Why my autistic children don't need a "cure" | Vikie Shanks | TEDxLeamingtonSpa

Should we really continue to pity those on the autism spectrum? Or, is it time to reexamine how we approach those with differently-wired brains? Vikie Shanks shares a paradigm shift she went through with her own children.
Vikie Shanks is an inspirational and motivational speaker and speaks on a wide variety of mental health issues. Vikie is a mother of seven, six of her children are autistic, two have cerebral palsy and one has severe dyslexia. Her husband tragically committed suicide after suffering from mental health issues, leaving her to care for her children alone. Vikie is an an author, speaker, and expert in Autism and communication. She runs an Autism support group, is a two-time winner of the Pride of Warwick District “Carer of the Year” award and won “Bravest Woman” award from Best Magazine. Through her support her children have gone on to win athletic awards, excel in academics, and form all-girl vocal band Relative Blue.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@SteamPowrdNaturalist]

We don't need to be cured. We need to be respected, encouraged, and tolerated, and we will thrive just fine.

[@vikieshanks]

You have no idea how strongly I feel about the people who are putting all of their resources into 'curing' autism. I will keep fighting for better awareness and understanding about how powerful the contribution from people on the spectrum is. We need you guys and in the words of Temple Grandin “What would happen if the autism gene was eliminated from the gene pool? You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done.” I rest my case!

[@2Be4Peace]

@vikieshanks You deserve a "Mama of the Year" award. Wow, just wow... You and your children are amazing!

[@2Be4Peace]

Oh and tell your daughter, great work on the dress!! Beautiful!

[@Bigdogreilly]

the only way we are every going to be respected is if we right for our respect,the things that families of severely autistic need and for the inclusion of nonnurotypical people to the civil rights act of 1963 the only way to get those things is via activism

[@vikieshanks]

I'm highly active on all fronts and will continue to be until we achieve that aim. We're getting there!

[@adamfarish5645]

Who came here after watching Netflix's Kingdom of us? She's a brave and strong woman and I wish her and her children all the happiness that the world could offer.

[@CristalianaIvor]

As an Autistic person I felt like an alien all my life: Until I learned about autism and was convinced at one point, that I was in fact one too. All started to make sense. And theres nothing more comforting than the thought "Im not wrong. I dont need to be cured. I just have a brain thats a little differently wired than that of others!"

[@missTkk]

Hi I am just trying to Learn about autism as my son was diagnosed and I do not understand I need to undrrstand what it is he struggles with so I can help... What is it?

[@CristalianaIvor]

@@missTkk nobody can tell you that, since every Autist is different. I'm a high functioning Autist, I have different struggles than some severly autistic kid that can't even speak. But I can tell you that much: love your kid. Love him with all your heart and try to find out whats wrong with him. Find out what he needs, what stresses him and try to get rid of everything thats not good for him. For that you need to learn to think outside the box. For example: Only because you would be happier if you had some friends, this doesn't mean that your kid would need friends to all cost. Ask him. Do you feel lonely? Do you want some help finding friends? And if he says "no", dont try to force people into his life. That will do only harm, no good. Thats what I see with non autistic parents all the time: they think because they enjoyed something in their childhood, their kid will, too. And thats the most harmful assumption one can possibly make. The only person regarding the needs of your kid, you should ask about his needs, is your kid. Also, yeah, support groups help! As long as you keep in mind that not everything that helps them will help your kid.

[@terriusthomas1146]

Cristaliana lvor Exactly! There's nothing wrong with us! it's just who we are! i hope there's never a cure for autism! i love my autism

[@AN-zz8ps]

some people DO want cures though or else they will die so it's important to get a cure for those who want and need it!

[@CristalianaIvor]

@@AN-zz8ps autism is no deadly disease. It isn't even a disease to begin with. So there is no cure.

[@caitojones3140]

I used to think that I needed social interaction to be happy because society told me that’s what everyone needs. But the first time in over a decade that I didn’t want to die was when I decided to just be myself a couple years ago. I stopped having a social life - I just interact very briefly with a few people, and I’ve never felt better as far as mental/emotional health. Don’t let society tell you what you need or what is healthy - just do what works for you personally.

[@genavevewebb1725]

Thanks for th

[@genavevewebb1725]

Thanks for that I love someone who is autistic and we're both being discriminated against for simply being us-why can't the world be kinder to people who are different and just want to be left alone?

