Autism: How to be normal (and why not to be) | Jolene Stockman | TEDxNewPlymouth

Jolene Stockman may appear normal from the outside, but it's what's invisible that gives her a superpower. Jolene shares her life since being diagnosed with autism. Jolene Stockman is an ultra-enthusiastic, multi-award winning Taranaki writer, who launched Braincandy, a media company specialising in transforming communication in 1998. She caught fire! Creating educational resources and supporting business growth through powerful writing and video - all fueled by humour and positivity. Jolene has gone on to publish three books for young adults, win media, education, and business awards, and become one of the youngest in the world to achieve the Distinguished Toastmaster Leadership Award.
But Jolene was always the weirdest person in the room. She still is - and now she knows why. It’s time to rewrite normal. Jolene is a dynamic speaker driven by themes of identity, neurodiversity, and world domination. Prepare for fireworks! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[VeeJay ASMR]

6:58 "I can mimic normal but my autism isn't gone, it's just no longer your problem' Thank you for speaking my truth!

[Andy blue]

@Eilzmo there is no divine right for anything...

[Bamboo Panda]

Sometimes I feel like I can relate to this. Although I am more confident about my depression, anxiety, and adhd. lol

[Kirsty River]

Thank you for speaking mine.

[faethor ferenc]

@Omar Del Mar I wish it would be so easy. Depending on how much you differ from normal, you alienate a lot of people. Sure, autism and other diagnoses tend to lead to lonesome lifes, even if we personal don't care too much about that, sometimes its lonely. Everyone needs someone from time to time, its freaking hard to be alone the most part of your life. (This is my opinion, but i would say i was lonely most of my life, i am sick of it, and also sick of masking. Its double edged.) Anyway, have a good Day Omar

[Sidneycozzoi]

This explains why I can’t handle being in even mildly toxic work environments. It is physically painful. My therapist convinced me to quit my last corporate job because “this level of stress will kill you if you stay,” he said. It is so hard to explain to neurotypicals that it is debilitating.

[Subwoofer Wildtype]

Yeah "neurotypicals" have such different experiences than overpriviledge pampered people who think wearing glasses means theybgo through the same things as blind people

[Johanna Kispál]

That’s why I work as a cleaner on my own. I have a degree and speak two languages fluently, but I cannot work in a team, negotiating, and just generally seem neurotypical. Makes me sick, and I had to leave my job.

[Jade A. O.M.]

I feel you Sidney 🙏💚

[Julia Dixon]

Hear hear. Would love to be able to communicate with many of the commenters here. Wish some of these would come with a signup list in the comments.

[ElskaBa]

the way she talked about growing up without a diagnosis and then blaming yourself because you can't do the things everyone around you does and constantly pushing yourself because you just must need to work harder and then breaking down... that hit really close to home. I don't know what it's like to be autistic, but I do have ADHD and it's interesting to hear the similarities and differences I have with my fellow neurodivergents edit: terminology

[Elizabeth F]

Fyi...Eye rolling and the face hidden behind the hand are not microexpressions.. and they are painful to be the object of.

[Elizabeth F]

I have both. My brain feels like scrambled eggs by the end of the day.

[Juush]

I was thinking the same thing as I watched this.

[mia unicorn]

I was lucky to be diagnosed when I was a toddler, but the doctors told my parents to hide that from me so I can grow up like other kids and grow out of it. I felt the way she did about how I was diffrent and couldn't figure out why, I felt isolated, when my parents finally told me I felt freed from all of that pain of why i can't interact properly.

[Diego Casillas Duarte]

Welcome :D I don't have ADHD but autism and I can relate to that feeling. Grab a cookie and sit with the neurodivergents (I hope you like cookies tho)

[EyeShotFirst]

I keep watching these autism TED talks, and I keep seeing myself in each one. I feel like I seemed normal enough to slip through the cracks. I'm approaching 30, and I still feel like I'm asking myself the questions a child asks themselves about growing up.

[Subway Rat]

What’s so good about growing up? :)

[KQA]

❤️

[KQA]

❤️

[Boba And Ben]

@Pam 47 and feeling the same.

