Isn't Everyone A Little Bit Autistic?

[@goooddoggg9662]

I love your videos because there's a white board, a rational analysis and good understanding of the problem, a step by step solution. Correct and clear

[@autismfromtheInside]

I'm glad you appreciate it! It's the way I think and understand the world so makes sense to me :)

[@goooddoggg9662]

@@autismfromtheInside same:)

[@icepotato2800]

We wouldn’t have it any other way. 😄

[@thuytrangnguyen4143]

loved it!!

[@vaclav_fejt]

@@autismfromtheInside Isn't that the natural thing to do? I mean, good ecudational videos are like this, even when made by NT's.

[@DannyPlaysCello]

When people say this, I ask if everyone having varying levels of insulin sensitivity makes everyone a little bit diabetic.

[@c.d.dailey8013]

I love it when people use physical analogies to explain mental health. Your diabetes analogy is a good one. In my experience, I got a diagnosis of prediabetes from a doctor. That is when I learned that there was some kind off spectrum there. I am dangerously close to getting diabetes, but I am not quite there yet. My personal experience is really different from someone that has diabetes. I don't have the health complications. The doctor just gives me a waning, and recommends to improve diet and exercise. That is it. Later I did some research on diabetes, and I found some really scary stuff. People have to shoot up everyday. They do it to get insulin and to do blood tests. They can go blind. They could get kidney failure, and need dialysis. They could loose arms and legs and require amputation. They could even die. It is terrifying to me, absolutely terrifying. I can barely imagine what it is like to deal with diabetes on a day to day basis. It would be very different from my own experience. I don't mean to trivialize the disease. I just find it significantly different and significantly horrifying.

[@walther7147]

Danny Plays Cello you can have a gradually insulin sensitivity.

[@OkieCam16]

@Danny Plays Cello Love this! (but...) @C. D. Dailey I also love it when people use physical health analogies to explain mental health - this is absolutely necessary when talking to some very concrete thinkers. It's great how you explain the differences between your situation and the daily lives and compounding complexities of health issues faced by "full" diabetics. (but...) @Walther ...brings up a very good point. Type 2 Diabetes is not genetic, and our modern diet and lifestyle (behavior choices) are leading to more and more people developing this disorder with no genetic predisposition. In comparison, neurological differences are a whole other matter entirely. However, I must admit to having taken advantage of the fact that a certain concrete-thinking person with "full-blown" diabetes has in later years had to deal with losses of mental, emotional and physical functionality that are out of his control (during blood glucose highs or lows), to point out to him that some people live with these types of difficulties 24/7 their whole lives.

[@ghostbond1074]

Interesting choice for comparison as Diabetes is completely a gradient from a little bit diabetic (pre-diabetic) to diabetic to very diabetic (have to have limbs amputated).

[@SueLyons1]

Great comparison 👏👏👏

[@markpw2613]

Some people say it cos they don't think it actually exists. Some feel it's a person simply acting up and unable to cope with life's challenges or expecting special treatment from others. It's sad but a reality

[@symbioz2]

This.

[@akumaplantstudios8869]

You're right. Here's the sad thing that I noticed and what got me into this topic. (gonna be a little long). So, I've always been a little... odd. Always bad at school work, social activities, social norms and never really had a good grasp on life the things that people do and why. Nothing was ever mentioned at school, outside of eye tests and hearing nothing else was ever checked. (There was certainly an issue, neither really showed anything significant). Partially because the only person interested in my education was my mother, who passed away when I was 13. My father was the only family member left to pick up the slack and even though we legitimately lived 20 seconds away from the school would never get involved with my school activities, join parent and teacher meetings or anything else. So even though I was always falling behind in everything, nothing got mentioned. (Knowing what I know now, my father showed a lot of traits of Autism himself, never finished school and didn't see any value in it). Needless to say, I failed education, had no concept of what self-esteem even was, found myself friendless, alone and unable to find work. By the age of 20, as far as other people were concerned, I had become unexplainably angry at the world. Didn't undestand people or how they worked and they did not understand me. It was also very clear that we're walking different paths in life. Unfortunately I can't say the next part on youtube but lets just say for a good while I found myself in an "extremely, extremely bad place" and found myself struggling. Eventually after a particularly bad night I found a subreddit full of people throughout the world who felt very similar to me. Many of whom seemed to be struggling with very similar things. I started to notice a bit of a pattern over time. "I'm Autistic". or at worst "I'm a subhuman Autistic piece of ****". While I'd had autistic friends, I'd never looked into it. Partially because we just got on and I didn't see an issue and partially because a lot of my stuff didn't match theirs. Point of all of this is: Since then I've learned about Autism and ADHD. I've also come to find that myself and many of these people. Men and women showcase a lot of these traits themselves. Nobody takes them seriously. The advice given is always super basic and is supposed to just work. "Just be yourself". "Make sure you take a shower", "good things come to those who wait", "go to the gym", "It's obvious that you're not taking things seriously", "You're obviously not working hard enough", "Everything happens for a reason". That stuff is ABSOLUTELY great advice. IF you're giving it to someone who doesn't know that. Unfortunately, If you don't follow the herd and prefer that, "being yourself" will cripple you socially. If you didn't need a shower, that isn't going to help. "Good things" CAN come to those who wait, so long as you set yourself up properly for them in the first place. The other things that I mentioned come down to ingnorance,

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

My brother had powerful meltdowns, & he was punished for it - in school & at home: I was jealous of how mom always gave him the most time - when there were four of us siblings. I felt cheated. I was boiling mad the way he got away with everything at home & I was expected to pick up the slack. ~ I’m very sorry, I didn’t figure it out until he passed away last year ... The early memories came back to me - and then I understood everything - bc I’m much older now - and I realize he wasn’t bad, he wasn’t bad at all . Everything was just so hard for him - bc he was allergic & triggered by so many things. He did the best he could with what he had. It’s unfortunate - that many people misunderstood him & or took advantage of him so badly. He just wanted to be friends with everybody . He spent the last ten years of his life struggling to pay his bills & working for various food pantries to be connected to the community. I miss him , terrible . .

[@h0ckeyd]

Yep, my dad does that. I've just been diagnosed myself but also have hydrocephalus and epilepsy (which probably masked the masking...as it were) and he basically did the same with the others so that didn't surprise me. His latest is to remind me how people used to be called spastics :S.....so I reminded him of an old teacher I had (who swam in the commonwealth games) had a younger brother who had autism and hated that word.

[@beinghuman8726]

@@MrNicolas79 It took me a while to notice the sarcasm lol.

[@trantrad]

I'm one of those people who say "I'm a bit OCD/Asperger's" because of some social difficulties & habits, but I'll stop doing that. Your video helped me understand I shouldn't use those words carelessly.

[@a8lg6p]

I used to say I'm "quasi-autistic", because I've always been extremely advanced verbally even from a young age, and seem pretty normal, if maybe a bit sometimes aloof or shy but sometimes the opposite. most of the time in face-to-face interactions with people. So it never occurred to me that I could "really" be autistic. But learning more about Asperger's and watching these videos, it describes me 100%. The defining feature of a disorder as opposed to a quirk is: has it caused you significant problems with relationships, career, finances etc throughout your life?

[@spikey288]

Thank fuck for that

[@Tht1Gy]

Thank you.

[@chinamonkee1478]

thanks,you are a high functioning neurotypical,much appreciated.

[@vaclav_fejt]

A friends suspects I might be an aspie. Maybe. Some stuff checks out, some stuff doesn't. AQ quiz inconclusive, EQ quiz probable aspie. I tell people: "I'm not sure, but I may be neurodivergent." I don't use that as an excuse, though. Well, I'm trying not to. I don't know precisely which social skills have to be actively learned by everybody and which ones are natural for NT's.

[@wolfman122970]

When you said, "Desperately wanting to leave the house, but feeling like you can't." it literally made me cry. I can't tell you how many times I have struggled with that. It's frustrating to the point that it's actually painful.

[@Phanta3]

I teared up at that point too! Feeling more and more panicky on a day the closer time gets to a scheduled event or gathering (of *any* size), that I'm actually interested in and want to go to, is so frustrating. And exhausting. And the moment I declare to myself, "well, I'm just not going to make it today" my body feels immediate relief but it makes me so sad.

[@wolfman122970]

@@Phanta3 Yes, exactly! you worded it so well. I'm not as bad as I use to be, but some days are worse than others. It takes practice, sometimes you have to make yourself go, just have a good excuse for leaving early if you need to, and don't feel bad about it. It's about baby steps.

[@CeciliaHurezanNK]

I teared up at that part, too. Does this mean im autistic? and if I have a few more (about 5 weird things/habits?)

[@davethedrummer2134]

Firstly I want to confess that while trying to understand and empathise with my daughter I am guilty of doing this exact thing and I am MORTIFIED 😢 Now I am slowly, realising and understanding what exactly life is like for her ,how incredibly hard it is for her on a daily basis, and how brave and persistent she is in doing what she wants and how good she has become in masking. I am achieving this through communication, mostly listening. The National Autism Association, and valuable videos such as this one. Now I would like to say thank you to Autism from the inside and that ... OMG this video is amazing!! My daughter was diagnosed in her late 20s and is a beautiful person, loyal, clever, a talented dress maker and in everything creative. She is brave and has begun a new career in hairdressing. She is now having the challenge of this exact autistic misconception and I can see how much this is taking its toll on her. I really want to support her and help her to educate co workers and her boss, and help them to support her and to enable her to bring out her talents. I am hoping that through videos such as this that we can achieve this. thank you again.