[@Belfastboi]

Oh that is wonderful to hear, not many people know that or admit it. I’m the same. So many benefits from living like this. But for now it works. So glad you’re happier x

[@Belfastboi]

Christ that audience is dry. I love this woman what an inspiration. The documentary was so moving and inspiring. Bravo Vikie 👏 your kids are a credit to you. And themselves. Ps the dress is amazing 😉

[@aguilarriscool]

Just watched "Kingdom of Us" made me cry, you are such a strong woman!

[@lazyskull7949]

she has a very strong family to make it through something like that. wish them all the best.

[@SK-jq4gt]

What is that??

[@charliecharlton9782]

I just watched it today. What a heartbreaking tragedy. I can't imagine what it must be like to love someone so much that you have seven children together and discover later that he planned a suicide-murder of his entire family. Seriously I doubt his problem was autism but schizophrenia. There was also greed involved. He always wanted more and more until he was financially ruined. Need to be very very careful with whom you start a family as genetics are much more important than we give credit.

[@raynalreyes5769]

This lady is an inspiration to all mothers and parents in general.

[@unclebozo9845]

This has got to be one of the best ASD-related ted talks out there. And there are many that have been done by autistics themselves. Very few non-autistics have as progressive a view on us as you do Vikie, and I (and many other autistics by the look of these comments) appreciate this to no end. Thank you! Now if only autism acceptance/understanding here in the States was as far along as it seems to be in the UK and other parts of Europe, maybe it's because you don't have a huge eugenicist charity pushing for a "cure" like we do here?

[@leandrog2785]

That huge eugenicist charity pushing for a "cure" is Autism Speaks. I'm just putting that here for any future readers.

[@uncleambient]

Watched Kingdom Of Us yesterday, what a beautiful family, so good to see Vickie here being strong and articulate, very inspirational.

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you so much, so much good can come from pain and trauma x

[@Tach_H]

Who has watched the documentary 'Kingdom of Us' on Netflix and was in tears the whole way through like I was?

[@emmarose4234]

THIS IS HOW YOU PARENT.

[@foxfirelabradors5939]

Watching this in tears. Thank you for being our voice in the world. Your children are so incredibly fortunate.

[@lAcedUpLiss]

I have autism and adhd, thank you for this talk. I don't want a cure because my neurology is why I'm me, I'm very creative and like who I am. I haven't worked in years and wish I could. If only work places allowed us to work from home, I wouldn't struggle so much with sensory overload, panic attacks and intrusive thoughts.

[@annellewellyn7118]

I have autism adhd and OCD, so I get you. The intrusive thoughts have been debilitating for me, and so I've had trouble in school. I wish you luck, and know you are worthy as you are! one does not need to work to be good.

[@ellahopkinson]

You are not the problem, the system is, it's sad we are made to feel we are wrong or broken. In so happy you've learned to like who you are, I wish that for everyone

[@pardonmyfrench4760]

Autism is more than just a different way of thinking....

[@Mothermeeka8283]

Such a lovely lady and beautiful dress.

[@thornless9073]

The color alone is mesmerizing, her daughter did a beautiful job

[@beechy01]

I rarely comment on KZbin but what a powerful story - just value your honesty and the sense of hope that comes from this.

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you so much Chris

[@Svjx]

What a brilliant woman! So nice to see she is wearing the dress her daughter made ❤

[@KMWeir]

Kingdom of Us is a documentary that truly changed my way of thinking about my autistic husband, children and grandchild. I’m so grateful for it. I encourage all to watch it.

[@gmy33]

in the docu .. vicky is humble and voulnrable ..here on stage outspoken and wise ... we need more people like this .. so cool too discover !!!!

[@JoCiriani]

Vikie is an inspiration. Please watch this talk whether you know anything about autism or not...

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you Jo...

[@cateellington4081]

I love this woman. I just watched Kingdom of Us, and I fell head over heels in love with every one of her children. this beautiful brave woman and her family.

[@amandagodair4527]

BECAUSE WE ARE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND ADULTS.

[@claudia5391]

Just watched the documentary about your family on Netflix. Really glad I watched. Your children have such an honest and clear view of "life" as they figure things out, just like we all do. I wish I could put my thoughts and ideas to words in the way that they do.