[Foo O]

All who commented here have probably heard so before, but there are online autism tests that may help provide more certainty. I am personally in the process of seeking a diagnosis, and have just reached the point where a person finds out theres a one or two year wait on that forst appointment...... Wish you all luck and happiness on your journey 💚

[SR]

I cried the entire time while watching this. I'm 32 and currently in the process of getting diagnosed by a licensed professional. I was invalidated and told to "work harder" and "act normal" my entire life, but I've recently hit a major shutdown. This shutdown led me to doing a lot of research and self diagnosing as autistic. I realized that not everyone works this hard to survive... neverminded the work that goes into keeping up with friendships, and relationships, holding down an office job, living on my own and supporting myself. Thank you for validating my experiences and helping me realize that I'm not broken and I'm not a burden. I belong here. Thank you.

[Shrain Brain]

Although, if you really ..”never minded the work that went into relationships; supporting yourself; holding down an office job,” you most likely do not have autism as that is contrary to the main symptoms of it. Thank you for watching and having an open heart 💜 I do hope you find or have found the answers you were seeking on your journey. Peace be with you.

[Lindsay Hopkins]

Me too... 28.... self diagnosed from the internet and having to fight doctors just to assess me. I hear you. Deeply. Thank you for sharing

[Vanessa Ixaya Barrera]

Same here! I'm 32 and have been in a severe burnout this past year. It's what's led to me realizing I'm autistic. For so long I tried to act normal too, yet inwardly felt there was something inherently wrong with me. It's been blowing my mind to know we're not alone 🥺 I hope you get answers, validation and understanding.

[Michelle Briffault]

Thank you. "I don't wanna be babied, I don't wanna be tolerated" I just want to be understood and accepted.

[SuperMarioKenneth]

@Sharon Jensen Facts

[Sharon Jensen]

Isn't that what we all want in the grand scheme of things?

[fifinoir]

Oh god I cried to this. I was diagnosed at 35. I often feel like a fraud with my autistic label as there is so much I don’t feel I relate to but I related to this. I don’t know how to live free as myself because I’m not really sure what I’ve masked about myself since a child it’s so ingrained. Is it usual not to know or realise what you mask about your traits?

[Luemun]

I feel exactly the same way! I was just diagnosed with autism at age 30 after seeking help for anxiety/depression, and I am just so confused right now. Part of me is in denial I think, and I'm scared of telling anyone about the diagnosis because I feel like a fraud. I'm so skilled at acting normal, I think people would be very surprised to hear about my diagnosis... and now I'm struggling to see who I really am beneath all of this.

[Gydjulind]

@tj h I hear you and can relate so much. I was diagnosed at age 57 (am now 61). Last week I had to visit my doctor. We had a small conversation, I made a little joke, and all that time it actually felt as being me. I remember thinking to myself ‘well done!’. And then I went home, broke down and cried, cried, cried, had a panic attack that lasted almost two days. And I thought: what on earth went wrong??? Did I mask, even when it felt like I didn’t?

[Aranxa Diaz]

i feel this as well, i think indulging in the things that conforted you as a child (for me it was fantasy books and the whole harry potter soundtrack) will help you connect more with the version of you that has has to mask and you will begin to remember why you fell in love with these comforts in the first place and you will begin to get to know that part of yourelf a lot more. i hope this helps

[Peter Green]

@forest sunset don’t beat yourself up. Communication problems happen to everyone, and more so between allistic people and autistic people. But Autistics are honest, and their communication can be very efficient and precise without the weight of allistics’ social jockeying. The way we are is a wonderful thing. We get your bluntness, because to one degree or another we are that way too. My father (also autistic, though never formally diagnosed) was particularly so, and has also hurt a lot if people’s feelings. But he has learned to be sensitive and empathetic, while still being honest and precise. It’s possible. Hang in there!

[forest sunset]

@Misty Apple one of the key things for me is a upset people all the time. now i know why. it;s because I have a lack of empathy and don't read people well. so I say blunt things and dont know when i've upset someone until they are in tears. now i know the cause i can monitor my behavior.

[JoseMeeusen]

Thank you, Jolene. You put into words exactly what and how I feel. I'm almost 72 and discovered only two years ago that I have highfunctioning autism. Listening to you made me cry, because as after a long life of feeling alone I now belong somewhere. ❤💛💚💙💜

[Julia Dixon]

Damn. Can we do a Zoom sometime?

