TOP 3 red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩 you should avoid in your relationships | Adam Lane Smith

What TOP 3 red flags should you avoid in relationships? How do you know if someone is a bad fit for you? If you know the red flags to look for, relationships get simple. But most people have no idea what the biggest red flags are, why they're a problem, or what to do about them even if they see them.
In this video guide, Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith applies his years as a psychotherapist to show you the top three relationship red flags that present the clearest danger. Because when you're dating, you need to know the danger signs. Otherwise you'll end up hurt! By watching this video guide, you'll learn the three biggest warning signs to look out for and what to do about them. Once you know what to look out for, you can keep yourself safe while building love that lasts a lifetime.
This video is part of an ongoing series about attachment.
In this video guide, Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith shows you how dating red flags appear, where to look, what to ask, and how to clarify the problem. If it's a real issue, Adam also shows you how to manage it or get out. If you've been blind to red flags while dating and want to avoid painful breakups, this video guide was made for you.
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[@AttachmentAdam]

To stay up to date and learn more about what I have been working on, sign up for my newsletter here: eepurl.com/dur-jb //Work 1 on 1 with Adam// ► calendly.com/adamlanesmith/individual-attachment-consult //Join Adam's attachment focused discord community// ►mee6.xyz/m/the-attachment-circle

[@lukek6639]

1) they don’t have any demands 2) they don’t feel comfortable talking about sex 3) they have an external locus of control

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which part was helpful to you?

[@v9b23j]

#3 A MAJOR 🚩🚩THEIR LIFE STORY IS AN ENDLESS PARADE OF EVERYBODY WRONGED THEM, EVERYTHING IS ANGRY AND FRUSTRATING... RUN!!!!🏃‍♀🏃It's sign of lack of accountability, victimhood and narcissism. Yes, as Adam said, "no matter how hard you work, you are going to become one more bad story at some point". This person will coerce you to join his/her pity party, drag you down a quagmire, expect you to rescue him/her and you'll drown together.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is so sad and so true. The people who seem to need help the most often will hurt you for trying. Has this happened in your life?

[@v9b23j]

@@AttachmentAdam Yes. I don't think this person intentionally hurt me. I think it was trauma reenactment for each other. This relationship held up a mirror to me and let me see where I needed to work on myself.

[@masonmitchell7752]

Great info! Thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad this helped!

[@kamalashila3549]

Love your videos! Thanks. 🙂

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment. I hope to be useful to people so they can improve their relationships. Has this info been useful to you?

[@thegamingbros1199]

Seen your stuff through Mikayla Peterson's youtube shorts, then watched the podcast with you and her and loved it. It confirmed a lot of things that I felt about relationships and this boosted my confidence and self-esteem because I know I'm on the correct track. When I have my own podcast I'm gonna have to invite you on brother. Keep working hard and love the content!

[@AttachmentAdam]

For sure let me know when you've got your own podcast. In your relationships, what two main challenges are you working on overcoming right now?

[@thegamingbros1199]

@@AttachmentAdam 100%, I would say and they might contradict themselves. Is lie less and I am working on that and have noticed it getting better and speak my mind so I don't feel uncomfortable, set my boundaries, and not regret anything.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This sounds like you're trying to live out your principles so you can grow your self-respect. That's a huge part of the puzzle for a lot of people, because your relationship with yourself defines your relationship with others. Would you have more success if you were part of an accountability community of people also pursuing their principles? That may help you live them out more fully, when you start to see it as normal behavior in those around you. Check out my attachment community here and see if it's a good fit for your next step: adamlanesmith.com/the-attachment-circle/

[@matthewrickyrad]

Helpful video 👍

[@AttachmentAdam]

Awesome, which part was most helpful?

[@arya7592]

I wish I had seen this a year earlier lol would have saved me some trouble - all 3 flags were there in my ex! and we ended in a disaster.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey Arya, I'm sorry to hear that you went through a difficult experience with your ex. Hindsight can be tough, but it's a valuable lesson for the future. Remember, it's important to trust your instincts and pay attention to any red flags that may arise in relationships. Take this as an opportunity to grow and learn from the past.

[@maxsteven2659]

More red flags in adams in how to find a girl friend on his website well worth buying

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks Max!