[@andreinabarrera4105]

What's the name of the documentary?

[@aughtist]

Actually, instead of nurturing Autistics, people need to listen to us and ensure that we are involved at all levels in helping ourselves. The charity model has nothing to offer. It keeps us down.

[@krispyvc7686]

We are! We actually want to find a so called cure for autism so autistic people can experience the pleasure we can feel when making friends. We dont want to keep you down, we want to help.

[@samuelevans5743]

@@krispyvc7686 if there was would there be a cure for cancer to ? which does keep us down because your looking for something that will never be completely wiped out do farther research please✌

[@FireBlastStudios]

​@@krispyvc7686 We don't need nor want a cure for Autism. A cure for ignorance would be nice though.

[@teaartist6455]

@@krispyvc7686 While you're at it, maybe consider finding a cure for the allistic tendency to assume whoever isn't acting exactly like them is somehow less human, preferring studies and opinions for the outside to statements made by those affected themselves (this is utterly baffling to me in every respect.) and your absolute hypocrisy about empathy, both claiming it as something we don't experience and constantly acting in absolutely cruel and thoughtless ways to others. The last one actually starts to seem like the oh-so-infamous "doublethink" at times. But maybe I'm too harsh, while absolutely clueless and cruel in it's content your statement seems to be coming from a very innocent and genuine place and you aren't exactly at fault for absorbing societies assumptions without question. It would still help you to educate yourself more on the subject, least you fall prey to the often toted presumptions of a society and end up hurting people without meaning to.

[@zanelelong9912]

I agree with meme mc meme. We deserve a cure, and we're sick of idiots telling us that we don't need one.

[@nannapage]

Neurodiversity what a beautiful word Vikie differently abled people have been your gifts and become your mission to share with the world what it looks like to be an Autist, a person, a valuable member of the society! I am just so encouraged by all you have to say in your blog, your speeches, your book and your life has so much meaning and has enriched mine by knowing your story.

[@GrahamTodd]

Just BRILLIANT! Vikie you're an inspiring woman and the world is lucky to have you x

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you so much Todd, the fight goes on! xx

[@clsaloha1100]

The dress your daughter made for you ☺️. How wonderful!

[@gmy33]

came here ...after watching "kingdom of us" which made me cry repetedly .. and overwhelmed me with the power of sharing and life ... thank you thank you vicky ..for making the documentary and giving hope ,showing strength ..

[@manichairdo6346]

I watched Kingdom of us and searched an update on the family. I was so impressed by how free they were to discuss things with mum and each other. They each had a voice. So many children don't. Vickie is beautiful, strong and brilliantly articulate.

[@louiejadams4675]

i am my self autistic.... so many companies are so quick to say no instead of yes and the saddest part of it all my passion is cars i could tell you every part of a car all the main companies porsche mercedes have said no to me how i've just decided to see it is there loss. autism can be hard especially when you've got but also the best thing i've got and would wish not to be Autistic

[@halatas76]

I just watched kingdom of us, a heartbreaking doc, felt sad about what happened but learned so much as well, the world owes much from the shanks family life lessons

[@Noemie291]

You're a really good mum. And you're really brave. You made me cry. I feel like I've finally found the missing piece of my chaotic puzzled life. I'm 100% sure I'm autistic, just realised it by myself at 26 years old. I hope I could stumble across a "not so bad" doctor that could "confirm" it not finally feel a bit of peace and freedom. I really wish you the best and I hope one day I will have the honour to met you. Thank you for beign a super human being.

[@pitedapollo6175]

we should still have a cure for people who want it. i have autism and i would love a cure

[@einsteinzvice517]

AMEN sweet lady! Righteous! We have 2 Autists, & they are the most AMAZING boys, 9 & 11yo. Thank You for setting it right! :-)

[@SVisionary]

As a parent of an autistic child - like most worried parents I watched hours and hours of youtube videos trying to inform myself as quickly as I could about what I was in for, what to expect, what to look for, and how to react and to help my child. The raw honesty of this talk was by FAR the most helpful thing. I've been worried sick about writing my child off and her moment of vulnerability, of honesty and hope, I can't even put into words... it saved me. Thank you Vikie, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Bless you.

