

i understand how you feel, especially cause im an young adult too, It's very difficult to deal with this phase, I think about it all the time, even though I'm only 19, I know that a lot is still going to happen, I'll be honest, sometimes I just want to go back to my teenage phase and live there forever without high school 🤪. i’m feeling emotional now OMG 😡 stay safe haley you will get through it all 🧡 ily

[@CalciferASMR]

It really is quite overwhelming! Thank you ❤️

[@JustinTBowen]

The chances for you to seek refuge curling up in bed with your mother are fleeting. I promise you that your mother would cherish the opportunity to be woken up by her daughter who needs the comfort of a mother’s love. Try to take advantage of your time left living together with your family. It won’t be long before your current existence will become a beautiful memory and you don’t want to look back with regrets about missed opportunities. Your self-awareness is awesome. Just be you and embrace your feelings, whatever they are. Try to look around and take mental pictures of the beautiful people that love you and support you and that you are so fortunate to have. You will feel better. Congratulations on a wonderful young life - and having the maturity and awareness to recognize all of the beautiful gifts and opportunities you have. New subscriber! 👍🏽

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, this was a wonderful thing to read. ❤️

[@RikkiSan1]

I'm a new subscriber but I'm so happy I found you and I love all the work that you put into your videos, it's always so comfy

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much 🫶🏻

[@liza331]

Can't wait to listen to that before going to sleep❤️

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you for stoppin in ❤️

[@mario-iv8hn]

I can hear you rambling all day long you're so pretty !!

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you!

[@mario-iv8hn]

@@CalciferASMR ☕️🍮

[@allnewforty2360]

I’ve also had a sucky week so I can relate!😂 but seriously I hope things get better for you❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you ❤️

[@boricuaasmr8205]

you have inspired me to make a return to my channel and just like you I hope that I’m able of helping others relax with ease, you’re the best inspiration and I continue to wish you the best ! ✨

[@CalciferASMR]

I’m so glad to hear that, thank you so much 🧡

[@jordan95hd83]

I *love* a clicky ramble, Calcifer, but I'm sorry that you had a bad week... 🙁 I watched this video all the way through and I genuinely understood what you were saying, and I understand your feelings. ❤️ I wanna thank you for all the content you make; I really enjoy watching it and I could honestly watch your baking ASMR videos for hours. 💕 I hope all is well, beaut. ❤️

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, you are always so kind and encouraging here ❤️❤️

[@jaker.9275]

The hardest part is when you don’t think you’re good enough, but you absolutely are Haley! I feel like for me, I’m just not doing enough in my adult hood and I’m just going to be so behind in life and focus on nothing more than that

[@CalciferASMR]

It can be overwhelming, for sure. But we take those baby steps. 🧡

[@louisepitre7429]

I've always felt that there should be academic psychologists in the same way there are sports psychologists to help athletes through the pressure. Because I related to so much of what you were saying. I lived at home for some of my university time and paid for it with some help from scholarships and my mother. When I did go to a therapist at school, the first thing that she said was 'do you spend time thinking about the past and the future' and I realized that oh my gosh I do and that is exactly what causes so much of my stress. What if I fail? What if I end up homeless? The thought of getting a B+ caused so much anxiety. I found it helped if I focused on each moment of each thing I was doing and focused on what I could learn in this moment rather than on the final result or what it might mean in the distant futurre. When would I have an opportunity to learn about X ever again? How can I use this essay to learn something interesting for myself? I loved researching everything and talked a lot with my professors who were mostly very frank about how hard it all is. Their path was exactly my path- I wasn't doing it wrong! I found it so helpful and made the most of talking to them (and because they knew I was actually working on things from day 1 were so much more understanding if I needed more time which made things so much better (and improved my writing). Writing and contributing to knowledge is incredibly hard! One of my professors kept saying he wanted to quit and strt a chicken farm-- which I totally get.

