Asperger’s: Not Being Afraid Anymore | Richard Coffey | TEDxChathamKent

Richard spent many years afraid to tell people about the challenges associated with growing up with Asperger Syndrome. In his insightful talk, he will tell his story about what it’s like to navigate high-school life with Asperger's, and show that the best way to learn about Asperger's and Autism is simply not to be afraid to talk about it.
Richard Coffey is a Grade 12 high-school student from Toronto. When he was 4 years old, Richard was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, a form of high-functioning autism.
Richard is probably not the type of person you would think of as having Asperger Syndrome. On any given day, you could find him working as an umpire for his local baseball association, performing in shows on the piano and trumpet, or serving as the newly elected Vice President of his school’s Student Advisory Council.
When he was younger, however, he struggled with understanding how to make social connections. Richard’s goal is to make Autism and Asperger Syndrome something people aren’t afraid to talk about.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@hhazard4748]

He was struggling damn. Respect his courage.

[@Yogoda127]

I only realized I had asperger at the age of 33 (two years ago). I wish I knew it earlier, because my life at home/school/army/work have been a living hell, I never understood why I was different from the others and I was constantly in survival mode. Hopefully with the years I was able to make it better and better to a point that I am ok with my life now. To other aspergers that will watch this video, don't give up, it will get better with time and more experience.

[@RichCoffey]

I am so happy to hear you are doing good! Just keep going forward like you said it will keep getting better with more experience.

[@Yogoda127]

I personally feel like it would have been very important for me to know my condition, and that knowledge would have prevented a lot of suffering. Of course I cannot go back in time and test it, maybe I am wrong. As for hiding it or revealing it, others will be mean to you anyway, so better reveal it. I also don't see it as a curse anymore, more like a disability I have to live with. Like you, I have developed certain attributes that are truly extraordinary and that are part of who I am now :), and that gives me an immense strength.

[@seandarke1892]

But I think going up not knowing but being forced to face it has given us some knowledge on a possible way to helpchildren who have it and don't know the situations to come

[@axxnecrolyte]

Yogoda127 I was 29 finding it out five years ago. It was a revelation . I really feel like I could have done so much more if I had known earlier though. I had built my own coping mechanisms, some where actually quite counterproductive. Now I'm trying to learn new social skills, and find my way in life. Good luck to you all.

[@1967davidfitness]

Been diagnosed yet?

[@IAMGiftbearer]

I think the analogy about not speaking the language and being dropped into a Spanish speaking country is a perfect way to describe it!

[@RichCoffey]

Thank you! I wish I could take credit for it but that's actually from Daniel Wendler's TEDx Talk a few years ago about his experience with Aspergers. It is the perfect analogy though isn't it?

[@bluegrassbaby86]

I actually use that analogy a lot. I often tell friends I'm close to to translate whatever they are saying into Aspie language. I have a weird sense of humor.

[@mar8014]

YA

[@catherinejames2734]

Exactly! I feel like a tourist living on this planet, for sure.

[@omardelmar]

yup, parties are a nightmare.

[@bryaannaalger7453]

I have Asperger's Syndrome and I know the feeling of the first day of high school for me. I went from a elementary school of 400 people to a high school of 1400 people. I was bullied when I went to elementary school so I thought instantly "oh no here is a school with even more bullies". I was right, other students and even teachers bullied me until I was 14 when I stood up for myself. I have anxiety as well and a doctor told me Aspergers and Anxiety walk hand in hand. I still feel afraid and lonely and like I don't belong, I try to speak but people interrupt me. My own extended family members interrupt me, my mom and dad are my advocates who speak up for me and say "she has something to say and you just interrupted her." I can't get a word in edgewise, it's very hard to socialize with others. My friend that I had since I was in grade 8 and my parents seem to be the only ones that try to understand and take that time to talk to me. I totally understand that whole five minutes thing because all I want to be is heard.