[Patricia]

Hi Jose, join with me age 70 when I came to realise that I am autistic after many years of being different. Now we know why were are the people that we are. Take care xxxx

[faeriesmak]

Same with me. I am 46 and figured it out when I was doing research because I suspected that my 21 year old had more than ADHD…I was right. He has a textbook case of ASD. I don’t understand how it was missed. My youngest son started high school and all of his struggles intensified, they had been getting worse for years. He switched doctors and was diagnosed with ASD..twice. By two different profession groups. Then I took a good long look at myself with my new found knowledge and my entire life made a lot more sense.

[Melanie Robson]

Me too. Diagnosed at age 48 I think. Lots of years of feeling alone, I can relate. Now, some days I do and some days I don't, but I wouldn't trade my divergent brain even if I could. I think our brains are wonderful. Congrats on your diagnosis, and lots of love to you

[Al Ray]

I was diagnosed recently in my early 50s. I understand now why I have got fired so many times

[RVG]

Thank you. My daughter is autistic. And this is the kind of thing I want to teach her. There is no normal. Accept yourself. Love yourself. For me to accept my daughter as she is, to love her, is a natural thing. I want that it is a natural thing for her too.

[Ruth]

She will be able to navigate life because she will have absorbed love and acceptance for herself through you ....she is blessed having you for her mum or dad 😊

[Otaku 58]

Just wanted to say that ur an amazing mom. That’s all she needs.

[trent tolman]

yo!?

[Quack Addict]

🙋🏻‍♀️ Teach her to love her "weirdness" and that she's different, not broken. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 34 and it changed my entire life.

[MINZAKER]

thanks for this title. I was searching on how to be normal as a autistic person and now after hearing all of that i feel releif so strong that i cry on my laptop right now. Thanks for representing autistic people like that. Keep up that good work and thanks for making me less nervous about how others view me

[Anindya A]

"As humans, we look for sameness" “Just because you feel weird and just because you feel different, it might just mean you’re in the wrong place. You may not belong in your workplace, your classroom, your city, your family. But, you belong in this world”

[Edd gloss]

cried three times while watching this, i see myself in her so much

[KQA]

❤️

[Judith Mauldin]

We're not alone 😊

[Comrade HellFire]

Not me. I’d say the exact same just with loads of cussing

[YourRyeBread]

thanks for warning me i shall prepare tissues

[From parts unknown, Weighing in]

@Eilzmo same here. I'm stunned because every word she spoke could've come from me if I was this coherent. I can't describe how I feel right now. 😕

[DarkeCrimson]

i got diagnosed with ADHD at 37 and It just stuns me how similar these are. I always felt like I didn't belong, like a character that ended up in a completely different story. Thank you for this. And thank you for that message. "You belong here' really resonated with me.

[Cassandra Naranjo]

Autism is worth looking into for a diagnosis. ADHD and Autism are often co-morbid

[Azara Moon]

A beautiful talk, im undiagnosed Autistic age 63. This talk made me feel better about myself, thankyou.

[Dawn Trygstad]

I’m 59. Genetic test said 94% overlap with autism. Hmmm. Seeing talks like this seem to offer a lot of possible explanations for life-long challenges

[KQA]

61 and relate

[Patricia Garrity]

Yes, I had same reaction to Ms. Stockman’s talk.

[No WAY]

me too, I feel like an actress in a play every day

[Adelia Marcal dos Santos]

@Carlota Finally forgiving myself would be my frase.

[Graphic design for Free]

Wonderful Ted talk. Finally I recognize myself (at 54). High functioning autism, that's me. I'm quite intelligent, so I learned how to pass as totally 'normal', but that is costing a ton of energy. It's a bit emotional, to recognize all these things. Thank you so much for this Ted Talk Jolene, it opened my eyes!

[Hannah ZD]

Anyone else watch videos like this and start remembering things that happened when they were a child and suddenly find an explanation

[ChrØmium]

ABSOLUTELY

[Angel Smith]

YES! I’m researching this to help my daughter understand and help her 9 yr. old stepson…. I think I’ve found myself instead:)

[Cocky Cookie]

Definitely

[Mohan Singh]

Very true !

[Mannu Zan]

Her descriptions about everyday situations in the video just felt TOO familiar. I wish I had the courage to send this to my friends but I don't because I'm not diagnosed and therefore too afraid to assume anything by myself.