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh my goodness, the chicken farm was the cherry on top to all of this lol. But genuinely, thank you for this, because it really resonates with me. Just a few hours ago I talked with my advisor and she’s going to connect me with a health specialist at my college so I can take my thoughts beyond my own mind. ❤️

[@alejandraencar2]

As a immigrant and first generation college student graduate, no one I know gets this, I’m 23 and 2 years out, have a great job that pays me well on paper because 39% goes to taxes and the rest goes to heath insurance, car, car insurance (it’s a lot since I’m not 26). Paying these loans and I haven’t used what I learned at school a single day, this big impostor syndrome follows me everywhere every day, while my family doesn’t get why I don’t have money, I don’t buy clothes, I don’t drive I fancy car, I don’t go out and don’t have money to buy a house and I feel like a failure. I can regálate to you almost word for word, at one point I had 4 on campus jobs, while other people even git gas money from parents and that’s great and I strive to one day be able to let my kids gave that experience ( without spoiling them )

[@CalciferASMR]

Uhgg yes it can pile up and become overwhelming all at once. Thank you so much for seeing your own situation in mine too, it’s always nice to have that empathy. Wishing you the best, my friend. 💖

[@DAK_Smashes_it141]

Great video as always MJ💯

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you

[@ZackyASMR]

Happy September ❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Happy September to you!

[@pennytheplayfulpug2405]

You are amazing about putting words on your feelings❤glad you can let yourself have intense emotions

[@CalciferASMR]

❤️❤️

[@Dr_MoosaMD]

I live in South Africa and I had a scholarship from the government throughout medical school. I graduated with zero debt. If this country can do that for me then America can do it for you. Instead America is caught up in an academic industrial complex. Education is meant to broaden your horizons, not cripple you with debt.

[@CalciferASMR]

It really does feel that way. Uhg! What a wonderful thing to hear on your part though. I’m pushing through haha.

[@HopesMagic]

Last year was so awful and overwhelming, I learned so much and felt so many emotions, I ended up feeling like I wanted to be 7 yrs again, with all my fam and the only things I needed to focus was school at most I don't want to worry about retirement (which we don't have anymore at my country, we need to save up on our own), health care, bills, work and top of that all my medical conditions that require a lot of supplements and special foods 😂 I'm so burned out, I just want to do what I love and not be 9 hrs working daily with little time left to enjoy even though I'm really grateful for my job cause is considered a good position in my country but routine gets you 😅

[@HopesMagic]

And I just remembered all this expectations that I put on myself that I haven't fulfilled yet and feel so bad about it... On January I almost got unsubscribed from life due to a health condition complication and that changed me so bad, like all this expectations went down the drain and I just started thinking of doing little things for me and enjoy them, not putting this high hopes and resolutions that put pressure on me, but go little by little and of it doesn't feels good just letting go, I'm still going with the flow and so far I feel at ease and better 😊 and hope to keep doing this changes on more things around life Hope yours goes better and things bright up for good ❤

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment and sharing your experiences. I appreciate you, my friend!

[@David-yh2fp]

HEY I’ve watched a bit of the video if not it messes my sleep schedule the middle of the day 😅 but I hope everything gets better and you get the break you deserve 1k a month for classes tho 😭 I’d be bald from ripping my hair out but you’re better then me 🙏 I hope you get the tranquility u deserves just able to sit back breathe and relax wouldn’t want you to feel overwhelmed while making a video we all love your uploads I hope my words can help a bit 🖤 wishing u the best and hopefully it all calms down 🧡

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much 🙏🏻🧡

[@albertloewe]

You are a beautiful Soul.

