Aspergers and Recharge (What Does Recharging Look Like?) | Patrons Choice

Balancing energy is often a challenge. Working too intensely means I often need to shutdown and recharge so I can regain functionality.
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Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
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Written Blog: aspergersfromtheinside.com/
More Videos: / aspergersfromtheinside
Email: [e-mail]
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
I value your time which means there are NO KZbin ADS on my videos.
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: [e-mail]
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul

[@ameliab3043]

This is such an important topic, because the need to recharge is one of the things that has caused my daughter and me (both Aspies) to lose friends and even relatives. People just don't understand. They take it personally. At 55, I feel I have reached a stage of Aspie Burnout, and I never feel completely recharged no matter how much rest I get. I'm like an old rechargeable battery that no longer holds a full charge and is always mostly depleted :I

[@Mraquanetchris]

Spot on. I hate it when they move items in the grocery store. So disoriented.

[@yasminalibazoglu3424]

Thank you Amelia, I feel this way as well. I am in my late 40’s and I never want to leave the house anymore, I have everything I need at home and I’m happier here with my little dog 😌 thanks to online shopping I do not have to endure that overwhelming mess! As for friends the few I have left realize I am rather unreliable with keeping plans.... it is what it is, for lack of a better cliche’.

[@bassdvant]

I try to work out at the gym asap. Also, I'm ultra focused in my martial arts class. I still get tired but have a lot better endurance, try physical exercises. 😅

[@abc249]

you can maybe try some meditation. I've tried to meditate for a long time and the closest I got to a meditative state was after applying the wim hof breathing technique (video title: Wim Hof breathing tutorial by Wim Hof). I feel way more energized on my daily life and I'm not just talking about physical energy. Physical exercise and better nutrition habits helped me with that too. I wish you the best!

[@refilwemashabela3039]

So you outgrow Asperger at 55? I didn’t know that

[@karenabrams8986]

Recently have become aware I am Autistic. Things I’ve done make so much more sense now. Especially my opposite needs and reactions from what I see others doing. I joined the Navy to escape my horrible chaotic abusive family mess. I found four years in the Navy after high-school to be a wonderful “break”. I loved the structure, routine and same rules every day. My shipmates felt differently and would act up, seek trouble and attempt taking pointless risks for their fun. I’d be in my room happily making perfect lines in the carpet for inspection with the vacuum, ironing out wrinkles in my uniform, listening to cd’s on my Walkman. After 4 years I was ready to tackle college and could pay for it all by myself. College was HARD to get through. I wanted to rejoin the military often throughout college. It might’ve been better if I had rejoined afterwards. I fit there better than I have anywhere else. Anyway, no one I served with felt about it like I did. I used military service like it was a spa. 🤣

[@Wranglerlaura]

Just curious if perhaps your chaotic abusive family may have appeared that way more so than actually was with the lense of autism. As I ask this question of you I’m asking it of myself for the first time. Please don’t think I’m trying to lessen your experience, I’m trying to understand not just yours but mine as well. I’m 54 and just now learning I have Asperger’s. I’m also still trying to figure out my place in this world.

[@julietteferrars3097]

I relate so much! My mom always thought she was being a good parent because she wasn’t harsh and didn’t force many rules on me. While I appreciated the lack of harshness, I deeply craved stability and expectations. She was also very passive aggressive which was difficult for me to understand. Now I often question if I’ve been made fun of or angered someone.

[@ShiningSta18486]

LOL

[@SimonPhillipsPhoto]

How I recharge is I lock myself in my room for days and avoid going out even if its for food as thats to much for me in this state, so what I do is sleep a lot during the day and watch videos and movies just so I keep part of my brain active while the rest just wants to recharge. It is very tiring doing everything and people say that when I'm in this recharge state they think I'm depressed when its not that at all, Its nice that you make these videos as it allows me to understand myself after years of guessing it but hearing your logic and explaining it makes a lot of sense and connects with me.

[@elenaovcharuk8529]

Same. But I do go out for food to the nearest shop if I run out of it.

[@linaulnes8821]

Same, but I go out with my dogs.

[@wilsonov87]

Same here buddy I hear you. My dream is to be a ripped body builder but i get burned out and the first thing to go is my ability to feed myself. And ya know, leave the house go to work etc. Sigh..... Do u ever wonder if it's worth it?

[@SimonPhillipsPhoto]

@@helenarichard It's hard isn't it, it is something that you can't really control with time and if your days are not carefully planned out it can hit harder if something big changes within the day. I've also found when I need to recharge I also get migraines which last a few days, they are incredibly painful and I often can't sleep even when I want to.

[@soniczforever5470]

@@SimonPhillipsPhoto in the same situation but not officially diagnosed as migraines sunlight and light sets it off. I get extremly sick im very light because of them. I cannot sleep for a while. Its summer not happy at all ordered blinds and will get sensory tent to sit in during the day completely black inside.

[@ELdASenSei]

For me tiring is: pretending to be someone (to what is socially acceptable) that I am not.

[@gracebe235]

ELdASenSei......Exactly! I miss positive and rewarding interaction that I used to have with my first husband, until he died. I was able to be myself with him.....he was such a rare person. Now, I prefer to be alone.....instead of trying to be someone that I’m not, just to make others comfortable.

[@nilo44]

This is really helpful to me as someone just starting to relise I'm probably on the spectrum. All this time I've been fighting these kinds of things like my need to recharge so often, like I've been trying to not be this way rather than accepting that this is a result of the wiring of my brain and it's better to embrace it and adapt to it. It's such a relief to know that I'm not broken, I just need to learn a different set of coping skills, and there are people out there like you to give great advice on it. Thank you for the work you are doing.