[@abmrose]

When you know better, you do better ❤

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

Yeah I have a great example of an Aspie parenting problem that most folks might dismiss as "normal". I get stressed and grumpy when I am nursing my babies. Most people would say, yeah that's normal. You're not sleeping. Its a big change. Babies are stressful, etc. However, the real problem is that I have to be in physical contact with another person for hours out of my day which is way beyond my comfort level. I tolerate it as I know its good for the baby, but it really can make me stressed and on edge. My husband understands what's going on, but I don't even try to explain it to anyone else anymore because they try to normalize it without really listening.

[@jeannelucas3132]

This is a REALLY good example.

[@waynecampbell9398]

I just found out I have aspergers. And I know what u mean it make sense now. My ex girlfriend and I were always together and for some reason I got extremely irritated and angry I would break things. Now I know why. I have to have my space. She would always stay in my face and made it worse. I lost my child and her over having aspergers.... but atleast now I know. Thanks for your comment

[@t5396]

@@waynecampbell9398 why won't she give you your space?

[@livb6945]

This is my experience too. After trying to give my baby all the body contact he needed the first year I had to turn to antidepressants

[@WormBabyZ]

@Carole Smith YES. I had this same experience, chestfeeding my last child. He was the type to nurse ALL the time, which made it so difficult for me to deal with many days. Then, he got into the habit of nursing off and on all night, and I was just constantly "touched out". It felt so invasive, even though it was a decision I'd made for myself and stuck with. If I had it to do over, I probably would've done a lot less chestfeeding, or maybe gone with solely bottles. I didn't know that I was likely Autistic at the time (I'm working on getting diagnosed now), but it makes so much sense as to why it affected me so badly. I managed to keep up doing it for 20mo, before weaning. I'm proud of that, but I also feel like I overexerted myself far too much.

[@psychoprosthetic]

I think one scenario you are missing is that one can feel exactly that: a "little bit" autistic. I can really relate to a lot of the things you describe, and I don't know whether the shortfall between your experiences and mine is because I've spent so many decades learning to negotiate a life in this society that I've learned skills which have mitigated my underlying experiences, or whether it is that I don't understand what autistic people experience. The videos you are making are really interesting precisely because they seem to try to close that gap a little, but the concept of what autism is is so difficult to grasp; the fact that one hears talk about "the spectrum" or about "traits" means it is very difficult to understand all of this; the language that one hears is very imprecise. I'm talking from the point of view of someone who genuinely thinks I may be undiagnosed, but don't know. When I hear about people's experiences who are autistic they are different from mine - though there are some similarities - but they're also different from each other's. I think people, especially undiagnosed people in middle age or older, may well feel "a little bit" autistic, without any wish to diminish anyone's experience, and while maintaining an interest in learning more: it's an expression of uncertainty, "where do I stand?" If autism were so clear cut that making such a mistake was always disingenuous or simply dismissive, then there would not be the questions some people ask about "am I, could I be, autistic?" it would be obvious - but it isn't. Surely that's why you make your videos? You put it well, that autistic people can feel so dismissed by the idea of someone saying they are a "little bit" autistic. But without a diagnosis from experts, which can be very hard to get in later life, it's a very real experience for some people to have a lot in common with some described autistic experiences, but not with others, and to experience it as a sense of extent, a sense of something being wrong but I'm not quite like this person or that person who is autistic; does that mean it's something else altogether or is it just there is so much diversity within the autistic community? I've often thought I'm "partly" autistic, or have several "traits" that seem to fit, and it's not with any intention or desire to offend or dismiss people's experience. It comes from confusion at the terminology and at the vast range of experiences and not knowing where I fit in, but being certain that trying to get a diagnosis would be very difficult. I do feel disadvantaged in some areas of life, but there may be other reasons. It's a journey. So I'll be careful saying that in future but the problems remains that it's a difficult thing to grasp. Thank you for your videos as they will help me think things through.

[@notpresobama1553]

Great comment 👍

[@martinbunzli3687]

I couldn't have said this better. I feel exactly like that.

[@Adelicows]

If you genuinely believe someone can be a little bit autistic, then you are NOT autistic.

[@guyncali2]

@@Adelicows I don't think that is what the comment meant. Someone can be a home-body and try to equate that with liking to be alone, that would fit with the dismissive 'little bit autistic" narrative. I however don't feel like I'm part of the world. Humans, although I am human, are different from me. I have multiple traits that appear autistic, but it's the fear that as an adult we have learned to mask and appear normal so much that a formal diagnosis may seem out of reach. Of course, I would never say I'm a little autistic. What I do say is that I don't know if I am and am still considering whether an official diagnosis is in reach.

[@danab3591]

@@bogdanlazar3278 I saved your comment because it's the first time I've read such a precise description of the way I think/process information. Thank you :)

[@Jodzilla]

I must admit that I have said the “everyone’s a little autistic.” In hindsight I am realizing that this has been a part of my realization that I am in fact on the spectrum. I have always assumed that my experience is the same as everyone else’s. It never occurred to me until recently that my experience was different.

[@raipa111]

See that's my thing: I usually think most women my age are making it up/exaggerating and self-diagnosing in order to be special and have a fancy label for social media. And I think that because everything they describe as "symptoms" is just very very normal to me. Like: "Girl, you're not autistic, life's just hard. I flip my shit when thing go unexpected, I can't make friends because most people are dumb and unreasonable and I also wanna be alone most of the time. That's not autism, tjhat's just normal and logical at that." But then I talk to the couple friends I have and hear things like: "I'd like to spend a day in your brain." Or: "Gosh your brain again. That's so typical of you." And all I did was say a "normal" thing or make a "normal" connection in my head. And I'm starting to think that I'm dismissing all these women as imposters and attention-seekers because I only know my own perspective and consider it the most normal thing and just everyone else and the world being out of step and weird. I wanna scream at them: "You're just like me so you're not autistic!" But maybe that last part just isn't true...

[@MagerialPage]

before I saw your comment, I was going to comment, "that's something someone undiagnosed would say" (sic, that everyone is a little autistic.) :)

[@iluvhammys]

yeah sometimes my instinct is to reply that if you relate so much to the autistic experience you might be more than 'a little bit'

[@HopeSingh]

That's exactly what I'm wondering. If I relate so much, maybe there's a reason...

[@dainazoc6862]

Before I read and watched a lot of documentation on Autism, I thought I was “a little bit autistic”. Later I found out that’s because I’m (self-diagnosed) autistic and I’m a woman, so I thought I was “less” autistic than some other people, because I only knew male autism. But I totally relate to this video now, because people never acknowledged my difference as autism, and they keep telling me, since I was a kid, “Yeah, but you’re weird, so we can’t include you”. And that hurts my feelings.

[@daliadeak1015]

“It becomes a social disability, because the world that you live in is not designed to be accessible for you because you fall outside the realm of what people call ‘normal’”. Very well said! This video should be shown in every behavioural science class. I loved how you explained the trivialization of the experience of others with a disorder, as well as how we can bridge the gap instead of invalidating what another person’s been through.

[@jumpingjellyfishy]

I have decided to go down the diagnosis path, as finances allow. First thing my local GP said was that all people are are slightly autistic. I just let it wash over as I've done enough researching already. During the 10 minutes discussion he also made another comment something like, "You haven't actually demonstrated anything to me to indicate Aspergers." I'm not actually sure what I was supposed to be doing - like freaking out or something. I forge on.

[@JoeyIngles]

Dude, find another GP.

[@farmersautisticwife3952]

It took me three and a half years from first attempt to actual diagnosis. I was then told I never would have been diagnosed with Aspergers, it would have always been autism. My assessor spotted it in ten minutes, keep battling on.

[@Ragdollcatlover]

I just wanted to say that my GP was very understanding and I ended up getting a NHS diagnosis. So don’t give up!

[@farmersautisticwife3952]

xTwilightWolvesx As I wrote, I was told by my assessor that I never would have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome due to developmental delay.

[@xTwilightWolvesx]

LollyAddy79 That’s strange...I had a developmental delay (language disorder), and I still got a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome...

[@bottsou1257]

a little bit pregnant 😂

[@autismfromtheInside]

just a little bit...

[@mareksajner8567]

A little bit dead

[@mac195000]

The joke doesn't really work, does it. It may be absurd to think about someone being a little bit pregnant. But there's nothing odd about being a little bit depressed, or compulsive.

[@Doppe1ganger]

@Peter A. Did he say that? And yes, everyone is a little bit dying, is that absurd? Does stating this fact "invalidate" someone's elses deadly disease ? This vid is utter nonsense as is Bott's analogy.