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you, my friend. ❤️

[@liamchristensen373]

Just wanted to say that these struggles are real and that Jesus loves you ❤ he can help you and bring you peace

[@KiaraASMR]

You inspire me

[@CalciferASMR]

I’m so happy to hear that! 🥹

[@tungleeage16skilledingungf27]

Haley I’m so sorry you’ve had such a bad week just seeing your face I can tell your hurting and struggling not to cry on your video but don’t give up Haley your stronger then you realize 🤗 I’ll be praying for you Haley just keep going

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much. ❤️

[@tungleeage16skilledingungf27]

@@CalciferASMR anytime Haley I can’t wait for your next video ❤️

[@itsjohnthomas]

Don’t overdo yourself of course but look for a student organization (maybe multiple) you can join, it will give something else to think about besides your class work. Your first year is one of the most intimidating but also where you’re willing to say yes to everything getting to know people and used to a new environment, later you’ll start saying no and prioritize more. That also might create a future opportunity to travel somewhere or study something you’re interested in

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh my goodness this is genuinely such a kind thing for you to say, but I am actually a junior. So, needless to say, it’s been a few years in experience here 🥲 Regardless, thank you so much.

[@Smelly_smells]

Well all that matters is your still making out the tuff weeks and bruises going on and there’s always tomorrow and weekends never look back at the bad weeks because at the end of the day you can’t control the stuff that happens I hope your doing well!💯🖤

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you! ❤️

[@12Paulo18]

In the end, everything works out. I hope!

[@CalciferASMR]

❤️❤️

[@WhensdayAddams]

I don’t know how to start this comment in an organic way so I’m just gonna start typing and see what happens. I think the only thing about this video that I didn’t like was watching you let yourself acknowledge that you were having feelings but then talk yourself out of feeling them. All the things you’re feeling right now are so so so justified and normal for where you are in life. If I could give you any advice as someone older (32); that thing with the kids that you thought was cringe, lean into that feeling. Who cares about cringe? Let yourself see stuff like that and let it make you wistful or sad or whatever else you’re feeling. If I’ve learned anything about my feelings by now it’s that it’s a privilege to feel deeply. It makes my sadness feel beautiful instead of pathetic and it helps me through. The more you lean in, the more significant your joy will feel also. Otherwise it sounds like you’re coping really well and it’s going to be okay. Trust yourself to be able to get through it. You have really good evidence that you can, you’ve already gotten through this much. Sending you all the love ♥️

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you, my friend. I sometimes don’t catch when I’m dismissive of the things I say because I’m focusing on how each person is going to perceive me. That’s a pretty impossible thing to do though, so I’m trying to be more mindful of just letting the emotion roll out as it came to me in the first place. Thank you. 🧡

[@WhensdayAddams]

@@CalciferASMRthat makes sense. It’s so hard to manage people’s expectations as it is, let alone when you’re someone who’s in public view like this. I can understand why that would make it harder to be gentle with yourself sometimes. You’re doing a great job, though. You’ll be just fine. This season is a hard one and it’s okay to let it be hard for a while. ♥️

[@gregsimones9295]

It does get better

[@Haunted.Homemaker]

The cost of education right now is criminal when compared to wages, which have hardly increased.

[@CalciferASMR]

Truly 😪

[@gilbertgrapeape4832]

Hang in there! 💜

[@CalciferASMR]

❤️❤️

[@mx1s-mi]

Lip combo? So stunning

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh thank you! It is the NYX lip liner in nude truffle and then I top that with a brown/mauve eyeshadow to set it in place (which makes a great difference). Followed up with a little ELF lipstain in the middle of the lips for color. ❤️

[@alicestate2967]

You’re so eloquent and wise. You are incredible but I’m sorry that it’s all so, so hard on you. I am in awe of you though. And you’re younger than me; I’m 21! Much love to you. Keep your head up high

[@CalciferASMR]

Awee thank you so much, you are too kind 🥹❤️

[@Joe-xp9mb]

Sorry I haven’t been doing my commenting lately I’ve been busy with school but I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing and appreciated thank you for all the content you bring out you are doing a great wonderful job never give up I hope you have an amazing week 👍🧡

[@CalciferASMR]

Awe thank you so much! I appreciate you

[@waterhot80]

I'm definitely someone that only learns by making mistakes 😂😂

[@CalciferASMR]

The only way that works 😭

[@hanbanan80123]

Also GIRL I just saw the food poisoning bit, omg I hope you’re ok! 😅😢

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh goodness, I was struggling, but I’m much better now. Thank you

[@John-Jacob-Smith]

A heart of gold means having a heavy heart. I think my school may have been haunted, there was talk of school spirit. I save money on dates by not paying any compliments.