[@RedCloudBeechWaveAhh]

I'm definitely in the same boat, having worked so hard to hide the fact that I need to recuperate so much...

[@chrismiller7943]

In many ways your very lucky. My wife is a social Supergirl and wants me to be one as well. She hates "Being Suck in the House" and she hates doing anything alone..... and always killed myself trying to keep up. My stims and recharges were the subject of so many fights and I think I totally burned out and finally said "To Hell with it all.... I am finished!" Then I became the cold, insensitive Whole with no emotion and no empathy who is selfish and does not care about anyone but myself..... This last 30 years has been awesome for my mental health... SHE finally met someone with a husband who is an Aspie NOW WE know WHY I am like this.... Hoping it's possible now to turn my attitude around and hopefully she can let me be who I am...... FINALLY!

[@Wranglerlaura]

@@chrismiller7943 there’s a book, “the journal of best practices”. Late diagnosis male learning hacks to help all work together

[@laspilly]

Sleeping, taking a hot bath, sitting near plants or if I can going out to animals or nature.

[@perantonhaugaardstoltze2]

laspilly yes nature helps me too alot

[@collinp.7967]

I find plants uncomfortable to be around, because I start to think of think about plant facts to an excessive degree.

[@aikou2886]

Playing videogames and smelling petrichor (the smell you can perceive when/after it rains) helps me a lot.

[@aikou2886]

@@collinp.7967 I kind of like insects but wilderness makes it difficult for me to lay down and relax because I keep thinking of the insects I don't like and how they can crawl into my hair/ears (I love long hair).

[@shmeleu]

sitting near plants... must try that, but in the meaning of factory ))) actually I like sitting near opencast mine

[@januaryoctober8618]

This is incredible. It's like you are me. At age 57, I'm finally starting to realize what my problem has been all my life.

[@amc3736]

If this makes you feel any better, I’m 58 and just realizing it now. I have been in counseling and they never picked up on it or alluded to it although I was in there because I couldn’t manage my life or relationships. Missed opportunities.

[@jkevinparker]

@@amc3736 I’m 45 and just last year started this ASD discovery journey, and I’m thankful that I’m not alone. Here’s to the future armed with this new knowledge! 🍻

[@lupegaehring2362]

I'm 57 and find myself in the exact same situation... I need to recharge and it's been harder and harder ... cause people expect things from me , and I cant seem to do them when they want me to, And I have found myself isolating alot.. To the point that when my husband or daughter get home and have all this energy , I get overwhelmed.. my son is an aspie, and I'm some crazy person thats just being dramatic 🙄... My husband is 9 yrs younger and is always on , like he finds what he does after work ( plays basketball, takes a shower , plays video games watches sports , and buys things on Amazon.. things that I find to be meh, whatever ) To be necessary... but what I do ( not speak , draw , just sit , or not be wanting to do anything but stare into space ) Is not normal 😕 And it's like ...why can't you just accept it, like I accept you? Why can't you leave me alone right now ? Can't you see after 23 years of marriage that it's my way of relaxing after chit chatting all freaking day long with a mask on ... ( I'm a hairstylist, and I put my whole self into my work...and I talk alot , and people think I'm like that all the time ...but I'm not, I just want to be myself in the comfort of my home 😞 But I have no autism diagnosis, but plenty of diagnosis including : social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder, plus some depression that I was diagnosed with after a baker act ( extreme depression or morbid depression... I know it was some crazy intense depression) I don't even know what I am anymore ..or who, I live in constant fear of what horrible thing is gonna happen next ... But I spend all my energy acting like I'm that funny haha/ peculiar person...and unwinding is impossible...its too much.

[@davidhill5684]

I'm reminded of the Indians (American), many of whom regard eye contact as the height of bad manners, as it comes across as confrontational. They are also quite content to sit in silence together, without any pressure to make conversation. I feel drawn to these traits, and also applaud the Quakers in this regard. Recharging is pretty vital. Not many jobs allow for it

[@Steertanzer]

You would like the northern parts of Sweden.

[@LLSZXYY316]

Angelica why what is it like there

[@jeremylozier7339]

Interesting that you say this. I'm part indian (Miꞌkmaq) and I've discovered now (at 48) that im an aspie. Ive wondered if my Indian heritage has had anything to do with it. My family on my fathers side are all very similar to me in that we all will nap at the drop of a hat in the middle of family functions. I recall growing up that my Pepere would pass out in his chair during family gatherings and dad does the same. The person that I was most comfortable around was my father. We would hangout for hours at a time and not say anything to each other. The relationship was easy for me.

[@m.pixley8413]

As a dyslexic I also feel very comfortable around most native americans . I feel their manners are very right brain derived which works very well for me.