[@Doppe1ganger]

@Peter A. You're being paranoid. Any of it doesn't change the fact that 1. The analogy equating autism to pregnancy is a fallacy and 2. Everyone has tendencies that can be described as being autistic, it's impossible to not have any. For instance, autism makes it harder to understand what someone else thinks. But there's no such thing as being able to understand perfectly what someone else things, or even your own thoughts, hence everyone has problems in that area that can be described as autistic. This can be easily seen in everyone you meet, regardless if they are being diagnosed as having autism. Second example. Having difficulty to express oneself. Who never has this difficulty? Nobody. People diagnosed with autism may experience more difficulty than the average person, but the average person, every single one, also experiences this difficulty. The only thing that differentiates someone diagnosed with autism from someone else, is that the person diagnosed with autism has more severe symptoms. I'm on the spectrum of having less autism in several ways from the average person, i find how people interact, their inability to understand what someone means, their tendency to be stuck in rituals everyone deems normal without questioning it or thinking about it, and so on, to be very autistic. The recent infection outbreak makes it very clear, how difficult it is for people to not have their usual cycle, how anxious people are because stuff doesn't go the way their used to.

[@dickiewongtk]

Actaully you are a great teacher. You are good at presenting and explaining information. You understand the human conditions much better than a lot of normal, very extroverted, 'people's' people.

[@angsfeatheredfriends]

I just went through the long testing phase to get autistic diagnosis. I am a 37 year old woman. I had a good idea that I was once I met my nephew, who was diagnosed at age 2. I didn't get to meet him till almost 4 years old mind you. I saw a lot of myself in him. After I got diagnosed. First thing my mom said was. Isn't everyone a little bit autistic. I wanted to completely break down and cry. I managed to keep my emotions to myself. I've done pretty well hiding them for a very long time. This is still breaking my mind. I wasn't able to understand why it hurt me to much till I seen this video. Thank you.

[@dighyfveirfuveifbuv4420]

The first guy who assessed me for autism said that everyone was on the spectrum , especially men , and that if I wasn't dribbling in a corner I did not warrant a diagnosis . I'm starting to think that man was an ass .

[@powderandpaint14]

Was he going with Baron-Cohen's male brain theory I wonder.

[@peterwynn2169]

Yes, any more of an ass and he'd be going "Ee-yore!"

[@travcollier]

Yeah, an ass. But from the POV of one of the folks "dribbling in the corner" or one of their loved ones, you calling yourself Autistic can easily sound like the stuff this video is about. So, maybe not 100% wrong, but still an ass.

[@thatdude145]

Go with your gut. Don't feel guilt or wrong if he was being apathetic and didnt seem to understand. Find someone knowledgable and genuinely interested in giving you an accurate diagnosis, and is polite. You will feel 100% more satisfied.

[@babybirdhome]

Since you’re starting to think that man was an ass, I’d like to invite you to finish thinking that man was an ass. Perhaps of the dumb subgenus of asses.

[@nothingrhymeswithorange5797]

I opened up on my social media about how all my life its been so difficult for me to connect with people and maintain friendships when someone asked me what my biggest insecurity is. One person responded to my post and tried to offer a listening ear which I appreciated because its rare for people to stick around to hear what I have to say. Yk most of the time I just make people uncomfortable. But as soon as I told them that I've been looking into whether I have autism they stopped me in my tracks with "First of all everyone is a little autistic. You really just have to go out and put yourself in situations where you have to talk to people. Everyone has a hard time fitting in you just need practice." I really didn't know how to respond and they made me second guess myself about how I feel and my experiences. People like that just make me feel like the social isolation I go through is all my fault which makes me feel so much guilt and blame for my shortcomings. I just found your channel yesterday and its so so so helpful in helping me understand myself. Someone finally takes me seriously and seeing folks in the comments undergoing similar experiences convinces me more that this isn't just in my head and that its not my fault. Its real and no one can trick me to believe otherwise anymore.

[@Space_Potat]

I feel you As though people’s brains and all their thoughts aren’t, you guessed it, just as well in their _heads_ Those people.. smh

[@maddiecerinceru6682]

I have had 50 years of practice at fitting in "normal" society and I still don't understand it. I still act naive and very wide eyed to things that most people seem to understand. I believe I am autistic, at the "high functioning" end of the spectrum, but getting a UK diagnosis is a pandemic (I began trying 7 months before it was declared) is challenging to say the least

[@megangreen7266]

Did that make feel better? Even if someone "understands: u cannot change anything.

[@SueLyons1]

'I'm not trying to be cool. I'm not trying to be edgy. But, I do need my difference to be acknowledged so that I can be included' 👏👏👏

[@Ragdollcatlover]

Thank you for this video. Another one is ‘don’t let your autism define you’ 🙄 obviously we are going to be defined by the way we think and perceive things. I’m so impressed with your insight about these situations.

[@karenabrams8986]

I just called my VA psychiatrist who is going to find out what is available for adult diagnosis. I need this to be validated by an official third party, preferably an expert. I need it to be real. It’s all I can think about right now. Experiencing a constant stream of unpleasant memories of being rejected by babysitters, peers, teachers, spankings, switchings, clothing that was torture, no friends, so many overwhelming bad memories of non stop rejection. Which I understand now, I know I’m intense and overwhelming, but when I was little I just needed to scream and not be alone. I need this to be diagnosed to be ok with my authentic identity. After being told it’s not okay and to get therapy to fix it. I have been spinning my wheels because ive known for a few years now that I need to get ok with who I am, which has been hard to nail down after 40 years of trying to make my unacceptable self ok for everyone else to tolerate.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@oyasumaya]

Exactly the video I needed to watch! As an autistic person, I was unsure of why this phrase made me feel uncomfortable and was also generally confused with the whole "everyone has their quirks, everyone is diverse" train of thought... So your explanation of noticeable differences and the acknowledgement vs invalidation of them really helped me understand this discomfort. Thank you so much, Paul!!! 💖

[@JohnSmith-pl4sf]

I have autism, and you're right having autism is like having a life experience of social isolation and rejection, I'm talking out of experience, and when I was little i always sat in the corner of every recess in elementary school, I tried to play and involve myself with the other kids but they kept saying this to me "we don't play with loners", and sometimes I they would call me a retarded because I couldn't understand the teacher and that "autism affects learning" this is also true because I would always get I would always get told by the teacher that my grades are always low, that's also proof that autism affects the part of the brain that the human being uses to learn and study... Thank you so much for making that statement clear..

[@valentinventures]

That’s so sad man. I relate to this so much. That was my elementary school experience as well. Kind of feels like the paradox of “you need experience to get experience” in the employment world. How do I stop being a loner if you won’t make friends with me? It gets better though.

[@peterwynn2169]

I can remember seeing a doctor, who was a complete ass, who has turned to doing some writing, who has WEIRD ideas that men and women can never be just friends or they can't form meaningful relationships. He said that he was ostracized from a young age and projects WEIRD ideas about dealing with depression. He claimed that a year after graduating, he faced a life-threatening personal crisis, and during a year in a self-imposed isolation, he discovered an unquestionable truth. To that, I say, if he faced such a crisis, why didn't he seek the support of a psychiatrist and psychologist, and if he couldn't relate to one, try another until he found the right one for him. What I say to his other nonsense that men and women shouldn't share problems with members of the opposite sex if they're in a relationship is, if you're having problems in your relationship, it can be a sign that your relationship is evolving, in trouble or reaching the end of the line. OR, it can mean that you didn't know that person as well as you thought you did. His ideas on fixing relationships appear to be grounded in a belief that divorce is something that should be avoided at all costs. So, in that respect, I'm not surprised he's not married. He also claimed that women were becoming more like men, another completely ridiculous statement and one that appears grounded in ultra-conservative roots. I can relate to what you're saying, but I would say that I doubt this doctor would be autistic.

[@Space_Potat]

It does not affect learning. It’s just that the classic way of teaching is for us. The example is right in your comment: the terrible things that your classmates and your teacher (This part is more important to the learning itself) were saying. They seeded in You self-doubt, that you’re dumb and can’t learn. It’s like placebo. They made you think you have big troubles learning _in general_ - ‘tis not true - it’s just the system that you were in is not the one that supports your abilities. With right system you can learn anything as well as they in that system (even they can’t learn well in that system tbh) Thank you for reading my TEDRant

[@cynthiaglez5809]

Thank you for the "masking" comment .

[@crowolfe290]

Thank you for this channel. I was diagnosed at 40-ish. I stumbled across your videos by complete accident the other day. You explain things in a way that makes so much sense to me.

[@Satan666Official]

1:25 that marker flip is perfection!

[@JJR93]

Very well said. Makes me think of friends and colleagues who say "you don't *look* [or seem] austistic..." when I disclose....ugh.

[@a8lg6p]

Can't blame them for not knowing. I've been consciously struggling with social problems all my life, and I knew it wasn't social anxiety. I'm just now realizing it at 37. I thought I didn't look autistic, and I have an MA in psych.

[@safyafarooq2878]

This is one of ur best videos, in my opinion. Well done, Paul.

[@arande3]

I agree

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks!