[@Sz_lino]

“Faith grows stronger in trials; trust the journey, for it leads to strength and healing” Bible verse: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith, produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3

[@CalciferASMR]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Sz_lino]

@@CalciferASMR LOVE YOUR VIDEOS OMG MUCH LOVE KEEP IT UP❤️🙏

[@titanten7582]

hey atleast you have something that you like to do outside of uni

[@overniteowl]

So, I have to ask if you are thinking about having a minor in psychology ? You are very good at analyzing your feelings and emotions. I heard you say you ventured from the outline you made for this video so Iam guessing it was on the fly more than planned out. Your fam is always going to want to know how your day was. Basically, it's a rhetorical question used as a greeting. They maybe already can tell by the vibe you are giving off that the day sucked but they want to engage in conversation. If you don't want to talk about it at the moment, it is very common to say "good" hoping the other person is going to let it pass. It sounds like your fam is very supportive of you emotionally. You are in a tough time of life. Things are changing all the time. You are changing, people around you are changing and suddenly the world seems like a crazy place that can be hard to sort out. Sounds like you hated high school. I can relate. I despised high school. Skipping was a common practice for me. You have goals and hopes and dreams for your future. Already alot more than many. I definitely see the puzzle coming together for you!

[@CalciferASMR]

I am actually not minoring in psychology, as much as I do talk all about processing thoughts and emotions lol. But thank you, it can be an overwhelming process to get through it all, but things are certainly coming together. ❤️

[@antonioserrano4495]

😊❤

[@Oways7643]

I watched the entirety of your last video and I would like to say something about reading and replying to the comments. As great as it is to know whenever I type a comment I’m guaranteed a reply, humans weren’t made to receive hundreds of comments made about us and considering people can comment about your looks,your voice or even your baking it’s a lot of information to digest even if it’s all positive. Let’s take the best possible comments and let’s say they are all positive this can affect your relationships with your family as you may think your better than them as your receiving hundreds of compliments which could cause fights and fracture the relationships with them. Even though the damage of your relationship with your family could be unlikely it’s still possible however what is likely is that it will change you l(could be for the worse) and that is if every comment is positive. More realisticy is that you will probably read at least one negative each video and that will cause insecurities that you would never of had a second thought about which would result in your own self esteem which would result in your day to day life. Btw can you bake a Matilda cake?

[@CalciferASMR]

I definitely hear you, and I appreciate the thoroughness of this comment. However, I do at least know that I have discretion when consuming the outpour of comments. More than half of the time, my comments have substance and kindness, not just physical compliments or hatred. I enjoy that interaction, and feel safe to say that I do not let online comments breach what I feel internally. I can assure you that I do indeed take breaks from reading comments when I feel I need to. Thank you ❤️

[@Likeanommer]

almost 30k yipee

[@CalciferASMR]

🥹❤️

[@ВладимирБ-х7е]

❤

[@CalciferASMR]

❤️❤️

[@T1JC]

Its a dark place rn

[@sammartinez7101]

I feel horrible knowing you got food poisoning that sucks.hope you feel better.

[@CalciferASMR]

It’s been better, thank you!

[@melindadelrio3262]

You’re very beautiful! I feel sad knowing you feel overwhelmed by life. I know how it feels to feel that way. It can be tough. I also know how it feels to be conflicted about school. Whether it’s for you or not. When life feels overwhelming for me. I remind myself that I need to pause and spend time with Jesus. He has overcome the world. Spending time with him truly puts things into perspective. I also remind myself we work so hard for things and give up our lives working when it all stays here anyway. This is our temporary home. I hope this helps and I hope Jesus gives you a passion towards your true calling. I pray that whatever you choose to do that he blesses you. He will lead you to your own space you can call your own. When you’re there he will meet you and you will have everlasting peace. Love you sister and I love your videos!