[@prospermakosa4408]

Same thing in my Shona culture. Direct eye contact is a no no. But then in white culture it might be interpreted as lack of confidence or lack of sincerity. From my child hood I have been drawn to native Americans, especially their philosophy of life. I even listen to mp3 of their chants on my headphones. It calms me down. In the past 2 days I have realized that I'm an aspie at 44

[@0u73rh34v3n]

After experiencing the comfort of lockdown, the thought of having to recharge after being in a group of people has totally killed any desire to go out and socialise. I've also realised I've been masking for the last 20 years. It's been so relaxing not having to do that on a daily basis in an office or amongst friends. Which is a shame really, because I actually love my friends and wish I could see them more, but social interactions are just too draining :/

[@GuppyPal]

For me, definitely what drains me most is people/social interactions. I spend my weekends almost entirely by myself because I need it to recharge for the week of dealing with people at work. It hinders my social life because most people want to hang out and do things on the weekends and seem to have endless energy to socialize, but I definitely do not. I also regularly go for walks and runs. I remember one time I was leading a field trip for a bunch of high school kids, and my boss demanded that I be super high energy and "fun" the whole time (about 5 hours total)... I remember riding the bus back to school at the end of it and being so drained I could do nothing but sit there in a kind of dazed state. People kept trying to talk to me, and it was very frustrating and irritating. I was on Empty. I think it's helpful for us to be aware of this, when we're starting to get drained, and communicate our recharge needs to the relevant people. However, even explaining it doesn't always work. I've had girlfriends who could only interpret my need for alone time as not liking them and not wanting to be with them, when really I was just exhausted and needed to recharge.

[@brenb9793]

My boyfriend is on the Spectrum and I really struggle with believing he still loves when he needs so much alone time. I'm trying to understand but your comment helped me to believe that it probably is not personal against me. He has shown me in so many ways that he loves me but my insecurities get the better of me sometimes. Thankyou for sharing.

[@mlwilliams7959]

@@brenb9793 think of the reverse where someone claims to love you but they smother the fuck out of you, always in your face over some bullshit and having the nerve to be angry because you want to be alone!

[@dillbill7152]

those jobs are impossible. I got fired because I wasnt "friendly" and "energetic" enough to take pizza orders on the phone.

[@Roseredeemed]

@@brenb9793 to understand that how others behaviors are always more to do with them than you and being ok with that is Grace. Try to not get upset or angry cause we all have our own internal struggles going on growing, understanding at different levels so how someone is has to do with them not you. I hope my comment helped you cause I get my feelings hurt often by how others treat me so I repeat it’s them not you don’t take it so personally trying to fully grasp Grace.

[@hazelbrownn]

I agree. I would like to have a friend who doesn't want to simply talk at me the whole time. A particular friend and I have been on walks together, for example, and rather than just enjoying the walk and looking at her surroundings she can't stop talking, which is draining or me.

[@ycylchgames]

I kept losing my mind, literally, from driving myself to keep up with regular people. I kept burning out and I felt I wasn't achieving as much as I was expected of me to based on my education and ability. In the end I just realised I had to scale back dramatically and get help.

[@brittany3559]

I recently suffered from a pretty major episode of work-related burn out. I was honest with my boss and explained to her my perspective and she was actually extremely supportive and allowed me the accommodations I need without judgement. Since the I’ve been more upfront and transparent with my need to recharged and it’s made a huge difference.

[@leov4751]

Being around people who understand you and accept you saves soo much energy. 😊

[@Chelzebelles]

Thank you for this. I thought I was "bipolar" due to being either 150% or 2%. Several people called me "two-faced" as I couldn't always be super friendly & nice. Really messed with me a lot in life.

[@julietteferrars3097]

I relate to your comment so much! My own mother has called me fake just because I allow myself to fully relax around her. It’s so awful to be misunderstood by people.

[@Chelzebelles]

@@julietteferrars3097 It really is. I'm sorry that your mother says that kind of stuff to you. That's hard. My mother has never been around, physically, but has said plenty of hurtful things. We should be able to relax & release our inner child with our families. So hard when you cannot. There is a really neat video by "School of Life" about 'bad inner voices' it helped me a bunch with tackling the very difficult task of removing the negative things people who should love me the most, hurt me with... And then replacing those thoughts with the kind objective compliments that others have said. If you haven't heard of this concept, it really helped a lot with my insecurities/low self-esteem. Very important 💓 Good luck out there! ❤️‍🔥

[@julietteferrars3097]

@@Chelzebelles I've never heard of that method before, it sounds really helpful. I deal with a harsh inner voice. Thank you so much for replying! ❤❤❤

[@linabingbing3881]

Basic things. This is what I've been telling people About myself for many years. I don't believe many believe my "excuses" are real issues .they are so real.often.daily.

[@ALu-nq8rf]

Knitting became quite relaxing once I knew what I was doing. I don't really have to think about it and I get a lot of tactile stimulation.

[@isabella6206]

Very true Concentrating on something repetitive can really help.

[@viktoriahobek9873]

I play guitar

[@plissabarrett7358]

OMG! I absolutely HATE to make decisions! I hate even making shopping decisions, even food shopping. Too many choices just overwhelms me . That's why I prefer to have my daughter ( she's 29, I'm 54) with me when I have to go out, she helps me with the decisions, actually, I usually let her make the decision for me.

[@SocialNomad]

The thing about the decision making part of the brain shutting down is spot on for me; I can do pretty much what everyone else can do as long as someone else is directing me :P

[@Wranglerlaura]

I’m good at decision making, I can do well defending my decisions as well. It’s when I’m put on the spot to defend a decision that I fall apart unless I’m fully prepared

[@Mraquanetchris]

Such a difficult thing to do in out hyper connected world. Personally, its very difficult to make plans with people because I never really know how I will be feeling when the planned time arrives. Plus, I get anxiety at knowing I have to be somewhere at a certain time - even if its days away. If i'm not feeling good when the planned time arrives, usually have to plow through it because everyone is so busy it might be weeks before schedules align. If I'm trying to be social or even more stressful - dating, I can't get the rest before the work week starts again. I'm isolating right now, which makes me feel healthier in some ways, but I am aware of being lonely too.