[Vanessa Ixaya Barrera]

I want to share this with everyone I know but I know no one will watch it. That's all I ever wanted growing up-to be heard, validated and understood. I got the opposite. I attempted to hide the fact I could never fit in like a puzzle piece put in the wrong box. Always accommodated myself for others but now that I'm burnt out and learning I'm autistic at 32, no more! This can be a life-altering revelation for those of us who have gone undiagnosed. But it can also bring up so much trauma. Important to have compassion for ourselves more than ever. Listen to what you feel is true within.

[Hema S]

Well said ✨

[im19ice3]

bless her, she made me feel so much hope for myself

[Cat Lily]

@ValurHvalur I am not married but I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years.

[Raewyn Urwin]

Indeed, bless you Jolene for sharing your life experience.Recent diagnosis at 72 I'm finally at peace with who I was born to be. Wahine toa, but extremely vulnerable around my edges, was always conflicted with this so called anomaly. I finally feel comfortable walking in the shoes my God intended for me. Aroha mai aroha atu.

[im19ice3]

@ValurHvalur dont let marriage be what defines success or satisfaction or happiness, that like many other things is subjective and mutable person to person

[ValurHvalur]

I don't have severe autism but I still like some people

[ValurHvalur]

She just made me scared. Only 9% get married.

[Delilah Hart]

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 44, but I still dealt with the prejudice when I was younger. Even though what I had didn't yet have a label, others picked up on my difference, and I was frequently bullied as a result.

[Julia Dixon]

Self diagnosis is increasingly considered valid. We take all the tests, hang out on the message boards, interact in spaces like this, so it would seem that there's less need for formal diagnosis unless you stand to receive outside help.

[Carol Troughton]

I am so sorry for this 😢 hope things get better.

[Delilah Hart]

@Osirus J Yes, I have always been verbal. (Some would say that I'm too verbal.)

[Osirus J]

so were u able to speak since younger?

[Leanzadoodles]

I cried so much while watching this. I’ve suspected for a while that I’m autistic and recently from watching videos from other autistic people, everything just clicked and looking at my life through an autistic lens makes so much sense. I’ve always felt weird and different but I didn’t know why. I feel like I’ve finally found the answer to a question I’ve been asking all my life. I do want to get a formal diagnosis but besides being very expensive and long, I’m also scared of the possibility of being told I’m not autistic. All that relief and understanding will be taken away, and all my struggles will be all my fault again.

[Janice EM]

Such a good, good talk. Thank you, Jolene!

[Michael Townsend]

Thank you. That was beautiful. I don’t suffer from Autism, I suffer from people’s indifference, ignorance and assumed superiority. I still cherish people though. We are all precious. I have faith in humanity, and optimism and compassion towards myself and humanity. My Autism and my strength of Autistic identity give me that, and keep me here. That and Staffordshire Bull Terriers ❤️

[Veggiemegroll]

It’s so true that you can tell when people treat you differently even though they don’t realize it and it sucks when you can tell you’re making someone uncomfortable by simply not even knowing how 😅

[Second]

Love how she gives a moment to appreciate all those precious people who made it possible for the autistics to go on with their lives. May God bless them all

[I_am_JaeFails]

5:01 "But the texture of the feeling"... This is how my brain works. It's small things like this when I hear verbally expressive autistic people speak that makes the quiet voice inside say that I need to take the time and get diagnosed. Thank you for this.

[Ariadne Ravenwillow]

I just cried so hard. Thank you for giving me a place where I feel like I am relateable rather than normal. I’m glad I’m not the only one, and hearing these feelings put to words pulls so hard on my heart strings.

[CJ]

I found out I was autistic very late and it was a massive reframing of my whole life. Like an out of focus picture became clear. This resonates so much

[ms-t-marie]

Her line about supermarkets - I completely relate. & when she said shes happy to come out, but shes still going to stay home bc she comfortable there, I laughed. I get it. 🖤

[Burden Ernie 1]

Thank God for the liquor aisle , nobody is ever really there so I know I can get to one side of the other store with no problems

[Æowyn]

There's something remarkable about her aura l love. Like a good witch that wants to share her love and life with everyone, but isn't sure she'll be accepted for it. But here she is, doing it anyway, because she knows it will help those like her

[Hugo Quinonez]

This talk finally helped me understand why most of my fellow autistics prefer "I am autistic" to "I have autism". I also cried at the realization that just because I admit that I am autistic I have failed to embrace my identity as autistic. Thank you for enlightening me!