[@arcieri2404]

Hi, I started watching your videos this week and have been going through the "Attachments A-Z" playlist. I found the channel when on chance "Is modern culture making men unsecure" was recommended to me. I watched it and grew curious. I watched 1-2 more videos and thought "Okay, negative attachment, unsecure man. Yep this is accurate and It hurts to acknowledge and accept the truth. But I must persist." The videos have helped me to identify a lot of issues, from a poor understanding of my own biology as a man having been a 'momma's boy' to a poor understanding of communication and other bugbears. I'll elaborate if prompted. The question I have for you, is. What are good ways to consolidate an internal LOCUS of control as a person who by experience or own will developed an external LOCUS of control? Where to start? I understand it's not easy, it is perhaps not as simple as one video. Maybe even needing a video is a prime example of having none even yet It's still worthwhile asking, but are there ways to nuture it? Challenges I need to overcome? Issues I should overcome before trying to exercise it and therefore 'still being a liability to the village' or to the 'shield wall'. Yes, I am currently pursuing the following: Regular physical discomfort by means of exercise. Limiting escapism. Limiting cheap and easy dopamine sources. Stopped identifying myself as a "victim" of my past circumstances and started to resolve to be a survivor. Started to recognise that the life i'm currently in is nothing short of "Eating my own wings" and that Living and Surviving are two different things. Recognition and action are also different and I am trying to maintain reasonable expectations for longevities sake. Otherwise so far i'm really grateful for a better solution than nihilism, self hatred, blaming other parties, denial of worth etcetera.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Great question. An internal locus of control comes from opening up the secrets you think others will reject you for an receiving acceptance from them. This changes the way the brain processes our safety state and fulfills the 2nd level of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. That in turn makes us feel more secure and able to act with a perceived safety net of people who accept us. The magic number seems to be about 3 people for the brain to mark this need as fully met and shift over to thriving mode instead of surviving mode.

[@arcieri2404]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you for the reply, I believe I understand. I appreciate the work you've done thus far, it has been a tremendous help. Looking forward to what it is you do next. Playlist finished 8hrs ago.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which video was most helpful or most surprising to you? I'm always curious to hear what topics resonate the most for different people.

[@arcieri2404]

@@AttachmentAdam Causes of Male Depression and how to fix it & Stop your Bad Reactions, Fix your Depression by fixing your attachment. Were naturally the most relevant to my circumstances and naturally had the most impact and of course the most use. Most if not all of it was immediately actionable which helped a lot. I watched the whole playlist however, figured it could better equip me to help whoever I can. We're not talking miracles of course, it's been only a week, was a pretty bad case with no support. But there's been improvement.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Coming back now, it's been two weeks. What changes are you seeing as these ideas filter into your thoughts?

[@Karmaofiis]

What do you do when you have been in a relationship with red flag nr 3 for 6 years? I worry that he will at one point shut me out like he shut out everyone in his life, that was ever close to him. He has no friends no family, no one but me. But we do have a child together. That is the only thing that kind of lifted him a bit out of his slump, but he still blames everyone around for his misfortune, and it seems everyone in the world wants to hurt him or humiliate him.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Working with him on what kind of life he wants his child to have, and then how he can teach the child those necessary skills, and who can teach HIM those skills to teach his child, may be a great start. I'd be glad to teach him.

[@Karmaofiis]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you! That is very helpful! Unfortunately he does not speak englis. But I’ll try to talk to him about this

[@Sarahmint]

I wanna understand the last one bc I'm scared: is it refusal to accept responsibility or is it "my life is a series of tragic events"? Yes, there is a very important difference.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It’s called an external locus of control that says the person has no leverage in their own life at all. That’s learned helplessness and often leads to depression and stagnation, then blaming everyone and everything else for their circumstances. It’s the person who stops at “my life is a series of tragic events and that’s all it will ever be.”

[@soulzero22]

As an honor bound man I used 40ish days to figure out wether or not my wife would be worth raising kids with. Then she could have sex with me. Thankfully she treated me with the same respect and we have had a wonderful sex life because of foundations like that.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is great! Thanks for sharing, I love hearing stories where the couple put up boundaries and built a foundation first. They lead to the best marriages. What led the two of you to apply such a healthy practice right up front?

[@phillipsnichole2857]

I'd like to debate you on the third red flag. It's not fair for someone who has lived a full life to be labeled as a "problem".

[@AttachmentAdam]

Please explain.

[@seanchin]

Can you make a video discussing HOW to bring up the topic of sex in a conversation?

[@AttachmentAdam]

You mean how to talk about sex with a partner? Before you've had sex, or after?

[@seanchin]

@@AttachmentAdam like how to bring up each others expectations of sex in the early first few dates before the 2 have sex if one is anxious about bringing it up

[@jonstersmall2716]

And the painting behind you?

[@AttachmentAdam]

What about it?

[@jonstersmall2716]

@@AttachmentAdam who's the artist , for example ?

[@ploki0123]

How do I unlearn the 3rd red flag?

[@AttachmentAdam]

That takes work to change your perception of your life and learn a sense of power in your own self. That often goes along with doing your attachment healing so you don't view yourself as totally helpless.

[@Sarahmint]

First red flag is more of a green flag, so this one is hard to see?

[@AttachmentAdam]

How so?

[@Sarahmint]

@@AttachmentAdam "she has boarders/principles" sounds good