[@refilwemashabela3039]

Meow you lack social skills

[@beccismith4454]

I wish for you a friend or two who are willing to get to know your world and with whom you can truly be chill .. or however you currently are feeling!

[@c.s.70]

This exactly what I go through, esp. the difficulty making plans because of not knowing how I'll be feeling when the time arrives. Spot on.

[@Mraquanetchris]

@@refilwemashabela3039 no kidding

[@Mraquanetchris]

@@dianedorbin6783 It's a toughie. I know that I need someone to gently communicate their needs to me if I have behaviors that are hurting them. Speaking for myself, just because I'm on the spectrum doesn't make the relationship a one way street. Effort is required on my part too. Where my difficulties have been is not knowing what the other persons needs are unless they are made explicitly clear. I require a lot of patience in this area. In this example, I would need to hear " When you say we might do something, I need you to follow through one way or the other. " Your needs are equally as important. Hopefully, he has some flexibility to work on it.

[@connorhinsley6991]

For me, when I'm feeling absolutely fried, I like to unwind with a video game. I know it will be a fun way to just escape for a bit and recharge, but sometimes I will just sit frozen for hours, unable to pick which game I want to play. I am too drained to do anything else, so I will just scroll through my game library, maybe open and close an app on my phone, and repeat until I'm tired enough to go to sleep. I always chalked this up to losing interest in my hobbies, but I always enjoy playing. I think I may not have considered how much of a hurdle it is just choosing how I want to recharge once I hit zero. Like if I'm running on fumes I can squeeze out that last decision, but once I hit zero I might as well just call it a day.

[@kellyn3347]

I make huge pots of soup, though I live alone, so I have something to eat when it's a meal time, otherwise I'll starve myself from being overwhelmed on what to eat. And yes, I'll eat the soup twice a day every day until it's gone. And then I feel angry it's gone and I have to make a decision about what to eat. This was a helpful video to identify in myself what's going on. (Undiagnosed female aspie in her 50s)

[@k.b.woodworker3250]

I love being with people where we don't talk. Perhaps sitting around reading, working in the garden, etc. These are my favorite times with people.

[@joycebrewer4150]

Or working jigsaw puzzles, each of us on a different one, yet sitting at same table

[@RobynBellospirito]

Thank you so much for sharing this! A dear friend of mine has aspergers and this helps me to understand and not take it personally. Thank you.

[@yessacruz3283]

It’s hard to recharge when you’re constantly losing energy

[@KerryNeeds]

THIS. I believe modern life is one big energy suck. It’s designed that way, the busyness, the 9-5, the endless chores, traffic & noise... it’s not refreshing. Would be interested to see if aspies got as burnt out if they lived in the middle of nowhere with a vegetable garden 😄

[@zakosist]

@@KerryNeeds I have autism/Asperger, and I'm not really burned out, I may feel tired after work but not more than I can recover in time. I live in a somewhat rural area, and usually spend the day after work home alone (with some pets). It doesn't have to be a that everyone autistic gets burned out. And I'm actually kind of surprised that need to recharge and take breaks in your life, and not function as well when tired, is not just a normal thing that almost everyone has, regardless if autistic or not. I would also assume the need for some alone time (that goes beyond just the time you shower, use the toilet or sleep) is completely normal as well. But I dont know

[@tiaraschreindl398]

Making decisions! It's exhausting. The worse is when I have to make a really big decision which requires asking the same question over and over again from different perspectives 😓. Two things I really love doing are listening to audio books and podcasts. I can close my eyes and drift away where every I am. It can also keeps my busy mind engaged and oddly keeps me in autopilot at home so I make fewer decisions. Down side can be going way too fast (my normal speed) and burning out because if forgot to disengage. The most used feature on my Apple Watch is the timer lol. Headphones do double duty with noise control too.

[@lindacianchetti3599]

Tiara Schreindl the reason for all these human conditions is because since the turn of the century, we have been victims of social engineering. Schooling, media, churches. This was an experiment.

[@princesspikachu3915]

I hate making even simple decisions. I get put on the spot on what we should eat as a family and I end up letting my husband pick and he sometimes likes to eat things that I actually don’t like so I end up pretending to eat it and then I discreetly throw it away. On the bright side I’m actually keeping my figure because I end up eating less than I would have had I actually just ate random stuff.

[@ginastotallybodaciousunive2375]

For me the best way To recharge is To go outside especially in nature. Kayaking biking swimming walking.walking a dog. .............when im tired i stop talking, it is hard for me To think. I fall into limp mode lol. It is obvious when im tired.

[@dandahlen3532]

Wow. So spot on. I am tired of feeling so guilty when my batteries are drained to the max and I can't even answer what would I like for dinner. I have had 9 months of devastating events, one after another which have thrown me into hibernation. It is so difficult to take one mini step at a time to cautiously join the outside world again. So debilitating. I will get past this, but it takes everything I have. Thanks again Paul. You are a blessing. I really admire you and you are helping me so much.

[@mendypeters8489]

*HA! I call it zombie mode as well, it's like I'm dragging myself, **_mentally_** {like that movie WARM BODIES} but physically I appear to be pretty stable, walking normally* ..but please dont talk to me! , i'll just start to mumble, or answer in a very "me" way as in no pretending, just blunt, or i'd just walk extra fast(on top of my normally fast speed)

[@catherinefranks2146]

I have trouble discerning whether I'm asperger's or just an extreme introvert with high levels of social anxiety and difficulty with lots of noise and movement.