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you so much for this, my main goal for the talk was to give hope to people that their children were far more able than they could ever imagine when they were young. You've made my day by saying the talk helped you, I'm in awe of people on the Spectrum, they are wonderful, honest, beautiful people. You will watch your child blossom over the years xx

[@SVisionary]

​@@vikieshanks You're a champion of a mother, a champion for autistic people, and an absolute angel. Keep being you.

[@emilywire28]

"a lable or diagnosis should be a reference point.". It's also how you get public aid for disability.

[@snjezanabarbir6439]

One who does not know and thinks he/she knows is-dangerous. We must listen to those who were not afraid to see and think differently - and have found so much value

[@nannapage]

I love this woman! NO cure they are Star Children specially gifted and incredible humans.

[@brucewayne3074]

What's in this mug? Toasted up, no I ain't hostin'! All in my lap because they don't wanna roll it! I was sliding in the Lamb' with the powerglide, slime green paint, peanut butter inside!

[@lolasvow3732]

Watching the kingdom of us and her son Ozzy is awesome. I personally love his outlook and straight forwardness with life

[@manbearhair6495]

YES IT IS TIME. Thank you so much for this powerful speech

[@danielmoore4024]

I've studied Autism for over 20 years, including inside the brain. In an autistic mind the greatest variation is in the occipital lobes at the back of the brain. PhD. Thomas Armstrong shares the variation makes the brain work in a systematic way. PhD. Thomas Armstrong supports neurodiversity and argues against other professionals who oppose it. • Routines • Detailed • Overloaded with information and shutdown • Controlled environments • Uncomfortable with changes • Consistency • Not tied to social expectations • IT/Architecture/Music/Mathematics etc. all the jobs Autistic people are great at is something that has structure and a system to it. Creative girls on the spectrum are known to have huge imaginations that they can come up with something new every single day.

[@marynordseth2788]

Thank you so much. Generic term "neuro-divergent drives innovation"'. Lovely. You are a great speaker, and a joy to observe. In you I see my mother, who recognized my autism early on, and I can recall times when she addressed it, full on. Thank goodness she was a musician and shred her piano with us.

[@cgm2086]

@vickie shanks - i watched "kingdom of us" last night,, which is how i found your TEDxtalk. what a beautiful story. you and all of your kids and even their dad are some of the most wonderful, loving, sensitive, creative people i have ever seen. your children are beautiful. i had no idea t hey were autistic until i watched your talk. i admire you for your incredible strength and patience with everything you've been through. simply amazing! best wishes to you all!

[@gillb9222]

I was a mum to 4 kids and people used to say 'god, your house must be noisy'. But it was often silent. What we didn't know was that me and all my kids were neurodivergent. Get them talking about their special interests and the indepth, loud, excited, witty and intellectual conversations would go on for hours, into the early hours of the morning sometimes. But often they were in their own worlds, engrossed in their special interests of writing, drawing, reading, watching documentaries on their laptops, playing video games with their headphones on and messaging each other on discord or WhatsApp as they would rather type than be verbal as they loved the calm of a quiet house. I should have known the kids were ND but I was too so to me it was all "normal' because thats how I was too.

[@djhawke6464]

Made me cry, your kids are amazing and that dress is BEAUTIFUL

[@senoa64]

Thank you Vikie Shanks for sharing. Thank you ALL

[@Craftbeerpinup]

What an inspiring woman!

[@vikieshanks]

+Kimberley Owen (CraftBeerPinUp) Thank you Kimberly! xx

[@TheExtraKrumbs]

Everybody should watch 'Kingdom Of Us' and see for themselves how beautifully made her daughters are :)

[@jeremypettersson5553]

And son... don't forget about him! Likewise finished "Kingdom of Us" and Vikie, if you read this, I am likewise in awe of you and your family, and everything you've been through. Keep up the good fight, both in raising awareness for autism (which my son has as well) and mental health/depression, which me and many members of my family deal with as well. I feel incredibly inspired by your story.