[@RichCoffey]

Bryaanna Alger I really hope you are able to find more people like the one's that cleary care about you. Peace ✌

[@thelegendkillersshittyduff1335]

Bryaanna Alger wow teachers bullied me. I hope they get into a damn car accident. Hope ur doing well.

[@swymaj02]

I have Asperger's too. I am in Sixth-Form College now, and I feel a bit better compared to last year. Transitioning from Special Needs to Mainstream schools, I do feel like I am so different from everybody (not that I am the only person with Asperger's in the college, nice to know that I am nt alone in this). It is pretty hard, especially since the family I live with don't understand it well. I hope you are doing well.

[@swymaj02]

And just know that I hear you too, along with billions of other people.

[@leroyc5289]

true true!!!

[@delilahhart4398]

When we're told that it's okay to be different, the actual message is, "It's okay to be different--but not like that!"

[@sharonjensen3016]

Explains why autistics get drugged with antipsychotics.

[@meldrews]

I have many friends and acquaintances with Aspergers. They have added so much to my life.

[@seandarke1892]

But pretending to be Nuro-typical is very tiring

[@errlshmirl3130]

unfortunately I've mastered imitating neurotypicals and will continue to play untill I am 100percent self sustained from my passion.

[@swymaj02]

Agreed

[@TheEyez187]

sean, ikr. Conversational and body language analysis and sentence content and structure and restructuring and double-checking means being in mental overdrive to come across "normal". I often wonder if the increased brain activity consumes extra calories/energy compared to neurotypical brain activity. And all of that is running alongside the usual sensory overload assaults!!

[@seandarke1892]

@@TheEyez187 yes 80% of your daily energy runs the brain

[@seandarke1892]

Im currently at 133 lbs

[@jordanawholemess5452]

Ive been trying to get a diagnosis and its been ridiculously difficult because Im high functioning so my therapist is all like "you look normal" "you grew out of being autistic" "why does it matter to you?" And see I cant explain the way my brain works very well and Im trying to hard in our meetings yet she doesnt understand. Im autistic but she says I "look normal." Well great doesnt mean im not struggling to just sit here and be "normal"

[@DrumWild]

I had that fear in Kindergarten. Through my entire life, I thought that I was just weird, or maybe unlikable. Then, six months ago, just before my 53rd birthday, I got the formal diagnosis of Asperger's. You know what they say: Early detection is key. I missed that boat by over four decades. The past makes sense now. But I still don't know how to make friends, how to keep the few I might accidentally get, interview for jobs, or keep a job. I cannot call myself an "Aspie," because that not only belittles this horrible affliction, but it sounds like a little foofy dog who just took first prize at Westminster. The only thing worse than how it gets in the way of my entire life, is when people online say that I'm "special" or that I "have a gift." If it's a gift, then I want to return it. This happens ONLY with people online. People in-person treat me horribly, based not on the label, but on nothing more than me. With the exception of my therapist, no one has ever said to my face that this is a gift. I'm alone because I don't have friends. Talking to a random stranger in the store is out of the question. I haven't had a job for a few years now, and was diagnosed with Diabetes today, so I'll probably just die quietly in my apartment and be done with it.

[@stupidregistration]

Man, are you alright now? It’s true we didn’t have the advantage of an early diagnosis, but still good to know WHAT it was what made me different and my life so hard at last.

[@TheVintageBumbleBee]

My husband was diagnosed two years ago at 60 and our daughter a few months ago at 24. It's been a long marriage, I'm glad to know it wasn't me all these years. We are happier than ever.

[@iphoneusdsd]

when he said " is anybody out there"? sounded so lonely.

[@tylerh3775]

This literally describes me. I was recently diagnosed and always assumed that everyone felt this way and that it was normal. I never even realized that I put on a face for others and acted the way I thought they would want me to act in fear of not being accepted

[@MrDCWood]

Richard, this one of those speeches that I need to hear from time to time. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at a young age, and I'm thankful for the quality of support I've had to help guide me through life. Despite the quality of life I have and what I've achieved, I can still be overwhelmed by it at times, but knowing I'm not alone in this world...knowing that there are so many in this world with Asperger's...who are also able to make the most of their lives...it's inspiring. Thank you for your uplifting words to me and everyone else. And reminding us just how far we've all come.