[GreatGarlic]

I had to stop the video several times. To avoid crying at work in front of my colleages watching the video. This is me. You just explained my life. I've been "diagnosed" as asperger a few months ago, at 46 years old. I've been living "normal" for so many years and my body just breaks down from everywhere, not knowing what I have or how I just handle things. I just want to be myself, but I have no clue on how to do it. Many, many thx to you for this video. I feel relief in a way. Hope it helps other aspie as well.

[Ruth]

I am so awed and inspired by this woman....to be validated because we are here...to be reassured that we belong in this world and bring something unique to it. She has given me the hope to go on regardless how scary it can be sometimes....so grateful we have beacons like Jolene in this world💛

[Attached to Relaxed Christian]

“Our existence re-writes normal” ❤️❤️❤️

[Madhuri Sharma]

This made me cry. I’m 20 years old and I always thought i was alienated by people, especially by whom i thought were my friends. But, I acted normal and started self isolating myself and I even dropped off my college even though I was nailing my scores. I still feel anxious to even go out to grocery shopping. I didn’t know i was going through meltdown until now. But, I’m afraid to express it to my family or friends. But I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been looking for online diagnostic tests, nothing is working out :/

[Kristina Huddleston]

This talk was so well done. I am a MH therapist, and am additionally trained to work with folks with ASD relationally. I am also the parent of a 11 year old boy with ASD. This talk was so well done that I use it with my clients, and I sat and watched it with my son. When she gave a shoutout to the loved ones, he squeezed my hand and said, "that's true you know." we both needed to feel seen and she accomplishes that. Thank you for giving words to the neurodiverse.

[Amber Richards]

Thank you so much Jolene for sharing your experience. Relate so much to what you said. Having recently realised in my 50s that I am autistic and now after hearing you I understand that I had an Autistic shutdown years ago. Thank you.

[Nilaja Tulivu]

I began crying after the first 4 seconds of the video. I feel this to a fault. It hurts me so bad and I wish I knew about this when. I was younger. I have been failing in so many areas in my life and not understanding what’s going on. Everything she has said is so on point and describes how I feel omg this is a tear jerker for me for sure. Her jokes are amazingly hilarious and i do the same hand gesture and talk similarly to her as well.

[Bia Ortiz]

after 10 years being treated of the wrong things I finally understand and decided to stop pushing too much. I always refused labels (even age) but I think I will accept this... because of your talking. Thanks

[Elevatorface]

People would call me an alien my whole life. I would feel like one too. But looking at all these spaces where NDs come together to share their stories and support each other makes me realise I'm not an alien. I have so many other people on the spectrum who have challenges in an NT-centric society that I can't possibly be an alien. Even though I still feel like a visitor on a planet that isn't my home, it feels good to know there are many others who think they're just visiting too. It's kindred kind of feeling.

[Diego Casillas Duarte]

You... made me cry a couple times. Thank you for putting in words what I have not been able to say. Specially "I can mimic normal but my autism isn't gone, it's just no longer your problem"

[M Sims]

I have been a teacher of students on the autism spectrum most of my career. I used to joke when I was younger that I saw a lot of similarities between myself and the students I have worked with, and that a lot of the other teachers that worked in our program seemed like they could be on the spectrum too. But now, I feel like I really SHOULD get tested to find out if I truly do have autism, because I feel like I have been masking all of my life, but I can’t keep the mask up anymore. I also feel like I have suffered from “autistic burnout” and I find now that I am older, the mask has become unbearably heavy and impossible to carry.

[Liz C]

This is the best speech about women's autism I've heard so far, so relatable, I even cried a little. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to finally understand what is happening, and finally have that sense of belonging.

[Tough Cookie]

Thanks for this video. This feeling of 'I don't belong anywhere why am I even here' is incredibly depressing and I (and people like me) feel a bit better after watching it.