[@virglibrsaglove]

I think they often go hand in hand. Maybe look onto Sensory Processing Disorder. My guess is that you'll find it familiar. And apparently SPD is pretty much never seen outside of the autistic spectrum. And I've also learned that we don't have to fit all of the stereotypes to be on the spectrum. Each of us can be very different and still on the spectrum. I hope this helps.

[@harukoharuhara8466]

Try doing a test online, they are free.

[@simon_patterson]

Does it matter what label you give it? I reckon the main thing is learning what to do to best do life your way.

[@davyvos4255]

If you really want to know you should talk to an expert about it.

[@davyvos4255]

Also try to not self diagnose these kinds of things.

[@josephdavis3472]

As someone with ADHD and ASD 1, I can say I REALLY relate with the part where in recharge mode my "decision making has turned off." I already have serious troubles with Executive Functioning before I even hit the burnout stage because of ADHD, so when I have hit the burnout stage it is almost like a depressive state, only without as much general sadness. I may be sad because I know my conditions are affecting my ability to function, but while the "gloom" of depression is missing, the other symptoms are there in spades. I can't get out of bed, I can't make or go to appointments, I can't make myself do things that I absolutely know that I not only need to do, but that I would FEEL better if I would just do them. But it's hard to describe to someone what it's like when Executive Function has stopped. It's not like I forgot HOW to human... I just simply can't muster the motivation to do it. It's almost like that impulse you get that stops you from asking someone out on a date, but just extended to every decision you attempt to make. Also, seemingly similar to yourself, I hesitate to call it "energy". For me, it's not that I don't physically have the energy (I mean, ADHD gives you plenty of "energy"), it's almost like a kind of mental energy that the frontal lobes provide for executive function, and sometimes that section of the brain is "out of order" and needs maintenance before it can continue operation. At least, that's how it feels for me. I know that with ADHD, my presentation will differ, perhaps even greatly, from an Aspie without ADHD.

[@KerryNeeds]

I’ve always made my exit when I feel myself going into ‘Zombie mode’, although it would be nice if I didn’t have to. I found the ‘burning brightly’ topic incredibly insightful, as I’m the same. I can be full wattage but it doesn’t last too long and then I’m ready to sleep 😄 screens burn me out too, computers in particular.

[@yogaforautism8592]

I’ve spent YEARS trying to figure out life, and especially recharging, and out of all the (to me) crap I’ve watched on KZbin, this is the only video that makes sense to me. I don’t have a diagnose, but I’m actually starting to consider to seek some medical advice because the advice and explanations from all your videos fits me so perfectly. Thanks for taking the time and effort to make content!

[@thed.a.4939]

Same here! Even if I have a full night's sleep, I still feel drained. I recharge by playing videogames (my favorite), work out, or if I have some mental energy, I tackle complex math problems. I'm even looking at doing archery again; but it's very difficult here nowadays. BTW I was diagnosed late in life (approx. six years ago). Thanks for your wonderful videos. They've been a BIG help!

[@tms843]

Perfect video to watch in a day that a just said "ok", "nice", "cool" to everyone that spoke to me today with the calculations of "How can I avoid the most of conversations today and do not seem rude". Although in the end I still feel like I was rude. But anyway, I am learning fhat I don't need to please others and I think my friends got used to my diseaperances. I widh it could be dofferent, but it isn't.

[@krisherrick4261]

I'm working really hard to learn how to take better care of my autistic self and it's so difficult to both know when I need to recharge and remember what even helps me feel better. It seems like neurotypicals have some idea of things they like doing and when they want to do them, but I can never remember in the moment. Thanks for this really helpful way to look at this based on decision-making as the "currency" of our functionality, it's so spot-on! This is why Sim games make my brain feel good--i can just get into a flow state of obvious choices.

[@Wranglerlaura]

I’m taking these comments to help me write out my personal answers to his four bullet points. Seeing what helps or hinders others helps jiggle my brain so I can get answers.😁

[@Ninchennase]

Thanks for verbalizing the tiredness thing. I'm constantly tired for the same reasons, all those decisions all the time ... I recharge differently though since interacting with people is so much work I just can't do it when I'm spent, because people will at some point always try to communicate with you. Only exception was my childhood friend, who I think now is also on the spectrum. We could literally sit side by side for hours just reading or listening to music without talking at all, still enjoying our company. But most people can't do that so I recharge alone - which means with my cats. ;)

[@Wranglerlaura]

You’re blessed to have someone you can recharge with. Even when I’m alone I’m so on guard for people breaking that alone time that I stay exhausted.

[@Ninchennase]

@@Wranglerlaura i know. I hope you'll get that too some day.

[@Steertanzer]

What you're saying about hanging out with a group instead of meeting people one on one is very helpful. I hadn't thought about that before but I often find socializing in a group less taxing. Because it doesn't all depend on me contributing.

[@surlespasdondine]

For me it depends, I like it best to meet in a small group of 3-4 maximum. More tha that is overwhelming. One on one is good in the sense I don't get overstimulated by noise and don't have to feel everyone's energy around me. but on the other hand I mask more with one person sometimes because "all eyes are on me".

[@healthymoney7832]

I don't know if my comment could add anything to your video. This one, like all on your channel perfectly explain what I have never been able to explain to others. My life is a better place because of you and your work. Thank you Paul

[@miriammaldonado7848]

Paul, it's nice to see how you educate people, we need to know how to be helpful if allowed, and if we can. This video is two years old... 😇💜

[@omarra6781]

I really relate to this. I've told friends similar things - I burn hot for a short period and then "collapse" mentally.