[@stuartkent383]

I would like to have a normal day without fear. Everyone is frightening, boring or intimidating.

[@QuiltingCrow]

I was diagnosed this year, at age 41. I wish I had known before, but I have come a long way in only a few months. I*m still struggling to find out where my borders are, what is too much and what I can do against feeling stressed (because a lot of things stress me out and I struggle with high blood pressure). Honestly, I love being an Aspie, NOWADAYS, as I am out of school and university. I think we Aspies have a lot of great traits like honesty and the ability to spend time alone.

[@seandarke1892]

Borders? What's that

[@dilukshan515]

@@seandarke1892 boundaries

[@seandarke1892]

@@dilukshan515 the whole world is against that like the Ten Commandments

[@ruth6833]

Amazing guy...a natural speaker and communicator who is going to open the ears and hearts of many great nuerotypical people that we neurodiverse have much to offer and in understanding us are creating a mutually beneficial society!

[@loveallgirlstheymakemefeel7015]

I have aspergers, diagnosed around 12yo, going on nearly 38yo now. My sister's firstborn who is 8yo and she's been diagnosed too. Life is going to be difficult for her, maybe i should analyze and assist her. But i feel like over the years i have evolved, years of being high on thc all day everyday also significantly helped. I still find social interactions with large groups overwhelming and i loathe crowds of people, but i can quite easily socialize online. Not sure about all people with aspergers, but my niece is showing signs of a lack of empathy, i also lacked empathy until i endured a stressful moment in my early 20's. Now i'm extremely empathetic. I definitely feel smarter the most people, i have incredible comprehension and problem solving skills. Even with all the benefits i feel like i have, sometimes i wish i was normal. A lot of my own choices and quirks are shrugged off as being an aspie, it irritates me that people assume that.

[@rstevens1836]

Salutes here, Mr. Coffey. Im an Aspie also and still stuck in 1st-day 9th grader mode myself, especially with women. It takes guts to talk to anyone, even a room full of people at a speech.

[@anainmazatlan]

You’re an amazing young man and it’s great that you are sharing your experiences with others with and without Aspergers. Just listening to what you have to say helps educate people on how to interact with each other. Well done!

[@drkaradymond]

So proud of you. What a powerful, clearly expressed message and way of relating your experiences so others can understand. You have a gift and I can't wait to see what you do next!

[@RichCoffey]

Thank You So Much!

[@natureistheuniverse9276]

One of the best speeches I heard!

[@pamg9405]

What wisdom from someone so young.

[@teddy6693]

I met this guy at camp , I love him!!

[@karentresham4933]

You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your story! Really touched my soul and I hear you! HI RICHARD!

[@RichCoffey]

Karen Tresham That's what I wanted, nothing fancy just a simple message that connects with people and makes a difference. thank you for taking the time to listen to my story!

[@swymaj02]

I always analyse what to say to my friends, and second guess a lot on that front.

[@Dancestar1981]

I’m a female aspie age 38 wasn’t diagnosed until 23 so I didn’t get all the early interventions that would have made my life easier. I was bullied all through primary and secondary school and all in the workforce

[@1967davidfitness]

There were people on the spectrum in the audience, they are too shy to hold their hand up.

[@DarknessIsThePath]

No, it's not only people in the spectrum that have problems with this,

[@xtcmkr]

they probably don't even know that they are on the spectrum

[@1967davidfitness]

In? You mean on. But this is about those on the spectrum, you came to the wrong place.

[@1967davidfitness]

They do but don't want to hold their hands up.

[@katatta456]

@@1967davidfitness Wish I was there so I could have put up my hand!! Also, maybe the people I the audience who may have Asperger's are undiagnosed so they themselves don't know.

[@orlahayes1261]

Such a lovely message "talk more".