[@sherriecarr6407]

Great explanations! Depression can also be preventing getting things done like cleaning up a bedroom.My granddaughter is Autistic, but very surprisingly in tune to issues going on around her. For example, she told her aunt Jackie, my daughter, why doesn't her father, my son Mikey, get help and go to a Dr. to get well. It's because he is in denial that he has a drug addiction to Meth, and lies to us all about his even doing it. His daughters have been waiting for 3 yrs. For him to straighten up, and get treatment, but he blames everyone else, even thinks his girls are brain washed against him to the point he is saying mean things to them. To where my Autistic granddaughter Mischellie says she doesn't want to see him, anymore, because she feels overloaded with her headaches, and he makes her cry. She is about 12-yrs.-old, now. My son thinks it's Jackie poisoning her mind against seeing him, but Jackie says she, n' his other daughters don't want to visit with their dad, either. What can we do to support her? Should she be forced to visit him, any way, or should we just respect her wishes not to see her dad? What should we tell Mikey, so he will believe us about her Autism makes her not want to see him. Or what advice can we give him on how he can better communicate with his Mischellie, daughter to not upset her so much. She seems very worried he's not eating enough, not getting better, etc. He isn't trying to fix himself, either. Sherrie

[@davidhill5684]

Saying "aren't we all on the spectrum?" Is often a way of saying "don't expect any preferential treatment". I've felt it as very dismissive and as you say, trivialising. I gravitated towards marginal groups as an attempt at finding a place in society. Looking to belong. Especially in teen years when things began to get serious. Of course it never quite worked. I don't think I've ever really belonged in the world, but now it doesn't matter. Having found a spiritual purpose, lesser ideas of finding a home at this level are not important to me.

[@alphamorion4314]

I kinda get that. I am still not 100% sure if I indeed am in the spectrum (I've been watching a lot of this channel's videos, lately) or if in some kinda weird subconscius way I am 'wanting' to be in the spectrum to justify all of the oddities and feelings of not belonging I've struggled with.. But at some point I actually ended working as a crew-member for cruise ships, deeply believing there I would FOR SURE find people who felt similar to me. The thought process was: "surely most people who follow this kind of work must feel in some way like they don't belong in a normal society, right?". It was just soul-crushing when I realized I still felt odd and like I didn't belong, even there.

[@matty31272]

can you explain what you mean by finding a "spiritual purpose"?

[@daniellegarcia4098]

I feel relieved after watching this video. After hearing about people’s personal experiences with autism, I’m quite certain that I’m autistic. I tried to communicate my struggles and my experiences with two different therapists and one said if I were actually autistic I wouldn’t be able to speak at all, that I wouldn’t be able to even identify with autistic, I wouldn’t be able to mask or mimic, I would’ve been diagnosed as a child, and she also threw in there that she thinks everyone is “a little bit autistic anyway”. The other therapist said that whether I am or not, it doesn’t matter because any opportunity to get the help I needed as a child has passed. This obviously doesn’t make sense considering adults struggle with autism. It’s not something you just grow out of. I keep doubting myself and I convince myself that maybe I’m just crazy and that it’s all in my head, but at my core I truly believe that it’s 100% real and not just in my head. I hope I feel confident enough to open up about this to another therapist in the future, and I hope they’re receptive to what I have to say instead of simply dismissing me because I don’t “look” autistic. Thank you so much for this video, it helped clarify some doubts and made me realize that I’m not just crazy. It was very educational and I may pass it on to anyone who gives me another dismissive answer without allowing me to explain my experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

[@andrewphillips-hird3761]

Excellently articulated, I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm not autistic, but I have a personality disorder. While no-one ever really goes "Isn't everyone a little personality disordered?" they do the equivalent thing with what is at the heart of personality disorders - a difficult childhood - by saying "Nobody's childhood was perfect". The thing is that there's childhood challenges whose result is more or less "They were difficult and unpleasant at the time, but for the most part, I have overcome them and been able to grow as a person, even if I am still at times uncomfortable" and then there's "The sequelae of my childhood experiences have rendered me incapable of forming or maintaining close relationships of any kind, and I am also pretty much entirely dependent on other people's help in order to regulate my emotions" (you can imagine how lovely that particular combination is) As you indicate, it's not about being a little bit X because you have a couple of traits of X - it's about the fact that having just a couple of traits of X may well actually be adaptive (e.g. special interests in autism, in isolation, are surely a fast track to expertise; in my case, being very (excessively) emotionally sensitive and caring a lot (also excessively) about others means I'm a decent confidant) but when you add those traits to a load of the other traits of the same condition, you get an overall picture that is very maladaptive and makes your life needlessly difficult with very few (if any) benefits in exchange - I assume that in an overall picture of autism, special interests make it hard to connect with people; and my qualities that make me a good confidant work in concert with my other traits to ensure that others can mistreat me without me necessarily even noticing. So while a person may have 10% of the traits of autism or 10% of my neuroticism, they have, like, -50% of the functional impairment

[@Eccentric_Villain]

When you mentioned the single Mum diagnosed after her daughter was... I’m going through this currently, and trying to get NDIS sorted for my children and myself. It’s so infuriatingly hard, a mine field of getting help. I’m struggling so much with housework which there is just so much. I look at the house and don’t know where to start, with my 3 autistic children. That hit me so hard. I’m probably not making any sense, but yeah... autistic adulting is so hard. I have had this exact “we’re all a little bit autistic” said to me, it’s kind of a backhanded statement. Hurts so much. There is a good side to autism, the kiddies and I all have our own super powers. We all love building and creating things. A hou se of artists.

[@amybaker1880]

I can definitely relate with not getting help when you really do need it. Struggling to feed yourself is no fun. Even worse when people say they will help and then don't.

[@magdalenamironska2765]

My thesis supervisor said to me: " You`re pushing your individuality forward so much, that you scare off people around you." I answered "No, I`m just myself and even I must hide my true personality, to be tolerated". Now, during the coronacrisis no one believes me that I can`t cope with the changes. I have a pretty nasty anxiety which so strong panic attacks, that I can`t say - "am I dying for real or no?". When I say it, I hear - "Everyone is now anxious, don`t play a victim". I`ll be kicked off because I can`t stand the changes. I`ve been learning about autism for a month and everything makes sense at least. I`m going to get a diagnosis. Thank you, Paul. I really enjoy your channel. Stay safe!

[@anngreen5601]

out of all the social media channels I have seen, this one is the clearest, and the comments are the most thoughtful, supportive and useful to me. keep up the good work everyone!

[@M-CH_]

There is arguably some merit to the concept of being "a little bit" autistic, but the devil is in the details. When we talk about being autistic we mean a bunch of distinct aspects, such as disability - both social and intrinsic (the whole of the world we live in is not construed and thus not all disability is social), neurological type (the "broad autistic phenotype") and identity. It is clear that in terms of neurological type one can be "a little bit" autistic - there seems to be no clear-cut distinction between those who meet diagnostic criteria for autism and their non-disabled but still not neurotypical relatives. That's because autism is still primarily a clinical category defined by deficits and needs which need to be addressed in order for an individual not to be hindered by them. This definition, or at the very least its application by diagnosticians is predicated on social context - which means that some people who wouldn't be autistic in that sense, say, 50 years ago are autistic now, because the societal functioning has grown more demanding in those areas where they are challanged the most. Obviously in terms of neurodivergence they are the same - because specifically autistic neurodivergence doesn't equal intrinsic or even social disability. And this last point touches upon the issue of identity. As there is little in terms of therapy or medicine to aid autistic individuals - especially those diagnosed later in life - the biggest benefit of being diagnosed that I can think of (and I do take in to account various kinds of aid) is understanding oneself better, being provided a "roadmap" of typical autistic deficits which helps one to navigate one's way out of the vicious circle of failure and self-accusation, and also - the community of people who share similar experience and their ways to cope. All this comes with identifying oneself as autistic - on the basis of formal diagnosis or otherwise. Now, to my mind the question is: whether we allow the identity to be a spectrum in the sense in which the diagnostic category isn't one, but in which the neurological type is one. It's a question about which aspects of autism we chose to define our identity - those which relate do disability or others. What I find problematic about defining the identity by social (or better societal) disability - which seems to be the thinking behind a lot of what I see being said about neurodiversity - is that it has the potential to be doubly exclusive: first towards those who feel that they are like the greatest component of their disability is intrinsic and not societal, and second - those who cope with their autistic traits but do not meet diagnostic criteria for a disorder/don't seek clinical diagnosis for some reason. Plus, defining one's identity by societal disability/oppression - which is very real and demands addressing in it's own right - doesn't seem to me like the best way to built a positive and independent identity, but rather a reactive and dependent one, an understanding of ourselves in opposition to the neurotypical society. I understand why it seems intuitive to concentrate on challenges and disability - this is what brought the majority of us to the "autistic" lable in the first place. But I think the way for the future is to work towards an understanding of "being autistic" which transcends that perspective. And I think the only way to achieve this kind of self-understanding is to include those who aren't (as of today) disabled, but share the neurodivergence. They may not need the label but we might need them. So, to recapitulate my point: not everyone's a little bit autistic, but it may be wise to allow certain people to be "a little bit" autistic.