[@mrdw3533]

When I'm really burned out I just close the curtains and lie on my bed with my eyes shut. Lights are overstimulating for me if I'm really burned out so I turn off the lights in my flat and just sit in the dark. If I'm not too burned out I recharge by going online or going for a walk (I have a route I always walk too).

[@Roseredeemed]

If I have had a good recharge when I go outside I’m always in awe of the worlds beauty lol 😂 Either others don’t do this or don’t talk about it in any way it’s prob that most have no idea wtf I’m talking about experiences cause that’s mostly always the case 😂. If my spouse or one of my kids are with me or other people I’m close to are with me I say things like it’s so beautiful, look at the sky, clouds, trees this or that looking around in awe at the high definition of how I experience the world.

[@colormezebra2841]

Totally me. How long does your crash/recharge typically last? I feel like I'm at a very long recharge mode right now.

[@gloriawalker-bornman7322]

Nice to see another zebra

[@treehugger7916]

I love to listen to paranormal podcasts. For some reason information (where I don't have to show someone I'm paying attention) relaxes me more than music. It replaces the words in my brain with other words, and it really helps with feeling stressed. Also not having to use my eyes.

[@janicewarner9299]

The cognitive or physical fatigue that you experience as a result of "visual" activities is probably overstimulation from sensory overload. Regardless of the "visual" activity, one still needs to filter information consciously or subconsciously. You also mentioned that you "constantly having to look and focus on a screen," which you find can be "tiring" for you. I wonder if the eventual fatigue you experience is from conscious task switching your sensory focus, especially when it involves quickly switching from perhaps a less visually-dependent activity to one that requires visual focus. For example, a student who switches from listening to their professor (auditory focus) to reading their textbook (visual focus). I have a difficult time switching tasks. It's as though "part of me" is still stuck on the other task, or rather I don't transition as a whole very well. I suspect it is my senses that have difficulty catching up with the rest, and so I often deliberately have to force it. Perhaps you can relate.

[@williamduplooy]

That is Exactly how I experience it too. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome makes it even more difficult.

[@Wranglerlaura]

@@williamduplooy , could the chronic fatigue syndrome be a result of the constant stress ?

[@williamduplooy]

@@Wranglerlaura, I will not be certain ever, but it is a Logical possibility for sure. I believe Aspies tend to live in High Stress in our Adult lives generally,due to the seriousness with which we will tend to take Responsibilities even in the minute details.

[@danimilan3928]

I'm seeking late diagnosis...and I feel like you have been reading my diary and explaining what it all means. I can't believe I've made it this long, this lost...struggling to figure out what's "wrong w me." Thank you so much for sharing your experience and leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for those of us who are a bit lost in the weeds.

[@jeremysargent5037]

This really opened my eyes to a behaviour I have that I didn't understand because I thought that it was just a difference in character between me being unable to speak or make decisions when I am tired and my wife being only physically tired but always able to speak. It's really strange when I can work for days on highly technical tasks without stopping but after only 8 hours I can't even talk. It doesn't even matter what language I speak in either...I just can't get the meaning out in ANY language when I am tired. I can't explain it to anyone. I also can sit on the phone for hours without speaking with the people who accept me most.

[@Ginnablackford]

I listen to your videos and don't consider myself an Aspie, but I definitely has some traits and experiences socially. Thank you for sharing.

[@leonardtreman6457]

I'm just coming out of recharge mode right now. I've been in it for about a week. Just playing video games and staying in.

[@CrystalMouse1]

Omg why can't I find a counselor who knows this!? Thanks so much. I'm tired of repeating this over and over again to everyone. I'm sending this video to them all

[@kristinsewell1441]

I was just identified as autistic so I am still learning about myself. Connecting the dots, as you say. I have found that I am easily overwhelmed by sound (and sensitive to smell) but I CRAVE visual and textural stimulation. I get the same feeling when I see color or pattern that other people get when they hear good music or taste a great dessert. I actually feel excited by rich jewel tones. Make it velvet and I am in a state of bliss. I find sound absolutely irritating, especially more than one person talking. It exhausts me. When I was a kid I described it as feeling claustrophobic and would panic. I am 55 years old and now see this as one of the missed signs.

[@fjordsi7404]

Wow, I love the idea of relaxing doing things where I don't have to make decisions.

[@johedges5946]

I could never have asked my wonderful Aspie EX that question as to this day I dont think he knows he has Asbergers. I was with this man for 2 years (we are both now 60 plus) I loved him dearly and still do, but it became impossible for us to be together. I never fully understood his needs until I discovered your channel and the many other youtube channels that help us NT's to understand how you wonderful people feel. We remained friends, for which I am profoundly grateful. He is the most wonderful man I will probably ever meet, honest and kind. I feel so fortunate to have been close to him and to have the knowledge that he felt loved by me. Yep, a wonderful man for sure!

[@andreabuntpercy]

Thanks for this thought-provoking session, Paul. I'm newly diagnosed, but have gone through anxiety attacks, adrenal fatigue and some other physical ailments since my marriage break-up several years ago. I've had depression for a long time. In 2021 I went back to my ex-husband to care for him because he'd had a minor stroke. Covid was on so I was the designated caregiver. It was very stressful, blood pressure became a critical issue for me and my energy tanked off and on. My ex-husband is recovered and on his own again, so now I'm back on my own and trying to relax into my own health journey. Walks, qi gong, meditation for reducing stress. Also writing comments on youtube because I love writing. Since I'm 73 and a longtime loner anyway, I've decided to limit my social activities to 1 or 2 people at a time. Otherwise I tend to sleep badly, which only amps up my energy problems. I started taking my blood pressure when I got home from any gathering. It's a great way to figure out which were ok activities and which were not.