[@annellewellyn7118]

being nurtured and supported helps us grow into people able to care for ourselves. Of course we need a stimulating and challenging intellectual environment, so we learn to think for ourselves, but being supported goes a long way, and I don't just mean charity I mean schooling designed to help us learn in a way that suits us, but challenges us in a realistic way. I think this woman is truly right. She is not babying us, or diminishing us she is not saying suffering is inherent to our minds. I feel sorry for all who have internalized ableism, and who blame their brain for a problem with a society built around average brains

[@danielmoore4024]

Anne Llewellyn, I've studied Autism for over 20 years, once I began studying Autism as an 8 year old it became an interest of mine and still is today. Even though I'm not a qualified ASD Specialist I'm all over online Autism communities helping parents understand their children. I've always been telling them to stop focusing so much on weaknesses and help them use their strengths so they don't sabotage themselves into believing they have so little potential. Each time people have told me these conditions are disabilities I asked them; "What's a disability?" They then say things like something that causes difficulties, limitations, disadvantages etc. I then ask them "doesn't that mean humanity is a disability then? Every human being has difficulties, disadvantages by things like age and size, limitations by limited energy. I tell them we're simply part of "The Human Spectrum". I like how PhD. Thomas Armstrong says we're not Disabled but Differently-Abled.

[@lendrury2771]

I agree ma'am . We have 2 autistic boys One mid range functioning one low functioning We are trying to improve the quality of their lives and make our lives a little easier on a daily basis

[@missTkk]

Please Any tips I have a child which is autistic and not much help in the UK for me yet.. He is still young and am trying to learn understand so I can help please anyone who can help with any Informations, tips, how they think see the world what it is how to help them develop etc

[@aTrulyPowerfulSpirit]

Yes!!! More stories like this please!

[@lovingatlanta]

👍10/14/17 Wow, such an amazing woman and mother! I saw the Kingdom Of Us on Netflix about her & her children dealing with her husband’s suicide. I find it so interesting that none of the children seem to have autism at all and definitely not in the way that I’ve previously experienced or seen people who have been diagnosed with autism here in the USA. They seem quite “normal” and certainly more normal that some of the so called “normal” people that I know...including myself. This has me so interested and motivated to learn more about autism.

[@duncilfam]

Much respect to this lady

[@SusanBrowneAngelEFT]

Thank you Vikie Shanks, this is so powerful

[@sbsman4998]

Truly lovely message worth living by for sure.

[@slrs3908]

An entire family of beautiful geniuses.

[@dharmaofdog7676]

Vikie - you have THE most beautiful & Extraordinarily loving Family. Striking the kindness, patience and care all the Siblings would give one another. Quite a striking contrast to my own. Quite.

[@qinheshiyeqin6648]

I just watched your talk 3rd time and it’s the best talk ever! Thank you Vikie!!!!! 😘😘😘

[@pajolley]

Watch this & change your perceptions. Be thankful for divergence in our Society and the benefits we all ultimately experience as a result. Thank you for sharing Vikie 🤓 PJ

[@ChicagoScientologyAudit]

Vicki, you are an amazing person. I admire you so much and your children are simply lovely. Be happy.

[@shyamalarao4504]

Beautiful smart children you have and you are the best Mom too, wish you and your family all the best!

[@rachaeljenneman8862]

This is wonderful. Thank you!

[@jghetto85]

Just watched a documentary on Netflix about the Shanks family (The kingdom of us) what a beautiful people! I wish all the best for all of them hope all their dreams come true! :)

[@gerardmierez9648]

So encouraging

[@partha84]

You are very inspiring madam!!! Keep it up.

[@pearlmatlhodi4094]

Vikie its such a amazing woman.

[@someonerandom256]

Beautiful, incredible children! My moderately autistic son is beautiful, and incredible too. I'm doing everything I can to build him up, because he has amazing potential!

[@alanbrooke521]

Lovely Speech. Well done.

[@doofy28]

I would not trade my autism. There are some disadvantages but also many advantages. Normal life sounds boring frankly.

[@vikieshanks]

Hi Snuggletummy! What a fabulous handle and I love your comments, my children would definitely agree with you! xx

[@AN-zz8ps]

that's wonderful I am totally happy for you if you are doing well with your autism but it is very important to realize that autism affects everyone differently and that some people with autism DO want and desperately NEED cures there very LIFE depends on it! again happy for you that it works for you but it REALLY does need treatment's/cures for the people who need it!

[@kristine3076]

You’re children are beautiful inside and out

[@richyhigg3042]

Amazing stuff watched kingdom of us last night your a powerful family, I've been and stayed at crackley woods twice in the past 2 months and will be going back again Thank you all

[@veneziagreg21]

It's usually more common to promote a lifestyle than a set of characteristics.