[@nigelbaldwin752]

Interesting but the word disability is very prominent. Could be argued that little bit autistic, which i see as very damaging to those who are autistic is covered, that is 'displays some autistic traits but does not meet the diagnostic criteria. In my view there are no grey areas you are either autistic or not, but heh i'm autistic so i don't have grey areas. The autistic brain is ultimately pretty amazing, often unregulated leading to myriad of issues with advantages and disadvantages, not in my mind disabled or non disabled . I also respect but challenge the focus on social, just one aspect and although dominant with aspergers one could argue less dominant with autism where sensory issues may are often prominent . All can lead to and be complicated by developmental issues. Interesting stuff and good to read your view and this is just my view but good to discuss, thanks and best wishes M. Ch

[@M-CH_]

@@nigelbaldwin752 Well one of my points was exactly that when we look at (or for) the "autistic difference" (as in "either in or out"), we can never be 100% sure, which people actually have it, not unless we give them a battery of cognitive tests. The only people who are certainly autistic are those, who have been diagnosed - which implies they have encountered some difficulty that propelled the diagnostic process, in other words - they are disabled in some way. My main point is - the way it currently functions as a social category, autism is coupled with some disabilities, both societal and intrinsic; if we are striving for a more affirming understanding of autism, those need to be decoupled - but keeping in mind that those who need the autism discourse the most, also the affirming kind, are those with disabilities most common in autistics. So, there's a tension there, which needs to be addressed, and one way of addressing it is to focus on more clear definitions of the various things we mean by autism in various contexts. That's what I attempted in my previous post. To say that talking about "being a little bit autistic" is damaging or unfair to those who are autistic (presumably meaning those, who needed a diagnosis because of the challenges they face) does not acknowledge the many meanings in which we talk about autism, which are often incongruent. I mean: we cannot strive for an affirming understanding of autism while at the same time keeping to language policing that is rooted in pathologizing definition of autism. We need more clarity and more conscious use of definitions.

[@couponspromotions100]

Good video, I'll have to try the visual schedule

[@celladoor_uk]

Was thinking the same thing man, I really need to try that.

[@muticere]

I went through this myself as I came to terms with being autistic as an adult. It was less "isn't everyone a little bit autistic" and more "doesn't everyone deal with crippling social anxiety to some degree?" "doesn't everyone experience an existential crisis every time they encounter spare time and aren't sure what to do?"

[@lv9265]

Oh my god, the existential crisis one is so relatable 😭

[@lv9265]

I feel like I start to derealize/depersonalize when I have spare time and I don't know what to do. Like somewhere in the middle between "normalcy" and a psychotic state. Can't even explain how it feels but everything feels unreal and I have anxiety and I feel like I'm losing my mind and like everything is a simulation. Scares me to death to be alone and/or have nothing to do, thank god for social media and books.

[@BKHolmstrom_23]

So glad I found your channel. I'm 53 and found out I'm "significantly" on the spectrum a year and a half ago, via testing and diagnosis by a professional counselor. Apparently just learned how to mask/cope well early on. It all clicked when I found out - experiences I had in childhood and even into adulthood. I was always the spaz or freak when I was a kid. My wife was the one who suspected and arranged the initial testing and counseling. Yet she has hit me with this "everyone is a little..." several times now over the last year, and it drives me nuts. I think she watched some of your videos last year, even. Thank you for the explanation, this will help me get the message across without "losing it", lol.

[@chocopanda16]

omg this video is so good, everything is so true, thanks! this is what I always try to say to my Mom. Also, I'm in the diagnosis process. Nobody believes that I have any problems, everyone thinks that I'm just exaggarating, and when someone finds out that I have e.g., serious meltdowns etc. they are just scared and say that I am completely crazy.

[@LPSSweetheartCatDog]

rainbowpanda agreed!!! 😊👍👍👍👍

[@Slavenius92]

Meltdowns are normal response to alarm, "I want to be alone now,leave me alone to process things" state in which you are in.

[@cilonrs]

It's like saying that everyone has crippling depression because people feel sad sometimes

[@ryanOGab]

C de Cilêncio yes that fucks me off big time

[@joysoyo2416]

That's a great comparison.

[@omp199]

No, it's like saying that anyone can be depressed to a certain extent, and at certain times, without it being "crippling". Which seems a perfectly plausible hypothesis.

[@Anna-bm5fj]

I LOVE this video, you captioned my feelings perfectly. Thank you for also emphasising how our (women’s) ability to mask can actually be an obstacle in being acknowledged. ❤️

[@thegoodly]

Great video. I’m autistic diagnosed at 38 after two of my children were diagnosed. I can’t stand this comment but you done a great job of explaining. I like you am now trying to raise awareness and understanding through blogs and my Instagram account. Keep going man. 👍🏻

[@Dhorannis]

I have to admit that I have called my condition something similar like "a mild case of autism" or "a little bit autistic". But I am still quite far out there compared to most other people. And I used it this way to differentiate between cases like me who can lead a more or less "normal" social life and cases who are hardly able live on their own.

[@SB_McCollum]

You know how Dr. Tony Atwood says that he wants people from within the spectrum to become psychologists and have them come up with the solutions/treatments? You’re one of those people. This video is a beautiful explanation.

[@nleem3361]

Autism is so real and so different. I'm ADHD, not ASD, but my boyfriend is ASD. He's worked so hard on his interpersonal skills, and sometimes mask completely, but other times a tiny thing slips out. I've seen people react badly to him right out of the gate. I can't imagine what it was like for him when he was younger, and what a lot of the audience here goes through. It breaks my heart because he has a pure heart and is never trying to offend or cause problems. One little thing I noticed with him is that he'll sometimes hesitate on being friendly with a new person until he sees they are a good person, but by then the other person is already negatively reacting. I've also had to explain to my boyfriend the importance of being nice to the uber drivers. He's curt with them, so they can focus on driving. But, because of this he doesn't have a good uber rating. This makes the drivers cautious of him because they don't know why his rating is low, and it propetuates the situation. He always leaves 5 stars and a good tip too.

[@deborahbennett6544]

Thank you so much, a very empowering talk, so many people have said that to me even a psychologist. It always shuts me down, but next time someone does I'm going to say no and remember your video. It's already a huge struggle to get people to understand.

[@Farmybrat]

This is a fantastically simple, concise way to communicate in basic terms how clinicians assess individuals for autism. If some traits exist, but collectively do not pass a threshold to be considered “disordered” (setting the optics of that term aside), there won’t be a diagnosis; that individual still “fits in” from the autistic perspective. That threshold also shifts as our understanding of autism shifts. I received a diagnosis yesterday, I cleared the bar for level 1 autism “at this time,” in the clinician’s words. I encountered resistance when I expressed the thought that I might be autistic, and have been given arguments similar to “but we all do that sometimes.” I’m trying to figure out how best to communicate the diagnosis to friends and family (and future friends or partners, still dating at 37 😶‍🌫️), and this video is exactly what I was hoping to find…. I appreciate the work you’re doing.

[@alysfreeman11]

I like the paper cut metaphor...exactly what it feels like when someone doesn’t accept my diagnosis and trivialise it...

[@MNkno]

I've been thinking about this video for some time, mostly because I spend time trying to think of ways to survive.. Your understanding of the motivation to bring us into the circle of "normal" (typical) seems to be true most of the time. Your example of the woman who found a pictoral list of things to do was good, where a textual list caused the gears to grind to a halt, was brilliant. Perhaps what's needed in casual conversation is a zippy answer: Isn't everyone a little bit Autistic? "Don't I wish!!" "That would be a comforting thought" "Nah, don't confuse it with 'it's just we're all a bit weird'." Oh, that's just my Autism: "Ah.. Where else does it pop up for you?" "I wish mine stopped at that level.." Do you ever get the one that stops me - "Gee, I wish I had something cool like being on the spectrum.."? I have to bite back the impulse to compare that fantasy with a rape fantasy: as a fantasy it might be "something cool" or exciting, but as a reality it's anything BUT that.

[@elizabeth1703]

I always thought and people always told me my social struggles were because of my self esteem and insecurity. As a result, I spent so much of myself improving because I thought my problems would go away when I had better self esteem. But years later, a stronger person, confident and yet my problems haven’t gone away. I struggle MORE socially now because I constructed this way of being able to socialize that I have come to hate and I feel completely lost now like I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve just started avoiding people. I’m really considering getting tested but I went to a psychologist when I was younger and they didn’t help. I’m afraid of my struggle being invalidated :/ I told the psychologist when I was younger that I had trouble socializing and she said everyone is like that. People keep telling me I’m normal and it’s all fine but they’re not in my life. I do not feel functional.

[@nigelbaldwin752]

Elizabeth , i went through years feeling different and becoming more and more unwell and isolated. Mental health services and many GP's will not understand but you and only you really feel how you are. Learn a bit about autism by watching good videos like this and others (Sarah Hendricks) then make your case to your GP and ask to be referred for an assessment. Look up your health boards referral process, many people have a difficult journey to diagnosis but it can make a huge difference. Also look up AQ 50 on line test (Autism Quotient test), its a useful indicator.

[@sallybaddeley6060]

Yup, I've been stuck in the mental health system for decades and it never helped. They simply don't understand and the result is isolation. I'm getting ready to ask to be refereed for an assessment now and doing what Nigel said so that I can move forward with understanding. It's horrible being misunderstood and invalidated. You know your self better than anyone else Elizabeth, no one knows your struggles better than you. I hope you get the answers you're looking for.

[@elizabeth1703]

@@nigelbaldwin752 thanks i scored 37. I think i have a good reason for pursuing a diagnosis. I'm disappointed that the information is constantly "adults who think they have aspergers dont really need a diagnosis because they have obviously learned to function so far in society". I have not gotten by very well and i am increasingly concerned that the amount of suffering and trouble i go through on a daily basis is much more than i need to. I would like it if there was a resource if i am diagnosed that helps people like me understand how to get through a day better. However, i am afraid that these resources might not be developed yet. I see a lot for children but not for adults. I think a large part of me wants validation as well. Because i have been through a lot and i feel very misunderstood and we were not created to be comfortable on the outskirts of society.