[@loriwhitney965]

I just want to thank you for posting all of these videos....it is so nice to be able to relate to someone( for one of the first times in my life) and you have given me the words in order to explain myself...you have changed my life... ❤thank you!

[@williamduplooy]

The Visual Input "Shut Down" feels to me like I have "fried" Electronic Circuitry and "Burned Out" the Neurological "Wiring" or "Lenses" with over exposure... I hope that makes sense to someone...?

[@aspiewithattitude3213]

The way I also like to recharge is having plenty of sleep and do other things like play with fidget spinners or my lego or perhaps listen to music. The music I like old school hip-hop, 80's pop, electronica like Flume, some classic rock and Triple J Hottest 100s from 2008-2014. Even sometimes I like to sit on the couch appreciating the moment and concentrating on my thoughts.

[@arande3]

Never Be Like You, LOVE that song ❤

[@refilwemashabela3039]

How old are you?

[@JF-tt6wy]

I've been watching your videos for 3 days, and so far everything I've seen resonates with me. Every behavior you mention makes total sense to me. I always have to try to fight my need to recharge when I'm out with people. It has always been difficult for me to explain my need to recharge my brain after spending extensive amounts of time having my brain brain process everything going on all around me at once. I have an overly analytical brain and I'm usually fully aware of my surroundings at all times. It gets fucking exhausting mentally. One of the things my friends and I do when hanging out, is well take turns picking songs for to play. A lot of the time I just skip my turn with the reason that "I don't feel like thinking right now." Once I get home and I'm all alone, I suddenly feel like I'm in heaven. I need time to myself to not have to think about anything. I'll just sit around in silence with my own thoughts, or just enjoying a hobby. Then the next day I'll be able to act like a "normal" person again. That's another thing. "normal" I'm now in the process of trying to figure out what normal is for me. Now I'm remembering every bit of odd behavior throughout my life and applying this new explanation to the "why" of it, and it all makes so much sense. This has been an interesting weekend for me, to say the least.

[@AlexAedh]

Your videos have helped me feel less alone in the last couple of years whilst working up the energy to get my diagnosis.Now that I got it I'm watching all the videos again slowly...thank you

[@Playburger1337]

Also iits 4 years in now for this video. Great hugs and fist bumps go out to you! Keep on this great work. Waking literally thousands of aspies and helping related ones

[@kristinewarmhold]

I was just touched by this picture of your friend ringing the doorbell when you are sick in bed. Thank you so much for your open sharing 💫

[@ithacacomments4811]

I am self diagnosed as Aspie. I type test as introvert. I believe there are many shared traits. You are totally describing my daughter and my exhusband.

[@Dirkschneider]

Very interesting. This is why I like to watch movies and play video games with people I guess. They are social activities that doesn't require talking.

[@firstnamenate9761]

This video is perfect! My friend has 2 children and seems like he never runs out of energy and I literally tell him all the time “I wish I had your energy”. He assumes it’s due to his ADHD but he doesn’t see why I’m always so tired but not sleepy.

[@joycebrewer4150]

Wow! You are the first person I have heard of since my father passed away a dozen years ago, who takes short naps with their head on a table.

[@danielaboksjo4107]

This video is SO good. Thanks for that Paul, you're brilliant explaining it all. I'm learning so much from you!

[@wolframstahl1263]

I think the type of decision I struggle with most (or most obviously at least) is eating. I almost can't manage the task of buying and preparing food at all. Having a plan for an actual, multi-component meal hours or days in advance, buying everything I need for that, getting the motivation to start preparing the meal and coordinating all that feels like an insurmountable challenge.

[@rabarberellum1017]

What also helps me is play easy tunes on guitar with a metronome. The metronome decides the rhythm, so I just have to follow. It helps a lot.

[@jay6562]

Yes I can totally relate as usual with all of Paul's video's. I offend people because when things get socially challenging I burn out quickly and look for an escape route. I also like to be able to stay among people and go with the flow, but I often offend people coming off as though I do not care about them or that I am lazy and not a good contributor to the group. I'm not reliably present with groups very often, but sometimes I am.

[@chrispybacon3]

Thank you, this is really helpful. I had wondered for the longest time why the heck I was becoming ‘chronically fatigued’ all the time, especially when all the blood tests showed up normal and, physically, there was nothing ‘wrong’ with me. I can relate to it being caused by mental overstimulation. And I am now getting to the point, as you describe, that it is not ‘fair’ to be ostracised from social situations that one wishes to be a part of, simply because we do not have the energy to participate. Like, we want to be present, just watch from a distance so to speak.

[@jamesford2942]

I have a morning routine so that I can mindlessly get going without having to make so many decisions. I have had people ask me how can you eat and do the same thing every day? It's routine and helps me deal with "normal life". This year I started working full time for myself and it's been quite hard to manage everything. It's like I need someone else for direction and then I can do amazing things. One of my coping skills is to get input from everyone else and then logically decide what to do or where to go.