[@plummyplumage]

amazying you and your children are!!! Thank you for your inspiration!!!

[@luafenix480]

Is a strong woman. I am crying. And I think right now: I do not need to be happy. I need to be STRONG. Your daughters and your son are perfect people. I am sorry. I am brazilian and live in Brazil and do not understand english, a lot. I want this family and others being very happy. Thank u for documentary.

[@sleeptrees]

Inspiring and amazing

[@vikieshanks]

+Will Hull Thank you Will

[@sandifraser5172]

Just watched Kindom of us and thought you are such a good mother to your kids. You are all lucky to have one another.

[@mariamogaburu2765]

Inspiring woman, inspiring children, inspiring film

[@mauricesmith3515]

We have to be close to the detail of 'different' to se the positives as well as the minuses. We live in a world of divided concious entities bound together by a loose 'almost propaganda led' society. This lady has reared some very remarkable people. They may not think the same way as a majority of people. But what I have discovered is the majority of people are those most easily led by programming by the media. It is the people who are different who add most to human advantage. Creativity, new ideas, looking at things a bit different. These things break the spell of slumber. I know for real some of this lady's children. The ones I have met and worked with have extraordinary skills which I do not see readily or commonly elsewhere. They have enriched my own life and made me think profoundly about the world we live in. Well done Vikie for being the champion, not just of your family, but looking again at, and making the effort to get a message over to as many as you can, that all people have something extraordinary to offer. We must look around ourselves closer and see the beauty of how life creates people with different perspectives so that collectively we can learn so much more about this place we all share called... reality. A strong lady who isn't just talking it. She's livied it and is living it. mol

[@shilohbaez1650]

thank you for you video💪💃

[@jackaxed]

bro my first thought when she showed her kids was how she had so many

[@carolkraus2422]

Thank you

[@GeminiAutism]

Here children are all very high functioning. They aren't spready feces all over the walls, or banging their head until they have brain damage, or so frustrated from being non-verbal land unable to communicat that they retreat into their own world for days at a time. These children are autistic in name only. These children are independent. One can't even compare to what other parents go through, or the desparation a non-verbal person who is locked in feels at not being able to communicate. THIS IS NOT TYPICAL AUTISM and as long as the publich thinks it is, people who are truly suffering aren't going to get the help they need.

[@wandah9468]

One of 2 comments I could relate to, thought I'd respond to yours because I'm told I did rather creative wall art with what was in my diaper.😁 now, I dont remember that but I'll take my folks word for it. I flunked kintergarden at 5. Now here, I remember plenty and nobody heard my side of the story. Teacher was mean. Next year I got a nice one, and away we go! Didn't get potty trained until 5yrs, when they got me a seat to fit me. Safety first! I've spent my life without the label, no reason to change. And I'm good!👌 Both comments pointed this out, but there are young kids who really need help and the money to make it possible for these kids to catch up. No you cant wait down the road, and I'd say any foundation doing this is investing in a brighter future for everyone! As an autistic, I say spend it up front (for foundations...), I promise you it will return tenfold. Literally! Team Autistic!

[@natesportyboy4939]

You don't speak for those diagnosed as "low functioning" or their families.

[@mamunurrashid5652]

Nice dress....Great talk...

[@Empoweredwoman1234]

What an amazing mum. Still don’t agree with breeding so many kids, but her daughter’s courage is amazing.

[@corischwartz5907]

You should really read her book, which goes much deeper into the dangerously unhealthy, controlling personality of her husband. The documentary then makes much more sense.

[@ellahopkinson]

It's refreshing to see this and the comments after feeling frustrated at watching a video that demonized autism as if I were defective and getting disheartened at the comments. I am so sick of people's ignorance. Just because someone is different doesnt mean they need to be fixed. From my experience most autistic people's struggles come from other people's treatment of them. I have many struggles as does everyone, and I have many skills. I do not need a cure and acting as if being autistic is a fate worse than death as many people do is heartbreaking and contributed to years of self hatred and confusion. The world needs to change. Nobody would tolerate this treatment of any other minority group on this scale in this day and age.