[@ryangemellaro2856]

I Hate It When People Say “Be Normal” When Nobody’s Normal!!😡😡😡😡 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

[@clarechabot6633]

Hi Richard,Wow, you are so brave. Thank you for sharing your story with the rest of the world. It takes a person with a big heart to put your personal life experiences out into the world. You are an amazing role model.

[@RichCoffey]

Clare Chabot I am so honoured, thank you for taking the time to listen to my story.

[@ryangemellaro2856]

The Person That Said That Being Neuro-Typical Is Very Tiring Has Got A Point!! I’m Autistic!! That Makes Me Different But Different Is Okay Cuz Everybody Is,and Nobody’s “NORMAL” Cuz We’re All Different!! Even Neurotypicals Are Unique!! Not Normal!! There’s No Normal!!😎

[@oilselevated4808]

Thank you so much for sharing. My 29 year old son still needs help to be more independent and I’m so glad to hear your perspective. Very eloquent

[@meghanmiller1587]

Thank you for sharing this Richard, such a great speech!!

[@RichCoffey]

Meghan Miller Thank You so much!

[@donnagolder7893]

We went classroom to classroom when I moved from Catholic School to public school in what was known as The Norwalk Plan. Oh, I do need to write about this. Thank you for your wonderful inspiration! 💕

[@christinafidance340]

I love the weather channel too!!! I would have totally been your friend as a child. And I don’t have aspergers. I’m just a dork, but I found it really hard to make friends too cuz I just didn’t fit in. I MUCH rather would have say around and talked about weather or something REAL instead of what most kids wanna discuss.

[@BlindSpot3]

Wonderful!

[@magma3525]

great presentation.

[@annewiley2639]

Well done Richard. This will be an amazing resource for the Past program. Using your gifts to help others is what it's all about. Anne Wiley

[@RichCoffey]

I am so happy you were able to see it!

[@thenobleone-3384]

What helped me build confidence was sports and learning Biology. I had low self esteem when I was younger cause I didn't know how to talk or communicate well. I still struggle and I'm kind of a Loner

[@virginiamoss7045]

People with Asperger's Syndrome aren't likely to attend a talk about Asperger's since they already know all about it; hence, none in the audience. Also, fortunately, many people under the age of 40 with Asperger's are diagnosed by professionals since we finally defined it and implemented methods for identifying and treating it. Those older never got such a luxury and merely struggled through life as best they could. I'll bet the audience was mostly older people.

[@seandarke1892]

I face the first day every day

[@ausundvorbei1]

ya

[@KatieM786]

This makes so much sense.

[@screwmuckduck8905]

Ngl it probably woulda done me wonders not to even go after feeling the exact same miserable feeling of 4 years that felt like 20 years.

[@kaoslovesfrack]

I wish I could do something like this to talk about all the mental problems I have including aspergers..... I would be so happy to tell my story.... nobody truly listens to me and I don't really have supports and I'm only 20... I feel bad since I feel so different... it hurts.... and I definitely feel ALONE!!!

[@shane5535]

this talk touched to me deep because i can so well relate to all the things he talked about especially the fear of standing out because i had add and had hyper active disorder all through school i didn't find out about my Aspergers till grade 10 but because of this i can understand and have felt alll the things he talked about throughout the video

[@derrabbit7289]

I used being different as a kind of shell and shield in High School. Cause if you are crazy and nice they would leave you alone cause they couldn’t predict what you would do. Normies still scare me

[@ks6187]

That was great!!!

[@jameywiltshire-robinson1205]

This video was awesome 🤩

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

ASD diagnosis has been the BEST medicine.

[@screwmuckduck8905]

I have a feeling Asperger’s and high school combined has gotten worse since I graduated.

[@katlero28]

I’m a mother coming to terms with the fact that my son most likely has Asperger’s. I’m so sad and scared for him as well as mourning the child I was hoping he would be and then feeling guilty for mourning that hope/expectation. As well as coming to terms with how interacting with my son is going to be very different than interacting with my other children. Scared at the unknown of how strong his Asperger’s may be and if we will be able to help him survive and thrive in a world that I don’t have faith in to be kind.