[Monique Jacques]

Awesome and inspiring! I’m feeling this a lot since I am 45 and have just been diagnosed with “high functioning’’ ADHD!!! Yes HIGH FUNCTIONING, meaning that I too have been suffering all these years trying to make myself “normal’’, but a normal that feels so abnormal and draining to me. Thanks Jolene for being a beautiful inspiration and for being YOU!💜 My dream is to someday have the courage to be me and inspire others as you do. And what a beautiful world this would be if more people felt the way you do about funerals and divorce/separation, I agree with both those views and also easily cry at tv shows when nobody else does!🙂

[AstroYogiAmanda]

Out of all the videos on the subject of "high-functioning" women, this one resonated the most.

[Slipt Psyche]

I see a lot of comments about crying, and I can say the same. What she said is very relatable. The feeling of being an alien, not exactly knowing why you are the way you are, how hard it is to do things that are "normal" that seem so easy to others. Pretty much the whole thing resonated with me aside from the texture sensitivity. It is so good to see that others have a similar world perception and that we can view it as what it is: a way we are wired instead of some sort of horrible thing. Thank you so much for this Ted talk.

[Matt]

My sister was the one who figured out how to get my shirt tags out at the seem when I was a kid. Shes been my only constant I couldn't have gotten where I am without her.

[xenon53827]

Er, how does she get the tags out without cutting the seam please?

[Charlotte Buxton]

This woman’s comedy is on point..! Every time she told a joke I giggled 🤭 also very powerful messages, thank you for sharing :)

[Gydjulind]

What a fantastic, honest and emotional video. I (61, diagnosed at 57) can relate to everything you said. And I mean EVERYTHING. Thank you so much for sharing this talk ❤.

[Quiet Space]

Thank you for articulating what I couldn’t. I felt so much relief watching this and knowing I’m not the only one who experiences this. Sometimes autism feels like a island ❤️

[Dávid Pákozdi]

I’m being diagnosed now, after a series of meltdowns - in the past and recently (I’m 28). I cried to this, but it was a positive feeling. Thank you :)

[Kelly Ely]

This is so beautiful 🥰, I love when people are authentic, and I think autistic people (myself included) can sense truth in other people and they are drawn to other authentic people, we make the truest and best friends that will always be real with you. I have always been what neurotypical people label as "weird" and I feel like I've just never really cared what their label of me was, I usually say "thank you! It's my favorite trait about myself." I feel like it helps me own my true self and respect my true self, the label of "autism" is merely so others know how my sensory processing system works.

[Chelsea Writes Stuff]

Man, my poor tear ducts. I really want the label too. I just recently figured this out for myself, I was missed as a kid, always wondering why I was so “wrong” when everyone else seemed to just be able. I’m 24 and afab, and live in a very poor state in the US, so who knows if a proper assessment for someone like me will be remotely possible, let alone any kind of ASD assessment. But the imposter syndrome is real, especially when working so hard to be “normal” works well enough that you can survive in a world not made for you, it starts to feel like your ability to pass is it’s own form of gaslighting.

[x]

Same here. I’ve heard it can cost thousands of dollars to get a diagnosis. What state are you in? I’m in FL.

[drewsuismclovin]

I have so much appreciation for her ability and strength in telling this story. And for how strong she was to sacrifice so much for other people.

[Darren Sanderson]

Oh my heart

[Devi Ritter]

I can totally relate to this. Didn’t get diagnosed until my son was.

[Abra]

Thank you for this. Got diagnosed this year as a 27 year old. This is so helpful.

[Em]

Wow❤️🙏 I wish I could personally thank them for being this brave for us.. and for themselves.

[Rachel Ammundsen]

Jolene you are an inspiration, thank you for your candid honesty and your amazing courageous spirit.

[angela weaver]

Thank you isn't enough to express how thankful I am that the autistic community has helped me see autism in a new light. I prayed to know what is like through my students eyes from their point of view. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[Kim Whiteker]

I can relate to this. I'm 58 years old and just realized that I'm autistic. All my life I've had many of the symptoms, but had no clue that I WAS autistic. This video has helped me to except this Diagnostics and to need the diagnosis. It's a weight off my shoulders.

[Kerstin Grady]

THANK YOU Jolene Stockman! Thank you for being a voice for anyone who is different. I've watched this video three times and probably will watch again. I feel like this is my story, my life, my experiences also. I have not yet been diagnosed but have known for a while now, and I think my mom suspected as much while I was growing up. Unfortunately, she is no longer alive so I can't ask her but I suspect that she didn't pursue a diagnosis when I was young because of the stigma attached to it and/or because I was "high-functioning" I was just different, overly sensitive, weird. I am so grateful that there is so much more awareness and understanding now, and I appreciate your contribution to that. I have shared this video with my husband and psychologist, as well as my son and daughter-in-law as they can both relate and I think they both are as well.