[@shadowyzephyr]

I agree, it's nice to see a positive comment section not talking down to people with autism. However, I think you're wrong about people not tolerating this treatment of other minority groups -- there are other groups that get similar or worse treatment, unfortunately.

[@Yankeesiheart]

Watch Kingdom of Us on Netflix about this family, it is honest and inspiring.

[@victoriaelizabethwhitimaxw1613]

This was a beautiful story and I am greatful that you shared your family with us. The state took two of my children off me because I was labelled with BiPolar and I am just trying to understand myself. I have dyslexia and find that I am more musical than and I sing to my grandchildren. I hate the dark side of me . I haven't been able to hold a job for long periods. And I just figured that were not all the same. I'm use to autistic people my family are all parts of autism it's in most of us. You are a very empathic humble mother and so lucky to have loving children like you.

[@DonnaThompsonXII]

Vikie, You have cracked the glass floor and gained a grounding. You have made it to the stage so that many may hear your story over just a few. I see. Thank you for your honesty and your courage. Thank you to the network that helped Nikita+ family escape the pity,the trophies/ the medal iconography, negative wordography /spiral to move towards a communication system that is more precise , kind and resourceful across the board (mutually) so that we may support. Language/silence always carries a anchor ,a embrace a sting or a kindness,, and we are trying to be better without getting obsessive or intolerant,, Why does math get all the fun :) . I know this is hard work ,, but we do not like to lose children, teens or youth, anyone, for that matter. OR wildlife, plants and marine life. Ohh sorry expanding more... Don't read if this is too open for you but also do not forget if you have a quiet/reflective moment in your life to think of this idea. 7 is a big number in a family and , 3 has its' problems too. I do so regret bringing up this number system but i feel you may be open and it is important to ? due to your reach. Ok? thank you . The nature of family dynamics, in large families, in a complex 360 world 2016 , as well as the limited, more narrow family, two adults plus a child and the new gender diverse family unit , step parents model dynamic plus everything in between should be discussed openly and honestly. We are seriously open in our permissions and experiments right now and maybe we want to talk, balance without yelling, or calling it gender bias or this or that. Just seriously come together and think about it, talk. I have no preference but this is our world and family means a lot,, Marketers use it, sit coms, etc. i believe it is core to our being and hence I would like to open the topic beyond the Iconic. ... . ,,, next TED talk. On a lighter note--The dress your daughter designed is fabulous,,Sincerely spoken! Secondly, I would not agree that people are made for computers,,, Silicon Valley successful candidates live there... More,, we should know that humans lead computers and evolution might not look like us growing more robotic to keep up with Tech rev. Please remember the assembly line of factories that destroyed tailors, carvers,,and ended up setting people into mindless repetitive lines for the sake of progress and produce,, even children (Shame!) . If we gain more time, we are going to use it to make better tech,, rather than enjoy family or go kayaking because computers stimulate, really stimulate,, efficiency factor flat is the high of tech.. And we thought marijuana was the problem. The Organic Brain needs to be respected next to the tech age or we will foolishly create more than we need. . Vikie has opened the door to a sterling discussion. Great Thanks!!!!

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you Donna, we do need an awful lot more discussion and understanding before we can really get anywhere. My children grew up in the mud with no computers until they were older and no TV's in their rooms, it did them the world of good as they can now communicate very well in spite of their difficulties. Let's get the discussion going! x

[@DonnaThompsonXII]

i support your parenting style for the gradual integration of technology, Tv while first offering up real time experiences, sensorial roller coaster rides in the early years. Well done and thank you for your vision. Yes, we need to know more especially if we would like some semblance of control/balance over the experiences, and development of children in a tech driven, info age, globalized environment. Colonization taught us much let us now analyze the big sister , or big brother to this,, Globalization, and not simply accept progress for its own sake. We are the guardians of the planet along with many other species. With great intellect , resources and passion comes great responsibility...humans. Thanks again Vicki for your thoughts, Stellar!

[@classicnobody9872]

I have autism I don't need a cure

[@jshir17]

I recommend the groups ASAN (Autistic Self-Advocacy Network), AADP, and NCIL (National Council on Independent Living) which are ran by disabled people for disabled people. I look forward to the day when we control non-profits and government agencies that pertain to our needs.

[@hairaniahmad7263]

May I suggest the word ‘disabled people’ to ‘special people’😊

[@debramccafferty2918]

Thank you for this.