[@kwanney1]

Great presentation! Thank you for your insights. I want to connect more with a loved one who has Aspergers and I will take your advice. He never talks about it and I think maybe he is in "hiding" mode, which has kept me from asking him about his experiences. But I think he's amazing and I want him to know he can just be himself. Thanks again. :)

[@beyourself4996]

kwanney1 hahaa I have also but he tell everything ("*means) We had the same experiences . I UNDERSTAND HIM AND HE TOO . Don't give up hope near time he notice you

[@lovehateetrem]

"The challenge for you. Is you have to be willing to help them to learn about it"

[@lyndacrossland8982]

Great video...

[@bluegrassbaby86]

I'm 30 years old and I have a hard time passing. I can act pretty normal until I'm either upset or relaxed, and then you'll get to hear about all my obsessions, and then people want to throw something at me.

[@DankMemer42013]

This is exactly me. I’m 23. Got any advice for getting into a good career?

[@John-rk2bl]

I also have asperger and mine is shifting day to day. Somedays i feel more intuned while other days i feel more autistic. Last week when I felt kind of fine I went out driking with my friends, I hookee up 2 girls to my friends and another one to myself. I told everybody when we sat at the table I was autistic, they dident believe me. And I do get their viewpoint. Im funny, have good social cognition but still I have to work really hard to keep those flaws, which they dont see.

[@dylanmitchell4331]

I have Asperger's. I was diagnosed with it from an early age and I considered it a hindrance up until now. I'm 19 and I suffered through special education and horrible bullying for almost my entire life. I recently finished my first year of college with an A average and now work a steady job. I also started writing in my spare time about my struggles. If you need help or advice msg me.

[@tyrabeaver802]

Dylan Mitchell email?

[@okterlox0]

How do I message you?

[@christinetsely]

Have confidence, believe in yourself.

[@NJGuy1973]

3:50 The analogy was first stated in a 2013 TED talk by Daniel Wendler.

[@carlbarnett6545]

This video needs more likes!!! Fr Fr

[@671021748]

We have the same challenges at work again

[@Yenkna_PCs]

I had several friends with multiple physical and mental disabilities. I didn't mind that. However, if someone was rude and obnoxious towards me, I walk.

[@KB9813]

Here is the issue. It's a crapshoot to the reaction you get and since Aspies like me are good about having anxiety about the unknown. We are afraid to tell people because they can either not care and see you for what you are or that it will make us look sub-human and just show all your flaws. Which 50/50 shot do you want to take? Fight or flight kicks in with those odds and the flight wins.

[@New_Zealand_Music]

The more I talk to people the more nobody wants to talk to me. If someone tells me something and I don't understand I'll tell them and they will say it's really simple to understand are your ears painted on I've just explained it to you you should understand now. But I don't and for me talking more means being told to shut up. I'm already shut up in my house why does opening my mouth make things worse. Thank you for your video.

[@tamaraaramat8698]

Well, I, for one, thank you for your post, Heath.

[@New_Zealand_Music]

tamara aramat thank you very much you are very welcome

[@tamaraaramat8698]

Not surprisingly, this post describes exactly the kind of day I had at work today. Humiliating, exhausting...depressing.

[@Eidenbites]

I haves asp and well I had a lot of friends .. I didn’t notice it until like junior year I was really alienated..

[@olivere9772]

Aspergers is traumatizing

[@dfirth224]

Society could not exist without us Aspies. It's now thought both Albert Einstein and Alan Turing were Aspies.

[@thexpax]

I try to make a pal, it starts okay. Then they sense my aspergers, think I am weird and stay away. My only half-pals have been the other outcasts. And you know, all I want is to somehow be cared about.

[@TheEyez187]

2:15 - They were out there. Either undiagnosed and unaware, or diagnosed and not wanting the attention admitting it there and then might have brought them; not to say there aren't those on the spectrum who like attention!