[@nigelbaldwin752]

@@elizabeth1703 Your welcome. I had a very late diagnosis and since have studied autism non stop. You are right the services are not there and once diagnosed it can be very stressful because for me i saw the real me for the first time and it is traumatic like a grieving process that my life has been damaged in so many ways because i did not understand myself, i compensated but at a huge cost, poor self identity , lack of self esteem and ultimately exhaustion. A diagnosis is a journey before and after but there is not one part of me that wishes i had not been diagnosed, i now know myself, i know my strengths and my weaknesses and why, so not banging my head against a brick wall, i can be kind to myself and start a healing process. Support ultimately will come from other autistic people knowing you are not alone and you will communicate better with other autistic people on your wave length. Heck it may sound weird but if you are autistic you really will discover through understanding the real you and i bet you will like what you see, that in itself is huge and you can help others close to understand you, kindness all round. Wish you very well Elizabeth. To answer that point that after a time people cope well without a diagnosis, my answer is WRONG. Adults with high intellect so called high functioning (no such thing but i'll let that one go ), have very high suicide rates, mental health problems that are multiples above the norm , in short totally misleading, in fact they are the group that in reality often need most support. Ah by the way autistic people struggle to know when to stop so i better stop hi hi.

[@l21n18]

Whenever someone says everyone that’s the point when its time to stop listening.

[@maggieoconnor7563]

This is the best video I've seen on this topic to date. Thank you so much. It frustrates me when people ask me this question even when I can understand the intent behind it. It's a spectrum of autism, not of general human neurology. Thank you for putting it into such a clear and logical explanation.

[@Jupperna]

Thank you so much. I have to show this to my mom. I always shut down when she says that phrase and for years I still haven't been able to explain why it hurts when she says that.

[@gaines_gal]

This video is so important! You nailed everything on the head. I struggle so much but I'm always met with others belittling my experiences, as if my crippling anxiety is normal and isn't that bad. I hate even talking to others feeling like my internal struggles won't be believed.

[@TheNamesCarlos]

I genuinely don't understand a personal goal that includes getting folks to validate my experience. Why does it need validating? Even if it did, why must strangers do it? You're not confused by your experience. So why worry about validation? Most people think of folks on the spectrum as having special abilities. "I might be a little autistic" is absolutely not a slam. Some folks look for any lame excuse to put others down. So what? I should worry about some intentional jerk's invalidation of my experience? I know that sounds like a rant. It's a sincere reflection on what you posted.

[@filmgbg]

Thank you so much for this video! This is exactly the type of video I need to show my mom, because she's extremely dismissive of the fact that I suspect I might be on the spectrum. Whenever I try to start a discussion by telling her examples of why I think I might be on the spectrum, she compares it to her own experiences of having sensitive hearing, being very shy when she was younger and other similar things, thus completely dismissing even the possibility of me being on the spectrum in the process. That is not the same as a whole childhood of rejection and a lifetime of feeling like an outsider, having a hard time taking in anything but STEM subjects, crippling social anxiety, the constant need to mask my unconventional lack of response to certain things happening, and don't even get me started on food textures and my sense of taste. She doesn't understand that in almost every single social situation, I feel like there is something wrong with me and that I'm stupid. She doesn't understand that getting a diagnosis is not something I want to do to "be unique" or whatever, but that I feel like I need it as evidence for myself that I am, in fact, not stupid, and that most of my big problems in life can be explained with one simple word: autism. I am so glad that my highschool and university friends I've talked to about this (two of which are diagnosed with ASD and one whose father was diagnosed with Aspergers) are much more open to having discussions about this and listen to me and validate my experiences. Otherwise I would've just kept living my life thinking I'm a stupid, introverted and shy math, computer and music nerd with a lackluster social life who is really picky with their foods.

[@cas9656]

I totally agree with what you said about it giving off the "don't know don't care" feeling, because of how basically everyone in my life mishandled the fact that I'm autistic has left me in this way of thinking that no one cares, that people only notice that crap is hitting the fan for someone else when the crap starts hitting them. The people in my life being totally clueless about my autism pretty much gave me trust issues.

[@robincampbell22]

I’m so happy to have found your channel and I hope I will find a solution. My son is in his 20’s and has not been diagnosed but we need to find a safe way to address whatever is going on. I don’t trust doctors, I fear that they will humiliate him.

[@1920sgirl]

I come back to this video again and again, for various reasons. Today, is just one of those days, where I feel so inadequate and like such a failure and I can't tell you how much it helps to listen to this video. I feel validated, I feel less alone. It made me feel better and less rubbish. Thank you!

[@soozylai735]

Amazing. So very clearly put and with humour (and frustration). My second son was about 3 years old when I began to realise that feeling suicidal 50% of the time wasn't what other parents meant when they agreed that motherhood was hard. I plucked up the courage gathered over many years to speak with a GP about ASC and ADHD and spoke with a GP (actually a partner for the entire health centre for a wide rural area) who told me they'd seen a documentary saying if people pay for a diagnosis they get one, and also that trying methylphenidate would just be swapping one medication (antidepressants) for another, so was there really any point. Another GP from the same practice said "we're all on the spectrum, I'm on the spectrum" (I had told her I'd been off work for several months and was struggling financially, she was yes stressed and overworked, but nonetheless earning a GP's salary) "you're not going to go on methylphenidate" there was no gap for me to interject even if I'd at that moment possessed the communication skills to advocate for myself.

[@stvbrsn]

I have a new metaphor. If we consider a spectrum (usually represented on a line) as a strand of fiber, what happens when we weave many of them together in order to form a more complete picture? We get a tapestry. Neurodiversity tapestry.

[@megnemo6403]

Yes but does the tapestry have to include the hairdressers, the telephone sanitizers and the middle men as Douglas Adams would say.

[@shadowfox933]

I think of it as more of a set of stacked bell curves. Each curve represents one characteristic of us (ability to speak, sensory sensitivity, etc). NT's will be near the middle for most of those. The rest of us, if you were to stack the curves together, would have a lot more points near either end of any given curve, which represents things like (in my case) hypersensitivity to sound or lack of ability to express emotions effectively

[@stvbrsn]

@@shadowfox933 yes! I have often used that type of modeling as well. Especially when considering the “master spectrum” of human neurodiversity as a whole. It becomes particularly interesting (and a bit dismaying) when you look at how Pareto distribution fits in with those bell curves. Kind of points to exploitation of one personality type by another, one being 80-90% majority and the other a 10-20% minority… whoa did I go off on a tangent, sorry!

[@shadowfox933]

@@stvbrsn an interesting tangent...what is it exactly though? I don't think I've heard of the pareto distribution, at least not by name

[@zbnmth]

landscape

[@herecomesthesun21]

Wow, thanks again for this great video! I'm watching your videos because I'm trying to understand autism, because I'm dating someone with a lot of asperger's traits. But this video really helped me to understand MYSELF. I have in many ways very similar experiences as discribed here. (Btw, I'm not trying to dismiss autism or say I know how it feels - it's very real thing and I really don't know how it feels!) I am hsp (higly sensitive person) and I have cptsd & cfs. Very often when I'm trying to say that my fatigue has been really bad lately (meaning i sleep almost all day & all night and I can barely go grocery shopping etc.) people say "I'm very tired too". Actually, it's very insulting!! I've heard so many annoying and insulting things wihle being ill. For example, people say "you don't look sick" and so I must be well. Or they give me advice without asking: sleep well, relax, go for a walk. As if I wouldn't know those basic things after 8 years of being seriously ill. Almost no doctors take cfs seriously in my country and they don't even know cptsd exists. They don't want to hear about the fatigue, their eyes start wondering if I talk about, or in the best case, they tell me they can't help me (one doctor actually told me that and was sorry about it, wich felt good because at least she was honest). Also, most people really don't understand what my life is like with the daily trauma symptoms and fatigue. And very, very rarely anybody, even my closest friends, actually ask what it's like for me or try to understand. Lately though, I've had conversations with a couple of kind strangers, and they asked me many questions about cfs. That felt really good, that someone is interested and wants to understand. I'm thinking about starting to write about my experiences, there is so much people should understand about serious illnesses and being outside the norm. I just wish I get the strength to do it :). Anyway, thanks for the space to vent a bit! Have a good day everybody.

[@lauranilsen8988]

My own mother told me she didn’t really think I had been sick. I was shocked. Did she think I was being dramatic?! I had a decent amount of energy but serious brain fog/memory problems, muscle contractions over my whole body, high blood pressure, multiple food sensitivities. Thankfully, my grown son explained things to her that he had seen (living with me).

[@jenniLB]

I love explaining it as already understanding vs wanting to understand. What a useful explanation for empathy!

[@emilormasenvallersnes4016]

I have said that I think I might have bap (broader autistic phenotype). Now, by saying this I am definitely not trying to pretend like there are no hardships when people are autistic. I have just noticed that much of my behaviour consists of lighter versions of autistic traits. I for example often jump around and flap my hands when I am excited and have other forms of stimming, I react strongly to certain smells and dislike almost any food, I am not great socially, I get very into interests and I dislike change or unexpected things. However, none of these thing severly impact my ability to do things day to day. Therefore I of course do not have autism and would never downplay the difficulties that entails with being autistic. However, I do not really see the harm in pointing out that one has lighter (with great focus on lighter) versions of typical autistic behaviour. Considering that autism is believed to be to some extent genetic, it would make sense that some people, especially those who are closely related to someone who has autism, are "a little bit autistic". I hope that now that I have explained my reasoning that no one finds this offensive. An anology could be that someone who struggles with mental health and a negative state of mind without it being bad enough to be diagnosed would say about themselves that they have depressive thoughts. I once again cannot stress enough that by this I am only refering to those who do not just a bit shy, but those who have more similarities than the average "average person". This would of course also not be information of any substantial meaning, because it does not severly impact someones life unless it can be diagnosed.