[@LoyalMJfan]

Recharging is pretty vital to maintaining the balance in your life. For me, I have to be alone in absolute silence and a dusk place. Luckily, I live alone so I can accommodate my place in a rechargeable mode. At my mum’s I have a dark place too so whenever I’m there she knows I’m recharging 😊 Tiring for me is social interaction so that’s why I feel energetic now as with this lockdown, we had to stay home and that’s my forte really. True, friends really don’t understand how and why you skip a shopping trip as to them it’s relaxing but to me, it’s draining. I recharge through Music too pumping in my headphones as I always refer to it as I am loading my energy battery. 😋

[@hisnewlife3543]

I constantly have my iPad. I feel like I have to have it with me. When the battery goes down, it upsets me. I also watch the same documentaries and shows over and over again. I do this a lot. I also spend all my time with my two dogs and two rabbits, or outside in the garden. These things help me to recharge. When I need to recharge, I have meltdowns.

[@amymurray2857]

Wow thanks so much for this video! I can relate so much!

[@4wardnthought234]

You're videos are incredibly helpful and meaningful. Thank you

[@infuriatinglyfortunate2932]

I love this video! I’ve looked everywhere for something like this and here it is!

[@thuytrangnguyen4143]

thank you for sharing this!! This made me feel so comforting. Love you!!

[@mparker6823]

I have never, ever, in my whole life heard something that I could relate to more. I felt every single word of what you were saying to my bone. Thank you, Paul. You've articulated in words what I've never been able to explain properly to confused friends and family, because I never understood it myself. My supportive family has often tried to figure out what was "wrong" with me, going down the path of researching various physical ailments that might be, because the sudden periods of intense exhaustion that hit me seemingly out of nowhere and incapacitate me have been such a problem my whole life. But Autism was never considered until recently which is odd because I have had glaring symptoms even when a baby. But as a female, society as a whole often never even has Autism cross their minds about you, unless you're extremely disruptive in public situations. The past three years have been a life changing and jarring journey, accumulating in an Autism diagnosis. Thank you for fulfilling your life's calling of helping us Auspies understand and accept ourselves, and most especially, helping our family and friends understand in ways a NT person can best understand. It changes our world for the better in ways that are too powerful to describe.

[@Wranglerlaura]

I had my recharge time built in most of my life. It wasn’t until the last 5 to 10 years that it’s been a problem. I’m 54 with a recent diagnosis. I’m realizing how blessed I am to have the life I’ve had.

[@FeliciaShare]

Yes I'm this way most of the time. Thank you for putting this in words and breaking it down. Great job.

[@Alessandra.Rezende]

Thank you for sharing. For me what works better is to take a nap, walk on nature/beach/garden or just stare plants or birds for a while. Isolate myself from the people/noise/activities. Also , when completely discharged, I shut down, unable to speak, sometimes unable to move, just need to sit or lie down and take a break, in this case, usually for a long time, at least one or two hours even the rest of the day. When I feel not good energies on gatherings, family or friends or social event, I can be drained quickly and usually I find a way to run out of the place, as in a survival mode. I used to blame myself for being weird and felt guilt and shame of my way of being, but I have become a good friend of myself and life becomes more easy. Thanks also to people like you that share information on the topic. Gratitude

[@verorsosa100]

I am not a diagnosis aspie but can relate. On my days off work I take several naps and ask my husband to not play any music, videos. I also walk surrounded by nature. When I'm at work I use the restroom to close my eyes and do some deep breathing exercises. Last, I got Irlen lenses that help my eyes not be so tired.

[@arande3]

Read Head Strong by Dave Asprey (he has ASD) it'll explain the eye strain issue. In fact I made an entire video about it.

[@maddscientist3170]

Awesome video.Thanks for the information!!!

[@TeamAutismpedia]

Never heard about this. The autism community is very diverse. Thanks for sharing!

[@TeamAutismpedia]

I have aspergers, but everyone with autism is different. If you want to see what I have see my videos those show a little of where I am.

[@refilwemashabela3039]

What do you mean?

[@cmatt06]

please change your pfp

[@arande3]

I'm the same about being in large groups, thanks for the Insight that's really interesting

[@melloyellow5598]

Very helpful and informative video. Thanks for sharing. 🙂👍

[@lorainethompson4816]

Thank you. This has been very helpful.

[@lynetteemery1949]

This is a really helpful video to understand how not making decisions helps someone recharge. Thank you

[@emmagoldman6616]

Very relevant topic. Thank you for the clear fact based information.

[@Eiramilah]

It's so good that you can verbalize what you go through. Some things have taken me years to be conscious of certain habits and to verbalize it

[@keshav_p]

you are absolutely amazing! out of words to the support you are giving us! wish the best for you always Nd friend!

[@abogado2347]

Such an awesome treatement of the subject !! I feel super close to your way of functionning. Thank you tons.

[@beckerkorn1]

I gained so much more self-understanding from this 🙏

[@Gntlplaces]

Thanks for giving a name to what I do. I'm undiagnosed and just learning about this. It is so helpful, thank you again.

[@ianaliciaperry5243]

This is incredibly helpful and validating. Especially the "burning brightly" part. Another treasure, thank you.

[@laurie3113]

Exactly what I feel like when I'm worn out....I can't make decisions, I don't recognize people I've known for years, or get lost, because I forget how to get places, I've been to many times 😅 Thank you

[@angelastarcher9279]

Thank you for posting.

[@clairebearie87]

3:06 you have a great friend who nailed it!! THANK YOU finally an explanation

[@nickmagrick7702]

well I gotta subscribe to you after this. Solid advice man, solid analysis of what autism/asp is like to.

[@bobbilynngibson302]

Thank you. That helped a lot. I'm recently diagnosed and experience a lot of what you describe. It's nice to gain understanding of what and why. Thanks again.

[@johnson1735]

Sleep or meditation is the best way for me, depending on the time and day, I often get frustrated when on break, during meditation, someone knocks on my window or yells to "wake me up".