[Emmanuel Beaucage]

"I had the required number of friend." i love it!

[Purple Doonya]

Thank you so much for being so brave and sharing. You are inspirational.

[0LOTR]

Thank you for your ted talk n sharing. I think you are awesome to stand out there and talk about your experience. I am 41. I told my family n friends i felt weird n think differently, they usually said i think too much. When someone said a joke and I try to answer to join the fun, everyone would be quiet. I must have sounded weird. Clothes tag felt like a sharp pin and lace felt like crawling insects on my skin.. with or without a diagnosis, i am telling myself its ok. I have always done my best and tried hard. I would accept me even if others cant.

[Yvette Vellinga]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I've been diagnosed just 2 months ago and I recognize so much of what you are telling. It's like I'm aloud to just be me and I'm worthy. Thank you.

[Joe Ewell]

I was born autistic, stuttered, and intersex. Since I began "coming out" about my birth condition in late June 2022, I noticed that I started finding more and more other people like myself, whether they be autistic, speech abnomolies, or intersex. I have always been told by doctors and family, almost from birth, that I was unique, absolutely no one else like me, and that I would never meet any meet anyone else like me, and that I could never have kids that I was sterile. I have over the course of my early life, decades ago, learned to live with what and who I am, videos such as these, and I really appreciate Stockman and others who have the courage to reach out with their stories which I find so similar and entrusting to those of my own stories, helping me to understand further my own life. I am happy with my own life, after having come to terms, and are still coming to terms, with what and how I was born in this life. I am happy, in a sad way sometimes, but still happy, especially just to be who I am. I have slowly trying to "come out", little by little since June 2022, and I still have a long way to go.

[وِســَــام]

"Our existence rewrites normal " Thank you ♥️♥️♥️

[A. B. N.]

This is so helpful and giving me even more confidence in my awareness and my experience. Thank you so much for your openness and sharing, Jolene Stockman, from the other side of the globe.

[Claire Beane]

I wept listening to this. I am weeping now. The levels on which I can relate to all of this are soooooo remarkable and deep. I’ve been listening to it on a loop, because well ... that’s what I do when an attachment develops. ❤️😭❤️😭❤️

[velasco]

for me, this is the most important video in the world. thank you, Jolene, from the bottom of my heart. 💙

[Bennyton]

1:16 "a crisis too big to camouflage" I wonder how many people found out this way? For me it was a painful break-up, that made me connected the dots (specifically in the way I communicate, and inability to gauge the other person's wants and feelings). Also it's cool Maori language has a phrase for us!!

[jMo]

Thank you for speaking for me from my heart. 63 and just finding out or figuring out that that's why I'm weird. It's such a relief.

[Smiley Nai Karta]

Wow!!!! This talk is inspirational. I can relate to so much of it and life makes more sense. Thank you! 👍 Superpowers is right. Neurotypical is so passé. Neurodiversity FTW! 😃 I’m learning to drive this year (yikes!) and I will be kinder to myself as a result of hearing this talk. Again, thank you. Thank you so much!

[Smiley Nai Karta]

Dancestar1981 Thank you, I am ;-) :-D

[Dancestar1981]

Try driving an automatic it makes it one less thing to think about when learning to drive

[Robyn Perry Coe]

This is fantastic. Congratulations and thank you!

[Mollybus321]

This is so beautiful. Im Autistic and more and more open about it. And working to feel good in this world. To thrive not just survive.

[Jordan Winfrey]

Wow that hit me. I have autism but when I was diagnosed at 6 the doctors said that they didn’t see any signs of autism but just the social part was hard for me. Also my speech delay, not understanding the things like my peers did to be able grow up properly. I didn’t start talking until I was 4 and didn’t start walking until that same age. I am 18 in College but I am tired and confused about my last 18 years. Everyday I ask myself, What did I do wrong why this happen to me, and what’s worse my family doesn’t have an autism background

[Live&LetLive]

Proud of you. My son is 7 and is under the spectrum but I'm determined that he will find his way through and build on his strengths to live a fulfilling life. Your comment just bolstered that undying hope in me. God bless and keep you safe, always

[Sahar Bastaki]

No one explained this better than her! Thank you

[JK 5]

I couldn't stop crying the entire video. She articulated exactly what it feels to be me.