[@Olliepottery-amyclark]

WOW!!! I have been searching high and low for a video to share with family and this is IT. Thank you so so much!!!!

[@WhiteSnake208]

So well articulated.. thank you!!! I will be sharing this with my Aspie support group and with family members who still just don’t get it lol much love

[@frenchenstein]

🌟The cleaning the house bit where the tasks just freeze your ability to make a judgement or even just start the task and warm to it, resonates with me. Just thinking about it now has my heart racing. I think pictures would. Wow I stop typing now my head is bursting...

[@Crouteceleste]

I have told only 2 people I might (and these videos are clearing any doubts I had) be autistic : one was a very nice, shy, coworker, and he still looked at me in disbelief despite the fact that at first, after 1 year of desperately wanting to communicate with him but not doing it because I had no idea how, we first bonded over… an email !! We had worked literally 3-4 meters away in the same room. Second person is my sister, I think we both know I'm right but we tiptoe around the subject, using turns of phrases when I evoke my social difficulties. It's gotta get out officially some day. Since I am a French woman, and the level of knowledge about autism is similar to stone-age science here, I probably will never get diagnosed, it's not worth the pain and trouble. I get along just fine and I am learning to be myself in my own corner. At the age of 30, I have finally abandoned the belief I will change or progress enough that I will be normal, and I acknowledge I will never be like the rest of them. When I came into this conclusion a few years back (before acknowledging it fully), it was so hard and painful I had a depression for most of 2 years, couldn't get out of bed to do anything but eat and sleep. Then I decided normal life was not for me, and searched for MY type of life. I was very poor and friendless but in the end, I still managed to go abroad for 1 year, looking after pigs, hens and sheep into the Swedish land and forest and it was among the best experiences of MY LIFE. Now I am looking to reproduce some of these on the long term, but for now my work is chatting which doesn't involve guessing a person's mood, intellect and goals, and thanks to (even if it's horrible to say) Covid-19, I don't even have to see any other non-chosen human being since I work from home at the moment. But I still want to get on with my life so badly, and do the things I need and want to !

[@andreabuntpercy]

Recently I began to wonder if I was autistic, read about it, watched videos. Looking back and comparing notes, I had no doubt about it. I hit anxiety attacks a couple of years ago and was welcomed into a neurotypical women's group for support. We met once a month and I spent 4 years mimicking the way others socialized, even in our emails during covid. It sometimes took me hours to write one, and then I'd read and reread it. That would not, I realize now, have made me sound like an authentic human being. They are a spiritual group, all comers were welcome, so they were ok with me except for a couple of women who bullied through gossip when I wasn't diplomatic enough at asserting boundaries with them. I had been learning about boundaries for the first time from my Shaman..... For a while I lost my voice, then experienced double vision and pain free migraines, needed to be prompted to speak up when asked to read something to the group. Then I met some aspies in a video and all those complications changed into self-realization. I dropped my mask completely, became a different person according to my Shaman, who pointed that out to me. More open, genuine. I'm happy to say I'm on the spectrum because I've found myself there.

[@patsabol8699]

Love this guy! He explains things so well, whether we're on the spectrum or not.

[@foxyp4284]

This hit home and explained so many un organised feelings I’ve had inside of me every time this comment is made! Thank You sooo soooo much! ❤️

[@primabellas6856]

When I was in school, I wanted so badly to be “normal”. I would try so hard to figure out how/why I was “different” so I could fix it but I simply couldn’t figure out what it was about me that didn’t connect with the other girls. I always thought it was odd when “normal” people would try so hard to be “different”.

[@randydill409]

What's normal when the fad changes every day. Just be yourself. Odd ball or not.

[@bengermanb]

I always thought people just sucked, but try and be nice anyway. I didn't want to be like everyone else, I wanted someone like me. I wanted someone deep, open and honest. I thought that meant introverted, but I couldn't find any other introverts like me. Everyone is guarded. Alexithymia adds to the confusion. I live by convictions, not feelings (because I have very few). I can't relate to embarassment, so unless it's wrong for me to share a detail I'll share it without reservation. And that scares people. I was joking with my wife's massage therapist who's a POC, about how I might have some african blood in me. "So you think you're black?" "Parts of me are. Wanna see a picture?" She covers her eyes as I show her my phone. It was a pic of me with an afro. Then she busted out laughing and said "Yo mama definitely fooled around. That's JUST like my hair!" But yeah, I have had a number of funny awkward moments like that.

[@ascgazz]

I remember a bunch of senior school “friends” telling me I wasn’t IG hit as a person and that I had to change to fit in. Wankers. Starting to realise now at 42 that I’m actually autistic and always have been. I have also never been me. Who have I been for 42 years? A people pleaser. Now I’m chronically ill and can’t please myself. We really do need to be more aware of autism as a society, and a Damn sight more understanding.

[@suecopening1514]

I don't think everyone is a little bit autistic but I do think that very few people are really "normal" ... Like you say... Brains are diverse and most "normal" people I've known, once you get to know them, have their own unique oddities. The thing is that "normal" people are able to hide their "abnormalities" pretty easily. We wear masks well. But the autistic people I know don't cover their abnormalities easily. Frankly, growing up, before there was so much awareness for what autism is, I was always drawn to the odd and quirky people because I found them interesting. But I do understand the dilemma faced by those who want that human connection but don't find it easy to make. I wish there was a easy answer but I DO think its very helpful that YOU, and others, share your experiences and help foster understanding.

[@user-wt5if6rx8m]

Thank you for this video, it's frustrating. The more informed people seem to be about autism, the more banal they seem to throw the term about. Just changed problems.

[@corsicanlulu]

its teh same thing w/ narcissism. now that its nearly a mainstream term its being over-used and watered-down. very annoying

[@user-wt5if6rx8m]

@@corsicanlulu yes! i've noticed it too

[@dg7438]

I feel such a deep connection with you. Like extreme comfort and sense of ease. I deal w/ similar issues but you articulate it in ways I can't.

[@AcrossTheBlueOcean]

I was diagnosed earlier this year. This video has been great to show other people to explain what I cannot. In general, your channel is one of the best resources I've found both to help me understand what I have and to help me explain it to others. Thank you for the content.

[@stevegreenwood7837]

((Wow you explain it so clearly thank you !!)) l think also the attitude behind this saying "Isn't everyone a little bit Autistic... comes from a big lack of knowledge insight and caring within the way the system operates and treats people with this Disability

[@susanbeever5708]

Wonderful points about anyone with any issues that are difficult to overcome, that are not overtly obvious to a regular person.

[@karinmeira]

….’a picture’ of the vacuum cleaner solved her problem! This is brilliant! Thank Y♥️U for this precious example and explanation.

[@fundamonium]

Ok… I get it. I was told by someone who should not have mentioned it to me as she was not qualified that my son has Asperger’s. It didn’t sit well with me, but it always has played at the back of my mind because if he needs support i want to give that to him. It made me feel that I had missed something major and I had no idea what was happening in his internal world. He is ‘different’ BUT is differences have not hindered his life at all. He has big sensory sensitivities and he has a special interest in dinosaurs but none of it interferes with his social life or ability to cope at school. You are a wonderful teacher.

[@blue_anime_cat2526]

Seeing it 4 years later than it was uploaded and so thankfull for this video! How should you describe your pain to someone who never felt the same. People should learn to be more inclusive thowards us on the spectrum and that we're not just a lil strange. We are who we are and would love to proudly live out ourselfs. We're maybe different but not broken, not better or worse than anyone else! Thank you for this channel!🐈‍⬛meow🐾

[@nine5910]

I found this very cathartic. I have been suspecting for a short while that I might have ASD (though people were suggesting this for many years?) but some of my close friends have been very much invalidating my experiences because they do not see me as autistic. Since I am AFAB, it's possible that many clues have been there my whole life, but weren't put together by this point. Currently awaiting professional assessment. Thanks for this video, I'm saving it for later in case I need to whip it out. This also works very well for other marginalized identities!

[@MishMashMum]

Thank you so much🙏🏽 You put this so succinctly. And I relate so much as my partner has Asbergers and my three kids are too and as more people become autism aware...just a little...now a few people have said to me “ oh we are all on the spectrum’ and then it makes any convo a dead need one.

[@callum_gamble_official]

Brilliant video, I'm a very structured person so I loved the step-by-step format! The point that I want to comment on the most was getting people to listen and understand to your Autistic differences. My family and close friends have a desire to understand my differences but I've often found that when I try to explain my Autism to new people like potential business connections, they nod their head and try to be supportive, but I can tell they most likely don't understand. This video definitely helped me in this respect. Keep up the great work!