[@seandarke1892]

How about growing up knowing that you have some type of learning disability but then at the age of 20 finding out that you have ADDand then at the age of 37 coming across some Aspergers videos i'm a little pissed but it's OK

[@loner1295]

Right! Exactly my timeline...although I have a teen son, who has symptoms, and even learned the medical aspie terminology before I realized "me too"! ( I think it's because female symptoms aren't quite the same) People like me and you are having some serious "flashbacks" with speeches like this one.

[@azouz5675]

please my bro has asperger i want to know what l Can Do to him to heal ?

[@seandarke1892]

Don't just brush it off

[@euanelliott8068]

I'm of the opinion people seem to sense I don't have abilities others seem to take for granted. And then of course they move in to cause as much damage as they can. Thank heavens I don't think like that.... Its 12.32am and I am sitting alone in my flat completely alone wishing I had a woman to go to bed with. I love the idea of someone just being here without my having to work at it, aside from the enormous pleasure of expressing love to the one who matters. Tomorrow I will go out and try to pretend I don't want someone, as I hear that's the way to get someone. Except I feel like death.

[@tamaraaramat8698]

And I'm sitting alone in my flat reading and wishing as well.

[@seandarke1892]

Come on parentscommunicate with your children don't be afraid to tell them

[@octoberdawn1087]

High pitch noise in video 😭

[@momoneyGED]

Turnt

[@turdfaceshithead]

Get help. Don't live alone in the country and work out alone,and eat alone and not even been kissed in 8 years. And the bullying doesn't stop ever. Get help.

[@loner1295]

Right. Im in my 40s and recenty learned about abuse cycles and aspies. We can be a perfect target. But if you educate yourself about " red flags", you have a MUCH more peace in your life...

[@maddyexplores2190]

That music in the background is very annoying.

[@purewhitechocolate]

Wtf with the background music!?

[@akumaplantstudios8869]

I was wondering that myself.

[@thenobleone-3384]

Wow Our Human Brain is important some people have a hole in their brain and as a result this causes people not to understand simple things like saying I love u. Or even picking up on certain social cues that's what Autistic people suffer from.

[@adolfhofmann7037]

I agreed until you started in about talking.

[@jason4547]

TEDx ... Is a platform for people like this to drink up all the external validation they can handle !

[@Knowthyself-zf3fy]

Yet another funny Aspie getting absolutely no reaction. They actually believed that we had no emotions no feelings and no sense of humour

[@ReyBanYAHUAH]

Always remember to repent of your sins (sin is transgression of YAHUAH The Father In Heaven’s LAW: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, & Deuteronomy) And Have Belief On Yahusha The Messiah. HE Died and Rose three days later so that you can be forgiven of your sins! HE Loves you! Come to HIM!

[@Tribolumins]

Why is no one talking about the music that is playing quietly in the background at the start? Very distracting for someone with hyper-sensitive hearing (which there will be a higher prevalence of in the audience of an autism video). BTW it’s Coldplay - Hymn for the Weekend

[@ahnanda68]

LOL is anybody out there okay.. we can work it out I don't know your name but I know your number LOL

[@garnunce786]

dude speaks to fast.

[@ceylonin7289]

He´s making a great effort, must be so scared to speak in public

[@KT-cz7rm]

I'm not as bad as him. I was okay at faking it. Until I wasn't. Dealing with it now.

[@cigdemsentekin1672]

What is the purpose of that annoying background music for the first 2 minutes 😖 I couldn’t even focus what he was saying and lost the motivation for the rest of it 😓

[@davidturner3891]

perhaps it was to help him relax as he started talking?

[@tepsy1993]

someone needs to make a video with a nerotypical person and see if they cant relate to the feeling otherwise i would never accept it exist.

[@mypositive9642]

I don't see your point? Do you have it or not? If you do you must have already accepted it :D if you don't you can tell us the results yourself! :D

[@Saje3D]

A neurotypical person MIGHT feel like this at various times and in various places, but for someone with Aspergers, it can be all the time and everywhere. That’s one really big difference right there.