[suzy williams]

I'm self diagnosed - going to the doctor's is super stressful! - but after considering myself autistic I realised that I'd been spending my life focusing on my weaknesses (being weird) and not my super powers! (Photographic memory, autodactic, pick up skills easily, as long as I know the rules!, Attention to detail, passionate about social justice) and this changed everything. And I also stopped forcing myself to look people in the eye!

[Aroha Turner]

Cried throughout this. So proud of you. Takiwātanga.

[Tracy M]

This talk spoke to my heart! Thank you! so much!

[Otaku 58]

Amazing talk! Very motivational to us on the spectrum! Thank you! To me driving seems fun, I’m learning how to drive right now and I hope to get my license soon.

[Anouk Mariacci]

Beautiful speech. So relatable. Would you have preferred to know when you were a child? Do you think it would have changed things or made things more difficult?

[Anna Jansson]

Great speech! So true, i recognize so much from myself. I was diagnosed as an autistic 3 years ago at age 47 and are finally understanding and accepting myself. 💕 Anna (Sweden).

[Frances Contreras]

Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling in my soul.

[Katie Slattery]

Thank you for your powerful words.I cried too x

[Jade A. O.M.]

This is beautiful 🙏💚 thank you so much!!!

[Vanessa Vaca]

I'm crying just in front of the screen, it's so relatable

[leeleeturn]

I'm not autistic, but that was very moving. Thanks for sharing, Jolene.

[Rania ElAzhary]

the way you are so clear with yourself, the way you see and describe yourself and how you feel, I gues, to me, you are more normal than anyone I know, It doesn't get more normal than this. Such strength! good luck

[sarah van wyngaard]

oh wow since i was 16 and got my learners i kept saying i dont like driving, it gives me anxiety and i cant focus, i never thought it would be linked to autism. i was diagnosed a few weeks ago, and with a bit of self reflection i realised all the signs were there i just couldnt see them. TedTalks like this are so helpful cause in my research about autism (in order to understand myself better.) i feel so connected with so many others faced with the same setbacks/ challenges i do and its so comforting knowing there was always a reason i felt so set apart for my peers growing up. it's allowed my to be more forgiving with myself and now criticize so harshly when i find myslef struggling in situations neuro-typicals people find perfectly natural.

[Adele Joseph]

It’s so helpful to listen to your experiences as a child as it helps me to understand my son. He is 19 and just coming to terms with the way he is. Thankyou for your honesty.

[Sylvi Schouten]

she's amazing, thank you for speaking up!

[Bamboo Panda]

I do not experience meltdowns often. Although I've stepped out of class and skipped a few times in college. I got a later diagnosis after I graduated but I think it would have helped tremendously with my grades and transition to my work life. The higher the difficulty in the courses, the higher the tolerance is. It actually hurts but I've built up a tolerance for it. It's not physically noticeable but it does take a toll on people who experience neurodiversity. I've never heard of anyone speaking about pain. I guess maybe I'm the only one? Most people on the spectrum are pain aversive, but I approach it oppositely. I speculate that I am a woman in the spectrum. I wonder if there are other women who do this.

[deactivated]

This was one of the most valuable talks I‘ve ever seen

[Radhika]

You are beautiful and inspiring 😌 please continue to speak and share your talks and experiences. So many struggling souls will benefit 😌 To be who you are and accepted is the biggest peace and happiness …..there is no real world and no normal … well said!

[The Incomplete Skeptic]

I was diagnosed Autistic as a young person and learned to adapt enough to exist in this so-called 'normal' world of ours. I'm also in Toastmasters and they say to make eye-contact more. LOL! I'm still working on that one, but the experience and practice in groups help me. Glad I learned about this video! Thank you thank you thank you!

[Angon's Frames]

maybe i can help you ..

[Clare French]

Love this so much - thanks for speaking it so beautifully & clearly 🖤

[Your Mom]

Thank you so much! This found me exactly when i needed it the most. Much gratitude. ❤️🙏