[@miriamg495]

Dang it, I've been saying to myself for years "I have some autistic traits, but it's a spectrum and I'm pretty sure I'm 'within normal range.' " ("La la la I'm just a quirky introvert!") Your point number 2 just explained to me very clearly that I am not, in fact, within normal range. Although in my case the reaction I got as a kid wasn't so much "You're broken and we need to fix you" as "You're weird and we don't know how to handle that, so we want nothing to do with you." (From the other kids, I mean. The adults apparently didn't pick up that anything was wrong, because I was doing fine with my schoolwork and most of the bullying and social exclusion happened out of their sight. And I was not at all good at articulating what I was experiencing at that point.) The social issues are less of a problem for me at this point (37 years old), because I've managed to compensate to some degree by deliberately learning some of the social skills that seem to come naturally to other people, and because I've found an environment (academia) where I fit in well enough and my skills are valued. But what I'm realizing now as an adult is that I also have serious deficits in executive functioning, and I'm really struggling to cope with those. I always thought everyone struggled with those things just as much as I do, but apparently that's not true. Hopefully watching the videos on this channel will help. And yes, I probably do need to ask for professional help at some point. I'm not sure a diagnosis would actually be helpful to me. I don't personally feel the need for the external validation that would come from a diagnosis, although I recognize that for a lot of people, that can be really helpful. But I do need to learn better ways to cope with and/or recognize and work within my limitations, because I think I'm on the verge of burning out at this point, and I really don't want to burn out. Thanks for listening, internet!

[@camillaallimac8986]

Thank you for this

[@prettybyrdie1821]

Excellent video. I'm on a (slow) journey to improve my executive functioning and it is so difficult to listen to the advice of NTs. Their suggestions usually start with "Just..." Just get up earlier, just do this or that. As though it's so simple and it's the first time I've ever considered just trying harder, being more organized, etc.

[@lauranilsen8988]

Yes!

[@coco-olivia_my_pets]

You describe your videos so well. Very informative and accurate. Wish my late son had used his skills and life experience by sharing just like yourself. You should do lectures like at uni or schools. Every day I understand more and more.Here goes a pat in the back from the uk. Well done for sharing.

[@jonathanmitchell8698]

7:47 I don't know if I'm autistic, but I really relate to this. I often get overwhelmed with simple tasks and I feel like I'm completely unable to even start. When I was younger, my parents would say things like "there are things in life like doing your taxes that you just have to do even though you don't enjoy them". I always got really frustrated with this because it wasn't just that it was hard for me or I didn't enjoy it; it was a more fundamental sort of block. Like, I would spend a whole day analyzing my thoughts trying to figure out how to get myself to start working on homework rather than spending that time and energy actually doing the homework. I've been thinking that I might be on the spectrum, but I'm also afraid I might just be trying to find an excuse or a convenient explanation for the difficulties I have.

[@saintofcircumstance108]

Thank you. I am a psychiatric NP who is clearly autistic. It's great for my patients that I am wired differently but makes me loathed by management in normie mental health agencies. Going back to private practice to avoid the ungilded abuse. Ok with being me.

[@sharonaumani8827]

There is so much to unpack here and learn. Just like with ADHD 15 years ago, this is opening up a whole other area that is fascinating. but also confusing/frustrating because, like many others, I don't just relate to a "few" autistic traits! Yet, there is like a whole area related to being on the spectrum that I do not relate to and, with so many comorbidities and overlap, good luck sorting through it all and, then, getting an accurate diagnosis. I could also see where those, with the former diagnosis of "Asperger's Syndrome", may feel suddenly left out, as they don't quite fit "on the spectrum" [and certainly not if 'milder' classifications of it misses the point and shows a lack of understanding of the diagnosis]. In that respect, I would say, ditch that name, but keep the subtype! In fact, I am sure the future will prove to bring to light a number of subtypes or distinct disorders for both, autism and attention disorders [besides ADHD], that share some overlap in symptoms/traits [because I am convinced I am one of those, with "Cognitive Disengagment Syndrome" or CDS, also in its own category, but not diagnosable at this time]. When I first read about about ADHD, I felt so validated. However, since the diagnosis, it has actually become even more invalidating because now I am just automatically cast off into a whole other category, without considering further my actual history, experiences, etc. that seem to compete against the ADHD diagnosis. I have been having to document my own history to bring to light to whomever is treating me. Also, I may not be on the spectrum myself, but I HAVE experienced an exhausting lifetime of masking....a lot of work, without the credit! I know what it feels like to 'not be gotten'. Still, I cannot compare to actually being on the spectrum. I just know that those additional traits have had a greater bearing on me in my life than the ADHD ones I carry a diagnosis for.

[@Sky-Child]

The intro makes me laugh every time. Love it Paul. Coming back to a classic so I can share it with people who still aren't getting it

[@archienness]

Thank you for helping to affirm my experience! After years of research and self-examination, I finally got up the courage to ask my doctor to refer me for diagnosis last week. When I handed her my AQ test results, she looked through and said "every doctor I know would score high on this test", which is just another way of saying "aren't we all a bit Austistic?" It's a long and difficult road to being believed.

[@omp199]

The relevant question is not whether or not the doctor "affirmed" your "experience", but whether or not she was correct.

[@reptilesRnice]

I’ve only recently started to acknowledge that I am on the spectrum and have always attributed my failings on simply not being good enough because I must not be trying as hard as everyone else. I’d always compare myself to everyone else and rationalise that everyone gets stressed, I just need to deal with it better like they do, everyone gets anxious, is ‘shy’ sometimes, gets tired, etc, just organise better, try harder. Last year I was made redundant from my job which was a bit of a relief as I’d be struggling not to cry or break down every shift and would pool every ounce of my energy into looking like a good employee, telling myself my work shouldn’t be stressful and it’s easier than some others so I should be able to cope like everyone else. Looking into it I believe I am now suffering from ‘burnout’, even after a year of leaving my job I’m tired everyday and it’s an effort just to prepare a meal, or even change my bedsheets. Little things are forced jobs but I was always convinced I was like everyone else, just not pushing myself enough to keep up because I don’t seem to have anything overtly wrong with me. I’ve only been diagnosed with mild dyslexia and even with that I was told by one supporter that nothing was wrong with me because my reading speed and accuracy wasn’t that bad, although I often didn’t understand what I had just read so would tell myself I was stupid, not dyslexic. I was also often told I was just ‘shy’ although I now know the term for what I’d often experience is ‘selective mutism’ as my brain felt like it would partially shut down and I was unable to respond, I’d also hide my depression and the true extent of my anxiety, blaming myself for it all. I do wish I had some support when I was younger rather than being compared to others and told to work harder or do better because I should be like everyone else.

[@kathrynhorrocks3257]

Thank you for so clearly explaining differences in perception. It makes so much sense! I want to understand as much as I want to be understood!

[@lunar686]

Omg...someone with the capacity to explain what a spectrum is...loved this...saving this....Thankyou 😊🌸😊

[@DBGRIZZZ]

I commented on another video of yours: the one about the difficulties of social chit chat. I asked whether this phenomenon is just part of the unique personality of an individual, as I am also someone who can't stand social chit chat, as I explained in my comment on that video. This video makes it much more clear. I want to emphasize to everyone that is reading this, those of us that do not understand does not imply a trivialization of your condition. I took that one example, social discomfort in a crowd of chit chatters, and questioned whether that really and truly is an Asperger's trait, or whether it is but just a personality trait. I think I understand better, now that I watched this video. Yes, indeed, there can be a lot of overlapping traits that are common to neurotypical individuals and those on the spectrum, and I also see that it is not always a simple task identifying who is or is not on the spectrum, but your chart, with the aggregation of multiple traits, leading one to be pushed well outside of the circle of NT personalities, is what defines Asperger's. The sum total. I think there are probably a lot of NT's watching these videos, wanting to learn, and it is easy to make false conclusions, based on just a few videos. Even so, this is such a complex subject, watching a few videos would hardly qualify as being hugely instructive, but every little bit helps. For those of you on the spectrum that feel "pushed out of the circle", realize there are many not on the spectrum that really do want to understand, and not trivialize, your conditions. Don't assume that innocent questions necessarily represent a dismissive approach to your condition, or a trivialization, of Autism, as this feeling appears to have been expressed here. With careful listening and an open mind, this video was especially enlightening.

[@kristenscrystalgrids9485]

Thank you so much for this video. I have a family member recently diagnosed autistic and my partner and I are both currently undergoing the diagnosis process. I’m already so sick of hearing “well she doesn’t seem autistic” or “we’re all a little bit autistic”. You’ve explained this so well as it’s been making me feel cranky when people say this phrase… I feel so heard listening to your video .

[@lazersword66]

People don't want to feel different they want to feel unique. My analogy would be that neurotypical people think in addition and aspies think in division. We can come the same sum but the input and function are different. Everyone wants to come up with the hot new sum that everyone else hasn't yet. When you show your work so people can understand your thought process it works because everyone else is also using addition. But when Aspies try to show their work to others they think division is a weird/crazy/nonsensical way to get a sum.

[@jonkortgejr74]

You're an inspiration my man. Have you come across anyone with a spouse who refuses to acknowledge they may be on the spectrum? I have not gone for diag yet because of money. However, my son is on the spectrum and we share quite a few characteristics and traits. Love what you're doing for people across the globe and keep up the good work.

[@amalie.eugenie]

I really like how you explained this, especially with the analogies. This can also be applied to mental illnesses.