[@jshir17]

Acceptance is the only 'cure's that's needed. Attempts to "fix" autistics is always for the benefit of non-autistics and never for the benefit of people who have autism

[@vikieshanks]

Autistic people have so much to offer and so many strengths with the way their minds work. We wouldn't be living in the world we live in now if it weren't for them and their remarkable abilities. However, those who would like a cure should, of course be able to seek one, but it should be because they want it, not because society makes them feel that they are not 'good enough' as they are. I believe that shifts in societal attitudes and the minor changes autistic people need in order to experience the world without the endless anxiety would be a huge step forward and I will always fight for that.

[@leostack8495]

Tks

[@juliasawadski]

Wow!!!just wow!I needed this to hear.thank you!I need to change some behaviours towards my chidren

[@vikieshanks]

I'm so glad you found it interesting Julia, do let me know how things go? x

[@juliasawadski]

@@vikieshanks when I watched the video I realised that I still don't accept the autism in my family because I had the feeling my autistic children have no future and this was so scary to me. I understood that it is a shame to think they are unable.sorry for my english, i am from germany.

[@vikieshanks]

Julia, Nikita, who I was told would have to go into care for the rest of her life has just graduated from university with a 2:1. An amazing achievement for anyone but seemingly impossible for her 10 years ago! Believe in your children, they will amaze you in the future xxx

[@juliasawadski]

@@vikieshanks thank you very much I'm incredibly happy to hear that and I wish you and your children the best. These words are so important for me to hear I'm very touched.

[@itamarbarmoshe7165]

KOU. Amazing.

[@carpediemus]

Just a mum proud of her kids, no more.

[@rhiannonmarquez1754]

THANK U FOR SHARING....KZbin..IS SUCH A HUGE BLESSING FOR ME..I HAVE 7 CHILDREN ALSO MY 7TH HAS AUTISM SHES 6..I HAVE 2 OTHERS THAT DIDN'T SPEAK TIL AGE 4 THEY ARE NOW 14 AND 8..Im having a bit of a tough time w taking her places she likes to run all over..also @ the store she yells really loud will fight while removing her from the store if it gets to be much...its exausting...people make it harder by staring and whatever else...i will say this shes consistently improving..the backwards kills me inside cause she does good for a long time then not so good for a long time...i feel like I'm not good enough for her like idk.. I'm so sad...alot..your story gives me hope🙏🏻💯

[@vikieshanks]

Hold on to that hope! One day she will surprise you with what she achieves! Keep believing in her and supporting her but make sure you discipline her appropriately as well. Love Vikie xxx

[@danielmoore4024]

@@vikieshanks I shared what you had to say with my friends, I want you and your family to know that thanks to your family's work and effort, my friends no longer view neurodivergent people as disabled. Please give your children a thank you from me.

[@vikieshanks]

@@danielmoore4024 Hi Daniel, your message makes me so happy! My goal with the Ted talk was to try to encourage people to see autistic people differently and value them for the gifts they possess. Autism Spectrum Difference NOT Disorder! xx

[@nate5761]

wow she has beautiful kids

[@suzeq2b]

love this :-)

[@vikieshanks]

Thank you Suzanne, the fight for more understanding goes on! x

[@suzeq2b]

vikie shanks I totally agree. I am doing my best to help my son to be proud of who he is. I am borderline,. I wish I could stand up and speak so eloquently. I would love my little man when he is fluently speaking able to be comfortable saying that he is Autistic and that means he has trouble with communication but he is also very good at .......

[@pauloverissimobarbosadalme1150]

Lovely talk! Can you share information on your comunication with your husband? Raising 7 children in the spectrum is a huge challenge, I am sure understanding grew along the way, but is also known that maybe one of the parents is in the spectrum, am I wrong? Thank you. Paulo -

[@myself9084]

I love the Addams family! Don’t knock it!

[@johniversen1539]

For me, being autistic right now looks like me waking up, and doing nothing, but school. I have a very hard time not doing something other than school, and I think that somebody who has a hard time doing nothing, but work could be very useful for the workforce. Now when it comes to a home life, I might need therapy for that because I have a hard time stopping whatever it is that I am doing to do something else, so work will be the only thing that I think about just like school is the only thing that I think about.