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh Amen girl, I’ve got to seek rest outside of myself. Thank you so much for this kindness. ❤️

[@melindadelrio3262]

@@CalciferASMR ❤️❤️❤️

[@xBabyRoyalx]

w vid

[@CalciferASMR]

❤️❤️

[@indigo96968]

I’m an English Major and I get it lol

[@CalciferASMR]

It feels so intense hahaha

[@ThaRealHomie]

Ohhhh shit.. well it only gets heavier and more heaty. Learn to enjoy the gong show.

[@jorgevazquez8185]

You look like a young redhead Dolly Parton

[@Osttt951]

A crisp Coke would fix all my problems

[@CalciferASMR]

It does wonders

[@Yvrtxe]

Real

[@CalciferASMR]

I can only hope haha

[@tlars36]

My dear, so very sorry for your struggles! But please don't fall into this whole "college" trap, apologize to your parents for me saying this, but there are so many more options out there today than just the college trap! My son just graduated about 5 years ago, his first year at college was just under $50k a year and his senior year was just under $60k. He isn't even using his Major in his career as he started his own business, but like father like son. My parents tried to force me into going to Dunwoody Tech, but I fought it and a few years later started my own trucking company and built a successful company that I sold several years ago. What percentage of college kids graduate debt-free and actually can use their degree? PLEASE do some soul searching within yourself and find something that will make you happy, because IF you can find that happy thing, you will never work a day in your life!

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much for your kindness and advice. As of right now, I do love the world of English, both literature and writing, and because of scholarships and not having to dorm (since I commute), I do have the opportunity to attend without the cost that some would be pulling out significantly large loans for. Now, I do have federal loans, but if I can pay the rest of the cost out of pocket (just by the skin of my teeth), I’m okay with pursuing it and figuring it out along the way. This, as of now, is important to me. Especially since none of my own family got to graduate from college. Thank you again. 🧡

[@tlars36]

@@CalciferASMR Just keep that attitude moving forward and you will absolutely go places! Stay strong and be SAFE out there! Even as an olE timer of 60, you are an inspiration!

[@has322]

My advice to is listening to quran .that's will help you a lot

[@mafeu1890]

I just wanted to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen :pp

[@CalciferASMR]

Awee thank you! 🥹

[@Anishaaaaa1998]

How old are you?

[@CalciferASMR]

I am 20. :)

[@titanten7582]

what uni does to ppl

[@marinaluv29]

I understand exactly what you mean when it comes to communicating with family members of different age groups. Gen Z really is the generation to have to mediate and almost parent their parents, and It’s exhausting! I wish you love and light during this difficult season of life 🫶🏻

[@CalciferASMR]

Oh girl, you know it! Thank you so much, my friend. ❤️

[@lizethluna493]

thank you for being so open with us , I relate to a lot of things you said , it will get better for us

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much 💖

[@rameyza_elya]

watching this asmr will be perfect in time to take a break to relieve stress from my mind

[@CalciferASMR]

Hopefully it wasn’t too heavy in topic to relieve your own stress, thanks for stopping in❤️

[@mansoor3159]

Can't wait for 30K Subscribers Calcifer and I wish one day you will reach 100K Subscribers very very soon 🥹🥹💗💗

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you! 💖

[@chad6780]

Hope your day is going amazing calcifer you can do this I believe in you I will be cheering you on all the way 🫶 😊

[@CalciferASMR]

You are so sweet, thank you, my friend. 🧡

[@chad6780]

@@CalciferASMR Atc I’ll be always cheering for you to succeed

[@uiiuliaiiu]

oh i understand. the last few weeks back have not been good, something shifted and everything is a bit overwhelming. Sending you a hug, it’ll pass or work itself out, hopefully. 🫂

[@CalciferASMR]

Thank you so much, my friend 💖